Review

Harry reaches The Third Descent of Uwe Boll into the Game Grid: BLOODRAYNE!

Published at: Oct. 24, 2005, 9:13 a.m. CST

Far superior to THE FOG, yet still reeking of sub-made for TV, but with tits and blood. This is my first theatrical experience with Dr. Boll, and fittingly enough he was there to greet me at the theater.

What is Uwe Boll like? Well, at the screening last night he was charming, warm, funny, frank and hilarious. But then, I've often held that really bad filmmakers had to be charming as hell, otherwise, how could they get the money with which to victimize audiences? Hell, word was that Ted Bundy was a sweetheart, having said that, I wouldn't recommend getting in his Volkswagon, my dear. When asked about why so many online folks love to rake him over the coals, Uwe responded with, “Please Stop, Please.” Sitting not 9 feet from Uwe’s feet in a bright red shirt was Quint. Somehow, the picture was perfect. Will Sanderson chimed in that it was lots of fun to hate Uwe Boll, that he’s fun to make fun of. Which Uwe interjected, “Yes, it is fun to make fun of the German, because I Nazi and make movies with that Nazi Money.” Literally that brought down the house laughing. Unfortunately, none of this wit and humor and sense of fun actually made it to the screen.

I’m told that BLOODRAYNE the videogame involved Rayne fighting Nazis. Frankly, that’s just way more cool than Uwe’s pained recreation of a some sketchy fantasy period which is populated by actors wildly out of their depth and time. Take Michael Madsen in this. He looks, talks and acts like he should have a fedora and a cigarette – yet there he is with a sword. Casting hasn’t been this bad since John Wayne played Genghis Khan. We were told by Uwe and Will that Michael was drunk everyday, that Ben Kingsley – having suffered through Madsen on SPECIES – refused to shoot scenes with him. But ya know what, the problem here is that Uwe honestly feels that it doesn’t matter which actor you put in, so long as they have a recognizable name that appeals to foreign investors. In fact, to the festival crowd, he advised them that casting your movie at the last minute, suddenly you are able to get great names with holes in their schedule. The cast of BLOODRAYNE only began to be cast a mere Two Weeks prior to cameras rolling. Meaning they really had no time for weapons training, no time for proper choreography. These were just cattle being led to the cinematic slaughter.

Watching this film, you could imagine that Uwe was aiming to achieve the look and feel of Stephen Sommers. After the film, I had the pleasure to talk with Uwe about his taste in films – and to a large degree this involved Uwe bagging on a film like UNDERWORLD – which while that film certainly had a more expensive look, at the end it sucked as badly, if not worse than Uwe’s latest effort. “These are Vampires and Werewolves, but where is the blood. Don’t they eat?,” he said. In Uwe’s film, there’s certainly blood – and tits. He actually hired real Romanian Mafia owned “whores” for this decadent scene involving Meatloaf’s character. “They were better than actors. We looked for local Romanian actresses, but there they are all from the theater and act very broadly. For 150 euros a piece the whores would be naked and do as they were told. It was better.” Now – lest you judge Dr. Boll harshly – realize – this very same technique was used by Brian DePalma during the shooting of PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE. In the big casting session with all the girls on the bed writhing about and making out… that day, the person in charge of extras forgot to have women called for that part, so DePalma needing immediate attractive loose women, picked up the yellow pages and called an Escort company and had them send every girl they had down for the shoot. In fact – in Dr. Boll’s film – this is the only scene in which all of his actors seem to be very much alive. Meatloaf effortlessly portrays a decadent self-indulgent vampire surrounding himself with a harem of sex thirsting nymphos. His insane look, actually works in the film and every performer in this scene seemed to be having fun.

When I saw the online trailer – I have to admit, I was kinda hoping that Uwe might be able to achieve the camp fun of something like THE SWORD AND THE SORCEROR, but that was an under-financed fantasy flick with tons of blood and nudity – but something that seems beyond Uwe. Every actor in that move was so alive and having so much fun, that you felt like these were actors just loving every line, every action and just going for it on each and every take. Here – at the “best” moments – the actors look slightly amused, if not confused. Geraldine Chaplin survives the film with a nice turn as the Fortune Teller – but her tarot cards sucked. Udo Kier survives with the class that simply reflects the greater glory of Udo Kier. Billy Zane survives in his scant few moments on screen. Reportedly he was paid $10,000 for a day’s time shooting, as he was already in Romania working on another project at the time. Meat Loaf excels, but then he was given tons of naked “whores” for set dressing and a hilarious costume that he infused with a sadly tired soul that had been decadent for far too long. Unfortunately… all these survivors. These are the actors with the absolute least amount of screen time.

The victims – left gaping for air and direction are the main characters. Kristanna Loken, if she is to be anything more than a soft-core Skin-imax star (not that that would be bad) – needs desperately to work with directors that can give her the patience and the advice with which to act well with. To me, she’s a beautiful stunning woman, that just rarely has any sort of spark. She doesn’t handle dialogue well, there’s never the fire in her eyes that you would hope for. She has a ridiculous sex scene in this film that reminded me of another ridiculously awful sex scene from Antonio Banderas and Rebecca De Mornay’s sordid past called NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS – which has the distinction of being the only film so bad that I actually left the theater. In that scene – they fucked through a chain link fence. Here – Matt Davis and Kristanna Loken fuck on the same side of the bars, but while Kristanna is holding onto the bars to fuck him back – her right hand is clutching a bar on an unsecured door, so every time Matt thrusts it clangs open and closed being highly distracting and not deliberately funny.

Michelle Rodriguez and Ben Kingsley are lost here. Two fine actors that are just going through the paces. Trying to give something to characters that just are not there. Perhaps Michael Madsen had the best idea of how to survive a Uwe Boll film – just get drunk.

Will Sanderson was right. Making fun of Uwe is fun, but you know what? I genuinely hope Uwe silences everyone with DUNGEON SIEGE. He has a cast there that should be pretty good, if the script lets them. They have the fight choreographer from HERO and HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS. In fact, at every position, save for direction they have a quality skilled person. If that film is as incompetent as the rest of Uwe’s work, then there you go. He can’t hide behind “the Romanian mafia” cursing his film with bait & switch talent. Vancouver has talented behind the scenes film workers. Unfortunately – BLOODRAYNE is a waste of time and talent and money. I found it to be a degree or two better than ALONE IN THE DARK – but that’s like smelling your shit 3 days in a row and saying on the third day, “Ya know, I think this smells a little better than yesterday’s.” It’s still shit.

