Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with MiraJeff's rundown of 2005... I agree with a lot of it and disagree with some of it, too... especially that part about respecting that young-ass Quint guy as a reviewer. What crack is he smoking? That guy's a douche. Read on for MiraJeff's gibber-jabber and then make some gibber-jabber yourownselves below!

Greetings AICN, MiraJeff here with my Best of 2005 List, but before I get to that, I’d like to quickly respond to the talkbacks from the 80 Most Anticipated List. I know that 22 years old may be too young an opinion for some of you to trust, but I’m first and foremost a movie lover, and a film critic second. I’ve only been writing for AICN for a year, but yes I do write for them (I think), as I attend press screenings, junkets, and film festivals under the AICN credential. I’m not being paid money like Quint or Mori are, but then again, Quint isn’t much older than me, and he’s a critic I think you and I both trust. I appreciate you, the large audience that AICN affords me, and I only hope you will reciprocate that feeling. Right or wrong, low-level reviewers like me and first-time scoopers do (occasionally) work hard on the pieces they send in, so just show a little more respect in the talkbacks and AICN will be a much more positive community. The point is that I, like the rest of the writers at AICN, am passionate about movies. They’re the one thing I truly (like to think I) know. You might disagree with me, and that’s totally within your rights, but I’m going to continue to write about what I know and love, and hopefully you’ll continue to read it. Your choice. With that, onto the list.

The Top Ten Films of 2005

10. Capote- Yes, we know Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a brilliant actor and yes, he deserves an Oscar. But I don’t think he will win this year and I don’t think he even should. Sheldrake has some cool Truman Capote stories but I never knew the guy, so I can’t say how perfect Hoffman’s performance was. Bennett Miller’s movie speaks for itself. This guy is a filmmaker to watch. I think the whole Catherine Keener parade is getting a bit out of control. She didn’t do much for me as Harper Lee. The best supporting performances came from Chris Cooper and Clifton Collins Jr, who was absolutely haunting as Perry Smith. A great movie with some truly powerful moments.

9. Murderball- I’m a crier. If a movie can make me cry, it earns its standing in my book as a great movie. Murderball made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me look at the world a different way, and it was definitely the best documentary of the year. Forget March of the Penguins (snooze!), this movie was an absolute tour-de-force. Joe Soares and Mark Zupan are such intense, compelling personalities, that honestly, I was a little intimidated by them to the point where I turned down the opportunity to interview them. I just wouldn’t know what to say, or what to ask. It’s easy to interview celebrities because there’s a natural idea of how the interview/conversation will go. Soares and Zupan seemed larger-than-life to me, and I’m happy to leave it at that. This is a must-see.

8. A History of Violence- A brutal, uncompromising film. This is the best work David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortensen have ever done. As Tom Stall, Mortensen shows off the animal inside each and every one of us. Every frame in this film is saying something. Even the uncomfortable silences are filled with dread. Ed Harris is creepy as the one-eyed heavy and William Hurt chews some serious scenery as a ruthless, unforgiving Mob boss, but it’s Maria Bello who is the anchor of this supporting cast. She’s incredible as a woman whose life gets flipped upside down and smacked backwards, and those sex scenes with Mortensen may be the hottest of the year.

7. King Kong- By far the most entertaining film of the year, although it’s not perfect. Adrien Brody feels a little miscast. Jack Black hams it up a little too much. But everything else is pitch-perfect. Naomi Watts is heartbreakingly beautiful and King Kong gives the film’s most impressive performance. Peter Jackson and his team of animators have laid claim to the best use of CGI ever seen onscreen. You have to give credit to a movie that gives you such a rush of adrenaline that you nearly fall out of your seat (The Vines sequence), and manages to make you cry (Central Park, Empire State Building). I know I’ll hear about this one from all the LOTR fans out there, but this is the crowning achievement of PJ’s career. My bootleg copy is already on its last leg.

6. Cinderella Man- I haven’t revisited this film on DVD yet and I have a feeling it might jump even higher once I do, but I remember Ron Howard’s film delivering an uppercut to my jaw. His camera makes you feel every punch absorbed by Russell Crowe’s Jim Braddock, and I haven’t been this overwhelmed by a boxing movie since Raging Bull. But on top of the boxing, this is a film about survival when all hope seems lost. It’s about family and the lengths a man will go to to provide for and protect his own. Crowe delivers a gut-check performance that merits another Oscar nomination, and so does Renee Zellwegger as his wife who is just barely holding things together. An under-appreciated film that should be a part of everyone’s DVD collection.

