Movie News


Published at: June 28, 2006, 10:07 p.m. CST

#8 6/21/06 #5

Hey, gang—Sleazy G here with a quick note. For those of you who haven’t heard yet, I was on G4’s “Attack Of The Show” last week along with Axel Alonso. We were there to talk about the controversial decision to have Peter Parker reveal himself to the world as Spider-Man. It was a great opportunity and I’m glad I did it, but the irony wasn’t lost on me that after using a screen name on AICN for half a dozen years I was going to have to finally reveal myself in front of TV cameras to talk about Peter’s doing the same. I had a lot I wanted to talk about but didn’t get to because the time flew by far more quickly than I expected, and I was just about to jump on Axel regarding one of those points. There are things I would definitely do differently if I could, but I’d never really done TV before, much less live TV, and I guess it threw me a little. Still, I’ve been told I didn’t come off that badly (not that I would know—I can’t bring myself to watch it).

I know some of you have already seen and discussed it, and I had done a bigger write-up for it last week, but some “technical difficulties” caused by “weather conditions” got in the way of it being posted in a timely fashion. Of course, by “technical difficulties” I mean a lack of electricity or internet access, and by “weather conditions” I mean “full-out assault on the @$$holes’ safehouse in Whitebean, Ohio by the Intempirates”. Still, anybody who’s interested and hasn’t seen it yet can find it by going to and doing a search for “spider-man”—the clip will be the first hit. I got more freaked out about the whole thing after I did it than I was before, but I’d still like to hear what you all think about how I did and what Axel had to say, so chime in down there in the talkbacks and let me know.
The Pull List
(Click title to go directly to the review)

52 – WEEK 7
Big Eyes for the Cape Guy presents MONSTER V.3
Big Eyes for the Cape Guy presents BLOOD SUCKER V.1
Indie Jones presents ONIPALOOZA!
Indie Jones presents…


Writer: Neil Gaiman
Artists: John Romita Jr. (pencils) & Danny Miki (inks)
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Prof. Challenger

Good start.

Doesn't hurt that ETERNALS boasts the best work by John Romita Jr. yet. And that's saying something. JRJR has been one of my favorite comic book artists since…gawd…I was in 8th grade, but his work just gets better and better as he gets older. He is truly a master storyteller and makes the most of the canvas he's given by Neil Gaiman's cosmic story squeezed down into a more intimate human level. The art sold me on the story, which, while intriguing enough, came off to me as a bit derivative of some of Gaiman's other works. Think Kirby's ETERNALS smushed together with Gaiman's NEVERWHERE.

See, if Kirby was writing a comic, as cornball as the narrative and dialogue might be, there was always something exciting happening and the thrill of the unexpectedly bizarre. With Gaiman, he's hit or miss for me. I never got into SANDMAN, but I loved SANDMAN MYSTERY THEATRE. Didn't care for AMERICAN GODS but totally dug CORALINE. Hated NEVERWHERE, but loved 1602 (except for the weak conclusion). So, the NEVERWHERE comparison here is a negative for me. But, what Gaiman does with Kirby's ETERNALS is still a masterful lesson for the wannabes out there as to how you can embrace continuity, yet forge ahead for a new audience without pulling a "MAN OF STEEL" or "DOOM PATROL" and rebooting within continuity.

Kirby's ETERNALS was the first comic book series that I went back and collected every issue of, the basic conceit of the series being that intelligent life on this planet was sparked by these massive stone robots called Celestials for some unknown purpose. They took the proto-humans and transformed them into humans. However, they also transformed them into Eternals and Deviants. The Eternals looked like idealized humans, but had super-powers, were immortal, and mostly good. The Deviants were grotesque and mostly evil. Kirby's idea for the series was that these Eternals and Deviants were the real-life inspirations for all the ancient mythologies. He even chose names for his characters that evoked the names of well-known gods, goddesses, and heroes.

Here's the problem: Kirby never intended the ETERNALS to be a part of Marvel continuity. It's clear even to the point where, to promote the HULK TV series, Marvel pushed him to make the Hulk a guest-star, and Kirby instead had the Eternal, Ikaris, encounter a Hulk "robot" and a bystander recognized the Hulk as that guy from the TV show. In other words, Kirby was making it clear that this may be a Marvel comic, but it was not a part of the continuity. Kirby knew that his concept did not work within Marvel continuity because Marvel already had well-established that the Norse, Greek, and other pantheons of gods actually existed. In the ETERNALS, they were intended to be the source of all those mythological pantheons.

And whattayaknow, as soon as ETERNALS came to an end, Marvel up and guest-starred the characters in an issue of THOR. And then the continuity floodgates opened wide and the Eternals eventually were revealed as having some sort of convoluted connection to the Kree and the Celestials judged Earth favorably in THOR and Sersi became a member of the Avengers…and…oh I can't even remember it all but I know they had some awful attempts to do new ETERNALS series but they all just sucked. What a mess.

Then they just kind of disappeared.

And now Neil Gaiman has picked up the tale. And not only have the characters all been forgotten by the world at large, but the characters themselves have forgotten who they are. Ike Harris is tortured by fevered dreams about himself as an immortal and the Celestials. He's come to believe his dreams are true and is now attempting to track down the other Eternals, in their human guises, and attempt to (1) convince them of who they really are, and (2) that he's not completely insane. He believes the mass forgetfulness to be brought on by some sinister plan hatched by the Deviants. As the next issue unfolds, we're likely going to see that Ike is right.

As I said, it's a good set-up. It works as a way to hook new readers in without jettisoning the continuity of the previous series. As massive as the Celestials are and considering that a lot of attention came their way by the end of the original series, Gaiman specifically addresses those events in that context: How can everyone have forgotten such an important event?

Gaiman spins the original characters around a bit and has some fun revealing where they are now in their human forms. Makkari is running around now as a med student named Mark Curry, dreaming of going fast. Sprite is the star of his own obnoxious tween TV sitcom called "It's Just So Sprite." Sersi is basically a fast-talking party girl. I was amused by how her dialogue was written like she sprang out of the GILMORE GIRLS or something (chatter chatter chatter chatter jeezabeeza). Druig's doing something naughty with the former Soviet Republics and Thena's working for Tony Stark. All this is happening smack dab in the middle of the current Marvel continuity - replete with superhero-registration commercials and everything. And it works…very well. Gaiman seems to embrace the Marvel characters in a way he didn't with DC and I'm kind of glad to have him taking on the ETERNALS. One of my favorite old 20th century series is now a solid little mini-series for the 21st century and it all feels right.

CSI: DYING IN THE GUTTERS (Promotional Ashcan)

Writer: Steven Grant
Artist: Stephen Mooney
Publisher: IDW Publishing
Reviewed by Dave Farabee

“What was that about?”
“Online gossip columnist, thinks he’s Harry Knowles. He’s a pain, but he’s nobody.”
That gave me a grin. It’s a summation of comic industry gossip-monger Rich Johnston in a 12-page preview of a CSI one-shot that sees him taking a fictional dirt nap. With a title spoofing Johnston’s “Lying in the Gutters” weekly column, DYING IN THE GUTTERS takes the ire he provokes to deadly (and amusing) extremes and proves to be such a hoot even in dinky li’l preview format that I decided I had to give ‘er a shout. I’ve never watched an episode of CSI, never read any of IDW’s other CSI comics, and the full DYING IN THE GUTTERS issue won’t even be out till August, but when a mere 12 pages can make me laugh out loud multiple times, we’ve got worthy pre-order material!

What you really need to know: your enjoyment of this book will likely be in direct proportion to your knowledge of comic industry business. Do you follow Newsarama or The Pulse? Bounce around between creator message boards? Did you read Rich’s column this week where he reported on John Byrne calling me a “complete asshole”?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, keep reading.

DYING IN THE GUTTERS begins with the CSI crew jawing about comics as a handful of ‘em make plans to hit a Vegas comic convention. Do the characters jibe with their TV incarnations? Couldn’t tell you, but writer Steven Grant gives ‘em some fun banter that seems an accurate reflection of how non-comic-readers think about the medium: “What’s wrong with comics? I used to read LITTLE DOT and BETTY & VERONICA.”; “I hear graphic novels are big business.”; “Japanese comics. I hear all the kids in her school are nuts for them.”

The real fun begins at the con itself, where Grant has a devil of a good time tweaking the noses of fellow pros as prelude to the murder. One scene has Ed Brubaker hurrying past former GOTHAM CENTRAL co-writer Greg Rucka on the convention floor, late for a meeting with Marvel EIC Joe Quesada…
Rucka (deadpanning): Sure. Can’t keep Joe waiting. He might make you write a sequel to RAWHIDE KID or something.
Quesada himself arrives shortly thereafter, or at least a hilariously caricatured take on him. Like DeNiro’s Al Capone in THE UNTOUCHABLES, he struts onto the scene cigar in mouth, entourage at his back, all smugness and bravado. Between the lighter stuff, Grant seems to take a few actual jabs at Quesada, like this sequence where he has an altercation with writer Chuck Dixon:
Dixon: And what’s with the cigar?
Quesada: Hey, the no-smoking thing in our comics is strictly for my image and public sympathy. Wolverine can’t smoke, but I can. Besides, the character has gone in a different direction from when you wrote him. You have to take that into account.
Dixon: You wouldn’t say that if I wrote novels, or TV, or for Howard Stern.
Quesada: Man, I have to turn down so many pitches from those guys in a week. But no hard feelings. What’s your address, I’ll send ya a TV.
The preview’s jam-packed with great bits like that, from Ashley Wood looking for assignments with “robots and girls” to Robert Kirkman’s whacked-out pitch for a Machine Man revival to Dixon’s own plans for a book where a Conan analog hunts down Osama bin Laden. If those creator names don’t mean anything to you, you might not get anything beyond a slightly wonky CSI outing from the story, but I was laughing my ass off at all the insider stuff.

Rich himself doesn’t appear until the last page or two of the preview where the creators spy him taking notes on all their feuds for his column. Sparks fly as the scene sets up motivations from multiple creators for the murder that’s at the heart of the story. Apparently the full suspect list will include Stan Lee, Joe Quesada, Marc Silvestri, Tim Bradstreet, Ed Brubaker, Peter David, Chuck Dixon, Phil Jimenez, Robert Kirkman, Adam Kubert, Andy Kubert, Jim Mahfood, George Perez, Greg Rucka, Gail Simone, Beau Smith, J. Michael Straczynski, Ben Templesmith, and Ashley Wood. It’s a shame the list doesn’t include the most hardcore real-life Johnston-haters, John Byrne and Mark Waid, but I suspect their inclusion might provoke real murder (or at least litigation). As it stands, it seems like all the creators featured likely gave their permission for a little skewering; they’re all thanked for “playing along” in the indicia.

Folks, this might well be THE popcorn book for industry voyeurs. The art’s a little perfunctory, but the caricatures are solid and this is really a writer’s outing anyway. Rich is a great target (and no doubt loving the publicity), his death sure to be an amusing extension of the near-homicidal posts that dot comic book message boards everywhere. And Grant, probably best known for writing the first PUNISHER miniseries and for his own sharp column on industry doings, seems to be the perfect guy to satirize a little death and dissent in the biz.

Plus: I think I like his cacklingly evil Quesada better than the real thing.


Written by: Joss Whedon
Art by: John Cassaday
Published by: Marvel Comics
Reviewed by: superhero

I have a confession to make.

I hate the X-Men. I mean, I really hate the X-Men.

Yes, there once was a time, long ago, that I thrilled to the adventures of Marvel’s Merry Mutant Brigade. There was a time when there was only one X-Book. There was a time when the continuity of X-History wasn’t a jumbled mess. And, yes, there was a time when the X-men’s popularity didn’t outshine that of Marvel stalwarts such as Captain America and the Fantastic Four. In a Marvel Universe much less convoluted than the one we have today the UNCANNY X-MEN was a book that starred the outsiders of the Marvel U. Not many people knew about them then, it’s hard to believe I know, but those of us who did felt like we were onto something special…that the X-MEN was a book that was made for us and only us. There was a time when the X-MEN felt like an independent comic in a mainstream superhero universe. It was the time of John Byrne and of Paul Smith. Yes, of course, it was especially a time of Chris Claremont as well but more importantly it was a time of Claremont before he had even thought of the term “psychic knife”.

Yes, those were great times to be sure but times like those must always end and unfortunately the end times for my beloved X-Men were just around the corner. Before you could say the word “Sentinel” Marvel whored out the X-Men universe by adding X-book on top of X-Book. With that change more plots and subplots were introduced and dropped without resolution, which helped make the Marvel universe a mess of almost DC Comics Silver-Age proportions. What’s worse is that the X-Books ended up essentially becoming the focus for the Marvel Universe, overshadowing all of the other heroes and books that Marvel published. Suddenly, Namor was “Marvel’s first Mutant!” and you couldn’t have a book on the stands that didn’t guest star Wolverine or at least one of the X-Whores. Where the X-MEN had once been the little team book that could, that had a heart and spirit of adventure as big as the blue area of the moon, by the mid ‘90’s it had become a bloated corporate franchise. Gone were the X-Men that I truly loved. They were replaced with silly mutant after silly mutant with names like “Cable” or “Marrow” or “Maggot” hoping to cash in on any success that X-Books had left to offer.

As the dawn of the 21st century arrived there were some flickers of hope in the shape of Peter Milligan and Mike Allred’s X-FORCW/X-STATIX run. Or some great flashes of inspired storytelling in Grant Morrison’s NEW X-MEN. But in the end the X-Men that I loved were long gone, never to return again.
,br> That is, until now.

With the current issue of ASTONISHING X-MEN I can truly, finally say that an X-Men book has arrived that truly captures the spirit of the X-Men that I knew and loved once upon a time. Finally, someone who gets the X-Men the way they should be got. This book is straightforward X-Men the way it was done in the glory days. The way Claremont and Byrne did back in the day when superhero comics were written as superhero comics and not in glossed over Mamet-speak. Whedon has done the impossible. He has brought the living, breathing heart back to the X-Men in a way no one, not even Chris Claremont, has been able to do since Colossus and the Juggernaut duked it out in a bar after the former broke up with Kitty Pryde after returning from the Secret War world. The X-men is a truly great read again, boys and girls, and I am thrilled.

And boy does Whedon know how to write! It’s all here: the devious villains, the X-Men in peril, the school under attack, the young mutant fighting for her life and the no-win situation that was a hallmark of the old X-Men tales. This is the way the X-Men should be written! With drama and humor and action! This is the X-Men I’ve been waiting years for! This issue fires on all thrusters and gives us a Hellfire Club that’s finally a threat again. Not only that but it pays homage to, in more ways than one, the bygone days that Whedon has recaptured so well. Hell, if the last panel alone isn’t worth the price of admission to long time X-Men fans then I just don’t know what to say. With this book Whedon seems to be reveling in giving us a taste of the old along with inspired bits of the new. Take a look at what happens to Wolverine in this issue and you’ll see what I’m talking about. As far as I know it’s something that’s never been done to Wolvie but it’s such an obvious tactic that I’m surprised that it took a writer this long to come up with this ultimate way to humiliate Wolverine. It’s inspired and it’s hysterical and it’s just one of the many reasons why I loved this book.

John Cassaday continues to bring his “A” game here as well. The storytelling in this book is so fantastically straightforward that there were times that I felt I didn’t even need the word balloons to see what was going on. It’s to Cassaday’s credit that the book moves so quickly and at times the progression of the book just felt downright filmic. I felt like I was almost reading storyboards while I was flipping through this comic book. Cassaday is a master sequential storyteller and he’s another huge reason why this book works as well as it does.

So, yes, it’s official: a minor miracle has occurred. Joss Whedon and John Cassaday have me buying an X-Men book on a regular basis. Not only that but they have an X-Men book being one of the first I read off of my weekly pull list. That’s a big statement coming from someone like me who’s hated the X-Men comics for as long as I have. Maybe, just maybe, if these two are on this book long enough I may just learn to love Marvel’s Mutants once again. At least the ones in this book, anyway.

52 – WEEK 7

Writers: Johns, Morrison, Rucka, Waid, and probably some Giffen
History of DCU Writers: Jurgens and Rapmund
Artist: Lashley & Draxhall
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Squashua

See that cover up in the summary? There. Now you've got the gist of what happens in this issue. Nothing close to Newsweek kicking scores of Marvel zombies in the nuts a couple weeks ago, and if you've been reading 52 religiously you've seen this coming, but spoiler covers are always a tad annoying.

Two of the various threads crossover this week, with Booster Gold and Ralph Dibny (the world-famous Elongated Man) taking the stage, while only a couple of the other plots (Montoya, the planet-lost heroes) crawl along their respective trails. Starfire and Animal Man's general uselessness is addressed and we get the much media-publicized first official appearance of a new OYL secret identity, but there's none of the LOST-esque intrigue from last week, which is fine; best it be delivered in small doses. As always, the dialogue is top notch, Giffen gets to slip in a couple of his trademark 9-panel layouts, fan-favorite Manthrax makes an appearance, and we're privy to some very heated Elongated Man on Booster Gold action.

The only downside to this issue is the History of the DCU backup, which is a simple 4-page summary of Zero Hour. I understand that ZH is a part of history, but how many times do I have to see several Hawk people riding a rainbow? Granted, there are a couple of new facts revealed that I've never seen in the other summations of Zero Hour that we've seen over the years. There's a little more background about Extant, someone punches a wall, and it’s revealed that SPOILERXBXaXrXrXyXXAXlXlXeXnXSPOILER also died during Zero Hour. It's a bit of a yawn that will probably make a better read once collected. I like the idea of a backup, but I don't care for regurgitation.

If you're short on cash and just following the overall mystery, you can skip Week 7 to buy your mac & cheese, but the primary tale is an excellent read and worth it just to see that jerk Gold sweat… and a nifty SPOILERXKXiXrXbXyXSPOILER moment.


Writer: Mark Millar
Artists: Bryan Hitch (pencils) & Paul Neary (inks)
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Prof. Challenger

America Strikes Back.

And by that, they mean CAPTAIN America strikes back. Who would've thought, five years or so ago, that the Marvel Ultimates line would be the place where Thor, Iron Man, and Capt. America fight evil together as a team and the Marvel main line would be where Thor's gone and Iron Man and Capt. America are leading opposite sides in a Civil War? Sounds ridiculous, but that's where it stands right now. Up till now, ULTIMATES has been a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. Now, in the face of what's happening with the "real" versions of these characters, I think I'm just gonna have to step up and embrace the Ultimates as the best we've got available at Marvel insofar as the AVENGERS go.

If you've been reading this intense storyline, then you've got to be just like me and cheering through this entire comic as things start turning around. Seeing Cap, Wasp, and Hawkeye kicking butt. (Ignoring Millar's silly, immature digs at the President) And finally, watching Bruce "Hulk" out at just the right moment. ULTIMATES is just rollicking, intense, violent, wide-screen fun.

I've seen this comic referred to as what a Michael Bay AVENGERS movie would be like. I kind of see where that comment is coming from when you see all the "big-budget" destruction and high-tech settings and such. But the truth is that ULTIMATES reads more like an AVENGERS movie the way Sam Peckinpah would shoot it. Go rent THE WILD BUNCH if you don't know what I'm talking about. Nasty group of sons-of-bitches make up the Ultimates, and the bad guys just don't seem to realize just how nasty the good guys can actually get.

Millar also continues to play with the readers about whether Thor is, well, Thor or just a deluded sociopath. But it looks like next issue may finally answer that question once and for all in dramatic fashion. There's not much I don't like about THE ULTIMATES, other than the fact that these 12 issue long stories are too long. But every issue pushes the envelope more and more building towards the inevitably huge climax. I've stuck in here this long, they're not gonna run me off right before the end. Fun writing, outstanding art, intriguing characters, and the best fight scenes in comics today make this comic worth your money and your time.


Writer: Matt Fraction
Penciler: Gabriel Ba
Publisher: Image Comics
Reviewed by Humphrey Lee

It's quite simply really. Whenever a comic book comes along, with 28 advertisement free pages, and it only costs you $2, there's absolutely no reason not to try it out. I don't know what other purchases you could be making that week that you can't afford an extra two bucks to your pulls, but I'm sure the effort could be made. Because, hey, you never know, that little two dollar pamphlet might just impress the hell out of you and give you something else to get excited about each month at the shop. And if it didn't, well, you lost out on two 20oz Pepsi's, no biggie. I took the CASANOVA plunge, and I have to say, I'm firmly in the former of those two possibilities.

Simply put, CASANOVA is the trippiest version of NICK FURY: AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D. you'll ever read. And for that alone it deserves your attention. Like any first issue obviously is there to do, this extended version of what I guess we're calling the "FELL format" gives us a look into the surreal and somewhat sexy life of Casanova Quinn. Flamboyant, youthfully arrogant, and extraordinarily confident, and all rightfully so, Quinn is the kind of superspy we all wished to be at one point in our younger days. But like I said earlier this isn't your typical run of the mill spy story fan fare. Oh sure, there's espionage, subterfuge, and exhilarating action just like you'd expect from a book like this, but there's also three-faced floating head things, naive and deadly fembots, cloning, parallel universe travel and tons more science fiction bravado to go along with it. If James Bond was in his mid-twenties, did a lot of hard drugs, and found himself on the set of “The Outer Limits”, you would have CASANOVA. And that is a very good thing.

Now while I already think highly of the premise and tone of this brand spanking new series, this first issue is a bit rough. The main problem is that there's just so much thrown at you in order to get as much of all the kinds of themes I mentioned above into the book. This is definitely a huge crash course on what to expect out of this series and to also set the players that will be recurring as we move along. There's some great moments in here like a scene where our main character Cass is reflecting on the technical schools you see advertised on late night TV and how those are the kinds of places that agencies like E.M.P.I.R.E. (our resident SHIELD analog) go for their grunts, or some great funny bits where Cass is mocking his rather overzealous handler Newman Xeno and his penchant for exposition, but they feel like they get kinda smushed in between the scenes. Now that we've got our introduction to the world of CASANOVA, I'm hoping these little bits can be given more follow through as I felt they were some of the things that made this comic quirky and refreshingly unique. As it is, though, this is a pretty functional introduction into the series, and will definitely give you an idea if you want to read more or not.

And as much as I personally dig the subject matter and atmosphere of the book, I love the art that sets the stage for these just as much. Gabriel Ba's art actually reminds me a ton of one Eduardo Risso of 100 BULLETS fame. His line work and panel compositions just seem to pull from the same well as Risso's, and it gives a great mixture of a more "hyper-kinetic" dynamic but with a sort of underlying sedateness that just helps emphasize the kind of character we're dealing with here. The green hue used in with the black and white inks actually helps create a somewhat more laid back atmosphere too, as I think straight black and white would have given the book a more "noirish" feel and look, and that's definitely not what they were going for here. But I love the detail in the action sequences, and the characters all each have their own little quirks and flair to them. The art is just a great package all around.

I see some great stuff coming from this book in the future, I really do. Though this is one of those few books I can legitimately see not being "one's cup of tea." Some of the ideas might be a little too off the wall for some, or they might not like the kind of twisting storyline this book presents, but I enjoyed it a bit. It's a bit "Grant Morrison-esque" if you ask me, with a certain mix of thought-bending ideas combined with good old fashioned badassery. As long as Fraction doesn't let the concepts outweigh the way they're presented and stays with a nice middle ground between the two, then I just see a lot of high entertainment coming out of this series.

And it's only two bucks. Score.

X-MEN: FAIRY TALES #2 (of 4)

Writer: C.B. Cebulski
Artist: Kyle Baker
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Dave Farabee

I was curiously interested in the X-MEN: FAIRY TALES mini when it was solicited a few months back. On one level, it seemed a real stretch - X-Men mythology interwoven into eclectic fairy tales from around the world – but in a biz where Elseworlds have cast Batman as everything from a pirate to a Viking to Citizen-friggin-Kane…maybe not so off-kilter after all. And the art looked pretty cool.

