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Evil Henchman goes to Cannes and blows CLERKS 2...

Hey folks, Harry here... I need to see this now.

Hey Harry Evil Henchman here with my second and last report from Cannes this time with a review of Clerks II the worldpremiere!!

Let me start off by saying that I love Kevin Smith!! together with Robert Rodriguez he is one of my idols. I think Dogma is one of the best movies ever made and I love all his work (ok jersey girl I don't love but I think it's an ok movie) so when queing for this and getting in I was really excited.. It was a midnight screening and Kevin Smith along with his wife,Scott Mosier,Rosario Dawson,Brian O Halloran and Jeff anderson presented the flick.I also saw Harvey Weinstein in the crowd after the screening. Kevin had only half a tuxedo on and looked hilarious.. He had the usual shorts and van shoes with no socks too a shirt,bow tie and jacket.. He said a few words about how he loved the cast and that clerks played here 13 years ago then the movie rolled...

So to the movie itself with minor spoilers... I think it rocked!! A worthy addition to the view askew movies... The basic story is that at the beginning the quick stop burns to the ground (randall says to Dante -Terrorists? when he sees it) the movie then takes place a year later with our clerks working at moobys with Becky (Rosario Dawson) and Elias (Trevor Fehrman). Dante has meet a girl (played by Kevins wife) that he's going to move to florida with the next day and start his new and better life with so it's his last day at moobys and with Randall. Problem is that Dante has feelings for the Rosario Dawson character and just as the first movie he is torn between two ladies and what he really wants. Just like the first clerks the movie spans over one day except for the first and last two minutes of the movie

Clerks II has everything the fans want. Jeff Anderson is awsome as Randall whether he's being mean too people on the internet, having a geek discussion with Trevor Fehrman about star wars versus the lord of the rings (As Randall puts hit -All they did in LOTR was walk, even the fucking trees walked in those movies!!) or talking about that teenagers even like it when they go ass to mouth. Jeff Anderson has the best laughs in the movie but newcomer Fehram is hilarious as transformers and Lotr geek Elias and a great addition to the movie. Rosario Dawson plays the cute boss of Moobys perfectly and Brian is the yang to Randalls ying. Then we have the new and improved jay and Silent bob who have found christ. I'm not gonna say more but Jay Mewes kicks fucking ass in this movie and watching him dance to the boom box kicks ass..

the movie also has a muscal number which I loved and an ending which I think is perfect.. The movie is much more sentimental then the first Clerks.. there are some really zappy moments in the end with messages about how important frienship is and Randall really shows his love for Dante but for me it works. Some might think it's tacky but I think it's pretty cute and you really feel how much Kevin loves these characters. The sequel compared to the first one feels more like a movie. It has more events and you feel Dante and Randall evolving in it. This is not to say the movie is perfect. It's funny but no funnier then the first one and a few jokes fell flat here and there and you also feel that the story and build up is pretty similiar to the first one only fleshed out a bit more. the third act is very similiar with the first one with Dante choosing between two women and randall saying things he shouldn't out loud and them fighting and discussing their friendship and their history together.

Despite thiese quibbles I think it's great movie and I rate it 4 out of 5. Of Kevins movies I think dogma is the best followed by clerks,mallrats and then this

when the movie was over the crowd applauded Kevin during the entire credits while he was kissing his wife and smiling. I walked up to him in the lobby and said it was a great movie and that he should keep up the good work.. he said thanks and that he would of course.. Overall it was a great experience and a dream come true for me to see the world premiere of Clerks II and seeing Kevin there.. Todays the end of the festival and although I haven't seen any of the movies in the official competition I don't think any of them is as funny as Clerks II... Goodbye fellow geeks

Readers Talkback
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  • May 28, 2006, 5:45 a.m. CST

    Hey... yeah... I like the sound of this

    by moviemaniac-7

    I'll be there to check this one out. Fan of Smith for a long time and I hold Mallrats as one of my favourite guilty pleasures. The video diaries of this sucker were brilliant!

  • May 28, 2006, 5:50 a.m. CST


    by ElsieZiiippp

    Is this man utterly illiterate? That is (grammatically and literately speaking) possibly the worst review I have ever read on this hack site, and that

  • May 28, 2006, 5:51 a.m. CST


    by Ridge

    I adore Dogma, don't like JSBSB much except for the odd joke in it, but this sounds like it's going to be a great little film!!! Can't wait!!!

  • May 28, 2006, 5:57 a.m. CST

    Quick quick, let's post early

    by seppukudkurosawa

    So we can get on Kevin VS The Talkbackers Part IV! Personally, I'm inclined to leave The Kevster (and nicknames like Kevster) back in 1994. Those flicks still hold up I guess, but the world's changed. Now Norah Jones (or even KT Turnstall) would have to play God, rather than Alanis Morrisette. And who smokes bud anymore? Angel Dust is where it's at in 2006. And come on Kevster, we're living in The Year of Singer's Superman, release a new version of Chasing Amy where we actually get to see the threesome between Bennifer, Joey Lauren Adams and Jason Lee. The world's changed Kevster, we no longer laugh at the mere mention of the word "cumdumster"...OK, I admit it, I giggled there, so that still works. But apart from the word cumdumster, get with tha crazy happeninz of '06 dude.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:04 a.m. CST

    same funny?

    by stvnhthr

    Clerks is still funny, but sort of in a juvenile way, has this one matured with the audience? Does it bring the man funny?

  • May 28, 2006, 6:07 a.m. CST

    Did you know....

    by JAGUART

    Kevin Smith Fans have dozens, if not hundreds, of different expressions for the word "fellatio", vastly more than the Eskimos have for the word "snow"? Did you know that nearly all of them make an appearance in a Kevin Smith Talkback?

