The Fake BNAT 7 Line-Up!!!
Hey folks, Harry here – Heading to bed. Time for sleep. But there’s a little bit of work I need to do first before getting my 8 hours and then I will become one with the conscious unconscious that is BNAT… but before I do that and leave you good folks for about 32 straight hours – leaving only the delicate loving nubs of Herc to embrace and entertain you… I must give you the FAKE BNAT 7 line up.
The Fake BNAT 7 Line Up?
Yes, I know – lame. You want to know what’s playing. You want to know what you’re missing, how that makes you feel better. Or you’re going to BNAT and this is that last bit of mental anguish that I give you before your brain overloads from the mania it is going through.
Suffice to say, each year at BNAT, before I leave I make this list of films that could very well play as alternates to the films that are ACTUALLY playing – but that are most likely NOT the films that are playing… unless I’m an ass – and well I’m not an ass. Well, maybe a tiny one. (BROTHER THAT AIN’T TINY!)
For some of you that don’t go in, some have used this as a guide to kind of follow along on their own video or DVD Buttnumbathon at their own home. SO – what do we have for the non-line up of BNAT this year? Well let’s jump off and just dive in…
1. ROLLERBALL (with James Caan – I’m sadistic, but I’d never show that fucking remake)
2. GORGO (greatest Mother’s Day film of all time)
3. TOP HAT
4. I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE
6. GUNS OF NAVARONE
7. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK
8. REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS
11. THE TIN DRUM
12. SWORD OF GIDEON
Well – Good Luck with your guesses. And I hope you find yourself some good movies this weekend. For you BNATERS – I will see you bright, chilly and early in the morn. It’s time to have the best 24 hours you’ll have a movie theater… till the next, BUTT-NUMB-A-THON. Just 365 days from today.
Readers Talkbackcomments powered by Disqus
+ Expand All
Dec. 9, 2005, 11:59 p.m. CST
by Lenny Nero
Dec. 10, 2005, 12:01 a.m. CST
that's a hell of a weird line up.
Dec. 10, 2005, 12:05 a.m. CST
by Alonzo Mosely
Grannies and Trannies 1 through 12... Rumors of the lost spider pit footage being restored to the original may prove to be false though...
Dec. 10, 2005, 12:16 a.m. CST
by Bob of the Shire
Ned Beatty had the hardest part.
Dec. 10, 2005, 12:49 a.m. CST
by Angry Mean Panda
1. ROLLERBALL= Gone With The Wind (That was so obvious, man.) 2. GORGO= Godzilla 98 (Harry loved it, remember.) 3. TOP HAT= Top Gun (Starring Tom Cruise as Fred Asatire) 4. I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE= Throw Momma From the Train (Why, I have no idea) 5. SHURAYUKIHIME= The Bukkake Wizards 6. GUNS OF NAVARONE= Force 10 From Navarone 7. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK= Escape From L.A. (YEAH! Wait...No!) 8. REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS= Revenge of the Killer Tomatoes 9. DELIVERANCE= Anal Assault 3: Rectum Revengers 10. HOOPER= Stroker Ace! 11. THE TIN DRUM= The Day the Clown Cried! Harry finally got the original prints, and is going to show Jerry Lewis as a Nazi Death Camp Clown! 12. SWORD OF GIDEON= No clue
Dec. 10, 2005, 12:50 a.m. CST
by zikade zarathos
I'm guessing DELIVERANCE is HOSTEL... I would think KONG would be in there even if it does open in a few days.... TIN DRUM = TIDELAND? That's all I can think of off the top of my head.
Dec. 10, 2005, 1:13 a.m. CST
by Canada's King
Or would a movie that big be the finale of the festival?
Dec. 10, 2005, 1:23 a.m. CST
by El Scorcho
Why waste your time??? LOL
Dec. 10, 2005, 1:52 a.m. CST
May god have mercy on our soul. I look forward to a weekend of Whendon Cock Sucking and insane rants when talkbackers slag off SNL........
