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Merrick Thinks LADY IN THE WATER Flounders, BUT...
SPOILER ALERT !!
Folks have been talking a lot of trash about M. Night Shyamalan's LADY IN THE WATER (the absence of the word "THE" before "LADY" really bothers me in this title, by the way); I've been one of those people.
Truth be told, I went into this film ready to hate it...expecting to hate it...but I didn't "hate" it. I didn't really "like" it, either. Which, in a way, is worse -- the morsels of "goodness" to be found here serve as a constant and frustrating illustration of what could have been. But, in the end, LADY is handicapped by one of the most confused filmic identities ever on projected onto a theater screen.
It's impossible to discuss this film without a level of significant spoilage, so...
BEWARE SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT FORWARD!!!
First off, you should know that this movie is being woefully misadvertised.
It's being sold as something of a supernatural horror film with an oppressive atmosphere. It is none of these things. LADY is, first and foremost, a fantasy film...a character driven fantasy drama...with a surprising quantity of (intentionally) comedic elements, and some genuine tenderness. LADY's trailers and promotional material give you little sense of what this movie actually is - which is either complete genius, or a woeful disservice, depending on how one looks at it.
So, throw any "spooky horror" preconceptions out the window. Instead, think of this film in terms of BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and COCOON. "Yeah, that's unlikely" you say? Well, if remember those films, consider this:
LADY IN THE WATER is about a chick from a magical, watery neverland who comes to our world on a mission. Her mission brings her to a massive apartment complex in Philadelphia, whose broadly-drawn characters must 1) figure out her purpose; 2) figure out how to return this visitor to her world; 3) defend her against the bushy monsters trying to stop her (killer Chia Pets), and 4) physically help her get back to her world. COCOON. BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED (which was also set in an apartment building, by the way). E.T.
What's her mission?
Somewhere in the apartment complex, an author is letting a book languish. Should it be published, this book will be the framework for a grand new enlightenment -- used by world leaders to shepherd in a new age for mankind. She's here to push that through. BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE.
Fate will exact a high price for this author's success. In other words...the author is a martyr being sacrificed on the altar of creativity. And this writer is played by...
M. NIGHT!!!
In effect, Shyamalan casts himself, in a major role, as something of a modern day Jesus -- someone whose work transcends politics, cultures, and national borders. Someone whose works live on forever, despite its detractors. A "fuck you" to critics or naysayers? Complete, total, self-aggrandizing madness? A little bit of both?
It's hard to say for sure, and herein lies the film's most major shortcoming. This is a bit like casting, say, Hitchcock as the principal villain in one of his own films. It's distracting, disingenuous. It pulls us out of the movie, and turns the story into...something else.
And, in the case of LADY IN THE WATER, it's nearly impossbile to separate Night's on-screen character from the
filmmaker's controversial personae.
As such, any heart, soul, or pathos the character may have conveyed is quickly drained away. The Lady's mission, thus the crux of the plot, is marginalzied. A character who may have served as a powerful icon for self-sacrifice...and could have shown that true strength can sometimes be found in the most unlikely places...essentially becomes an exercise in vanity. Or, at the very best, a whopping big, flashing neon question mark.
If Shyamalan persists on honing his image as a martyred creator, he should stop thinking of himself as a "brand" and focus more heavily on ensuring that his on-screen material actually pays off. Otherwise, he's merely proving his detractors right.
There's another startling example of conceptual awkwardness and creative double standard afoot: a character in the film...a movie critic...openly laments the derivative and stereotyped nature of current cinema. In an overtly, over-written way. But, LADY IN THE WATER is, itself, staggeringly derivative -- primarily in that it's a riff on the titles mentioned above. So, uhhhh.....???
This same critic also asks why so many films feature characters standing around in the rain -- LADY ends in a fierce rain storm.
Shyamalan repeatedly nukes clichés, yet consistently relies on these same clichés to tell his story, which can't be seen as anything but a double standard -- no matter what "statement" he's trying to make.
It's entirely feasible that M. Night is, simply, having fun with us -- and possibly making fun of himself along the way. The problem is: it's never clear what tone we're supposed to go with here; that elusive balance between sincerity and smart satire (a la Verhoven) is never found. LADY feels like a film that's struggling to find its own identity, but it ends up being so internally conflicted that it finds no identity at all.
Flagrant logic gaps (when you see the movie, think about how much easier the whole "Who is the Lady?" scenario would have been if the lead, or anyone around him, had thought to use the damn Internet) abound. And, some viewers may find the film's racial stereotyping a tad disquieting: there is a large family of chubby, loud Mexicans...jabbering/screaming Asians play a big part, too. I think the movie is missing a fat, lazy black guy -- but perhaps he'll show up in a director's cut.
There are many more negatives that I haven't even touched on here; a few are actually quite embarrassing. So, it's fair to ask, "How did I end up not completely hating the movie?"
As misguided, inappropriate, and frustrating as the film often is - there's also a lot of charm on screen; subtle moments of character and sweetness that come about in unexpected ways, and are found in unexpected places.
With so much upheaval happening in our world (and our country) right now, it's uplifting...and even empowering...to be reminded that true strength, and true hope, lies not with governments or institutions, but within ourselves and the choices we make.
It's also refreshing to be left with a feeling that somehow, in some way, everything will be okay. Not just for the characters (well, everyone but M. Night...)...but for ourselves and our world.
It is in these moments, and through their nuance, that Shyamalan shines most brightly. There is true heart and soul to be found here, and when it works it works so well that I'd be quite interested in seeing the director tackle a straight-up character piece next. Returning to his roots, so to speak. Abandoning the sensational elements which seem to confound him, and bog him down.
When all is said and done, I suspect that LADY was never truly intended to be about storytelling -- that it's merely a vehicle through which Shyamalan hopes to get people talking. Not about the story, but about what HE did, and why HE did it.
Whether or not this was actually what he set out to accomplish is a question that can only be answered by M. Night himself -- and, if he's smart, he won't answer that question. Because, in a way, it's far more intriguing to wonder what the hell he was doing and thinking...than to actually know. Which means (irritatingly): the same lack of clarity that makes the film an artistic disappointment may ultimately be the greatest ingredient in its longevity.
LADY IN THE WATER is a sloppy, gargantuan, often confounding mess. But it's an inconsistent mess, and it's an intriguing mess. Neither qualifier excuses the film's voluminous missteps...they don't even come close. But they do make the experience a bit more tolerable, if only for the sake of discussion.
MERRICK!!!
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I can't put my finger on it, but I'll let you know if I figure it out. I think I just hate people named "Joseph", as well as hating people named "Merrick" so it's like a double whammy. Can I call you Joey? I don't hate Joey, or Joe. Except Joe Quesada.
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i just can't get past the ego, especially the ego of putting himself into it like that. i think you're prescribing WAY too much nuance into his skills as a director by saying he might be having it off on us all...i think he's just probably just a big fat tool!
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"Joey" will do fine.
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Love M Night's movies. The Village was the least of the bunch. I really hope this is amazing but judging from the Aint it cool writers it doesn't seem to be (harry aside) I will however judge for meself. Peace.
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Jul 19, 2006 10:43:15 AM CDT
This is the only good review on the site so far though
by engineer_at_peac
A review that discusses the movie you saw. Imagine that!