  • May 28, 2006, 6:07 a.m. CST

    But does it violate canon?!?

    by chrth

    Why the hell didn't Smith film the original Clerks Comic Book? Huh? Tell me that! Since he didn't this will obviously suck and Fuck Ratner.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:14 a.m. CST


    by Koola_Norway

    The reviewer is Swedish.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:16 a.m. CST

    8 minutes standing ovation

    by Koola_Norway

    So, they say the film got an 8 minutes standing ovation, and the reviews have all been remarkably positive. Can't wait for the next video diary, with footage from that screening...

  • May 28, 2006, 6:24 a.m. CST

    So this guy thinks Clerks, M'Rats, Dogma and now this..

    by The Wrong Guy

    ...are better than Chasing Amy? I really, really don't think so.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:26 a.m. CST

    There's a lot of Smith fans that didn't like CA

    by chrth

    Don't see why that's not allowed.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:28 a.m. CST

    Looking forward to this.

    by Teamwak

    I am unashamedly pro Kevin. Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back are two of my favourite comedies. I think Kev & Jay have raised swearing to an art form. Hope this is as foul-mouthed and funny as the first two.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:47 a.m. CST

    No, Dogma is one of the worst movies ever made

    by Zino

    Just thought I'd correct that typo you made in your review.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:59 a.m. CST

    "I think dogma is best" hehheh

    by napalm68

    Wow, the review just lost credibility after the reviewer stated "I think dogma is best".

  • May 28, 2006, 7 a.m. CST

    Evil Henchman is too young

    by CuervoJones

  • May 28, 2006, 7:05 a.m. CST

    First I have to say that I love KS movies...

    by Drworm2002

    I did think that a Clerks II might be a bad idea, but I said "Bring it on". I saw the trailer and some of it looked ok. I don't think he fell off, I think her has a way with words. I will see this, and even if it's just ok I will by teh DVD. But Kevin, Please, I want you to show how great of a movie maker you are, Your next movie should be somone else's script. I just want to see what you do with with the words from someone elses mouth, and I would love to see a movie written by you Directed by someone else. That would be the shit too. Just so you know Kevin I got much love for you.

  • May 28, 2006, 7:17 a.m. CST

    Can't wait for this

    by Babyshamble

    Loved Clerks and I'm looking forward to seeing these characters again. No way is Dogma the best KS movie though, Chasing Amy and Clerks are far better. Still enjoy Dogma though, fuck it I even liked Jersey Girl

  • May 28, 2006, 7:26 a.m. CST

    "I think Dogma is one of the best movies ever made"

    by Trazadone

    Credibility lost.

  • May 28, 2006, 7:27 a.m. CST


    by Playhouse

    Was a much better script than the movie Kevin made from it. I wish he'd have waited a while longer and developed more as a filmmaker to tell its story properly. Here's hoping he'll branch outfrom the Askewniverse again after this film. While Jersey Girl wasn't a failure, it was kind of middling and a hair better than mediocre. It looked the best of his films and speaks well for what he could do. I hope he man's up and heads back out into the uncharted waters rather than retreating back into the safe flick again.

  • May 28, 2006, 7:27 a.m. CST

    Chasing Amy is the worst movie ever?

    by Shaz_bot80

    Idiot. You know nothing about bad movies. Go rent Terror Toons and report back. Then you will understand what truly bad movies are. Amd, don't pick on those whose understanding of the English Language isn't so good. I bet your Swedish is top notch.

  • May 28, 2006, 7:30 a.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu, that would be Switzerland, I believe. They make clocks too. But not volvos.

  • May 28, 2006, 7:48 a.m. CST

    improve the mediocre

    by reckni

    or so i hope, been baffled too much from that swine, his senses overblown from true potential, and on that note, i plan on having two more beers before i call it sunday on this lack of newsworthiness, see you in church, F S.B. Heart

  • May 28, 2006, 8:14 a.m. CST


    by blackwood

    "Jumped the shark", eh? That's so fresh. Did you come up with that yourself? Man, I'm gonna have to start using it all the time, so people will think I'm cool too. Bravo to you, sir. You're a pioneer. Do pioneers jump anything? Plows? Corn? The Bodies of Indiginous Peoples Killed by Smallpox Blankies? Please let me know. I'm dying to understand how a mind like yours is able to come up with such precious gems like "jump the shark." Man. World = Rocked. You made a real difference today.

  • May 28, 2006, 8:17 a.m. CST

    Anyone who thinks Dogma is that great...

    by Dr_Zoidberg

    ... can't be trusted to critque cinema at ANY level. But Dogman is funny, but's it's pretty disposable... just like all Smiths films. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy them, I laugh my ass of at Mallrats and Clerks, nad enjoy the others. Infact, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back is well under appreciated, it's silly but also funny as fuck. And Jersey Girl wasn't that bad, sure it was like a TV movie, but it was kinda alright. And with that comment I've just lost all respect from talkbackers. Not that I had any to begin with. ZOIDBERG LOVES YOU BABY!!!!!! And X-Men 3, while kinda sucky compared to X2, isn't that big a disaster, and kinda works on it's own terms. THE DAMAGE CAN BE UNDONE IN THE FOURTH FILM!!!!!!!!!!!

  • May 28, 2006, 8:20 a.m. CST

    The main problem with Dogma

    by chrth

    Smith wrote the Damon part with Jason Lee in mind. When Lee was unable to commit to a main character, he got the lesser part and Smith plugged in Damon. However, he didn't rewrite the part. So essentially we have Matt Damon spending the entire movie trying to act like Jason Lee. I don't blame Matt, though--Kevin should've done a heavy rewrite of the character once he knew Jason Lee couldn't do it.

