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Capone Sprays On GARFIELD!!

Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here, trying my best not to cough up a hairball or vomit on the nice carpet as I give you a very quick look at the second in what I'm sure will be at least an eight-part Garfield series.

The best thing I can say about the sequel to the miserably lame 2004 Garfield film is that it¹s not a miserable or lame thanks to a surprisingly capable upper-tier of British actors providing both acting and voice work to this wholly unfunny but still more tolerable work. By setting the film in England and giving Garfield a number of other animal characters to interact with, this film at least makes something resembling an effort, even if that effort is to be more like the Babe movies.

Without going into all the unnecessary details, Garfield (still inexplicably voiced by Bill Murray), his owner Jon (Breckin Meyer), and Jon's girlfriend (Jennifer Love Hewitt) all find themselves across the pond (what six-month quarantine laws?), where there just happens to exist an overly pampered cat named Prince (voiced by Tim Curry) who looks exactly like Garfield.

When Prince's owner dies, she leaves her vast estate to the cat, much to the chagrin of her human relatives, namely Dargis (Billy Connolly, the only thinthat even came close to making me laugh). Through a series of contrivances, Garfield and Prince switch places, and for a brief time, Garfield gets treated like the pampered pet he's always wanted to be.

What shocked me most about this laugh-repellant exercise is the talent it attracted. In addition to Connolly, Lucy Davis (from the UK version of "The Office") and Roger Rees appear as themselves, while the likes of Bob Hoskins, Richard E. Grant, Jane Horrocks, Rhys Ifans, Vinnie Jones, Jane Leeves, and even Sharon Osbourne voice various animals on the estate. The only whiff of entertainment I got off Garfield 2 was from trying to identify the various British great who stooped to a new low. My heart leapt when I recognized Vinnie Jones as a vicious attack dog sent to kill Garfield; I prayed he would bark out "I'm Juggernaut, bitch" just before locking his jaws on Garfield's fat neck. Alas.

Director Tim Hill (Muppets from Space) has done a noble effort elevating thisSgulpSfranchise from the sewers built in the first film, but he still hasn't gotten this series out from under the manhole.

Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties is still free of any laughs beyond the occasional fart joke, so I'm sure million of children will embrace it. Although with such superior films like Over the Hedge and Cars in theatres now and still doing quite well, I can't imagine any kids clamoring to see this sub-par turd.


Readers Talkback
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  • June 16, 2006, 7:13 p.m. CST


    by casinoskunk

    i cant wait for this to be on Cable, NON STOP!

  • June 16, 2006, 7:21 p.m. CST

    Wow, if Cars is superior this must be horrible?!

    by the_pissboy1

  • June 16, 2006, 7:23 p.m. CST

    The only work Lucy Davis can get now is voice work

    by Vim Fuego

    Seeing as she now weighs about 5 stone. Nice look.

  • June 16, 2006, 7:23 p.m. CST

    It sucks? Wow. That's a surprise.

    by Drunken Rage

  • June 16, 2006, 7:32 p.m. CST

    It just ain't Garfield without Lorenzo Music

    by Doc_Strange

    At least then it would be watchable but since he died, Garfield has lost his voice.

  • June 16, 2006, 7:43 p.m. CST

    why do they make these films?

    by quadrupletree

    And more importantly why does Bill Burry do this shit? Why not do Gostbusters 3? Bah, I'm gonna go watch Nacho Libre now...

  • June 16, 2006, 7:51 p.m. CST

    I had to watch the first one at my side job...

    by tango fett

    at the YMCA summer day care thing they have. And I say with utmost certainty the only way you'd get me to watch it again was A Clockwork Orange style. "It's a SIN!" Why Bill Murray,

  • June 16, 2006, 7:52 p.m. CST

    If I ever get to make movies...

    by Drworm2002

    ...I will never make an Animal flick. I swear.

  • June 16, 2006, 7:54 p.m. CST

    I didn't even know this was out...

    by andrew coleman

    Thank you for the warning because I would have been very surprised seeing posters for this movie at the BO. This week really blows the horrible Nacho Libre is out, this and a date movie about time travel or whatever the Lake House is about. Does that mean my only option for a new movie is 3 Fast 3 Furious... The world must be coming to an end!!! Or Hollywood has just become very lazy. I think it's the later, maybe.

