Ain't It Cool News (
Movie News

Quint, The Crusty Seaman, scrapes the barnacles off of the DEAD MAN'S CHEST!!!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. It just so happens that on this day, the 10th Anniversary of AICN, I saw one of my most anticipated movies of the summer. Being in Wellington, NZ for the summer (their winter... fuck Austin's 100+ degree weather... love the city, but damn...) has made it a bit harder for me to see the season's summer movies pre-release. I lucked out and saw SUPERMAN RETURNS and THE OMEN remake early enough to review 'em and then along comes Capt. Jack Sparrow's flick. Down at the local Readings chain, they partnered up with a charity called Variety Children's Charity to "premiere" PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST here a few days pre-release. I bought up my $25 ticket, happy to have donated to a good cause and happy to be seeing this flick early.

I flipped for the first film, but I'd wager a whole lot of that has to be credited to my expectations going in. Gore Verbinski directing and Johnny Depp starring sounded great, but the nasty taste of THE HAUNTED MANSION was still in my mouth. How could they possible make a good movie out of a kid's ride?

Then I saw it. I don't think a more fun movie has been made in the '00s. Just out and out pure fun and enjoyment. And for god's sakes, it was a ghost pirate (or pirate ghost?) movie. The big Disney tentpole summer flick was a haunted pirate movie. So damn cool.

Audiences thought so, too, and here we are with PIRATES 2 and 3 filmed back to back with all the principal cast back, Verbinski behind the camera and a gigantor budget.

My immediate reaction isn't disappointment, thank God, but it wasn't quite the flick I was promised by some early word (ahemharrymoricough). It's a solid, solid flick that is totally in tone with the original and has some amazing new characters and set pieces, but I think I may be one of the only AICNers who prefers the original film to this one.

But that might change. I'll tell you why in a second. Before that, be warned of spoilers. I won't go so far as to ruin the twists and turns of the movie, but I may go into some plot points you might not want to know. You have a basic idea of my feelings in the safe, spoiler-free territory above. Also know that I am absolutely champing at the bit to see the third film next summer and I wish to the movie gods it was coming this year.

First off, it was great to see our cast back together again. I believe I read in either Harry's or Moriarty's reviews (skimmed the very beginnings of both in order to not spoil myself) that the film is the EMPIRE STRIKES BACK of the series. That's very apt for more than one reason. The most obvious is that it ends on a giant cliffhanger. The final shot of the movie (pre-credits... stay afterwards if you want to another piece of awesomeness) made me smile and a bit giddy for the next flick. It wasn't totally unexpected, but still very much what I want to see.

There's also a bit of the multi-story lines going on. Capt. Jack is off doing his thing, Will Turner is off doing his thing and Elizabeth is off doing her thing, all trying to meet up with each other (well, except for Jack) and all briefly criss-crossing paths at different times. I really dug this about the film, but I have to admit it did make things slow down a little bit more than I would have liked. The movie is more than 2 1/2 hours long and it feels like it. It's not an unpleasant 2 1/2 hours, to be sure, but it didn't fly by like some of the better long flicks will do.

As for the good Captain, it was great seeing Depp at play again, but there was something just a tad off. Something different from his flawless and immediately likable performance in the first movie. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but my buddy, Kraken (named after the Harryhausen creature, not the Davy Jones' muscle in this flick), and I were talking about it and he said something that fit exactly what I was feeling.

In the first movie he was playing a fool that was hiding a great pirate on the inside and in this one he's a great pirate hiding a cowardly fool.

Which does fit his character, but it's something I personally didn't want to see, at least not as much as I wanted to see him as he was in the first movie. His arc in this movie is pretty obviously headed in the heroic direction and hopefully that'll pay off.

Now we're to why my opinion of liking the original more than this one might change. I think the third film will be very important to how I am able to look back at this film. If it takes the characters to the right places, answers the right questions correctly and is as huge as I think it's going to be, then I will forgive any minor faults I see here, as this film is obviously a set-up movie. Lots of exposition, lots of chess pieces moving. I'd actually look at it as one big story that way and probably end up not picking favorites.

