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Harry falls in love love with KISS KISS BANG BANG!!!
Hawkins
Billy, Billy! The other day, I was going down
on my girlfriend, I said to her, “Jeez you
got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy.”
She said, “Why did you say that twice?”
I said, “I didn’t.”
[Billy stares blankly]
See, Cuz of the echo…
Billy, Billy! The other day, I was going down
on my girlfriend, I said to her, “Jeez you
got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy.”
She said, “Why did you say that twice?”
I said, “I didn’t.”
That’s how most of us were introduced to Shane Black. Sure 3 months before we as a collective happy as hell audience had loved his screenwriting debut, LETHAL WEAPON in early March of 1987, but then around mid-June of that year we got our first look at this defining action writing auteur of the late 80s. For me, he was the screenwriter that made me laugh and thrill through high school and college with the LETHAL WEAPON series, MONSTER SQUAD, THE LAST BOY SCOUT and THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. He also contributed to one of my first big disappointments, LAST ACTION HERO – but he was just one writer in the 52 or so writers that made that monstrosity, but ya know what… I bet he was responsible for a good bunch of the laughs and human moments in there.
I’m an unabashed fan of Shane Black. He’s an auteur screenwriter – and you can honestly feel his fevered affection for the dark pulp and the grizzled desperate anti-heroes – even amongst the decadent excess of the late 80’s and early 90’s. For basically the last 7 years the screen has missed Shane Black. But beginning today 5 major markets – Shane Black comes roaring out onto the silver screen pistol whipping audiences with a delightful furor that makes you say, “Thank you sir, may I have another!” Finally we get the full deal. This isn’t Shane being distilled through Richard Donner or Renny Harlin or John McTiernan… this is 100% SHANE BLACK and it is a SHANE BLACK GODDAMN MASTERPIECE!
I don’t know if you know what that means. However, those of you in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston and Toronto… You have a fucking brilliantly entertaining 101 on Shane Black opening this weekend in KISS KISS BANG BANG! Last night at the Austin Film Festival, Shane presented KISS KISS BANG BANG and is hanging on to a hope and a prayer that the audience out there in those 5 markets find his film this weekend.
The film is absolutely spectacular – but Warners, and admittedly he, seem a bit lost on how to sell this film. After the film, Shane said in the post film Q&A, “I don’t even know which shelf at the video store you’d put this on.” And all these folks from the audience began shouting out different genres it belonged in… and from the back of the theater I screamed out, “THE RECOMMENDED SECTION” cuz honestly – that’s exactly where this belongs.
This is that film exactly like TRUE ROMANCE that is that action, romantic, comedy, quirky, sexy, violent, crude, fun masterfully told film where nothing is ever the scene you think it is. Remember the first time you learned about Sicilians and Eggplants? This has a lot of that sort of quality to it.
The star is Robert Downey Jr, he’s our inept narrator and central character, HARRY LOCKHART. A low rent dipshit petty thief that through wild blind fate stumbles into the greatest audition scene in film history and next thing he knows he’s taking Detective Lessons for a major film part in Los Angeles from a brilliantly gay Hollywood Detective played by Val Kilmer called GAY PERRY.
Ok, now I absolutely love both of these actors, but to be honest this is some of their finest career work ever. Both of them. Seeing square jawed Val Kilmer play the swishy version of the Hollywood tough guy is just fantastic. He plays up the Gay, uses it like a pearl handled 45, something to catch the eye before they’re blown away. He’s gay and he knows that most of the world is homophobic, he uses that to inflame enemies, take people off guard and in the meanwhile he’s just absolutely ahead of the curve. Sharp, Smart and Practical.
Robert Downey Jr – in a strange way is Riggs in the film, but imagine if that crazed broken Mel Gibson was absolutely blind luck incompetent. Shane Black literally treats the character of Harry like beef jerky… ripping and pulling and cutting off pieces, just waiting to be chewed up later. Remember, this is a wannabe magician that had to be a thief, lucked into acting, but still hasn’t clue fucking one of what the next 10 minutes, much less tomorrow holds. Then add to the equation that his life-long dream girl is smack dab in the middle of all this crazed shit… and the thing that keeps him going forward, doing the absolute impossible is HARMONY LANE played by Michelle Monaghan.
