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Yo, AICN! Check out this ROCKY BALBOA script review!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with a spy named Tregs who got his mitts on the script for the new Sly Stallone ROCKY flick, ROCKY BALBOA. There are light spoilers (nothing that isn't already common knowledge, though) in the review, which is very mixed. I don't really get a clear idea of the script from this review, but that in and of itself might be a critique of the script being reviewed. As a child of the '80s I have a soft spot for Stallone. I hope he pulls it through with this one. I'd love to see him on top (Not, OVER THE TOP... I said, "on top" people!) again. Enjoy the review!

Hey folks, this is Tregs here, and I had the recent privilege of reading the script for "Rocky VI" or "Rocky Balboa" –the official title. Any doubts I had about the validity of the script were instantly dashed once I had read the first few pages. Being in the writing profession, I couldn't help but groan at the glaring spelling and grammatical errors. I knew right away that the script was written by the man, Sylvester Stallone. He never claimed to be a Rhodes scholar, but he does toss around big words (not in this script) quite a bit in interviews, so I was concerned that someone didn't edit the script more closely. Who's gonna correct him anyway?

Anyway, let's get on to the script. We all knew there would be another Rocky film one day. Hollywood barely has an original thought in their collective head, so why not? Watch how many "Brokeback" copies you'll see in about 8-10 months from now. I was excited to get this copy of the script (inside friends) simply because of the 'secrecy' factor surrounding the project. Come on… any one of us could guess at the plot and its outcome and be close to accurate. This review will include SPOILERS, so if you think you're going to be treated to something new, stop reading now.

There were a few revisions to the script, so at times it seems disjointed, something I'm sure they'll fix in the editing process. The film opens up with a fight scene featuring the latest heavyweight champion, Mason "The Line" Dixon taking out another inferior opponent. The crowd is disgusted. It seems there's no one left for this man to fight and it's become tiresome (irony?). This is all written as if our ADD-riddled country is still interested in boxing. Don't get me wrong, I loved "The Contender" last year simply because it was real and bloody. But I also know why it failed.

Cut to Rocky, in a graveyard, mourning. Who's dead, you ask? Probably whoever said no to this project (see Talia Shire). Yes Adrian (that's how Sly spells it) is dead and Rocky makes periodic visits with a lawn chair to sit at her grave and talk to her. This was all probably dialogue that was supposed to be interactive until she declined involvement. He also drags Paulie along but he hates it. Surprisingly, Burt Young was available! Not only was he available, but he also gets more screen time in this film than he did in any other outing. Is this a good thing?

So Rocky owns a Philadelphia restaurant and basically every night people want to hear Apollo Creed stories. I, myself, would rather hear Mr.T stories because that was a better movie, but that's another story. Meanwhile, Rocky's son, Robert (oh no! shades of Rocky V!) is kind of embarrassed by him and keeps his distance. This puzzles me because who wouldn't want this guy for a dad?

Meanwhile, the rocket scientists at ESPN have designed a computer program that pits current fighters against the classics. After using CGI to pit Mason Dixon against the Philly slugger, 'analysts' realize they have a great fight on their hand.

Back in Philadelphia, Rocky has befriended a single mom. She has the obligatory, disgruntled son who also doesn't care for Rocky. If you've seen a movie before, you can guess how that relationship develops.

After hardly any prodding, Rocky decides to fight Dixon and re-applies for his license. There are subplots about Dixon arguing with his manager because he's too good to fight a has-been and Paulie and the meat factory (he's still there??).

Actually, the script's not as predictable as you think and I don't want to give away too much more out of fairness to the filmmakers and Mr. Stallone, a man whom I admire and respect very much. His success story in Hollywood is legendary. I will tell you this- I am going to be there on opening day exclusively because of the last shot in the film, which I won't give away. It's so good that it gave me goose bumps and made me wish that the rest of the script had lived up to its ending. Honestly, as a screenwriter myself, I don't know how I would or could have effectively revived the series. You have to be true to the franchise and basically the idiots that make up Middle America like their stories simple and spoon-fed to them. So, get ready for Dukes of Hazzard II, coming soon to push all the intelligent films out of the theater. This is Tregs, see you in 2007 (why?) when this movie comes out.



Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 25, 2006, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Rocky sucks.

    by Bean_

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 4:57 p.m. CST

    Yo!

    by Sequitur

    first

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 4:57 p.m. CST

    And Tregs is right

    by Bean_

    No one cares about boxing.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 4:57 p.m. CST

    I bet he loses

    by ChorleyFM

    That is the end, Rocky coming full circle.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    "IF YOU CAN'T A CHICKEN, YOU CAN'T CATCH APOLLO"

    by evolution1085

    This has the propensity either to be awesome or suck hardcore... i'm leaning towards sucking hardcore

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:01 p.m. CST

    Don Knotts is dead...

    by PurityOfEssence

    Sorry not the oppropriate thread but I thought it should be somewhere on this site.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:09 p.m. CST

    "the idiots that make up Middle America"

    by Thoreau

    You'll do fine in hollywood with an attitude like that (sigh) the problem with hollywood is people like this guy want to be screenwriters

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:09 p.m. CST

    is anyone taking this movie seriously?

    by Rupee88

    I'm sure not

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:11 p.m. CST

    This CAN'T be as bad as ROCKY V

    by RaulMonkey

    I don't know what the fuck happened on that movie. ROCKY through ROCKY IV are all fucking classics though, and I'll be following developments on BALBOA just as religiously as Supes, Spidey and the Bat.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:11 p.m. CST

