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Review

Harry has a big fookin' blast with DOOM!!!

Whoa! I had fun with DOOM!

I loved DOOM and DOOM II. Played them back when I very first got a computer back in 1995. They were partly why I got a computer. Hell, before I even got the computer, Roro and I would get drunkish and head down to the University of Texas campus area to this computer networking game grid that was atop Quackenbush’s Coffee House right after the Austin Film Society vacated those immortal headquarters.

I remember at the time, it was such a revolution. Sitting in a room – computers everywhere, all jacked into one another. Hell, this was before I had ever really experienced the Internet. I was a green newbie that loved movies and games back then. And when Roro drug my widening mass into that place – it was for a game experience unlike anything I’d ever seen before. Plopped into a game grid with weapons, the need to reload and a room full of the same motivated geeks all with an urge to kill shit. Some came to the place to form hunting parties. I was always the jack off psychotic asshole that wanted to hunt and kill my fellow players and let the monsters own it all. After all, we’ll just fuck it all up. There’s no lasting peace so long as a single human lived. It’s my job to make sure the peace is made. Heh.

The taunting, the “Oh fuck man.” What was great about DOOM was there was no real story. No real characters. Really, shit went down and you were supposed to contain and wipe that shit up. That’s it. That the game was a total John Carpenter First Person vision thing… well, I was Michael Myers with a Big Fucking Gun! Heh. Too much fun. To me, I love games where the rules are loose enough that when playing with other folks, the purpose of the game is totally extraneous – ultimately the great thing about games with humans is improvisation and making the game your own.

I played DOOM and it’s sequel so much that I just burnt out on games altogether. I felt a year or two of my life go by without any change or evolution in my station in life – and then I got paralyzed. Shit like that makes you reflect. I decided to dedicate to film, to specialize and just try to shoot as straight as I saw it with whatever audience would eventually check out my insanity.

You know, what’s funny is… I don’t think I allowed myself to loosen up and really think about a “DOOM” movie till I was on my way to the theater today. Then I saw Glen Oliver, you long term site readers may remember him from the earliest days of AICN, he writes from time to time for IGN.FILMFORCE and while we’re the best of friends and often times go into film with the exact same point of view, there seems to be a difference in how we sometimes see them. As we talked about expectations for the film… We discussed our hopes for the film.

We didn’t want plot. We didn’t want deep character development. DOOM is about killing shit, hunting shit and blowing shit up. And while we discussed our “modest” expectations for DOOM we discussed the two ways that a good DOOM movie would play out. One would be a self-aware camp masterpiece -- and then the other route would be to follow the Coen Brothers’ lead and take the basic structure of their TO THE WHITE SEA ( a script I still dream of seeing Joel and Ethan realize one day!). In that version of DOOM you’d have a completely straight take of a mission that totally clusterfucked out leaving one man trying to fight his way through hell back to the surface. In the Coen’s script, there wasn’t a single word of dialogue once the mission started. And it was absolutely riveting. I knew that wasn’t the film that was playing, so I gave my hopes towards a big dumb fun film.

Now – as this film introduced the ‘ciphers’ that would stand in for characters. Are these ‘characters’ true those in the game? Yes and No. You see, first – there really were no characters in the game, not written by the folks at ID Software anyways – at least not that I knew of. But at the same time there were Hundreds of Thousands of characters in the game. Namely, everyone that ever played the game. The players that would panic and start shooting everything. The overly serious players that actually projected that they were a colonial space marine. There were those players that were constantly praying to God not to die (these ALWAYS cracked me up) – then there was the silent ones that thought of themselves as ultimate badasses. There were the Heroes and the villains and the Anti-Heroes. The players that subtly orgasmed when they found the BIG FUCKING GUN and those that always chose the chainsaw over the gun. The wonderful surprising joy I had with this film came from the fact that the writers for this film wrote the player ‘types’ into the game. From the novice to the veteran… they’re all here. As a result, I found the movie as amusing as casting actors and actresses as Talkbackers and as friends and family. Only, they really did it here.

These are stereotypes. Think of this kinda like TRON – only without ever showing the non-fantasy projection of the players at the keyboard. The “typical” fantasy projections. These characters don’t have families, children back home. They have all the history of an adolescent fantasy creation, meaning… when they’re not killing shit, hunting shit and blowing shit up – they’re on a never-ending search for pussy in the crudest most worthless misogynistic fashion. It’s hilarious that the one “girl” of the film is a character’s SISTER – whom every character kinda wants to fuck. You see – this isn’t just an adaptation of DOOM, it’s an adaptation of the culture of DOOM.

And that’s fucking fun. They didn’t over complicate things. Literally this film starts with the shit hitting the fan and the clean up squad being sent in. The loosest possible character histories are in place – and the actors aren’t playing it real – they’re playing it as an adolescent fantasy.

For Example… When The Rock finds a computer with a schematic of the BFG – it is as if 3 tabs of Viagra hit him and he began looking for the only thing that could get him off… a BIG FUCKING GUN. Later – when he actually gains access to that gun, it is the most amazingly hilariously awesome case of a gun boner that I’ve ever seen. You can just see in The Rock’s eyes and facial and body reaction his complete and utter pleasure at getting the BFG. And when he fires it, he’s delighted beyond words… and what it does… oh, see the movie you’ll see.

Essentially Wesley Strick and Dave Callaham have written a satire of McTiernan’s original PREDATOR. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t anywhere near that quality. That’s a brilliant work. This is merely very very fun. And while that film holds up under scrutiny – anyone that wishes to not go along with the goofy gamer fun of this film – well they’ll tear it to pieces like Massawyrm did. But ask yourself this, if you’re going to see DOOM, are you going to have fun or are you going to sit in judgment of art quality of this Video Game movie.

I was delighted that this movie was this fun. Just like when playing DOOM – there’s a point where someone on the team will just fucking go bug nuts crazy and the entire direction of the film changes. I like that I felt that shift. It played in all the same goofy dumb fun ways that I felt when being up in that room above Quackenbush’s taunting, shit-talking and blowing the fuck out of everything that moved. That’s what DOOM is supposed to be about, and while the monster quotient isn’t nearly high enough for the first half of the film, I like that build. The end result is a blast. They found a way to adapt many of the ludicrous things you could do in the game, including a “sort of” God Mode that just led to further absurdity.

Do not look for a serious endeavor. This has tons of gore, violence and mayhem. There’s wantonness at play here. You’ll see the chainsaw, the big fucking gun, big fucking monsters, head shots, decapitations, dismemberments, monster autopsy, accidental kills, panic attacks, cowardice, heroism and villainy when you least suspect it. Is it the great movie that DOOM lovers want? Not really, but it is a big fucking dumb fun film, and that’s all I was really looking for out of this one. It never surpasses any of the myriad of films it is borrowing from, and it is never quite as original as 7 friends chatting and acting like the retarded doofuses that we all turn into when playing these wonderfully fun kill crazy bits of entertainment.

