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Our First Review of THE FOG rolls in...
SPOILER ALERT !!
Hey folks, Harry here with a review from "Ben" of the remake of THE FOG. I've been anxiously awaiting word on this film. It's interesting that this reviewer wanted to hate this film, but in the end couldn't... and actually came away saying that it was pretty good. That's a good sign. Right now, I'm watching Carpenter's original - which is a film I love even though probably more than any other film of his, it shows it's age and budget. But damn it. Barbeau, Jamie, Janet and Houseman just flat out rule. And Carpenter's score and the sound design is spine-tingly. A little film that did quite a good job. I'm hoping this is a film that does quite a bit more. Been awfully quiet on this new version so far.
Hi Harry. I love you man.
Saw a screening of the Fog tonight. Here’s a shocker…
Didn’t hate it.
Actually, I should give more credit. I expected to hate this movie. I wanted to hate this movie. It was pretty good. Better-if you give hottie cred for blonde from Lost and SELMA.
While I’m at it, Let’s be honest. SELMA is too good for this stuff, but once you make out with Buffy you’ve got to prove yourself worthy. How long does that take? I’ll let you know. But SELMA was really great, a welcome distraction from the “acting” of blond from Lost and Supermodel.
Okay, legit review time. The Fog was pretty good. A 6, maybe 7 out of 10, which is worthy of acknowledgment given the crap we’ve been choked with for the last year. It makes House of Wax look like another Paris home vid, and it doesn’t take itself too seriously like, oh, every damn Japanese remake. Why does the vulnerable but very hot girl hang out with the dead bodies? Cause it’s a movie, and it’s creepy. Why does same girl do every stupid thing she does? Cause it’s a movie, and it’s funny to watch her be stupid. We all like to talk at the screen when we see these kinda movies, and happily we’re given lots of chances here. In this instance we also get a good scare or 15, and most impressively the scares don’t come when you expect them to. Whoever shot the movie (yes I’m too lazy to look up names) did a fucking bang up job, and he made SELMA look sooo hot. Blondie looked blonde, and damn she’s hot too when she’s not speaking. Overall the acting was missing something, namely acting, but if you forgive the performances, which were not good, you’re gonna get scared. Nuff said. The movie has lots of off-frame movement/hand-on-the-shoulder/silence-then-loud-noise/violin scares. There’s also ample story, which only occasionally gets in the way.
The story, in case you’re too cheap to rent the vid, goes like thus. A 100 years ago these guys on Antonio Island, Ore. (people actually live in Oregon?) killed a bunch of lepers and stole all their cash. The lepers burned to death. Horrible. Antonio Island meanwhile, CACHING. Built them a town. But the ghosts of the lepers ain’t happy, and yes, they’re back to kill the descendants of those who killed them. How radically convenient, then, that our core of main characters (Supermodel, blonde from Lost, People Over 30 that I don’t care about, and SELMA) are-if you can believe it-descended from the guys who betrayed the lepers. Yawn. But if you forgive the very recycled plot, which was flawed the first time when it was called THE FOG, this movie actually improves upon its template. That’s rare. The scares are more numerous and scattered evenly throughout a movie that (for once) doesn’t run too long. Theres also a connection that was missing in the original film. SELMA gets to leave the lighthouse. And gets wet. She’s actually active, and wearing black leather. She and Tom Welling have “a past” which doesn’t pay off as suggested but makes for a nice we’re-all-in-this-together hatch-battening climax.
Like most horror movies pretending to have a plot, The Fog gets really lost in the first 15 minutes. Lots of people are talking. Oh, and there’s a lighthouse. We get back story, character, and timelines ga-fucken-lore, and a few funny spoken lines that aren’t given the time they deserve. The screenplay is typical but organizes well the massive and oft-unnecessary back story throughout the movie. It’s also smartly written most of the time and doesn’t dumb down the scenes. The movie doesn’t waste your time. It doesn’t linger like the original. It sets up, cashes in, moves on.
Surprisingly it was more “The Blonde From Lost Show” than anything else, with Tom Welling and SELMA book ending her and providing a welcome break from glassy-eyed taught-jawed stares. Blond from Lost was hot, IS hot, and gets wet (twice!), but this will be her only feature. Guaranteed. She’s distracting not just as eye candy but in her blatant inability to be in the moment. She’s like Mischa Barton. Soo pretty, except when she talks or moves in any way. SELMA was fantastic, maybe just a smidge wooden in her last scene. No jest, friends. She was damn good, and one fiiiine looken mama. Tom Welling was just-fine. I mean, he was okay. Supersized Smallvillian but okay. He may actually find a niche out there. (I hear Freddie P. is doing TV now, so there must be 8 Julia Stiles movies on the shelf just waiting for a forgettable hunk like him.) He’s got more chemistry with SELMA than Blonde, but you believe that he and Maggie (huh, she DOES have a name) have “a past,” if for no other reason than -we are told they have a past. And before we ask too many questions they get naked and showery. It’s PG-13 but still hot.
