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Massawyrm Fondles SHE'S THE MAN!!
Okay...well...Massawyrm was kind enough to send this review of SHE'S THE MAN.
I don't know what to say. He likes it...I haven't seen it...I can't comment on it...but I'm a little confused. Evidentially, so is he -- but in a different way. "The only word in this review that you will find truthful at all is ‘retarded’" is what he says.
Uh...
We've been a little worried about Massawyrm since
his recent exaltation of THE SHAGGY DOG, a decidedly lackluster film which clearly failed to include Peter Quincy Taggart (the best spaceship captain since James T. Kirk) licking his own nuts, gnawing on cat poop, sticking his nose up people's butts, or doing anyone he could find as often as possible!
Here is Massa's perplexing dive into retardation, cross-dressing, and even deeper dementia...
Hola all. Massawyrm here. Normally, I don’t review films after they street. That’s typically the perview of Harry, Quint and Moriarty. But occasionally there is a film I feel so strongly for, that I feel delighted, nay, compelled to sit in front of my keyboard and spout 1500 words of gibberish about it. She’s the Man is just such a film.
Now let me preface this by saying that this review is not for everyone. It is not meant for the eyes of the cynics, the armchair critics or the hardcore genre geeks. No this review is for a special select few of you who I am about to call out by name. As I’ve admitted in the past, and feel bears repeating, I’m a big time lover of guilty pleasure films – those special little films that many of us love but much like Peter to Jesus, would deny three times before the cock crows. Films like The Cutting Edge, Hackers, or for many of you out there 10 Things I hate About You. For those of you that love the flawed little gem that is 10 Things I Hate About You, well, you are exactly the people this review is meant for. Everyone else, brace yourselves, because this review is pretty much 100% guaranteed not for you. Seriously. Manufacturers Warning: Taking my advice about seeing this film without a love for all things 10 Things I Hate About You may cause anger, nausea, swelling of the eyes, nose and throat, vomiting and possible permanent brain damage. After reading this review do not operate vehicles or heavy machinery, as I am not often known for my brevity. Consider yourself warned.
10 Things I Hate About you is one of those silently appreciated classics; a film many of us love, but look both ways before admitting to someone that we have total confidence shares that love. It’s a magical, delightfully retarded adaptation of William Shakespeare’s timeless comedy “The Taming of the Shrew.” Far from perfect, this film has found its way into the hearts of college girls and girly men the world over using a healthy mix of late 90’s Alterna-pop, goofball comedy and the chemistry of, then unknown but now much beloved A-listers, Julia Styles and Heath Ledger. And it’s a movie many of us keep on our dvd shelf for the sole purpose of bringing us up on those piss poor rainy days when nothing seems to go right and we just need to watch Heath and Julia fall in love all over again. Over paintball.
Now to many of you, bringing up 10 Things anywhere near a simple cross dressing comedy might seem sacrilegious. But hear me out. Cross dressing, when done right is classic fried comedy gold, and something that has worked further back than Mrs. Doubtfire, further back than the 80’s when cross dressing comedies were king (Just One of the Guys – to which this bears the greatest resemblance – or the 6 time Oscar winning Tootsie), further back than Some Like it Hot, even further back than when Uncle Miltie appeared on TV in a dress. While I’m certain Cross Dressing comedy goes all the way back to Greek Theatre, lets make a pit stop in Elizabethan England and a play by William Shakespeare named “The Twelfth Night.” Now, am I pulling out and dusting off an arcane factoid in order to loosely link this to She’s the Man in order to sub-reference it to the glittering Guilty Pleasure that is 10 Things I Hate About You? Nope. She’s the Man is actually, absolutely an adaptation of The Twelfth Night, set in high school. Just like 10 Things I Hate About You. And Lo and behold – it was written by the same writing team (the team also responsible for another Guilty pleasure classic “Legally Blonde”, but unfortunately responsible for the hate crime of a children’s movie that was “Ella Enchanted.”) Surprised? So was I. Somehow this fact was kept secret from the marketing folks behind this, and I didn’t know myself until the credits rolled.
What followed was exactly what you’d expect from writers Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith. It was retarded, goofy, peppered with enough Shakespeare references to choke a horse and absolutely, undeniably delightful. Like its predecessor, you can’t help but become overwhelmed by the sheer charm of the film, its writing and its leads. I laughed, a lot, and spent periods extending several minutes at a time in a constant state of chuckle in which I couldn’t stop myself from smiling or giggling like a deranged madman staring down the warden from ‘Old Sparky.’ It was just so god damned cute.
Leading the cast and by far stealing the show is the infinitely adorable Amanda Bynes, who is, in my opinion, the single most talented actress in the 20 and under set. While Hillary Duff and Lindsey Lohan are certainly bigger names (and seemingly get more work, not to mention have both assaulted us with albums) Bynes is the actress who I honestly feel is going to be the most successful once she grows out of the cute Bubble Gum phase. Certainly, while she gains quite an edge by being the lovable girl next door, she has mastered the art of physical comedy in a way that most Hollywood actresses don’t (or simply aren’t allowed.) Her facial expressions, ability to sell a pratfall, even the way she squeals when taking a hit, put her in a class of actress that is far too rare in this day and age. And She’s the Man lives and breathes with her performance.
