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Mateys and scalawags – drink up, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST is 20,000 leagues more badbum than the original. This film is just frecking swaggeringly cool from beginning to end.

Seriously. Johnny Depp was recently quoted as saying he’d love to do as many PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN flicks as Disney can produce great scripts for. For me… I couldn’t be happier.

The first film was wonderful for Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow, the Black Pearl’s Cursed Captain and Crew and Monkey… but honestly – I wasn’t solidly behind Orlando Bloom’s character – and Keira… while lovely – just never was as feisty or fun as say Maureen O’Hara in BLACK SWAN or Olivia DeHavilland in CAPTAIN BLOOD. The gals in these films are awesome when they’re “good girls” that just want to drop the petticoat and be ravished by that dirty, evil, undeniably charismatic pirate. Instead – they paired her up with “the Ronald Reagan” character. Now sure, Reagan was never in any of Flynn’s Pirate flicks – but he was in SANTE FE TRAIL – and he’s just so (Uma draw the outline) SQUARE. Orlando was SQUARE. I mean… his dad was a pirate? That makes him wrong? Hardly. And meanwhile – you have Johnny Depp creating the best bloody “where the Hades did that character come from” character in forever.

Seriously – Johnny just magically pulled Jack Sparrow out of some bizarre corner of quirk in his soul. Genius.

This time. This time, this is OFFICIALLY – a Jack Sparrow film. Sure the other characters are there. Orlando has his “motivation” and “arc.” As does Keira’s Elizabeth… but both are truly supporting characters to the star of this show, which is clearly Jack Sparrow… excuse me, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.

Everything in the film. Every character is a satellite of Jack Sparrow. The world revolves around him. Why are Will and Elizabeth jockeying around the Caribbean? Captain Jack Sparrow. Why is the “Man” buggering with Will, Elizabeth and anyone standing around? Captain Jack Sparrow. Why is Davy Jones so swab the decks pissed? Captain Jack Sparrow. Guano man, even when he beaches his beloved Pearl aboard a Cannibal Island… Jack is declared their God. Everyone, everywhere has a story about Jack. A reaction to his name. A tale that was passed with a bottle of rum. Drink up of both, I say!

In this film – we begin to find out more about Sparrow’s “utility belt.” Seriously – Like Batman – this bloke has wonderful toys on his person that just doesn’t make a bit of sense… until it’s shown to be... BLIMEY MAGIC! And I’m not just talking about the mystical sense of the word. I’m talking about magic in the sense of… WOW – That’s Magic! How it’s just motorscooter perfect.

Like that dagburn compass of his. First film, I looked at it… and through the whole bleeding film I had utterly no concept of what it was doing. Why was it so precious? I knew it pointed the way to the Aztec Gold – but really… what’s the big whup? Actually… what that compass can do – is flat out MAGIC. It’s possibly the most useful device for adventure and happiness that you could ever wish for. I won’t spoil it, but it is magic. And every time something magic is revealed about a piece of Jack’s character – I couldn’t help, but be delighted beyond words.

I know he’s like some crazed Dean Martin character that never swaggered upon screen before – there’s some Chaplin in there, some Errol Flynn – and a lot of pure Johnny Depp. There’s a part of me that thinks the direction of this film by Gore Verbinski is all at once the easiest and hardest job ever. Johnny has his lines – and I know he’s delivering what’s on the page, but you get the idea – that Johnny is so alive in the character and the scene, that there’s a plethora of distractions he explores. As if he’s aware the camera is on him. And he doesn’t want whoever is watching him to know what he’s doing. And frankly – we really don’t know what he’s up to half the time, but due to focusing on his character this time out – we do know, basically, what he’s aiming for, but not necessarily to what ends. Sure – there’s the initial “get out of hock with Davy Jones,” but I suspect Capt Jack is far more mischievous than that.

Now – I mentioned briefly Davy Jones. For at least 3 centuries now, folk have been referring to Davy Jones. In 1751, Tobias Smollett in his book, THE ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE stated the following about Davy Jones:

“This same Davy Jones, according to the mythology of sailors, is the fiend that presides over all the evil spirits of the deep, and is often seen in various shapes, perching among the rigging on the eve of hurricanes, ship-wrecks, and other disasters to which sea-faring life is exposed, warning the devoted wretch of death and woe.”

Well, after this film… You’ll never forget Davy Jones. Like Andy Serkis’ GOLLUM, Bill Nighy puts soul into Davy Jones. I love how Kevin McNally’s Gibbs is a chronicler and tale-teller of the legends of the sea, including those of his own captain. As Davy is described, his tale – we’re set up for the character’s pathos. But when you know that you’re gonna be looking at a squid head creature from the dark unwritten corner of H.P. Lovecraft… are you really thinking of associating with him, feeling sorry for him… fearing him? Yes, but how is he going to emote?

Well – ILM has finally answered the call that came from New Zealand 5 years ago. This is, without a moment’s hesitation – the best CG character work I’ve seen.


Gollum is the better character, in that we saw such an enormous amount of character work – but Davy Jones is less humanoid… he’s even further removed from humanity – and yet it comes through. People may go gaga over the Kraken or the enormity of the work being done on the crew… but when John Knoll takes the microphone at next year’s Academy Awards for his first Oscar for Best Special Fx… it is this character that is being honored. It’s the nuance of the performance, the way he absolutely is alive in these scenes without being overtly showy. Like… Watch how he grabs the dice cup, when he plays Will Turner in their betting game. It’s a tiny flourish that just took my breath away. A John Han-wee-wee, so to speak. It’s so cool. Now as awesome as he is playing his pipe organ all James Mason, 20,000 LEAGUES BENEATH THE SEA fashion… I prefer the simple look on his tired face as he looks at that locket, which we can only assume is the ache that cut his heart from within.

That said – this is finally a film that Crash designed, where the actual screen images look far better than his already stunning work. This stuff is inventive in a way that you just don’t see in films often.

I love the casting of this series. And specifically – I love how every character that they give time to in this film… they’re just much better than they were in the first film… and yet there’s room for so many extra characters, without ever selling the “stars” short. It’s just a complete actualized universe.

Oh – did I mention… as a fan of the original ride, how fucking happy I was at the lightning bugs inclusion, when they go up river to seek out Tia Dalma? Cuz, I am. The mist, the lightning bugs… I almost felt the water rocking my seat on the ride. Just fantastic.

Now – how are the Problem Children from the first film?

Well, Keira finally has a couple of scenes where you just want the film to suddenly turn into PIRATES OF THE REAR-END: NO MAN’S CHEST. Absolutely smoldering and sexy. While still retaining her hesitance to go further than “she should.” I love how at one point she’s so frustrated, because she really wants to get “married” – which in the way she and everyone else refers to it – it seems to denote, getting laid. And there is definitely that, “I need to copulate” thing going on with her. Any viewer will pick up on it, and it’s very tastefully handled. It’s there for the adults to see, and for the kids to blissfully look past.

Ok – I’m gonna wrap this up, as I don’t want to be a spoiler-bum with the review. The less you know – the more breathtaking this film will be. I do want to address the “cliff-hanger” ending that allegedly has audiences in a tizzy somewhere in this idiotic world.

This isn’t a cliffhanger like… Thelma And Louise drive off a cliff and suddenly letters come up blazing across the screen, “THELMA AND LOUISE 2: THE DEVIL’S RIDE!”

Rather – this is a fantastic and natural ending for the second chapter of what will soon be an on-going cinematic tale What it does, is leave you wanting to see the next one. And if they bollocks up WORLD’S END – I’m gonna be perturbed in a really unrelenting way. Cuz I absolutely love love love this “chapter” in the Captain Jack Sparrow Chronicles.

This series is the single most inventive and vibrant franchise moving forward today. Let us hope they continue to be as inspired from this film forward.

Readers Talkback
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  • June 29, 2006, 5:10 a.m. CST


    by TABALF

    can't wait. Where's everybody else?

  • June 29, 2006, 5:13 a.m. CST

    The first one was waaay too long.

    by Shermdawg

    It should have been an hour or so shorter. This coming from someone who usually likes long flicks.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:19 a.m. CST

    Can't wait for this

    by Babyshamble

    If England get to the world cup final, the weekend of the 7th will be frickin awesome. It would definitely hurt POTC's sunday box office in the UK though.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:21 a.m. CST

    Not Star Wars, Indiana Jones!

    by DerLanghaarige

    POTC will be this generations INDIANA JONES!!! Great adventure movies and an inspiration for lots of viewers and future-filmmakers, but without the large, cultural impact that Star Wars had!

  • June 29, 2006, 5:23 a.m. CST

    I love adventure movies

    by CuervoJones

    The first Pirates (not the Polanski one) was pure fun. They don

  • June 29, 2006, 5:32 a.m. CST

    one week today...

    by thegoldencalf the minute i will be sitting in my seat, popcorn in hand, waiting for the room to darken and for this glorious tale to continue to unfold in front of me. can't wait. i can't FUCKING wait i tell you!

  • June 29, 2006, 5:35 a.m. CST


    by jasper Stillwell

    "...Johnny just magically pulled Jack Sparrow out of Keith Richrads arse..." Its a great film and I love watching Depp but I always feel like he's in a different film to everyone else. And he's nearly awlasy miscast. Watchable but miscast. Have you SEEN the real Ed Wood, who's ,more of a Jeff Daniels type? From Hell? Jeeezus? So who;s the next rock star impersonation we can look forward to seeing? After Michael Jackson in 'Wonka', Richards in this, David Bowie as Sweeney Todd? May not sound like it but I'm actually quite looking forward to this

  • June 29, 2006, 5:35 a.m. CST

    Totaly agree Shermdawg...

    by PurityOfEssence

    The first one is too damn long. It was cluttered, to me at least. I maintain that the first film would have been a flop if it weren't for Depp. He is the only part of the film that is really entertaining. Probably because it wasn't at all expected. Knightly was the modernized and tough Damsel and Bloom had a somewhat boring role that was overshadowed by the utterly bizare Jack Sparrow. The first time I saw the film I thought that Depp was playing the character as if it were a big joke on the film makers, yet it stuck.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:50 a.m. CST

    I really didn't enjoy the first one that much

    by Giant Ape Balls

    Am I just a boring old fart?