  • June 16, 2006, 8:06 p.m. CST

    For all of us who think reviewing movies would be cool

    by mattw

    Remember, you'd have to sit through shit like this. I'm guessing you can't hand in a review to your boss (Harry in this case) that says, "I was pretty sure this movie would suck, so I sat home and played Halo instead."

  • June 16, 2006, 8:06 p.m. CST


    by mattw

  • June 16, 2006, 8:07 p.m. CST


    by mattw

    You should ask for a raise after having to see that one, Capone.

  • June 16, 2006, 8:19 p.m. CST

    "Director Tim Hill (Muppets from Space)"...

    by performingmonkey

    You don't need to read anything other than that line. He also wrote for Spongebob. Which makes it better how?

  • June 16, 2006, 8:24 p.m. CST

    the top ten actors who make you smile when they appear.

    by jig98

    10.vince vaughn 9.jack black 8.fred willard 7.steve carrell 6.jason lee 5.robin williams 4.chris collins 3.morgan freeman 2.ashton kutcher and numero uno...christopher walken and bill murray. a tie. that's gotta say a lot. or not.

  • June 16, 2006, 8:43 p.m. CST

    The many deaths of Garfield

    by Boru999

    If Garfield was my cat I'd torture him. First I would take a coathanger and violate his anus with it, then I'd take the shitty, bloody hanger and poke out his eyes. Then I would bury him, with only his head above the ground, and run a lawnmower over it. That would be fun.

  • June 16, 2006, 8:46 p.m. CST

    "what six-month quarantine laws?"

    by Immortal_Fish

    All hail illegal amnesty!!

  • June 16, 2006, 8:48 p.m. CST

    Capone sprays on Garfield? Ewwwwwwww!

    by WacksOnWacksOff

    And yes, I AM twelve years old.

  • June 16, 2006, 9:02 p.m. CST


    by Mr Brownstone

    gave this movie three stars and wrote his whole review in character as Garfield! I shit you not. Then he turns around and gives Nacho Libre one and a half stars and claims it makes Jack Black seem unfunny. Whatever he's smoking I do not want some. I've enjoyed Ebe's reviews for years but he has truly lost his mind.

  • June 16, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    In Defense of 'Muppets From Space'...

    by CatVutt

    This is actually worth a rental if you only watch it with the Commentary track featuring Kermit and Rizzo. There's way more legitimate laughs in the commentary than in the actual film.

  • June 16, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    Speaking of "Garfield 2"...

    by Lenny Nero's a link of Roger Ebert going absolutely batshit crazy.

  • June 16, 2006, 9:10 p.m. CST

    In other news....ANGOLA????

    by paulh

    Yo, Mexico, you are so toasted when you get to the next round of the World Cup. WAR THE BLACK ANTELOPES! :D

  • June 16, 2006, 9:15 p.m. CST

    One more thing...

    by paulh

    24 was on tonight. Where was the !?!!$@$*!~@%!'n talkback? ;)

  • June 16, 2006, 10:17 p.m. CST


    by RaulMonkey

    Capone said "turd."

  • June 16, 2006, 10:27 p.m. CST

    Bill Murrary will give his vocal talent to this crap?

    by Yotz Von Frelnik

    But he REFUSES to do a Ghostbusters 3 with cgi ghosts??? Un-effin'-believeable! All the other cast were in place to go forward a few years back but they stopped because Bill didn't think it was a good move. WTF!!?

  • June 16, 2006, 10:29 p.m. CST

    A tale of two kitties?

    by Osmosis Jones

    More like a tale of two TITTIES! JLH's rack is the only redeeming factor of both Garfield "movies". The original comic strip hasn't even been remotely funny since about 1985.