If this review scares you, then don’t go. Drink a few beers and go to laugh at and with the film. Afterwards, you’ll probably go home and play HALO or whatever FPS you’re currently on. This is has the rather notorious honor of being the best VIDEO GAME movie till HALO or SILENT HILL… or maybe, giggle, BLOODRAYNE. LOL !!! I’m kidding.

Readers Talkback
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  • Oct. 19, 2005, 6:44 a.m. CST

    Sweet!!

    by TheJon

    ...I can't wait!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 6:45 a.m. CST

    FIRSTIES!

    by Man of Stool

    Oh, and... DOOM, my ass!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 6:51 a.m. CST

    So is this more a 'commando' type of affair then is it?

    by SamFisher

    I used to love 80's action flicks where there was almost no story just good fun to watch arnie and sly single handedly take on a fucking country!!! I take it from the warning of there being no real depth to the movie it's a bit of an 80's throwback.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 6:54 a.m. CST

    Wonderful.. Harry slobs another shitfest

    by LargoJr

    I don't know about anyone else, but this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode I think was called 'Opposite', where George has to do everything the opposite of his first impulse. I'm starting to do that with Harry's reviews.. he says it's great, must suck the chrome of a bumper.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 6:56 a.m. CST

    Sounds like what I expected.

    by Ridge

    No character arcs, no character depth, just shooting, blowing up stuff, chainsawing and one BFG to die for! I'll be there opening day. Even if it's not oscar material, its still action and gore galore :D

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:04 a.m. CST

    Looking forward to seeing this Friday night!

    by wessmith1966

    Fom Harry's review, this is exactly what I was expecting and I can't wait for the fun to begin. It's my turn to pick the movie, and I know my girlfriend's already dreading seeing this. I sat through "In Her Shoes" so it's her turn to be bored. I big tub of popcorn and a Coke and the BFG! This is going to be two hours of pure fanboy fun for me.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:12 a.m. CST

    Wow

    by coen_fan

    I never expected to see "Coen Brothers" mentioned in a Doom review. But anyway, I think I'll skip this one. Good review, though, Harry. Always fun to read the comments of someone who just wanted a good, dumb time at the movies, and got it.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:13 a.m. CST

    I bet this makes a bundle...

    by Rindain

    ...at least a 25 million first weekend.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:16 a.m. CST

    Re: Largo Jr - from Harry

    by HEADGEEK

    Actually the audience gave the film a good amount of applause afterwards. Quint liked it, Kraken Liked it, FatherGeek liked it. Of the AICN group only Massawyrm didn't like it, but he was sitting in the "critics" area this time out, which tends to separate you from fun. Seriously the "critics" section seems to have a fun dampening sphere over it. This isn't a great film, just a real fun one.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Wow

    by Halloween68

    As I said before, this looks about as fun as ALIEN VS PREDATOR. Sorry, Harry. I'm not biting. 'Think I'll skip this one. DOOM looks like a straight to video 'Rock' movie to me. Or a SciFi original if you were. Although, this past weekend I sat through both the new RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD movies... Even though both films are paint-by-the-numbers, zombie films for the sake of capitilizing off the success of the current run of zombie films, production value for the SciFi network has gone up substantially. Both films had the look and feel of a true Studio Film. Sad to say, DOOM doesn't even look that good.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:23 a.m. CST

    I PREFERED DUKE NUKEM...

    by Fugazi32

    ...but DOOM is cool! :-)

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:28 a.m. CST

    DUKE NUKEM was a powderpuff!

    by HEADGEEK

    DOOM totally kicked the shit out of DUKE NUKEM. Better sound, graphics and play. Heh.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:31 a.m. CST

    And you CASTLE WOLFENSTEIN folks can go screw too!

    by HEADGEEK

    Just kidding, I enjoyed both of those.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:32 a.m. CST

    Doom? Seriously?

    by Sean38

    Serenity gets a middling review but DOOM, he loves. Sigh.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:35 a.m. CST

    Gotta love the bit...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...in Duke Nukem 3D where you find a hidden chamber behind an altar, and inside the chamber is the Doom guy's dismembered torso on a stake. Heh. Almost as fun as the hidden, imprisoned ewok in Dark Forces.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:36 a.m. CST

    Halo movie...will Jackson direct?

    by Rindain

    I wonder if Microsoft will convince Peter Jackson to delay The Lovely Bones to direct the Halo movie. I mean, it already has Jackson as exec. producer and WETA doing the effects, so why not go all the way and have him direct?

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Plant!

    by minderbinder

    Come on, this is a piece of shit. Just because it topped your insanely low expectations doesn't make it a good movie.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:50 a.m. CST

    Laugh it up, fuzzball.

    by The Colonel

    http://www.intrepidmedia.com/column.asp?id=2352

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:54 a.m. CST

    MAN

    by ALUCINOR11

    Since they took the idea of the creatures being from hell out, I worry that they just got lucky with all this doom culture stuff. I mean all that suttle doom stuff that makes it so awesome do you think they tried to do all that stuff? All that it's like the players of the game stuff kind of just sounds like action movie cliche to me. I mean the director did make cradle to the grave. That movie wrote the book on what not to do. I dunno genetic researching gone wrong...AGAIN! I mean fucking seriously..I'm still gonna see the movie but still the one cool thing was that they are from hell..What if Constantine twisted it around and these Demons were actually just genetic experiments gone wrong? The people are all hallucinating on drugs and Satan is just one of Keanu Reeves multiple personalities. O fuck they might actually make that I came up with it first!!!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:58 a.m. CST

    Its a Shame you Dont Game anymore Harry.

    by Optimus Primal

    While the original Doom was groundbreaking. The FPS genre didn't hit its stride until the first Half Life. Which I still consider the best FPS ever. Its like being dropped into the middle of a great movie. Other notables, Return to Castle wolfenstein, Deus EX, Call of Duty, Far Cry, Halo 1&2, Mafia, Hitman: Silent Assassin, Tribes. I cant believe you sacrificed gaming for pursuit of a "real life"??!! Pffft, and you call yourself a geek. Fraud, fraud I say.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:07 a.m. CST