    Somewhere tonight...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...ABking is indulging in gruesome self-flagellation over not having been First!(TM) with that script review. Seriously though, what this buttknuckle "exposed" of the script is pretty much public knowledge for anyone who's even vaguely aware of that thar interweb and its arcane machinations. As far as I'm concerned, if ABking hasn't been there first, it ain't Sly news. Fuck off, you sad pretenders to the throne.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:12 p.m. CST

    Are you calling me an idiot?

    by BigBadJon

    "idiots that make up Middle America like their stories simple and spoon-fed to them." What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's arrogant pricks like you who give city dwellers a bad name. You know what? Not all people in "Middle America" are simple minded morons, and not all people from the coasts are educated people, wizened in the true ways of art and philosophy. I hope I have a dozen grammatical errors in this post that you can correct, and make yourself feel superior you arrogant shitbag.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:13 p.m. CST

    'Rocket Scientists'

    by Lone Fox

    Like I wasn't already hyped for this movie. Rocky 6, Spidey in a black costume... God bless America!____________ I'm not joking, by the way.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:15 p.m. CST

    thanks, sly

    by dr.bulber

    rocky 6. nope nothing predictable there no sir.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Tregs is an arsehole.

    by Controv Legion

    This guy sounds like he likes Rocky, yet is too embarrassed to admit it, his cynicism seems forced. His "review" is therefore rendered useless, as I cant trust his opinion.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:24 p.m. CST

    The greatness of ROCKY

    by RaulMonkey

    I'm totally encouraged to hear that "the script's not as predictable as you think." All of the ROCKY films were relatively predictable; they're *sports* movies for Christ's sake. But what makes them great is that they walk that line of predictability vs. credibility and emotional investment so well. Rocky is the perennial underdog, and you always figure in the end he'll overcome the odds, but meantime he gets some severe beatdowns! Look at him get tossed around like a ragdoll by Drago! But he keeps getting back up, and somehow gives as good as he gets. The fact that Rocky did NOT win in the original film worked brilliantly, because it showcased to the utmost that it's his fighting spirit that we are in love with, not the fact that he's a winner.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Lucky...

    by UncleEthan

    I was lucky enough, one Thanksgiving about ten years ago to see Mr. Stallone's personal cut of Rocky V. He had footage of Pauly with a gun in his mouth (He commited suicide in the originaly filmed script) and I've seen Rocky's death at the hands of Tommy Gunn. I truly hope that they have a good film here...if the let Sly do what he wants it will be a gut punch. One day on the set of another film I heard Sly tell his (real)son..."You know you did a good job that day when you go home and your chest still hurts and your guts are twisted in a knot."

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:43 p.m. CST

    Wasn't it established his brain had irreparable damage

    by Orionsangels

    In Rocky V. So what, now his brain healed itself? Is this even brought up? What a joke this movies gonna be!

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Lucas is in trouble

    by leveldwella

    ROCKY BALBOA will own ROTS and indy 4 for that matter! yes!!!

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 6:17 p.m. CST

    BigBadJon

    by EyeofPolyphemus

    When he says Middle Americans are idiots who need their stories spoonfed to them, he is saying that his screenplays are so complex, existential, and oscar worthy that he can't sell any of them for fear by producers that the sheer brilliance of them would burst blood vessels all over Kansas and Iowa. in other words, he's never sold a screenplay and is pissed.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 6:25 p.m. CST

    This is Rocky VI? What happened to V?

    by Kurg1

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Just watched Driven on tv last night

    by Bass Ackwards

    If that's any indication of where Sly's acting and writing skills are these days, I do not look forward to this.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 6:31 p.m. CST

    The shittiness of ROCKY V

    by RaulMonkey

    ROCKY V was poop for the following reasons: 1) His family's financial difficulties were a complete invention of the script, coming out of nowhere. Did Avildsen have some kind of fetish about shooting in the crappy neighbourhoods of Philadelphia? Was it completely Stallone's idea, induced by a weird, misguided form of nostalgia about having Avildsen back directing? I get the sense it is the latter, from the reappearance of Mickey in the flashbacks and the lame-o let's-see-where-we've-been b&w photo montage over the end credits. In fact it could have been the same stupid nostalgia that made Sly get Avildsen back in the first place, which wasn't a bad idea in and of itself. Neither was bringing back Burgess Meredith, except that it was totally forced. 2) Sage Stallone. He didn't do a very good job--he did a serviceable job for a young kid who isn't actor, but it was fucking distracting! Maybe if "Robert" (when did his name change from Rocky Jr.? Is Rocky's real name Robert?) was relegated to cameo status, filling in some moments and padding out the backround, he could have worked, but having an amateur in that prominent a role seriously buggered the film's credibility. Again, Stallone's wacky, sap-nostagia that I am stipulating to account for the movie's overall crappiness must have played into the idea of having his real life son play Rocky Jr. Furthermore, didn't Rocky seem especially retarded in this installment? He was always a little slow; it added to our sense of pathos and made his greatness all the more awe-inspiring because we could see that greatness can arise out of the crudest circumstances. So, maybe Rocky's brains were stewier than they'd ever been after his fight with Drago, as his occasional episodes throughout Part V seem to tell us, but I think having his real life son on set affected Stallone's acting, reducing it to the hamminess of a father performing for his son in the living room--particularly well-evinced in the scene where Paulie comes down the stairs as Santa Claus and Rocky's trying to make Rocky II and Rocky II's friends laugh and have a good time. By the way, I think that Burt Young still managed to kick-ass and pull off a great performance as Paulie in this movie. "Hey Tommy, you're a real piece of garbage, you know that?" Fucking awesome. Finally regarding the prominence of Rocky's son here: him being all pissed off at his Dad for spending too much time with Tommy Gunn? A little contrived and ultimately meaningless to the plot, sure, but capping off this storyline is the fact that Rocky and Rocky II are only reconciled by the fact that Tommy screws Rocky over to join G.W. Duke! Rocky didn't have any kind of awakening and Rocky Jr. didn't have any kind of character-building realization--the situation was resolved by outside occurrences. 3) Rocky's financial difficulties themselves, separate from the fact that they were totally contrived! What a way to emasculate your character! Just, boom, he's fucking poor! Eat shit Rocky! And I guess if this wasn't so contrived and out of nowhere, if it somehow progressed naturally out of the plotline of the entire series and it was given the time and weight it deserved, maybe it could have worked somehow. I don't see how, but somehow. So I guess I'm just reiterating my point #1. Rocky completely had his nuts chopped off and we were shown that his greatness in the ring meant nothing, and it all happened in like ten minutes worth of story time. 4) The streetfight. Getting into a brawl in the middle of a dirty street is not the same as getting into a professional ring to box. Which is to say that *winning* a brawl in the middle of a dirty street is not the same or as great as winning a professional boxing match. I don't care how much Rocky's triumphant theme blares over the scene, it's appalling. We're not witnessing greatness and athletic ability, we're witnessing stupidity and intellectual inability. A real champ would have just gone home. A real champ wouldn't have given mongoloid Tommy the satisfaction. Real champs have dignity and class. Instead Rocky chose, and the movie chose to let Rocky choose, to wallow in his newfound decrepitude and sink even lower into it. In conclusion, this post is way longer than my other about the greatness of the first four films, but this is not to suggest that the shittiness of ROCKY V outweights the greatness of the others. The greatness of ROCKY through ROCKY IV doesn't need my help to achieve glory since their glory is effortless. And like Harry has suggested, ROCKY V aint even a ROCKY movie. He's right: ROCKY V is a nightmare that Newt and Ripley are having in hypersleep.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 6:35 p.m. CST

