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Word comes in on DOOM!!!

Hey folks, Harry here... Quint's been very up beat about Universal's DOOM... For me, I'm anxious to see DOOM, if for no other reason than that's the film that'll have the new KING KONG trailer. Heh. BUT... This review is quite positive and seems to indicate that we have a really cool movie coming... unless you go here and read that review which calls the film the worst film ever. Well, you know... some people like anchovies. Here ya go...

Hey guys, last week I found myself sitting among the whooping, soda-guzzling, acne-ridden ranks of diehard video game fans at a screening of Doom, and reckoned you might like a review. Universal have been lying low on this one and I?ve been so curious to see how it turns out. I should declare from the outset I?m a gamer but I?ve never played Doom, so I didn?t know which parts were faithful and which were theatrical embellishments. The excitement before the lights went down at Mann?s Chinese last Friday was palpable ? people were cheering and summoning their best monster roars and the mood in the theatre was great. After crashing bores like The Cave and the lamentably poor Resident Evil: Apocalypse, the horror-action genre needed a kick up the ass and it gets one here, and then some.

The story takes place mostly on a Martian research station called Olduvai where scientists are trying to unlock the final 10% of the human genome pattern. They?ve been injecting human guinea-pigs with C24 ? a 24th chromosome pair ? and things have gone horribly awry. Director Andrzej Bartkowiak ? the Polish cinematographer who directed Romeo Must Die, Exit Wounds and Cradle 2 The Grave ? propels us straight into the action with a heart-pounding pre-title sequence in which terrified scientists flee through a warren of dimly-lit corridors from a monster that we never see but hear. Oh we hear it alright. In the final scene a trapped scientist sends an SOS while something very angry on the other side smashes a huge dent into the metal door that separates them. Wide-eyed with horror, the researcher stares back as that dent gets bigger and bigger and then we cut to black. The Universal logo comes up, but instead of emblazoning the studio?s name over a revolving planet earth they do it over Mars. Bingo! Love that stuff ? just like the way the Warner Bros logo is presented in black and white for their scary stuff.

To cut a long story short, the Martian station is up shit creek without a paddle, and it?s up to an elite unit of soldiers led by The Rock to get down there, save the scientists and stake care of the nasty freaks that are creating mayhem. The team is a good one, with short and effective introductions to each character so we care about them and get pissed off when they meet their grisly fate. The Rock?s Sarge is a tough-as-nails commander who plays by the book and does some things that skirt the borders of morality, in stark contrast to Karl Urban?s Reaper, who is really the movie?s heart. Not sure why someone called The Kid is in the team ? he looks 12 years old and is far too wimpy to get into an elite fighting unit, but there has to be a lamb in every team and he?s it.

The team travels to Olduvai via a neat teleporter on earth and the way it?s been realized is very cool. Each person has to leap into a portal that resembles a highly unstable blob of mercury, which then zips them over to Mars, and when they arrive you see guys puking up ? clearly this ride isn?t for the faint-hearted. The cavernous underground interior of Olduvai is impressive. The sets is comprised of metallic gangways and dark rooms ? just how I imagine the game might look. It?s a very foreboding environment and Bartkowiak deliberately keeps things visually obscure, which combines with the ominous sound mix to disorient us and feel the soldiers? anxiety as they patrol the labyrinth.

They discover scientists who were trapped underground and didn?t escape the monsters. Some are dead, some alive, but there?s something very wrong with them. I won?t give anything more away about this. Safe to say, when the action kicks off and the soldiers finally encounter their foes, it?s alarming. The underlying tension between the soldiers is well portrayed as the mission morphs into a desperate fight for survival, and the crucial rivalry between Sarge and Reaper develops well. What I liked about Doom is that nothing is overdone. Bartkowiak and his crew have created a world with its own rules and there?s no need to overstate them. As the script gradually reveals the full extent of what the scientists were trying to do on Olduvai, so the rules of the game become clear. The mission is simply stated, the problems are clearly illustrated, and the moral conundrum plays out within these guidelines to strong effect.

There?s some good weaponry here, but again it doesn?t go over the top. When we get to see The Rock wield an advanced weapon it?s memorable. There are great fight scenes and the element of surprise is always fresh. The famous FPS scene that was unveiled at Comicon is very intense indeed ? definitely worth the wait because fans will be cheering it throughout. All in all this is a superior genre title and I reckon Universal has a hit on its hands. It should be more aggressive with the marketing campaign ? NOW is the time to pepper the networks with TV spots and ramp things up. The movie is slated for release on Oct 21 and goes against counter-programmers like Shopgirl, Dreamer and North Country. Doom will clear up that weekend and the ending leaves plenty of opportunity for a sequel. Lock and load!!

Sir Lancelot.

Readers Talkback
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  • Oct. 12, 2005, 2:51 p.m. CST


    by Phimseto


  • Oct. 12, 2005, 2:54 p.m. CST

    oh my gosh

    by llephen

    i only was able to make it like halfway through that before the screams of "PLANT!" in my head wouldn't let me read any more. nobody writes like that!! not anybody that's not writing a promotional piece for a movie, at least. and the punctuation replaced with question marks?? Good evidence that it was copied and pasted from somewhere else.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 2:54 p.m. CST

    by Jared

    I think we'll have the last 10% of human genome pattern before we have research facilities on Mars.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 2:59 p.m. CST

    "I think we'll have the last 10% of human genome pattern bef

    by mocky_puppet

    ...we have unstable-blob-of-mercury teleporters that can send us to mars.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3 p.m. CST


    by BrunoTheDog

    Could that have been anymore obviously written by some studio rep? I felt like I was reading an official press release.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:02 p.m. CST


    by vinceklortho

    the markings of a studio plant. Breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:07 p.m. CST


    by jaxnnux

    I'm suddenly hunry for brocolli

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Should have been called Resident Evil 3

    by axelfoley

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Regardless of the reviews, people will still go see this

    by Terry_1978

    It's Doom, that's why. No other reasoning. Sheer morbid curiosity if you want to call it that, but we'll all have our reasons for going on Oct. 21.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:10 p.m. CST

    i'm not sure about this

    by Greased Deaf Guy

    but i'm a fan of the game so i'll probably check it out anyway. the story is about them openning the gate to hell and hell's attempt to get to earth. it's not about a science experiment gone awry. why is the studio so skittish to go with the original story anyway? plus it's halloween. to me battling hell is much more epic than some lab catastrophe....but then again that's just me. i will say as far as that reviewer was concerned, he'd have enough rain water to sustain him around here.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:12 p.m. CST


    by ReDWasK

    i agree is looks like total ass, and i wont see it even for the new Kong trailer, but, as one poster said, it ISN'T Uwe Boll directing it. It'll be better because of that, but shit is still shit, even when it doesn't stink.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:16 p.m. CST


    by darylzero2005

    Its Andrzej Bartkowiak, director of such fine fare as Romeo Must Die and Cradle to the Grave. He does have some interesting cinematography credits though (Speed, Lethal Weapon 4, Dante's Peak and some older work that kind of surprises.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:17 p.m. CST

    It sounds? great I?m there?!!

    by Tal111

    And this review doesn?t sound in the least bit contrived. PLANT!!!