Now for my sour grapes. Er, grape. The ending kinda sucked. If you’re the kind to roll your eyes and move on you probably won’t mind, but I wasn’t a fan. It just didn’t fit. But, again, to be fair, as I strive to be, if you can get over this, you’ll be happy with your ten bucks spent.
So here’s my summation. The Fog is, believe it or not, a scary movie with hot women and a nice look to it. I was pleasantly surprised, which is quite rare. But the flick does hold up, and in so doing not only does the original justice but makes a weak soup better. This Fog has more fright, more cool scenes, passable special effects, and breasts that weren’t store bought. If you love Selma Blair this is the best movie of 2005. If you like her as a friend it’s just a good movie. If your indifferent it’s still worth your time.
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I think not.
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Oct 12, 2005 1:50:47 PM CDT
Though I have to say, I really don't think The Fog holds up
by seppukudkurosawa
So maybe this remake is in some sense justified...Or maybe not, fuck remakes.
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...is going to get crucified.
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Can someone out there please put pen to paper and come up with something new? This is why Hollywood's graph is down. It may be a good movie, but I refuse to believe the well is so dry that this kind of laziness passes.
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...I can't wait for King Kong.
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Oct 12, 2005 2:00:46 PM CDT
Why do reviewers act as if they've got a brain aneurysm so a
by seppukudkurosawa
because otherwise the people on this site who read the reviews get bored and call the reviewer pretentious. Which is why critics nowadays ramble to themselves wittily, and then throw in a couple semi-colons so as to still be accessible to those who want proper criticism. If you want to amuse me, say something funny, don't play dumb.
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until those trailers for this movie featuring her blue-pantied Ass made me a fan.
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Oct 12, 2005 2:04:10 PM CDT
Okay... Now it's official, every Carpenter movie will be rem
by moviemaniac-7
Including Vampires... But The Fog sounds decent. I really liked the Assault... - remake. Just like the Dawn of the Dead remake. Sometimes (SOMETIMES) there are good remakes.
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This review pretty much nailed exactly what I expected out of this. The original had a fantastic atmosphere, and knowing movies today are COMPLETELY DEVOID of that, I also knew it'd just be your typical PG-13 horror movie. Unrealistically hot girls, unrealistic plot, unrealistic set-ups, unrealistic setting, cheapo jump-scares galore--nothing for the viewer to realistically invest in. *yawn* Is it so much to ask for a movie to dig deep into my brain and REALLY fuck with me?
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Jeezus...
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Like Ringo Starr, or Mary Ann, etc.
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Oct 12, 2005 2:20:15 PM CDT
"We all like to talk at the screen when we see these kinda movie
by charlie & tex
...no - we are the kind of people who tell those people to shut the fuck up and threaten to beat the shit out of them. A little threat works wonders. BTW, we are going to treat this bloody remake as if it were a lighthouse in a thick fog...
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Yea. But seriously, what's sad is this piece of crap is probably gonna be #1 at the box office it's opening weekend. We can make fog effects with CG now! Cool! Lets do it! Lame.
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Oct 12, 2005 2:45:48 PM CDT
Funny that people are ranting about remakes of Carpenter films..
by osmosis jones
...when one of his best and most geek-popular films is a remake itself (The Thing). Plus, Carpenter's The Fog is fine for what it is, but it's also crammed full of logic holes (if "6 must die", then why do the ghosts try to kill the little boy?) and the ending is unsatisfactory. Plus, the original, despite it's R-rsting, is rather tame in the gore depertment, and would probably slide by on a PG-13 today. I'm waiting for the Rotten Tomatoes score before I pass judgement. The trailers actually look somewhat creepy, so I have some hopes for this.
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Just kidding, but they are remaking LAND OF THE DEAD so that there will be remakes of all of Romero's zombie movies. Anyway, I don't know, if this was a director with a track record it might work. I kind of like the original but I gotta say it just doesn't hit me like Mr. Carpenter's other ones. I like the original HILLS HAVE EYES better than the original THE FOG but I feel the same way about that as this one. The original is not perfect and there COULD be a good remake, but that doesn't mean there WILL be. By the way fangoria.com says they got em wearing mutant makeup in the HILLS remake. I was afraid of that.
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Oct 12, 2005 3:09:27 PM CDT
I've Just Signed On To Do A Remake Of The Remake Of Carpente
by zombiesolutions
it's called WE'VE OFFICIALLY RUN OUT OF IDEAS 2: THE SUCKENING.
