Review

Harry says THE FOG remake is excruciatingly awful!

Published at: Oct. 15, 2005, 11:58 a.m. CST

This might very well be my second most hated film I’ve seen in history.

My first would be, that abortion of a DVD special edition of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD that Russo vomited into existence.

That film, you could almost forgive – under the pretense that a group of delusional mental midgets had a tiny sum of money and were desperate to re-establish copyright over the property. Of course that GREED was their primary motivation and utter ignorance their creative tool… can not be forgiven.

But here… With the remake of THE FOG, they had a budget. Now it certainly didn’t help that for some reason this film was rushed into production with a script by Cooper Layne that must have been obvious to all was a steaming pile of shit. I mean – folks – you have NO IDEA how excruciatingly awful this script is. At every point – it just breathlessly sucks the will to live from your mind.

In fact, I bet if I showed any of you Carpenter’s original FOG twice, then a month later said to you, “You have 1 day to write from memory a remake of THE FOG,” that you’d come up with something that made more sense, had more atmosphere and would be scarier. Never mind actually having 3 months with a professional screenwriter not named Cooper Layne.

But still… I have to imagine that had ANY of you been given this EXACT script to work with and HALF the budget of this film, you would have made 10 times the film.

Rupert Wainwright may be suffering from Head Trauma. The pipes in his kitchen may have a high lead content. He may, in fact, be a soulless automaton with no emotional basis for human interaction. I’m not sure what his problem is, but he is not a film director. Not close. He can not create atmosphere, he can not create a scary moment, he can not coax a genuine emotion from even the one “FANTASTIC” actress in the cast, much less a convincing cardboard performance from the others. Uwe Boll did a vastly superior job with that second piece of crap he directed.

This is just… horrifyingly awful.

I think, perhaps the reason why I reacted this badly was… Well, I love John Carpenter’s THE FOG. The other day I got sent the new DVD – which is essentially the exact same DVD as the last edition but with new cover art – btw. And I watched it about 5 times in a row. Now, the film isn’t the greatest damn horror film ever made… but it is a ghost story that comes from the spirit of my fave horror works… E.C. Comics. The cadaverous ghoulish creations that are back, pissed off and seeking revenge. The original film is attempting to be the greatest ghost yarn ever spun. From the John Houseman story to the top of the lighthouse tower – the film reeks of creeps.

Having said that, watching the film, you get the idea that the movie was rushed, underfinanced and half explored. BUT – for what is there, it is pretty fucking great. For one, the casting was just perfect. Tom Atkins, Jamie Lee Curtis, Janet Leigh, Adrienne Barbeau, Hal Holbrook, John Houseman, Charles Cyphers. They all looked like a film cast.

In this new piece of shit you sure have a lot of vacuous mannequins masquerading as human beings.

Tom Welling? Oh yeah, he looks like a seaman. Perfectly manicured, shaved and doted over. Only thing he may have done near the sea was lay on a beach waxing a surfboard while talking about how someday he’d take it out for some wicked waves.

DeRay Davis – this “actor” plays Welling’s “Gilligan” afro-American jive-smack-hip-hop homie on da boat. “Why I gots to do all da work?” I SHIT YOU NOT. Later you’ll see him make off with a boat and a pair of “White wimmins” to shoot a reality tv program he wants to call “BUNS ON DA BOAT” This is a fisherman? A sailor? I know his character claims to be from Chicago, but what on Earth is a refugee from BARBERSHOP doing in a small ALL WHITE fishing community working under the Prom King? This is one of the most embarrassing racist characters I’ve seen in a horror film that isn’t going for parody.

Adrian Hough – Father Malone. Ok – remember Hal Holbrook? Now, imagine someone at the exact opposite extreme of talent. Devoid of any quality whatsoever. Primary acting talent is to STARE AT THE GROUND AWAITING A DIRECTOR TO SAY, “CUT!”

Jonathon Young – Dan the Weather Man. They literally cast someone that at the time he got this part, his most recent role was, “Bachelor Party Guy” from A GUY THING. There is ZERO charisma here. Terrible.

Maggie Grace – The Jamie Lee Curtis character. Ok, she’s beautiful. I’ll give ya that. But 9/10ths of what is required of her is to stand staring off into the distance… waiting desperately for the merciful edit that will eventually lead to a ridiculous flashback to random seafaring leper footage – which is actually a relief from the staring, but is without purpose or direction, only to be randomly interrupted by Maggie’s continual staring – before after 2-3 seconds someone touches her shoulder and she moves off camera.

Selma Blair – I love Selma Blair. I do. This is an actress with so much going on (in other films) and whom I always can’t wait to see on screen (usually) but in this… with one exception… is just completely flat. She’s playing the Adrienne Barbeau role of Stevie Wayne. First off – the music she plays SUCKS UNWIPED ASS! But – there’s no real difference between RADIO Stevie and MOTHER Stevie. Remember how this character was a great strong female protagonist? Remember how she stayed at the Lighthouse to update the town on where the FOG was going – so people would be warned? Remember how she needed NOBODY to save her? Remember how she never left the Light House and at the end was atop the thing fighting a losing battle with the undead in one of the scariest most tense fucking scenes in cinema history? Ok – NONE OF THAT IS HERE! Selma Blair’s character abandons her post to run off to save her disobedient brat. She’s continually needing and wanting protection. And has a terrible RADIO voice. AND – She’s the best thing in the film, though it is the worst part and performance of her career.

The predator ghosts are lame, the actual make-up on the ghouls themselves aren’t bad, but because it’s transparent – it doesn’t scare like Rob Bottin’s Wormface. Instead of the HOOK hand – we get a back of a cane. Ahem. All of this is just dreadful.

The Fog. CG- Fog sucks. Sorry, it does. I never liked the long shots of the Fog in Carpenter’s original, but they’re so much better than this shit. At least John had the fog just kinda hang there in the long shots. Here, it’s moving really really fast… So, like in 20 seconds it would have enveloped the entire town – and they’d all be fucked. Think of this as EXTREME Fog. UGH! Just terrible.

There wasn’t one moment of satisfaction with this film. Not one jump scare. Not a single genuine scary moment. Nothing worked. The Love Scene? Laugh out loud clumsy and dreadful.

One of the most incompetent worthless wastes of time, talent, energy and money. Without a single redeeming feature. Remember all those 90’s WB style Teen Horror films? This is far more terrible than ANY of those.

Readers Talkback

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  • Oct. 15, 2005, 12:43 p.m. CST

    That's a shame

    by rivercb

    It has such good potential. This should give studios a clue before they rush to make the Halloween re-make

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 12:46 p.m. CST

    So...

    by dr_buggerlugs

    ...I guess you didn't like it then?

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Unbelievable

    by Darth Pookie

    Fantastic review Harry! Just one query: why on earth are none of us at all suprised at the way this piece of visual vomit turned out? Or more ppropriately, was "churned" out, lol. Ya' just gotta love that ol' assembly line crap factory known as "hollywood".

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Wow....

    by guerillatokyo

    I had no interest in seeing this, but damn, I didn't think it'd turn out this rotten. Maybe this will convince some studio heads to scrap their planned remakes of classic 70s horror. Doubtful, but maybe....

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:04 p.m. CST

    All things being equal...

    by Film Whisperer

    If Richard Kelly or Kerry Conrad had their names on this, Harry would be saying its the greatest horror movies of the year. Come on. YOu know what I'm talking about.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:07 p.m. CST

    I'm not scared about 70s horror remakes toay..

    by white owl

    but 00s horror remakes 25 years from now. Imagine the sheer, well.. horror of it all. I won't watch this movie not now, not on dvd in 6 months, or on t.v. at 2 in the morning next year when I could be watching Springer!

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:11 p.m. CST

    5 times in a row?

    by THE WALLACE

    See it's when you say shit like that I have to think you either exagerate like a 10 year old (When I was 12 I used to tell people I watched tim Burton's "Batman" 5 times a day) or you are just a sad man if you WOULD watch the Fog 5 times in a row... either way I can't read the rest of the review after that because you are obviously not of a stable mind. Though yes, I am sure it sucks.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Daaaaaaaamn, Disappointing.

    by Roguewriter

    As cruddy as Carpenter's own stuff has gotten in the last decade or so, I sure wish someone had given him the bucks to update and punch up this one. THE FOG was always one of my favorites of his work, because it was so CLOSE to being great -- missing being the classic that was HALLOWEEN or ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK by only a hair... or a few hundred thousand dollars, more likely. Budget issues SUCK. But I'm sure Carpenter could have had some fun with revisiting Antonio Bay. A shame. Thanks for the wave-off, Harry.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Harry's classic form.

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Harry in the full "Hated it" mode flies so much higher than Harry in the occasional defence-of-awful-films mode (Van Helsing...)

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Great review

    by jollysleeve

    One of Harry's better reviews. Probably will end up being more entertaining than the movie itself.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:28 p.m. CST

    The second piece of crap Uwe Boll directed.

    by DerLanghaarige

    You mean "Amoklauf"? Never saw it.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Ouch

    by Monkey Chops

    I'll be keeping my distance from this, then. Thanks for the heads-up.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:55 p.m. CST

    You know you're all going to see it...

    by Phloton

    ...when Netflix has it. That way no one will actually see you pick it up at the rental store. Hell, I'll probably rent it when Netflix has it.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 1:59 p.m. CST

    question:

    by mansep

    despite it being the 2nd worse movie you've ever seen, do you think it will do well at the box-office? i ask cos sometimes the biggest piles of shit still ..somehow... manage to make shed loads of money. which is always a shame because it encourages producrs to think "don't worry about making a good film, it's a remake so we're bound to make money"

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Re: The Validator - from Harry

    by HEADGEEK

    Dude - know how stupid you sound? Here, let me clue you in. The company that made this film, it's called REVOLUTION. They're the company behind my project GHOST TOWN. And by the way - I didn't love PEARL HARBOR - I felt it needed at least 45 minutes of it removed.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Suprising, Harry.

    by WolfmanNards

    You loved The Texas chainsaw Massacre and Amityville remakes, two movies which sucked to the highest degreee of sucktitude. I would have figured you'd like this shitty movie.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:06 p.m. CST

    I wonder if...

    by NubtheSquirrel

    Harry is slamming this movie because he didn't have a cameo in it like he did with that painfully bad Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. Just kidding Harry. Still, it can't be any worse than Battlefield Earth which was a movie so bad I actually had to apologize to the people I had gone with to see that flaming turd.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:11 p.m. CST

    Re: WolfmanNards - from Harry

    by HEADGEEK

    Listen Dave, --- If you hated those remakes fine, good on you. But those were at the very least liked by a large amount of folks out there, besides me. I can not conceive of ANYONE ANYWHERE loving this rancid turd.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:11 p.m. CST

    Thank you Harry!!!

    by Sinisterjim

    Saw this as a second feature last nigt at midnight (the MUCH better Domino just before), I have to say, wasn't very excited going in, my freinds and I debated, and decided to go ahead...anything Horror, they want to see, no matter HOW bad early reviews are or how bad it looks, and they sometimes have the fucking gal to defend it, like Alone in the Dark...yeah, one of them actually TRIED to defend that abortion of cinema! Anyways, aside from the problems with certain audience members, this was a 'film' that absolutely sucked the soul from my body, that Carpenter was AT ALL envolved in this abomination is a cardinal-fucking sin!!! I bitch about the current trend of hip, PG13 films...this is the exclamation point to that ideaoligy, taken to the point of simply filming good looking, young, fresh faces, doing nothing, adding bland, 'scary' music, and releasing it under the pretense of being a scary movie!!! It's as though Abercrombie and Fitch were making movies now! Honestly, it really hurts to refer to this as a movie!

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:14 p.m. CST

    NubtheSquirrel - from Harry

    by HEADGEEK

    BATTLEFIELD EARTH was awful, but it was actually so bad that it actually crossed over into self-parody and had classic bad movie lines and scenes that you can quote - and at least serves as a great source of embarrassment for Travolta, which in and of itself is rewarding at some level. This film doesn't have any of that.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Who Expected Otherwise?

    by filker-tom

    Honestly, I have no idea why this is such a mystery. Does anybody have any idea why this was made? They had to have known they wouldn't even make back production costs, not even with DVD sales. No one clamored, no one cared, it wasn't all that great a film to begin with, and there was nothing from any of the minimal promotional material to indicate it would do anything besides bite. Along the same lines, I expect FUN WITH DICK AND JANE to be every bit as whimsical and enchanting, i.e., I'll save my money for Wallace & Gromit DVDs.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:16 p.m. CST

    who liked Chainsaw and Amityville remakes?

    by Nate Champion

    I wish more of Harry's reviews were like this... at least half of all the films made nowadays by major studios deserve this kind of hatred. (*Hint* other major film released this weekend *hint*)

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Re: SinisterJim - From Harry

    by HEADGEEK

    AMEN. I can see in your words the sad stare I see in my own eyes. We have seen THE FOG remake. We survived. I think.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:20 p.m. CST

    WTF!?!?

    by Sinisterjim

    Why do some of you always compare to other reviews, each film is it's own entity, deserving it's own review...The Fog (or, as I jokingly refer, The Smoke!) actually makes movies like the Amityville remake look fucking great...Amityville doesn't even aproach this turd in bad! I actually felt embarresed for the screenwriter with some of the dialog, gives me a lot of hope!

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Everyone seems to be forgetting....

    by Rein

    that Carpenter was a producer on this remake. So if you wanna blame people, you've got to at least partially blame him.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:25 p.m. CST

    It was made for the money.

    by Phloton

    What other reason did you think there was? No matter how awful it might be, the producer knew they would make money on it no matter what. Why do you think jackasses like Boll or PWS Anderson are still allowed near cameras? They make absolute drek, but the price of their drek is below the returns they get in theaters and rentals. It's all about the Benjamins. So it's all profit to the production companies. Horror films are mainstream versions of porn. Doesn't matter how ugly the people are in porn, as long as it shows two people fucking, someone will buy it.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:52 p.m. CST

    the audience rebelled

    by Jason Eisener

    Last night i went to check out this film. Half an hour into the movie people started to get a little angry. Someone threw there can of coke at the screen, 2 guys infront of me started smoking a joint and screaming at the film. The audience was laughing at the film, not because it was funny but because it was stupid. This screening was in halifax nova scotia, (harry you were down here once for our atlantic film festival) people dont really react like this to films here. i cant say it was a waste of time though, i did enjoy watching the audiences reaction.

  • If he were dead anyways. Which he's not. But you get the idea.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 2:54 p.m. CST

    CGI fog?

    by I Dunno

    That's when you know CGI has gone too far, when they can't be bothered to get a fog machine.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Carpenter's THE FOG had a great opening scene and setup...

    by Batutta

    ...but somewhere towards the end of the 2nd ACT the movie becomes the worst thing a horror movie can be...silly.

  • ?

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 3:23 p.m. CST

    So Harry, what's the worst film you've ever seen so we c

    by dastickboy

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Sorry, I should really read the full article

    by dastickboy

    Mistakes were made.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 3:47 p.m. CST

    i just found out who beat this bad boy at the box office..

    by jig98

    WALLACE AND GROMIT!!! that's right! for the second week in a row, the box office is "just crackers about cheese!" it's now made 35.0 at the b.o and beat the fog this weekend by 2 million!