Well, the first issue came and went, and it turns out my interest wasn’t so high as I thought. It featured a retelling of a Japanese myth with the X-Men shoehorned in rather awkwardly as the cast. Didn’t take for me.

But round two, happily, is a success! Featuring art by the Kyle Baker and based on an African myth called “The Friendship of the Tortoise and the Eagle”, it’s a parable of strained friendship that, per the X-Men overlay, more specifically dramatizes the relationship between Professor Xavier (the Tortoise) and Magneto (the Eagle). How accurate is it to the source myth? Well, since Disney hasn’t made it a musical yet and my ass is all too Amero-centric, I had to look it up. The original story is mainly concerned with friendship unbalanced by unreciprocated hospitality (hospitality being one of those BIG things in mythology). Writer C.B. Cebulsky, who impressed me several months back with the manga outing of I (HEART) MARVEL, expands on this with somewhat heavy-handed abandon. He adds a harsh backstory for the Eagle to evoke Magneto’s tragic past, whereas the Turtle’s backstory reveals a kind upbringing that still can’t prevent him from being ostracized from the other turtles for the curious “X” pattern on his shell.

So, okay, not exactly subtle. The Turtle’s even shown using Xavier-like mind powers (“I have a sense about these things…”), though thankfully there’s no attempt to bring the Eagle’s abilities so specifically in line with Magneto’s. He’s big, tough, and a fierce fighter, but no pitching around cars or sinking Russian submarines. He’s got Magneto’s attitude, and that’s enough.

Beyond the strained friendship and the animal leads, there’s actually not a huge link between Cebulski’s revamp and the original story. Hospitality issues are tangential at best, and really we’ve got a fairy tale parable of the longtime X-Men themes of hope and tolerance. As anyone who’s ever cried watching THE FOX & THE HOUND knows, though (hey, I was eight), watching friendship dissolve between two cute-looking animals can be pretty heart-wrenching. And that’s where this decidedly odd outing succeeds – on a purely emotional level. Cebulski’s dialogue is simple and heartfelt, achieving the effect of Disney’s more poignant outings, and he doesn’t shy away from the sad ending bound to come.

Bringing it all together is the art of Kyle Baker. I have to confess, after his rich, tightly rendered art for NAT TURNER, Baker’s sketchy, expressionistic art for X-MEN: FAIRY TALES was a turn-off at first glance. It looked messy, quite frankly, but I found myself easing into as the story drew me in. Baker’s ability to capture the fierce pride of the Eagle and the inherent sadness of the Turtle is readily apparent from the first page (note the nice silhouette of Africa behind them). And the coloring, anarchic and somewhat abstract in the pages to come, ultimately lends an earnest storybook quality to proceedings that could have come off as trite in the wrong hands.

What actually cemented the book for me was a surprisingly violent turn toward story’s end. While not overly gory, it lent a weight to the dissolution of the friendship, almost a child’s analog to the melancholy finale of the defining X-story, “God Loves, Man Kills.”


But good.

Weird, good, and recommended.


Written by: Jim Krueger and Alex Ross
Illustrated by: Doug Braithwaite and Alex Ross
Published by: DC Comics
Reviewed by: superhero

I love it when the second string members of the JLA come out to play. There’s nothing like seeing the DC characters that for some reason haven’t made it into the public comic consciousness shine. While this issue does focus on some of the heavy hitters of the JLA it’s the spots that featured characters like the Atom as well as Hawkman and Hawkwoman that just got to me. Not only that but I love stories where heroes face off against foes they usually wouldn’t encounter. In this issue the Atom faces off with Giganta (She’s a big ape? Who knew?), the Hawks with Toyman, and Wonder Woman has a vicious duel with Poison Ivy. Add to that a cameo by the Metal Men and, yeah, the $3.50 cover price was pretty justified this time around (no pun intended).

But then, unlike some of the other @$$holes, I’ve been pretty much impressed with this book from the beginning. I mean an Alex Ross book is pretty much a guaranteed purchase for me as I really think that he, as well as the talent he aligns himself with, really understand what makes the JLA tick like few writers do. Sure a lot of this stuff has sort of been done before but never has it looked so spectacular. In my opinion the visual style of this book is better than much of Ross’s previous work and it’s obviously because of his teaming with Doug Braithwaite. With Braithwaite supplying the penciled artwork Ross’s Norman Rockwell superhero world is a lot less stiff and angular. The action flows better and the characters seem to have a bit more spontaneity to their poses. Don’t get me wrong, Ross is a master but Braithwaite provides a tiny tweak that just brings more life to the page. The result is a wonderful visual take on Ross’s work that I’ve never seen before but have been waiting to see come to fruition. Hopefully Ross will grow a bit from this collaboration and start to embrace the more non-traditional aspects of his superhero art in the future because his stuff here is pretty much terrific all around.

The story here is developing nicely as well. Jim Kreuger and Ross really seem to know how to pace their book. They completely understand how to flawlessly blend small character bits with the giant, cosmic moments that are such a staple of the JLA and superhero books in general. Don’t believe me? Compare the page where the Hawks and the Martian Manhunter infiltrate the Toyman’s warehouse with the giant two page spread of Superman flying out of the sun. These two sequences couldn’t be more on the opposite ends of the storytelling spectrum but they work perfectly. A lot of writers and artists would have a problem alternating between large awe-inspiring events and normal conversation pieces. We’ve seen a lot of books that feature either way too much conversation or others that overdo the spectacle while leaving out important, character developing moments. Kreuger and Ross strike the perfect balance in this book and are able to combine both elements so that they flow organically. A great balance is maintained between the two and a lot of writers of superhero books would do well to analyze how well this book is laid out.

The thing that strikes me as I read this series is that I keep thinking that this series is somehow Ross’s reaction to IDENTITY CRISIS. Ross has seemed to come off a quite a purist when it comes to the DCU characters and I could imagine that he may have put JUSTICE together as a sort of reaction to the aforementioned series. Maybe, and this is obviously only speculation on my part, Ross read the story about Sue Dibny being raped and heroes betraying each other and felt he could do better or at least do the characters, well, justice where Brad Meltzer couldn’t. Maybe he felt that he could do a story where the bad guys discover the heroes’ identities without dragging the DCU through the mud. Maybe the title, JUSTICE, has a double meaning that most of us don’t really understand. If that’s the case then I have to say that Ross and Co. have succeeded. If this had been the story that had taken place in the mainstream DCU instead of IDENTITY CRISIS maybe we could have avoided the past two years of sleazy superheroics and had an epic, straightforward JLA story that treated the characters with the respect they deserve instead of just taking them for granted.


Creator: Naoki Urasawa
Publisher: VIZ
Reviewer: Dan Grendell

"I am not an indiscriminate killer. What I did had meaning..."

Ah, MONSTER. This story doesn't just suck you in - it takes you places you cringe to go, with one eye peeking open to watch. The story of a doctor on the run, tracking a boy he once saved that has become a horrible murderer, is compelling and frightening all at once. How far will Dr. Tenma sink to stop Johan, once he catches him? And with Johan leaving clues for Tenma at each turn, mocking him yet drawing him onward, who is really in charge here? Is Johan planning to twist Tenma into a mockery of the man he once was by running him through ever more horrible experiences? Will Tenma become a monster by the time this race is run?

This volume has Tenma investigating a city councilman Johan lived with for several years, only to become involved with a thief trying to rob the councilman's house. Pulled into the role of crime doctor, Tenma helps save the life of a terrorist before moving on to his next clue - the orphanage where Johan was raised. The secrets he finds there rock him to his very core, and when he finds a remnant of the 511 Kinderheim project still continuing Tenma is able to shut it down by taking the subject - a boy named Dieter - and running. Determined to give the boy a better life, Tenma looks for a home for him, but Dieter will not leave his side - the doctor has a much-needed conscience to travel with him. Back home, Inspector Lunge has all of his other cases taken away after a political blunder, so he returns his focus to catching Tenma and the chase is on again...

Urasawa's ability to capture emotion is truly astounding. The scene where Dieter is on a throne atop the steps, with his "father" demanding he be like Johan, was downright scary because it seemed so real to the people in it. Every emotion was captured on their faces, in the way they stood, in how Dieter slumped, all of it. That kind of skill isn't easy to come by, and without it MONSTER wouldn't be half the gripping story it is.

MONSTER isn't what I'd call a fun read - but it is what I'd call a great one. This is some seriously great storytelling, and it deserves your attention.


Writer: Saki Okuse
Artist: Aki Shimizu
Publisher: Tokyopop
Reviewer: Dan Grendell

"My name is Migiri. Tell me your name, reckless son of man."

Vampires seem to be everywhere these days in manga. I really wasn't expecting much when I picked up BLOOD SUCKER - just another vampire story where the fact that there're vampires in it is the big attraction, but I was pleasantly surprised. There's a pretty cool story here, some interesting characters, and the makings of a fairly exciting action story.

The story starts in feudal Japan, where the vampire lord Migiri and his minions rule behind the scenes in a bloody reign of terror until one of their own, who is also the leader of the shogun's ninja, turns on Migiri. For a hundred years they fight, until Migiri is put down - but not destroyed. Two hundred years later, in modern times, one of Migiri's loyal servants manages to return him to life - and he rebuilds his vampire army, quickly assaulting Tokyo under the guise of the Church of Magoraka, a cult compared to the black plague. Japanese police struggle to fight the vampires, but are woefully underpowered.

Migiri's first victim upon his return is the girlfriend of Yusuke Himukai, who spends the next several years in a mental hospital while planning revenge on the vampire lord. After learning that Migiri believes Yusuke has some strange connection to the ninja who put him down centuries ago, the police recruit Yusuke, and he joins the ranks of vampires who never wanted to become monsters and cops willing to kill their own as soon as they are bitten in a desperate fight to stop the deadly plague that stalks Tokyo's streets at night. Yusuke gets his baptism by fire when Kigiri sends numerous minions after him and, trapped in a building, he must fight his way out alongside an allied vampire.

Shimizu's art actually detracted from this manga for me at points. The basic drawings were quite good, but often there was an excess of lines, making each panel look over-busy and making it especially hard to follow action sequences. When Shimizu drew cleanly, and that was clearly possible so the extra lines were very obviously a stylistic choice, the art was quite good and got the emotions and intent of the story and characters across clearly. That other style just didn't work for me.

A nice change from the use of vampires just to have vampires, this manga looks to be using them for conflict in those who have been changed but want to remain human in spirit. That's an interesting point to explore alongside the action.


Publisher: ONI Press
by Vroom Socko


Christina Weir and Nunzio DeFilippis: Writers
Christopher Mitter: Artist

The subtitle to this, An Amy Devlin Mystery, invites the promise of more stories featuring the main character, and I for one would welcome that. Of course, Weir and DeFilippis’ last book was referred to as a “volume one,” and I’ve yet to see word of the next installment of ONCE IN A BLUE MOON, but that’s neither here nor there. What I can tell you is that this book was actually a whole lot more fun than that project.

Amy Devlin is a private investigator. Well, that’s what she bills herself as, but she isn’t officially licensed. (Hey, it worked for Travis McGee.) She’s hired by a young L.A. actor who believes he’s the victim of a murder. No, not a murder attempt, a murder. He thinks that he’s the reincarnation of an aviation magnate who was murdered in his home.

Like I said, it’s set in L.A.

Amy soon finds herself looking into this 25 year old murder, while trying to avoid inquisitive cops, porn hustlers, and a killer who is soon looking to finish what they started. What makes this story work is that Weir and DeFilippis don’t cheat the mystery aspect once. They also have an excellent handle on all their characters, which number over a dozen. There’s also an interesting and very fun payoff to the “non-licensed” subplot that should make for some interesting stories to come featuring Amy Devlin.

Now about that second volume of ONCE IN A BLUE MOON…


B. Clay Moore: Writer
Jeremy Haun: Artist

There are times when you see a fictional concept to out there you have to wonder for a moment if there might be some truth to them. Movie shoots tend to bring a cartload of cash to their location shoots, more and more actors are going the action route, and even the lesser talents have the most insane requests of the production. The past couple of months have seen Tom Cruise running around Asia, Tom Hanks running all over Europe, and Al Gore running rampant on the lecture circuit. It’s really not that much of a stretch to think that these people might be secretly working for the government as secret agents. (Well okay, not Al Gore, but the rest…)

This issue is primarily a setup endeavor, with a whole lot of getting to know actor Nick Walker in his role as movie star and as a Solid Snake-style super spy. The issue begins with a whole lot of action in one of his lives, and ends with some action in the other, and I’d honestly be hard pressed to say which looked cooler. There’s also a whole lot of the typical gossip and finagling that you’d expect in a behind-the-scenes-of-a-movie story that manage to dovetail nicely with the treachery and deal-making of the spy genre. All in all, this book is three different kinds of fun. I certainly can’t wait for the next issue.


Jamie S. Rich: Writer
Marc Ellerby: Artist

I’m seriously ambivalent about this particular book. On the one hand, I do like the character of Tristan Scott, musician extraordinaire, as well as his brother Lance and the female protagonist Isobel. And the book does have an interesting look to it. But I can’t help but compare it to that other romance comic that Oni has out currently about a guy in a band (see below) and this book just doesn’t quite measure up to that one.

I know, that’s a wholly unfair comparison to make. It probably serves me right for reading them back to back. The thrust of the story involves Tristan’s return from abroad to rejoin his band and the studio rep who wants to sign them to his label. Of course, the rep’s fiancée is Isobel, the girl who Tristan shared a longing gaze with at the airport. It’s a pretty basic setup, and it’s not done badly by any measurement. It just didn’t wow me is all.

Jamie Rich is a skilled writer; I WAS SOMEONE DEAD is proof enough of that. As such, I’m certainly going to be reading the second installment of this quarterly publication. Even without that, the final page does have an interesting hook to it, and the second half has a lot more verve to it than the first. Still, I was expecting a little more from this first issue. Hopefully, I’ll find what I was looking for in the second installment.


Antony Johnston: Writer
Christopher Mitten: Artist

Antony Johnston is the official chameleon of Oni Press. I’ve read westerns, romances, and spy books from the man, and each has been a blast. Now he’s got a post-apocalypse saga in the works, and goddamn is it insane. Desert mutants, strange warriors, small, defenseless towns, people with mystic abilities… all that’s missing is Iggy Pop.

What really makes this book work is the atmosphere that Johnston and Christopher Mitten bring to the world they’ve created. Mitten especially shines here. The blighted landscapes of this book are as different from his southern Californian in PAST LIES as a gin and tonic is from a piece of toast. The action pieces alone are visually astonishing to a surprising degree. The closing moments are especially riveting, with the aforementioned small town dealing with a mutant invasion.

Buy this book. Buy two copies and give one to a friend. When the first collected TPB comes out, buy that too. And then buy some more. This book kicks seven different kinds of ass. The wait for issue #2 is going to be intolerable.


Bryan Lee O’Malley: Creator

Speaking of intolerable waits…

If I called SCOTT PILGRIM the finest example of comics, the most fun a reader can have with graphic novels, then that would be an understatement. The third volume manages to top the insanity of the previous volumes, where the titular hero has to fight the evil ex-boyfriends of girlfriend Ramona Flowers, by bringing in an evil ex-girlfriend of Scott’s.

As to this installment’s evil boyfriend, man is he a doozie. There are two fights between these two: one hilarious battle inside a bargain bin shop, another in a nightclub where Scott’s band is the opening act. As to the abilities this ex brings to the battle… well, he’s a vegan.

Yes, he has vegan based psychic powers. Not only is this the best riff I’ve seen on popularized hippiedom since Fortunato’s tantric sex magic in WILD CARDS, but it leads to a jaw-droppingly hilarious gag reference to AKIRA.

Like the second volume, this third installment is better than the last. There’s a joke on every page, with hardly a miss among them. Honestly, do I really need to recommend a book where a character gets punched so hard her highlights get knocked right out of her hair? That pretty much sells itself, really. This is the best book Oni is publishing. It’s definitely a better book than anything you can find at Marvel or DC. It may be the best book currently being published anywhere. If you haven’t picked this one up yet, what are you waiting for? And if you haven’t read the first two installments, then get your ass to Amazon and order them right goddamn now!

Scar Comics

You know you’re reading a comic effective in the scare department if, while you’re flipping through the pages, you have the overwhelming urge to look over your shoulder and make sure nothing is creeping up behind you. I had that feeling quite a few times while reading the first two issues of this horror anthology series. This is an impressive collection of scary stories which range from the horrors of the fantastic to real life chills that lurk in the minds of madmen. My favorite of the bunch is Paul O’Connell’s short about a hotel clerk who thinks he has seen it all come through the doors of his hotel and finds out that in fact he has not. It’s ambiguous and beautifully rendered in shades of black and white (like the rest of the book) but has that creepy proper feel that often exuded from the best of those old Hammer horror movies. Another great one is a cheeky yet somber look at a giant monster who is just trying to fit in. And then there’s the truly disturbing story of an overprotective midwife who works extremely hard to protect her children from a terrorist attack. And then there’s the silent tale “Sky Scraped” about someone who quietly moves through the halls of a high rise building, into one of the apartments, to find…nah, that would be telling. As you can see these two volumes are filled with really creepily memorable thrills and chills fully capable of satiating the appetite to any fan of horror comics. - Ambush Bug

2000 AD Publishing

“Hey, you got vampire in my war story!”

“No, you got war story in my vampire tale!”

It’s two great tastes that taste great together. I love it when genres crossover. Old conventions are often given that new freshness feel when cast upon another backdrop. Such a crossover appears in the pages of this book as a German soldier finds out that the mysterious squad of Russian soldiers who swoop in and effortlessly destroy enemy troops are actually a squad of vampires. The pacing of this story (which originally appeared as a serial in 200 AD magazine in the early eighties) is somewhat dated compared to today’s deconstructive stories. Much is said in the span of very few panels. But I found this trip to yesteryear’s storytelling techniques to be refreshingly fun. A fun read that will take you back to a time when you didn’t have to read six issues of filler for something to happen. It’s got early Carlos Ezquerra artwork to boot! Fun stuff. - Ambush Bug

Scar Comics

By far, this is the best indie book I’ve read all week. FALLING SKY looks and reads like no other comic. This is the story of a comet barreling towards the earth. It’s one of those asteroids of ARMAGEDDON proportions. But you won’t find Bruce Willis’ hairpiece or Michael Bay’s strobe editing or that annoying Aerosmith song in these pages. This original graphic novel takes this whole doomsday-thing seriously and handles it with a skill and pacing that leaves you filled with anticipation, yearning to find out how it all ends, yet wincing because you fear the inevitable outcome and the inevitability that this most enjoyable reading experience will soon be over as you reach the final pages of the book. Writer/artist Benjamin Dickson focuses on a more human tale of impending doom. A group of kidnappers nab banker Charles Pearson in hopes of getting a healthy ransom, but when masked gunmen track them down and slaughter them, they stumble into a government plot that involves saving only those with enough money to buy their ticket into one of the few underground bunkers throughout the world – bunkers which are the only keys to man’s survival when the asteroid hits. Charles is forced to team up with one of the kidnappers and go on the run. With the countdown ticking in the top corner of each page, my heart really began to race as the asteroid’s impact got closer. Will Charles and his kidnapper survive? Do they want to? What of the rest of the human race? This is a truly memorable read, made even more pleasant by the original look of the book. It appears as if real people were photographed and then scanned. New expressionistic faces and details were then added to give the book a most distinctive look. I know photo-referencing is nothing new, but with the interesting way the characters are surrounded by their own auras of haze and the expressive backgrounds chosen to highlight a specific situation going on in the panel, this book takes photo-referencing to another level. I can’t recommend this book more. It was a great read and would make a damn fine film in the right hands. Check out this online preview of the book. It’s available in September 2006. Do yourself a favor and seek this one out. - Ambush Bug

Remember, if you have an Indie book you’d like one of the @$$holes to take a look at, click on your favorite reviewer’s link and drop us an email.

Marvel Comics

Okay, this is really quite simple to sum up: If you already own Peter David's HULK: THE END one-shot, then there's really no reason at all to buy this. But if you don't, then there's really no reason at all not to buy this. THE END was hands down one of the best, if not the best, Hulk stories I've ever read. It's a tale of loss and despair, desolation and isolation, and is one of the best "Man vs. Beast" stories I've come across when in the context of Banner vs. Hulk. And it has some top notch and somewhat nostalgic Dale Keown pencils too. Just great stuff. Besides that reprinted story there's a couple other nice little segments. There's a Hulk vs. The Champions story that is somewhat fun and clever, and a nice little Planet Hulk "interlude" I guess you could say that takes place between parts of the ongoing space epic the Hulk is involved in. Both are entertaining reads, but nowhere near enough to justify the five dollar price tag if you already own THE END like I said. But if you don't, well then this is hands down five of the best dollars you could spend at the shop these days. - Humphrey

Marvel Comics

This miniseries is proving to be of stellar quality. I love the way these new interpretations of Poe’s stories and poems are featured alongside their original forms. This issue features my all time favorite Poe tale, “The Telltale Heart.” Adding to the excellence is the fact that legendary artist Richard Corben provides some of the freakiest and most surreal artwork this side of R. Crumb. All of these tales are wonderfully illustrated with the true standout being “The Lake” which features what looks to be Corben’s art in breathtaking pencil shadings. Marvel puts out a lot of crap and seems to forget to promote the true gems in their stable. This miniseries is one of them. - Bug

Dark Horse Comics

Hellboy creator Mike Mignola steps in for a guest stint as writer before Tim Truman takes over, and you know what that means: frog monsters and Lovecraftian chanting. Joined by regular artist Cary Nord, Mignola adapts an unfinished Robert E. Howard story called “The Hall of the Dead” under the new title “The Toad.” Can’t say as there’s anything wildly innovative here, but Mignola breaks out the pacing of his eerier Hellboy stories as Conan

Readers Talkback

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  • June 28, 2006, 10:39 p.m. CST

    First!!! To Say I don't Read Any of These



  • June 28, 2006, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Next Wave #6 hit today

    by chrth

    Overall, not the best resolution. Still had some good moments, but kind of a letdown compared to #5.

  • June 28, 2006, 10:41 p.m. CST

    First!!! (Giggle)

    by Vim Fuego

    Now that's sarcasm!

  • June 28, 2006, 10:54 p.m. CST


    by blackthought

  • June 28, 2006, 10:55 p.m. CST

    NextWave & New Avengers

    by maxwell's hammer

    Nextwave is the funniest damned thing since monkeys learned to talk. And I know that last 'Collective' arc of New Avengers was kind of inpenetrable, but I like how the new "Dissassembled" arc started today, what with Cap and the Falcon and backstabbing Hank Pym. I know line-wide crossovers are kind of annoying, but if you stop bitching for a second, this isn't all bad. Its fresh and new and different, and i'm interested in how this will all play out.

  • June 28, 2006, 11:09 p.m. CST

    I'm sick of the Bendis bashing...

    by Ribbons

    ...and I don't even like the dude's work that much. "Glossed over Mamet-speak." Whatever you say, chief.

  • June 28, 2006, 11:09 p.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin

    10! First 10! Yeah, that's what I meant

  • June 28, 2006, 11:15 p.m. CST

    First!!! To Giggle Like a School Girl


    And then he giggled, and then I giggled, and then we all giggled like school girls, and then I took my 5-year old nephew to see the remake of Blood Splatter Death Explosion Castration 3. Now, _that's_ sarcasm! Or a series of cheap shots. I'm not sure which.

  • June 28, 2006, 11:28 p.m. CST

    Ummm... Sandman Mystery Theater...

    by filker-tom

    ... was written by Matt Wagner.

