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Massawyrm Orders Up An Egg-a-Mooby-Muffin And Digs Into CLERKS 2!!

Hola all. Massawyrm here.

Snoogins. Snoochie-Boochies. Snooch to the Nooch. The profound words of my generation’s leading poet – a man brazenly assaulting the intellectual elite with the musings of the common man. Dostoyevsky? Borges? Kafa? Idiots. Morons. Literary nothings when compared with the epic prose of Mr. Kevin Smith. I mean, who doesn’t weep tears every time the words Thirty Seven crosses their lips. Clerks was like Doctor Zhivago in a convenience store. Mallrats…like um…Doctor Zhivago…in a mall. Chasing amy? Again, Doctor Zhivago…with a lesbo. I mean, have you seen Doctor Zhivago lately? Three and a half hours of nonstop dick jokes.

All blatant kidding aside, Smith’s films have played an important role in the history of my generation. His first film, Clerks, was the first film to shine the light on a growing subculture of intelligent folks caught in cycle of dead end jobs that most hold to be a place for life’s throwbacks. You jockey a slurpy machine because you can’t do anything else. That’s society’s thinking. The people who do those jobs do them because they have nowhere else to go and nothing else to contribute. Right?

Well, Clerks spoke to me as it spoke to many of you reading this. It was a film about Us, the guys who have fallen through the cracks, not lived up to the potential everyone told us we had, or just plain were too chicken shit to go for the big score. It was about our bitterness, our frustration, but most importantly, it was about how we saw the people on the other side of the counter - all the idiots who would gladly look down on us for our lot in life at the exact same moment they were being fucking Re-Re’s themselves.

Many of us have an affinity for Kevin’s work because we came from the same place he did. Hell, both Moriarty and I share the burden of having toiled for several years of our lives Jockeying a video return counter. Me, I did it for a solid six and a half years. Six and a half years. I often wince when I say that.

Enter Clerks 2, Kevin’s return to both to the Jersey Saga and serious filmmaking. When he initially said he was going back to the well, he wasn’t kidding. He’s really going back to the well. This isn’t at all like the over-the-top almost self-parody of Strike Back, on the contrary, this is Kevin Smith with something to say – saying it once again with his trademark “lowbrow for the highbrow” wit.

While the first two-thirds of the film really seem to be merely an extension of the original, by the third act you see very clearly how he’s woven everything together into a clear and concise message. There’s no parade of cross film characters, no endless stream of in jokes from other films. Like Clerks and Chasing Amy before it, this film is about telling one, small, elegant story – not about how that story fits into every other story in the universe.

Yes, Kevin is back to say something to all the frustrated geek boys out there about their lot in life. And yet, I can’t help but think he’s admitting something of himself in this piece; admitting that he’s not the big budget Hollywood guy he once upon a time was hyped to become. He’s a Jersey guy, telling Jersey stories and he’s happy with that. This more subtle message seems to permeate every frame of this film.

Yes, I know. He said he was never going back to Jersey. And some of you believed him. Personally, when I heard him say that he was done with the Jersey cycle, I laughed. Yeah, right. And this is Cher’s last tour, too. Come on. Get over it. You do what you know. You do what you’re good at. Kevin’s good at making us laugh – he’s good at telling stories, not about glamorous characters or action heroes, but about dudes. Real dudes. Guys you hang out with, guys who may be just a tad bit too close to yourself for comfort. That’s what he does. And he does it very, very well.

So now he’s back doing it again. And fans will not be disappointed. With Clerks 2, Kevin avoids simply telling the same jokes from the first film, and instead tells all new ones. Oh sure, he goes back for a couple pop culture rants including a beautifully merciless changing of the guard as the LotR geeks have a field day rocking all over the Holy Trilogy (genuflect when you say that, mother fucker.) And we even get a single “Randal” for the fans who feel this wouldn’t be complete without it. But Kevin isn’t simply winking at the camera and coasting on old material to keep him in business. It’s not just some cast off sequel or “further adventures of.” This is an honest to god extension in theme, mood and tone to the original. It’s Kevin, all grown up and finishing the story in a way he wasn’t old enough or mature enough to do earlier in his career. And it’s funny as fuck.

While Dante, Randal, Jay and Silent Bob are back, this film is flush with a whole new cast of co-workers and characters that allow the film to feel fresh. But the two real standouts are Rosario Dawson and Trevor Fehrman. You know, I never got Rosario Dawson. She’s a fine actress and definitely “Hollywood Hot” – but she never did it for me.

My friends have been all about her for years (and yes, completely went nuts during that sequence in Alexander) and it wasn’t until seeing her here that I really got it. Seeing her dress down and play the girl-next-door really let her natural beauty, charm and charisma shine through. She’s radiant, adorable…and in this film, a geeks wet dream.

When the all-too-bizarre music video portion of the film kicks in (probably the single biggest WTF, as well as self indulgent, moment in the film), well, if you don’t fall in love with Rosario, there’s no saving you. She’s genuinely funny and comfortable in this film and hits every single note perfectly.