Let’s face it, there are pretty much only four jokes to be had in Cross Dressing humor – from Bugs Bunny to Dustin Hoffman, it’s the same four gags. 1) Cross Dresser stumbles with their best impression of the opposite sex, 2) Cross Dresser makes fairly obvious statements of the truth to an unsuspecting person who thinks they are actually a member of the sex they are dressed as– ie Innuendo, 3) the Cross Dresser is caught changing between sexes and 4) the revelation of cross dressing to doubtful or unsuspecting persons. Lather, rinse, repeat. Pulling it off just right is tough. For certain, there are plenty of winners (Some Like it Hot, Tootsie, Mrs. Doubtfire), but there are also heaps and heaps of losers (Juwanna Mann, Sorority Boys, Big Momma’s House 1 & 2 – take yer pick.) Here, Amanda Bynes pulls it off in stride, nailing virtually every bit of the humor with all the skill of a seasoned pro. Some of her routines here are laugh out loud hilarious - including one gut busting moment with a spider that is the pinnacle of the movie, keeping the audience laughing for a solid, uninterrupted 30 seconds.
Is the film predictable? Yep. Does everyone end up properly romantically hooked up by the final reel, ala The Pirate Movie? Indeed they do. Do all the villains get their comeuppance? You bet your ass. So why bother to see it? Because you enjoy gleefully retarded, heartwarming, feel good, Shakespeare adapted romantic comedies just as much as I do. And while you may not yet be able to publicly admit your love of 10 Things, I have little reputation left around here to protect (did you READ my Shaggy Dog review?) So there it is. For those of you as in love with 10 Things as I am, you owe it to yourself (and to Amanda Bynes who will seduce you with the power of her Next Door green eyes) to check this out immediately. It’s one you’ll no doubt enjoy time and again. Secretly.
However, if for some reason you hate 10 Things I Hate About You and have somehow managed to find your way to the end of this review, thinking “Well, Masswyrm was right about King Kong or movie X we agreed on, so I’ll give this a shot” and dare to ask me for your 7 bucks back when you hate it – dude, seriously, I owe you a punch square in the mouth. This movie isn’t for you. It’s for 14 year old girls, 35 year old guys in trenchcoats and the secret legion 10 Things lovers. The only word in this review that you will find truthful at all is ‘retarded’ (which I have already used more times than allowed by law.) But occasionally, some of us like retarded. And this movie is for us.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. I know I will.
Massawyrm
Feel free to e-mail me with questions or comments here, no matter how ‘retarded.’
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No, I'm not going to go on an elitist diatribe about how movies are getting dumber. This is more important. The 1980's equivalent of this film, "Just One of the Guys" was a PG-13 and had boobies. This one, I'm guessing, does not. Did we lose a war?
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One of the site's worst reviewers reviewing a movie that's already out and no one on Earth gives a shit about. This should not be here.
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but I totally agree, this shouldn't be on here.
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I used to watch The Amanda Show on Nick with my daughter, and the girl is funny. P.S. Hey Merrick, sorry about your great-grandfather. Tragic.
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Get yer priorities straight!
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Thank you. It's a huge, oddly shaped shadow to live beneath...
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why don't you see it and contribute? or you can just bitch...
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DanL here. I wrote another review of the movie, and it was posted on the site a few days ago. Like you said, the movie is very entertaining. But, unfortunately, anyone that likes it is a plant. I'm sorry.
PLANT! -
I just lost any respect I might have had for Massawyrm.
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But one thing's always constant: I always get a kick out of reading his reviews. The Pride & Prejudice review? Genius.
AICN should seriously consider cobbling together a book of their "greatest hits" of film reviews. It would at least make $20. I'd buy it. -
... I mean, how can you get me to read an entire review about a movie I would normally have no interest in seeing, and still don't, really? I expect someday I'll rent "10 things" and "She's the Man" from the library someday, because of Massawyrm, and then curse him, just as I did when I saw Aeon Flux.
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and I don't see how anyone with a dirty secret passion for cheesy teenybopper girly movies could be left unsatisfied. Granted the production design was pretty tacky and threatened to poison our eyes, but the acting led impeccably by Anne Hathaway saved the director's yicky cotton candy vision.
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If you even read this review (I like the guys writing, by the way) you wanted to find out one of two things.
A. Are there jailbait tits in the movie.
B. You like movies like this the same way I do and many other people who remain quiet about it. It's like how European scooters are actually fun to ride. Then theres that fat chick in college you used to fuck every night you got wasted, unlucky, and just wanted to suck on some really big titties. I myself have a soft spot for the one with the chick from Sabrina the Teenage Witch and anything with Lacey Chalbert in it. That said- you guys look for the teenage tits...don't they have websites and support groups for that sort of thing? -
Be carefull watching "10 things" and "She's the Man" because if you don't like them, Massawyrm is likely to punch you in the face.