  • June 28, 2006, 11:45 p.m. CST



    While I deplore the use of "umms" in writing, I applaud your clarification, and will take the opportunity to add that he lost me when he said he "never got into Sandman." I mean, come on...not at ALL? Please. I don't even think he read it now. I loved Gaiman's work on "New Mutants" though.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:34 a.m. CST

    Good/Bad of Superman Returns (spoilers)

    by vagrant's choice

    The Good: 1)Frank Langella is perfect as Perry White. I can

  • June 29, 2006, 12:38 a.m. CST

    Ultimate Cap

    by Spaz_Monkey

    I fucking HATE the Ultimate Captain America. Can't stand him. He's not the idealistic hero we've all come to know and love. He's an arrogant, egotistical, 1 POV only asshole who just gets on my last nerve. Pretty impressive thing to do for a comic character. Re-reading my Ultimates tpbs, I've found myself rooting for the Hulk, Thor, Giant Man and Alien Nazis just to see someone, anyone, give this animated asshole the beatdown he needs.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:44 a.m. CST

    but he has a cool shield

    by blackthought

  • June 29, 2006, 1:07 a.m. CST

    Wolvie has implants in his brain to safeguard against

    by George Newman

    During Weapon X Wolverine had implants placed in his brain to guard his mind from psychic attack and reading and such. Which is why writers have not had Wolverine act like a cripple-minded little girl before. Whedon forgot this, or ignored it because "It's Cassandra Nova!" Whedon has screwed up by ignoring this important part of Wolverine's character.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:16 a.m. CST

    I never got into SANDMAN, but I loved SANDMAN MYSTERY T

    by Lukecash

    Okay, Professor... Either you're pulling our leg- or your a big schmuck. As noted eariler.. Matt Wagner (Of Batman and the Monster Men fame, Grendel and Mage fame) wrote Sandman Mystery Theater...which was about the 30's character.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:20 a.m. CST

    John Romita Jr. SUCKS!!!!

    by MattCG

    Fuck him and his boxy ass approach to everything. His 'art' made me fucking Spider-Man. Well, his art combined with a shitass story that JMS must've thought of while scraping out his septic tank.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:35 a.m. CST

    wolverine immune to psychic attack?

    by Captain Comet

    I dont think so. No matter what wolverine-loving fanboy might have written during some garbage Weapon X mini, Wolvie has always been vulnerable to mind attack. More resistant than most due to his programing and all the psychosis, perhaps, but not immune. Certainly not to a psychic of Cassandra Nova's caliber. Is it not presumed shes almost or perhaps exceeding even Prof X's former abilities?

  • June 29, 2006, 1:41 a.m. CST

    Romita Jr.

    by Ribbons

    I don't think he sucks at all. Sure, his pictures aren't as pretty as some of the more famous artists in the industry, but he's a master storyteller. I think he does more for the comics you've read than you realize, MattCG.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:46 a.m. CST

    sandman mystery theatre kicks alot of asses

    by blackthought

  • June 29, 2006, 1:56 a.m. CST

    Nice job Sleazy

    by Goonie

    Dude: You were awesome on G4. You were really well-spoken. Hopefully you appear more-- I dig that show, especially now that they have more features on comics and movies. On a related note, you @$$holes should make Blair Butler a featured columnist. She is rad.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:19 a.m. CST

    Who's bashing Bendis? If anything...

    by superhero

    I was bashing Mamet... ;O)

  • June 29, 2006, 2:19 a.m. CST

    Uh, All Star Superman #4?

    by kintar0

    What, the best issue of the series so far AND the best Superman comic in years and not even a lousy Cheap Shot? Nice, loving blowjob for Whedon, as usual and a No Prize for Grant Morrison, huh? Rad.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:21 a.m. CST

    What's wrong with blowing Whedon?

    by superhero

    Even Whedon needs a blowjob every once in a while...but I think Psynapse is more qualified for that than I am...KIDDING! :O)

  • June 29, 2006, 2:27 a.m. CST

    The art in Justice is off

    by Rupee88

    Ross inking that other guy's pencils just doesn't look right. It isn't good as Ross pencil/inks. Plus the story is unreadable, at least the first issue was.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:37 a.m. CST

    "Millar's silly, immature digs at the President"?

    by Mr. Anderson

    I'm no fan of Our Great Leader, but that scene wasn't a "dig" at all. They were just trying to drive home the enormity of this threat by having the bad guys rip AIR FORCE FUCKING ONE in FUCKING HALF and then set the wreckage down on the White House lawn so they could cut the President's head off on national television. That isn't an immature dig, that's called "setting up a major ass-kicking for next issue". And so what if he screamed his wife's name when he thought was about to die? The guy isn't allowed to be scared? Like I said, I don't like George Bush all that much, but they established really early on that The Ultimates takes place in the "real world", so of course they're going to use the real president in a story like this, and they might even make him look a little bit frightened to really drive the story home.

  • June 29, 2006, 3:22 a.m. CST

    Sleazy, I thought you came off very well.

    by superninja

    Alonso says as an editor it's not their job writing for hard core fans, they're writing against the grain? Well, good luck with that, buddy, whatever that means. I think the hard core fans are pretty much all they have left at this point - right? I'm not talking film or video games, but comic books. No, you are right - this is the age of the celebrity writer, and the character will be shoved to fit into their story, no matter what.

  • June 29, 2006, 3:39 a.m. CST

    Don't feel bad, Sleazy...

    by milla jovovich

    seems like all of the contributors to AICN have a weight problem. Did you see me on AOTS a few months back? I looked awful. But better than Kevin.

  • June 29, 2006, 7:55 a.m. CST

    Yuh. I'm a shmuck

    by Prof Challenger

    Y'all are right. I forgot that Wagner wrote SMT. For some reason, my memory was that Gaiman kicked off the first story arc, but youse is right. As for not digging Gaiman's SANDMAN. I didn't say it was bad. Didn't even say it was not well-written. Because one thing I will not say about Gaiman is that he is a bad writer. He's an excellent writer. But, for whatever reason, SANDMAN never connected with me. I get that it was good. I just wasn't a fan. Sorry.

  • June 29, 2006, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Prof Challenger: You're thinking Books of Magic

    by chrth

    (In terms of Gaiman kicking it off) However, I'm pretty sure Gaiman wrote one SMT where the Kirby Sandman actually 'meets' Gaiman's Sandman when the latter is imprisoned.

  • June 29, 2006, 8:59 a.m. CST

    I disagree about Astonishing X-Men

    by George Newman

    It started off great. It was fresh, original, incredible. for first story arc and a half. Now Whedon is completely out of ideas, and has turned to raping Grant Morrison's New X-Men. 1)Emma Frost 2)The super giant Genosia-destroying Sentinel, 3)Cassandra Nova, 4)Cyclops' Bug Room, 5)Nagasonic Teenage Warhead. Why is he undermining the rich character Emma has developed over the last couple years? Why is Cassandra Nova here? Why is she in X-Men The End? Why would Nova work with the Club? Sure it was fascinating to go back to the Giant sentinel, but why not your own idea? CYclops' Bug Room was a throwaway, bizarre thing. And Nagasonic Teenage Warhead: I liked her name too, and I was disappointed that she died at Genosia. But this is an awful way to bring her back. Whedon is just writing Morrison's "New X-Men Part 2: The Explanations". But it seems much more like a pillaging and recycling of better ideas. It's not cool. I don't know what I think about this book anymore. And this particular group of the Hellfire Club sucks. It's Sebastian Shaw and a random sampling of Grant Morrison's characters characters(including Emma; she was going nowhere without him)

  • June 29, 2006, 9 a.m. CST

    All Star Superman #4 is out?

    by rev_skarekroe

    Crap. I hope they've still got some copies, because I missed it completely.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:02 a.m. CST

    The above post was meant to immediately follow my...

    by George Newman

    Wolverine post way above. I fell asleep at the computer before I could even hit Paste.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:05 a.m. CST

    All-Star Supes was Incredible

    by George Newman

    Jimmy Olsen was hilarious. Just a couple days ago I was having a conversation about the old superman comicss in which Supes picked on Jimmy, and was just all-around mischievious. The only thing I didnt really like in the book was the Bizarro-speak. What happened to the mean arrogance from when he first turned?

  • June 29, 2006, 9:13 a.m. CST

    I don't want to be seen like I'm cutting and running"

    by George Newman

    That was the "dig" at the President I perceived. I chuckled.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Millar wasn't digging at the President.

    by rev_skarekroe

    What I love about Ultimates is that Millar (who was raised Communist!) could easily turn the whole thing into an overblown satire, but he doesn't. Instead, he's gone through the mental effort to leave his personal prejudices behind and write the series in the style of a patriotic American action movie. As for Ultimate Cap, I'll take him over the mainstream Cap who wrings his hands and asks if his country has lost its way every two months.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:25 a.m. CST

    George Newman...

    by rev_skarekroe

    ...has it occured to you that Astonishing... isn't finished yet, and that all your questions may be answered? We still don't know who the hooded figure is - there's more going on here than meets the eye.

  • June 29, 2006, 9:45 a.m. CST


    by Squashua transformers.

  • June 29, 2006, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Yeah, but...

    by Ribbons

    ...a few of Millar's biases slip out when he writes the character of Captain America. He's a couple steps away from being a curmudgeonly bigot sometimes, which I guess is supposed to correlate to his hyper-zeal for the American government, but maybe that's just me reading too much into it. But Millar does show an admirable amount of self-control on "Ultimates 2" that I'm not sure I would have if I were in his shoes.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:19 a.m. CST

    My prob is not that good things have not been produced

    by George Newman

    in Astonishing; they have. The alien threat is great! 'Danger' was cool. This issue's colossus bout with Shaw was awesome! I'm just put off that Whedon used these characters and ideas of Grant period. He should not be writing Cassandra Nova Part 2. That is ridiculous. I want this to be good, but good Grief! I want different stuff! Next thing we know, Whedon will be revisiting the Weapon Plus program and the X-men will find Xorn for the Third time!!

  • June 29, 2006, 11:32 a.m. CST

    About Emma Frost...

    by superhero

    First of all we have no idea as to whether she's REALLY betraying the X-Men. If anything there's hints that she may be setting the Hellfire Club up for a fall while playing at the fact thet she's going to take the X-People down. And George, you're seriously complaining about Whedon recycling better ideas in his book? Are you friggin' kidding me???? That's all the X-Men has been doing for almost 15 years! Just running the whole same sad story arcs over and over and over again. Whedon just does it with a bit of dimension this time around...which is something the X-Men books have SORELY lacked for a LONG time. Oh, and SANDMAN MYSTERY THEATRE did rock, oh yes it did. I'm with the PROF on SANDMAN. Never could get into it. Bought the first trade and it just wasn't my cuppa tea.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Yeah I'm more qualified to give head Supes....

    by Psynapse

    But Whedon wouldn't be on the list. I like my geeks skinny and with glasses the way God intended.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:40 a.m. CST

    The person under the hood in Ast XMen

    by Shigeru

    If it turns out to be Xorn I will pee myself. That would actually be kinda dumb. But we all know it's going to be Jean Grey. And I want more alien subplot!

  • June 29, 2006, 11:43 a.m. CST

    "Laura?? Laura!!"

    by Shigeru

    Millar actually made me feel bad for Dubya for a second. Wow. If super-terrorists tore my plane in half and threw it at the ground I'd probably want to be with my wife too.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:03 p.m. CST

    New Avengers vs Ultimates

    by Thenedain

    I'll take the Ultimates old shoe before I'll read another issue of that dreck New Avengers. That book is quickly becoming staler than a muffin left out in the sun. Worse yet, Marvel continues to prove they can't straighten out their own continuity, not even during a huge crossover, by having the latest issue of New Avengers ( which has Cap decide to form a renegade team with Falcon ) come out -after- Civil War 2 ( which has Cap already running a renegade team with Falcon ). I hate being nitpicky, but shit like that is why mid-late 90s Marvel sucked ass, and what turned me off from comics for years. Ultimates has at least proven to be a more intriguing read. Iron Man? That comic's continuity sucks too. Two issues have gone by which should have been Civil War tie ins with Tony off doing, well, nothing. Bullshit. All Star Supes 4 was awesome though. That comic continues to entertain.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Civil War 2, New Avengers 21

    by Ribbons

    I actually think that "New Avengers" #21 was supposed to come out before "Civil War" #2 did, but that the art in issue 20 wasn't finished yet, or something. Anybody else find it kind of weird that 20 and 21 hit stands in consecutive weeks? So Marvel was probably sitting on the issue for a while. But the chronology would be screwy on these Civil War crossover books anyway.

  • June 29, 2006, 12:34 p.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin

    Now, I'm gonna get shit for this. I know I'm gonna get shit for this. I should be better than this. After spending over half of the last TB talking about who is more Emo, I now have to admit something terrible. I haven't read a single issue of ANY comic Whedon has written. ::ducks the inevitable flying sharp things:: Look, I just got back into comics. ::dodges banana bread loaf:: And the last TV writer I loved (JMS) and taken a big shit in Gwen Stacy's volcano ::edges along the wall just out of reach of blackthought's cage:: And, I mean, X-Men? Didn't Wanda kill them all? ::entirely avoids the "Halo" room:: Then I looked at the cover and I saw Ol' One Eye back in his blue phallic suit, and thought, no good can come of this. ::contemplates making mad dash for the Cog Mansion door:: Now, you people are telling me that it's good. Like really good, and not shitty in any way? ::shrugs and makes his way to his computer:: Alright, I'll check it out. Amazon you said?

  • June 29, 2006, 12:40 p.m. CST

    By the way Psynapse...

    by superhero

    I have it on good authority that Routh's suit is padded. Hope that doesn't reduce the level of your appreciation for his, er, ahm, "performance". :O)

  • June 29, 2006, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Lord, I apologize....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    for that joke right there about Gwen Stacy's volcano. I just may have done gave dem boys another foul idear....andallthemstarvin'pygmiesAMEN

  • June 29, 2006, 12:56 p.m. CST

    nice review, superhero

    by The Heathen

    good to have ya back, Dave!

  • June 29, 2006, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Gwen Stacy's Volcano!

    by Shigeru

    It's a hot one. Classic. Speaking of her, the Spider-Man 3 trailer got applauded THREE seperate times last night. 3 times in like 45 seconds.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Actually Superhero.....

    by Psynapse

    The padding is there to compress his junk as the revised bikini was making his pouch a bit too prominent. I had intended my first blog to be called "Truth, Justice, and the search for Superman's Penis" but after seeing the flick (and accounting for just how much the character of Superman means to me personally) I couldn't bring myself to do it.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Ok, so I've got...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    AXM Vol. 1 (HC), and Cap. America Vol. 1&2 on the way. Anything else I need desperately? Cogs? @$$holes? Droids? Total Humans?

  • June 29, 2006, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Civil War 2/Frotnline 2 makes no sense *SPOILERS*

    by Engineer_at_peac

    In Frontline 2, we find out the bill goes into effect midnight of a certain day, either the day or the day after Peter unmasks. But in Civil War #2, they attack that young Avengers guy shooting at him, and freaking blowing him up right after the bill is signed. BEFORE IT HAS ACTUALLY GONE INTO EFFECT AND BEFORE THE GUY IS ACTUALLY BREAKING ANY LAWS! This just leads me to believe, does Marvel have any editorial staff at all? Does anyone know what the hell is going on? Do they even try to make these things make sense?

  • June 29, 2006, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Oh Divine Turtle......

    by Psynapse

    If you haven't read either Transmetropolitan or Fables they are 'can't miss'. Transmet is fully released in trade and Fables damn near current with the same.

  • June 29, 2006, 1:44 p.m. CST

    Oh wait....

    by Psynapse

    WE3..If you haven't read it.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Divine Turtle?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    DivIne Turtle...DIvine Turtle...You know what, I think I like that. Excelsior! A fine nomenclature from one of the denizens of my carapice! I'll take a look at Fables, but Transmet hurts my head bones, my filthy assistant.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:19 p.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin


  • June 29, 2006, 2:24 p.m. CST

    GreatA, suprhero, Dave_F, Engineer

    by The Heathen

    Those are all good. Planetary is awesome too. Also check out 100% by Paul Pope, Black Hole by Charles Burns and Runaways Vol. 1 & 2 if you're not already reading those. Can't go wrong with Walking Dead and Invincible either. *** superhero, I meant good review(s). AXM, Justice and All Star Supes were the best out last week. I whole heartedly agree with you about Whedon and Cassaday's run. I wish they would do a hundred issue run. *** Dave, I'm not a CSI fan, but I think I would like that one shot for the reasons you did. I'll give that a peak. I'm interested to see who the killer is. Do you know if they people like Joey da Q were okay with their likeness being used? Just wondering. I thought abot picking up X-Men: Fairy Tales, but I'm not sure it's my cup of tea. *** Engineer, if they do, it's supposedly led by Axel Alonso and we've already seen his demeanor on that G4 clip. Editorial is the hugest problem Marvel has right now. People like Bendis who can write really good come off like jerks sometimes because somebody doesn't tell them what's going on, etc. That Iron Man issue sounds even more extreme than Frontline. I'm not bothering with Iron Man for those reasons and it sucks that Frontline seems to be following in those clunky footsteps.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Engineer, it's what happens with crossover events...

    by superhero

    I think INFINITE CRISIS proved, once and for all, that all these crossovers just become jumbled, convoluted messes. ALL OF THEM. And I knew it was going to happen with CIVIL WAR and I refuse to buy into crossover books anymore, EVER. I will, however, read my friend's copies. As long as I don't hafta pay for it I'm fine... :O)

  • June 29, 2006, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Oh, and thanks for the positive vibes Heathen...

    by superhero

  • June 29, 2006, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Great A

    by Shigeru

    Don't forget Y the Last Man. And Blankets, and Owly, and Goodbye Cunky Rice, and Seaguy, and The Filth, and Banana Sunday. Yeah I just said The Filth and Banana Sunday.

  • June 29, 2006, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Where is Bizarromark these days?

    by rev_skarekroe

    He was the big Superman fan around here, and a part-time @$$hole, too.

  • June 29, 2006, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Roger Ebert is on crack.

    by Shigeru

    Some SERIOUS crack. I give you this quote in regards to Superman Returns: "It would have been fun to give Superman a bright, sassy child, like one of the Spy Kids, and make him a part of the plot." Holy sheeeite!

  • June 29, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST

    So that's where my meds. went.

    by GreatA'Tuin

  • June 29, 2006, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Yes,Never Forget Y the last man

    by Darth Kal-El

    sounds like u have a pretty well put together list greatA. i will chime in only to say i recently bought the AXM HC and i fucking loved it even tho i had read the individual issues before. i think your in for a good time. wow ebert said that? 'hello, reality? is Roger Ebert there? oh he just left.ok ill ring him later'

  • June 29, 2006, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Remember...Ebert wrote BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

    by superhero

    So that guy can write a script! That was sarcasm, by the way...Oh, by the way I love BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS but not because it's great cinema or anything.

  • June 29, 2006, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Welcome back Dave

    by Darth Kal-El

    and great reviews as usual guys!

  • June 29, 2006, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Ebert's on crack. *SPOILERS*

    by SleazyG.

    Again, if you hate it when people get all Spoilery McSpoilerson, look away, baby, look away...That damned Superkid was the worst fucking thing about the movie. Cute? Funny? Maybe. But a horrible idea. Kal-El is who he is specifically because he is so different, so unique, so unlike anyone else. Give him a half-breed son--who, by the way, is immune to kryptonite--and you take away what makes Superman Super. You also, by the way, have just turned him into a douchebag deadbeat dad trying to steal away another guy's girl. Neither of those are the worst of it, though: the worst of it is they made a five year old kid, the son of fucking SUPERMAN, a fucking murderer. Exactly four people actually die in this movie that the audience is aware of. Three are Lex's flunkies, crushed under a giant rock without a word, just like they spent the whole movie (talk about a waste of Kal Penn's talents). The fourth is the flunkie that SUPERBABY KILLS BY THROWING A FUCKING PIANO AT HIM. I repeat: SUPERMAN'S FIVE YEAR OLD SON KILLS A GUY WITH A PIANO. I mean, WTF?!? Did fucking ANYBODY who has ever actually read a Superman comic, or maybe watched one of the first two movies, have fucking ANYTHING to do with this production?!? Did anybody from DC or Warner Bros. really sit back and say "hey, I know what would be cute: will give Clark a bastard child, then have him kill a guy with a FUCKING PIANO!"?!? Seriously, dude, just a complete and utter WHAT THE FUCK situation. It has nothing to do with being "old fashioned" or a "purist" or a "fanboy". It as to do with being capable of rational, critical thinking and applying that process judiciously. Anybody with any actual understanding of the character, what makes him work, and why he's so iconic would have axed the kid from day one. Letting that slide--and then letting him kill somebody with absolutely no afteraffects for any of the characters--is fucking moronic. PERIOD. You hear me? PERIOD!!!

  • June 29, 2006, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Sleazy on TV

    by Sunqist

    And I quote: "I

  • June 29, 2006, 3:50 p.m. CST

    I'm with Superhero....

    by Psynapse

    Infinite Crisis was supposed to be MY payoff for being such a loyal whore of DC's for the last goddamn 30 years (truth!) and instead I ended up feeling shafted by all of the fuck-ups that came with it. No more crossovers, EVER.

  • June 29, 2006, 3:50 p.m. CST

    SR *Spoilers*

    by Engineer_at_peac

    Did anyone think Superman came off as kind of stupid in this? He lands on a a damn island of kryptonite and doesn't notice any of it. The man has freaking X-ray vision. Then when Luthor somes out, he doesn't check him for anything, he just walks right up to him like a damned jackass. He's totally powerless after a couple of minutees on top of the island, getting his ass kicked by goons, but then he picks up the whole damn island and takes it into space later. He recharged in the sun first, which was a nice touch, but the whole time he is doing this, he still has a damn piece of kryptonite in his back, and there's just as much kryptonite on the underside of the island as there is on the top, and the island isn't made of lead, so it should all be affecting him by any logical means. It does not compute. Was Supes even really needed to stop the plot? Couldn't the air force have just carpet bombed the damn place and taken Lex and his crystals out? "Oh no! Bombs, my one weakness!"

  • June 29, 2006, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Sidekick #1

    by Engineer_at_peac

    I picked up this book this week based off of the description in my stores solicitation, and I have to say it is hilarious. Definitely looking forwars to more. Hope it gets reviewed next week. Now this is a question: Do Image Comics and IDW count as indie? I'm guessing they don't. But at the store I told him I also wanted "that indie" comic Sidekick #1 and the guy rolled his eyes a bit, and I felt I lost my street cred.

  • June 29, 2006, 3:54 p.m. CST

    on the tv thing

    by Darth Kal-El

    i think anyone making comments about sleazy's weight or his apperance on the show need to post some pics(real pics) of themselves showing us what shining examples of exercise and grooming they are.

  • June 29, 2006, 3:54 p.m. CST

    on the tv thing

    by Darth Kal-El

    i think anyone making comments about sleazy's weight or his apperance on the show need to post some pics(real pics) of themselves showing us what shining examples of exercise and grooming they are.

  • June 29, 2006, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Yo Sleazy....

    by Psynapse

    There is a HUGE distinction between use of lethal force and murder. ESPECIALLY when it's your freaking Mom being bitchslapped (and likely about to be killed) by a psycho with a bulldog tattooed to the back of his head. I agree with every other poiint though.....

  • June 29, 2006, 4:06 p.m. CST


    by Sunqist

    I'm not saying that because I think he needs to clean up, I'm saying that because he looks _way_ better in real life than he did on the show. The other two guests know how to work the meia, and you can bet they had professional help developing their images. It's a matter of evening the playing field.

  • June 29, 2006, 4:10 p.m. CST

    He didn't kill him

    by Engineer_at_peac

    It was off screen and you couldn't see it, but this guy used to always kill people by strnagling them with piano wire, and The Spectre happened to be passing by at just that moment. Alternatively, it is possible that Richard White is also Cyclops who lost his memory and was not killed by Phoenix, but instead tranferred to a Divergetn Cosmos, where discovering he looked just like a missing Richard White, assumed that identity and quickly hooked up and fell in love with Lois Lane. The child inherited his optic blast power, and it first manifested itself right there on the boat, shoving the piano up onto the guy. It was a total accident, though.