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 3:55 p.m. CST

    You want a modern ghost story that is truly scary...

    by workshed

    ...then try 'Dead Man's Shoes'. Supposed to be opening in the States pretty soon. Or you could just buy the DVD from the UK.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 4:03 p.m. CST

    "...the film reeks of creeps..."

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Harry, it's happened before, when you're dealing with a movie this dire you've got to make sure that you say nothing vaguely positive- I know this quote was about the original, but it was in a review of the Fog Remake... So, once again, the posters are going to have your seal of approval, "Harry Knowles of Aintitcool News (the big lovable Texan honky) says of the brilliantly scarifying NEW Fog: 'the film reeks of creeps'". Just kidding there, nice review Harry, but come on, I wasn't exactly planning on seeing a defecated version of the original anyway, even if they bought the rights to my favourite songs for Selma to spin at the lighthouse/radio station, and even if Ms. Blair djs naked (why not, nobody's watching?), I'd still run a wide berth around this flick.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Boy...

    by tiredpm

    When Uwe Boll movies are getting praise in a review by way of comparison, you know there's a problem. Next thing you know, Harry's going to call Paul WS Anderson and apologize for being so hard on him in the past... :-)

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Selma Blair is completely flat in this movie?

    by damorend

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 4:59 p.m. CST

    But he liked Domino?

    by Doom II

    I just saw it and as a HUGE fan of the original, I was happy that it was ok. They didn't "rape" the 1980 Fog and some of the f/x were pretty wicked. I am sure the movie will be ragged on, but it was decent. The pirates were well done (and not shown in full view until the very end). The actors did the job and a few scenes were actually shot for shot from the original movie. Also, several lines of dialogue were STRAIGHT from Carpenter's original screenplay. Had they thrown in some graphic violence and gone for a hard R, I would have called this a triumph (ala the Dawn Of The Dead remake). The ghost pirates look great in silouette like the original (no glowing red eyes on Blake though) and the fog f/x are really good. The cast is mostly young and hot, but that's what sells tickets these days. The original Fog cast was all classy theater trained 60's and 70's actors but they were not so good looking. The new cast is great looking tv trained disposable actors from the 90's and 2000's. To each his own. One thing that wasn't so great is that they SHOW us what happened to Blake and his leper colony in flashbacks which is good for the mainstream moviegoer, but I prefer to just hear about it and move on (like the original). Nice cinematography and some great locations gave it a very open feeling. The editing was a slower pace with no choppy cuts or Mtv style bullshit going on. So take it from someone who was OBSESSED with John Carpenter for about 10 years, the new Fog is worth a look, regardless of how much bashing it receives on this site. It's no Ring 2 or Cabin Fever, and that's a good thing!

  • This review seriuosly BAFFLES MY FUCKING MIND! I saw a different movie. Period. Harry is a sell out that is pissed off at this film for some reason I do not know! Completely bullshit review, I'm sorry. In 5 years of visiting this site, this is the most CONFUSING thing I've ever read! WTF? This site is all about money and payoffs. Got to be. To say the Fog is the second worst movie he's ever seen is absurd! Go watch Drop Dead Fred or any of Robert Rodriguez's movies (except Sin City) or a Michael Bay film. Those are cinematic abortions! I may never come back here as this is absurd!

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 5:18 p.m. CST

    Hey now

    by BillEmic

    Drop Dead Fred kicks ass. Crucial film of my childhood. Don't hate on Phoebe Cates.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 5:18 p.m. CST

    Remakes and super heroes explained.

    by Brit Pop

    Why oh why oh why? Fog didnt need to be remade, neither did War Of The Worlds, Get Carter, Wicker Man to name but a few from a very long and undistinguished list. My explanation for all this is that because we live in uncertain times where everythings going to hell in a handbasket, films are trying to go back in time to a safer, more stable era. And there are so many super hero movies because... there are no more heroes - obviously!! Just another film genre that echoes the time it lives in! Lets just forget all the 'wait a few decades before a remake' and get to remaking Sith - actually, thats a bloody good idea!!!

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Um...

    by InZodWeTrust

    Cannot be as bad as Catwoman. Fact.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Plants invade talkbacks and take names of sequels to old games!

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Heh, heh.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 5:43 p.m. CST

    I like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    The aura the film has is second to none. There are so few films that have that kind of creepiness. And Catwoman was pretty awful. I'd have to say that Inspector Gadget was probably the worst movie of all time though, such potential, such wasted potential...

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 5:53 p.m. CST

    I knew it...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...ever since that hack director in an interview on CHUD (I think) called the original "half a movie" and that his version would have a "hip young cast" I knew that The Fog would suck as majestically as all these other nu-horror Hollywood assjammers. What sealed the deal was that John "Soul-Sold" Carpenter sat in on that interview and readily bent over for the guy and their diabolical joint project. The only thing I hate more than these talentless, crass, unimaginative, spirit-crushing, money-sucking asscocks are the vacuuous, fruitfly-brained, slackjawed, cellphoning, teenage pot feebs who keep paying to see these soulless shitfests.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 5:58 p.m. CST

    What REALLY sucks is...

    by fanboy71

    That even with the horrible reviews, this turd will probably STILL make more money than Serenity. Get off you r butts and go see Serenity instead of this piece of shit.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 6:02 p.m. CST

    SO ITS THAT GOOD?

    by Orionsangels

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 6:18 p.m. CST

    Seems Harry Hated THE FOG About As Much As I Hated DOMINO

    by ZombieSolutions

    (btw, great review Harry. that's the kinda stuff we need to hear! If only I had taken Moriarity's words to heart in re: DOMIBLOW... i coulda saved $7 and those precious 2 hours...)

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 6:40 p.m. CST

    the only redeeming factor in seeing this film

    by howudoinchewbaca

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 6:42 p.m. CST

    the only redeeming factor in seeing this film

    by howudoinchewbaca

    was laughing along with eveyone else in the theatre. Never have I felt so robbed of life. There was one girl that kept screaming...apparently she had never seen a movie before in her life.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 7:21 p.m. CST

    Back to form

    by Koola_Norway

    Harry; you are a great great writer when you write about a subject you despise.. (though an even better one when you write about something you love.) Keep it all coming! I'll never see this movie (but I knew it without your review..)

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 7:38 p.m. CST

    WHAT is the thing that people have for the original "The Fog"?!

    by Thirteen 13

    Harry says he watched it 5 times in a row?!?!?!? ( Well wait, thats actually not all that surprising) Sure the original was ok. It was really nothing groundbreaking. In some spots it was plain boring. Other spots it was mildy scary for like 2 seconds, if that. It was by no means a CLASSIC and nowhere near one of John Carpenter's best work. Now I can understand people going apeshit and having an obsession with say "Escape from New York" or "Big Trouble in Little China".....but "The Fog" !?!?!........yeah it was sort of ok.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 7:43 p.m. CST

    And I think its safe to say that this movie probably is bad, jus

    by Thirteen 13

    Afterall, Harry LOVED Domino, Land of the Dead, and Alexander.And for some strange reason he actually saw and reviewed that animated horse movie "Spirit" whose target audience was for 9 year old girls. So consider the source.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 7:43 p.m. CST

    by chhun23

    fog off

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 7:46 p.m. CST

    Who the hell decided Maggie Grace was good looking?

    by all

    Unless you like a cross-eyed anorexic... to each their own.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 7:50 p.m. CST

    I'm not making excuses for the writer but you have to be awa

    by Bargin Hunter in 3D

    The easy way to slam any film that sucks is: a) Blaim the director b) Blaim the writer c) Most people don't even get to choice C. Remember that film making is "collaborative process", please believe me when I tell you how a script that is "solid" and "tight" (plot-wise that is) can be butchered beyound friggin' recognition by the producers or the money men funding the film, not to mention distubutors. If any of these parties at any point wants to "tone down" "dumb-down" or put add a few scenes for a member of their entourage, most bottom tier writers or directors HAVE TO CAPITULATE. If not then you run the risk of getting a reputation of being difficult to work with, or worse. So what is a writer/dirctor supposed to do? Stand by a script/movie that it sub-standard and make connections that will lead to another gig ,which these people HAVE to do to make a career of it. Or, they can stand up to "the man" and fight, kick, screem for quality on the screen. Sure it's easy to say they should take the "high road", but folks we are talking about HOLLYWOODLAND here. Until you get to the point where you CAN call your own shots its a world of comprismise and caputulation to those who are your "betters" God I wish it wasn't the case but that is the BUSINESS OF THE MOVIE INDUSTRY. You go to parties not to drink and have fun, you go to make contacts for your next gig and the one after that, sacrifice today's child for tomarrow's children. Remember most horror films are low investment, high rewards, because the execs KNOW that every year there is a new batch of 18 year olds who are going to drop $10.00 a pop to finally get their chance at seeing a "R-rated" horror film with a parent or gardian in tow. My advise to those who live to go see these films is to never have high expectations for them because 95% of the time they are crap. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 7:58 p.m. CST

    Bargin Hunter

    by conniebrean

    And spelling "blame" correctly. That's always a plus.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 8:04 p.m. CST

    Sorry about the spelling, my sloppiness, my bad

    by Bargin Hunter in 3D

    I'm just pleased that I spelled the word "THEIR" correctly, that "I before E" rule always scews me up...I hate English, and it shows.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 8:28 p.m. CST

    Selma Blair sucks Monkey Balls.

    by RedFive

    She was the reason Hellboy wasnt a better film,her annoying acting is like your little annoying sister who does stupid shit to impress your friends.But what she does is fucken retarted.Thats her acting in every film,even storytelling,which is her best role (and that film has major problems).So why is it such a shock that all these Horror remakes suck.Its like Bush not giving a shit about New Orleans.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Remakes Blow...

    by RedFive

    The only 2 good remakes are The Thing and The Fly.Reriod.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 9:19 p.m. CST

    Don't shilly-shally Harry, tell us what you thought of the f

    by fitzcarraldo2

    Entertaining review.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 9:23 p.m. CST

    Harry, I thought you hated BELOVED and I DREAMED OF AFRICA more

    by Lenny Nero

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 9:31 p.m. CST

    I calmed down and thought about it...

    by Doom II

    This review still makes no sense, but I decided to provide a list of movies that HARRY likes more than the new Fog (after all, he said it's the second worst film ever, so these gems are all above the new Fog for Harry): Catwoman, Blood Beach, Megaforce, Striptease, Batman & Robin, Rollerball (remake),Cop And 1/2, Showgirls,Delta Force 1-3,Missing In Action 2,Planet Of The Apes (remake),The Women In Red,Desperado,Free Willy 2,Heartbeeps,Halloween 5,The Brown Bunny,Ski School and _______ you fill in the rest.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Doom II... you had to calm down?

    by embrypotzebra721

    Something from a movie OPINION website made you need to go calm down? what happens when the power company shuts your lights off for not paying the, or when someone in your family gets in a car accident... or if you were to ever lose your virginity? does your head just explode, splattering blood onto whoever's nearby? to reiterate... A MOVIE SITE MADE YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN??? what are you, retarded?

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 9:55 p.m. CST

    ummm since when is desperado a crappy movie?

    by ALUCINOR11

    If you guys hated the opinions of Harry and everyone else then why would you come to this site? The goal is to find some movie reviewers that you trust and sometimes it just boils down to personal tastes and experiences as to why a movie is bad or good to you. I may not always agree with certain reviews but dammit, these people run a site that all of us go to daily for free so in the immortal words of Arnold "STOP WHINING!"

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 9:59 p.m. CST

    "Plus it's PG-13!!!!!!!"

    by Osmosis Jones

    The original Fog was NOT THAT VIOLENT. Seriously, there's virtually no blood (all those gougings and hookings, and yet no gore), no nudity, and not even much noticable profanity (certainly no F-words), so if it were released today, it'd almost certainly be rated PG-13. I can understand if, say, the DOTD remake were rated PG-13, but The Fog was actually rather tame in the gore department. It's a cool, creepy little movie (although anyone who could watch it five times in a row has something wrong with them), but it's not a bloodbath by any stretch of the imagination.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 10:19 p.m. CST

    I remember Harry saying he watched North by Northwest three time

    by seppukudkurosawa

    and that seemed a little out there. Even if you think Cary Grant's got a sexier voice than Smokey Robinson, and the only thing second to Tony Curtis' Archibald Leach impression in Some Like it Hot is the real thing- three times in a row's quite insane. But North by Northwest is one of my favourite films, the original Fog isn't even one of my favourite Carpenter films...five times? Did you watch it five times in the respect that the disc was spinning in your DVD player but you were out reading books, bathing, playing a couple rounds of tennis, climbing trees, making love to your kitten in the back of your beat-up Lada, while the film plays on repeat? Fuck it, you can do what you like with your own downtime I guess.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 10:23 p.m. CST

    I Watched Aliens 8 Times In One Day...

    by embrypotzebra721

    I did.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 10:29 p.m. CST

    Hey Harry, tell us what you really think!

    by Babba-Booey

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 10:39 p.m. CST

    Doom II don't knock Showgirls...

    by Roger Thornhill

    It's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. It's the horny mentally retarded brother of All About Eve.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 10:42 p.m. CST

    Which makes Saved by the Bell the funniest program you've ev

    by seppukudkurosawa

    it's the randy mentally mongoloid sister of I Love Luci.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:05 p.m. CST

    Harry's a plant!

    by Red Ned Lynch

    I just got home form seeing this. He's being kind to the movie. This movie is bad in that special, senses deadening way that one usually associates with TV movies made in the 80s starring Cheryl Ladd or Jane Seymour. Tom Welling turns in such a non-performance that you almost forget he's in the movie, and Maggie Grace stares silently at nothing, her face in such perfect, tragic repose, for so much of this movie that you want to take her off life support to release her from her vegetative state. This isn't bad the way House of the Dead was, where you at least got to laugh at how bad it was. This was bad like an after school special, where you just slowly begin to think about other things. Not only that, but it offers almost nothing new, because although a few things here and there are sort of arbitrarily changed, I guess to prove it was reimagined, most of the main scare sequences are pretty close to the original, if the original had been directed by a guy whose biggest claim to fame was directing MC Hammer product. By the way, it makes it MORE, not LESS pitiful if you can't come close to matching what wasn't Carpenter's best film in the first place. I wonder how bad the remake of Ghosts of Mars will be?

