Movie News

Break Out The Kleenex! Harry's In PENTHOUSE!!!

Published at: April 1, 2006, 1:57 a.m. CST by staff

Hey folks, Harry here... As always on April 1st, I like to take this time to give all you good folks a bit of happiness. And I can think of nothing better to tell you than the fact that I'm hitting the pages of PENTHOUSE beginning this month with the "MAY" issue. I've only got a two page spread this month, but next month "JUNE" it gets steamier as J.J. Abrams and I are featured 1 on 1 for page after page after page of hot steamy geeky spank material. A Mission Impossible, not hardly, I tell ya we went at it for a full hour and it was awesome. However, nothing prepped me for the "JULY" issue when I went at it for an hour with a super man, Bryan Singer. Talk about making a guy believe he can fly, whew! Those pages are sure to put lift in your sail! Then, the "August" issue... just wait till you see who I snuggle up with, it'll be one hot night, I promise you that. 30 days after each of those issues hit, you'll get to gaze at every last second of our time together. But let's face it! Now you finally have an excuse to pick up PENTHOUSE... for the pictures!

In other news, I'm moving into a house with a lovely lady. Today, we're picking out furniture, appliances and the whole nine yards. If you're really curious, you can read all about it on my MySpace page. Ain't it cool?

In still other news, the latest script for JOHN CARTER OF MARS came in and it's the best one yet! Can't wait to get this in front of cameras. 2GETHER 4EVER is looking to shoot in late July, probably somewhere between New Orleans and Austin. Then GHOST TOWN just had the latest draft come in and it's fricking great. Once things clear up at Revolution, I'll have more news for you on that, including who the screenwriter has been all this time.

Lastly - AICN beginning today is starting full on development of a whole new backend for the site, which means dumping the set up we've had for the last 9 years, the 1 year before was pure my html, but it looks like we're moving towards some thing called pimple... no, that's not it... it's some sort of "pul" sound. I don't pay attention to tech meetings. I'd rather brush my hair in a mirror and make hot come hither faces in me undies. I hope you have a great April 1st, everyone here at AICN is having their very best. Cuz... it's pay day!

Readers Talkback

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  • April 1, 2006, 2:11 a.m. CST

    I can't get them out of my head

    by eclipsedman

    the images of Harry doing anything with Singer or Abrahms. Harry with a REAL woman, thats not possible.

  • April 1, 2006, 2:21 a.m. CST

    wait.

    by casinoskunk

    You and J.J. one on one? yipes, just yipes!

  • April 1, 2006, 2:24 a.m. CST

    We'll finally see if Harry is a natural redhead...

    by Elmore Rigby

    hell, he has bigger tits than most girls in Penthouse.

  • April 1, 2006, 2:52 a.m. CST

    Is that the Jessica Alba centerfold issue, Harry?

    by Monkeybrains

    Wow, today is a good day after all! First they announce that Larry David is indeed The Vulture, now this news. Excellent!

  • April 1, 2006, 2:59 a.m. CST

    Wait......you actually expect us to PAY for porn???

    by Shermdawg

    LOL, thats a good one. Haha. APRIL FOOLS! You got me Harry......But seriousley, you're telling me, PENTHOUSE is still around??? I mean, after they toned it down, why bother?

  • April 1, 2006, 3:04 a.m. CST

    And speaking of nudity...

    by Shermdawg

    have they really decided not to have to gratuitous amounts of nekkid boobah's in John Carter? And what's Noah Wyle's thought's on this decision? I'm sure it would be a different story, if it was Doug Ross of Mars.

  • April 1, 2006, 3:14 a.m. CST

    harry in his undies.....

    by rebel299

    i'm glad i threw up an hour ago. if there was anything left in me i'd hate to have to clean my keyboard

  • April 1, 2006, 3:18 a.m. CST

    There's a pay day?

    by Latauro

  • April 1, 2006, 3:19 a.m. CST

    gratuitous boobies

    by rebel299

    man. who here doesn't want to see a shitload of unnecessary titties, as long as they're chick titties. god knows there's enough man titties hanging around this site...... *hangs head in shame and goes to bed*

  • April 1, 2006, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Penthouse? Ain't it cool?

    by BannedOnTheRun

    No.