  • June 29, 2006, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Well, y'all know I'm a cuter version of Tim Roth....

    by Psynapse

    So shape up you bitches, I can't uphold the "Geeks are hot too!" banner all by myself....

  • June 29, 2006, 4:13 p.m. CST

    i dont know sleazy in real life

    by Darth Kal-El

    but i agree with you sunqist about evening the playing field.

  • June 29, 2006, 4:15 p.m. CST


    by Darth Kal-El

    you never fail to crack me up!***holds up end of banner for a minute,sets it down and goes to get a beer***

  • June 29, 2006, 4:17 p.m. CST

    oh and

    by Darth Kal-El

    'I like my geeks skinny and with glasses the way God intended. 'LMFAO!

  • June 29, 2006, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Hey guys, don't lay into Sunqist too much...

    by SleazyG.

    ...she's one of my real-life peeps, so she knew she was in the clear to be honest about my appearance. Truth is, the remote studio didn't have anybody on hand to deal with hair/makeup--it was just the camera guy applying some powder. I also didn't get the email from G4 saying "don't wear red" til I was at work that day, and the shirt looks fine in real life--not blobby. And besides, the camera adds like 20 pounds. Okay, 10--the other ten might be from italian beef sandwiches and burritos and pizza and wild game sausages from Hot Doug's and drinking three nights a week and...

  • June 29, 2006, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Hey guys, don't lay into Sunqist too much...

    by SleazyG.

    ...she's one of my real-life peeps, so she knew she was in the clear to be honest about my appearance. Truth is, the remote studio didn't have anybody on hand to deal with hair/makeup--it was just the camera guy applying some powder. I also didn't get the email from G4 saying "don't wear red" til I was at work that day, and the shirt looks fine in real life--not blobby. And besides, the camera adds like 20 pounds. Okay, 10--the other ten might be from italian beef sandwiches and burritos and pizza and wild game sausages from Hot Doug's and drinking three nights a week and...

  • June 29, 2006, 5:01 p.m. CST


    by SleazyG.'s like all those comments were never there, and I missed a bunch before I could reply. Did Superbaby punch a wall somewheres and alter the site on a quantum level?

  • June 29, 2006, 5:01 p.m. CST

    aaand...they're back.

    by SleazyG.

    Well, shit.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Sleazy G - "but the irony wasn

    by nofate

    "...that after using a screen name on AICN for half a dozen years I was going to have to finally reveal myself in front of TV cameras to talk about Peter

  • June 29, 2006, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Dear nofate:

    by SleazyG.

    You're a jackass. Of course I don't think they're of comparable importance. Point was that I loved the anonymity of the internet and kinda poked a hole in it in the hopes of benefitting the column. No, wait, I take it back: yes, of course I'm so full of myself that I meant it was as big as one of the shittiest comic book moments of the decade. Creezus, use some common sense. Were they equally shitty? Perhaps, but I'm still leaning towards Marvel's big fuck-up as a much bigger mistake. Y'know, I thought it came off pretty clearly that I was't thrilled with the outcome of my experience--do you really think that was an ego boost for me? Come on, man--go back and check the subtext.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Sleazy, don't waste your time.....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    with insignificant assclowns like nofate. We knew what you meant, if he doesn't get it, he can just continue to read in silence and not hold back the rest of the class like a good little short busser.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Let me rephrase, Psynapse:

    by SleazyG.

    The whole thing can be boiled down to one sentence: "Superman's illegitimate five year old son kills man with piano." If you re-read that a few times, the brain-numbing idiocy will begin to sink in. No matter what justification you attempt to contrive, it quickly becomes clear that the idea is deeply flawed on several levels and had no place whatsoever in a Superman movie. Considering it was treated like a joke and then never referred to again, it becomes even more off-putting.

  • June 29, 2006, 5:59 p.m. CST

    I know Sleazy....

    by Psynapse

    And as I said I agree with your points regarding said stupidity. I'm just adopting a bit of tunnel vision on those things because I'm so happy to see a (somewhat)portrayal of the closest thing I have to an actual father figure (yes, I AM that pathetic) onscreen once again. And hey, the kid may be a bit to take but he beats the hell out of finger rays and super-stretchy chest emblems any day. (Not too mention the teleportation or invisibility bullshit, I never could figure out which it was)

  • June 29, 2006, 6:02 p.m. CST

    Damnable inability to edit!

    by Psynapse

    *(somewhat) decent portayal is what i meant.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:14 p.m. CST

    i got my tickets bitches!!

    by Darth Kal-El

    tomorrow is the day!

  • June 29, 2006, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Nyah Nyah.....

    by Psynapse

    Saw it free the night before and with a theatre full of geeks all associates thru Emerald City Comics.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Jeez, chill Sleazy

    by nofate

    Do you have sand in your vagina? My post was meant to knock you down a couple of pegs, not for you to go in some rant about the subtext of your comparison. Shit, some nerds just take themselves too seriously.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:18 p.m. CST

    jeez, chill, nofate.

    by SleazyG.

    my whole point was, there was no ego involved and therefore no downpegging required. I was doing anything *but* taking myself seriously, which I thought was pretty clear from what I said.

  • June 29, 2006, 6:41 p.m. CST

    oh psy

    by Darth Kal-El

    why must you mock my happiness?if we where pissing side by side at a bank of urinals you would make a rude comment wouldnt you? Woldnt you!!!????

  • June 29, 2006, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Y'know what was cool...?

    by superhero

    At my showing of SUPERMAN RETURNS there were a bunch of teenagers (mostly girls) dressed up in Superman costumes all gettin' psyched to see the flick. That was cool and made my heart go all warm and fuzzy inside...

  • June 29, 2006, 10:51 p.m. CST

    "Heart" my ass.

    by SleazyG.

    We all know what goes warm and fuzzy when you see a bunch of teenaged girls dressed up like supers there, guy. Nice try, but I'm not buyin' it.

  • June 29, 2006, 11:40 p.m. CST

    Hey Sleazy...

    by superhero

    Don't drag me into your porn fantasies! OH! C' left yourself wide open for that one! I had to take the shot! I had to! :O)

  • June 30, 2006, 12:58 a.m. CST

    Yo Darth....

    by Psynapse

    Is it my fault my dick is bigger than yours?

  • June 30, 2006, 1:46 a.m. CST

    It's amazing that all those years, DC danced

    by superninja

    around ruining the Lois and Clark relationship. Talking up divorce. And Singer ruins it with $300M dollars. I guess if you're going to go, go big.

  • June 30, 2006, 7:46 a.m. CST

    Wait a sec, Psy...

    by Thalya

    For consistency's sake here, you're saying the closest thing you had to a father figure is HAWT?! Ew..

  • June 30, 2006, 7:53 a.m. CST

    Uh, could you guys talk about Superman Returns..

    by rev_skarekroe the Superman Returns talkback? I'm just scanning through this thing and getting spoilers without even trying. Thanks.

  • June 30, 2006, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Wow Thalya....

    by Psynapse

    That's not consistency that's machiavellian. Father=Hawt?!? VERY EEEW m'dear. Superman (The character)is the most prominent male authority figure I knew growing up (My grandfather and Uncle notwithstanding) and as such had that much impact on my moral development. THIS INCARNATION howzevah (we are clear on the distinction here right?) is HAWT. Nice byzantine logic though. Made me laugh (which I suspect was your intent, I'm not the only sick ticket around here).

  • June 30, 2006, 8:49 a.m. CST

    Yeah it is getting a bit spoiler-ific in here...

    by Shigeru

    Routh is hot... yeah I could see that. I dug him a lot.

  • June 30, 2006, 9:20 a.m. CST

    And by "I dug him a lot"

    by Shigeru

    I mean, like, in a cock sense.

  • June 30, 2006, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Ha! I knew you were checking me out psy!

    by Darth Kal-El

    yeah routh is a good looking guy.i dont know im probbaly going to get beat for this but in some of the trailers ive seen,specifically the part where he flies up out of the elevator,when he is still in 'clark kent' mode he looked a lot like jason schartsman(?) the dude from rushmore. kinda weird.but yeah hes...hawt

  • June 30, 2006, 11:33 a.m. CST

    That Rushmore dude was hawt too...

    by Psynapse

    See? Skinny with glasses as God intended.

  • June 30, 2006, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Routh = tomboy beanpole

    by Engineer_at_peac

    Men are supposed to have CURVES. Wait... wait, no they aren't. I'm confused.

  • June 30, 2006, 12:29 p.m. CST

    re: tomboy beanpole

    by Darth Kal-El

    i know thats one of those AICN expressions but im not sure what it means.sounds funny tho.and man i cant wait today is going to be the longest day EVER! tonight i see the movie at 10:20pm in imax far our crew is 12 deep but we might get some more add ons later in the day.

  • June 30, 2006, 12:39 p.m. CST

    I will this, and only this...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    with no small amount of respect for the opinions and tastes of not only my fellow Cogs, but other, lower, lifeforms as well. Superman Returns is Gods punishment for an immoral world. I fealt the need to penance myself after watching the half hour that I did before I walked out. That is all.

  • June 30, 2006, 12:48 p.m. CST

    holy shit turtle!!

    by Darth Kal-El

    i was about to ask u to come out and joing us tonight for the imax 3d screening since u are geographically closest to me! aww man dont make me cry so early in the day!

  • June 30, 2006, 1:29 p.m. CST

    he's exaggerating.

    by Shigeru

    The last 20 min were my least favorite part cause they were pretty clunky. But it's certainly not a deal-breaker.

  • June 30, 2006, 1:35 p.m. CST


    by Thalya

    The phrase "tomboy beanpole" comes from an ad AICN had a ways back for Bend It Like Beckham, where it said "Keira Knightley is the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet" or something.

  • June 30, 2006, 1:50 p.m. CST

    I'm gonna pretend.....

    by Psynapse

    Superboy is till punching walls some where and that post just did not happen now. PS-Thalya (as usual) is dead on with the secret origin of beanpole.

  • June 30, 2006, 1:54 p.m. CST


    by vagrant's choice


  • June 30, 2006, 2:05 p.m. CST

    thanks thalya

    by Darth Kal-El

    someitmes i hear stuff that to me is more obscure than some of our cog in jokes. i knew it had something to do with kiera knightly or natalie portman but i wasnt sure. oh oh how about this one-has a beer and cheats on his wife?

  • June 30, 2006, 2:15 p.m. CST

    Sorry dear.. that's CHEETS

    by Thalya

    "has a beer and CHEETS on his wife" (caps not mine). Way back, I think when Darren Aronofsky was attached to what became Batman Begins and they were developing something along the lines of Batman: Year One (I'm not sure though, I haven't read that one yet), there came a script review (later proven false?) that included Lieutenant Jim Gordon going out for a beer and cheating on his wife. Something like that, plus a number of other wild and crazy things that got everyone all riled up. Ah, good times..

  • June 30, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    i think

    by Darth Kal-El

    based on what i saw in the clip and some of the things ive heard here and other places that marvel higher ups dont want to address this. i get the vibe that they see us the online fan comunity as a thorn in their side. didnt u get the impression in the clip that alonso has a 'why dont these internet dweebs get with the program' kind of attittude? im just going to vote with my dollar when it comes to these things. i have yet to buy a single issue of civil war and thanks to their event they currently lost me as a reader of anything that isnt ultimate marvel and AXm. but what do i know im just a part of a group of maybe a few hundred net geeks who comlain loudly

  • June 30, 2006, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Now how about this one?

    by Thalya

    Who remembers, "There's a bomb is his ribcage!" And no, it was way before Grey's Anatomy.

  • June 30, 2006, 2:21 p.m. CST

    "how about this one-has a beer and cheats on his wife?"

    by rev_skarekroe

    Check it out:

  • June 30, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    my spelling is atrocious

    by Darth Kal-El

    i of course meant 'complain' not comlain and thal im pretty sure its spelled cheats.or is that part of the joke. im glad im getting some of these things clarified. good times indeed

  • June 30, 2006, 2:41 p.m. CST

    Fuck Alonso Axel...

    by Psynapse

    Fuck him up his stupid ass.

  • June 30, 2006, 2:48 p.m. CST

    Jim Godon cheets on his wife

    by Engineer_at_peac

    "Way back, I think when Darren Aronofsky was attached to what became Batman Begins and they were developing something along the lines of Batman: Year One (I'm not sure though, I haven't read that one yet), there came a script review (later proven false?) that included Lieutenant Jim Gordon going out for a beer and cheating on his wife. Something like that, plus a number of other wild and crazy things that got everyone all riled up." Now it's been a while since I've read it, but I'm pretty sure this actually happens in "The Long Halloween" which takes place over a year and is the spiritual sequel to Year One. Or possibly in Dark Victory, the sequel to Long Halloween.

  • June 30, 2006, 2:48 p.m. CST

    Superboy punching?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Better than watching Days of our Superman. You know what, I think that's it. I know why I was bored now. I actually don't care about Clark's shit. All I want out of Superman, is an action movie. Superman's "angst" is artificial anyway. He's God Damn Superman. He's the do-gooder uber-jock with the hot chick on his arm and to boot he's an award winning journalist. Anything wrong with his life is the result of other people sucking, not him. If I wanted failability and angst, I'll just wait and get it from Spider Man. You know, the young kid who fucks up CONSTANTLY. FUCK! GODDAMMIT! Well, that was another sojourn into troll territory. I apologize, I'm not gonna make this a habit, but at least I pinned down why I hated the movie. ;P

  • June 30, 2006, 3:31 p.m. CST

    I can't spell and...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I use unnecassary commas. I know this. Sometimes in the night...when I'm alone and noone can see my weakness...I fart, roll-over, fall back to sleep and continue to not give a shit.

  • June 30, 2006, 4:04 p.m. CST

    but, GreatA

    by The Heathen

    And half of that was the best opening to a movie I've seen in a long time. Hmm

  • June 30, 2006, 4:12 p.m. CST

    and another thing...

    by blackthought


  • June 30, 2006, 4:17 p.m. CST

    suprhero re: what was cool?

    by The Heathen

    I agree about people wearing the Superman stuff. It just makes you feel good, like this is what we need right now. I went with my wife, brother, Mother and a group of friends and we all had stuff on. You can check it on on my own little review I did for the movie here ** ** I also want to say that I've never been so nervous/anxious before a movie since Episode I, but this time the outcome was a lot better. I didn't hate the kid, but I would have preferred him not to have been in it at all. The sequels is what I'm worried about. *SPOILERS* I'm not sure it's proven that the kid was immune to the kryptonite, but it wasn't clear either way. And why all the meds? Was that just Lois covering up? And how did she know (did she) that it was Superman's kid? At the end of Superman II she's forgotten that Clark was Superman right? Anybody?

  • June 30, 2006, 4:22 p.m. CST


    by Engineer_at_peac

    Everyone knows that asthma in movies is just hollywood code for lack of self confidence. Just like as soon as Mikey makes out with what's her name in Goonies, he just takes his inhaler and tosses it. Or when Forrest Gump is being chased and his life depends on it, he just suddenly kicks off his leg braces and runs like the wind. Because you see, nobody is ever really sick or has a physical condition, they just lack self confidence or haven't needed to go on without it before.

  • June 30, 2006, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Yes Heath....

    by Psynapse

    That was another magical power Superman gained in that movie. He kissed her and wiped her memory of his identity as Clark (and people are bitching about a goddamn kid?!? Yeesh.)

  • June 30, 2006, 4:35 p.m. CST

    He actually had the memory kiss in the comics

    by Engineer_at_peac

    He used it a couple of times, before Superman II ever came out. It's true.

  • June 30, 2006, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Please show me

    by Psynapse

    No snark intended but please reference the source material.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:13 p.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin

    but I like Smallville. I'm a wierd fuckin' turtle. I guess it's cause it's a TV show, and I'm ready for decompression in that realm. Plus, the guy that plays Lex is HAWT. Did I just say that? Oh well, I'm secure enough in my turtlehood to admit it. I'd still bang Chloe and Lois twice in front of a church though.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Last Planet Standing

    by Skeletonpuppet

    All fans of old school goodness should definitly check out this min-series. And Spider-girl as well. This is the kind of fun I remember comics being :D

  • June 30, 2006, 5:18 p.m. CST

    Chloe and Lois twice in front of a church

    by The Heathen

    Yes sir, may I have another? Michael Rosenbaum(?) is cool. He's great as Wally West's voice in Justice League.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:21 p.m. CST

    He was Flash in JLU?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Frickin' SWEET!

  • June 30, 2006, 5:22 p.m. CST

    ...And about Superman returns...

    by Skeletonpuppet

    Loved it, but I'd like to see Supes have a REAL fight on the big screen someday.Not just get kicked around by someone holding Kryptonite. Bizzaro, Metallo, Brainiac, hell, I'd have been happy (Oh, who am I kidding, I'd have been ECSTATIC) if Spacey had donned purple and green power armor for the last battle. Still good flick. 'Still the safest way to travel indeed.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Brandon Routh=Hawt, Tom Welling=NOT Hawt

    by Psynapse

    Just callin' it likes I sees it.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Superman's memory kiss

    by The Heathen

    so the kiss only wiped her knowing who Superman was, but not the fact that she slept with him at the fortress of solitude right? That's a brain cramp. We need Superboy to punch a wall an dexplain where was the point and why Lois went with Superman, etc. Originally, she went with him because she found out he was Clark, but if the memory kiss retconned that, then Clark would have went home sick after burning his hand and then Supes drops by and says, "Hey, wanna lift? I'll show you my arctic fortress." Is there any chance they explained this in one of the prequel comics that just came out? I haven't read them yet.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:26 p.m. CST

    purple and green power armor

    by The Heathen

    *crosses fingers for sequel*

  • June 30, 2006, 5:29 p.m. CST

    Yeah, but Psy...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    You likes'em geeky (the way I intended), so no points for you.

  • June 30, 2006, 5:34 p.m. CST

    Who needs points,

    by Psynapse

    when you're freshly fucked? (not that I have been in recent history-sheet rock gets laid more than me.)

  • June 30, 2006, 5:37 p.m. CST

    Then again....

    by Psynapse

    I'd probably get it more often if I weren't so damn picky. Damnable standards.....

  • June 30, 2006, 5:44 p.m. CST

    I pretty much

    by El Vale

    know everything that happens in superman Returns by now and HOLY SHIT i just checked and the movie has in fact premiered in Colombia. Should i go see it today? No no no premieres on July 14th. Well i still feel like i saw it today, like..remember the part when Superman's son kills Kumar with a freaking piano? That was sweet!

  • June 30, 2006, 5:53 p.m. CST

    it wasn't Kumar

    by The Heathen

    and I wouldn't see it if you don't even like Superman, Vale.

  • June 30, 2006, 6:04 p.m. CST


    by El Vale

    It's the same "problem" i had with X-Men. I did like the X-Men as much as i liked Superman when i was a kid, but right now, i don't give a shit about any X-Men comics not penned by Grant Morrison. And strangely enough, it's the same with Superman. That said, i enjoyed the X movies and if Superman's a good summer flick, i shall enjoy it as well.

  • June 30, 2006, 6:25 p.m. CST

    Nope, 'fraid not Engineer....

    by Psynapse

    **** Yes, he had 'super' kiss and yes it made her swoon but did NOT alter memory. (Apparently pre-crisis Superman was capable of being a superstud)BOW BEFORE ME, I AM A GEEK-TASTIC GOD OF INTERNET RESEARCH (bitches)

  • June 30, 2006, 6:42 p.m. CST

    Awesome! SUPERWOMAN!

    by superhero

    Man, I loved this comic as a kid! Great art too! Every once in a while pre-crisis DC got one right.

  • June 30, 2006, 6:45 p.m. CST


    by superhero

    Oh, and the kid thing in SUPERMAN RETURNS sucked. There was no reason for that kid to be in the movie. He didn't advance the plot ONE BIT. Think about it. Take him out of the movie and you still could have hade the romantic triangle. You didn't NEED the kid. Hopefully they'll get rid of him in the next movie. Until then I look at SUPERMAN RETURNS as sort of an ELSEWORLDS lets me enjoy it more than I should.

  • June 30, 2006, 7:47 p.m. CST

    The link

    by vagrant's choice

    Nice link Psynapse. I like this part best,

  • June 30, 2006, 7:59 p.m. CST


    by Thalya

    Hey guys, I'm just settling into my weekly stash from my LCS and I gotta say, if you haven't gone yet this week: ION #3. There was a hint of this last issue, but there is some wonderful..I'm not sure what to call it. It's a kind of lyricism and to be honest, my soul hasn't felt this good in awhile. If things can keep up, this could be a beautiful miniseries, and what Kyle is makes total sense and is intensely intriguing given his heritages as a character. The process Kyle is going through in coming to terms with his ION-ness is just amazing and this issue wher he spends some time on Mogo conversing with dead girlfriends is perfectly paced and really sends him through a psychological journey (plus it makes note of current continuity, always a plus in the land of OYL!). I know Marz isn't everyone's cuppa tea, but there's something going on here that's impressionistic and something of a vision quest, seemingly random situations that play to Kyle's spiritual state. Do yourself a favor and check it out. More later on Spectre, 52, Action, Brave New World, and Blue Beetle.

  • June 30, 2006, 8:33 p.m. CST

    seeing supes tonight in imax 3D...does flash make a cam

    by blackthought

  • June 30, 2006, 11:40 p.m. CST

    writers write stories, not characters.

    by Arkhangelsk

    yo great'a, since it seems no one answered your query WE3 is probably one of the greatest comic book of all time, a 3-issue miniseries from Vertigo written by Grant Morrison and drawn by Frank Quitely. it's a sci-fi about a dog a cat and a rabbit who get turned into supersoldiers. plus it has some of the most innovative storytelling techniques this side of Dave Sim. also check out Sleeper by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips. it's better than Watchmen (yes i said it!). and if you love the Whedon, you gotta pick up Fray, his first comic bok ever, about a Slayer in the future. Whedon is one of the best writers ever, seriously, and i appreciate the hell out of his Morrison referencing. i'm re-reading AXM right now, then i'll re-read Morrison's run, then i'll decide which is the greatest X-Men story ever.

  • July 1, 2006, 12:37 a.m. CST

    Spider-man 3 wallpapers

    by George Newman Click on the "View full size" next to each pic to get the largest versions, obviously.

  • July 1, 2006, 1:34 a.m. CST

    Characters are a part of stories...

    by superhero

    and take part in them. Therefore you cannot have a story without characters. And characters behave a certain way because of what their backround is, their personal motivations and history, etc. While outside events may affect their behavior a well written character has certain methods of conduct written into them from the get go. A writer who writes stories without thinking about the characters in them is, well, kind of a lame writer. Oh, and no way is SLEEPER better than WATCHMEN. It's good, but it's no WATCHMEN. Oh, and FROM HELL gave me nightmares. Thank you.

  • July 1, 2006, 4:31 a.m. CST

    WE3 is supersweet.

    by SleazyG.

    Cutesy animals you can actually relate to are set upon by vicious technoultraviolence. I already loved bunnies (even though I eat them) but WE3 broke my heart. Poor li'l bunny. It's the animated movie that would make people shit their pants and rethink their pets. Oh, and I love, love LOVE that I live in an urban part of Chicago and get to hang out with fluffy li'l bunnies when I get home from the bar late at night. LOVE.

  • July 1, 2006, 11:09 a.m. CST

    i wonder how we3 will look on film...

    by blackthought

    will it cause people to be more fearful of cats, dogs and rabbits?

  • July 1, 2006, 11:43 a.m. CST

    A We3 film....

    by Psynapse

    Would fuck people right up and rightfully so. Humankind's blatant disregard for the other sentient lifeforms on this planet has always apalled me. That said, PETA is one of the biggest collections of douchebags I've ever seen.