  • May 28, 2006, 8:23 a.m. CST

    well, no one else did, so i might as well

    by Holodigm

    PLANT!!! no, i don't believe that, i don't think studios import plants...yet. personally i was among the "not a good idea" crowd for clerks ii, and the trailers didn't have me interested. but now that i know the plot, i can't wait. it seems like the perfect way to follow up these characters.

  • May 28, 2006, 8:28 a.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    Can you feel the ownage?

  • May 28, 2006, 8:31 a.m. CST

    so... Dante had a few years to take acting classes....

    by HypeEndsHere

    did he?

  • May 28, 2006, 8:36 a.m. CST

    I am a big Smith fan

    by ChorleyFM

    But you can't really take anything from this review, especially when Clerks isn't his favourite and Chasing Amy isn't 2nd. Buzz is fairly positive though.

  • May 28, 2006, 8:40 a.m. CST

    Go Kev

    by Fernwick_

    I hope this is good, been dying for a good Kevin Smith flick. Dogma didnt do anything for me, I couldnt get over the bad special effects. They just really bugged, me, Selma was awesome however and nearly saved the movie, if she just KEPT dancing....sigh. Hamferno

  • May 28, 2006, 8:53 a.m. CST

    kevins smith is as talented as tarantino

    by tHEmOOG

    take it the way i meant it

  • May 28, 2006, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Review might be a PLANT...

    by Harry Weinstein are you gonna forget to mention an 8 minute standing ovation? The 8 minute standing ovation, on the other hand... definitely real.

  • May 28, 2006, 9:24 a.m. CST


    by jasper Stillwell

    This sounds like a man that has cleary run out of ideas and a simple retread of all the best bits from the first movie. Is the hom-erotic Randall/Dante stuff actualised yet? It should be.

  • May 28, 2006, 9:34 a.m. CST


    by Koola_Norway

    Why you can't find any reviews is beyond me. Some of the ones I've read is in Norwegian, but some are in english. Go look closer.

  • May 28, 2006, 9:34 a.m. CST


    by MaryTylerMorbid

    Will he ever stop?

  • May 28, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Batman Begins was awesome!

    by Billyeveryteen

    Anywho, I laughed my ass of during the first Clerks. Mallrats, not so much. I don't get all the hate for Dogma, but Jersy Girl was poo.

  • May 28, 2006, 9:57 a.m. CST

    (movie)mack the knife

    by DocPazuzu

    You're just so cutting edge. I love your classics such as "generation dumbass" and making fun of really elusive targets like Will Ferrell movies. You're never as funny though as when you display your bottomless poor self-esteem by trying to distance yourself from geekdom in every single post dealing with movies, yet posting the most anally retentive fanboy horseshit known to man in the AICN comic book talkbacks. You're the most blatant phony around. In the movie talkbacks you never post unless you're shitting on something, revealing time and time again how vulnerable you feel about your likes as opposed to your dislikes. If I were a better person I'd feel sorry for you. As it is, I quite enjoy knowing how luridly pathetic your life is and that no matter how many times you look in that bathroom mirror, Batman is never looking back at you.

  • May 28, 2006, 10:20 a.m. CST

    People who idolize Kevin Smith

    by The Funketeer

    People who idolize Kevin Smith should not be allowed to review his movies. I'm a fan. I own all his movies on DVD with the exception of Jersey Girl which I did enjoy but feel no need to own. I've got his lecture DVD and I've had him sign a poster and a couple of comics for me at the comicon in Chicago. But I don't stalk the man and I am well aware of his limitations. There are people out there who just drive me nuts with their worship of him though. They laugh uproriously at every word that comes out of his mouth. Yeah, he's a funny guy but his jokes bomb every now and then. They bring their 8 year old kids to see him speak at the con and show them all his movies. They show up at the con at 10:00 and get in line right away for a panel that starts at 3:00. Anyway, I'm ranting. I'm looking forward to the movie but as soon as that guy said he idolized Rodriguez and Smith (ever heard of Scorcese or Kubrick), I stopped reading because I know his opinion will be far less than objective.

  • May 28, 2006, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Dogma - one of my worst ten EVER

    by workshed

    Evil Henchman... Your taste is, officially, in your arsehole. I wish someone would terrorise the AICN offices McVey-style. This site is getting worse by the week (and before anyone starts I've been posting here over five years now and it's about time we started taking cinema seriously). Comic book movies are DEAD DEAD DEAD. Ol' Supes will be the final nail in the coffin I'm pretty sure. How is the next John Ford/Huston/Peckinpah/Sturges ever going to emerge as 'the mainstream' if all we ever do is let jerks dictate to us what is 'COOL'..? Where are the reports as to what Amaldovar or Kaoristami are up to..? Ten years ago I would never have expected that the directors of Clerks/Reservoir Dogs/Heavenly Creatures/Usual Suspects/Pi would be tied to such shitty projects as their last undertakings. The only one I have any faith in is QT who is one extremely smart cookie. It's time to put away childish things and usher in a new period of intellectual thought in cinema (Syriana was close but no cigar thanks to the inclusion of Matt Damon). In fact I look forward to seeing what Mamet brings to the table next. In fifty years I think he'll be one of the few whose scripts/movies stand the test of time. After all he did invent the syntax of the last thirty years when 'American Buffalo' opened in Chicago. 'Edmund' is one of his greatest plays and let's hope that it translates well to the 21st century cesspool. It's one hell of a ride and one that I can't wait to take. Now, if you had said 'Things Change' and not 'Dogma' I wouldn't be going off on one. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!! SHOOT MY BIG MOUTH OFF AGAIN!!! sorry lol