Then there’s Trevor Fehrman. God damnit is this kid funny. Probably the single greatest addition to the Jersey-verse since Banky Edwards. Fehrman’s Elias allows Smith to nail both Internet geeks and religious fanatics in one fell swoop. This kid plays functionally retarded like nobodies business and not only serves as the but of Randal’s scathing attacks, but also delivers some classic moments on his own. When he utters the words “I’m sorry, Jesus” you will simply lose it – and from that point on you can begin counting the number of times you and your friends repeat that line, until of course you lose count, because, you know, you will. And don’t try making up numbers either, because that’s horseshit. He’s funny, and I can’t wait to see him again in something else.

This is an ending, a real ending. This is Dante and Randal’s last ride. But it’s a good one, and both of these long beloved characters finally get the ending they deserve. Sure, it probably kills the hope many of us have harbored for the long talked about (by Kevin himself) Clerks animated film, but fuck it. This is good. This is the Clerks movie I wanted. Fans are going to find this everything they hoped, and nothing they were scared, that this movie would be. But for those tired of Smith or who never groked his humor, you’re probably just gonna find this more of the same. Sure, it’s different, but not different enough to change your mind on him.

Easily on par with the first, but not quite as emotional or amazing as Chasing Amy, this readily sits towards the top of Smith’s stack of films. Highly, highly recommended for anyone who’s ever laughed at his films, not recommended for anyone who feels they’ve had more than enough of this guy.

I don’t know what Kevin’s up to next, but as usual, I can’t wait. Is he going to ever get to one of those big budget projects he’s been circling for years, or is this film his explanation to us that this is who he is, what he does, and he’ll be happy doing it the rest of his life? I don’t know, but either way I’m a happy little camper. This is Smith in top form, and I’ll take all of that I can get.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. I know I will.


As gross as those things look, I just have this nasty hankering for an Egg-a-Mooby-Muffin. Mooby run? Who’s with me? E-mail me here.

Readers Talkback
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  • June 17, 2006, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Um ... Kafa?

    by zencat

  • June 17, 2006, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Rosario Dawson

    by zencat

    According to Harry: "The girl most geeks dream of." According to Massawyrm: "a geeks wet dream." Great minds think alike, I guess.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:21 p.m. CST


    by zencat

    First, second, and third.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:27 p.m. CST

    ty, zencat...

    by jasctt2005

    I was laughing as soon as I saw the "Kafa." I knew one of the first eople to post was going to nail it. Too funny. And this movie isn't even on the radar for me. NEXT!!!

  • June 17, 2006, 2:30 p.m. CST

    If Kev Was A Great Film Maker Or Even A Good One

    by flamingrunt

    then he wouldnt have to visit the same well over and over again. The guys a one trick pony.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Me neither, jasctt2005

    by zencat

    But they sure do seem to like Kevin Smith, er, Sith on this site.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:32 p.m. CST


    by Zorak5

    This review was getting me all hopeful until the part about "If you're tired of Smith" this ain't for you. See, I'm kind of tired of him, but if this is genuinely funny then maybe I'll give it a go. I still laugh at Clerks and Mallrats (and even Clerks Animated). It's his other films that don't do it for me anymore.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:39 p.m. CST

    KS seems to have a "please love me" thing going on

    by zencat

    Bubbling underneath the profane screw-you humor is a squishy sentimentality that fools him into thinking we want to watch his characters grow up and deal with life. But these aren't characters, actors, or situations that hold up under the weight of existential questioning. Smith's got every right to explore his own life issues in his art, of course, but it puts him at a weird disconnect with the audience that embraced "Clerks" ... kind of like when Woody Allen stopped being funny and expected us to applaud his turgid Ingmar Bergman pretensions.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Case in point

    by zencat

    Casting his wife or other loved one despite lack of qualifications. No surer sign that an artist's lost his judgment (cf. Sofia Coppola in Godfather 3, or the entire career of Linda McCartney).

  • June 17, 2006, 2:45 p.m. CST

    Come to think of which

    by zencat

    it's like Harry expecting us to give a good goddamn about his "Yoko."

  • June 17, 2006, 2:47 p.m. CST

    Haters are just mad because Kev makes fun of them...

    by DOGSOUP perfectly. If he wasn't a cultural icon for the generation we wouldn't even be having this discussion and instead be talking about how awful Superman Returns will be.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:50 p.m. CST

    There's a difference between haters

    by zencat

    and those who just shrug their shoulders at the increasingly irrelevant and misguided attempts of a filmmaker to say something of significance when he's clearly lost his edge (or, to be kinder, let's call it his commercial instincts). I think the word "meh" sums it up best.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:52 p.m. CST

    In fairness, I'

    by zencat

  • June 17, 2006, 2:54 p.m. CST


    by zencat

    In fairness, I'll add that I enjoyed Smith's live Q&A tour of college campuses. I saw him do one here at IU, and watched the compilation DVD. The man's brilliantly funny when he just cuts loose. It's the weird afterschool-special vibes that have crept into his work ever since "Chasing Amy" that depress me.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Wow Moviemack

    by Massawyrm 1

    Your sarcasm detector needs some readjustment.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:04 p.m. CST

    It's true, moviemack

    by zencat

    Start of paragraph 2: "All blatant kidding aside" ...