  • June 29, 2006, 5:50 a.m. CST


    by emeraldboy

    I walked into that film, not knowing what expect. That film was best film of summer 2002 and by absolute mile. Depps entrance was one of the coolest things i have ever seen and from that point this was Depps movie and he owned it. Dead mans chest looks amazing. Cant wait to see Bill nighy as davy jones according to insiders this is film is going to be the biggest summer and this means bad nes fo supes.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:08 a.m. CST

    What's with all the swearing?

    by Trazadone

    You know, swearing in every other sentence kind of takes away your credibility. You sound like you're 15-years old. "Why is the

  • June 29, 2006, 6:23 a.m. CST

    Harry. Can you please. Stop.

    by eeeor

    With the Damn. Sentence Fragments? Do you ever. Bother reading. Over. Your articles before. Posting them? "Like

  • June 29, 2006, 6:45 a.m. CST

    It's Ray Harryhausen's B-Day!

    by Hal2814

    I was seriously underwhelmed by the first Pirates flick, so I'll set sail with diminished expectations, matey, when I check out this new one. Heck, I may love it, who knows? It couldn't be worse than Singer's Superman crap-fest. In much bigger news, it's master of fantasy Ray Harryhausen's birthday, today! The genuis of stop motion thrills turned 86. C'mon, AICN, give the man a proper salute on the site today!

  • June 29, 2006, 6:53 a.m. CST

    Swearing is an intellectual crutch for the inarticulate

    by CellarDoor

    You cunt. Anyway, this film is review proof. It's the only film that everyone I know wants to see, regardless of their age or taste. And i'm looking forward to it as well so long as it's plot is trimmed and svelt. The first film was a bit bloated but still highly enjoyable. Arr!

  • June 29, 2006, 7:06 a.m. CST


    by Cat_Corporation

    Oh how I laughed. If you're not a fellow Brit, you swear like one.

  • June 29, 2006, 7:09 a.m. CST

    yeah but 2.5 hours?

    by oscarmike

    why are movies getting so long nowadays man. damn you peter jackson

  • June 29, 2006, 7:16 a.m. CST

    Harry, wash your mouth out, you Damn trash-mouth!

    by moondoggy2u

  • June 29, 2006, 7:22 a.m. CST

    Emeraldboy - POTC1 came out in 2003!

    by The Equalizer

    And what fun it was! Probably the most purely entertaining film I've seen since Indy and The Last Crusade.

  • June 29, 2006, 7:50 a.m. CST

    After seeing that Snorefest Supes Returns last night

    by future help

    i have NO DOUBT that POTC 2 will OWN the Summer. nooooooo doubt.

  • June 29, 2006, 8 a.m. CST

    What gave me away?

    by CellarDoor

  • June 29, 2006, 8:05 a.m. CST

    so Harry likes a film... what does that mean?

    by HypeEndsHere

    and who would think to compare ILM and Weta and their characters as if they are in combat? you're a weird fucking human being.

  • June 29, 2006, 8:09 a.m. CST


    by chopstyx1

    If England get to the world cup final - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . Never gonna happen. More chance of English people being un-arrogant for 5 minutes.

  • June 29, 2006, 8:11 a.m. CST


    by Giant Ape Balls

    Scottish I presume?

  • June 29, 2006, 8:17 a.m. CST

    I'm worried - Harry also loved Superman R

    by Jugdish

    As geeked as I am for this film, I might have to take a step back considering all the love harry gave to Supes Return- this might be a snore fest too

  • June 29, 2006, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Looks better than the first

    by Giant Ape Balls

    Maybe because they've concentrated on the right character this time.

  • June 29, 2006, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Could POTC be some kind of Simbad of a new era

    by riouxda

    Although I wasn't impressed with the first pirate movie, I still want to see the second one. I must say that I saw the first one at a drive-in and it started raining in the middle of the movie so, I thought it was long but, it might have been because of the rain. Also, Jack Sparrow wasn't like I was expecting him...I didn't think he would be some kind of goofy pirate. Anyway, I was thinking that the POTC movie could be some kind of Simbad for the new generation. Adventures, magic, strange creatures, etc. It might not be exactly the same as Simbad but, the feeling is there!

  • June 29, 2006, 8:34 a.m. CST

    Mori may be the site's #1 critic, Harry, but...

    by Roguewriter

    ... when you get this excited about a flick, I just can't help but get carried away by it. Terrific review. I am champing at the bit to see this one!! My wife and I talked about finding a date-night to catch SUPERMAN, but they've gotten so rare this summer, I think we're better off saving the night out for PIRATES 2. Keep up the good work, Harry!

  • June 29, 2006, 8:34 a.m. CST


    by KubrickFan69

    I liked the first film but c'mon, Depp's Sparrow was an entertaining character, and I love Depp as an actor, the man's talented.. but people are giving him WAY too much praise on this one. Settle down. Sparrows not the second coming.. Glad to see you liked it Harry. Alot of good word trickling in and the more good i read the happier i get.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:05 a.m. CST

    The fact that Harry likes this movie means one thing...

    by JohnGalt06

    it was not directed by Brett Ratner. That seems to be his biggest concern for any movie, as Harry is the easiest-to-please movie fan in the world. So who cares if he likes POTC? I have every reason to suspect POTC2 will be great and I have absolutely no doubt (after watching Singer's Superman, which actually felt like it was directed by Ratner) that Depp and Co. will be the biggest hit of the summer by a mile.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:06 a.m. CST

    So... um did u like it?

    by flamingeyebrows

    Seriously tho Cap Jack and the original POTC kicked ass. But somehow the monster/Davy's crew design for DMC never tickled my fancy. And someone pls tell me that they ain't trying to pair up Eliz and Jack together in this movie.(I sware i saw them almost kiss in the trailer) Cz thats just ain't right. She is Will's, People!!!

  • June 29, 2006, 9:07 a.m. CST

    In answer, CellarDoor...

    by Cat_Corporation

    The particular use of the C-word of course!! Only Britons can use it with such blunt authority. Well done (salutes).

  • June 29, 2006, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Anyone know the cliffhangers? Post 'em please.

    by Mahaloth

    I want spoilers. My guess? Jack dies, goes to Hades, and sees Barbosa.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:25 a.m. CST

    The cliffhanger is..

    by Cumlauncher

    Will your mom want a second go round or not on my purple vein laden piledriver??? Fuckin Harry, that was the most slapdash review I've read in awhile, Aside from the Depp dickriding, the balls you have to assume John Knoll has it in the bag for FX is ridiculous. I would scream PLANT if I didn't know that all the theaters cater to you for advance screenings and provide you with a garbage bag full of popcorn before each film. So when you see an IMAX movie, do they upgrade it to plastic kiddie pool full of popcorn?

  • June 29, 2006, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Thank God for this series

    by performingmonkey

    This is the one movie this year I actually cared about being good. The first movie managed to recapture what was great about FUN movies of the past such as Temple of Doom, the original SW trilogy and brought it into the 21st Century, proving that it's still possible to make a truly fantastic blockbuster movie that doesn't have to piss you off with boring characters, mindless symbolism bullshit, action sequences that mean nothing apart from an excuse to show off what the effects department can do etc. I thought Kong was going to be like this, but it became a little too drawn out to be 'fun'. It didn't feel like the rollercoaster ride that it should have (granted there are some phenomenally EXCELLENT parts of Kong). POTC:TCOTBP is one of the best movies of the last 10 years. If the sequels come close to recapturing that I will be very happy indeed.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:38 a.m. CST

    As sequels go, is it as good as "Mummy Returns" Harry?

    by Chastain-86

    Do you hear me? You will NEVER, EVER live down that review as long as I draw breath and can move my fingers over the keyboard.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Glad this is an improvement on the fist...

    by brycemonkey

    I liked the first one but there was room for improvement. It seems like they have pulled it off and I'm glad. Pirates Rule! Oh and Harry, that Avatar will give me nightmares, yikes!

  • June 29, 2006, 9:41 a.m. CST

    'FIRST!' obviously...

    by brycemonkey

  • June 29, 2006, 9:50 a.m. CST

    POTC 1 was too long, too bloated, too boring

    by Dannychico

    But I still liked it and am supremely jazzed for this one!

  • June 29, 2006, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Too Long!?

    by Cumlauncher

    Oh yeah far too long, would you prefer the 100 minutes of Terminator 3? Maybe the 92 minutes of Superman IV? When the filmmakers craft just amazing characters for us to hang with (POTC,LOTR,SUPES RETURNS fuck haters!,Jurassic Park) then let us stay in their world for as long as they want. They call movies pure escapism, but all today's moviegoers want to do is "escape" to the parking lot in an hour and forty. Makes me sick.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:57 a.m. CST

    "Pirates of the Rear End: No Man's Chest"?

    by jollysleeve

    What the fuck does this even mean? I understand Harry was trying to make some kind of sexual pun, but that's about all I could glean. The beginning sort of made sense, but the second half renders the whole thing into nonsense.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:09 a.m. CST

    I hope this lives up to hype/expectations.

    by minderbinder

    I'd kill for this to be as good as the original (some reviews have said better??). So far some absolute raves, and a couple positive with reservations (too long, too dependent on SFX, too confusing). Can't wait for this thing to come out, my most anticipated flick of the year. And Harry...did you forget to mention Orlando in this one? You talk about "problem children" and then only mention Kiera...did you forget to finish your review?