  • May 28, 2006, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Re; Workshed

    by shutterghost

    There seems little point in attacking someone's taste just because you don't agree with it, but i guess you are used to it if you've been visiting this site for 5 years. The director of Usual Supects is bringing us a Superman movie with Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor! That last trailer tells me he's definitly done something right here. Peter jackson's next project is Lovely Bones, an amazing and disturbing look at maturity and tragedy. I think it's an amazing follow-up to a movie like Kong. And Aronofsky?!?! Fountain? It looks and sounds fucking great. Smith has gone back to his roots or atleast attempting to and that is admirable. All of these directors are sticking to what works. Jackson knows he can deliver with the tone because of Creatures. Singer knows Superheroes and Arnofsky knows mind-fucking better than any American director around. This site covered Bad Education and Talk to Her. They have an obvious love for all ends of the spectrum. That's how I see it

  • May 28, 2006, 11:09 a.m. CST

    12 year olds go to cannes?

    by BitterMan23


  • May 28, 2006, 11:12 a.m. CST

    So it's unwise to be a KS fan here in TB land?

    by Immortal_Fish

    The man knows and admits his limits and manages to output decent stuff within said limits. Where's the shame in that?

  • May 28, 2006, 11:31 a.m. CST

    saw it

    by slone13

    Clerks 2 gave me some of the hardest laughs I've had at a movie in a while. Just sayin'.

  • May 28, 2006, 11:37 a.m. CST

    I see "Office Space" as the sequel to Clerks.

    by durhay

    And "Napolean Dynamite" is the next gen's Clerks.

  • May 28, 2006, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Nice review...KEVIN!

    by Doom II

    Planty plant planter! Just kidding. I heard it got a great reception/response at Cannes. Looking forward to it.

  • May 28, 2006, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Liking his movies is OK

    by BitterMan23

    using multiple exclamation points is not, unless this is an american idol forum.

  • May 28, 2006, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Napolean Dynamite is the next generation...

    by andrew coleman

    NO! No. Napolean Dynamite might have been for a week or two. Since it became so popular people have realized how fucking stupid it was, so no.

  • May 28, 2006, 12:56 p.m. CST

    What's the point?

    by Mirrorball Man

    The so-called View Askew "universe" has great-gazood a long long time ago (see, I didn't say "jumped the shark"! How clever of me!)

  • May 28, 2006, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Shutterghost... I have news for you

    by workshed

    Hollywood films are rubbish. Last great film was 'Squid and The Whale' and that had 'New York' written through it like a stick of rock. He's an example of current American reviewers tastes - 'Dead Man's Shoes', co-incidentally my favourite film of the last ten years, was panned by critics mainly because they 'couldn't understand the dialect. WTF..? Excuse me 'English' is called 'English' because it was invented by the English. It wasn't dumbed down a la 'Full Monty' or 'Crying Game' so they don't 'get it'. As a result a movie that was made for less than $1million but was greater than ANYTHING to come out of America in a decade is shunted to one-off screenings in Independant Arthouse cinemas. As for your belief in the Supes trailer - good luck to you; i hope things work out for the best - looks pretty shite to me and a far greater 'raping of my youth' than SW:Episode One ever was. 'The Lovely Bones - well, we all know that's Fran's and not Peter's choice but it's the more interesting of the films you mention. Aranofsky, meanwhile, is the perfect example of a studio giving a person too much money too early in his career and him not knowing what to do with it (he'll NEVER top PI). 'Clerks', like 'Pi', has always been a millstone around Smith's neck that means that he has to 'please the fanboys'. To me, making Clerks2 is NOT BRAVE FILMMAKING and the guy has spent too much time being laughed at rather than with to ever be taken seriously again (and he can come round to my house with Jay and punch me for writing that if he wants to). As for Kong - just don't get me started again on that piece of SHIT. I want something that rocks me like Blue Velvet and Evil Dead II did 20 years ago before CGI gave everyone an excuse to get lazy. It's nice to see that, despite all the flack she took for Godfather III, Sophia Coppola remains one of the most interesting filmmaker currently on the go and reports from Cannes seem to suggest that she has higher ambitions than turning dead-duck comic books into lame-duck movies. You might have thought that CGI/comic book translations would have ended with Howard The Duck but how wrong we all were - to the long-term detriment of Cinema.

  • May 28, 2006, 1:57 p.m. CST sounds terrible.

    by conofloww

    Seriously, more Star Wars jokes and porn references? Christ, his movies are annoying. I can't believe people still like this crap. I can't believe it when people tell me with a straight face they liked Dogma. I just don't believe you.

  • May 28, 2006, 2 p.m. CST

    "Dogma is one of the best movies ever made..."

    by Sir Loin

    I stopped right there, reviewer's credibility destroyed.

  • May 28, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    sure, why the fuck not?

    by OBSD

    I got nothing else going on July 21. I'm so tired of nitpicking Kevin Smith. Some of his shit bugs me (movies with a "message", comics that are 4 years late, etc, etc), but there's nothing written down saying I have to love EVERYTHING a cat does in order to be entertained by him. As long as he sticks to being a funny motherfucker and doesn't try and preach to me, I'll dig it.

  • May 28, 2006, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Kevin Smith is my God.

    by viranth

    Either you like him or you are against him. And whoever doesn't like him is a terrorist, flame that you dirty AICN whiners!

  • May 28, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    dude, im a teenager...and it is true...

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    the girls do even like it ass to mouth.

  • May 28, 2006, 2:14 p.m. CST

    as for CHASING AMY...

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    it was great until the ending. well, actually the ending was good. but i mean the solution--the threesome!??!?! what? it's just too stupid an idea to believe.