So, let's talk a bit about Davy Jones, played by Bill Nighy. Goddamn, what a great effect. He looks so great in the movie. Some of the best work ILM has done in years is on display in this flick with Jones, the crew of the Flying Dutchmen and the Kraken. Each character feels like it has a place and real weight in this world. Each character looks like it poses a real threat to any of our heroes. Great job to the effects crew and special kudos to Nighy for making one of my favorite villains of the year.

The acting is top notch, the direction is up to par and the photography is simply stunning. This is a huge event movie and depending on where the 3rd film goes, this could be one of the best continuing series of films we have going right now. I highly recommend it. I had some minor problems, but I honestly had more problems with SUPERMAN RETURNS and I really, really liked that flick.

Hopefully I'll be back later in the day to submit another Anniversary article, this time looking at my 10 favorite dirty jokes from the nearly 200 interviews I've done for this site. That'll be a fun one! 'Til then this is Quint bidding you all a fond farewell and adieu!


Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • July 3, 2006, 8:54 a.m. CST

    make it so

    by JeanLuc Dickhard

  • July 3, 2006, 8:56 a.m. CST

    It cannot be worse than the first one, can it?

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Of course it can. But it would be difficult.

  • July 3, 2006, 8:59 a.m. CST

    The first one was pure ASS.

    by PORKY

    I kept looking at my watch. Not a good sign.

  • July 3, 2006, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Arrrr Matey

    by kbass

    Nice review. I'll be seeing it in a couple of days for an early screening to judge for myself. After enjoying "Superman Returns" I'm hopeful "Pirates" lives up to its hype.

  • July 3, 2006, 9:12 a.m. CST

    The Sun

    by naughty pirate

    that pollywood bitch in the sun needs to get her facts right

  • July 3, 2006, 9:43 a.m. CST

    no mention of depp

    by ectocriminal

    in 'i am legend' on this site yet? cast as a vampire intent on psycologically toturing will smith's neville?

  • July 3, 2006, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Didn't Haunted Mansion come out *after* POTC...?

    by Osmosis Jones

    ARRRR, check yer facts, matey.

  • July 3, 2006, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Bill Nighy is a god.

    by Gul Shah

    His aging rock star in "Still Crazy" is genius!

  • July 3, 2006, 10:33 a.m. CST

    I think Haunted Mansion did come out after POTC

    by Thorfin

    It came out in November of 2003 - however, Quint could have seen an early screening of Haunted Mansion before he saw POTC.

  • July 3, 2006, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Its Ghost Pirate

    by TheRealFragger

    They became ghosts after they were pirates not pirates after they were ghosts!

  • July 3, 2006, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Where did the Resident Evil talkback go?

    by Shermdawg

    Was the script review fake? What gives???

  • July 3, 2006, 11:13 a.m. CST


    by DerLanghaarige

  • July 3, 2006, 11:15 a.m. CST


    by DerLanghaarige

    Doesn't matter if Haunted Mansion came out before POTC, but there was a TV-Movie with Steve Guttenberg that definitely came out beofre both of them and based on a Disneyworld ride (The one with the Elevator)

  • July 3, 2006, 11:16 a.m. CST

    BTW: It's very difficult to fuck the enter key.

    by DerLanghaarige

    In fact, it's very difficult to fuck any key. It's easier to fuck keyHOLES, but much more painfull, I guess. Whatever

  • July 3, 2006, noon CST

    Ya know,

    by Orbots Commander

    I wouldn't be shocked if POTC 2 turns out to be as much of a disappointment quality and BO wise as SUPERMAN RETURNS. If so, it would just show that the general public is burned out on big summer blockbusters, largely due to the incessant Hollywood hype-marketing machine.

