Merrick here...(for the love of God, E-MAIL ME suggestions for some clever, bad ass tag lines!!!)

Okay...well...Massawyrm was kind enough to send this review of SHE'S THE MAN.

I don't know what to say. He likes it...I haven't seen it...I can't comment on it...but I'm a little confused. Evidentially, so is he -- but in a different way. "The only word in this review that you will find truthful at all is ‘retarded’" is what he says.

Uh...

We've been a little worried about Massawyrm since his recent exaltation of THE SHAGGY DOG, a decidedly lackluster film which clearly failed to include Peter Quincy Taggart (the best spaceship captain since James T. Kirk) licking his own nuts, gnawing on cat poop, sticking his nose up people's butts, or doing anyone he could find as often as possible!

Here is Massa's perplexing dive into retardation, cross-dressing, and even deeper dementia...

Hola all. Massawyrm here. Normally, I don’t review films after they street. That’s typically the perview of Harry, Quint and Moriarty. But occasionally there is a film I feel so strongly for, that I feel delighted, nay, compelled to sit in front of my keyboard and spout 1500 words of gibberish about it. She’s the Man is just such a film.

Now let me preface this by saying that this review is not for everyone. It is not meant for the eyes of the cynics, the armchair critics or the hardcore genre geeks. No this review is for a special select few of you who I am about to call out by name. As I’ve admitted in the past, and feel bears repeating, I’m a big time lover of guilty pleasure films – those special little films that many of us love but much like Peter to Jesus, would deny three times before the cock crows. Films like The Cutting Edge, Hackers, or for many of you out there 10 Things I hate About You. For those of you that love the flawed little gem that is 10 Things I Hate About You, well, you are exactly the people this review is meant for. Everyone else, brace yourselves, because this review is pretty much 100% guaranteed not for you. Seriously. Manufacturers Warning: Taking my advice about seeing this film without a love for all things 10 Things I Hate About You may cause anger, nausea, swelling of the eyes, nose and throat, vomiting and possible permanent brain damage. After reading this review do not operate vehicles or heavy machinery, as I am not often known for my brevity. Consider yourself warned.

10 Things I Hate About you is one of those silently appreciated classics; a film many of us love, but look both ways before admitting to someone that we have total confidence shares that love. It’s a magical, delightfully retarded adaptation of William Shakespeare’s timeless comedy “The Taming of the Shrew.” Far from perfect, this film has found its way into the hearts of college girls and girly men the world over using a healthy mix of late 90’s Alterna-pop, goofball comedy and the chemistry of, then unknown but now much beloved A-listers, Julia Styles and Heath Ledger. And it’s a movie many of us keep on our dvd shelf for the sole purpose of bringing us up on those piss poor rainy days when nothing seems to go right and we just need to watch Heath and Julia fall in love all over again. Over paintball.

Now to many of you, bringing up 10 Things anywhere near a simple cross dressing comedy might seem sacrilegious. But hear me out. Cross dressing, when done right is classic fried comedy gold, and something that has worked further back than Mrs. Doubtfire, further back than the 80’s when cross dressing comedies were king (Just One of the Guys – to which this bears the greatest resemblance – or the 6 time Oscar winning Tootsie), further back than Some Like it Hot, even further back than when Uncle Miltie appeared on TV in a dress. While I’m certain Cross Dressing comedy goes all the way back to Greek Theatre, lets make a pit stop in Elizabethan England and a play by William Shakespeare named “The Twelfth Night.” Now, am I pulling out and dusting off an arcane factoid in order to loosely link this to She’s the Man in order to sub-reference it to the glittering Guilty Pleasure that is 10 Things I Hate About You? Nope. She’s the Man is actually, absolutely an adaptation of The Twelfth Night, set in high school. Just like 10 Things I Hate About You. And Lo and behold – it was written by the same writing team (the team also responsible for another Guilty pleasure classic “Legally Blonde”, but unfortunately responsible for the hate crime of a children’s movie that was “Ella Enchanted.”) Surprised? So was I. Somehow this fact was kept secret from the marketing folks behind this, and I didn’t know myself until the credits rolled.

