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New MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: III tv spot hits online!

Hey folks, Harry here... On Monday, I had a wonderful time spending an hour interviewing J.J. Abrams for MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: 3 for my new gig writing at PENTHOUSE (that interview will hit their JUNE issue - out at the start of MAY) - and a condition of that gig is that I can't use any of that interview here... but folks, I'll tell you this much... My interest on this film skyrocketed. J.J. had such an enormous amount of glee in his voice as he talked about this film and separately - the folks, I've heard from that have seen a rough version of MI:3 is that this is finally a real MISSION IMPOSSIBLE movie - that has a real IMF 'TEAM' and more. Anyway - the wonderful folks over at TheMovieBox.Net have captured the new trailer which has just a few extra peeks at moments... I'm dying to get the soundtrack to this film... the score is by Michael Giacchino (THE INCREDIBLES & SKY HIGH) who finally has a real balls to the wall spy flick to score with themes inspired by Lalo Schifrin. Whom he was kinda riffing on in THE INCREDIBLES. Can't wait!



Click Here To Download the New TV Commercial For MI:3





Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:39 a.m. CST

    I hate that i am first

    by DaVinci12358

    But I am am so glad I won't have to deal with any asshole's who just have to be first... Kick ass tv spot!!! PSH rules

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:39 a.m. CST

    Felicity will rock the shite out of this!

    by Behemoth

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:41 a.m. CST

    First! Possibly..

    by JimboTFU

    Possibly... MI:3 Looks promising. Hmm.. no slow-mo doves at least.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Medal of Honor, actually.

    by SalvatoreGravano

    These are his best known (and best) scores.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Harry's writing for Penthouse? Whoa.

    by Lance Rock

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:44 a.m. CST

    I hate your first too!

    by erich

    Do we even care about this movie!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:44 a.m. CST

    by mbg98

    looks good. i liked the 1st film. PSH will win the oscar so that should boost the film's gross.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Since Jack Bauer....

    by DaVinci12358

    Is not at CTU he should consider joining another 3 letter government organization....Since Ethan Hunt doesn't always have the backbone to kill someone off jack bauer can jack care of that....Plus, the case will get taken care of in 24 hours as opposed to these long mission ethan hunt goes on.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Fake "Letters to Penthouse Forum" doesn't count Harry

    by Sequitur

    Your imaginary fable concerning a three-way with Wonder Woman and Agent 99 doesn't mean you are "writing" for Penthouse now. Sheesh. :) Congrats on the gig. This movie looks really cool!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Harry writing for Penthouse

    by emeraldboy

    I can just see it. overweight man in a hot sauana surrounded by scantily clad women fanning him while at the same time massaging him with baby oil and tempting him with large grapes, while one of the scantily clad women feeds him slices of large ham. No wonder harry hasnt wriiten any reviews/news for a while. I was thinking of Bob Guccicones. Calligula.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:55 a.m. CST

    I'm gonna go out on a limb here:

    by HypeEndsHere

    I think this will make it the 3rd possible mission in a row.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Penthouse Harry!

    by indiephantom

    I've heard you're working on your weight a bit, too. Don't forget the geeks, Harry! We need you!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Extry! Extry! Penthouse begins to feature text!

    by HypeEndsHere

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Toms New mission

    by emeraldboy

    To convince us that his breakup with Katie is real. But dont like the part where he bought her a house minutes from where they live.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Tom and Katie

    by Jonesey1111

    It's funny how Tom and Katie are pushed even more into the media spotlight when they have a movie coming out...great marketing! http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/02/15/people.cruise.holmes.ap/index.html

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Score

    by BranMakMorn

    Nice sound design touch as the opening pays homage to Lalo, it adds a cooler touch when the scream of the fighter plane hits the same moment as Bruce Lee did his yell on Enter The Dragon's opening sequence.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:27 a.m. CST

    or like...

    by Shigeru

    Stevie Wonder writing for Popular Photography. Or Stephen Hawking writing for Flex. But hey don't mind me Harry, you go on and contribute to the objectification and exploitation of women!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:34 a.m. CST

    About the movie... (FOR A CHANGE)

    by Killah_Mate

    ...I mean, really, you call yourselves movie geeks? Tom and Katie? Who gives a fuck? You sound like a bunch of old tabloid women. About the movie - I really hope it rocks massively. It might inspire other talented TV showrunners to cross over into movies (Whedon was a special case), and bring their expertise with them. Actual narrative experts instead of the music video "directors" Hollywood employs now! Wouldn't that be interesting?