  • July 3, 2006, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Problems with Superman Returns

    by Fernwick_

    My big problem, (and I havent seen it yet) is that Superman flies back home apparently (im told). I mean its CANON, and even referenced in the first flic, that the sun is what gives Superman hsi powers. A YELLOW SUN gives Superman his powers, a RED SUN takes them away, or makes him like any other mortal. But he flies thru the vacuum of space back home????? I dont get it, that would mean that he is SUPER THERE AND ON EARTH!!! Krypton is NOT a planet of superguys, so.... thats my gripe.. Fernwick

  • July 3, 2006, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Superman isn't solar powered

    by I Dunno

    He got his powers from the yellow sun when he was a kid. He doesn't need to be around the sun constantly to have his powers. All the hundreds of people and talent that went into the film and ytou didn't like it because of a continuity error that wasn't even an error.

  • July 3, 2006, 12:16 p.m. CST

    I Dunno

    by Fernwick_

    You sure about that? Ive read that many many times. Ill double check on that... and brb and repost.... but ive read that for YEARS.... not just when he was a kid...

  • July 3, 2006, 12:22 p.m. CST

    Ok, dug it up on Wikipedia

    by Fernwick_

    This is what it says about the source of Supermans powers: The source of Superman's powers changes subtly over the course of his history. It is originally said that Superman's abilities derive from his Kryptonian heritage, a race eons more evolved than humans. Soon it is established that Krypton's gravity had been stronger than Earth's, a situation similar to that of Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter. As Superman becomes increasingly godlike, the implication that all Kryptonians had possessed the same abilities became problematic for writers, making it doubtful that a race of such beings could have been wiped out by something as trifling as an exploding planet. In part to counter this, the Superman writers established that Kryptonians, whose native star had been red, only possessed superpowers under the light of a yellow sun. More recent stories have attempted to find a balance between the two explanations. So it is correct that it is under a yellow sun that he has these powers, can you show me otherwise?

  • July 3, 2006, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Fernwick, watch the movie, then comment(spoilers)

    by Nerdboy1423

    He takes a space ship back home at the beginning and that is how he crash lands it back on earth, and at one of the pivotal points in the film, he is drained of his powers and nearly dies going into outerspace. Although the plot of film, like most superman films, isn't canon, his powers and weaknesses, as well as the source of his power, adheres directly to canon.

  • July 3, 2006, 12:31 p.m. CST


    by Fernwick_

    Thats sounds interesting. I hadnt seen it, and I will reserve judgement like you said until then. See now I really want to see that, if they address it in ANY sense, I would be happy. I just hate when they change stuff at random. Like Superman 4 for example with that "pierce his skin, make him mortal" crap. Thanks! fernwick

  • July 3, 2006, 12:33 p.m. CST

    What did the pirate say ...

    by Lamerz

    to the buxom damsel holding the map to the treasure? "Arrr! I must get me hands on that chest!!"

  • July 3, 2006, 12:38 p.m. CST

    This movie will kick ass.

    by finky089

    'Nuff said. Gaetti for Prez in 2008!

  • July 3, 2006, 12:52 p.m. CST

    I heard Quint like semen.

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 12:53 p.m. CST

    I mean crusty semen.

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 12:54 p.m. CST

    I mean he's a crusty seaman.

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 12:54 p.m. CST

    I think I was right the first time.

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Quint scrapes crusty semen off his chest.

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Pirates is the most overrated tripe ever

    by b3mike

    I can't believe some of you guys call yourselves fan boys when you willfully accept this regurgitated Disney cash cow.

  • July 3, 2006, 1:20 p.m. CST

    I regurgitated some cow last night.

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 1:23 p.m. CST

    When did we start rating tripe?

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Did they really...

    by DwightSchrute

    ...mention "crusty seaman" in a talkback title? Oh geez...

  • July 3, 2006, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Johnny Depp + Giant Squid = good times had by all

    by JohnGalt06

    It's not rocket science.

  • July 3, 2006, 1:33 p.m. CST

    Go fuck yourself, Jayjew.