  • June 29, 2006, 10:11 a.m. CST

    The first movie was

    by Mechasheeva

    definitely too long, and just felt messy, like the filmmakers were throwing everything they could think of on the screen and hoping some if it would stick. For most people, including me, almost all of it did! All I ask from this sequel is that it's more refined, and retains the same ridiculous joy that made the original so awesome. From the early reviews, sounds like they nailed it. Can't wait.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:12 a.m. CST

    @Cumlauncher - it's not the length itself

    by Dannychico

    the problem is what they do with that length. A film isn't a world. It's not a novel. It can really derail itself if it "lets us hang out with the characters" (your words) too long. POTC 1 lost all momentum by the end, and when you're running on fumes at the finish, it spoils the whole movie.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:14 a.m. CST

    @jolly sleeve - you're right about Harry's porn title

    by Dannychico

    I got excited and thought he had nailed a really good joke for the first half, but the second ruined it. Pirates of the Rear-End: Every Man's Chest would make more sense. Plus, the no man's chest thing just started getting conflated with Keira's flat chest in my mind. Is that what you were going for Harry? No chest? That's not a good porn title.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:16 a.m. CST

    sorry babyshamble but..

    by white owl

    we're getting a '98 rematch. No doubt about it.. did you see that France/Spain game? Zidane friggin OWNED IT. Ronaldo v Zidane in the finals beeyotch! and I can't wait for this movie, I watch POTC1 almost on a monthly or tri-weekly basis. Not biweekly, that's too much for me. But yall get the gist.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:17 a.m. CST

    lol dannychico

    by white owl

    pirates of the rear end: no man's chest sounds like a GAY porn title to me.. once ya think about it. Rear end... no chest..? It all fits. *wink wink nudge nudge*

  • June 29, 2006, 10:20 a.m. CST

    As cool as Kiera is, that title does fit

    by Terry_1978

    You've seen her nude stint in Domino, she does have somewhat of an ironing board coupled with mosquito bites thing going on. She's still cool though.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:22 a.m. CST

    The poo-filled diaper situation during THE HULK

    by Badger999

    But was it good enough that you'd rather let a child stew in his own soiled diaper, rather than miss a few minutes to change him?

  • June 29, 2006, 10:22 a.m. CST

    White Owl

    by hank henshaw

    Brazil vs France is the quarter finals game, this Saturday. I do hope Brazil gets routed at some point. Will it happen? Anyways, I'm looking foward to Pirates.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:25 a.m. CST

    It's my gift, it's my curse. Who am I?

    by CellarDoor

    Spiderman. Ha, I wish. I'm just a bit sweary. I think the first POTC bumbled to its conclusion but am loving the fact that people still enjoyed it. Like I said, the sequel is impervious to criticsm as the first film was impervious to its own flaws. Why? Because you can't help but get swept along by the sense of fun. Which is something that distinguished the Spiderman films from the other comic-book movies. What surprises me is that it's Gore Verbinski and Michael Bay that are responsible! Wonders will never cease.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Do you need to see the first POTC to get this movie?

    by Engineer_at_peac

    Because I haven't, though I kind of want tosee this. I like the Cthulu/Zoidberg pirate guy.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Drink Up Me Harties Yo Ho!

    by The_Bat

    Super Man Who? Jack Sparrow and A Scaner Darkly are the only films I care about this summer. I have watched the original POTC 4 times this week. With and without commentary. Orlando's charater is a stick in the mud and he needs to be to Ground Jack. People are being too hard on him. He does what he needed to do. I had given up on Disney until POTC and I am really glad that they are reviving a genre that has been dead in the water since CUT THROAT ISLAND killed pirate movies years ago. Yo Ho a Pirates Life for Me!

  • June 29, 2006, 10:31 a.m. CST

    It's my gift, it's my curse -- Frank Fuckin Black!!

    by Roguewriter

    I wish to hell people would never again give any credit to SPIDER-MAN for that line. "It's my gift... it's my curse" was definitively used in the pilot episode of TV's lamentably long-lost MILLENNIUM, uttered by the single greatest character actor of all time, Lance Henriksen! GAAAAAAAHHH!!! I can't bear it when cool movies get lazy and rip off great taglines from that, confident no one will recall the origin!!! Sob... we miss you, Frank... ;)

  • June 29, 2006, 10:32 a.m. CST

    holy shit i must have spaced out

    by white owl

    sorry but I'm still on a high after that Zidane goal in quarters. honestly though... what team that is still alive could beat Brazil? Perhaps Germany+their fans.. not argentina. sorry for the mistake.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:33 a.m. CST

    "LIKE that," not "from that..." I need thorazine...

    by Roguewriter

    What do you see, Frank? What do you see? "I see... a terrific update of a stale superhero franchise... swiping my coolest line."

  • June 29, 2006, 10:35 a.m. CST


    by The_Bat

    Thanks Harry for mentioning the fireflies. That was one of my favorites parts of the ride as well. I always wanted to be the old man rocking on his porch. And I am a little old white girl.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Terry, it still makes no sense.

    by jollysleeve

    Even if we went with your interpretation, then the second half of the title would have to be something like "a man's chest." But it's not. It's "no man's chest," meaning the movie has no men's chests in it. Again, WTF? Couple this with the gay-porn first half, and you have... well, you have a typical Knowles review. Seriously, does anyone else get the impression that Harry devotes no more time in writing his reviews than the average talkbacker devotes to a single post?

  • June 29, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST

    "weve got stahs directing our faaate.. and we're prayin

    by white owl

    it's not too laate... Millenniuuum!" now why wasn't that the theme song for the series?

  • June 29, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Seen it...

    by TELF

    It's fine. Really fun. But has precisely the same flaws and virtues of the original. It is messy, unfocused, overlong and inconsistent (performance, direction, everything...). But it is also tremendous fun, subversive, darker than you would expect and looks incredible. There isn't much original going on and certain plot elements are merely retreaded tropes from the first film with different antagonists. And the ending is a bit poor. It just kind of stops. There is no real tension or peril cos it's always taking the piss out of itself so it doesn't really build to a proper climax. Hard to talk about without spoilage. Bloom and Beanpole are still weak (he in particular. just a big snooze. I saw it in London and there were some boos for him. But there is a big laugh where SPOILER Davenport kicks sand in his face SPOILER). But it is a totally worthy sequel if you like the first.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Singo should have taken a few notes

    by DrPain

    on how to make an exciting, FUN action adventure film. Cus that aint what Superman Returns was. Go Pirates!

  • June 29, 2006, 10:38 a.m. CST


    by isildur29

    but the fact harry liked it alot scares me based on his current record of liking movies I was not so fond of

  • June 29, 2006, 10:38 a.m. CST

    that's the answer to your question jollysleeve

    by white owl

    yes man I've gotten that impersonation after the blade 2 review

  • June 29, 2006, 10:38 a.m. CST

    SINGER should have taken a few notes

    by DrPain

  • June 29, 2006, 10:39 a.m. CST

    er.. impression

    by white owl

    mr knowles I demand an edit button!

  • June 29, 2006, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Superman takes itself to seriously

    by The_Bat

    Good movie but only worth seeing in Imax 3D. Bring on JACK!!!

  • June 29, 2006, 10:43 a.m. CST

    self hatred/ K Richards

    by gride9000

    It was just a year or two ago, when I'd not been out of bed for weeks. Lost in a pool of my own spitle and self defeat, I gathered the strength to "get out and do something". I went with a old friend to POTCTCOTBP and my life was perminantly changed. Jack Sparrow is my whole reason for living. Work, food, sex all meaning less. I hate people, but pirates.... no prob. If this movie sucks, I will kill at least 26 people. Half will be women and children. But hey! At least there will be one less miserable slob obsessed with a pirate movie wraped up in a keith richards metaphor.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:45 a.m. CST

    How are going kill them?

    by The_Bat

    Marron them or Keal Hall?

  • June 29, 2006, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Curse my bad spelling!

    by The_Bat

    Maroon or keel?

  • June 29, 2006, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Sorry Rogue...

    by CellarDoor

    Sorry Lance. No, wait a minute. He was in Alien vs Predator wasn't he? Apology revoked!

  • June 29, 2006, 10:53 a.m. CST

    speaking of keith

    by gride9000

    ABC News - July 28, 2006

  • June 29, 2006, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Orlando is an albatross around this movie's neck

    by Dannychico

    He fucking sucks. I'm sick of people defending him. He's only good as an elf - you know, when he's SUPPOSED to be boring. The argument that he needs to play straight to Depp's Captain J is ridiculous. You actually can have two charasmatic leads. Lethal Weapon. Butch Cassidy. Every buddy cop movie.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:02 a.m. CST

    disney's only franchise

    by KoozyK

    it's true. disney doesn't really have much else to go on. everything else they've made (themselves) has failed or not caught on with the masses. they'll continue this until there's nothing left to bleed.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:02 a.m. CST

    by cyberskunk

    The only time I remember seeing someone keel hauled in a sea movie was in a B&W version of Mutiny on the Bounty, where the captain was played by Charles Laughton (I had to check on his name). I thought, "Oh, so that's what it looks like."

  • June 29, 2006, 11:07 a.m. CST

    Do not blame The Lance for AVP!!

    by Roguewriter

    A brotha's gotta keep food on the table, yo. He's in his late 60s and he has a toddler, so there you have it. Seriously, obligatory Bruce Campbell worship aside, has there ever been a cooler working actor than Lance? Yeah, he makes way too much garbage... but any time he shows up, he jacks up the watchability factor exponentially. Even AVP (just for his bad-ass death scene). Lance is the man. Why ain't HE getting offered roles like Davy Jones... or Bootstrap Bill?!