    Predator

    by goatboy500

    while I enjoyed predator as a youth, i don't think it holds up to scrutiny. Every character in that movie is a cypher, there's nowhere near as much development of the alien as there should be (as thre was in Predator 2 in fact) and the scene where Carl Weathers (the 80's Billy Dee Williams) gets his arm blown off, dude, you can see him holding his arm behind his back! I mean predator's good but it ain't as good as The Hidden. Now there's a strong work.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:08 a.m. CST

    Harry's liberal philosophy explained

    by Phimseto

    "I was always the jack off psychotic asshole that wanted to hunt and kill my fellow players and let the monsters own it all. After all, we

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Have to say....

    by MJAYACE

    Unfortunately my gaming days are pretty much behind me until my kids get old enough to be introduced to I am sure a great 21st century gaming experience... Played Doom, Doom II, and Duke Nukem3d and while all of them were fantastic--Half-Life was far and away the best FPS of all time. Haven't played Half-Life II yet though. Manhunt for PS II has to get my award for most psychotic game ever. Although to go way back, old school, Deadly Towers for the NES had to be the hardest f%$*ing game ever. And if any of you remember that game you are truly old school. I remember having the Sear's Master System, how about that bitches! My Dad paid like $200 bucks for that thing back in like 78. Adventure owns your asses! LOL.. I will see this movie however..

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:12 a.m. CST

    After my tirade over Star Trek:First Contact being a scene for s

    by Shermdawg

    I'd feel a little funny seeing this. I hope it does well though, Rock deserves a big hit. You know, if Tom Welling doesn't get a Superman flick after Routh crashes and burns, Rock would make a kickass Supes. Yeah, I said it, I WANT TO SEE THE ROCK AS SUPERMAN! C'mon even you people that dissed me for wanting Denis Leary to play The Joker, gotta admitt that Rock as Kal-F'n-El would rule.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:14 a.m. CST

    RULE , I SAID!!!

    by Shermdawg

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:23 a.m. CST

    People dissed you over that?

    by drjohnnyfever

    Denis would make an awesome fucking Joker. What's wrong with some people?

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:25 a.m. CST

    Sounds good to me!!!

    by Hunter-X

    That's pretty much what I was expecting Doom to be like. A good,fun,gory action flick. Good review Harry. I was introduced to Doom in pretty much the same fashion as you (in college computer rooms) and never looked back. I do wish the Hell theme is in the flick (it would've made for some cool set pieces), but I'm definitely going to see it. And then I'm going to play Quake 4.....

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:35 a.m. CST

    my thoughts on the rock's acting...

    by jig98

    this is nuts. every movie he's been in has gotten dismal box office numbers, thumbs down from ebert and roeper, a crappy script, horrible co-stars and guess what? the rock CAN ACT! ok? he started out wrestling, and that's a BIG STEP UP FOR SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO GET HIS CAREER STARTED. but, if anything, the scorpion king was the worst action movie spin-off yet.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:42 a.m. CST

    "get your ass to mars"

    by DrLektor

    bring on the dumb 80's action flick revivial. The Rock showed in Walking Tall he can do the macho shit and still out act Arnie. You can take any turd movie like Red Scorpion or Commando and use any meathead, it'll still be mindless entertainment, something I wanna blow the dust off every few years, a crappy VHS copy to watch when I'm bored.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Return Of The Living Dead

    by DeathStalker

    Halloween68: You're not saying you actually LIKED those two POSs, are you? They were SO bad, they made Uwe Boll look good (and made P Anderson look like an Osacr winner!) Stupid - stupid, stupid, stupid, is the only word to describe them. What a complete WASTE of time, money, and material (there was no talent there to waste). RotLD 1&2 were great classics, 3 was so-so. And they were not (if I recall correctly) SciFi Channel productions. As far as DOOM goes, until Peter comes out with HALO, they're all pretty much crap - I did like MK & MK: Conquest (2 was only so-so) - and I have no hope held out for Moriarty's MK3. Somehow, I think I'm going to view DOOM in the same fashion that Massawyrm did. And let's get one thing straight - COMMANDO f'ing rocked.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Harry's Movie

    by DeathStalker

    Oh, and hey Harry, whatever happened to that "GREAT" movie that you were supposed to be producing? The one where you weren't going to make the mistakes that all the other producers out there that make garbage do? You ranted on for AGES on how great this movie was supposed to be, and since you got the job (what? a year ago? two?) we haven't heard a single peep - and it ain't listed on IMDB. BTW, wth are you doing as "producer" on JOHN CARTER???!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:26 a.m. CST

    As long as you haven't played Half-Life 2...

    by CurryIce

    Forget every FPS games you have played until now. Forget the pretty mediocre Doom 3 (i still regret that i bought this game) Forget the Quake games, RTCW, FarCry and Halo. Forget even Half-Life 1, Unreal&U2. CallOfDuty and Medal of Honor are pretty decent WorldWar2 games. DeusEx and SystemShock2 were pretty good and pretty difficult FPS games. But if you haven't played HL2 you don't know nothing what FPS games truly can be in nowadays.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:28 a.m. CST

    I expected Harry to genuinely like this movie, and I don't t

    by FluffyUnbound

    Look at a movie like "Commando". That movie sucks. I mean, really - judged by any standard with any artistic or socially redeeming value whatsoever, that movie blows. And you know what? I liked it. If it came out today, and I wrote for AICN, I would give it a positive review. Why? Because I laugh my ass off when Arnie runs across some guy's estate back yard getting shot at by about 300 guys, but doesn't get hit - and then shoots all those guys. I laugh my ass off when Arnie says, "Remember when I said I'd kill you last? I lied." Sometimes I like something that any reasonable person would tell you was bad, simply for the sheer lack of regard it has for anything sane or decent. Think of the spirit that animates people who like Troma films. Consider, for a moment, that Harry is someone who LOVES MAN IN SUIT GODZILLA FILMS. Consider that. Harry is not Pauline Kael and you shouldn't expect reviews that don't reflect Harry's idiosyncratic tastes. Usually the "review backstory" Harry provides is extraneous junk, but in this instance, I think he gives you a pretty compelling case that explains to you perfectly how and why he likes this film.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:28 a.m. CST

    HOUSTON500

    by Flim_

    I'm glad to see PREDATOR 2 getting some love, you don't see that very often, though it is a quality film. However, PREDATOR *does* stand up to repeat viewings, mostly because it was directed by the best action director that has ever lived, John McTiernan. It was on PREDATOR that his style became more apparent, with the use of rack focussing and steadicam shots conveying the information we need to know without a character uttering a word. Think about it - after Arnold gets rid of the chick, I don't believe there is one word spoken until, "You're one ugly mother-fucker." That's got to be at least ten minutes of purely visual storytelling, the best kind. At that point in time, there hadn't been anything like it made. It was the very first of the competently-made 'mindless' action films, and is still one of the top five action films ever made, IMHO.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Yeah! Finally someone gives a dumb, stupid fun slick the respect

    by DerLanghaarige

    Harry, high five!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:36 a.m. CST