  • June 17, 2006, 3:07 p.m. CST

    But on the other hand, Massawyrm,

    by zencat

    You gotta admit, there's a reverential tone around AICN for this movie; your review and Harry's both insist that Smith has managed to capture the zeitgeist with unerring accuracy. A lot of people don't feel that Smith speaks for them -- and they aren't just "haters" or those who "don't get it." Instead, we have different values and standards. Not better -- just different. The rushing tide of fandom is often quick to overlook the diversity within its own ranks.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Your generation?

    by LaudnerGomez

    Wow. Well, you write like a 9 year-old, so color me surprised that you're nearing 40. ----- Stunning.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Sure Zencat

    by Massawyrm 1

    But if you notice, I said "Many of us" and "many of you." I never said he spoke for all geeks or for my entire generation. But keep in mind, AICN is a product of the 90's. The site was birthed around the beginning of Kevin Smith gaining mainstream populatrity. Most of us here are in Smith's age bracket and have grown through adulthood with his films. And he happens to have the same type of sense of humor as the rest of us. I mean, for the love of all that's holy, we're a bunch of guys who sit around writing rants about film, sub referencing the Holy Trilogy whenever possible, and making dick jokes left and right. If ever there were people on this planet that would speak reverently about Smith - it's us. There's a reason Kevin's the only non-AICNer who has been given Blacktext talkback privledges. Because he's one of us.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:15 p.m. CST

    6 and one half years?

    by theBigE

    Dude, I hope your six and one half year tour of duty at a video store started when you were in your teens. Your EARLY teens. Then again, all the local video rental jockeys I know are seemingly knowledgable and well-adjusted folks. Did you spend a lot of time stocking the shelves in the back room? That could warp anyone's worldview.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Yeah! My trolls back!

    by Massawyrm 1

    I missed you Laudner! I hated that I had to go all the way to Jeff Wells site to watch you troll me. I know you missed me. C'mon. Admit it.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:21 p.m. CST


    by floydtheater07

    I'm very excited about this movie. I've always been a major fan of Kevin's work, and from what I have heard so far, this won't disappoint.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Good points, Massawyrm

    by zencat

    especially on the parallel between AICN's history and Smith's. And I agree in large part about the generational cohort (for the record, I turn 40 next Thursday). But I take issue with your claim that Smith "happens to have the same type of sense of humor as the rest of us." If that were true, his movies would be universally embraced by Talkbackers ... which they certainly are not. Seems more to me like an orthodoxy has emerged at AICN wherein certain films are designated as laff-out-loud hits while others (like X3, which I actually enjoyed) are dismissed out of hand. I love AICN and media fandom in general, but when the underlying strand of rigidity and righteousness comes out, I get turned off. Which is kind of the point I started with in my critique of Kevin Smith. Here's what it comes down to: fans start out as the ones who don't belong -- the outsiders, the misfits, or in your words, "a bunch of guys who sit around writing rants about film, sub referencing the Holy Trilogy whenever possible, and making dick jokes left and right." Once they start to belong to something, anything -- View Askew, or AICN -- attitudes get serious, and opinions start getting policed. Spawning new generations of pissed-off fans who don't belong, who start their own websites, and so on, and so on. All part of the great circle of life.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Not really Moviemack

    by Massawyrm 1

    He's part of our subculture. I ditched a section in which I talked about his effect on current movie making and the indie culture - but I was running long. When I said he was one of us, I was talking about the AICNers. He may not speak for you - and I never implied that he does. He does speak to me, though. So take that as you will.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Oh, and come on -

    by Massawyrm 1

    I'm not pushing 40. I just turned 30.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:28 p.m. CST

    "Us" is a powerful word, Massawyrm

    by zencat

    When one hears it, one feels personally named -- as though someone else's opinions are being put in our mouths.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:30 p.m. CST

    And it leads one to suspect

    by zencat

    that perhaps AICN reviews (and reviewers) don't always put the quality of the movies ahead of the quality of their friendships.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:38 p.m. CST

    The Trouble With Reviewers Being So

    by flamingrunt

    Cosy with the film makers is that you not only lose all objectivity but also any credibility. I mean who on earth could think you guys could write an objective report when the director not only writes in the talkbacks but is also given special treatment. Same with the ads on this site that got Nacho libre ridiculous and unfair coverage. No self respecting reviewer would allow their credibility to be compromised like this. But then again any reviewer with any self respect wouldnt touch this site with a bargepole

  • June 17, 2006, 3:38 p.m. CST

    What's interesting about Cobain and Smith

    by zencat

    Is that they are both "outsiders" who publicly shunned the system (albeit in very different ways) yet were installed as figureheads of their generation by various interests. In Cobain's case, it led to literal suicide; in Smith's case, I suspect we're witnessing a slow and figurative artistic suicide in which "the artist formerly known as Kevin Smith" transforms gradually and horribly into some kind of Frank Capra figure.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Clerks Animated movie going straight to DVD

    by Fatboy Roberts

    So there will be more adventures, more than likely. From what I heard, the plot will be about people wanting to make a movie about people clerking at a convienience store.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:39 p.m. CST

