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SWEEPS DAY 27!! Herc's Seen STEPHEN KING'S DESPERATION!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
I am – Hercules!!
Zeus love ABC, which is taking care of the sci-fi nerds these last three days of sweeps. Two hours of Rambaldi-soaked “Alias” on Monday, three hours of “Lost” on Wednesday, and three hours of Stephen King’s adaptation of his novel "Desperation" on Tuesday.
A long TV-movie which apparently began life as a miniseries, "Desperation" begins exceedingly well, with Ron Perlman as a huge, deranged lawman named Collie Entragian. Collie takes great glee in calling nice out-of-towners things like “blue-state swingles” before tossing them into Desperation, Nev.’s stir.
Things get even more interesting when we learn that Collie has been tossing a lot of innocent people in jail lately. And the people in jail turn out to be the only people alive in Desperation. And the dogs and wolves in Desperation seem to be a lot smarter than the average dumb animal.
Then, sadly, crazy lawman Collie – easily the most interesting character in “Desperation” – drives away in his squad car at about the movie’s halfway point and never comes back.
We subsequently learn more about what happened to Collie and the dogs in Desperation - but the more we learn, the less interesting “Desperation” becomes, and the more likely viewers will tune over to see which cities and towns NBC is vaporizing on “10.5 Apocalypse.”
But what matters Herc’s opinion?
The Washington Post says:
Stephen King is so emphatically the proverbial 800-pound gorilla that production companies are obliged not merely to place his name above that of a TV movie but also to include it as part of the title. The latest example of this presents a veritable "I dare you" to critics, who shun King generally, and particularly those who find his latest exercise in ho-hum horror to be exceptionally execrable. "Stephen King's Desperation." …
Entertainment Weekly gives it a “B” and says:
This made-for-TV movie from director Mick Garris (The Stand) and screenwriter/EW contributor King is serviceably scarifying. …
The New York Times says:
… It's King done right. … The plot-crammed movie is genuinely transfixing, as Mr. Garris and Mr. King again tap the master's inexhaustible magic hat of scattershot iconography: wolves, wounds, mineshafts, abandoned R.V.'s, ghostly children, sunburned cops, bleeding slot machines. The movie's tone, too, lurches in Mr. King's wonderfully off-balance way. First it's horrifying-madcap, then mournful, then glib, then straight screaming. Originally optioned as a feature, the story is a thorough sensory and emotional pounding, even on a small screen. It also sustains attention for its full three hours. …
The Hollywood Reporter says:
… King raises the age-old question about why a loving God permits so much unspeakable cruelty in his domain. It could be a provocative topic, particularly in a setting in which supplicants seek divine help to fend off evil, but it never goes beyond pious platitudes in this film. "Desperation" also contains its fair share of moron moments - grisly scenes that never would have happened if people didn't do idiotic things. People venture out alone or hang around when they should flee, all for the sake of an inevitably frightening moment. Consequently, it's best not to think too much about "Desperation" but just let it wash over you.…
Variety says:
Even with Stephen King adapting his own novel, "Desperation" can't escape the curse that has hounded most of the author's made-for-TV productions, which have a peculiar tendency of starting out like gangbusters and drifting into nonsense.… as with "It" and to a lesser degree "The Stand," which are perhaps King's most fully realized TV works, the final leg proves something of a letdown. … while there have been some worthy films derived from King's macabre works ("The Dead Zone" comes to mind), the author's TV legacy remains that of a ratings force lacking the creative power to stir the living, much less raise the dead.
The Boston Herald gives it a “C-minus” and says:
… suffers from a mishmash of bland clichés … Ron Perlman turns in a delightfully over-the-top performance … He’s the only one who seems to be happy to be in this movie. … Even more incongruous is the film’s religious tone. David, who saw a childhood friend saved through the power of prayer, believes God will give them the strength to escape Tak. It’s a slant that doesn’t work. When David spouts such things as, “God works through people, and right now he’s trying to work through us,” it seems bizarre. I hate to pick on child actors, but Haboucha’s passionless performance doesn’t work.
The Los Angeles Times says:
… Directed by Mick Garris (who also directed King's "The Stand" and "Riding the Bullet"), the film goes along quite well, with the usual grabs and gotchas no less effective for being so familiar, as long as no one is talking. While we are in dark rooms, or are waiting for that other shoe to drop — with a foot in it, and dealing with snakes and spiders, mean dogs and various icky insults to the human body, the film works pretty much as it's meant to. And then someone opens his mouth, and something like wit or thought is offered. But the wit isn't witty — "Don't call me cookie, and I won't call you cake" is what passes for a snappy line — and the thought is no deeper than what you'll hear in a junior high comparative religions class.