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:24 p.m. CST

    The Amityville remake and some thoughts for Harry

    by Neosamurai85

    You will always be able to fill seats with Amityville. Not sequels mind you... Amityville. It's just one of those things. Part of it is the BASED ON A TRUE STORY shit. With the book... People will go to it ok. Christ my mother even wanted to go see it with me. It has a developed genoration it can fall back on. That is why it did good. That is why all these remakes are being made. You may have been pissed off to high hell about Dawn of the Dead And TCM being remade... but it didn't stop you from seeing them did it? So I really don't want to here about how it must have been liked because of it's box office. If people who don't go to horror movies (like my mom) were going along with those that do. Than you really don't have to count that many people seeing it twice that normally factor into a good film's box office. The remake was shit in a steamer. Fearing the cries that it would be a Shinning rip-off, they took the excellent climax of the original and threw it out the window for something truly anti-climatic. They took the perhaps hammy decent of the husband in the original, which despite it

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:27 p.m. CST

    P G - 1 3 ?

    by L.H.Puttgrass

    Do I have to say anymore? The original movie, the source of the remake, was an R. Too many movies that should be rated R try to get more ticket sales by taking out just enough of the R stuff to get the PG-13 rating. They water the movie down thinking they'll be bathing in money by letting more kids in. Instead, they just take a bath. Can you make a scary movie without an R rating? Sure you can!! Jaws was scary. The Haunting (The original one.) was scary. I'm talking about the kind of horror movie where various people meet their end in a variety of creative and graphic ways. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm St., Halloween, The Thing, hell, even the remake of The Blob (I know, I know, but the scene where that guy gets pulled down the drain just made the movie for me. Fun shit.). These kinds of movies are rarely made anymore. And when they are? Crap!! House of Wax (Got stuck in New Orleans for awhile, had to kill some time. The good stuff had already started.)? Crap! Saw? Nice try, but still, also crap! And the others that I have seen, I caught on DVD. Why? Because the damn movies were gone before I could see them! Horror movies just don't seem to last more than a week or two in my neck of the woods. I'd have to journey to New Orleans where they're usually still playing. I won't be doing that for a while. If it weren't for DVDs I'd miss a lot of them. Come to think of it, has Devil's Rejects come out on DVD? Is it any good? All I know is it had alot of hubbub before it came out and then it came out and was gone. Same weekend I think. Off the top of my head the only horror movie that satisfied me this year would have to be Land of the Dead. I liked it, but I wish it were longer. George just doesn't get behind the camera enough. And when he does? 1 hour 33 minutes. Damn, that's enough ranting from me. Later.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:34 p.m. CST

    Hmmm...

    by Neosamurai85

    Some of my rage towards Amityville remake spilled into the rest of that post I think. The Fog really could suck this much, but I whish he'd break it down more than just this sucked and that sucked. How much has the story changed? What alternitives were offered and why did they suck? That's what I want to know. Either way, not buying that it's the second worst... I've seen some pretty shitty movies. Still I wasn't going to see it on the big screen anyway, so I'll find out come rental. Peace.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:36 p.m. CST

    "They took the perhaps hammy decent of the husband in the origin

    by Neosamurai85

    poor wording on my part. Instead they made the character into a complete shit that you actually wished would die. It's supposed to be talking about the remake at that point. Sorry about that. Peace.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:38 p.m. CST

    Neo- as far as Harry, Mori and Quint interacting with the SHVINE

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Moriarty said this on his blog: "We've recently set up a forum for the site to try and create a different way of interacting with the readership, and we've been beta-testing it for a little while. It's going well so far." So I guess they've just changed their policy a bit. Maybe the hits are going down now that Harry's Raison D'

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:45 p.m. CST

    L.H.Puttgrass

    by Neosamurai85

    PG rating of Jaws really dosn't count. That was a different era with a different system. Granted in this era it probably would be PG-13, what with Lost World biting people in half and stuff. I still think Jaws is a light R. Anyway, agree you can make a PG-13 movie scary. However, if Fog is the shit they say it is, I don't think it was because of the rating. The original would be about a PG-13 (almost just a PG) by todays standards and I think that's all you'd need. The Fog was never about gore galore and I'd hate to see it become that. Point of fact, the gore was largly added to the original to fill seats. The Fog is a good old creepy ghost story. It should be something that you could bring you kids to. It should scare the everloving shit out of them, and you should catch hell for doing it, but you should be able to. We've lost touch with that kind of imagenation horror. That stuff that wasn't weak it just made being a kid fun. I'm not talk about The Fog for kids! I'm really not doing a good job describing this at all because I've got to go tend some things. Hopefully you know what I mean. Maybe I'll get back to this tomorrow sometime. Anyway... Peace.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:49 p.m. CST

    NeoSam...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Of course it's not the second worst movie ever made. By the time you get to that level of bad you're way back into good. The Fog remake is bad in a way that leaves you say...wondering what was on the writer's mind when he replaced the piece of driftwood prop from the original with a mirror, or why they felt they needed to change other more or less random things along the way, not in some thematic shift or an attempt to get some scares by changing up the action, but just in sort of the way an ant would follow a pheromone trail back to the anthill after a light rain. The ant's still going to the same place, it just meanders around a bit on the way. Some differences? Well, a love triangle between Blair, Welling and Grace is sort of waved weakly at the camera, but it never develops in any way or plays into the story. I guess it takes a couple minutes of screen time, all told, and spared somebody from thinking of something else to help fill out the movie to feature length. Oh, the old lady watching Selma Blair's son dies differently, and in perhaps the silm's best single scene. And the end is changed a bit, but not in a way that will make you happy, and certainly not in a way that improves on the original. There's none of what WAS cool in the original, the Adrienne Barbeau character calling the location of the fog while Jamie Lee and Tom tried to avoid its path. And the end narration they give Selma just blows compared with Adrienne's in the original. But what kind of changes and what they valued from the original can be summed up by this: They made Selma Blair wear rubber breast enhancers because she was playing the Barbeau part, but they dropped stuff like the old sailor narration and the weird stuff happening in the town the night before the fog arrived (my favorite part of the movie except for Adrienne on the roof of the lighthouse at the end) and replaced it with pretty much nothing.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:51 p.m. CST

    seppukudkurosawa

    by Neosamurai85

    Huh... I was wondering about the increase in interaction. Seems like a good idea. Will be intersting to see how it goes. Peace.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:55 p.m. CST

    Thanks Red Ned Lynch

    by Neosamurai85

    Times like these I wish I still had HBO so that I didn't even have to pay to see crap like this. Becuase I know I will see it... sooner or later. Peace.

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:57 p.m. CST

    HeadGeek

    by NubtheSquirrel

    Harry, I respect the opinions of the writers of this site more than any of the other critics out there. Thank you for your response. I don't think I'll be watching The Fog until it becomes available for my Blockbuster queue and even then I might just wait for my free rental. BTW did John Carpenter even give his blessing for this rancid turd?

  • Oct. 15, 2005, 11:57 p.m. CST

    You and me both.

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Sigh...suckers.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:15 a.m. CST

    On the bright side, I saw The Fog at the drive-in...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...and one of the other screens had a double feature of Wallace and Grommit and Flightplan. Got a laugh out of that.

  • Fantastic movie in every respect. Well shot, great performances, perfect running time, and isn't heavy-handed. George Clooney wins my heart again.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 2:06 a.m. CST

    Harry your Ghost Town will be just as awful you know it I know

    by Bari Umenema

    Revolution makes shitty movies. Todd Garner thought you were such a cool film geek so he offered you a producing deal. Good for you Harold. But Todd is no longer an executive there he's now a producer because he made some stinkers. And all the other executives at Revolution have the same shitty taste in movies. Of course I'll be happy to take their money same as you are Harry. There's no shortage of hypocrisy in Hollywood. The Fog is a movie for teenage girls and boys who love Tom Welling because he's very good in Smallville which truly is a wonderfully inventive and entertaining TV show. Good luck with Ghost Town, I hear they want Rupert Wainwright to direct it. But only after Cooper Layne does a fast polish on the script. You'll have to take your name off the movie before it's released Harry. As a first time producer you're just along for the ride. With Derek in the driver's seat you have nothing to worry about. You're sure to have a film to be proud of just like The Fog.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 2:19 a.m. CST

    Harry's Taste

    by jedimast3r

    The only thing I don't like about this site is Harry's taste. Sure, anyone who has half a brain would never go to a fog remake starring some two-bit TV actors ("Shannon" is arguably the worst character on LOST and Boone should have outlived her; Welling will always, always be the Clark that shouldn't have been). What I hate to hear over and over and OVER again is Harry's Imperialistic "I liked it first, I watched the sub-pop culture shit that the shit was based on, I knew who wrote it and directed the other not-so-good shit that you should have seen but didn't but the fact that you didn't makes my opinion of this new shit better than you-I- love-Japanimation" bullshit. I honestly come to this site for the likes of Herc and Moriarty who have far more open and less programmed minds. If Harry isn't the discoverer or the first to touch something, then the review always lacks the luster or fairness that it should receive. Yes, The Fog probably is a donkey-punch in the face, but endlessly wasting your breath about it doesn't validate coolness or raise the bar for eliteism. If only more breath was wasted on great projects like Serenity, Harry'd be moving in the right direction.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:43 a.m. CST

    Not ONE memorable line, Harry?

    by Perturbo

    I went to see it tonight. I wanted to see a horror movie. I like Selma Blair. I said to myself, how bad can it be? I always forget how bad they can be. But I did take away one memorable line. Okay, it's only memorable as an example of how stupid well-paid Hollywood screenwriters can be. And yes, okay, it isn't really a full line

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:44 a.m. CST

    You guys are spending WAY TOO MUCH time debating this movie...

    by Darth Bono Jr.

    Really.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:03 a.m. CST

    What's with the love for Selma Blair?

    by DocPazuzu

    She's cute and all, but I've yet to see her actually act in any movie she's in. Thoroughly anemic performances every time.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:17 a.m. CST

    Thanks, Harry for showing the original some love!

    by deadguy76

    Finally people are starting to get it: Remakes suck! there's no point making us watch a movie we've already paid to see. Especially when it's been done halfway decent the first time. Any other fans of The Thing?

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:21 a.m. CST

    WAY TO GO HARRY! Your not lost to us after all!

    by alucardvsdracula

    Great negative review, full of spleen and bile, and there was me thinking you'd lost it for a while. Now get back to reviewing MORE movies in this honest fashion and not simply sucking on them like the other Hollywood chimps.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:46 a.m. CST

    ghost town, the one movie no one hears anything about...

    by Windowlicker74

    not on imdb, not even on this site. i guess it s stuck in development hell for a couple of more years, and then it s straight to video.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:26 a.m. CST

    Well, duuuuuuuh! The original sucked shit too!

    by Uncle Stan

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:36 a.m. CST

    WHY?

    by bighank

    WHy?

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:46 a.m. CST

    WHY part 2

    by bighank

    Why would you finance a remake of a film that was mediocre to begin with? The original FOG was alright, but not a horror classic by any stretch of the imagination. I know that Sci-Fi is doing a remake of THE THING. I know they are gonna fuck that up. Harry was right though. As an African American, I really take offense to the way black characters are portrayed in horror films. It's obvious that a white person wrote the lines; probably from watching MTV JAMS or some shit and the characters are relegated to throwbacks of the black characters in The Bellamy Brothers or 40's comdey flick: Bucking their eyes while staring off into the dark going "who dat?!!....who der?!!" Just to set the record straight fo you all, black folks wouldnt fuck around if that was a real situation. We are not the go in the basement to investigate shit type of people. There is no way we would have been on a fucking boat in a thick fog in an all-white town. You see what happened the last time we got tricked onto getting on a boat. And we will leave your dumb white asses to get eatin', mangled, raped or killed by the monster if your not runnin' fast enough. We have survived slavery, oppression, the 60's and HOMEBOYS IN OUTER SPACE...there is NO FUCKING WAY we would be fodder for a ghost, ghoul or monster of any kind. I am writing a horror film with a predominantly ethnic cast. Oh...the white guy gets killed first..LOL

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Harry - Thanks for sitting through this....

    by RobinP

    ...so I don't have to.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 9:19 a.m. CST

    GOOD JOB HARRY

    by El Borak

    i'm not the biggest fan of the original, but good god! what a remake like this does is defame a good film. 10 years from now if you mention "the fog" most snot-nosed punks will be like, "it was awesome" or "it sucked", not knowing there was an original and the piece of shit they saw was a remake. sad...

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 9:23 a.m. CST

    No, 10 years from now if you mention "the fog",,,

    by seppukudkurosawa

    they'll be like, "Huh? The fog...oh you mean Clerks 2: Hits From The Boooong right? Yeah that rocked!". Not even an elephant has a good enough memory to remember something as forgettably cr

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 9:27 a.m. CST

    point taken

    by El Borak

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 9:33 a.m. CST

    "Selma Blair is just completely flat"

    by oisin5199

    Sure she is, when you compare her to Adrienne Barboobs...I mean Barbeau. Sorry, couldn't resist. fantasized about her a bit as a kid in the 70s. Now she's not just a MILF but probably a GILF. Bring back Carnivale!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Hell I watched GLITTER 9 times in a row in a XTC DAZE...

    by MentallyMariah

    Then I woke up and realized that It was all a FOGGY dream... The original Fog made me fall asleep...It wasn't all that great, but ya know, I see every horror movie that comes out, well except for Bones, I skipped that one, Is this worst then Bones? VENOM? or how about CRY WOLF? seriously kids the scariest movie to come out in years was GLITTER...nothing says HORROR like Mariah Carey trying to act while looking like a chimpmunk on Xanax, but I must say there is a classic scene in Glitter where the video director looks at Mariah Carey's character Billie and says "We ask ourselves, is she black? Is she white? We don't care. She's exotic. I want to see more of her breasts!" Now I would like to see a remake of Glitter in ten years...bring it on!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Thornhill -- SHOWGIRLS

    by ZombieSolutions

    i just wanted to cast my ballot with you that SHOWGIRLS really is one of the most hilarious movies ever made. it's so transcendently awful that it becomes brilliant. best worst movie ever.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 10:29 a.m. CST

    "Why would you finance a remake of a film that was mediocre to b

    by Neosamurai85

    It might have something to do with the fact that you could IMPROVE upon it. What I want to know is why people remake movies that were perfect to begin with. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:03 a.m. CST

    I don't doubt Harry, but the real news here

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    is how cool it is to see MentallyMariah back on the TBs!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:14 a.m. CST

    The Trashy Psychedelic Disco-Coke Film Festival -- SHOWGIRLS, GL

    by ZombieSolutions

    any other wonderful trash films we could include?