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST

    by UndercoverCop

    "Uwe Boll is fed up. He's fed up with people slating his films on the Internet, mainly. He's also fed up with Hollywood producers who won't take movies based on videogames seriously. And perhaps most worryingly, at least in terms of how the rest of this interview is likely to pan out, he's fed up with the person who's interviewing him.------ "The dangerous thing right now is that a lot of people bash me without thinking about the movies. It's fashionable to hit on Uwe Boll, and this is what I don't get. And I don't get why this comes so harshly from the games press," Boll says.------- The problem, he explains, is that "Tons of journalists, including you, have nothing else to do than to follow the Internet voices of one or two thousand people. Only half of those people have seen my movies, and only two per cent of those people have seen my movies before House of the Dead."------- Boll says the point is that his movies get better as his career progresses - Dungeon Siege is "ten times better" than BloodRayne, which is ten times better than House of the Dead, and so on.------- "If people don't see that, then it's not my problem, but I think those are the people who hate me or who want to bash me. Normal people, people who buy movies or watch TV, they see that absolutely." -------- Whether you agree with Boll's argument or not, you can't deny that he's taken a lot of flack since his first videogame adaptation, House of the Dead, appeared in cinemas back in 2003. The Alone in the Dark movie did nothing to bolster his reputation with the critics, and his latest effort, BloodRayne, was widely slammed - before the film was even released, Boll says.------ "People say BloodRayne has a very bad IMDB rating - yes, but how many votes of zero points were made before the movie was out, by people who hate me but haven't even seen the movie?-------- "I've met tons of people who think BloodRayne is way better than Underworld 2, but they're not going on the Internet and writing that... I'm a little tired of only getting questions from journalists like, 'Your movies were so badly received, blah blah blah.' I know tons of movies that were way worse than Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead."------ And besides, says Boll, what exactly is it that we are expecting from him? After all, he is using videogames as his source material, and they're hardly reknowned for their complex characterisations and sophisticated narratives.-------- "Let's be realistic, what is House of the Dead? House of the Dead is a brainless shooter, where you shoot zombies into pieces. So what are you expecting from the movie, Schindler's List?------- "I think I made a perfect House of the Dead movie, because it really shows how the game is. It's a lot of fun, it's over-the-top action - it's not 28 Days Later, because the reality is that House of the Dead is about how it's a lot of fun to shoot zombies... It's cheesy entertainment with a lot of gore and a lot of violence, and it's super-fast."---------- Christian Slater and Tara Reid talk shop in Alone in the Dark. Us games journalists, Boll argues, should be pleased that videogame-based movies are getting made at all. "It's tough to convince someone from the studio system to believe in a videogame-based movie. It's way easier to have a great book or to have a comic book [as your source material], because these studio guys, they know Spider-Man, Batman, that kind of stuff."-------- Boll believes that part of the problem with convincing Hollywood that game movies are a good idea is down to game publishers themselves. He argues that Marvel, for example, are very good at cross-promoting movies based on their properties - whereas videogame companies simply sell off the licence and then forget about it.---------- According to Boll, he's fallen foul of this on more than one occasion. "Sega did nothing for House of the Dead, and Atari did nothing to support Alone in the Dark. They developed Alone in the Dark part 5, parallel to my movie, and then they closed the LA facility and never finished the game. And I was standing there alone in the rain with my movie... "The reality is that a lot of the videogame companies are quite sloppy - they are happy to sell the licence, but then they don't give a sh** about it, and this is not the right approach."---------- So, Boll argues, it's difficult enough to get a videogame movie made in the first place, and it doesn't help when that movie is slated before it's even been released.-------- "When I try to get videogames turned into movies, and get videogames accepted as [the equivalent of] best-selling books for the younger generation, I get only sh** from the videogames press - what an asshole I am, what a criminal I am for doing these movies, whatever, instead of being happy that there's a movie getting made of a game. This is what's confusing me."--------- In fact, it's not just confusing Boll - it's putting him off the whole thing all together. "I won't say that I won't acquire another videogame licence in the future. But I'm not so eager to do it any more, to be honest. After Far Cry, maybe I'll go away from videogame-based movies. And everybody can be really happy about it." ------- It's one thing being vertically challenged, it's another when all your girly mates have bigger guns than you.---------- But before that, he's still got to make the Postal movie, based on Running With Scissors' controversial PC title. And just to show he's still got a sense of humour, he's going to take the opportunity to have a little fun with his critics.------- "I'm in the movie - Uwe Boll will play a minor part. I get killed by my 'Boll haters'," he explains. So will he be getting real, er, Boll haters to play themselves?---------- "Absolutely! I don't have a problem with that," Boll says. "I think I'd get thousands of extras doing that, coming to the set to track me down and lynch me!"-------- When asked if he's worried that the Postal movie will attract a flood of negative publicity, just as the games have, Boll replies: "I don't care, to be honest."------- "The movie will be so politically incorrect and harsh, it's like a mirror to American society, and I don't think the movie will be well received by everybody. For example, Osama Bin Laden will be one of the lead characters - I think that shows the mood of the movie."-------- So what will Bin Laden's role be, exactly? Well, Boll explains, the idea is that he's holed up in Tucson, Arizona, running a Taliban camp. "That shows a little bit how politically incorrect Postal will be - it's really an underground, alternative point of view. Let's wait and see; I think we will suprise a lot of people."------- Boll confirms that Diff'rent Strokes and Postal star Gary Coleman is already signed up to play himself in the film, but he's yet to find a leading man to take on the role of the Postal Dude. One thing's for sure - he'll be going for a comedic actor, "Like a Matthew Lillard, for example, or Ron Perlman," rather than a serious type. ---------- Reid asks Boll for some directorial advice. Boll wonders if it's too late to get Shannon Elizabeth in.----------- Talking about Postal seems to have cheered Boll up a bit, so let's throw in a tricky question while the going's good. Is there any truth in those rumours that Boll has been exploiting a tax loophole in German law to fund his films, and to provide a dodgy tax break for investors?------ "There is no loophole," Boll says - at least not any more, it seems. He explains the situation used to be that if you invested, say, $100,000 in a movie, you could reduce the income you pay tax on by $100,000. As a result of this, German investors funded around 30 per cent of Hollywood movies, but all that's changed since the law was amended in December. Things are still looking good for Boll, however. He says he's got full financing for his next three movies, "And all my movies, no matter what reviewers are saying, are getting sold." Apparently Boll is "number one in the market" as far as paying investors back goes, and that's "Not because I make the best movies on earth, but I make movies for a minimal amount of budget compared to what major companies are spending, and the movies look good, and they go out theatrically, and they make a lot of money on DVD or Pay TV. "This is the main point - if the movie is really, really bad, why are a hundred territories buying it?" Boll says it's tough to get his movies on screens in the UK and France, to give a couple of examples, but they do very well in cinemas in Spain, Italy, Russia, Thailand and the Middle East, generally spending a few weeks in the top ten of the box office charts. "I can live with that situation. The average Hollywood movie last year had $65 million production costs, and $40 million promotions and advertising costs. My movies have $15 million to $20 million production costs, and $10 million P&A." Reality bites Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 4 A House of the Dead character considers he options. We suspect they're rather limited. And he's off again. "So if people are writing on the Internet about how my movies were big failures, it's because these people are amateurs and they have no idea of the reality of film-making and film selling. "I get bashed as the worldwide enemy number one in film-making by people who are working at Starbucks and who also want to make movies. It's ridiculous - it's completely idiotic because they're hitting on a guy who actually made it happen, but I started my career in the same position as anybody else," Boll argues. This seems to be a particularly sore point. Boll says it was a long, hard slog to get where he is today - his parents couldn't afford to finance his first ventures into film-making, and he didn't have any contacts in the industry. "I started with $50,000 to make my first movie. I travelled with my f***ing print for my first movie to 150 movie theatres in Germany, theatre by theatre, and was sitting there talking with the audience to get my movie played. So I did it the hard way. "Now people are getting hired as directors at 20 years old, coming from film school and getting 100 million bucks for their first movie. If people think that this is a good situation, that I'm the worst enemy in film-making and a completely talentless idiot, it's their decision." The figures speak for themselves, Boll says - for example, more than 1.4 million copies of the House of the Dead DVD have been sold in North America. "Maybe this is bad news for the Boll enemies, but while there are a few thousand people trying to crush me on the Internet, there are millions of people who buy the product." Blood money Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 5 The lovely BloodRayne - remember ladies, never attempt to apply lipstick whilst driving. However, he concedes, as far as BloodRayne goes, which arrived in American cinemas last month, "I cannot say that it was a big success in the movie theatres. I tried it with a new theatrical distribution company, and they were not able to lock in all the theatres - that was the biggest problem we had. We were scheduled to go out on 2000 screens, and then we came out on 930 screens, and only sh**** screens, so it didn't work out. "Now we are counting on the DVD release - I'm sure that on DVD it will sell very well." So if, as Boll argues and as the DVD sales figures would suggest, the viewing public are a lot keener on his body of work than you might think after a casual glance at the Internet, just why does he receive such a lot of negative criticism? Boll believes it's because he's too willing to discuss his movies, and too honest in his responses. "I think I'm very open, and I talk with everybody and give interviews to everybody. Over the last few years I've realised that it's not helping me that I'm open, and ready to discuss and to learn. Saying that I learned from my mistakes is maybe the biggest mistake I made." BloodRayne is due to arrive in UK cinemas later this year, and after that will come Dungeon Siege - but this time he "won't do any experiments" as far as distribution is concerned. Boll confirms that it will no longer be split into two films, Kill Bill-style, as previously suggested. "That was the plan, but now it's only one theatrical movie, plus a longer DVD and TV version." Metal Gear sold? Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 6 BloodRayne and chum. Yes, it is her out of Lost. So what about the rumours that Boll was keen to direct the Metal Gear Solid movie, but that Hideo Kojima turned him down? "This is a huge miscommunication in the press," Boll says. "What happened is, two French writers wrote a Metal Gear Solid script, and they approached me because they wanted me to direct and produce the movie." Boll asked the writers if they had obtained the licence, and they said no, but added that they had good connections with Konami. "So they contacted Hideo Kojima and I think his response, because of the press, was like, 'I never talked to Uwe Boll, I've no idea what he's talking about.' This is the situation. "I like Metal Gear Solid, I like that script, but unless the rights situation is cleared, what can I say?" And besides, Boll continues, the movie won't make any money if the studio throws money at it while the game publisher ignores it completely. He observes that as a videogame, Doom is just as popular as MGS - but the movie "Didn't make half of the f***ing budget back. People didn't give a sh** about Doom and they won't give a sh** about Metal Gear Solid if it doesn't get the kind of promotion it deserves." Doom and gloom Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 7 The stars of Dungeon Siege. Yes, it is her out of Deep Impact, him out of Snatch, him out of Goodfellas and him out of Smokey and the Bandit. Yes, Boll has seen Doom, and he's rather ambivalent about it - "I liked the movie a little, it wasn't a really bad movie, but it was not really good." Would he have done it any differently, then? "I don't know if I would definitely make the movie very differently, because I think that Doom remembered me in a lot of the camera angles, what the creatures were doing and so on... I think the guy who made Doom definitely saw Alone in the Dark." As for Halo, an example of a videogame-based movie which has a hefty budget behind it, Boll isn't too optimistic. "I personally think that with the budget they've planned, Halo will be a failure. I think Halo will not make the money back in the end." We've reached the end of the interview, so there's just time to ask Boll if he has a final message for those infamous Boll haters. Course he does. "Before they judge, they should see the film, that's the first thing. Second, they should really try to compare it fairly, and not based on my name. "If people really think I'm completely talentless, and this is to journalists, they should at least rent one of my earlier movies, like Heart of America, which is a really, really good movie. "And then they should say, 'Okay, this is the history of this director, we should judge him based on this.' They shouldn't say, 'This guy cannot make movies,' because this is unfair. I think it's very arrogant that a lot of journalists are not even willing see that movie before they judge my directing ability." Best get off down Blockbusters, then...

