Cool News
Capone downs a bottle a' (bootlegged) rum and yo-ho-hos to DEAD MAN'S CHEST!!!
Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago back with you today.
Normally, the idea of a sequel to a film no one on the planet expected to be both excellent and successful in the first place would be met with a great deal of skepticism. But a follow-up to the film that finally made Johnny Depp the mega-salaried movie star most people knew he should have been for years is much welcome in a summer that has yet to find a movie that everyone seems to agree kicks ass
Dead Man’s Chest is the kick-ass, balls-out actioner we have all been crying for. Bigger is better, and this film has more spectacular stunts, some of the most incredible CGI effects ever created, and an actual complex, multi-storied plot that picks up right where we left off with the last film three years ago.
Several months after Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) set the pirate Jack Sparrow (Depp) free from his captors/executioners at the end of the Curse of the Black Pearl, the pair are arrested and imprisoned for their misdeeds. But holding them turns out to be a means for Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) to blackmail Will into tracking down the long-departed Capt. Sparrow and acquiring his magic compass.
If Will refuses, he is told by Beckett, he and Elizabeth will be executed above the protests of Lizzie’s father, Gov. Swann (Jonathan Pryce, who sadly is given very little to do in this film but fret). The first of much good news about Dead Man’s Chest is that Will and Elizabeth are actually given interesting storylines this time around and are not simply used as props to act around and react to Depp’s wildly loopy Sparrow. In fact, the three main characters each get their own storyline to commandeer, but ultimately each is after the same thing.
Sparrow discovers (or more to the point, he remembers) that he owes a blood debt to the seemingly immortal Davey Jones (the unrecognizable Bill Nighy), who captains the often-submerged but still very dangerous ship, The Flying Dutchman. Jack has no desire to spend the rest of his life and the afterlife in the service of Jones and his crew, so he barters a deal with Jones to trade 100 souls for his own. Among Jones’ crew is Will’s father Bootstrap Bill (Stellan Skarsgard), who was only mentioned in the first film. Elizabeth manages to escape her captors, pose as a man, and get aboard a ship run by the East India Trading Company (history buffs take note). Although they may not always know it, all three main characters as well as Lord Beckett are after a key in Jones’ possession which opens his locker (aka Dave Jones’ Locker) containing his still-beating heart. Whomever controls the heart, controls Jones and his formidable crew.
And let’s talk about the amazing special effects extravaganza that is Jones’ crew. Apparently not able to die and because they spend so much of their time under the water, ready to pop out and plunder ships on the surface, each member of the Dutchman’s crew has taken on characteristics of different sea creatures. The head of Jones himself is almost entirely squid with moving and fully functional tentacles. Bootstrap Bill has a starfish covering one side of his face. Others have pieces of the ship embedded in their bodies. I could watch this entire film again just to stare at the craftsmanship and detail given to the look of these characters. Most times you can’t tell where the makeup ends and where the CGI begins; that’s assuming there is an makeup. It’s that good. It’s also really gross. Hee hee.
Another addition to the proceedings that I really dug was Naomie Harris (28 Days Later and the upcoming Miami Vice) as the voodoo priestess Tia Dalma, who advises the good guys on various aspects of their quest for Jones’ locker. I suspect her role will be enhanced in next year’s Pirates sequel World’s End (they shot 2 and 3 back to back). One of the better returning characters is Elizabeth’s ex-fiancée James Norrington (Jack Davenport), who has fallen on hard times since he allowed Sparrow to escape in the last film. He proves to be far more effective and devious as an unemployed former commodore than he did with the title.
As with Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Man’s Chest lets the action do most of its talking. There are some unbelievably elaborate stunt events here that defy description or logic. The sequence involving some of the characters fighting in a water wheel rolling through the jungle is particularly spectacular and damn hilarious.
But it remains Johnny Depp who acts as our focal point as always. When he is on screen, the film is as good as it gets. What I liked about his portrayal this go-round is that he hasn’t softened; if anything, he’s gotten more ruthless. At one point, he willingly plots the death of Will Turner because it keeps him out of trouble. He lies without regard for consequence and, when he’s caught in a lie, he doesn’t even bother to lie about why he lied in the first place. Returning director Gore Verbinski refuses to let this series get stale and goes out of his way at times to keep things moving and kinetic, despite the film’s two-and-a-half-hour running time.
Dead Man’s Chest is not only better than the first film, it’s better than any action film I’ve seen this season or this year. Character development isn’t at the center of this endeavor (as it is in, say, Superman Returns), but it’s not entirely disregarded either. Let’s face it folks: this is one you’ve been crying for this summer. And for once, we get a sequel worthy of the original and another to get excited about. By the way, Dead Man’s Chest has one of the great cliffhanger endings of all times, and make sure to stay through the end credits for a little surprise. Gentlemen, your women will be unable to resist both Depp and Bloom in one movie, so you might as well go with it.
Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com
Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus-
+ Expand All
-
Ha Bite on that!
-
...So my hopes are high for this flick...
-
Harry, Capone et al. I know that ad revenue makes the world go round, but did you need to accept advertising from the fraudulent "you win a free..." people that plague the internet? Whats next - classmates.com? Jeezus.
