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Derek Flint Is The First Motherf*#&er To See SNAKES ON A PLANE!!

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

Derek Flint’s got a loooooooooong history here at the site as a guy who sees things first, and today, he makes history as the one who has been to the promised land and back, the only man to pierce the veil of hype so far, the first reviewer to see... SNAKES ON A PLANE. Derek?

“Snakes On A Plane.”

Everybody knows everything about this movie. Or at least, they think they do.

They've read the blogs, seen the mock posters, surfed the websites, watched the news reports of how an outlandish movie title met the Internet and spawned a phenomenon.

You've also probably been exposed to some of the editorializing, as cinema experts take differing sides on the fact that the filmmakers behind this movie deigned to listen to the online community, people who never saw a frame of footage, and incorporated all the things fans were clamoring for.

Currently, there’s a piece in “Esquire” that cites this precedent as having ominous repercussions. Still, how is this practice any more heinous than doing a reshoot after a test screening?

Personally, the concept of any studio deciding to make a movie more extreme in our conservative times is cause for celebration. I'm glad New Line had the good sense to realize that any movie starring Samuel L. Jackson battling an airplane full of serpents should never be rated PG-13.

Think about it. Wouldn't you love to hear “Casino Royale” was rated R? How long has a James Bond flick been shackled by the inane perception they're “family films?”

Anyway, much has been written about “Snakes On A Plane” except for one thing: Is the movie any good?


Hell yes.

After having to sit through this year’s overproduced, bloated, pretentious studio product that desperately tries to disguise its B movie roots… finally here’s a movie that hunkers down to give the audience a shameless good time.

Of course “Snakes On A Plane” is ridiculous, but it’s also nonstop fun.

These filmmakers aren't embarrassed to deliver everything exactly as promised. The only thing that will probably go unnoticed after the huge opening weekend grosses, as well as consternation from cinematic elitists, is that “Snakes On A Plane” is a much better movie than it has any right to be with such a crazy premise and ridiculous title.

“Snakes On A Plane” functions as both a competent thriller as well as a full-blown horror movie.

In some ways, the film shares a certain kinship with another movie set on a plane that I enjoyed: “Executive Decision,” which stretched credibility with great ingenuity in order to entertain.

Of course, that movie didn't feature the unnerving slither quotient that gives this film its now legendary distinction.

Believe it or not, “Snakes On A Plane” shares an unexpected kinship with Hitchcock’s “The Birds,” a film that was also derided as absurd upon initial release, wherein natural everyday anxieties, such as flying, are sent off the charts by an unforeseen element being thrown into the mix.

It’s bad enough to be on a rough flight, but imagine the floor around you filled with as many snakes as Indiana Jones was forced to contend with.

Believe it or not, “Snakes On A Plane” actually doesn't insult the audience. The director and screenwriters work hard to keep ratcheting up the suspense, both on the ground and in the air, and approach some of it with actual sophistication.

There’s actually some logic that comes into play throughout… and no one will be checking their watches during this movie. Like the venomous creatures that attack the passengers and crew… this movie is lean and mean.

For those who don't know the flight plan:

Nathan Phillips plays a young surfer named Sean who witnesses the vicious torture and murder of a D.A. trying to bring a megalomaniac crime lord to justice.

Byron Lawson plays the villain, Mr. Kim, with insane relish. This is an over the top bad guy whose behavior flirts very close to the mayhem caused by the heavy from “Enter The Dragon” with a dash of “Dr. No” imperviousness thrown in. It was shrewd of the screenwriters to make Kim such a crazy, sadistic nut job… as it helps sell the audience on the wildly unconventional plan he puts in motion to guarantee Sean won't be testifying in court anytime soon.

For Kim, killing isn't enough. He wants to inflict the kind of prolonged suffering that would make even a Cenobite cry foul.

Terrified by what he saw, Sean doesn't go to the police… but that doesn't stop Kim from hunting Sean down and making an attempt on his life.

And, of course, the man himself thwarts this attempt: Samuel L. Jackson plays an FBI agent named Flynn.

Simply put, this movie wouldn't work without “Sam The Man.” Even as the situation escalates beyond any semblance of reality, Jackson anchors this film with an unwavering performance.

Not once does he act like this flick is beneath him or is he playing “camp,” even when he takes an infamous request from the online community and delivers a line of exasperated dialogue that he'll inevitably be associated with for the rest of his life… Jackson is fully committed here.

Jackson, along with another FBI man named Sanders, must escort Sean to Los Angeles. No easy task, as Kim has many people in his employ with tentacles that reach far and wide.

In our climate of post 9/11 security, it’s decided that a commercial airliner will provide the safest transportation… especially since Sean’s presence will be kept secret.

