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The Fake BNAT 7 Line-Up!!!

Hey folks, Harry here – Heading to bed. Time for sleep. But there’s a little bit of work I need to do first before getting my 8 hours and then I will become one with the conscious unconscious that is BNAT… but before I do that and leave you good folks for about 32 straight hours – leaving only the delicate loving nubs of Herc to embrace and entertain you… I must give you the FAKE BNAT 7 line up.

The Fake BNAT 7 Line Up?

Yes, I know – lame. You want to know what’s playing. You want to know what you’re missing, how that makes you feel better. Or you’re going to BNAT and this is that last bit of mental anguish that I give you before your brain overloads from the mania it is going through.

Suffice to say, each year at BNAT, before I leave I make this list of films that could very well play as alternates to the films that are ACTUALLY playing – but that are most likely NOT the films that are playing… unless I’m an ass – and well I’m not an ass. Well, maybe a tiny one. (BROTHER THAT AIN’T TINY!)

For some of you that don’t go in, some have used this as a guide to kind of follow along on their own video or DVD Buttnumbathon at their own home. SO – what do we have for the non-line up of BNAT this year? Well let’s jump off and just dive in…

1. ROLLERBALL (with James Caan – I’m sadistic, but I’d never show that fucking remake)

2. GORGO (greatest Mother’s Day film of all time)

3. TOP HAT

4. I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE

5. SHURAYUKIHIME

6. GUNS OF NAVARONE

7. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK

8. REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS

9. DELIVERANCE

10. HOOPER

11. THE TIN DRUM

12. SWORD OF GIDEON

Well – Good Luck with your guesses. And I hope you find yourself some good movies this weekend. For you BNATERS – I will see you bright, chilly and early in the morn. It’s time to have the best 24 hours you’ll have a movie theater… till the next, BUTT-NUMB-A-THON. Just 365 days from today.

Readers Talkback
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  • Dec. 9, 2005, 11:59 p.m. CST

    boobaloo

    by Lenny Nero

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 12:01 a.m. CST

    nice one

    by gredenko

    that's a hell of a weird line up.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 12:05 a.m. CST

    I have it on good authority the line-up is...

    by Alonzo Mosely

    Grannies and Trannies 1 through 12... Rumors of the lost spider pit footage being restored to the original may prove to be false though...

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 12:16 a.m. CST

    Watched Deliverance today actually

    by Bob of the Shire

    Ned Beatty had the hardest part.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 12:49 a.m. CST

    Here are my guesses

    by Angry Mean Panda

    1. ROLLERBALL= Gone With The Wind (That was so obvious, man.) 2. GORGO= Godzilla 98 (Harry loved it, remember.) 3. TOP HAT= Top Gun (Starring Tom Cruise as Fred Asatire) 4. I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE= Throw Momma From the Train (Why, I have no idea) 5. SHURAYUKIHIME= The Bukkake Wizards 6. GUNS OF NAVARONE= Force 10 From Navarone 7. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK= Escape From L.A. (YEAH! Wait...No!) 8. REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS= Revenge of the Killer Tomatoes 9. DELIVERANCE= Anal Assault 3: Rectum Revengers 10. HOOPER= Stroker Ace! 11. THE TIN DRUM= The Day the Clown Cried! Harry finally got the original prints, and is going to show Jerry Lewis as a Nazi Death Camp Clown! 12. SWORD OF GIDEON= No clue

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 12:50 a.m. CST

    SWORD OF GIDEON = MUNICH

    by zikade zarathos

    I'm guessing DELIVERANCE is HOSTEL... I would think KONG would be in there even if it does open in a few days.... TIN DRUM = TIDELAND? That's all I can think of off the top of my head.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 1:13 a.m. CST

    Wouldn't Revenge ofthe Colossal Beasts be... Kong?

    by Canada's King

    Or would a movie that big be the finale of the festival?

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 1:23 a.m. CST

    Well fucking thanks for that....

    by El Scorcho

    Why waste your time??? LOL

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 1:52 a.m. CST

    You're leaving Herc in charge?

    by Grando

    May god have mercy on our soul. I look forward to a weekend of Whendon Cock Sucking and insane rants when talkbackers slag off SNL........

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 2:22 a.m. CST

    Herc?

    by Alonzo Mosely

    I'll be banned by the morning... Oh, well, it was nice knowing everyone...

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 5:09 a.m. CST

    Happy Birthday, Harry!

    by Koola_Norway

    Just wanted to chime in... happy birthday, big one!

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 5:26 a.m. CST

    (The Hooked-On-Phonics Version of Dueling Banjos)

    by abulafia24

    Seriously, Deliverence best not be a joke. You can mess with many things, but don't fuck the banjo, or it WILL fuck you. And by banjo I mean Henry Fonda, Burt Reyolds, Jon Voight and Ned "OTIS" Beatty. Don't fuck with Otis, man.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 6:48 a.m. CST

    A couple of guesses

    by KCMOSHer

    Deliverance=Hostel more than likely, but could it be 2001 Maniacs? Moriarty hosted the initial screening of that out here in LA, and we're definitely talking about run-ins with fucked-up southerners. Escape From New York may be Hostel instead, as the kids -are- trying to escape from the Hostel. Just thinkin' out loud.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 7:53 a.m. CST

    abulafia24

    by buster00

    You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Otis. Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, steek it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "cleek."