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might not even download it as it's probably a waste of bandwidth
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I am curious as to what you base the "ego" claim. We have to be careful as to make up our own minds when judging others. I've heard and read some things recently suggesting this "ego" thing but it doesn't hold water to me. When ever i see him in interviews he seems down right humble. As for putting himself in his movies, why does that make him egotistical? When so many filmakers do it ie. Clint Eastwood, Mel gibbson, Woody Allen etc etc. Judge just his movies, if you don't like the movies that's one thing but why are we here judging people? Peace
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IT SUCKS !!! This movie sucks so hard, your popcorn will fly out of the box and up to the screen !! What a sucky premise !!! What a sucky idea !!! What a sucky director !!!!
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Depends on what you grew up with, I suppose. I think any stereotypes may get overlooked because Night himself is Indian. Now if this was a white dude, maaaan, let me tell you.
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You mean like rugs? Oriental rugs?
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I'll have you know, I checked for dingleberries this morning and found none. -
I believe it is due to casting himself (the writer) as a writer whose work will change the world. Even if he's kidding that's like me casting myself to be Master Cocksman of the Universe in my own porno movie (soon to be a youtube favorite). It just smacks of ego and people like that are easy to hate.
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M Nighty Night is writing a book that will bring enlightenment, excuuuuse me while I barf up my breakfast ....bblellleleeecchhhhkkkkk !!!!
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Let us know when that's released.
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Bitch about how M. Night hates critics for their ineffectuality, pan his movies, but still don't have the balls to give them the thumbs down. Way to play it safe you Dandy Fops.
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Say something sensible or don't say anything at all.
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if you shower first thing in the morning you don't have to worry about that problem - really. *** By the way I think its you and not Massa that needs to have the new avatar contest
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Let's cut to the chase, and say Big Thumbs Down All Around. I can't say enough bad things about this flick...
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Your first 50 negative posts weren't a clue...
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ego :-P
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Can't Sillydingdong use his powers for good?? Last night they showed this hottie actress trying to get out of Lebanon. Why oh why can't Schlongmydong bring back some hottie actresses from Bollywood, or some young director, or writer, neither of which Sillyschlong can do.
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Mel Gibson playing William Wallace? QT as Jimmie in Pulp Fiction? every Woody Allen film?
Step away from the M. Night hatred and don't try to go meta on the movie, appreciate it for what it is... or don't. -
So he can read everyone else's review, and then come up with a review crafted to point out how stupid everyone else is.
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if your work bears out your inflated opinion of yourself. Spielsberg is an ego-maniac, but the man's directed some great films (and some lousy ones), but Shammidingleberry puts out CRAP, and then more CRAP!! The man is delusional.
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that M. Night consider directing from a better writer: it's a good idea. George Lucas' greatest, Empire Strikes Back, was written by other people and no one thought less of George for it. I love the bizarre speed and energy of Snatch, but Guy Ritchie (after Revolver) should also consider directing someone else's screenplay. I'm sure total autonomy and authority over a movie is fun, but all directors can't be Woody Allen.
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Does that mean you will swoop in and tell everyone what Mori REALLY meant to say in his review? I mean, as long as we're trying to be predictable here.
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that Shammdinglesuck will get the message that directing some one else's script is OK. Twelve Monkeys, for example. But Shammy is SUCH an overblown EGOMONSTER, he'll probably write another whiny book, this time about how the AUDIENCE doesn't 'get' his genius.
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in his own film that is eyeball-rolling, it's the fact that he cast himself as a 'visionary writer who's work will change the world'. Yes, Woody Allen cast himself as a writer in his own movies, but he didn't play 'the funniest writer who ever lived and whose work changed the face of comedy ever.' Joe Queenan once pointed out the absurdity of casting an over 40 Barbra Streisand as a $500 a night prostitute. A similar standard applies here.
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Orson Welles repeatedly cast himself, and he was great!!! If a director can't act, then they're a douche for casting themself !!! Hitchcock only walked through one scene in his flicks as a joke.
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It's not much fun watching a writer/director go off the rails without helpful collaboration from colleagues who might advise them against allowing creative potential to devolve into a disjointed mess (Once Upon a Time in Mexico comes to mind.) Then again, it's not much fun watching an impersonal, screenplay-by-committee flick built around marketing potential, that lacks any real passion or vision. When writer/directors do well, they do extremely well, but when, for example, M. Night portrays himself as the world's savior, or when Lucas turns the mystic nature of the Force into merely a blood condition (midichlorians), it would have helped to have a balance of power in the movie-making decisions.
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maybe if you were eating a baby....
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directors, Terry Gilliam is a freaking genius !!! But to crank out one shteaming pile after another, each more retch-worthy than the last is reedickyoulouse !!!
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In the last few books of Stephen King's magnum opus "THE DARK TOWER" the writer actually wrote himself into ths story. King had spent so much time with his characters and their different wheres and whens that he ultimately felt that maybe the stories didn't belong to him, but that he the enslaved writer belonged to the stories. It made a very weird kind of kismetic sense for him to do this. And I use this comparison for two reasons. 1. Because comparisons to "Adaptation" will not be tolerated. I despise that film. and 2. King and Shyamalan share some of the same genre bending tales. Remember none of us know what it is like to be M. Night. Somebody who grew up on the greats. Spielbergs, Hitch, Lucas, Coppola, and here he is trying to give to the world of film with enormous talents. Yet for all the wonder he creates, a critic or a naysayer hurls it back in his face claiming "they saw it coming". Or they bitch about his trademark twists which is always an event I look forward to in his movies. However I am not the jaded film critic who looks for the chinks in Night's armor. I sit back and let the film take me into the surprises it has. Night appearing as the writer in "Lady" does have martyr like overtones yes, but I think he's just playing with whimsy again. "What if my movies or stories that are loved by few and hated by others, were the deciding judgments of the universe?" It's an interesting question. And one of our most talented and humble artists is just trying to tell his story. Denying convention and embracing the unknown. We should all count ourselves lucky. Let the mindless flames begin.
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I'm not sure your crazy and innumerable posts will qualify you for banning. All you do is make the TB boring, repetative and unfunny. So say more stuff about him being Indian. Please.
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he had cast a 10 year old autistic boy as the 'writer' who's work will some day change the world? Make it someone vunerable who you would feel for, knowing that some day his work will mean he needs to die in order to make it's point. Night putting himself in that position sounds egotistic, as others have already said.
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would use thier powers for good. Why can't they give some promising director a break, instead of throwing millions at a washed up douchebag like Slimydingaling?
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It's funny, I see people tearing Night's last name to absolute pieces but never have I seen parodies like: Spielbergensteinmuellerstern, Hitchcockupyaasspipe, Michael Manneater, Coppola Feel, or any other inane shit dreamt up by a thirtysomething whose parent's basement dust has finally penetrated the cerebellum.
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if Shammydingle had cast a trained HAMSTER instead of himself!!! The hamster has a Blackberry it's typing the story on, so the keys are small enough for it's paws.
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Go read Harry's review and see if you can't see your issue with the film more clearly. You say that you loved the film when you just abandoned yourself to it and hated it when you thought about who the actors were, what the hidden agenda was, and what film meta-filmmaking tricks were being used. You are too cynical too enjoy this film. The problem with the film seems to be (I haven't seen it yet) with viewer perceptions and baggage rather than the film itself. Its like hating films with Paris Hilton in them because it is Paris Hilton and you can't ever just see her as the role she might be trying to play (assuming she could act). The issue is the baggage that we bring to the theater, not what the film brings.
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just begs for abuse like a meth whore. Shammywingding, Schlongmydong, Shimmydingleberry, Shamasswingo, Shammydingodog, Shummydongle.
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That's ONE of the issues, no doubt about it. But, by no means the only one (the racial stereotyping, stroytelling clumsiness, etc.)
