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Massawyrm Kinda Digs THE DA VINCI CODE!!
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
Wow has this movie stirred up one hell of a shitstorm.
It seems a hell of a lot of people are up in arms about what seemed like a surefire hit – the adaptation of an uber-best selling book that managed to not only get media attention, but media specials about it and its content. But sure enough, this story poked the hornets’ nest one too many times and people are screaming mad. Hell, even Albinos are pissed (because the books killer is an Albino) and they’re upset about defamation. Wah! The villain is an Albino! Um, slow down there, paleface. I’ve got a couple of Black, Eastern European and Middle Eastern friends waiting in line in front of you. Take a number.
But the Catholics. I understand why the Catholics are upset. Having been raised Catholic I know just how they tend to feel about Gnostic Christianity (when they acknowledge it at all) and lets face it, The Da Vinci Code is effectively a Gnostic Primer. Catholics are essentially taught that the Council of Nicea was a gathering of over 300 Bishops, who were divinely inspired by the holy spirit to put together what we know today as the Bible and the core beliefs of the Catholic church – some of which have no definitive scriptural basis (Papal Infallibility, anyone?).
In The Da Vinci Code, however, the Nicean Council is portrayed (in a cleverly and beautifully shot flashback) as a group of screaming religious men, all bent on getting their version of their faith canonized. Don’t get caught up in all the rigg-a-ma-roll about this Jesus with a wife business. That’s just the sexy part of the story (granted the crux of Da Vinci) that the media has picked up on. Jesus with a wife is the least of the Catholic’s problems with the film. Because in order to challenge the established beliefs about Jesus and Mary Magdalene, they have to question Nicea…and when you question Nicea you question EVERYTHING.
Nicea is the whole ball of wax. The solvency of the Bible, the divinity of Christ, the celebration of Holy days and pretty much everything that the Catholic Church (as well as many protestant faiths) hold to be absolute, divine truth. And that’s what’s got them so riled up. This story not only suggests, but quotes, the Gnostic gospels – those excised gospels held to simply be untrue by some and utter heresy by more extreme members of the faith. To them, this is dangerous rhetoric dressed up as fictional fun – not unlike last weeks Just My Luck.
And in one of the biggest media crapshoots I’ve ever seen, someone at Sony thought it would be a good idea to let the film speak for itself…to only a limited number of critics. You see, they sent out all of the usual press materials – but this time they had a label saying “FOR BROADCAST USE ONLY. NOT FOR INTERNET USE.” Then they held screenings that only permitted print/broadcast press to see the film. Except for the Cannes screening. That was the big enchilada. If it went over well at Cannes, those would be the only reviews anyone saw before release weekend. Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
In a week when only the protesters are getting coverage on the film and the Internet is abuzz with controversy – you don’t let anyone actually talk about the film itself. Wow, dude. You are so fired come Monday. I’d fire up that resume macro now. That goes beyond bonehead. Sure, if the Cannes screening had gone over well, you might have been a hero. But when Drudge Report and CNN have banner headlines reading “Da Vinci screening met by jeers and catcalls” and there’s no reviews out there to counter one screening’s take on the film? Total Bonehead.
Is this just a bitter “Oh why wasn’t I invited” rant? Well, it might be. If I didn’t actually like the film. Because I did. And with Variety, Hollywood Reporter, Entertainment Weekly and a slew of others ready and willing to jump the usual press embargo – this film is getting the short end of the stick. Because while many are ready and willing to paint this film as a total failure, it is in fact quite the opposite. This film hits everything it aims for. The big question is: what is it aiming for.
The Da Vinci Code always has been and always will be a story for 35+ mystery loving, book club members. Because, frankly, it’s never been that great a story. The premise is a good one, but it’s also an idea that’s been around for quite some time and is nothing new to religious history buffs. There are about 3 or 4 major theories floating around that “Prove” Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene – which no more prove anything than can be proved that he wasn’t. But to most people, it’s a fairly revolutionary idea.
Add to that the whole Knights Templar/Priory of Zion angle and now you’re covering territory that conspiracy buffs have gone over twenty times too many. But again, for those unfamiliar, it’s good stuff. The problem is that Dan Brown’s novel takes some big ideas and uses them as the groundwork for a fairly by the numbers and predictable detective novel. But one that has a very cinematic feel to it. With its success, adapting it was a no-brainer. But that overwhelming success came with its own set of problems.