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:22 a.m. CST

    "Hey, hey baby, baby break down/ button up baby you come undone/

    by Neosamurai85

    The mental and retinal trauma that was Glitter had finally faded from my consciousness and been extracted from my subconscious where it had been pulling quite a few nasty strings. Now the evil has been released like popped stitches. It will take me months of intense opossum therapy to exorcise these oh so un-sweet, sweet fantasies. Gah! The thought just passed through my mind... where is Mariah now? For she is out there... somewhere... and the thought does indeed bring a terror to my limbs. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Well... with purely Trashy Psychedelic

    by Neosamurai85

    (Never seen Can't Stop the Music so no opinion) You could ditch the shitters Glitter and Showgirls (well... maybe leave Showgirls as the modern sleeze of the mix) and kick it proper old school with Village of the Giants. A John Waters film seems almost too obvious a choice. Actually I had a few others but I'm running a blank. Village of the Giants has derailed my brain into more of a 60's Dragnet/Dungeon of Harrow wavelength. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Not even half as bad as Harry says..

    by jojo-pimp

    This movie really was not that bad at all. Not as good as the original, but still provided scares, some good tension, and some good special effects. The original was ten times better, dont get me wrong....but this one is still worth a few bucks at the theatre, or renting. Better directed that most horror movies that have come out lately.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Zombie...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Verhoeven is the greatest director of our generation. Water Sports Anderson has devoted his life to trying to reach the gothic level of florid, overblown incompetence Verhoeven has given us in movies like Showgirls and Starship Troopers. Showgirls is by far his awful film masterpiece but my favorite single moment comes from Troopers. Denise Richards and the pilot hunk are alone on the BRIDGE of A WARSHIP, drinking coffee and having a romantic moment when pilot hunk notices Denise has changed the course he has plotted. Forget for a moment that pilot hunk says to Denise that "You think you can lick my navs". What I love is he then punches a button on a computer and the screen displays the message "Course Optimal". So did pilot stud stop working on the course he plotted when the computer told him "Course All Right"? Course shitty? For that matter if the computer can tell you when the course is optimal why isn't the computer plotting your course? Man I love Verhoeven. And when Michael Pare...oops, I mean Caper Van Dien and Richards meet, after the city where they were born and raised was incinerated along with almost everyone they know, Casper says..."Well, we're alive...gotta' be happy about that." What a genius. I have hopes for Uwe Boll. Dungeon Siege, where we have Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds and Matthew Lillard all thrown back into a middle age themed three hour nightmare, may well move Uwe from the front ranks of surreally bad directors working now into the range of all-time greats. I'm still holding out hope he can get Joe Pesci to join the cast.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Other good remakes...

    by jojo-pimp

    Some of you are sooo quick to shit on remakes, just because you grew up loving the original. Trust me, there are plenty of remakes that suck, or remakes where even though they are pretty decent, the original is still better in my opinion. The new Texas Chainsaw was pretty damn good....not as grungey and nasty as the original, but still a very worth remake. The new Amityville was pretty damn good too...Ryan Reynolds was ten times better than James Brolin. Dawn of the Dead...pretty damn good movie....not as good as the original, but a very good tribute and reimagining. I dunno.....i do agree i dont want to see every movie i love remade and then suck....but sometimes, it IS nice to see something you loved as a child brought back in a modern way. The Fog was decent....not as bad as harry makes it sound, and i trust me, i love John Carpenter movies more than anything, and while this one wasnt as good as the original, it was still pretty good, and i do firmly believe that the new Assault on Precinct 13 was pretty bad ass!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Look for the Fog

    by Jack Burton

    The news that the Fog remake is crap is not at all surprising. the original is one of my favorite horror movies. Yeah it has problems but the movie has momentum and real scares. This just looked like crap from the beginning. As soon as I saw it was PG 13 I knew it was going to meet expectations.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:45 a.m. CST

    RE: Jack Burton

    by jojo-pimp

    Seriously, it really wasnt that bad....and even though it was PG-13.....was the original really that gory or bloody? They didnt have a PG-13 rating back then...cause trust me, by today's standards, the 1980 version would definately be PG-13

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Red Ned Lynch

    by DocPazuzu

    Not to ignite another off-topic Starship Troopers flame war in a TalkBack, but I must say that it seems you've completely missed the point of that film.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Did someone either heavily edit or ghostwrite this review for Ha

    by FluffyUnbound

    I don't know, it has some Harry review elements and all, but something about the cadence is off, and the punctuation and spelling are too good.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:56 a.m. CST

    THE FOG (2005) cost $18 to make and just raked in $12 million on

    by godoffireinhell

    It's a hit and the #1 flick this weekend. Expect that HALLOWEEN remake to start rolling in a month or two. PRINCE OF DARKNESS, THEY LIVE and THE THING will also soon be remade (again). Joy!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, noon CST

    Yeah, but Jo-jo....

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...by 1980 standards the remake would be PG. Seriously, maybe you could point to the babysitter's death as something that was a moderately cool toss-off bit, but what was good about this movie? Characterization? No, I mean there wasn't even the amount of rote filling out the characters the original had. Acting? Seriously, this was a script that beat the life out of Selma Blair. Welling and Grace are absolute cyphers. What was it, specifically, that you liked? I mean, the scare bits on the boat, in the church, at the radio station, which were all straight from the original but watered down? Or was it the ending, lifted from the end of twenty or so AIP movies from the 50s and 60s and playing on how involved the audience is with a relationship between two completely flat and undeveloped characters. Seriously, I would have been more effected if Kari Wuhrer and David Arquette hadn't gotten together at the end of Eight Legged Freaks. Sorry, I didn't mean to go off about this, but I took the family to see this with no illusions that it would be very good, because it's almost Halloween and scary movies at the drive-in were a big part of my childhood and I want it to be part of my kids' childhood too, and I was still shocked at just how flat and empty it was.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Doc, seriously...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    If you say one thing about a subtext of fascism I am going to laugh until I cry.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:04 p.m. CST

    Because really...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...it's like defending the Amazing Two-Headed Transplant for what it had to say about racism.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:05 p.m. CST

    And yes...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...I own them both. Because they are beautiful.

  • Be sure to wear your clown shoes to my son's birthday party in March! And I guess it's sad to even comment on your "virginity" comment, but I feel so inclined to let you 12 year old ass know that yes, I am a married virgin with a child. I was also engaged twice before and lived with several woman throughout the 90's and yet I remain a virgin. Will you please teach me how to be a bad ass pimpin' motherfucker like yourself? Pleas show me how to get laid! I beg you sir! What a cool screen name you have also. I am positive THAT ALONE gets you more pussy than Tommy Lee on a good day. Oh yeah, I liked the new Fog movie...

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:11 p.m. CST

    Best Harry Review Ever

    by IAmLegolas

    I think I'm tearing up a little...

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:13 p.m. CST

    The Trashy Psychedelic Disco-Coke Film Festival

    by Flummage

    Zombie, seriously. If we can't include Annie, The Wizard of Oz and The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking in the The Trashy Psychedelic Disco-Coke Film Festival, then I'm driving on and going straight to Quentin's place.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:18 p.m. CST

    The Fog - a huge disappointment

    by Ivan_Mtl

    You would be hard pressed to find a bigger fan of the original movie than myself - although Harry would probably qualify by virtue of his girth alone (I luvs ya, Harry). ;) I have to say that I really wanted to like this movie. The original version was truly a wonderful ghost story in the tradition of the legend of the Flying Dutchman. For most of the reasons given in Harry's review, I think it failed on every level. I think one of the things that made the original creepy was that a lot of it was left to our imagination. The betrayal of Blake and his crew was never actually shown, and it was through Father Malone's reading of his ancestor's journal that we discover the truth behind the terrible event. No special effect can equal what our mind can conceive when Malone meets Blake for the first time and describes the ravages of his vile disease. I remember having the same feeling with Henri Charriere's PAPILLON which starred Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman and BEN HUR. There is something about "internal horror" in which a person can't control what is happening to his own body, which makes it (in my opinion) the most frightening horror of all (I think David Cronenberg would probably agree). If a screenwriter and/or director can't make leprosy scary, then that is not saying much for their talent (or lack thereof). The only positive thing that I can say about this movie is that the few references to the original film made me want to go back and revisit the Carpenter/Hill classic again. This new movie definitely proves that often times "Less is More"

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:22 p.m. CST

    (Obvious Film Criticism 101) -- STARSHIP TROOPERS Was A Brillian

    by ZombieSolutions

    albeit a hamfisted one. i love Verhoven too. he's basically an exploitation / b-film director who has been able to fool hollywood into bankrolling his hamfisted, hilarious, brutal gore fests. and that alone makes him one of my heroes. his commentary on the Starship Troopers disc is priceless. he pretty much lays it out in the first 5 minutes that this was a satire of American foreign policy in Iraq and what he saw (in 1997) as the inevitable Endless War that was coming. and he was right! i guess that's what happens when you grow up under the shadow of fascism (for Verhoven it was the Nazis) -- you get well-acquatined with the self-destructive behavior, poor-policy decisions, unmititgated arrogance, posturing and propaganda. he's eurotrash to the bone and i love him. he should team up with John Waters and make a sci-fi movie. now THAT would be an TRASH EPIC.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:24 p.m. CST

    OH YEAH jojo-pimp.....

    by Doom II

    I agree with every word you said. These new remakes are pretty good. I actually thing the new DOTD was amazing. And Carpenter is a personal idol of mine (pre 1987 Carpenter). The new horror movies coming aout are actually more like tributes. Not as good as the originals, but offer some cool twists and much better cinematography to be sure. Ryan Reynolds MADE the Amityville Horror movie, but people forget how boring the original actually was ( I just saw it 3 months ago).

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Testify, Zombie! Testify!

    by Red Ned Lynch

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:24 p.m. CST

    by Red Ned Lynch

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Well...except....

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...for the teaming up with Waters. Unfortunately, I think you're remembering a John Waters from a long time ago.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:27 p.m. CST

    by Red Ned Lynch

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Hmmm...sorry about the seizure.

    by Red Ned Lynch

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Flumm, You Gentleman...

    by ZombieSolutions

    Wizard of OZ is completely over-the-top psychedelic, and it's AWESOME, but i don't know about "trashy." it's subliminally gay, of course (like Star Wars) but it's cutsey poo nice gay, not trashy back alley meth-binge gay (like Can't Stop the Music) or closet gay (like Top Gun and/or every film Tom Cruise has ever been in ).

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:34 p.m. CST

    The Thing About JOHN WATERS Is, Which To Choose?

    by ZombieSolutions

    PINK FLAMINGOES is the #1 stunner, but i'd be more inclined to include FEMALE TROUBLE or DESPERATE LIVING in the Trashy Psychedclic Disco-Coke Film Festival.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:39 p.m. CST

    "Unfortunately, I think you're remembering a John Waters fro

    by ZombieSolutions

    yeah, his dayz of glory are behind him, but i like what i've seen of his new stuff. it's aiight. i thought Pecker was really funny (and poignant in terms of the whole classwar stuff). i haven't seen Low Down Dirty Shame, but i heard it was just "aiight." still, his classics are TITANS of exploitation cinema. brilliant!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Red Ned Lynch

    by DocPazuzu

    No, I wasn't going to mention the anti-fascist satirical aspect of it because it's blatantly obvious. I was referring to the photogenic blockheads he intentionally cast to play the shallow, moronic "heroes" of the film. The joke is painfully at the expense of both Van Dien and Richards, something which becomes more and more obvious each time you watch the movie. I'll love Verhoeven forever for making such an outrageous combination of shameless gore, cretinous dialogue, hamfisted critique of fascism, subversive satire and tits. Starship Troopers has it all. Fucking brilliant.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:43 p.m. CST

    But that means you're basically agreeing...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...with me. So why did you say I missed the point?

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:48 p.m. CST

    "the gothic level of florid, overblown incompetence Verhoeven ha

    by DocPazuzu

    Because of that, as well as the fact that you seem to interpret Van Dien's line after his home's destruction as somehow being bad writing rather than being intentionally symptomatic of his idotic and shallow character.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Thoe whole black-guy--gets-killed-first thing is an urban legend

    by Some Dude

    Give me five examples, that aren't post-modern "comments" on this supposed trend (ie the beginning of "Scream 2"). Here is what really happens... The one or two blacks (occasionally token, but sometimes real characters) die before the final girl who is white. Somehow this becomes mis-remembered as "the black guy died first," when what really happened was some whites died, a black guy died, some more whites died, killer died. This misconception then became carved in stone every time some supposedly funny script had a black guy joke about getting killed first. So, find me those examples of the black guy getting killed first. I assure you, from decades of watching these movies, this is an urban legend and an unfortunate one because it promotes the idea that horror films are collectively racist.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Hey, Doc, Red Ned...

    by ZombieSolutions

    i think we're all in agreement here in re: Verhoven's staggering trash genius! and he really does seem to be openly mocking his poor grade-z actors as well. both STARSHIP TROOPERS and ROBOCOP are fucking great. i would argue that SHOWGIRLS is also meant to be a satire / self-parody -- Esterhaus being the main target -- but it is soooo bad as to be almost in a category by itself. anyways, Verhoven is the most punk rock aging eurotrash exploitation blockbuster director we've got... in fact, i think he's the ONLY ONE. i can't WAIT for his JESUS/HITLER duology (if that ever happens). you know they are going to be completely over-the-top and insane... the public reaction alone is going to be a comedy goldmine...

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Oh, and Verhoeven rules.

    by Some Dude

    "Starship Troopers" is easily the best American film of the 1990s.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 12:59 p.m. CST

    "Rupert Wainwright may be suffering from Head Trauma." PRICELESS

    by hipcheck13

    ...legendary review, Big Red. I knew this thing was gonna suck donkey gonad.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Florid, overblown incompetence is exactly...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...what's at work, though. And I love Verhoeven because of it. There are few things more precious than the films of someone who has a sort of protean social consciousness but who lacks the sophistication to present their ideas with any level of effective competence. The late sixties and early seventies are loaded with this kind of film, from the low rent (like Transplant) to the sadly star-studded (like The Happening). And there is nothing more wonderful than when a movie (like Troopers, or say Natural Born Killers) puts forth its message so poorly that most of the audiences who initially see it take away precisely the OPPOSITE message than that which I believe the people who made the films sincerely intended. I would agree that there is a "brilliance" to such movies...but it is of a very special kind. And now I just might go and watch Troopers again.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Some Dude...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...my favorite horror director is George Romero. So I would...tend to agree. (Though I always took the joke as being largely directed at slasher movies, where for a long time the last person breathing was required to be Jamie Lee Curtis).

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Some Dude

    by DocPazuzu

    This is true. As is the fact these days that virtually no horror film cranked out of Hollywood today deviates from a startlingly similar distribution of ethnicity and gender among the main group of characters. Look for example at the boat crews of both Virus and Ghost Ship. Hilariously interchangeable. Normally I say it's a good thing - the more diversity the better, but when the stories take place in areas where we in real life know that kind of diversity would be uncommon and no explanation is given, it starts to feel artificial and forced. What's worse is that the filmmakers insist on everyone acting like a one-dimensional stereotype of whatever ethnicity or gender they belong to, thereby making the films at best lose all credibility, and at worst be offensive to anyone with healthy sensibilities.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Some Dude

    by Neosamurai85

    I think perhaps you have misheard the saying. As I've always heard it it's that, "The black guy ALWAYS dies in horror movies." I can't recal once that I've heard it as "dies first". I'd agree they don't die first, but they do tend to "always get it." Favorite example... Leviathan... the poor man's The Thing and ultimate jump shark of black guy gets it horror. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Red Ned Lynch

    by DocPazuzu

    Hmmm.... I take your point. However, I wouldn't put the failure of the film's message at Verhoeven's feet. Most of ST's detractors were, by far, in America. Just about everywhere else in the western world both critics and audiences seemed to understand what Verhoeven was saying.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:12 p.m. CST

    Three hits in a row

    by Neosamurai85

    Aren't you popular! :P Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:16 p.m. CST

    100% with you here, Doc.