    Did I wrote "slick"? I mean "flick"!

    by DerLanghaarige

    Whatever. High five, Harry!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Are dumb, stupid, fun flicks that rare today? Nope. Throw a sti

    by Orbots Commander

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Harry, you made my day

    by Petri

    Your Doom-playing days in the great city of Austin sound like mine. Doom3 rocked my world and I hoped against hope this would be good. I was invited to the screening here in Houston last night but couldn't go (wife working, other commitments). I'll look forward to seeing it with the masses.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 10:08 a.m. CST

    I Hate To Admit This But Harry Just Won Me Back Over To Seeing T

    by www.valiens.com

    I think it'll be a fun ride if we view it as a movie about Doom culture as opposed to the game per se. And by "we" I mean "I." There's no chance in hell any of my friends are going to want to see this. And by "friends" I mean "people in my head." "Head" meaning penis. "People" meaning "sperm." Oh god, I've gotta go!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Sweet...

    by Kamikaze_Jones

    Glad you like this one Harry, now I have at least one real good review to go off of. Ironically, this is one of your most coherent reviews to date. Well played. Here's to hoping this is the beginning of bringing all the old school games to the screen. Duke Nukem would make an awesome flick (Vin Diesel, definitely), and Wolfenstein wouldn't be bad either. But really, I think the world needs...Commander Keen: The Movie.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 10:24 a.m. CST

    I will see this one...

    by jimmy_009

    I don't want anything other than dumb fun. My hopes of a Ridley Scott or James Cameron, big-budget, no-dialogue Doom movie went the wayside a long time ago. The only thing that really bugs me about this movie is that they took out the Hell element. Why? That was half the equation. Oh well, it will probably be fun.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Dumb fun? Hmmmm. Like Domino?

    by Doom II

    Doom stole many hours from my life in the 90's. I still have Ultimate Doom and Doom 2 installed on my computer (they take up NO space). Really got into Quake when it came out, but Doom defined FPS, plain and simple. I will see this without the wife as I did with AVP.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11 a.m. CST

    What Harry Didn't Tell You..

    by Harker-Writes

    ...is anything about the creatures. Strange he should ramble on about Kong and yet not tell us whether the creatures in Doom are worth a look. Can we assume that the other reviews are right and that the monsters suck big time? If so, you'd have thought Harry might have mentioned it.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:02 a.m. CST

    Greatn

    by Hunter-X

    If you're going to bitch, then at least get a grasp on the english language a little better. Tard..

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:02 a.m. CST

    WELL NOW WE KNOW

    by myfatarse

    harry is the sort of knobend that finds it funny killing his own teammates in games, as if there isnt a worse group of morons alive, and when you see a positive review remember he also gave the same to armageddon

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Not every dumb film is a fun flick!

    by DerLanghaarige

    AvP was dumb as hell AND boring! Or 13 Ghosts, XXX 2, House of The Dead.. But Doom looks like pure fun.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:07 a.m. CST

    P.S.:

    by DerLanghaarige

    Harry, high five!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Star Wars Episode III will own your ass!

    by jesuschrist

    Own, I said!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:22 a.m. CST

    you hit the target Harry

    by reckni

    Exactly how I felt about the movie.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Well...

    by radio1_mike

    I'll rent this when it is out for Christmas. But, I think the FPS pov is silly in a movie. If I want to battle monsters and play a marine; I'll Doom 3, Half-Life 2 or Battlefield 2.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:25 a.m. CST

    This Is a REAL DOOM review

    by Alkohal

    This is the exact perspective people need to be looking at it from, Not every film has to be Citizen Kane, The Empire Strikes Back or even Lord Of The Rings. Movies should be about FUN sometimes not ART.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:52 a.m. CST

    You know what I find amazing? That Harry wrote an entire review

    by Hammer2Fall

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:07 p.m. CST

    If it's not as good as playing the game, and not as good as

    by Nate Champion

    This is the kind of movie people see when they have no life.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:11 p.m. CST

    Other movies Knowles loved...

    by acroyear77

    Krull Megaforce Reign of Fire Monster Squad

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Anyone read Harry's rambling, long-winded, "reviews" without

    by acroyear77

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:22 p.m. CST

    FOOKIN A! Hairy

    by Orionsangels

    I'm surprised how much they copied DOOMIII. They were very faithful in that respect. Usually a video game movie takes the liberty of making a few changes.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:36 p.m. CST

    Harry please....

    by coldreboot

    ..it's painful to see. Please stop mistaking the original Doom for Doom 3. When your a gamer like me, it's just offensive. I can only imagine that the equivilent for you would be me reviewing the game version of the new King Kong film and mistaking it for the game version of the original Kong. No, Harry. No! So here it is for you to remember: The Doom movie is based on the game Doom 3, which is a reimagining of the original Doom. So when you talk about their being no characters in the game, yes there are Harry. Also, on a side note you also failed to tell us the one important thing that ALL the reviewers have left out so far: ARE THE MONSTERS DEMONS FROM HELL??? IS HELL IN IT??

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:46 p.m. CST

    SW Episode III Did NOT Own My Ass.

    by Sean38

    It rented it, briefly, up until Padme simply lost the will to live and Darth Vader screamed, "Nooooooooo!" at which point its lease expired.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Okay, I get why Harry liked this.

    by Childe Roland

    I really do. In fact, based on this review (which I think is one of your most remarkably lucid and well-written ever, a boggling thought when you consider how the whole point of it is to get us to leave our brains at home) I fully intend to spend a hung over Sunday afternoon with this movie (assuming I ever get one of those again...stoopid parenthood!). But what I don't get is how you can dig on this movie so much, which is clearly a mindless shoot-em-up fun fest that deviates substantially from the source material, and yet you hated so hard on Resident Evil. I mean, it's the same thing. Take everything you wrote up there about engaging in the mindless joy of vicariously slaughtering the former humans in this movie and just insert "Resident Evil" instead of "Doom." I'm not saying Resident Evil was particularly compelling cinema (it wasn't) but it certainly met all the criteria you outlined above for enjoying a brainless gunfuck monster fest. Plus it had a Milla Jovovich snatch shot to boot! What gives with the double standard?