    For the record Zen

    by Massawyrm 1

    I haven't so much as met him. I saw him speak at a local screening once, but that's about it.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:43 p.m. CST

    I dig it, Massawyrm

    by zencat

    And let me add that I'm not trying to tear you down. I like your writing (which doesn't mean I always agree with it). And this whole discussion has been interesting for the collective conversation about issues such as subculture, belonging, objectivity, aesthetics and so on. I think moviemack is too quick to dismiss an entire generation as not having "a clue what it thinks yet about anything." It's through Talkbacks (and for that matter, Kevin Smith movies) that people figure OUT what they think. Anyway -- peace.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:46 p.m. CST


    by Massawyrm 1

    There's a lot of truth to what you said there. It's why I never review the films of anyone I know personally. As to the ads, Nacho didn't get unfair treatment. We called it as we saw it. I write dozens of reviews of "Mediocre" films - but if there's an ad for it on the site, people assume we're going easy on a bad film. It's not. Nacho is gonna have lovers and haters. That's what I said.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Who cares?

    by MaryTylerMorbid


  • June 17, 2006, 3:56 p.m. CST

    Moviemack - keep using that word...

    by Massawyrm 1

    And I never said it. I said he speaks TOO some of us, not FOR us. Although you seem to like the better films of smith - and this has no stink palms or poo demons. Which is why I put it up there with Clerks and Chasing Amy.

  • June 17, 2006, 4 p.m. CST

    When did the first Clerks come out?

    by godhatesyou

    And what is it about?

  • June 17, 2006, 4:17 p.m. CST


    by omgwtfbbqsauce

    Apparently the studios have gotten ballsy...corrupting an AICN correspondant, I'm speechless. Have they no shame?

  • June 17, 2006, 4:26 p.m. CST

    Somebody from AICN directed this.....

    by godhatesyou

    The sequel will be 'Clerks on a plane'

  • June 17, 2006, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Maybe AICN Should Stop Accepting Movie Ads

    by flamingrunt

    I mean there are thousands of companies that would give top dollar to advertise on this site, so why not stop taking adverts from movies that are out in the cinemas? And just accept ads from movies that are coming onto DVD. Or even better Non-movie ads, like amazon etc. Sure movie magazines such as Empire and Variety take movie ads but they still retain credibility and dont appear to be "bought off." And if thats the case then how come AICN cant do the same? You guys need to sort this out. Your site may still be popular, but within geek circles, the circles that you claim to be so "intune" with and a part of, youre a laughing stock. No credibility, bought off and the only stuff you post are fake pictures. Seriously guys in a few years this site will be closed

  • June 17, 2006, 4:38 p.m. CST

    Haters on Generation Meh

    by Rainbow Cotton

    Why does everyone have a problem with Gen Y? Gen Y isn't even past its early-mid 20s yet, give it a rest. As a member of Gen Y I find it ridiculous that everyone seems to hate this generation before we have even done anything. It's not like the older generation accomplished anything of value, other than wasting away their lives in lame corporate jobs. Seriously, the haters need to grow up.

  • June 17, 2006, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Anything with 2 in the title.

    by godhatesyou

    Means you must have watched the first to enjoy it.

  • June 17, 2006, 4:54 p.m. CST

    So, another good review

    by Darth_Tarantino

    and I've yet to read a bad one from someone with a well constructed argument that I can understand the purpose of. I look forward to every new flick by Smith as he has been a personal hero for me, influencing me to take up the challenge and awrite/direct my own movies. As long as he keeps making 'em, I'll keep watching 'em. Clerks 2 will, I'm sure, be the one film this year I enjoy above all others. Unless Superman Returns delivers the goods :) DT

  • June 17, 2006, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Anyone read Civil War #2?

    by Son of Batman

    It's pretty big news and AICN is completely oblivious, as usual. Myopic, anyone?

  • June 17, 2006, 5:42 p.m. CST


    by alienindisguise

    That's what Kevin Smith has always been. He's a man who got lucky with a crappy b+w indie and people want to suck his balls for it. I had a few laughs at "Mallrats" but aside from that, Jason Lee is the only one that makes any of Kevin's shit tolerable and usually seems to be the only one acting. And what's with "Chasing Amy" always being applauded? That is such a "kiss lesbo ass" movie, it sickens me. Ben Affleck crying like a bitch for an hour and a half does not make for a good movie...unless he was getting physically beat the whole time.

  • June 17, 2006, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Waaaay better review than Harry's! Kudos.

    by Doom II

    And your opening summary on Clerks was dead on.

  • June 17, 2006, 7:39 p.m. CST

    "Yeah, right. And this is Cher

    by tripp5

    easily the gayest thing you've said so far

  • June 17, 2006, 8:21 p.m. CST

    I've said it before,


    and I'll say it again... If you hate on KS you are a KNOB. Or 14, if you're 14 keep on'll get your very own KS anyday now... End of line.