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    Why must there always be some mindless simpleton on these talkbacks to take a jab at America. Give it a rest, assbandit. By the way, League of Extraordinary Gentleman was a much bigger hit overseas than over here. Take that, fuckface. And Depp's performance was based on an ENGLISH DUDE.

  • July 3, 2006, 1:41 p.m. CST

    bah english d's nuts

    by JeanLuc Dickhard

  • July 3, 2006, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Johnny Depp's character Captain Jack Sparrow...

    by TenaciousDoc

    was based on an actual gay pirate. His name was Francis "Cocksucker" Drake born in 1540.

  • July 3, 2006, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Orbots Commander

    by DwightSchrute

    I don't think people are, in general, necessarily tired of big summer blockbusters, they are just tired of the hype-up of movies that don't deliver. Harry has shoved Three Thumbs-so-far-Up Bryan Singer's ass for this flick that Singer must be reconsidering his own homosexuality. If these movies deliver, then the public has no problem. But when there is an onslaught of media and promotion for a Big Summer Blockbuster (and when AICN blows a movie like the plane is going down) and it disappoints, then the people (and the fanboys) react accordingly.

  • July 3, 2006, 1:58 p.m. CST

    I am tired of big summer blockbusters

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 1:59 p.m. CST

    AND Harry ass-fucking gay directors with his thumbs

    by TenaciousDoc

  • July 3, 2006, 2 p.m. CST

    Alien: Dead Man

    by CuervoJones

    lamest joke ever

  • July 3, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    and Superman flies on a spaceship

    by CuervoJones

    AND i had a great time with Pirates. I

  • July 3, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST


    by ManosTHOF

    I think he's in a space ship so I'm sure he doesn't need his powers when visiting Krypton and more than you would.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Spidey 3 teaser

    by soulsonic

    How cool does this look?

  • July 3, 2006, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Ass Pirates of the Carribean: Key West Limey Pie

    by Big Bad Clone

    Thar he blows!

  • July 3, 2006, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Wouldn't superman not be able to come back from Krypton

    by Novaman5000

    If we went there? If the red sun makes him mortal, wouldn't he lose his flying and surviving in space travels and just... die out there? Just a thought. Also, I think it's funny when people insult others who like "bad" movies. If I went to the first Pirates movie and enjoyed it, and you went and hated it, who really came out on top here? I did. I got my money's worth and enjoyed a movie. You just paid 10 bucks and hated the past 2 hrs.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:27 p.m. CST

    That should be "if HE went there".

    by Novaman5000

  • July 3, 2006, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Haunted Mansion DID come out after POTC.

    by Lenny Nero

    POTC was July 9, 2003, and HM was November 26, 2003.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:46 p.m. CST

    He used a ship to go there

    by AshFett

    Not sure if he's lose his flying ability or not, but it doesn't really matter, because he used a ship to travel to Krypton. He crashes back to Smallville in a Kryptonian ship; I assume built at the Fortress of Solitude. About 15 minutes was cut from the beginning of the movie, including more material about his trip to space.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:58 p.m. CST



    Optimus Prime better not be voiced by a name actor like pixar and animated movies do. PETER CULLEN is the man.

  • July 3, 2006, 3:06 p.m. CST

    Well said

    by Fernwick_

    Well, shut my mouth. If he is flying in a ship to get back to Krypton then that is perfect. Cool. At least they kept continuity, even though they dont explain it. Thats weird, im trying to imagine Superman flying in a ship. But oh well, my original complaint is apparently invalid. So.... nevermind.. so, HOW ABOUT THAT YOU PIERCE HIS SKIN MAKES HIM MORTAL CRAP! :) Fernwick

  • July 3, 2006, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Where's the Resident Evil 3 talk back?

    by DrifterSage

    It certainly was an awfull script, i was looking forward to the bashing today :(

  • July 3, 2006, 3:17 p.m. CST

    Lick my plank

    by RingwormPete

    What's this first business?