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they're pretty level headed. He doesn't seemed to be swayed much by emotional attachments to directors/actors/source material/genres/etc that might effect his opinion of the end product. Also, other then the issue that it looks like it came out of Japanese Hentai porn, Merrick's avatar has bad posture. And how come no blood on the pants or the phallus? And is that an elephant in your pants or are you just glad to... oh yeah, it's an elephant in your pants. New euphemism: "Feeding the Elephant". Now, where exactly is that straw going?
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Shanny is so far gone as to cast himself in such a role. I might even go outdoors to a real theater just to laugh uproariously at him whenever he appears on the screen !! (If my therapist says it's OK, of course.)
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pretty soon bigboxer will run out of letter combination in making fun of Night's name and we'll all be better off for it.
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Swamidinglesuck, Swamistealyerbucks, Swamischolngsux, Swamidingdong, Swamisuckleberry, Swamidouchesux, Swamidouchleberry, Swamisuxschlongs.
"Whew!!" -
It's not a bias, I was simply guestimating the most probable stereotype he could/would deploy.
Actually, though, you bring up an interesting point: it's AMAZING how many "white guys" in this movie have lost their wives, have no families, etc.
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There is an undercurrent of racism in the mangling of Shyamalan's name.
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You wanna talk loss? Go find this script that will never be filmed by Night. It's heartwrenching and would make an amazing film. Studio buggery has killed that though. And for the record. Moriarty will give the real review. Jabba The Ginger had nothing for me and neither did the Cross Mounter.
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Charlie Kaufman did the same thing AND was the star (although not actually acting) in the movie. And the true geniues in Adaptaion is the fact that he has to rely on the very cliches he hates so much to tell a story people will understand and want to watch.
But I guess when a wacky and neurotic character does it, it is wacky and neurotic...but when someone with a rep for being arrogant does it, well it is just arrogant and self-aborbed and he's an idiot.
People really need to stop psychoanalyzing the person who makes the movie because they may enjoy it more. Otherwise they are interpreting the movie through their perceptions of what the creator is like. A creator they have never met and their impression is already filtered through gossip. -
jesus that joke died about 50 posts ago man it's not funny anymore let it die
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I told you comparisons of "Adaptation" would not be tolerated. That film is an abortionary scar on modern cinema. The title of that movie and the word "genius" have no business being together. Kaufman's movies are only good when they are saved by the actors such as in "Eternal Sunshine". Besides Chris Cooper is still walking around with Christopher Walken's Oscar for that year and it sucks. Oh and name manglers? Just go ahead and say it PRINCE PONDICHERRY WITH A RED DOT ON HIS FOREHHHHEAD AND A SLURPEE FOR EVERYBODY! OH MY FRIEND I HAVE TWIST ENDING! Some of you should be derezzed.
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Swing, and a miss! Strike-two! Merrick is down to his last strike and it looks like Crator
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the name is JUST TOO easy to make fun of, to leave it alone. Shammypoodle, Shammypoopoo, Shammilongstory, Shammyschlongdoodle, Shammyschinglescratch, Shammyscholongdangle.
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I am HUMBLED !! I grovel at your feet, in abasement !!!
GOOD ONE !!! -
Sorry I'm late. What's goin on? Some Night bashing? How novel!
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The visiting nurse service is here to make sure I take my meds, I'll be back as soon as I can ditch her, and puke up my Thorazine.
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Doh!
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I had like 5 in the last 10 minutes. Oh and move over Mechaganesh! CyberVishnu is here! I"M STILL LAUGHING!
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Night is pretty young and Spielmeister made some horrible flicks too (Amistad, anyone!?), so cut this talent some slack. He is the only director of which I have all movies on DVD (exept for Stuart Little which he wrote, I believe). -
His largest role opposite Paul 'The Elephant Man' Giamatti. It makes sense, anyone can look good standing next to him (as long as they don't have to act) :-P
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Or at least the one I'm looking at...
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This movie sounds like a real Cleveland Heap. If someone else mentions a "Bedtime Story" I am going to go fucking mental. A bedtime story can be one of two things: A really great story which is told before bedtime...or some half-assed, made-up-=on-the-spot diversion to get your kid so confused and exhausted that he goes to sleep so you can go fuck your wife. Trying to excuse what sucks about this movie because it is a "Bedtime Story" is the dumbest god damn thing I have ever seen, and everyone seems to be falling for it. Um, yeah, that new movie Little man seems really cheesy and shitty and rdiculous and pointless...but it's a Bedtime Story, so that makes all of those mistakes actually CHARMING. Fuck this. People need to stop making excuses for his increasingly fuckwit films.
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this site is messing with me. Damnit!
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I thought I was having a stroke for a minute there...
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Anybody seen Ebert? That squat jellyroll has really been sandbagging it these last few days. What's taking so long? Not like he had brain surgery or something. Strokey Come Home!!
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That post that got deleted was AWESOME, man !!! What a laff on Schlongdingos name !!! Why didn't they just hyphenate it????
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I am there!
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where's the mouth?
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style of the full trailer turned me off to this flick right away. It mentions the 6th sense, Signs, Unbreakable and the Village as a preamble to Shyamalan's "brilliant" catalog of work (with no mention of his screenplay credit for Stuart Little!). The first trailer I saw for this, nearly a year ago, was just a short clip of Paul Giamatti looking out his window at a pool. The tone was that of a fantasy/romance sorta thing. The fist time I saw the new trailer and it wasn't even identifiable as the same movie. *** Who cares if he casts himself? It's sure to be the same overhyped, contrived nonsense I come to expect from his work.*** As far as sterotypes go...tell me they have at least ONE skinny, pale white guy with a mullet wearing a Nascar t-shirt and always carrying a six pack of Bud.
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It's the same overhyped contrived nonsense !! Schmalong is only capable of drivel. A real story, real dialogue, real atmosphere are all waaaaayyy beyond his limited ability.If he wrote episodes for some TV show, then maybe these abuses could be excused, but not in full length MOTION PICTURES!!!!!!!
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Here's the thing. You wanna know what the thing is? This is the thing. All of you whining Night haters deserve every fucking "Fantastic 4" that the studios can shove up your tight, tight little asses. Every fucking "Godzilla" and "Little Man" and "Chronicles of Riddick" that they can dish out. Everyone bitches about how the studios have run out of ideas, how they won't take chances, how they smother the creative spirit. Well, guess what--you're the reason why. Great art takes chances, and we should fucking applaud directors who have the audacity to fight for their vision. Now, pay attention, because this is a grown-up thought: we should support unique filmmakers *even if we don't like their movies.* Can you connect the dots and figure out why? Because that rare director who stands for his convictions *and* make oodles of money for the studio is a fucking godsend. It means the guys with the money just might take a chance on another oddball film, and that means one less assembly-line, committee-written, predictably bland "blockbuster" at a theatre near you. Of course you're not going to appreciate every director's vision, but think before you flex your whiner.
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My favorite part of the article about M. Night was when he mentioned that he finished an early cut of the movie, screened it for two dozen of his closest friends. He had them fill out a report card about it. Then he said it did better than what he thought it would. Well, duh, of course it did. How many of his friends would diss the movie. It would kill him. He would probably go write a new book about being stabbed in the back of his muse with an imaginary knife from an ex-friend. It will be interesting to see all the talkbackers and critics reviews about this film. This is the first time I am not seeing one of his movies on an opening day.
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even the commercials have the voice over "m night shamalan's lady in the water!" biggest ego ever.
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As I said Terry Gilliam should be making the paycheck that is lavished on Schlongmyballs !! GILLIAM is a true maverick, but Swamibedtimestory is a complete hack !! Can you say "over-rated"? Sure, I knew you could !!