  • June 17, 2006, 8:51 p.m. CST

    DID speak to me.

    by CatVutt

    I can't speak for anybody else. But the original 'Clerks' certain did 'speak' to me, in that it was a hysterically accurate portrait in fiction of my life several years prior to the point at which I saw it. So it was hilarious, real and affecting. And that's really what the problem is for the sequel, for ME. I don't see KS as a great filmmaker, and that's fine. Chasing Amy was pretty amazing. It was a progression. But this...after my own personal 'Clerks' era, in which I managed video stores in California, and could completely relate to the utter ridiculousness of my own pretensions, I moved on. Way on. Out of state, owned a business, learned a whole a new career, earned scads of cash, got married, got laid off, went back to school for something entirely different...blah blah blah. These characters years later and just now getting on? Can't relate anymore. That's not to say it can't be a good movie, but if it's supposed to 'speak' to me, it simply won't. Not at all. Why am I even posting this? Not sure. It's a fucking movie. I guess I want to know if it's any fucking good, if I there's something solidly humorous, affecting, or dramatically compelling to make me actually wanna spend 8 bucks on it. That's all. I don't care if it's a good or bad 'Kevin Smith' movie, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. Is that too much to ask?

  • June 17, 2006, 8:56 p.m. CST


    by UncleEthan

    I am 35. I was born in '71. You, hoss, and the hair rock you so fervently seem to dig were already becoming lame...when I was 12. I was 13 in '84 and we were listening to MC5, the Pistols, Suicidal Tendencies, Black Flag, and Circle Jerks. This gave way to the Pixies, Violent Femmes, and The Smiths...this gave way to FUCKING NIRVANA! You must have grown up on a different track because Cobain was comming from a simmilar place for me and pretty much everyone I was hanging out with in the late 80's early 90's. You can keep Styx...we'll take Kurt Cobain. Finally, and I don't mean this as an insult, really, but you need to change your rhetorical approach. The silly pun names are very Rush Limbaugh...and it isn't funny when he does it. In fact it makes up for a weak base of argument. Massa- keep up the tight writing by the way. You pretty much have Smith where he lives. I'd like to see him do a film about raising kids, though. Seriously. I'm doing my best at it through divorce and everything...and it is extremely tough. I'd like to see Smith handle that without providing the single Dad with a dead Angel/Mother figure and a fantasy girlfriend. I want to read the reality. Ugly rexamination...return to college again...fucking 18 year olds then suddenly realizing, while you are in bed, that they are actually half your age. That when you graduated high school these chicks were still pissing themselves...wait. I'm going on and on and this might be my script/book to write. Seriously...Bodet- no hard feelings hoss.

  • June 17, 2006, 9:17 p.m. CST

    Smith sucks

    by Bob of the Shire

    I said it. I've seen all of his films and haven't found any of them funny. I respect his connection to his fanbase and his modest style, but yeah, not a big fan of his work.

  • June 17, 2006, 10:13 p.m. CST

    how does this represent our generation?

    by zooch

    a 30-something-year-old Dante and Randall go work at a fast food joint? seriously what self-respecting person from our generation would do that?

  • June 17, 2006, 10:45 p.m. CST


    by UncleEthan

    I'm sure you are a swell and together guy...but...I don't eat fast food so I have no idea about current employment profiles. I do know that there is a gas station out here in the burbs manned by people such as Randal and Dante. I also know that most of the local landscaping, contruction, and retail business are filled with just these sort of folks. Those who aren't doing this are often cubicle crawling corporate stooges. I say thisfrom the experience of having been one myself. I'm 35. Last October I paid off all of my debts (except the money I still owe my shitty diovorce lawyer) threw my cell phone in a local lake, gave my watched to a homeless guy in down town Richmond and checked out of the fucking system. I'm still a real person. I didn't instantly blow up. I'm still raising my sons. I'm in college once again to get another degree...and...what the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah. I was explaining what self respect is. It's not about how much money you's about who you actually allow yourself to become.

  • June 17, 2006, 10:46 p.m. CST

    I always avoided fast food jobs.

    by Doom II

    I worked at pizza restaurant, delivered for Dominos, was a security guard, waiter and other jobs in my teens and twenties but NEVER fast food. It's low-paying, degrading and very high profile. There are plenty of shit jobs where the general public doesn't have to see your face. BUT it's a silly comedy. Not a documentary. I love the people that say "Kevin Smith sucks balls and I know this because I've seen every one of his movies!" I knew Tony Scott sucked balls after Beverly Hills Cop 2 and I have avoided almost everthing he's directed since. If you haven't liked the last 6 movies, why the fuck would you see Clerks 2? Seriously.

  • June 17, 2006, 11:23 p.m. CST

    I hate Kevin Smith.

    by Great_Muta

    Annoying as fucking hell. Go back to JOEY.

  • June 17, 2006, 11:27 p.m. CST

    The trailer sucked.

    by Lovecraftfan

    The trailer was so so bad. Not funny at all. Its just hard to believe this may be good but well see.

  • June 17, 2006, 11:37 p.m. CST


    by UncleEthan

    Do you really "hate" Kevin Smith. I mean, I don't even hate my ex-wife's lying bitch attorney. I don't like her, but hate is a pretty strong thing. Do you really hate the guy because you don't like his movies or do you just think his films blow donkey? If you do actually hate Kevin Smith for making movies that you don't care for- there are excellent mental health programs located in most major and minor cities. Please...check yourself into one. I hope you feel better.