    Stallone cut of ROCKY V

    by RaulMonkey

    UncleEthan, dude... interesting if true. Still sounds emasculating though.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 6:45 p.m. CST

    More ROCKY V goodness

    by RaulMonkey

    "You've come full circle, now you're home / Without the gold, without the chrome / And this is where you've always been / You had to lose so you could win / And rise above your troubles while you can / Now you can love, now you can lose / Now you can choose That's the measure of a man"

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 6:52 p.m. CST

    It was...

    by UncleEthan

    It was actually pretty moving, Monkey Man. Rocky died from his beating. Andrian went ape shit...it was heavy stuff. Rocky finally bites it.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 7:01 p.m. CST

    The last shot better be his grave next to Adrian's...

    by Batutta

    This movie will be a joke.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 7:02 p.m. CST

    Damn...

    by RaulMonkey

    sounds like it *could* theoretically have had some real power. They need to give that a special edition treatment, except that it completely buggers the continuity for BALBOA, meaning we sure won't get it anytime soon.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 7:04 p.m. CST

    Maybe if they called it...

    by RaulMonkey

    DOMINION: SEQUEL TO ROCKY IV

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 7:18 p.m. CST

    The ROCKY franchised died for me

    by Cheif Brody

    at ROCKY III. I never even saw RV at the theaters...and have only caught frames of it on TV. RIV was ridiculous...with his big speech at the end. I personally would rather see Stallone pick up a Steyr Aug A3 and strap that headband on as Rambo. Rocky has already died in my heart...as a champion. This RVI movie could only serve to tarnish the fondness I have in my heart for that wonderful character. Rambo? I could care less what Stallone does with him...as long as he's killin' the bad guys and gettin his revenge and stickin it to "the man". In other words...I have no emotional investment in Rambo. I can't believe the studio is backing a movie that will be so outside the typical demographic audience that they crave so dearly. I was 11 when RI came out. 17 by the time RIII came out...I'll be 41 when RVI hits theaters. I'M the target demo here? Sorry to say, but my tastes in films has evolved a touch since then. RIP Rocky.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 7:42 p.m. CST

    If you really hate Rocky movies the solution is......

    by perfecto_fan

    Don't fucken see the old Rocky movies, and don't fucken see the new one...that fucken simple. I love every one of the Rocky movies, they are fantastic entertaining movies...After part 3 they are truly quilty pleasures, and what is wrong with that? You haters never gave Stallone a break, Rambo sucks, Rocky sucks,Cobra sucks, blah, blah!! This man has entertained me with his movies through-out the years ever since I was a little boy. Give the man, and this movie a break. Fucken haters. All you haters do is bitch and bitch, don't see the mother-fucken movie. As for me, I will be seeing Rocky 6 with a big smile and my pop-corn. I have always been entertained by Sly's movies, sure some are bad, but I consider them entertaining none-theless.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 7:51 p.m. CST

    it's "fuckin'" not "fucken"

    by grendel824

    Even slang has spelling rules.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 8:15 p.m. CST

    Last shot Rocky fighting dat Robot. HAPPY B-DAY PAULIE!

    by Orionsangels

    That robot needs it's own sitcom

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 8:26 p.m. CST

    CMON...ITS ROCKY

    by HE_Pennypacker

    This is gonna be great. I am pumped. I like the whole idea of him running a restaurant...seems more hopeful and optimistic for the character than where we left him in Rocky V where he was really slumming it. You gotta respect Stallone even if you don't like his movies. The guy was surviving day to day on practically nothing and went balls to the wall with ROCKY and made a pretty fucking great life for himself. -RIP Darren McGavin

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 8:29 p.m. CST

    Rocky

    by Johnleister

    Stallone is almost sixty and he's in better shape than millions of North American teenagers. When he plays Rocky, he is at his most animated and charismatic. Why shouldn't he go back to doing what he does best?