  • July 3, 2006, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Tha's weird, because my BATMAN BEGINS arrived hot...

    by slone13

    ...juicy, full of flavor and in under 30 minutes. Plus, I got a free order of cheesy bread. You obviously order from a shitty Domino's.

  • July 3, 2006, 4:19 p.m. CST

    There's something disturbing

    by TenaciousDoc

    about a hot, juicy, full of flavor Batman.

  • July 3, 2006, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Domino's Pizza... & Batman?

    by Fernwick_

    I think you guys comparing Batman Begins, in my opinion topped only by Donners Superman I (Superhero movies)to a delivery of Domino's Pizza I offer this. Those talkbackers like those annoying delivery guys, who come to the door, dropping your food, and putting a hand out for a tip, I reach back and with the force of a field goal kicker, boot him in the nuts. Hows that comparison? Fernwick

  • July 3, 2006, 4:48 p.m. CST

    BATMAN BEGINS was fuckin great ...

    by Lamerz

    like a quality pepperoni pizza with sauce seasoned just right, dough just thick enough but not too thick, and piping hot. Mmmm, I'm hungry.

  • July 3, 2006, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Oh, and I thought the first POTC was very good

    by Lamerz

    ... the haterz can go suck on a fat one (and that's not referring to w33d), saying it sucked like it's fact or something. POTC: COTBP was a good, fun summer movie. Depp and Rush kicked ass. Knightley was hot. And Bloom was merely OK, entertaining if not a great actor.

  • July 3, 2006, 5:03 p.m. CST


    by stonehenge

    Does Keith Richards have a cameo as Depp's old man? I read months ago that he did, and I've heard nothing about it since...

  • July 3, 2006, 5:11 p.m. CST

    Batman Begins was a 2-hour fucking nap-

    by stonehenge

    The only good thing about it was Liam Neeson, who's always great; Christian Bale can act about as well as a fucking turnip, but apparently thinks he's some great thespian himself (is that too big a word for you batnerds?). I'd rather have my $15 for the DVD back.

  • July 3, 2006, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Bale did just fine as Bats ...

    by Lamerz

    Personally I prefer what Keaton brought to the role, but he was much better than Kilmer or god forbid, Clooney. Those two were ass. Caine was excellent, as was Oldman, Freeman, and Neeson. Very good acting all around ... uh, except for Katie Holmes. Good writing and directing. Much better batmobile than in Schumachers versions. Those were S-H-I-T. Yeah, BB fuckin rocked.

  • July 3, 2006, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Fenwick- Superman in spaceships.....

    by Hairyscaryballs

    Superman was flying in spaceships quite frequently in episodes of SuperFriends!

  • July 3, 2006, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Actually, I agree with everything that Lamerz said...

    by stonehenge

    especially that Keaton is still the best Batman, and Oldman, Freeman, etc., were more than good enough, but I just don't see how Bale is worth a shit to anybody, as arrogant as his ass comes off as... I mean, seriously, would you want to know that prick? Maybe he's all right in real life, but in the flick, he just comes off as an insufferable asshole. Different strokes, I suppose...

  • July 3, 2006, 5:51 p.m. CST

    It seems you either love or hate pirates.....

    by Doc_Strange

    Being a Bruckheimer production, I thought I would hate it so I went in no expectations except to see Keira Knightley in her break out role after The Phantom Menace and to see what I thought would be a fun pirate adventure. The movie had a (mostly) talented cast along with Depp and Rush who both looked like they were having fun with their roles. I came out of the theater house thoroughly happy had felt I had seen what was probably the second best movie that year. It just shows that not all movies produced by a mindless idiot can be all bad. Transformers, however is just going in all the wrong directionsm, from production design to direction, to script.

  • July 4, 2006, 4:22 a.m. CST

    Bruce Wayne is arrogant.

    by CuervoJones

    Batman-Wayne is not a perfect guy. Bale did it quite good.

