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JinXy Chaos Goes To The Moobys For CLERKS II!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
Can’t wait. It’s strange... I wasn’t excited when Kevin Smith first announced this film, but the more I’ve seen and the more I’ve heard, the more I am dying to see it, and it really does sound like something special. Damn youse, JinXy Chaos, for having seen this already. At least you took the time to send us this review...
Greetings Harry and Crew,
JinXy Chaos here. Its been awhile since Ive sent something in but I was granted a early peak at Clerks II last week and I thought Id drop a line.
Firstly, this was one of the strangest screenings Ive been to, it was insanely last-minute, few people got the invite, and it was not a press or test screening. No matter how it happened Im glad it did.
I know many people including myself wondered if Kevin had lost his nerve after Jersey Girl and just wanted to play in a pond where he knew the water and could avoid jumping any sharks. He seemed to be pretty happy about the production and the direction of the film based on interviews or items on his various websites and I cant knock the guy for returning to his roots…hell Ive got how many versions of Star Wars? If George Lucas can rape your childhood then Kevin can play a secret touching game with my early twenties I suppose- he did promise candy if I got in the car- so away I went.
The movie begins on the familiar, yet changed mug of Dante, who I swear could pass for Ricky Gervaiss (The Office- BBC) brother or younger self. If Kevin ever goes for Clerks III, Ricky needs to play Dantes father or older brother.
Moments into the film, The Quickstop is taken away from Dante and Randal and we flash forward to a year later to find that these two havent even moved one step forward in life. They have taken a step to the side instead and accept another mind-numbing gig over at the Moobys.
The basic Clerks formula is still here: Dantes self loathing and desire to make something happen in his life, Randals sharp tongue and love for slacking, the girl trouble, the annoying customers, the Jay, the Silent Bob, the cameos, and most the things that youd expect from a Kevin Smith movie. Gone however are most of the in-jokes and the army of returning guests from the rest of the Jersey Saga. While I feel like it was a good choice to dial it down after the overload that Jay and Silent Strikes Back was, I still missed them.
We get a few new characters, most of which are there to drive a scene or a joke but with a movie like this, it does fly for the most part even if it does just serve as a diving board for some geek diatribe of Star Wars VS Lord of the Rings at times. I admit Im still on the fence as far as one of the new main characters in the Jersey Verse: Elias. Hes a tad more on the annoying side than the quirky/funny side with his innocence and love of all things Transformers, Lord of the Rings, and all things Jebus. He seems like a character without a past or reason to exist outside of being a lightening rod for Randals wicked mouth. He does make a good target for Randal to verbally batter though, so its at least amusing.
The best new addition to the Jersey Verse is Becky played by the perfectly cast Rosario Dawson. Shes the girl most guys would club baby seals to get with. Shes fun, shes hot, shes uncomplicated, so quirky cool that she wouldnt even avert her eyes if she caught you watching a donkey show straight outta TJ. She fits right in with the boys and holds her own.
We also get a full dose of Emma, a new character, but not new cast member, played by Kevins wife Jennifer. Shes meant to be hated in this movie or sort of hated, but you never get enough of her to hate nor pity and I think thats probably the biggest missed opportunity in the cast. We know shes rich, we know shes engaged to Dante, we know she has a big clit, we know she hates Randal, and shes got Dante by the short hairs, but thats about it.
The Affleck'd One does pop up in this film but its for 90 seconds, and doesnt amount to anything more then just a wink. Jason Lee shows up and at first I thought he was playing Earl from his TV show, but hes got a new creepy character who turns out to be the only person in the world who can bust Randals verbal kung fu. Its like watching Bruce Lee get his ass handed to him. Its not pretty, no matter how much you like those Chuck Norris jokes.
The beginning of the film gives us a promise of a new and improved Jay and Silent Bob, but aside from the opening bits from them they are the same characters as always. But thats not really here or there, its just like adding what every movie needs: MORE COWBELL! But there is a moment from Jay that I think will live on, burned into people minds like a train wreck, and while I cannot...nay, will not spoil this for anyone, it I will tell you its classic and pays off huge. My partner in crime (lets call her Powder) nearly had a medical emergency over this scene and couldnt breathe for a few moments, I had thought FINALLY! I get to practice those CPR classes But thats a different story.
Flashbacks and flash forwards aside, the movie follows the same idea of a single work day in the life of Dante Hicks, instead of Im not suppose to be here today its Its my last day here. (Doesnt say it much though thankfully) Hes leaving for Florida and jumping ship from Jersey for good with Emma. Randal struggles with the idea of being left behind and it shows more and more as the film goes on and Randal becomes even more distraught and cruel, for a guy of few silences, he just doesnt know how to communicate his feelings at all.
As always, Dantes life plans are set adrift when it gets complicated by real life and situations he just cannot control or understand. So, when everything builds to a head and he doesnt find himself at the conclusion most people would, he stalls, and meanders through it until the choice is so painfully obvious even Jay could see it.