  • June 29, 2006, 11:07 a.m. CST

    What suits do Pirates like to wear?

    by Turd Furgusen


  • June 29, 2006, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Depp is this Franchise

    by Turd Furgusen

    I agree with the other posters that Depp totally made this movie. I went to POTC with a couple of buddies because it was too hot to hang outside and AC sounded really good. Pirates was the only movie that looked worth while. When I saw Captain Jack Sparrow make his entrance, I was hooked. No pun intended. If salary is the measure of an Actor's worth in Hollywood, Jonny Depp is the one of the least appreciated actor's working today.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Orlando is not robert...

    by The_Bat

    Redford, Paul Newman or Mel Gibson to be sure. But if you need a pretty boy he is one. He not a great actor but who would you cast as Will Turner instead? You can't not have him and he doesn't take away from the film that much. Hey Maybe Lance could play him.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Does anyone else think Kevin McNally (aka Mr. Gibbs)...

    by JohnGalt06

    looks and sounds a helluva lot like that guy who played Scarlett's dad in GONE WITH THE WIND and the uncle in ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE. I mean, seriously, the resemblence is uncanny...

  • June 29, 2006, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Davy Jones R'lyeh wgah'nagl f

    by Prof.Ikamono

    Cheer up Sleepy Jean, indeed.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Sadly, John Knoll will not get an Oscar

    by Razorback

    The Academy hates ILM due to its success. They will give the Oscar to some crappy effect created by Weta.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Totally underwhelmed by the first POTC, but looking

    by Lando Griffin

    forward to this one. Although they really should've cast Peter SARRRsGgARRD as a pirate named, oddly enough, Peter SARRRsgARRRd. They could've even did a little product placement for Peter Saarsgaards SARS Guard.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Orlando Bloom would be on my wall if I was gay

    by JackDonkey

    and he almost makes me gay in a strange way, especially as an elf in LOTR

  • June 29, 2006, 11:47 a.m. CST

    Thanks, Harry!. And too long?!.

    by barrybgb

    Thanks for the great review, Harry. You've never let me down before. I loved Supes' return, and I know I'll love this. As for people complaining it's too long, well, I'm glad. Big epic films like this I want to be at least over 2 hours.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:47 a.m. CST

    Thank God this World Cup business...

    by Lost Skeleton

    is wrapping up so we can see some good ole flicks. I loved Supes but less bring on the Kracken! I also hear that Lady in the Water and Miami Vice are good too! July is making up for a suck ass June.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Do they even mention The Locker?

    by Squashua

    Or is that the chest? Davy Jones' Locker!

  • June 29, 2006, 11:48 a.m. CST


    by Rindain

    This movie is filled with classic lines. The quotability factor will push this film to upwards of $400 million.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Flynn and Reagan were both in Desperate Journey

    by Uncapie

    Ah, ha!

  • June 29, 2006, 11:54 a.m. CST

    Im gonna get it for this.Orlando is a fine screen actor

    by Teamwak

    Am I the only one to think so? I really liked him in Kingdom of Heaven. Hell, I really liked that movie too! I liked him in LOTR, Elizabethtown, Pirates, and Troy. So there! Let the roasting begin...

  • June 29, 2006, noon CST

    "Orlando is an albatross around this movie's neck"

    by Engineer_at_peac

    Way I remember it, an albatross was a ship's good luck till some idiot killed it. Yes. I've read a poem. Try not to be surprised.

  • June 29, 2006, noon CST

    Harry Loves TROOP BEVERLY HILLS...

    by heywood jablomie

    Harry Loves WILDBERRIES GO TO PRAGUE. Harry Loves BIO DOME 2. Harry Loves BLOODSPORT 6. Harry Loves WITCHBOARD 9. Harry Loves the Tiny Little Crumbs That You Pick Out of Your Tear Duct in the Morning. Harry Loves the Color of the Lettering on a Subway Sandwich Bag. Harry Loves the Smell of Old Men Passing By Him in a Hallway. Harry Loves the Bits of Spare Change (27 Cents and a Subway Token) in His Pocket. Harry Loves the Blank Blue Screen That Comes on When You Don't Have a Certain Cable Channel. Harry Loves the Empty Candy Wrapper at the Bottom of His Bathroom Trashcan. Harry Loves.

  • June 29, 2006, noon CST

    Dead Mans Chest

    by 2Girth2Ferguson

    Is what Harry calls it when he is fucking a dead guy right in the Chest!! Then he likes it when Kevin Spacey nails him in the ass while he fucks the dead guy. It is just WRONG.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:05 p.m. CST

    I like Orlando Bloom too

    by AngelCordy

    He plays a great straight man to Depp's off the wall zaniness. I look forward to seeing him in this movie, especially since he gets more to do. However, I also think that more than half the girls who went to see this went in for Bloom and came out shrieking for Depp, myself included. Way to go, you big stud.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Harry, what country are you from?

    by Gigol-o Joe

    Do they speak English in What?

  • June 29, 2006, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Yes, but the albatross is around his neck

    by oisin5199

    because the arrogant dumbass shot it! And the crewmembers made him wear it. Now go smoke some opium with Kubla Khan. Seriously, ROTAM still stands as one of the best seafaring horror stories of all time. Fits perfectly with the POTC genre.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:41 p.m. CST

    what is a pirate's mating call in the ghetto?

    by white owl

    Yo ho ho! ...

  • June 29, 2006, 12:44 p.m. CST

    If the albatross is around someone's neck ....

    by Ringwearer9

    ... then it's obviously dead.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Thank you, Oisin

    by Dannychico

    For defending my metaphor. Are you people really defending Orlando Bloom? How many movies is he going to do where the reviewer says "this is the first true Orlando Bloom vehicle" or "this is his coming out party"? He's never coming out! He'll stay in that goddamned closet forever.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Heath Ledger would smoke in the role of Will Turner

    by Dannychico

  • June 29, 2006, 12:50 p.m. CST



    Bloom did a great job in the director's cut version. Bloom is only as good as his director...

  • June 29, 2006, 12:52 p.m. CST

    The real question is, who will play Guybrush?

    by Dannychico

    Threepwood will own face. These POTC movies ape so much from those games.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:54 p.m. CST


    by Crash Crator

    *****A 10-year-old could filter-out Harry

  • June 29, 2006, 12:57 p.m. CST

    I'd be excited but you loved Superman Returns too

    by Rupee88

    and we know how that one turned out.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Box Office Gassed

    by Crash Crator

    *****Gas prices are eating up the average moviegoer

  • June 29, 2006, 1:14 p.m. CST

    Interesting point, Crash Gator. Anyone walk to flix?

    by Roguewriter

    Rave just opened an 18-screen theater in my part of Huntsville, Alabama... but my four-year-old is still too young to make the trek (1.5 miles) and, frankly, the summer heat is just too much for this fat old man. Anyone other than Noo Yawkers enjoy the delights of being close enough to a decent theater to walk? I'd give anything to avoid using my car for anything other than work-travel in the next six months... sadly, I think the era of the true neighborhood cinema is long in our rearview mirror...

  • June 29, 2006, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Without the "bland" Orlando Bloom character

    by ZeroCorpse

    Without Bloom's bland character, Captain Jack Sparrow wouldn't have a straight man to bounce off of (No puns intended). Will Turner's necessary, because he keeps Jack from flying completely into the realm of ridiculousness.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:22 p.m. CST


    by PutZ

    teaser trailer at joblo!!!!

  • June 29, 2006, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Oh come on!

    by TELF

    Bloom is SHITE! Good call Dannychico on Heath. Harry is talking out of his arse when he says this is a straight Captain Jack movie. Bloom's character SPOILER and his Dad END SPOILER play a huge (And largely redundant) role in this film. And will do in the next one too presumably, as at the end of this one NOTHING is resolved. For the non-geeks who don't realise the next one comes out soonish I can imagine a lot of people feeling cheated when they find out they are only getting half the story this year. Still a fun half tho. But I just wish they had concentrated on Jack, SPOILER the Commodore END SPOILER and Davy Jones. Why can't this Franchise just be about the ongoing adventures of Jack and Black Pearl? With the Commodore always chasing him like General wotsit in the A Team. Just get a different (or, if you share my tastes, legitimately sexy) bird each film. Whatever. Bloom is shite. It is just fucking scientific fact.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:31 p.m. CST


    by DerLanghaarige

    But now it's gone. Just a few minutes after I watched it :))

  • June 29, 2006, 1:31 p.m. CST

    The BEFORE is too much, sorry.

    by DerLanghaarige

  • June 29, 2006, 1:42 p.m. CST

    This straight man argument...

    by TELF

    Does not excuse his flat performance. There is a great deal of skill in being a strong straight man. Bloom's timing is shocking for a start. He could at least be macho, he's supposed to be a bloody blacksmith. That would make a better contrast to Depp's dandy Jack. The film works DESPITE, not because of, Bloom. Jesus, it staggers the imaginatipon that people actually liked him in Kingdom Of Heaven. The other two actors up for that part were Goran Visnijc (6'4" former soldier, strong actor) and Paul Bettany (6'4" Gangster No 1, amazing actor). Instead they got Bloom to grow a beard and do some push ups. The film was flawed (yeah director's cut too) but you can't get past the sheer lack of authority or even reality that Bloom is able to tap into in his performances. It's just mad that he isn't having a great career doing rom-coms and Jane Austen films, which he'd be fine in, but instead is being shoved down our necks as kind of bum-fluff 'tached Errol Flynn...

  • June 29, 2006, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Roguewriter's Movie Trek

    by Crash Crator

    *****Ever consider the bicycle, Mr. Roguewriter? It

  • June 29, 2006, 1:55 p.m. CST

    For the kids? This is a PG13/12A movie!

    by Mr Stonky

    Anyone old enough to watch this movie will know exactly what the sexy stuff is about. PG13 movies are not suitable for 6 year olds by definition.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:55 p.m. CST


    by mbeemer

    Thanks for the "Serenity" quote!