  • April 1, 2006, 7:33 a.m. CST

    What's so funny about...

    by Brendon

    ...half baked plugs for John Carter, Ghost Town and 2Gether 4Ever?

  • April 1, 2006, 8 a.m. CST

    Penthouse is Horrible

    by dicbeaks

    After they toned it down, it became a horrible magazine. THe only reason to have picked it up was for the smokin hot chicks and now they're a third rate Playboy. Who would have thought that Playboy would have wound up a winner?

  • April 1, 2006, 8:26 a.m. CST

    Well, seeing as how Bryan Singer is teh ghey...

    by Deep Cover

    ...it's possible, although I'd think he'd be seriously slumming it by trying to find Harry's bunghole. Can we get a reprint of Harry's BLADE II review in Penthouse Forum? Actually, that was so disgusting, I think it could qualify for Fangoria...

  • April 1, 2006, 8:31 a.m. CST

    haha!...April Fool's!

    by HypeEndsHere

  • April 1, 2006, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Be Thankful, Y'all...

    by Grimjack99

    ...there could've been links. (shudder).

  • April 1, 2006, 9:11 a.m. CST

    LOL @ Latauro

    by CeeBeeUK

    You can almost hear the pleading.

  • April 1, 2006, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Immoral fornicators!

    by BrandLoyalist

    You'll be heading for the lake of fire. LAKE of FIRE!

  • April 1, 2006, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Lake of Fire

    by RobinP

    Form an orderly line....me first.

  • April 1, 2006, 9:58 a.m. CST

    Will they be airbrushing Harry's breasts?

    by Otter

    Just kidding, Harry... April Fools, and good luck with the move and the lady.

  • April 1, 2006, 10:29 a.m. CST

    There are no hidden links to porn in this article

    by MrBoinfoint

    Color me disappointed.

  • April 1, 2006, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Wonder Woman Cast!!

    by torpor_haze

    http://www.joblo.com/index.php?id=10853

  • April 1, 2006, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Mad Max 2...

    by rev_skarekroe

    Check your calendar. And I'll be breaking out the Kleenax for Harry's Penthouse debut all right - to wipe away the tears.

  • April 1, 2006, 10:51 a.m. CST

    i love april fool's day

    by mikkimouse

    it's fun to see which people remember it's april 1st and which ones forget.

  • April 1, 2006, 10:55 a.m. CST

    For all those who think Mad Max 2 fell for it...

    by torpor_haze

    READ his post

  • April 1, 2006, 11:19 a.m. CST

    I remember AICN's very first April Fool's page

    by WeirdEd

    It did fool quite a lot of people. Among other things Harry reported that Kurt Russell was playing Boba Fett in the prequels, and had this animated GIF of Fett with Russell's head. Ahhhh, those were the days...

  • April 1, 2006, 12:22 p.m. CST

    remember, remember...

    by thebearovingian

    to spring forward tonight. Set your clocks ahead one hour and lose that precious sleep! This is not an April Fools joke!..?

  • April 1, 2006, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Bad image.

    by Neosamurai85

    Harry: "Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so good..." Yeah... I'm sadistic bastard. But imagen the animation in the corner. The infamous Eyes Wide Shut animation would be nothing next to that. Peace.

  • April 1, 2006, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Well as long as it's tastefully done

    by Ribbons

  • April 1, 2006, 12:35 p.m. CST

    wow...

    by Holodigm

    has this really been a long-in-the-making april fools joke? something tells me harry isn't really writing for penthouse.

