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THE CREATURE returns! BLACK LAGOON remake gets a director!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with news of the moment. SAHARA's Breck Eisner has been announced as directing THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON from a script by Gary Ross (whose father wrote the original 1954 film). Eisner (whose father smeared feces on Uncle Walt's portrait in Disney HQ) seems like a really nice guy. I've heard good things about him. I never did see SAHARA, so I have no idea if he's right for this film, but I will say that this one's all about the tone. While not my favorite Universal Monster (I prefer both Frankenstein and The Wolf Man) there was a creepiness to the original that surpassed the other Universal monsters, particularly that great underwater shot of the girl swimming on the surface while the creature followed below, looking up. Harry knows and loves the original film more than I do, so I wouldn't be surprised if he pops in to give his two cents on this revelation. Good luck Gary Ross, Breck Eisner and the crew. You got some mighty big flippers to fill.



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  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:12 a.m. CST

    first, and...

    by Netherduuk

    This might be worth a look, even if I did think that Sahara kinda sucked...

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:14 a.m. CST

    hmmmm

    by elmstreetkid

    i wasn't a HUGE Sahara fan. i'd have loved to have seen someone else tackle this film. someone who make an intimate epic, and keep it old fashioned. CGI will ruin this film.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:35 a.m. CST

    I love, love, love the original version

    by Snookeroo

    Wish they'd just leave it alone, though. It's just like "the Day The Earth Stood Still". What can you add to it that would really make it better? CGI? Contemporary time frame? Giant spiders and polar bear fights?

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:38 a.m. CST

    Don't know about that team...

    by team america

    They don't seem like bad guys, but are they right for this? Anyhow, if you think about it, a remake of this film could be extremely creepy if done right.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:43 a.m. CST

    Creature will be played by @qu@f@g

    by Det. John Kimble

    Who's going to play Richard Carlson's part?

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:25 a.m. CST

    Gill Man is possibly the most perfect monster design in all of m

    by FrankDrebin

    I looove the original, but you realize that not a whole lot happens. The boat arrives, they look around, Gill Man checks out the babe, they leave. The End. (or rather, "The End?")

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:27 a.m. CST

    If it wasn't for Steve Zahn, there'd be no reason to wat

    by FrankDrebin

    Just like if it wasn't for Giovanni Ribisi, there'd be no reason to watch FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:40 a.m. CST

    I hope they keep the original desing of the creature as close as

    by The Founder

    Seriously. I hope they don't go CGI grazy. Yeah I can accept an update of the original, but please make the Gill man reconizable. And no creature babies left behind at the end.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:41 a.m. CST

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha Eisner!? You are fucking kidding me!

    by DerLanghaarige

    The son of the guy who killed Disney? The man who made the lame "Sahara"? Oh C'mon.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:02 a.m. CST

    Apart from some astonishingly crap music choices SAHARA was a bl

    by Cash Bailey

    But if I have to hear that fucking 'Magic Carpet Ride' song ever again I'm climbing the nearest clock tower. same for 'Sweet Home Alabama'.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:21 a.m. CST

    I wanted to like Sahara

    by Gheorghe Zamfir

    Pretty much dig the whole cast, McConaughey, Zahn, Cruz, Macy, even like the goofy guy from the US Office, but the film just fell completely flat. And yea, the music was terrible. I understood the idea of trying to make em good ole boys, but they didn't have to be so cliche about it. Which may have been alright, but everything else was pretty lame too. Had no idea the guy was Michael Eisner's son though. Anyways, I'm not usually one to cry about movies or remakes being pointless, but as far as creature features go, this would seem to be the one with the absolute least to offer.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:22 a.m. CST

    You just KNOW that this is gonna have the exact same plot as ANA

    by FrankDrebin

    without Jon Voight as the hammy comic relief.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:34 a.m. CST

    Jeezus God, Can't These Morons Come Up With Their OWN Storie

    by filker-tom

    Sorry, sorry. I apologize to the shitheads passing themselves off as creative filmmakers. Far be it from us to not love their endless remakes of things that were either done right the first time or never should have been made in the first place. Hell, the ONLY reasons I'm looking forward to KONG are [a] Jackson's doing something new and different with a story filmed seven-two years ago and [b] they're finally releasing the original on DVD so I don't have to go without. I anticipate new versions of "Singin' In The Rain", "Casablanca" (oh, wait, they've already redone that a few times on TV), and "The Day The Earth Stood Still". Wankers.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 4:19 a.m. CST

    THEY MUST KEEP THE SAME BASIC CREATURE DESIGN!

    by Darth Bono Jr.