-
Did anyone see Keira Knightley on the red carpet for the premiere? Skeletal hardly describes the poor thing. Talk about a dead man's chest! She and Kate Bosworth need to team up and finish half a sandwich sometime.
-
Face it: Someone HAD to say it ^^
-
I thought Orlando Bloom was great in Lord of the Rings, and I think Keira Knightly is insanely beautiful, but I must admit....both of those actors are just plain Vanilla. Vanilla, as in bland, plain, with no excitement and very little flavor. Thank God for Johnny Depp making the movie his. Without Depp "Pirates" would be a debacle. Now if you put Natalie Portman in the movie...then you would have the most Vanilla cast in history. The only non-vanilla part of Keira is her willingness to get naked on screen. Natalie doesn't even have THAT going for her.
-
www.aintitcrapnews.tk Have ye guys seen this site? Funny stuff.
-
. . . & even better doused & dripping w/ Heshey's syrup & some Ready Whip . Oh, wait, he called Orlando vanilla too . . .
-
And she did, but then the douchebag director cut all of it out and decided he loved her innocence too much to ever let anyone see the footage.
-
I checked the site aintitcrap site out expecting some fun parody. but its just a really crap blog.
-
I saw it last night...and despite a few dead spots (no pun intended) I think it's a pretty good movie. Johnny Depp is amazing once again and there are plenty of little touches referencing the Disney ride that I enjoyed. I haven't decided yet if I liked it more than "Superman Returns," but i did have a good time.
-
I'll wait for DVD/download for this one.
-
are almost all shockingly asshole-ish.
-
Yeah, I concur with Cory849. It really is crap. I'm guessing it's your site. if so, you got a lot of work to do. A little creavtivity and a total reworking wouldn't hurt.
-
Who do you trust more, some jaded critics who have been doing this for 30 years, applying all their film school classes to their reviews or regular film geeks like us? Fuck the professional critics. Especially Ebert. He's gone batshit crazy lately.
-
I saw the 'moonlight' pix of her and she is quite clearly a zombie/skeleton. Check it out for yourself. http://tinyurl.com/zgk9a
-
The man is currently in serious condition in the hospital. ***** Good review Capone, can't wait to see Keira in drag...this movie is going to rule!
-
I'm just talking about his recovers. I was just talking about his reviews. But Ebert wasn't the point. It's everyone always spouting off RT's percentage like it should mean something.
-
At least it's a concensus rather than a couple of geeks who's impartiality is not above reproach. But that isn't the point. The point is the Keira skeleton! http://tinyurl.com/zgk9a
-
Fair enough to the guys that didn't like the www.aintitcrapnews.tk site. It's not mine, I just thought the actual text was very funny. It does look like crap but its obviously a googlepages site so I don't think that's the point of it. Maybe it's just more of a european sense of humour.
-
I hope the AICN geeks are right on this one but the vast majority of reviews have been overwhelmingly bad with a 49 at metacritic. That quote from that EW review is funny though.
-
was great fun. Thats the word people FUN. You go watch it and have a good time. Something that the Stawars prequels forgot. Depp as ususal was brilliant and kudos to Jack Davenport as druken Norrington who is really under appreciated. Knightley has way more chemistry with Depp than Bloom and are more interesting on screen together.All in that and a great cliffhanger ending. though I wished now I had sat through the credits! What does happen!!!
-
Did you go see this movie??? THIS IS HOW TO MAKE A TRILOGY, Mr. Wookie breath !!! Kicks ass on Star Wars.
-
pirates is hurely anticipated.
-
Actually, the only person who didn't seem to like it was that chick, right? Who cares. I'm so psyched that this is good, woo-hoo!
-
and it is one fun movie...the whole time you were smiling, laughing, or wowed by the action scenes...alot of people will love this film bye bye superman
-
that on Monday, BO reports will have something like "#1 'Pirates' is Kryptonite to 'Superman'"?
-
And are posting as talkbackers? Or just dorks who wish they'd seen it. GOTCHA! Judging by all the emphasis on "FUN" (yay!!!!), I'm guessing this is one where I unplug my brain stem before I walk in the theatre. Yippee - a Pirate's life for me!!!
-
July 6, 2006, 12:29 p.m. CST
Too bad this review doesn't have a non-spoiler section.
by minderbinder
I guess I'll find out in a couple days after I see it. Back down to 60% on RT again, still at 40% on cotc. I hope the reviewers are just on crack this time around.
-
...was HORRIBLY overrated and is not planning to see this sequel??
-
is saying that POTC2 will be absolutely HUGE. Well, that's what the conventional wisdom was for SUPERMAN RETURNS and look how that's turning out. I wouldn't be surprised if PIRATES opens huge then steeply drops. I think it's just that kind of a Summer where the audience isn't really impressed by anything--and I kind of don't blame them. And as far as this franchise? The first POTC had a fairly pedestrian swasbuckler plot, no better than the recent Zorro movies. What it did also have though, was Depp's out of left field take on an action hero, playing him as a constantly innebriated, effinette clown. It took everyone by surprise, including me. I think that's what audiences ultimately want, to be pleasantly surprised; by anything: a good performance, a great story, etc. Most movies just tend to be by the numbers affairs.