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:55 p.m. CST

    Yep, she lost the will to live, like that makes sense

    by scrumdiddly

    I'm sure I'd lose the will to live if I saw this crapfest film.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 12:58 p.m. CST

    Oh, and Deus Ex would make a GREAT movie trilogy.

    by scrumdiddly

    If they made it right. Which they wouldn't.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 1 p.m. CST

    Yes, it may be that we only expected mindless crap from this mov

    by GreatWhiteNoise

    It's STILL mindless crap. I'm not saying every film has to be some metaphysical Bergmanesque character study (and let's face it, the source material here never exactly plumbed the intellectual depths), but ya gotta have at least a little substance to work with, in my view, and this just sounds like 100% blood 'n guts eye-candy. So what if it is well put-together?The best cotton candy in the world still makes a lousy meal. Uninterested.

  • "If I want to see people stop in mid-air I'll pause my DVD player". This is revolutionary

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Deus Ex

    by RorschachSaviour

    Still the greatest game ever made (in my opinion, of course), but based on the current track record of game-to-movie adaptations, a movie based on it would most likely be terrible. At least with, say, Tomb Raider or Doom, there wasn't much of a story to begin with, but I can't imagine them doing Deus Ex without turning it into a dumb action movie (because that's apparently what Hollywood thinks computer games all are).

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 1:18 p.m. CST

    The BFG scene sounds like it was lifted from T2 (when Ahnuld pic

    by FrankDrebin

    It's always bothered me how movies set in the future have weapons WEAKER than what's available right now. Shouldn't everybody have rail-guns at least?

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 1:33 p.m. CST

    I don't know if I can turn off enough of my cerebral cortex

    by FrankDrebin

    If demons/mutants/whatever are overrunning Mars, then just stop going there. If teleportation technology is available, then just fax those suckers a neutron bomb ("Package for Mr. Bugs Bunny!"), or e-mail them into the sun. If the hallways are all dark as heck, then just wait while somebody goes back to get some flashlights. If The Rock if the best stategist available, then call in sick.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 1:38 p.m. CST

    HogCholera & greatn

    by Flim_

    You guys deserve some kind of award for those posts... I think I lost a promotion because I laughed so hard. Oh, and we need a new Predator movie, a good one!!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Quacks ...

    by docfalken

    Ahhhh memories. We used to head over to the SMurF to get our network Doom on before they cracked down on game playing. Good times.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 2:13 p.m. CST

    I have no plans to throw away 10 bucks on Resident Evil 3

    by Thirteen 13

    Sorry. Meant to say Doom (even though its not Doom). I may rent it from netflix a year from now if I'm bored. I don't mind good mindless fun. As long as its actually "good" mindless fun, and. as long as the mindless fun resembles what the movie is supposed to be about.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 2:21 p.m. CST

    So basically you'll like this movie if...

    by Norm

    You liked to sit in the computer lab and watch everyone else play Doom. We had a kid like that on our floor my Freshman year in '94. All the CompSci majors had their computers in a hack network playing multi-player Doom for the first time. And I saw this one kid running up and down the hall, running from room to room watching the action. Cheering on one guy, then another. I bet that kid, wherever he is, is loving this movie.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 2:23 p.m. CST

    ...Yeah...Right. Next you'll be telling us that AVP is actu

    by alucardvsdracula

    I will never see this piece of shit.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 2:43 p.m. CST

    Many a time I have stared at AVP on the rental shelf

    by Pumpkinsboy

    It looks so good, so tasty, to nourishing. That slick design on the cover, the promise of aliens, predators, more aliens. But I just know if I got it home I'd only end up barfing the contents into the toilet seat a few minutes after consumption.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Trust me, Pumpkinsboy...

    by Childe Roland

    ...you'd puke while eating. And even the puke, because it would be mixed with whatever else was in your stomach, would taste better than the meal.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 3:09 p.m. CST

    AVP manages...

    by Roger Thornhill

    ...to be both worse than Alien Resurrection and Predator 2. Much worse than both of those.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 3:11 p.m. CST

    this isn

    by oisin5199

    Sounds like a bit of a stretch, if you ask me. So this is an excuse to indulge the basest of human instincts to kill shit and "hunt for pussy"? Gee, sounds great. Let's celebrate violence and misogyny for its own sake and call it entertainment! Just goes to show the level of critical discourse here. No wonder these guys didn't like Serenity.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 3:18 p.m. CST

    What the fuck has this got to do with Serenity?

    by Hamish

    Sheesh. Harry didn't say this was a great film He didn't say anything that most of us ween't expecting. It comes down to the intent behind a film, and the intention of this film is to make a movie of a video game. Games are meant to be fun, ergo... this should be fun too? Was anyone really expecting Citizen Kane? Or even Aliens? Harry's being nothing but honest about his reaction to a film, just like he always is.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 4:35 p.m. CST

    May be a "fun" film, but...

    by IAmLegolas

    ... I'm not paying theater price to go watch it. Sounds like a good NetFlix rental for a Friday night with friends, though.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 4:57 p.m. CST

    Said it before, and saying it again...

    by Mooly

    I saw the trailer of this movie before Serenity. The theatre full of teenage nerds and older is THE audience the DOOM movie was made for. Nerdy teeneagers who like videogames and science fiction and nerd stuff. When the trailer started they all knew what it would be for and started chanting, "DOOOOM! DOOOOOM!!" Then the horible looking FPS scenes came up and the entire theatre went from chanting to falt out laughter. My girlfriend leaned over and said to me, "That can't be good if they're laughing can it?" No. No it can't. Doom is crap and it is going to suck hard. The teenage audiance with ANY common sense or taste is going to laugh just like the people in the theatre that day. Sorry, but simply ignoring everyhting bad because you think it was a "fun" movie is like recommending getting kicked in the balls because you had fun acting like a moron.

  • Harry Knowles for Doom!!!!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 5:25 p.m. CST

    I'll never forget when I saw "Space Truckers" in a video sto

    by Ted Striker

    And so, that's when I learned that Harry has a love affair with certain trash movies. I've been cautious about his reviews ever since, but at least he points out what kind of crap-movie it is, like in this review. I'm not going to see Doom, or rent it, because I hate crap-movies, even when I'm expecting them to be crap. But that's just me. Rock on, Harry.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Shadow of Colossus !!!

    by Orionsangels

    Buy Shadow of Colossus for the Playstation2. One of the greatest video games ever made. A true work of art. DOOM movie? Shadow of Colossus Movie!