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:22 p.m. CST

    man.. i'm thinking about this more, and..

    by llephen

    harry, you gotta stop posting plant reviews here, man. It's not good for anybody. When reviews that are soooo obviously studio-written like this are posted, it 1. seriously hurts the credibility of the entire site (since you HAD to know this was fake before you posted it) and the credibility of a lot of the real, honest reviews that get posted, and 2. makes it obvious that the movie is going to be shit. I'm pretty sure i've never ever seen a studio written plant review for a GOOD movie. It's what they do when they know the fans are going to think the movie is shit, so they try to put a positive spin before the negative can get out of control. And you know what.. speaking of which.. ok, follow my logic here everyone. Have you ever seen a plant review for a movie that was loved by critics/fans? No. Which means the studio writes these plant reviews for movies that they know are shit. If the studio knows that the movies are shit, why do they let them get made?? Are they making shit on purpose?? Even if they're not passionate or into the material or whatever, they don't have to make it awful on purpose.. right? i don't get it. anyway, point is, plant reviews are good for no one. ____________ i am glad i saw this too, because i was planning on going to see it. now i know not to, especially after seeing that REAL review in the link. It's the stupid "virus" bullshit, just like i thought. Where in the hell in doom was there evidence that the imps are turning people into imps? Where does it show that imps used to be people? what the hell?? OH AND i was disappointed to see a picture recently that proves that the pinky demon actually IS a fucking guy in a wheelchair AFTER ALL. COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNN

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:26 p.m. CST

    oh one more last thing

    by llephen

    the movie: DOOM _________________________________________ the ending: two genetically super charged marines fist fighting. _________________________________________ ........................................................... . WHAT.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Harry should just sell fertilizer

    by ThingsThatTimDog

    Because he certainly provides a home for hundreds of plants.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:27 p.m. CST

    The ending leaves plenty of opportunity for a sequel.

    by Proman1984

    Suprise! Suprise! Here's the first hint that the movie will suck. Might open well but I don't think it'll have legs.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Papa Lima Able November Tango, Over!

    by SG7

    This movie sucks radioactive monkey ass.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:30 p.m. CST

    The most obvious sign of a marketing "genius" plant...

    by Edman describing any character as "tough-as-nails." Dead fucking giveaway. I could bare read this plant beyond that.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Director Andrzej Bartkowiak ? the Polish cinematographer who dir

    by Richard Cranium

    Usually I just laugh at all the people who go into a 'plant' frenzy, but think was fucking ridiculous. The fact that he actually knew the directors name and portfolio was where he lost me...

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:50 p.m. CST

    I think the question isn't why...

    by Childe Roland

    ...Harry would post a plant review. The question is what he (or Quint) is getting from or wants from the studio in exchange. With Roth, it's obvious. Harry wants to be as cool as the character Roth cameoed as in Cabin Fever. You know... the one with all the good weed that made the chicks wet at first glance? Harry's wanted to be that guy since he was the unliked chunky weird kid in gradeschool. So he strokes Roth's ego and Roth pretends to like him so Harry can claim to be cool by association. So when you see a plant, always be sure to look for its roots. On the other hand, they did set this on Mars, apparently, so it's already got to be better than I feared it was going to be back when it was going to be set someplace else.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 3:52 p.m. CST

    RJ, you need to get on the ball.......

    by axelfoley

    and post my post. Post it, RJ before that comment costs me my opening weekend and you call me Aquafag.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:14 p.m. CST

    I'm sure this guy wanted the film to be retitled:

    by dr_dreadlocks

    Citizen Kane 2: You're Now In CONTROL! Uh-huh. I buy this review.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:18 p.m. CST

    I don't normally jump on the PLANT-wagon, but...

    by DorkmanScott

    Seriously, who do they think they're fooling. This one lost me at "I'm a gamer but I've never played Doom." No such thing. And I loved that he had this line: "The sets is comprised of metallic gangways and dark rooms ? just how I imagine the game might look." i.e. "I can't tell them it looks like the game because I said I didn't play it, but I want people who know the game to assume it looks like the game." You can admit you've SEEN the game, particularly Doom 3 which this is mostly based one. What gamer hasn't seen ANY pictures or screens that they'd have to imagine what it might look like? I actually plan to see this (I can't resist the FPS, sue me), but man, this "review" fools no one.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:18 p.m. CST

    I dunno...

    by mbeemer

    The IESB review says, "It is disturbing to think that an Oxford graduate would resort to wearing some tight clothing so her nipples show through in a worthless action flick." Nipples? I&#39;m *there*!!!! (sorry... <g>)

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Holy shit!

    by DocPazuzu

    That was the plantiest plant I have ever seen on this site, and that&#39;s saying quite a bit. Jesus, it reads like a fucking PARODY of a plant review. So much leafy goodness: "The underlying tension between the soldiers is well portrayed as the mission morphs into a desperate fight for survival, and the crucial rivalry between Sarge and Reaper develops well." ......... Kiss my ass!!!!

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Ha Ha

    by KingofRupp

    ---Director Andrzej Bartkowiak ? the Polish cinematographer who directed Romeo Must Die, Exit Wounds and Cradle 2 The Grave--- How is this supposed to make me feel better about this movie? All of those movies blow! and the scene in the trailer showing the first person view is just awful

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:38 p.m. CST

    Human genome project

    by keekthesneek

    The Human Genome Project was completed in 2003.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:40 p.m. CST

    I Liked the Resident Evil movies...

    by zer0cool2k2

    ...But then again I&#39;d probably watch Milla Jovovich read the paper while taking a shit.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Just for amusement; another hilarious dead give away:

    by vinceklortho

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:45 p.m. CST

    "The Movie is slated for October 21st and goes against counterpr

    by vinceklortho

    Who says that?

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:46 p.m. CST

    I&#39;m still excited...

    by Kamikaze_Jones

    Even this flagrant greenery can&#39;t make me not want to see this movie. Every precedent and logical argument says it will suck monkey dick, but I&#39;m still drawn to it, partly because of the history of the game and partly because, at the end of the day, I enjoy seeing people shoot scary things. That&#39;s just me, I guess...