The method how Kim discovers this is admittedly cheesy, but it’s also economical. That’s the whole point… as no time is wasted getting that deadly cargo onto the plane. This film will never be accused of false advertising.

There’s a mix of stock characters on the flight. They range from the obligatory cute kids, to a rapper and his entourage and, of course, two adventurous members of the mile high club.

The gorgeous Rachel Blanchard is a particularly welcome sight, playing a passenger who suffers from a really bad case of “High Anxiety,” but I was particularly taken with the two flight attendants in the movie.

Sunny Mabrey plays a cute stewardess who develops a fondness for Sean, but it’s actually Julianna Marguiles, as a flight attendant seemingly trained by Lt. Ripley from “Aliens,” who makes the strongest impression. She and Jackson share a great rapport.

As everyone knows, once the flight is underway… all hell breaks loose, namely the slithery cargo that was smuggled onboard.

The CGI snakes look much better in the film than they do in the trailers and TV commercials I'd seen, especially in the dark cargo area. (Thankfully, there was a harpoon handy down there.)

Director David Ellis does a good job playing into our natural fear of snakes… and it doesn't matter whether they're CGI or real, it’s unnerving to see them attack so aggressively. Don't be surprised if you wind up checking your feet a lot during the movie.

What I wasn’t expecting was a pretty decent “B” story concurrently taking place on the ground, as investigators attempt to ascertain who supplied the snakes for this insidious plot, as many of them are exotic and illegal, as well as how to deal with the situation should the plane ever land.

It’s truly freaky to listen to some of the dialogue scenes on the plane with the sounds of rattlers in the background. The audio work deserves special kudos.

Obviously any movie named “Snakes On A Plane” has a sense of humor, but it’s not always obvious. Lin Shaye plays one of the flight attendants and is quite funny, especially in light of the action movie cliche of being “two weeks from retirement,” but her ultimate fate is also surprisingly heroic and touching.

The director, screenwriters and snakes show no mercy. The attacks are unremitting and even child passengers get a taste of venom. This is the ultimate movie to see with an audience. There will be pandemonium in the theater, especially during the finale.

Actually, reviewers should be forced to see this film with a paying crowd… because that’s who it was made for. The public embraced this picture from the very beginning. In a sense, it belongs to them… and the spirit of William Castle will be looking down on opening day, proudly.

Yes, Samuel L. Jackson does bellow that expletive filled summation of his situation and it is sure to bring the house down. He doesn't disappoint in his delivery and there’s not a dollop of parody when he yells it. (The sad thing is, most audiences will miss what he says afterwards… but I guess that’s what DVDs are for.)

The studio should publicly thank the bloggers because I can't imagine this movie without that deliriously over the top line of dialogue. It’s exactly what you pay hard earned money to hear Sam Jackson say… and the placement of the line, they make you wait a long time, is sheer genius.

The finale of “Snakes On A Plane” is a mix of logic and lunacy. Without giving anything away, one of the passengers is forced to pilot the plane and his previous landing experience comes as a shock to everyone. I found it hilarious… and it was intentionally so.

In a way the ending serves as a reminder that, despite all the shocks, gore and mayhem that preceded it… this movie was intended as a good time. It’s meant to be fun… and is.

C’mon, be honest. At the end of the day, what would you rather see? Something called “Snakes On A Plane” or “The Lake House?”

Derek Flint

PIRATES, your records are dust. Don’t fight the wind which is... SNAKES ON A PLANE.

"Moriarty" out.

Readers Talkback
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  • July 14, 2006, 5:50 a.m. CST


    by Azlam Orlandu

    I'm surprised to see a review so soon. Sounds better than I expected.

  • July 14, 2006, 5:54 a.m. CST


    I can't wait for this!

  • July 14, 2006, 6:01 a.m. CST

    THIRD. Maybe.

    by abiggerboat

  • July 14, 2006, 6:01 a.m. CST


    by abiggerboat

    ...the film sounds pretty good too!

  • July 14, 2006, 6:02 a.m. CST

    This film sounds hilarious

    by Silver_Joo

  • July 14, 2006, 6:06 a.m. CST


    by JackPumpkinhead

    We've got MUHFUGGIN' PLANTS ON THE SITE! Heh, heh. And I'd like to see something titled "Lakes in the House"

  • July 14, 2006, 6:08 a.m. CST

    motherfuckin yes


    i want to see jackson unch a snake in the face

  • July 14, 2006, 6:10 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah

    by Virtual Satyr

    This is the movie that Jesus himself would come back for. God, I can't wait until Aug 18th.

  • July 14, 2006, 6:14 a.m. CST


    by The Equalizer

    Just what i needed, a refreshing movie about snakes and planes! Good work New Line!