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 8:38 p.m. CST

    good christ!! A cgi sparring partner??

    by moondoggy2u

    This reminds me of why i always hated rocky. And to whomever said that rocky errs on the side of believablity, give me a break! Boxing matches that were near wrestling style. Punches that sounded like jail cells clanging shut, fighters who never blocked a punch (just kept on sticking the chin out for the camera), every damn punch had to be a hay-bailer, and last but not least, the idiotic comic book names that kept getting more rigoddamndiculous as the franchise progressed. Tommy Gunn and Mason Dixon?? Where's my barf bag???

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 8:45 p.m. CST

    Actually don't scoff at the cgi sparring partner

    by HE_Pennypacker

    Moondoggy...that cgi sparring partner idea is a reference to an actual computer program that has been used to compare fighters from different eras against one another to see who is superior. They used this program with Muhammad Ali and Rocky Marciano during Ali's suspension from the ring and had the two boxers act it out in real life. Coincidentally ROCKY Marciano came out the winner.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 8:46 p.m. CST

    JohnLeister

    by moondoggy2u

    Well, its pretty farfetched. There is no way that a sixty year old man is gonna beat a heavy weight champ who is 30+ years younger than him. A man that age will never make it to 12 rounds--ever. Not in any professional boute with a competitive oponent. And certainly not with a heavy weight champ. Hell, the oldest guy to ever do it was foreman--and he was about 15 to 20 years younger than stallone when he did it. And dont try to tell me in broad daylight that rocky's arms are anywhere near as big and powerful as George's. That is precisely why these movies are so laughable. Professional athletes, even the greatest ones in the world, loose a significant amount of edge as they age. Some can hang on to that edge for longer than others (Jordan, Foreman), but they still loose some of it (and make up for it in experience). But when you hit 60, hang it up. You arent a professional athlete anymore.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 8:54 p.m. CST

    And thats why I scoff, HE. I am aware of the program.

    by moondoggy2u

    I scoff at its validity. See, the computer doesnt take into account the sheer will, emotion, irrationality, or mistakes of an opponent. It just accounts averages and weaknesses and strengths and compares them (I'm simplifying, i know). But just cause a computer says this person would win or not, doesnt mean he will. Machines are anything but infallible. The idea that this sort of simulation would cause a fighter, who would know better via experience, to think he can kick another guy's ass is ludicrous. Incidentally, if you want to test the validity of the program, take it to vegas and bet your life savings on upcomming matches (just as plausivle). You'll find you are doing little different than making semi educated guesses.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 8:57 p.m. CST

    Besides, HE, rocky wont be filmed reading a printout

    by moondoggy2u

    You just know it will show him wearing gloves in a virtual reality simulation. wanna bet on it?

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:04 p.m. CST

    wow

    by whatyoufear

    moondoggy must have picked up a decent spell check program.. and a thesaurus to boot!

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    Fair Enough

    by HE_Pennypacker

    AHH ok - i gotcha moondoggy. I am pumped for the movie cuz I am a sucker for the ROCKY movies but I gotta respect those ideas.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    actually, whatyoufear, it all depends on my mood

    by moondoggy2u

    but hey, i hope my next ten posts are so full of grammatical holes that you'll feel superior for the rest of your life. I'm just that nice of a guy;) Wanna hear something really scary? I teach english. Boggles the mind, doesnt it?

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    wait.

    by whatyoufear

    upcomming. sorry, I was mistaken.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:08 p.m. CST

    Hey, HE, thats cool. If it makes you feel better,

    by moondoggy2u

    I can hardly wait to see it, myself. Im actually a fan of Stallone (as long as the movie is done right). Granted, Im a Rambo man myself, but I'll still be there :))

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:13 p.m. CST

    To whatyoufear,

    by moondoggy2u

    You do realize that you should capitalize the first word in a sentence. Also, the use of the word "upcomming" as an entire sentence unto itself is incorrect. I could go on, I suppose, from that single post, but that would be a bit rude.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:17 p.m. CST

    See, whatyoufear,

    by moondoggy2u

    writing is all about context and setting. If you think I honestly care to proofread my posts after a hard day's work (even on a saturday), let alone to write in a grammatically correct fashion, you are insane. But, hey, who am I to get in the way of a mentality such as yours.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:18 p.m. CST

    solipsism

    by whatyoufear

    I'm giving you a -1 for not being rude on an AICN talkback.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:19 p.m. CST

    4 outta 5 ain't bad. How many franchises pull that?

    by christonomist

    Seriously, we gotta go easy on this series. We always bash it for being dragged out and overplayed and weak, but the general consensus is that I-IV were great (layoff IV, haters, not Oscar-bait, but what a blast). How many series have had 5 films and only had one that sucked? Alien:2/5. Batman:2 or 3/5. Superman:3/5? Why are we being so hard on a franchise that consistent?

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:22 p.m. CST

    FUCK YEA

    by HE_Pennypacker

    Yea I like that argument christonomist...and damn right people better lay off of IV.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:25 p.m. CST

    Just out of curiosity,

    by HE_Pennypacker

    Christonomist, which BATMAN movie is in limbo for you...Begins or Returns?

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:26 p.m. CST

    I'll tell you one thing, HE_pennypacker,

    by moondoggy2u

    I can hardly wait to see the look in Dixon's eyes when he first realizes that Rocky will hand his ass to him in a paper sack!

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Or when,

    by HE_Pennypacker

    he takes off his robe and he sees all of those god damn veins. haha

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 9:31 p.m. CST

    lol@veins.

    by moondoggy2u

    I can see it now: Mason screaming at the ref,"Its impossible NOT to hit him below the belt--it's cinched up to his chest!!!"

