Harry falls in love love with KISS KISS BANG BANG!!!

Hawkins
Billy, Billy! The other day, I was going down
on my girlfriend, I said to her, “Jeez you
got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy.”
She said, “Why did you say that twice?”
I said, “I didn’t.”
[Billy stares blankly]
See, Cuz of the echo…

That’s how most of us were introduced to Shane Black. Sure 3 months before we as a collective happy as hell audience had loved his screenwriting debut, LETHAL WEAPON in early March of 1987, but then around mid-June of that year we got our first look at this defining action writing auteur of the late 80s. For me, he was the screenwriter that made me laugh and thrill through high school and college with the LETHAL WEAPON series, MONSTER SQUAD, THE LAST BOY SCOUT and THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. He also contributed to one of my first big disappointments, LAST ACTION HERO – but he was just one writer in the 52 or so writers that made that monstrosity, but ya know what… I bet he was responsible for a good bunch of the laughs and human moments in there.

I’m an unabashed fan of Shane Black. He’s an auteur screenwriter – and you can honestly feel his fevered affection for the dark pulp and the grizzled desperate anti-heroes – even amongst the decadent excess of the late 80’s and early 90’s. For basically the last 7 years the screen has missed Shane Black. But beginning today 5 major markets – Shane Black comes roaring out onto the silver screen pistol whipping audiences with a delightful furor that makes you say, “Thank you sir, may I have another!” Finally we get the full deal. This isn’t Shane being distilled through Richard Donner or Renny Harlin or John McTiernan… this is 100% SHANE BLACK and it is a SHANE BLACK GODDAMN MASTERPIECE!

I don’t know if you know what that means. However, those of you in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston and Toronto… You have a fucking brilliantly entertaining 101 on Shane Black opening this weekend in KISS KISS BANG BANG! Last night at the Austin Film Festival, Shane presented KISS KISS BANG BANG and is hanging on to a hope and a prayer that the audience out there in those 5 markets find his film this weekend.

The film is absolutely spectacular – but Warners, and admittedly he, seem a bit lost on how to sell this film. After the film, Shane said in the post film Q&A, “I don’t even know which shelf at the video store you’d put this on.” And all these folks from the audience began shouting out different genres it belonged in… and from the back of the theater I screamed out, “THE RECOMMENDED SECTION” cuz honestly – that’s exactly where this belongs.

This is that film exactly like TRUE ROMANCE that is that action, romantic, comedy, quirky, sexy, violent, crude, fun masterfully told film where nothing is ever the scene you think it is. Remember the first time you learned about Sicilians and Eggplants? This has a lot of that sort of quality to it.

The star is Robert Downey Jr, he’s our inept narrator and central character, HARRY LOCKHART. A low rent dipshit petty thief that through wild blind fate stumbles into the greatest audition scene in film history and next thing he knows he’s taking Detective Lessons for a major film part in Los Angeles from a brilliantly gay Hollywood Detective played by Val Kilmer called GAY PERRY.

Ok, now I absolutely love both of these actors, but to be honest this is some of their finest career work ever. Both of them. Seeing square jawed Val Kilmer play the swishy version of the Hollywood tough guy is just fantastic. He plays up the Gay, uses it like a pearl handled 45, something to catch the eye before they’re blown away. He’s gay and he knows that most of the world is homophobic, he uses that to inflame enemies, take people off guard and in the meanwhile he’s just absolutely ahead of the curve. Sharp, Smart and Practical.

Robert Downey Jr – in a strange way is Riggs in the film, but imagine if that crazed broken Mel Gibson was absolutely blind luck incompetent. Shane Black literally treats the character of Harry like beef jerky… ripping and pulling and cutting off pieces, just waiting to be chewed up later. Remember, this is a wannabe magician that had to be a thief, lucked into acting, but still hasn’t clue fucking one of what the next 10 minutes, much less tomorrow holds. Then add to the equation that his life-long dream girl is smack dab in the middle of all this crazed shit… and the thing that keeps him going forward, doing the absolute impossible is HARMONY LANE played by Michelle Monaghan.

OH MY GOD! Michelle Monaghan plays that girl from back in High School and Junior High. She’s that girl you masturbated about, that everyone in the locker room bragged about fucking, but that you never got a chance with. You were always the friend. Always the confidant, but you just never had the brass balls to clink and say, “I love you.” Scared to ruin what little you had, which was more than any of the guys that fucked her had. Her trust. And then poof, she was gone. One day you came to school and she wasn’t there. Ran away. To where? Who knows? Ya shared a goofy mutual geek passion for some trivial thing, in this film it is Johnny Gossamer, a paperbacked pulp private eye that never disappointed.

Michelle is hot. How hot? She’s Catholic School Girl with Lollypop hot. Just indecent, illicit and yummy. The carrot that’d keep the legs moving and would keep you just enough off center to bump and hit every piece of furniture on your way out the door. Poor Harry.. He’s literally got not one iota of a clue what fucked up nightmare lies on the flip of every single scene in this film.

The greatest success of the film is a masterful adaptation of the Raymond Chandler aesthetic. That detail rich, violently pulp story, but in the here and now. This is thoroughly modern, only… it’s just as fucking great as those classics. This thing is exactly what you’ll love to see.

I know I liked DOOM – but the quality level in KISS KISS BANG BANG is tremendous. If you have a chance to see this film this weekend, you’ll come away without any of the flaws that DOOM will give ya. This is the ENTIRE package. You’ll CARE about characters, you’ll laugh and you’ll recoil with about 7 “HOLY FUCKS” at what just pistol whipped ya. This is the smart version of testosterone entertainment. The dream of a “kiss kiss bang bang” sort of entertainment.

If this film somehow doesn’t find an audience and the film is just discovered on Home Video and DVD – that would just be another nail in the coffin for those of us that love smart unconventional cinema. A movie that doesn’t fit into the ice cube tray of film releases that leave so many audiences cold and just distant. This is an Audience film. Call up 5 friends and see this sucker, cuz I guarantee – if you see it alone tonight, tomorrow night, you’ll be back with those 5 friends you take to see ‘those’ films. You know the ones I’m talking about.

This is an absolute classic in the genre of BADASS COOL FUCKING MOVIES, and I know that’s not a section at BLOCKBUSTER or HOLLYWOOD VIDEO or any chain… but dammit – this is better than those places. Tired of PG13 – for all audiences, this is that smart bristling ADULT film that you absolutely love. Remember – you folks in Toronto, Boston, Chicago, New York and Los Angeles. The rest of the country is counting on you. If you don’t find and support this film, for the rest of the country – they’re fucked out of one great film that they could have had. And for you, it’d mean just one more lesson Hollywood learned. To not make smart outside of the mold entertainment cast with the actors that can act playing CHARACTERS not just sleep-walking holding onto the hope that their natural personality and smile will keep you watching. Here it's actors ACTING and fucking being wonderful at it.

God, I loved this film.

Oh shit, and did I mention John Ottman’s score? Holy shit, I loved his score. In searching around I found it at LaLaLandRecords. They’ve got a few tracks you can listen to, and apparently at no additional charge John Ottman is autographing all their Cds of this. That… is fucking cool. Everything about this film kicks ass… except the posters and the trailers. Which somehow remind me of WHITE SANDS… which is just bleh. And this thing is so fucking great. God, I wish this was playing again at the fest.