Dec. 10, 2005, 2:22 a.m. CST
by Alonzo Mosely
I'll be banned by the morning... Oh, well, it was nice knowing everyone...
Dec. 10, 2005, 5:09 a.m. CST
Just wanted to chime in... happy birthday, big one!
Dec. 10, 2005, 5:26 a.m. CST
Seriously, Deliverence best not be a joke. You can mess with many things, but don't fuck the banjo, or it WILL fuck you. And by banjo I mean Henry Fonda, Burt Reyolds, Jon Voight and Ned "OTIS" Beatty. Don't fuck with Otis, man.
Dec. 10, 2005, 6:48 a.m. CST
Deliverance=Hostel more than likely, but could it be 2001 Maniacs? Moriarty hosted the initial screening of that out here in LA, and we're definitely talking about run-ins with fucked-up southerners. Escape From New York may be Hostel instead, as the kids -are- trying to escape from the Hostel. Just thinkin' out loud.
Dec. 10, 2005, 7:53 a.m. CST
You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Otis. Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, steek it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "cleek."
Dec. 10, 2005, 8:59 a.m. CST
love those nazi stormtroopers wearing dresses at the end around the cannons, haha. Anyway, I think he'll be showing "The Great Raid" in place of that one.
Dec. 10, 2005, 9:23 a.m. CST
The way Harry's been pimping that movie you know he's got The Fountain to show, all while he rubs Aronofsky's feet and feeds him grapes...
Dec. 10, 2005, 9:25 a.m. CST
Dead right there, mate. It just showed up at our local theater and I saw it yesterday -- blew me away. Even my wife liked it, loved it actually, and I was expecting her to be making snide comments the entire way through. Kiss Kiss Bang Bangh is the best time I've had at a theater all year, and as a 20-year Bat-fanatic, that's saying something.
Dec. 10, 2005, 9:37 a.m. CST
1. ROLLERBALL=Match Point or The Ringer 2. GORGO=Kong...gotta be 3. TOP HAT=The Producers 4. I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE = Fun With Dick and Jane 5. SHURAYUKIHIME = The Lady in the Water??? 6. GUNS OF NAVARONE = The Matador 7. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK = Another guess for the Producers 8. REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS = Kong again 9. DELIVERANCE = The New World 10. HOOPER = The Ringer again 11. THE TIN DRUM = Tideland 12. SWORD OF GIDEON = Munich....all this could be way off...I am drinking and using only premiere mag as a guide...And thus, my aim gets better with booze! - - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!
Dec. 10, 2005, 10:14 a.m. CST
Since I was rejected for BNAT, I'll make some guesses and spoil everyone else's fun (Stealing from Other Talkbackers I agree with - Only guessing at New titles, also): ROLLERBALL - V FOR VENDETTA? GORGO - KING KONG TOP HAT - THE PRODUCERS SHURAYUKIHIME - SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGEANCE GUNS OF NAVARONE - ? ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK - BANLIEUE 13 REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS - RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: THE ADAPTATION DELIVERANCE - HOSTEL or RIVER QUEEN? HOOPER - ? THE TIN DRUM - ? SWORD OF GIEDON - MUNICH
Dec. 10, 2005, 10:20 a.m. CST
This happened last year too. A list goes up that seemingly has nothing to do with anything. Unless CG7 is right in that they are hints to what is showing. AS IF Kong wasn't part of it this year. As if Kong '33 isn't either - just as a warmer. in any case, I look forward to Harry and Mori's reviews of Kong more than the film itself.
Dec. 10, 2005, 10:24 a.m. CST
And everyone is guessing, not just CG7. excuse this skimming dick head. I'm going to go look for my brain now.
Dec. 10, 2005, 11:15 a.m. CST
bet it took harold 8 hours to think up this nothing-to-anybody list of movies.
