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Okay now this is funny. Learn all about Kevin Smith's tighty-whities!!!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Having been attending film festivals and the San Diego Comic-Con for many years, I've been lucky enough to see Kevin Smith speak a dozen or so times. This man is fuckin' funny. Those who haven't had the chance to see him talk can certainly get a feeling of the experience with his AN EVENING WITH KEVIN SMITH dvds.
What I love about these stories the most is when he goes into his personal life, usually involving sex stories with his wife. At a Comic-Con a couple years ago he discussed how his daughter walked in on him and the missis banging away one night. They froze like deer in headlights as the little girl stared at them. "What are you doing?" Grabbing something out of the netherworld Smith piped up with, "Your mom and I are just Night Swimming." He went on from there, but the idea of calling sex Night Swimming has been an injoke with the friends every since.
Now over at the Clerks 2 site they have tons of onset diaries, but they just posted two new ones that I had to link to. The top is one with Affleck sporting a scary gay biker 'stache... that one's okay, but the second one down had essentially a frank conversation between Kevin and his wife caught on camera. Out of all the Clerks 2 diaries, this one reminded me of classic Comic-Con Kevin Smith the most. It had me laughing out loud throughout the damn thing. I had so much fun with it, I thought I'd share it with all you good people. Enjoy!
CLICK HERE AND NAVIGATE DOWN TO "LIGHTS... CAMERA... TOUNGE (YES, WE SPELLED IT WRONG)" AND GIVE IT A CLICK TO HEAR ABOUT KEV'S TIGHTY-WHITIES!!!
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So that's what that REM song is about...
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Wow, maybe I'm second.
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"Fucking" would confuse her just the same. No need to LIE to the ignorant lass.
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...are insufferable know-it-alls. Kevin cracks me up. I don't care if it's bullshit. It's good bullshit.
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If they aren't they are imaginative as hell.
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Even more so than Bruce Campbell at this point. Now don't get me wrong, I don't dislike Smith (nor Campbell for that matter), but fuck am I sick of all the fanboy handjob worshipping, like he's the second coming or something. "Kevin Smith, he so dreamy, and he be funny, yo, cause, like, he swears a lot and sprouts bullshit and likes Star Wars (but not Ewoks!) and hardly ever makes films, and owns a comic book store, and has actually been laid at least once (allegedly)...", me, I might respect him more if he made more films, a wider variety of films, and actually learnt how to fucking direct, not just point n' shoot, but what do I know? Anyway all you hardcore Kevin Smith deciples out there (and fans of 'The Mighty Bruce' tm.) can now set forth to verbally tear me a new one, as I'm sure you want to. Better hurry though before you'll choke on all froth and foam all around your mouth...it is just froth and foam, right?
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Who cares if he's not the most versatile director ever, what he does he does well. You either dig it or you don't. I'd rather spend 85 minutes at a Kevin Smith movie than a remake or vdeo game based film. Well, not Jersey Girl. Affleck's ok too. I mean he's kind of a choad but I think he's comfortable with that. Bring on Clerks 2 I say. He dropped the Passion of the Clerks thing, didn't he?
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Affleck is great so long as he doesn't make movies.
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but fuck am i sick of the people who dislike something to the point that they feel they must come down on those who do. have you considered that perhaps other people see something in Kevin Smith and Bruce Campbell that you don't? to each his own. there is so much negative, poorly thought out complaining on this site. "waaahhh.. i'm so sick of people who love the things i don't like." welcome to life. enjoy the things you like, and stop nagging those who disagree to come around to your way of thinking. it won't happen with the constant bitching. i mean, what do you want anyways? do you even know?
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All the people who thought your stupid humor was funny when they were 10 are all grown up now. They can stay up past 9 P.M. and have seen you bomb every week on The Tonight Show. Oh yeah, they also now have the common sense to see you have no abilties outside of Jay and Silent Bob penis jokes as they've seen Jersey Girl. You're lucky you are fat and like comic books so geeks can relate with you. Clerks 2 will show you're worth, you overrated overweight schmuck.
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I wish I had that career
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I admit I am a little nervous about Clerks 2 from what I've been reading and seeing.
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oh, and i did not find that clip particularly funny. i even think the most "provocative" bits were looped after the fact. the audio changed in that awkward way. similar to the best jokes Triumph the insult comic dog had. smigel was defenitely working the magic of television in most of those segements.