  • June 29, 2006, 2:01 p.m. CST

    That's really up to parents Mr Stonky

    by Engineer_at_peac

  • June 29, 2006, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Telf is right - see tom cruise for a good straight man

    by Dannychico

    In Rainman. I'm not even a big Tom Cruise fan! But the whole idea of a "straight man" is kind of dumb. Eccentric characters are even better when playing off of other eccentric characters.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Mr Stonky - up to the parents

    by Dannychico

    PG-13 is ok for some kids and some parents.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    Well, depending on the country

    by Engineer_at_peac

    Some of the countries have government ratings instead of private ones and they are enforced by law

  • June 29, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST


    by decypher44

    Excellent review. I can't WAIT to see this.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:31 p.m. CST

    The Straight Man theory

    by Dannychico

    is bogus. There's no excuse for an actor being uninteresting just because those around him are funny. Sure, Jerry Seinfeld was the ostensible straight man in that show - but was he really that "straight"?

  • June 29, 2006, 2:46 p.m. CST

    I stopped

    by AlgertMopper

    I stopped at the Gollum stuff. Leave your LotR masturbation on the LotR stuff. Don't let if fall into other reviews. It's fucking sad and shows how bad of a reviewer are

  • June 29, 2006, 2:56 p.m. CST

    Why is "Summon the Kraken" a classic line?

    by Ringwearer9

    I mean, I saw the trailer, and the hints of a massive giant squid coming in response to the line is kinda cool, but what's cool about the line itself? I did like the "There is no dress in my cabin" line, though.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Heh heh, Crash Gator...

    by Roguewriter

    You've obviously never driven around Alabama. The roadkill around here ain't all made up of critters, if you take my meaning... Getting on one of these main roads on a bicycle is suicide! ;)

  • June 29, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Oh, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow

    by BrandLoyalist

    *typing halted by blow from large clown hammer*

  • June 29, 2006, 3:17 p.m. CST

    Unreadable review

    by Gwai Lo

    Harry gushing in pirate-speak = nausea inducing. I'll wait for the other AICN reviewers to chime in, although by any indication this movie looks like it will be fun and better than the first one.

  • June 29, 2006, 3:50 p.m. CST

    by wolack22

  • June 29, 2006, 3:51 p.m. CST


    by wolack22

    when this blows supes return out of the water next week... and they're all wondering whether or not a sequel is a good idea... SCREW SINGER!!!

  • June 29, 2006, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Kiera is "The sexiest tomboy beanpole".......etc.

    by Doom II

    I was hoping for a comparison to Superman Returns. Like was it an overall better film or just more fun?

  • June 29, 2006, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Yeah, buddy...

    by CountVonGroovy

    "Swearing is an intellectual crutch for the inarticulate..." Just like in all of those "inarticulate" Coen Brothers movies. I never asked for your crutch, don't ask for mine...

  • June 29, 2006, 4:39 p.m. CST

    I absolutely despise..

    by Harysuxafat1

    Orlando Bloom in every way possible. But Depp was so damn good as Jack Sparrow he made up for it. I hope Bloom is truly deemphasized this go around. I might actually spend money on this one.

  • June 29, 2006, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Saying that swearing...

    by Harysuxafat1

    is an intellectual crutch is like saying people that despise homos are homophobic. It's just something you say because you wanna feel superior to someone else who might call you a cocksucking cunt of a pussy and might not really care what you think. Just saying...

  • June 29, 2006, 4:50 p.m. CST

    This film gets us closer to a "Monkey Island" movie

    by Chastain-86

    How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:08 p.m. CST


    by LouGossetPhillip

    I didn't understand a word of that "review". I think Harry liked the film, and Gollum was mentioned for some odd reason, other than that I'm lost. If anyone has a translated version that isn't written in six-year-old-speak or incoherent-drunk-rambling could you please post a link to it? thanks.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:14 p.m. CST

    'arry my old son, stop using "English" swearing.

    by Vim Fuego

    Speaking as a cheerful chirpy cockney it hurts me mince pies.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:22 p.m. CST

    i'm sorry Harry, but if you were ANY WoO character...

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    it would be the straw man and we all know it.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:54 p.m. CST

    Jack Sparrow = Han Solo

    by AlwaysThere

    Guess you have to steal from the best.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Film lengths

    by AlwaysThere

    If a movie is long and captivating then the time fly's by. But if it's ham fisted and slow ala Hulk, Superman Returns, Pirates 1, and King Kong then we've got a big problem.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:59 p.m. CST


    by Dannychico

    I already mentioned Monkey Island. See my above posts. But it's ok being second.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:01 p.m. CST

    The more I read, the less enthusiastic I become...

    by OBSD

    I love the first Pirates movie, but one of the things I liked best about it are the perfect blend of characters, but this time around it seems like "All Jack All The Time". It's like making chilli. A ton of flavors come together to make something unique. Let's say that one of those flavors is a hot sauce that most people have never had before. Everybody looooooves the chilli and can't rave enough about the hot sauce, so the next batch you cut all of the other spices and flavors to 1/3 of the original recipe. Except for the hot sauce. This time you add 5 bottles of it because it was your "secret ingredient" the first time around. Do you think it will taste as good? Because it doesn't sound very yummy to me. Analogy ends.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:13 p.m. CST

    Not true, sonicdeathmonkey

    by Gwai Lo

    If Harry was a Wizard of Oz character it would be the Cowardly Lion.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:23 p.m. CST

    More Blandness

    by genrefanboy

    POTC1 Was bland, dire & boring. I am absolutely amazed that it was so popular as without Depps vastly overrated performance no-one would have even remembered it by now. This is yet another sign of the times where bland is the new artform that the masses embrace as they are also bland so cannot even tell the difference anymore.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:49 p.m. CST

    Kiera is more manly than Orlando.

    by superninja

    I think that's part of the problem. He's very girlish in demeanor. And Jack is kind of fey, no doubt, although that seems more like an act to keep everyone on their toes. So there is a lot of girly girlness going on with the leads.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:50 p.m. CST

    Anyway, the film looks fun, randy and cheerful.

    by superninja

    Something some other summer films could've used a bit of, and you know who I'm talking about.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:58 p.m. CST


    by jollysleeve

    LOL, you could've saved yourself a lot of typing and just mentioned Fonzie and Happy Days. (But anyone who makes detailed food analogies is aces in my book, regardless.) However, try not to worry too much. I think a previous poster mentioned (sourly) that indeed, the other characters (like Will Turner) still occupy a goodly portion of this movie.

  • June 29, 2006, 7:15 p.m. CST

    Cliffhanger Ending (SPOILER WARNING)

    by sacul1138

    The credits roll. Kidding. I saw it yesterday and I wont agree with Harry's review, I wont go against it either. The movie is fun and is good, but the original is far better to me, but the sequel is set up for some cool shit. Again SPOILER WARNING: The cliffhanger is pretty simple. Jack is eaten by the Krakken (sp?) Thanks to Miss Swan I might add. The group heads back to the local voodoo chick who tells them how to go to the edge of the world (or end of the world, can't recall how she said it) Basically sounds like they are going to Tartarus to get Jack's soul back....and guess who's leading them to the spot?...Good Ol Captain Barbosa. Norrington has screw them all over as well..wont go into that, but I love this guy so much more in this movie. After the credits stay and you'll get a little bit of fun as well.

  • June 29, 2006, 7:28 p.m. CST

    They're taking the Pirates to Isengard!!!

    by Orionsangels

    What's even weirder if you play Slayer's Reign in Blood together with Bakshi's LOTR. Weird coincidences happen -

  • June 29, 2006, 7:37 p.m. CST

    Not reading the spoilers for this one

    by performingmonkey

    I don't want the ending ruined before I see it. I've come to the conclusion that I keep fucking up movie experiences by reading spoilers. Depp is a screen legend in his prime.

  • June 29, 2006, 7:58 p.m. CST

    I bet SR and POTC both die under 300 mil

    by andrew coleman

    And why does it always come to taking sides in TB's Superman vs. POTC. One is an adventure film and one is a comic book film two different categories I would think and shouldn't people be happy we at least have both of these movies. This summer has blown ass movie wise and these two movies will be the stand outs, maybe Clerks 2 and Lady in the Water or Miami Vice will rock but they won't destroy the BO like these two. So smile enjoy both it doesn't matter if you like one over the other. I'm pumped to see Superman again next week and then on friday be treated with POTC so it will be a good week.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:45 p.m. CST

    Spacecowboynj is talking out of his ass!

    by Orionsangels

    He could not be more wrong. He's just a boring person himself. That's the problem here folks. GO SEE SUPERMAN RETURNS right now. Support Superman, Star Wars, LOTR all geek franchises. Even if you don't like them. IT'S THE FUCKING LAW!!! I don't wanna read your nitpicking bitching itching snitching witching and whateva. Just fuckin pretend to like it. Relive your fucking childhood. LOOOVE IT MUTHAFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • June 29, 2006, 10:58 p.m. CST

    The next review

    by bollhatergc

    will headline "Harry sells his soul to Satan by giving a positive review to The Devil Wears Prada"

  • June 29, 2006, 11:14 p.m. CST

    Uh... yeah, okay, Dannychico.

    by Chastain-86

    Didn't realize that being first to the Guybrush Threepwood remark was a point of pride for you there, sparky. Tell you what -- why don't you wake up extra-early tomorrow morning, jump on your bicycle, and ride down to the local Wal-Mart at 4am. Then you can be FIRST there TOO! Won't that rule?

  • June 29, 2006, 11:22 p.m. CST

    natural born killers right?

    by calami-shami

    tht's the new animation? Boy i cant wait for that to come out, as soon as Stone finishes editing it... anytime now.