First and foremost, they couldn’t change a thing. With a book this big and widely read, changing major plot points – or even very small ones – could turn the fanbase they were depending on into a pack of rabid “The Book was better” detractors. That meant keeping some of the lame twists, some of the stilted dialog that was so pivotal in the book and it meant they had to fit as much of the book into the film as possible.
And unfortunately, they brought in Akiva Goldsman. Now, we in the geek and critical community still haven’t let poor Akiva off the hook for the late 90’s triple threat that was Lost in Space, Practical Magic and his king of crappers, Batman and Robin. But that’s not why I’m gonna bust his balls today. That was too long ago. He’s no longer the worst writer in Hollywood. Now he’s simply mediocre.
Akiva’s biggest problem is that he doesn’t know how to tell a story to someone who already knows it. He’s like the guy that tells the Aristocrats without any of the good bits – because he feels the joke is good enough on its own. He tells the joke every time as if it were your first time hearing it. That’s his approach to screenwriting - despite the fact that his last few films have all been adaptations. A Beautiful Mind is a great example of this. I hear it was a great film by many, many people (I just didn’t see what they saw.) But if you ask them “Had you ever heard of John Nash before?” “Nope.” Those that had tended to find the film pretty slow and hard to deal with, because Akiva sets up the “Big Twist” that the characters…they’re almost all hallucinations. “Get it? Do you get it? I got ya didn’t I?” Those that did in fact know of Nash’s schizophrenia were forced to wait for the punch to see what the film should have been about – Nash dealing with his illness.
Well, Akiva takes that same approach here. Those familiar with the story or concepts are forced to wait for the good bits. But I gotta give him some credit here – the worst dialog in the film…is word for word from the book. That line that had audiences at Cannes jeering? ENTIRELY the book and simply no way to do right without risking the wrath of the fanbase. Despite this, there’re a few moments of dialog that are actually pretty sharp (including an excellent Gnostic in-joke that’s only funny if you’re familiar with the history of the Gospel of Phillip.)
Is the movie slow? Sure as hell is. But it’s a detective story, not an action film. Robert Langdon isn’t a supercop or a spy. He’s a college professor caught up in something bigger than himself. And he’s exactly the kind of wafer thin character that modern detective stories are rife with. Because modern detective stories are really about the characters the detective interacts with – not the detective himself. And they move slow. The film is far from boring, but it’s also far from very exciting. They have a lot of information to explain to tell the story right – and while many have criticized that it’s way too long, I can’t think of a single sequence that could really be cut or shortened. Will this work for all audiences? Hell no. I think that’s pretty clear right now. But the audience its aimed at – they’re gonna love it.
Me? I quite liked it. Ian McKellen is almost as fantastic as everyone says he is. He’s funny, charming and one hell of an interesting character – but Oscar worthy? Really? Only if it’s the annual “We’re sorry, we should have given this to you years ago” Academy Award (and yes, they should have.) The real acting story here, however, is Paul Bettany, who manages to completely transform himself not just physically (in the role of the aforementioned albino) but spiritually. This isn’t the wise cracking Paul Bettany we’ve all fallen in love with over the years. This is a seriously tortured man seeking redemption in the only way he knows how.
Every moment he’s on the screen he seems to be in a state of existential crisis and heartbreaking loss – and as he’s not the focus of the film, this never gets over done and he never seems to be the Eeyore “Poor me, poor me” of the story that it could have easily been under the watch of a lesser actor. If anyone at all walks away with a nomination for this, it will be an absolute crime if it’s not Bettany.
Howard’s work here is fantastic, evocative of his work on A Beautiful Mind. Visually it’s stunning at times, managing to once again visually show the inner workings of a genius mind (something not very easy to do.) He gets the aforementioned great performances out of McKellen and Bettany, as well as solid performances from Alfred Molina, Jurgen Prochnow and the first decent English language performance out of Jean Reno in a LONG time, and even manages to get passable performances out of Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou (despite the fact that they’re saddled with the thinnest characters imaginable in the story and aren’t given any room to really breath, let alone act.)