  • April 1, 2006, 12:52 p.m. CST

    YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN PENTHOUSE NOW ANYWAY HARRY!!!!

    by RickSlamu2

    Penthouse as a porn mag has really gone to the fucken dogs the last year or so! Ever since BoB Guchione had to sell it, there isn't any use in buying it anymore! It's like night and day the differences. I herd one dipshit say it was great now because it was like "MAXIM with nudity". That is just so fucking sad I don't know where to begin. I wouldn't pick up a penthouse now if you put a gun to my head. Much like your privates Harry, Penthouse has permanently gone limp, weak, and sterile. Then again maybe you are a perfect fit for the mag now!!!

  • April 1, 2006, 1:04 p.m. CST

    wAY TO GO BUDDY

    by Goonie

  • April 1, 2006, 1:25 p.m. CST

    good stuff big guy!

    by Manaqua

    Good luck with the new house! Checked out your myspace. Good job Harry! Cheers!

  • April 1, 2006, 2 p.m. CST

    Good luck, Harry

    by Zoviet Squid

    I'm moving in with my sweetheart soon also - exciting and scary as shit. Looking forward to your cinematic offerings! Though I would have preferred you posted your interviews here. Can't we all band together to click on a few of these links and get him a paycheck that 'out performs' that of Penthouse's?

  • April 1, 2006, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Just had to mention the girlfriend again, huh Harold...

    by Little Beavis

    Attention AICN readers: Harry is HETEROsexual! And if you have any doubts, he's in fucking Penthouse! We get it dude, now chill already...

  • April 1, 2006, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Just had to mention the girlfriend again, huh Harold...

    by Little Beavis

    Attention AICN readers: Harry is HETEROsexual! And if you have any doubts, he's in fucking Penthouse! We get it dude, now chill already...

  • April 1, 2006, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Least funny April Fools post ever...

    by nalapou

    good job Harry

  • April 1, 2006, 3:16 p.m. CST

    This may very well be Harry's Favorite

    by donuts

    Website www.theweeklydonut.org

  • April 1, 2006, 3:34 p.m. CST

    Harry moving in with a girlfriend?

    by one9deuce

    Come on AICN, at least try to make the April Fools prank believable.

  • April 1, 2006, 4:16 p.m. CST

    Just saying...

    by Mr. N

    Don't know if anyone's been over to Dark Horizons today... at least Garth's April Fools Jokes are actually funny.

  • April 1, 2006, 5:17 p.m. CST

    4 words you never wants to hear in the same sentence...

    by Cletus Van Damme

    "Harry," "Spread," "In," and "Penthouse."

  • April 1, 2006, 5:24 p.m. CST

    yall do know that Harry's girlfriend...

    by FrenchBastard03

    ... is like 14 years old. seriously, go check out HER myspace page. i wonder if thats part of the April fool's joke as well? i can understand how you might think making love to jj abrams was funny, but moving in with a 14 year old is just crossing the line dude...

  • April 1, 2006, 7:44 p.m. CST

    Harry, this "lovely lady"...

    by Rowley Birkin QC

    does she use a cane or a dog?

  • April 1, 2006, 9:14 p.m. CST

    Wouldn't it be sad...

    by johnhawks

    if this was all lies? Harry has no girlfriend, there is no "Ghost Town", AICN will always be Harry's HTML and he's just sitting in his apartment wishing all of it was true... -Bran :(

  • April 2, 2006, 12:09 a.m. CST

    Who thinks Harry is paying for his "girlfriend"

    by Nate Champion

  • April 2, 2006, 3:59 a.m. CST

    How about a link to a photo of Harry's girlfriend?

    by one9deuce

    I want to see what she looks like. I want to see if she looks/is fourteen.

  • April 2, 2006, 6:29 a.m. CST

    I can't seem to find harry's myspace..

    by Windowlicker74

    I wanna see his girlfriend too!

