Monday 1055 hours (cst)

I look over at the person who looks like he is in charge. The person who should be in charge would be named Michael Bay. But Michael Bay is suppose to be a real old man and he's suppose to be the "Prince of Darkness". Suddenly this person looks at me, and a big ol smile crosses his face as he leaps out of the directing chair (which is clearly labeled Michael Bay, Director) and comes towards me.

I begin thinking, "the Prince of Darkness smiles?"

Michael comes up and is cool as hell and introduces himself, as I introduce my entire squad of geek infiltrators. We begin talking about each other in that "oh ain't we cool way". I'm impressed by him, he seems to be a genuine geek. I tell him how I was convinced ahead of time that Bad Boys was going to be a piece of shit, and he laughs. I tell him I couldn't convince Geek #2 to see it, and he laughs. And he laughed in that genuine surprised that he was hearing what he was hearing way. Then he sees that we have something approximating the width and height of a script with us.

"What's that?" Bay asks.

"Armageddon," I say with a mischievous grin on my face.

"What draft is it," he says as he motions for it.

My Dad hands him the script as I say, "It didn't come with a cover page."

Michael begins laughing in disbelief, his assistant comes over and looks and says, "How did you get this on white paper?"

Michael says, "I can't believe you got this, how long ago did you get it?"

"Oh about 6 months ago," I say. His eyes go wide.

"Oh this is an ooooollllllldddddd draft," he says, "this is so bad, you should read the current draft, it's much better."

"Weeeellllllll, I would if I could, but the current draft isn't out there yet," I say. Who knows I may get the new draft, wouldn't that be cool. Imagine, would it be possible to have Michael Bay as an agent? Huh huh huh cool....

Michael is called back to direct the shots.

Monday 1105 hours (cst)

Michael calls for me to come over to see the playback on the video monitors. First off the aspect ratio on these monitors are full 2:35:1 (shot full anamorphic according to Bay).

Now, NASA Mission Control, while definitely having an aura of mega coolness, does in fact look quite ugly and non-cool. Clunky green machines and three big screens. And Bruce Willis and Owen Wilson look like normal human beings, not movie gods, BUT... On these playback monitors everything looks sooooooooo cooooooooool!!! A nice creamy color, rich tones, sharp blacks and well defined shadows. Beautiful texture and shot composition. Meanwhile I look at what the camera is aimed at, and it looks normal and uncool. I have this befuddled dumbstruck look on my face. As I look for my fellow agents to mentally bleed coolness to. They are likewise dumbstruck. A simple headshot of Bruce looked so good.

Between takes Bay shows me stuff he shot in the Neutral Buoyancy Tanks. That's where astronauts are trained to act in a Zero G environment. It is very cool. Gorgeous rich blue to the water, and there is this cool Sub with a peculiar Egg Whisk like propeller. Hmmmmm. Really nice looking. Bay is beaming with pride as he says, "Noone has ever shot there before. You've never seen this stuff before. Bruce and Ben (Affleck) are the only two people in astronaut outfits ever to enter the Neutral Buoyancy Tank that were not Astronauts." Coool. That's pretty neat. The Astronauts were being guided down with people in scuba gear. And it was out-cooling that sub scene in THE ROCK.

Monday 1130 hours (cst)

Michael begins to do his 5th camera set up which will involve a crane. Technically speaking this room is quite limited for crane purposes, but they found a way to do it. While the crew moves everything, in an amazing display of agility and movement, Bay continues talking with us. And was being quite free with the information he was spreading. He wanted to show us storyboards, but they were in his hotel room, he wanted to show us tape of the asteroid, but it was in LA. He was frustrated and was continually apologizing for not having anything cool to show us.

This was pathetic. We were at NASA and to punctuate that Bay introduces us to their NASA advisor Joe Allen astronaut extraordinaire. He had been at NASA long before I was born, and even piloted Columbia (on STS 5) and Discovery (on STS-51A). Coool. Joe begins taking us through the history of the room. Showing us where he was when the Apollo Missions were happening.

Father Geek asks, "So Joe... How well are they doing... technically speaking?"

Joe sorta looks back with a grin on his face, "Pretty good, pretty good. Most everything is dead on, specially the NASA side of things. Some of their physics are wrong, but not much."

I say, "Oh you mean that 'big as texas' bit on the asteroid?"

"Yeah," Joe says, "but you have to give the public something they can grasp. Talking in terms of mass size just confuses them."

Point well taken. I agree. Personally I think the term, "BIG DAMN ROCK" should be used, but "big as Texas" will have to suffice.