Honestly, Howard manages to make the best film possible from the material provided. But damnit, man, seriously. Take a break from the adaptations. You’re a great director who always gets limited by your source material. You haven’t handled original material in a decade. Cut loose, have some fun. Find a project that no one will freak out if you change things around to tell a better story. You can tell great stories, we’ve seen it. Now just tell an original one again.
Ultimately, I think this movie is getting overly panned – a negative reaction to the hype machine and controversy that’s kept this story in the press for several years. But a lot of people are going to like it. If you loved the book or if this thing has piqued your interest, it’s definitely worth checking out. If you’re a Paul Bettany fan, you owe it to yourself to see this for his performance. If you can’t get enough of Ian McKellen, then yeah, you should see it too. But if this thing simply doesn’t interest you, or you’re already “Da Vinci’d” out, then all I can say is that this movie has a few too many inherent flaws to be able to recommend it short of checking out the DVD. Like I said, I liked it. I enjoy a good detective story. But it falls short of any sort of greatness.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. I know I will.
Massawyrm
Her same pie-slime awe, O’r Thaw dove rent.
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....irst. Ron Howard id the directing equivalent of white bread and milk. I could care less about this. Roll on The Prestige.
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Damn Opus Dei conspiracy bastards.
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oh yes
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And I thought that was the most bland film of Howard's career. If anything the guy is helped by adaptations. My other fave Howard films are RANSOM (was an adaptation of a film) and APOLLO 13 (an adaptation of a non-fiction book). And THE MISSING, arguably one of his better films, was also an adaptation of a little known book. If anything this guy needs source material. Yeah - PARENTHOOD, SPLASH, and NIGHT SHIFT were fun but that was a looooooong time ago, almost 20 years ago. I hope DA VINCI is good but I'm not holding my breath.
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...bruh-uth-thur.
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But that aside, how does someone who wrote Lost in Space and Batman and Robin (Batman Forever did well) even get work again? What other profession can you fuck up so many times and get free passes except maybe if you're a Kennedy or used steroids in sports.
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I have now come to associate the name Akiva Goldsmith with lowest-common-denominator-hamfisted-hacked-out-studio-blandess, hey though one film about mentalists with a cunning 'twist', an Oscar and we have this generation's William Goldman apparently. Is it time for a Happy Days re-imagining yet?
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anyonw else get that or just me? I'm sure it's good...
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It was the performances of three incredibly talented and charismatic actors at the top of their game: Crowe, Connelly and Bettany.
The actors virtually popped off the screen with the levels of sheer movie star presence all three of them showed, which caused people to think that the movie was actually much better than it really was.
Say what you want about Crowe's bad public behavior, but the guy is a modern day Kirk Douglas circa the 1940's and 50's. -
Because it's insufferable.
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I really liked the old show when I was a kid. I thought the movie was okay. I regret, however, that George Lucas did too, enough that the introductory space battle of Star Wars III is a clear, and actually inferior, rip off. But I like SWIII too. Because my standards are not stratospheric apparently.
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Slow, talky, procedural films are fine. But, there has to be a certain amount of inherent tension and 'sparks' created by the main character(s). ATPM is still an amazing film, even though we know the outcome - it's about the process and the invisible forces' will to inhibit the process. So, where did things go wrong? An 'airport lounge' popcorn novel adapted by one of the crappiest writers ever? Yep. Ron Howard can do great things, but he needs to quit working with shit.
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To question Nicea is NOT to question everything about Christianity. This is what has a lot of Christians up in arms--Brown argues that the Council of Nicea "voted" on the canon of Scripture and the divinity of Christ. That's bullshit. Nicea had nothing to do with either of those. The argument was about the NATURE of Christ's divinity. Those who attended all agreed Christ was divine, the question was "How does his divinity impact our understanding of his humanity." The only vote was to affirm Christ as "fully human/fully divine," and it wasn't at all close--300 to 2. So Nicea is NOT the "all or nothing" issue that the book, movie, and this review make it out to be. Other than that, though...good review.
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was i the only one that got halfway through the review before realizing that i wasn't reading Harry's masturbatory intro to Massa's text? Massa has finnaly been promoted from bule-box status!!!