My favorite exchange with Uwe was outside the Paramount Theater, under the Marquee when Uwe began criticizing Steven Spielberg's WAR OF THE WORLDS. He really hated the end of the film. He wanted Cruise's son to be dead, for Miranda Otto's family home to be destroyed. This was amazing. There was just an amazing sense that this was Uwe Boll presuming to gripe about Spielberg. Ya gotta love that.

Readers Talkback

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  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Harry...

    by TequilaMocking

    Meeting Uwe Boll and seeing his new film without having seen Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead is like fucking a girl without knowing she had sex with a AIDS infected midget. Once you find out what you've missed everything will change, as will your review.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:33 a.m. CST

    TequilaMocking - From Harry

    by HEADGEEK

    Oh, Believe me, I've seen the cinematic atrocity that was HOUSE OF THE DEAD - and the merely mind-numbingly awfulness that was ALONE IN THE DARK. Uwe ascends to pure incompetent mediocrity this time out. I never saw either of those films in theaters, but ultimately caught them on DVD.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Criticizing Spielberg!

    by Taylor Made

    Yet another reason to dislike Uwe Bolle, it's one thing to be a consistent bad director but to "player hate" one of the greatest directors of all time should only be given future job opportunities as a fluffer on a gay porn film set.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:39 a.m. CST

    BloodRayne was actually a good game ...

    by TheAFLACDuck

    It's certainly unfortunate that the game developers sold the BloodRayne rights to Uwe Boll just so it could be made into a movie. I don't see this movie making people want to go out and check out the game if it's going to suck so thoroughly! Damn shame ... the Nazi slashing action and vampire sexiness from the first game would have made for a great action flick.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:41 a.m. CST

    another one I'll pass on

    by steveinbaltimore

    I haven't seen 'House of the Dead' or 'Alone in the Dark' and it looks like I'm not going to bother with this one either. It's a shame that there are talented directors out there who can't get their films made but Uwe Boll seems to find a way.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:41 a.m. CST

    hack director makes another film? the end is near

    by ABRNT1

    i saw House of the dead & alone in the dark and both films were incompetent. Someone needs to stop this director now. he makes ed wood look good. at least ed had an idea about how to make a film. uwe has no clue.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:42 a.m. CST

    How?

    by colonel_lugz

    If this guys is so insanely shit how can he keep securing finance, and a cast like that and all this other talent over and over again?....i dont care how charming he is, that can only get you so far

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:50 a.m. CST

    I want to go off on some angry rant...

    by ciardi

    But for once I can't even take that shameful pleaseure that comes from watching mediocre talent. Just let the pain stop. That being said, whenever you mention Romanian whores you have my attention.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:57 a.m. CST

    But he's right...

    by redtom

    War Of The Worlds should have ended like that...

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:13 a.m. CST

    I'm no fan of the War of the Worlds ending, but Uwe Boll cri

    by Orbots Commander

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Michelle Rodriguez is a "fine actor"?

    by droog

    Seriously? No, come on. Seriously?

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:23 a.m. CST

    someone agrees!!! - cheers droog

    by colonel_lugz

    Michelle rodriquez seriously grates on me, seeing her in Lost has been hard to deal with

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Has Michael Madsen done anything...

    by Childe Roland

    ...worth a warm shit since Reservoir Dogs? I mean, I love the guy in that film. I suppose he was tolerable in Donnie Brasco (as tolerable as anything in that movie was) but he almost ruined the opening of Sin City and his turns in stuff like Species have been pretty laughable. Don't even get me started on Kill Bill. Oh, and this line: "For 150 euros a piece the whores would be naked and do as they were told. It was better." really amped up my respect for Uwe Boll. He knows that your average Romanian hooker can out act your average wanna be starlet and that you can buy them in bulk for far, far less. American directors should take note.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Please tell me

    by Dr. Hilarius

    we are going to get a Quint review.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:37 a.m. CST

    two points...

    by zarandimoviefan

    I am not a big fan of michelle rodriguez - though she was suited to Girlfight. As for Uwe Boll(ocks?) I don't see how he could mess up ideas that are basically there. I mean he is a shit director (with all due respect). In the other news, I hear he wants to make Postal! I mean Alone in the dark was an okay game (had 3 okay sequels) - Bloodrayne was an average game (that hardly anyone has heard of - so what is the point) - and Postal - really stupid idea. I can see the point in Doom - the idea is simple - hell in a space station. So I won't go into the cinema expected a Kiarostami...but instead a balls out enjoyable action movie.lol imagine Kiarostami doing a computer game movie. Next computer game movie coming up? I would like to see Deus Ex done well - but then again, it was too similar to Blade Runner (aesthetics wise).

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:47 a.m. CST

    A Thought

    by Darth Busey

    Uwe Boll is the Stanley Kubrick of shitty movies.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:51 a.m. CST

    Uwe is dead on regarding the War of the Worlds ending

    by godoffireinhell

    Not that he could even dream of ever making a movie 1/100th as good as that film. Still, dude's got a point.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Pot kettle black

    by Peter Lemonjello

    I've never seen aUwe Boll film but what the hell is the difference between Uwe critisizing Spielberg and Harry or Quint critisizing any movie! Since when did they make a great film? I know Mcweenys scripts have recieved less than favourable reviews so how dare he slag off any movie maker?! We all have the right to opinion, even Uwe Boll!

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Madsen

    by godoffireinhell

    I quite liked him in BLUEBERRY (which was retitled RENEGADE for its US direct-to-video release).

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Ed Wood must be doing the happy dance in his grave

    by IAmLegolas

    As soon he won't go down in history as the worst director ever.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Sir Ben

    by Gungan Slayer

    Man, Kingsly's been shooting out thes e crap films as of late. He need's to get with the program and quite getting involved in crap like Thunderbirds, Bloodrayne, A Sound of Thunder...etc. Luckly, he's got a few decent projects in the pipeline worth looking out for. As for 'Dr.' Boll, I have no further comment. I'm just tired of talking about this guy. ok? can we just leave it?