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 7:46 p.m. CST

    Their gonna give Halo to Paul Anderson! The bastards!

    by KongMonkey

    You watch and see. I recommend before this tragedy befalls the video game and film world that y'all love that all you geeks take a stand, and lynch that fucking brit! Do the same with the Nazi Uwe, have'em swaying side by side in the wind. Then the Jews can finally crucify JesusChrist and put a sign over the cross that says "Episode III owned his ass!" AVP was shit. Make it the way it should be, and give me an inter-fucking-galactic war! Not a bunch of fellow brits running about a subterranean pyramid with three or four other critters. "We're in the middle of a war." If thats the case, SHOW ME A FUCKING WAR! Not flashbacks and roided up xeno-predators with hard-ons for black chicks.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Doom nearly got me throw up everytime i play it

    by DarthBakpao

    for some strange reason, i couldn't stand playing Doom or any other FPS game more than 5 minutes... after a while i started to get dizzy and nauseous (sp?)

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Kong trailer to be attached to Doom??

    by Riff Randall

    Harry, what's the news on that? Is it happening???

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 8:27 p.m. CST

    VIDEO CLIP: Go Behind the scenes with the Rock

    by Dark_Silence

    Watch it or download it here - http://www.fi-sci.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=392&Itemid=44

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:22 p.m. CST

    Predator is the best movie ever made......then Die Hard

    by Retrace

    Predator is the only movie I have watched over 10 times. Simple premise....simple actors...no hokey romance or comedic sidekick.....just plain ol' pull your cock out and sword fight. Time to let ol' painless out of the bag. Just plain f'in money.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 9:41 p.m. CST

    I want to see the unofficial DOOM comic made into a movie

    by Swithin

    "You are HUGE! That means you have HUGE GUTS! RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS!" SHEER. UTTER. BRILLIANCE.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 10:37 p.m. CST

    count me out

    by llephen

    i'm truly shocked to see a positive review posted of this movie - especially after those totally unbiased objective [studio written] reviews that were posted earlier by the same person. Crazy! Anyway. The movie is supposed to be and has been sold as the adaptation of Doom 3. Not somebody's dicking around in a computer gaming center. But i guess you can apply whatever meaning you want to anything, right? Doesn't mean i wanna see it. so count me out. this movie is shit, and i don't care how 'fun' somebody else tries to convince me it is. Just like i don't care how good some fat troll girl talks about herself to try and make herself attractive to me. you're not fooling me. That is some awful awful shit and i will not be patronizing it.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 10:55 p.m. CST

    Shadow of the Colossus

    by Shermdawg

    Played the demo last night, and gotta say I got frustrated with the controls and quit, for someone that games as much as me thats saying something. I want to like this game, because its unlike anything I've ever seen, Orionsangels was right this will be a work of art. I'm gonna have to take another stab at it, but, I won't be picking it up till after Christmas, because noone will give this game a chance, and it will be in the bargain bin before you know it. Plus, I'll be to tyed up with Star Wars Battlefront II. Jesuschrist, Star Wars Episode III will NOT own my ass, but this game will.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:04 p.m. CST

    I admit I have a guilty curiousity

    by caerlas

    It might be a fun thing to chuckle at with a buddy. BTW Duke Nukem owns! My favorite mission is the one where you get to squish the T-200 in the press and say "Terminated". Not to mention the introduction of proximity mines, pipe bombs, and peepshow booths.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:35 p.m. CST

    Re: "retarted doofuses"

    by RaulMonkey

    I do believe that it's "retarded doofii," Harry.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:49 p.m. CST

    SpikeTV will own your ass!

    by Shermdawg

    I just learned that Spike TV has signed a deal to be the exclusive network for the Star Wars saga starting in 2008. You know what's sad about this? I got the info from 1wrestling.com. Way to go AICN, out-scooped by a wrestling site. That's gotta hurt.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:53 p.m. CST

    Harry, when you said FPS, I first thought you were implying that

    by Lenny Nero

    Yeah, I'm an idiot.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:56 p.m. CST

    Guy many tb's above me, Roger Ebert LOVED "The Rundown."

    by Lenny Nero

    So not all Dwayne Johnson's movies got two thumbs down. Jeez.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:17 a.m. CST

    For those who don't know what SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS is, it&

    by FrankDrebin

    http://trailers.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_shadowcolossus_vr_gt.mov

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:15 a.m. CST

    Swithin

    by DocPazuzu

    That comic is fucking INSANE.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:23 a.m. CST

    From what I understand...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...the film is based on Doom 3 and not the classic varieties. Having never played 3, I can't tell whether it's an accurate depiction or not. I'll probably check it on DVD eventually, being a former Doomhead, but I really would have preferred an adaptation of the original game. One of the great aspects of Doom and Doom 2, was that it was so over-the-top and outrageous for its time. The only way to capture that Doom feeling in a film would have been to go all out, with zero plot, demonic iconography, mind-frying day-glo colors and absolute fucking wall-to-wall carnage. If nothing else, that would have made the film a bit more easy to distinguish from the other hordes of Aliens/Resident Evil clones.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 3:29 a.m. CST

    The Doom comic

    by DocPazuzu

    For those who never read this one-off oddity. Enjoy: http://www.doomworld.com/10years/doomcomic/comic.php

  • No, you're not.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 5:20 a.m. CST

    Screw it, I think Harry just convinced me to pay to see a movie

    by Lone Fox

    Dammit!

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Harry - really! curb your enthusiasm!

    by Spacesheik

    i liked the st paragraphs about the univ of texas geek boudouir above the coffee house but the rest was all over the place man

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 9:29 a.m. CST

    If you are looking for a game "where the rules are loose, improv

    by Windowlicker74

    Grand Theft Auto. nuff said..

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Harry argues like an internet asshole and I love it!

    by Shabbadoo

    "Actually the audience gave the film a good amount of applause afterwards. Quint liked it, Kraken Liked it, FatherGeek liked it." That kills me. That's the second time in 3 or 4 days that I've seen Harry use the ol' "Well, everyone else liked it" defense. You keep on keepin' on, Harry. Fucking priceless.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 10:14 a.m. CST

    If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you Harry?

    by Shermdawg

    I didn't think so.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 10:33 a.m. CST

    I guess your parents never used that line on ya, did they greatn

    by Shermdawg

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 12:59 p.m. CST

    Duke Nukem was 1000% better than DOOM Harry and you know it. Yo

    by Hate_Speech

    I work in the entertaiment business. I was there was both DOOM and Duke Nukem were being developed.. In the actually Offices at id and 3D Realms.... Doom was a nifty game, but it's multiplayer sucked ass compared to Duke Nukem. No hidden cameras to view, no pipe bombs, no remote taunts.. DOOM was clearly inferior as a game to Duke Nukem and for you to say otherwise shows me what a complete lack of education you have about the two games. This movie is gonna suck farts out of dead walrus's.. They've been trying to sell the movie rights for TEN FUCKING YEARS.. That should say something about teh caliber of this film, and gamers have moved way beyond the "find red key, open door, shooot monster in the dark" plot aspects of DOOM.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 1:30 p.m. CST