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and George Lucas to create the final trilogy. You would have an apologist army that could take over the world.
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And thats it. Shama-lama-ding-dong reminds me of every conceited high school actor I've ever known. Seems nice on the outside, but deep down they're total pricks. Tofuburgers taste like cardboard.
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I've procreated.
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Jul 19, 2006 1:33:37 PM CDT
Mori's review is late because this movie comatized him
by ricky henderson
Is comatized a word? Eh, screw it--it is now. And no, I have no qualms whatsoever about trashing a movie I've never seen. I have more hope for Transformers than this silly tripe.
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I think they're made from mostly black beans or something, but man I love those things.
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I've procreated.
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A book is going to enlighten us all and change the world. Directors, song writers, authors, etc. all think that their crap or somebody else's crap is going to change the world. Actions change the world and not John Lennon laying naked in his bed with his hag wife.
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What you're positing is that even though this film is a huge misstep, and really a stain on film itself, it may still be worth seeing. Just as it might be worth listening to Shyamalan on a drunken, rambling rant in your living room while you're trying to get him out of your house. Because maybe, just maybe, he's not just drunkenly rambling, but he's in fact breaking the fourth wall, and presenting you with a METArant that speaks to the human condition in what can only be construed as a world-changing way. I say this with no sarcasm at all: I with all of my heart believe that to be what this film is, but I still am not going to see it. I'm simply going to help Manoj out my door, and I'm going to go back to having a nice, funny, coherant chat with my good buddy Kevin Smith.
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Pixar + Shammysuckalong + Lucas ????
Too scary to even contemplate !!! Aaahhhhhhhhh, I'm cowering in the corner just thinking about it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
I could see M. Night replacing himself as the cloned stormtroppers. Shit, can you imagine all those bastards taking off their helmets at the same time and there stands a 1000 or more M. Nights. Scary shit.
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To quote Inigo Montoya, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Since you clearly don't know what a hack is, it would be helpful if you could explain what you actually mean. As it stands, you're only displaying your ignorance. Also, could you please explain what you mean by "over-rated"? Overrated by whom, and by what measure? See, I suspect you haven't the foggiest clue what you're talking about, so I'm gonna need some specifics. [Note: Terry Gilliam isn't making Shyamalan's salary because Terry Gilliam's movies don't make any money.]
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Yeah, the film is a huge wank off. I have no problems knowing all the spoilers for this one. Frankly, I'm tempted to NOT use spoiler warnings and ruin the whole movie for anyone who is considering seeing it. They deserve no less! To harsh?
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Something weird happened with time/space. A glitch in the Matrix...
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...hence the black double post, you see. And for one I cannot wait for Harold's corpulent offspring to be unleashed upon the world!
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According to Wikipedia:a hack is a person lacking talent or ability. Is this TalkBalk or Ehnglish 101 ????
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I'll display sumthin' fer ya !!! Hhahahhahahhahahah !!!!
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The "Merrick" avatar was developed beyond my creative input. Certain proportions, however, are represented accurately.
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Flickerhead, your right, people should support unique filmmakers. Studios turn out a lot of crap and when a "oddball" film does well I'm sure studios take notice. Hopefully that sends some kind of message to Hollywood. As a counter-point: You say we should support filmmakers whom "stand up for their convicitons" "even if we don't like thier movies" because it tells studios ("guys with the money") to take a chance and produce more non-assemly line, predictably bland films, right? Does having more unique films in theaters do anything for us if those films are unwatchable, boring or otherwise just crap? No. All you have is less processed crap from a studio instead of the "assembly-line" crap. Support a film because it appeals to you NOT because the studio went out on a limb on it. I really doubt Warner Brothers consider putting out an M. Night film any sort of financial risk. End point, crap is still crap, even if the director was "standing for his convictions". *** This isn't meant as a flame or to discredit your opinion Flicker, I'm just adding my thoughts to the matter.
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Couldn't say it better meself, "end point, crap is still crap", well written !!! A+ !!!
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I'll agree with you on the TV comment. I think Night could do some great work on television. The one hour or maybe half-hour format, with a different story each week from him could be enjoyable. He's obviously got some creative ideas but, in my opinion, it's the execution of those ideas that fail.
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if Schlongodingo had written scripts for the "New Outer Limits", or some show like that. The man needs a LOT of scriptwriting practice.
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I'm begging you. You are making my head hurt. "The man needs a LOT of scriptwriting practice." Riiiight... the 8 features which have been made and (probably others which haven't been produced yet) haven't given him enough practice? How many features have you written? You can't even write more than 3 TB topics/points. Dolt.
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Now THAT HURT !!! Ow, ow, owsers !!!
Sniff, i'm, i'm a DOLT ??? uhhuuhuhuhuhu, (insert sound of sobbing) uhuuhhhuihh !!!!! -
probably have his own show with his ideas. Akin to the X-files or something of that nature. I'd schedule an hour a week to give a show written and directed by Night a chance at least.
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I think I read a while ago that Speilberg took M. Night under his wing and was teaching him stuff... true? Why couldn't Speilberg get this quack to make proper action scenes. Night seems to HATE action scenes in all his movies and it bugs me. I'm not being shallow and talking about car chases and gunfights... Its just that his camerawork seems so stagnant in all his films.
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got it right I think. This idiot is a big fat tool. What a fuckin' douchebag this fucker is. I hope when this damn thing flops he quits makin' movies cause at this point he's nothing but a waste of time and money. Yeah shamalammadingdong your one self-absorbed fucktard.
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Hessenroots agrees with me. In a parallel universe, Schwami did a X-Files/Outer Limits/Twilight Zone TV show and evrybody thought it rocked !! Unfortunately, it ain't this universe.
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I can't believe no one has made an M. Night ROBOT CHICKEN reset yet. There, it's done.
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Who, exactly, are you arguing with? Must be that straw man sittin' next to me, eh? I don't love Shyamalan, unconditionally or otherwise, so I'm not sure where you got that idea. Nor do I think we should put our heads in the sand--if you have an opinion about a film, of course you should voice it (part of that whole "not liking their films" thing I referred to). Do you have a problem differentiating a filmmaker from his work? I don't. I think Todd Solondz is kind of a tool, and I hate almost all his films. But I'm glad he's out there doing it, because he has a unique voice, and when he does knock one out of the park, it's a shining example of what strange and challenging films can do. So I support him as a filmmaker--get this--even though most of his films aren't my cup of tea. Finally, I'm surprised you can't see how supporting movies rather than filmmakers results in shitty movies. This is precisely how we get shitty movies. The suits are sitting around saying, "Hell, we don't a good director for 'Fantastic 4,' it's a concept that sells itself." [Addendum: Why you gotta be a dick?]
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when someone calls you a 'dolt', that's negative, right? I mean, is that like a sort of compliment?? Or not??
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That's a surprise to nobody, bigboxer.
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...more like Renny Harlin casting himself as Hitchcock. Self-aggrandizement is never pretty to watch.
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Jul 19, 2006 2:18:09 PM CDT
Yeah, Unbreakable Angered me for the same reason Yack
by ricky henderson
You cannot make a superhero movie without releasing the kinetic energy that those kinds of movies entail. There was no damned payoff--no glorious moment of heroism. Just a dreary wet romp in some sex offender's bedroom. Now I wasn't expecting Bruce Willis to start flying around, but give me something for crying out loud! The weight lifting scene was awesome--why couldn't Night have done something like that at the end?!