  • June 18, 2006, 12:26 a.m. CST

    People who use phrases like

    by gavdiggity

    "Gen X" and "Gen Y" are assholes. At least "Generation Dumbass" paints a picture. I've worked in video stores, book stores, warehouses and offices. I was working in a video store when Clerks came out, and I honestly felt a connection to the characters in the movie, 'cause they were like the people I knew and spoke to where I was in my life at that time. Smith's movies have gotten progressively less important to me. I appreciated what he was trying to say with Dogma, but it just didn't work for me. I'm probably not gonna see this one in the theaters (maybe a matinee).

  • June 18, 2006, 12:46 a.m. CST

    "Generation Dumbass"...that's just....moronic

    by I Dunno

    Anyway, Smith derides in real life the very people he portrays in his films. He puts down "Gen X" slacker film geeks who all supposedly live in their mosther's basement and criticize filmmakers on the internet but that's his audience and those are the only people he knows how to write about. So I don't know exactly what he's trying to say.

  • June 18, 2006, 1:26 a.m. CST

    Wow, gavdiggity,

    by VanLingoMungo

    You've had a lot of shitty jobs. I have a college degree from a really good school. Why, exactly, should I listen to your opinion? Not poking fun, just asking a question. Okay, I am poking fun, but I'm also asking a question.

  • June 18, 2006, 1:44 a.m. CST


    by gavdiggity

    Thanks for asking... I suppose most people only listen to the opinions of those with whom they already agree, and piss on the ones of those who don't. I guess my opinion is just as invalid as everyone else's, so feel free to ignore my bullshit opinion if you like. I think you SHOULD listen to it because I watch Smith's movies subjectively, and not just because of some slavish devotion, so my opinions are formed based on the movie I'm watching, not on how much I liked his other stuff. Also, I don't watch his movies in a blue haze of pot smoke, so I've been pretty clear-headed as I've watched them. The only one of his movies I haven't seen is Jersey Girl. I understand Smith might've been making movies that were immportant to him at the times he was making them, and Jersey Girl was probably a reflection of his experiences as a father or something like that. As I said, though, the movies weren't important to me... I don't have kids, nor do I want them, so the relevance of Jersey Girl was pretty minimal to me. Mallrats had a few quotable moments, I thought Chasing Amy was fine (we've probably all fallen for people who we couldn't get, for one reason or another), I already mentioned Dogma. J&SBSB is probably best left forgotten. Yes, I have had several shitty jobs, which I often pointed out to my friends. I've also had a couple of good ones, too. The shitty jobs I had were the ones I had when I was going to college, while I was working for my degree. By the way, I'm 32, so I'm part of the generation the media dubbed "Gen X."

  • June 18, 2006, 1:49 a.m. CST

    J&SBSB addendum

    by gavdiggity

    I will say that I enjoyed the scene where they were checking out a website and taking the piss out of some of the people posting there.

  • June 18, 2006, 1:56 a.m. CST

    Very nicely said Gav,

    by VanLingoMungo

    You could have countered my insult with snark; instead, you answered with a thoughtful, reasoned answer. I respect that, I truly do. With that said, I echo my earlier remarks about Kevin Smith: "Imagine you're 14 years old, and you masturbate four times a day. Now, imagine you're 28, and you masturbate once a day. The things you thought were brilliant are 1/4 as funny, and the heroes you worshipped are 1/4 as heroic....That's Kevin Smith." I'm assuming you'd agree with that.

  • June 18, 2006, 2:15 a.m. CST

    You jockey a slurpy machine because you can

    by readingwriter

    ... do anything else. That

  • June 18, 2006, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Great white snark

    by gavdiggity

    VanLingo- I figured you deserved a straight answer, since you didn't insult my mom or anything. I love that the internet has become a venue for the anonymously tough to talk shit to people they don't even know and say things they wouldn't say if they were actually having a conversation with someone. I agree with your assessment of Mr. Smith. Patton Oswalt does a great bit about this... how, when he was younger, his reactions were always extreme, either, "FUCK YEAH," or "Aw, NO FUCKING WAY!!" Now it's more like, "Oh, really? That's cool," or "Wow, that's sucks." I think it's probably just a by-product of getting older... life has a way of wearing ya down. I'm sure to be a bundle of laughs when I'm 40...

  • June 18, 2006, 2:21 a.m. CST

    "THAT sucks..."

    by gavdiggity

    not ,"...that's sucks."

  • June 18, 2006, 2:41 a.m. CST

    I believe the talkback anger

    by VanLingoMungo

    Emerges from a feeling of powerlessness that most movie geeks feel in real life. I'm fortunate to be a sci-fi movie geek and a former high school jock, so I understand the pathos of the average talkbacker, yet have the perspective to mock them. It's really quite great. Most talkbackers are so emphatic about their opinions because this is one of the few places they can share them without fear or retribution or intimidation. That's why so many AICN nerds are so strong in their opinions....They can do it here without getting their heads flushed down the toilet. And I respect that.