  • July 4, 2006, 7:33 a.m. CST

    well the critic for my site loved it

    by JoeyRusso1290

    according to him its better than Superman and I say that is blasephemy. Read his review here:

  • July 4, 2006, 8:47 a.m. CST


    by smackfu

    "who really came out on top here?" Actually, he did. You see at AICN, hating a movie makes you smarter and more superior than the people who liked it, who are fools, the common masses who lack the high level of artistic taste that the hater possess.

  • July 4, 2006, 2:40 p.m. CST

    CuervoJones is partially right...

    by stonehenge

    Bruce Wayne and his alter ego are not perfect-but Keaton managed to play him as a perfectly likable, fairly down-to-earth kind of guy, at least as down to earth as any guy wearing a bat suit can be. Bale, it seems, couldn't pull that off. But, then again, it was a younger Batman that Bale was playing; maybe the character mellows out a bit as he ages into the Keaton-era Batman. Also, I just read on MyMSN that Keith Richards will have a cameo in POTC III as Sparrow's old man, not POTC II.

  • July 4, 2006, 2:52 p.m. CST

    I'm afraid that jayjew (?) is at least partially right.

    by stonehenge

    I live in California, and love this country...can probably quote American history at least as well as anybody else on this site, and better than most...but until the rest of America wakes up and realizes what a talentless bunch of cocksmoker monkeys people like Eminem, 50Cent, and Kanye West are, and stop buying their horseshit, headache-inducing albums, and dressing like the assholes, Americans ARE a bunch of fuckwits...Long Live Rock'N'Roll, and let rap die a long, slow, torturous fucking death like it deserves!

  • July 4, 2006, 2:52 p.m. CST

    Jayjew, you ignorant slut.

    by cantankerous

    Yes, Let's all celebrate the refined taste of our overseas brethren. While the American public are a bunch of

  • July 4, 2006, 3 p.m. CST

    Wayne IS a Prick

    by Saluki

    ... In public. He is a spoiled rich man-child. Of course, if you paid attention to the scenes where he wasn't in public, he was just a determined guy with humor. Come on people, you know the character.

  • July 4, 2006, 4:13 p.m. CST

    It's hardly a ringing endorsement...

    by stonehenge

    of Americans' taste or intelligence to say that the rest of the world has worse taste or less brains than we do-I would generally agree. By the way, of the nine films that cantankerous (appropriate name) listed, I have seen only 3, and even then, only after they were broadcast on DirecTV and didn't cost me a cent to see them. How many did you see, and did you pay to see them? And, no joke intended, happy birthday to the greatest country in the world, and God bless America!

  • July 4, 2006, 5:48 p.m. CST

    On the other hand...

    by stonehenge

    Cantankerous has a solid point about jayjew-he IS definitely one rancid-smelling cunt. I have always wondered how Europeans (or anybody the fuck else) can prooduce the horseshit, claptrap art films they produce, the kind that cure insomnia in 2 seconds flat, and feel all smugly superior about it, yet do shell out millions to see our shittiest productions, all the while proclaiming in poll after poll that we are a bigger threat to the world than Iran or North Korea. I guess that when the next world war starts-and there will be another one, the human race will never learn-we can just sit back and take some satisfaction in listening to them beg us to come and save their hairy, snail and sauerkraut eating asses, like they always do. Piss on every last fuckin' one of 'em, until and unless they learn a little fuckin' respect for who's #1.

  • July 5, 2006, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Who's #1 stonehenge?

    by Gigol-o Joe

    Saw Pirates 2 last night - great fun, enjoyable escapist cinema, just like it was before everything was geared towards American teenagers... It's set in the time of another Empire, whereas power has now been usurped by Britain's former enemy. If talkbacks are anything to go by then most Americans are complacent, egotistical, stultifyingly ill-informed juveniles.. Calling yourself stonehenge you should realise no cultural monopoly lasts forever unless, like most Americans, you are oblivious to irony..

  • July 5, 2006, 12:04 p.m. CST


    by fpuk99

    Europeans ? I'm English and resent being lumped in with the bloody cheating Portugese (who better get beat 2nite). Wanker !