-
Next thing you will tell us is, that you trust the ratings on imdb!
-
these are CRITICS, people-I don't even know if they're movie fans or just paid minions who think they know what art is. To them, some dude that films (in black & white, of course) an ice cube melting, with some weird sitar music in the background is a great artist and genius. I'm not hoping for Schindler's fucking List here-although that also is one of my favorite movies-I'm looking for great special FX, some fun, and some laughs. Besides, see a bargain show, it's like $4.50, you can barely eat at a fucking McDonalds for that. What's the risk? Just make sure that you burn a fattie before you go in, and you'll certainly be entertained-no matter what they say about the rest of the movie, everybody is giving glowing reviews to the CGI and other FX in this flick.
-
I couldn't resist.
-
I wonder if you can resist drinking KoolAid or smoking a fat cock, either. Actually, I'm a college grad with a (certified) 143 IQ. Is that meant to be a boast? No. All it means is, don't patronize me, motherfucker. If I want some piece of shit film that the critics can't resist stroking off to, I can go see Al Gore's fucking snoozefest- If I feel like having a bit of fun and enjoying some special FX, I go see POTC. Simple enough? I hope so, because I don't do baby talk. If you were just making a good-natured jibe, however, then my apologies, and ignore the rest of this message.
-
It was the McD's and fat joint references that gave your identity away. And don't you mean "ignore the beginning" of the message? Wow for a 143 IQ! Now go make an ass-rape comment or something mature like that.
-
... like Bruckheimer'd be bitchin' about dropping $4.50 on a matinee show!... Or posting on this site!
-
Where do you live that $4.50 is the matinee price??? 1985???
-
I would try using something a little more complicated-say, five letter words instead of four letter ones-but the thought of you having to pull out a dictionary every ten seconds breaks my heart. Now hurry back to Nickolodeon, son, I'm sure there's a Scooby-Doo rerun on somewhere. As for IQ's, no shit, asshole- 143, and try not to let your jealousy ruin your life, if it hasn't already. Study hard, and someday maybe you can ascend from the rank of cockroach- or are double entendres too much for you? Oops, sorry, sent you back to the dictionary again.
-
Provided they haven't gone up since I saw X-3 (Singer should have stayed on and directed, it was a pretty half-assed flick). The weather sucks, and there are too many assholes around here-in fact, I think I'm currently answering some of them- but you can see a flick for $4.50.
-
I would need a Chipmunks CD and a hand puppet. Sophomoric comments? Yours haven't hit the level of kindergarten comments yet. And I acquired the nickname Stonehenge for 2 reasons; my fondness for the green bud and my straight A's in my college history courses. Now hurry back to your KoolAid, boy.
-
I don't get it. It was a mediocre adventure flick with a convoluted plot, boring leads (save Johnny), a bombastic score and inconsistent story logic. It was passable entertainment at best, and now, every reviewer talks about it like it was some masterpiece.
-
She's the one with the dead man's chest.
-
If Lisa Schwarzbaum actually liked the first film, and if she actually reviewed the film in EW instead of taking potshots at it and making extended jokes (which were admittedly funny) I might be concerned. Might be. Reading her review I was reminded why I cancelled my subscription to EW. Anyway, critics hated Empire too, and since this is supposed to be "the Empire" of this series according to at least two reviewers at this site let's just wait and see.
-
Who cares about BO! Will the POTC2 TB be longer than SUPERMAN RETURNS? Lets take this fight to new territory fellas. I smell a long weekend with lots of innovative AND original THC references from stonehenge. Anyone else ready?
-
Watched it today, seems like your classic Hollywood sequel: tonnes more money thrown at it, but a paper thin story and a weak script with no great lines. It has a handful of good moments, and amazing special effects, and its totally hollow. Wheres the magic?
-
...but for the life of me, I can't find an actual "double entendre" in Stonehenge's post. Either that, or he was just suggesting that Franco wouldn't be able to grasp the concept of double entendres whilst trying to study. Or, perhaps he was just throwing out fancy phrases to make himself look smarter. Fellas? Please, enlighten this poor, brainless fool.
-
why is the first one regarded as a classic? And its the same with this one... is this the hype machine in effect? I feel like I'm being conned.
-
That's 30 negative reviews to 34 positive. What the hell is going on?
-
Fred Durst?
-
"Study hard, and someday maybe you can ascend from the rank of cockroach..." perhaps this was his "double entendre." Frankly, that all sounds kinda kinky.
-
its alright, its not awful... its just not very good. Adjust your expectations people. Although if all you want is special effects, you'll be happy.
-
Batman Begins, Master and Commander... er... I was surprised how much I enjoyed I Robot lol.