  • June 18, 2006, 2:56 a.m. CST

    The dollar value

    by Timothy1

    I spent $15 earlier tonight for my girlfriend and I to watch "X-Men 3." I can already tell you I'll get more sheer entertainment from "Clerks 2" at the same price than "X3." Watching "X3"'s um, "climactic" ending, all I could think was, "Look how much work it takes to bore me." Vive le Kevin! Clerks Deuce will rule!

  • June 18, 2006, 3:42 a.m. CST

    I'm 33 and Smith has always spoken to me...

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    I consider myself a huge fan even though I only truly love Chasing Amy and Clerks. (Although I did enjoy Jersey Girl and wish I could have seen the original now-nonexistent cut...) So what if the man doesn't speak to you? His characters represent a lot of people I know--same struggles, same interests, etc. These are very real characters who are just like a great deal of people who inhabit your own hometown. Just because you cannot relate doesn't mean they don't deserve to have their stories told. If you don't like Smith's work, then why even read the article and why bash those who do? If any of you fucksticks who are bashing Smith and/or this movie have already seen The Fast and the Furious 3 and/or saw Mission Impossible opening weekend, you would be advised to shut the fuck up. You have officially lost your chance to speak and cannot be considered relevant in any way as you clearly have no taste and therefore cannot be expected to be a fair judge of what is or is not qualitative. There's a reason Smith has a huge following and is well known and you motherfuckers are not... Like it or not, he has talent. You don't. Could it also be that these movies offend you because they hit a lot closer to home than you might like, counter jockey? Don't hate, celebrate, beeyotch.

  • June 18, 2006, 3:42 a.m. CST

    I'm 33 and Smith has always spoken to me...

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    I consider myself a huge fan even though I only truly love Chasing Amy and Clerks. (Although I did enjoy Jersey Girl and wish I could have seen the original now-nonexistent cut...) So what if the man doesn't speak to you? His characters represent a lot of people I know--same struggles, same interests, etc. These are very real characters who are just like a great deal of people who inhabit your own hometown. Just because you cannot relate doesn't mean they don't deserve to have their stories told. If you don't like Smith's work, then why even read the article and why bash those who do? If any of you fucksticks who are bashing Smith and/or this movie have already seen The Fast and the Furious 3 and/or saw Mission Impossible opening weekend, you would be advised to shut the fuck up. You have officially lost your chance to speak and cannot be considered relevant in any way as you clearly have no taste and therefore cannot be expected to be a fair judge of what is or is not qualitative. There's a reason Smith has a huge following and is well known and you motherfuckers are not... Like it or not, he has talent. You don't. Could it also be that these movies offend you because they hit a lot closer to home than you might like, counter jockey? Don't hate, celebrate, beeyotch.

  • June 18, 2006, 3:49 a.m. CST

    Just a bit of advice

    by VanLingoMungo

    Posting twice doesn't make you correct...And ending your diatribe with "Beeyotch" doesn't make your point valid. Try being a bit more subtle...It might give you some credibility.

  • June 18, 2006, 7:07 a.m. CST

    Cruel Kingdom, you're a dope

    by Drunken Rage

    "There's a reason Smith has a huge following and is well known and you motherfuckers are not... Like it or not, he has talent. You don't." Jesus Christ, once you earn your GED, read a book and see some real movies. Smith doesn't have a "huge following," he made one movie which he has revisited time and again. Whether you like "Clerks" or not (I didn't), to say that Smith has a "huge following" is just stupid. His other movies haven't been successful and his work as a whole is incredibly weak and sophomoric. If he had talent he wouldn't keep going back to the same well, as some earler TB'er wrote. "If any of you fucksticks who are bashing Smith and/or this movie have already seen The Fast and the Furious 3 and/or saw Mission Impossible opening weekend, you would be advised to shut the fuck up. You have officially lost your chance to speak and cannot be considered relevant in any way as you clearly have no taste and therefore cannot be expected to be a fair judge of what is or is not qualitative." what is the correlation between seeing those movies and not having a credible opinion? Oh, and what does the word "qualitative" mean in your sentence? Goddamn, stupid people shouldn't have access to computers. There oughtta be a law.

  • June 18, 2006, 8:17 a.m. CST

    Smith Sucks

    by Damer1

    Why is every Kevin Smith apoligist always have a million excuses as to why his films suck? If I've said it once I'll say it a million times... Kevin Smith is a no talent ass clown.

  • June 18, 2006, 8:29 a.m. CST

    How come?

    by CoursinLarry

    How come Massawyrm had to draw his own caricature that appears at the bottom of his reviews? Why isn't it in the same style as Harry's or Moriarty's or Quint's drawings? Come on, Ain't It Cool. Hook a brother up! He deserves it after making me laugh out loud with the "Doctor Zhivago...with a lesbo" line.

  • June 18, 2006, 9:22 a.m. CST

    falling into the trap

    by Fearsme

    the modern critical slant is so predictable. everything has to be amazing or a complete piece of shit. i dig smith films, they're funny, but i doubt it's "This Generation's...." anything. Why can't movies be movies? Why do they have to have some kind of significance other than being 2 hours of entertainment or fun? Because critics feel the need to stir the pot. Everything reviewed these days has to be a masterpiece or a piece of shit. Critics are bipolar.