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Plus, it sets up this sort of strange, rote reality. 1. White man, often with accent, in charge. Crazy or crazy greedy and eventually in thrall or at least unwittingly helping evil. 2. White (or very rarely non-white) woman. Strong, competent, who grows more confident in her abilities as the film progresses. 3. Tough and wise ethnic stereotype, whose very toughness or wisdom eventually turns on them to bring them down. 4. White nerd/white weirdo. Sometimes broken into two characters. 5. Feets don't fail me now horrible "comedic" steroetype who showcases some halfwit's idea of "urban survival skills". 6. Alabama man. The white guy who likes a big gun. 7. Woman two. The one who acts like...you know...how wimmin's used to act. Back in the "good ole' days". This is changed up only slightly. Sometimes woman number two is old style vamp, or sometimes old style screamer, and sometimes the character is broken into two. But yeah, it's just heartbreakingly bland, predictable and stupid.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Doc...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...yeah, we've got nothing to fight over with Verhoeven. Still fun talking about it.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:26 p.m. CST

    Though actually, Doc, when you put it...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...that way, it's a little depressing. It is a rare thing for satire of any sort to succeed as intended in mainstream US entertainment. I mean it's easy for me to point the finger at Verhoeven or Stone in those two particular cases, because they threw in so much sound and fury that it obscured and almost reversed their point. But then again, if they hadn't done that the films they made would have probably received no attention at all...the fate of most satire in the States. Thanks. I was all happy thinking about Troopers.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Red Ned

    by DocPazuzu

    Pop it in the player. You'll cheer up in no time.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:48 p.m. CST

    I stole $100 from this films box office!

    by Tsunami3G

    I didn't actually steal it. I talked our party of 10 out of seeing it after we ate at Beni Hanas last night. I pissed two people off but I see it as saving 2 hours of everyones time.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Yes the've run out of ideas in Hollywood, but...

    by Orionsangels

    Studios see a remake as a movie that this new young generation never saw. Studios see it as an opportunity to present something old in a new socalled modern package. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and you get a steaming pile of shit, like this Fog remake. Remember Studios aren't targetting us, but 15 to 19 year olds. They assume most of them are stupid.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 2:02 p.m. CST

    You know Orionsangels... that really dosn't make me feel any

    by Neosamurai85

    I'm twenty. When I was 16 my favorite films were (still are for the most part) Seven Samurai, Alien, Blue Velvet, The Great Dictator, Akira, Evil Dead 2, Jaws, Blade Runner, Raising Arazona, and The Godfather. I'd say if anything my taste has improved since then. There are plently of dumb teens out there, but the mercury content of our blood or whatever hasn't gone up enough between my generation and this one to make me except this level of stupidity. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 2:23 p.m. CST

    Neosamuria

    by ShadowSorkin07

    You put alien over Aliens? I hope your taste as improved to see the folly of your ways.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 2:38 p.m. CST

    LOTR'S aren't gay

    by ShadowSorkin07

    The books sure as hell were though. Jackson did a good job of cutting back on that crap, there was just so much of it, our gaydars still went off. As for Star Wars, they are so not gay.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 2:45 p.m. CST

    whoa, way to not know one of your favorite movies

    by ShadowSorkin07

    In Alien they didn't have the same weapons they did in the second film. And sorry, it wasn't easy to kill them. I'm not say Alien isn't a classic either, I'm saying that Aliens is both a classic and the better movie, though it became an entirely different genre. It went from gothic sci fi horror to horror action movie.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:06 p.m. CST

    Alien vs. Aliens

    by Neosamurai85

    I like them both for different reasons. Aliens is a sci-fi action movie. It revolutionized fiction in was that are still very present (and now painfully clich

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:10 p.m. CST

    it wasn't impossible

    by ShadowSorkin07

    They fricken launched it into space at the end, that did the job rather well. also, in the sequel they make the point that humans adapt. In the first they didn't know what they were dealing with. In the second, they still really didn't, but they at least had the forsight to bring weapons. Just like men were more scared of natural predators 200 years ago, now we see a wolf we kill it with a rifle. The movie is more along that lines. And let's face it, if we ever did find a creature like the ones found in those movies, probably the first group would died like in the first movie, and then on a second meeting, we would have done something simliar to what happened in the second movie. And yes, the heroin is vulnerable in the second film, but she changed from the experince, she grew. That's why she surivied , she got tough. It showed a natural progession. So no, I wouldn't call it meaningless.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:16 p.m. CST

    what was cut?

    by ShadowSorkin07

    you say they reproductive system established in the orginal? What was it, I don't think I heard about this.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:16 p.m. CST

    "in WAYS that are still present"

    by Neosamurai85

    Damn... on the Industructible debate. I don't think they are Industructible since the one in Alien did take that shot to the belly on it's way out of the air lock. I think that more applies to the fact that it could funtion in the cold vacuum of space

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:16 p.m. CST

    what was cut

    by Neosamurai85

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Damn enter key...

    by Neosamurai85

    Read Giger's Alien for full details. The Original alien was not a drone. There was a scene cut where Riply goes into the vent shaft in search of the Captan. When she finds him, he's in the process of becoming an Egg. The aliens addapt to their hosts, similar to those later on in The Thing. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:24 p.m. CST

    "didn

    by Neosamurai85

    True, what I meant was... if you can break its exoskeleton it's not totally industructible... but actully killing the fucker... that's tricky. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Alien v. Aliens

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Alien was visionary social horror masquerading as sci-fi, drawing on what was best from the pulp sci-fi horror of the 50s and sculpting from it a film that made accesssible to the mainstream elements of Cronenberg's body horror while being one of the first films to play on the growing social fear that the ascent of corporations could create a new fuedalism. Aliens was a great action horror movie, one of the best ever made, but it at no point transcended its roots, and it was filled with anachronisms, like the "illegal alien" bit from Paxton's character. In short, Alien was the first time you ate sushi done right, or maybe your first beignettes eaten beside the Mississippi in New Orleans. Aliens was when they get the fries just right at McDonald's. That may sound like an insult, but I don't mean it that way. Those fries taste great. They just aren't anything new.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Oh...

    by Neosamurai85

    I scrolled past ShadowSorkin07's post and thought you were talking to me llac5. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:27 p.m. CST

    ALIEN or ALIENS? They are BOTH good movies, BUT---

    by Darth Bono Jr.

    --the Pacific Ocean is just SO better than the Atlantic Ocean! So there!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Uh-huh, Emerald.

    by Red Ned Lynch

    And Roger Ebert hated the first Spiderman, which went on to make four hundred million dollars, so he's the LEAST influential film critic in America. And George Bush wanted Terri Schiavo to stay on life support but the majority of Americans didn't, which is why nobody voted for the cretin. And Tesla wanted free electricity for everybody, and I'm still paying for my lights, so he was a stupid asshole. Point made, man. Point made.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Subliminally Gay Geekdom: STAR WARS; LOTR; THE MATRIX: A Primer

    by ZombieSolutions

    [STAR WARS] -- 1) the Jedi are a gay super army; Anakin breaks the rules by being hetero and it ruins the big gay super society they created 2) R2D2 and C3PO! cmon, they're like Bert and Ernie -- the friendly gay couple that children love. ______ [LOTR] -- 1) The Hobbits, holy shit. Especially Frodo (receiver) and Sam (giver). 2) the Elves -- upperclass eurotrash model gay. Bowie gay. 3) Ian McKellan! _________ [THE MATRIX] -- 1) Keanu Reeves 2) eat the red pill and come join our magical goth gay techno leather patrol! 3) oh, and your "girlfriend" looks like a dude. and "she" saves you with love power. ___ (of course all Superheros are gay and pretty much everything in STAR TREK is supergay, so... there you go... subliminally gay geekdom of the "big three" in a nutshell...)

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Darth, yeah I've seen that Woody Allen movie with Marge Simp

    by seppukudkurosawa

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Yeah Harry, when Fall Out Boy came on at the beginning of the mo

    by Craiggers

    So I knew from that point the movie would only get worse. Tom Welling sucks. The only reason he works for Smallville is because the character of Clark Kent is just as lame as Tom Welling's acting skill, so it works. The terrible kills, with the exception of the grandma death scene, were lame as hell. Oh, and the token black guy for comedy relief... wow. Yeah comedy; this guy's lines went over about as well as mime at a school for the blind. Horrible horrible movie. My friend, who is a fan of Carpenter, felt like he was violated somehow by this abomination.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Gay movies

    by Neosamurai85

    You know... you can really find gay things in every movie if you look hard enough... it's like that number from Pi (the movie that is... I suck at math but I'm not that bad) or viginas in tree trunks! So really, who cares? You also might want to reword this Simbliminally Gay thing... sounds like an agenda. Try undertones or something. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Fuck me

    by BenFerris

    I was really hoping for winner, I would atleast admit that the shot of Maggie Grace's ass was the best par of the movie. Damn she looks good. OH, that ass, those panties. My god.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:36 p.m. CST

    BenFerris

    by Neosamurai85

    Your timing for that post could not have been more comically golden at your expense. Thank you makeing milk shoot out my nose. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Wait a sec...

    by Neosamurai85

    I don't think I've drank a glass of milk since 2002... HOLY FUCK! Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Of Course The XMEN Are Gay, As Are All Supeheroes (Even The Stra

    by ZombieSolutions

    that should go without saying. the whole metaphor is so obvious. anyone who has a problem with that needs to do some serious introspection.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Please Understand...

    by ZombieSolutions

    i fully support gay rights, gay pride, gay power, gay shopping network, et al. i'm merely pointing out that which is so plainly obvious in terms of gayness in film / comics. this needs to be pointed out because 1) it's revealing; 2) many geeks are homophobic and need to wake up; 3) it's really funny. especially in relation to the whole supehero / sci-fi / fantasy thing. that's all...

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:48 p.m. CST

    I dunno, someone that thinks everything is gay might have to do

    by Craiggers

    Don't get me wrong ZombieSolutions, I agree with your point for the most part. There are homoerotic subtexts in most movies, books, or tv if one digs deeps enough. But I think somebody above said it best - one could find vaginas in tree trunks if you looks hard enough. These frantic claims of yours almost comes off as a little homophobic. I'm just saying.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Films where the audience takes away the opposite message

    by FluffyUnbound

    The thing about Starship Troopers that makes that happen is that the society as it is depicted simply looks like a better one to inhabit than the potential society they might have been if they did not have the fascistic tendencies Verhoeven is skewering. So if anything the film is undone because Verhoeven is too charitable to his subject. There is something intrinsically more pleasing and satisfying about provoking the bugs into war and then exterminating them then some boring exercise in trying to learn to communicate with them. The use of feel-good WWII imagery in the fake patriotic ads and in the ship design just piles on to the "good war" effect. The tits, the blood, and the use of tried and true war movie stereotypes [tried and true because they always worked before] don't hurt. Frankly, if Doogie Howser's uniform hadn't been so over the top with its sadomasochistic Nazi overtones, I bet the "satire" meme would have never even gotten off the ground.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Craiggers -- I Am Not Homophobic. I Love And Support My Gay Bro

    by ZombieSolutions

    how is anything i have written come off as homophobic? i've been more then vigorous in my support of gay rights on this site and, more importantly, in the real world. i want everyone to accept the gay, not fear it. i think maybe you are misreading what i am writing.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:11 p.m. CST

    My favorite Starship Troopers throwaway moment:

    by DocPazuzu

    During one of those Federation info-clips a voice declares: "This is why the bugs must be destroyed!" while on screen there's a diagram of our galaxy, with Earth marked at one end and Klendathu pointed out at the opposite end, a "mere" 100,000 light years away. Hilarious, as well as the film's message in a nutshell.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:38 p.m. CST

    James said it best, "I like the milk from the milkman's rice

    by Neosamurai85

    Nah. Basically once I dicovered you can make mad dreamicicles with Soy, I left strieght milk for good. It is still the only way to have chocolate milk though. Normal milk without any doctoring taste real odd to me now because of the lactose. So yeah... once you go soy it's all you enjoy. And yes... I am aware of the number of really bad gay jokes I've set myself up for with this post. Enjoy... oh and do watch out for the gutters! Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:44 p.m. CST

    Well, the only Star Wars I watch is...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...return of the Jedi, with Princess Leia chained up in a metal bikini by Jabba the Hut. My favorite comic book is Wonder Woman. I like the parts where she throws her rope around the bad guys and makes them "tell the truth", although it's pretty cool when she gets captured too. I love Poe's genre fiction...I think my favorite is City By the Sea. Oh, She Hulk is a good comicbook, too. She gets tied up a LOT. And when Catwoman used a whip...oh I love Barbarella, especially when she's tied up and the kids set the dolls loose on her, or where she's in the funky piano Duran Duran plays. Man, I also love... ...pick your fetish. I'll prove your favorite stuff is all about it. It's fun as an exercise, maybe. But really, you can do it about anything. Genre fiction has always been very fetish heavy. It's just part of its nature. Gor, John Carter on Mars, Conan, Solomon Kane...I mean this stuff is an S&M playground. And Poe, straight up necrophiliac. Here's why. Genre stuff has always attracted people who wanted to explore topics that would be off the map taboo in the mainstream. You can get away with a lot more if you make it fantastic.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Irony?

    by Neosamurai85

    I could sit here and anylize the looking for gay undertones in film... What is gay? What is gained or lost with such attention? Is ZombieSolutions a good witch or a bad witch? What would happen if I threw Miike's work into this pot? And many other questions... or I could go read The Second Sex for class tomorrow. Hmmm... Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:49 p.m. CST

    I'll say this for the Zom...

    by Neosamurai85

    I have a friend who is gay and enjoys looking for gay undertones in films too. I think hurt something from luaghing so hard when he broke down The Hunt For Red October. Damn that was funny! Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:50 p.m. CST

    Oh, and Doc...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...my favorite bit is and always will be the teacher getting the kids to stomp bugs. Stomach churning and hilarious at the same time. As soon as I get the kids to sleep tonight I am so watching this.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:51 p.m. CST

    Red Ned Lynch

    by Neosamurai85

    Favorite line from He-man and the Masters of the Universe... "So, you want to play crack the whip eh?" Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:54 p.m. CST

    End of the day...who cares?

    by Red Ned Lynch

    My guess is that Zombie was making a dig at some of the posters here who tend to be a little...hmmm...sensitive about proving their...hmmm...nonpracticing but strictly hetrosexual status. What it looked like, anyway.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Bad Witch.

    by Flummage

    But he has a great fashion sense.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 5:59 p.m. CST

    Yep, NeoSamurai.

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Earlier you were talking about Alien. It would take us awhile just to list the fetishes that movie covers.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:02 p.m. CST

    Dude... don't even start...

    by Neosamurai85

    I own a copy of the Necronomicon... and I'm not talking about Evil Dead. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:04 p.m. CST

    Now you're pushing it.

    by Flummage

    Mariah Carey is one thing. Perhaps, I might be able to concedede there may be, POSSIBLY, the smallest degree of camp and trashyness with Glitter. But there is nothing remotely camp, trashy, or super super "I'm SUPER!! Thanks for asking!!" super gay, about giant slimey man eating, phalic shaped monsters. Nothing.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:04 p.m. CST

    Oh, Neo, I missed the Miike thing...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...add Audution to Versus and it precludes all possiblity of hetrosexual sex.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Audution?

    by Red Ned Lynch

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:09 p.m. CST

    Flummage

    by Neosamurai85

    The bad witch bit made luagh, but now what are you talking about and to who? Peace.

  • They should put that on the dvd cover when it comes out. I loooove reactionary reviews. Next week something else will be the second worst film in history I'm sure. Remember when you were a kid (around 9 or ten)? Everything you didn't care for was "The worst_____ever! or "I HATED that". As (most) people grow up and become adults, they tend to outgrow overreacting and saying things like "That was the worst pizza in the world!" When I don't like something, I usually explain why and say "I thought it sucked or not my cup of tea, etc." Funny how some people never really grow up and mature.....