At this point I get Joe to sign the copy of the Armageddon script. He did. SLAM DUNK autograph numero uno!

Monday 1140 hours (cst)

The process of filming the "Shanghai Surprise" sequence begins. Bruce is sitting about three rows up at a cool green machine. The shot would begin at the first row. In the background NASA geeks would run like gazelles, nobly making their way to the New Mission Control. This would wake Bruce from his slumber and he would rush to the door. Simple shot, huh?

Heh heh heh. First time I'm right next to Bay as he orders, "ACTION!" NASA geeks begin running. I'm watching the monitor as every NASA geek slows to look at the camera as they run by the door. Michael begins a hysterical smile, forcing back tears as he yells, "Ok ok ooooook, Cut!" Bruce begins laughing. We all begin laughing as the AD (K.C. Hodenfield) goes into the hallway to instruct them to run, don't slow, don't look in the door.

Meanwhile, Bruce has come down and laughing does an imitation of "Howdy MA! Looky I'm in a MOOBIE" This is hilarious. Everyone is laughing. By the way, Bruce lost a $100 bucks on this shot, he said it would be the one. K.C. was a C-note the better for it. Hmmmm, did K.C. orchestrate it? We'll never know.

Next take. Bruce has to have someone adjust his "boot light" ahhhhhh, just the right atmosphere. Bruce was dead right about the "boot light" Then it's ACTION. This time cut is yelled as 5 female NASA types run in a row by the door. Bruce makes fun of the last guy that ran by the door, doing an exaggerated hurdle like high step that cracks us all up. Michael goes to the hall way to tell them to break em up so that there aren't too many girls running by at once.

K.C. gives a little jab at Michael saying, "Well, I thought this was a normal Michael Bay film." Heh heh heh. Michael smiles at the goading.

The next shot, Bruce racks himself on a chair as he attempts to run out. Bruno says that this job is dangerous. As a man, I feel for him.

Before the next take, a guy with a plate of snacks shows up. Lox (smoked salmon) and crackers and cheese and veggies. YUMMMM, I don't go over to get any because I figure I'll be chastised for it. Turns out it woulda been no problem. About this time Bruce cries out, "After this take I need a 12"

K.C. says, "What's that?"

Bruce says, "A pepsi and a glass of ice."

To which another fella says, "Well give me a One, that's a bourbon."

"No, that's a 13," Bruce says. Smiles and giggles commence. Bruce then asks prop department for a wallet with $5,000 in it, small bills, all fives and ones. He's pretty damn cool off camera.

This take, they nail it.

They do another set up of a close up of Bruce's face, then BAM it's lunch time.

Monday 1210 hours (cst)

We get led by Assistant Publicity dude John Pisani to "THE VAN" where we get in to head to "LUNCH". YUMMY. Everyone and their brother is fighting to get on the slow as hell elevator. Equipment, and food, and people, and costumes, and hair all packed in like clowns in volkswagon.

As we exit, this Joe fella isn't saying much. In fact he's basically just huddling us into THE VAN. As we get in, we notice the driver has a Submarine Hat labeled "USS SEAWOLF". Father Geek makes a point of asking the driver about it, and it turns out my Uncle and his son both served there at the same time. (It's a small world, plays in the background)

Next we arrive at the BIG tent. We get out and quickly begin to "edumacate" ourselves in the process of "Food Retrieval". We discover the plates, forks and napkins. The Halibut & Turkey & Dressing & Potatoes & Ozarks Sparkling Water & Chocolate Milk & Carrots & Broccoli & Salad & Pasta with everything in the world cooked before your eyes & German Chocolate Cake & Rolls & Chocolate Cake with Cherries & on & on.

Remember "Who's Killing The Great Chefs of Europe"?

Well click here to see me doing my impersonation of Robert Morley (not really, more the state of mind at the time). Man, was this food good. This was the first time I got a glimpse of the other guys in this here production.

Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, Will Patton, and on and on and on. Cool people!

As I begin to eat my plate of pasta with scallops and artichokes, the zipper on my pants BUSTS! OH NO.... NO... dear god... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Ahhh the agony of it all. My polka dotted satin boxers with Taz busting through were now clearly visible. My jacket moves to my lap. My pants are going to explode. I'll be wearing BOXERS for the rest of the day. They will laugh, Bruce will make fun of me, Steve Buscemi will surely point and snicker. I'm doomed.