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:50 p.m. CST

    If you&#39;ve never played "Doom"...

    by Neighbor Jim;re not a fucking gamer, period.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 4:52 p.m. CST


    by Bootskin

    I would&#39;ve read the entire thing but all the fucking question marks were hurting my head....

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5 p.m. CST

    I continue to be amazed that studios even bother with plants.

    by FluffyUnbound

    Wouldn&#39;t it be more effective just to pick out some website users who obviously will like a given project and give them a screener? There are people here or at CHUD who you know would give this film a legitimate and sincere positive review, if they saw a screener. Think of any Joss Whedon project. How hard would they have to work to find someone who would ACTUALLY like the film? If a BSG movie was made [either flavor] how far would you have to look for a guaranteed-positive review? These people need to be fined by the Guerrilla Marketing police. Having some intern in your office write a review that gets slammed as a plant is dumb, when there has to be some Doom fan site somewhere with people on it that would be certain to like the film and to pimp it around everywhere.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:01 p.m. CST


    by StovetopStuffin'

    "Wide-eyed with horror, the researcher stares back as that dent gets bigger and bigger and then we cut to black. The Universal logo comes up, but instead of emblazoning the studio?s name over a revolving planet earth they do it over Mars. Bingo! Love that stuff ? just like the way the Warner Bros logo is presented in black and white for their scary stuff. " What everyday joe writes like that? I know I don&#39;t describe a movie by saying "This obscure director is the one who brought us such action packed hits as Cradle 2 the Grave, and Exit Wounds." Hell, only a plant would think those were good selling points. And this "reviewer" can sure remember a shitload of details from the movie that, to me, sound like the sort of thing most people wouldn&#39;t pay enough attention to, to remember when writing a review. like the name of the experimantal chromosome and the research station? This one is my favorite one though. I know I always talk like this. "...propels us straight into the action with a heart-pounding pre-title sequence in which terrified scientists flee through a warren of dimly-lit corridors from a monster that we never see but hear. Oh we hear it alright. " PLANT!!!!!!

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:04 p.m. CST


    by StovetopStuffin'

    HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I didn&#39;t even get that far in the review. That is priceless!!!

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:07 p.m. CST

    Agree with Jim

    by Meremoth

    Im not a heavy gamer but Ive played DOOM. That line alone screams plant.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:10 p.m. CST

    Could this film be anymore cliched?

    by Doc_Strange

    The Rock&#39;s "acting" is already bad enough from the trailers but damn, how many more "The Kid" characters do we need? Do we also have the token black character who dies amid horrid ebonics jokes? check. I bet there&#39;s a guy named Rico or Hicks in there as well, plus the Sarge who no doubt ends up as the main villain at the end. Also how many more abandoned, high-tech facilites are there? Yeah, this is TOP-NOTCH filmmaking. I expect a good opening weekend, then a 60% drop the week after like AVP.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:12 p.m. CST

    Fooled again by a studio plant, Harry

    by Doc_McCoy

    Why even bother posting this blatant advertisement (unless you&#39;re getting paid by the studio to do so)?

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:17 p.m. CST

    Plant or no plant is there a debate raging about thescience here

    by modlight

    Are we the least bit worried about the scientific credibility of a movie based on a shoot-em-up game? Listen I read the trades and I know that they were very careful to fly in consultants from a Mars research facility that went through something very similar. And they said that we&#39;ve only mapped 50% of the human genome.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:18 p.m. CST

    wait a minute

    by gamesix

    hey everybody, i don&#39;t want to start a stir here, but did it cross anyone&#39;s mind that this review could be "planted" by a studio guy? I know, I know, it&#39;s crazy, but I can&#39;t shake this feeling that we&#39;re being pandered to. Please don&#39;t flame me!!

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:30 p.m. CST

    What kind of "gamer" has never played Doom??

    by ar42

    Take it from me. I&#39;m a chef, and I&#39;ve never had beef, but man this beef stroganoff sure is the best I&#39;ve ever tasted!

  • And they got rid of the "portal to Hell" plot. Studio Execs: "Should we base the new Doom movie on the bestselling Doom games from 1991-2003 that have been played by millions worldwide or base it on the Doom III game that came out 2 FUCKING YEARS AGO?!Well the new Doom is fresh on everyone&#39;s minds so....let&#39;s use THAT one" Whatever. I&#39;ll see it and then come back and bitch. Look for me on a related talkback on October 21st!

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:37 p.m. CST

    The Boll Factor. Beckett let me handle this one.

    by modlight

    There is a recent trend in Hollywood to pawn off lucrative video game material that is next to impossible to adapt to directors from Eastern Europe. Andreij, although he has a keen eye for a shot, isn&#39;t blessed with storytelling abilities. Hence the Uwe Boll comparisons. Now I don&#39;t think that the Doom Director is on par with Boll (the grey hair I picked off my nutsack the other day is around his level) but I doubt that Doom will be much higher than a Resident Evil quality wise, which means I&#39;ll love it. In a side note, Peter Jackson and Alex Garland just got honorary Czech citizenships. I wonder why?

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Why can&#39;t they ever follow the game story?

    by Terminator

    Seriously. These movies might not turn out shit if they actually followed the original story. I can just picture Master Cheif taking off to helmet to reveal Keanu Reeves. Urgh.. Stan Winston is doing the creatures, right? They should be good. That CGI one in the trailer (FPS mode with the chainsaw) doesn&#39;t even look as realistic as the one in DOOM 3.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:52 p.m. CST


    by MattCG

    That was the most obvious plant review I&#39;ve read since....well, since Harry got paid off for saying "Godzilla" was good. That was just....that was just horrible.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:53 p.m. CST

    If this is a plant, they&#39;ve started recruiting 12 year olds.

    by chickychow

    Doubt this movie will be any good, certainly won&#39;t be giving it my 10 bucks, when it&#39;ll be on DVD in about 4 months. Think of it this way, have you ever seen a GOOD movie directed by Ardrej Bartowiakiotakj?