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:06 a.m. CST

    All Uwe's gripes..

    by DannyOcean01

    Sound like the things TB'ers and chatters bang on about. So basically Uwe's a film geek that some how managed to make films. Totally talentless, but totally prepared to run off at the mouth.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Don't be a Uwe hater.

    by halsolo

    Frankly, I'm amazed all of you rag on Dr. Boll. I've never seen one of his movies, and I've been amused by his public persona for the past 3 years, but everyone who rips on him for embodying the "whore out to make shitty movies" attitude of Hollywood should shut up and think about this: if HE can continue to make shitty movie after shitty movie despite their financial losses, that if anything should be a motivator to ANYONE who has ever bitched about a movie to go out and make their flawed direct-to-DVD movie and enjoy their lucrative lifestyle, more so than Rodriguez or Tarantino or Wynorski or Fellini. Dr. Boll gives me hope that one day I can actually cast Ben Kingsley in a film, or better yet, a shit-ton of Romanian whores. You can buck the system and win, or you can whore completely within the system and win. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Uwe is just like the average Talk-Backer out there who has a Paul Anderson knock-off idea lurking in the back of your mind every log on, except German. I think we've all learned a valuable lesson here today: Boll is the cinematic equivalent of Arnold in PUMPING IRON, the only villain of cinema we love to hate, and I'm glad I haven't wasted a minute of my life watching one of his flicks even though I suffered the ending of WAR OF THE WORLDS.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Wait...

    by halsolo

    I just empathized with Uwe Boll. I feel dirty. Having said that, COLONEL_LUGZ - I hate to shatter your visions of the system, but you obviously need to spend more time in Hollywood, because charm can and will get shit people damn far in this town, and will get more shitty videogame movies made. I have to deal with these people every day, and making a film in Hollywood with Producers feels just like the underpants gnomes in South Park. They look at production like this: STEP 1: Underpants, er, get "talent" for movie! STEP 2: ... ... ... ... .... STEP 3: PROFIT! Its not even about the money, its all ego. If it was just about money, people would put the right hard workers to work, pay them, and take in shitloads of profit. But that would be too easy. To quote my coworkers, "Good movies in Hollywood get made IN SPITE of producers and the system, not because of it." Still, you get to work on cool a fuck stuff and the grunts are usually awesome people, and that is how you make something wothwhile, because you know talentled people and can take control of your own damn production from those bastards when the time comes. GOD BLESS WHEDON SHOOTING "FIREFLY" IN LA! Enough bitching, I gotta get to work.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Does she?

    by Psycho_Kenshin

    Get naked? I'm just saying.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:22 a.m. CST

    I forget where I heard this.........

    by Solrider77

    I heard somewhere that the reason Boll continues to get financing for his films is because the Consortium that backs him wants his movies to fail. The story goes that they discovered a loophole in German Tax Laws that gives them more money if their movie bombs. That'd be funny if it's true cause it means the PRODUCERS just became fact not fiction.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:26 a.m. CST

    re Der Bollmeister

    by DocPazuzu

    As mind-bendingly awful as Boll's films are, and as supremely untalented a filmmaker as he is, the more I hear about him the more I've come to grudgingly respect the guy. Not for the quality of his output, naturally, or for the destruction of the reputation of the games his films are based on, but for the fact that he's obviously mastered an ingenious tanked-film-tax-write-off scheme of some kind and at least seems to have a sense of humor about himself. His candid take on the Romanian "problems" of shooting was priceless. I honestly can't get angry with the guy any more, even if he is one of the worst directors working today.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Unfortunate Son

    by Rock Icon

    I thought at least the son should've been dead in WotW. He was a dick the whole picture.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:30 a.m. CST

    re Michael Madsen

    by DocPazuzu

    When will people finally admit to themselves how truly terrible an actor Michael Madsen is? Sure, he knows how to look "cool" every now and then, but the guy is absolutely dreadful - in everything. He only knows how to play one role: "guy in black suit who smokes". Even when he's wearing something else and not smoking, he's still "guy in black suit who smokes." It's remarkable, really.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Love to rip on the talentless prick, but agree that he shouldn&#

    by chickychow

    Why give the asshole publicity? He's obviously never going to stop making movies, this only helps spread his diseased name around. . . And is it just me, or is there some small asskissery on Harry's part above? I've never heard anyone remotely give Boll any respect, nor should they. Does Harry see $$ signs in being friendly with this twit?

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:38 a.m. CST

    re Michelle Rodriguez

    by DocPazuzu

    Ditto for Ms. Rodriguez. Except the only way she knows how to "act" is to obscure half her pupils with her eyelids and sneer.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:59 a.m. CST

    guys, guys...

    by mrgreentheplant

    it's not called dungeon siege anymore; get with the times! "in the name of the king: a dungeon siege tale" is going to own all of your collective HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ok sorry couldnt keep a straight internet face. but seriously, that is the title.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Harry, You Are Covering Your Own Ass For Your Cheap Hollywood "C

    by filker-tom

    Look at what you've written. You go back and forth between slagging on the guy ("... reeking of sub-made for TV, but with tits and blood...") and complimenting him ("... charming, warm, funny, frank and hilarious") and back and forth and back and forth. What really clued me in was when you said, "I HAD THE PLEASURE [emphasis mine] to talk with Uwe about his taste in films...." You had the PLEASURE of talking with a fourth-tier hack who bitches about Spielberg!? Harry, you are blatantly trying to get the "best" of both worlds with this guy, delicately vomiting all over his films while doing everything else you can to make him wuuuv you as a fwiend so you can keep getting your pathetic freebies and cheap-ass connections. Question is, why would you want connections to a man as incompetent as this? Yeah, he can sucker people into giving him money to make bad films. But... oh. Well. Suddenly your priorities are crystal clear.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:09 p.m. CST

    This is funny...

    by moviemaniac-7

    "... you could imagine that Uwe was aiming to achieve the look and feel of Stephen Sommers." -- So the good doctor doesn't even aim high for his movies? House of the Dead is even ranked below Police Academy 7 and the JC Van Damme flick Black Eagle in my book.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:14 p.m. CST

    If Uwe Boll was an actor he's be Steven Segal.

    by AlexMaui2

    If he was an actress he'd be Keira Knightley (no talent but able to get the big films).