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Lalo influence in Incredibles?

    by FelixP

    "the score is by Michael Giacchino (THE INCREDIBLES & SKY HIGH) who finally has a real balls to the wall spy flick to score with themes inspired by Lalo Schifrin. Whom he was kinda riffing on in THE INCREDIBLES." huh? it was mid-60s John Barry he was riffing on (that's why Barry didn't want to do the score, he didn't want to revisit that music). Watch over Goldfinger, some of the Incredibles music is very derivative of that (in a good way).

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Michael Giacchino

    by AshFett

    Michael Giacchino has been scoring Alias for five years, so he's got about 100 hours of spy experience. He is great, and glad JJ made the natural choice to bring him on the film. I can't believe how good this sequel looks.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Ronald D. Moore making the 4th X-Men:

    by Killah_Mate

    "You look at her, you still remember that rookie who came aboard two years ago. But It's not Sharon! It never was! It's a frakking MUTANT!" --- Cool, n'est-ce pas?

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:41 a.m. CST

    JJ sucks

    by Tony Mike Hall

    He is where he is because of nepotism, period. Lost ain't that great and Alias was a joke. And don't push me or I'll make you recall the abomination Superman script he had the balls to put his name on. MI3 will be as exciting as a wet paper bag. Enjoy.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Tony Mike Hall

    by Killah_Mate

    Actually, JJ just has a short attention span. He is known for making the most awesome show pilots in the universe, and fucking up later (he's done this several times now). So, a movie is just the thing he needs; he won't have time to fuck up, and we'll be left with just the awesome. Or have you touched him and saw the movie bomb? Tell me so I can save some money ;-)

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Kilah, you're right. Let's up JJ's ritalin prescript

    by Tony Mike Hall

    Perhaps I was a little too hard on him. He does start off well, but he loses me as his series become contrived. And by "contrived" I mean the worst shite ever written. Really, they get that bad. Perhaps a movie will be the ticket, unless MI3 becomes a microcosm of his various series - the first ten minutes will be decent and then it will whirlpool into a disaster. And by "disaster" I once again mean the worst shite ever written. PSH's lines have me laughing, and not in a good way: "I'm going to find your girlfriend. I'm going to hurt. Then I'm going to kill you. Then I'm going to fuck her in the ass. Then I'm going to fuck your mother and your sister at the same time." LAME.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Tony Mike Hall

    by Pandas

    He's only where he is cos of nepotism? Wow I didn't think his dad, Colonel, had that much Hollywood influence!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Pandas

    by Tony Mike Hall

    His father is a long time TV producer, fucknut. Look it up. Don't make me do all the work around here.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:14 a.m. CST

    JJ's Dad --> http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0009181/

    by HypeEndsHere

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Tony

    by Pandas

    I know, I was just having a laugh. For some reason when I hear his name I think of Colonel Abrahms.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:50 a.m. CST

    you tell em! and Serenity starred....uh... okay fine!

    by HypeEndsHere

    but M:I3 will probably make a tenth of what Ser-- sorry. couldn't finish it. HAHAHAHA!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:51 a.m. CST

    M:I-2

    by expert24

    Thank God I found someone who agrees on how terribal M:I-2 was, can someone else tell me if their still disappointed from Woo's lackluster 2000 sequel.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:52 a.m. CST

    MI movies suck

    by DARTH VOODOO

    They movies all blow

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:01 p.m. CST

    LET THE TOM KATIE TALKBACK BEGIN

    by THE KNIGHT

    Aww shit... Here we go...

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Alien 3 Script by William Gibson

    by GrammarPolice

    Did anybody else know this existed? Jesus... http://ryanhornbeck.com/content/view/42/1/

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:11 p.m. CST

    JJ and MI movies

    by AshFett

    I really enjoyed the first Mission Impossible movie. The second was truly horrible and showed Woo had utterly lost it. As for JJ: Yes, his shows tend to suffer in the long term. I really enjoyed Felicity (sorry fanboys, I know it had no lasers or kung fu), but the first season was easily the best. Alias's first two seasons fucking RULED and then it went astray in a huge way in season three and though it's better now, it could never really get back on track. And Lost is compelling, but still hit or miss and often frustrating. However, first off, JJ obviously knows how to create some really dynamic characters/situations/shows, even if he has to work on the follow through. Secondly, he is directing Mission: Impossible 3, and guess what? he's a great director. His Alias episodes were always extremely exciting and tense, and the last thing he directed, the Lost pilot, was fantastic and probably set the bar way too high for that show. The two scenes he showed from MI3 at WonderCon were just freaking awesome: The scene on the bridge with missle after missle blowing up shit was just incredibly cool. JJ aint perfect, but he has talent and this movie looks great.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:13 p.m. CST

    JJ and MI movies

    by AshFett

    I really enjoyed the first Mission Impossible movie. The second was truly horrible and showed Woo had utterly lost it. As for JJ: Yes, his shows tend to suffer in the long term. I really enjoyed Felicity (sorry fanboys, I know it had no lasers or kung fu), but the first season was easily the best. Alias's first two seasons fucking RULED and then it went astray in a huge way in season three and though it's better now, it could never really get back on track. And Lost is compelling, but still hit or miss and often frustrating. However, first off, JJ obviously knows how to create some really dynamic characters/situations/shows, even if he has to work on the follow through. Secondly, he is directing Mission: Impossible 3, and guess what? he's a great director. His Alias episodes were always extremely exciting and tense, and the last thing he directed, the Lost pilot, was fantastic and probably set the bar way too high for that show. The two scenes he showed from MI3 at WonderCon were just freaking awesome: The scene on the bridge with missle after missle blowing up shit was just incredibly cool. JJ aint perfect, but he has talent and this movie looks great.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:34 p.m. CST

    If anyone can do it, Abrams can...

    by Rein

    since he has the experience with the spy genre and handling a large cast. Im just not convinced that cruise will be willing to share the spotlight.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:42 p.m. CST

    uh, if tom cruise played capote...

    by jig98

    and phillip seymour hoffman was in war of the worlds...how would that look?

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:42 p.m. CST

    5 minutes alone with Jack Bauer and Tom will come out

    by I Dunno

    Come out Tom. THERE'S NO TIME!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Oh, fuck this movie.

    by MattCG

    I haven't given a shit about this series since they had the fucking nerve to turn Jim Phelps into a goddamn bad guy, as if that WOULD EVER HAPPEN! I still can't fucking believe that. Also, it would be nice if they could feature a villain WHO WASN'T AN IMF AGENT! Ethan Hunt could solve all of the global threats for the next 20 years by blowing up his own agency. Fuck these movies, Fuck Tom Cruise. After "War of the Shitty Worlds" he isn't getting anymore of my money, I don't care if comes out of the closet at the end of the film and denounces Scientology as the farce that it is. Nothing can make me watch this piece of shit.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Oh, and fuck "Alias" too.

    by MattCG

    That show sucked ass. Yes, every season sucked ass. Jennifer Garner has all the fucking presence of a Barbie doll and should be doing porn. Abrams' dialogue is fucking laughable and his plot twists are visable after the first ten minutes. His presence in this craptastic sequel, does not give me any confidence it will not suck. I'll download it.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 1:25 p.m. CST

    The bit with the explosion and the car is awful...

    by mocky_puppet

    oh, yeah, it's easy for you to say you can spot the computer graphics, but how about checking the facts. i read that that actually is tom cruise in that stunt, which is pretty amazing. the same article mentioned that the production had to fork over millions of dollars for that one shot to repair the bridge--it was a special deal with the city where they actually flew this a-10 right over the bridge while tom was running, launched a missle, and blew the whole thing to pieces. and to make tom fly the other way, they also launched another missle from another direction. they call that "practical effects". i read it in "out traveller".