  • July 1, 2006, 12:48 p.m. CST

    This is geeky even for me

    by The Heathen

    but for a split second in Superman Returns when he was underwater I thought that maybe, just maybe, Aquaman was going to save him. I watch to much Entourage.

  • July 1, 2006, 1:19 p.m. CST

    I thought that Aquaman was going to save him

    by Skeletonpuppet

    How do we know he didn't? :D

  • July 1, 2006, 1:32 p.m. CST

    That, or

    by The Heathen

    I thought that the crystals were going to make Atlantis or something. But, seriously, I really thought for just a sec that maybe Aquaman would have helped Superman. I mean, they acknowledged Gotham which was cool and I thin fans would react well to any universe showing more corners. Maybe it's just me? I dunno? Ebert WAS on crack during his review though. Man, I love the guy really, but after giving better reviews to the Garfield and Fast and Furious sequels

  • July 1, 2006, 1:56 p.m. CST

    Vern reviews Superman Returns

    by El Vale You may have to scroll down to find it. Hilarious stuff.

  • July 1, 2006, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Aquaman???? You've got to be kidding me ...

    by dregmobile

    For anyone who gives a shit, my review for Superman Returns: ***** damn comics have been delayed until Monday (tomorrow) ...

  • July 1, 2006, 5:14 p.m. CST

    I was

    by The Heathen

    The scene was lingering with him in the water and I thought, "Jeez, Lois or Richard won't be able to get him. Who will? What about Aquaman. He, heh

  • July 1, 2006, 6:36 p.m. CST

    (yes, an intelligent conversation)

    by Arkhangelsk

    well of course characters kinda have "a life of their own". witness issue 200 of Cerebus where mr. Sim basically let Cerebus take over. he just went "and now what?" and let Cerebus act out what he wanted. but. characters are, indeed, a part of the story. writers write stories to express their ideas and characters are made up to serve that purpose. any writer who comes up with a character (or gets saddled with one) and THEN comes up with a story to fit the character, is a bad writer. and i've been re-reading my Alan Moore library and i gotta say, although the man has craft and tries to convey ideas, it all ends up being empty, a bit on the showoff side and, ultimately, sophomoric. Ed Brubaker, in Sleeper, introduced a new writing technique for comic books (the Origins Game the bad guys play on stakeout) and then REINVENTED it, all within the same run of the same comic book, within the same story. now that is craft.

  • July 1, 2006, 7:42 p.m. CST

    Superman is my favourite super hero ...

    by dregmobile

    But this film ranks under even Superman II for me. I'm one of those people that regard Hulk as a masterpiece. Remember I am looking at these films as just films - not whether they are great adaptations. My favourite film last year was Batman Begins ... that was just solid, I can't find many flaws with that film. There was some cool stuff in Superman Returns ... but there were just too many flaws with the film for me to regard it highly. At the same time ... it is my favourite 2006 release yet ... ***** As for Aquaman. Yeah, that'd be cool ... especially as they are almost ready with that TV show. But crossovers are rare in films ...

  • July 1, 2006, 8:05 p.m. CST

    i enjoyed supes return from developement hell

    by blackthought

    i watched it last night at the imax with the 3d and had a nice warm feeling from it. the plane rescue was well done and was quite a thrill to watch in 3D. there was a lot of great matte paintings too...especially outside the fortress of solitude. still not sure how this kid deal will work out though...i see the flaws in this movie but it does quite a bit right...routh's rendition of superman kicked ass...his clark needs some work...that's what made reeves so great. both his clark and superman were solid...and aquaman should of saved him since he doesn't have that wb show to tie him down but entourage has firmly planted in my head that only cameron can do an aquaman movie. i want to see darkseid v. supes in supes 3 if they have the balls.

  • July 1, 2006, 8:08 p.m. CST

    superman returns

    by Darth Kal-El

    is amazing! especially in the IMAX 3d format.more later

  • July 1, 2006, 8:46 p.m. CST

    SleazyG (Spoilers below)

    by dregmobile

    The reason why it was okay for the kid to kill the thug was because his mother was getting the absolute shit kicked out of her. I think the thug was about to kill her with something. So the kid shifting the piano with his man of half-steel powers seemed warranted.

  • July 2, 2006, 12:42 a.m. CST

    Not to mention...

    by Prof Challenger

    the kid didn't KNOW he was gonna "supe" out at that moment. It had never happened before so there's really no believable self-control there. 100% accidental and 100% forgiveable and 100% believable within the context of the movie.

  • July 2, 2006, 5:45 a.m. CST

    No, Sleazy's right.

    by Dave_F

    In the real world, sure, a superpowered kid inadvertantly killing a bad man would be shrug-worthy (after the whole, "Wow, superpowers exist!" part anyway). But super-kid exists in a fictional world defined by WRITERS. And the writers have total power, but they still work within the parameters of the genre, specifically an all-ages take on the genre. So no swearing, no gore, no penetration shots, etc. And pretty much everyone takes these limits in stride, no complaint, but there are other limits that, while specific to Superman, should still be obvious: limits like "Superman doesn't kill." Sure, you could come up with a justification (insert debate over the Byrne story where he executes the Phantom Zone villains here), but this being a Superman story and therefore presenting an idealized image of an essentially magical, all-perfect paternal figure...YA DON'T. It's a tonal thing, dig? Guilt and responsibility over death make for some heavy shit, and that's just not a position you put Superman or, by extension, his son, in. It's material for a Daredevil story, maybe, but when you're talking Superman, you're talking about a character who essentially has as a meta-contextual power the ability to find a "better way." Fuck, it's what makes him SUPERMAN! And the same should go for his kid. Writers for these characters thus enter a tacit compact when they take up their pens to NOT take them to the gritty places they would Batman or Daredevil or the Punisher - you find *different* challenges. And the worst part is, the writers didn't even treat the death as having any meaning. It was practically a punchline. And would anything essential to the movie have changed had the kid just knocked the guy *silly* with the piano? Nope. But it would have removed an annoying incongruity - accidental deaths caused by the good guys - to Superman's world. Oh, and as for the thug's behavior justifying the kill - again, the writers have the power. They WROTE his beatdown on Lois to be brutal, but they needn't have. Movies had folks fearing for the safety of their leads before Patricia Arquette got beaten bloody by Tony Soprano in TRUE ROMANCE. It can be done. **** So okay, in the big scheme of things, the piano-kill's a minor misstep in the movie in that it's such a brief scene, but it definitely whithers under a critical light. In technical terms, I'd call it a "fuck up". **** In other news, I wasn't big on SUPERMAN RETURNS. Didn't hate it. Even liked the first third pretty damn well. But I think I started tuning out when I realized how much of it was cribbed from Donner's SUPERMAN. I've got big time reverence for Donner's SUPERMAN, and initially thought it was cool the new flick would apparently pay homage to it, but having seen the end result, I really wish they'd found their own direction and skipped all the cheap nods. Really, there's no way they could've *beaten* Donner's flick, so why keep reminding people of it? Routh was good - most of the actors were - but they didn't have the best of material to work with. Meanwhile, Donner's SUPERMAN still has Mario "Godfather" Puzo backing it.

  • July 2, 2006, 5:58 a.m. CST

    Last week's books...

    by Dave_F

    Surprisingly good. I'd hit something like three months without a really fun "New Comic Wednesday" and was gettin' pretty bummed, but last week was alright. The good stuff? CONAN, STAR WARS: REBELLION (no, really), ALL-STAR SUPES, WONDER WOMAN Vol. 4 (I really need to do an overview of Perez's mighty run), ANNHILATION: NOVA (respect for Quasar - always nice), ETERNALS #1 (strong debut; really enjoyed), X-MEN FAIRY TALES (always cool to stumble over something like this), and FALLEN ANGEL (okay, I'm wavering a bit on the book, but it was fair to middlin'...). Nothing profound in that set - just better popcorn entertainment than the industry's given me in many a month. I'll settle for that.

  • July 2, 2006, 6 a.m. CST

    But where's the Village Idiot when ya need him?

    by Dave_F

    Hey, VI, you out there? Make with the SUPERMAN RETURNS review! If anyone's got an informed opinion to offer up on the topic, it's you.

  • July 2, 2006, 6:09 a.m. CST

    Two minor gripes about ETERNALS...

    by Dave_F

    1) Wish the book didn't have the CIVIL WAR registration shit lurking in the background. Yeah, it's nice to have writers be team players, but you DO lose some potency when your origin story references overly timely events like CIVIL WAR. 2) I thought it was odd that Gaiman so overtly referenced/spoofed "That's So Raven" with the sitcom "It's Just So Sprite." Another overly timely reference that'll probably age about as well as a "Welcome Back, Kotter" reference from the 70s. ***** Beyond that, kick ass opener. Just keep Iron Spidey out, Neil, and I'll keep readin'.

  • July 2, 2006, 6:23 a.m. CST

    Anyone else think they might like Whedon's X-MEN more..

    by Dave_F

    ...if it didn't read as so frickin' Whedon-y? He's got the right TONE for the X-Men, but his quirks (especially the mid-battle quip) have gone from endearing to belabored to downright grating. Funny thing is, I might've said the same about Morrison's writing during the early part of his run, but even though he travelled in familiar X-plots, his creation of a new, more progressive idiom for the team ended up winning me over. Whedon's idiom just seems to annoy me, and I don't sense a conversion to his teachings in my future. Also: Cassaday's art breathes TOO much. Dude needs to drop the widescreen thing for some increased panel-size variation. The widescreen stuff feels bloated when it's used even for conversations. It's the sequential art equivalent of love-handles.

  • July 2, 2006, 6:28 a.m. CST

    Oh, and because I wasn't around for his first column...

    by Dave_F

    Welcome, one called Squashua. I offer a hearty "@$$holes @hoy!" battle cry to you.

  • July 2, 2006, 6:53 a.m. CST

    Vroom, that WASTELAND book sounded kinda cool...

    by Dave_F I went and tracked down a mammoth preview of it that Oni's got up: Not bad, and I'm a sucker for post-apocalyptic stuff. **** And I'll tell ya what else'd be cool: a comic based on the old FALLOUT series of PC games. It seems like the kind of setting Garth Ennis was born to write, and I guess he kinda/sorta dabbled with it in his JUST A PILGRIM miniseries. Anyone out there read it? I remember giving 'er a look at the time but not seeing an overabundance of inspiration going on. Is it worth reading?

  • July 2, 2006, 7:08 a.m. CST

    Humph's dead right: buy that GIANT-SIZE HULK pronto...

    by Dave_F

    The lead-off Champions story is pure fluff and you'll have to work your way past some really dopey Peter David humor, but the reprint of HULK: THE END is worth it. There's not a cheesy joke or bad pun to be found - just one of the best Hulk stories ever written and the only other legitimately great "The End" outing aside from PUNISHER: THE END. A must-have, pitch-blank story.

  • July 2, 2006, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Fuck Giant Size Hulk.....

    by Psynapse

    But only because I already own 'The End' which I personally consider to be THE BEST Hulk story EVER. No better dissection of the character will ever be found. Okay, so anyone who HASN'T read 'The End' go get it.

  • July 2, 2006, 11:55 a.m. CST


    by blackthought

    my eyes must be decieving me for i see dave_f posting in vast it can't be real...this is not dave_f returns directed by buzz maverick which is an homage to donner's original.

  • July 2, 2006, 12:02 p.m. CST

    I have an idea...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I'll make a Superman movie where Superman, get this, FIGHTS SOMEBODY! He gets his ass handed to him, then Lex STABS HIM IN THE BACK WITH A KRYPTONITE KNIFE. Umm...death. Yeah, he should DIE there. Ugh! Enough of that. It's Papa Turtles B-day, so I'm off.

  • July 2, 2006, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Welcome back, Dave

    by El Vale

    What was it about Morrison's X-Men that felt, at times, too Morrison-y but ended up winning you over?

  • July 2, 2006, 2:34 p.m. CST

    Party with your shell off!!!

    by The Heathen

    Happy B-Day, fellow Cog.

  • July 2, 2006, 2:42 p.m. CST

    I disagree about Morrison and especially Whedon, Dave

    by The Heathen

    Morrison's approach was different and didn't read like any other X-Men book I've ever read, but it was probably the only good X-Men story in years wasn't it? And it didn't exactly end on it's highest note (Xorn). As for Whedon and Cassaday? I don't think it's too much at all. It 'feels' right. I'd say more, but superhero's review summed up how I feel basically. And Cassaday needn't change anything besides how many hands he has so he can draw more faster. He's amazing. His work flows so smoothly that I always end up reading through AXM, Planetary, etc. faster than other books because it's so good, and then I read them again to appreciate the art more. I'm on the other end of the scale on this one. *** Can anyone tell me how the 3-D was in Superman Returns?

  • July 2, 2006, 2:46 p.m. CST

    Vern can tell you, Heath

    by El Vale

    Read the review i shared with you guys.

  • July 2, 2006, 2:57 p.m. CST

    oh crap, I forgot, Vale

    by The Heathen

    I only made it halfway through the other day, thanks!

  • July 2, 2006, 4 p.m. CST


    by The Heathen

    What did you guy's think of the 3-D? *** Apparently, Supes box office wasn't as good as hoped for. Kinda like Kongs opening whicj had about as much hype and nearly the same budget. Around $52 million for the weekend and $80 somethin million total so far. Not bad in it's total, but crap like X3 breaks records, but stuff like Superman Returns and Batman Begins have this slow burn which is dangerous for movies these days, especially when you've got Pirates coming out next week. Does anybody think that movies like Superman, Batman and the prequels would fair better if they were released on the typical Friday and not Wednesday? I guess I'm a little baffled because I heard that all the midnight shows had sold out, I saw lines at the theatre on Friday and Saturday (which isn't common where I live) and these days the media makes a movies box office seem like it's crucial to it being good (it's not - Godzilla remake).

  • July 2, 2006, 4:03 p.m. CST

    3-D Superman Returns

    by dregmobile

    El Vale posted a link to this review: where the author mentions the 3D experience ... I think ...

  • July 2, 2006, 4:11 p.m. CST

    I read it, dreg, thanks though

    by The Heathen

  • July 2, 2006, 4:41 p.m. CST

    i enjoyed the my 3D experience...

    by blackthought

    work really well with the plane rescue...gets the adrenaline pumping mightily. not so big on 3D experience for my trailers though. the glasses by the way does make one look 24.65% more sexy...this is what i heard.

  • July 2, 2006, 4:43 p.m. CST

    and maybe...

    by blackthought

    if they raped marsden's character like they did in x3 it would have had a bigger opening.

  • July 2, 2006, 5:22 p.m. CST


    by The Heathen

    Marsden getting screwed always helps the numbers. So, did you keep the glasses then, black? I mean, who wouldn't want to be 1/4 more sexy all the time? *** Oh, and I've read 3 of the 4 Superman Returns 'Prequel' comics and it's pretty much stuff from the first Superman and Superman Returns. Big disappointment. The Luthor one kind of let you in on some things, but the other two didn't. I wanted to know what, how, where, when, etc. Clark left and how he returned in these. They're almost like the movie adaptations. I haven't read the final one though, but I'm a little let down. *** To much better effect, I also read Batman: Son of the Demon last night because I'm super excited about Morrison's run which is supposedly a sequel to this. I liked it. I've always had an interest in, Ra's Ah Ghul since the animated series and I think he's a great villian. The one thing I didn't get in Batman Begins was him calling Batman, "Detective." That would have been great, but this 78 pager was pretty good. I haven't heard much about it until recently. Weird format and it holds up well.

  • July 2, 2006, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Superman Returns: Krytpon to Earth

    by dregmobile

    I made sure I had that one, but was so disappointed with it I didn't even bother with the others. I think we will see more from Deleted Scenes on the DVD than these four cash-in's. ***** Anyone read the script review for Wolverine? Sounding pretty solid:

  • July 2, 2006, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Kryt-pon ... Bizarro's home planet ...

    by dregmobile

    Remember that grosses will be big for Monday and Tuesday - Superman Returns essentially has a 7-day opening weekend, so I won't panic until I see the tally after Tuesday. It's a solid gross considering it is 'new' insofar as it being franchise refresher. I can imagine if they greenlight a (more action-packed) sequel, the opening weekend gross would be greater to some extent (like the growing opening weekends for all three X-films). I think it's a good start. And the reason why WB opened Superman on a Wednesday was to give the film as much time as possible before Pirates hit.

  • July 2, 2006, 6:37 p.m. CST

    true, dreg

    by The Heathen

    right you - arghh!!! I nearly forgot about the 4th. I expect an action packed sequel in three years to open with huge numbers and have Braniac, Luthor in charge of Luthorcorp, a green and purple battle suit and a cameo from Batman. I can dream can't I? Well, about the Batman thing, but I fully expect everything else I said to happen.

  • July 2, 2006, 7:15 p.m. CST

    i just want somebody to have the balls...

    by blackthought

    to make a justice league movie...we've got a fantastic batman in bale, a really solid supes with need an aquaman, a hal jordan, a martian, wonder woman (whedon, how much longer till you start filming that one?) and a sweet flash (is ryan reynolds still pegged to play the flash?). imagine the $$$ this could reap from my pockets. villains with lex and his son (i kid), sinestro, joker and the rest of the lot. even davy jones too. who directs?

  • July 2, 2006, 7:21 p.m. CST

    word, blackthought.

    by The Heathen

    And when is Cameron going to begin filming Aquaman? *I wish* Singer, Nolan, Whedon. That's a good crop of directors/writers for the holy trintiy. They should all combine to film the Justice League with special guest director, Quentin Tarantino.

  • July 2, 2006, 9:03 p.m. CST

    YEAH! QT on JL!

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Sweet! Plas could be played by Buschemi(sp?).*****Plas: How come I have to be Plastic Man? Why can't I be Superman? Batman: You're Plastic Man, now shut up! Plas: Yeah, that's easy for you to say, you're Batman. You got a cool name.*****Can't wait.

  • July 2, 2006, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Oh, and Heath...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I said it was PAPA Turtles B-Day. Mine was in May. My dad is 64 years old today. Sweet Merciful Crap! I must be old!

  • July 2, 2006, 9:18 p.m. CST

    mine is in may as well...

    by blackthought

    i always thought if they could find a young bruce campbell clone to play plastic man then fanstastic.

  • July 3, 2006, 3:29 a.m. CST

    They'd never do a JLA movie ...

    by dregmobile

    unless they went the route previously taken with the two Ocean's movies from Soderberg. If these actors can't find a good enough reason to cut their paycheck to make a JLA movie a reality, it won't happen. On top of which, more heroes = more action = more $$$ required. Trust me, I have given this a lot of thought over the years ... I would, well, I wouldn't kill to see a JLA movie ... but I'd really, really like to see one. But Heath, that rundown for Supes 2 sounds good.

  • July 3, 2006, 9:18 a.m. CST

    I think he just finished his second script draft

    by Engineer_at_peac

    So it won't be too long before they casting and stuff like that moving.

  • July 3, 2006, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Why the FUCK am I at work today!?!?

    by Psynapse

    This shit is gayer than my sphincter. Fuckin' Clown Shoes man....

  • July 3, 2006, 1:42 p.m. CST

    im with psy on that

    by Darth Kal-El

    busy weekend kids. no time to write my review of SR IMAX 3D.heath is the review auteur of the group anyhow.ill try to put something together later on today but i am stuck at work. this blows

  • July 3, 2006, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Not only that....

    by Psynapse

    but it's also slower than a goddamn cement enema and not nearly as fun. Fuckin' fuckity fuck....I mean, fuck, man....

  • July 3, 2006, 2:19 p.m. CST

    slow on this end too

    by Darth Kal-El

    im nursing a hangover so im appreciating it. happy belated b-day papa turtle. my dad is about to be 60 so im old too! shit i hit 29 this year. oh well im still a kid at heart.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    That's my life everyday, Psy....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    But then, I'm the head of Security for a manufacturing facility. Every boring day means I'm doing my job well. ::points gun at head:: Some days, I don't know why I keep up the fight. Then I remember, I hate the world and I just can't let the bastards get over on me. It makes a turtle weep.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:24 p.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin

    Fucking high school drop-outs with they're hair in their eyes! I'll show you how to loathe yourselves! God knows I have enough loathing for you to go around!

  • July 3, 2006, 2:25 p.m. CST

    We shall make them ALL pay oh Divine Turtle....

    by Psynapse

    Somewhere, somewhen, somehow...and well, Yeah, stuff!

  • July 3, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST

    3 in a row? Who am I, Sleazy?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Papa Turtle says thanks Darth. He also says damn the liberals, and where's the remote? God, I love that man.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:27 p.m. CST

    wallow not in despair

    by Darth Kal-El

    my fellow cogs for tomorrow we are free from our obligations! free to drink and play video games all damn day! it makes the heart glad to think of it

  • July 3, 2006, 2:28 p.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin

    Provided this "stuff" is the High Velocity, Armor Piercing variety. Or possibly, the "bunker busting" variety.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Darth, you really are making it too easy...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    The Turtle endures tomorrow. Yeah, Security never sleeps. Well, at least we don't take holidays off. Oh well, at least I'm getting time and a half. That's almost worth missing explosions for. Like an animated man once said: "What better eay to celebrate the birth of your country, than by blowing up a small piece of it?"

  • July 3, 2006, 2:38 p.m. CST

    Yeah, I even got pulled into work today.

    by The Heathen

    Balls. Sweaty balls. I'm itching to go play the Lost Planet demo again with Captain Jack biting and barking and all that puppy stuff. GreatA, tell the papa turtle happy belated b-day from me then. Hope everybody's doing as good as they can be at work. Arghh!!!

  • July 3, 2006, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Yo Heath...

    by Psynapse

    I'm afraid I will have to refer to the pup as "Cap'n" Jack. Anything that cute is too cute to formally pronounce for me.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:52 p.m. CST

    Hell yeah!

    by The Heathen

    X-Factor #11, Penciled by ROY ALLAN MARTINEZ. I hope it stays that way. I loved his work on Son of M and Wonder Woman. Oh, and Howard Chaykin is penciling the Blade ongoing too.

  • July 3, 2006, 2:53 p.m. CST

    that's A okay with me, Psy!

    by The Heathen

  • July 3, 2006, 2:54 p.m. CST

    fuck work

    by Darth Kal-El

    fuck it up its stupid ass!

  • July 3, 2006, 3:01 p.m. CST

    No shit, huh Darth.....

    by Psynapse

    This shit is BALLS booooooring!

  • July 3, 2006, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Boring? No fuckin' way....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Dude, a RAT just ran past my desk like not an hour ago! This shit is riveting!

  • July 3, 2006, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Boring indeed

    by Darth Kal-El

    my company is such a bunch of micro managing bastards that they make us run 3 different reports which track down everything the reps do throughout the day including breaks down to the second. the reps then have to take these 3 reports and input them into another report which they submit to us the leads to double check. we then submit them to a supervisor who checks our double checks. on a daily basis. and they have the nerve to call this 'productivity'!

  • July 3, 2006, 3:35 p.m. CST

    "a supervisor who checks our double checks"

    by The Heathen

    It's like in Lewis Black's Red, White and Screwed special when he says that the place he wanted to have the show at asked him if he knew how many times he said 'fuck' in his last special, and he said no, and they told him - 42. Then he says, "and you know they have some asshole watching a tape going one-fuck, two-fuck, three-fuck, 4, 5, 6, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!" Lewis Black is funny.

  • July 3, 2006, 3:36 p.m. CST

    can anybody tell me

    by The Heathen

    what happened to Kong and the log background image and what exactly is the new image?

  • July 3, 2006, 3:51 p.m. CST

    i think the new...

    by blackthought

    background image is an old one from independace day movie since tomorrow is independing independingly (are any of these words real? i don't care) of independent independeters. yeah. something something something...goal.

  • July 3, 2006, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Don't try to see the image. That is impossible.