    This movie looks like a download in the making

    by Doc_Strange

    Except I won't be wasting my bandwith to download something as simpleton and pedestrian as this.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Harry, I just don't understand...

    by LargoJr

    Why does it have to be the biggest friggin cliche ever used in film. Scientists trying to play god with humans/animals/vegetables... yada yada yada. Why the hell couldn't they stick with something at least VAGUELY original. Said scientists are trying to help speed interstellar colonization in an effort to help the Human race as it's core colonized planets have depleted their resources, and are trying to open a gateway (ala Lost in Space) between worlds... but the energys they use are laregly untested under such a massive scale, and accidentally rip open a portal to a 'Hell-like' dimension. ------- It's really close to the game, and just enough to keep the Bible Thumpers from going rabid. This whole bullshit 'infected by the infected' storyline is just asinine, and denys characters the oportunity to die in a way that DOESN'T suck moldy mule sphincter. I mean SERIOUSLY?!?! Which would you rather see? Rock going down fighting a seemingly endless wave of Demons as His commanding Officer closes the gate (with Rock on the other side of the gate when it closes), leaving him stranded with the BFG just going bat-shit crazy foaming at the mouth insane with berzerker rage? Or Rock turning into a bad mutant and going Mano-a-mano against his CO, who has mutated into a good mutant? Seriously... my idea is WAY better than their end result, leads to a potential sequal of the Rock being found later by a rescue team (only time is different there in Hell-like dimension, and he's been hunting them for years), and doesn't leave you walking out of the theater tasting metal!!

  • Then I'm sorry but you need to check the backroom of your local video retailer for your fix.

  • Romeo must die? Cradle 2 grave? Both those movies were weak ass and put me to sleep. I can't believe this movie has the wacky charm of a "Commando." Every other filmaker's resume gets judged on this site, yet this dude gets a pass. More spin control. WTF! P.S. Where the fuck is Paul Verhoven were you need him? Hollow Man sucked so he's in exile? huh?

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 6:18 p.m. CST

    HARRY IS A TOOL...

    by maceodkat

    I have come to that realization a tad late and a few hundred bucks short wasted on admissions and concessions with the wifey. How many more of this types of movies will he put his stamp on. 4 years ago I can recall coming to AICN with a joy of finding something new and exciting to look forward to. Now, through the growth of the site (and I aint mad at you harry for that well done) we get crap reviews, soft critiques and lame excuess. Will I watch this? Sure, will I plunk down the $9 and some change + the gawddamn nachos... no. Do I think the Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson blows all chunks as an actor... no. I havent click on a Harry review in a loooonnnnng time, and I dont see myself clicking on one anytime soon... :(

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 10:20 p.m. CST

    it was 'aaight"

    by samuraisix

    at best.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 12:10 a.m. CST

    I can't believe no one has mentioned Killzone yet

    by J-Dizzle

    HOW CAN ANYONE NOT LIKE KILLZONE? *Slams head against table*

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 10:54 a.m. CST

    I'm gonna see this in a hour or so.

    by Shermdawg

    If it sucks, you owe me six bucks Harry. If it blows, a apology will do. By the way, did anyone see The Rock on The Daily Show? Funny shit.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 1:23 p.m. CST

    ROTFLMAOPIMP!!!!

    by superdavid

    Im laughing my ass off reading this review, I cant wait to go see this movie!!!! 8-D

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 7:25 p.m. CST

    Harry, you owe me both.

    by Shermdawg

    Yes, this film sucks and blows at the same time, which is physically impossible, yet it somehow manages to do just that. It wasn't fun, and that long description over The Rocks reaction to the B.F.G. is waaaaay overblown. Seriousley, Harry you need to pick up a controller, you wouldn't believe the stuff you've been missing. You want to see some monsters fucked up? Go get ya a X-box. You want twenty to forty hour, story driven games that make Hollywoods efforts look like dogshit? Go get ya a PS2. You better catch up, because when it comes to sci-fi, games are gonna be at the point where movies don't even compare. Hell, when it comes to Metal Gear, and Final Fantasy, some would say that time has already arrived. Also, it's a good thing Rock has two flicks already in the bag, because this turd coulda ended his career. I'm not a hater, I liked Walking Tall (They coulda gave more screen time to Neil McWhatshisface? though.) but this movie....damn. Doom makes those shitty Resident Evil travesties look like fuckin' masterpieces!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 7:46 p.m. CST

    A few more things....

    by Shermdawg

    Did they really need to go back to the lobby every other scene? Damn, they musta blew all there budget on that embarassing first person sequence, cause there sure as hell wasn't that many sets. Oh, and one more thing,FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AND HOLY, CAN WE PLEASE LEAVE THE WIRE-FU TO ASIANS, THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN PULL IT OFF WITHOUT IT LOOKING LIKE COMPLETE AND TOTAL DOGSHIT!!! NUFF SAID! NUFF SAID!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 8:46 p.m. CST

    I'm not done yet!

    by Shermdawg

    If this movie is set in the future, why is that guy, so into that sub-tiger-handheld-piece-of-shit with it's seventies bleeps and bloops. Shouldn't they he be playin a PSP or somethin more advanced???? You might say I'm nitpicking, but this IS supposed to be a videogame movie for crying out loud!!!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 8:49 p.m. CST

    Also...

    by Shermdawg

    it being 2005, shouldn&#39;t this site have a edit option? DAMN TYPO&#39;s! >_<

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 10:50 p.m. CST

    That movie was a 2 hour ad for AOL Virus Protection

    by The Pusher

    Tell me I&#39;m wrong. All the AOL logos all over the damn place. The vague similarity to the Resident Evil film&#39;s virus. Karl Urban saving the earth from The Rock&#39;s stupid ass. It&#39;s a huge ad for AOL!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 11 p.m. CST

    Whoops

    by The Pusher

    my bad.

  • Oct. 22, 2005, 4 p.m. CST

    A Word of Caution

    by Chicken2nite

    I am sorry, but that movie was exhausting. Not going to give away spoilers, just going to say that THEY CUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE IN CLOSE UP!!! WTF? Sure it works in parts, and I will admit that I missed the BFG scene cause I had to piss (which I&#39;ve only done once before, that being for ROTK right at the entire during ending number 4 or so while Frodo is about to get on the boat; the large iced tea just caught up with me) but there are periods of tens of minutes at a time when nothing is happening, it isn&#39;t building suspense, it&#39;s pissing off the audience with all of the teasing with things hiding in shadows instead of going around and killing those fucks. Before seeing it for myself, I thought that the review was very well structured and that Harry made his point quite level handed. Meanwhile in the movie there is so freakin little action and so many bloody false scares that it just becomes...ugh. I can&#39;t say more, in fact perhaps I&#39;ve said too much. I&#39;ve waisted enough bandwidth for this flick as is (kidding, I actually spent my 8.50 plus 4.50 drink, which is why I am left so unsatisfied).