  • June 16, 2006, 11:17 p.m. CST

    I like the porn version - A tale of two Titties?

    by Orionsangels

  • June 16, 2006, 11:18 p.m. CST

    You were watching Leno also Osmosis Jones?

    by Orionsangels

  • June 16, 2006, 11:21 p.m. CST

    This is bullshit!

    by Thunder Mammoth

    Garfield is a slam-dunk franchise. Garfield could be utilized as an important commentary on today's society and the implications that Quantum Physics might have in regard to spiritual oneness and lessons of the Earth's aura as seen through the eyes of Egypt's Political inner-workings from the socio-economic working class. I mean, WTF?!? a travesty, I tell you! a freakin' travesty.

  • June 16, 2006, 11:29 p.m. CST

    Garfield is powerful, no doubt

    by Angry Mean Panda

    It drove Ebert over the edge. After all these years, the dude finally flipped the fuck out and thinks he's a cartoon cat. Then again, maybe he IS a cartoon cat.

  • June 16, 2006, 11:44 p.m. CST

    Leno just asked Roeper if he liked Garfield

    by mattw

    with Jennifer Love Hewitt sitting right next to him. All Roeper could say was, "Uh, we review it on the show this week. Maybe you should just watch that." Hewitt's response was, "That can't be good." Oh, and Ebert's lost his mind.

  • June 17, 2006, 1:12 a.m. CST

    you beat me to it...

    by BizarroJerry

    but I was gonna call it "A Tale of Love's Titties." Oo! Oo! I got another one... how about "Garfield: A Tale That's Too Shitty"?

  • June 17, 2006, 1:22 a.m. CST

    Leno kept insinuating - A tale of two Titties to Hewitt

    by Orionsangels

    He said, in his squeeky high low pitch voice "said the wrong way you might say something else. hehehe i have a big chin. suck on hewitt!" Well he didn't say all that. This is how exciting a garfield talkback is.

  • June 17, 2006, 1:58 a.m. CST

    Hey, Garfield is like totally awesome guyz

    by Rainbow Cotton

    Seriously though, is Hewitt wearing something nice on Leno? It should be on in PST shortly.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:07 a.m. CST

    Bah, nevermind

    by Rainbow Cotton

    It's some white dress with no cleavage visible. Shameful. On topic: Who the hell asked for a 2nd Garfield movie? Did the first actually make money? (Maybe since they hired lame actors it did). Also: How long until the trilogy is complete? I want the next one to be called Purrfect Blue, a straight adaption of the anime with Garfield sleeping in the corner snoring loudly the entire time. Hollywood genius my friends.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:31 a.m. CST

    Why spray on Garfield when you could've sprayed on

    by sillypig

    Jennifer Love Hugetits?

  • June 17, 2006, 2:35 a.m. CST

    Hewitt wore basically a goofy white prom dress on Leno

    by Orionsangels

    She sure loves dress up. It's like playtime for her. Oooh Leno. I'll dress up like a doll. Hunny, just wear tight jeans and a bra

  • June 17, 2006, 2:40 a.m. CST

    I thought Bill Murray never made sequels?

    by Orionsangels

    I remember the Ghostbusters II fiasco. How they had to twist his arm. oh and pay him like 5 million to do that movie. one of the highest paid acting gigs at the time. From what I heard - Murray despises sequels with a passion. You can even tell during GBII he's bored. Look at the scene in the jail. When his head is on the table and he's half asleep. That's not acting. That's real. That's Murray saying, why am I here again? Didn't we already make this movie? So here he is making his second sequel ever. oh who am i kidding. his voice is only in this movie.

  • June 17, 2006, 2:50 a.m. CST

    If it pays for Bill Murray's drug habit or prostitutes

    by themikejonas

    or whatever gets him going through the day so that he can do good movies for less pay, I'm all for it. I mean it's like, thirty minutes in a little recording studio in Burbank?

  • June 17, 2006, 4:09 a.m. CST

    Garfield 2: Tits and pussy

    by CuervoJones

  • June 17, 2006, 6:15 a.m. CST

    "I'm Roger Rees, bitch!"

    by DrManhattansUnit

    Now THAT would have been funny!

  • June 17, 2006, 6:49 a.m. CST

    Can't wait for the upcoming "Garfield versus Predator".