  • June 18, 2006, 10:12 a.m. CST

    "as emotional or amazing as Chasing Amy"

    by John Dalmas

    --that's sarcasm, right?

  • June 18, 2006, 10:31 a.m. CST

    bobovision.... you tucking fwat

    by Fearsme

    thats exactly what i was trying to categorize. critics either say BEST FILM EVER or WORST FILM EVER with nothing inbetween, so i guess Borderline disorder would be apt.

  • June 18, 2006, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Who the fuck is moviemack?

    by OurManInMontr

    Interesting thoughts, snappy lines, but never anything even remotely positive about whatever the fuck. For a guy who writes "Your generation, which is mine, by the way, sad to say, hasn't a clue what it thinks yet about anything[...]", you sure have a loud mouth. Wasted potential. You smelly up every talkback you touch, you whining, screeching, oh-so-goddamned-blas

  • June 18, 2006, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Rosario Da-ah-ah-ah-sssso-ooo-nn!!! Wooo...

    by R.C. the "Wise"

    Just thinking about her made me almost ...well ... you get the picture. Speaking of picture, have you seen her poster for Clerks II? It''s man...hee...hoooo..."keep it together now"...hee...oh-oh...

  • June 18, 2006, 12:21 p.m. CST

    for the record

    by gavdiggity

    "Just because you cannot relate doesn't mean they don't deserve to have their stories told." I'm not sure if you were directing this at me or not, but I never said I thought these characters don't deserve to have their stories told, just that I'm still not sure if I'm gonna fork over $10 to see it. I'm not one of the people who dismiss Smith out of hand, I'm just saying that, to me, his movies have been a little disappointing the last couple of times. "If you don't like Smith's work, then why even read the article and why bash those who do?" I guess it's for the same reason that you have the need to read and bash the comments of those who don't.

  • June 18, 2006, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Cruel_Kingdom...Jersey Girl extended cut

    by Doom II

    I DID see it. You missed about 20 more minutes of Jennifer Lopez and Affleck being domestic and there was a looooong scene where Affleck dances with Lopez' "ghost" at the end scene in the bar. I actually was in and out of the theater during this cut as it was just too much for me. You DON'T wish you'd seen it, trust me.

  • June 18, 2006, 1:32 p.m. CST

    What the hell is wrong with you people?

    by I Dunno

    What causes this behavior?

  • June 18, 2006, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the info, Bobo_Vision

    by OurManInMontr

    I just went about it in reverse. I ignored at first, so a buildup occured, unbeknownst to me, and I eventually had to puke. I will go back to the ignoring part now. And nice post, btw.

  • June 18, 2006, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Can't Wait, But I Need More LEE!!

    by 33.3rpm

    I'm tired of these McNugget sized roles for Jason Lee. I know he's on tv and all, but I want to see him and Kevin really do something cool together. Still this movie looks pretty friggin' great...

  • June 18, 2006, 8:13 p.m. CST

    I Grok Spock

    by Kentucky Colonel

    and you do, too!

  • June 18, 2006, 9:03 p.m. CST

    Kevin Smith

    by Seany-Wan

    I think Chasing Amy is, by far, Kevin Smith's best film. In fact, I think the message he conveyed in the film speaks for his attitude as a film maker: he finally has something personal to say. Perhaps that is why we "Clerks 2" in stead of some big screen blocbuster. Cheers.

  • June 18, 2006, 9:20 p.m. CST

    Thank you Tom Bidet....

    by UncleEthan

    ...for the cross handed compliment. You too, my friend, are occasionally funny and I actually read all of your post the entire way through. That is, of course, more than I do for most of the drivel on here. Keep up the bad puns and I'll keep pushing my PUSSY = WORLD PEACE position. All we need is love brother...all we need is love.

  • June 19, 2006, 9:02 a.m. CST

    Doctor Zhivago

    by brycemonkey

    Great review Massa, you know you are getting it right when the Trolls start circling ;-)

  • June 19, 2006, 11:01 a.m. CST

    ...One more thing Bodet...

    by UncleEthan

    Portsmouth is actually on the coast...and you're right it is a total shit hole. Richmond, a shit hole itself, is in Central Virginia. You go that much close. You did miss, however, many of cultural references. Yes- I hated STD and Bush, but by the time Cobain was dead I was heavily into bluegrass and folk music. Husker Du...never really dug them. I was a raw, emotional punk kinda fan. Your not really making a ton of sense there, hoss. I understand your media thing...and I agree with it to a point. I just personaly heard more in Cobain's work than I ever did in a guy like Axle Rose. Whatever....nevermind.

  • June 20, 2006, 1:06 p.m. CST

    Glory Hole

    by Decker71

    Here we go again

  • June 20, 2006, 1:35 p.m. CST

    Glory Hole

    by Decker71

    Like any new director Kevin Smith stuck his cock in the glory hole. Some of us sucked it for all it was worth and savored his cinematic load, going back time after time to bob and weave at Mr. Smith's root. Some of us did not. Sometimes that load wasn't as sweet as it was that first time, but overall we enjoyed the skull fucking. For those that did not why kick at the hole? Why knash your teeth at the man for squirting in your eyes and leaving a bad taste in your mouth that one time. Move on to a new hole.