Dec. 10, 2005, 11:37 a.m. CST
no need to get it right....just have several drinks and all wil be A-O-K!...And thus, works for me! - - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!
Dec. 10, 2005, 12:12 p.m. CST
Dec. 10, 2005, 2:47 p.m. CST
Maybe Senor Spielberg will show up, wouldn't that be a coup.
Dec. 10, 2005, 3:39 p.m. CST
by The Funketeer
My Picks... Sword of Gideon in definitely Munich. IMDB it. REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS might be Moriarty's episode of Masters of Horror (Cigarette Burns) by John Carpenter. Could Hooper be Stunt Rock which I think has only been shown as a trailer so far? Gorgo is probably King Kong. Could SHURAYUKIHIME be that rumored single edit of Kill Bill's 1 and 2?
Dec. 10, 2005, 3:43 p.m. CST
by The Funketeer
This happens every year. Although Quint (I think) usually posts a blog during the thing to let us know what the movies actually are.
Dec. 10, 2005, 3:53 p.m. CST
You know it's true.
Dec. 10, 2005, 4:07 p.m. CST
by Josh Town
That's a fact. Look it up. So far the definites are Kong, Lady Vengeance, and Munich.
Dec. 10, 2005, 4:11 p.m. CST
by Josh Town
Dec. 10, 2005, 4:37 p.m. CST
by Josh Town
Anyone can walk into a theater and see this movie today,as I believe it's now in wide release.
Dec. 10, 2005, 7:45 p.m. CST
Dec. 10, 2005, 10:17 p.m. CST
Dec. 10, 2005, 10:18 p.m. CST
Dec. 11, 2005, 12:16 a.m. CST
anyone seen any updates from inside BNAT7? i know robogeek was moblogging last year. anyone doing that this year?
Dec. 11, 2005, 12:46 a.m. CST
I saw it about a week ago at a theater in town that I thought had closed down weeks before (it had, it was reopened by another company). That is definitely one of those infinitely rewatchable films that I'll be showing to anyone that I can force it upon. I can't remember the last time I so thoroughly enjoyed a film.
Dec. 11, 2005, 2:37 a.m. CST
play into something like THE GREEN MILE? Aren't these fake line-ups sometimes movies with tangential connections as opposed to thematic mirrors?
Dec. 11, 2005, 4:13 a.m. CST
has to be stunt rock!
Dec. 11, 2005, 6:11 a.m. CST
Is it me, or does every time of the year this rolls around I get such a feeling of smugness from these lists and from the refusal of people to say what they saw that did attend it, like they like to toy with people who couldnt go but just have an interest in knowing what was playing, enough of the cockteasing.
Dec. 11, 2005, 11:36 a.m. CST
Munich, Martian Child, The Inside Man, King Kong, Hostel, Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, The Fountain, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Cigarette Burns, V for Vendetta
Dec. 11, 2005, 1:02 p.m. CST
Is that why all their asses go numb?
Dec. 11, 2005, 1:05 p.m. CST
by Josh Town
That prize goes to you fiester.
Dec. 11, 2005, 1:39 p.m. CST
1. The Most Dangerous Game (1932) 2. King Kong (2005) 3. Footlight Parade (1933) 4. Sympathy for Lady Vengeance (2005) 5. Masters of Horror: Sick Girl 6. The Professionals (1966) 7. District 13 (2005-France) 8. Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns 9. The Descent (2005-UK) 10. Sorcerer...don't remember title..sorry 11. Drum (1976) 12. V for Vendetta (2006)
Dec. 11, 2005, 1:49 p.m. CST
It was actually really good. I wasn't expecting much, but it surprised me. Having said that, I would still rank it behind King Kong and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance. Those two movies were just amazing. The Descent was pretty badass too.
Dec. 11, 2005, 2:35 p.m. CST
Dec. 11, 2005, 3:41 p.m. CST
Dec. 11, 2005, 3:43 p.m. CST
by Canada's King
Complete with Mel Gibson introduction!