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Instead realize the truth. There is no image.

  • July 3, 2006, 3:58 p.m. CST

    not really a fan of lewis black

    by Darth Kal-El

    i dont know i never could get into his bit. my fave comedians are dave chapelle and dane cook but ive seena few others on comdey central that i dig. i completely dont understand the appeal of the blu collar comedy thing. the jokes and the whole white trash thing is fucking retarded to me.but i dont like mencia or george lopez either

  • July 3, 2006, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Lopez's, Why You Cryin? or whatever the name of his

    by The Heathen

    special is called was pretty funny. I like watching it with the wife and being like, "that is just like your Mom!" Mencia I don't really care for. Dane Cook is funny, but now that he's popular all these people,you know the ones, the ones that call us people, them, they blow Dane Cook like it's a weekly chore or something. Blu Collar, jeez, whenever I step outside it's somebody saying, "git-r-done" or having it on their car. Then there's the "Aint Skeered" car sticker and the "fake bullet hole" sticker. I hate those mother fuckers. Part of the problem living in horse country I guess. *** Thanks for the background explanation of independenzlyance, black. *** I'm outta here, Cogs. Happy 4th if I don't get to tell you later!!!

  • July 3, 2006, 4:36 p.m. CST

    Yes, I don't care for Ned Holness either

    by Engineer_at_peac

    That one blue-collar guy... can't remember his name but he got thrown out of a bar... they call him tater salad. I liked him at first but everytime I've heard him do an act it's been the exact same material.

  • July 3, 2006, 4:37 p.m. CST

    happy 4th heath

    by Darth Kal-El

    and im gald someone agrees with me about the retarded 'git r done' thing. id rather mess around with the system settings on my 360 than watch any of that blue collar mierda

  • July 3, 2006, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Apparently none of you have rednecks in your family....

    by Psynapse

    If you did, you'd find A LOT of the the Blue Collar stuff funny as hell. I sure do, mainly because so much of it IS true...

  • July 3, 2006, 4:44 p.m. CST

    as far as i know

    by Darth Kal-El

    vale and blackthought are the cogs artistic types(drawing and rendering). did u guys see this? holy fucking shit that would look cool in the mansion!

  • July 3, 2006, 7:17 p.m. CST

    oh shit

    by Darth Kal-El

    how could i forget psy draws pretty damn cool too

  • July 3, 2006, 9:16 p.m. CST

    besides rendering i've also been known to draw...

    by blackthought

    strictly in profile view...ah profiles.

  • July 4, 2006, 12:36 a.m. CST

    perhaps Harry

    by dregmobile

    has joined the ranks of the illuminati - because the only image i see from this b/ground is an all seeing eye. ***** the latest wolverine is fantastic. check it out. awesome artwork. front line is getting better. fantastic four kind of bored me, but at least the story is progressing. my house of m and disassembled tp's have arrived ... now to bring myself up to speed. ***** hey, has anyone noticed the predomninant colors of the two opposing heroes in this civil war? iron man a conservative red, captain america a liberal blue? very cool. dreg out.

  • July 4, 2006, 12:46 a.m. CST

    Astonishing X-Men #15 is THE SHIT

    by Psynapse

    WORD.(bitches) Naysayers can suck it.

  • July 4, 2006, 1:06 a.m. CST

    Psy is right

    by Arkhangelsk

    Astonishing X-Men #15 is almost what you'd call a perfect comic. i don't know who said it first, but Joss has been writing X-Men all his life, it's only fair he got a shot at actually doing it for real. and as far as the whole stand-up comedian thing goes, Bill Hicks took stand-up to art form level, and then everybody else just forgot about him. Long live Bill Hicks (i think i'll reread Preacher, next).

  • July 4, 2006, 11:35 a.m. CST


    by blackthought

  • July 4, 2006, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Bill Hicks? Shit, I'm gonna show my age now...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    And I'm not even 30 yet. Hicks, who was great don't get me wrong, owes his entire career, as do ALL current comedians to Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, and Richard Pryor. Bruce scared the squares. Carlin made it OK to be vulgar, and Pryor made it OK to be a real fucking human, falts and all. If Hicks saw further than most, it's because he stood on the shoulders of giants, and he'd be the first to tell you that...after he got the maggots out of his mouth.

  • July 4, 2006, 11:41 a.m. CST

    I think it's funny that I misspelled "falts".

    by GreatA'Tuin

  • July 4, 2006, 12:01 p.m. CST

    But why did they have to kill him in, Alien 3?

    by The Heathen


  • July 4, 2006, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Nice, Heath!

    by GreatA'Tuin

    You swooped in with the Aliens reset. I like it!

  • July 4, 2006, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Bill Hicks kicks ass

    by El Vale

    And i agree with you GreatA, about the Lenny Bruce thing. In fact, i'm doing a comic about the life of Lenny with my friend and collaborator James, and even tho' Bruce is more poignant, i find Hicks to be funnier.

  • July 4, 2006, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Hudson was pretty funny too though

    by The Heathen

    "Why don't we put her in charge!!!" "Game over man, game over!" No, seriously, that's cool that your working on a new project, Vale. Sounds like it could be a lengthy one. Is it? Also, how far along are you with season 2 of Lost? If you ever want to talk about any of the stuff, it's cool, I don't mind going over it again!

  • July 4, 2006, 7:44 p.m. CST


    by El Vale

    Yes it is my man, i've been doing research on Bruce for the better part of this year and i'm still not done. We want to make it as factual as possible, which is not easy. About Lost...just last night i saw the Lockdown episode in which Locke sees the map someone painted on the blast door, the possible repercussions of which scramble the brain. Next week we get the Hurley craziness episode which i imagine would be the "It's all in Hurley's mind" episode that pissed Darth and Blackthought off, maybe. Dicussions would be fun!

  • July 4, 2006, 8:59 p.m. CST


    by The Heathen

    was one of my favorite eps along with the finale and an episode you'll see simply titled, "?" Yeah, the Hurley episode ticked me off as well, let me know what you thought. I've found research can take almost as much time as the actual making of something, but it's highly rewarding in it's outcome. The only problem I 'personally' have with that, is that nobody gives enough time for the research, detail, etc. these days. Everything has to be now, now, now. That's why I love James Cameron so much I guess. I kinda went off on a little tangent there, but if anybody knows what I'm saying right now, I guess you would my man! Detail and other little things count. Good for you on taking your time and digging into the facts.

  • July 4, 2006, 10:21 p.m. CST

    Happy 4th Cogs and @$$es!!

    by Darth Kal-El

    and tbers as well! sorry i know the discussion is in full swing and i want to participate,belive me i do! but im party hopping so itll have to be later. love all you guys!see ya when they free ya if not when they lock me in!

  • July 5, 2006, 10:23 a.m. CST

    So, um....Lost?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Isn't that like "Lord of the Flies", but with pretty people. I dunno, never seen it. I'm too busy with Shield, Rescue Me, Stargate, and Robot Chicken. But Lost is good, da?

  • July 5, 2006, 10:52 a.m. CST

    there's a discussion in full swing?

    by blackthought

  • July 5, 2006, 11:31 a.m. CST

    i was in a coma for 4 days...

    by Shigeru

    what happen?

  • July 5, 2006, 11:31 a.m. CST

    I borrowed Lost season 1

    by Shigeru

    from the brother-in-law. It's staring at me...taunting me to watch it. It speaks to me...

  • July 5, 2006, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Buzzarro Returns

    by Buzz Maverik

    Okay, I saw SUPERMAN RETURNS about six days after every other geek on the planet (which beats my BATMAN BEGINS record of about 10 months after everyone else -- I dug the hell outta BATMAN BEGINS). I thought SUPERMAN RETURNS was a visual success and an interesting visual direction for Singer to take (my beef with him has always been that he has no ideas of his own and sorta cribs other movies which is how all the filmmakers and filmmaker wannabes his age who went to USC were trained). Here, instead of going with the colorful, larger than life quality of the Donner and Lester SUPERMAN movies, Singer made a Superman movie with a visual style almost like the gritty 70s films TAXI DRIVER, SERPICO, DOG DAY AFTERNOON. It was interesting. Made me want to see Singer do a BATMAN movie, or even a straight up science fiction movie, maybe adapting a classic science fiction novel. There was a little Terry Gilliam in there, stripped of the animator sensibility. I also thought the movie was a tremendous success in dealing with a problem that DC hasn't been able to fully deliver on lately: how do you modernize Superman without having him date rape Brainiac or something? This was a grown up Superman, dealing with the loss of Lois in a mature and heroic way. The need to give Clark more trouble in the comic like this. Brandon Routh didn't have much in the way of dialogue to work with so he communicated with his eyes and expressions as all good film actors do. He didn't have Reeve's swagger or joy, but when he and Spacey stared each other down, I got the toughness that most portrayals of Superman lack. Reeve had it, but he played up other aspects. Singer is good at working with actors. Like I said, I'd like to see him do a regular crime drama or science fiction. That said, the movie mildly failed the way many modern comics do: it moved slow (going with Donner's pace was a mistake because Donner was burdened with the origin and made it work. Without the origin, we need some kinetic thrust in the pace). Also, the more somber tone was what we current fans want, but I felt it wouldn't do much for kids, new fans or non-comic fans. I would have preferred to see more life and confidence in Superman.

  • July 5, 2006, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Well, I know this is probably pretty late, but...

    by loodabagel

    Superkid? He's immune to kryptonite because he's really the cyborg bastard love child of Brainiac, who's going to come kick Clark's ass in Superman 6.

  • July 5, 2006, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Anyone got any vinegar and water?

    by Psynapse

    Insomnia kicked my ass last night and I have so much sand in my vagina today....

  • July 5, 2006, 1:36 p.m. CST

    The new Wolverine is fucking ridiculous *spoiler*

    by Engineer_at_peac

    He gets basically vaporized and regenerates from scraps of flesh, in a couple of minutes. It is so ridiculously awful. Take a look see. Bastard doesn't even have a damn brain left.

  • July 5, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST


    by Darth Kal-El

    that is THE LAME! once again im reminded of why i read ultimate marvel and dont mess with 616 if i can help it

  • July 5, 2006, 3:07 p.m. CST

    correct me if I'm wrong

    by Shigeru

    But didn't that happen in Morrison's run too? When he and Jean flew into the sun?

  • July 5, 2006, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Something like that

    by Engineer_at_peac

    But I think in that one it was some magical artifact or Phoenix Force or something that healed him.

  • July 5, 2006, 3:23 p.m. CST

    no magical artifact...

    by Shigeru

    But phoenix might have had something to do with it. I think there is a line like "what am I seeing here?" and Jean goes "Your eyes should be growing back now..." Little bit of this, little bit of that.

  • July 5, 2006, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Wow, scraps of flesh?

    by The Heathen

    C'mon Marvel

  • July 5, 2006, 4:03 p.m. CST

    yes he did heath

    by Darth Kal-El

    but like u pointed out the latest issue hasnt shipped yet so i dont know how that got resolved. but chunks of flesh? man thats a reach especially since as noted he no longer has a brain. ***shigeru why must u refrain yourself from my charms? watch me, love me, make me your obsession said the lost dvd. and vale yes lets discuss lost ! im glad your finally getting slightly up to date on last season!i was bugged about the hurley ep but the finale was worth it IMO. more questions brought forward tho.****spoilers**** andy idea from anyone why the statue had 4 toes? its looking more and more like the island is in anohter dimension.****end spoilers***and greatA lost is cool i recomend checking it out. also love the shield and the wire! now thats damn good tv

  • July 5, 2006, 4:24 p.m. CST

    ya know what else is good

    by The Heathen

    da? Veronica Mars. And not just because I think Kristen Bell is hot enough to die for. And not just for Charisma, I can't believe she's 36 now but still smokingly gorgeous, Carpenter. No, it's pretty damn entertaining storywise. A good ol mystery and fun. I hope the CW doesn't fug it. I'm already mad at them for resurrecting 7th Heaven. Nooo!!! *** Yeah, Y, I want #3 to come out like yesterday. I've thought those two issues were bad ass, but scraps of skin is retarded. No brain even? Ha! *Axel Alonso walks,excuse me, is carried into the room on his high horse - Axel Alonso: "C'mon, you guy's give us far too little credit for what we do good and far too much for what we do wrong. Okay guy's? Now stop picking. I talked to Stan Lee on the phone, well, his answering machine, and he sounded enthused. He even said, "Excelsior!" and he doesn't just throw that around. Okay guy's?" *** LOST SPOILERS *** Four toes on Lost statue. Somebody said it was where the Simpsons were created or something. I dunno? But what about the giant, bright, white sound thing?

  • July 5, 2006, 4:40 p.m. CST

    One day until Paul Dini Detective Comics

    by Engineer_at_peac

    I am beyond psyched for this. Paul Dini and Bruce Timm are basically the reasons I read comics. I never would have become such a fan without their animated series. So Dini on Batman is something I'm going to dig a lot. And then later this month we have Morrison on the other Bats title. This is Fanbatstic! Ok, horrible pun. You try coming up with a better one.

  • July 5, 2006, 5 p.m. CST

    Baterific!? Batarageous!? Batstounding!? Batshit crazy!

    by The Heathen

    Word. Dini and the animated series influenced me greatly. Nothing crappy has ever come from them

  • July 5, 2006, 5:24 p.m. CST

    four toed statues...

    by Psynapse

    2 words: Ancient Civilization.

  • July 5, 2006, 5:28 p.m. CST

    The Superbaby may actually be *fueled* by Kryptonite.

    by SleazyG.

    One of my friends said the way they interpreted it was that the kid was sickly, with no manifestation of his powers, until *after* Luthor held the piece of kryptonite up to him. I dunno, half the movie's problems are a result of them not explaining anything in depth, so who the fuck can tell either way?

  • July 5, 2006, 5:39 p.m. CST

    I can, Sleazy....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    It's simple. The movie sucked. Therefore any wackiness is readily explained by the films relative sucktitude. It's like the Holloween movies after number 3.**** Dude A:WTF? BussaBus went Kung Fu on Myers? How the hell? Dude B:The movie sucked, dude, what do you expect?

  • July 5, 2006, 5:42 p.m. CST

    Suckitude like taste, is subjective....

    by Psynapse

    So suck it (bitches). ***Remember, TOTALLY sandy vagina today....****

  • July 5, 2006, 5:42 p.m. CST

    i wonder when nuclear man will show up

    by blackthought

  • July 5, 2006, 6:28 p.m. CST


    by Darth Kal-El

  • July 5, 2006, 6:29 p.m. CST

    Goddamn you Blackthought!

    by Psynapse

    I STILL have nightmares about those freaky-assed Lee press-on nails that travesty had. Thanks shitloads for re-scarring my consciousness (goddammit).

  • July 5, 2006, 6:45 p.m. CST

    Psy, if you liked it....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    then it served SOME purpose other than taking my $9 American and lining Singer's pockets. I don't hate the guy, but he stole from me. So, he must die now. It just bees that way sometimes.

  • July 6, 2006, 9:26 a.m. CST


    by blackthought

  • July 6, 2006, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Make mine...

    by vagrant's choice

    blackthought, what does the

  • July 6, 2006, 11:41 a.m. CST


    by The Heathen

    And vagrant, I think many a Marvel Zombie have graduated to Marvel Vampire like, Buzz Maverick suggested. DC fans? Hmm

  • July 6, 2006, 11:55 a.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin

    With all the disparity on X3, I've decided to wait for the DVD. I have serious issue (as you may have noticed with my smoldering rage at Superman with spending a ten spot plus on a movie I won't love. If it's something that must be experienced in the theater, I've had pretty good luck with some of the art houses around this area. In fact I just saw "The Princess Bride" in the theater two months ago, so I feel I can skip it and wait for Netflix. First impressions though....looks sketchy.

  • July 6, 2006, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Blame X-3 for me liking Superman Returns so much...

    by Psynapse

    'Cuz, I mean, c'mon, SR is a fucking golden phoenix compared to to the pustulent poo-flinging, molted cockatiel that X-3 was....

  • July 6, 2006, 11:57 a.m. CST

    I loved X3, hated Superman Returns

    by Engineer_at_peac

    X3 was exciting, intense, and entertaining. Superman was just boring.

  • July 6, 2006, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Oh, and for DC Fans...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    How bout "Gluttons". As in "for punishment." Don't get me wrong, I love DC. But you have to admit, somtimes being a loyal DC Glutton is a fucking grind on the soul.

  • July 6, 2006, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Can you go from Zombie to Vampire?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Is that like the next Poke-evolution for the Undead or something?

  • July 6, 2006, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Divine Turtle....

    by Psynapse

    If SR means Singer must die, X-3 will drive you to defenestrate Ratner and torture and maim the the entirety of Fox studios, kill all of their family members and travel both forward and backward in time to expunge anyone ever remotely associated with anyone who had anything to do with that movie. F'real (an' shit).

  • July 6, 2006, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Up, Up and Away Part 6 & 7

    by The Heathen

    were in a lot of ways what Superman Returns could/should have been I think. I wanted that Lex. One who wants a fleet of Kryptonian space ships, not 'real estate.' I thought those two issues were great. Pete Woods is awesome. Anyone notice the S symbol being rendered like it was in Returns? And X3 is shit compared to Superman Returns and the latter had many a fault, but nothing on X3's scale. I bet even Darth will admit that. Later folks. Time to get my eye patch on and walk the plank!!! Arghhh!!!

  • July 6, 2006, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Ah, but you see Psy...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I didn't drop a sawbuck on X3 like I did for SR. I'll probably still hate it, but no one will need to die. To paraphrase Dennis Hopper, "I wish I had a more noble cause, but it's the money. Just the money."****FUCK YES!!! I think it's not too much of a leap to say that PotC:DMC will probably be the only movie this year that all Cogs can agree on. I know I'm setting myself up, but I do not see how they can possibly "nacho" this one. I mean it's got pirates, Kiera Knightly, monsters from the deep, Kiera Knightly, Johnny Depp being fuckin HIlarious, Kiera Knightly, swordfights and Kiera Knightly dressed as a man....WHAT? F-U, DON'T JUDGE ME!

  • July 6, 2006, 12:52 p.m. CST


    by blackthought

    as much as i've looked forward to potc:dmc which should make the most money this year...i'm still looking forward more to the fountain and something about dueling magicians starring bale and jackman in the prestige that has me beyond pumped. and my "...." or "hmmm..." have no meaning beyond what i intend them to mean and are soley my are missing on no "inside" joke or reference no worries of being railed unless axel alonso shows up.

  • July 6, 2006, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Great A

    by Shigeru

    re: Pirates 2. You didn't name... the most important, majestic thing to ever grace a cinema screen. . . . Kraken . . .

  • July 6, 2006, 12:57 p.m. CST

    are we still going with astonishing x-men's wolverine..

    by blackthought

    " so terribly pretty!" as the best line/scene in the past few weeks?

  • July 6, 2006, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Let Asshole Alonso show up...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I think Psy, Buzz, Sleazy, myself and many others could rip him a fresh anal cavity just in time for the weekend.****Notice that was Asshole, not @$$hole. I like those guys, them @$$holes. They can stay. ;)

  • July 6, 2006, 1:40 p.m. CST

    I've said all need to say to Marvel....

    by Psynapse

    With my wallet. The only 2 marvel titles worth buying (for me) are Runaways and AXM and the reasoning is simple. They have an actual plot rather than simply being a storyline generated around the current GOTM (gimmick of the month). DC ain't much better in my estimation in that regard either. 52 is nothing more than yet. another. FUCKING. cross-over. (I been skimmin' 'em at the LCS-Gawd what a waste (IMHO))**and the Detective Chimp SNAFU only reiterates my lack of confidence in their ability to just keep their fucking shit straight.** I mean, seriously, how can I have confidence ina publisher that can't even keep track of what they're fucking publishing??

  • July 6, 2006, 2:01 p.m. CST

    That said...

    by Psynapse

    I'd still like to bitchslap the taste of JoeyQ's dick out of Alonso's mouth for the 'longtime fan' comment. Hey Asswipe! It's we longtime fans that have kept this industry afloat each YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS torpedo it!! WISE UP FUCKFACE, WE'RE THE GODDAMN REASON YOU HAVE A MOTHERFUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW (Well that and your stellar cocksucking ability and willingness to diddle the Q's sphincter while doing it). Ah fuck it and fuck you ya fuckin' fuck.....

  • July 6, 2006, 2:12 p.m. CST

    New column?

    by vagrant's choice

    Thanks for the explanation, blackthough. Can you or one of the other Cogs call the @$$hole Clubhouse and find out when the new column is going up? Half the fun is reading the column at work while I should be working...and I

  • July 6, 2006, 2:14 p.m. CST

    That shoulda read...

    by Psynapse

    **each time you fucking douchebags torpedo it**Who do I have to kill or maim to get an edit feature up in this bitch?

  • July 6, 2006, 2:14 p.m. CST

    See? Asshole didn't even show up...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    and Psy's gone surgical strike on his (freshly opened) ass. Since I don't track these fuckers, I'll need a little face time with the cockthirsty gutterslut to really hit him where he lives. That being Joey Q's gimp trunk in the basement.

  • July 6, 2006, 2:30 p.m. CST

    there was some holiday this

    by blackthought

    you know, maybe the @$$holes take a week off from a's been known to happen.

  • July 6, 2006, 2:48 p.m. CST

    i loved

    by Darth Kal-El

    both x3 and superman returns differently. i know they both had faults and things that could have been done better but at the end of each i walked out of the theater happy and felt like i thoroughly enjoyed myself. supes was maybe a tad long and x3 maybe a tad too short but other than that i cant really fault either too much.***im loving psy and greatA blasting marvel's upper people! funny stuff guys! also,pirates looks like its going to be a blast!

  • July 6, 2006, 2:55 p.m. CST


    by Shigeru

    May a Kraken eat Alonso every time he rolls his eyes at SleazyG

  • July 6, 2006, 2:59 p.m. CST


    by Darth Kal-El

    alonso doesnt like that word. not because of the sea monster mind you,but because it brings back painful memories***joey qs office-'get over here and suck this cock alonso! cmon i dont have all day get krakin!'

  • July 6, 2006, 3:02 p.m. CST

    john romita and falling sky

    by chebbo

    First of all, thanks for the nice review for Falling Sky, vey encouraging. Secondly, can I just say that anyone who doesn't realise just how good John Romita Jr is as a comic artist, should go and read another medium, as they obviously know jack shit about comics. cheers!

  • July 6, 2006, 3:02 p.m. CST

    No Super Baby!

    by Buzz Maverik

    I'm with Frank Miller in DKR II when Supes told his daughter that sex with the humans was impossible. And in THE PRO, where Ennis has the Superman doppleganger receive a thank-you hum from the Pro, he tells her, "Move you head! Now!" Because the result shoots a plane out of the sky, if you know what I mean...I mean, it shot a jet outta the sky.

  • July 6, 2006, 3:15 p.m. CST

    The only way he could have sex with a normal woman.....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    would be if he used a kryptonite condom...and that would kill him. I'm just sayin' is all. I'm just sayin'.

  • July 6, 2006, 3:30 p.m. CST

    "what about sex?"

    by Shigeru

    "Never with Terrans. They're fragile." -one of the only good things about DKR2

  • July 6, 2006, 3:43 p.m. CST

    'Cuz it sure as hell wasn't...

    by Psynapse

    the 'art'. HEY FRANK! Stick to attempting to write from now on ( I say attempting because judging from ASBAR an attempt is all you're capable of anymore). Y'know, it's probably a good thing I'm too goddamn lazy to want to work in comics 'cuz with my mouth I'd likely never get hired.