  • May 28, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Just back from Cannes, was in the Debussy on Friday...

    by pirandello

    ...and had pretty neutral expectations. I haven't seen Clerks, Mallrats or Jersey Girl. I liked Chasing Amy. I caught up with Dogma and J&SB:SB on TV - they were OK. >>>> Short review: Clerks II is definitely in my top two KS films. >>>> A little more detail: The film seemed mainly to be a load of banter between a couple of life-long friends, but with me realising it, Mr. Smith smuggles in a plot about friendship and commitment which is about as gay a straight film can be. This is good news. As well as making you all laugh out loud, you'll also be thinking "aaah... how sweet" too! >>>> The film works perfectly well for anyone who hasn't seen (or heard of) the first film. It's a pity the name refers to the fact that it is a sequel, as people my think they need to check out the first one before seeing this. Pity it couldn't be called 'Clerk' in reverse homage to Alien(s), or 'Clerks Clerks' (sounding like some manic parrot...?) >>>> Any questions? Talk back! Alex from Zone 2, London

  • May 28, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST


    by topaz4206

    My wife died in a convenience store fire. Don't talk to me... I'm feeling zappy.

  • May 28, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST

    Anyone who thinks DOGMA is a bad movie

    by Razorback

    Has no credibility.

  • May 28, 2006, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Dogma needed more $. It could have been epic.

    by Tall_Boy

    No, really. There's a crazy action/comedy / religious movie in there somewhere, but its hamstrung by the lack of greenbacks. I like how when the voice of God guy is explaining how Bartleby and Loki got kicked out of heaven, the plan was to actually show it. And I think the Angles Go Batshit ending & Rubber Poop monster could have been crazy insane with more money. I still think it looks alright, and I think its very original and amusing to boot, but there's something about doing a movie that involves some old timey Wrath of God angels vs demons stuff that just cries out for throwing money at it.

  • May 28, 2006, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Dogma needed a better director.

    by Flim Springfield

    Smith is a good writer, but he really needs to let other people direct for him, he's terrible!

  • May 28, 2006, 3:15 p.m. CST

    workshed, why are you here?

    by I Dunno

    This site is for the very movies you hate. You'd be better off at

  • May 28, 2006, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Reviews aren't made up...

    by Smalltown

    Fox's film reviewer seems to have loved it... this scooper here seems to have loved it... the British film magazine Empire seems to have loved it... And there are a lot of French language reviews floating around that seem very positive but you know how internet translations go, you can't 100% tell. I think it being a holiday weekend in the States, the American press won't full-on kick in until the workweek.

  • May 28, 2006, 4:22 p.m. CST

    They got an 8 minute standing ovation.

    by Winterchili

    I don't care who you are, that's fucking nuts.

  • May 28, 2006, 4:59 p.m. CST

    "or talking about that teenagers even like it when they

    by rev_skarekroe

    go ass to mouth". Me fail English? That's unpossible!

  • May 28, 2006, 5:36 p.m. CST

    32 and you're flippin burgers?

    by Doc_Strange

    Every time I hear that line I bust up laughing. It's even funnier when I see actual people like that at the hamburger joints. Truthfully it's kind of sad but I can't help laughing. I guess that makes me an asshole.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:06 p.m. CST

    He loves it, but he rates it behind Mallrats?

    by fonebone

    That pretty much sez it all.

  • May 28, 2006, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Dogma was shit...

    by Angry Mean Panda

    And I love the people who praise it for pissing off the religious right, yet the primary conceit of the movie is that yes, God exists.

  • May 28, 2006, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Theey Woant Now Im A Plannt If I Randomely Mispel Shit

    by heywood jablomie

    Clearly written by a horsewhipped intern at Weinsteincorp.

  • May 28, 2006, 7:36 p.m. CST

    Here's my main beef with Dogma:

    by Zeke25:17

    Alanis Morrisette as God. I'm sorry, that's just wrong. If it had been Pam Grier, that woulda kicked ass (I rather like the idea of a female supreme being). There were a few things in the movie that worked, but I'd say it was about 80% just explaining things to Linda F's poor Bethany character; and didja notice how she spends most of the movie looking either really tired or really perplexed? Alan Rickman, Salma Hayek and Jason Lee rocked (Chris Rock wasn't bad either). Everyone else was BLECH. Chasing Amy was terrific, Jersey Girl was good (no matter what anyone says), Clerks and J&SBSB were hilarious, and Mallrats wasn't as bad as people thought. Clerks 2 will be great, if for no other reason than we get the scrumdidlyumtious Rosario Dawson (in glasses, yet! Sexy!) in the cast; and lemme tellya, if I'd had a fast food manager like that, I'd be flippin burgers at 32 as well.

  • May 28, 2006, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Dogma was a great movie!

    by spikebad666

    I just don't get some of you, but dogma was one of the best movie's I've ever seen. It was actually the very first movie that got me into Kevin Smith movies and the greatness that is Jay & Silent Bob. And I absolutely must say this, I worship Alanis. She is truly my God. Female Gods kick ass!