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jay and silent bob? will they be in it a little or alot
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he will show up again
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I think that support for Mr. Smith is waning (sp?). And I think he knows why...times have changed drastically since '95 and 30-somethings have grown up while 20-somethings arent entertained by the same stuff. Everything is political or serious or dark and gritty...hopefully Clerks 2 will address all of these changes so Smith can come up with something equally as unique as Clerks but more fitting to 2005. I think the guy's funny as shit and am rooting for him...I mean, he's a huge part of the reason that a lot of us slacker filmmakers decided it was possible to make our own movies. Good luck, Kevin.
www.unseenfilms.com (and lemme know who you are on the message board if you check it out, please) -
FUCK HIS BIG-EARED, TRAMPY-LOOKIN' WIFE! TRAMPY TRAMP TRAMP! DOES HER VAGINA SMELL LIKE ROCKET FUEL?
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I didn't come down on anyone who just happens to enjoy anything (or anyone), more power to them, I came down on the hardcore sycophants, the hype whores and the one eyed fanboy ranters & hero worshipping brigade who lack any sense of objectivity and common sense. The kind of fanboys who are so into over over hyping their chosen hero or show or whatever that they actually do it harm by spewing their rantings everywhere and at everyone all the damn time. People who seem to have no sense of reality, nor any tolerance for anyone who dares disagree with their chosen "greatest thing ever" as being just that. And there's a hell of a lot of those hype merchants and insane over the top fanboy ranters in the pro Kevin Smith camp. I didn't insult anyone except for those fanatics who take it too far and to extremes. And those fuckers deserve any backlash they get.
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Nov 16, 2005 8:30:55 PM CST
I always respect someone who knows the limits of his abilities.
by winterchili
Smith is a nice guy and funny too. The fact that people hate him is actually a good example of why the internet is a festering pit of assholes , not that this ia news to anyone of course.
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does dante look alot like a young hitler.....what with the seventy-two year old bags and the odd forties school boy hairdo...
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Wasn't it supposed to be released a few months ago? Anyways, I'm really glad to see Kevin making a fun movie again. I honestly think he should stick exclusively to the dick and fart joke movies with a dash of seriousness like Chasing Amy. He's incredibly good at making funny dialogue, and that's about it (if Jersey Girl is a good representation of his ability). Doing anything other than that is like Eddie Van Halen switching to playing the drums. I really don't think his core audience is going to "outgrow him" as someone put it, and even if they somehow did, kids are turning 14 every day. I can't really imagine a better job than getting paid to hang around with your friends and make each other laugh. So long as the comedic quality was still there, I'd be at the midnight showing of Clerks IX.
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Had big success right out of the gate. It seems like he's afraid to try anything new. Wonder if he'll be thek the W bros. Milk his one success for all its worth. Next up he'll have a mmog called Clerks Online.
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Kevin Smith does not piss on Mewes. The guy is his best friend for crissake!
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Nov 16, 2005 10:32:45 PM CST
ive met him a few times too, and he is a funny, likable guy, but
by chickychow
Chasing Amy was the only decent one, and that was so shittily made. The others are all pretty bad, Clerks included (yeah, it was kinda funny back in 94, but seriously, that movie has a replay value of about 3 times max) Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl are all the work of a terrible filmmaker. Maybe the guy has a really good screenplay in him that will see the light one day, but if he's directing it, it will not be good. and you all know it.
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Cuz i guarentee it wont. I promise it makes a profit, and am almost positive it will at least do 150% of its cost.
And if it doesnt, josh town can eat mine with jelly! -
Because I"m sure we would have seen some awesome comic movies. I personally would rather see green hornet or fletch won. Jersey Girl was a mistake, Strikes back was starting to outlive the welcome. An evening with Kevin Smith is a rip off. I"m glad I was able to sell it quickly.
Yet his run on daredevil is brilliant, I love his Superman and Bionic man scripts. I admire his run on Green Arrow.
He just has one of those careers that I admire for his talent and I find frustrating for the opportunities that he seems to miss -
It's his forte. Jersey girl was some Jerry MgGuire wannabe crap about ad agency drivel. And some cutsey, TV wisecrackin' sitcom kid. Phoney as hell. Besides Affleck already did this movie a million times better when it was called BOUNCE!! Besides, Even though Kev's rich he has more common interests with the average joe on the street(comics,videogames,movies,chicks who cool and down)than high falootin' wheeler-dealers. (expensive dinners,trying to land that big account) We don't need any more of that shite. (watch any sitcom for that stuff)I think it's cool to tell the story of middle aged fast food dudes & chicks. They're people with lives and dreams, so why shouldn't he tell that story? Kudos Kev.