  • July 14, 2006, 6:15 a.m. CST

    Sankes On A Plane is so last month...

    by PervOmatic

    The new online fad is that the internets is a series of tubes:

  • July 14, 2006, 6:17 a.m. CST

    So why can't we watch both?

    by Shan

    I mean, if we wanted to, we could see "The Lake House" AND "Snakes on a Plane", right?

  • July 14, 2006, 7:25 a.m. CST

    Ezekiel 25:17, fuckin snakes!

    by eppdude

  • July 14, 2006, 7:28 a.m. CST


    by Knugen

    Hows that for a pun? Anyway, whoever is marketing this just shot themselves in the foot...

  • July 14, 2006, 7:31 a.m. CST

    I thought that I couldn't get any more excited

    by beastie

    about this mothafuckin' movie. But now, I really can't wait. Also, I want one of those hand drawn Snakes on a Plane posters, but I can't find anyone who sells them. I've seen 'em all over the web, but not for sale.

  • July 14, 2006, 7:31 a.m. CST

    Smells like a plant...

    by viranth

    But I don't care, this movie will be fun no matter what.

  • July 14, 2006, 7:34 a.m. CST

    I want these PLANTS off my motherfucking PLANE!

    by tripp5

    seriously tho, this movie can NOT be as good as this reviewer says it is.

  • July 14, 2006, 7:40 a.m. CST

    Internet phenomenon?

    by godoffireinhell

    More like ingenious marketing. Those bloggers are all paid by New Line of course, as are the folks who run the fan websites and design posters and shirts. It's not surprising that this marketing trick worked so well, simply because it is so low brow. I loved the marketing for Spielberg's A.I. but that was just for geeks and intellectuals. The SNAKES ON A PLANE marketing reached everyone no matter how high or low their IQ.

  • July 14, 2006, 7:41 a.m. CST


    by Brendon

    ...Ellis isn't as good a director for this as Ronny Yu would have been.

  • July 14, 2006, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Check out the official rap song, "We Got Snakes"...

    by dimnix

    This is hilarious. Without a doubt, the greatest snake/aviation hip-hop song I have ever heard:

  • July 14, 2006, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Apologist Review = Crappy Movie

    by genro

    This review is such pure shit, you could sell it in ounces.

  • July 14, 2006, 8:01 a.m. CST


    by Johnny Ahab

    Screw all you haters, this is what the summer was made for: cheesy, rip-roaring, audience-participation good time movies. I only wish I were seeing this in Times Square -- that would be the ultimate way to see this.

  • July 14, 2006, 8:15 a.m. CST

    My eyes don't lie- these CGI's look bad

    by Superneal

    You expect me to believe that review? My eyes don't lie this film looks like crap.

  • July 14, 2006, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Snakes Will Bomb...On A Plane!!!

    by MetalWater

    I can't wait to see this jive turkey of a bullshit film go down the toilet...if you can even call it a film, that is!!! No matter, it will bomb at the box office...that's a promise not a prediction!!! Now, if you are going to be involved with a concept gone wrong like this... the clever film maker...if he was going to go this route...would have made Snakes On A Plane a sarcasm filled socio-political inditement of our society. A subversive film steeped in satirical subtext...Think of what it could have been if this thing was turned into some kind of political cartoon, complete with terrorist hijackers on the plane ready to pull another 911, but fate intercedes and the hijackers become victims trying to save themselves, like everyone else on the plane, from the snakes. The Freudian aspects of this film could have been A Clock Orange...But no...we get some lame bullshit here, with Samual L. Jackson showing up to the proceedings just in time to cash another paycheck!!! This should have been a film about ironies...about reversal of fortune...The Dr. Strange Love of its time...but it can't, and it won't be judging by the review...No, it's just a hack piece that they weren't even smart enough to present in 3-D. Hey, if you are going for the hack in joke...why not go all the way here!!! Throw in all the hack trimmings!!!

  • July 14, 2006, 8:43 a.m. CST

    Pardon my newness to the topic but

    by Jbud

    can someone please tell me what the expletive-filled line suggestion was?

  • July 14, 2006, 8:44 a.m. CST films?

    by zacdilone

    Does Derek really believe that anyone thinks of Bond as "family films?" What an inane statement to make. The Bond target is and always will be teen boys and men who still wish they were teens. They make Bond "R" and they lose half their audience (granted, with "Royale" they already seem to be communicating that their audience no longer matters to them). Rather than being "shackled" to an "inane perception," it's just plain good marketing.

  • July 14, 2006, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Okay, sounds great, but...

    by DerLanghaarige

    ...I still wish we could turn back time and bring back Ronny Yu on the director's chair!

  • July 14, 2006, 8:53 a.m. CST


    by The Guy Who Nods

    ...surely you've heard the children on the streets chanting "I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!!" already.