    Or I will hunt down and KILL! Err, well, at least I WON'T go see it.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 4:21 a.m. CST

    I can't wait until the THIRD movie...

    by Darth Bono Jr.

    ...When the creature has most of his skin burnt off and runs around in a trench coat. I hope they update it and let him drive a car.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 4:45 a.m. CST

    Like Planet of the Apes, the original still holds up so well tha

    by Uncle Stan

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 4:46 a.m. CST

    THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US -AGAIN!

    by Master Bruce

    They've been talking about this remake for over a decade. Back then John Carpenter was interested in doing it. That could've been something...this, I dunno.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 6:02 a.m. CST

    Don't know why, but the idea of THIS remake actually appeals

    by Lone Fox

    They just better not 'Giger' up the creature. As said before, leave the design alone. It's perfect.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 6:05 a.m. CST

    I dug "Sahara."

    by Evil Chicken

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 7:18 a.m. CST

    My first Horrorfilm

    by Elkatak

    Creature from the Black Lagoon was one of my very first Horrorfilmexperiences (anyone in Germany remember MumienMonstrenMutationen?). My Dad recorded it and it took me three times to watch it in whole because at some point I always used to run out of the room, too scared to watch further. Haven

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 7:27 a.m. CST

    Gotta agree, this will end up being another Anaconda deal.

    by Shermdawg

    Its a shame though, because Gill Man is the second greatest movie monster of all time right behind The Alien. Anyone remember him in The Monster Squad? God I loved that movie. I need to track down the dvd. "Wolfman got nards!!!"

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Sweet idea!

    by dr_dreadlocks

    Let's get the idiot who's the son of a much more famous idiot to perpetuate the idiocy that Hollywood thrives off of! Genius! Because Sahara was such a great movie... Uh-huh.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 7:49 a.m. CST

    God bless South Korea...

    by CuervoJones

    ...for giving us original movies

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Looks like everybody can make a remake of a true classic.

    by DerLanghaarige

    C'mon, let's give Joel Schumacher the director's chair for a remake of a Chaplin-Film of his choice, starring Bernie Mac.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Remember when Mark Hamill was going to be in this?

    by rev_skarekroe

    Me neither.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 8:40 a.m. CST

    Wasn't the creature one of Hannibal's disguises in the A

    by Lone Fox

    Love it when a plan comes together

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 8:43 a.m. CST

    Will they be bringing back...

    by Childe Roland

    ...that awesome original theme music for this? It sounded like someone farting through a trumpet underwater.

  • Carpenter and others have approached Universal over the years with horror-theme Creature films and were rejected time and again. I know the producer is making most people think "he'll hold to his father's script", but it's not in the way we view it. Expect a push for the Beauty And The Beast subplot, not the Jaws aspect. Uni wants mass appeal on a high-eight figure film, not the limited demo of a 15 million dollar horror flick...in other words, prepare for Mummy, not Relic or Anaconda.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 10:15 a.m. CST

    The Gill-Man design in The Monster Squad was an excellent update

    by Osmosis Jones

    And when the FUCK is that movie coming out on DVD? You'd think that they would've released that to tie into the DVD release of Van Helsing, or something. Anyways, you all know a Creature update will just go the super-campy Mummy/Anaconda route, only minus Jennifer Lopez in a wet T-shirt.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Great. Another Classic Shat Upon.

    by www.valiens.com

    Lemmie guess: There will be CGI swamp fog, CGI creatures for the CGI Creature to fight and the swimming scene will feature a skinny-dipping Jessica Alba for us to gawk at through the Creature's eyes. Wait, no. No, this will have to be PG-13. Make that a clothed Salli Richardson.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 10:34 a.m. CST

    You know, Sommers wouldn't be right for it, anyway.

    by Anna Valerious

    Now, if it was the second "Van Helsing" where a battle on the High Seas scenario was involved, it would work. But if it's gonna be modern-day, then go with the other fellow. Otherwise, we'd get something shitty like "Deep Rising".

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 10:46 a.m. CST

    down with nepotism!

    by the_man_from_Rio

    damn...you know Breck Eisner is going to keep getting good deals from now

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 11:02 a.m. CST

    Anna Valerious

    by DocPazuzu

    Did you just imply that Van Helsing "worked" while calling Deep Rising "shitty"?