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:13 p.m. CST

    The second worst movie in film history was...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...Fred Ott's Sneeze. We're having fun now, Doom. Too late to get us worked up.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:14 p.m. CST

    Yeah...

    by Neosamurai85

    I was thinking about Gozu and the general homosexual under/overtone of perhaps all his films... but Miike's more streight efforts like Audition do make that next night with ya girlfriend VERY interesting. Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:17 p.m. CST

    I mean he just sneezes...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...there's no subtext, no backstory. I don't know why he sneezes. If you ask me, it's only half a movie. Maybe we can get the guy who made the Hammer movie to remake it and film the sneeze from behind Fred's head. And get somebody young and sexy to play Fred this time. Maybe FREDDIE Prinze?

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:18 p.m. CST

    "I thought it sucked" is mature?

    by Neosamurai85

    Succulent glow-in-the-dark weevil nipples? Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:19 p.m. CST

    I once had a girlfriend who must have watched Audition one too m

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Her favourite phrase was, "EEE EEE EEE!!!". I like variety in my Wimmins, but damn- it genuinely scares me any time I hear anything even high-pitched now, like the alarm/kettle/my rampaging tinitus.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:20 p.m. CST

    "End of the day...who cares?"

    by ZombieSolutions

    ya hit the goddamn nail on the head Red Ned... i was basically making fun of homophobes. i'm not gay, but have many gay friends (artist and teacher? i'm practically gay by association) and they certainly don't think i'm a homophobe. if anything, they're waiting for me to switch sides!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:25 p.m. CST

    I didn't say all teens, Neosamurai85

    by Orionsangels

    Not every teen is stupid. You were an exception to the rule. When I was a teen in the 80's. I liked older movies. I wasn't always driven by the latest thing. I was just saying studios purposely target these stupid people. If these movies make money. They keep making them and we all suffer.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:26 p.m. CST

    Neo

    by Flummage

    I was just amusing myself, by going for the cheap funny. The odd time here and there where I may post anything remotely serious, it probably won't have words like "phalic", "slimey", "super" or "Maria Carey" in it. Hope that clears things up a bit. Pot Pourri... um... poppadoms...ah, no,...um pappa don't preach...no damnit, what is it again? Ah! I mean peace! That's the one!! Peace. :)

  • That is going to grace the Domino dvd cover when it is released next tuesday for the home market.

  • This Kong review was already written 9 months ago by Harry. It will be used on the King Kong release posters in a couple months.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:34 p.m. CST

    Another Fun Thing To Note In STARSHIP TROOPERS Is That The Human

    by ZombieSolutions

    prophecy? or coincidence? ______ it's also great to note that at the end of the movie, the new recruits are all really young. far too young for combat. the message being that the humans are losing the war they started with the bugs. brilliant.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:35 p.m. CST

    Starship Troopers was made during that period between Jurassic P

    by Orionsangels

    A movie made today like Starship Troopers (Serenity) doesn't get the attention starship troopers did, because between that period I mentioned. It was an exciting time. The dawn of CGI. We were excited as moviegoers to see what they could do next with CGI. Fifth Element, The Mummy, ID4 all those movies were exciting because they were at the time pushing the envelope. So we excused a lot of the bad acting, not to mention casting. That's all behind us now. That period in time is over. The wowing us period. ROTK and its mega super epic battle pretty burnt everyone out. So now we know they can do all these wonderful things, some not so wonderful things with CGI. So what's left? good storytelling? and that's the problem. we're not getting that and they're still trying to feed moviegoers with CGI alone and its all been done. we've seen it all. We're tired. We just wanna see a good movie, please someone make a good movie!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:35 p.m. CST

    "The Rock Turns Down Doom II" - BACKPASSAGE MONTHLY

    by Flummage

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:36 p.m. CST

    Orionsangels, I hear ya.

    by Neosamurai85

    Wasn't getting at you or disagreeing. I was just saying that dosn't make me feel better as the exception who wants good horror or just plain good movies. Damn you powers that be! I'm not an animal! I am a human being! I need mental sustenance! I need... oow! I found a Wether's Original under the keyboard... Yum... Peace.

  • Take a guess what this review is for.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:42 p.m. CST

    All cool with you too Flummage

    by Neosamurai85

    You were in my dream too. And so was Zeke and Hickory... and there were all these little peopel with candy! But there

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:44 p.m. CST

    Having served my time in the Marines

    by seppukudkurosawa

    I've just had about had it up to here with your sick Un-Americanisms Zombie (Zombie, yeah a zombie knee-jerk liberal no doubt). Some of us love our flag enough to fight for it. What right's some foreign son of a bitch got to tell us we've got too many stars on it? Y'all should just think for a minute and realize that you've been GIVEN the right to badmouth your loving country. No other country on this whole world would let you get away with this sick talk you've been spouting without at least kicking you out. There are young and impressionable people on these boards who might hear this sick drival, and maybe be led astray by it. There are also people like myself, people who've gotten back from service and wanna hear movie talk, not back-talk. It's people like you who set-up Nixon for a fall, just because your nandy-pandy buddies think he's got too American a voice. Too American an attitude. Fact is, FRIEND, you cant be too American, if you ever stop trying to be as American as you can be then you should probably just go to some other country 'cause we sure dont want you here. (See what I did, I just made my own Starship Troopers style satirical post! Great film/flick/biography of the skewed broken backbone of the American Dream by the way).

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:50 p.m. CST

    Selma Blair IS Flat

    by BigTuna

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:53 p.m. CST

    One thing about that, Seppu...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...I fight on political boards a lot (most especially the NYT) and you weren't even close to satire. You weren't even close to where some people are at. And not to get political here, because I come to places like this to get away from places like that...but if you want to get scared spend some time there. And I'd always considered myself a straight up moderate until the last six years.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:54 p.m. CST

    I dunno man I'm not liberal or democratic

    by seppukudkurosawa

    I try to keep out of the crossfire. I just like a good tangent as much as the next man.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Liberal or Conservative I mean

    by seppukudkurosawa

    And if anything, I was talking about how someone reacted on Moriarty's Domino talkback to ZombieSolutions. I think it was 13Thirteen I'm not sure. Politics are quite a simple matter of writing people off, figureheads or no, and I don't buy into that. Even the most ruthless thief has a moment of doubt when he shoplifts a chocolate bar. I guess I should go back to my Joni Mitchell albums anyway.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Sepp

    by Flummage

    Why did you have to spoil the little box I almost had you pegged under? You realise from the transition you made in that one post, I'm now seing you as Sergent Dan from Forrest Gump? But instead of finding shrimp, you found AICN. It's kind of beautiful really.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:03 p.m. CST

    Yeah it's a scary beast.

    by Neosamurai85

    I tend to come here for the same reason, (god knows what we're thinking?) to get away from the politics. My family is pretty split, but in this weird kind of way... like limbs hanging on each side as the big axe comes down. I mean... art can be pretty political at times and I understand its place on these boards sometimes when talking about films... but I think we all know what I'm talking about. Those flame wars that break out in fucking LOTR talkbacks and shit. Jesus and Budda on a see-saw man! Can we talk about some fucking elves around here? So yeah... Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:06 p.m. CST

    Hey, can I stop this thing I may have accidentally started to on

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...with everyone to watch Bloody Mallory? Because I have now pimped it to all my friends and NONE of them like it as much as I do, and even though my wife says she does I think she might just be pretending to make me feel better.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:07 p.m. CST

    Sergent Dan?

    by Neosamurai85

    You talking about Bubba or Lt. Dan? I'm lost... with a candy wrapper... Peace.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:11 p.m. CST

    Lt. Dan

    by Flummage

    It was Lt. wasn't it. How could I miss that extra oscar worthy sylllable? I'm not really sure what I meant either. I guess it was something to do with the journey from heavy war vet patriotics, to something altogether more lucid. And hearing Forrest Gump's voice will make me laugh for as long as I can muster it, so it just found it's way into my ramblings... apolgogies. Polish Peachfuzz Penguins.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Hey I'm proud of my legs Flumm, they're strong and healt

    by seppukudkurosawa

    So I'm nothing like him at all. I'm more like Ron Kovic in Born on the Fourth of July, I'm a real stand-up guy...well before he got infected by you liberal insects that is. And lost his legs.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Flummage...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...rarely does a typo improve on the real spelling of a word...but apolgogies does so. Congratulations. I promise to use this at least once in conversation. (Say it out loud and you'll see what I mean).

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:44 p.m. CST

    Lock up your piano.

    by Shan

    Lock up your piano, then you can worry a little less about some Audition type carnage at home in the relationship stakes. As for Bloody Mallory, I haven't had much luck selling it either. The new pope's speech was classic, if the pope said that it in real life ... well people would probably still cheer now that I think about it ... As for Klendathu ... who called it Klendathu anyway? Last I saw, the bugs didn't speak that much English. Or at all, really ... As for how they were able to fling a rock *at sublight speed* from 100,000 light *years* away to do a square on hit on Buonos Aires - unless they were somehow mentally able to influence an asteroid in our solar system from 100,000 light years away - which is even scarier - also what did happen to all the South Americans in Buonos Aires anyway ... ? ...

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Red

    by Flummage

    !8D! I should just go back restart my introduction to the english langauge all over again. Except, maybe this time I won't base my early life experiences on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and half watched episodes of Sesame Street.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 8 p.m. CST

    Goddamnit, Harry.

    by Shabbadoo

    This review settles it. I can't read anything that you write anymore. Literally. I can't fucking understand anything you post on this website anymore, man. "...before after 2-3 seconds someone touches her shoulder and she moves off camera." What the shit is that!? You're one of the most passionate film critics I've ever seen, but you write like an anxious/retarded 9 year-old. Please, for the sweet love of god, take the time to read over your own posts before you submit them. Also, in WolfmanNards' defense, The Fog landed numero uno at the box office this weekend, so there had to have been at least a few people who enjoyed this rancid turd. I wouldn't want to attempt an intelligent conversation with any of them, but still.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 8:20 p.m. CST

    Hey Shabbadoo Fuck

    by BenFerris

    What ever it says at the box office doesn't matter. Serenity is one of the best movies of this year, I would know, I've seen it twice. Its about at Number twelve, combine that with the fact that America voted for Bush again, I'd have to say that the old U.S. of "A" sucks ass when it comes to seeing the right movies.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 8:27 p.m. CST

    ZombieSolutions: Do you have dick in your mouth when you do thes

    by classyfredblassy

    PS: Starship Troopers would have be more ironic in the world of today, if the bugs moved to western countries, had 4 kids that were supported by the welfare system, and then they blew some buses and trains, because the people that paid for the food and school didn't worship the same bug god as them. Put that in your ass and smoke it.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 8:28 p.m. CST

    That's what I was getting at with my post!

    by seppukudkurosawa

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 8:39 p.m. CST

    RE: BenFerris

    by Shabbadoo

    Hey, man, I don't know anything about all of that. I didn't vote for Bush (the first or second time) and I still haven't seen Serenity. And honestly, I think the old U.S. of "A" sucks ass at seeing any movies at all right now, good or bad.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 9:06 p.m. CST

    RE:red-ned Lynch

    by jojo-pimp

    I agree with your comments about the acting....a better father malone and a better elizabeth could have made this movie a little more powerful.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 9:20 p.m. CST

    Flummage...Jo-Jo...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...Well, I'm just a little jealous because I'd been impressed with my audution from earlier and you blew it away. ...Ouch. Yes. From Hal Holbrook to that guy. The Father Malone character was just a black hole.

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:09 p.m. CST

    THE FOG took the #1 spot at the box office this weekend, that&#3

    by FrankDrebin

    All those dimwit teens at the mall must decide to see movies based on the poster. They look for a guy holding a gun (action) or a skull (horror) or Ashton Kutcher (drek).

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:09 p.m. CST

    So a FOG review has turned into an argument about politics?

    by Doom II

    Dead ghost pirates don't care about politics, only REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:25 p.m. CST

    $4,675,000....That's the 1st weekend gross of DOMINO!

    by Doom II

    It was #6 this weekend. Look for it on dvd and video this tuesday! Thanks Harry! You were right, Domino was excellent and the Fog was the worst film ever made! Still in shock after seeing The Fog and some of Domino this weekend (trust me, I didn't pay). I may not ever click on a Harry review again. Moriority on the other hand.....

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:47 p.m. CST

    Man people are stupid

    by ALUCINOR11

    Quality has never been a 100% determining factor EVER in predicting the box office. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

  • Oct. 16, 2005, 11:57 p.m. CST

    Christ almighty, Harry...

    by patient37

    ...pull yourself together, and try to write in a manner that might get someone who doesn't have a raging hard on for the original to not want to see this movie. Ever since that Blade II review you've been acting like a goddamned clown. Show a little dignity, and at least act like you're trying to be objective about this.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 1:59 a.m. CST

    More Starship Troopery goodness

    by Wild At Heart

    Xander flyboy defiantly facing down the icky mooch of the Brain Bug: "Someday...someone like me...is gonna kill you... and your whole FUCKING RACE!" (**applause**) Fabulous! I've never regarded ST's dialogue to be especially awful as I accepted from the get-go that the entire movie was a WW2 propaganda flick reworked into Vervoehen's fevered cheeseball-futurist vision. On that level the script was every bit as hokey, stilted and banal as it needed to be. I wouldn't have it any other way. Furthermore, the schizo majesty of ST is precisely that it is more or less as much a dumb, cartoonish excessive piece of nonsense as it isn't.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 2:05 a.m. CST

    Bullshit

    by Some Dude

    Name some titles. I can name many more that won't conform to your hypothesis.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 2:20 a.m. CST

    seppukudkurosawa

    by Darth Bono Jr.

    RADIO DAYS. Good catch. I've been using that line for months...

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:36 a.m. CST

    A website dedicated to movies, using text...

    by E. Buzz Miller

    run by people who are damn near illiterate. Realize that you have become what you claim to hate yet?