-
Master and Commander and his ship vs. Captain Jack Sparrow and the black pearl
-
The human brain does, after all, need some sustenance to function properly- but then, how would a single fucking one of you know that? As for the anonymity of the internet being a great place to boast of one's achievements, I don't "boast" of them anywhere; I don't have to. I just let facts be known. Do you know what "facts" are, because I'm guessing not. If I wanted to cure AIDS or some shit, it really ain't my problem, or of anybody else that I know. Why isn't that chick with the 200-some IQ that in the Guinness Book Of Records trying to solve it? Or YOU, either, for that matter? I do what I love, which is annoy loser little thumbsucking twats like yourselves.As for language, like Mark Twain said, "Given the right circumstances, profanity can provide a relief denied even to prayer". And trying to get a collection of losers to face up to a little dose of reality is certainly the right circumstances. Or is Dr. Seuss more your speed, losers? And if I'm "Cupcake", you certainly must be "Twinkletoes", hosebag.
-
This film looks great.
-
I certainly don't need weed for hot women; I have other talents for that. I suppose if I had a little meth (or a couple of Milk Bones), however, I could certainly get your rancid ass to go down on me. Shit, what a nightmare!
-
July 6, 2006, 4:17 p.m. CST
How would we know we have to eat for our brain to work?
by Engineer_at_peac
Are you fucking retarded, stonehenge? Give us more bits of trivia we never would have thought of. Would I be incorrect to postulate that oxygen plays a vital role in the function of the human lung?
-
When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles, they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle. Seuss is a damn visionary.
-
I could have put some quotes around the COCK in cockroach; I actually considered it, given the depth of comprehension displayed so far, but it just seemed too easy. My apologies; in the future I shall try to be much more elementary.
-
You aren't clever in the least. Your half assed attempts at appearing intellectual are laughable. You seem to have absolutely nothing of value to contribute to conversation. If your I.Q was once 143, probably from a test you took in primary school to get into the gifted program, it has sense dropped steadily from abuse of alcohol, marijuana, and I'm guessing some barbituates, added with what I'm supposing is a lack of ever actually using your brain for important tasks. Talking about how much shit you smoke is about as impressive as bragging about how many beers you drank at that party last night: it isn't. You're a big boy now. You can do whatever you want and mommy can't stop you. We get it. We stopped being amazed by that shit years ago. Go lurk somewhere where the trolls are actually effective and have some real wit and intelligence behind them, then come back and try again. Maybe you'll learn something, if your short term memory will hold out.
-
POTC2 dipping below 50% on RT or Stonehenge flaming and ejecting out? I smell DocPazuzu coming for the kill!
-
is 144 by the way...it's true cause I say it is
-
Yeah, thanks. All I needed to know. When even Mori jizzes all over a movie, it's gotta have something pretty special.
-
You fucking mongoloids.
-
It's really really good. Much funnier than I thought it would be. Best thing I've seen this summer.
-
What would the point of that be? You should have never started. After all, you were just another drooling mongoloid when we started, and now you've been reduced to some little speck of flea shit. And if you think that YOU'RE enjoying yourself, yackbacker, you should hear the laughter coming from me about now; I could find a smarter bunch of people at a WWF event. And it really doesn't matter one iota to me if you want to lay all the worlds problems at my feet. What have you done to solve them lately, besides maybe sacrifice a lamb to Beelzebub? Don't piss him off, now; he might make the ground shake if you don't sacrifice a couple more, quick. And I can't recall any terrorist threatening to blow us all up because we haven't cured AIDS yet; they kill us because, like yourself, they're a bunch of medieval-minded morons who think they'll win favor by killing everybody who doesn't worship the same God as they do. Save yourself, yackbacker- go ahead and sacrifice your family, too. Maybe then he'll love you, too.
-
***DO NOT DEBATE ME ON THIS!!!***
-
July 6, 2006, 4:49 p.m. CST
Here's what I DIDN'T see last night, by the way
by Engineer_at_peac
Pirates of the Carribbean 2: Curse of the Incompetent Corporate Office of Rave Motion Pictures Well, I went to see the midnight showing of Pirates of the Carribbean 2 last night, only to learn a few new things about telling time. For instance, did you know that 12:01 AM Thursday is NOT, in fact two minutes after 11:59 PM Wednesday? I was quite shocked to discover this. Apparently 12:01 AM Thursday actually takes place on what you or I or any rational human knows as 12:01 AM Friday, because we live in freakin topsy turvy town. As we all know now, there are 26 hours in a day. So you see, up to 2:00 AM and it's still actually the day you are on apparently. I've tried alerting the military to these new rules of time but they wouldn't let me on the base because of how early in the morning it was. "NO!" I shouted. "That's what I'm trying to tell you! It's not early! It's late! My GOD, it's late!"
-
It's 150 now...143 is not cutting the mustard..see above post
-
you see, you admit you LIED. I, however, did not. And why, for that matter, would I have said 143? There was a lady in my Excel class who had a 157; if I was lying, shouldn't I have just gone ahead and said, maybe, 160? Drool in envy, children, for the truth may hurt, but so does getting a huge slab of meat up your ass, so I've read, and I'm sure you all know that sensation quite well.
-
Yes Yakbacker, but Captain Jack Sparrow reminds me of a certain Correlian Captain from another galaxy - and we all know Han Solo could kick Captain Kirk's ass. ;-) My vote is with Jack. Kirk beat Kahn because Kahn was thinking in only 2 dimensions. Sparrow must be thinking in at least 8.