5. The Squid and the Whale- Noah Baumbach’s script deserves Best Original Screenplay. The characters seem more like real people than products of the writer’s imagination. The writing is truthful and full of pain and humor. Jeff Daniels does the best work of his career as a man struggling to keep his family afloat through the trying time of divorce. Jesse Eisenberg and Owen Kline are godsends as his two children who each deal with the circumstances their own way. Laura Linney is her usual strong self and Billy Baldwin proves that brother Alec isn’t the only one who can still act. Although it’s a family drama at heart, this is the most original comedy of the year.

4. Match Point- Woody returns with his best film in over a decade, shedding the gritty, neurotic streets of Manhattan for the plush countryside of England. The story is straight out of Crimes and Misdemeanors, but the performances are unlike any you’ve likely seen in an Allen film. This is really Jonathan Rhys-Meyers’ breakout role, and the supporting cast (Brian Cox, Matthew Goode, Emily Mortimer) is equally as good. And despite its predictable but ultimately entertaining, twist-filled third act, the film’s biggest surprise, for me at least, had to be Scarlett Johannson. I have written on AICN before about how I think she is criminally overrated. But I finally “got” her here, and I’ll be damned if Nola Rice isn’t one of the sexiest characters of the year. I strongly urge you to buy a ticket to this film, and the less you know about it going in, the better it will be.

3. Munich- It wasn’t quite what I expected and was certainly far from perfect, but it’s definitely Spielberg’s best film of the year, right? The fact that Munich went from production to release in something like 6 months, is incredible. Spielberg again shows us he is the world’s most gifted storyteller, and this tale vengeance and soul-searching is absolutely riveting. Eric Bana completely redeems himself for The Hulk, and Crimson Rivers director Matthieu Kassovitz deserves an Oscar nomination for supporting actor. The fact that Syriana’s George Clooney is considered the front runner for that award is almost as tragic as the story this movie tells. Spielberg’s most compelling film since Saving Private Ryan.

2. Brokeback Mountain- As a 100% straight guy, I can honestly say I loved this film. If you could pick only one word to describe it, I think it would be beautiful. A beautiful movie. I’ve seen it twice and I cried even harder the second time. It’s a superbly acted, gorgeously shot love story that just happens to be about two guys. As good as P.S. Hoffman was as Capote, Heath Ledger gives the year’s best performance in any medium as Ennis Del Mar. Ledger owned the role, and as modern and liberal-thinking as this movie was, it’s like a throwback to the 70’s. Ledger may as well have been Paul Newman or Steve McQueen because this is his Cool Hand Luke. For a full-fledged rave, you can search for my review of the film here on the site, but in short, it’s simply breathtaking. Ang Lee and Rodrigo Pietro have given life to the lyrical words of Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana’s screenplay, and the entire film is wrapped in a blanket by Gustavo Santaolalla’s gorgeous score.

1. Crash- I might take a lot of flack for this one, but in the end, it wasn’t even a tough call. I knew it was the best film I’d see all year when I saw it at a press screening in April. As the lights went down, the Reverend himself, Al Sharpton, sat down right in front of me, and I knew Paul Haggis’ directorial debut would speak for itself if Lion’s Gate was inviting the big names like the Reverend. I felt dirty after watching Matt Dillon’s racist cop humiliate and sexually harass an innocent African-American couple. I was physically shaking as I watched Dillon rescue his victim from an automobile accident. I cried just about anytime Michael Pena’s character and his daughter were onscreen. And “I re-experienced all of these emotions when I watched Crash on DVD. And that’s the mark of a great movie. I consider it this year’s Traffic, with racism substituted for drugs. What completely blows my mind is how many detractors this film has. There are a lot of people out there who hate it. They griped about characters just perpetuating stereotypes, and not working to end them. They complained about too many coincidences and caricatures and basically a lot of things that just aren’t there. I don’t mean to toot my own horn here but there’s a reason Ebert picked Crash as his #1 also. And if you can’t see why, then you just don’t get it. The performances are powerful from top to bottom. I’d swap Michael Pena, Terrence Howard, or Shaun Toub for Don Cheadle in all the Oscar talk, even though it’s Dillon’s statue to lose. I’d ixnay the Sandra Bullock talk and pour all my resources into campaigning for Thandie Newton. I’d show Mark Isham some props for his gripping score that had me holding my breath during some scenes. And I’d like to personally congratulate Haggis and co-scribe Bobby Moresco for writing the most important film of the year. And with that, I’m done. Well, almost.