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A lot of myths get thrown around about the Council of Nicea 325AD (also known as the First Ecumenical Council). FIRST, the issue of New Testament canon was not even on the table. The widespread acceptance and use of the four canonical Gospels and most of the Epistles is attested to by much earlier, second-century sources. By the time of Nicea, there had been general consensus for some time on which texts were most authoratative, although it had yet to receive the formality of "official" confirmation, and there would continue to be debate over a few books like Revelation. When episcopal confirmation *did* eventually take place, it was merely an affirmation of the canon's historic usage in traditional Christian communities. Pseudo-Gospels like Thomas and Mary were produced at a later date by fringe groups far outside mainstream Christianity, and have no connection to the historical NT figures of the first-century. (There's vast scholarly consensus on this point -- a few pseudo-scholars writing pseudo-history have gained popularity largely through an uncritical media and under-educated populace hungry for sensationalism and iconoclasm. As a side-note, Dan Brown's "information" about Gnostic beliefs and history is embarassingly rosy and inaccurate.) Moving on: Nicea DID address the question of dating Christian Easter -- but not definitively, and they tackled no other Holy Days. As for the Divinity of Christ, no one at Nicea was debating "Is Jesus divine, or is he only human?" As Paul's letters make abundantly clear, mainstream Christians from the earliest times believed Jesus was divine. The major debate at Nicea, and the reason Emperor Constantine convoked the council in the first place, concerned the heretic Arius' controversial contention that the Son was *created*, and not co-eternal with the Father. (And THIS debate probably DID involve a lot of shouting ... one apocryphal story even has St. Nicholas -- better known as Santa Claus -- striking Arius across the mouth!) Finally, Nicea isn't the "whole ball of wax" Massawyrm suggests. There were six more Ecumenical Councils before the Great Schism between Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox in 1054, and there have been many Catholic councils since then. Nicea is emblematic of Church authority, but there was no conspiracy, and it certainly didn't suppress more than 80 (a made-up number) "Gospels" as Dan Brown claims. The fact is, the Gnostic texts didn't need any help on the road to obscurity. Try reading the actual text of the Gospel of Judas and you'll see very quickly why such stuff didn't catch on among the masses.
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Okay, quick! Name ONE great Ron Howard film....aaaaaand GO!
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Best review I've read so far. I'm still going to see it, though my expectations are through the floor at this point...
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I thought it was somewhat entertaining. Huh? Huh?
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Howard did the same thing with Appolo 13 - at least that's what I felt. Even though I knew those guys made it back safely I still found myself saying to myself "my god, those guys are screwed, they're not going to make it." Also when the appolo rocket took off for orbit I wanted to stand up and scream USA! USA! USA! I think Howard does a great job at this kind of stuff - white bread, yeah, but was it worth my $5 back then - yep.
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Sorry, Massawyrm. You are one of the best writers this sight has, but there's no fucking way that any movie review- especially one that has already had this much ink spilled ober it- is worth the irritation of constantly scrolling left and right at every single fucking line. No way in hell. Nice inverted triangle, but no.
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I don't know why THE PAPER isn't listed in the Ron Howard filmography. He directed the 1994 Micheal Keaton / Glen Close / Robert Duvall newspaper comedy that just rocked. $36 million US box office. Well, I thought it was extraordinary.
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Ok, not really. Apparently there have been 63 instances of Albinos playing villans in movies since...forever. Also of note, there have been more blacks, germans, whites, and mexicans portrayed as villans in the last, ummm...week than there have been Albinos in the history of celluloid. Time for Albinos to get over themselves. Hitler loved you.
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I'll see this because I liked the book. No, it wasn't exactly Speed, but it was enough to keep reading. I don't expect the movie to be as good as the book, Ron Howard is a fine director and all, but pretty much the only thing he's made that I've wanted to see more than once was Apollo 13. Everything since then has been mediocre to subpar.
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as did the swirling, dizzying camera work that's supposed to distract us from the fact that nothing is going on. It was funny and likeable and Jason Alexander with that nervous tick blick was creepy/hysterical but...a brilliant movie? Come on! And whoever said "The Missing" was good needs to be taken out back and put down...metaphorically speaking. That movie was total garbage.
