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UPDATE: Thespian Pamela Anderson To Bouyantly Bounce About in BAYWATCH THE MOVIE???

Hey Folks - Harry here... Eli Roth contacted me about the below story. Apparently it originated out of the British tabloid, THE EXPRESS - and has fabricated quotes from Eli which he NEVER said. Lovely, eh? Also, Eli wanted to make it clear that he is not the "DIRECTOR" of BAYWATCH THE MOVIE, I'm betting Richard Kelly will do it. (giggle) Eli is the "Co-Producer" of the film. Which basically means he will have the right to show up at the beaches and stare at Hasselhoff's body for hours, unless banned from the set. So there ya go, the record is straight.

Hey folks, Harry here... Ya know, sometimes the stories one gets sent are... well, just amazing. First off... Hasselhoff is a God after SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS THE MOVIE - but the idea that the BAYWATCH movie will be about crime-fighting lifeguards on a worldwide crime-busting spree... well, that's bliss. I hope they have a BAYWATCH INTERNATIONAL SPACE-WATCH TOWER - they watch the globe for coastal calamities, then like Starship Troopers being dropped from orbit, they splashdown in their capsules to deter criminals from their heinous aqua-activities! Well, I don't know about any of that - but here's what had to say about this epic upcoming film...

Pamela Anderson will film a cameo in the new 'Baywatch' movie.

The sexy star, who shot to fame playing a lifeguard in the hit TV series, will make a guest appearance in the big screen adaptation of the show. Rumours had been rife Pammy would star in the movie, but it is now been revealed the original female cast - which included Carmen Electra and Traci Bingham - will be replaced by a younger crop of beauties.

Director Eli Roth said: "Pammy and the original cast will most likely do cameos in the movie. But for the main cast, they want to go with a new crop of hotties. The other producers spoke to Pamela about it and she said she'd love to do a cameo. For me it wouldn't be 'Baywatch' without her."

Meanwhile, 'Baywatch' creator David Hasselhoff has revealed the new film will include crime-fighting lifeguards. He said: "It will be set in different locations around the world. There will be lifeguards who are also sent on crime-busting sprees."

Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 9, 2006, 5:55 a.m. CST

    First? Is western society coming to an end...?

    by Charlie & Tex

    Looks like it with this!

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 5:56 a.m. CST

    Tig ol' bitties

    by Drunken Rage

    Just wanted to write that. Oh, yeah, first.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 5:57 a.m. CST

    okay, second

    by Drunken Rage

    I hate implants, tattoos and piercings.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 6:06 a.m. CST

    Sounds crap and the idea is so dated

    by Mr Cairo

    and in all honesty Pam looks a bit of a hag these days.Cant see this getting the BSG style remake

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 6:17 a.m. CST

    Best kept secret....

    by jagger

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 6:30 a.m. CST

    Eli Roth?

    by Grando


  • Feb. 9, 2006, 6:34 a.m. CST

    Yeah, wuh?

    by CoursinLarry

    Eli Roth is directing the Baywatch movie? I honestly for a second thought this was an April Fools joke. It isn' it?

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 6:41 a.m. CST

    Futurama did it

    by BigDogg

    yup, it made Pamela Anderson an Oscar winner

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 6:45 a.m. CST

    Richard Kelly

    by Brendon

    Apparently Kelly was asked to write the script by Roth, but the studio balked. I dare say this will go into production under Steve Miner or some other such hack. What's the director of Raise Your Voice called again? Something Maguire? He's the perfect choice - this really could then be guaranteed to turn out HILARIOUSLY awful.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 6:51 a.m. CST

    the only question I have is...

    by judderman

    Will Pam's prediction in Futurama prove true? Will this actually be the first movie shot entirely in slow motion?