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 8:59 a.m. CST

    Guns of Navarone

    by c4andmore

    love those nazi stormtroopers wearing dresses at the end around the cannons, haha. Anyway, I think he'll be showing "The Great Raid" in place of that one.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 9:23 a.m. CST

    The Fountain

    by tiredpm

    The way Harry's been pimping that movie you know he's got The Fountain to show, all while he rubs Aronofsky's feet and feeds him grapes...

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Re: ZombiePatMorita and KKBB

    by tiredpm

    Dead right there, mate. It just showed up at our local theater and I saw it yesterday -- blew me away. Even my wife liked it, loved it actually, and I was expecting her to be making snide comments the entire way through. Kiss Kiss Bang Bangh is the best time I've had at a theater all year, and as a 20-year Bat-fanatic, that's saying something.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 9:37 a.m. CST

    The crappy guesses of a drunken vagrant

    by ChickenGeorgeVII

    1. ROLLERBALL=Match Point or The Ringer 2. GORGO=Kong...gotta be 3. TOP HAT=The Producers 4. I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE = Fun With Dick and Jane 5. SHURAYUKIHIME = The Lady in the Water??? 6. GUNS OF NAVARONE = The Matador 7. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK = Another guess for the Producers 8. REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS = Kong again 9. DELIVERANCE = The New World 10. HOOPER = The Ringer again 11. THE TIN DRUM = Tideland 12. SWORD OF GIDEON = Munich....all this could be way off...I am drinking and using only premiere mag as a guide...And thus, my aim gets better with booze! - - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 10:14 a.m. CST

    Some Guesses

    by RoloTomasi_TO

    Since I was rejected for BNAT, I'll make some guesses and spoil everyone else's fun (Stealing from Other Talkbackers I agree with - Only guessing at New titles, also): ROLLERBALL - V FOR VENDETTA? GORGO - KING KONG TOP HAT - THE PRODUCERS SHURAYUKIHIME - SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGEANCE GUNS OF NAVARONE - ? ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK - BANLIEUE 13 REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS - RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: THE ADAPTATION DELIVERANCE - HOSTEL or RIVER QUEEN? HOOPER - ? THE TIN DRUM - ? SWORD OF GIEDON - MUNICH

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 10:20 a.m. CST

    I don't understand

    by BendersShinyAss

    This happened last year too. A list goes up that seemingly has nothing to do with anything. Unless CG7 is right in that they are hints to what is showing. AS IF Kong wasn't part of it this year. As if Kong '33 isn't either - just as a warmer. in any case, I look forward to Harry and Mori's reviews of Kong more than the film itself.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Oh, now i get it

    by BendersShinyAss

    And everyone is guessing, not just CG7. excuse this skimming dick head. I'm going to go look for my brain now.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 11:15 a.m. CST

    what is the point of this? other than to showcase extreme lamene

    by chickychow

    bet it took harold 8 hours to think up this nothing-to-anybody list of movies.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 11:37 a.m. CST

    don't touch that mind bender!

    by ChickenGeorgeVII

    no need to get it right....just have several drinks and all wil be A-O-K!...And thus, works for me! - - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 12:12 p.m. CST

    I like this game

    by FrodosBlueBalls

    it's fun!

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 2:47 p.m. CST

    Sword of Gideon = Munich

    by GTfilmgeek

    Maybe Senor Spielberg will show up, wouldn't that be a coup.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 3:39 p.m. CST

    My Picks

    by The Funketeer

    My Picks... Sword of Gideon in definitely Munich. IMDB it. REVENGE OF THE COLOSSAL BEASTS might be Moriarty's episode of Masters of Horror (Cigarette Burns) by John Carpenter. Could Hooper be Stunt Rock which I think has only been shown as a trailer so far? Gorgo is probably King Kong. Could SHURAYUKIHIME be that rumored single edit of Kill Bill's 1 and 2?

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 3:43 p.m. CST

    BendersShinyAss

    by The Funketeer

    This happens every year. Although Quint (I think) usually posts a blog during the thing to let us know what the movies actually are.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 3:53 p.m. CST

    DELIVERANCE = BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

    by Dannychico

    You know it's true.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Shurayukihime is Lady Vengeance...

    by Josh Town

    That's a fact. Look it up. So far the definites are Kong, Lady Vengeance, and Munich.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 4:11 p.m. CST

    I also have a feeling Deliverance is Hostel....

    by Josh Town

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 4:37 p.m. CST

    It's probably not Brokeback.

    by Josh Town

    Anyone can walk into a theater and see this movie today,as I believe it's now in wide release.