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Hey guys. Sorry about the formatting. Gonna get Merrick to clean that up shortly. Absolutely not intentional - but as someone mentioned earlier, I've been bumped up from blue box status...and you guys found out before me. My piece was coded for blue box, and Merrick had to recode it - and there's clearly a letter missing in there somewhere. Thanks to those of you who read through it anyway.
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Still working on it - hoping to have it fixed soon. Hmmmm....PogoPope...that has a nice ring to it.
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because I had no problems reading the review! I'm hoping the movie is good - haven't read the book, but I also haven't liked a Ron Howard film since "Apollo 13." "Beautiful Mind" bored me (and I'm a math freak!) That Tommy Lee Jones cowboy and Indian movie was so-so. Here's hoping this one breaks his streak.
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Weird, but okay. Apology accepted. Good solid article that doesn't rehash the same talking points every other review has. It was almost a review of the reviews. I like Bettany but from the start I figured this to be a rental. I couldn't imagine anything happening in this film that simply screamed out for that big theater screen. Didn't know Jurgan Prochnow was in this. I've always liked his roles, but lately he seems to becoming the European Lance Henriksen. Not a good direction. Can never watch Das Boot enough though.
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folks are going to post more on moriarty's or harry's page, but i think this deserves to be said. i'm a devout catholic. i'm also not a dummy either. i'm doing graduate work in specifically catholic theology after having done my bachelor's work in religious studies. i focus both on scripture studies (especially in regards to early christian origins) and the current social religious milieu, especially in this country. i'm also a complete media geek. i understand that folks have a considerable distaste for organized religion. i don't blame them, but that has more to do with what they're being dished then with what's in the kitchen. all i would say is if you feel so strongly about any anti-religious conviction and you're going to throw a smattering of history or theology into your arguments, make sure you read everything, for truth's sake and for your own conscience. this would mean reading authors on both sides, finding the absolute best arguments on either end. there is a saying, that "a thousand difficulties do not add up to one doubt".
on this site especially, it's easy to find the covert christians on this da vinci code thing, the ones who are throwing around apologetics. that's cool, and they aren't lying. but i think this is a cultural problem, and catholics are one of the last groups in the free world that vilification, misinformation, and a purposeful concentration and exaggeration on only the crappier elements of our history is not only allowed but encouraged. this is not without warrant, but when there is 1.1-1.2 billion people within your tradition, it's going to start looking mighty messed up when the tabloid elements are all you see. just be fair. people still die for this faith in countries where obesity is not an epidemic. the last century saw more christian martyrs than the rest combined. they weren't dummies either. it really is a question of perspective. malcolm mcluhan, writing on media in the 1960's, pointed out that media exaggerates our own perspectives. there's always a chance that with such a large canvas, that we don't see the whole picture. damagedinc@aol.com -
Apollo 13. Of course, his ONLY great film, but still.
Da Vinci Code was alright. Now hopefully everyone will shut up about it. -
FUCK OFF!!!!
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(sorry, couldn't resist;) I think you hit the nail SMACK! square on the head when you pointed out that no matter WHO was sitting in the director's chair, he was gonna get ROYALLY DEEP FRIED if he tried to change a single thing in this adaptation to screen. And there's the problem right there! Because as has already been rightly pointed out a million times before, the book was a so-so not really very good thriller wrapped around FAR TOO MUCH preaching about "divine women" and lots of other utterly boring irrelevent stuff. If you left out all that crap, you'd have a pretty ordinary detective story that MILLIONS of loyal fans would be foaming at the mouth in sheer rabid rage at you for leaving out the "best bits" over...
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The Catholic Church doesn't consider the Bible to be absolute truth. As someone who was raised Catholic, you should know this. Cathoics interpret the Bible; they don't take it literally.
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Well, while to a certain extent you are correct - if you ask your average catholic "Is every word in the Bible true?" The vast majority will say yes. But even those who interpret the bible belive that there is truth in every line that needs to be interpreted. But note that I never said "literally" - because you are correct. Catholics do not necessarily take the Bible as literally as many of their protestant breathren - especially when you get into the old testament and Revalations. But they are taught that it is the word of God - even the kookier parts.