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Oct 12, 2005 3:27:56 PM CDT
*walks into talk back with head down and a letter in his hand*
by trevorfactor
LOOK, look what I got *holds up the cease & desist order for aquaf@g - now renamed "home for fans of uwe boll"* I don't get it, why god why? ow and this movie looks really good, can't wait for the fog, I'm just hope tommy chong makes a cameo and tries to get high off the Fog :P
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...in this talkback where the reviewer so obviously tried (and failed) to emulate his distinctly entertaining style. In fact, Vern, I think you owe it to this kid (since you're kind of responsible in that "I saw Gene Simmons do it on TV" way) to explain to him why when you do your thing it's funny and when he tries to do your thing it's not. Oh... and the original The Fog is like Thunderbird in a brown bag. It may be cheap and can leave you with a headache if you think too hard about it, but it will fuck your shit up. Guaranteed.
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Oct 12, 2005 3:49:11 PM CDT
Why remake this? The original FOG is still scary, at least to me
by orionsangels
You're comfotable in your house. A FOG rolls in you can't see anything outside your window. Suddenly a punding knock at your door. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! You open the door, no ones there. I thought that was the scariest thing as a kid, wtf is it? Course the stupid white people go outside and investigate haha
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Makes me laugh that everyone on the internet feels its there duty to knock Maggie grace because she is a blonde hottie..she does a nice job with that part she plays on Lost.Also she seems like a real nice person in interviews , not stuck up at all and always smiling.I am sure she is just fine in this movie. But lets all crap on her , say she cant speak or move correctly etc..morons.
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it's like people saying this movie shouldn't be remade, well why not? it was a great concept. Plus the special effects can certainly be upgraded. And for those that said the original didn't need to be remade haven't watched the original in a while and are probably basing those comments on memory. This is one remake I'm actually looking forward too, well this and Kong
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Hey, let's not mention anything that happens in the movie that's not in any of the trailers & TV spots. I smell bullshit
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That's what I like to see, a reviewer who starts out by making it absolutely clear that he's drunk :)
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seriously because it doesn't seem like it at all. Go do some research and see the facts on the guy you're talking about before you go spewing crap on his site. There is actually a very interesting story behind the man, and regardless of what some of you pukes say - this is one of the best movie site out there. But don't take my word for it wait a couple more years until harry is even more deeply involved in hollywood film making, say five years from now - then you'll see. call me what you will but be warned headgeek is the man, second MAYBE to docfalken, then again docfalken was hired by harry ... so yeah harry's the man AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT, PUNKS!
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Remakes are awesome man, yeah! Fuckin' A+ man. Hot chicks and remakes man. Harry man, I love you man. I want to see Citizen Kane remade, only with hot chicks and a cool look to it man. A bang up job. Fuckin' yeah man, and in color too. That will make it even better! Citizen Kane in color with hotties in it. Rock on! Fucking right Harry. And some acting in it too, but Acting acting. Know what I mean? It shouldn't linger though; not like the one that Welles guy made.
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And I'm a big fan of most of Carpenter's early work. The remake looks equally as bad (and stupid). It doesn't even appear as if they've updated those horrible early 80s special f/x! You know, the fog that clearly just came out of a smoke machine and a bright green or red light backlighting the monster? By the way, lay off this reviewer. It's not nice to pick on the mentally retarded.
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An absolute classic. Made on a budget that wouldn't cover the catering costs on a movie today, Carpenter pulled off a creepy, surreal movie that relies on a visual style over gore and cheap scares. The Fog was shot in widescreen 2.35:1 ratio, which was unheard of on low budget movies, but Carpenter wanted it to look like it was a more expensive film.
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Oct 12, 2005 5:17:29 PM CDT
I have come here to chew bubblegum and call this reviewer a twel
by seppukudkurosawa
And I'm all out of gum.
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Ok, now THAT is something to watch! but somehow I think I'm misinterpreting this.
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Oct 12, 2005 5:24:26 PM CDT
seppuk, if your post is not the pot calling the kettle black, I
by trevorfactor
also recycling movie quotes like that line from They Live, within a day or two of someone having just used that at another t/b is just such a "wanna be cool" thing to do it, get your own material and stop copying others. If fact I like to see you write a movie review that's any better than this guys, hell you can even pick the movie.
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Oct 12, 2005 5:24:34 PM CDT
Great review! Told me absolutely NOTHING about what really matte
by doom ii
like were the pirates cool? How was Blake done? Are his eyes still glowing red? Do they have the "less is more" approach with the dead crew seeking revenge? Was there any violence or PG-13 gore? How was the cinematography? Guess I will find out friday as this 12 year child didn't say a fucking thing about the new Fog. He did however talk about the "stars" of the film for 5 paragraphs. Great. Thanks for nothing.