-
was the Excel class a requirment for Louisville Community College? Please do tell? and use more naughty language!
-
Who wins fistfight, drinking competition and then gets the girl?
-
I refuse to be the least clevererest monkey on this site. I'm uping my IQ to 151! That's right, I went there! Don't feel so smarts now do you Stonehenge boy...
-
Fist fight would be a tie between Aubrey and Kirk. Drinking would be Jack Sparrow. And Kirk would get the Girl. Therefore I have scientificaly proved Kirk to be the best Captian ever, and Solo is shut-out on zero points biatch!
-
I think Luke cancels Spock out, whiny as he is. I'll give you Scotty over Chewie though. The ships - I don't know. It always bothered me how the Falcon could move so swiftly through an asteroid belt or a Death Star pipe, but the Enterprise always looked like it was being driven by my grandmother (God bless her soul), warp speed and time-traveling in 4 non-withstanding. I'm eager to see the Black Pearl vs. the Flying Dutchman.
-
at the UC I went to. See, some of us CHOOSE to go to school after our preschool days are over-pity you didn't give it at least a little consideration, you wouldn't be stuck mopping up the jack off booths in the gay porn shop for minimum wage.
-
Aubrey could win any fight with his patented telephone to the head move ;-)
-
Everyone here hates you. No really. Everyone. No one cares how clever you are or how great a job you have or how many models you fuck or what sports car you drive.
-
surely you mean "peddled your fucking tricycle home as fast as you could". Did you stop to play in the sprinklers, or maybe to buy a new coloring book? Mommy might actually have some cookies and a fresh diaper waiting for you.
-
Han got together with Leia, who's mom is Padme, who resembles her double Corde, who also happens to be Elizabeth Swann in another universe. Elizabethan Swann is the most desirable woman of any in the series, so if Han Solo's previous success means anything... As for punching...Solo landed a pretty good sucker punch on Lando. But maybe that should count against him. Then again he beat Boba Fett half-blind, which is more impressive to me than if he had been drunk at the time.
-
you shouldn't telegraph your desires so clearly. No matter how badly you wish to blow me, it will never happen, so just pick yourself up, and go on with your life. It's not worth killing yourself over; surely there's another troglodyte out there for you somewhere. Besides, I said earlier, I'm enjoying myself. I only have a couple of days more vacation, and since I spent all I can afford at the beach already fishing, getting laid, and burning some mean shit, I figured I could just piss off the lesser half of the world's population for a while, so get used to it, asshole.
-
have you no sense of humor (what am I saying, of course you don't). There is also home schooling, you obtuse twat, which often isn't schooling at all, judging by the dumb fucks who have done it-like you, apparently. And working in graphic design, and getting dumb people to buy shit that they don't really need-people much like you, my dense little bitch- is at least as much in the "real world" as collecting cans for a living, as you do. Oh, wait, let me guess, you're actually a brain surgeon, right?
-
I have said nothing against any race, and I'm arguing with a guy calling himself "Julio Franco"? Seems like a prime opportunity to call a guy a fucking wetback, doesn't it? And yet, I have done nothing of the kind. I worked in a packinghouse before college, often putting in 60+ hour weeks, and would drink a few after work with the guys quite often, who, if it still hasn't sunk in to your atom-sized brain, were primarily Latino. I still see a couple of them, actually, and try to get up to the coast to fish with them. And my best friend of 30+ years is a Jew, who I love like a brother. What else you got, loser? Oh, yes, "fear the Somali Islamics". That may be true, but as long as they go on making enemies of everyone else in earth, from atheists to Catholics to Wiccans, they will be outnumbered, and there is a difference between Islam and MILITANT Islam- even Zawahiri himself told al-Zarquawi not to kill so many civilians, both Islamic and otherwise, so as not to turn other Islamic people against them as he did when he committed the bombing in Jordan. I really don't think Judgment Day will come from a bunch of Somali Islamics.
-
I'm trying to turn your words against you? Done every day in courts of law the world over, my loser little twinkletoes. And cupcake is so great, heh, yackbacker? Think I saw that one in a Jimmy Cagney gangster flick 50 fucking years ago. Neither brains nor originality are your strong points, my feeble little loser friend. Try maybe "jerk" next-ooohhh, I'm rolling on the floor in agony now!
-
Sorry for the short absence, dudes, but the girlfriend called (not that you would understand that) and she's much more important than a pair of jealous losers. Gee, if IQ test are so unreliable, I guess you'll feel much better about that 36 you scored, heh? And why are they still in use today? After all, I didn't run out and take it for fun. It was given to me at school, about 2 years ago. And come now, a drug addict? For POT? NOW who's showing their age? What are you, one of those dudes that sat on the House Un-American Activities Committee in the '50s? I don't smoke tobacco, drink alcohol, caffeine, or any other substance. And anyone with even a flicker of intelligence knows that pot is non-addictive, and as a study released just days ago prove, doesn't even cause cancer like cigarettes do. And al Qaeda has been present in Africa for so long because, even when they were fighting the Soviets, which was the reason it was formed, not one civilized nation on earth would allow them in. And as I also explained, this is the last few days of my vacation, before going back to work, it's 100+ outside, and attempting to explain to losers like yourself that there might be hope for you if you extracted your heads from your asses is rather entertaining. And the "twinkletoes" comment was more of an attempt to point out the utter absurdity, not to mention lack of originality, displayed by whichever one of you stool samples find it clever to call me cupcake. Of course, even that makes the Bruckheimer thing look retarded, but then, you ARE retarded, so no surprise there.
