Harry here and I'm shocked I'm not getting royalties. They're adapting my life into a film and having the rather homely Heath Ledger playing my namesake, CASANOVA... where's my check and apology? Heh. Here's Sheldrake with a brief (whew) review of CASANOVA...
CASANOVA
Director: Lasse Hallstrom
Screenplay: Jeffrey Hatcher (screenplay) and Kimberly Simi
Story: Kimberly Simi and Michael Christofer
11/14/2005
Sheldrake here, reporting from Park Avenue and 59th Street tonight. It’s the last night of Indian Summer in New York City. It’s warm weather and Central Park South was crowded with men and women in formal dress for occasions unknown. I asked one party-goer where he was headed and he looked at me with wild eyes, laughed strangely and blurted out “there are parties everywhere tonight! Everywhere!” then he ran off down the street, veering from side to side on the long sidewalk.
First let me say this: Jude Law is a pathetic loser. I didn’t know this for sure before I saw this movie. I know, I know, I should be such a loser. Oh yeah? Wait until you see Sienna Miller in CASANOVA.
After the prolonged navel-gazing I did in my sooooooooo serious RENT review I needed a kiss on the lips from a beautiful girl and a box of sweet, sweet candy, figuratively speaking; and mother-love, did I get it tonight. CASANOVA is a lush, funny, mannered period piece that just made me happy, happy, happy, happy and damned happy, and happy again, from the opening scene to the closing credits. The movie is pretty much the comic-book story of Casanova—and I think we can all guess what his super-power is. Heath Ledger is Casanova, merrily bed-hopping, ducking from window-to-window, one step ahead of the Inquisition. Meanwhile, a girl who looks a lot like someone Jude Law would betray just to prove what a diddly-head he is, Sienna Miller’s Francesca is the hottest babe in the woods, AND she’s a top-notch cross-dressing philosopher who can hold her own debating the Dons at the University in Venice. That’s for extra credit, ‘cause all she really had to be was smart enough to dump that snake Jude Law.
Casanova has to get married to save his skin, so he hooks up with the luscious Natalie Dormer’s Victoria, who was a dancer in some damn play or indie movie I’ve seen recently, though I can’t remember what. This beautiful young girl is sharp at comedy. And luscious and almond eyed big-bosomed. Like every woman in this movie, she is a vanilla truffle for the eyes. I guess in a movie called CASANOVA, that’s pretty much what you should expect. And brother, bring out the trick or treat bag because this kindly director is loading you up with Starburst and Skittles. The good stuff.
One way they could sell this movie: “CASANOVA returns in his greatest adventure!!!” And of course, in his greatest adventure, he must meet his Moriarty—in this case, Pucci, the Grand Inquisitor, the Dark Master of the Church. He’s pursued Casanova for years—YEARS—AND—AND—“DAMN YOU--THIS TIME I’LL FINALLY HAVE YOU, CASANOVA!!!” But I’ll be damned if this isn’t Casanova’s greatest adventure – it’s just like in screenplay writing class, this is the Casanova story that just has to be told. It really does, and damn it, I can’t tell you what I mean because that’s the movie’s Big Secret! And it’s great.
Jeremy Irons, like everyone else in this movie, is perfectly cast. On the same plane in which Heath Ledger’s Casanova broadcasts a breezy self-assurance, Jeremy Iron’s Pucci—Pucci! Say it out loud!—is treacherous and devilish and up-to-no-good—will this be the end of the trail, the adventure where he finally brings the heretic and lecherous Casanova to justice? Stay tuned! Same sexy time! Same sexy channel!
All the comedy in this movie is broad, broad, broad. It’s the sort of movie that, when it’s says, “John tells Mary a secret,” Mary’s gonna get a nice fat reaction shot and her eyebrows are going to shoot to the ceiling. You get the idea. Oliver Platt, who can eat no lean, as Papprizzio, the Lord of a Pork Fat Empire, gets laughs for just showing up on screen. He’s the Francesca’s betrothed, and the game of mistaken identity takes off from nearly the minute he steps onto the screen. However, an added wrinkle is that Lena Olin, who plays Francesca’s mother and the second-hottest babe in the woods—a fact the doesn’t escape Pig Boss’s attention. You know, you’d have to be really stupid to screw it up with either mother or daughter. Kind of like Jude Law.
Did I mention Jude Law tried to crawl back and she gave his ass the boot?
CASANOVA is a double-time mannered romantic comedy that invents news laughs in every scene. The whole movie is pitch-perfect and fast-paced. You may be surprised at the downshift at the end of the movie, but trust the filmmaker—there’s a good reason for it. Just when you thought there were no surprises left.
Bet Jude Law was surprised when she said, “keep moving.”
Mr. Sheldrake
November 2005
NY NY