San Diemos Highshool Football Rules! -
Okay, first things first: Merrick, welcome aboard. So far, I like your style. Second things second: Good Lord, Merrick! What did they do? All take vacation at the same time and leave you with the keys? That's quite a lot of responsibility they heaped on you, right out of the gate. Kudos for handling it. Third things third: I am actually quite glad this review is here. I actually have the ability to not click links that lead to reviews of stuff that don't interest me (Dr. Who, reviews of Anime, reviews of collectable figurines, etc.) but as an actor who has done his share of Shakespeare, AND a fan of David Cross, this flick (NOT a "film") acually interests me. And thanks Massawyrm, for having the cajones to admit to liking it. Fourth things fourth: Like I said, I'm a fan of David Cross, and he's in the Godd@mn thing (and the closest relation to traditional "Cool News" in the movie), so would someone tell me if he gets a decent amount of screen time and laughs?
Thanks. -
Tag lines? As in A.K.A.'s? Soo-doe-nims? Isn't Merrick cool enough, I mean, he's the Elephant Man, and Michael Jackson tried to buy his bones (probably to jump on them), therefore, you took the name of a man, a dead man whose bones Michael Jackson finds sexy. Think about it.
I also like Massawyrm's review of a movie I'd watch on cable if I had no choice. He has a predisposition for these things. I have a brother who reviews movies, he specializes in Asian indies, especially indies made in my country, the Philippines, and is predisposed to dump on big-budget studio flicks,yet he's inexplicably kind to any turd Nastassja Kinski stars in (mostly turds except for Polanski's Tess). Every man has an Achilles Heel, and in their POV, it makes them look good. -
emily rocks.
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the cinematic equivalent of sexual interest in children. Just because you can't help it and you admit it, doesn't mean you shouldn't be shot for it.
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Amanda Bynes *is* a seasoned pro. If she can't do a proper pratfall by now, she's hopeless. And Ella Enchanted is the film where I finally figured out what the appeal of Anne Hathaway was, so it couldn't have been that bad... I am, however, sadly disappointed that no one has mentioned Bring It On yet, which is still the best Guilty Pleasure flick since, well, Clueless anyway. Now if only someone would revive the Gaggle of Starlets genre, we'd be all set. We haven't had one since The Craft! We're overdue!
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1)Thank you...very much. 2) Not a vacation, SXSW. And, again, thank you. Very much appreciated. 3) I thought the review should be here, too. I know Massawyrm, and he's a man of sincerity and conviction...which I really appreciate, even if I don't always agree.
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There's something much more deep rooted and sinister there if you're getting that angry about guys enjoying these types of flicks. Perhaps you secretly are what you hate.
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Amanda Bynes/Bukkake..having typed these 2 words i must now beat my meat..
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Never heard of that contributor before. About the movie- saw it today and it's funny. Amanda Bynes is a really funny girl. I saw her on Carson Daly's show the other day when she mentioned that she did a couple of summer projects with comedians like Richard Pryor at one of those famous comedy things in LA (the one Pauly Shore's mom owns). For the love of all that is good and holy in this world though, I do NOT understand why that idiot Carson Daly has a show. That would have been a cool story to talk about, but Daly looked like his mind was twirling, trying to read the next question on his stupid little list. The guy has NO talent.
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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089393/
Amanda makes a very ugly boy. -
Seriously, could you have mentioned it a few more times? Sheesh! And now for my first oral report entitled 10 things I hate about you. When I began writing my report 10 things I hate about you I thought, what should I include in my report about the 10 things I hate about you? Should 10 things I hate about you be a dramatic report? Or should the subject of 10 things I hate about you be comedic? Also, how many times should I mention the title 10 things I hate about you? We don't want to go into overkill with 10 things I hate about you right? etc,etc,etc.......of course I'm kidding. I realize you probably don't want to hear writing advice from a guy who never got any higher than a B in english.
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And I went to see it because of Massawyrm's review. Shame on me. I'm sorry, I just can't take any more of his reviews to heart.
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Massawyrm=best reviewer on the site, and closest to my own delicate sensibilities. and I'm fucking awesome. so. you KNOW he's good.
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I saw the film yesterday and David Cross gets pretty adequate screen time. He's only in a few scenes, really four big ones that I can think of, but he's there for several minutes in each one. The funniest is probably the end in the middle of a football game when he comes running onto the field to try and announce the big secret and expose her as a man. Yeah I just gave that away but no one really cares. But for what it's worth, it actually is a very enjoyable movie. It's not constantly hilarious but Amanda Bynes has got great physical humour. There's actually a great scene with David when the geeky kid that figures out the secret comes to him to try to expose it, and David says something along the lines of 'that's ridiculous', you know, he doesn't believe it, and Amanda Bynes walks by dressed as the boy on her phone telling her mother how she won't wear a certain dress to the debutante ball. David's reaction is really hilarious. And don't worry, the plot is really predictable so I gave nothing away.
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Is like saying that Creed can carry on a good tune or that Harrison Ford is ageing very well.
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