-
about Muslims, as I also said earlier (boy, nothing ever sinks in the first, or second, or third time with you, does it?) there is a difference between MILITANT Islam and everyday Islam, and it was the MILITANTS I was referring to. The doctor that my family has been going to for years is Islamic, and one hell of a nice guy. Sinking in yet, loser? Everybody is an individual, except for automatons like you and MILITANT Islamics. I keep using all caps, hoping it will sink in, but who am I kidding? I wonder if anything has ever sunk in with you, aside from the dildo you cram up your ass at night.
-
"the IQ tests used AT THE TIME..." Oh, wait, you're the House Un-American dude, that's right. The ones today have some revisions, though are basically much the same. In the end, basically, a person that scores well on it is still well above someone who doesn't. All it means really is that in many instances, nobody is a total idiot unless THEY CHOOSE TO BE...much like the pair of losers I'm currently corresponding with.
-
Don't discount fat jokes or momma jokes. "Yo momma's so fat, she fell over and broke her leg and gravy poured out" .... "yo momma's so fat her ass has it's own zip code" ... "yo momma's so old she used to ride chariots to high school" ... "yo momma's so fat she has to butter up her hips to get thru the door" ... "yo momma's so fat when she drives on the freeway she has to carry a sign saying WIDE LOAD"
-
I must try and come up with something as cool, original, and squeaky clean as "cupcake" if the dildo in the ass thing hurt your extremely fragile feelings...And I thought that 'fundamentalist' to you probably meant a guy who likes to have fun. If you don't think that MILITANT Islam (sinking in yet) is an appropriate term, check any of the Web sites that you are currently madly racing thru, in an attempt to stump me or gain a little knowledge (key word: LITTLE), it's quite the accepted term itself. And the Palestinian state being the cause of al Qaeda's rise? It was certainly the main cause of the hijacking of Islam by these assholes (boy, you must have read the paper today, it's only been in there every fucking day since I was born, which, coincidentally, was in the late '60s, it was still the desire to kick the Soviets out of Afghanistan, and later us out of Saudi Arabia, the 'Holy Land", that gave rise to al Qaeda itself. Like that really justifies killing thousands of innocents. What are you going to do now, justify Kim Jong Il's starving millions of people so he can stay in power and acquire nukes?
-
"Can't we all just get along?"
-
Like where in HELL is the announcement of a Thundercats movie?!?! Thundercats, HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
-
demanding that the studios do $100+ million epics for Thundercats, Voltron and GI Joe? Just give me a link and I'm signing it immediately.
-
quite prominently in YOUR responses, is due to the fact that I have other things going on, as in incoming phone calls, and the length of responses. I apologize, I shall try to stick to shorter, more elementary responses, such as your current favorite, YOWZAH! Boy am I bowled over by that witty one. First you and the other loser use 50 year old Jimmy Cagney insults, and now you're going to rip off Capt. Kangaroo. Oh, wait, you're watching him right now, aren't you? That does explain so much...
-
Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass she has to make two trips ..... Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders "Thank You, Come Again." ..... Yo momma's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side ..... Yo momma's so fat, when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen
-
and other movies, I must apologize, for I doubt the other asshole participating in this little discussion would ever be man enough or gracious enough to do so. If one wishes to check the beginning of this little talk, they would discover that it began with me being insulted by some asshole for no reason. When I offered up a flag of truce in my response, a few pimply-faced losers whose girlfriends are probably blow-up dolls decided to carry on with it, even though the original loser dropped out long ago. Continue with your discussions, and ignore myself and this other dick. Sorry for the trouble. Now, yackhack, or whatever the fuck you call yourself, what's your next non-point?
-
Let's all just give a big hearty FUCK YOU to each other, and move on.
-
She so skinny she could hide behind a light pole..She's so skinny she falls through sidewalk grates....She's so skinny King Kong picked his teeth with her...She's so skinny that concentration camp survivors say "Shit girl, eat something!"...She's so skinny when she stand sideways you can't see her...
-
anyway you want, dickhead, we both know what you meant. And just what makes you think you're an expert on this, aside from all the Googling you're currently doing? You're not building a nitrogen truck bomb and planning to take out the Pentagon as we speak, are you? I would hardly be surprised at this point.
-
Kiefer Sutherland would be perfect as Duke. SCARLETT (into cell phone): Duke, Cobra Commander is getting away! ... DUKE (looking perturbed and yelling into phone): Dammit! ........... Seriously though, that looks like a good cast. Oh, and GI Joe is a Michael Bay film if there ever was one.