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 1:26 p.m. CST

    Hoping Tom Notes That Just Because Sydney Bristow

    by flamingrunt

    is part of a team, it doesnt diminish her spotlight as the "leader." I mean honestly the whole "one man out by himself against the bad guys" is getting really really old. And just seems like hes trying to prove his masculinity as opposed to making a decent movie

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 1:29 p.m. CST

    How About A Show Starring Jack Bristow And Jack Baur

    by flamingrunt

    they could call it My Two Jacks...

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Penthouse?

    by redtom

    could you not go with something with a bit more class, like Playboy??

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Unlike the vast majority, I don't hate Cruise-face

    by Lone Fox

    Too much. I'll even stand up and admit I liked him in WOTW, Minority Report and Interview With The Vampire. But MI3? Ranks alongside the Scary Movie franchise as most unnecessary trilogy ever.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 2:20 p.m. CST

    When are they gonna show us something new?

    by nomad202

    Seriously, every trailer/teaser I've seen has that gay guy from Boogie Nights telling Nathan Hunt that hes gonna kill his woman and blah blah and then car explosion. What the hell is the movie about?

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 2:37 p.m. CST

    JJ ABRAMS

    by drjones

    watching the LOST bonus material i just can't help thinking of jj abrams as some version of the young steven spielberg. artistic skills and style aside, how this guy talks, gestures, looks... is just sooo spielbergian... just had to add this.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 2:39 p.m. CST

    I have serious Tom Cruise fatigue

    by Undead Neverhood

    So I won't be seeing any of his movies for at least 3-5 years until the fatigue wears off.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 2:42 p.m. CST

    that boll interview is hilarious

    by drjones

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 3:15 p.m. CST

    "Stephen Hawking writing for Flex."

    by DocPazuzu

    I almost fell out of my chair when I read that. Thank you, Shigeru.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 3:26 p.m. CST

    At Wondercon...

    by donkingkong

    JJ's enthusiasm for this movie was infectuous, and the clips looked pretty fucking cool. Let me continue by saying that I'm not a big Cruise fan, I thought the 1st MI was alright, and I never even watched the 2nd MI. Rock climbing + motorcycles = someone trying a little too hard to prove he's not a "fancypants". At Wondercon JJ, (unlike Bryan Singer who looked like he was about to shit himself and acted as if he couldn't wait to get off the stage and away from all the fanboys) really sold this movie to me. He'd be a good used car salesman if his career in Hollywood takes an unexpected poo. But looking at the way things are going for him now, I highly doubt that'll be the case. I truly wish he'd get back with Lost and redirect the course of this season!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 3:28 p.m. CST

    mocky_puppet

    by Killah_Mate

    Good point there, but you're not gonna make a diference. CGI hating is hot shit with the fanboys. "Mwaaa, everything was better with practical effects, back in the day! We wouldn't know, 'cause we weren't even born then, but that's what everbody says!" Bullshit. Practical effects are an awesome art, but sometimes you just gotta go crunch some numbers. Not to mention that the real sublime work is done when practical effects, makeup, old-skool in-camera tricks, and CGI come together to create something better than the sum of its parts. You know, like, oh, the LORD OF THE RINGS? Bottom line - don't diss on the CG just because sometimes it's used badly. It's responsible for some of the best movies ever made.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 3:42 p.m. CST

    The historic meeting of Harry and Larry...

    by Lou Stools

    to decide once and for all which has the most inverted penis.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 3:45 p.m. CST

    LOST rocks

    by JohnGalt2005

    All haters can take it to the house. Never bothered with Alias, so can't comment. Just now realizing that Abrams is directing MI:III. Could be interesting...

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 4:16 p.m. CST

    OFFICIAL NEW BOND GIRL ANNOUNCED

    by HypeEndsHere

    Ms. Lee Tamahori.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Tom Cruise deserves a double dose of Uwe Boll