  • July 5, 2006, 12:38 p.m. CST

    re: stonehenge

    by cantankerous

    Unless you know of some sort of omnipotent measure of critical perfection the only alternative we have is to compare ourselves (Americans) to others. I wouldn

  • July 5, 2006, 1:22 p.m. CST

    To fpuk99: Don't think that I meant

    by stonehenge

    that I hate the English; in fact, quite recently, my aunt's friend from England bought her a brand-new 2006 Saturn, no strings attached, simply because he thought that her old car was no longer safe. How in the hell can you beat that? And how in the hell can you not admire a man like Churchill, or Nelson? I should hope that whatever lump of dogshit that jayjew crawls out from under to spout his horseshit (clearly displaying a small dick, inferiority complex) was not in England. I meant mainly the French, Germans, Portugese, etc. I must admit to some dismay, however, when I see polls that say that 77% of Britons see the US as "vulgar"-after all, we aren't the ones streaking across Wimbledon with our microscopic little cocks on display or beating the holy bloody fuck out of each other in the bleachers over some stupid, stupendously dull game where a bunch of dudes run around for hours without scoring any fucking points at all, are we? But, then again, I have also seen polls where they say they mainly meant are leadership, and that most Englishmen actually DO like the common, everyday American. Generally, the English are pretty cool with me.

  • July 5, 2006, 1:33 p.m. CST

    As for Gigol-o Joe,

    by stonehenge

    I got straight A's in my college history courses, and no, I don't really expect this country to remain #1 forever-as a matter of fact, it's doing a pretty good job of coming apart at the seams right now. But for the moment, we ARE still #1, and considering that the next #1 is in all likelihood commie China, you had best pray your fucking ass off that we stay that way for a long time to come, for they certainly aren't going to come save anybody's ass, unless it happens to be North Korea's. To get back to the point of this whole web site, however, POTC 1 was prime, top-notch escapist cinema, if maybe a little long, and I'm sure that POTC 2 is as well.

  • July 5, 2006, 4:53 p.m. CST


    by monkeybrow

    I was hopefull for Pirates...but it is sinking faster then an anchor at rottentomatoes...58%

  • July 5, 2006, 7:25 p.m. CST

    Actually, monkeybrow, it's 60%...

    by stonehenge

    so the more people are seeing it, the more it's winning reviewers over, but who can trust the critics, anyway? As often as not, they have some sort of personal bias that wrecks any objectivity they could possibly bring to their review. Many of them hate anything that's a sequel, regardless of if it's good or not. They would rather watch a weasel fuck an avocado, filmed in black and white, and proclaim it great art. I'll risk my money to see it; after all, it's 100+ degrees here every fucking day, there's worse ways to spend 2-3 hours than sitting in an air conditioned theater with a nice green bud buzz on, tripping out on some kickass special FX. Instead, we could all be like jayjew, cursing God that he was born in some diseased, 3rd world shithole and wishing he was an American! What a fucking flamer cockmonkey.

  • July 5, 2006, 7:58 p.m. CST

    boned again

    by cantankerous

    The original Pirates logged a 79% on RT. The usual situation is for a film to score high initially and then trend downward as the opening day approaches and more critics see it. That POTC2 is at 62% with 26 reviews does not bode well. We

  • July 5, 2006, 10:32 p.m. CST

    Yo, cantankerous...

    by stonehenge

  • July 5, 2006, 10:45 p.m. CST

    Other superior sequels include...

    by stonehenge

    The Empire Strikes Back, Terminator 2 (despite the kinder, gentler T-101 bullshit), The Return Of The King, European Gigolo (yes, that was a joke),etc. It's been done before- don't give up on it yet because a bunch of egghead, asshole reporters hoped for another fucking "Brokeback Mountain" between Bloom's and Depp's characters. Actually, that might not be a bad idea, since I suspect Knightley could do herself better with a sword hilt than Bloom ever could-I would definitely pay to see that, even if she is a skeletal little twat.