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Or that other crossover with a certain TV icon of the 80s TV, especially with the posters already out and Paulie boasting about "expanding the Garfield mythology"...

  • June 17, 2006, 6:49 a.m. CST

    Can't wait for the upcoming "Garfield versus Predator".

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Or that other crossover with a certain TV icon of the 80s TV, especially with the posters already out and Paulie boasting about "expanding the Garfield mythology"...

  • June 17, 2006, 7:50 a.m. CST

    I run a daycare and the kids are dying to see it

    by spider-ham

    Whatever commericals they are running on the kid channels have the kids hype to see it. Personally I'm not going to see it since I hate Garfield in the first place.

  • June 17, 2006, 8:03 a.m. CST

    UK "The Office" is the original, not a "version"

    by Wonderboys

    and Steve Carell is light-years behind the comic genius of Rick Gervais a.k.a David Brent

  • June 17, 2006, 8:14 a.m. CST

    "I run a daycare and the kids are dying to see it"

    by LargoJr

    And people wonder why kids grow up to be snipers in bell towers *tsk tsk*

  • June 17, 2006, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Oh Bill...

    by Little Beavis

    so fucking sad...

  • June 17, 2006, 10:20 a.m. CST

    quit your bitching...

    by bullumhead

    this movie wasn't made for film geeks or fans of garfield from the 80' was made for little kids. after all the crying on this site about how bad the first one was i was actually quite surprised to find myself chuckling when i saw it on cable. it's cute...and my young daughter loved it. bitch at bill murray all you want...but why does he need to feel ashamed for working on a cute little kids movie? they don't all need to be over the hedge or toy story. sorry guys, but garfield just wasn't made with you in mind.

  • June 17, 2006, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Ah, leave Murray alone.

    by CatVutt

    No, I haven't see the first, and certainly won't see this crap-fest, but give Bill a break. He's cashed two huge checks for what was probably a couple of days of work tops, and doesn't have to show his face in the thing. I think it's great if it means more flicks like Lost in Translation and Broken Flowers.

  • June 17, 2006, 11:30 a.m. CST

    How many versions of "Prince & the Pauper" can there be

    by ZeroCorpse

    I mean, seriously, I swear a new movie or TV show with that story gets made every three months. It's LAME LAME LAME. It's one of the most simple-minded, stupid, basic tales ever written. Why do people still use this?

  • June 17, 2006, 11:54 a.m. CST

    the ONLY person I feel for is Jennifer Love Hewitt

    by LargoJr

    I remember when the first film came out, and she was doing the whole talk show/night talk show circuit to talk about it's release.. and NONE of the hosts wanted to talk about it. She was stuck trying to promote a film NOONE cared about.. she was the ONLY person contractually obligated to promote the film.. no-one else was willing to, not even Bill, and she was trying SO hard to keep a good face on. For the first time I stopped hateing her and actually felt bad for her. She's ALWAYS annoyed the living shit out of me, but seeing her going up against David and Jay, and they working her, trying to get her to publicly admit the film was a complete shit-fest... she was miserable.. and for the first time I actually liked her, and felt bad for the shit she must have to go thru just to get work in this fucked up industry.

  • June 17, 2006, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Jennifer Love Hewitt will never have sex with me

    by CuervoJones

    So i

  • June 17, 2006, 12:55 p.m. CST

    Tim Curry is such a whore...

    by tucson

    ...and I mean it in the nicest way (if you haven't seen "Pirates of the Plains," you haven't lived).

  • June 17, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST


    by Reverendz

    But don't you get it? Garfield is supposed to be dark, with major character deaths and sunglasses and leather. :D

  • June 17, 2006, 2:11 p.m. CST

    re: Panterarocks

    by mattw

    I kind of disagree about the "putting Roeper in that position" thing. I feel that if Roeper does a bad review, he should be able to be man enough to say it to the actors'/directors' faces if the situation comes up. I think he wussed out and should have said, "Sorry, I didn't like the film, Jay". It would be lame to write a bad review, then tell Hewitt he loved the movie just because she's sitting next to him.