What followed was exactly what you’d expect from writers Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith. It was retarded, goofy, peppered with enough Shakespeare references to choke a horse and absolutely, undeniably delightful. Like its predecessor, you can’t help but become overwhelmed by the sheer charm of the film, its writing and its leads. I laughed, a lot, and spent periods extending several minutes at a time in a constant state of chuckle in which I couldn’t stop myself from smiling or giggling like a deranged madman staring down the warden from ‘Old Sparky.’ It was just so god damned cute.

Leading the cast and by far stealing the show is the infinitely adorable Amanda Bynes, who is, in my opinion, the single most talented actress in the 20 and under set. While Hillary Duff and Lindsey Lohan are certainly bigger names (and seemingly get more work, not to mention have both assaulted us with albums) Bynes is the actress who I honestly feel is going to be the most successful once she grows out of the cute Bubble Gum phase. Certainly, while she gains quite an edge by being the lovable girl next door, she has mastered the art of physical comedy in a way that most Hollywood actresses don’t (or simply aren’t allowed.) Her facial expressions, ability to sell a pratfall, even the way she squeals when taking a hit, put her in a class of actress that is far too rare in this day and age. And She’s the Man lives and breathes with her performance.

Let’s face it, there are pretty much only four jokes to be had in Cross Dressing humor – from Bugs Bunny to Dustin Hoffman, it’s the same four gags. 1) Cross Dresser stumbles with their best impression of the opposite sex, 2) Cross Dresser makes fairly obvious statements of the truth to an unsuspecting person who thinks they are actually a member of the sex they are dressed as– ie Innuendo, 3) the Cross Dresser is caught changing between sexes and 4) the revelation of cross dressing to doubtful or unsuspecting persons. Lather, rinse, repeat. Pulling it off just right is tough. For certain, there are plenty of winners (Some Like it Hot, Tootsie, Mrs. Doubtfire), but there are also heaps and heaps of losers (Juwanna Mann, Sorority Boys, Big Momma’s House 1 & 2 – take yer pick.) Here, Amanda Bynes pulls it off in stride, nailing virtually every bit of the humor with all the skill of a seasoned pro. Some of her routines here are laugh out loud hilarious - including one gut busting moment with a spider that is the pinnacle of the movie, keeping the audience laughing for a solid, uninterrupted 30 seconds.

Is the film predictable? Yep. Does everyone end up properly romantically hooked up by the final reel, ala The Pirate Movie? Indeed they do. Do all the villains get their comeuppance? You bet your ass. So why bother to see it? Because you enjoy gleefully retarded, heartwarming, feel good, Shakespeare adapted romantic comedies just as much as I do. And while you may not yet be able to publicly admit your love of 10 Things, I have little reputation left around here to protect (did you READ my Shaggy Dog review?) So there it is. For those of you as in love with 10 Things as I am, you owe it to yourself (and to Amanda Bynes who will seduce you with the power of her Next Door green eyes) to check this out immediately. It’s one you’ll no doubt enjoy time and again. Secretly.

However, if for some reason you hate 10 Things I Hate About You and have somehow managed to find your way to the end of this review, thinking “Well, Masswyrm was right about King Kong or movie X we agreed on, so I’ll give this a shot” and dare to ask me for your 7 bucks back when you hate it – dude, seriously, I owe you a punch square in the mouth. This movie isn’t for you. It’s for 14 year old girls, 35 year old guys in trenchcoats and the secret legion 10 Things lovers. The only word in this review that you will find truthful at all is ‘retarded’ (which I have already used more times than allowed by law.) But occasionally, some of us like retarded. And this movie is for us.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. I know I will.

Massawyrm

Feel free to e-mail me with questions or comments here, no matter how ‘retarded.’