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Holy Grail

    by drjohnnyfever

    May be a cult classic, but I don't think it was a huge success at the box office when it first came out.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Phantom of the Paradise? That reference does NOT help your agru

    by ZeroCorpse

    Taking cues from a bad, gaudy, disco Paul Williams version of "Phantom of the Opera" is hardly going to give this thing any sort of decent pedigree.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:24 p.m. CST

    A match made in ... Hell

    by Sixgun

    Hey, it took Harry about 1,300 words to make his first feces analogy. I think Uwe Boll and Harry should get together and make a horror film about what it's like to be a thought squirming inside Harry's brain. I guarantee it would be the scariest, most infathomable thing anybody's ever seen. People would be coming out asking "What the @#%! WAS that?" and other people would be answering, "I don't know, but I'm turning on my Obi-Wan night light before I go to bed, that's for sure!"

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Re: The Nice Things I said about Uwe Boll

    by HEADGEEK

    There are 2 Uwe Boll's. There's the filmmaker: the inept craftsman of cinematic mung... who is improving in discernable stumbles and falls to being merely mediocre (which frankly is even worse than being epicly awful in my opinion, as being middle of the road awful isn't notable anymore). This film has all the production design and bad action of the worst episode of XENA ever. Then there is UWE BOLL - the person. In person, he seemed all those things I said above. This isn't meant to "cover my ass", the fact is - he was a nice guy, last night at the premiere of his latest vain attempt at cinematic conquest. Being a nice person doesn't mean you can make a movie well? Getting a movie made isn't proof that you're a quality filmmaker either. It just means you had enough charisma and will power to get the money and talent together to make a movie. Uwe is a shrewd businessman that understands that VideoGame films, while not popular in cinemas - make significant money on DVD and Home Video. He uses those numbers to secure his financing and the people putting up the money could care less about quality, they just want names on the posters and video boxes and a branded title. I don't particular care if I ever meet Uwe again, and certainly I don't want ANY business relations with him. But the fact is, I'm not an overtly cruel man, and no matter how much I dislike his films, I will not claim he was anything but a gentleman last night. Hell, he even signed an autograph for Quint on an audience voting card that Quint had marked POOR on in advance. That shows a degree of class on his part. But that's Quint's story.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:29 p.m. CST

    I am still waiting for Dr. Boll to team up with Albert Pyun.

    by Declan_Swartz

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0701597/ http://www.filmwerks.com/main.htm http://umanitoba.ca/manitoban/1998-1999/1007/f2.html

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:39 p.m. CST

    Albert Pyun!

    by DocPazuzu

    Now there's a director who's even worse than Dr. Boll.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:39 p.m. CST

    Albert Pyun almost directed Spider-Man with Bob Hoskins as Doc O

    by Declan_Swartz

    http://xoomer.virgilio.it/amasoni2002/shl/marvel/spider-man_the_movie_(1986).htm

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:42 p.m. CST

    Where's DOOM?

    by NetSlut

    Why have all the reviews of DOOM been taken down?

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Proman1984, you are to write a 500 word essay on why you stretch

    by I Dunno

    Anyway, about this guy, being a computer programmer, if I fuck up a project to where the company loses a few thousand dollars, I don't expect to work again any time soon. It amazes me that filmmakers can be so incredibly inept and still get work, with so many people behind them waiting to take their place.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:54 p.m. CST

    I like Boll

    by Josh Town

    I get excited to see everyone of his films. Even though they suck, they're still a good time. Just like Ed Wood, baby. Hollywood needs a guy like this. Please keep giving him money, so we can all keep complaining.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 12:58 p.m. CST

    I feel like everyone's off-base on the WOTW ending

    by user id indeed!

    The movie's theme is fatherhood, and the whole movie's about Ray becoming a better father. How is that gonna happen if his kid's dead? No, the ending makes perfect sense. The reason why it doesn't sit well at all is because what they SHOULDN'T have done was place Robbie in a situation where HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY SURVIVE. When we watch him walk into a wall of flame, we assume he's either gonna die or be injured. THAT'S why people are so miffed at the ending. So really, it isn't the end people should want to be changed, it's the middle segment. That's my thoughts, anyay.

  • For all the wrong reasons, but still... you gotta hand it to the guy, he's carving himself a niche out there :)

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Underworld was an very good film. PERIOD.

    by Doom II

    It's fun to bag on it, but it was EXACTLY what it claimed to be: A Gothic Vampire Vs Werewolf movie based on original material. Harry liked Domino and Godzilla. Enough said.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 1:17 p.m. CST

    War Of The Worlds DID have a horrible ending.

    by Doom II

    All the white upper class folks are clean and happy in thier sweaters at the end! Glad the power and water still worked for them! Let's have sunday brunch, the aliens are defeated!

  • That's questionable. Harry said just last week that The Fog remake was his 2nd most HATED film ever. Try to calm the fuck down before you sit down at the keyboard. When your first sentence reads "This is the second most hated film I've ever seen" as you wrote on the Fog review, you sound like a child. Not to mention, that you will be taken to task for ETERNITY on comments like that.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 1:29 p.m. CST

    RE: Boll, that charming bastard.

    by chickychow

    Okay, so he's shrewd at getting financing for his movies, blah blah, but is there any indication that he WANTS to make something good? Is he just making movies as a job, the way a McDonald's burger-flipper achingly trudges thru a 9-5 day? Or does he just fail more miserably than anyone in recent memory at the craft of filmmaking (sorry guys but Albert Pyun is NOT worse by far)? When I watch House of the Dead or Alone in the Dark (yeah goddamnit I saw em! also saw Blackwoods, bet most of ya can't say that!), there's nothing that even hints the man knows what he's doing. He's not simply bad, he's clueless. There isn't a single moment of inspiration or talent. So what is the answer to the disgusting enigma that is Uwe Boll? Furthermore, why the fuck are all these actors appearing in his movies? Did he charm the pants off of Ray Liotta too?