  • June 30, 2006, 1:22 a.m. CST

    Depp is overrared! A LOT! esp. in those films!

    by chien_sale

    I went to see the first film wich I thought was average. And when I returned from there there was all this buzz around Johhny Depp`s performance. Have I seen the same film, I thought? I watched it again on DVD with my daughter and again I found nothing special by his performance. In fact I thought he wasn`t funny at all because he tried too much much to restrain himself to trully go wild. And that means people liked him because he was the cool guy, not because he was that great or funny in his performance.

  • June 30, 2006, 1:30 a.m. CST

    I like how good characters and dialogue equal...

    by andrew coleman

    To Lifetime channel. I find it funny that when a movie tries to actually do something or have a point people get pissed off. But when a movie is seriously shitty they'll stand to defend it(X3). POTC is already getting a sour treatment from people who haven't even seen it yet, wait for it and maybe for all those who are crying about Superman there will be enough shit that goes boom for you to concentrate on. Superman and POTC are it folks the two big summer movies enjoy them stop constantly bitching and acting like you work for a studio "Don't waste your money on Superman" do you work for Fox or something? Let people make their own decisions on the movie. I would just lighten up because the rest of July is smaller pics where no one will be able to debate box office on a grand scale. What is the next major upset TB battle gonna be? Clerks 2 is better than Miami Vice!!! I'm just actually happy to have a Superman film and what seems to be a fun pirate movie back to back. Shouldn't we be happy instead of furious? I don't know I for one am going to try and enjoy myself at the movies this week/weekend as will most others I would assume. Since in the theater I was in for SR, the audience cheered almost through out the film. So at least some people are having fun at the movies.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:57 a.m. CST

    i just can't wait to see superman and cars...

    by jig98

    i know i'll end up seeing pirates 2 just like the first one, and johnny depp is not overrated.

  • June 30, 2006, 7:23 a.m. CST

    Keep up the good work big guy!

    by tompbeast

    Harry man! half the time i don't have a clue what your going on about which makes your increasingly bizarre reviews funny, not because what you write is particularly comical, but because of the weird tangents and obtuse sentences. You and Vern are Always laugh out loud funny for different reasons. great fun! Oh and you as the Tinman gave me a right fright when i scrolled down, I almost cried!

  • June 30, 2006, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Overrarrred = pirate with a hoarse voice from rarrr-ing

    by BrandLoyalist

    And heck, he's playing a pirate, so it's no wonder he'd get a little overrarrred. Eh heh. (Sorry chien_sale, diving on spelling errors is the height of lameness... but yours had a pun. Puns! I love puns! PS, MS Word's grammar checker is for pansies)

  • June 30, 2006, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Bill George is F/X Supervisor on POTC 2 and 3!

    by Admiral Nelson

    FYI, John Knoll was the visual effects supervisor for the first

  • June 30, 2006, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Seriously, Harry?

    by la_sith

    Learn to write. I mean, seriously.

  • June 30, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Looking forward to POTC2 but...

    by sith-vol

    ....after seeing Superman Returns, I just hope it can stand up. I've been looking forward to Dead Man's Chest since first hearing about it. Superman Returns just seemed like a train wreck waiting to happen, but after all is said and done POTC2 has its work cut out for it and I really hope its up to the challenge. Singer's vision is the best thing I've seen in a few years. On another note...lose the tin man Harry, its quite disturbing looking.

  • June 30, 2006, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Who wants to talk about Pirates of the Caribbean...

    by SalvatoreGravano

    ...when one can "talk about everything Casper Van Dien", as per the welcome line on Casper van Dien for Batman and Superman in Batman versus Superman!

  • June 30, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    60% on RT??? What the hell?

    by minderbinder

    I'd be alarmed, but the positive reviews are so positive, and the negative reviews mostly complain that it's all too much. Still hoping for the best on this one.

  • June 30, 2006, 2:30 p.m. CST

    60% on RT = 5 reviews, 3 good, 2 bad

    by JohnGalt06

    I mean, really, everybody calm down. It's got 2 mildly negative reviews.

  • June 30, 2006, 2:55 p.m. CST

    Honestly, is it that hard to spell K-E-I-R-A?

    by Charles Grady

    Despite ample evidence provided by the above review, the movie posters, the imdb, and her name in the credits of a dozen or so movies, how do you guys see all that and STILL spell it K-I-E-R-A? I just don't understand bad spellers. Don't you see something once and know how to spell it for, like, ever?

  • June 30, 2006, 3:07 p.m. CST

    60% is a taste of things to come

    by AlwaysThere

    If it's truly unimaginative then Deep as Capt. Jack Sparrow wont be enough to save this movie

  • June 30, 2006, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Dream on, AlwaysThere

    by JohnGalt06

    Now that Superman is tanking at the BO, Pirates will rule the summer.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:12 p.m. CST

    "Now that Superman is tanking at the BO..."

    by Triumph poops!

    Tanking??? Earth to moron: it had the 8th BEST opening day in Hollywood history -- and that was on a Wednesday, with the Weekend only just starting. Attention all villages! One of you is missing your resident IDIOT! Please contact Harry so he can be returned to you at once. He's loose and has reached a keyboard and is posting away and, frankly, it's just embarrassing...

  • June 30, 2006, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Actually Triumph

    by Thumper2k1

    It's the 8th best opening on a wednesday. 29th best opening overall. Watch it drop considerably next week. PotC2 will destroy what SR's bad word of mouth didn't.

  • June 30, 2006, 8:43 p.m. CST

    by Flim Springfield

    Keith Richards. Shouldn't Harry already KNOW this? I mean, Dean Martin??

  • June 30, 2006, 9:28 p.m. CST

    Jack Sparrow is more Chaplin than Superman

    by lettersoftransit

    ...meaning the character is more closely tied to the actor and his performance. Characters like the Tramp (and, say, Groucho) were certainly fictional and iconically visual enough you might think they could have been kept alive as franchise characters with done and redone many times, but they weren't. Jack Sparrow may beat Superman's opening week, but it's due in large part to the fact you can only see the character in one of two ways -- rent the previous film or go see the new one, whereas superman competes not only with him but with numerous other variations on himself. People should not think it's a race between the two characters, but if you must think of it that way then realize Sparrow may sprint past Supe for a brief time, but the guy in the cape will over take him in the franchise character marathon.

  • June 30, 2006, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Thank you, Thumper

    by JohnGalt06

    For not being a complete idiot like Triumph. Seriously, he's living in some fantasy-moron world...

  • June 30, 2006, 10:31 p.m. CST

    Oh! Bravo!! This Review is.....

    by thebearovingian

    and I quote, "just motorscooter perfect." What...the hell...does that mean, Harry?! Is that phrase takin over for "delicious" now? GIANT APE BALLS- No, I don't think you're a boring, old man. Although you may be. But I don't believe so. LAUS DEO

  • July 1, 2006, 3:25 a.m. CST

    Don't front, Ringwearer9.

    by DocPazuzu

    It's not about lines being "classic" or not. You've decided to hate POTC because it's unrealistic for a guy to have a tentacle beard.

  • July 1, 2006, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Well the first Uk review of POTC 2 DMC is and once

    by emeraldboy

    Empire Magazine has hyped this film up only to tear it down. If you havent seen the movie dont read the following: Empire Review Everybody loves it when a sequel reunites the original cast. From The Empire Strikes Back through to X-Men 2, the reinvigoration of winning team dynamics has ensured follow-ups that, at the very least, match their predecessors. But here

  • July 1, 2006, 1:23 p.m. CST


    by butnugget

    The line is "classic" from Clash of the Titans.

  • July 1, 2006, 4:36 p.m. CST

    You can imagine the harrys boss at penthouse

    by emeraldboy

    I am sure he is pulling his hsir out when he reads one of harrys badley typed reviews for that journal.

  • July 2, 2006, 11:41 a.m. CST

    i saw jack sparrow on the cover of rolling stones mag..

    by jig98

    yesterday and i couldv'e SWORN i thought it was keith richards dressed up as a pirate. now, that i seen that, i think that the whole idea of keith richards making an appearance in the 3rd pirates movie next summer is just one big stupid contribance. [he'll probably be smoking on the set the whole time anyway} my favorite line so far {watching the clips} is when elizabeth swann shows up at the black pearl and jack sparrow thinks she's a sailor. "these clothes don't flatter you at all. it should be a dress or nothing. i happen to have no dress in my cabin" so typical of johnny depp. i liked the funny lines between him and orlando bloom from the first movie "you cheated. pirate."

  • July 2, 2006, 5:41 p.m. CST

    "just motorscooter perfect."

    by tango fett

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! and PS - Superman Returns was amazing.

  • July 2, 2006, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 is Superman's Doomsday!

    by KAWS

    Because this film is going to kill Superman Returns boring half-ass of a movie dead. You know this to be true.

  • July 2, 2006, 9:04 p.m. CST


    by blacklodgebob

    Maybe the tracks on the album weren't chosen very well, but from listening to it, Zimmer's score BLOWS. Way too many grinding electric guitars. Does anyone know why Klaus got taken off this one?

  • July 3, 2006, 5:11 p.m. CST

    Scorn for pretty boys

    by boat

    I think its like a weird twist on the self fulfilling prophesy thing. Orlando Bloom is pretty, too pretty, girly, i forget what else etc - so therefore, because we aren't even remotely willing to acknowledge that a pretty boy may actually be able to act, the veridct is he is going to suck in this movie. Then you go to see the movie and guess what! - Orlando Bloom sucks. I love Depp and think he's a great actor but let's be honest, his popularity and his coolness factor in the eyes of the public (especially the male public)have grown proportionally with his age and gradual loss of the girly factor. Yes, the great Depp was once a pretty boy. Don't hear anyone raving about how great his acting in 21 Jump Street was. My point if you don't like Orlando Bloom that's fine, but isn't it just possible that Will Turner is bland not because of Bloom's acting but because of the piss poor lines he got in the first movie, same for Keira by the way. Depp by far got the best character to play with and fromn the looks of it the same happended with DMC.I think pretty boys need to start some kind of anti discrimination group or something -picket outside critics' workplaces.