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 5:55 p.m. CST


    by MattCG

    If there are monsters and people shoot the shit out of everything? It&#39;s loyal to the game. Who gives a fuck where the monsters come from. And, don&#39;t get me wrong, I&#39;m defending it, I&#39;m sure it&#39;s a horrible piece of shit. It&#39;s also another great reason as to why video games will never make good movies. It&#39;s fucking stupid to movies out of video games, because no one likes to WATCH someone else play.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Man are those &#39;?&#39;s annoying.

    by Bean_

    As for this reviewer being a plant? I want to hear from Harry before grabbin the old torch and pitchfork.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:15 p.m. CST


    by Ridge

    Uwe Bolle had nothing to do with Doom, he&#39;s too busy on Dungeon Siege, Blood Rayne and hoping he can get funding for Farcry to be bothered with this. I hate Bolles movies with a passion, theyre &#39;game movies&#39; in name only, otherwise no relation to their source material. Doom does look like good 80s cheap horror fun, the suits for the monsters are pretty good and the whole genome thing doesn&#39;t worry me that much, they were bound to change something, and I&#39;m just glad it&#39;s still set on mars. Personally I think this might&#39;ve been the better route to go believe it or not, if handled incorrectly, the HELL aspect could&#39;ve turned out so hokey and cheesey it&#39;s not funny.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:16 p.m. CST


    by crackerfarmboy

    You have to be kidding me. Who is going to believe this horseshit? This is the most obvious plant review since Harry reviewed The Punisher.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:17 p.m. CST

    The reviewer&#39;s a gamer who&#39;s never played Doom? Some ga

    by Lance Rock

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:19 p.m. CST


    by HarryTheHefalump

    Holy shite. I actually fished out my talkback password for this... Hey Mr Studio guy - if you even follow up your shite campaigns like this... as has been suggested above, try and recruit some actual real geeks to do your work for you. I&#39;m sure some of us would happily whore ourselves out to you (I would) and we&#39;d do a damn sight better job than what you&#39;ve mailed in above.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Bean, please...

    by Kamikaze_Jones

    Like Harry&#39;s coming near this shitstorm? I know if I was responsible for approving this piece of crap of a review I&#39;d stay the fuck away...

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:21 p.m. CST

    what?s with the ??s

    by Krangelus

    i read the review for a bit then had to stop cause it annoyed the crap out of me.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:29 p.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    It&#39;s a cut &#39;n&#39; paste job. Sometimes when you highlight text in one format and try to paste into the page of another program (or different version of the same program) it can&#39;t handle certain symbols - in this case apostrophes - and substitutes them with something else - in this case question marks.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:30 p.m. CST


    by Thorfin

    Quite frankly, a poorly written Plant is one of the most entertaining things about this website! "Counter-programmers"?

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Kamikaze_Jones, we shall see.

    by Bean_

    Harry usually updates the article or posts something when we&#39;re accusing someone of being a plant, at least from what I&#39;ve seen.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:53 p.m. CST

    portal to hell

    by Bouncy X

    someone mentioned it isnt in the movie now i might be wrong but the trailers do show some sorta of portal thing where a zombie/demon comes out of and attacks a girl so maybe they kept that afterall? it actually reminded me of the ending of Prince of Darkness when he comes out of the mirror because the portal had this water look to it.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 6:55 p.m. CST

    Star Wars Episode III wil own your ass

    by jesuschrist

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 7:15 p.m. CST

    If this movie...

    by SirSpike

    ...does better than Serenity by any means, I will have had my worst fears about the dumbing down of American moviegoers realized. Their PS2-addled brains are the targets of this pile of unholy dreck. What really makes me laugh and shake my head with pity about this movie is that it had me intrigued at first. "Hmm...if they can amp it up with the nail-biting tension of the game, this might not suck too hard. The Rock isn&#39;t the worst wrestler-turned-actor of them all, so maybe..." Then, they showed the first-person perspective stuff, and that brought my meager hopes crashing down through the the ground and drilling into the molten magma at the center of the planet. Are they kidding with that garbage? I can&#39;t possibly fathom how that won&#39;t make the movie look incredibly campy. Hollywood, stay the hell away from video games for ideas, okay? It&#39;s bad enough you did this, and now you&#39;re going to take Halo, an overrated, underwhelming title, and convert that into cinematic tripe, too? Hire some writers and find some fresh, untried ideas, you money-grubbing, feeble-minded jerks.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 7:33 p.m. CST

    "the FPS scene"? There&#39;s only one? I thought the idea was

    by FrankDrebin

    I agree with the TBer&#39;s who are calling this RE3. There&#39;s nothing original here.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 7:41 p.m. CST

    Man, fuck you Jesus.

    by Kamikaze_Jones

    Nobody digs your style. And DocFrost, I totally agree. While most of the people who run this place are pretty cool (excluding Herc and, at times, Harry), its pretty obvious that its no longer the lair of the fan, but rather a new place for studios to hammer us with advertisements. I&#39;ve officially made JoBlo my number one site, as they&#39;ve got more validity to their stuff than AICN does these days. Plus they actually report scoops, not just plants and news about their friends.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 7:49 p.m. CST


    by braine

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 7:53 p.m. CST

    This is really out of character for me

    by Neosamurai85

    Water regularly and keep in partial sun. For best results use a dark soil with a high bovine manure content

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 7:55 p.m. CST

    &#39;in the name of the king: a dungeon siege story&#39;...

    by ectocriminal

    clocking in around three hours plus. from the mouth of the reverend boll himself on some other site then rotten tomatoes a few days ago. i have hopes that &#39;doom&#39; will at least be intense, but damn, i really think &#39;feast&#39; will be the doom film we all wanted to see. hope someone picks it up for wide distribution and the censors don&#39;t get their sticky inbred tentacles on it.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 8:08 p.m. CST

    If Rock&#39;s character goes the same way Sarge does in Doom 3..

    by KongMonkey

    Then shit yeah I&#39;ll pay to see it. Just to see his stupid ugly ass get blown away by Karl whatsisfacefromlotr. Doom 3 game kicks ass. Disappointed thought that the movie is going for the same look and not being how should I put it.....CREATIVE.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 8:11 p.m. CST

    The censors don&#39;t get their sticky inbred tentacles on it.

    by Neosamurai85

    Don&#39;t know how much you know about japanese censorship... by that line made me smile. Peace.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Hey, if you want a good review of a shitty movie on a site, don&

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Just contact that "I still don&#39;t understand why nobody finds me funny" character running a certain site named after a certain 80s horror whose unrelated sequel had the name "Bud" in its title. Tell him that you&#39;ll finance an adaptation of the analphabetic scrawls of his subhack love, one Alten. You don&#39;t actually HAVE to finance anything, of course - just promise to do that and you&#39;ll be set.

  • Too funny. I like ice cream, but I&#39;ve never tried vanilla. Whatever. Just LIE or you come off sounding like a chump. Doom used to be THE most played PC video game in history. The shareware version of Doom was estimated to have been played by several MILLION people around the world. These are facts that I read in an article showcasing John Romero & John Carmack (the creators of Doom) in an issue of Wired many years ago! I worked at A Babbages back in &#39;95 and I never met a PC owner who hadn&#39;t played Doom at least 1 time! Oh yeah, I love Cheetos, but I&#39;ve never actually tried real cheese.