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 7:45 p.m. CST

    'I Married A Monster From Outer Space' Is Pretty Good

    by skoobyx

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 10:17 p.m. CST

    Top Hat = The Producers? Shurayukihime = Sympathy of Lady Venge

    by drakeavenue

  • Dec. 10, 2005, 10:18 p.m. CST

    i mean 'for

    by drakeavenue

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 12:16 a.m. CST

    updates from inside?

    by FalconJones

    anyone seen any updates from inside BNAT7? i know robogeek was moblogging last year. anyone doing that this year?

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 12:46 a.m. CST

    Another Kiss Kiss Bang Bang lover

    by Stubb-a-dubb

    I saw it about a week ago at a theater in town that I thought had closed down weeks before (it had, it was reopened by another company). That is definitely one of those infinitely rewatchable films that I'll be showing to anyone that I can force it upon. I can't remember the last time I so thoroughly enjoyed a film.

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 2:37 a.m. CST

    Could TOP HAT

    by JonQuixote

    play into something like THE GREEN MILE? Aren't these fake line-ups sometimes movies with tangential connections as opposed to thematic mirrors?

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 4:13 a.m. CST

    hooper...

    by lookingatanace

    has to be stunt rock!

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 6:11 a.m. CST

    Smacks of smugness

    by harosa

    Is it me, or does every time of the year this rolls around I get such a feeling of smugness from these lists and from the refusal of people to say what they saw that did attend it, like they like to toy with people who couldnt go but just have an interest in knowing what was playing, enough of the cockteasing.

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Actual Best Bets (not in this order)

    by TequilaMocking

    Munich, Martian Child, The Inside Man, King Kong, Hostel, Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, The Fountain, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Cigarette Burns, V for Vendetta

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 1:02 p.m. CST

    Is there a lot of assraping in the BNAT?

    by fiester

    Is that why all their asses go numb?

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 1:05 p.m. CST

    The lamest attempt of humor I've seen in a while..

    by Josh Town

    That prize goes to you fiester.

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 1:39 p.m. CST

    Here's what played:

    by tmeinecket

    1. The Most Dangerous Game (1932) 2. King Kong (2005) 3. Footlight Parade (1933) 4. Sympathy for Lady Vengeance (2005) 5. Masters of Horror: Sick Girl 6. The Professionals (1966) 7. District 13 (2005-France) 8. Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns 9. The Descent (2005-UK) 10. Sorcerer...don't remember title..sorry 11. Drum (1976) 12. V for Vendetta (2006)

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 1:49 p.m. CST

    they played V for Vendetta!? How was it!?

    by jrbarker

    thats surprising!

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 2:04 p.m. CST

    by tmeinecket

    It was actually really good. I wasn't expecting much, but it surprised me. Having said that, I would still rank it behind King Kong and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance. Those two movies were just amazing. The Descent was pretty badass too.

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 2:35 p.m. CST

    ***FULL/FINAL BNAT 7 RUN-DOWN @ robogeek.com

    by robogeek.com

    http://robogeek.com/

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 3:41 p.m. CST

    V

    by Kraken

    Was amazing!!!

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 3:43 p.m. CST

    What was the Apocalypto teaser like?

    by Canada's King

    Complete with Mel Gibson introduction!

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Wake the fuck up and fucking review V For Vendetta.

    by FluffyUnbound

    Everyone knows Kong was great, yadda yadda yadda - V is the fucking scoopy de scoop here.

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Although I criticize Harry, I secretly love him

    by indiephantom

    that is a fantastic lineup. Great idea including the MASTERS OF HORROR shows. Glad he's pimping this series, because it's great. SICK GIRL sounds promising and yes, please give us some info on V FOR VENDETTA soon. Best BNAT lineup I've seen.

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 6:14 p.m. CST

    No Munich...bummer

    by LeckoManiac

    and seriously I echo the similar sentiments...review V for Vendetta PLEASE!

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 6:40 p.m. CST

    Wait... So MUNICH *didn't* play?!

    by zikade zarathos

    That's uh... disappointing. Neither did HOSTEL, huh? Man... Uh, well, at least V FOR VENDETTA showed, that's a surprise. THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME is a fun little movie... Criterion released it on DVD a year ago, I think. Better lineup than last year, that's for damn sure.

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 7:45 p.m. CST

    eh..

    by Josh Town

    I hate to be the first to say it, but this years lineup was a bit underwhelming. The Descent & Lady Vengeance peek my interest a lot, but why oh why was "Drum" the lead in to V for Vendetta? It's a terrible exploitation film, and can only imagine it was placed there so people could get a little shuteye for the finale. I'm not too thrilled with the 1930 era films either.

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 11:16 p.m. CST

    BNAT 5 will probably never be topped...

    by jrbarker

    maybe

  • Dec. 12, 2005, 10:37 a.m. CST

    I Love BOOBS!

    by HolyCalamity

  • Dec. 12, 2005, 4:30 p.m. CST

    i love Fat Clooney

    by lopan

    shaka.