The notable exceptions are the nutty baroque monologues King wrote for Perlman's sheriff …
8 p.m. Tuesday. ABC.
Alien Nation $24.97!!
Arrested Development $19.97!!
The Bob Newhart Show $14.97!!
Dark Angel $19.97!!
Greg The Bunny $13.47!!
Hill Street Blues $19.97!!
Harsh Realm $19.97!!
The Lone Gunmen!! $19.97!!
The Mary Tyler Moore Show $14.97!!
Millennium $29.97!!
Murder One $29.97!!
Planet of the Apes $24.97!!
Point Pleasant $19.97
Roswell $24.97!!
Tru Calling $13.47!!
Wonderfalls $19.97!!
Find a bunch of Fox’s 50-percent off season sets here.
Veronica Mars: The Complete Second Season
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Ron Pearlman looks like Hellboy.
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on the Dark Tower comic. god i can barely wait for that...
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stuff, cause he casts some of the WORST child actors, so old it crumbles scare tactics, and lame dialoge. He has heart but no talent. Kings works need someone with talent (Kubrick) and no heart. Also, keep Kings juvenial dialoge wittisims out of any film, as they jumped the shark about 10 novels ago with the exception of Kings best in recent years, 'Bag of Bones'. Also, keep that hack Romero away. Wanna really up the ante, get an A list director and dont let King write his own screenplay. Ever.
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So I'll pass.
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the Nightmares and Dreamscapes series.
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Well, it would make an interesting cinematic experiment as the books of "Desperation" and "The Regulators" were done the same way ...
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I mean let's face it, Garris is mediocrity personified, Brett Ratner on a tv budget with a horror leaning, and even less chance of success, and the only reason that King loves him so much is that he adds nothing of his own to anything that King gives him, he just films it as written and laid out in the most 'workman-like' way possible. Great for King's ego, and okay when when King turns out a tioght script, but painfully bland and dull as all hell when King's script isn't quite up to snuff or is lacking in certain areas and the absolute lack of directorial panache comes sharply into focus. As such I don't really expect much from this, something watchable enough probably, but nothing special or particularly memorable, but I'll check it out regardless. At least it has a pretty cool cast that might hopefully help smooth over a few bumps. We'll see I guess.
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Perhaps I'm used to Harry's 10,000 word self-indulgent essays, but you could add a little more to your review.
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well Herc, you just described the novel perfectly. i loved the first 2/3 of the novel...but then it just got extremely "meh, whatever" toward the end, and i just completely lost interest.
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Is that good or bad? You decide.
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we won't get the purty visual from the book of Entragian's dick hanging out his fly with blood trickling off it? Everybody keeps mentioning how King's MFTV movies start out promissing, but lose steam about 2/3 of the way through. Unfortunately, the majority of his books do also. This one was no exception. Once they escape from the jail it goes from tense to boring to just plain silly. "Tak", indeed... King's stories are all greasy flesh but no decent bone structure to hang them on.
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i was gonna beat up on him too, but uberman and LeiaDown already said everything i was gonna say. the best King films have always come from really good directors who knew that what makes a book work and what makes a movie work are different, and made the necessary changes to make a good movie, like Kubrick (The Shining), DePalma (Carrie) and Cronenberg (The Dead Zone). now that Mick Garris is King's favorite butt boy, we'll probably never get a decent King film again. i'll still be watching this, if only for Perlman and the fact it's one King book I've never read.
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There are only a few of his works that have been adapted successfully. Misery is one of them. Obviously The Green Mile. The Shawshank Redemption was also great, although it expanded a lot on King's short story. I don't think there are many filmmakers that get what King does. King himself doesn't get it! He's proven with his own teleplays that it's virtually impossible to translate his book word for word onto the screen, no matter how hard anyone tries. King's dialogue belongs in his books. It works in the books but it's hokey on screen. His greatest book IMO is IT, but the TV miniseries is so so terrible (apart from some classic scene-stealing from Tim Curry as Pennywise the clown) it needs to be remade at some point. Also, the Dark Tower series needs bringing to the screen.