  • Too funny. I like ice cream, but I&#39;ve never tried vanilla. Whatever. Just LIE or you come off sounding like a chump. Doom used to be THE most played PC video game in history. The shareware version of Doom was estimated to have been played by several MILLION people around the world. These are facts that I read in an article showcasing John Romero & John Carmack (the creators of Doom) in an issue of Wired many years ago! I worked at a Babbages in Phoenix back in &#39;95 and I never met a PC owner who hadn&#39;t played Doom at least 1 time! Oh yeah, I love Cheetos, but I&#39;ve never actually tried real cheese.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 9:48 p.m. CST

    Why do the commercials state "hell breaks loose"

    by Greased Deaf Guy

    if they changed the premise to science gone wrong? Do they think the hell storyline would turn off a mainstream audience?

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 9:49 p.m. CST

    Old SAT analogy test -- agent : real estate ::

    by Hung-Wei Lo

    a) criminal : jail b) food : grocery c) plant : studio d) cow : farm

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 9:57 p.m. CST

    In all the hype about Doom on this site did Harry forget to ment

    by Neo Zeed

    His resume is akin to a train wreck. He fucked up Jet li twice for crying out loud. What&#39;s next? Uwe Boll directing Wolfenstein 3D?!

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 10:03 p.m. CST

    "Well, you know... some people like anchovies."

    by Shan

    So what are you saying? ... a) Most people don&#39;t like anchovies and b) people that like anchovies will like this film? Ie, most people will hate it?

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 10:19 p.m. CST

    "If you&#39;ve never played &#39;Doom,&#39; you&#39;re not a fuc

    by 3 Bag Enema

    Who would care? It&#39;s like saying, "If you&#39;ve never watched the Game Show Network for 24 straight hours, you&#39;re not a fucking couch potato. Period."

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 10:20 p.m. CST

    People will cheer???

    by Mooly

    I saw this trailer online, but for the first time in the theatre before Serenity. When people saw the Rock they all started chanting "Doooooooom!Dooooom!" You could feel the electricity...until the FPS scene. At that point, everyone who was chanting and waiting to watch the trailer broke out laughing, and not in a good way. I&#39;ve never seen an audience switch their opinions on a movie so quickly in my life. Chanting to laughing. If that was the intended audience then Doom is going to flop hardcore.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 10:21 p.m. CST

    With the other movies opening against it, I doubt it&#39;s gonna

    by Terry_1978


  • Oct. 12, 2005, 10:48 p.m. CST


    by billwiser

    there&#39;s life on mars and it&#39;s a fucking GIANT ATTACKING PLANT.

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 11:04 p.m. CST


    by billwiser

    Harry, Please explain yourself. How does this really get on the site? How does a site complain about lazy movies, lazy ideas and the bullshit Hollywood pulls, and then it&#39;s gotten so bad on AICN as to publish this shit? Do you take your readership for morons? Does it not matter anymore?

  • Oct. 12, 2005, 11:42 p.m. CST

    Holy Crap that&#39;s a Plant

    by chains

    Good Lord... no true reviewer would ever write "heart-pounding" opening sequence. End of story. Done. And I saw the trailer last week. This movie looks like shit. And if the trailer looks like shit, it&#39;s REALLY shit.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 12:07 a.m. CST

    I never have said "plant" before because I can&#39;t spot them a

    by Thirteen 13

    But that plant was obvious to even me. I&#39;ll go buy a ticket for "Corpse Bride", walk into the auditorium for "Doom" so I can see the new "Kong" trailer, and then get up and hop over to finish seeing "Corpse Bride" again.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 12:19 a.m. CST


    by Terminator

    I give a fuck where the monsters come from. If their not from hell, then you can&#39;t tie it in with the games at all, which is really what they should be doing. If the movies aren&#39;t retelling the same story, then they should be adding to it. Which is what the developers promised. *sigh* I&#39;m not really sure what you mean by &#39;no one likes to WATCH someone else play&#39;. Metal Gear Solid could make a great movie if done right. Of course, it wouldn&#39;t be.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 12:25 a.m. CST

    The PLANTS must stop


    There has to be a way for talkbackers to denounce the validity of a review,.... Something like how slashdot works.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 12:26 a.m. CST

    He could be a casual gamer, folks. He never said he was a hardc

    by JDanielP

    I&#39;ll wait and read more reviews before I commit to seeing "DOOM" ...and if word remains positive, I&#39;ll go.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 12:40 a.m. CST

    Usually the talkbackers are full of crap. But I re-read that re

    by Freakemovie

    I mean come on try to sound a little bit less like a press exception I will make, though: I play video games pretty regularly and I&#39;ve never played Doom. Wolfenstein, Duke Nukem, Quake, most of the old classics, but I just plain never played that one. But don&#39;t worry, there&#39;s about a dozen other giveaways in the review.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 1:37 a.m. CST

    ...and As The Monsterous Riffs of "The Immigrant" Song Echo Thro

    by hipcheck13

    ...Robert PLANT&#39;S eerie wail. Jeez, Harry--somebody get a leaf-blower in here. I can hardly walk.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 2:18 a.m. CST

    I hope it at least was a huge wad of cash...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...because it wasn&#39;t just space on a web page that was sold, but also another enormous chunk of credibility. I&#39;ve not previously joined in the choruses of "sell out!", but there is no way in Hades that anyone can plead ignorance to this guy&#39;s plantitude. Despite the fits of laughter this "review" inspired, I&#39;m left with a decidedly bitter aftertaste. More than succumbing to the lure of studio cash, it&#39;s how blatantly it&#39;s shoved in our faces. No attempt to mask the studio&#39;s intent and subsequent hamfistedness in this marketing ploy was made. I want to believe this thing got in under your radar at a weak moment, but I fear a much weaker moment at the heart of this issue.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 2:59 a.m. CST

    what&#39;s with the fucking "?"s ?

    by Zardoz

    is that a new writing style? &#39;cause it&#39;s stupid and it sucks? I&#39;m fucking illiterate? Somebody kill me now?