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Whodda' Thunk...

    by zer0cool2k2

    that in a film with Ben kingsley, michael Madsen, and the like, that the best performance would come from MEATLOAF??? Man, I hope Loken gets a decent part soon. how does Boll get anyone to be in these turds anyway? They should just say "I would do anything for money... but I won't do that". and BTW, Phantom of the Paradise Rocked, and could own your Ass.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 1:38 p.m. CST

    "that Nazi money." WOOOO!!!

    by 007-11

    Thats good stuff. I'm still laughing.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Check it out

    by Dr. Meirschultz

    http://www.cinemablend.com/feature.php?id=209

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Okay...so how bad is Boll?...

    by Dolph

    ...I mean, does he have any idea as to shot composition for example...and interesting directorial flourishes? It's sad, but I really am interested!! Shouldn't a good cinematographer be able to save him some? (Not interested enough to rent one of his 'movies' though!)

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Romanian Mafia Whores, Meatloaf, Udo Kier, AND Ben Kingsley!?

    by Son Of Batboy

    What's not to like? Some people are so picky.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Childe Roland - YES, Michael Madsen has done something good--na

    by www.valiens.com

    Wait...no...no...never mind. Hey Harry, know what would be cool news?--If you'd use your powers for good and actually tell Bolls he hasn't made a good movie yet. Maybe try to get him to, ah, for instance, embrace the art aspect of, for instance, art, instead of the commerce. Why the fuck is he a director if all he cares about is getting a film, any film, made? That's what producers and money men are for. Generally, don't directors have to give a shit about what they are directing?

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:11 p.m. CST

    Holy Grail...

    by Wungolioth

    Monty Python and the Holy Grail was a huge hit once it started showing in NY, with lines of peole going around a city block waiting to go in. They made back their money in spades because the movie was made on the cheap. On the subject of Uwe Boll, I have never seen one of his movies, probably never will. I have a fondness for zombie flicks, but I still never wanted to see House of the Dead, even the TV ads made it look like shit.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:13 p.m. CST

    Why did MTV Put him on?

    by FNORDcinco1

    No one knows who he is, but sure enough there he was talking about video game movies coming of AGE..."the time is now that they dont suck anylonger"

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:15 p.m. CST

    Ummm... HogCholera?

    by filker-tom

    Alien? Aliens? Kill Bill? Heroic Trio? Just to name a few I'd think we all agree are good.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Hot Chick Action Star

    by blackwood

    What about 'Aliens'? Sigourney Weaver is pretty hot aside from the 80's curls. Not in the big-titten-ill-fitted-leather way, but a more cerebral hotness.___ I saw thirty minutes of "House of the Dead" and decided that's all the time I'd ever give Uwe Boll (except for the sentence explaining that, and I suppose the time I took to read the article and all the venomous talkbacking - but now I'm done. Now. Nuh-ow).

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:22 p.m. CST

    You're Missing The Point, Harry

    by filker-tom

    Have you been paying attention to the real world this past few weeks? In specific the Harriet Miers nomination to the US Supreme Court? Dubya keeps spouting what a great person she is, how he knows her heart, religious, conservative, blah blah blah. Thing is, what little paper trail she has indicates that she has NO skill whatsoever at jurisprudence, and in fact has been nominated pretty much because she's a close friend and crony of Dubya's. I dunno about you, Harry, but I don't give a shit how NICE the woman is -- I want to know how QUALIFIED she is. Now. Substitute your name with Dubya's and Boll's with Miers' in the above, and THAT'S HOW YOU'RE COMING ACROSS. I can only speak for myself, but I'd care a lot more about whether or not Boll was a nice guy if his films didn't uniformly suck ass. As it is, it simply comes across as you sucking up because he's In The Industry. He's fleeced some people with a song-and-dance about big money being in movies based on video games, and he can't aim a camera to save his life, let alone get something resembling a performance out of actors. Seriously, Harry, think about this: Is the name of this site becoming a question? And is the answer more frequently "No"?

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:23 p.m. CST

    RE: filker-tom

    by xsi kal

    Good movies, yes... but hot women? Eh. Uma is hot, but I hardly found her as such in KB1/2. And Sigourney Weaver? Eh. I'll give you Heroic Trio at least... Incidentally, you inadvertently answered an earlier question about what, if anything, michael madsen has done well in since reservoir dogs: Kill Bill. (Granted, that was more a case of perfect casting than great acting, but still....)

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:28 p.m. CST

    "Missing the Point"

    by blackwood

    Harry never said Boll was a competent film maker, and saying he's not a fucktard isn't tantamount to supporting his continued participation in the industry. Bush uses his personal opinion of the woman in lieu of valid qualifications. Harry says Boll is a nice guy in spite of his inability to make vaguely entertaining films.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:40 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll film festival...

    by Junior Frenger

    ...Some day it will happen. He will be revered more than Ed Wood himself. Boll should have thew guys from MST3K do commentaries for his films. NOW THAT would actually get me to buy his DVD's!!!

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:44 p.m. CST

    xsi kai, Different Strokes ;) And, blackwood...

    by filker-tom

    My point was that, ostensibly, this is a site about SF/Fantasy and related movies, TV, DVDs, comics, occasionally games, etc., etc., etc. The site has a lot of interviews; it has a lot of reviews. If I wanted to read a personality profile of Boll, I'd go looking for that. But what we're getting from Harry here is the equivalent of, "This guy shat on my shoe, but he was so friendly about it..." which doesn't mean my shoe wasn't shat upon. And this happens on a, sorry, regular basis. Boll may always be a good guy personally, but from the look of things he's also always going to be a bad filmmaker, AND I'M NOT SPENDING MY MONEY AT THE MOVIES BECAUSE I THINK THE DIRECTOR IS PERSONABLE AND FUNNY IN HIS INTERVIEWS AND STAGED MEDIA EVENTS, I'M LOOKING FOR A GOOD MOVIE. And Harry IS supporting Boll's continued participation in the industry -- hinting at vague improvements (cue Cyrano Jones: "Twice nothing is still nothing") and saying, gosh wow, he's so friendly and stuff, and industry people DO inexplicably read this site, and might form an opinion that Boll could be easy to work with or at least demonstrably competent at fundraising, and we get more shit video-game films again. Sigh.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:55 p.m. CST

    Hes got a point

    by Arachnyd

    tbh it really was fucking stupid when that inept kid was somehow waiting for them at the house. We practically watched him die, and if he wasnt killed in that explosion then the walkers would have caught him. And if the walkers didn't catch him, he would have still been to stupid to find his way to Boston by himself.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Photos???