OH MY GOD! Michelle Monaghan plays that girl from back in High School and Junior High. She’s that girl you masturbated about, that everyone in the locker room bragged about fucking, but that you never got a chance with. You were always the friend. Always the confidant, but you just never had the brass balls to clink and say, “I love you.” Scared to ruin what little you had, which was more than any of the guys that fucked her had. Her trust. And then poof, she was gone. One day you came to school and she wasn’t there. Ran away. To where? Who knows? Ya shared a goofy mutual geek passion for some trivial thing, in this film it is Johnny Gossamer, a paperbacked pulp private eye that never disappointed.
Michelle is hot. How hot? She’s Catholic School Girl with Lollypop hot. Just indecent, illicit and yummy. The carrot that’d keep the legs moving and would keep you just enough off center to bump and hit every piece of furniture on your way out the door. Poor Harry.. He’s literally got not one iota of a clue what fucked up nightmare lies on the flip of every single scene in this film.
The greatest success of the film is a masterful adaptation of the Raymond Chandler aesthetic. That detail rich, violently pulp story, but in the here and now. This is thoroughly modern, only… it’s just as fucking great as those classics. This thing is exactly what you’ll love to see.
I know I liked DOOM – but the quality level in KISS KISS BANG BANG is tremendous. If you have a chance to see this film this weekend, you’ll come away without any of the flaws that DOOM will give ya. This is the ENTIRE package. You’ll CARE about characters, you’ll laugh and you’ll recoil with about 7 “HOLY FUCKS” at what just pistol whipped ya. This is the smart version of testosterone entertainment. The dream of a “kiss kiss bang bang” sort of entertainment.
If this film somehow doesn’t find an audience and the film is just discovered on Home Video and DVD – that would just be another nail in the coffin for those of us that love smart unconventional cinema. A movie that doesn’t fit into the ice cube tray of film releases that leave so many audiences cold and just distant. This is an Audience film. Call up 5 friends and see this sucker, cuz I guarantee – if you see it alone tonight, tomorrow night, you’ll be back with those 5 friends you take to see ‘those’ films. You know the ones I’m talking about.
This is an absolute classic in the genre of BADASS COOL FUCKING MOVIES, and I know that’s not a section at BLOCKBUSTER or HOLLYWOOD VIDEO or any chain… but dammit – this is better than those places. Tired of PG13 – for all audiences, this is that smart bristling ADULT film that you absolutely love. Remember – you folks in Toronto, Boston, Chicago, New York and Los Angeles. The rest of the country is counting on you. If you don’t find and support this film, for the rest of the country – they’re fucked out of one great film that they could have had. And for you, it’d mean just one more lesson Hollywood learned. To not make smart outside of the mold entertainment cast with the actors that can act playing CHARACTERS not just sleep-walking holding onto the hope that their natural personality and smile will keep you watching. Here it's actors ACTING and fucking being wonderful at it.
God, I loved this film.
Oh shit, and did I mention John Ottman’s score? Holy shit, I loved his score. In searching around I found it at LaLaLandRecords. They’ve got a few tracks you can listen to, and apparently at no additional charge John Ottman is autographing all their Cds of this. That… is fucking cool. Everything about this film kicks ass… except the posters and the trailers. Which somehow remind me of WHITE SANDS… which is just bleh. And this thing is so fucking great. God, I wish this was playing again at the fest.
Readers Talkback
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Or am I?
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Let me guess...you kinda liked this film?
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It's good. Very, very good.
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Shane Black is back. Nuff said.
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...I'm most looking forward to seeing right now. Welcome back, Shane Black, you glorious bastard, you.
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JUst kidding this is my fav flick of the year...TWO THUMBS UP..Keira's butthole!!
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With just enough spare time to catch one film. It was going to be SHOPGIRL, but I think I'll change that now to KK,BB
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how exactly does one become "brilliantly gay", Harry?
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It's fun people, what the hell is wrong with you??? It picks on every action clich
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Then decide if this is worth it. Don't throw away 10 bucks on Harry's opinion.
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Simple - You hire Val Kilmer to do it, and it isn't merely gay, it becomes BRILLIANTLY GAY.
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This has got me all geared up for this but the reviews on this site sometimes can be, how shall we say, a little bit enthuastic! Loved the Predator opening gambit though.
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Mel Gibson played Riggs not Murtaugh
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I love these sorts of films more than any other when they are done right, I'm glad it meets the high expectations given to it at Cannes.