  • May 28, 2006, 8:11 p.m. CST

    New Clerks 2 video diary is up

    by Koola_Norway

    All about the 8 minutes ovation, right here:

  • May 28, 2006, 9:07 p.m. CST

    I Dunno... don't know if you read the DVD monthlies...

    by workshed

    ...Moriarty's (and on occasion Harry's) selections can be truly fab and diverse so your arguement falls flat right there. My point is this - we are helping perpetuate the hype surrounding INFERIOR movies - ones devoid of plot, intellect and innovation. Is that what you want..? To be dumb/ed down. Hollywood in the 70's was a wonderful place to be with people like Robert Evans around. Nowadays everything seems to be decided by committee with shareholders in mind and this means that almost EVERY Hollywood movie is dumbed down to the point where like-minded Brits fall about laughing at how you screw your movies up with star-powered uninvolving effects driven rubbish. You are probably too young to remember when American movies were truly great. AND I guarantee that my 10-year old daughter knows a damn sight more than you do when it comes to movies. That's because her daddy has a collection of over 4000 (that's right - four thousand) of the finest films ever made. Ray, Bresson, Dreyer, Bergman, Ford, Godard, Ozu, Welles, Kurosawa, Kaoristami, Sturges (Preston and John), Brook, Rossellini, Eisenstein, Cassavetes, Pasolini and, finally, the mighty Kenneth Loach. I can't imagine life without them. Fearless intelligent men. UNow pour yourself a bowl of multi-cheerios and be quiet before you end up looking even sillier than 'Evil Henchman'.

  • May 28, 2006, 10:36 p.m. CST

    "Batman is never looking back at you."

    by Billyeveryteen

    Fucktastic. Doc, you are forgiven for all past sins.

  • May 28, 2006, 11:30 p.m. CST


    by I Dunno

    I know movies are mostly commercial dreck now but I was just observing that your ripping on every genre of film this site is dedicated to and throwing around a lot of Film school 101 required viewing names makes you sound a bit pretentious and smarmy.

  • May 29, 2006, 12:16 a.m. CST

    Workshed, I Dunno's got a point

    by seppukudkurosawa

    You're making limeys seem like stuck-up smarm-mongers. I like those people you mentioned as much as anyone, but just think that Caesar said, "the young people have drifted so far from the greatness of my age", so people like you have been complaining about how everything's so much worse than it was in my day for thousands of years. This generation won't be the one to bring us the Apocalypse, films will go on- good ones and bad- so don't act like the world is over because you happened to see Dude Where's my Car and didn't like it.

  • May 29, 2006, 2:45 a.m. CST

    Duh, someone who loves Smith is will hype it. PLANT!

    by Darth Bauer

    When someone says they won't do something again, but goes right back to tapping that same well after their one serious(meaning no dick and fat jokes) films tanks, they lose credibility. I don't care who they are. "Clerks" was great, now it will be tainted just so Kev can try to make another "serious" film after this and have that one go down too. Dude, all you are is dick and fart jokes. Accept it.

  • May 29, 2006, 3:49 a.m. CST

    Kevin, if you ever decide to make a "real" movie...

    by Shermdawg

    please do a Stan Lee bio-pic with Jason Lee. It would blow that Pekar movie right out of the dang water. Nuff said. Nuff said.

  • May 29, 2006, 4:58 a.m. CST

    Great trailer review.

    by TheNeth

    Thanks man. I could have pretty much birthed the same text - albeit with an understanding of grammar greater than that of your average seven year old - from checking out the footage available online too. Still, hope the film turns out good.

  • May 29, 2006, 6:13 a.m. CST

    An 8 minute standing ovation?????

    by Cameron1

    hell even if the film is only a qtr as good as promised we'll still be clapping for 2 minutes. Smith, Mosier and Mewes must have each taken a section of the audience and fellated each and every person there.

  • May 29, 2006, 7:20 a.m. CST

    The reviewer can't be objective...

    by BigTuna

    He's obviously a Smith worshipper. Dogma was dogshit. I could t through it.

  • May 29, 2006, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah! Monday morning, let the KS fight start...

    by brycemonkey

    Everyone giving the reviewer hassel needs to STFU. The dude is foreign (not everyone speaks American you know). He also got to go to Cannes, see world premiers, and say 'Hi' to Kevin Smith. What did you do this weekend? Sat around in your jim-jams and bitched on the internet. Well, I can see why you are bitter... Anyways, good for KS sounds like he did good and thanks to the reviewer how got off his ass and did something creative/insightful.

  • May 29, 2006, 9:21 a.m. CST


    by Babyshamble

    Why come to a site pretty much devoted to films you don't like? Find a site for like minded film fans and leave us alone. All you are doing is trying to make yourself seem superior, yes lots of Hollywood's output is commercial shite these days however that does not give you the right to dictate what we can and can't get excited about. The 70's was a creative high point for Hollywood but that doesn't mean you can dismiss everything that has been made since. Just this year we've had Brokeback Mountain, Munich, Jarhead, Brick, Down in the Valley, The three buriels of Melquiada Estrada and A History Of Violence arrive from the states and if you are not excited about a new Superman film from a truly talanted filmaker or The Fountain for that matter then I'm not sure what could please you. Dead Man's Shoes was excellent however I am not expecting that sort of cinematic experience from Clerks 2, all I want from it is to be funny. And I can look forward to a light hearted film as much as I want. Film is meant to be escapism as well as art remember? With filmmakers like Paul Thomas Anderson, Wes Anderson, Alexander Payne and Michel Gondry around I don't know how you can be so dismissive of the state of films. And Tarantino isn't making the bravest choices these days, Grind House reeks of Vanity project (although I'd love to be proved wrong) and Kill Bill 1 + 2 were seriously underwhelming. Oh and not all Brits are such pretentious Fucktards.

  • May 29, 2006, 9:30 a.m. CST


    by Sepulchrave


  • May 29, 2006, 9:56 a.m. CST


    by gravitasone

    Bye Paul Gleason, your contribution to the Breakfast Club will ensure that you will live on forever.