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the tommyknockers. Then the Shining. Then somewhere close on the heels of that comes Rose Red, Kingdom Hospital, and most of Storm of the Century (although I did like the last thirty minutes). IT and The Stand are the only things King has done for TV that are even worth bothering to watch -- and IT has aged badly.
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Wasn't even close to being "just OK." I thought IT, on the other hand, was OK, considering it was made for TV & didn't get the kick-ass, bloody as hell, hard R-rated film it deserved. I agree w/ emu47 though, The Tommyknockers was easily the worst of the TV versions I ever saw. HORRIBLE. I never watched the TV Shining, Rose Red, or Kingdom Hospital. Question, was The TV Langoliers any good? Loved the story & it seems like it would be easier to adapt.
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I hope they do a good job.
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May 23, 2006 3:46:33 PM CDT
"starting out like gangbusters and drifting into nonsen
by lando griffin
se" Bingo. That fits Storm of the Century, Rose Red, Nightflyer and the Langoliers to a T. As a kid growing up I loved It and The Stand but after catching both series recently, neither hold up very well despite the talent (actor-wise) involved. Especially The Stand, which is one of my favorite books of all time. I understand that because the book is so long that it was never possible, at that time, to turn it into a feature length film. But by todays LOTR movie standards - they could stretch it into two epic halves. But like Uber said - don't let King do his own adaptations. PS - who was the genius that deemed The Shining remake necessary?
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May 23, 2006 5:10:39 PM CDT
"...the genius that deemed The Shining remake..." King
by performingmonkey
It was King that wanted to do The Shining. He wrote the teleplay. He was never pleased with Kubrick's movie because, after all, it DID throw his book out the window for most part, and Jack Nicholson's performance was definitely not the character King envisaged. As King once said, Jack is already crazy at the start of Kubrick's movie, so there's no progression. You already know what's going to happen before it does. Anyhow, it's IT that needs to be remade.
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Rebecca Romijn in a bikini. Hell yeah. Beats Ron Perlman with or without a bikini.
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Now that has to be the kind of thing that might scare King - being gushed over by a fan that towers over ya carrying a gun and a badge. Me too, Me too.
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....and they are playing poker. AAhhhhh!!!! I know we've all had a tough day.
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She just what? My oh my...they really wanted Molly for this one. But then she's probably already had one.
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So they ran into an old theater and guess what? It had speakers up and down the walls and an old 70mm print of Star Wars. In a closet they found the corpse of the original George Lucas....
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...would somebody just kill Max Headroom off. This is truly awful. Now King knows what it is to have his stuff screwed up. Really this is a memorable bit of television. It is worse than 20 episodes of Friends in a row. I can't stop watching....it is so bad... they showed flashbacks in the form of a silent movie ...my ears are bleeding.......I must close my eyes but I have no lids.
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....and some of this crap would sound good coming from Mother Abigail but not from this kid. I just know he's gonna grow up to be a "gimme my oscar now ... I'm a star". We had script problems from daaay one. I'll be in the Humvee. My big haaart is breaking.
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But I think a series based on the guy from the Outback Steakhouse Commercials would be better.
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if i'm the dude from Wings, i'm quietly asking his hot young friend, "so, um, can we like, leave this weird kid now?"
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"Hey where ya putting that? You can't kill me...I'm a hole. Don't do it you untalented hack!! I'll get you for this...hey come on stop...what you doing with that shell. No .... don't put it in there...hey!! Owwwwwww!!!! I'm a god ...you can't do that.."
Oh I just cannot believe this stuff.....I'm dying here. Oh My!! I have not laughed like this for a loooonnnnggg while. -
was also Oprah's minge
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sucked.
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Was this TV movie really a literal translation of the novel? (I have not read it, someone who has please tell me.) The source of all evil in this town was a hole in the ground??? They could have at least made it look like an asshole to bring up uncomfortable Freudian analogies. Sure, it would have been campy but regardless it was stupid as hell. Is this the kind of shit Stephen King actually writes in his novels now?
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Although some situations and characters omitted for time really hurt the storyline. The nickelodeon/silent movie sequence didn't adequately explain the town history. John Marinville's sacrifice never meant anything because you just didn't care about him as portrayed in the movie, not necessarily Tom Skerrit's fault. I'm not going to sit here and explain it, but let it be said, by me anyways, that Desperation is a decent novel. Not great, but decent. I'd say it might be interesting if they made a movie of The Regulators, a King story that mirrors this one in many ways, but not if they gave it the same treatment.