Honorable Mention: Good Night and Good Luck, Bubble, The Constant Gardener, Hustle and Flow, Broken Flowers, Mysterious Skin, The Upside of Anger (Joan should win!), High Tension, Sin City, The Beautiful Country, Wedding Crashers, 40 Year-Old Virgin, Pretty Persuasion, The Baxter, Hooligans, Everything Is Illuminated, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Layer Cake, Unleashed, Walk the Line, Jarhead, Narnia, The Matador, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Batman Begins, Private, The Weatherman, Hostel, Night Watch, Dead Man’s Shoes, and of course in true AICN fashion, Sympathy For Lady Vengeance, because even though Oldboy was released here this year, it’s so 2004, right?

The Top 8 Best Documentaries Besides Murderball: 1. Grizzly Man 2. My Date With Drew 3. The Aristocrats 4. Inside Deep Throat 5. Based on a True Story 6. How to Eat Your Watermelon in White Company (and Enjoy It) 7. Special Thanks to Roy London 8. March of the Penguins

The Best of the Rest (Thumb Up): Assault on Precinct 13, Hitch, Ong Bak, Melinda and Melinda, Sahara, Fever Pitch, Amityville Horror, House of Wax, Star Wars: Episode III, Lords of Dogtown, Mr. And Mrs. Smith, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Happy Endings, The Devil’s Rejects, November, Red Eye, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Thumbsucker, Flight Plan, Corpse Bride, Waiting, Where the Truth Lies, Saw II, Jesus Is Magic, Chicken Little, Just Friends, The Kid and I, Transamerica, The Family Stone, Shutter, Grandma’s Boy, Into the Blue, Hostage, Premontion, Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story, Antibodies, Kontroll, Hoodwinked, and Syriana, I guess.

The Rest: (Thumb Down) Constantine, The Pacifier, Be Cool, The Interpreter, State Property 2, House of D, The Ring 2, Mindhunters, The Longest Yard, Land of the Dead, War of the Worlds, Fantastic Four, The Island, Bad News Bears, Cry Wolf, The Ice Harvest, Wolf Creek, Elizabethtown, Proof, and indies like 9 Songs, Reeker, My Big Fat Independent Movie, Long Distance, Infection, Pulse, and I (Don’t) Love Your Work.

Once Is More Than Enough (AKA: The Ten Worst List)
10. Domino 9. Last Days 8. Mindhunters 7. The Chumscrubber 6. Derailed 5. Hide and Seek 4. Dark Water 3. Undead 2. Daltry Calhoun 1. Cursed (what else is new?)

And Finally, Movies I Regret Not Seeing
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, Kung Fu Hustle, North Country, Paradise Now, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, Three Extremes, Wallace and Gromit, Serenity, Shopgirl, Cache, Iowa, Palindromes, The Thing About My Folks, Junebug, Kingdom of Heaven, Steamboy, Ballad of Jack and Rose, Lord of War, Howl’s Moving Castle, Cronicas, Secuestro Express, Millions, The Jacket, Assisted Living, the list goes on….

That’ll wrap up 2005 for me. Here’s to Heath Ledger, Joan Allen, Thandie Newton, and hopefully Michael Pena, though the entire cast of Crash deserves some kind of special award. Here’s to Brokeback Mountain’s screenwriting team and Noah Baumbach for screenwriting Oscars. And as for Best Picture and Director, it’s anyone’s guess. All in all, I thought it was a pretty good year at the movies, even though the box office slump would have Hollywood think otherwise. That’s all for now. I’ll be back in a couple weeks to catch up on reviews of Tristram Shandy and Bubble, two films from the NY Film Fest. ‘Til then folks, this is MiraJeff signing off.