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 7:28 a.m. CST


    by blackwood

    Eli Roth is going to replace Pammy's boobs with geek-seeking rockets, I'll be there opening day. Also, everything about this stinks of lies and deception.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Shit idea, unless...

    by Steve Rogers

    they do it NC-17 and all the hot babes get nekkid and hard fucked in the movie. Yeah, come on, like you wouldn't love to see it.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 7:51 a.m. CST

    So will she win an Oscar for it?

    by Anna Valerious

    Yep, "Futurama" reference. And I want them to make "Charlie's Angels 3: The Legend of Charlie's Gold" in time for release next year. :D

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 7:53 a.m. CST

    and don't forget

    by scape away

    we'll also be seeing suicide booths in the next couple of years.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 8:22 a.m. CST

    So it's actually BAYWATCH NIGHTS the movie?

    by Dolph


  • Feb. 9, 2006, 8:28 a.m. CST


    by Thunderpants

    Is there anything that isn't "bliss" to Harry. I get the feeling that even cleaning out his crotch cheese would be bliss.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 8:39 a.m. CST


    by Ingeld

    Hasseloff is the legendary Geat. Pamela Anderson plays Grendel's mother right? Zemeckis is pulling together an all star cast for this. I can't wait.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 8:54 a.m. CST


    by Chilli815

    Anyone who watched TV during the Baywatch period is either lying when they say they haven't seen it, or just plain doesn't get the appeal. The show is crap, the show is awful, but its fun. Hell - I was watching it before adolescence kicked in, before I understood its true value, and I still dug it as a truly trashy soap-opera. If Eli makes this, I'll pay my fare!

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 9:09 a.m. CST


    by strongbadmonkey

    Will the entire movie be shot in slow motion? That way you could turn a 20 minute crap fest into an hour and 20 minute crap fest.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 9:17 a.m. CST

    I suppose there could be worse ideas...

    by Dickie Greenleaf

    ...but I can't honestly think of any right now. But let's clear one thing up - Traci Bingham, Carmen Electra etc. were not original cast members. They replaced the first wave of replacements. In other words, let's give proper credit to the era-defining talents of the awesome Billy Warlock and really awesome Erika Eleniak. Boy, I miss her...

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Too perfect!

    by Childe Roland

    Eli Roth directs "Baywatch - the Movie!" The Simpsons should've thought of this. Seriously, I cannot think of a single thing Roth is more suited to direct than a David Hasselhoff brainchild about international crime-fighting lifeguards. With special cameo by Roth as the dude with weed and a guitar who all the hot chicks really want to get with. This is one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse, by the way. Two if Pammy plays a scientist of any sort.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 9:43 a.m. CST

    This is the Decilne of Western Civilization

    by Wee Willie

    We may as well end it now.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 9:47 a.m. CST

    they should be superheroes

    by oisin5199

    like Lifeguard and her surfer brother from Claremont's X-Treme X-men series. Oh wait, that comic was crap. But so was Baywatch, so I guess it works out.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Seriously, what other Futurama predictions will come tr

    by scrumdiddly


  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Baywatch Nights = Angie Harmon

    by HypeEndsHere

    jesus, one of the most beautiful women ever. too bad she married a meathead.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:09 a.m. CST

    ELI ROTH?!?

    by AndrewWanKenobi

    This has to be a joke. There is no way that dude would direct. It's bullshit.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:14 a.m. CST

    They're stupid. Everyone would rather see Pam andCarmen

    by BigTuna

    THen some no name hotties.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:16 a.m. CST

    i'd rather see some young top-shelf tookie, myself

    by HypeEndsHere

    i've seen Pam without the make-up. Yikes! and Carmen Electra's stock hasn't recovered from Dennis the Rodman's pipe.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:18 a.m. CST


    by butnugget


  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Eli Roth is such a fuckin tool.

    by chickychow

    his connection to the flick is for real tho, read about it months and months ago. this guy's not even gonna fulfill the potential he DOESN'T have.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:26 a.m. CST

    What do you get when you put Pam Anderson in a bathtub?

    by Kentucky Colonel

    A big bowl of Hepititis soup! Honestly, that broad is a complete SKANK! That's right...SKANK! Big old fake boobs that probably *do* feel like bags of sand (which is what they are, after all), more makeup tha Phyllis Diller, and a pussy that will INFECT YOU with the HEP!!! Jeezus, there are so many more awesome chicks out there (the 19 year old "Alma, Jr" from Brokeback Mtn. is a total hottie!!) and Pam should just go back to wherever she came from. IMHO.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Germans love David Hasselhoff!