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:41 a.m. CST

    Nintendo

    by Zino

    LL Cool J lived in Deep Blue Sea. That's all I got. And I must admit that I fully expected him to be shark bait. Maybe they just let him live as they expected a sequel and wanted to kill him off in the pre-credit sequence.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:59 a.m. CST

    Box office numbers

    by cagirl

    The thing about using box office earnings to "prove" a movie is good and/or popular is that, especially on opening weekend, the majority of the people are spending that money before they've seen the movie! If every single person came out of the theater saying the movie was a piece of shit, they'd already bought the ticket and so the box office earnings will be there.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 5:38 a.m. CST

    re Nintendo

    by DocPazuzu

    This is just ForeverTJ/Powermetal1/Landoasskissian in his latest trolling identity. What a sad, sad bitch.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 5:56 a.m. CST

    1st week box office is from the ad campaign. It's the 2nd w

    by FrankDrebin

    Sometimes the studios will lie about the weekend gross, just to get the publicity of being called #1 by the news reports. The Suday results are just estimates. The actual numbers don't get published until Tuesday or so, and by then it's old news, so tv/radio/newspapers won't mention it.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 6:07 a.m. CST

    Bad news: THE FOG beats W&G. Worse news: SERENITY drops to #12.

    by FrankDrebin

    MIRRORMASK is that fantasy film by THE SANDMAN's Dave McKean & Neil Gaiman for just $4 million. Plotwise it's not much, but every frame is a work of art.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 6:21 a.m. CST

    Yeah, but....

    by MaguaSynfield

    ...the remake of The Fog made my ass twitch. A lot. There is no substitute for that John Houseman opening ghost story, or Adrienne B. fighting for her life on the top of the lighthouse. And I always loved that shot in the open doorway of Charlie Cyphers getting mangled by the undead leper with the backlit fog swirling around them. This remake, like sooo many others, is utter crapola. Ask for your money back.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 8:51 a.m. CST

    Just a big thankyou to jedimast3r

    by KnightEternal

    for being a complete twat and dropping into the middle of his view on 'The Fog' in 'The Fog talkback' the massive spoiler about Lost there. Having avoided all spoilers and am in the UK and so am only halfway through Season 1 let me just say thanks again for nothing you tosser

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 9 a.m. CST

    I said in another thread I'd never see this film. I lied....

    by www.valiens.com

    And I don't. It wasn't horrible, it was so-so. It was more of a mystery than a horror movie where some settlers from some island screw over some lepers...or something. Gee, you know for a mystery they sure didn't, uh, explain anything in the explanation. Okay maybe it did suck. But here's what I learned: Chick from LOST?--better actress than I expected. Superman from SMALLVILLE?--terribly boring one-note actor who got lucky with SMALLVILLE. A humidifier?--FAAAAAR scarier than actual ghosts. Anything with Fog rolling in is creepy. Anything with ghost leper pirates is DISNEY. And finally, pen knives?--they go Schwing! when they roll on a table like I imagine Dana Carvey still does when he relives his SNL glory days to any friend who will listen. If there's a DVD director's cut waiting in the wings that explores all of the backstory I'd be interested in seeing it. Otherwise, there's no point.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Yeah, but "The Fog" owned "Domino" this weekend

    by Jeditemple

    Shows what you know.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Nailed that one, Harry

    by Farley Flavors

    When I saw The Fog, fully one-fourth of the audience walked out halfway through. Granted, there were only 20 of us in the theatre, but still...

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 10:18 a.m. CST

    Next time guys-Put the 400,000 in the duffel bag

    by cookylamoo

    and break out the black dildos. Otherwise Harry will crap all over your film.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 10:25 a.m. CST

    "And I watched it about 5 times in a row." -Harry

    by Graphix67

    What an incredibly lonely, lonely man you must be...

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 10:30 a.m. CST

    Prince of Darkness, the most underrated of Carpenters films.

    by MontyPigeon

    Is the most underrated Carpenter film. As for the original The Fog, it was one of the most boring films that I watched as a kid. Alien is miles better than Aliens and the worst film of the year so far is Ring 2 followed by Land of the Dead. Remakes can work but have to agree with neosamurai85 up there. Why remake a film that was good? Remake a film that was average into a great film.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 10:55 a.m. CST

    I know why Harry watched it 5 times in a row...

    by Zino

    ...he thought he'd missed the fantastic third act where the well-crafted and truely unsettling build up is paid off spectacularly when the pirates finally hit the mainland and wreak their revenge. Only after 5 viewings did he realise that this third act doesn't exist. And that's my problem with the original Fog - great set-up, but a lame pay-off that's over before it's even begun. I felt cheated I tell ya...

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:02 a.m. CST

    Troopers!

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Yeah, but easily the best line in Starship Troopers is at the very end, when Doogie puts his hand on the brain bug and then announces "It's afraid!" to thunderous applause. It's just funny on so many levels, the Troi ST level of having a psychic who can only tell you what any reasonably sentient person would guess anyway, the notion that instilling fear in a bug surrounded by thousands of hostile, armed beings was a victory, and just on and on...

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Are you kidding me, Red...

    by Zino

    ...you're forgetting one of the best lines in movie history, delivered with typical intensity (and a touch of irony) by Michael Ironside - "they sucked his brains out".

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Uhm...Didn't we know this would suck

    by Purgatori

    ?? Why are you all surprised? It is yet another unneccesary piece of shit remake. And apparently the US is filled with quite a few morons cause this thing got first place in the box office. And all you Serenity naysayers can bite me but Serenity is one of the best sci-fi movies in a LONG time and it's not even in the top 10 now. But Flightplan is still in the top 5??? And this redundant shit bag is number one... I'm disgusted.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:10 a.m. CST

    I never really liked the original any how, ghost pirates...yawn

    by Blacket-Man

    At leat Carpenter is making some retirment money off the remake.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Okay, Zino...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...you got me there, but mostly because he's swirling his fingers around inside the guy's empty head. Plus, Michael Ironside IS a god made flesh.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Troopers addendum

    by DocPazuzu

    Another great moment: censoring cruelty to animals on the info-clips, but showing dismembered humans in gleeful, gory detail. I may have to watch it again myself.

  • Dudes, that was a booooring show. I made it through episodes 1-3 and I was done. I guess I am spoiled by the new Galactica with its "film-like" look. Firefly looked JUST like a tv show. The acting, camera set ups and video-like picture quality took me out completely. I tried. The show made me never want to see Serenity. Even the WORST episode of Farscape looked better and more theatrical than Firefly.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:34 a.m. CST

    #1 at the boxoffice??

    by vinceklortho

    Way to go America.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Nintendo is a disgrace.

    by Some Dude

    You still can't provide any evidence that actually relates to the original hypothesis: blacks die first in horror movies. You needs some eja-ma-kay-shun on debate. First, you establish a hypothesis and then, second, you support it. Evidence that does not relate to the hypothesis does not count. So no crying about science fiction or action movies. Or movies where a black dude dies but is not first. Or where a black dude turns out to be the villain*. So be a man, do the research and prove the hypothesis. If you can't do that, despite how fervently you cling to your racist fantasies, then you are a bitch. Good day. ---------------- * BTW Nintendo, if you have a problem with blacks getting to play super-villains or twist-villains and can't see the difference between now and when blacks were only ever street thugs, then you are a fucking moron TOM.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 11:59 a.m. CST

    "I can't believe this dickhead tested me."

    by Some Dude

    You only mentioned two horror movies. One of which (Predator) had a sequel that starred a black guy and featured a litany of black characters. Fuck you. The second (Nightmare on Elm St 4) followed a film (3) where a black guy made it to the end and was directed by a guy who has made several GENRE films that feature a surviving black dude. Fuck you again. You really must be a retard or a troll. What are the odds that the dumbest and most media illiterate black guy would show up on this site? Or maybe you are a white guy trying to parody over-zealous "political" black guys. Here's a hint: normal people don't really get offended by phantom racism. They tend to have real things to worry about.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Michael Ironside is the poor man's Jack Nicholson. As for Bl

    by www.valiens.com

    That's an old cliche. It's a cliche because it's true--or at least it used to be. Hell, I was expecting the Black guy to die first in The Fog. I don't think one has to use examples in an argument about a cliche. It's a cliche for a reason. If it isn't obvious to you then you haven't been paying attention.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 12:50 p.m. CST

    I saw a clip from the film on TV and some girl was flaunting her

    by HansDelbruck

    still won't see it though

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 1:18 p.m. CST

    PG 13 means it's as scary as Gremlins

    by JackDonkey

    I always thought Gremlins was scary, but I was about 10 I think and some people tell me it was more a comedy.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Sorry, Valiens...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...but in this post you were oh for two. First, Michael Ironside isn't like Jack at all. It's a totally different vibe. If you can compare one Ironside performance with one Nicholson performance and draw any sort of compelling similarities we could discuss it, but I don't think you can. They have absolutely different screen personas. As to the other, I'd never heard it about horror movies before Scary Movie, so I don't know if it would fall under the heading of common wisdom, or "cliche". But if someone posts it as part of an argument and someone else challenges their premise, well, yeah, it is their responsibility to come up with examples to prove it, or face their argument being invalidated. That's how debate works. As for me, the first horror movie I can remember seeing with a prominent black male character was Night of the Living Dead, and he was the LAST to die. A few years later I saw Dawn, and the black guy was one of only two characters to live. I assume you can come up with a couple horror movies of equal stature where the black guy died first. Otherwise, you can keep your cliche, but understand that most people will know that it is a cliche based on ignorance of the subject matter on which it comments.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 1:42 p.m. CST

    A friend of mine did one of the songs in this movie.

    by rev_skarekroe

    That's all I got.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 1:44 p.m. CST

    ClassyFredBlassy

    by ZombieSolutions

    to answer your question, no, I don't, BUT, your mom does. i have to kick her under the desk cause she makes so much noise! crying and gagging and stuff. you know how it is.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 2:26 p.m. CST

    I don't know about that, Ned.

    by FluffyUnbound

    Bogart never said the words "Play it again, Sam," but that doesn't mean that when someone uses it as a cliche, I should say, "What? What are you talking about? I never heard that before." Sometimes the cliche has a life of its own that makes it an appropriate conversational referent, above and beyond the actual underlying data, as it were. I've heard the joke about the black guy dying first in horror movies before, too. Damned if I could name a movie where it actually happened, though. That doesn't mean I act like a Martian watching a football game when I hear someone say that.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Watching the original 5 times in a row....

    by Karl Childers

    Then, you better read any of those John Carter books 10 times in a row to get the movies done right!

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 2:43 p.m. CST

    Fluffy, your Casablanca reference is apt.

    by Some Dude

    ...If someone misquotes that movie based on hearing the cliche, you can easily show them the movie and prove them wrong. Yes, the cliche exists, but it is wrong. The same applies to the "black guy dies first" phenomenon. So far no one has even made an attempt at supporting this cliche with real evidence (as opposed to insults alon the lines of "well, you must not be paying attention"), so it seems likely that it is just a faulty meme. For every example that will "prove" the cliche, there are many more that won't. Will no one even try to cherry-pick a false positive? I'm not really surprised since this position is akin to fundamentalism in that it relies on faith. Apparently evidence is not needed when we all "know" something.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Nah, Fluffy, but...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...when someone uses it to beat on someone unfairly, as has been done to Some Dude on this board, yeah I'll probably get snappish. Outside of that say what you like. My favorite of this sort of thing is "Kill, them all, God will know his own," which was reported, probably wrongly, to have been said by the papal legate assigned to the French troops prosecuting the Albigensian Crusade. It did certainly, however, define the attitudes of the Church and the French monarchy at the time, as well as making it all the way to us in the form of the Marine slogan "Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out". Ahh...but that is a different tale.

  • It's sad and it's true

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 3:37 p.m. CST

    RED NED LYNCH

    by www.valiens.com

    Michael Ironside/Jack Nicholson. That was a joke based on their physical (facial) similarities not really their performances. As for the racism in horror movies--guess what?--I don't even have to list them for you! I don't even have to list the flicks where the black man dies first! Thanks to the miracle of Google, I found a guy who's already done it for me! Here: http://www.feoamante.com/Movies/racial.html

  • Because any Black actor on the show who was not Uhura was almost always a Red Shirt (and we all know what happened to them on away missions).

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4 p.m. CST

    Ban remakes & "token" black guy roles!

    by Brody77

    Seriously. Name one remake that's even remotely good? I agree that the original version is class, and Welling can (almost) carry Smallville, but he belongs on the big screen almost as much as Joss Whedon's directing career! (watch me burn in the special hell for that one!)

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:07 p.m. CST

    valiens, the list is weak.

    by Some Dude

    I checked it out. First of all, it only has 55 examples, out of THOUSANDS of movies released during the decades it covers. Second, many of the films listed aren't horror films. Third, it includes movies like "Equilibrium" which in addition to not being horror, actually used race-blind casting in its choice of surprise villain. I'll go through the list, find the valid examples, and then see if I can find just as many that disprove the cliche. This list is a prime example of cherry-picking and should easily be debunked. Also, the whole notion of being offended by the deaths of black characters in a predominantly white cast over looks the obvious: more whites die on-screen than blacks.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:07 p.m. CST

    wait until he has to put this movie in his monthly DVD release b

    by so sorry

    "I hated the hell out of this movie... buy it now at Amazon!" (just kidding Grande Rojo, don't ban me!)

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:17 p.m. CST

    A Remake that was good

    by MontyPigeon

    The Front Page was a good remake.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:18 p.m. CST

    That's great Valiens, EXCEPT...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...the list doesn't exist. Oh he has a list of genre films (only a fraction of which are horror) in which black characters die. But not FIRST, and not in any number that would surpass the number of white characters who die in the film. His main criteria seems to be films where BY THE END there are white survivors and not black ones. So NONE of this would impact in any way on the discussion. Now he does have two quotes, one from Deep Blue Sea and one from Evolution, where black characters are quoted saying that black characters dies first. He just doesn't have any examples. And, clearly, neither do you. So my question to you is, did you not actually read his examples, or were you hoping no one else would and you could bluff your way through? Either way, sorry, you lose.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:21 p.m. CST

    More whites die because there are more whites in the movie becau

    by www.valiens.com

    Dude, I'm not going to list thousands of movies to prove a point that is conventional wisdom to all but a few on a message board. The aptly named Red Ned Lynch (kidding--don't drive angry) said to point out some examples. Those are some examples. I hasten to add that the opposite of this is true for Romero films BECAUSE he's bucking the trend. His zombie flicks are about racism/classism. But I digress: if it's not the black guy it's the bimbo. These movies play to white males. Shit's gotta get blown up and people have got to die. Better that they aren't like us so we can feel okay about it and/or secretly go, "Yes!" I like that guy's point on the website about blacks dying a noble death while saving white people. That's like when the Klan says they aren't race haters, they are lovers of their own race. lol. NOW whether or not this slaughtering of Blacks is a conscious decision by a marketing team or what have you, I don't know. You can be damned sure it's a conscious decision for women to be victimized in slasher movies, so it's not a stretch to ditto that for Black men. Come to think of it, all those early sci fi movies that were actually anti-communist propaganda in disguise were made that way on purpose so I tend to think Hollywood knows what it's doing with its repetitions.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:21 p.m. CST

    And in fact, studying it more closely...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...NOT ONE SINGLE MOVIE HE LISTS MADE SINCE 2000 has even ONE SINGLE INSTANCE of a black character being the first killed!!! So his list actually defies the law of averages, which would certainly suggest that a black character would have to be the first to die SOMETIME! At least read a source before you reference it. Geez.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:24 p.m. CST

    You have yet to provide ANY

    by Red Ned Lynch

    EXAMPLES of what you claim. Not lots. Not some. Not any. I could provide a couple, though not enough yo make it seem a rule. You have provided none. But you would like us to accept your opinion on faith. Is your name George Bush?