  • June 17, 2006, 3:13 p.m. CST

    This is a movie made for kids.......

    by godhatesyou

    A review shouldn't even be on this site. Its very sad.

  • June 17, 2006, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Bill Murray::Garfield--pseudo Six Degrees of Separation

    by George Newman

    Bill played Venkman in Ghostbusters. The voice of cartoon Venkman in The Real Ghostbusters show was also the voice of Garfield in Garfield and Friends. And now Bill Murray has done the voice of Garfield. I find that connection fun.

  • June 17, 2006, 8:41 p.m. CST


    by thebearovingian

    Who the hell is this Capone guy? And why does he hate talking, lasagna loving, CG cats? To be sure, THIS IS THE MOVIE OF SUMMER 2006! I thought you knew. Laus Deo

  • June 17, 2006, 8:41 p.m. CST

    This movie might do with some KILLER MONKEYS

    by chickychow

    Who thefuck doesn't want a horde of killer monkeys descending upon that fat fuck as he stuffs his maw with blue cheese, only to replace the diary with poo-poo, forcing it into his gullet and hootin and hollaring while slicing the pussy's guts open, all the while pissin about whatever room they're in. I dunno, maybe a 4 star restaurant.

  • June 17, 2006, 9:01 p.m. CST

    george newman, what you didn't know...

    by jig98

    was that bill murray's favorite day was a MONDAY and lorenzo music was born and died on a MONDAY. how ironic garfield hating mondays when the 2 people linked to the charector had that share of it. and yeah, i kinda expected roeper hating the 2nd movie and not saying it to j-love's face on leno, and also the 2nd film sucking ass with everyone after how good the 1st film did.

  • June 17, 2006, 10:17 p.m. CST

    don't know what the problem is...

    by Silverhour

    I enjoyed it. Yeah, it wasn't epic, and no one died, so you guys probably won't be interested, but it had many parts that made me laugh. Yeah, the human actors kind of made the movie drag, but anytime the animals were central it was quite entertaining. There was a lot more "Garfield" in it, and by that I mean things that would have appeared in the comic strips, like laying on top of a tower of serving trays. One thing that bugged me was that TIm Currey's name didn't even appear in the credits. Sorry, but he's not too good to attach his name to this movie. Oh, and to whoever said Hewitt's dress didn't show any cleavage on Leno... sorry but she could go topless and not show any. She's got to be one of the plainest looking women working in Hollywood.

  • June 18, 2006, 1:32 a.m. CST

    it is kinda strange

    by darth mortis

    that a bunch of grown men are bothering to talk about this movie. why bother? this is a kid's movie. not all kid's movies have to appeal to adults. my wife and i took our son and his friend to see it, and while i agree that it wasn't entertaining to me, every kid in the theatre loved it. maybe that is the point of the movie. entertaining children, and not gratifying a bunch of self important internet nerds who think napoleon dynamite was something other than the steaming pile of used monkey tampons that it was. why not let the kids have some movies that they like, and if you are a parent, suck it up and do it for them? i wouldn't have seen this one if it wasn't for my son...i wish i hadn't seen it, but i loved seeing him enjoy himself, and that makes up for the 74 minutes of suffering.

  • June 18, 2006, 2:40 a.m. CST

    I love Bill Murray.

    by CitizenGrape

    I hate Garfield.

  • June 18, 2006, 7:21 a.m. CST

    by BlueJayWay

    It's funny that Lorenzo Music did the voice of Bill Murrys Ghostbusters character in the cartoon and now Bill Murray has taken over Lorenzo Music in the Garfield movie. Shame the movies aren't in the same league as the animated Garfield TV movies.

  • June 18, 2006, 7:23 a.m. CST

    I've always thought the perfect 'Jon' would be

    by half vader

    Judge Reinhold. I know he doesn't sell tickets so that wouldn't happen but I always thought it was creepy how right he'd be for that. Actually I always thought he was creepy period. As for this film, not only do they do the Prince and the Pauper, but also the clich

  • June 18, 2006, 8:43 a.m. CST

    half vader, have you seen both santa clauses?

    by jig98

    come on, the perfect jon would be hands down will ferrell.