    by CloudCleaver

    "Uwe Boll is fed up. He's fed up with people slating his films on the Internet, mainly. He's also fed up with Hollywood producers who won't take movies based on videogames seriously. And perhaps most worryingly, at least in terms of how the rest of this interview is likely to pan out, he's fed up with the person who's interviewing him.------ "The dangerous thing right now is that a lot of people bash me without thinking about the movies. It's fashionable to hit on Uwe Boll, and this is what I don't get. And I don't get why this comes so harshly from the games press," Boll says.------- The problem, he explains, is that "Tons of journalists, including you, have nothing else to do than to follow the Internet voices of one or two thousand people. Only half of those people have seen my movies, and only two per cent of those people have seen my movies before House of the Dead."------- Boll says the point is that his movies get better as his career progresses - Dungeon Siege is "ten times better" than BloodRayne, which is ten times better than House of the Dead, and so on.------- "If people don't see that, then it's not my problem, but I think those are the people who hate me or who want to bash me. Normal people, people who buy movies or watch TV, they see that absolutely." -------- Whether you agree with Boll's argument or not, you can't deny that he's taken a lot of flack since his first videogame adaptation, House of the Dead, appeared in cinemas back in 2003. The Alone in the Dark movie did nothing to bolster his reputation with the critics, and his latest effort, BloodRayne, was widely slammed - before the film was even released, Boll says.------ "People say BloodRayne has a very bad IMDB rating - yes, but how many votes of zero points were made before the movie was out, by people who hate me but haven't even seen the movie?-------- "I've met tons of people who think BloodRayne is way better than Underworld 2, but they're not going on the Internet and writing that... I'm a little tired of only getting questions from journalists like, 'Your movies were so badly received, blah blah blah.' I know tons of movies that were way worse than Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead."------ And besides, says Boll, what exactly is it that we are expecting from him? After all, he is using videogames as his source material, and they're hardly reknowned for their complex characterisations and sophisticated narratives.-------- "Let's be realistic, what is House of the Dead? House of the Dead is a brainless shooter, where you shoot zombies into pieces. So what are you expecting from the movie, Schindler's List?------- "I think I made a perfect House of the Dead movie, because it really shows how the game is. It's a lot of fun, it's over-the-top action - it's not 28 Days Later, because the reality is that House of the Dead is about how it's a lot of fun to shoot zombies... It's cheesy entertainment with a lot of gore and a lot of violence, and it's super-fast."---------- Christian Slater and Tara Reid talk shop in Alone in the Dark. Us games journalists, Boll argues, should be pleased that videogame-based movies are getting made at all. "It's tough to convince someone from the studio system to believe in a videogame-based movie. It's way easier to have a great book or to have a comic book [as your source material], because these studio guys, they know Spider-Man, Batman, that kind of stuff."-------- Boll believes that part of the problem with convincing Hollywood that game movies are a good idea is down to game publishers themselves. He argues that Marvel, for example, are very good at cross-promoting movies based on their properties - whereas videogame companies simply sell off the licence and then forget about it.---------- According to Boll, he's fallen foul of this on more than one occasion. "Sega did nothing for House of the Dead, and Atari did nothing to support Alone in the Dark. They developed Alone in the Dark part 5, parallel to my movie, and then they closed the LA facility and never finished the game. And I was standing there alone in the rain with my movie... "The reality is that a lot of the videogame companies are quite sloppy - they are happy to sell the licence, but then they don't give a sh** about it, and this is not the right approach."---------- So, Boll argues, it's difficult enough to get a videogame movie made in the first place, and it doesn't help when that movie is slated before it's even been released.-------- "When I try to get videogames turned into movies, and get videogames accepted as [the equivalent of] best-selling books for the younger generation, I get only sh** from the videogames press - what an asshole I am, what a criminal I am for doing these movies, whatever, instead of being happy that there's a movie getting made of a game. This is what's confusing me."--------- In fact, it's not just confusing Boll - it's putting him off the whole thing all together. "I won't say that I won't acquire another videogame licence in the future. But I'm not so eager to do it any more, to be honest. After Far Cry, maybe I'll go away from videogame-based movies. And everybody can be really happy about it." ------- It's one thing being vertically challenged, it's another when all your girly mates have bigger guns than you.---------- But before that, he's still got to make the Postal movie, based on Running With Scissors' controversial PC title. And just to show he's still got a sense of humour, he's going to take the opportunity to have a little fun with his critics.------- "I'm in the movie - Uwe Boll will play a minor part. I get killed by my 'Boll haters'," he explains. So will he be getting real, er, Boll haters to play themselves?---------- "Absolutely! I don't have a problem with that," Boll says. "I think I'd get thousands of extras doing that, coming to the set to track me down and lynch me!"-------- When asked if he's worried that the Postal movie will attract a flood of negative publicity, just as the games have, Boll replies: "I don't care, to be honest."------- "The movie will be so politically incorrect and harsh, it's like a mirror to American society, and I don't think the movie will be well received by everybody. For example, Osama Bin Laden will be one of the lead characters - I think that shows the mood of the movie."-------- So what will Bin Laden's role be, exactly? Well, Boll explains, the idea is that he's holed up in Tucson, Arizona, running a Taliban camp. "That shows a little bit how politically incorrect Postal will be - it's really an underground, alternative point of view. Let's wait and see; I think we will suprise a lot of people."------- Boll confirms that Diff'rent Strokes and Postal star Gary Coleman is already signed up to play himself in the film, but he's yet to find a leading man to take on the role of the Postal Dude. One thing's for sure - he'll be going for a comedic actor, "Like a Matthew Lillard, for example, or Ron Perlman," rather than a serious type. ---------- Reid asks Boll for some directorial advice. Boll wonders if it's too late to get Shannon Elizabeth in.----------- Talking about Postal seems to have cheered Boll up a bit, so let's throw in a tricky question while the going's good. Is there any truth in those rumours that Boll has been exploiting a tax loophole in German law to fund his films, and to provide a dodgy tax break for investors?------ "There is no loophole," Boll says - at least not any more, it seems. He explains the situation used to be that if you invested, say, $100,000 in a movie, you could reduce the income you pay tax on by $100,000. As a result of this, German investors funded around 30 per cent of Hollywood movies, but all that's changed since the law was amended in December. Things are still looking good for Boll, however. He says he's got full financing for his next three movies, "And all my movies, no matter what reviewers are saying, are getting sold." Apparently Boll is "number one in the market" as far as paying investors back goes, and that's "Not because I make the best movies on earth, but I make movies for a minimal amount of budget compared to what major companies are spending, and the movies look good, and they go out theatrically, and they make a lot of money on DVD or Pay TV. "This is the main point - if the movie is really, really bad, why are a hundred territories buying it?" Boll says it's tough to get his movies on screens in the UK and France, to give a couple of examples, but they do very well in cinemas in Spain, Italy, Russia, Thailand and the Middle East, generally spending a few weeks in the top ten of the box office charts. "I can live with that situation. The average Hollywood movie last year had $65 million production costs, and $40 million promotions and advertising costs. My movies have $15 million to $20 million production costs, and $10 million P&A." Reality bites Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 4 A House of the Dead character considers he options. We suspect they're rather limited. And he's off again. "So if people are writing on the Internet about how my movies were big failures, it's because these people are amateurs and they have no idea of the reality of film-making and film selling. "I get bashed as the worldwide enemy number one in film-making by people who are working at Starbucks and who also want to make movies. It's ridiculous - it's completely idiotic because they're hitting on a guy who actually made it happen, but I started my career in the same position as anybody else," Boll argues. This seems to be a particularly sore point. Boll says it was a long, hard slog to get where he is today - his parents couldn't afford to finance his first ventures into film-making, and he didn't have any contacts in the industry. "I started with $50,000 to make my first movie. I travelled with my f***ing print for my first movie to 150 movie theatres in Germany, theatre by theatre, and was sitting there talking with the audience to get my movie played. So I did it the hard way. "Now people are getting hired as directors at 20 years old, coming from film school and getting 100 million bucks for their first movie. If people think that this is a good situation, that I'm the worst enemy in film-making and a completely talentless idiot, it's their decision." The figures speak for themselves, Boll says - for example, more than 1.4 million copies of the House of the Dead DVD have been sold in North America. "Maybe this is bad news for the Boll enemies, but while there are a few thousand people trying to crush me on the Internet, there are millions of people who buy the product." Blood money Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 5 The lovely BloodRayne - remember ladies, never attempt to apply lipstick whilst driving. However, he concedes, as far as BloodRayne goes, which arrived in American cinemas last month, "I cannot say that it was a big success in the movie theatres. I tried it with a new theatrical distribution company, and they were not able to lock in all the theatres - that was the biggest problem we had. We were scheduled to go out on 2000 screens, and then we came out on 930 screens, and only sh**** screens, so it didn't work out. "Now we are counting on the DVD release - I'm sure that on DVD it will sell very well." So if, as Boll argues and as the DVD sales figures would suggest, the viewing public are a lot keener on his body of work than you might think after a casual glance at the Internet, just why does he receive such a lot of negative criticism? Boll believes it's because he's too willing to discuss his movies, and too honest in his responses. "I think I'm very open, and I talk with everybody and give interviews to everybody. Over the last few years I've realised that it's not helping me that I'm open, and ready to discuss and to learn. Saying that I learned from my mistakes is maybe the biggest mistake I made." BloodRayne is due to arrive in UK cinemas later this year, and after that will come Dungeon Siege - but this time he "won't do any experiments" as far as distribution is concerned. Boll confirms that it will no longer be split into two films, Kill Bill-style, as previously suggested. "That was the plan, but now it's only one theatrical movie, plus a longer DVD and TV version." Metal Gear sold? Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 6 BloodRayne and chum. Yes, it is her out of Lost. So what about the rumours that Boll was keen to direct the Metal Gear Solid movie, but that Hideo Kojima turned him down? "This is a huge miscommunication in the press," Boll says. "What happened is, two French writers wrote a Metal Gear Solid script, and they approached me because they wanted me to direct and produce the movie." Boll asked the writers if they had obtained the licence, and they said no, but added that they had good connections with Konami. "So they contacted Hideo Kojima and I think his response, because of the press, was like, 'I never talked to Uwe Boll, I've no idea what he's talking about.' This is the situation. "I like Metal Gear Solid, I like that script, but unless the rights situation is cleared, what can I say?" And besides, Boll continues, the movie won't make any money if the studio throws money at it while the game publisher ignores it completely. He observes that as a videogame, Doom is just as popular as MGS - but the movie "Didn't make half of the f***ing budget back. People didn't give a sh** about Doom and they won't give a sh** about Metal Gear Solid if it doesn't get the kind of promotion it deserves." Doom and gloom Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 7 The stars of Dungeon Siege. Yes, it is her out of Deep Impact, him out of Snatch, him out of Goodfellas and him out of Smokey and the Bandit. Yes, Boll has seen Doom, and he's rather ambivalent about it - "I liked the movie a little, it wasn't a really bad movie, but it was not really good." Would he have done it any differently, then? "I don't know if I would definitely make the movie very differently, because I think that Doom remembered me in a lot of the camera angles, what the creatures were doing and so on... I think the guy who made Doom definitely saw Alone in the Dark." As for Halo, an example of a videogame-based movie which has a hefty budget behind it, Boll isn't too optimistic. "I personally think that with the budget they've planned, Halo will be a failure. I think Halo will not make the money back in the end." We've reached the end of the interview, so there's just time to ask Boll if he has a final message for those infamous Boll haters. Course he does. "Before they judge, they should see the film, that's the first thing. Second, they should really try to compare it fairly, and not based on my name. "If people really think I'm completely talentless, and this is to journalists, they should at least rent one of my earlier movies, like Heart of America, which is a really, really good movie. "And then they should say, 'Okay, this is the history of this director, we should judge him based on this.' They shouldn't say, 'This guy cannot make movies,' because this is unfair. I think it's very arrogant that a lot of journalists are not even willing see that movie before they judge my directing ability." Best get off down Blockbusters, then... f"Uwe Boll is fed up. He's fed up with people slating his films on the Internet, mainly. He's also fed up with Hollywood producers who won't take movies based on videogames seriously. And perhaps most worryingly, at least in terms of how the rest of this interview is likely to pan out, he's fed up with the person who's interviewing him.