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I just think you're showing off with your black backgrounds...no one likes a show off you know. (Or maybe I'm just eaten up with black background envy but I won't admit that to anyone)
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Well - you kinda hit it. With the BLACK TalkBack highlights - it allows the comments to not just disappear into the clutter. It allows passive lurkers to see that, well, I do respond - and frankly... I finally put my TB password where I could remember to access it. That and with the PZ - I've gotten used to interacting more - and why not answer a few simple questions from time to time.
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I went to this premiere on Tuesday and sent in my review on Wednesday. Apparently the PTB at AICN no like me anymore. No matter, it's up over in The Place We Don't Speak Of.
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And Harry's ass is the grand prize! A big win for Episode III ! All hail ass owning!
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Harry responded to me - I feel so special. Yay for me! Now where's my kebab?
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Oct. 21, 2005, 10:40 a.m. CST
You can tell the studio doesn't know how to sell this movie.
by Orbots Commander
It looks like the commercial for a mid-season replacement detective show on one of the networks.
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But for some reason I still want to see this movie... call it Last Boy Scout nostalgia...
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Oct. 21, 2005, 11:12 a.m. CST
robert downey junior has a hilarious interview at ifilm.com
by Chief Redcock
check it out... very funny shit
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Oct. 21, 2005, 11:26 a.m. CST
Why does everyone always crap all over Last Action Hero?
by Godardwhowhatnow
I remember liking Last Action Hero when it came out, and being confused by all of the bad press surrounding the movie. Granted, I was only about 13 when it did, but I saw it again recently on television, and it appeared to have aged really well. Sure, the early '90s references were pervasive, but it still had a relevant, laid-back sense of humor that still works. The kid may be a little annoying, but the film is still a hell of a lot of fun... and that great Ian McKellan turn as death from The Seventh Seal. I found it all pretty charming.
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Three words - Leo the Fart.
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In what respect?
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Does your fast food feed and fortify families for a fabulous future?
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Regarding last action hero: Hey, the fact that you actually remember that his name was 'Leo the Fart' (I didn't) is testament enough. Come on- just admit that it wasn't that bad.
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Oct. 21, 2005, 1:14 p.m. CST
ok was he brilliantly gay like Willem Dafoe or like Sean Hayes??
by trevorfactor
there is a serious difference you know, only willem could have pulled off that "don't be such a fag" line in boondock saints. whereas sean can pull off any physical comedy. Alright Harry out with the truth which one of the two actors do you know, val or robert? Because I'm finding it hard to believe both could have a rebound role in this movie
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I can't wait till Moriarty tells us it's the worst piece of shit ever made.
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Oct. 21, 2005, 1:42 p.m. CST
Careful trevorfactor, you're treading on precious territory
by oceansized
Of course calling out Harry won't bring too much heat on you. But I once commented on the overabundance of "sex with little girls" humor in the talkbacks and just got REEMED. Seriously, you woulda thought I was calling for Jim Crow laws to be reinstated or something. There seem to be a lot of people who think pretending to lust after kids proves them to be "edgy" somehow, and anyone who thinks otherwise wants to censor all free thought. Oh well.
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Whoopsie.
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I'm only half listening and half taking on the phone, so when I read your post I actually went back up to mine not remembering what I had written, then I was like huh? yeah Xemu big trouble MR. *shakes finger in xemu's general direction* that's a bad monkey! back to your cage
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if you look really close through this review, you can see a teenage harry, desperately in love, but not having the brass cojones to tell her that he loved her...but wait...he had something better than laying the pipe on her sweet teenage ass...he had her trust. priceless. i
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Oct. 21, 2005, 2:27 p.m. CST
Last Action Hero was mediocre. It's not wretched, but hardl
by Orbots Commander
It actually doesn't age too well, and the movie is frequently overwhelmed by its bombast. And don't get me started on the story, which meanders all over the place ( a likely result of the work of a battalion of screenwriters). The actor who played the villain worked for me though. Also, remember that this flick was trounced at the time by a little known small movie called JURASSIC PARK.
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You know, you don't actually NEED an underage Catholic School Girl to live out the "FANTASY" - you can have the woman you're actually dating DRESS UP and play the fantasy... ya know, like in HISTORY OF VIOLENCE when Maria Bello dressed up in the High School Cheerleader uniform to play out a fantasy with her Husband. The image of a Catholic School Girl or High School Cheerleader fantasy is a natural attraction - from youth - ie - when you first became sexually active. If you've become sexually active. Of course not all fetishry is universally "hot" for anyone... but as this film deals with a long standing fantasy of fucking that High School dream girl - it's kinda apt. Specially when you see the "outfits" this lead actress wears.