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 10:16 p.m. CST

    spelling and grammatical errors, thats just how he talk

    by Bong

    adddrriiieeennnnnee

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 10:25 p.m. CST

    pissed off

    by calami-shami

    a couple weeks ago i found out that they filmed a scene with Stallone over at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It had just started to snow when they wre shootin, nice big fat flakes. Unfortunately for me I was working that day and missed the whole damn thing, even though i was less than half a mile from there. I saw a picture from the shoot in the Metro and it looked pretty cool. Stallone was in those nappy grey sweats and all. I hope he washed them damn things.

  • Feb. 25, 2006, 11:32 p.m. CST

    Ima just a hck from mdl merica

    by jakebanzai

    How do you work dis her puter? Yessiryebob, them there LA boys are jenyesses. Boy Howdy.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 1:14 a.m. CST

    idiot review

    by peytonallen

    And he's a writer? Nice. Like Lucas you don't suddenly rediscover a talent you lost over 15 years ago. This wasn't a movie that needed to be made. And if Adrian's saying no to it, perhaps its really time to move on. But, Stallone's aging, opportunties few, this is his swang song of sorts. Maybe he's earned it. The 'genius computer' gimmick in boxing has been around. On ESPN Classic they showed a computer game of sorts that pit Rocky M. vs. Ali, and both men filmed different endings for the game. I like the idea of Rocky owning a bar, telling stories, and the kid being bored with Rock..that's not far-fetched. As a famous father himself, surely Stallone has insight here. There were Spykid 3 reports done on this very site where Sly emailed a pic of himself on set to his kids to finally be 'cool'. I don't know if you need Mason Dixon. If Rocky is 50+ in this one, what champ would gain credibility in this fight, and didn't the fifth film of the series attempt to cover the same ground? IF there's a story here it's the George Foreman angle. Rocky back in the ring, when nobody takes him seriously. Cast him late 40s. Maybe Clubber can be the Foreman role...the salesman. Can't you see Mr. T selling grilling machines in the movie? That would be great. Seriously...I think it's a misstep to have Adrian dead already. Have her dying of cancer. Rocky returns to the ring to numb the pain, just wanting to get hit to forget about it. He has to call in favors to get a liscense. There's a story here, but it has to be about Rocky dealing with Adrian's death as it's happening. Unless the reviews are off the charts I won't see it. I would guess he dies in this one. Back to Mason...like the idea that no body cares about the champ, but again what does he gain from fighting Rocky? I feel a Million Dollar Baby ending coming. I dunno. This film bless Stallone's heart will probably suck. One last great Rocky movie could've been made, but...alas. On Boxing. People car. Probably being... A) it lives on PPV, not network television anymore and B) the heavyweight (the draw) division is awful. The sport itself can still sell.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 1:20 a.m. CST

    Rocky IV is maybe the cheesiest guiltiest please around

    by moviemaniac-7

    Combine that with other Sly masterpieces like Tango & Cash and Cobra and you've got a hell of a night with some buddies and a case of beer.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 1:35 a.m. CST

    Irreparable brain damage

    by RaulMonkey

    Right, orionsangel, the doctors told him straight up in Part V his brain was all effed up, but remember in Part III they were worried that he'd go blind if he ever fought again, and he shrugged it off and he turned out okay.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 1:38 a.m. CST

    Cheese factors

    by RaulMonkey

    I think that Part III with Rocky prancing around on the beach with Apollo and the all-out brawl with Hulk Hogan is a guiltier pleasure than IV, personally.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 3:11 a.m. CST

    Rocky 3 and 4

    by Darth Melkor

    Sure 5 wasn't great. But 3 and 4 were a helluva lot better than most 3s and 4s. Superman? Batman? Lethal Weapon? Clubber Lang and Ivan Drago are the shit!

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 3:54 a.m. CST

    "Sob, whine! I'm a bitter, wannabe screenwriter! Wah!"

    by Tall_Boy

    Dude, shut the fuck up. I made it 4 graphs into your review until I realized you're a complete tool. Douchebag.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 3:59 a.m. CST

    "I'm so hip I can go on diversions every 2 sentences!!"

    by Tall_Boy

    Gah, still mad. Dude, never, EVER breed. Seriously. People who take themselves this seriously need to be sterilized.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 4:47 a.m. CST

    Rocky opens a deli and cheats on his wife

    by DrLektor

    I heard they filmed at least 4 different endings for this and none of them featured Balboa dying. I hope they strive for realism and show Rocky getting his arse handed to him for 10 rounds, have his brain fall out his cauliflower ears, only to take Dixon to the last bell and win on points because yes, everyone loves him after all. The guts, the glory, Rocky! Rocky! "Dis one's fur yoo Adrrrriiiiian!"

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 5:31 a.m. CST

    "...basically every night people want to hear...."

    by 3 Bag Enema

    I wish I were an urban sophisticate like you and Sly are.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 6:34 a.m. CST

    And if us city dwellers are so smart...

    by Negative Man

    ...compared to middle America, then why the Hell is there such a homeless problem in our major cities compared to Middle America? Why is the greatest per capita of homeless located around MAJOR liberal learning centers such as U.C. Berkeley? Why is there soooo many homeless and runaway kids in Hollywood? Seriously. Look at Santa Monica, California. Here's a city that is a self proclaimed liberal (not using that as an argument, but this debate ends up Red vs Blue anyhow...)city that is proud of the fact that they have nearly eliminated their homeless problem. How? They rounded them up and bussed them out of town...and continue to do that. I've many friends and family in 'middle America' and the main difference is that they don't give a rats ass about the 'Industry'. Ask them about the 'industry' and they'll think you're talking steel, coal, foresting, farming or automotive. Movies are entertainment to most of them...not art. Not to be worshipped or think a movie will change the world. Just sayin'.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 8:16 a.m. CST