  • July 3, 2006, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Dannychico: "Heath Ledger would smoke ..."

    by Lamerz

    " ... in the role of Will Turner." Yeah, sure he would. He'd smoke Jack Sparrow's pole when they get trapped, lonely, in a cave, waiting to be found. Then when Keira comes in, he denies it. Then Gore Verbinski wins an Oscar for direction in "Butt Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Ass".

  • July 6, 2006, 6:19 p.m. CST

    You're full of it Harry

    by paskey01

    Get your tongue out of Johnny Depps ass for a second and look at the movie again. Sure, it was a good movie, but it wasn't a GREAT movie, and it certainly wasn't better then the original, far from it in fact. The entire sequence at the beginning with "Guanno man" was unnecessary. it felt like they filmed the movie without it then sat there and thought "Hmmmm, you know what, the beginning is kind of slow, I think we need to spice it up a bit... throw in some cannibals! Make it rediculously long, and have nothing to do with the plot of the film!" The 2nd thing that was annoying was the classic sequal mistake of over re-hashing jokes from the original. I would have screamed at 1 more "Where's the rum/hide the rum/throw out the rum" joke. They also re-did the candleabra joke, the dog with the keys TWICE, the long garbled explanation from Jack 3 TIMES, the sea-turtles, "I was rooting for you mate" etc etc. This is the reason that the original Austin Powers movie was such a hit, but the sequels bombed out, too many repeats of old jokes. This is why Jim Carey never does sequels to any of his films (with the exception of Ace Ventura), because he realises that re-hashing jokes isn't as funny and ruins your comedic integrity. And finally, anyone who enjoyed that ending either has the patience of a monk with a vow of silence, or is an idiot. Without spoiling the ending for those yet to see it, it basically ends on a "Tune in next week for Pirates 3!" cliffhanger, and yes it is a cliffhanger no matter what you say Harry. Endings like that work for Tv shows like Lost because the next episode is only a week away. This next movie is 3 freaking years away! Every great movie (and even most that aren't that great) that has a sequel in the making, still has a proper resolution and ending to some extent! Each of the Starwars, LOTR, Indiana Jones, heck, even your beloved Spiderman and Superman, we bloody well KNEW that there would be sequels coming, and yet the makers of each of these films were still smart enough to give us proper endings to their films, even if they weren't the last in the series. To end the film as they did was down right cheesy and really, REALLY bloody annoying.

  • July 7, 2006, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Just got back from midnight show...

    by AngelCordy

    Best. Movie. Ever. Superman, you had a good week while it lasted, but even you can't stop the thundering juggernaut that IS Captain Jack Sparrow. This movie will make more money than a third world country. And I happily intend to contribute. At the end of the movie, I've never seen an entire theater leap to their feet and start screaming in excitement and joy. Verbinski, you're a genius. Depp, you're my new husband. Enjoy.

  • July 7, 2006, 2:24 a.m. CST

    POTC is not 3 years away

    by fiestyone

    paskey01 you're wrong, The third movie is not "3 freaking years away." Pirates of the Caribbean 3 comes out summer 2007. Sometimes I think the people bad mouthing the second Pirates movie does so because they don't want anyone to see it so that Superman Returns can be number one and gets more of its money back. If POTC 2 had been released before SR and been up against any other movie I doubt it would be getting half as much grief as it has. I liked the first Superman movie, I even liked supergirl, but comparing SR and POTC which are two very different movies is something I just don't understand and can only be explained as fans of one movie bashing the other to keep it from getting more business. Lay off it already and just see how it does.

  • July 7, 2006, 3:41 a.m. CST

    It's our (Generation Y's) EMPIRE

    by Eaglet1138

    I loved every stinking second of it. Can't wait for Jedi, I mean World's End.

  • July 7, 2006, 7 a.m. CST

    Well, you got the 'stinking' part correct

    by Shawn F.

    Gen Y's "Empire Strikes Back"? I thought that was "The Two Towers"?

  • July 7, 2006, 12:13 p.m. CST

    At which point did LOTR conclude exactly?

    by Tremor

    The first film ended with the characters having done fuck all, and the second ended in exactly the same way. 'let's carry on to mordor and get rid of this ring we've been carrying around for two whole films now' If a film's going to be conceived of as a trilogy then they need to leave things open ended else it would defeat the purpose of having any continuity in the first place.

  • July 7, 2006, 10:44 p.m. CST

    Can someone HELP ME OUT!!!

    by rubensreviews

    im ashamed to admit that this totally lost me as I left the film, but why did jack NOT want to stab the heart? what would the heart do?

  • July 7, 2006, 10:45 p.m. CST

    Sorry, spoiler Warning for my post ABOVE

    by rubensreviews

    sorry, its late and im tired

  • July 8, 2006, 8:21 a.m. CST

    A different take..

    by Michael Douglas

    Look upon Dead Man's Chest and World's End as Kill Bill 1 & 2. It's as simple as that. If you intend to make five hours of good movie making, you'd better have a fully rounded, highly layered, and somewhat thick (complicated) script. POTC2 is definitely all of the above which makes POTC3 an even better chance of being the best movie of the trio.

  • July 8, 2006, 8:23 a.m. CST

    and ...

    by Michael Douglas

    And yes, I hate being referred to as "that old fart married to that hottie!"

  • July 10, 2006, 7:32 a.m. CST

    I know it's not realistic but...

    by DirkD13"

    I was totally taken out of the movie when Sparrow fell down the ravine, several hundred feet through LOTS of wooden bridges and survived. That scene made the kraken seem like wildlife on 1

  • July 10, 2006, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Why Jack Couldn't Stab the Heart

    by symphy

    Having the black spot means the Kraken would go after Jack until he was dead. Only Davy Jones could remove the curse (which is additionally hinted at when Jack notices the spot fade after shaking hands with Davy's slime). So if Jones is dead, the Kraken will still eventually get Jack, but if Jack uses the heart as leverage to get Davy to call off the black spot, Jack can survive.

  • July 10, 2006, 4:39 p.m. CST

    3rd Films Title

    by BitchNig

    The next POTC film should be called, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Search for Jack Sparrow.

  • July 12, 2006, 10:12 a.m. CST

    This is just creepy

    by Obee

    I wrote a review of this film somewhere else before reading yours and it's strange to see how similar they are: So I finally went to see this damn film. Let me just say this - if you are sick of movies that use eye-candy as a substitute for plot then go see this flick. Honestly, I was getting so tired of films like The Day After Tomorrow and if you want to see a film utilize all that's available for successful visual effects then Dead Man's Chest will not disappoint. You've got the cannibal island, the cage-balls, fighting on/through a water wheel and the eerily lit jungle where Tia Dalma lives. I only wish they'd show more of that pirate prison and hopefully they'll visit that in the third installment. The thing that I like about Pirates is that it really takes an effort to build a history for each character and define the world of pirates in general. But it also manages to do this in a very realistic way. Bill Nighy and the crew responsible for creating Davy Jones did a spectacular job giving what could have been a disastrous character some real life and even personality quirks. This guy makes Gollum look like a cartoon character. It's strange. Curse of the Black Pearl was more about Will Turner, his enigmatic history and his famous pirate father Bootstrap Bill but I liked Captain Jack Sparrow a lot more. Dead Man's Chest concerns itself more with Jack Sparrow's history and yet I found myself gaining more of an appreciation for Turner. And thankfully in this second film Elizabeth has more to do than just be this posh princess. I think it's the right mix of characters that makes this film work. It seems like it's all about the ensemble casts these days. Pintel and Ragetti were great comic relief as usual especially when despite not knowing how to read, Ragetti feels that you get points for trying when it's the bible. And Kevin McNally was fantastic as Gibbs. One of the reviews I read for this film claimed that some scenes with Jack Sparrow were too unrealistic and cartoonish. Okay man, the damn film is a Disney production about undead pirates - what the hell was this guy expecting? Second just think of Jack Sparrow as the 'accidental James Bond of pirates' - Trust, you'll know exactly what I mean once you see this film.

  • July 12, 2006, 1:51 p.m. CST

    not that great...

    by kasket

    The movie was 'ok' but Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth strayed from their original character personalities a bit too much if you ask me... Also the ending was craptacular... i felt like i should have been part of a test audience....

  • July 12, 2006, 3:27 p.m. CST

    paskey01, you ignorant fuck...

    by decfx

    Guess I gotta correct you dumbshit. As someone else mentioned, POTC 3 is out next Summer. Austin Powers 1 made 53 million. Austin 2 did 206 million and Goldmember made 213 million. That blows your other dumbass theory out of the water. Get yer facts straight ass clown.

  • July 12, 2006, 6:30 p.m. CST

    there's no irony contained in this post

    by drjones

    great. but this shows...time is there (always) and people are fucking hungry for a well made funny adventure with convincing and breathtaking set pieces AND characters. so...please, please, please bring on indyIV. indiana jones is my generation`s (=this generation) indiana jones. films don't leave office and go on like presidents or bundestrainer, alright?!.... :)

  • July 12, 2006, 6:43 p.m. CST

    to the person talking about the supes b.o.

    by drjones

    it is no secret that opening weekends or days or whatever don't mean that much anymore...who cares if the film sinks after the day or weekend of it's release? so, relax!