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Hitchcock casting himself as a beutiful woman. Or Kubrick casting himself as the slab. Or James Whale casting himself as the blind hermit.
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I think bigboxer has a very rare OCD that makes them post over and over again on MNS TBs. But only the same 3 posts with occasional misinformed ranting thrown in for good measure...
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Why spend $10 for a ticket, and another $10 for popcorn and coke to sit and watch something that wouldn't get a passing grade in Filmaking 101 at USC?? Swamidingaling has had PLENTY of chances to crank out a decent movie. But Noooooooooo, he chooses to write crap that has logic holes in it huge enough to fly a 747 through. Crap, crap, and again crap.
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OCD, that's like negative, right? I mean to call someone OCD isn't a nice thing, is it?? I mean could that be like a compliment in disguise or sumthin'????
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supporting film makers. However, directors need to be called on their BS too. (As seems to be the case with this movie) Film makers have enough ego without people supporting them regardless of what they produce (with other people's money).
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The whole point of Unbreakable was to build up that super-hero story and then flop it down in front of your expectations about the super-hero genre. Just because you can't be hurt doesn't mean that the right thing to do is still to call the police and have them arrest a criminal. Just because you are a genius super-villain doesn't mean you won't have to take responsibility for your actions. A world with super powers doesn't imply a world that exists without a legal system or without the social contract. It should have been embraced by the hero worshippers in the same way that Watchmen was.
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if you're saying Schlongodingleberry is "BS too", then we're on the same wavelength, right?? I said , am I right?? Heeeeeellloooooo !!!!
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thats just dumb
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As much as you leap at the possibility of acceptance and kinship I must dash your hopes. I don't particularly care for MNS's movies. Most only really hold up on first viewing and they are too slow for me. However, that doesn't mean I feel the compulsion to post 50 times in every Lady TB that he is a 'hack' with a funny name. I can still appreciate his work on many levels, and recognise him as a talented director and writer. Perhaps you should think about that and count to 10 before posting?
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Your point is taken, but I respectfully disagree. You've set up a false dichotomy by assuming that unique filmmakers would fill our theatres with "unwatchable, boring ... crap." (Hell, that's essentially what we have now--shake things up and you're bound to get a different result.) The fact is, boring, untalented filmmakers thrive *precisely* because people support films instead of filmmakers. Imagine if everyone had decided *not* to spend their hard-earned money on shit like "Taxi." Tim Story wouldn't have gotten another job, and that would have increased the chances of "Fantastic 4" getting a talented director by one. See what I mean? And this is why Shyamalan (love him or hate him) is a perfect example of how things should work. His films don't catch fire because of their concepts. Ghost stories, alien invaders, superheroes--it's all been done to death. But moviewatchers have spent millions to see his films because he's distinguished himself as a filmmaker. In my imagined world, where unique and challenging filmmakers are supported even if their films are reviled, would we have some garbage in the theatres? Of course! But we'd also have less career hacks, and far more diverse and interesting choices on a Friday night.
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You really love me, AND my sense of humor. Swamidingledong. Schlongodingdong. Schwamidingsux.
hahahhahahahahah !!!!
Right? Hahhah ??? -
and count to 10 before posting'? It seems like you did neither ;-)
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next post, really I will, I'll count to eleven, and everything, I promise !!! It's just that I haye Schlomydingle and his work, that's all.
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I get that your whole schtick is as an inveterate multiple-posting lunatic, but the hilarious posts of George the Seventh Chicken show us all that "wacky" is best in small, concentrated doses. (Shit, am I to the point where I'm actually critiquing a fucking talkback?)
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That was a dark day for me, however it was overshadowed by the release of the FF movie... :-P
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"am I to the point where I'm actually critiquing a talkback?"
"Fraid so !!!" -
Jul 19, 2006 3:17:48 PM CDT
Doesnt Chicken George get immediatel banned if he posts
by ricky henderson
I figured that was the reason we see so little of him... Didn't he start up a messageboard elsewhere or something like that?
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Lots of giggling and no substance whatsoever. Pretty much what you'd expect from a Faulknerian man-child.
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I mean that doesn't seem possible with all those body organs and cartilage and bones. I mean I'm no doctor but that looks like one clean chunk.
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then instead of giving us bizarre metaphors about young girls naked in the shower and caterpillar chewing, he would just channel Chicken George and give us an all-caps psycho rant review. Either way, odd review, but not much difference, substance-wise.
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I've got to agree that the end was a letdown. The premise was brilliant. Superheroes do actually exist but they aren't aware of it. They set it up that he was a star cornerback in college. So you know he is fast and athletic. They had the flashback scene where he ripped the car door off. So he is very strong. I understand that he is not supposed to be Superman but he chokes out one stinking guy! And it sure took him long enough. Couldn't he have beaten up three guys? Maybe he could have gotten stabbed or shot but nothing happens to him. He didn't have to be Superman but he could have been Clint Eastwood's Filo Beto. That guy was truly unbreakable.
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Conversation without flaming on AICN? Say it ain't so! :P
I certainly didn't meant for my post to make it sound like unique (oddball if you like) film makers can't make a great movie! Heck, Six String Samurai is in my top 5.
My end point of "crap is crap" (blunt but to the point) is really what I was getting at. Any filmmaker can make a bad movie, no matter the creator or subject matter. As the consumers of Hollywood's product we shouldn't be digesting any movie unless we honestly enjoy it. It's just my opinion but I won't support a film of I think it's bad, no matter whom wrote, directed or created it. *** I'd love to see more well made, creative and original films in theaters. As far as getting more films like this into theaters, the almighty dollar is only part of equation as the filmmaker has to be quality as well. ***again, just my two cents. -
I'm just saying. massawyrm's doesn't bother me anywhere near as much as yours...
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If you were standing in front of two doors and you had to go through one, and behind one was a shitty MNS flick and behind the other was the latest Ratner flick, and you had to give your 10 bucks to one movie, which would you spend your hard-earned money on? God willing this will never happen to anyone (except maybe bigboxer, but he deserves it), but if I decide I wanna see a movie with some friends out of boredom, you can bet I'll support something with an original creative mind behind it rather than the latest processed crap (Although, I do agree, crap is crap, and in a perfect world M. Night would've learned from his mistakes instead of succmbing completely to them).
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"nose softly bumping the audience's clit." An analogical masterpiece! I've only been posting on AICN for a couple weeks now (cherry-popper: Snakes on a Plane trailer post). To think of all I've missed!
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If Harry has ever written one more disturbing I don't want to read it. That was so over the top I can't help but wonder if it was the result of some sort of dare or maybe a bet gone wrong.
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Didn't he post images of her somewhere before? And that girl is like 17. When I pair that picture with the review Yackbacker just posted, my spidey sense tingles. Sound the klaxons!
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I'm not even sure I'm glad I read that Blade 2 review. For the record, I'm pretty sure the audience I saw it with didn't feel like Del Toro was munching on their collective vagina.
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What a piece of shit.
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Urgh! I feel, dirty and used... jeeze I never read that thing until now. That was vile.
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But I still have a bunch of funny mis-spellings of Shammy to post ...
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I wouldn't mind more of Harry's Blade 2 style reviewing for a laugh, and I've enjoyed the reviews of the (much-maligned) Neil Cumpston. If the reviews are more entertaining than the crappy movies themselves, then at least something good has come out of the whole ugly mess. Like fresh, green grass around a cowpie.