    ROCKY 6 is going to be great

    by Ender's Jeesh

    Having worked on the film, I can testify to the fact that, while the script isn't Shakespeare, there is a huge difference in reading it on the page and hearing Stallone and Burt Young SAY it with the cameras rolling and the emotions pouring out. The whole feel of the shoot was laid-back, almost indie. I worked 14 days (of 21 in Philly) and was on set the entire time and I have absolute faith this movie will be shockingly, surprisingly good.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 9:02 a.m. CST

    That's what I'm hoping for, Ender's Jeesh

    by moondoggy2u

    The thing I always had a problem with concerning the rocky films was the sound effects and editing of the fights. I know that sounds crazy, but for some reason, that was my problem. It always sounded fake to me. I had always wondered what rocky would look like using modern sound effects and less sterile edditing. Sorta like Cinderella Man (minus the cut-to-photagrapher editing). Anyway, hope it sounds more realistic. Or perhaps I should hope for better medication for myself ;)

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 9:54 a.m. CST

    script reniew my butt

    by meatmushroom

    this is just a review of the script portions that were in sly magazine six months ago.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 11:14 a.m. CST

    We in Middle America love to have complex movies...

    by WillowFan2001

    We just prefer that they not be about two gay cowboys eating pudding. Not so much to ask.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 12:38 p.m. CST

    by Policar

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 12:51 p.m. CST

    I've lived in big cities and in the fly over states

    by I Dunno

    And yes, most people in middle America are cretens but then California elected Arnold and New York elected Hillary so neither are in any position to talk shit. Oh and this Rocky thing is going to be horseshit. Stallone peaked at Demolition Man.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 3:33 p.m. CST

    The writer of this "review" equal=One jaded egomaniac

    by axelfoley

    Where do we start? Well first of all, he slams Sly's grammatical deficiencies, yet then he goes on towards the end saying that he admires and respects Stallone? Tregs, whoever you are, don't patronize people. It doesn't pay off. Secondly, who is this asshole to keep shilling himself as a screenwriter. The only other guy in Hollywood who is this self-important is Johnny Drama, and he's a FUCKING MAKE BELIEVE CHARACTER ON TV. See my point? I'd rather read Ribbons' take on X-Men 3, and trust me, that alone is saying alot.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 4:06 p.m. CST

    "Drama"and Stallone...

    by UncleEthan

    It's funny you metion Johnny Drama. I read somewhere that he was based on Frank Stallone. For a bit I was friends with Frank and did a few Planet Hollywood openings with them as a tag-a-long...Uncle Frank is definately Johnny Drama- but with more self irony. Seriously. Sly is a funny director. (Take another look at "Paradise Alley") He should spend about a month with Uncle Frank- then write and direct the movie he could come up with. Seriously...Frank has enough self-realization to be hilarious.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 4:29 p.m. CST

    yo Adrien, watch Doctor Who on SciFi on March 17

    by lynxpro

    Just thought I'd throw down the notice since it is common knowledge that Sylvester Stallone is a *Doctor Who* fan! 2-hour (2 episodes) premiere at 9pm on Friday, March 17th on SciFi. The first ep is weak, but it sets up the whole season so stick around for the second ep (which kicks ass) at 10pm that night. You won't be sorry.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Director's Cut...

    by lynxpro

    I want to see Stallone walk out at the end of the film and "strut" just like the ending of another classic film he directed... :)

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 5:02 p.m. CST

    But will it have a montage?

    by FluffyUnbound

    I'd like to see a movie about an aging action and sports movie star who can't accept the passage of time and becomes obsessed with using surgery and training to try to turn back the clock. Although 60, he keeps trying to force himself into roles a 35 year old would play. Eventually he turns into a pathetic "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" type character, hiding in a dilapidated mansion and wearing a hood to conceal his Michael Jackson / Axel Rose style plastic surgery horror show of a face. A kindly neighbor, also a former action star but someone much better adjusted, stops by one day and mercy kills him. The end. Get Clint to direct and play the kindly neighbor and it's Oscar time. And by the way, Johnny Drama is based on Kevin Dillon. That's part of why it's funny, because Kevin Dillon is playing a character that pokes fun at...Kevin Dillon.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 5:05 p.m. CST

    um...

    by calami-shami

    how did rocky's son age six years between the end of rocky 4 and the beginning of rocky 5? How long did they stay in russia?!

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 6:42 p.m. CST

    I don't remember ANY of the Rocky Films being High Art

    by Novaman5000

    Maybe I'm missing something? Not to knock the series, but to talk about how "idiots in middle america" can't get it... well, I wouldn't worry about that.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 6:45 p.m. CST

    HE_Pennypacker--Re:Batman

    by christonomist

    Sorry for the delayed response...church this morning (Seriously!). I definitely consider Begins to be the best Batfilm. Returns is a mixed bag for me, I think it's a bit schizo. The stuff that works I consider to be better than the first. The stuff that doesn't--namely Penguin, Shreck, and the corny, over-the-top Burtonian surrealism--is barely tolerable. I'd actually defend about a third of Forever as well, but it wasn't gonna help my argument to try and build a consensus that that film's salvagable. B & R = Rocky V. Neither is really a film in the series. They're just myths. Never happened. Just urban legends...If we ignore them, they will go away.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Novaman 5000 and "High Art"

    by christonomist

    So, you don't remember that the original film won 3 Oscars including Best Picture??