Gosh, I haven't touched my German Chocolate Cake yet, FUCK IT, I ate my pasta and my cake, if I was gonna be embarrassed, dammit I might as well be a stuffed pig!! I ain't paying, and I turn red for no man. Thank God Liv Tyler wasn't on set...

As I get up, I turn towards the wall of the tent. Reach down, unzip all the way, then pull it back. As I sit down, BUST. Crap, I get up and do it again. Then stand. Obviously I underestimated the cubic holding space of these pants. Dammit, these NASA guys should have built these pants, they would have known to allow for the growth capacity of the geek girth.

As I try to leave the tent, Mr Publicity says, "You must stay here."

"I gotta go potty," I respond. Ahhhh, the perfect escape excuse. He radios to find out were the bathrooms are, and off I go to the pottys. Man these things were weird. Big trailer with doors with stars on them. Bruce's Potty, Steve's Potty, Liv's Potty...LIV'S POTTY...wow. Public Potty. That's me. In I go, man does it stink. I wonder if Liv's stinks. I bet not. Tiny Starving People stalls about 20 cubic feet too small for me. I squish myself inside. The potty is behind me I turn around, now I'm pointed the wrong way. Who designed this thing? This is horrible. I know the guy playing BEAR couldn't fit in this. I try to make neat, but the wall splatters it back. This is horrible. I'm getting drenched. Dammit, first the zipper now stray urine particles. Sigh. I'll spray more deodorant. DAMMIT it's in the car. Oh well I'll stand next to the food cart, the pasta will cover any odor. Garlic butter bread. THAT's it. I get garlic butter on hands, and rub pants, now I smell Italian.

Monday 1310 hours (cst)

We begin walking from FOOD. I now smell Italian. I see a shirtless Bruce Willis and Will Patton doing chip shots with golf clubs. (Later I got a report from a NASA geek that retrieved these balls. They were in fact NORMAL golf balls, not gold plated or something like that. This NASA guy now worships the mighty Willis golf balls upon his mantle) We continue walking. Man more walking. Where's that damn VAN, don't they know I just ate vast quantities of food. Oh sure Van me to eat food, BUT then make me WALK. What sort of Marquis De Sade policy of torture was this? Oh my gut hurt.

But I remember Bay's statement, "THE BIGGEST DOOR IN THE WORLD" Yes, I was on my way to see the BIGGEST DOOR IN THE WORLD, and it would have to be to let me in, GOD was I stuffed...

Monday 1325 hours (cst)

We enter the building that holds the "SPACE ENVIROMENT SIMULATION LABORTORY" Now you know how you expect the world's biggest door to be big. Well dammit that is ONE BIG DOOR. I mean I could never get fat enough to not fit through it. I mean you could have Four Giraffe's standing on top of each other's heads walk through that damn door. I mean it was H U G E!!!!!!

We enter the building. I have Geek #2 and RoboGeek roll off a couple of shots before some sort of NO PICS POLICY could be instated. We go in and wow. I mean I felt soooo small. This was huge, when Flynn said, "NOW THAT'S A BIG DOOR" in TRON, well this Disney production has a door that makes that one look like H.O. scale.

I stand there in awe. My busted zipper no longer on my mind, I even forgot the garlic butter smell of my pants. This was awesome. Bay sees us staring all dumbstruck. I see Bay, then next to him I see the space helmets, then I see the backpacks, the front parts and then the SUIT!

Bay then says, "Yeah the main thing Deep Impact doesn't have is this suit."

WOW. Incredible. Super. Stunning.

These things come right out of a Wally Wood EC Sci-Fi-Fantasy story. They are... Breathtaking. Elegant, Cool and CLASSIC.

"We're gonna have action figures..." Michael says with a sense that this is cool. Harry nods slackjawed, thinking..."ACTION FIGURES.... (insert Homer slobber here)" I want this costume. I have a mannequin at home that would fit in it... just right. That corner right over there is where I would place it. I could turn it on and see the pretty lights. Man, Wally Wood, Al Williamson, Al Feldstein would all come unglued. After scooping up my jaw, I turn to see a gigantic guy in the outfit. His outfit would fit me. It would fit me. It could work. This guy's outfit needs to be mine. I want this outfit. It would fit, you know how hard it is to find a set of movie prop clothes that can fit me? It's tough, and this is the coolest space suit I have ever seen realized.

Michael can see how impressed I am. He knows I'm hooked. The bastard. He knew this would happen. Damn tricky trick. Now I salivate all day. Keep having to hold this bucket under my head. Dammit. He just smiles.