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I agree with you. I don't think most of these guys have a clue what it means to have this much money on the line and to be responsible for it. All the screenwriters and home movie makers think that they have a clue to what it really is like to make a product for 10s of millions of dollars. They gotta be kidding themselves when they complain that a director has freedom with a giant budget. Try the opposite of freedom. And the money isn't coming from generous benifactors of the film arts. It's from investors in a business with no loyalty or belief in the virtue of the art or artists. And to shit on a director because they fuck up is just plain cold. You think 'however you spell his name' was bitching and whining because he's spoiled?! Did you see his behind the scenes shit when he was a kid? He's proud of his work, but he's terrified that he's going to fuck up every damn movie he makes. And the pressure to perform to make movies that make 100s of millions because they are unique and original in the eyes of the majority of the viewers... you guys don't know what pressure is. I am late on a deadline for a game... I am sweating bullets right now. I HAVE to take a break because I'll go mad from the pressure. I like to look at this site because movies and talking about them relaxes me. I read about how people think a director is ego driven because he has opportunity and success in his hands... and I just laugh. You guys don't have a clue. This isn't the popularity contest that the media makes it out to be. It's MONEY. That's what it is. And artists do their best to make art. And being and artist is 1% success and 99% failure as it is. Why do you think Spielberg and Ford don't stray much. Would you take chances with 100s of millions?! You're a fool if you would. And do you think 'what's his name' took ego driven chances with this movie?! Hardly. His rep and sell point is originality. Disney couldn't see how to sell this one... they wouldn't make it. WB knows that they can sell this off 'what's his name's' name alone... so they aren't stupid, they took it. And you know why? Because, yeah, it's a fuck up movie that will either bomb or not, but, now they snagged someone who movies make 100s of million each time. So, yeah, in the real world of movies, it does make sense to support your artists. Alright, speaking of artists, the animator of the main character is done with the last minute changes for this milestone, gotta get back to work.
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...that has a perfect track record. It's impossible because people have opinions. There is no film in the history of existance that everyone loved. Gilliam, bigboxer? C'mon. IMHO he's had more than his share of crapfests. So we should probably make fun of his name and call him a hack and say he should be erased from the Earth? Bit of a double standard, isn't it? bigboxer, I must say that I enjoy your posts when you actually have something to say. I'm with brycemonkey, think before you post, please.
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What crapfests do you speak of? What about Werner Herzog? Kubrick? Is "Barry Lyndon" a crapfest? Hitchcock? Name a Hitchcock crapfest !!! "Frenzy"? John Ford ?? Is "Clementine" a crapfest??
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How about Vic Fleming?? Did he ever film a crapfest??
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Overall, your right. If forced to see one or the other I'd put my $8.50 on the latest MNS project over a shiny new Ratner vehicle. The likelyhood of me walking away from the M. Night movie having enjoyed some aspect of it would be much greater. ***Given the choice I'd save the cash and go see 2001 Maniacs this coming Saturday night (Twin Cities premier). I expect nothing but cheese...but there's nothing wrong with that now and again is there? :D
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Merick: Nice review except for the apologetic undertones. You didn't like the movie. Based on your criticisms of it, I trust that judgement. The qualifying "it's intriguing" stuff adds little and almost contradicts the opinion you've earned my respect for with the rest of the review. Cumlauncher, while your King/Dark Tower analogy is accurate in mechanics, you neglect to mention how the Tower saga fell apart at the seams in the same book where King introduced himself as a character. He stopped caring about the rest of the characters as characters around that time in the series (and it showed) and started phoning in plot points with all the grace and cadence of a third grade "What I did on my summer vacation" report (First they did this, then they did this, then they met this guy and liked him instantly because it was Ka). Look at my screen name (taken before the reading of book 6, obviously). I loved that saga up until the point you mention. I wanted desperately to love it beyond that point. I couldn't because King obviously didn't. I feel exactly the same way about Shyamalan's work post Unbreakable. He became to concerned with the mechanics of movie making and forgot the importance of good storytelling. So great analogy you made there. Really. Yack: Shinebox? When did you start saying that? I thought I was the only one. Nice zinger on Mel not being dumb enough to cast himself as Jesus, by the way. Malcolm: See Yack's zinger mentioned above. When an actor/director (note the order of the titles) casts himself as a historical or literary character who also happens to be a savior figure (Braveheart for example, or even the Unforgiven on some levels) that's one thing. It's like fantasy role playing because we all know Mel wasn't a Scottish warlord and we all know Clint isn't quite old enough to have been a gunslinger, even an aging one, in the American west. Suspension of disbelief is built into those premises. Shyamalan cast himself as he sees himself (a misunderstood writer trying to change the world) and as a savior. That's beyond self indulgent role play. It's delusional.
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is Gilliam really your director hero? He is a visionary but at least half his films have serious problems.
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rottentomatoes.com is the end-all, be-all of every person on earth's opinion. Hilarious. bigboxer, it's all about opinion. Each one of the directors you've mentioned has released shows that I'm not keen on, but that is my (and I'm sure that there are others) OPINION. You can't say that opinions are fact.
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Merrick, I loved the review. It can be summarized thusly:
"...other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how'dja like the play?"
I'm a little preterbed with M. Night. Here's a guy who finally has figured out how perform fellacio on himself and he's still leaving the house. On his interviews and book, if I found myself crying after a dinner meeting that didn't go my way, I do believe I'd have to kick my own arse. out... -
I hadn't thought about that in a long time. Not even while watching the movie on TNT a couple weekends ago. And you know what? Harry's obviously never actually given a woman oral pleasure, because at no point in any of the times I've done that has Wesley Snipes or Ron Perlman popped out of the vagina to shoot a tinpan tough-guy one liner at me. And don't tell me that's because I'm doing it wrong.
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2001 Maniacs Twin Cities Premiere on Saturday? Where where where? What time?
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I wasn't around in the early 1900's to see those movies with fresh eyes for those times. I certainly can't say that I enjoy watching all of them now. I used to love wizard of oz when I was a kid, but my opinion has changed over the years. Many of the umpteen films he's directed will never be seen again, I'm sure, because they are unwatchable now to our 21st century eyes.
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Midnite the 22nd at the Uptown (not the Lagoon as some might try to tell you). Get there eeeeearrrly, Uptown midnite shows almost always sell out quick...and getting there early grants you a first row balcony seat :D
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What about Billy Wilder, eh?? Is "Sunset Boulevard" a crapfest, huh, is it?? Well, speak up !!! Is "Fear and Loathing" a crapfest, eh??? Well, is it??? C'mon !!!!!
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You're talking about specifc films, while we're talking about directors. Stay on target, man.
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Is "Treasure Island" a crapfest, eh matey, the ORIGINAL loveable pirate movie??? Is "Joan of Arc"?? Huh? CAN'T HEAR YOU !!!!!
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.. I gotta go to work. (I have to make money to live, 'cause I don't live at home) Maybe we can continue this when I get back? I'm sure you'll be here.
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What I'm saying, fellow film lovers, did Victor Fleming, or Billy Wilder ever make a crappy movie?? Did Alfred Hitchcock ever make a substandard flick? Did Stanley Kubrick ever phone one in?
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You can't argue with crazy. Fact.
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True dat, brycemonkey. Out.