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He's absolutely one of the most genuine, funny, warm and enjoyable cats on the planet. My take on the whole "Why We Hate Kevin" thing is just this: In 5th grade, I hung out with a group of like-minded (i.e., socially retarded) nerds, all of whom spent the lunch hour basically living out that scene from HEATHERS ("Oh my God... Heather Chandler just looked RIGHT AT ME") -- except for Richard Perry. Now, I was a lil fat kid, late to get my growth spurt, bad hair, glasses, mild acne and a stammer -- but fuckin Richie, man, Richie had me beat. Coke bottles, pizza face, buck teeth, carrot-orange hair... If you put all the REVENGE OF THE NERDS characters in a big pan and reduced them with the finesse of a primo chef, you would have been left with Richard Perry. I loved Rich. Here's why. Rich COULD GIVE A SHIT. I remember the day -- we're all sitting there, watching Diane Sadler and her girlfriends giggle and chatter their way through yet another lunchtime social circle meeting, and Mark Weinbladt pops his pinky out of his nose, sighs and says "You ever imagine fucking Diane Sadler?" I'm instantly pulled out of whatever STAR WARS-related reverie I'm in at the moment, blush beet red and sigh "No way, man. She's out of our league." And Rich Perry belches, lets out this donkey-bray laugh and says "Fuck you weak-dick nerds. She ain't outa MY league." And he meant it, too. Every school dance, Rich would saunter up to any chick, ANY chick, and ask for a dance. And he got turned down eight or nine times out of ten, but that tenth time, man -- we're all standing against the bleachers, watching in awe. For me, that essential fearlessness and confidence sums up Kevin Smith. Kev was a total geek, guys! He was always one of us! BUT THE DUDE NEVER LET IT STOP HIM. I honestly believe most people despise him for that reason -- he dared break out of the caste system. Richard Perry took a lot of grief from a lot of people, but never so much as he took on occasion from his own circle of friends -- mocking him when he got shot down, sneering at his indifference about Our Lot In Life... I say the Kevin Smiths and Richard Perrys of the world ought to be our champions, boys! Let go of the hate! Embrace the geek within! Don't be afraid to admire someone who isn't afraid to break the mold -- no matter WHAT you think of how well he actually pulls off the breakage! OK, nuff outa me... (but damn, when did Schwalbach get so fuckin HOT?!?!) =)
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Nerf said.
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...instead of posting anonymously on a fansite how much movies suck, he went out and made his own sucky movies.
Haters.
http://tinyurl.com/97en4
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oh, SPOILER. Yeah this is true. There was some very revealing footage that was on the Clerks2 site that was ripped down in about an hour...but that's what it revealed. THOUGHTS?
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One thing I want to state. I haven't seen it. Which I think says alot. The only thing that annoys me slightly is how Kevin has blamed it's financial dissapointment on everything except Osama Bin Laden. He blamed Bennifer. Now it was okay for Ben to work on a reduced scale for Kevin when he was the hottest ticket in town. Yet Kevin is blaming his friend in the press for the failure.
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That's funny. He always seems to have a distain for fanboys who talk about movies on the net. Not just in J&SBSB but just in general. I don't think he's developed the thick skin that someone who paid their dues in the business develops so when people rag on him anonymously it bothers him more than it would most filmmakers. Anyway, I'll see Clerks 2. I'd like to see if it's possible to have the same edginess and rawness that he had with Clerks 1, before he made it.
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Credit to him, he gives as good as he gets. In fact ALL people in the public eye should rant back, it should be compulsory. And if there's one group of people above all else that deserve distain from on high, it's AICN fanboys heheh
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A quickly aging, big-eared tranny.
I HATE HER!
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Im fat and write crappy movies. Here, let me put some shit on your face.
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The people who post on this site are fucking fans, they're allowed to be critical, that's half the fun of this website. You moron. And what the fuck do you know about anybody, and their accomplishents? I can tell you right now, you're totally fucking wrong.
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So is "tranny." Jeez, slagging off the Silent One is one thing... but dissing his cute and VERY funny wife is something else entirely. What is WITH you haters?! There is way too much negative energy on the Internet... Everyone needs to step back, cool off, and show a little fuckin love before they pop a freakin blood vessel!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
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I mean really, who gives a shit about this guy? He can stick his two Mr. Microphones up his ass. He'd probably enjoy it.