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Yeah, I was forced to see Sahara against my will...

    by MasterWhedon

    ...but I was impressed by it all around. Eisner did a surprisingly good job, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for this.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Dude, do you have estrogen coarsing through your body?

    by Anna Valerious

    That's your answer right there. It seems us gals perfer the monster movies while you guys thought "Deep Rising" was great. Besides, "Van Helsing" is a proposed trilogy. They were only starting things off.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 11:56 a.m. CST

    MEMO to EISNER:

    by uberman

    When adapting this remake, please hold up the current Anaconda, Mummy films as a template of what NOT to do with this potential franchise.Avoid camp, rappers turned actors, and excessive CG. Watch Peter Jacksons update of KONG and how seriously he takes the material as opposed to the crapfests like Van Helsing. You can make a good name on this or really piss alot of geeks off. Dont mess it up.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Deep Rising was assloads better than fuckin Sahara!

    by chickychow

    at least Deep Rising was well paced and entertaining. Sahara made me want to punch the screen. can't stand McConaghy OR Steve Zahn (who really needs to play another brain-dead wisecracker) Who gives a rats ass about Breck (?!?!) Eisner anyway, I'd rather have Gary Ross direct it.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 12:15 p.m. CST

    In the words of Peter Griffin...

    by Anna Valerious

    "You can all just freakin' eat me."

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 12:21 p.m. CST

    ""Van Helsing" is a proposed trilogy. They were only starting th

    by DocPazuzu

    Thanks, Anna. That's going to keep me awake for a week now. On a side note: the last time I checked, Deep Rising was a monster movie as well. Not to mention immeasurably better and more fun than Van Helsing.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 12:24 p.m. CST

    President Evil

    by DocPazuzu

    Why don't you go do something useful, like swallow your head.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1 p.m. CST

    "Most Perfect Monster Design"

    by trysop

    I ***completely*** agree with FrankDrebin - "Gill Man is possibly the most perfect monster design in all of movies". I've been saying that to people for years. In fact, just the other day I was thinking about the creature design when I came up with this illustration: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/24100616/ It's nowhere near as cool as the actual CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON but it was fun to do anyway. Hopefully they won't screw up another classic monster! Of course the filmmakers will find a way to improve (ie ruin) him.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:03 p.m. CST

    best classic monster movie ever...

    by Hail

    just thought I'd say...

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:18 p.m. CST

    DEEP RISING wasn't anything special, but did have 3 good sce

    by FrankDrebin

    When Wes Studi (the Sphinx from MYSTERY MEN) is being swallowed alive by the monster and wastes his last bullet trying to shut up the wisecracking sidekick (Kevin J. O'Connor, the guy who gets eaten by bugs in THE MUMMY). And then the scene where the monster spits out one of the guys, and you think he's okay, but then you see that he's only half there (it was so over-the-top ridiculously gorey that it was funny). And then the ending, when they think they're safe but it turns out they're maybe on Skull Island and Kong's about to land on them. The movie could have been improved by a better monster design (are you listening, Brett Eisner?) instead of having just a bunch of writhing tentacles.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:26 p.m. CST

    FrankDrebin

    by DocPazuzu

    Great scenes, indeed. I love Deep Rising. It's not that Deep Rising was good by any sensible standards, but it knew it was schlock and wasn't trying to be anything else but the best schlock it could be. Also, it didn't have the ludicrous budget of Van Helsing and didn't try to cram as much bad CGI as it could down viewers' throats as often as it could. It was cheap, nasty, stupid (in a good way), funny and completely outrageous. Van Helsing was by contrast tedious, numbing, stupid (in a bad way), unfunny and completely irredeemable. It was even worse than LXG, which is saying a lot.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Steve Wang made Gillman and Abe Sapien, so I hope they have him

    by Declan_Swartz

    http://www.deathstudios.com/stevewang.htm http://www.deathstudios.com/monster_squad_gillman.htm

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:43 p.m. CST

    I don't have too much of an attachment to the original CREAT

    by Orbots Commander

    We all just KNOW that it will likely star Tom Welling (the new Freddie Prinze Jr.), Sarah Michelle Gellar and an all CGI creature a la HULK and Gollum. As far as Breck Eisner, don't have too much of an opinion of him. Nepotism blows big time, but is unfortunately a reality not only in Hollywood, but in other businesses as well and obviously in politics. Re: Sahara, I rented it and fell asleep through it, then returned it the next day, so I can't tell you all how good it was or was not. An aside: if I were Breck Eisner, I would watch and re-watch the following, Cronenberg's The Fly, The Howling directed by Joe Dante, and Carpenter's The Thing.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Oh, and Breck,

    by Orbots Commander

    I would also hire a great second unit team that can shoot great under water action sequences. Your main concern is to get a great script out of your writers.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Memo to Breck Eisner.