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What's wrong with Schoolgirls? When I was 16 I thought all the other 16 year olds were do-able. You would not fault me for that would you? Just cuz I'm 34 now doesn't mean they 16s are any less hot. It just means there are laws in place to prevent "interaction" between us. In humankind's not to distant past, and in other parts of the world right now, 13 and 14 year old women (for they are biologically women by then) get married. Have kids. etc. Just because Harry has tastes that our current "society" doesn't approve of doesn't make him a bad guy. Don't be so narrow in thought.
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Oct. 21, 2005, 3:11 p.m. CST
Last Action Hero is not mediocre- I can't stress this enough
by Godardwhowhatnow
The man from rio hit the nail on the head- The movie was a charming, over-the-top boyhood fantasy that has a good time playing with conventions. It's not a classic by any means, but it gets constantly shit upon as if it were the Hollow Man of the '90's.
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Harry ate his first girlfriend
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incoherent dogshit
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I had low expectations going in, but it blew me away. The plot is incoherent, but that's beside the point; the film's hilarious, and if it weren't for The Aristocrats it would be my pick for funniest film of the year.
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ahhhh my work here is done *bows*
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From that thar Innerweb!
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I'm SO there
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I haven't seen it mentioned on this site, but man is it violent. NOT for kids at all. I remember the outrage that followed the cencorship with Batman Begins (Return Of The Joker), but this animated movie has a shitload of blood and violence and scary images. I know it's off post, but I wanted to share my experience with others who may have seen this dvd at the store and thought "Direct to dvd shitfest" as I did. Check it out fanboys, it's worth a look (Dracula beats the piss out of Batman AND turns the Joker into a vampire).
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Oct. 22, 2005, 11:32 a.m. CST
CORRECTION: Cencorship with Batman Beyond Return Of The Joker...
by Doom II
I have Batman Begins on the brain right now. What a great fucking 1:30 minute opening and a so so 40 minute ending that movie has.
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After listening to the samples, it sounds like his best work since The Usual Suspects (which I love).~~I hope this movie succeeds. I've been dying to see it since the first time I read about it.
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Oct. 22, 2005, 2:32 p.m. CST
If Last Action Hero came out today, Harry Would Love It!!!!
by Thunderballs
Come on, you just know that if Last Action Hero came out today, Harry would be all over it, saying how fun it was. I liked Last Action Hero when I saw it, and Tom Noonan is great in it! LONG LIVE TOM NOONAN!!!
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I remember when this came out and the reviews were so bad that I decided "No, gonna skip this one." Then a year later, I was reading an article from Mike Royko (rest his soul) about how much he loved the movie, so I rented it and... wow. I still don't know what the hell everyone else was talking about - this was a super, super fun movie.
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Fun movie. Easily Kilmer's best role in years. He's finally not just goofily going overboard ("I'm Val Kilmer and look how CRAAAAAAAZY I can be!") but really inhabiting a character naturally. He's funny as hell. Downey is great as well. Monaghan is cute as can be, but she looks like a cross between Ellen Pompeo and Kristen Johnston (3rd Crock from the Sun). Seriously. Sounds weird, but it's true, and even with busted Kristen J's vibe, she still comes off as hottish. Two best moments: Abe Lincoln and the piss scene. Definitely worth seeing, even tho it occassionally piles on the CLEVER and tries too hard.
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I never understood what the hate for Last Action Hero was about either. I was a big fan when I first saw it, and still think it's a fun movie today . . . I think people just like to hate on Arnold in general
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What movie is that line from?
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You actually speak of soul-mates? That kind of talk is twisted and perverted. I'm sorry your sexual world-view was corrupted by greeting cards and women's daytime television. Maybe you will be a man one day. Oh, and your analysis of the cheerleader scene in AHoV is toatally, hilariously wrong.
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...my spelling of "totally." --------- And although "Last Action Hero" is an enjoyable movie, it is in no danger of being as good as "Hollow Man." Although it is an American Verhoeven film, don't look for subversive commentary as it is completely earnest. It is the biggest budgeted slasher movie in the late 70s to mid 80s style: two thirds set-up, one third kills.