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Wow, this is really thrilling. What a scoop!!!

    by mrdannyocean

    Seriously. Rocky 6? Who cares?

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 7:36 p.m. CST

    Marissa Tomei won an oscar for My Cousin Vinny,

    by Novaman5000

    And that was a great movie and she played a great part. Doesn't mean it's high art. I'm not even saying "high art" is ideal, I'm just saying, to assume that people wouldn't get a Rocky movie is a little ridiculous. They're not difficult to understand. Doesn't mean they're bad.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 7:38 p.m. CST

    Bingo, christonomist

    by RaulMonkey

    ROCKY V never really happened. However I must point out that BATMAN BEGINS is in no way a part of the same series or universe as any of the Burton/Schumacher films. Or, if you want to talk about best Batfilms, you have to include BATMAN THE MOVIE! (Far better than B&R)

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Indeed, RaulMonkey.

    by christonomist

    I can't believe I just typed that. But you're right. Heck, throw in Mask of the Phantasm and Return of the Joker. Both by far superior to Schumacher's stuff. I'm quite aware that Begins is its own continuity, but when most people discuss the issue it's understood to be regarding the big budget theater releases. But the point is conceded. Oh, and fair enough Novaman, just had to throw that little factoid out there because some people only remember as far back as Lundgren and Mr.T, or even Stallone's current reputation of lameness, failing to remember that his career started with a Best Picture Academy Award (for a flic he wrote!). But you're right as far as people "getting" them.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 8:49 p.m. CST

    Tregs is a prison bitch

    by Evil Sean

    "Honestly, as a screenwriter myself, I don't know how I would or could have effectively revived the series. You have to be true to the franchise and basically the idiots that make up Middle America like their stories simple and spoon-fed to them. So, get ready for Dukes of Hazzard II, coming soon to push all the intelligent films out of the theater. This is Tregs, see you in 2007 (why?) when this movie comes out." I'm from Ohio and live in NYC. You're a smug, condescending asshole, Tregs. Let me know if you're ever going to be in Manhattan, b/c I'd like to personally show you how us Middle Americans "spoon-feed" our fists to people who insult us.

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 9:56 p.m. CST

    This reviewer's a writer, eh? And people wonder why...

    by Dagan

    People wonder why box office is declining? I'll give you a hint: "You have to be true to the franchise and basically the idiots that make up Middle America like their stories simple and spoon-fed to them." This guy shows the monumental prejudice(ironic, for "tolerant" liberals, isn't it?) and contempt so many in Hollywood have for the very people that buy tickets to their movies. So now we have crappy movies like Dukes of Hazzard or just as crappy "thought" films like Crash. Although Crash is certainly a better film, and is grasping for more, it's still pretty poor - obvious, "on-the-nose" writing, over the top characters losing anything approaching actual subtlety, etc. Or we get other "thoughtful" films like Good Night and Good Luck, which just turn out to be poorly-thought out feel-good liberal claptrap, complete with a penchant for leaving out relevant facts to make their point. No wonder Middle America is tuning out. Why by a product from people who hate you and completely and ignorantly misunderstand you?

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 10:03 p.m. CST

    Rocky V ain't that bad

    by pokadoo

    I watched it on TV tonight, and it wasn't the cringefest i remember. It's not as cheesy as IV. One thing that bugged me though. He went to Russia to fight Drago and destroy communism in 1986. How come when he get's off the plane in America(still covered in fight bruises), it's suddenly 1990, and everyone's down with the New Jack Swing style that was popular at the time?

  • Feb. 26, 2006, 10:41 p.m. CST

    BIG SPOILERS for Rocky 6 here (link)

    by mrdannyocean

    Check it out at http://www.whocaresaboutrocky6.com/

  • Feb. 27, 2006, midnight CST

    The Surprise Ending......

    by dancinggopher01

    Chuck Norris jumps in the ring and kicks the shit out of everyone..including Michael Buffer. Roll Credits

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 1:12 a.m. CST

    Ah, rfjason...

    by WillowFan2001

    Your kind of people are the reason I left Boston for Mississippi.

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 1:25 a.m. CST

    ROCKY XXXVIII Poster

    by TRON

    http://www.watchermagazine.com/wp-content/wp-photos/RockyXXXVIII.jpg

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 1:26 a.m. CST

    I'm still hyped about this movie

    by Neo Zeed

    fuck all haters...

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 6:55 a.m. CST

    I don't know what's more bullshit

    by Cumlauncher

    This PLANT review that was obviously made up of ALL the public info on the film or the balls this guy had to call himself a screenwriter.

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 8:25 a.m. CST

    The flyover states suck, but I have to say:

    by FluffyUnbound

    The west coast isn't exactly that great, either. There are few places on Earth with fewer viable human beings per 1000 of population than California. As a matter of fact, I'd trade California for the South one-up, if we're talking "quality of the human material" and not "economic contribution to the nation". Just fucking go to your pilates classes and shut the fuck up.

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Just a guess, but....

    by nunz

    ...why else call it ROCKY BALBOA instead of ROCKY VI unless the last shot is going to be his name on a tombstone?

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 1:32 p.m. CST

    When Someone Calls Himself a Screenwriter...

    by hipcheck13

    ...you KNOW he's written three "pretend" treatments for the next Star Wars movies, and submitted fan fiction for Star Trek: The Next Generation.

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 1:32 p.m. CST

    I hope Rocky at least wins the big fight before dying.