  • July 14, 2006, 9 a.m. CST

    I will see this at the predominantly black theater

    by Engineer_at_peac

    I think it will enhance the experience. Also I intend to smuggle rubber snakes into the theater and release them at tense moments. SNAKES! IN A @#$^%^@#$% THEATER!

  • July 14, 2006, 9:36 a.m. CST


    by Cumlauncher


  • July 14, 2006, 9:37 a.m. CST


    by bigboxer

    The movie of the SUMMER !!! I'm going to the local joke store to buy all the rubber snakes I can, just to wear to see this !!!!

  • July 14, 2006, 9:52 a.m. CST

    So, what's this movie about?

    by brycemonkey

    Sounds better than expected... although comparing how good it is to Executive Decision? Motherfucker, please!!!

  • July 14, 2006, 9:58 a.m. CST

    Thank you Guy Who Nods

    by Jbud

    Samuel Jackson's voice is echoing in my head already

  • July 14, 2006, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Smells like the 3Fast3Furious plant awhile back

    by CreasyBear

    To camouflage a plant review, please stay away from words like "concurrently" and "ascertain", and refrain from including sentences with a complex, yet grammatically correct structure. More Neil Cumpston, less precise diction.

  • July 14, 2006, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Opening weekend predictions? I'm guessing $58 mil

    by Lance Rock

  • July 14, 2006, 10:14 a.m. CST

    frankly, this movie sounds like it has too much plot

    by newc0253

    the title says it all. why mess with genius?

  • July 14, 2006, 10:27 a.m. CST

    David Ellis is good at mayhem. FD2 had a great opening.

    by Mr. Profit

    That car accident on the highway was one of the best I have ever seen, and it's fucking shocking that it was in a B horror movie and not in some big budget action film. Cellular was a fun piece of garbage movie that entertained, and I expect "Snakes" to be just as entertaining. Someone give David the job of bringing Jason Voorhees back to life. Because he obvously knows how to creatively kill people on film. Sometimes your brain needs junk food.

  • July 14, 2006, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Big Budget Remake of The Chupacabra Terror....

    by Mr. Profit

    It has to be made with Samuel Jackson as the star. The original is pure comedy gold. "I thought you were an insurance agent!" "Honey, right now I'm the best insurance you got!"

  • July 14, 2006, 10:35 a.m. CST


    by kakbakker

    "Personally, the concept of any studio deciding to make a movie more extreme in our conservative times is cause for celebration." Wow, you don't see a lot of movies, do you? Wrong. "After having to sit through this year

  • July 14, 2006, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Wait a minute...let me make sure I've got this straight

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    The best plan the crime lord, Kim, can come up with to prevent the key witness from testifying and sending him to death row is to release a bunch of snakes on the airplane the witness is flying on? And he actually thinks it'll work?!? Still, the movie sounds like it might be a lot of fun in a stuipid sort of way.

  • July 14, 2006, 10:44 a.m. CST

    i disagree kakbakker

    by Kid Joker

    I think everyone masturbating on the keyboard for this movie with every small joke or suggestion of dialogue will check this flick out. I think people also want to see this with a crowd. I mean, something with constant hype is gonna pull the audiences in.

  • July 14, 2006, 10:47 a.m. CST


    by Borgnine JR

    You Haters hate cuz you think it makes youlook smart but it doesn't It just makes you look bitter. This movie will be a great ride.

  • July 14, 2006, 11:16 a.m. CST

    SNAKES! IN A @#$^%^@#$% THEATER!

    by Giz

    now there's the sequel right there. Sam the Man sitting at his crowded multiplex, eating some damn popcorn, then BAM! MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES! IN THE THEATER! Think Hogan in gremlins 2, but instead of Hulk, SAM.L.MOTHERFUCKING.JACKSON BITCHES!

  • July 14, 2006, 11:18 a.m. CST

    F*ck yeah!

    by R.C. the "Wise"

    Those slithering Snakes are no match Sam!

  • July 14, 2006, 11:31 a.m. CST

    "Flynn"? Does he own an arcade, too?

    by Sir Loin

    Sorry...that was a an obscure TRON reference for you Generation Y whippersnappers.

  • July 14, 2006, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Before you see this movie..............

    by misterWINKIE

    Make sure you buy this cool t-shirt snakes on a plane Or this one (a close second) Enjoy

  • July 14, 2006, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Come on.

    by Sasha Nein

    Anyone who doesn't like gratuitous snakey carnage and mayhem, regardless of hype, needs to lighten up.

  • July 14, 2006, 12:02 p.m. CST

    This is EXACTLY what I want to hear

    by quadrupletree

    Great review man. Snakes on a Motherfuckin Plane!! I can't wait to see this. My only question still is, do they ever explain how they expect to kill one specific guy by releasing snakes on a plane? Is it that they think the plane will go down?