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By support, I meant... not be a dick about the fact that he fucked up and not say he's washed up and a hack and an egomanic. If I could direct a movie and put myself in it, hell, why not? But everyone is reacting like he's Michael Jackson and he's dancing around neverland with his head in the clouds because it's so full of hot air about how wonderful he is. I'm saying that he's trying to be someone who is original and we should support that. Not with money, but with at least not making a shit storm online about what a fucking ass clown he is. he's just a guy who went after a dream and he's not a saint, but he's clearly not a in egoland. And I'm getting so tired of hearing people say give that money to an up and coming screenwriter and director. WTF? That just shows how little they know about making movies. Don't give that kind of responsibility and money to some new guy. He'll just fuck his career from the start. For his sake, don't do that. My point is... don't think that because you make millions means that you live some life of ease. Not if you make it in this business. Maybe if you are an actor or something. But people in charge work their fucking ass off and probably will die early in life from it. So, go easy on them. You think working 16-20 hours a day while worrying that you are tanking millions is fun?! I can't imagine that it is. That's why I make games. Games are enough for me.
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Yackbacker said :he's washed up and a hack and an egomanic.
There, it's settled. Shammylinglong is a hasbeen. -
If Shylamandingo cried because somewhat didn't like the script to this film, imagine how emotionaly crippling it will be to him when this thing is almost globaly disliked. I can see him planning his death with a Pringles can, two bobby pins and a tube of Bengay, oh wait, that would be McGyver.
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Like the huge grunt it is !~! It'll sink to the bottom of the toliet bowl faster than you can say Shymalongodongo don't cry !!
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I agree he is a narcissistic egomaniac. He puts himself in his movies. His roles in the movies are expanding. He gets a book wrote that disses his previous employer. I have always said the guy has talent. He really should take a crack at someone else script. It would be a new challenge and refreshing. By the way, does anyone know what his next project might be?
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merrick writes:
"It's hard to say for sure, and herein lies the film's most major shortcoming. This is a bit like casting, say, Hitchcock as the principal villain in one of his own films. It's distracting, disingenuous. It pulls us out of the movie, and turns the story into...something else. And, in the case of LADY IN THE WATER, it's nearly impossbile to separate Night's on-screen character from the filmmaker's controversial personae."
--every negative review on this film has focused on this issue and imo it's nonsense; a cheap out that the filmmaker gave unsophiticated fanboys so that they can have an easy target with which to savage the film. guess what chumps...you took the bait.
what's even more tragic is that thes e criticisms are coming from people who are supposed to love film and are supposed to know a little bit about genre. ask yourself this fanboys...did any of you have the balls to bad rap "Do the Right Thing" or spike lee for giving HIMSELF such a major role (arguable the moral nexus) of his celebrated film? was that not the 'height' of hubris and egomania?
...i didn't think so...same thing's gonna be said about shyamalan when his career advances a bit more.
you clowns are going to be irrelevant.
peace -
AND Shamylingodingo !!! There's a pair to draw to !!! The two of them couldn't walk through a doorway at the same time, 'cause their heads are sooooooooo BIG !!!!!
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so what's your point dingus? PLEASE do me the honor of trying to tear 'do the right thing' apart. this should be fun. peace.
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I'm too schmart to touch that live rail. "Do The Right Thing" is sacred cow, effendi. Not to be saying anything bad about it, or veddy bad karma run over yer dogma !!!
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you can do better than that! how about kevin smith didn't portray himself as the silent wise sage in any of his films. oh right....HE DID!! and it should be noted that spike's turn in DTRT was indeed the pivotal one that arguably saves that neighborhood from further racial violence.. . HMMM! peace.
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The three reviews of this film all say the same thing. Nothing. There isn't a clear review of this film at all in any of them... well Massawyrm comes close, but still. Massa's review made me want to see this film just so I could know what it was about. Then I read the others and I was like, what the hell? I know what it's about but I no longer know if I should care. Someone please just say if you liked it or not. Go see it again and own up to your feelings. YackBacker and I hardly ever agreed on anything. Of course we never resported to name calling either, but I'm finding that when it comes to quality film making YackBacker and I are on the same page. Bay fucking up Transformers, M. Night being in serious need of doing someone else's script, and big films like Superman Returns missing the point of just being a Superman film... I wish this site would take a stand, and try to influence film as it used to rather than just report that everything is soo good, or amazing, unless the staff here feel burned or shunned. How about it, AICN? Get me my images of Venom early. Instead of saying you saw the nice work Bay had on his desk. STEAL it and show US! Do some real work for pete's sake! Hell, if you have some moral issue with stealing... ASK!! Strike a deal! Explain that you have the film's best interest in mind because you actually care about films. GROW A PAIR!! Stand by your convictions and don't say it's a good movie if you get past the few dozen flaws. That means that it's a BAD movie. Just say that.
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Lady in the Lake sucks. It's a bad movie. MNS takes himself waaaay too seriously. The movie is so loopy, it's pathetic. There's yer review.
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Bigboxer did it. I know the AICN staff should be able to do it too. It's okay... just try.
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Maybe, just maybe, some thinks shouldn't be put into yes or no simplicity, or 'thumbs up/thumbs down'. Maybe if they just say how they thought about a film and use critical thought you could in turn apply some critical thought of your own and make a decision for yourself rather than basing it on their 'decisions'. And when you do make your decision, maybe you don't have to imagine that it is suddenly the correct decision fo all of mankind and that your perception of what is and is not crap is maybe not a universal, binary truth for all of mankind. Because thinking that would be narcissistic, egomaniacal, and insane.
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So much for my usual Saturday night activity of getting drunk and making a fool out of myself . . . now I can get drunk, make a fool out of myself, and watch fuckers get carved up!
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What's wrong with being narcissistic, egomaniacal, and insane? It's not like it'll keep you from being the leader of countrie(s).
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Seems most reviewers saw the sucky version and weren't so conflicted.
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This is the sucky crown to Shymyass sucky career !!!
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I've only been posting to theses talkbacks for like two months. Usually I just read them and laugh. I know it was before Superman Returns came out and it might have been on one or more of the animated films that came out. As an animator myself I see a lot of those. It's not easy going back to find out exactly what we disagreed on, but I know it's there. Maybe X3, but I don't think so. Hmm... Now I want to find that. I think you were the reason I started posting to the talkbacks more frequently in the first place. I wish this site had better navigation.
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Regularly posting for the last two months or so. Before that it was very, very occiasional. Which that of course might be where it started. One of those occasional comments. Oh and I'm not wearing the dress either. Remember that planned trip to Boston? Yeah, marriage on the the "to do" list.
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Since most TalkBackers have no sense of sarcasm or realize when people are generally being cheeky, the marriage thing is a joke.
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No matter how awful this film is, there is no way in hell it could possibly worse than THE VILLAGE. Sigh... it just a few films Shyamalan has gone from this generation's Rod Serling to this generation's Ed Wood.
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Sorry about the late reply. A cornerback is a defensive football position. Think Deion Sanders.
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Okay, I'm going to jump in here for no good reason whatsoever to say that UNBREAKABLE works as a snappy synopsis that probably could've made a decent episode of Twilight Zone or Outer Limits. (Maybe like ... ALL of M. Night's work.) But HOLY SHIT, did Bruce Willis remember ANYTHING that ever happened in his life? "Have you ever been to the doctor?" "I ... don't ... know ..." "Well, have you ever broken any bones?" "I ... don't ... recall ..." "Well, have you ever spontaneously grown a second head out of your shoulder that shot fire beams out of its eyes and spoke entirely in Ancient Babylonian?" "Um ... I ... can't ... say ... for ... sure ..." Seriously, the character as written was so fucking thick, I'm surprised he didn't forget to breath. Yes, AB-SO-FUCKING-LUTELY, stick this guy with producing ... or cinematography ... or even directing someone's else script ... ANYTHING!
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Just wanted you to know that someone's listening to the sane voices, too...