    by Blanket-Man

    But we Americans, sadly, do not.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Now, if they could just...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...tack a "Quentin Tarantino presents" in front of it, this stinkburger will be complete. Don't think QT wouldn't do it either.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:44 a.m. CST

    eli roth

    by washisdead

    i havent actually seen one of his movies, but from interviews ive seen and... it seems like eli roth is a horny 12 year old with a camera and budget... so i guess hes perfect for a baywatch movie

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:51 a.m. CST

    a VERY serious question

    by LordAsh

    Will Anderson be mounting man missle in this movie? I want to know. I want to know NOW goddammit!

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:55 a.m. CST

    Oh... goodie... ELI FUCKING ROTH?

    by Uncooked_Meat

    Wow. I mean... just... wow. That's gotta be a joke, right? Fucking Eli Roth. So now we can look forward to 12 months of mercilessly biased useless information about a fucking Baywatch movie. It'll be Hostel coverage, but with bathing suits! I can hardly wait. Assuming the Eli Roth thing is true. Which would seriously be a confluence of suckitude the likes of which this universe has never witnessed, and may not survive.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 10:58 a.m. CST

    if a grown ass man is still into the idea of Baywatch

    by SirBiatchReturns

    given our day and age, where there is access to free porn and easy women, then he must be creepy.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 11:07 a.m. CST

    Talkback Jay Sherman says...

    by DOGSOUP

    "It'll Stink!....but who cares...TITTIES!!!!!"

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Erika Eleniak

    by Dark Vapor

    thanks to the TBer above who reminded me of a google image search, even with "safesearch" ON the girl is naked every chance she got, and people do not seem to realize with something like Baywatch or Basic Instinct 2, it is not that it is better then straight up porn, its just a fun diversion that has a more legitimate feel.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 11:21 a.m. CST

    What I want to know is if Spielberg is still producing?

    by Proman1984

    Too bad the original cast won't be included much.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 11:39 a.m. CST

    They better hurry up. Pamela Anderson is almost 40.

    by Orionsangels

    She's getting that leathery wrinkly skin look. No i'd still do her, but lets be honest. Her best years are behind her

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Go to

    by BlueNowhere

    to find out the real story about eli roths involvement. Aintitcoolnews, more like Aintitdiggingthebottleofthebarrelandjustplainlyingaboutstuff

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 12:05 p.m. CST

    There is a level of joy to be derived from SOME crap...

    by Angry Mean Panda

    But then again, some things are just shitty. This is just shitty.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 12:05 p.m. CST

    This is...

    by BCfreeB

    The dumbest, worst, most interesting, most fun, most kickass idea ever. As long as it's REAAALLLLLY bad but doesn't know it, I'm there.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 12:05 p.m. CST

    Oh, man, Doc Pazuzu!

    by Childe Roland

    You just know that QT presents thing is coming, too, don't you? I mena, he'll be sitting around one of his houses, stoned out of his fucking melon, and Roth will show up with a bag of coke and a favor to ask: "Hey, Quentin...I got a problem. That Hostel movie you and Harry helped me hype to high heaven? Yeah...after opening weekend, word got out that it was pretty much boring as fuck with a contrived ending and no real plot. But I went out and spent all the money I was sure I was going to make on this bag of coke. So, anyway, now I'm having trouble drumming up geek support for this Baywatch flick I'm making. What? You didn't hear? Yeah. It's gonna have a lot of hot chicks with skimpy outfits running around and I even wrote myself this plum part as the dude they all want to get with. Anyway, the geeks are still kind of pissed about the whole Hostel farce, so they're talking like they aren't going to go see it. And Harry has like zero crdeibility left, so he's no help. So I was hoping you might do me a solid and slap that sure-fire 'Quentin Tarantino Presents' on the front end of this puppy so we can at least lock in a solid opening weekend and my coke connection doesn't break my legs. The geeks won't know. They woul eat a turd if you told 'em it tasted like French Vanilla ice cream. What? You'll do it for half the coke in this bag and 20% of the box office? Awesome!"