  • July 14, 2006, 12:03 p.m. CST

    isnt it funny how DocPazuzu never rips jayjew?

    by zfisk

    it just proves DocPazuzu actually condones hatespeech, WHEN HIS PEOPLE ARE DOING IT. OR LET'S SEE DOC CALL OUT JAYJEW HERE AND PROVE ME WRONG. and you trendsters who started the buzz for S.O.A.P. right here on this very site, who are now jumping off and looking down your nose at the latecomers now crowding the bandwagon, get over yourselves. at least be happy the studio took your advice.

  • July 14, 2006, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Who Said the CGI Looks bad?!


    You're a douche bag. What, did you get a 5 second glimpse from a trailer? Fuck you. SNAKES ON A PLANE!

  • July 14, 2006, 12:22 p.m. CST


    by Pageiv

    I saw a snake just the other day.

  • July 14, 2006, 12:45 p.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    1) You're assuming jayjew is Jewish because of his username. 2) You're assuming I'm a Jew because, well, you hate Jews. 3) I've ripped on jayjew plenty of times in his previous incarnations, like RabbiSodomy and various other nicks with words like "nigger" in them, but got tired of it when I realized that he's just a 14-year-old attention-seeking troll, while you, on the other hand, are a hardcore prejudiced hate-preacher. 4) I'm still waiting for you to grow some balls and admit that your "recent article" was in fact a complete fabrication of yours. C'mon, I'll help you out a bit: "Well, DocPazuzu, you gay, multi-username, alien, satanist, Jew, republican shriner, yes -- the article was fake, but I used it to serve a greater truth!"

  • July 14, 2006, 1:27 p.m. CST

    i bet this movie will bomb

    by dr.bulber

    just like slither. will the online community go out in droves to see this movie? - no. they will sit online and say how coool it is and wonder why it bombed. snakes ona plane reality = $10.00 a ticket. and dont get me wrong, i hope it is a fun flick and i hope it does well but i just doubt it based on its target market. it will probably do better in dvd rentals.

  • July 14, 2006, 1:32 p.m. CST

    Fuck the Executive Decision haters

    by Kung Fu Hustler

    Great B flick! You know you were shocked when Seagal didn't make it to the end...

  • July 14, 2006, 1:35 p.m. CST


    by tripp5

    man, i was TOTALLY gonna do that with a friend. Smuggle a bunch of snakes into the theatre, and when they bust out in the movie, we (the two of us sitting in the top row of the theatre) would throw the rubber snakes down at the other patrons, in hopes of causing mass panic and, this is gonna be sweeeeeet

  • July 14, 2006, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Hell YES. Snakes on a mutherfckin plane...

    by Arche Logos

    is going to do massive numbers with little drop off. I cannot wait to see this thing. My only question is instead of rubber snakes, where could I get a whole bunch of gardner snakes to release on opening night?

  • July 14, 2006, 1:52 p.m. CST

    You can't judge FX from a trailer

    by minderbinder

    Because often the FX aren't done, it's pretty common for them to look better in the film.

  • July 14, 2006, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Oh, zfisk/homewrecker...

    by Mr Nice Gaius

    You silly miserable little boy, you.

  • July 14, 2006, 2:21 p.m. CST

    A flight attendant "trained by Lt. Ripley?"

    by GreatWhiteNoise

    "I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage." Air marshals, my arse. Hire that woman!

  • July 14, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST

    David R Ellis, dude extraordinaire

    by DirkD13"

    This guy has made some seriously cheesy, but dementedly entertaining flicks, count me in.

  • July 14, 2006, 3:17 p.m. CST


    by DirkD13"

    To quote "Now, if you are going to be involved with a concept gone wrong like this... the clever film maker...if he was going to go this route...would have made Snakes On A Plane a sarcasm filled socio-political inditement of our society. A subversive film steeped in satirical subtext...Think of what it could have been if this thing was turned into some kind of political cartoon". Fuck off you pretentious twat.

  • July 14, 2006, 4:28 p.m. CST


    by fiester


  • July 14, 2006, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Sssssssssss! the movie

    by Superneal

    At least in Sssssss (the movie) they used real snakes, (king cobras at that). There was a disclaimer right before the film began. The movie was garbage but at least the film makers used real animals not rubber and BAD EFFECTS ala SOAP

  • July 14, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    What will be the sequels?

    by AyebKraken

    Apes on Bus? Sameul L. Jackson"Get off my motherf****ing bus you dirty apes!" Barracudas on a Hovercraft?

  • July 14, 2006, 5:44 p.m. CST


    by HessenRoots

    Actually, I think I'd pay to see Barracudas on a Hovercraft! As long as the studio didn't pay some rapper to remake Heart's Barracuda for the soundtrack...