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    Let him win and then drop dead like John Henry in that old pioneer tale, otherwise this movie is going to be a gigantic depressing downer that everyone will hate. Nobody goes to a Rocky movie to see Rocky lose and die. We go to see him win. To correct the misconception around here, Rocky may not have literally won the first fight with Apollo Creed, but Rocky definitely came away from that fight a winner for having achieved what he wanted to accomplish most, which was to go the distance with Apollo (which no fighter ever had done before). "All I know is, that if the bell rings at the end of 15th round and I'm still standing, then I'll know that I'm not just another bum from the neighborhood."

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 2:35 p.m. CST

    demolition man 2

    by reckni

    Bring back John Spartan! Doubt anyone can compare with the villainy of Simon Phoenix though.

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 3:29 p.m. CST

    if he wins and not die then its more of the same

    by Spacesheik

    CINDERELLA MAN, MILLION DOLLAR BABY ETC ETC - Stallone is gonna have to work hard to bring something new to this genre

  • Feb. 27, 2006, 11:44 p.m. CST

    I'm drowning in idiocy with you people ...

    by Ribbity

    Listen you fucking morons ... Tregs is not talking about Middle America geographically ... it's a state of mind. It's a depiction of how dumbed down cinema has gotten over time. Wow ... fucking imbeciles. I guess it's so easy to bash someone else on the internet isn't it? Especially when you sit at your computer whacking off at the idea of licking Harry Knowles' asshole. Go get some sun you pricks.

  • Feb. 28, 2006, 10:02 a.m. CST

    I had hoped that AICN readers were intelligent...

    by TregsHimself

    This is Tregs...Thanks Ribbity-you're the first one to explain to these haters that Middle America is NOT a geographic location. Most of you assumed I was badmouthing the Midwest, which just wasn't true. Also, I never claimed to be a professional screenwriter-I said I had written some scripts (write FADE IN and some dialogue and you've written a screenplay- jerkoffs) and that it would be hard for ANY writer to revive and reinvent basically the same story that's been told in 5 movies. For those of you that said all this was already revealed in SLY magazine-I'm sorry, I have a life and don't subscribe to bullshit sycophant muscle magazines, so I must've missed that. First off, I didn't want to tell the whole friggin story because a) it's kind of boring b)I hate spoilers that tell everything (see any one of Roger Ebert's reviews) and c)this movie will have a great opening weekend and then fade out-even the producers know that, so let them have their 26 million dollar opening weekend. Not ONE of you losers found the review remotely humorous or intentionally sarcastic-if I was that arrogant prick you think I am, I'd have no friends at all. And for that a-hole who wants to punch me in the mouth in NYC-leave your phone number tough guy-I live right outside the city-we'll talk.

  • Feb. 28, 2006, 7:02 p.m. CST

    Pwnd.

    by FilmZ0mbie

    Nice Treggs. Coastal snobbery aside, TB'ers are mostly A-holes anyways, meh.

  • Feb. 28, 2006, 7:08 p.m. CST

    Also, concerning NegativeMan's rant.

    by FilmZ0mbie

    Why do we have a higher homeless rate? We have more people here, I guess you could read into our sub-par school system and say that's a reason why, then ok, go for it, I won't argue. But where would you rather be homeless, Minnesota or Santa Monica? Also, people come down here to persue acting careers right out of high school, run away from home, and then figuroe out "oh wait, i have to pay rent? z0mg!" This whole turf war argument going on here is silly, we're all americans.

  • March 1, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST

    This might be a tough concept for you, Tregs...

    by Childe Roland

    ...but, if you are serious about being a writer, you should probably be willing to consider the possibility that, if everyone (except Ribbity) who read your review above didn't "get it" as you intended, you might have failed...as a writer. I know it's probably much more comforting to think that there's something wrong with everyone except you, but how likely is that, really? Given that you're even being a condescending prick in your explanation of how you weren't trying to be a condescending prick, you provide some pretty solid support for the theory that you are one. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a condescending prick, even offline. Ask these friends you seem to want us to believe you have. If they really are your friends, they'll be honest with you.

  • March 1, 2006, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Talia didn't turn this down

    by WatchtheWatcher

    Talia Shire has been wanting to do "Rocky VI" since at least 1996 where she said so during an interview. She's proud of the character and loves that she's remembered as Adrian Balboa (even going so far as to introduce herself as such in the DVD audio commentary for the original "Rocky"). No, what happened was that at the time, MGM didn't want to pay Talia anything because well, she's not really a name anymore. Sly didn't much care for this, so he tried holding out for more money for her. When the project started losing steam, Sly decided that he needed to do this movie any way he could, so in order to deal with the money issues he simply killed Talia off (which is how Sly apparently thinks he can add to the drama, killing off Mickey in III, Apollo Creed in IV, and himself in the first draft of V). And then, MGM got bought by Sony and the movie was suddenly greenlit and they probably would have the appropriate money for Talia. It's a shame. I read the script too. Rocky is nothing without his Adrian and this film just proves it.

  • March 1, 2006, 10:23 p.m. CST

    ROCKY BALBOA lives

    by phillymommy

    I agree with you, TREGS! I am an 80's kid, and I grew up with the Rocky movies! When I watched the movies, you get so into the movie, you feel as if you are there....When he won, you felt his achievement, when he lost, you felt his pain....I hope this movie will give us the same impact as the others did. I was raised in Philly, and Rocky became our city's icon! We see his statute and realize that we can do anything we put our minds to, whether we win or lose.....and the fact the we never give up! So, I can't wait to see this movie when it comes to theatres! I hope it lives up to the "Rocky" reputation tha the others have.

  • March 2, 2006, 1:12 a.m. CST

    Fuck Ribbity and Tregs both...

    by WillowFan2001

    And ditto to everything Childe Roland said. Really, Tregs, you might consider reading over what you write before you press that pesky little "Send" button. It might save you from sounding like such a dick.