Next he tells me to come over to the playback, he has something to show me.

"Here's what I'm gonna let you in on," he says. He then precedes to show me still photos of mass destruction. Cars blasted into the air by large meteor impacts into the city streets. The atmospheric coolness of the characters in their outfits on the set of a dark Utah surreal set. "We lit that for 3 miles," I believe he said. An awesome task.

I'm dying to see the movie at this point. That's exactly what he wanted. Then I go over to talk with RoboGeek about what I just saw. Michael is all pleased with himself, he won. He knows it.

After RoboGeek, I'm just standing there stunned by my surroundings, when someone taps me on my shoulder and says, "Hey." I turn around and am faced with Bruce Willis in one of them damn cool space suits. AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Coolness meter overload!!! "I'm Bruce Willis," Bruce Willis says. I'm thinking, "ummmm duh", but Bruce continues with, "and you are..."

Hey I know the answer to that question my brain responds, my mouth begins to open and the words, "Harry Knowles." spew forth. After that it went well, we talked about his outfit, which he loved, but hated the movement ability of it. He said it wasn't hot, because of the coolness suit underneath.

HEY, I want a coolness suit. Just imagine, you could walk around in it, and people would point and ask, "What's that?" And you could respond with, "Coolness!" And leave them scratching their heads.

Anyway I shake hands with him and he is headed over to talk with Michael when I think, "I should get a picture with Bruce in that cool outfit." I tell Geek #2 and RoboGeek to ready their cameras. The publicity people tell me, I can't take a picture with Bruce in the outfit. THIS SUCKS! So I look them dead in the eye and say, "I'm gonna take a picture with him, but I'll swear I won't put it on the page till I get an ok from Jennifer." They reluctantly agree. They are convinced that there is no way they could trust me. They are not geeks, but instead they are Publicity People. Publicity People are the people that pretty much want me dead. Cause they can't control me 9 times out of 10. But I have the upper arm here. Michael likes me and the sweet Goddess who placed me in this situation the wonderful Jennifer Klein, she runs Bay Films. I met her, when I put up a story about Michael Bay being the "Prince of Darkness" according to people on the set. She wrote me back saying he was cool. Since then we have fostered a cool friendship, and I have yet to meet her. Now I know her through her sweet voice. Her name did get the Publicity People off my back.

"If Bruce will agree to the photo, OK, but don't publish it," Publicity Lady says.

I ask Bruce, and like the mega cool action star of our geek fevered dreams, He says, "Sure, get your Dad in the shot too!" So Father Geek gets on the otherside as RoboGeek and Geek #2 snap away. (DAMN GOOD SHOTS TOO, I'm gonna try to get them approved as soon as possible, which could be months. Dagdumit)

Michael laughs and says, "Don't put that up, the outfit isn't complete!" I reassure him I won't. Tis sad really. These outfits will sell each and everyone of you geeks on going to see the movie. I mean, you see these outfits, and you are there. No doubts, Presto!!! Of course since the film comes out July 1st, 1998, it gives time for a cheapo company to basically copy the outfit design and shoot and release a low budget rip off with the outfits. So I'll be cool and not release these photos. Of course if someone out there gets me pics, that I didn't take, then maybe... maybe... heh heh heeeeeh!

We sort of sit back and watch the parade of cool people in space suits. When I saw Steve Buscemi in his outfit, I almost broke out laughing. He looked sooooo miserable. Like, "Oh maaan, not this damn outfit again," look. As he came up, I decided to tell him that he looked cool in the outfit, and he responded with, "but it's sooo heavy." and just kept on moving. Looking like if he stopped, he wouldn't move again.

Then I saw BEAR. Now I would say Bear's real name, but since everyone called him "Bear" on set, and Bear even signed my script as Bear, I guess he has in fact become Bear. Bear was AWESOME. He was a GOD in his space suit. We was the most self-assured space suit wearer in the group. He was full of piss and vinegar. BEAR will become the beloved cool dude in the group. I hope. I really do. He was so cool in person, that the magic he possesed in that NASA building has got to translate on Camera.

Then Ben Affleck passed by, I was around a corner when he walked by, and I didn't recognize him at first, since I primarily know him from Chasing Amy. He looked pretty damn cool in his outfit. In fact you could be dead and look cool in the Space Suit, but he looked to be cool with the suit. I was actually nervous about talking with Ben, since I loved Chasing Amy, and it's really the only movie I've seen 5 times in theaters this year. And I didn't want to come across as that "Oh you are soooo cool" type.