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Oct. 23, 2005, 1:48 p.m. CST
I saw that brilliant flick a month ago...coz I'm French!
by Marsellus
Hi guys! believe me, you can trust Harry this time, this movie does rule! I'm really surprised to see that it's only released now in the US, whereas it was everywhere in France one month ago, I guess we were lucky this time. This is a must see movie, with the most hilarious voice over I've ever listened to! Robert Downey is excellent, if he was on drugs during the shooting, I guess he shouldn't quit. If he wasn't...well, just say no Bob! Seeing him pissing on a corpse may be the funniest scene in the year, and I'm not kidding.
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Demolition Man!!! Above average action film that introduced (pre Speed but I could be wrong) us to the rather nice Miss Sandra Bullock (imo anyways) and what her arse looks like in tight trousers..... sigh
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Demolition Man (or commonly known as Sandra Bullock's Ass-Fest) was indeed the correct answer. Nigel Hawthorne said the line in a powerful scene with Wesley Snipes. Tell him what he's won Miss Ford. Miss Ford: "Absolutely Nothing". Congratulations Gabba, it appears that you have won...AIR!
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Generally agree with The Colonel. This is a very cool movie. My only beef is that Monaghan looks about 15 yrs younger than Downey - hard to buy them as childhood friends. Kilmer obviously had a lot of fun with his role. And believe it or not, Harry is right - if this film doesn't do well we'll get - and deserve - more slop next year. Of course he gave a lot of this year's slop favorable ratings...
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This movie is just what I hoped for from Shane Black. His dialogue has no equal. I saw this film at the Austin Film Festival and laughed my ass off. I see a LOT of films, but this one dares to be different and doesn't take itself too seriously. It really is genuinely a lot of fun to watch.
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...would have worked better with a young cast of believeable romantic leads than as a cop-and-kid story. Remember the video for A-Ha's Take on Me? When the artist is sucked into her own comic strip? Last Action Hero should have been a feature length version of that...albeit she gets sucked into her own screenplay rather than comic book...The Long Kiss Goodnight is impressive, definitely better than Cutthroat Island, though I suspect they probably had less problems in production with that one and Harlin's directing style was always going to be better with guns than swords.
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I rarely see a movie after hyped reviews and feel that the movie is as great as the review... let alone even better! This movie is now my favorite movie... period. I am an unabashed detective story fan and this is... i wish i could write this movie. Shane Black you bastard... you are my hero! Val Kilmer, Robert Downey Jr, the chick who's name I can't believe I didn't stay thru the credits to catch... you bastards... you are just the coolest. People aren't cool anymore in movies. These guys were cool. Haven't had this cool of cats since Bogart in my opinion! Loved this movie!!!!
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This is exactly the film I wanted to see, and didin't realize I wanted to! I know, sounds stupid. This and a couple of other films were on the list for me and my friends to see friday night...the tragedy, Chicken Little (an ABSOLUTELY worthless, cliched exorcise in bad pop culture refrences and sappy story!)...FUCK! So, come sat. night, I call up my friends to see KKBB...none are interested except one, so we go...FUCK! I cannot praise this film enough, and I'm already planning to drag my friends next weekend, should it still be playing! I'm still surprised Oklahoma City got a print! Go see it NOW!!!
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Saw it, loved it. It would be nice to see some more of Robert Downey Jr. Also saw Derailed and Jarhead this weekend, both of which I liked.
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Best movie of the year. Hands down, by far, the most fun I've had at a movie in ages. Everything was absolutely perfect.
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A really cool flick. I saw it here in Houston tonight, at the ONE theater in town it's playing at.
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Very enjoyable movie. I've seen it four times and I just read the novel it's based, in part, on. Shane kept most of the Dr. Patterson/ sanatorium/ no panties story, but changed the locales from Miami and the mayoral elections to Hollywood and the Dexter Clinic. Shane is back working for Warners Brothers now after New Line Cinema. Heros Detective Mike Shayne and reporter Timothy Rourke become Perry and Lockhart in the movie. The intro of Faith Harmony gives Shane a chance to work some old Raymond Chandler moves from LADY OF THE LAKE and LITTLE SISTER. Shane Black's direction is steady and a lot of fun. His script is outrageously funny and almost sublime.
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Loved it. Absolutely loved it.
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Yea, so I caught this last night, and it truly is a must see film. I'm trying to get together another group of friends with whom to see it again right away. Harry's recommendation to see this totally redeems him in my eyes for getting me to see Daredevil.
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