  • July 6, 2006, 6:04 p.m. CST

    Well guys

    by El Vale

    I gotta say, much as i love you, and you know i do, i'm gonna side with Alonso on this one. I too think the longtime fans are easily dismissable, and here's why: Infinite Crisis. A series played for the longtime fans only that failed misserably as a simple comic book story, and failed as an event as well. You try and pander to the longtime fans and you end up telling convoluted and condescending stories for the people who demand the characters be treated with due respect (and we all know it's the FANS who want to be treated with the respect they think they deserve). Your whole childhood is a business to these people, and if they have to rape every character to make a million more bucks, you can bet your ass they're gonna do it. Hell, i'd do it! And you're vulnerable to that, and that's you own damn problem. Bottom line is, at least in my humble and awesome opinion, having these companies decide that they need to pander to the fanboys is a HUGE defeat. It means the business has stopped trying to make good comics that are accessible to everyone. The business has been defeated. No, we can't create a product that at least makes an attempt to bring in new readers, we've lost the battle, and now we're gonna talk to the existing readership only, and try to give them what they think they want until they all die and we die along with them. It's sad and it's pathetic, and i thank Marvel for at least attempting to follow a different path and broaden their audience. You guys should too.

  • July 6, 2006, 6:22 p.m. CST

    Fuck that shit....

    by Psynapse

    I'm not 'thanking' ANY fucking company that dismisses me as their customer outright like that fuckwit did. I have NEVER wanted any publisher to pander to me. But to dismiss us in toto outright was ass given that it is the consumer loyalty of me and people like me that has kept this industry from imploding time and time again. By all means, make whatever jokes you want about fanboy obssesiveness (cuz, hell, I will) but sweeping dismissal of us in the entirety is dick. While I DO (personally) think it's a hackneyed idea I'm making my opinion known in the only way that matters: I'm not buying the shit. As far as I'm concerned AXM and Runaways (and very possibly the new Eternals mini/maxi) is the only thing Marvel's got that's worth the money that I put up with Redneck assholes for 8 hours 5 days a week to earn.

  • July 6, 2006, 6:39 p.m. CST


    by El Vale

    Then don't buy it. The fuckwit (and that'd make me a fuckwit as well cause i simatize with the guy) dismisses you as a costumer, so don't be one. Let the industry implode, who gives a fuck. Truth is, it's either you who feels dismissed (and you're one misserable costumer), or it's the rest of the world, the non-fanboys who feel a company that publishes shit like Infinite Crisis and calls it a success is dismissing them as costumers, and they won't buy that shit because it's impenetrable. And there's more of them than there's people like you, i'd imagine, so it makes sense to me.

  • July 6, 2006, 6:48 p.m. CST

    i agree with both

    by Darth Kal-El

    vale makes some very good points that sound like hes seeing things from an outsiders perspective but i also agree with psy and i dont think its hackneyed to vote with your dollar.hey vale said that we all agree

  • July 6, 2006, 8:06 p.m. CST

    im trades shopping on amazon

    by Darth Kal-El

    i dont remember-what was the group veredict on punisher vs bullseye? get it or skip it

  • July 6, 2006, 9:37 p.m. CST


    by Psynapse

    I don't try to paint you as a schmuck for having your opinion Vale, too bad you can't do the same.............(Then again, I'll take being miserable over being a fuckwit any day.)

  • July 6, 2006, 9:48 p.m. CST


    by Psynapse

    Infinite Crisis WASN'T a failure. It was a gimmicky scam just like Civil War is, cut the bullshit that Marvel is ANY fucking better than DC. Both are using contrived controversy to jack sales up temporarily.

  • July 6, 2006, 10:12 p.m. CST

    word psy

    by blackthought

    and after pirates i am going to learn from the great principaling of onyx blackman.

  • July 6, 2006, 10:26 p.m. CST

    Not only that......

    by Psynapse

    It is a fully understood tenet of capitalism that if you can't bring in new customers WITHOUT alienating the existing ones your long term success is well and truly fucked. Try to argue that one.

  • July 6, 2006, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Saw Superman a week late too....

    by thecomedian

    It was a decent movie but it was a lousy Superman movie. It's only superficially related to the Donner films. It was just Bryan Singer doing what he does best, underwhelming sophmoric tripe with no imagination. Everything that he added that was his own didn't remotely fit Superman. He injected his usual themes of alienation and his patented underwhelming "realism"('scuse my french but WHAT THE FUCK IS SUPERMAN DOING IN THE HOSPITAL!?!?). He essentially did this pacifist "Emo Superman" who didn't do anything but fly and lift stuff. He didn't even punch anything. The kid essentially did more violence than Superman did. This wasn't even close to the Donner Superman and it's not Brandon Routh's fault. I think if they'd given him more to do most talkbackers wouldn't have such a bad opinion of him. The biggest problem with the film overall is that Singer didn't just under deliver on the things that made the Donner movies great(Great action sequences, The Lois/Clark/Superman triangle, Luthor as "The Greatest Criminal Mind of Our Times", a confident swaggering Superman who's so smooth he makes all that cornball dialogue work) HE UNDER DELIVERED ON THE STORY HE WAS SUPPOSEDLY TRYING TO TELL. We never actually saw a world that had moved on and didn't need Superman anymore. On the contrary the world for the most part was ecstatic to have Superman back. All he had to do was shoot the collage of scenes after Superman returned with him doing all the Superman stuff like thwarting bank robbers and saving school buses and then give one of the bystanders a cynical line. He couldn't even do something that simple. That's the movie I was expecting and would have loved to see the smiling happy go lucky Christopher Reeve Superman have to deal with a cynical world that didn't need him anymore and triumph in the end. That would have been awesome. Instead we just get the cheesy melodrama with Lois, Richard and the kid that NO ONE GIVES A CRAP ABOUT. And I like the idea of Superman having a kid, because seriously, who would make a better father. If the Christopher Reeve Superman would have come back to earth to find that Lois Lane had his child he wouldn't spend the whole movie moping around, navel gazing, dropping his glasses and going through the who "should I tell her I'm Superman" B.S. We've been there already. Just like we've already seen Luthor do shady idiotic land deals and we've seen Luthor in the Fortress of Solitude. What a waste. Raimi's 1st two Spider-man movies are a better homage to the Donner films than this junk. Superman should be done seriously of course but he should also be awe inspiring and fun. As every other little kid growing up in the late 70's and early 80's I had the Superman pajamas with cape. I bought the red and yellow Iron Man underoos and wore them over the plain blue pajama pants. I even had a pair of burgundy boots I wore with it even in the summer time when it was too hot. All because of those movies. Because we all wanted to be Superman. That's inspiration wrought by versimilatude. There's nothing inspiring about the hero of your movie spending the last 15 minutes in a coma as everyone prays for him to pull through. That's some lame plot from a soap or a TV movie. That's "Brian's Song" or "The Boy in The Plastic Bubble". That's not Superman.

  • July 7, 2006, 2:59 a.m. CST

    RIP AICN Comics

    by Tall_Boy

    You're 2 days behind, @$$holes. I mean, COME ON!

  • July 7, 2006, 3 a.m. CST

    Yes, i can do it

    by El Vale

    When my opinion isn't dismissed as utter shit in the rudest way possible. Sandy vagina or not, you think i give a fuck? Infinite Crisis WAS a failure, it failed to grab me. Civil War? Let me read it first, can i do that? This isn't my fucking "Marvel is better than DC" crusade, and i never said Marvel had succeeded where DC hadn't, i said i appreciated the effort, and listen..the fact that Marvel's pushing Civil War into the mainstream actually proves Marvel isn't considering sheding its existing fanbase. Why? Because it's still a stupid SUPERHERO comic. It's still goddamn Spider-Man and Iron Man and Captain America. It's been proven time and time again that the mainstream doesn't give a flying fuck about Spider Man unless he's swinging through buildings up on the movie screen. Why do i think there's more merit to Civil War than there is to Infinite Crisis? Because the former is about a simple and accessible idea whereas the latter was about cleaning up years and years of convoluted continuity. That's right out of the gate, that's each series' intent, and we're giving no consideration to the actual quality of the product. What, you want to get more people reading comics? Introduce them to Vertigo. It's been proven time and time again, it fucking works. Oh my god, i just said DC is better than Marvel, i'd better cut the bullshit and stip pretending.

  • I highly doubt it. You don't see businessmen or schoolgirls reading Civil War on the commuter rail. This isn't Japan. Not all people who buy comic books post on the internet, but most look at websites and read Wizard. I don't want to pigeon-hole, but there's a SHITELOAD more "fanboys" than Axel Alonso wants to admit. If way more nerdier stuff than comics like Warhammer or the fucking SCA (look it up) can attract tens of thousands of fans, then why is it so difficult to admit that there might be more than "A FEW HUNDRED VOCAL MINORITY"? Look, I can sympathize with Axel Alonso too, Vale. Marvel should definitely be trying to get new readers. They don't know if they want to get new kid fans or adults reading the New York Post fans, but they are trying. Problem is: their big push is a gimmick. Spider-Man unmasking himself is a gimmick. And coupled with that gimmick, we have the editor and editor-in-chief vocally saying (to fanboy websites and TV, ironically) that they don't care about fanboys. Sure, fanboys buy approx. 83% of their product, but they need new readers! Because obviously new readers and fanboys don't mix. I just want Marvel to see that getting new readers and maintaining the fan base that has kept them afloat for...ever... are not 2 incompatible things. Besides, they hope to draw in your layman with dialogue by Black Goliath and Yellowjacket? If I wanted to draw a new reader into Marvel, using the Spider-Man character, I'd give them the first issue of SPIDER-MAN LOVES MARY JANE. It's great, accessible and a treat for longtime fans. It's not that hard.

  • July 7, 2006, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Infinite Crisis

    by Shigeru

    Mixed bag or not, sales were through the roof for the series, and DC put out like 23 new titles, all selling briskly. So if IC just pandered to long time fans and then disapointed them, how come there are more people reading DC now than before? And I'm not saying anything about the quality of the series itself, though for the most part I enjoyed it.

  • July 7, 2006, 9:06 a.m. CST

    Yo Vale..

    by Psynapse

    Quote: "When my opinion isn't dismissed as utter shit in the rudest way possible." Look in the mirror dude, not to be all schoolyard but you started the rudeness. But it's cool, I understand, you can dish it but can't take it.

  • July 7, 2006, 9:09 a.m. CST

    And I repeat...

    by Psynapse

    It is a fully understood tenet of capitalism that if you can't bring in new customers WITHOUT alienating the existing ones your long term success is well and truly fucked. Try to argue that one. (Go on, I dare ya Cap'n Cranky)

  • July 7, 2006, 9:24 a.m. CST

    This is what happens

    by Shigeru

    when you get the 2 most opinionated Cogs going at it. Blackthought get in here with some "..."'s to cool everybody down!

  • July 7, 2006, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Yeah but there's one MAJOR difference between us...

    by Psynapse

    My posts were simply expressing my opinion, I wasn't telling anyone what they should think. (And I quote: "It's sad and it's pathetic, and i thank Marvel for at least attempting to follow a different path and broaden their audience. You guys should too.") Fuck that, the moment anyone crosses over into telling me what I should think the gloves are off. The laughable part to me is the 'different path' shit. DC killed Superman over a decade ago, Marvel isn't doing ANYTHING new here. The truth is that neither Marvel nor DC has done anything truly innovative with their core lines in over 20 years, they merely ape each other.

  • July 7, 2006, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Psy, Vale, total humans....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    "Any minute now the Spaceballs are gonna turn around and make us all DEAD!" I just want to say that you're both wrong. All either company need to do is simply cater to ME. AXM and Bru on Cap. Am., Turtle likee. Miller's ASBAR and PeterSpider ParkerMan, Turtle no likee. If they would simply realize that I RULE ALL, and they should only bother writing stories that I like, then no one has to die. Except Bryan Singer for stealing my ten spot, and Joey Q for being fat, lazy and wrong. Thus spoke A'Tuin.

  • July 7, 2006, 12:04 p.m. CST


    by Psynapse

    Oh Divine Turtle I accede to your greater wisdom. At best I am an avatar of the wind which is merely a force to caress your omnipresent carapace.

  • July 7, 2006, 12:08 p.m. CST

    SCA=Society for Creative Anachronism

    by Psynapse

    Yeah, I am that much of a geek. (Actually I just have shitload of friends from the D&D days that live for and often work in Renfests)

  • July 7, 2006, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Higher sales aren't due to new readers, kids.

    by SleazyG.

    They're because the long-time fanboys like us feel the need to buy all the new stuff right now and see what works and what doesn't. Hell, I even did the same thing after DC did "Bloodlines"--bought ANIMA, and dear god did it suck, so I dropped it within six months or so. Stuck with HITMAN, though, because it kicked ass. After "Zero Hour" I gave STARMAN #0 a shot and hung in til the end, but there were some others I dropped like a hot rock. That's all that's happening now. DC will see a downtick as longtime readers try something for a few months, decide it's not to their taste, and drop it. Marvel will see the same. Just watch.

  • July 7, 2006, 1:01 p.m. CST

    See DC/Marvel? How hard was that?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    You both can learn a great deal from Psynapse here. Well done, good and faithful denizen of my carapace. Turtle likee.

  • July 7, 2006, 1:03 p.m. CST

    If you weren't reading it before, and you are now,

    by Shigeru

    you're NEW. I actually meant to mention in my previous post that most if not all of the new readers DC is getting were already fanboys that just got their attention piqued by IC. So yeah I agree with you Sleazy. We'll see what sticks around and what doesn't. Hopefully some good will come out of it (Dini, Morrison on Bats, ect)

  • July 7, 2006, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Word Sleazy.....

    by Psynapse

    Muthafukkin' weeerrrd.

  • July 7, 2006, 1:23 p.m. CST

    The old readers vs. new readers debate summed up.

    by SleazyG.

    Old readers want some development, but only in a logical way in keeping with the character's history and existing personality. They keep reading the characters for sentimental reasons, and while they want some degree of change it should never be to the point where someone behaves completely out of character or is unrecognizable. Interestingly enough, this is what new readers want, too. When a 10 year old kid sees the two Spider-Man movies, and decides Spidey is cool as hell, he wants to read about Spidey. Not about a mystically powered, metal-suited political pawn, mind you--but SPIDER-FUCKING-MAN. And when he goes to the store, and he can't get it, and his mom finds the awfully unfriendly FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDER-MAN, and a CIVIL WAR that's been sparked by blowing up a FUCKING SCHOOL BUS FULL OF FUCKING KIDS, guess what? They walk out. And they never come back. And there go your new readers. The old AND new fans alike would best be served by writers and editors who worked on books which advanced the characters in some ways without disposing of the legendary, iconic characteristics that have made them favorites for decades around the world. If one looks at the versions of these characters that sell in the millions in video games and cartoons and movies they would find it's usually the most basic, stripped down versions--but also the most recognizable. CIVIL WAR won't bring in a quarter the new readers that the Sam Raimi movies would--if people who went to the comic book stores could find a title that was even remotely similar to the character and stories they thought they would get. If people walking out of the theaters were given an ass-kicking, slam-bang, Peter's-angsty issue of the regular book, THAT would get some peoples' attention. When they hit a store and find Reed, Tony, Peter and everybody else acting completely out of character and spouting a bunch of political bullshit, though? Not so much. The old and new readers alike are actually looking for the same thing, and why the editors can't figure that out is beyond me.

  • July 7, 2006, 1:30 p.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin

    I'm just sayin'.

  • July 7, 2006, 1:39 p.m. CST


    by Shigeru

    That's when you hand that Mom and her kid the first couple trades of Ultimate Spider-Man. It's the only Spidey title I read and I can't get enough.

  • July 7, 2006, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Arghh!!! Did I miss anything? Huh? Ohhh

    by The Heathen

    Well, um, yeah

  • July 7, 2006, 1:58 p.m. CST

    No mom and kid should have to work that hard, Shig.

    by SleazyG.

    That's not why the ULTIMATE line was created. Quesada and Jemas made it clear, many, many times, that the ULTIMATE line was the place where creators could do new, different, crazy things that would never fly in the regular Marvel U. And, truth be told, if you gave Spider-Man some kinda crazy "spider totem" mystical shit, I woulda said "hell, why not? sounds good." But when a kid or parent walks in, they're gonna beeline for AMAZING or FRIENDLY, two titles which are neither. Look, outsiders aren't privy to the varying whims of fanboys, and don't want to be. When they walk in and buy FF, it better be the classic FF. You can experiment in UFF, or in 4, or whatever else you want, but the main title better be the fun, family-based, pseudoscifi soap opera everybody knows. Ditto for AVENGERS. When somebody comes in and wants the biggest stars of the Marvel U. taking on big threats and being heroic, they don't want NEW AVENGERS, with lots of backbiting and crossing over with miniseries nobody's heard of and the heroes needing to get saved all the time by outsiders. The mainstream titles need slightly updated interpretations of the best-known, best-loved characters around. There's a metric shit-ton of other titles where the writers can try new ideas and have a field day, but the stories in AMAZING and FRIENDLY should be no-brainers: THE ANSWER IS RIGHT THERE IN THE TITLE. Nobody should have to have a comic book geek spend 5 minutes explaining the difference between the Ultimate and 616 universes, as it's just as sure a way to guarantee they never come back.

  • July 7, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST


    by blackthought

    too soon? too late? ah marvel civil have yet to impress and grab me...not in the way a jessica alba does either. cog civil war though leaves a rather messy kitchen with all the fine china flying everywhere...yes fine china, what did you think cogs ate with grubby hands and plastic forks? only mon-thur...the rest is all classy. and hmmm...

  • July 7, 2006, 2:23 p.m. CST

    Here, MOTHAFUCKIN', Here!

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Sleazy, you speak with a wisdom and intuition that harkens back to the halcyion days of Stan the Man, and Jack the King. It's not that goddamn hard to understand. You have "main titles", and auxilaries(sp?, I know I suck). I remember working at Waldenbooks when SpiderMan came out in theaters. Moms and Kids would come into our store and try to find the SpiderMan comics that best related to the movies. Being the store geek, it was left to me to steer them toward USM, and away from the main titles. These parents were not only looking for entertainment for their children. I could see in some of them that they were desperate for a way to get their kids to read something, anything that wasn't a video game manual. I did my best, and pointed out a few of the better kids titles, (Gotham Adventures, USM, Impulse and YJ for the most part) but I was left wondering what would have happened if they had gone to another book store, or even mine on my day off. These kids and parents would have been well and truly fucked. Imagine a kid asking for a Batman book, and their parent came home with "No Mans' Land" Vol. 1? Now, that's a great story, and I dug it a lot, but can any of you tell me that that book is a good way to introduce the Bat to a neophyte comic reader? Hell, these kids were new to reading in general. If the big two want to attract a newer, younger crowd, (And don't kid yourselves. You are not going to tap into a significant portion of the Adults as a new, industry saving market) then it should be easier for the parents to look at a book called "Batman" or "Superman" and know that that is the main book, and no off the wall wierd shit is gonna go down in that book. Then, after the kid gets into it, then you can go into the off-shoots. This is where you can play with the laws of physics and continuity. you will not attract new reader number 1 by making shit LESS relatable.

  • July 7, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST

    So, blackthought, what you're saying is...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Psy and Vale are why we can't have nice things.

  • July 7, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST

    What a stupid debate...

    by thecomedian

    Alonzo is a moron. What new readers is he talking about? If it weren't for so called fanboys there would be no comic book industry. The graphic novel shelf at Barnes and Noble ain't burning up squat. Anywhere. Never will. Most people aren't even avid readers of normal fiction. That's why they've had to turn bookstores into libraries and let people sit on freekin' couches and read the books for free. And who other than fanboys would be caught dead walking into a comic shop. Alonzo needs to cut the high school bullshit and realize that there is no "cool kids table" in this industry. No, we're not all 300lb basement dwellers. Most long term fans are the normal "cool people" Alonzo is so lamely trying to gain with these stupid gimmicks. They're people who are holding on to this sentimental love for these characters and would love to see them *genuinely* taken into bold new directions. By outing Spider-man they've just (literally) turned him into the poor man's Reed Richards. It's boring, it's stupid and stuff like this makes me glad I don't read comics anymore.

  • July 7, 2006, 2:32 p.m. CST


    by Psynapse

    If anything Vale and I are the reason why we have so much cool stuff in the mansion. We terrify others into giving us the best shit.

  • July 7, 2006, 2:56 p.m. CST

    What Sleazy said

    by El Vale

    I doubt DC has more readers now than it did before and i think Sleazy's right, it's the fanboys who increased DC's business because the whole Infinite Crisis deal was in fact catering to the longtime fan. And in a way, that's like, the exact opposite of what Alonso did; it was "Hey longtime fan? We loooove you; here's some respect". In the end, when all is said and done sales will go back to normal, titles will die off and the industry will be in the same spot it was in when the whole thing started. And storywise? I didn't enjoy a single moment of it, and i don't believe in lowering my standards depending on the title. Not as good as (Insert awesome comic book name here)? Not good enough for me. And Psy, this is like going back to the IMHO argument. In the end we ended up saying there was no need for stating "IMHO" in every goddamn post because it was implied and who needs that shit anyway, or something like that. Well, this is the same thing. You can calm down now, i'm not trying to tell you you have to think like me, i'm just expressing my opinion in the same way you do when you tell me anyone who doesn't like what you like can go fuck him/herself because you have a sandy vagina today or whatever. And i'm not offended because i don't think you're actually telling me i should be fucked because i don't share your taste in things in the same way you shouldn't be offended when i tell you what i think people should be thinking (ie, like me), and there's certainly no need for the hatefull reply. Dish it out but can't take it? Give me a break. *** When i talked about the "different path" know, the part that's so stupid that makes you laugh? I don't remember anymore, but i'm pretty sure i was talking about different in relation with the path DC's taking, not different in itself. What's different about Civil War? Nothing. The registration act, it was already done in...lemme think...yeah...every superhero comic. Unmasking Spidey? Like Shig said, it's a gimmick. Everyone's done gimmicks. I've done a couple gimmicks myself. There's nothing different about Civil War, nothing new, and nothing exciting, so lemme sit right beside you and laugh as you do.*** Arguing your point AGAIN would be kind of stupid, since i already said you were right. Remember when i said no, Marvel isn't willing to shed 80% (thanks Shig) of their business in order to pursue the other 20% (the percentage that would be more interested in reading Spider-Man loves Mary Jane than they would Civil War), and not everyone shares your view and a large number of the existing fanbase IS buying Civil War? It wouldn't be selling like crazy if that weren't the case.*** If we're going to take everything i say out of context, or decide which parts of my arguments register and which parts don't so we can call Vale a stupid prick, then i'm not playing this game, cause remember that part when i said "him" but it should've been "her"? That makes my whole argument invalid. Doesn't sound fair, does it?

  • July 7, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST

    I just want Mommy and Daddy to stop fighting...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    So we can all get back to discussing a real important issue. Keira Knightly's tits.

  • July 7, 2006, 3:10 p.m. CST

    She's a tomboy beanpole, goddammit!

    by Thalya

  • July 7, 2006, 3:13 p.m. CST

    Cog Civil War

    by El Vale

    I love it. Friend vs Friend. Cog vs Cog. Psy vs Vale. An AICN Comics event in 7 parts.

  • July 7, 2006, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Shirley, you must be joking

    by El Vale

    Kiera doesn't HAVE any tits! Count me out of the Kiera Knightly fanbase. I'm a Natalie Portman guy like my friend Shigeru before me.

  • July 7, 2006, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Keira Knightly.....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I would bang that tomboy beanpole in the damn confessional closet, and if she has no tits then what were those things they push-up bra'ed in the first Pirates movie. Small delectable, and probably more sensative tits are not the same as no tits. And Vale, SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE NATILE PORTMAN! 'Cept she looks like she's more she'd go into the confessional with me.

  • July 7, 2006, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Let's all just have

    by Shigeru

    a three-way with Natalie and Kiera and be friends again! I love everybody!