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Pam Anderson - Make Up = ......

    by HypeEndsHere

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 12:47 p.m. CST

    I hope they have a scene with this guy in it....

    by JAGUART

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Well, as long is it's Ang Lee

    by Vern

    which I assume it is since he is Pamela Anderson Lee's distant cousin. So I'm sure it will be good. I said it before and I'll say it again, Ang Lee could direct racoon Hamlet or live action Yogi Bear, he would figure out a way to Ang Lee it up and it would be good. Anyway, this story, like me, is obviously full of horse shit. I don't believe that both the writer and the person quoted would randomly refer to her as "Pammy." And I also don't believe they would make an actual theatrical Baywatch movie unless they made it all ironical like Dukes of Hazzard and Brady Bunch. And if they did that, you gotta remember, Baywatch was the most popular show on television for many years. There is probaly someone out there who takes it seriously. It could be the Danish Mohammed caricatures all over again. Look out.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 1:22 p.m. CST


    by Childe Roland

    And the other producer is (Vegas odds makers give Tarantino 2:1 and Harry 8:1).

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 2:47 p.m. CST

    If it has beach balls and boobs I'll see it.

    by Yoda's Ball Sack

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Did you guys not read?

    by Novaman5000

    He said Roth wasn't directing at the top, and here you are all down here screaming about how you don't believe he could possibly be the director. Uh.. duh.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 3:17 p.m. CST

    Novaman, Harry updated the story

    by HypeEndsHere

    after the confusion.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Thank God for the update...

    by beastie

    I like Roth and want more horror from him.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Redefining the B-movie

    by AdrianVeidt

    First off, we don't always see the television-show-turned-movie gimmick work that well, b/c in MOST cases, it is like a made-for-TV movie just on a bigger screen. I don't care what kind of names you have working behind this movie, it just doesn't have the content to be good. Besides, the best names wouldn't dare associate themselves with the words "baywatch" b/c just hearing the words "baywatch" incites numerous giggles.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Kentucky Colonel

    by KarmicRelief

    Interesting you'd mention the chick that played Alma, Jr from Brokeback as a potential Baywatch hottie. Michelle Williams, the actress that played Alma, was on a Baywatch episode back in the early 90's. Damn ashamed I actually know that.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Way to walk into this way late, Novaman...

    by Childe Roland

    ...because, had you been here when this first went up, you'd realize that Harry reported the story incorrectly initially...with Roth quoted as the director...and only added the "I got a call from Roth" later. In fact, if YOU had read the whole piece, even doctored as it is now, you'd probably have been able to figure that out on your own. Or perhaps I'm giving you too much credit?

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Tits are over-rated

    by Kentucky Colonel

    A pretty face and a snappin' pussy get higher marks in this dude's book than a set of flabby ass saggy knockers that splay all out to the side. Gimme some small, perky tits that love the attention to some bloated bags that are so numb from being swollen all they can do is flop. Gag! (They do catch the eye though, don't they?) GAG!!

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 4:07 p.m. CST


    by CuervoJones

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 4:40 p.m. CST


    by dr.bulber

    she said she wanted to grow and take on meatier roles.

  • Feb. 9, 2006, 5:33 p.m. CST

    Freakin Sweeeet! This will be CRAPTACULAR!!!

    by R.C. the "Wise"

    I hope Hass sings some "new" tunes as well!

  • Feb. 11, 2006, 8:32 p.m. CST

    "sent on crime busting sprees."

    by Boxclocke

  • Feb. 11, 2006, 8:32 p.m. CST

    "sent on crime busting sprees."

    by Boxclocke

    Uh-huhuh. Uh-huh. Bust.

  • Feb. 12, 2006, 12:39 p.m. CST

    all bow to our omnipotent overlord

    by misnomer