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It seems that the director in question has a right to do a film or movie that doesn't follow some pattern that has come before. I got no argument with him. I don't mind him putting himself in the movie and giving himself the second or third highest importance in this movie. Stories have a tendency to need some type of kinetic leap of faith to truly work. And his track record speaks for himself. What disturbs me is the reading of the article in Entertainment Weekly and the reviews. He seems to be developing the ability to think that he doesn't need anyone to polish his scripts and that once he is done that a studio, any studio should just let him make it, give him the money and just sit back and promote it. I have seen about what feels like 17 different trailers from this movie and none of them give me any motivation to go see it. No motivation to buy it on DVD. Not even to view it when it gets to cable, assuming it gets to cable; Night might decide it should be seen only if you phone him and meet him in some deserted cineplex. He wants to be a brand, like Spielberg or Lucas but he seems to forget one important thing; "I don't mean to be critical" can be very creative too.
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Jul 20, 2006 12:04:36 AM CDT
Yep, Night has the freedom to make any movie he wants
by orbots commander
And we have the freedom to not go see it. Don't you just love choices?
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Seriously, does it? Why can't he just be an "actor" in a "movie"? Why does he have to be "crazy old M. Night Schwing (sorry, couldn't resist) casting himself as Jesus and riding the proverbial donkey around the desert for 40 days"? When I see a movie, I don't take a biography of everyone involved in the film with me, I let whatever happens on the screen happen. Too many reviews are focussing on why he cast himself... I still have no idea what this fucking movie is really about, cause the plot only gets half a dozen words in three reviews! Ok, I'm done. Am kinda interested in the film though.
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Can I just say that, and forgive me if this point has already been made, the notion of supporting "oddball" films inorder to encourage Hollywood producers to churn out less crap is the most nonsensical suggestion I have ever heard. Does anybody here really believe that big shot producers are actually stupid people? To get a job that big and that powerful requires a certain degree of intellectual savy. Hollywood will ALWAYS churn out crap because guess what? It's no risk. And when you are gambling with HUNDREDS if not thousands of millions of dollars do you think it would be a good idea to say: "you know what guys, lets not make Pirates 6 or Superman the musical, lets give 'em what they really want, ART!" I am not trying to suggest that we should abandon creatively daring films, but we should DEFINATELY abondon them if they are useless vantiy projects that annoy us when we watch. Hollywood is big buisness and as such it understands the concept of calculated risk. The money men go:"Right, we have a billion dollars. Lets put 900 million into no risk cashcows and with the remaining 100 we can put out some risky stuff that might just take off" Thats how it has worked in the past, thats how it works now and that is how it will ALWAYS work. Don't fight the system, learn to love it. It's simple economics.
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Why can't people perceive movies as being like individual people. The movie doesn't exist for just for you. It exists in and of itself. It's not there to tell the story you want it to tell. It's there to tell it's own story. It's not Night up on the screen -- it's his character. Let go of yourself and the fact that you're sitting in the movie theatre, and just allow the movie to take you where it's going to take you. People often blame the movie for not carrying their interest, but I think quite often it's the viewer's fault for not going into the film with the proper mind set. Stop busying your mind with junk like "Why is Night playing such a major character", or "I am going to figure out the mystery", or "I know what the twist is going to be" or anything other than each passing moment in the movie's reality. The movie is an individual and it deserves the chance to be judged as such. Let it be, folks, let it be.
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I haven't seen Lady in the Water, so, I can't really have an opinion about MNS role in it. I do have a pre-opinion though. I think that MNS wants to be a heroic movie star. That's it. He's not an egomaniac for putting himself in a major role in a movie... he just really wants to be a movie star. But nobody but he is going to cast him. Watch the sword fighting movie he made as a kid. It tells you everything you need to know. MNS wants to be fucking Indiana Jones or James Bond or Superman. He wishes he could be that kind of a movie star. But he's not stupid. He isn't even Bourne regular looking guy hero material. So, what's he gotta do to make himself a hero in a movie? Make himself play a believable hero... that people can buy. Think... he cried when Disney wouldn't do this movie? Um... he had a lot more invested in this movie than a good idea. Watch his pride and excitement as he shows the clip from his movie as a kid. Watch him as the kid. He wants to be Brandon Routh right now. Now... exactly what is wrong with that? If I could have a chance to play a cool noir detective in a movie... I sure as fuck would!! Even if I had to write and direct it myself. Plenty of people have done shit like this. Why can't a writer/director be a movie star? Are movie stars something too good for writer/directors to aspire to? The other way around in my book. I wish him luck. I hope he enjoyed his part. Probably a dream come true for him. And why not? Why not?
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"Does anybody here really believe that big shot producers are actually stupid people? To get a job that big and that powerful requires a certain degree of intellectual savy." - no, this would be true of doctors, lawyers, accountants, farmers, 99% of skilled workers in the world. movie execs on the other hand fall into the politician and conman category of people who make a living being full of shit and only have the skill of networking and delagation of tasks.
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Suck it, bitches!
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People who talk during movies are the cinema's equivalent of pedophiles, vile pieces of shit who lack the wiring to function properly in society. Anyone who talks during a film, who whispers loud, who makes comments to the screen, who states the obvious ("That's Superman!" REALLY? What was your fucking clue? The big \S/ on his chest or the fact that he caught a fucking airplane?), who has to explain everything that is happening to your friend while it fucking happens on screen, who checks their supernova-bright cellphone for the time every ten minutes and/or to see if your bitch text-messaged you, you all should be put into dumpsters, have hobos piss and shit all over you, and then rocket your fucking asses into the goddamn sun. Movie talkers are not only ignorant, they must be illiterate too because if the giant "DO NOT FUCKING TALK DURING THE MOVIE" preview isn't clear enough for your stupid fucking ass, then I think we need roving cinema cops to pistol whip that big gaping DNA trap you call a mouth every time you open it during a movie and then force donkeys and Blue Whales to violate you six ways from Sunday. If Bush could pass one law that would make the entire world cheer his ass to president of the fucking Universe, it would be the death penalty for movie talkers. Oh yeah, and I'm looking forward to seeing this flick, as I love his flicks...
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What he really wants to do is act, but no one will cast him but himself.
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... and I'm much more inclined to agree with this review: http://tinyurl.com/g9zqx see the movie for yourselves douches
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First off I haven't seen the movie. But with everyone tinker belling around, it sounds like this movie is the nail in the coffin for Mr. Mnight. I won't go into pointless detail of when I stop liking Mnight and when or why I thought his movies were brilliant. I will talk about facts. The fact is Mnight decided to make a movie about a bedtime story that him and his children would routinely tell to one another and expand before "bedtime". I can't think for the man, but it seems that he wanted everyone else in the world to experience this wonderful storytelling interaction that him and his children so loved together. Call it arrogance or a lovely suggestion from his children to spread the word about Story, but the idea/concept apparently did not go over well. Please people review the movie!!!! I've been coming to this site for sometime now to seek knowledge about a movie before I spending my hard earned bucks. Recently you guys have begun stroking us with nonsense, no guts, no substance reviews that basically say, "This movie isn't for everyone." No shit!! I knew that before the movie was thought about being made, maybe you could tell us who the movie was made for and stop (maybe this isn't true, but it seems like it) sucking up to the studio!! If it sucks it sucks, if it's good it's good. Maybe Harry should put all of you, including himself, on a simple points system of "yah or nay". It's sad I had to write this. Next step is to just go somewhere else.
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being complete pans. Sometimes movies are a mixed bag, and many of these reviews are saying that. Shut the fuck up already with the accusations that the reviewers are somehow afraid to pan it or something, it just sounds like whiny trolling. VERY good review, thanks Merrick.
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