    by dr_dreadlocks

    Shoot yourself and be done with it. That is all.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Hogcholera, I too had movies ruined by a talkshow host

    by jim

    Namely, Rosie O'Donnell. I never watched her show but happened across it one day and watched a few minutes to see what the hub-bub was all about (it was very popular for some reason). And in those few minutes she ruined for me both The Sixth Sense and Fight Club. Sadly, no one ruined Van Helsing for me; the film did that all on its own.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:50 p.m. CST

    "Sahara made me want to punch the screen. can't stand McCona

    by www.valiens.com

    Why would you ever watch a movie starring two people you can't stand? Especially one as destined for mediocrity as "Sahara?" Just wondering. On another note, uh, is Van Helsing still going to be a trilogy or did they just mush all three into that one god-awful movie?

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Iffa they gonna to do it...

    by DinoDeLaurentiis

    ... then a they should a do it inna the 3D like a the original, eh? Only this a time, she be inna the IMAX 3D! Holy crappa!!

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Needs David Lynch...

    by vinylsaurus

    ...and needs to be shown from creature's point of view.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 4:45 p.m. CST

    Dino? Is that you?

    by Childe Roland

    Where the hella you been, you magnificent Italian stereotype?

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Sweet Mother of God!

    by Blue_Demon

    Did you see the paint job on that Steve Wang Creature design? Hire the man!! As for the director. Well...I too sat through the first 35 minutes or so of "Saharah." *sigh* Still, if they need a Hispanic guy to pilot the "Rita" I'm their man. "Even I, Lucas, know the legend of the Man-Feesh!"

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 5:17 p.m. CST

    Er...I meant "Sahara"

    by Blue_Demon

    "Heh! Crazy feeshing. Feeshing for rocks!" That does it, I'm watching that movie again tonight...

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 6:56 p.m. CST

    I hope they honor the best B-movie music cue of all time!

    by Batutta

    da-ta-DAAAA!!!!

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 7:49 p.m. CST

    The original stunk.

    by Thirteen 13

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 7:50 p.m. CST

    And the remake will be worse.

    by Thirteen 13

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 9:37 p.m. CST

    Gillman effects should go to Bker or Wang, anyone else would rui

    by Monkey_King

    Rick Baker was unofficially attached to Carpenter's would-be-film-that-never-was, yet Steve Wang(a Baker protege and great film director/writer in his own right) did a bang up job on the GillMan for Fred Dekker's MONSTER SQUAD(which has still eluded DVD release, save for crap VHS-to-DVD transfers). What Baker & Co. did with Abe Sapien in Guillermo's HELLBOY makes you want Cinovation on this project more than anything, myself included. Three names come to mind when discussing creatures effects for this film...Baker, Wang or Bottin. Wang's interested in a film I'm developing on my namesake, on top of that... he's always wanted to make a Monkey King film anyways(as evidenced in KUNG FU RASCALS).

  • ...

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 4:38 a.m. CST

    WTF?!? Why a remake?!

    by Fugazi32

    Has Hollywood run out of original ideas?! First a remake of THE EVIL DEAD coming up; now this?!? WTF!!? Bastards!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 4:39 a.m. CST

    Personally, I loved 'The Mummy' and think it's the b

    by TheGinger Twit

    And 'Creature from the black Lagoon' will never be the next 'Alien' but with any luck it wont be the next 'Anaconda'. I'd love to see it get a 'mummy' treatment!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 4:50 a.m. CST

    Do you guys really want to see the exact same man in rubber suit

    by TheGinger Twit

    Seriously, the premise is a group of scientists venture into the Amazon to seek out more fossils of a creatures hand... wouldn't you rather see a real 'big foot from the swamp' kinda creature? Something terrifying and 'real' get with it - it's a remake with todays world!!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Childe, you know where the Dino's been.

    by TonyWilson

    You were there yourself, but not for very long.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 11:56 a.m. CST

    The original design is so corny now.

    by Wee Willie

    It's an iconic image to be sure, but it would look silly in an updated film. Unless... They added a cgi tail that the creature bobs people on the head with. I'd buy that fer a dollar!!!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 12:15 p.m. CST

    DEEP RISING...

    by uberman

    which was simply one of the worst movies ever ever ever made. Take a look at the scene where the captain or some 'official' is on the balcony. I think hes giving a speech or something. Anyway, FOLLOW the camera angles/edits. Its like your mother was running a cam recorder at a high school basketball game. And the comic relief guy? Makes Polly Shore seem like Marlon Brando. The comic guy is the single most grating and annoying character/delivery ever committed to film. A horribly paced, badly executed, and grossly inept waste. It ranks with the adaptaion of 'Deep End of the Ocean', Oliver Stones 'Alexander,' Mick Garrets 'Riding the Bullet', "Pet Semetary 1 and 2', and 'Batman and Robin' as one of the worst movies of all time.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 12:17 p.m. CST