  • June 18, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST


    by Gilkuliehe

    WTF?! Oh right, I watched the Japanese version of Seven Samurai yesterday and it was pretty decent.

  • June 18, 2006, 10:42 a.m. CST

    re: Silverhour/Hewitt topless

    by mattw

    She could go topless and not show any cleavage? Are you kidding? She might be plain looking (in your opinion) but she's got huge cans: or or or - We can all agree she's a shitty actress though.

  • June 18, 2006, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Worlds worst, most unfunny comic=Unfunny Movie=

    by uberman

    A movie thats true to its source material. If it were funny, it would not be garfield.

  • June 18, 2006, 6:35 p.m. CST

    "If it were funny, it would not be Garfield"

    by CatVutt

    I say we just end the TalkBack on that note, cuz that about sums it up as well as anything.

  • June 18, 2006, 11:42 p.m. CST

    Catvutt, I refuse

    by chickychow

    Screw you.

  • June 19, 2006, 12:35 a.m. CST

    umm . It's a garfield movie. It's for kids. it's pg.

    by Gay Jesus Christ

    It's supposed to suck.

  • June 19, 2006, 2:37 a.m. CST

    The 2

    by Darth Maui

    I like how people think they are tough because they can talk about how bad this kid's movie sucks. "Look at me: I wear boxers now. I'm too old for diapers. Anybody who wears diapers is stupid. It's like they're not even potty-trained or something." I am so impressed. Yahoo users gave it a B- and the critics gave it a C-. It could certainly do worse. "But us geeks only lend credence to the opinions of Google users."

  • June 19, 2006, 6:27 a.m. CST

    Darth Mortis, you wrote:

    by one9deuce

    "a bunch of self important internet nerds who think Napoleon Dynamite was something other than the steaming pile of used monkey tampons that it was". Why do the most ignorant of filmgoers seem to be the ones that hate Napoleon Dynamite the most? Just the fact that it opens with Napoleon standing still and alone in a static shot with open space all around him, and ends with him playing tether-ball with Deb as the camera zooms out is brilliant. You probably don't even understand why, but it's of the many outstanding filmmaking touches in the movie. And I'm not a self important internet nerd, I'm a self important internet movie geek.

  • June 19, 2006, 8:39 a.m. CST

    Hear! Hear! one9...

    by brycemonkey

    I don't see why people get upset over movies that other people think are 'great' but they don't 'get'. Why not just gang up on movies that EVERYONE agrees suck? Like Garfield! If you ever needed proof Bill Murray *is* crazy...

  • June 19, 2006, 2:35 p.m. CST

    My son asks about seeing this everyday...

    by Capt. Murphy

    Noooooooooooooo! I know it's wrong to drop my 5 year old off at the theater and say, "Have a good one, I'm going to see X3.", but Jeebus I want to...

  • June 20, 2006, 12:07 a.m. CST

    Umm..Just cause its for Kids does not mean you should

    by uberman

    peddle crap like this. Think BABE. Think TOY STORY. What is it with you guys apologizing for people putting out bad material? Its 'ok' cause its for kids??? What, they should eat sugar M&Ms for breakfast cause, hey, its marketed for kids? Dont be a dope.

  • June 20, 2006, 4:13 a.m. CST

    Garfield Begins

    by misnomer

    I honestly think theyve missed a really good opportunity here....if they stuck to the source material and made jon the loser that hes meant to be, I reckon you cou8ld get some seriously funny shit. I remember the strip where jons dating this really fat older chick with round teeth...jon: "a table for two please." garfield "and the lady will have a booth." the whole sketch ended with garfield and bertha fighting over the last bit of steak.. priceless! but alas hollywood misses just how big a franchise liek garfield couldve been...what with the obesity crisis in all....

  • June 20, 2006, 6:35 p.m. CST

    Does this place even do news anymore?

    by Heywood Jablowme

    How about something "new"? A Garfield review, then nothing for 3 days. That's lame.