------ "The dangerous thing right now is that a lot of people bash me without thinking about the movies. It's fashionable to hit on Uwe Boll, and this is what I don't get. And I don't get why this comes so harshly from the games press," Boll says.------- The problem, he explains, is that "Tons of journalists, including you, have nothing else to do than to follow the Internet voices of one or two thousand people. Only half of those people have seen my movies, and only two per cent of those people have seen my movies before House of the Dead."------- Boll says the point is that his movies get better as his career progresses - Dungeon Siege is "ten times better" than BloodRayne, which is ten times better than House of the Dead, and so on.------- "If people don't see that, then it's not my problem, but I think those are the people who hate me or who want to bash me. Normal people, people who buy movies or watch TV, they see that absolutely." -------- Whether you agree with Boll's argument or not, you can't deny that he's taken a lot of flack since his first videogame adaptation, House of the Dead, appeared in cinemas back in 2003. The Alone in the Dark movie did nothing to bolster his reputation with the critics, and his latest effort, BloodRayne, was widely slammed - before the film was even released, Boll says.------ "People say BloodRayne has a very bad IMDB rating - yes, but how many votes of zero points were made before the movie was out, by people who hate me but haven't even seen the movie?-------- "I've met tons of people who think BloodRayne is way better than Underworld 2, but they're not going on the Internet and writing that... I'm a little tired of only getting questions from journalists like, 'Your movies were so badly received, blah blah blah.' I know tons of movies that were way worse than Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead."------ And besides, says Boll, what exactly is it that we are expecting from him? After all, he is using videogames as his source material, and they're hardly reknowned for their complex characterisations and sophisticated narratives.-------- "Let's be realistic, what is House of the Dead? House of the Dead is a brainless shooter, where you shoot zombies into pieces. So what are you expecting from the movie, Schindler's List?------- "I think I made a perfect House of the Dead movie, because it really shows how the game is. It's a lot of fun, it's over-the-top action - it's not 28 Days Later, because the reality is that House of the Dead is about how it's a lot of fun to shoot zombies... It's cheesy entertainment with a lot of gore and a lot of violence, and it's super-fast."---------- Christian Slater and Tara Reid talk shop in Alone in the Dark. Us games journalists, Boll argues, should be pleased that videogame-based movies are getting made at all. "It's tough to convince someone from the studio system to believe in a videogame-based movie. It's way easier to have a great book or to have a comic book [as your source material], because these studio guys, they know Spider-Man, Batman, that kind of stuff."-------- Boll believes that part of the problem with convincing Hollywood that game movies are a good idea is down to game publishers themselves. He argues that Marvel, for example, are very good at cross-promoting movies based on their properties - whereas videogame companies simply sell off the licence and then forget about it.---------- According to Boll, he's fallen foul of this on more than one occasion. "Sega did nothing for House of the Dead, and Atari did nothing to support Alone in the Dark. They developed Alone in the Dark part 5, parallel to my movie, and then they closed the LA facility and never finished the game. And I was standing there alone in the rain with my movie... "The reality is that a lot of the videogame companies are quite sloppy - they are happy to sell the licence, but then they don't give a sh** about it, and this is not the right approach."---------- So, Boll argues, it's difficult enough to get a videogame movie made in the first place, and it doesn't help when that movie is slated before it's even been released.-------- "When I try to get videogames turned into movies, and get videogames accepted as [the equivalent of] best-selling books for the younger generation, I get only sh** from the videogames press - what an asshole I am, what a criminal I am for doing these movies, whatever, instead of being happy that there's a movie getting made of a game. This is what's confusing me."--------- In fact, it's not just confusing Boll - it's putting him off the whole thing all together. "I won't say that I won't acquire another videogame licence in the future. But I'm not so eager to do it any more, to be honest. After Far Cry, maybe I'll go away from videogame-based movies. And everybody can be really happy about it." ------- It's one thing being vertically challenged, it's another when all your girly mates have bigger guns than you.---------- But before that, he's still got to make the Postal movie, based on Running With Scissors' controversial PC title. And just to show he's still got a sense of humour, he's going to take the opportunity to have a little fun with his critics.------- "I'm in the movie - Uwe Boll will play a minor part. I get killed by my 'Boll haters'," he explains. So will he be getting real, er, Boll haters to play themselves?---------- "Absolutely! I don't have a problem with that," Boll says. "I think I'd get thousands of extras doing that, coming to the set to track me down and lynch me!"-------- When asked if he's worried that the Postal movie will attract a flood of negative publicity, just as the games have, Boll replies: "I don't care, to be honest."------- "The movie will be so politically incorrect and harsh, it's like a mirror to American society, and I don't think the movie will be well received by everybody. For example, Osama Bin Laden will be one of the lead characters - I think that shows the mood of the movie."-------- So what will Bin Laden's role be, exactly? Well, Boll explains, the idea is that he's holed up in Tucson, Arizona, running a Taliban camp. "That shows a little bit how politically incorrect Postal will be - it's really an underground, alternative point of view. Let's wait and see; I think we will suprise a lot of people."------- Boll confirms that Diff'rent Strokes and Postal star Gary Coleman is already signed up to play himself in the film, but he's yet to find a leading man to take on the role of the Postal Dude. One thing's for sure - he'll be going for a comedic actor, "Like a Matthew Lillard, for example, or Ron Perlman," rather than a serious type. ---------- Reid asks Boll for some directorial advice. Boll wonders if it's too late to get Shannon Elizabeth in.----------- Talking about Postal seems to have cheered Boll up a bit, so let's throw in a tricky question while the going's good. Is there any truth in those rumours that Boll has been exploiting a tax loophole in German law to fund his films, and to provide a dodgy tax break for investors?------ "There is no loophole," Boll says - at least not any more, it seems. He explains the situation used to be that if you invested, say, $100,000 in a movie, you could reduce the income you pay tax on by $100,000. As a result of this, German investors funded around 30 per cent of Hollywood movies, but all that's changed since the law was amended in December. Things are still looking good for Boll, however. He says he's got full financing for his next three movies, "And all my movies, no matter what reviewers are saying, are getting sold." Apparently Boll is "number one in the market" as far as paying investors back goes, and that's "Not because I make the best movies on earth, but I make movies for a minimal amount of budget compared to what major companies are spending, and the movies look good, and they go out theatrically, and they make a lot of money on DVD or Pay TV. "This is the main point - if the movie is really, really bad, why are a hundred territories buying it?" Boll says it's tough to get his movies on screens in the UK and France, to give a couple of examples, but they do very well in cinemas in Spain, Italy, Russia, Thailand and the Middle East, generally spending a few weeks in the top ten of the box office charts. "I can live with that situation. The average Hollywood movie last year had $65 million production costs, and $40 million promotions and advertising costs. My movies have $15 million to $20 million production costs, and $10 million P&A." Reality bites Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 4 A House of the Dead character considers he options. We suspect they're rather limited. And he's off again. "So if people are writing on the Internet about how my movies were big failures, it's because these people are amateurs and they have no idea of the reality of film-making and film selling. "I get bashed as the worldwide enemy number one in film-making by people who are working at Starbucks and who also want to make movies. It's ridiculous - it's completely idiotic because they're hitting on a guy who actually made it happen, but I started my career in the same position as anybody else," Boll argues. This seems to be a particularly sore point. Boll says it was a long, hard slog to get where he is today - his parents couldn't afford to finance his first ventures into film-making, and he didn't have any contacts in the industry. "I started with $50,000 to make my first movie. I travelled with my f***ing print for my first movie to 150 movie theatres in Germany, theatre by theatre, and was sitting there talking with the audience to get my movie played. So I did it the hard way. "Now people are getting hired as directors at 20 years old, coming from film school and getting 100 million bucks for their first movie. If people think that this is a good situation, that I'm the worst enemy in film-making and a completely talentless idiot, it's their decision." The figures speak for themselves, Boll says - for example, more than 1.4 million copies of the House of the Dead DVD have been sold in North America. "Maybe this is bad news for the Boll enemies, but while there are a few thousand people trying to crush me on the Internet, there are millions of people who buy the product." Blood money Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 5 The lovely BloodRayne - remember ladies, never attempt to apply lipstick whilst driving. However, he concedes, as far as BloodRayne goes, which arrived in American cinemas last month, "I cannot say that it was a big success in the movie theatres. I tried it with a new theatrical distribution company, and they were not able to lock in all the theatres - that was the biggest problem we had. We were scheduled to go out on 2000 screens, and then we came out on 930 screens, and only sh**** screens, so it didn't work out. "Now we are counting on the DVD release - I'm sure that on DVD it will sell very well." So if, as Boll argues and as the DVD sales figures would suggest, the viewing public are a lot keener on his body of work than you might think after a casual glance at the Internet, just why does he receive such a lot of negative criticism? Boll believes it's because he's too willing to discuss his movies, and too honest in his responses. "I think I'm very open, and I talk with everybody and give interviews to everybody. Over the last few years I've realised that it's not helping me that I'm open, and ready to discuss and to learn. Saying that I learned from my mistakes is maybe the biggest mistake I made." BloodRayne is due to arrive in UK cinemas later this year, and after that will come Dungeon Siege - but this time he "won't do any experiments" as far as distribution is concerned. Boll confirms that it will no longer be split into two films, Kill Bill-style, as previously suggested. "That was the plan, but now it's only one theatrical movie, plus a longer DVD and TV version." Metal Gear sold? Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 6 BloodRayne and chum. Yes, it is her out of Lost. So what about the rumours that Boll was keen to direct the Metal Gear Solid movie, but that Hideo Kojima turned him down? "This is a huge miscommunication in the press," Boll says. "What happened is, two French writers wrote a Metal Gear Solid script, and they approached me because they wanted me to direct and produce the movie." Boll asked the writers if they had obtained the licence, and they said no, but added that they had good connections with Konami. "So they contacted Hideo Kojima and I think his response, because of the press, was like, 'I never talked to Uwe Boll, I've no idea what he's talking about.' This is the situation. "I like Metal Gear Solid, I like that script, but unless the rights situation is cleared, what can I say?" And besides, Boll continues, the movie won't make any money if the studio throws money at it while the game publisher ignores it completely. He observes that as a videogame, Doom is just as popular as MGS - but the movie "Didn't make half of the f***ing budget back. People didn't give a sh** about Doom and they won't give a sh** about Metal Gear Solid if it doesn't get the kind of promotion it deserves." Doom and gloom Zoom in'Uwe Boll bites back' Screenshot 7 The stars of Dungeon Siege. Yes, it is her out of Deep Impact, him out of Snatch, him out of Goodfellas and him out of Smokey and the Bandit. Yes, Boll has seen Doom, and he's rather ambivalent about it - "I liked the movie a little, it wasn't a really bad movie, but it was not really good." Would he have done it any differently, then? "I don't know if I would definitely make the movie very differently, because I think that Doom remembered me in a lot of the camera angles, what the creatures were doing and so on... I think the guy who made Doom definitely saw Alone in the Dark." As for Halo, an example of a videogame-based movie which has a hefty budget behind it, Boll isn't too optimistic. "I personally think that with the budget they've planned, Halo will be a failure. I think Halo will not make the money back in the end." We've reached the end of the interview, so there's just time to ask Boll if he has a final message for those infamous Boll haters. Course he does. "Before they judge, they should see the film, that's the first thing. Second, they should really try to compare it fairly, and not based on my name. "If people really think I'm completely talentless, and this is to journalists, they should at least rent one of my earlier movies, like Heart of America, which is a really, really good movie. "And then they should say, 'Okay, this is the history of this director, we should judge him based on this.' They shouldn't say, 'This guy cannot make movies,' because this is unfair. I think it's very arrogant that a lot of journalists are not even willing see that movie before they judge my directing ability." Best get off down Blockbusters, then...