  • Oct. 22, 2005, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Actually, I thought that the pre-game boy hend held was kinda fu

    by Chicken2nite

    I mean think about it. It&#39;s the future right, and what are they going to be playing? Uber realistic racing/FPS games? They&#39;re living an FPS. Plus, all the graphics whores have had their way and run their course. As such, he plays for the gameplay value, which is what plenty of gamers have been griping about over the past 5-10 years or so (that games haven&#39;t been getting better, only prettier, which is certainly true in many respects to the current generation of consoles).

  • Oct. 23, 2005, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Harry you&#39;ve done it again...

    by screenplaywriter

    *Applauds* You love a lousy film that clearly was borrowing elements from "ALIENS", was loud, repetative, cheesy, and dumb, and the end fight scene was laugh-out-loud, unbelievably corny. I&#39;d hate to say it but I think the best videogame film adaptation to film is and still will be the first "MORTAL KOMBAT." This is a close second, but damn is it far from perfect. The only thing that saves it is the first person shooter mode scene, The Rock, and Karl Urban. The rest of it feels like Uwe Boll had some producer&#39;s credit on it. But of course you loved "VAN HELSING" so what should I expect anymore with reviews?

  • Oct. 23, 2005, 7:38 p.m. CST

    sceeenplaywriter, you&#39;re forgetting the scenes they obviousl

    by Shermdawg

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 2:22 a.m. CST

    wtf

    by geek molester

    I can&#39;t understand how any person could give this movie a postive review. I thought we were supposed to hate this trash, don&#39;t you want more outta your 10 bucks than this crap??? God, this movie wasn&#39;t stupid, it had fuckin down syndrome! Harry you musta been high?

  • Oct. 27, 2005, 1:29 a.m. CST

    PONG: THE MOVIE will own your Ball(s)! plus CATACOMB ABYSS & don

    by `---=TheA.G=---,

    _Ringbearer9_ ===> I recall CATACOMB ABYSS along a similar isotope of enjoy&#39;osity. und would also add The Sega Saturn&#39;s LUNACY to that list of lesser known, atmospherically engaging and engulfing games. Post Script: The former Pong The Movie reference is not meant to imply _sarcastic_ promotion of the latter games. I was legitimately fond of both Catacomb Abyss and Lunacy. Lunacy, I went so far as to write a letter to Atlas in an attempt at prodding them into developing followups. Though in retrospect I may not have chosen the best approach, as IIRC I opened with "Hey Fukwads". A.G

  • Oct. 27, 2005, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Shadow of the Colossus

    by 26diggler26

    Yes Shadow of the Colossus NEEDS to be made into a film. It&#39;s one of the the best looking, best sounding stories ever told, in games or anything else, and out epics Lord of the Rings. A true work of art...reeead; http://www.tpsreport.co.uk/news/fullnews.php?id=158

  • Oct. 27, 2005, 9:24 p.m. CST

    No, Shadow of the Colossus doe not.

    by Shermdawg

    The entire game is basically boss fights that interrupt the twenty to thirty minutes it takes to travel the lands between them. It&#39;s a great game, but as a movie, IT WOULD BLOW. And the "It out epics Lord of the Rings" line is horseshit. Which is suprisingly something you never see in this game given all the screen time your trusty steed gets.

  • Oct. 27, 2005, 9:25 p.m. CST

    Ok, I forgot a "s". Sue me!

    by Shermdawg

  • Nov. 1, 2005, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Real Review of Doom

    by The Kurgon

    Guys, you should check out this reveiw of Doom....these guys are on the money I think. http://tinyurl.com/dnlox

  • Nov. 17, 2005, 3:23 p.m. CST

    ...and to think people blamed DOOM & Marilyn Manson for Columbin

    by Fugazi32

    Is DOOM III any good? Ain&#39;t played it yet...

  • Dec. 1, 2005, 11:18 p.m. CST

    Dad?

    by buster00

  • Dec. 2, 2005, 11:23 p.m. CST

    SHUT UP WALT!!!!!

    by Shermdawg

  • Dec. 11, 2005, 1:58 a.m. CST

    NO

    by WolfmanNards

    Doom sucked my asshole so hard, it got its retainer stuck in there for a whole day.

  • Feb. 11, 2006, 11:11 p.m. CST

    This movie fucking sucked...real bad

    by moleperson78

    I know its a little late, but for anybody reading this review (if i can save one person it will all be worth it) don&#39;t watch this garbage at any cost. I have no idea what the fuck Harry or anybody else claiming to like this heaping pile of dog shit. It like a real bad Sci-fi Predator rip-off, one that they might shelf...The Rock god save us should have stayed a wrestler, the visual imagary is bland and boring, the acting reministant of a bad high school drama, the monster almost non-exist, i dreamed of making a movie of doom ever since the game came-i mean for years--even tried once in like the 5th grade and if you are unsure of if you should see doom email me i might show it to ya-because it has more imagination than this--- if didn&#39;t have such a big budget and starry(i guess) cast it would scream for a mystery science thetre 3000 make over

  • Feb. 11, 2006, 11:16 p.m. CST

    This movie fucking sucked...real bad

    by moleperson78

    I know its a little late, but for anybody reading this review (if i can save one person it will all be worth it) don&#39;t watch this garbage at any cost. I have no idea what the fuck Harry or anybody else claiming to like this heaping pile of dog shit is talking about. Its like a real bad made for Sci-fi channel Predator rip-off, one that they might shelf...The Rock god save us should have stayed a wrestler, the visual imagary is bland and boring, the acting reministant of a bad high school drama, the monster almost non-exist, i dreamed of making a movie of doom ever since the game came-i mean for years--even tried making it once in like the 5th grade and if you are unsure of if you should see doom email me i might show it to ya-because it has more imagination than this--- if it didn&#39;t have such a big budget and starry(i guess) cast it would scream for a mystery science thetre 3000 make over

  • July 19, 2006, 6:02 a.m. CST

    A nobrainer...

    by cobb

    Why would anyone see a movie that has a monsterface on the cover/poster and that is based on a fps-shootemup-videogame and that stars a former WWF&#39;er (right?) and expect something artsy? This movie is pure fun, playing only to the inner child, and my inner child was flinging popcorn all over the place going "WOOHOO! That&#39;s it, kill those f**kers!" ...and, from a movie like this, what more could you possibly want?