  • May 29, 2006, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Kevin Smith...

    by exie a sloppy, lazy filmmaker. He can't write and he has duped an entire generation of film fans who think it's rebellious and punk and different to like his movies over traditional fare. His movies are sheer utter crap and there's a reason why only college fucktards and emotionally stunted 30 year olds who think they discovered this trite garbage are his loyal fans. What you love about Kevin Smith is that he is the pull up your bootstraps, put on a show in the barn, rags to riches story and that he remains true to himself as a geek. That's all great, but his films suck. Kevin is far more compelling in an interview than any of his films will ever be. What does that say? His movies are crap and once you realize it's not a badge of honor to call yourself a Kevin Smith film fan and it is instead a badge of stupidity, you'll grow up and learn what real storytelling is.

  • May 29, 2006, 10:44 a.m. CST

    exie clearly just wants a fight...

    by brycemonkey

    what a poor and vindictive post. So much so that I can't believe what you are saying and think you just want to stir up this TB. If you don't like KS movies thats fine, a lot of people don't like his style. However, even those would say his writing is his strong point as he does very good, clever dialogue and interesting stories. Go and take your inflamatory bile elsewhere.

  • May 29, 2006, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Where's The_Lion?

    by DocPazuzu

    I was hoping we'd get more of his "I challenge Kevin Smith to a film-off" shenanigans. The assbeating that guy received from the Talkbacker Collective was true entertainment. I think even the Smith haters throttled him.

  • May 29, 2006, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Where's The_Lion???

    by Cameron1

    He's been reborn as exie, or is it just you causing trouble again Doc?

  • May 29, 2006, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Cameron1 -- a homewrecker disciple?

    by DocPazuzu

    Say it ain't so! Seriously though, exie's posts seem to lack the embarrassing use of "hip" lingo that made The_Lion's so irritating.

  • May 29, 2006, 12:43 p.m. CST

    I'm so fucking pleased

    by busby

    This is getting positive reviews I've loved all of his films (even Jersey Girl you just got to give it a chance to grow on you) but watching the diaries it looked like they were having so much phone that the movie might have been phoned in by everyone but it looks like this will be another fine addition to the View Askew collection of mine

  • May 29, 2006, 1:23 p.m. CST

    JAY AND SILENT BOB was pretty damn awful

    by beamish13

    it was painfully obvious that the characters couldn't carry an entire film, and many of the jokes, especially GOOD WILL HUNTING 2 were pretty painful to watch. Never saw JERSEY GIRL, but I will see CLERKS 2, although it's not as high of a priority as the STRANGERS WITH CANDY motion picture...

  • May 29, 2006, 2:09 p.m. CST


    by MiltonWaddams

    They gave standing ovations for the Da Vinci Code, apparently everybody at Cannes is clap happy. Also, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back make Cheech and Chong movies look like mature cinema.

  • May 29, 2006, 2:45 p.m. CST

    So why no southland tales review?

    by ScaryJim

    I loved Donnie Darko but I heard this was the most embarrassing screening at Cannes. Wonder if we'll get any if thats the case?

  • May 29, 2006, 2:54 p.m. CST

    beamish13; "Applesauce, BITCH!"

    by AshesOfDonnie

    The GOOD WILL HUNTING II part was one of the funniest things in JSBSB. and speaking of blow jobs and worst movie ever, I have three words for all of you: the Brown Bunny.

  • May 29, 2006, 3:46 p.m. CST

    I actually think Dogma is Smith's best movie.

    by minderbinder

    Still has a lot of problems, but I think it works better than his other ones. They're all funny to varying degrees, but most are just an excuse to make stupid jokes (not that stupid jokes are a bad thing). And I thought Damon did a decent job, although it would have been interesting to see Jason Lee in that part.

  • May 29, 2006, 4:24 p.m. CST


    by fiester

    I don't like the sound of that. Also, Dogma is a dorky comic book of a movie.

  • May 29, 2006, 4:38 p.m. CST

    Yea where is The Lion???

    by Bong

  • May 29, 2006, 10:11 p.m. CST

    Each Kevin Smith basher comes off as a jackanapes.

    by DarthCorleone

    Kevin Smith would be the last one to claim that he's some sort of revolutionary filmmaker, but that doesn't mean that his movies can't be appreciated. I enjoy them all on some level - with the exception of Jersey Girl, which I still haven't seen. It is possible to appreciate both the "highbrow" stuff and enjoy a Kevin Smith movie now and then. Plus, I think he does have the capacity for some quality geniunely affecting moments. Besides, the guy is a Degrassi fan. For that he has earned my eternal loyalty.

  • May 29, 2006, 11:54 p.m. CST

    "Evil Henchman goes to Cannes and blows CLERKS 2..."

    by snow scorpion

    37 times??

  • May 30, 2006, 12:06 a.m. CST

    Kevin smith made only one great movie and that was

    by Gay Jesus Christ

    clerks. all his other movies had good momemts but had really mediocre direction. He sounds like the most educated person that never went to college, which he is.

  • May 30, 2006, 12:10 a.m. CST

    Guys like Dante don't get girls like these.

    by Orionsangels

    Unless kevin smith writes it.

  • May 30, 2006, 12:16 a.m. CST

    All they did in Dogma was walk. Even the turd walked

    by Orionsangels

    Oh wait they rode a train in one part. Wait a minute. All they did was walk in Jay & Silent Bob strikes back. Oh wait they rode in a van.

  • May 30, 2006, 3:10 a.m. CST

    No point in reading a review...

    by deanamatronix

    ... that starts with 'Let me start off by saying that I love Kevin Smith!' There's no way you're gonna get a balanced review. Especially from someone who considers Dogma to be one of the best movies ever made.