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 6:11 p.m. CST

    enough with the Boll shit. man, i'm sick of scrolling.

    by HypeEndsHere

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 7:02 p.m. CST

    Harry's Penthous stint will have one good benefit...

    by Negative Man

    ...He'll have an EDITOR! ...sorry...saw the shot and had to take it... But congrats on the writing gig! Though, on topic, M:I-3 Looks like an equally squalid turd as M:I-2. It's like the laws of physics do not exist for Tom Cruise in these movies. Flying sideways when an explosion happens behind him? That had me laughing openly and loudly when I saw that in the trailer (Sorry to everyone during the 10pm showing of FIREWALL at the AMC Burbank 16...I really should stop letting the girl pick the movie). Not to mention that this looks like PSH's CATWOMAN. He'll win an Oscar for CAPOTE and then be remembered for M:I-3. And that whole truck stopping juuussst in time as Cruise leans into it, gritting his teeth looks terrible and clich

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 7:04 p.m. CST

    LOL &#39;Penthouse&#39;....where&#39;s my editor?!!! <NM>

    by Negative Man

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 7:31 p.m. CST

    Eeewwww

    by CloudCleaver

    When watching the TV spot, you just can&#39;t miss that yellow-green loogie that Cruise wipes on his girlfriend&#39;s arm. Then she looks all lovestruck from the gesture.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 7:33 p.m. CST

    How About A Show Starring Jack Bristow And Jack Baur

    by SG7

    Nice one. The body count would be twice any Annie or Sly 80s actioner. Jack Bristow is the only reason to watch Alias.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Superman Returns

    by darthbinks1220

    The combined box office takes of MI3 & X3 will fall far short of the upcoming man of steel film. I predict Supes Returns will cross 1 billion worldwide. That would make it only the third movie ever to cross that mark. Titanic and LOTR: ROTK are the other two. Adjusted for inflation, the top four grossers worldwide are Gone With the Wind, Titanic, Star Wars, and E.T.- The Extra Terrestrial.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:21 p.m. CST

    We should all be thankful to Harry

    by Vim Fuego

    At least we can all now say we&#39;re reading Penthouse for the articles.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 10:51 p.m. CST

    Mission Impossible film franchise is bogus.

    by darthbinks1220

    Cruise&#39;s decision to make Mr. Phelps the bad guy in the &#39;96 MIINOM (Mission Impossible in name only movie)was too stupid for words. Kinda like making Capt. Kirk a klingon. This "MI" movie franchise is doomed because of it. Mr. Phelps IS and will always be Mission Impossible, not egomaniac Tom Cruise&#39;s Ethan Hunt. The brilliant television show of the sixties, and even the not-so-brilliant eighties version are vastly superior to the crapfest DePalma and Woo flicks. I won&#39;t even see MI3, despite Abram&#39;s vow to actually have an IMF team this time. Bottom line, it&#39;s all about control freak Cruise that undermined all the potential of having a legitimate Mission Impossible film franchise.

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:13 p.m. CST

    The xplosion/tom flying thru the air?????

    by Bishop6

    This just looks WRONG/STUPID if there&#39;s a shockwave from the explosion behind him, its NOT gonna launch him SIDEWAYS..even if it DID, it just looks Wrong. Oh and the movie looks $HIT too

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:18 p.m. CST

    I&#39;m telling you...

    by Bytor2112

    "Mission Impossibler" starring Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn...CAN&#39;T MISS!!!!

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 11:21 p.m. CST

    darth

    by BALTIMOREJACK

    i&#39;m sure Cruise will be in the poor-house if you don&#39;t buy a ticket.