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Not really. They have red eyes. Not blue. The Albino community can rest easy. AS fot the movie? It was a little slow at times, but I liked it. The musical score was werd to me in a few places and in those places seemed to de-emphasize or at least not stress enough what was a significant moment. I can't think of an example right now, it's just a feeling I remember having sporadically...
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catholic teaching takes scripture as an absolute, in conjunction with the the apostolic tradition and the authority of the magisterium, the teaching authority of the church. the magisterium takes a negative quality in that it defines, can say what isn't said by scripture. catholic teaching takes the old testament and revelations seriously and literally in that it understands the context in which they are written and considers the whole of scripture authoritative. revelations is understood referring to the end of time, but also the situation in which it was written (post-destruction of the jerusalem temple, during the persecutions under nero) as well as referring the spiritual/mystical elements of the church and liturgy. the old testament is read understanding the particular contexts (Deuteronomy, often cited to shock people with violent monotheistic religion, is understood as the concessionary law given for the israelites' hardness of heart). the vatican ii document Dei Verbum chapter 12 notes that catholic biblical scholarship is to read scripture holistically (old testament and new testament together) and according to genre.
i know the above is boring and talky, but the problem is that folks don't even know how this much-hated church deals with things. again, i understand that folks don't dig on it, especially around here. but this isn't hidden knowledge or anything. it's the freakin catechism. it's at any bookstore. i'm sure it's posted for free online. there's nothing really controversial about it. it honestly isn't a thousand pages of "don't screw, don't steal, don't fight". like i was saying above, just read the best that both sides have to offer, pro and con. -
I read somewhere that Christopher Eccleston was going to play Silas - now that would have been awesome. Who was it who said Jesus was gay? Wrong! He nailed that ho Mary Magdalene, the Da Vinci Code says so.
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When Teabing reads from the Gospel of Phillip, he reads the portion about "frequently kissing her on the..." and then is cut off by Langdon saying something. Tbe joke is that in that infamous passage, the object of "on" is missing, there is a whole in the text, so had Teabing not been interrupted, he would not have been able to continue anyway.
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Sorry Cedar_Room, did you ever see Gone in 60 Seconds. By far the shitest villan on film. Ecclestone is the bad guy who likes... woodwork! Oh no! He made me a CD holder... pure shit. If anyone can give me a worse bad guy I'd like to hear it.
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Willow. Hands down, that was probably one of the best fantasy films. Too bad it tanked at the BO but it is still a classic film and Howard's best.
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The car chase is a good example of the score just not working.
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"the last century saw more christian martyrs than the rest combined."
tell that one to the jews. -
if god did exist, then he must really effing hate the blacks and jews.
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45.5 million Christians died in the last century. The places in question are Molucca Islands of Indonesia, Bangladesh, India, Nigeria, East Timor, Cuba, the former Soviet republics, Saudi Arabia and other Muslim countries, Vietnam, China as well as other places. Christians have enough blood on their hands in the previous centuries, I would never downplay that, but the above are all within the scope of the modern era, where we know better. Dude, you say "tell that one to the jews" and I'm not the kind of guy to relativize suffering. The Holocaust was premeditated and systematically carried out, as was the Armenian genocide before it. I would never even try to downplay something like that. It's not that God hates blacks and jews, it's that overweight, sheltered, white westerners (myself being all three)don't understand what it's like to be persecuted. at all. These people have vibrant and efficacious faiths, we don't. They see God providing for them, we see us providing for ourselves. i hate being the mouthy religious guy on the board, but i'm not making this stuff up. the church might be dying here in a lot of areas, it's alive and well among communities that don't have a "freedom of religion" clause in their public policy.
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www.rubensreviews.com
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where the hell was Clint Howard? Can someone tell me what the hell Ron Howard did with his brother? I would have boycotted this picture knowing Clint was abandoned. Where are you Clint?
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Night Shift was a real classic. I also enjoyed Cocoon, Splash, and Gung Ho.
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You said you liked it, but spent the whole review complaining. It's slow, it's predictable, most of the dialogue sucks, the main performances are weak. Sounds like a pretty awful movie, no wonder it's getting such shit reviews. I can only guess that you liked it because you had insanely low expectations because of the book...and it didn't suck THAT bad?
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