    by docfalken

    Please tell me there is a photo of Quint and Uwe Boll standing together. Please oh please.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Movies were his passion. Video Games were his inspiration. Anis

    by JAGUART

    BOLL STAYS (2035) Mostly true account of Germany's legendary kasier of kitsch Uwe Boll, voted "Second Worst Director in Movie History". Boll, noted for his quirky resume of filmic video game interpretations financed with stolen Nazi gold and alleged encounters with former President Brad Pitt's first wife, Jennifer Aniston. Haley Joel Osment plays Citizen Uwe brilliantly right down to the thick accent and daffy "Bollisms" that were his trademark, and just the right dose of trisomy 21. Excellent, hilarious performances and charming nostalgia for the "Golden Age of Video Games" during the War on Terror era. The movie's fast edits and old console video game scenes convincingly recaptures the look and feel of 2000 console gaming technology, including some of the least convincing graphical effects in movie history. There are also running gags involving Boll's ability to write almost any piece of video game cutscene into almost any script. The sountrack ranges from classic Rammstein and Metallica, but also Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen, Frank Sinatra, In the Nursery, and Marilyn Manson. There's a wonderful scene depicting a fictional encounter between Uwe and Steven Spielberg as an exasperated Uwe turns to Spielberg for encouragement during his filming of Schindler's List 2 and gets it - along with the movie's funniest line of dialogue. The film is absurdist comedy of the finest sort, celebrating that movie and video game geek in all of us. Venerable Quint of "Ain't-It-Cool-News" calls it "A glorious homage to the power of film in general and one of Osment's funniest, finest moments, "If you love movies and video games, you've got a little Uwe Boll inside you."

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 3:19 p.m. CST

    For once, I agree with Harry

    by DorkmanScott

    As much as Boll's movies are complete shit, everything I've seen about the man himself makes him seem a cool enough guy, if slightly delusional and irresponsible (blaming everyone else for ruining his movies in some fashion). Still, I agree with the others who've said it: I can't hate the good Doctor himself anymore, he seems like he'd be an interesting guy to hang out with. Just as long as he never, ever touches a camera again. The really astonishing thing is that a lot of times, he SOUNDS like he knows what the hell he's talking about when it comes to movies. He did a good job of memorizing DVD commentaries of greater directors, I guess, because the words that come out of his mouth would make you think he could at least make a competent film.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Dude, if you don't know that Boll sucks by now...

    by Nordling

    I don't know what to tell you. Read the movie poster before purchasing a ticket, or something. You make it sound like Boll's selling you a car. It's just a movie. And if you post on or read AICN, you got no excuses about what kind of filmmaker Boll is. There's nothing wrong with Harry or anyone saying Boll's a nice guy. There's lots of them out there.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 3:39 p.m. CST

    "You got no excuses..."

    by Nordling

    about KNOWING what kind of filmmaker Boll is.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 3:40 p.m. CST

    150 euros for one whore?

    by Kiki Bridges

    that's about 200 bucks. those are Vegas prices. he's in eastern Europe. he could've gotten the royal princess of Romania for two euros and a can of tuna.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 3:41 p.m. CST

    Uuuwe paid 150 euro per one whore in Bucarest?

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Jackass. They never charge more than 100, and those are the ones from the, er, "clubs".

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 4:50 p.m. CST

    this review sounded more like a backhanded compliment

    by Holodigm

    sounds like boll is becoming less and less nauseating and perhaps graduating up to crappy. i mean, come on. surely SOMEONE must have noticed on set that tara reid didn't know how to say Newfoundland!

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 4:58 p.m. CST

    I agree that he sucks, but why do you care.

    by FrodosBlueBalls

    If he wasn't making a BloodRayne movie do you think somebody else would? I could understand anger at the man for taking control of a property that somebody else was going to make. Let the man do what he does and a crappy video game movie is better than no crappy video game movie. Just ignore his shit and move on. The man is doing what he likes doing and he sucks at it...so what. and if he's using some sort of tax clause than more power to him. Like you wouldn't run at the chance to make a movie and get paid for it, no matter how crappy it was. PS I saw Doom this weekend and was very disappointed. I know I'll get flamed, but the first Mortal Kombat was by far the best video game movie ever made.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 5:02 p.m. CST

    Holodigm!!!

    by modlight

    Ahh!!! New Found Land hahah, I forgot about that. Don't forget about the Chilly-an artifact they found. And how when they blew open that door and it was the only way to to go Tara Reid felt it was necessary to say "This Way!!"

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 5:03 p.m. CST

    To be fair though they did call a horseshoe crab a Sand dollar o

    by modlight

    But that movie sucked too.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Frodos Balls.

    by modlight

    I've given up hating Uwe Boll. I live and work in Hollywood me and everyone I know would jump at the chance to head a movie. I think he's one of the worst directors (the worst) ever. I'm not pissed at him I'm pissed at the morons who A: give him money. and B: decide to toss their careers in the toilets by showing up in his films. That said, I hope there is a Bullet Time shot in this movie. Those are sweet.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 5:08 p.m. CST

    Not to eat up space, but anyone else notice the ad for Day of th

    by modlight

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 5:48 p.m. CST

    WHAT?!

    by jig98

    didn't doom just get two thumbs down yesterday?! following that was a little thing from ebert and roeper telling us it's a videogame movie but you don't even get to play the game. they are dead on with that shit. why don't they just make a goatcheese movie and put the fucking videogame movie genre out of it's misery.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Ebert DID give Mortal Kombat a thumbs up tho. Siskel almost did

    by chickychow

    I remember watching that episode, where they both said that MK was the best videogame-inspired movie they'd ever seen (to be fair, what else was there? Super Mario Bros?) Even more depressing: THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO!!!