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Is it any less scary than the scary gay coffehouse goatee he sported in Chasing Amy?
And "Night Swimming" isn't a Kevin Smith invention. I first heard that decades ago in grade school...
Of course, to the average View Askew fanboy, every witty one-liner and anecdote originated with Smith. -
Nov 18, 2005 3:28:19 PM CST
Smith blames Bennifer for Jersey Girl? How about it just plain s
by neo zeed
Don't lie Kevin. C'mon dude. Because anyone who thinks Magnolia sucked and Jersey girl was good is crazy!! Don't be crazy.
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Is Kevin Smith's wife your ex or something?
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See me make a cameo on that show you don't watch!
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Ya don't care for Kevin Smith's movies, personality, world vision, fashion sense, whatever, eh? Well, nobody asked you, nobody cares, he's a bigshot celebrity because he tapped into a zeitgeist (sp?) for a small but very devoted section of the populace, you're a nobody, and it's gonna stay that way. Why are you even trolling on this talkback other than to try (unsuccessfully, might I add) to make yourself look big and important because you can bash someone else with personal attacks rather than serious critiques of their work ("it sucks" doesn't count). Good luck with your further attempts to entertain the masses, Mr. Smith, and all the hatas, seriously, I mean it, no one cares what you have to say. Go off to the latest talkback on whether Superman's cape is the wrong shade of red.
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http://www.viewaskew.com/theboard/viewtopic.php?t=41118&sid=6d43362ff4ac68e0656ff0cac8e0fba0
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What the fuck is wrong with that Kevin Smith? Is he retarded? More on that....his own breed of sycophants disgust me much, much more. How am I supposed to take getting criticism from someone named Xyr0, who looks like a she-male (c'mon, is that a moustache or bad lighting?) (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v520/anabetw/dragon.jpg)...or this ignorant fuck, gotMEwrong who posts "I can't believe some of these losers resort to taking shots at your wife." - fuck you asshole. If she was just his wife, in the sidelines, whatever, but the stupid bitch is in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE, so she's a public "viewaskew" figure, so she's fucking fair game, up there with Jason "Scientology Forever!" Lee and Affuck. Reading that shit is just irritating...most of it can be summed up in the bad grammar and ass-kissing pucker that is BRITO: "Point is Kevin creates, like it or loathe it, he is out there creating. For those of us without such creative talent can either enjoy and admire his talents, or you come bitter and envious and become a critic and try to shoot down the creations of others." So I can like it or loathe it, but if I loathe it, I 'come' bitter and envious and become a critic? I can't just like it and NOT be a flawed person? I can't think Jersey Girl sucked, or cringe everytime I see Mrs. Smith's stretched out face and big ears grace the screen, without in some way being supremely flawed? Hey, fuck you buddy. As for Kevin's assumptions about myself, Neil Fucking Jung, (I'm unmarried, 20 or 30something, live with parents or whatever he pulled out of his standard barrel of clever internet rejoinders) - again, fuck you Smith.-----------------------------------my opinion on Smith and his movies (since someone said 'all they can do is talk shit about your personal life and not what you create' or some shit like that)? Clerks - entertaining student film. Mallrats - there's 10 good minutes in there. Chasing Amy - Chasing Z's - Dogma - IT WAS FUNNY, but the armchair religious "thought" was obviously the product of a New Jersey education - Strikes Back - getting tired, here (notice how BIG EARS looks like someone's way older sister, or younger aunt? Every line on her face screamed 'nepotism') - Jersey Girl - boredom, mixed with massive amounts of cringing.and now for a final thought - why does Kevin insist on his slow, dim-witted "bantering" on these talkbacks? Does he have a low self-esteem? You'd almost think that, with his constant, CONSTANT self-deflating manner, but I don't think so myself. I think he's actually got a pretty big ego - notice how this time he posted his responses on the other board, so the only feedback he'd get would be the glowing bleat from the viewaskew yes-zombies. EAT SHIT YOU FUCKHEAD AND ALL YOUR FUCKING MINIONS. Personal correspondance to NeilJung may be addressed to dontdoitdoris@hotmail.com, thank you very much.
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...You fucking attention whore. That whole stupid rant of yours was onlly to get Kevin SMith to write to you personnally. Pathetic...
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and did not point out my typo, kevin you are the man
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No, it wasn't. I was hoping, in all honesty, to hear from some of the viewaskew fucks - which did happen, so, hey!
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