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:02 a.m. CST

    Actually Doom could have been a halfway decent movie

    by Thirteen 13

    ...If they would have stuck to the storyline and made it like the videogame. Look what happened to the Resident Evil movies. Those could have been hits with the fanboys and all the moviegeeks, but instead the coke snorting studio execs decided "Hey lets make a Resident Evil movie only we will take out the zombies and change the story completely because we don&#39;t need that drivel and we need to jazz it up for the MTV crowd", or, "Hey lets make a Doom movie only we will take Hell out of the storyline and change the story completely because we don&#39;t need that drivel and we need to jazz it up a little and make it more mainstream"...and this drivel was the very core of what made these games huge topselling hits in the first place.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:13 a.m. CST

    I&#39;d pay to see...

    by Terminator

    all the marines from Aliens play different characters (they all died!) who come out of retirement to kick some monster ass! We seriously need to get Vasquez out of those Tampax commercials.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:21 a.m. CST

    The way they keep retooling the stories for these videogame movi

    by Thirteen 13

    Only they will change it completely. Instead of the videogame content, they will make it some story of some dark anti-hero type, who was kicked off the force but is then asked to come back, because he is the only one who can crack this newest autotheft ring. And instead of hiring hookers, the movie will show first person views of him rescuing hookers. And instead of buying drugs, there will be scenes of him shouting tough love mantras in there faces causing them to get the help they needed because they have a baby to feed. Car chases, explosions, bootycams, maybe a love scene between him and one of the hookers he rescued because she wants to go staright now, the final fight between the ringleader and the anti-hero who we now find out are brothers. The final sequence where the police chief offers our hero his job back fulltime and he tells him to fuck off and struts off down the hallway for more anti-hero adventures for the "Vice City" sequel which will never get made because this first one bombs worse than Resident Evil or Doom or Halo.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:21 a.m. CST

    REAL video game fans want a HALF LIFE movie, not a fucken dumb D

    by Rcamacho2278

    seriously , that is one big fucken PLANT! this movie looks like shit, and you cannot tell me the FPS shots look cool. cuz they don&#39;t. they look stupid. like this movie.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:22 a.m. CST

    I saw it too... its bad...

    by NKG

    very good sets, good effects but apart from that its pretty crap. the rock is underused, karl urban is actually the leading man here and he is good as is miss pike... there are some stuff that connect with the game but the movie suffers from an arleady used script (resident evil) and is pretty much a bad aliens clone. spoilers the rock becomes the bad guy in the end, very bad decision, the reasoning doesn&#39;t even make sence, the FPS part is just 5-10 minutes long during the ending , also a bad choise, they could insert small snipets during the whole movie... end of spoilers all and all i expected more, i like both urban and the rock, anywho... lets NOT hope for a sequel....

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:25 a.m. CST


    by Rcamacho2278

    way better than doom.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:26 a.m. CST

    "people like the rock put into a situation like this and want to

    by Thirteen 13


  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:29 a.m. CST

    "I found myself sitting among the whooping, soda-guzzling, acne-

    by Kurutteru Yatsu

    Yes, Universal. That will get your target demographic in the seats. Nice one. For the record, who wants to bet the Duke character is a big guy with a blond buzzcut?

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:56 a.m. CST

    dorkman scott

    by speed

    VIC 20, Sega master system, Amiga 500, Sega Genesis/mega drive, Super nintendo, Nintendo 64, Sega CD, Gamboy color, GBA, PS, PS2, Gamecube, Dreamcast. Does that qualify me as a gamer? Actually I don&#39;t play all that much anymore save a bit of mariokart. So i should say i was a gamer and i have never played doom. Never dug PC games. screw that mouse and keyboard shit. too complicated for my tiny brain. SO there is one out there! sorry, 2. me and mr plant.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 4 a.m. CST

    bugger! I forgot the true beginnings...

    by speed

    Pong, Atari, coleco vision and intellivision! had them too. Man i loved circus atari. great variation on breakout.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 5:43 a.m. CST

    If that review was a PLANT

    by SamFisher

    Then they should get someone with a basic understanding of English comprehension; unless of course it&#39;s an equal opportunities thing and they&#39;re employing people with Downs Syndrome.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 8:48 a.m. CST

    "I think we&#39;ll have the last 10% of human genome pattern bef

    by DannyOcean01

    by mocky_puppet October 12th, 2005 02:59:22 PM CST ...we have unstable-blob-of-mercury teleporters that can send us to mars. Now that was funny. Got to love the stupidity of Hollywood sometimes.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 10:19 a.m. CST

    sorry - but there&#39;s no way

    by K|LLDOZER

    1. that this reviewer is twelve) 2. that this review is real) 3. that this review told us ANYTHING of value) 4. that this will be a good movie). did that guy just use the term "COUNTER PROGRAMMERS??" who the hell talks like that?!?! oh, wait - i know. MARKETERS...or, at best, WANNABE MARKETERS. by the way, nice effort to set the bar for DOOM really high by comparing it to Resident Evil. I can hear the tweens chattering on the way out of the theater now... "dude, that was like TOTALLY better than Resident Evil. I&#39;m so glad the sci-fi action genre got a kick up the ass and THEN some, with this movie. I could barely hear The Rock&#39;s crisp dialogue through all the cheering from hardcore gamer fans!" ...yeah, i&#39;m sort of on the fence about this one being a plant. Do you think he used the same slang book that Lane Meyer&#39;s dad used in Better Off Dead? "Right off!!"

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Speed, you never had a Commodore 64?

    by Shan

    That&#39;s the transition machine of choice from a Vic 20 - with its mammoth 37K of usuable memory and everything ... Those were the days ...

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 10:51 a.m. CST

    Wear a helmet while watching this retarded excuse for a flim

    by Hate_Speech

    >> and when they arrive you see guys puking up ? You never puked in the game DOOM by using the teleporters.. Rating: +10 gayness >> The famous FPS scene that was unveiled at Comicon is very intense indeed ? definitely worth the wait because fans will be cheering it throughout. I doubt I hear one cheer in the theater because I won&#39;t be there watching this cartoon of a movie. >> All in all this is a superior genre title What genre? Cartoon videogame movie with a pro wrestler? >>Doom will clear up that weekend and the ending leaves plenty of opportunity for a sequel. It took them 11 years to get this movie made, I doubt there is EVER a sequel.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 11:32 a.m. CST


    by speed

    I did have a friend with one though. Actually I also had a Sega Sc-3000H computer. I think I had that instead of the comm64. The memories are getting fuzzy! We used to program our own games on it. Really crappy ones, but fun nonetheless. Gotta say that my favourite all time machine has got to be Sega Megadrive/Genesis. So many great playable games like Road Rash, Desert Strike, Madden and Hockey.I remember getting those games home and just sitting there awestruck.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 11:33 a.m. CST

    STOP PLANT, you had me at...

    by nsomnia

    "The movie()goes against counter-programmers".PLANT PLANT PLANT....PLANT.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 12:24 p.m. CST

    If you&#39;re a gamer that hasnt played Doom...