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Not a bad novel. I enjoyed the Bhagavad Gita bit, especially. Some of the dialog was just too unrealistic to sound any good when spoken by real life characters, too. King sometimes writes books with dialog that makes perfect sense for written characters but don't translate to real life.
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...as a genius. Seriously. Sure, he's written some mediocre stuff, but when he's on his game, it's like he's tapping into the divine. It's like he's connected to some invisible phone line to universal truths and mysticisms. When the guy's good, he's REALLY good--absolutely astounding imagination....... WHICH makes it doubly painful--the quality of his TV work. Yes, there have been some damn fine theatrical movies based on his books. However, if it's on TV, and it has his name on it, it is guaranteed to be literally one of the worst things ever made. It's bizarre and uncanny (and strangely reliable). If it's a TV movie or mini-series with King's name in the title, it's going to be appallingly bad. I mean, Ed Wood bad......... I have no idea why this is the case. It's possible that when it comes to the audio-visual arts, King is basically "tone-deaf" and his direct hand in any such projects dooms it. (Does he oversee the projects or personally handpick incompetant directors?)........ It's depressing to think that more people are familiar with King through god-awful TV movies like Rose Red and the Langoliers (which was a rip-roaring yarn on paper), than through his fantastic novels...... Desperation was one of King's best novels EVER. It captured the same eerie magic as the first third of Insomnia, all of IT, and (much of) the Gunslinger saga. And that is why I greet the news of a "Desperation" TV movie with such dread.
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Ow. Ow. AAAGGHH! Okay, fuckit, if even one percent of what we'd get from any sort of Dark Tower adaptation, then forget it, let them stay in our minds. This was worse than the Stand, which is one of my favorite books of all time and one of the worst adaptations of all time, even more awful was It, but it had the excuse of being made in the '80s, and having ridden on the popularity of John Ritter. But really, as I've posted before, HBO series, take the novels very literally, and Keep King Away from anything that doesn't have to do with story. Really, for God's sakes, I realize Mick is up there doing it and I'm here watching...but man, do something else. This is the sad rant of someone who is still pissed about having paid theater price for Sleepwalkers..."somebody around here sure doesn't like cats." Mick, just stop it. And Mr. King, do not, please god never, allow him to pitch ANY idea of his for Dark Tower.
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Goddamnit! Mispost above.
Anyway, I think King's "genius" is highly questionable. He can write decent short stories. In fact, a lot his shorts are pretty damn near perfect. However, each and every novel disintegrates in his crude hands. He is an idea man, a person with a pure imagination, and he is a passable writer with a good ear for natural dialogue. Sadly though, he always drops the ball midway through every book and either randomly kills off characters in an attempt to maintain momentum or to give the characters a "dilemma" to face, or similarly, he just throws you a total curve ball that makes the last couple hundred pages inconsequential.
Therefore, just because he can write a mean short story, doesn't make him a genius. Is Roald Dahl a genius? He wrote hundreds of short stories on par with King, if not better, and similarly for Somerset Maughn. I could go on, but why bother? King's genius isn't debatable it's downright easily refutable.
Also, just to show that opinions = assholes and there's diversity in everything, I actually enjoyed King's TV movie The Stand more than Kubrick's The Stand - at least, in a storytelling sense, not as a horror movie. Kubrick's movie works by being so totally unhinged and unknown that it disturbs you. The TV Movie actually presents a story. -
The movie was ok, like the book was ok. Not Kings best by any stretch, but I liked the story mostly. I really liked The Stand, miniseries and I wonder what people didn't like about it. Anyway I'm interested in the "Nightmares and Dreamscapes" miniseries that is coming up later this year. His short stories have always been his best works. While part of me would love to see an HBO Dark Tower series, the other part wants it to stay in my imagination, unsullied. He has had some stories made into bad movies. see Tommyknockers, Sleepwalkers etc. What happened to 'Bag of Bones' that was supposed to be a movie? That was an entertaining book. The King site says it was optioned but is not going anywhere right now. Will have to check out the 'Dark Tower' comics that are slated for 2007 I think. They could make 'The Dark Tower' a TV series that combines parts of the books with other orignial tales of Roland. The ques t could last many seasons, there is lots of material. I don't see them doing that, though.
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i'm conflicted...one hand i'd love to see his best 90s book onscreen, but on the other hand i don't want to see the embarrassment that it'd surely turn out to be
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