Hey folks, Harry here... this is the first time that I'm not really looking forward to a Michael Mann film. Of all the subject matters that I've craved his attention to be focused upon... Miami Vice - revisited wasn't one of them. I'd love to see Mann attack another period film, a fantasy, a sci fi flick, horror, suspense... maybe even a frickin' musical... but not his desperately eighties tv show.... which I loved back then... but has aged as badly as Don Johnson's sockless shoes he wore. I hope it's great - but I'm really kinda tired of these. To me - I'd rather Mann have made anything but this. Here ya go...
Last Thursday I managed to catch a free prescreening at Arizona Mills for an “upcoming R-rated summer blockbuster.” While in line, I was approached by a representative and was chosen to afterwards sit in on a panel to later discuss the movie. So, like any red-blooded American I excitedly entered the theater and quietly said a prayer for Snakes on a Plane. Just before the movie started they let us know we were watching Miami Vice (which for me was a double sting-you’re not watching Snakes on a Plane and you are Miami Vice). So, for the people out there looking forward to this movie, I thought I’d let you all know how it was.
When the movie started I decided to enjoy this for what it was, after all, I had the panel afterwards, and I would have to say something. Plus, there was always the hope that the movie I was about to see may honestly be good. That hope faded rather fast.
If I were to summarize the movie in a TV ad, I would probably use: Not as funny as Beverly Hills Cop, not as well done as Traffic, trying hard to be both: it’s Miami Vice.
The movie starts with lots of shots of fast boats, one of which is being driven by James “Sonny” Crockett (Colin Ferrell) and Ricardo Tubbs (Jamie Foxx) (one of my friends pointed out this is probably where the credits will be eventually be, so I forgive how long and how many of these boat shots there were…in this part of the movie, there were lots all over). Our heroes hop out of their boat and join their female fellow vice cops, who are trying to make a prostitution ring bust. They follow some evil pimps to a night club and after much squeezing through dancing people and hitting on bar maids we see one of the evil pimps slap a prostitute. This upsets Jamie (sorry, I know who Jamie Foxx is, I only know Ricardo Tubbs’ name because I just looked it up…I never watched the show) who is approaching the pimp to make a bust…but misses the elevator. A cell phone rings, someone is in trouble, this is very important, and the entire movie up to this point is dropped and never returned to. For someone who has just invested 20 to 30 minutes of my life in a movie that has not been that great thus far-this was a bit of a kick to the crotch.
Okay, here’s the real plot of the movie: In either the CIA, FBI, DEA, etc…someone has tipped off a drug lord about undercover agents (the caller from the opening was a tad upset about this as he was connected to this case and closely linked to a lot of now, or soon to be, dead people). To properly enforce drugs pushers, they need new undercover agents, but since they don’t know where the leak is, they needed to use an outside organization. They choose who else but a pair of cops from the vice squad of the Miami police department. So off to South America our heroes fly and already I’m thinking to myself, ‘I could sure go for some snakes in that plane.’
So here are my thoughts:
First and foremost, I need to point out that it started at 7:00 and ended at 10:00. Many of my overarching complaints about this movie revolve around that fact. I personally feel if I sit in a theater for 3 hours, I want to either see Scotland liberated, Frodo get 1/3 of the way to Mordor, or Leonardo DiCaprio die (nothing against him, I just feel one less attractive man in this world betters my chances). At this drawn out pace we are able to see such things as every gyration of three separate love scenes, people gazing at sunsets and one another, motorboats cruising (lots of cruising), plane flying (lots of flying) and gun battles in which you want to scream, please someone, anyone, get shot. I understand that this being a prescreening they have yet to cut it down to its final length, but there was so much fat that begged to be cut out, it really completely killed the movie as a whole.
Assuming that’s fixed I shall start with the good. There was some good action, speckled with outbursts of sudden, unexpected Saving Private Ryan-like violence. While I am not one who greatly enjoys horrific act of bloodshed, the occasional loss of Marvin in a back seat is kind of fun, and I must admit, here, it was a nice touch. There were some good points of humor, but I won’t delve into that too much as nothing sucks more than someone explaining a funny joke and then you having to watch what could have been a great unexpected scene. I thought Jamie Foxx did a fine job, and I especially respect that having last seen him in Collateral where he played such a loser. I wasn’t as much a fan of Colin Farrell, but that might simply because he makes some seriously retarded decisions.
Things that bugged me: Before you read this, you should know that I tend to overanalyze things, so if that’s not you, forgive me. One glaring thing I found humorously strange was at one point Jamie and Colin are undercover as drug trafficers and using fake identities. While talking to the drug lord, the drug lord mentions to Jaime, “that’s a beautiful wife you have” and Jamie later learns the drug lord has sent her flowers. Jamie talks to his wife and they decide this is no big deal as all the information the drug lord has, is all apart of their fake identities. Okay, Either A: The drug lord discovered your true identities and then found your wife in which it’s time to make peace with God, or B: You created a fake identity with a fake wife, who is played by your real wife that lives in your real home. I can’t help but think this might be a bad idea that could possibly come back to haunt you.
Other things include when you first meet the attractive female drug lord, they zoom in on her watch, later you meet the head of the drug organization, who is sitting next to above attractive drug lord, and the camera zooms in on their matching watches. That’s about it for the watches, leaving me not quite certain of the watches importance. Later Colin hits on and then sleeps with the attractive drug lord. To me would be like a runner getting a calf tattoo just before a race, not a good idea, and again, something that just might come back to haunt you.
Also, I must say the ending bothered me greatly, but out of respect for the film makers, I won’t go into it. I will say it left me desperately wanting some snakes on that boat.
Afterwards the panel was cancelled (thank you, as it is no fun to tell someone their child has cancer) so the only feedback they got from me was on a yellow double-sided piece of paper.
All the best,
Charles McGuire
Transient