If you identified with the movie 10 years ago chances are its still going to ring true for most people (us slacker types, who like to bitch..talkbackers Im looking at you) and its a lot of fun. Though I admit I left the theater feeling like I had a strange warped sense of Déjà vu- like I wasnt sure what to think at first, it was Clerks, but at the same time it was in color and had some parts of Jersey Girl thrown in or contaminated (depending on your point of view), all in all, the movie is pretty damn funny and the plot has more going on then the first Clerks, in that it goes outside the short time frame and gives a sense of whats gone on between the films and what could happen after, instead of just keeping the status quo of the first film. It feels more complete as a film than Clerks did and its a good thing.
Personally, I hope Kevin follows Jay and Silent Bob on some silly adventure, where Jay becomes an Astronaut and finds a new alien life form, and nails it.
Hope you can use this,
JinXy Chaos
Nice work, man.
"Moriarty" out.
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+ Expand All
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Anyone?
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Ok folks, rule of the day - above this line we have serious film critique. Below this line we have whiny doodlers talking about a) how Kevin Smith isn't as good as he used to be b) how Kevin Smith never was any good c) How thinking about Rosario Dawson makes their little winkies feel funny. That should keep everyone happy.
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You think Kevin will show up?
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But I
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Which movie makes YOU cry like a little bitch? Huh?
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I tip my hat.
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Apostrophies are good. Use 'em.
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Snoogans.
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Wait, that's not right. Shmoochy Cootchy. No, that can't be it either. Fuck it, he gets given a good, decent Anglo-Saxon name like Smith and he flushes it down the drain by writing in baby-speak. Why can't you speak English like us at AICN? I know why- because you cheeted on your wife because there's a bomb in your ribcage, brother! Lolzers. Fuck Smith up his stupid ass. Clerks II will rock. I hurt sometimes. Mommy, it's nearly 8 O'Clock, where did you put my morphine?
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Can't wait. Nice review, thanks.
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that there is no one making movies who has less talent than Kevin Smith. They are amateurish, over-written, poorly-acted pieces of sophomoric self-indulgence. Poorly framed, poorly edited, just awful, awful shit. I kind of enjoyed his "Daredevil" comic book, though.
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Who am I misunderstanding? Rage or Mulberry?
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Give these retards some shit just for kicks.
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This movie is not fresh!
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Not going anywhere near the theatre. A DVD. Nor cable when this piece of shit is released. perhaps Kevin Smith could do everyone a fever and just take all the money he's made and resign himself to being the biggest fucking fanboy on the planet. That or marry George Lucas.
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Randal and...whoever the hell Jason Lee plays going head to head? I'm not gonna know who to root for. Anyways, I'm pretty much just nervous about this movie. It seems like it'd be pretty hard to screw up though, and no matter what I'm gonna see it.
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of Goodburger, just with swearing.
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but lately, I think I burned myself out on them. Either way, I am excited to see what he does here. I'm hoping for the best, but trying to keep my expectations low. I still think Jeff Anderson can deliver Kevin Smith's dialogue better than anyone other than Alan Rickman!
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Fuck the haters.
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I've never seen what the appeal of Kevin Smith is. His writing is beyond pretentious and all his characters are ones I would love to kick in the face.
He writes them to be more intelligent than they really are and it just doesn't work for me.
If I check this one out on cable, it will be solely for Rosario Dawson and nothing more. -
No doubt.
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when are we going to see the remake of the first one? Surely, some suit has tossed that out at a meeting. And don't call me Shirley.
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Can't wait to see Smith do his thing once again.
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Green & leafy
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...Aiming low and hitting? Which it seems like Smith might have done here. I'd rather see a noble failure than a lame retreat to the "safety" of Clerks.
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You know what amazes me, you talkback dorks? It
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the splif and sit your ass down. "secret touching game with my early twenties" - nice.
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I'm in my 30's and my life hasn't moved forward either. Maybe this movie will help me find direction in life?
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Yeah, because all of the fast food clerks I've met are hot ass, big breasted women. Anyway, I hope it's good.
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Rosario Dawson is perfect and her casting is perfect since she's a hot, talented actress who's just as gifted with light comedy as she is with serious roles. Besides, real life (not the movies or TV ) is filled with amazingly beautiful women where you least expect to find them. Turn off your computer and go outside, I Dunno. You might learn about real beauty and real women.
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it recieved an eight minute standing ovation at (nice)Cannes...wait for it...CAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!
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"Pillow pants."
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or so I heard. I am glad Jason Mewes finally kicked his awful decade long drug habit, but if his character isn't a stoner anymore, it will definately hurt the movie. Still excited to see this one though.
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YOU are the ones who are the ball-lickers! (Rosario, I'm talking to you...)
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but any vulgar Smith film is better than no vulgar Smith film. Brodie forever!
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"I wasn
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a Mallrats sequel is damn fine idea. I'd love to see Smith spin a homage to Chopping Mall and George Romero into his Mallrats world. You know people would pay good money to see Shannon Doherty eaten by zombies. ;)
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Sorry, I used up even my c grade material months ago...