  • July 14, 2006, 5:50 p.m. CST

    Spiders on a Subway

    by zacdilone

    This is your stop, creepy motherf***ers!!

  • July 14, 2006, 5:54 p.m. CST

    Ants In my pants.

    by AyebKraken

    You piss ants are pissing me the f**k off!!

  • July 14, 2006, 5:59 p.m. CST

    Chat with Samuel Jackson

    by magnusdopus

    If you want to chat one on one with Samuel Jackson, here&#39;s your chance... <a href=""></a>

  • July 14, 2006, 8:01 p.m. CST

    SOAP meets SR ...

    by Lamerz

    Look, up in the muthafuckin sky! It&#39;s a bird! No, it&#39;s snakes on a muthafuckin plane!

  • July 14, 2006, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Pirates of the muthafuckin Carribean ...

    by Lamerz

    Think how many movies would benefit from "muthafuckin"! Revenge of the muthafuckin Sith ...... Lord of the muthafuckin Rings ...... The Lion, the Witch, and the muthafuckin Wardrobe ...... Hellz yeah.

  • July 14, 2006, 9:29 p.m. CST


    by Veraxus

    As if I didn&#39;t already want to see this with every fibre of my being - this seals the deal. Opening night, bitches!

  • July 14, 2006, 9:56 p.m. CST

    Motherf*****g Republicans in the Whitehouse

    by Yamato

    Pissed off after another stolen election, Samual Jackson goes to Washington to clean house...the Whitehouse.

  • July 15, 2006, 2:41 a.m. CST

    The final line should be...

    by moviemaniac-7

    "Bring me that horizon, Motherfucker." Sounds awesome. Could this be a truly brilliant B-movie? Hopefully so. A movie that doesn&#39;t pretend to be brilliant, but just entertainment. Sam&#39;s the man, if only for the mere fact he signed on after reading the fucking title page!! I am definately there to check this one out. Concepts don&#39;t come cooler than this.

  • July 15, 2006, 2:46 a.m. CST

    Why break apart the plot of this movie?

    by andrew coleman

  • July 15, 2006, 6:41 a.m. CST

    My pet snake died.

    by HarryBlackPotter

    Had he still been alive, I would have taken him to see the movie on it&#39;s opening day. He was so looking forward to this movie, it&#39;s all he ever talked about. But he was so fucking worked up about this movie that he forgot to eat and drink, so he died of starvation. I might have him stuffed so I could still take him with me, and then, when the snakes attack the passengers, release my mummified snake into an unsuspecting crowd.

  • July 15, 2006, 9:22 a.m. CST

    First to see Snakes on a Plane. Wow.

    by Nate Champion

    That&#39;s like being first in line at a concentration camp.

  • July 15, 2006, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Lin Shaye, bet she gets to be the hero and

    by don_gately

  • July 15, 2006, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Why the heck was that a "serious" review?!

    by Tall_Boy

    As if it was a thriller? The tone when the reviewer said that SMJ deilver the "infamous request" line really irked me. I&#39;m going to drink this review out of my mind. Don&#39;t tell me its a thriller for crissakes, its Snakes on a Plane. I *want* camp, and lots of it!

  • July 15, 2006, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Chimps on a Cheese Factory

    by SuperSneaky

    Get these motherfucking chimps off my motherfucking Cheese Factory !

  • July 15, 2006, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Pope in a Pond

    by SuperSneaky

    Get that motherfucking Pope out of that motherfucking Pond !

  • July 15, 2006, 6:42 p.m. CST

    David Motherfuckin&#39; Ellis!!!

    by RaulMonkey

    I didn&#39;t know he was the director! FINAL DESTINATION 2 PWNS FD 1 & 3. Pwns Morgan & Wong on their own concept. And I haven&#39;t seen any of the HOMEWARD BOUND movies, but I&#39;m going to go ahead and assume that HOMEWARD BOUND 2: LOST IN SAN FRANCISCO and directed by DAVID M.F.R. Ellis, PWNS THE LIVING SHITE out of HB1!!!!111

  • July 15, 2006, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Plants On A Plane!!!