-
but exactly who did I insult with that comment? All I did was point out to people that the earth does not stop spinning when some bunch of critics at rottentomatoes decide they don't like a movie. And please, by all means, continue to call me professor; after all, it takes people like me to educate closeted, envious, loser individuals like yourself. I shall continue to attempt to enlighten you, choad-boy.
-
If Cameron can do MAN-CATS, why can't we get a Thundercats movie? I'm sorry, MAN-CATS are just not going to fly without the Eye of Thundera! This is an injustice!
-
you have finally returned from your long jackoff session, heh? Did you ruin that picture of George Clooney, or did you at least wipe it off when you were finished? Yackfucker may wish to borrow it sometime...
-
You most certainly SHOULD be humble, my lop brained friend, but you have certainly not displayed any humility, nor has yackfucker, who most certainly should, with his childlike mind and even less developed dick. But, hey, jealousy can be an ugly thing...
-
Kate Beckinsale as the Baroness. Perfection. And Andre Braugher as Destro is a stroke of genius.
-
Haven't seen the 5th season yet, have to wait for the DVD because I missed the first few episodes. But I love the first four, and those I've talked to have said this season is at least as good. Re: Flint, in his younger days Harrison Ford might have played a good Flint. Hmmmmmm....
-
but they totally blew it when they ignored 'Rome', which was about the best thing on, and 'The Shield'. But then, what can you expect? 9 out of 10 times they blow it, so we were lucky just to get '24'.
-
first it was the IQ of 143...then the "girlfriend"....waiting on the model of the imaginary mode of transportation at any moment with baited breath....
-
Alas, my car is worthy of discussion, just like your entire existence. Why must the truth be so painful to losers like yourself? Everything else I've said is true, but take heart, even Forrest Gump got a girl and got rich, so maybe there's hope for you...Oh, wait, that was a movie...Sorry, dude, maybe you SHOULD be depressed. Guess there's always welfare and porn...
-
Let me guess, it's out of a comic book, right? Or is it MAD magazine? Well, it IS almost as cool as yackswallower.
-
I assume as least one of you guys HAS read an actual book at some point in your lives, correct? Not just comic books?
-
And I thought you had such high artistic standards with your obvious hatred of Bruckheimer.
-
Someone with a 143 IQ had difficulty grasping the advanced concepts of "Excel"? Someone below the age of 30 needed to take a course to understand the finer points of working a damn spreadsheet? Jesus Christ.
-
...........this was a talk back about POTC2. My mistake.
-
i'm sure stonehenge already feels defeated, and i think it's about time we let him get some slack cut for him. just let him quietly leave because seeing someone in his inherently incompetent position makes me feel really forgiving to him for some reason. please stonehenge, leave for the time being so that your negative stigma doesn't permeate this place anymore. :-(. you can just forget about this ever occuring and maybe try to conjure a more agreeable online persona later. seriously, not trying to sound condescending here. anyways, why the hell is there no general consensus concerning this movie? anyone else seen it that can maybe help to counter balance the uncertainty?
-
Harry had it right-- This truly is the "Empire Strikes Back" of Pirates of the Caribbean movies. This beat the holy hell out of Superman Returns! You don't want to miss this one.
-
Throw your doubts aside Men!!! This beat Supe hands down for me. I can confidently say that non of u will hate this film! Oh and i didn't get to see the after credit scene so if anyone have the Youtube link or something...
-
Heck yes I loved DEAD MAN'S CHEST. Loved every bleeding second of the thing.
-
well, did a little bit of research, and to our comfort, it seems as though the critics who supported the first one give this one a crutch as well, and the critics who gave the first one a bit of hate are the ones who didn't like this one either. so basically, seems as though your appreciation for this new one all depends on whose allegiance you held for the first one concerning how well you liked that one.
-
DONT READ SPOILER TERRITORY!___*** The prison key dog now has a bone in his mouth, and a throne under his haunches. If you saw the movie, you know why he'd be treated like a god. Just hope he doesn't become a real hot-dog!***___*** Now, my speculation here: If DMC is the ESB of the POTC, then does that make the cannibal natives the POTC variation of Ewoks? Does that mean that we'll see the East India Trading Company (and their "dark Lord") defeated by our heroes and a band of natives armed with rocks, spears, and coconuts? Egads! If you think about it, there are a lot of direct similarities between DMC and ESB.
-
The voodoo lady is Yoda. My friends just call her Yoda. Her home is obviously Dagobah. Norrington is Lando. East India guy is Palpatine, I'd say Davy Jones is a fairly good marker for Vader. Sparrow is obviously Solo. I hope I don't have to spell the rest of the triangle out. Bootstrap Bill is I believe Obi-Wan Kenobi. Oh. And the Kraken is the Sarlacc monster.
-
Saw it yesterday and it's great. Will return for at least one repeat viewing on the big screen. The Telegraph critic said he didn't understand the plot and it was too complicated for him, which is just fucking hilarious.