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 6:33 p.m. CST

    I'm gonna get alot of shit for saying this.....

    by cherrycola

    But I'll say it anyways. Uwe boll serves a purpose. Yes, he's horrible but who else would turn VIDEO GAMES into movies? Every generation has a uwe boll. Hell, look at a rare-DVD site and you'll find a series of movies that only screened at drive-ins and peep shows (this was before the internet yanno...like that peepshow in "taxi driver") and small movie houses. I'm sure harry knowles could name NUMEROUS "uwe boll types" and their own little "masterpieces" that have been lost to the ages. Uwe boll is like gonorreah or herpes....its a hard reality and it exists, however it's your descision to get involved or not. Don't screw that hooker behind the bowling alley....Don't go and pay to watch a boll film. It's that simple. BUT what bothers me is that HARRY KNOWLES HAS TWO FUCKING HEADLINES ON THE FRONT PAGE ABOUT UWE FUCKING BOLL!....HARRY, AM I GONNA HAVE TO DRIVE FROM SA TO AUSTIN AND CHALLENGE YOU TO A GAME OF BATTLESHIP???! LOL.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 7:18 p.m. CST

    an autograph for Quint on an audience voting card that Quint ha

    by aint_it_cruel?

    lol

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 7:21 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll aint good enough eat peanuts out of Len Wiseman's s

    by Neo Zeed

    Uwe Boll couldn't direct fuckin' traffic. Bloodrayne better than Underworld? This site is unbelievable!! So since Uwe Boll's got the stones to diss Speilberg and Underworld, he's now one to root for? C'mon Harry! A hack with opinions is still a fucking hack. Opinions 'bout movies don't make you a filmaker bro, you still need the skills. But that's Uwe's trick now isn't it? For example, he sucks at filmaking but then can say something like AvP sucked, (a movie still better than his cinematic turds however) which makes people think "Hey cool! Uwe knows which movies suck! Maybe this dude can get better, plus he'll listen to me 'cause we're buddies now. Lets give 'em some money!" Fuck You Boll. You aint no cinematic underdog. You're not even the cinematic equivalent of Rob Liefield. You were never cool and your action direction is embarrasing. I hope the repo man takes Uwe's avid equipment away very soon.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 7:24 p.m. CST

    UNDERWORLD may not have been perfect...

    by Psyclops

    ...but it was a million times better than anything Uwe Boll has delivered in the past. I have a hard time believing that BLOODRAYNE is anywhere near the same level of quality, especially with Dr. Boll at the helm. UNDERWORLD is flawed and drags along by the end of it's running time with a convoluted story and a few weak links in the acting department but it was ambitious and I completely adored the look of the film. There's a ton of cool ideas in there, only have of them seem to work but you've got to give the director a little credit for at least trying to put a fresh spin on an old concept. Unlike Uwe Boll, I think the director of UNDERWORLD might actually deliver a solid movie one day.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Psyclops is right, the proof is in the pudding

    by Neo Zeed

    Underworld director has SERIOUS potential from his debut. Uwe boll has the potential to suck more (oh yeah, believe it fellas!) and talk more shit. Judge the work Harold, not the bullshit. Word is bond!

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 8:10 p.m. CST

    There shall be no Phantom of the Paradise bashing today, thank y

    by Lenny Nero

    Meat Loaf. Two words. Booyah.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 8:22 p.m. CST

    Fuck that. Underworld was a fun film.

    by Meremoth

    Sure it borrowed elements from ju7st about everything, but at the end of the day I still enjoyed it. I don't remeber being entertained by anything that dick head Bowl ever made. Sure there wasn't a lot of blood and gore, but I'll take bloddless action though out violence with decent scting over anything this man has made. What the Hell is wrong with this world anyway. Everyone seems to be hating on all the decent action movies latly. Batman Begins, LOTR, and now Underworld. I dare your fat asses to go make something better. Uwe Bowl you don't fucking count. What you make is crap not movies. Go suck Hitlers dick and stay away from cameras, scripts, and people.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 8:23 p.m. CST

    Damn

    by Meremoth

    I made a lot of typos. Sorry.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 8:26 p.m. CST

    Underworld is poop

    by Josh Town

    I've shut off two movies in the past year those being Blade:Trinity, and Underworld. Underworld sucks, and whoever likes it, well, you suck too.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 8:54 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll interview

    by Roger Thornhill

    http://www.zombie-nation.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=46 ......this cracked me up

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 8:57 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll interview quote

    by Roger Thornhill

    " ZN: If you werent making films what would you be doing?..... UB: Cars Washing, Dog Walker, Animal Trainer, Cook"

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:20 p.m. CST

    To Josh Town

    by Meremoth

    Well the only thing Underworld has been sucking on is your momma. Ponder on that one for awhile.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 9:56 p.m. CST

    The difference between Uwe Boll and Albert Pyun is...

    by JackBurton

    That some of Pyun's cheap, badly made and all too often horribly directed films are actually still fun to watch, in a strictly z-grade b movie kinda way. Boll's stuff is just wretchedly painful.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:02 p.m. CST

    Swastica Bolls inspiration to make films...

    by KongMonkey

    his cameo role in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusades" as the dumbass nazi pilot who flies into a tunnel. In a cut scene of the film, as Bolls crashed plane is skidding by the car, Sean Connery is seen flipping the bird to the poor old Nazi man. Thus, Boll is inspired to make films, in which he unknowingly flips the audience off in a very spohisticated and poetic way. Putting words in pictures, with each frame of his films say "Fuck you dumbasses I gots your money hahahahaha"

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:09 p.m. CST

    That's interesting...

    by kintar0

    Didn't we get a post a couple weeks ago from Harry about how SO fucking BUSY he is all time? So busy that he'd waste his time on a Boll screening? Riiiiiiight. That he'd actually hang out with the guy. Suuuuuure. I wonder how Harry would react if he came face to face with Paul Anderson? I'd imagine it'd be something along the lines of "I hate his movies, but DAMN is the man a gentleman!" I know it's some kind of badge of honor that you all, Moriarty included, post articles with nary a spell check or a proofread, but c'mon. This and Harry's Kiss Kiss Bang Bang review are monuments to a shitty education.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:32 p.m. CST

    One thing about Boll though...

    by JackBurton

    He's so bad that he's become a cult figure, he's actually carved out a name for himself as this generation's Ed Wood, and as such, along with his ongoing gimmick of making crappy videogames become film (well, kinda, almost film...of a sort) one day he's actually highly likely to have books written about him, cult movie festivals in his honor and maybe even a Tim Burton Ed Wood style movie made about his exploits. Being that memorably horrid a director can have it's advanatages...