    by MetalWater

    DirkD13...thank you for quoting my fine writing...For that, I am greatful. Now, I may be pretentious and a twat, but I&#39;m also right...and you know it!!! If I was the producer of this thing...I would have hired Roger Avary to write some brainy scenes for this movie...and although Quentin Tarantino has lost his gift as a film maker...he&#39;s always good at writing smart and entertaining monologues...packed with the kind of clever pop culture influenced dialogue that makes you think!!! It would have been nice to see some of his gift for that kind of dialogue used in this film. With that in mind, the producers should have hired Tarantino, a confessed fan of the B Movie, to punch up the script!!! That, and the film could use a healthy dose of indy style film editing. Further, if I was the director of this movie...with all the publicity behind Snakes On A Plane, real or bought, I&#39;d have recast some roles and used great indy actors to fill the parts. People like Chloe Sevigny, Steve Buscemi and Maggie Gyllenhaal, etc.---It would really be interesting to see what great actors (and scene stealers) could do with this kind of material. It would be rather trippy to see...The great, meets the B grade...I&#39;d like to see if a truly great actor could elevate material like this. Something similar to what we saw Johnny Depp deliver in the film Cry Baby. Go back and watch A Clock Work Orange and see what I mean. It was a satire/drama which gave both middle fingers to society...but with a half cocked sneering smile!!! That&#39;s what Snakes On A Plane should have been. As it stands...Snakes On A Plane will disappear at the box office, with no real relevance left as its legacy...not even among the infamous genre of B Movies!!!

  • July 15, 2006, 7:16 p.m. CST


    by Uncapie

    "Muther F*ckin&#39; clogged again!"

  • July 15, 2006, 10:01 p.m. CST

    We&#39;ve got Executive Snakes...

    by KabutoKoji

    What this movie has is snakes on a plane. But what this movie needs is snakes on a plane AND Steven Seagal, and his five minute cameo as the Coronel who hangs from the belly of the plane, then he rides a huge Anaconda all the way down a la Slim Pickens. Actually, with that huge belly he&#39;s sporting now he can only hang like for 9 seconds, but you get the idea. The problem with that is that because it&#39;s on a plane, you can&#39;t have him running around. And Segal running is the best &#39;cause he runs like a middle-aged lady after she&#39;s been spinning around with her forehead on a stick. Maybe he can run a little on top of the Anaconda as they go down. Or maybe have that in the deleted scenes perhaps. Hey, there&#39;s the sequel right there, SNAKES ON A PLANE THAT ARE HARD TO KILL. Half of the people on this board would watch it. I&#39;ll stake my 10 bucks on it. I&#39;ll expect the check in the mail. Thanks. Anyway, Snakes, Jackson AND Seagal...We&#39;re talking Crackerjack territory right there. Minus Thomas Ian Griffith and Nastassja Kinski, of course. We need some credibility on this film, please. Christopher Plummer can stay, but only if he comes in full Dolores Claiborne batshit crazy getup. Oh yeah, and drunk as well. Uhm, yeah, never "got" the hype for this film. I still don&#39;t. Films like this come to your local Blockbuster every week. Minus Samuel L. Jackson, of course. Ah well, I guess Casper Van Diem can&#39;t do them all. Alright, I&#39;ll check it out. See you there. I&#39;ll be the one with the Sho Kosugi jacket on. Have a snake of a time!

  • July 16, 2006, 12:55 a.m. CST

    If this movie does well

    by blackstormy

    then Chuck Norris should make a movie based on those Chuck Norris facts.

  • July 16, 2006, 3:51 a.m. CST

    New Snakes on a Plane Trailer !!!

    by Darth Evil Dead

    Check out the new Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane trailer !!

  • July 16, 2006, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Studios aren&#39;t that smart

    by MrCere

    To the tber who suggested New Line pays the bloggers and sponsors the whole underground publicity tour: Hogwash. New Line lined up another bad film to make money and one clever title later it had an internet cultural hit on its hands. This isn&#39;t a good movie and it isn&#39;t supposed to be. I will be laughing in 6 months or 3 years or whatever as other studios try to copy the cultural hook and will be befuddled that it doesn&#39;t work. HAHAHA! Stupid Hollywood. And Tbackers, please don&#39;t give New Line that much credit, they aren&#39;t that smart.

  • July 16, 2006, 7:32 a.m. CST

    "morons on the internet"

    by Screaming Brain

    they should make a movie.. about all these,mostly,smei-retarded/complete dumbfucks that get on this website,bitch and complain about movies and/or rumors from "insiders" and end up calling each other names until one finally gives up on the stupidity or arguing online... or untill the next "cool news" story is posted. The sequels could be endless!

  • July 16, 2006, 9:29 a.m. CST

    For Those Who Don&#39;t Know The Already Famous Line...

    by IAmMrMonkey

    Sam apparently says: "Let us be smart chaps and get these annoying little slithering creatures away from this commercial airliner." I&#39;m not so sure what&#39;s so funny about this though but well done to the director for listening to the online community and adding it.

  • July 16, 2006, 10:22 a.m. CST

    wouldn&#39;t this make a great inflight movie?

    by v1cious


  • July 16, 2006, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Enjoy the movie, suckers!

    by RetroActive

    This movie looks really stupid. You&#39;re going to have to do a lot better than this to wrestle $9.50 out of my wallet. And based on some of the "amazing online screenwriters", I am now convinced that this movie doesn&#39;t have any redeemable qualities at all. I&#39;m all for listening to the online community to see when disaster strikes, but apparently, if you give them the idea that they&#39;re involved in the process, they&#39;ll buy any crap you thrwo a them. This movie looks so dumb.