  • July 13, 2006, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Harry Knowles should stop reviewing movies

    by CharlesBronson24

    This guy is predisposed to like or dislike every movie he sees long before he sees it. Good or bad, you already know what he's going to say. Don't get me wrong, this is a good movie, but you're looking for something where there's nothing. What the hell are you doing trying to analyze subtext in a summer action movie? There is none. And you forgot to mention the incohesive and often aimless plot. Word of advice; try to look at things for what they are, and not for what you want them to be. Then maybe your readers might get a little insight.

  • July 13, 2006, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Coda after the movie

    by SpideyMan

    Be sure to stay for the coda - the extra ending tacked on after the credits. And in terms of other codas, check out -- -- it tracks codas (both new and old) and what trailers are in theaters. Take a look, and contribute!

  • July 13, 2006, 4:16 p.m. CST

    And Pirates takes the 6 day record.

    by minderbinder

    Sure to take the opening week record easily as well. Probably will just tie the fastest to 200M record, but will probably be listed first because it will have the highest total on that day. It has to drop less than 47% to get the second weekend record, and I think that's possible looking at the weekday numbers. For reference, POTC2's lowest weekday beat Spidey 2's second friday and sunday. Also, DVD sales and rentals of the first one spiked, it was #2 for the week. This should be an interesting ride, some people have already used the "T" word, but I think that's unrealistic.

  • July 14, 2006, 8:21 a.m. CST

    The $500 million Club

    by arjaybee

    POTC: Dead Man's Chest may become the only movie in box office history to be in the $500 million domestic box-office club placing it number 2 all-time behind Titanic (which is in the $600 freakin million dollar club in a league all its own). Of course the Star Wars films will most likely solidify their spots in the top ten after the theatrical 3D & IMAX 3D releases down the road but POTC:DMC is going to come closer than any other film to actually threaten to crack the Titanic/Star Wars strangle holds on the top 2 box-office slots. By the way, I can't wait to see this movie again and I have 2 teenage nices' who claim they want to see it 4 or 5 times. Anytime you get girls to want to see a movie like this more than once, you've got a monster on your hands. It's going to be fun to watch this run on box-office history...and this movie again!

  • July 14, 2006, 3:22 p.m. CST

    12M thursday, the new 1 week record is $195M.

    by minderbinder

    Just barely missed a new "fastest to 100M" record. As I see it, WORST case this weekend is 58M, a drop of about 56%. Probably won't match Shrek 2's 72 million, but should be fairly close.

  • July 15, 2006, 1:44 p.m. CST

    Better than the first

    by criticalbliss

    Great subtle and subversive humor in this film. There is a look Depp gives in response to Keira's character that is priceless. Depp felt more fully realized and the story took advantage of the characters more than the first movie. Granted, both films could have used a tighter edit, but this one was a damned good time, and very funny. I find it odd that critics like this movie less. I found it much more entertaining.

  • July 16, 2006, 4:33 a.m. CST

    Pirates of the Caribean: Reloaded

    by grandwiz

    Nothing like an overblown, empty, long middle chapter, to make one optimistic about a shit-ass tired chapter, I mean third chapter. This BORING, JOYLESS POS had the worst script, editing and direction I can think of. With exceptional cast, fx and photography, this could -- should have easily be the classic beyond the original that some overly generous posters are calling it. Everything works beautifully except the basic essentials: there's no fing story-telling here. I went from loving this series to hating it. Billy Ocean has sung.

  • July 17, 2006, 4:57 a.m. CST


    by Trader Groucho 2

    The "rehashed" jokes you refer to were all actually all executed differently than in the first film. In the world of comedy, we call those callbacks. The turtle thing, for example, was not belabored in the least. Jack asks how Will got there. Will says on the backs of turtles. Jack accepts that answer and they move on. If anything, the filmmakers were taking risks with the second film, tossing in callbacks from the first film without explaining them.

  • July 17, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    Anyone else think this was a STEAMING PILE OF CRAP?

    by McGsStepson

    Anyone? I see a couple of posters, now that a lot of the hype has died down, have finally begun to call this film out for being the bombastic and tiresome piece that it is. Anyone?

  • July 17, 2006, 9:17 p.m. CST

    $500 million. HA!

    by McGsStepson

    This film doesn't have a chance of making $500 million. Be happy with the box-office and get real. Its going to do $350-400 so lay off the Jack Sparrow kool-aid.

  • July 18, 2006, 4:56 a.m. CST


    by Trader Groucho 2

    Naw dude. My opinion's closer to Harry's on this one. Fantastic script. Pretty darn good directing. And Johnny owned. Again. Face it. Movie fans love them some Jack. And BTW, your stepdad would have given his left one for either Charlie's Angels movie to have done POTC:DMC numbers. Just want to put the hatin' in perspective.

  • July 18, 2006, 10:31 a.m. CST

    I don't know Groucho

    by McGsStepson

    I hated it. "Callbacks" and all. And I get the point of them. Its not a very good "callback" when the joke was just "OK" in the first place - unless your under 10 years old. And I had high hopes for this film. I enjoyed the first one. Yeah my step daddy would have give his left one for this BO but the box-office for POTC 3 will fall off intevitably. Not that its ANY measurement of the quality of the film but Pirates fans keep bringing it up all the time. Sorry. P.S. for you Pirates lovers I posted some links in another talkback to POTC 3 photos that I was excited about until I saw POTC 2.

  • July 18, 2006, 3:37 p.m. CST

    $500 is VERY unlikely.

    by minderbinder

    But this will make 400 easy, probably a bit more. And I'm not too worried about part 3, based on the numbers word of mouth and repeat business are surprisingly strong. Sure, that doesn't mean it's a good movie, just that audiences are obviously liking it. Personally, I can't wait to see it again, I just have to make the time.

  • July 19, 2006, 4:23 a.m. CST

    She doesn't do it for me...

    by cobb

    Top marks for Depp, the FX's and Zimmers music. Most impressive and I really look forward to more segments in this franchise. Kiera Knightley was alright, but physically she doesn't really "do it for me" (but that's just me). As for Orlando - every time I see him I can't help hearing the voice of Billy Boyd, from the LOTR DVD-documentaries, saying. "Are you Orlando Bluuuum?"

  • July 21, 2006, 3:40 p.m. CST

    On track for fastest to $300M.

    by minderbinder

    Will make it easily on Saturday. So far it's staying ahead of Shrek 2's pace. Wonder how long that will last. I doubt it will hit $450M but it's still having amazing weekdays.

  • July 22, 2006, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Will not make $400 - FORGET ABOUT $500 HA!

    by McGsStepson

    It will have $316 at the end of the weekend and its decreasing at the rate of about %50 per weekend. It would still have to do $84 million more in its run and I think it is slowing.

  • July 24, 2006, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Stepson, you're on crack.

    by minderbinder

    There's no way in hell this won't make it to 400, it will do it easily at this point. Hell, it could beat the record for FASTEST to 400 (just like it did for fastest to 100, 200, 300) It's higher than ANY other movie was at this point in its run. It just had a third weekend with a drop of just 43%, better than the third weekends of Spidey2, Sith, and Shrek2. It's having weekdays that are WAY ahead of any movie at this point in its run. Not to mention that most movies like this have smaller and smaller drops as their runs continue. So far this movie has excellent legs, especially for a hyped sequel, the box office numbers point to great word of mouth and plenty of repeat viewings. I know it must make you sad to see a movie you don't like being hugely successful, but don't give in to denial. And seriously..."HA!"? What, you're gloating that the movie you've picked a fight with will "only" make $400 million? That it will "only" end up the #5 or 6 movie of all time?

  • Aug. 4, 2006, 10:27 a.m. CST


    by Bubba Gillman

    ...that the ending of DMC was lifted wholesale from The Empire Strikes Back, I think Lucas should sue if there are Ewoks in World's End. Enough is enough. I didn't really hate DMC, but thought it was overly long and tedious in spots. And yes, I am mad because it made more than Superman Returns although Superman Returns is the infinitely better film. I know I'm late coming to this party, but it's almost lunch time here at work and I need something to kill the next five minutes.

  • Aug. 13, 2006, 4:03 a.m. CST

    Pirates will clear 400M in another 2 weeks, max...

    by inhumans99

    while it is kind-of odd that Superman has not yet cleared 200M after 6 weeks!! Warner's had such high expectation for Superman...publicly they are probably putting a happy spin on the numbers (like everyone else tries to point can you seriously call a nearly 200M grossing film a dissapointment, answer, when the film was expected to be one of the all time biggest grossing films, yes, that is why someone could declare that SR's run at the box-office was rather weak), but when a movie may not even match the gross of a film like Batman Begins (which only cost 150 million to boot, a lot less than SR)...all I have to say is OUCH! I know the talkbacker(s) who claimed SR would clear 200M in a week was perhaps a tad optimistic, no matter how much the critics like the film before it opened, that fast a sprint to 200M would be an extreme hurdle for ANY film to overcome, but c'mon, after six weeks anyone who claims Warner's is not privately VERY dissapointed with the lackluster performance of what should have been one of the top two grossing films of the summer (perhaps entire year, which has seen X3, Cars, and Pirates outgross SR), is just accepting the company line, hook, line, and sinker. I say again, isn't it kind-of weird/surreal that the first number in SR's box office total is still a 1!?!

  • Aug. 14, 2006, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Yep, at $392, it won't be long.

    by minderbinder

    At this pace it will beat spidey by a bit for #6, but the next one is about $430 which is out of reach. Amazing run. I don't know what kind of idiot would say it would never get to 400 after it was the FASTEST to 300. Ready for that big plate of crow, stepson?

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Took only 2 days longer than Shrek2 to make $400M.

    by minderbinder

    And I can't believe how fucking huge this thing is overseas, it's still making a ton every weekend. Reportedly at $924 million, it looks to easily pass a billion, and I wonder if it might even go beyond ROTK for #2 of all time worldwide. Pretty amazing.

  • Sept. 21, 2006, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Ooo arrrr

    by Dolph

    <b>Me 'earty<b>