    by NiceMarmot

    then that tells me you&#39;ve got some taste. FPS&#39;s bore the shit outa me. Especially ones from id. The first Doom was kinda fun, because there wasn&#39;t much out there like it, but then they kept beating the same horse over and over, eventually calling it Quake when the rehashing started becoming a bit too blatant. Now that they&#39;ve beat the Quake drum too much, they&#39;re back to calling it Doom again. There&#39;s a few good FP shooters out there - Half Life, Deus Ex, Outlaws, and id and all their iterations of Doom/Quake are nowhere in the same league.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Jesus Christ...

    by Mafu

    ... that was an embrassingly corporate review. I don&#39;t usually care whether a reviewer seems like a plant or not, but I feel insulted by Sir Lancelot&#39;s thinly veiled, focus group-inspired bullshit. And now I&#39;m pissed. Pissed enough to boycott this film and the DVD when it&#39;s released. Harry, please don&#39;t ever post reviews like this again.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 1:02 p.m. CST

    And Harry...

    by Mafu

    ...get a fucking grip on what people visiting your site want to read, what they know is bullshit, and what they know is bullshit that also drags your reputation down with its posting. Honestly, why did you post this review of "Doom"? Could you tell me with a straight face you haven&#39;t sold out? Because I&#39;m more insulted and pissed off reading this review than I&#39;ve ever been since I started visiting your site years ago. It makes me sad more than anything. I wonder if you realize this.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 1:32 p.m. CST

    Me too...

    by vinceklortho

    As much as love coming to this site and parlaying in movie nerd wisdom within this horde of fellow geeks, I am mostly just sad from this ridiculous review. It IS insulting when this is so obvious. I&#39;m also kinda mad at that Domino review. I know Harry has his own tastes and I respect them and all, but I thought that he could be a little more critical with that, hell, just maybe anything for once in awhile. Love the site, Harry, but I feel like studio jerks are sitting back and laughing about how easy it is to just plant a fake review on a website where people actually fucking care about going to see movies and not how to get people in the seats to line pockets.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 2:22 p.m. CST

    definitely worth the wait because fans will be cheering it throu

    by Harker-Writes

    Better wait for the DVD than be in the movie house with that bunch of losers.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3 p.m. CST

    I&#39;m not sure why...

    by Halloween68

    people are so psyched for this film. But it looks and sounds stupid as hell. For some reason, whenever I see the trailer I&#39;m reminded of AVP meets the whole mutation angle of RE APOCOLYPSE. That can never be a good sign. And if you want to know where I&#39;m coming from with the source material...I&#39;ve played DOOM. And this is nothing like what I imagined when I played the game. This just looks like a very bad B-movie SciFi/Horror crossover. I mean, dude, if I want to see another shitty movie about space soldiers fighting off alien mutations, I&#39;ll just buckle in for the next SciFi Channel original starring John Rhys Davies and Tim Thomerson.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 3:02 p.m. CST


    by kadath

    It&#39;s funny &#39;cause it&#39;s obvious. You had me, too, at "I?m a gamer but I?ve never played Doom". But I won&#39;t stop hoping this movie is decent until I&#39;ve seen it.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 4:12 p.m. CST

    I hate? to be? redundant?...

    by kiddae

    But holy planting fuck. I&#39;m hardly an old-hand at plant-spotting - 9 times out of 10 I couldn&#39;t give a shit - but you have got to be fucking kidding me with this "review".

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 5:14 p.m. CST

    I would post something witty here, but I have to go water my PLA

    by polyh3dron

    if it&#39;s got a lot of dirt on the bottom, and it&#39;s mostly green, it&#39;s usually a PLANT.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 7:36 p.m. CST


    by billwiser

    Talkbackers, don&#39;t let up. This is a genuine low point for AICN and we deserve a response. Boycott DOOM unless the studio runs an apology.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 7:49 p.m. CST

    The Best Commodore 64 Game Was RAID ON BUNGLING BAY

    by ZombieSolutions

    anyone remember that bad ass helicopter action war extravaganza? and when you won you got a ticker tape parade ending? it was stupendous. nay, it was AWESOME. (seriously, best pirated game ever). ________ anyone else remember the GOONIES game for the C64? i never beat it.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 7:59 p.m. CST

    A REAL Doom Review (which I will sell to any studio for $17.00)

    by Red Ned Lynch

    I&#39;m a "movie" fan but I&#39;ve never watch-ed Doom. Got a chance to play it in my living room the other night and the excitement from the videonauts there was palpibable. After there dissapointments with Spirou and some "Sponge"Bob games they were real excited to get this party started. Now some of you all probably saw the movie, but in the game they have all those pretty cool ways to help you keep track of what&#39;s going on. They&#39;re are these sort of bar things that lay on they&#39;re sides, and then their&#39;s a face. Now the face rocks, and without spoiling to much just let me say that sometimes the face looks just fine, but if you keep checking it out...we&#39;ll your going too see something surreal and kind of a new scare. The thing is, what happens, their&#39;s NOTHING that makes it happen. But I know you guys, and you want to here about the action. Good news. Doom is the action-packed blockbuster hugh&#39;ve all been waiting for. You no, the kind of hardcore-grinding, bare-knuckles-on-pavement action fest that we were all hoping Tetris and Civilization III would be. Yeah, they disponated us that time, but they sure deliver the gore and action goods in this one. Be warned. Doom starts a little slow, but before too long yuri balls out fighting for you&#39;re live. By the time your fighting ***SPOILER ALERT*** multiple minotaurs you need every weapon you can get just to hang in they&#39;re. I know I was sweet drenched by the climax, and from the reaction around me I could tell this game was going to please the "hard"core game player in everybody. And just in case you thought maybe their wouldn&#39;t be something less more key, this is a game the girls seemed to like, too. That&#39;s a rugged face, and when its clean it&#39;s smiling. And the breathing hits a wider range of dramatic notes than I think most people will be expecting it to be capable of.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 9:12 p.m. CST


    by Neosamurai85

    Nintendo may need to blow on his cartridge, but he

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 9:19 p.m. CST

    Uh, I meant *inquired*

    by Neosamurai85

    MY KEYBOARD&#39;S A PLANT! MY KEYBOARD&#39;S A PLANT! Sweet daisy-eating loiterers! MY KEYBOARDS A PLANT! And thus...(where is The 7th Chicken when ya need him anyway?) The paranoia spreads through my system

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 9:36 p.m. CST

    Oh an on defense of Doom.

    by Neosamurai85

    Doom can be defended. Most Van Damme flicks can also be defended I might add. In all fairness, I

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 9:44 p.m. CST

    Sure you can defend Mosquito.

    by Red Ned Lynch

    But can you defend Skeeter?