  • July 16, 2006, 12:22 p.m. CST

    Armadillos on a hovercraft!

    by Johnno

    I&#39;m so looking forward to this one!

  • July 16, 2006, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Ok everyone should seriously stop caring...

    by andrew coleman

    This movie cost a little over 30 million to make ummm it will make that money back. Then it will make ass loads on dvd by people who will make drinknig games out of it. This movie will be a success one way or another. Stop caring you&#39;ll only hurt yourself by actually caring about this movie. Go see the Descent or Clerks 2 or anything else just don&#39;t worry about this movie and everything will be fine.

  • July 16, 2006, 1:39 p.m. CST


    by tango fett

    I&#39;ll be there opening day.

  • July 16, 2006, 1:52 p.m. CST

    That should be: "Hovercraft Full Of Eels!"

    by ZeroCorpse

    Armadillos. Pfah.

  • July 16, 2006, 3:12 p.m. CST


    by beefywhore

    Did I just read a review that compared Snakes On A Plane to The Birds...? I can&#39;t wait to fuckin see this movie...

  • July 16, 2006, 5:46 p.m. CST


    by Darth Bauer

  • July 16, 2006, 5:47 p.m. CST

    HAHA Comparing it to THE BIRDS. Laughable.

    by Darth Bauer

  • July 16, 2006, 6:48 p.m. CST

    I love nature goes wild movies.

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Day of the Animals, Frogs, Piranha, you name it. Doesn&#39;t matter if it&#39;s many small ones or one or a few strangely large ones. So I was going to go see Snakes on a Plane whatever it&#39;s title ended up being, though I was a little concerned at what seemed like a caper heavy plot. Fer-De-Lance, anyone? Then suddenly it exploded all over the geek sites (no offense, as I get older I&#39;ve come to terms with my inner geek) and I got a bit puzzled. I mean back when Day of the Animals came out on the same day the original Star Wars did I was the only motherfucker in the motherfucking theater showing it. But fine. Now I read this whole backlash, which is just damned predictable, but what the hell did you think you were getting? Of course this movie isn&#39;t going to be The Birds. Or Jaws. But there was this movie named Claws that came out right after Jaws. They made it change its name to Grizzly. And if it&#39;s as good as that you got your money&#39;s worth. Hell, maybe it&#39;ll even be as good as Kingdom of the Spiders.

  • July 16, 2006, 6:56 p.m. CST

    Bitches on a Talkback

    by Jaka

    ...... lol!!!

  • July 16, 2006, 10:16 p.m. CST

    J. Margulies is in this?

    by 'Cholera's Ghost

    MotherFUCKer. This is one motherfucker who&#39;s goin&#39; to see Snakes on a Motherfuckin&#39; Plane. The episodes of Scrubs with her were great. Motherfuckin&#39; great.

  • July 17, 2006, 12:18 a.m. CST


    by Darth Evil Dead

    OMG..I my mom just watched this trailer and she just orgasimed all over the place. Its true. Test it out on your mom. She will orgasim too !!!

  • July 17, 2006, 3:51 a.m. CST

    Darth Evil Ddead

    by Lamerz

    Nice fucking speeling/English. Orgasimed? Fucing? I my mom?!?!? You lose at the Intarweb.

  • July 17, 2006, 12:54 p.m. CST

    I feel ashamed for wanting to see this.

    by lotharius3rd

  • July 17, 2006, 1:06 p.m. CST

    Actually, the CGI in the newest tv spots/trailers

    by Novaman5000

    Are not bad at all. I was surprised seeing as how original footage looked so terrible.

  • July 17, 2006, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Can&#39;t Mutha-F%$@#&#39;n Wait!

    by monorail77

    This film is gold. Has there ever been anything like it? Will there ever be again? Who cares. We don&#39;t have time for those kind of niceties right now because, as you know, there are mother-f$%#@&#39;n snales on the mutha-f%$#@&#39;n plane! And there ain&#39;t a God-damn thing we can do about it!

  • July 17, 2006, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Morons in a Cinema.....

    by fortheloveofgod

  • July 20, 2006, 1:04 p.m. CST


    by DirkD13"

    I stand corrected, good point well-made. Don&#39;t think much of Roger Avary&#39;s scripting abilities after Silent Hill. But you fine-writing, as fine as it was, was pretentious and a little too literate for the target audience of this flick.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:34 a.m. CST



    Hello Amerikan Pigdogs. I&#39;m baaaack. -- Moscow Classic.