    You know its true, so don't fight it.

    by uberman

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 3:38 p.m. CST

    doomsday for the gill man

    by CrimsonGhost

    this is going to be awful. Eisner is going to play it by the numbers and give the studio suits what they want...another opening like The Fog remake with a low budget cast and lots of CGI. Get ready for the MTV style jump cuts, and a cast featuring the stars of your favorite cancelled WB teen drama...really, does anyone expect anything else?

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 4:08 p.m. CST

    uberman

    by DocPazuzu

    You just don't get it, do you? How can you compare an intentionally low-brow schlockfest like Deep Rising to pretentious, tedious, serious efforts like Alexander and Deep End of the Ocean? That's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard - and wildly inappropriate to boot. If anything, Deep Rising succeeds in what it sets out to do much more than the above mentioned films. An apple is not an orange, chief.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 4:33 p.m. CST

    I know, Tony...

    by Childe Roland

    ...I had the keys to the kingdom and I left them in my other pants. Now I can't find them and can't quite remember how to get back in. I almost feel like a character in a bad post-apocalyptic series of Christian-themed sci-fi novels.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 5:56 p.m. CST

    Doc and Hog

    by uberman

    Crap is crap, whether its an oscar contender, movie of the week, exploitation film, or just a drive in T and A fest. Likewise, a good movie, a 'FUN!!!' movie is good IF ITS GOOD-GET IT? If a movie is supposed to be just a distraction, does that mean its ok to also just be inept? Consider how many millions were spent on that 'Fun' time you had at Deep Rising? When I think of 'FUN!!!!' distractions made for 1/100th of what 'Crap Floating...er, Deep Rising' cost, I think of stuff like: NIGHT of the LIVING DEAD; ROBOCOP; EVIL DEAD 1 and 2 etc etc etc. Theres lots of great examples out there and they smoke this crap you defend on the basis of, "Well, people who dont like it are just elitists who dont get that its not supposed to be Citizen Kane." Good movies are just that, good movies. Nobody said a friggin thing about Oscars, or drams, or high brow stuff. Stuff that really really really sux really really really sux in spite of its lineage, genre, budget, acting, cinematography, script, ad infinitum. Does that make this easier for you to understand?

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 5:58 p.m. CST

    OMG Hog Chholera....

    by TonyWilson

    I'm Hollywood!!!! Now if I could just remember where all my coke and hookers are, I'd be set.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 11:41 p.m. CST

    (Sigh) I gotta go along with pazuzu on this also (Sigh)

    by TheGinger Twit

    Deep rising was pretty fuckin good I thought.

  • Oct. 22, 2005, 2:39 a.m. CST

    uberman

    by DocPazuzu

    Apparently, you can only have "FUN!!!" with a movie you've given the rubber-stamped Uberman Seal Of Approval, thus making it safe enough to watch since it's within the confines of your Goodness Zone. Show me a person who only has "good" movies in his collection or "good" literature on his shelves and I'll show you a boring, pretentious, insufferable tit. There happens to be a monumental difference between what I think is "good" and what I "like". There are plenty of films, the superior qualities of which I would never dispute, which I loathe. There are also films which I consider absolutely dreadful, but which I love with a passion. Also, there are great films which I love, and terrible films which I hate. What I can't abide, however, is when people arrange their tastes according to what a society more or less collectively has decided to be "good" and "bad".

  • Oct. 22, 2005, 6:52 a.m. CST

    Sandy Collora

    by Swungdash

    According to an old Wired Magazine article, Sandy Collora, the guy who did the Batman: Dead End short, pitched his version of Creature From the Black Lagoon to Universal. There's a photo of his redesign on this page: http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/12.02/play.html?pg=4

  • Oct. 22, 2005, 8:36 a.m. CST

    The Creature Meets Jar Jar!

    by ZombieSolutions

    a sensitive multi-trillion dollar CGI musical adventure where classic scary amphibian monster meets horrifyingly irritating amphibian racial sterotype straight out of Birth of a Nation.

  • Oct. 22, 2005, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Jar Jar would win

    by thatguyoverthere

    no really....he would just give the creature some oral pleasure with that tongue of his and there would be no fight at all...closing scene would the creature and Jar Jar holding hands singing the theme from the sound of music "The swamps are alive with the sounds of Jar Jar slurping....."

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