Dec. 11, 2005, 3:52 p.m. CST
Everyone knows Kong was great, yadda yadda yadda - V is the fucking scoopy de scoop here.
Dec. 11, 2005, 4:25 p.m. CST
that is a fantastic lineup. Great idea including the MASTERS OF HORROR shows. Glad he's pimping this series, because it's great. SICK GIRL sounds promising and yes, please give us some info on V FOR VENDETTA soon. Best BNAT lineup I've seen.
Dec. 11, 2005, 6:14 p.m. CST
and seriously I echo the similar sentiments...review V for Vendetta PLEASE!
Dec. 11, 2005, 6:40 p.m. CST
by zikade zarathos
That's uh... disappointing. Neither did HOSTEL, huh? Man... Uh, well, at least V FOR VENDETTA showed, that's a surprise. THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME is a fun little movie... Criterion released it on DVD a year ago, I think. Better lineup than last year, that's for damn sure.
Dec. 11, 2005, 7:45 p.m. CST
by Josh Town
I hate to be the first to say it, but this years lineup was a bit underwhelming. The Descent & Lady Vengeance peek my interest a lot, but why oh why was "Drum" the lead in to V for Vendetta? It's a terrible exploitation film, and can only imagine it was placed there so people could get a little shuteye for the finale. I'm not too thrilled with the 1930 era films either.
Dec. 11, 2005, 11:16 p.m. CST
Dec. 12, 2005, 10:37 a.m. CST
Dec. 12, 2005, 4:30 p.m. CST
- The Friday Docback Crawls ‘Into The Dalek’!! Reader Reaction For DOCTOR WHO S08E02 Is Here!! + HornOrSilk's 'Breaking Bubbles and Other Stories' Big Finish Audio Review, Clips, And More!! -- 388 total posts 22 posts
- Who is in consideration to take the role of Snake in the ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK remake!?! -- 642 total posts 19 posts
- A Few Promo Images From EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS Bring Ridleyish Spectacle!! -- 204 total posts 13 posts
- WALKING DEAD!! BOARDWALK EMPIRE!! AGENTS OF SHIELD!! STAR WARS REBELS!! SOUTH PARK!! NEW GIRL!! HOMELAND!! GOTHAM!! FLASH!! SURVIVOR!! RESURRECTION!! PARENTHOOD!! BURGERS!! BLACKLIST!! BANG!! VOICE!! SLEEPY!! PERSON!! UTOPIA!! ANARCHY!! Z!! More Than 200 Autumn Premiere Dates!! -- 26 total posts 9 posts
- DOCTOR WHO 8.2!! ‘Kelvington’ Reviews This Weekend’s Episode And Says He’s Not Sure He Enjoys ‘What The Show Is Becoming’!! -- 343 total posts 8 posts
- Fantastic Fest 2014 Trailer Wave Part 2! -- 16 total posts 7 posts
- Is this what Doctor Doom looks like in Josh Trank's FANTASTIC FOUR?! -- 316 total posts 7 posts
- Abortionist Killers On PBS!! HOUDINI Hits History!! Angie Returns To THE DOME!! New DALLAS, PARADISE, WOLF, WILD, MASTERCHEF, MODEL, NINJA, HOTEL, BEACH, & RAW!! PARTNERS & MISTRESSES Finales!! UNAUTHORIZED SAVED BY THE BELL STORY!! Annaleigh Ashford On CRAIG!! Herc’s Monday TV Talkback!! -- 6 total posts 6 posts
- Final PICKS & PEEKS of Aug 2014: LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE, Zombies, FOSSE, RATS, Nukes & Teens!!! -- 352 total posts 5 posts
- Will there be a change of roster in Avengers: Age of Ultron and if so, who's gonna be on it? -- 304 total posts 5 posts