  • April 2, 2006, 9:35 a.m. CST

    About this mystery man you intend to steam it up with

    by BendersShinyAss

    It's Jackson isn't it?! Dude, tell me you're going to lay it to him straight about the talkbackers reactions to Kong. and I mean ALL the recurring issues. Harry? Harry, are you reading?

  • April 2, 2006, 10:05 a.m. CST

    A live-in nurse does not = moving in with a woman

    by genro

  • April 2, 2006, 10:53 a.m. CST

    just go to harrys myspace

    by butnugget

    and click on his top friend. Its not that hard. Says she's fourteen but I dunno. Admitted cradle robbing is not that favorable. Also, Harry says she is 19 in the caption on his site. Still, 19 vs. 34 = Not much to talk about.

  • April 2, 2006, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Notice how Harry mentions HE's paying for the house.

    by Nate Champion

    That might explain why a 19-year old is hanging out with Harry Knowles. Sorry to break it to ya Har, but "our" dining room table might not be "ours" for very long.

  • April 2, 2006, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Sad, dude, just sad...

    by Little Beavis

    Direct quote from the MySpace page of Harold's "girlfriend": From Harry: 2/25/2006 1:17 AM Where are you? Why aren't you returning my calls?

  • April 2, 2006, 3:43 p.m. CST

    it's official: MySpace is over

    by HypeEndsHere

  • April 2, 2006, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Little Beavis

    by HEADGEEK

    LOL.... that she was asleep behind me when I posted that - is kinda lost on ya, cuz - it was a joke between us.

  • April 2, 2006, 4:59 p.m. CST

    15 year age gap?

    by The Heathen

    Hrmm

  • April 2, 2006, 6:03 p.m. CST

    That's Texas for you.

    by Forestal

  • April 2, 2006, 6:57 p.m. CST

    I went to your myspace page

    by Immortus45

    I don't understand. Who is kailey nudd ?

  • April 2, 2006, 7:03 p.m. CST

    DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS

    by butnugget

    Because they will date your children someday!

  • April 2, 2006, 7:08 p.m. CST

    I'd rather... make hot come hit her feces in me undies?

    by LlGHTST0RMER

    That's by far the worst visual I've ever had foisted into my brain. I have to go decapitate myself now.

  • April 2, 2006, 10:55 p.m. CST

    Best wishes in the new digs, Harry!

    by Little Beavis

    Sorry for the ribbing, oh Great Red Hairy One; hope you and your sweetie have a great future!

  • April 3, 2006, 1:43 a.m. CST

    Shit, if Harry can get a girlfriend...

    by Forestal

    I can.

  • April 3, 2006, 7:04 a.m. CST

    The best April Fool's trick

    by Pageiv

    Is thinking Harry is some sort of James Bond mastermind finding the inside scoop on all things film related. J/K loved the site since 1997!! I'm just glad you didn't post and Michael Moore letters in a while. http://www.geocities.com/pageiv71/Michigan_Partisan.html

  • April 3, 2006, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Harry writing for Penthouse? What's next...

    by DarkWater

    ...Harry writing for Men's Health magazine?

  • April 3, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    ...Harry, We Love Ya, But...

    by hipcheck13

    ...please don't EVER use the words "Penthouse," "Harry Knowles" and "Two-Page Spread" in the same paragraph again. The thought of photos of you in a leather thong and an apple in your mouth is far beyond horrifying.

  • April 4, 2006, 7:43 p.m. CST

    does anyone have a link to harry's myspace page?

    by jackburtonlives

    thanks, brothers.

  • April 6, 2006, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Harry, just stay out of Hustler

    by Doctor_Sin

    They may make you pee for your photoshoot. Dude, you need your own porn video series like "Geek on the Prowl" where you troll conventions for nubile hoochie to perform before the cameras. It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

  • April 6, 2006, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Harry's girlfriends name is Roger

    by smackfu

    Isn't Harry a self-proclaimed homosexual? (seinfeld voice) Not that there's anything wrong with that...but I thought Harry already had a beard...