  • May 30, 2006, 7:45 a.m. CST

    I'm not a Kevin Smith fan, yet enjoyed this one

    by pirandello

    To reiterate my earlier post: I've seen a couple of Smith's films once, and bits of the others (Dogma for example). I usually wait until they show up on TV. I was in Cannes, hadn't seen Clerks, didn't have anything particular to do, so I checked it out. The nerdy chat was funny for people who weren't interested in Transformers/GoBots, Lord of the Rings/Star Wars distinctions. The crude elements were so over the top that they charmed the women in the audience. The audience wasn't made up of mainly French people. Attendees were people with accreditation for the film festival who came from all over the world. I would say that less than a quarter of the people in there were from the usual Smith demographic: boys in their late twenties in informal clothing. To get into evening screenings, you usually have to have closed shoes (no sandals) and not be wearing shorts (unless you are the director). The two leads only just about have the required acting ability, it took a little while to get used to it - everyone else (except the fianc

  • May 30, 2006, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Personally liked Dogma

    by KnightEternal

    with the bethany's part black? line being one of my favourites, only bit that ruined it slightly was seeing a 'dead' matt damon move out of the way of the camera while still on screen, but hey I can't say shit.

  • May 30, 2006, 10:06 a.m. CST

    I like Kevin Smith as a person...

    by NeoCon

    He seems like a really likable, funny guy. I thought his commentary on Donnie Darko's Director's Cut was the best thing on that crappy DVD. But let's face facts. The guy is a total hack! He has no eye for direction. He can't write dialogue at all. He relies on lame pop culture refernces and fart jokes. And all of his movies financially and critically bomb. Whose dick did he suck so he could continue to work? And does anyone really care about Jay and Silent Bob? Does he really think that people are just dying to see them return over and over again? I tried to watch that "Strikes Back" movie on Cemedy Central and it was unwatchable. Is there a carachter more tired and annoying than Jay? I thought his cameo on "Joey" was funnier than any of his movies.

  • May 30, 2006, 10:20 a.m. CST

    You're deluded if...

    by Lone Fox

    You only consider KS as a dick and fart gags guy. He just happens to be a very clever writer that likes dick and fart gags! Those of you that never saw a KS film til J&SBSB don't get it and never will. Therefore no loss to the rest of us.

  • May 30, 2006, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Can't wait to see this one...

    by Roguewriter

    ... and I hope every delighted chuckle, grin and belly laugh is like a nail driven into the forehead o' youse Kevin Smith haters. Gawd, there is NO more crass, less civilized geek-subcaste out there than the ones who pooh-pooh Smith's films!! THe ultimate ironic remarks come from these folks: "I have no patience for Kevin's dick and fart jokes -- which in my book makes him a pustulent anal gland... and a wiener... and... and... a poopoo-head!!" Methinks the brilliantly skewered subjects do protest too much???

  • May 30, 2006, 10:33 a.m. CST

    DocPazuzu, you owe me a keyboard...

    by Roguewriter

    "I quite enjoy knowing ... that no matter how many times you look in that bathroom mirror, Batman is never looking back at you." Once the Diet Coke stopped shooting out of my nose (all over the keyboard) I think I may have actually laughed til I dislodged a lung. Still seeing spots five minutes later. Greatest. Geek-slam. Ever. Kudos, sir.

  • May 30, 2006, 10:38 a.m. CST

    No... wait... "does it violate canon" wins.

    by Roguewriter

    Chrth, you maniac! "Does CLERKS 2 violate canon?!?!" Oh God. I've got to go back to work, if only to avoid a stroke. Thanks for the howls of glee, fellow 'Backers!

  • May 30, 2006, 11:26 a.m. CST

    I'm with Harry

    by quadrupletree

    Must. see. now!

  • May 30, 2006, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Did the reviewer finish junior high school?

    by the_pissboy1

    Honestly, that cat's writing made me feel ill. To think he could find his way first to Cannes and then into a theater is just mind-blowing. Can we get a review of this film from someone who walks upright, please?

  • May 30, 2006, 4:59 p.m. CST

    have to be honest

    by quadrupletree

    Flamebait be dammed, I actually liked Jersey Girl. There I said it. I almost didn't see it because of Bennifer, but I'm glad I changed my mind. I can understand why it's not some people's cup of tea, but I thought it was good. I hope Smith isn't discouraged from making more grown-up fare like that now, even though I appreciate the dick and fart jokes as much as the next guy.

  • May 30, 2006, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Are you sure that's safe?

    by laguna_loire

    Dissing LOTR and comparing it to Star Wars in this site? With half of the mental fanboy stuff that used to go on?!! Only kidding, oh man I have to see this now - might stay up late and watch Clerks yet again!!

  • May 30, 2006, 8:25 p.m. CST

    Gus Van Rant is BACK !!!

    by The Atomic Worm

    "Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]. Hurry, worry with [Gus]." Etc. etc, etc.

  • May 30, 2006, 9:19 p.m. CST

    Opinions and assholes

    by coop

    It always seems strange to me how people have different views on the order of good to bad movies Kevin's made. People seem to have a consensus on every other series of films. Ask what the best Star Wars film is and people will say Empire. Ask what Stephen King movie was the best and they say Shawshank. But ask people to put Kevin Smith films in order from best to worst and you'll never get the same order twice. I for one like Dogma the best, then Chasing Amy, then Clerks, then J&SBSB, then Mallrats, then Jersey Girl. Of course no one will ever agree with me, and some would call me insane but that's my point. What is it about these films that no one can agree on?

  • May 31, 2006, 11:48 a.m. CST


    by Kree42

    I will always be amazed at how no matter the film you people will spew venom and poison about how bad it will be without having seen it. Since your view of the future is clear we need to hit some lotteries and work the stock market,I understand if you dont care for the subject matter or like who is involved, but by all that is unholy shut up until you have viewed the product or just state you have no desire to see it in the opinons are indeed like assholes we all got one.