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 12:06 a.m. CST

    I have Tom Cruise fatigue as well

    by Bong

    Past year or so there&#39;s been a Cruise overload if you will. His off-screen shenanigans are too much. Instead of Ethan Hunt I see the guy prouncing around on the couch in front of Oprah

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 12:08 a.m. CST

    Of spy trailers and skin mags

    by Isidore

    First off to all of those who wish to impune Harry&#39;s knowledge of the female anatomy, please remember he is an internet fanboy as much as anybody. He knows porn! He is probably an expert on the subject. Him posing as the "Back Door man" THAT is an impossible mission. Hey maybe that&#39;s the real plot that has Harry creaming himself now. OK enough good natured ribbing. On to fanboy hate and bashing a movie before I even see it. Is it just me or is there no teasing of the audience in these trailers? We don&#39;t get the play and suspense that I think should be integral to any MI trailer. The music is just squeezed in as an afterthought. I would think the most captivating part of the trailer is the reveal that this is MI. But when we cut back to Tom after Phil does his speech we know what is up, and we still haven&#39;t seen anything exciting in the action, or planned trickery. I would think to do an MI trailer you need to hint at some plot or action that seems like well done standard fare spy movie stuff, and NOT show Tom. Then twist it with the reveal of Ethan Hunt. The Hoffman stuff should not be the opening. It is just so rooted in our character motivations that we really have no way to get into it other than ooooing at him being a bad guy. The point of Mission Impossible, or so I thought, was a cool plan and teamwork to reach and Impossible goal, and those elements are lacking in the trailers. This just looks like a bunch of action set-pieces thrown together. But then again that is the baggage of MI2. God that sucked. I&#39;m just hoping the bad trailer/good movie logic prevails. And Phelps going bad is a part 3 plot move that doomed the franchise from the start. If Tom wants to be in Bond? Well...ok that joke is too easy.

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 12:29 a.m. CST

    THIS EXACT TV SPOT AIRED LAST MONDAY (2/6)

    by digital8

    Yes, I am sure that it wasn&#39;t the first one. It aired during the first commercial break for 24.

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 1:01 a.m. CST

    That "cool" shot is impossible!

    by Ribbons

    I love (translation: hate) how so many people are stepping over themselves to prove how smart they are by talking about how that shot everyone thinks is so cool is physically impossible. And maybe it is, actually. I just don&#39;t really care. I wonder how many of these people are just repeating what they heard from another obnoxious TalkBacker.

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 3:52 a.m. CST

    I have to admit

    by Doc_Strange

    For a while there I thought TC was A-OK. Then he went and made the Last Samurai which was a masterpiece in my opinion. But then he went over the deep end like nothing could touch him and he appeared on Oprah, jumping on her couch like a jackass. I lost a lot of respect for the guy as apparently many people did, with his raving about psychiatry and messing with my OG love, Brooke Shields. That was unforgivable. I paid to see WOTW hoping to get some artistic sci-fi inspiration but found nothing more than a pretentious star vehicle that had more Cruise than science fiction, that and Dakota Fanning is the creepiest little kid ever. Spielberg also dropped the ball with his sensibilities, though he has since then got something of himself back after Munich. Will we ever respect TC again? Hell I know what Scientology&#39;s all about, and if you&#39;re one, that&#39;s cool, that&#39;s on you if you want to believe in Xenu and all that other bad sci-fi crap. But to go off and publicly tell people that psychiatry is a psuedo-science is just bullshit and irresponsible. Oh yeah, and don&#39;t fuck with my woman.

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 5:04 a.m. CST

    Doc_Strange

    by redtom

    "You&#39;re glib, Doc - you&#39;re glib"

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 5:36 a.m. CST

    The two things the X3 and M:I-3 teasers have taught me

    by Negative Man

    Evil bad guys HATE bridges! They HATE the bridges!!! STAY AWAY FROM THE BRIDGES!!! ...oh Navin R. Johnson, where are you now...

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 6:03 a.m. CST

    crap.

    by hiperaktiv

    The first 2 sucked so why should this be any different? Phillip Seymour Hoffman is also cheesing up the screen with his villainous persona ..."Im gonna kill your girlfriend in front of you then sip on a coke zero and makes pancakes then...blahlahblah"

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 6:32 a.m. CST

    Is Phillip Seymour Hoffman the new AICN TB Hulk Hogan??

    by oh_riginal

    Phillip Seymour Hoffman: "I am going to kill you in front of her, then I&#39;m going to clean out my ears with used q-tips, then I&#39;m going to buy the latest double-dip DVD, then I&#39;m going to go ten miles out of my way to a gas station that is selling gas for $2.19 a gallon, rather than the $2.20 price just a few blocks from my house, then I&#39;m going to look up the latest rumors on Batman Begins-sequel casting." ---- Hulk Hogan kicks a box that is on the floor behind him. Hulk Hogan: "Brother!" ---- Ving Rhames: "Welcome back, brother." ---- Hulk Hogan: "Thats my line, brother!"

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 6:56 a.m. CST

    its a good trailer but i wont pay money to see

    by Spacesheik

    im sick and tired of tom cruise - ill wait for the dvd - he hyped the shit out of WOTW with his other bullshit and the film stinked - i dont like vanity projects - tom cruise and jodie foster are very vain actors always playing heroes who save the day, protecting their kids etc -- this may youll find me at DA VINCI and POSEIDON not at MI3

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 7:05 a.m. CST

    Is it just me?

    by UncleEthan

    Is it just me or do other people have trouble watching Tom Cruise in ANYTHING and taking him seriously? I mean I&#39;ve liked some of his work in the past(Although "Last Samurai" would have been a great film wihout the phony and unecessary insertion of a whilte guy into the film) but since I looked into what Scientology is all about I have a super hard time watching the guy withoutthinking about Xenu. I mean I think anyone should have the right to believe in any sort of wacky stuff they wish...but having your own Navy and believing that Alien spirits are holding you back...I mean come on. It&#39;s just hard to take a guy like that seriously...is it just me?

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 7:44 a.m. CST

    RE: darthbinks1220&#39;s off topic post

    by I Dunno

    Superman? 1 billion? Pass me the pipe. Batman Begins made $370 worldwide. That&#39;s with very good reviews and a great cast (minus Katie) Superman has a nobody cast (minus Spacey) and as for the reviews, well that&#39;s to be seen but I&#39;m not that optimistic. Superman is more kid-friendly, which will earn it more but it&#39;s also way down on the cool-ness factor so it won&#39;t play as well for older teens and adults. If Supes tops out at $500 mill worlwide I&#39;ll be very impressed. We now return you to your regularly scheduled TB about this pickle kisser and his James Bond film.

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Why not do a reboot of the franchise without Cruise?

    by successor

    They could make it more like the original series and have everybody work as a team in an ensemble piece rather than turning it into the Tom Cruise Show. Get a couple of good character actors and have each one perform a specialized task that contributes to the whole mission. Actors like William Fichtner, Joe Pantoliano, Wes Studi, Rachael McAdams, Steve Zahn, Gina Gershon, Ricky Jay, Delroy Lindo. Maybe even bring back Martin Landau as Jim Phelps, though he might be too old.

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 9:04 p.m. CST

    I think Cruise is a jackass, but he&#39;s done good work.

    by chickychow

    everyone&#39;s gotta get over this idiot. who fuckin cares if he&#39;s an alien-worshipping, hired-actress-artificially-impregnating lunatic? Watch Born on the Fourth of July, watch Magnolia, watch Rain Man, watch War of the Worlds... very frequently, the guy&#39;s a good actor. (altho gotta admit i&#39;m not at all a fan of the MI franchise, so this new flick means shit to me)

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 9:08 p.m. CST

    and where the fuck&#39;s Simon Pegg?

    by chickychow

    I want the next trailer to end with a close up of his face as he reacts to some stupid-ass thing Cruise says, a reaction shot that says "What the bloody fuck is this douchebag goin on about?!"

  • Feb. 16, 2006, 9:09 p.m. CST

    How about JJ stops LOST from sucking

    by JiggamanSpence

    Since he&#39;s now made his kick ass MI-3, how about a meeting/bitch slap with all the lost writers?

  • Feb. 17, 2006, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Phillip Seymour Hoffman as

    by moleperson78

    the bad guy-worth the price of admission