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 10:58 p.m. CST

    When i started really hating Uwe Bollshit...

    by Neo Wolf

    I remember seeing House of the dead and Alone in the dark and reading some boll interviews,i thought the guy knew his films were shit but he was happy directing films anyway because he could,i thought he didnt take himself seriously so thats why i gave a pass on him,but that was before i interviewed him for Bloody Disgusting,the guy really thinks he's an artist who makes quality films and he hates it when people say one of his films are shit.I also didnt like the fact that he called Hitchcock and Kubrick overrated directors,he actually said that he would have made The Birds and The Shinning into much better films.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:03 p.m. CST

    If he was pissed that people were bashing him...

    by Terry_1978

    They'd get on him for that. He pokes fun at himself for being made fun of, people just assume he's doing damage control. Either way, Dr. Boll loses.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:14 p.m. CST

    Meremoth

    by Josh Town

    A bland, dull momma joke? Good comeback...You must have put in days of thought on that one...Ponder that, idiot.

  • Oct. 24, 2005, 11:59 p.m. CST

    "I'm no fan of the War of the Worlds ending, but Uwe Boll cr

    by Rasputin77

    You're comparing Spielberg to Graham Greene? Stephen King is closer.

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 2:33 a.m. CST

    i give it 5 stars!

    by geek molester

    Seriously, if you've seen any of Bolle's previous "films," and pay to see this or anything new he creates, you need to be nuetered.

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 3:19 a.m. CST

    Michael Madsen was THE WORST PART ABOUT SIN CITY!

    by Fish Tank

    Every line he delivered in that flick was laughable - and it was only ten or so lines. So excruciatingly bad that it dropped the movie one star for me.

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 3:32 a.m. CST

    A million deaths were not enough for Uwe!

    by DrManhattansUnit

    ... when he gets round to making "Dune II: The Game: The Movie"

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 3:58 a.m. CST

    Spielberg

    by denfis1981

    He got it right about the ending of the war of the worlds. I mean wtf was Spielberg doing messing with the end of a good film.

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 12:12 p.m. CST

    AICN Has TWO Uwe Boll Talkbalks?

    by Winky Man

    This is unbelievable, unless money is changing hands. Oh, what am I saying? Looks like some of that German tax hole money is getting spread around a little.

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Dr Boll sux ass!!!

    by Qasman2005

    ^^^^^^

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 3:15 p.m. CST

    LMAO

    by thatguyoverthere

    Boll reminds me of a virgin in a whore house...he's here and has no clue where to stick his dick...but hell its gotta go some where right? Light socket, dresser drawer, hole cut in the wall where ever.

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 3:18 p.m. CST

    and the sad part is....

    by thatguyoverthere

    we as the audience are the house madam, encouraging the dumb bastard to keep trying. "That&#39;s it boy...almost got it....NO YOU DUMB PRICK THAT WAS HARRY&#39;S ASS!" <sigh>

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 5:53 p.m. CST

    by drjones

    i&#39;ve never seen any of his movies until now..i will if i have the money for it. as the daughter of actual german tax payers i feel kind of exploited though ;) however... it seems to be the same thing with musicians. the uninspired poorly playing rich bastards will buy themselves the best equipment while the creative talent is scraping all it&#39;s money together to buy an instrument. but we also know that real creative folks will even make their way without the money (that uwe boll is throwing away on his own). ain&#39;t it cool has always been about the fun and enlightment of the appreciation of the art of filmmaking. filmmaking is sometimes a work of genius...and sometimes the work of overambitious uwe bolls. and thus there is great fun -as we witnessed in ed wood and his mythologisation (i guess that word doesn&#39;t exist)-to chat about the worst sides as well as enchantedly talking about the wonders of cinematography. so...i guess it&#39;s ok to spend some time with uwe boll...

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 9:29 p.m. CST

    the tact of aintitcool posters....

    by jimmyvox

    Man...You guys sure get pathetically angry over something as stupid as a crap director&#39;s comments about an average movie ("Your momma" jokes in reference to Underworld...sad..) At least Uwe Boll sucks and is making a living out of it. A reasonable percentage of the people here just suck....its fuckin&#39; UWE BOLL TALK! Get a life!

  • Oct. 27, 2005, 1:27 p.m. CST

    About the ending of WoW...

    by MolesterJester

    The film ends exactly as it should. Have any of you read the book? At the end he finds his home intact and both his wife and brother are alive. If you don&#39;t like the &#39;happy ending&#39;, then blame Wells not Spielberg.

  • Oct. 27, 2005, 2:56 p.m. CST

    Funny ..

    by MajorOcelot

    As much as all of his movies suck so far that I have seen, I agree with Uwe all the way about the ending of War of the Worlds, what with it looking like Otto&#39;s family just got done having fucking Thanksgiving dinner and their house, as well as the entire block, was in pristine shape. Except for how perfect the tripods looked, I still think War of the Worlds left me feeling extremely let down. Uwe has Spielberg pegged on that one in my opinion.

  • Nov. 14, 2005, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Speilberg hating Uwe

    by Cthulhubacca J

    It sounds like Mr. Boll knows how to strike a chord with a chunk of the "film intelligensia" that like nothing more than to rip on Steven Speilberg. He seems like a clever businessman, with an eye for what "sells" to the young teen boy ticketbuyers. He must have some kind of help from the mob in order to get the cash he does to shell out his cineflotsam. Either that or he is a sexual conquistador with magic lips and french-tickling tentacles in the back of his throat.

  • Well I never.

  • Nov. 26, 2005, 1:15 a.m. CST

    Funny that Uwe Boll should shit-talk Spielberg in public, since.

    by heywood jablomie

    ....I know for a fact Boll met with Spielberg last week and took a sage piece of advice from the master. Spielberg told him about his decision not to market Munich for the Oscars, and Boll decided to take the exact same approach with Bloodrayne.

  • Dec. 1, 2005, 11:17 p.m. CST

    Dad?

    by buster00

  • Feb. 15, 2006, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll Please Die A Painfull Death!!!!!

    by Lew_88

    Anyone agree........i will fund a mafia hit on this cocksmoker if he tries ruin another franchise and actors career. He blows ass-hole, yet they all seem to go running to his flicks. He is a grade &#39;A&#39; shit. Complete and utter fucking stroker!

  • Oct. 4, 2010, 2:30 p.m. CST

    BAH on Uwe

    by orcus

    crap moviemaker

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