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that spend all of their time screaming that AICNers waste their entire lives saying everything sucks. Somehow spending your entire life sucking Smith's dick is better?
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Borat Movie Trailer!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOTpfkfS-2k -
the funniest film ever made
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Why does that graphic at the top left hand play out like Baron Vladimir Harkonnen having a Trailer Trash wet dream? Just wondering....
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...to see Shannon Doherty eat Rosario Dawson...
Whoa! Had a 'movie in my head' moment there. Oddly, this review makes me want to actually break down and see Clerks. -
I'll see this.
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Jays foul-mouthed rants are art! Expletive deleted, explative deleted! Trouser snake! Whats a trouser snake? Priceless!
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...his dialogues are much cooler and funnier than every word Tarantino has ever written. (Although Tarantino has the better directing skills...although he is just copying his favourite directors.)Snoogans
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maybe it is because I grew up outside of Jersey in a Black surburb or maybe his movies suck but I just don't get it. I even didn't watch Dogma all the way through and my boy was in it- a good friend of mine got to see Salma's goodness in the strip club scene.
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Not sure why I said that... Anyway's I'll watch it as I think KS is great. If you don't agree well, that's just like, your opinion man...
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I hope so, I love reading him bitch slap all the tools who turn up just to bash him. If people don't like his work then why even click the link.
Anyone know the uk release date ? -
. . . if Smith wrote the StarWars vs LOTR debate the easy way, using the Original Trilogy, or actually took the challenge of arguing that the shit-prequels are superior to LOTR? My guess is he has this new character bashing the ORIGINAL trilogy, something no talk-backer ever did. And then we get to here a bunch of douche-bag Smith junkies yelling "Yeah, take that AICN talk-backers!" And hey Kevin, step up to the mike, talk the talk, & do a damn comic book film; a real one too, not some 30's era, radio crap like The Green Hornet. It might be a little more rewarding than slamming every other director's vision. On that note, I'll be seeing Clerks II opening night with bells on bitches.
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I rented Clerks on VHS, watched it once, and thought it was pretty funny. I also rented Chasing Amy and thought it was pretty good. Haven't seen the rest. I'll likely put Clerks II in the old Netflix queue someday. This has been an honest yet tedious post from a Kevin Smith moderate.
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It will make a lot of money, and since it didn't cost all that much, it will erase the Jersey Girl memory from studio minds. This was KSmith's "Get Out Of Jail Free" Card. He will use it to get his confidence back, then go make another expensive and retarded movie like the laughably bad "Dogma."
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You went to the "everyone on this site is a 35 year old virgin who lives with his parents" well. Well as a matter of fact, I do quite well with hot girls and I haven't seen any of them working at a fast food joint at 30. I'm still seeing the film but it's just an observation.
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Now that he's dropped the "Passion of the Clerks" subtitle and people have stopped acting like Welles decided to do a "Kane" sequel. This could be decent. It's kind of sad though that he hasn't been able to break out of this universe and make something just as good.
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ClerksII will make a lot of money??? No Kevin Smith movie makes money! They don't cost anything but they don't make anything. That is what is so perplexing about him still working. Critics hate him and his movies always tank. All he has going for him is his tiny cult that seem to make a lot of noise and convince people that he is more popular than he actually is. More Star Wars references and fart jokes coming up. Genius!!
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Well, not Jersey Girl, but Clerks cost $4000 of Smith's own money, that's thousands, not millions. His other films cost an average of $10 mill, J&SB might have been a bit more. Counting video/DVD sales and merchandise, almost any movie with any kind of decent distribution and marketing can make a small profit on that kind of budget. Besides, Hollywood is quite forgiving. The Island cost about $200 mill with marketing and made $35 mill domestically and Michael Bay is still working.
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Sorry, someone had to say it!
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"You may be big .... but I'm small!"
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Kevin Smith is a one trick pony. Don't get me wrong, I like him. I think that he is probably a great guy and it is great that he has been able to make a good living off of one recycled idea. But enough already.
You will not go see this movie, and neither will I. -
I'm there. Actually, sounds good - thx for the review.
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can we all just step back a moment and enjoy Rosario's hotness?
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Clerks 2 was great. I almost cried towards the end.
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like Uwe Boll. Forget the fact that Smith would get his ass waxed by Avril Lavigne. C'mon, Smith, you fat fuck, come at me!
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and whored everything out 40 different ways. People don't talk shit about him because he has something Smith lacks, intergrity. That and he isn't so carried away with himself that he made "an evening with Linklater" dvds.
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...I think that Keven Smith's time has passed. We've all moved on but he really hasn't been too successful in that department. I think that he really needs to figure out what he wants to do with his life (his film career is now into the repetition and/or self-parody mode). I have no interest in this film based on his track record (some good films, some merely okay...but a lot of retreading of the same idea). I'm glad he's been successful, but I feel sorry for the guy because he is clearly lost.
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Some of you losers just like slamming movies, their stars/directors and anyone that does profess hope for a movie they may have been looking forward to! Take a fuckin brake from your obviously very important lives and fuckin hang yourselves ya bunch of downright nasty fucks!
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