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 9:59 p.m. CST


    by Neosamurai85

    Eeesh... Tough one. Tell you what. Let me get through my October horror movie party and pre-party film hunt. I&#39;ll queue it, and after that&#39;s all over sandwitch it with that Toper Alligator movie and Ticks or something and get back to you. Till then, I&#39;ll raise you CORN. Which can&#39;t possibly be better. Peace.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 10:12 p.m. CST

    Harry hasn&#39;t sold out, he&#39;s just fuckin&#39; with ya

    by monorail77

    Can&#39;t you see past this? Of course Harry knows this is a plant review. Its so bad, he couldn&#39;t resist putting it up on the site to stir some talkback reaction. Has anybody read his book? Harry&#39;s kinda like that, he&#39;s even admitted to several such stunts and deceptions in his book. This is pure P.T. Barnum hucksterism here. He&#39;s getting asses into his online tent for the show. Its all about the hit count, baby. I&#39;d be tempted to put this review up too - its certainly distinctive from any other site&#39;s review. All the other sites just have plain old bad reviews, as expected, because this is such an obviously shitty film. I gotta give props to Harry for this reasonably clever ploy to attract visitors. And most of you fell for it hook, line, etc. Shame on you.

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 10:12 p.m. CST

    Now Ticks....

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...for Ticks I could write you a sonnet. "I&#39;m....infesteeeeeeed!"

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 11:47 p.m. CST


    by Shan

    In retrospect, the games now have much better graphics than the C64 games of old but back then, those games had great gameplay (obviously not all of them). I&#39;d still play a lot of them if I could find them ...

  • Oct. 13, 2005, 11:50 p.m. CST

    "basement dwellers" comment

    by llephen

    You want to see some basement dwellers "accomplish" something like this? I think almost everyone on this site and in the whole world for that matter "accomplish" things "like this" at a rate of one to two times a day, depending on what they ate. You think it takes a genius or somebody superior to make a shitty movie? I don&#39;t understand the logic that you&#39;re trying to use.

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 1:07 a.m. CST

    I don&#39;t care what you call say...

    by Rick Sparks

    I love videogame movies. They&#39;re a perfect waste of time. Besides, I gotta go see this one, just so eventually, when most of the title have been snapped up, some suit says to his flunkies, "Hey! We gotta get a videogame franchise running. Anyone own Q-Bert?" ........... ........... ......... ............ Die, Coily, you !*#@%^& #@$%^$#! (BLAM!) And as for you, Sam, YOU&#39;LL NEVER CHANGE THE COLOR OF MY BLOCKS AGAIN! (BLAM! BLAM!)

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 4:09 a.m. CST

    That was hilarious!

    by scrumdiddly

    Tank. Friggin&#39; "film 05" or whatever it&#39;s called made Wallace & Grommit look like shit, so they&#39;ll probably make this look good.

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Re: monorail77

    by Mafu

    You wrote, "And most of you fell for [Harry&#39;s gag of posting an obvious plant review] hook, line, etc. Shame on you." I&#39;d agree with you, Mono, if I didn&#39;t have the sense Harry has gone beyond messing with talkbackers and is now well on his way to completely selling out and joining the Hollywood suits. Posting this "Doom" review was like giving the finger to people who frequent this site. I say fuck Harry for posting it. If he&#39;s too chickenshit to apologize publicly, I say he&#39;s no longer a fanboy, he&#39;s a fucking sellout. Sorry, but I have very strong feelings about this. It&#39;s one thing to mess with fans of your site, it&#39;s quite another to insult their intelligence. Everyone&#39;s entitled to their opinion, so believe what you want, Monorail. If I don&#39;t read an apology from Harry within a day, though, this will be one of the last times I&#39;ll ever visit AICN. On purpose, anyway.

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Mafu, You raise some good points

    by monorail77

    I think your point about insulting his readers&#39; intelligence is spot on. I can&#39;t believe Harry didn&#39;t recognize this overheated review for what it was (either a plant or an attempt to be plant-like, for humour I guess) but he should have acknowledged it and tipped off his readers that he knows its bogus and he&#39;s just winking at us. Letting this piece of shit stand on his site as a legit review is insulting to the readers. And, judging from the vehement reaction of many readers, yourself included, I think an apology, retraction or some explanation is in order. The majority of talkbackers are evidently left with the impression that Harry&#39;s such a fucking moron that he didn&#39;t realize how offensive this review is. Either that, or he&#39;s such a sell-out that he doesn&#39;t care. I&#39;m willing to lay money that neither scenario is true. I hope Harry responds to your demand for apology, or at least a comment, or this site will lose an obviously intelligent and valued reader.

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 12:16 p.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    Oddly, Monorail is also in the Kong promo TB waxing equally apologistic. The plot thickens...

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 12:17 p.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    I kid, I kid...

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 12:19 p.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    ...there is no fucking way this "review" was posted in ignorance.

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 12:46 p.m. CST


    by monorail77

    I&#39;m just trolling for dates. Tender apologistic picnics by the riverside, ahhh, how 19th century... Seriously though, you&#39;re scary dude. (are you a dude?) You&#39;re that guy who always knows who has posted what and in which forums, etc. Do you keep a private database or something? I&#39;ve seen posts where you list off several screen names that apply to one poster. Who has time to keep track of this stuff? And why bother? It is funny though, I&#39;ll give ya that. And yes, I am aware of the irony of slamming you for what I just did - commenting on your other posts.

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 12:53 p.m. CST

    And another thing, Doc

    by monorail77

    Did you check out my posts in the Memoirs of a Geisha review TB? (What am I saying, of course you did) Those were REALLY apologistic. In fact, I even actually apologized to someone in a post. Don&#39;t miss it!!

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 1:15 p.m. CST

    G-G-Get your PLANT to Mars!


    "...moral conundrum plays out within these guidelines to strong effect..." Moral conundrum? Dude, you are a vegemite sandwich. Why even hide it? Why not just say at the beginning, "I&#39;m a plant. Got a problem with it?" Or something stupid like that. At least some dorks will congratulate you for your honesty.

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 1:19 p.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    What can I say? It&#39;s been a couple of really slow weeks at work and I&#39;ve been able to stay online for much of that time without neglecting said job. As for the talkbacker with the different names, I&#39;ve only seen him here for the past six months or so but he gets banned so often and is so distinctively abrasive that he&#39;s fairly easy to spot after a while. I have yet to reach the depths of sadness where I construct a private database though. No, I actually haven&#39;t read your Geisha post. There goes my hard-won reputation for omniscience.

  • Oct. 14, 2005, 8:22 p.m. CST

    those clips on the link from iilac7 just killed it for me

    by ectocriminal

    killed all my hopes for this project deader than dead.