-
I'm not sure you've noticed this, but most people don't care one iota about your IQ score(s); they mean nothing! Coincidentally, I have been tested as having a score of 144 when I was 19 (my how the years fly by)and am still smart enough to realize that that score means less than the paper it was printed on. I already knew I was smarter than average and yet not a genious. Furthermore, I also knew that the test only measures your aptitude for learning, not what you've learned, how you'll develop, maturity, or your emotional structure and stability, which are all key factors in determining your mentality, and thusly, your growth as a human being. Leaving all that textbook observation stuff aside, lets use *gasp* real world experience! I've known fully grown, intelligent, in the often elitist, bookish sense who were incapable of leadership, decision-making, and adaptability to real-world concepts. Conversely, I've seen men that many elitists would sneeringly call "knuckle-draggers" that were more capable, more cunning, and more wise than most would believe. I guess the point that I'm trying to make in as long-winded a fashion as possible, Cupcake, is that there is a big difference between knowledge and wisdome, intelligence and experience, being clever and being learned.
-
Lisa from EW gave it away in her review, and I thought it was probably a similar case with a lot of the other reviewers. If you didn't *get* the first one, you probably didn't care about the characters all that much, which means you'll probably care even less about them in the sequel. Another tipoff for me was when the critics here talked about how emotional certain scenes were (especially the ending) and the critics who disliked the film either didn't address the issue or found no emotion. Well, emotional investments differ when coming to a film. Anyway, I loved the characters, so I'm holding out hope that I'm not going to be dissapointed. Nice pointing out all the parallels, but if Sparrow is Solo does that mean that Turner is Elizabeth's long lost twin brother? Rather than Vader, I kind of see Davy Jones as a Jabba the Hutt character too.
-
I saw the movie last night. Oh man, the reviews here(with the exception of the esteemed Ms. Dupont) have been spot on. High fantasy on the high seas delivers an extremely entertaining movie with plenty of character development, action, adventure, humor, and tense moments. I loved it.
-
With all these parallels, who would Barbosa be? Tarkin? The guy with the wooden eye and his sidekick, definitely C-3P0 and R2-D2. Mr. Gibbs would be Chewbacca, I think. The Governor would be Admiral Ackbar. Any more?
-
I don't know if he even had a name in this movie, but you know who I'm talking about.
-
Ask and you shall receive apparently. :-P And I think the parrallels are just begging to be made. I'm hoping Lucas turns green with envy and Irvin Kirshner has flashbacks.
-
Barbossa is a mix of Ric Olie and Boba Fett with a twist of Nute Gunray. LOL
-
Did anyone else think the first pirates was only ordinary. Will probably be shot down for saying this but I thought it was half an hour too long and riddled with plot holes. Could you imagine what the film would've been without Depp.
-
I would think that someone with an IQ such as your's wouldn't have much time to waste. Curing cancer? Practicing your Excel skill? With an IQ of 144 I would expect you to be doing something other than insulting random people on a message board. Also, how can you provide any kind of facts when you have no proof other than your word. Darwin rolls over in his grave.
-
How the fuck do you spell that?
-
Ha... I thought I was the only one to spot all the SW:ESB parallels. I mean it's nearly the same basic plot: the "scoundrel" leading man has a debt to pay and is hunted by the debtee, looking to take his life and his ship. The "serious" leading man discovers that his father is still alive and working for the bad guys, so he makes it his mission to convert him. Before "dying", the scoundrel wins the heart of the leading lady away from the other leading male. Pirates 3: you'll learn that Elizabeth was actually adopted and is William's twin sister. lol *** The movie starts kinda slowly and runs a bit long, but overall I thought it was GREAT. I may even go so far as to say better than the original. *** "YOU must learn the ways of piracy, if you're to come with me to Tortuga." lol
Top Talkbacks
- Harry dives into STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS' spoilers to reveal the truth behind the blockbuster we're seeing! -- 432 total posts 307 posts
- Nordling Reviews STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS! Spoilers Abound! You Are Warned! -- 1039 total posts 114 posts
-
HERCULES ON THE RADIO!!
Learn What Ain’t It Cool’s TV Critic Thinks About STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS, Next Week’s HANNIBAL, MAD MEN, GAME OF THRONES, The New Fall Shows And More!! Listen And Call In LIVE Saturday 8pm PT/11pm ET!! -- 225 total posts 110 posts -
‘Darkness Will Devour Them All!!’
Sunday Brings Antepenultimate GAME OF THRONES For HBO!! -- 97 total posts 97 posts - Here's A Behind-The-Scenes Look At MAN OF STEEL With New Footage! Also... Is Supergirl In The Prequel Comic? -- 169 total posts 92 posts
- UPDATE The Friday Docback Calls 'The Name of the Doctor'!! DOCTOR WHO's S7 Finale Arrives This Weekend!! Now With Glen's Ultra-Brief, SPOILER FREE MiniReview!! -- 343 total posts 85 posts
- Hey! Fat Face! Here's The New Teaser To ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND CONTINUES! -- 209 total posts 68 posts
- Mr. Beaks Reviews STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS! -- 1190 total posts 53 posts
- 1st Trailer for Jean Pierre Jeunet's THE YOUNG AND PRODIGIOUS SPIVET!!! Joy Follows... -- 47 total posts 31 posts
-
Ben Affleck Tonight Hosts
SNL’s 38th Season Finale!! -- 57 total posts 24 posts