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:27 p.m. CST

    But, Valiens, you don't have to list thousands of movies.

    by Some Dude

    Just give us a few. That list had nothing. So, thus far, the cliche has been exposed as pure, unadulterated bunkum. Oh, and Romero wasn't bucking a trend. First, the trend doesn't exist in evidentiary form, only as "conventional wisdom" (translated: I heard this once and it sounds true...). Second, the imaginary trend was not even conceived of when Romero was making his early work. You really need to find some evidence fast. You are like the guys who tihnk astrology is real because your horoscope once featured a vague prediction that came true, if you look at it from a certain way.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:33 p.m. CST

    And in fact...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...the guy's list of movies that "buck the trend" contains more movies than the rest of his list combined. Which is...yeah...a little funny.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:51 p.m. CST

    saw it saturday nite. pretty dreadful.

    by jig98

    nobody was really there except some gay fat guy, a nazi and a housewife.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Fine. Venom. Everyone happy? Venom.

    by www.valiens.com

    Unless you're counting the bad guy as the first death. Also, The Shining was on his list of examples. Anyone die in that besides the Scatman? I like that you know examples of movies off the top of your head but you're not going to say them. I appreciate it! I haven't seen the Friday The 13th series in ages but judging from EVERY SINGLE GOOGLE PAGE THAT SAYS "(Insert film here)doesn't kill the token black man first, like they usually do in slasher films," or words to that effect, I'm gonna climb the limb and guess that I can add one or two or several of those sequels. No? They never do that in slasher films? Everyone's wrong? It's a cliche made out of whole cloth? Nothing to see here; move along? Cuz what I'm gonna do now is go home and ask my movie trivia lovin' roommates to name me one movie where the black guy dies first and then come back to you with a list of several thousand. Wait. No I'm not. Because you already know it's true. Your point isn't that it isn't true, it's that you want me to list a bunch of examples so that I can form a structured argument so that you can attack that argument so that you can feel superior or whatever it is one feels when they argue for the sake of arguing. I can't say that I have better things to do but I have OTHER things to do, so I'm cashing in my chips. Goodnight. You've won. feel good. I'm still right. We both know it. Sweet dreams.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Ha-ha, Valiens, way to go out like a sore loser!

    by Some Dude

    "I can prove this, and you already know it, so I don't need to provide evidence." Chump. The point is, the cliche is not true (even if "everyone" believes it) if there is no supporting evidence for it and plenty of contrary evidence against it. If you wish to claim victory, provide evidence. I'd be interested in knowing if this stance of yours is a reflection of how you "win" most arguments. Do you believe in creationism?

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Can't be worse than House of the Dead

    by Dead Megatron

    ...or can it?

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 5:36 p.m. CST

    Critics not allowed to screen it?

    by vinceklortho

    How does this happen? I must say the studio did a nice marketing ploy with this. If critics saw this garbage and panned the shit out it, would it be #1 at the box office this weekend? Would be an interesting experiment to see how much influence critics have over audiences deciding what to see. I know they've done this with other movies but can't people realize that it not being screened for critics means the movie is one big pile of horseshit? Evidently not.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Do you guys realize...

    by Ribbons

    ...that TWO films in a row ('Flightplan,' 'The Fog') that were not screened for critics opened up at number 1?

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 6:09 p.m. CST

    I'M ON FIRE!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

    by savage_henry

    I just read this review, and it made me so mad I ran next door and punched my neighbor right out of her wheelchair. Not that I was really looking forward to this or anything. Next up: Kicking the dog. Harry's outrage is contagious.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 6:28 p.m. CST

    No, Valiens, it's because you're wrong...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...the fact is that horror, and in particular the leading American horror directors of the late sixties and seventies, spearheaded putting minorities in major roles in their films. And not just Romero, who was the first American director of ANY sort of put a black man in a leading role in a film where the role was not written specifically FOR a black man. Ask Keith David, who sat in the fading fireglow of an artic research center with Kurt Russell at the end of John Carpenter's The Thing (I won't even mention his epic fight with Roddy Piper in They Live, by the same director). Ask Austin Stoker, who walked his white prisoner played by Darwin Josten, out the doors of a mostly destroyed police station at the end of Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13. But forget the greats...how about the terrible? Water Sports Anderson, in Even Horizon, not only spares Richard Jones along with Joely Richardson, but the two of them only survive because of Larry Fishburne's heroic sacrifice at the end of the film. Or the mediocre? After killing off the rest of the cast, it's Taye Diggs and Ali Larter sitting up on the roof of the evil house looking at the million dollar tickets. And I can give you plenty more. Lot's of plenty. And you see, for the proposition to be true, I have to NOT BE ABLE TO DO THAT. Since I CAN, the proposition is, by definition, FALSE. And I still wouldn't have cared about you saying it, if Dude hadn't been getting beaten up by people who didn't know anything about the genre they were pretending to know enough to talk about. You're right, I do win. Because I'm right.

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 7:06 p.m. CST

    Just saw it...

    by Kingdaddy

    Caught a matinee...the movie is pretty bad, but it does have a couple boo scares...the action gets better towards the end...not as good as the original...2nd worst movie ever??? Give me a fucking break. Maybe I should have read EVERY draft of the script along the way and then watched the original 5 times in a row right before seeing it to get a true feeling for it... Maybe a certain someone should have his girlfriend sleep with one of her best ever lays 5 times in a row and then join HIM in the bedroom...Wonder what the outcome would be???

  • Oct. 17, 2005, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Some Dude

    by Neosamurai85

    Just thought I'd throw this out there again in case it was lost in the talkback haze. I really don't think the saying is The black guy dies FIRST, but that The black guy ALWAYS dies. MAybe they really are two different urban myths. Never really bought into either... though I would not advise being black around "Camp Blood" if you know what I mean. Peace.

  • Oct. 18, 2005, 5:49 a.m. CST

    yeah except that the tone and pacing are completely different

    by half vader

  • Oct. 18, 2005, 6:55 a.m. CST

    THE FOG hasn't got the foggiest idea how to entertain

    by greenlightscafe

    They jack up the sound and clang, clang, clang as the fog comes in over the roof of the guy's cabin. What kind of fog makes that noise! A guy drives a truck down the street, the fog shatters the window and a priest looks on scared shitless. No explanation. The fog produces wacky, reactions Physics can't explain and we're supposed to believe it. The love interest returns home and her drunk mother says she's not a hotel. Okay, one for the writer. That was real. The deejayette in the lighthouse is sexy and afterhours, turns out to have a stupid, disobedient kid. Oh, well, forget that. She's Selma Blair, the sexiest woman in the movie. The fog is the worst FX shots in years. No one told them it had to be convincing because it's called THE FOG! The original colony got wiped out because of leprosy which makes hairbrushes glow hot red and melt things. Hello, is anybody up there in the lighthouse? And I mean the writing department? There's someone up there, but there's no lights on. Anything we'd recognize as connecting to actual life. And Hollywood wonders why the box office is down, down, down and the audience is hungry for a decent movie. I dare anyone in Hollywood to actually try and watch this movie. Root canal or watching the Dolphins play football seems much more fun.

  • Oct. 18, 2005, 8:13 a.m. CST

    You knew it'd be crap

    by DannyOcean01

    When that Wainwright guy started disparaging the original. I remember he was talking about it in that interview Quint did. Just pathetic. Not only does it immediately set himself up for a fall, but what on earth has he done that's so good.....I mean...Stigmata????

  • Oct. 18, 2005, 10:43 a.m. CST

    "They jack up the sound and clang, clang, clang as the fog comes

    by Neosamurai85

    I have yet to see the new one... but I'm guessing that "clang" is not the fog but the ghosts with the hooks/sabers/picks/knives inside the fog. Still haven't seen it to know. Peace.

  • Oct. 18, 2005, 11:47 a.m. CST

    "the gothic level of florid, overblown incompetence Verhoeven ha

    by Homer Sexual

    That is one terrific quote! Anyway, FWIW, also loved the sushi vs. fries comparison of Alien and Aliens, and si, LOTR is muy, blatantly homo (as opposed to, say Top Gun, which is clearly homo if you know it but went right past most people).

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 11:47 a.m. CST

    test

    by so sorry

    test

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 1:45 p.m. CST

    "He said the black guys...

    by Childe Roland

    ...help the white guys!" Sorry. Had to indulge a Stripes flashback there. The cliche (which does have some basis in reality) is that the black guy always dies, and the way I've heard it used by numerous folks (fellow film fans, all) has been in reference to movies in general where people die as a matter of course (typically war and horror films) and audiences tend to start whispering about "Who's next?" It is very true that white folks die in these movies as well but, as a general rule, if there's a black guy in an ensemble cast for a war or horror film, his odds of survival are slim compared to those of the emotionally disturbed white guy or the virginal white chick. For evidence, look at virtually any Friday the Thirteenth movie (the black guy is usually using drugs, which is like wearing two targets on your head). Then there's Cool and the Chief in Apocalypse Now (a true war film), Tumor in the Great Santini (not exactly a war film but definitely military themed) and Bubba in Forrest Gump (a film in which War played a significant part). And don't forget Apone in Aliens (a war/horror film). There is some evidence, spread out though it may be, in higher profile genre films of the black character beiung ultimately expendable. As for the other rules governing expendability in horror films: If you get naked or have sex, you're dead. If you use drugs, you're dead. Pretty much if you do anything your parents told you not to (forget to lock the door, leave your little brother or sister unattended) you're dead. In fact, the puritanical virtues espoused by those late 70s/early 80s era horror films seemed to be designed to reinforce the emerging moral/political climate of the time (a reaction, perhaps, to the I'm okay, you're okay era of do what-you-like as long as no one gets hurt behavior?). Today they don't even show that damning behavior in most horror films (which I believe undermines the moral message some, assuming that message is tied to the prevalent politcal leanings of the age). In war films, you can bet the grizzled veteran soldier won't see the end of the movie. Nor will the unsteady kid to whom the grizzled vet says "You'll be okay." Nor will the very funny guy. Nor will the very nerdy guy. Nor will the very stupid guy. Usually the green recruit, the reluctant warrior and the guy who was scared all the time (possibly all the same guy) will be the only ones left alive when the smoke clears. Of course, there are always exceptions to these "rules." But the cliches do have some basis in film history.

  • Oct. 19, 2005, 6:43 p.m. CST

    Roland, though cliches may have some basis in film history...

    by Some Dude

    ... the one we were discussing at the out-set (blacks die first) is clearly false. No one is disputing that they die at all or even often, only that this particular cliche is not based in evidence and is only "true" because it sounds logical to many people.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 9:23 a.m. CST

    I know which cliche you guys were debating...

    by Childe Roland

    ...Some Dude. I was merely pointing out that I believe whoever first brought up that cliche had either paraphrased it or heard it wrong. I honestly had never heard anyone say "the black character dies first in horror movies" before. I have, however, heard many folks say that the black guy always dies in horror/war movies (which is certainly not always true, but I think an argument could be made that examples to the contrary are merely exceptions that prove the rule). I think you guys are essentially arguing a malaprop.

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:40 p.m. CST

    Not a malapropism.

    by Some Dude

    Both are existing cliches. Only one is remotely correct and that one isn't even sinister enough to validate claims of racist agendas witihn Hollywood. The false one is referred to many times in reviews of horror movies, mostly whenever the black character is killed later in the film, as though bucking the non-existent trend. The funny thing is, this bogus truism seems only to be pointed out when it is not held true in a film. Thus most of the references to it are actually found when contrary evidenced is discuseed. I seem to recall printed references to this phantom cliche in NYT reviews. But who'd believe that a critic (or a whole army of them) could be wrong?

  • Oct. 20, 2005, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Speeling erors

    by Some Dude

    Oops.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 9:54 a.m. CST

    That explains why I've never heard...

    by Childe Roland

    ...the false cliche about black guys dying first, Some Dude. I haven't read any printed movie reviews (with the exception of Ebert's) since I stopped being a professional film critic some ten years ago. I guess a whole generation of journalists got the original, semi-true cliche wrong and perpetuated that variation of it. The only "reviews" I read now are online (here and Rotten Tomatoes) and I've gotten into the habit of dismissing a lot of stuff I don't quite recognize as second-hundred-hand distorted by the Internet version of the telephone game. But can we at least agree that all black men are hung like donkeys and have powerful, muscular thighs and backs as the result of generations of slavery?

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Why Doesn't Harry Change His Login Name From "Headgeek" to "

    by IAmMrMonkey

    Plus.... I think the black box is a biiiiit of a giveaway, Harry. We know it's you!

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Roland and Jarv

    by Some Dude

    R: Are you Jimmy the Greek? ----------- J: That's not just a theory, that is what happens at the end of the movie. Verheoven admits it in several sources, including the commentary.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 3 p.m. CST

    Damn!

    by Childe Roland

    I had made the odds at 3 to 1 against you figuring out my secret identity, Some Dude. Looks like I was wrong again! But trust me when I say The Fog and Rocky Balboa are mortal locks for Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay, respectively. In Bizzaro world.

  • Oct. 21, 2005, 9:14 p.m. CST

    karma

    by Prof.Ikamono

    John Carpenter directed an utterly unnecessary remake of Village of the Damned starring a miscast Christopher Reeve.

  • Oct. 25, 2005, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Why the extreme bashing?

    by Evil B.

    The orginal was an atmospheric little horrorfilm. Basically it had a very thin storyline, what made it great was Carpenter's impeccable direction and use of widescreen. The whole middle part of the film with Atkins and Jamie Lee exploring the abandoned boat and a corpse falling on Jamie Lee and later attacking her in the hospital was quite muddled. The new one has the feel of a made-for-television film (tv-actors, flat direction) and if you can take it at that it's not that bad. And while for some it may lack in the scare department, it definitely made me jump at times. And what's with Selma Blair continually needing and wanting protection? I saw her get out of that sunken car all by herself!

  • Oct. 27, 2005, 7:49 p.m. CST

    my 2 cents

    by Marv_$in

    for the record, and i hope this doesn't offend anybody, but the original bored the hell out me and i'm gonna wait and borrow the remake when it comes out on dvd.

  • Oct. 30, 2005, 4:03 a.m. CST

    Its like calling a plate of SHIT...a PLATE of SHIT!

    by John Rambo

    its a plate of shit. There's nothing else to it?

  • Oct. 31, 2005, 7:02 p.m. CST

    The Fog a glimpse of our future

    by Xetelian

    See, I told you global warming would one day kill us all.

  • Nov. 11, 2005, 3:44 p.m. CST

    HORROR CLASSIC

    by BADBOYBROM

    Yo Just watched the movie and thought it was ace. Like the original but this remake really does lose the carpenter version at sea. It had me hooked like big time.

  • Nov. 21, 2005, 8:57 a.m. CST

    ANYONE...

    by cocolopez

    ...who needs Harry to tell them that the Fog remake is awful probably also needs Harry to tell them what day of the week it is.

  • Dec. 1, 2005, 11:18 p.m. CST

    Dad?

    by buster00

  • Dec. 7, 2005, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Harry didn't exaggerate one bit

    by LordSoth

    I just saw this at the dollar theater and wanted my dollar back.

  • Feb. 11, 2006, 11:20 p.m. CST

    I saw about half

    by moleperson78

    it was pretty fucking bad-especially if you have a nuance of respect for Carpenter--somebody kill the next person who fucks up Horror this bad

  • June 29, 2006, 9:08 a.m. CST

    couple things

    by hector

    This thread may be as derelict as that wierdo ghost ship, but im not done bitchin about this film. -Leprosy is not the kind of disease that wipes out a whole community. 95% of people are naturally immune. Idiots. -1870s were not Colonial times, even in northern california. If an entire town disapeared, people would know about it. -Generally in an all white fishing town, the black guy who is the only suspect in a triple homicide would not be allowed to walk. -If a body reanimates and talks to you, take the priests advice and get the hell off the island. I dont care how fascinating your stupid book is.