  • July 7, 2006, 3:37 p.m. CST


    by Psynapse

    The posts speak for themselves and we'll leave it at that. I may be a prick when I disagree with you but never forget I will be MORE of a prick to someone dissing any Cog or @$$. I will NOT back down from my stance that neither publisher (I now get a few books frome eachand refuse to buy any crossover from either ever again) is one iota better than the other in any fashion though and I reiterate what is simply good business acumen: If you cannot attract new customers WITHOUT alienating your existing ones your long term success is fucked. This is irrefutable.

  • July 7, 2006, 3:56 p.m. CST

    Seriously tho'

    by El Vale

    Let's have a discussion here, because i think the topic is very interesting indeed: Kid comes out of Spider Man (the movie) and walks into Borders looking for some Spider Man comics, and what he finds is shit. Or something, i don't know. Walks out of spider man and right into some Spider Man comic with the Green Goblin, whom he remembers from the movie, nailing some chick named Gwen Stacy (who's that?) and it's all supposed to be important. WHAT?! Okay but some may argue you can point the kid towards USM, a great, all ages Spider Man book. And then Sleazy says no that doesn't work either. Why doesn't it work? Okay so the main Spider Man book, Amazing Spider Man, isn't all that good. Does it matter? Does the kid, or the kid's mom actually know that Amazing is the main title? What difference does the adjective mean as long as there's a book for that kid being published and he's taking it home? The argument about videogames is sort of a mute point because the kid's never EVER going to find the things he gets from the video game in a comic book. I'm sorry but, at least to a kid, videogames are much much cooler than comics will ever be. Hell, that's the reason i look for comics that are intellectually stimulating on some level...because i was watching Spider Man 2 and i realized comics can't do action like Hollywood can do action. And videogames? Get out, it's like a movie except you can make Spider Man do the things he does. You're Spider Man. Videogames have no need for character development...and all they need is the simplest, most iconic stature of the established character to work, because all the coolness has already been taken care off: You can push a couple buttons and have Spider Man jump off a building and drop kick the bad guys. Now you try and give that to some kid in comic book form. All you get is a bland story and some pictures of Spider Man jumping off a building and drop kicking some armed robbers. BOOOOORING. The whole reason characters have become convoluted failures that go around acting out of character every chance they get is you can't kkeep giving readers the same simple, honorable and iconic character...why? Because they've read that story a million times! That's why there are reinterpretations, that's why there's revisionism; the people behind these companies and books are trying to give people something they haven't seen before. So let's go back to the kid who walks out of the movie theater: What's there to offer him? Do you keep the titles static until the kid walks into Borders and reads the character he recognizes from the movie so you can start moving things along? You can't do that, there are people who want to read new stories, and they're the loyal fans. That, and you'd have to keep the titles static eternally because there'll always be some kid who walks out of the Spider Man DVD. And listen, i do believe you can move superhero comics along, i do believe they can progress and grow, and i owe Grant Morrison that, because i've seen X-Men comics that actually saw some development, saw some growth. Same with Superman. SUPERMAN! A Superman title that manages to be completely classic and iconic and most importantly, fresh. Question is, can you give some kid who walks out of Superman returns a copy of All Star Superman? Isn't it abysmally different? Isn't Quitely's art too weird? So what's there to do? I think the best way (that i can think of) to bring in new readers is to bring in the young adult. I really do. Give young adults a Preacher trade, or a Sandman trade and you'll be giving them something they don't get anywhere else. Something entirely new. Give the kid a copy of some Spider Man comic, and he'll be getting what he got from the movies and the videogames, but now with 90% less cool. Yes, i'm saying we should give up on kids, i'm saying superhero comics, a medium designed entirely for kids, should give up on kids. but none of this is definitive, i'm just asking questions; is it too late in the week to have an interesting debate?

  • July 7, 2006, 4:01 p.m. CST

    I love Natalie and Keira, but

    by The Heathen

    Natalie isn't packing in the mammory's department either, Vale. And GreatA's right, Keira played Natalie's double in the prequels. She also doubled up with me and Natalie last night

  • July 7, 2006, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Okay whatEVER

    by El Vale

    Yes the posts speak for themselves, you're absolutely right. And i haven't "dissed" the Cogs, or the @$$es. I do disagree with them a lot, and i let my opinion be known, but that's not dissing them, that's respecting them. Trusting we're all mature enough to disagree and have different opinions and still be good friends. Not that it makes any difference, and i shouldn't have to say this, but when i think "Fanboy" i don't think "Cog" and/or "@$$hole". You guys are all intelligent people who have lives beyond the printed page, not fanatic and obsessive morons with eating disorders. And yes, your business acumen is irrefutable. It was irrefutable the first 2 times so i don't think there's any risk of it becoming...i dunno...refutable any time soon.

  • July 7, 2006, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Fucking EEEEEEEEW man!!

    by Psynapse

    I DON'T DO TWAT!! Strictly muthafukkin' dickly YO!! eeew.

  • July 7, 2006, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Yeah Natalie's flat as well

    by El Vale

    But Jesus! That woman is perfect. Kiera, not so much: Her jaw sticks out a little bit too much and there's something wrong with her teeth. Have you seen them? Her front teeth, they're all like...not curved like yours and mine, they're like a wall of teeth. I don't know man, it's creepy.

  • July 7, 2006, 4:18 p.m. CST

    HoM vs IC

    by El Vale

    Well you know how it is, i found IC to be comp'letely impenetrable. It didn't let me in so i had zero fun reading it. HoM had some cool moment to moment writing and i loved the art and the mood the colours set. HoM isn't a masterpiece, but i enjoyed it for what it was. IC i couldn't get into and most of the time i had no idea what was supposed to be happening, or who that guy was, or that other guy, or the one with the costume.

  • July 7, 2006, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Now a 3-some with me, Kevin Spacey & Allan Heinberg...

    by Psynapse

    THAT's the ticket.....

  • July 7, 2006, 4:29 p.m. CST

    You just can't let it go dude...

    by Psynapse


  • July 7, 2006, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Yes i can, look:

    by El Vale

    *Lets it go*

  • July 7, 2006, 5:17 p.m. CST

    Geeky...right, I forgot.

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Well, Psy, you're nothing if not consistant.

  • July 7, 2006, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Hey geeks are hawt...

    by Psynapse

    *checks mirror* Yep, still hawt. LOL Vale, I was just messin wif anyways. God help the poor fool we both go after, likely the only thing left of 'em will be a little smear of gristle, blood , and bone. (Mmmm, blood.)

  • July 7, 2006, 5:41 p.m. CST


    by Psynapse

    That shoulda read: "Messin' wif ya's anyways". I reiterate: Who do I have to maim or kill to get an edit feature up in this bitch?

  • July 7, 2006, 5:43 p.m. CST

    Blood? I dunno, Psy...

    by SleazyG.

    ...I thought you were more the "bone smear" type. Or that you liked Throbbing Gristle. Too obscure? Might be.

  • July 7, 2006, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Axel Was Playing On Everyone's Self Image.

    by Buzz Maverik

    Right now, Marvel isn't in the comic business. It's in the self-image business. It's a pretty smart super villain strategy that Dr. Axel is perpetrating: pit two groups of heroes against each other. He says they aren't pandering to the longtime fans. Yet, they can't be after new fans for reasons several people have mentioned. So who is CIVIL WAR after. I'd say fans who have been reading comics a short time, but long enough to know what's being deconstructed. Is this a sound economic or creative strategy? Hell no. Because if I was running Marvel, even if I couldn't please all the fans, I'd say that I was trying. That way it's more, what I like to call, money. If you're smart, you know you're not in the comic business, you're in the self-image business and you want money from the guy who owns every comic published in the last five hundred years, the guy who has been reading for two or three years, the guy who has never read a comic before, the kids, the manga girls, everyone. Creatively? Well, what they are doing is forging an even more convoluted continuity and making things geekier than ever because not only are we supposed to buy the fact that there are superheroes but that there are enough superheroes who have been around so long that there has to be government legislation. It's inevitible that things get over saturated. For me, the best moments in superhero comics are the ones that sort of stick the freak factor in our faces, like it's real life, you step outside, look up and see the gods battling on high. But I wax bullshit. OK. They don't want longtime fan money. They don't know how to get new fans. Why the short timers? Ego. Short timers kiss their asses. Short timers don't question their decisions. Either comics are for kids or they are art and literature. I'd prefer we say they are for kids and accept that we are into kid stuff, but since pretentions rule, let's go with that: they are compromising our art and literature to get some ego strokes from people who would love what they do any way. Let's be clear: my childhood was never raped. My Childhood did time in juvie, had connections on the inside and was able to get ahold of a pipe on day one so when the bulls came, my Childhood broke their hands, dented their skull as soon as it hit the Yard and was running the Block by evening, including the drug trade and the pruno concession and if my childhood said you punk, you punked. Rape my childhood? That's a stupid catch phrase. Guys like Alonso and Quesada don't have enough faith in their material to stand up to challenges and questions. And that's what it's all about. Most "longtime fans" are younger than the people making the comics. It's not grandpa wondering why the funnies can't be like NANCY & SLUGGO and FLASH ROGERS. The long time fan is someone who will not pretend that whomever is currently writing or editing the comics created the characters or that we're stepping into a movie where changes are natural and make sense. You want to know how to change a character and comic? Read SWAMP THING by Alan Moore. When Moore started, he didn't instantly shitcan everything that went before. He embraced it, used it, riffed off it and built on it until the character and books was completely different in less than a year. Without discounting anything. And it's not that the book was such great crap to begin with or so well loved. It was just smart, it made sense. It's intelligent, work for hire storytelling with a corporate owned character. No one is against change. But how can any company wide crossover be anything except editorially mandated change for change sake? Hopefully, none of us are naive enough to think, for instance, that a good, non-marquee writer or artist on Spider-Man could have gone to his editors and said, "I have a great idea for Spidey. I want Pete to publically announce his identity." I know about Daredevil, but pretend yer not fanboys and admit that non-fanboys don't give a crap about Daredevil but Spidey is an icon. The guy could have had the best story ever written and he'd have got the boot. All of these crossovers are forced shocks (which become non-shocking) and forced change. They don't grow out of character or action or events. They grow out of meetings. Can't really think of too many meetings that have produced too much worthwhile art or literature...

  • July 7, 2006, 6:02 p.m. CST

    Okay now THIS is fuckin' funny...

    by Psynapse

    **** I just may have peed myself a little laughing at this one. (and remember how fucking OLD I am Sleazy, Throbbing Gristle is nowhere near too obscure for me (*_^)

  • July 7, 2006, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Just so we're clear....

    by Psynapse

    My childhood has never been raped either. Granted, it's been whored out many times but the accompanying booze and drugs have always been stellar so I really haven't given a shit.

  • July 7, 2006, 6:57 p.m. CST

    Seems PotC is moviemack's new Batman Begins

    by The Heathen

    His normal self is as follows, "For those of you keeping track...SUPERMAN RETURNS (a truly wretched piece of film excrement) has been positively reviewed, noted as "Fresh," and has been already decided to be a flop, although it has made more money in a shorter time than it took the last BATMAN fiasco to make, which was anointed a "hit" from the moment the opening credits rolled at its premeire. Confused yet? "Pirates Whatever, The Second" has been more anticipated, more poorly reviewed, has had tomatoes thrown at it, and despite its flaws (oddly, the exact same flaws as the first one had: that is, three scenes of the same thing when one would suffice) is more rewarding and fun than any big-budget wah-wah movie in years and years, while, simultaneously, not being all that great a movie, actually. You're confused NOW, right? Meanwhile, a movie about talking cars which had been considered a can't-miss is already forgotten, while a despised Brett Ratner has infuriated fan-boys while walking away with all the money and (by summer's end) the MVP trophy. Now, your head is spinning. Seems the following is true: Today's sophisticated audience is as sophisticated as Ann Coulter at a hippie's funeral, only a lot less predictable, liking sequels plenty but hating remakes, while tolerating gay pirates, yet gay superheroes, not so much, unless they are Marvel superheroes that are gay. As for the talking cars? Well, I could have told you it was the second dumbest idea of the summer."

  • July 7, 2006, 7:23 p.m. CST

    I confess

    by El Vale

    I haven't been able to get into the Cars bandwagon (if there is one). Haven't seen it yet so who knows, i may be totally wrong, but Cars sort of seems like Pixar ran out of ideas. First we tell a human story using talking toys as analogues. Then talking bugs. Then talking monsters. Then talking fish. Then...and actual human family with superpowers. Then...i have no idea...hmmm...oh i got it! No no, wait...scratch that...ummmm talking cars? I haven't met a single person who's looking forward to the "Talking cars movie". Not one! And i'm always there saying "but it's Pixar!". Well you know what? It may very well be, but it premiered a long time ago, and i haven't seen it.

  • July 7, 2006, 7:28 p.m. CST

    That sounded wrong

    by El Vale

    The ideas are all good up to Cars. Toy stories, Bug's life, Monsters inc, i love them all. Nemo is a perfect movie. You heard me. Incredibles words.

  • July 7, 2006, 8:32 p.m. CST


    by blackthought

  • July 7, 2006, 9:11 p.m. CST

    Holy crap, Heathen-

    by BayouWilly

    moviemack is back? Please tell me you got that from another website post.

  • July 8, 2006, 12:09 a.m. CST

    For those so inclined-

    by BayouWilly

    I started a myspace group-, so come one and come all! If you're on myspace.

  • July 9, 2006, 7:32 a.m. CST

    Pirates 2 kicks Superman and X-Men's ass.

    by dregmobile

    For me, anyway. What a film. And $55M for Friday alone. Why oh why did I short this film at HSX? Anyway, has the 4th of July long weekend impacted the delay of the next comic column? If I send some half-assed reviews to Harry, will that pass for something?

  • July 9, 2006, 7:38 a.m. CST


    by dregmobile

    You do know that Kiera Knightley played Amidala's double in The Phantom Menace? She has Natalie Portman to thank for her career! Maybe ...

  • July 9, 2006, 10:45 a.m. CST

    ah forza italia, no

    by blackthought

  • July 9, 2006, 2:35 p.m. CST


    by BayouWilly

    Were the @$$holes all travelling in the same plane or something?

  • July 9, 2006, 4:57 p.m. CST

    sorry, Bayou

    by The Heathen

    that was from the first PotC tb. I thought he got the boot too, but if he did, how does he have the same handle? Hmm

  • July 9, 2006, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Aquaman dethroned already

    by The Heathen

    Dead Man's Chest weekend tally = $132,000,000 + Holy balls. Vinny Chase only had a week or two over Spider-Man and now - BOOM - Pirates comes out with cannons blasting. That's crazy! I figured it would be big when there was literally now open ground to park on at the movie theater, none. Some didn't like the movie because it felt open ended (it was) or that it was too much (almost) but I friggin loved it.

  • July 9, 2006, 7:54 p.m. CST

    i thought potc:dmc wasn't too shabby

    by blackthought

    nothing i'd sell my children for though...last year i would of sold them for batman begins...but then again i don't like my any takers?

  • July 10, 2006, 10:41 a.m. CST


    by The Heathen


  • July 10, 2006, 12:50 p.m. CST

    I AM A GOD!

    by GreatA'Tuin

    So, having just been rewarded for my superior work with a substantial raise, I celebrated by improving my "No DQ, No Countout Bar Room Brawl" record to an outstanding 10-2. (We don't talk about the "2") The best part...I wasn't even going to stay at the bar. I was just going to converse with a friend of mine who was working the door. A beer is bought for me, then another (I'm something of a celebrity at this particular bar, and no that story will never see the light of the interweb) and the next thing I know I'm telling someone that I hope their children die in a fire. Needless to say, it was time to go in more ways than one. I am a sad, pathetic little turtle. BUT, I am a sad, pathetic little turtle with an outstanding winning percentage ;P

  • July 10, 2006, 12:53 p.m. CST

    And yes, Dreg...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    That was kinda my point about Kiera. The difference being that Miss Knightly seems more likely to allow me to swab her poop deck...if you know what I mean...and I think you do...I mean to do her butt...yeah, her butt. I'm done.

  • July 10, 2006, 2:52 p.m. CST

    I'm with you on her, uh, 'poop deck'

    by The Heathen

    It's her attitude that get's me going, despite her teeth thing, she's just sexy man. She's a party girl who seems that she could be nice, but oh so naughty.

  • July 10, 2006, 3 p.m. CST

    Mmm....Butt Sex.....

    by Psynapse

    (said in best Mr. Mackie voice) That is all....

  • July 10, 2006, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Dude, her teeth are fine....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    and they'll look even better....nope, I'm not going to finish that thought. You sick little monkeys already did though, didn't you? Perverts!

  • July 10, 2006, 3:32 p.m. CST

    the wife saw Cars.

    by Shigeru

    said it was painful.

  • July 10, 2006, 3:33 p.m. CST

    I'm gone for the weekend,

    by Shigeru

    and the TB is back to shagging Ms Knightley's poop deck. I would just be happy if everyone wore corsets...Mmmmmamaries!

  • July 10, 2006, 3:43 p.m. CST

    I love

    by The Heathen

    Mmmmmamaries!!! The wife hated Cars, Shig? I haven't seen it. Huh.

  • July 10, 2006, 3:50 p.m. CST

    We have a motion, and a second...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    All in favor of Mmmmmamaries say "Aye"..."AYE!"...All opposed...<crickets>...Motion is passed. Mmmmmamaries are good. Turtle Law!

  • July 10, 2006, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Hope She Got Some Teef

    by BayouWilly

    What is it about Kiera&#39;s teeth? Slightly crooked? I don&#39;t know, I let a lot of stuff slide, so maybe I&#39;m not as teeth-judgemental. They look white enough and straight enough for me. I think it gives her character, Lord knows she&#39;s got the money to get Hilary Duff-style veneers.

  • July 10, 2006, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Hey guys..

    by Thalya

    Have you seen the latest AICN poll? Which is weirder, the poll itself, that nearly 37,000 have responded to it, or that Harry Knowles isn&#39;t last?

  • July 10, 2006, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Yo Thalya....

    by Psynapse

    Herc comes in last cuz nobody wants to deal with a wheelchair while bobbin&#39; a knob. PS-Way to set those dipshits straight on Newsarama. I swear between the reviewers and the posters you wonder if they&#39;re actually paying attention half the time.

  • July 10, 2006, 5:05 p.m. CST


    by Thalya

    Really now? Which part? The Secret Six or &#39;Tec?

  • July 10, 2006, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Is it just me...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    or do you never hear about anyone who reads EVERY book a company puts out now-a-days? Back when I started, we&#39;d try to get every book from BOTH companies that we could get our sticky, sugary, snotty little hands on. Curiouser and coriouser.

  • July 10, 2006, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Who&#39;d Thalya set straight on Newsarama?

    by The Heathen

    Link please?

  • July 10, 2006, 5:26 p.m. CST

    oh, never mind, I see now

    by The Heathen

    What, Psy said. Way to go. ; )

  • July 10, 2006, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Secret Six natch.....

    by Psynapse

    Seriously..apparently none of the reviewers and few of the posters have OCD worth a damn because they constantly screw up the facts especially where DC is concerned. That said, Issue #1 of Secret Six was VERY &#39;meh&#39; to me but issue #2 got my nipples right HARD. Deadshot is the coolest amoral bastard EVER. (You just KNOW he&#39;d pop Cheshire in a moment, and if Catman succeds in ganking his kid away from her, Chesire&#39;s face is goin&#39; &#39;Front to back&#39; courtesy of ole Floyd.)

  • July 10, 2006, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Dunno GreatA....

    by Psynapse

    I&#39;ve never been like that. It&#39;s always a few from each for me (and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too many X-Books before I wised up and realized the shit wasn&#39;t going anywhere worth a damn.)&#39;Cuz shit, Claremont stopped having original ideas right at issue 200 of Uncanny fer chrissake. Seriously, you do know that &#39;Nimrod&#39; (ironically apropos if you ask me) was created because he wasn&#39;t legally allowed to use Moore&#39;s Fury among other things.

  • July 11, 2006, 12:26 a.m. CST

    :) But anyway..

    by Thalya

    ..anyone read &#39;Tec? I&#39;d give it a B+, only because Dini&#39;s just getting warmed up.

  • July 11, 2006, 12:39 a.m. CST

    Front to back...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I f*ing NEED to check this out.

  • July 11, 2006, 1:50 a.m. CST

    no kids...

    by blackthought

    even though i&#39;m a sexy bastard...that&#39;s what my therapist says anyway. ah...dini...facade.

  • July 11, 2006, 2:57 a.m. CST

    i&#39;ll miss slott&#39;s run on the thing...sighs...damn you!

    by blackthought


  • July 11, 2006, 12:54 p.m. CST

    secret six, 52

    by Shigeru

    I am digging the heck out of Secret Six. I thought the 2nd issue was better than the first, Simone is doing very good things here. That newsarama guy is on crack. In other news, screw 52. I&#39;m leafing through each issue from now on to see if there is any cool stuff (like the green lanterns battle). One cool issue out of every four is not enough for me.

  • July 11, 2006, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Forgive me Lady T.....

    by Psynapse

    But I honestly have no idea to what you&#39;re referring. Please give deets....(Psy is VERY sleep deprived and is operating at zombie levels of intelligence today)

  • July 11, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    a little late but,

    by blackthought


  • July 11, 2006, 2:41 p.m. CST


    by Psynapse

    Wish I had some today......oi.

  • July 11, 2006, 2:44 p.m. CST


    by blackthought

  • July 11, 2006, 3:06 p.m. CST


    by GreatA'Tuin

    they&#39;re "mmmmmm" good.

  • July 11, 2006, 3:22 p.m. CST

    what do you like to drink with yours?

    by blackthought

    sometimes i feel like a strongbow or a stella but other times i go witha johnny jump up and what not.

  • July 11, 2006, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Straight Jack, baby....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Nothing like it to burn off the salty, slimy taste of cerebellum au jus.

  • July 11, 2006, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Psy: &#39;Tec = Detective Comics

    by Thalya

  • July 11, 2006, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Aaah..I see...

    by Psynapse

    I don&#39;t read Batman comics on principle. A dude in a leather bat-suit beating people off I mean, UP is too kinky for me.....

  • July 11, 2006, 5:26 p.m. CST

    &#39;Tec was pretty good

    by The Heathen

    I love the use of the font used in Batman&#39;s captions. It felt like the old animated series opening title screen. Thought, Facade was cool looking and I was surprised of all the information and the way the story moved in just one issue. I love, JH Williams, but his Bruce Wayne looked too wrinkly sometimes, also, the hit captions at the beginning were neat, but I just saw those done the same way by him in Desolation Jones. All in all, I was impressed and I liked Robins involvement and pretty much the whole thing.

  • July 12, 2006, 12:50 a.m. CST

    AICN: COMICS Withdrawals

    by dregmobile

    So is this thread the last of its kind?

  • July 12, 2006, 10:23 a.m. CST

    Yes, the

    by The Heathen

    LAST of it&#39;s kind!!!

  • July 12, 2006, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Have the @$$holes ever

    by El Vale

    Skipped a week?

  • July 12, 2006, 2:56 p.m. CST


    by blackthought

  • July 12, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Y the LAST man is back!

    by Darth Kal-El

  • July 13, 2006, 12:27 p.m. CST


    by DarthKoshi

    This NEW AVENGERS vs ULTIMATES debate has raged for months at Join the fun.

  • July 15, 2006, 7:08 a.m. CST

    New Readers

    by chebbo

    El Vale was completely correct..the only way to bring in new readers to comics is to bypass the whole super hero bullshit thing, and show them that our wonderful medium is so much more. I managed to get three people into comics this year by buying them copies of Sin City, Preacher TPB, and Blankets for their birthdays. And two of these people were gilrs. Indies are the way forward folks!

  • July 15, 2006, 3:55 p.m. CST


    by blackthought


  • July 19, 2006, 12:58 p.m. CST

    by The Heathen

  • July 30, 2006, 2:04 p.m. CST

    how dare ye attempt to last

    by blackthought

    the "lasting" king...last