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Oct 12, 2005 5:32:41 PM CDT
The difference, Trevor Factor, is that we're in a John Carpe
by seppukudkurosawa
And you really think it would be that hard to write a better review than this? I used to write reviews for a living and you get used to watching a film without mindlessly slavering over whichever girl happens to be the lead, or, as is more often the case in teen horror movies like this, the friend of the lead (always slightly more agreeable on the eyes). I understand, you like Harry and every single thing he does and posts, even the reviews he posts from other people he's never met/heard of before, but that doesn't mean you have to drop all critical thinking. This was a poor review, no doubt about it. And under the review I saw a "Talk...Back" button, I wrote in a few words saying just how poor the review was. And there you have it. Neat, huh?
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Oct 12, 2005 5:42:44 PM CDT
no actually I only half read his review, and yes it sucked or at
by trevorfactor
alright fine sorry seppuk! what??? how was I supposed to know he has written reviews professionally? I didn't know :) and you're right I should stop being so quick to defend others, but I can't help it. critical thinking re-established, thanks!
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Oct 12, 2005 5:59:00 PM CDT
Since when is Selma Blair too good for this kind of movie?
by chickychow
I mean, the most memorable thing she'll ever have been a part of is the tongue-swap with Buffy in that crap Liasons remake. Other gems include that John Waters movie no one has ever seen, Smellboy, and one of the worst piles o' doodoo ever made: The Sweetest Thing... Yeah, she's really lowered her standards...
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I'd fight my way through a shipful of slimy pirate ghosts for a date with Selma, and so would most of the other guys I know. Buffy? Who dat? :-) Ahmet Zappa (Mr Selma Blair) had better behave, 'cos the rest of us are waiting in the wings ...
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Are we only accepting reviews from junior high schoolers today? Jesus Christ. I can't even tell if he's actually seen the movie. If he has, he's a douchebag.
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He's not in the remake, so why bother? TOM ATKINS IS GOD!!!!!!!
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Instead of "re-imagining" John Carpenter movies why not give us the long-awaited sequel to Carpenter's wacky, but brilliant nonetheless, Big Trouble In Little China? Or am I the only nostalgic Carpenter acolyte left now? P.S. I apologise if this has been covered in a previous talkback!
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Oct 12, 2005 7:19:57 PM CDT
My fellow SELMA fans: if "Pretty Persuasion" is still playing ne
by frankdrebin
I laughed at that scene in the trailer for "The Fog" where The Blond From Lost stands there slack-jawed while wet footprints mysteriously appear on her ceiling. Any person with an IQ bigger than their age would be running like a rabbit.
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His ghost story set-up is one of the best parts of The Fog.
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She was in her car on the cell phone and gave me a death stare, even though I just accidentally glanced her way. It was one of those "I'm Too Important For You To Get Free Looks At" expressions; so much for her being attainable, geeks.
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Apologies to those nice monkeys - I realize your IQs are higher than that of the "reviewer" above, but you're the comparison cliche in such cases.
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...and I probably won't, seeing as how I'm in Jackson, I guaran-damn-tee you I won't be writing a review that looks like this piece of shiat.
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It's more like a closer adaptation of the book/short story than the earlier movie than the remake ...
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Oct 12, 2005 11:14:44 PM CDT
Exactly 100 years later? Ghosts must like round numbers.
by frankdrebin
Somebody kills me, I'll be making their lives miserable from day one.
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You tell me where the hell Snake Plissken's going to land the Gulfire?!!!
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19 million to date, with projected 28 million (a mojo stat). 39 million budget. add at least 5-10 for rabid sci-fi dvd fans, plus, on the low side 10m abroad, it WILL make its money back like Nemisis but not much more. Lets be honest; Great film, america is dumb, at least the studio won't hate whedon and let him do more stuff...
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Oct 12, 2005 11:57:10 PM CDT
i will watch any film that has selma blair "bookending" the girl
by slappy jones
sounds good to me
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He was never up for the Superman role in Singer's flick. Which will blow, thank you very much. Why? Cause Welling's not in it.
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INDEED!!!!!!
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Oct 13, 2005 8:01:44 AM CDT
Ben and SELMA? We gotta get these two to meet somewhere...
by moonwatcher
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Oct 13, 2005 8:21:04 AM CDT
Any person with an IQ bigger than their age would be running lik
by monkey butler
Can you honestly tell me that you'd run away if you saw wet footprints appear on your roof? If yes, then you're a fucking retard. What, you think ghosts are real? People like you are the reason horror movies are shit - people are always so quick to believe that ghosts/the Devil/whatever fucking supernatural thing you can think of, is behind everything. In real life, in the real world, people that are that quick to believe all that shit get laughed at.
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told me nothing that I hadn't gleamed from a. the original and b. the trailers. I wonder if the guy who wrote it even saw it.
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But the girl is built like a spatula. Fine, if that's your thing. Looking forward to renting this. I'm a Carpenter fan, but sorry... the original only succeeded in putting me to sleep.
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With Coolio instead of Ice Cube, Erika Eliniak instead of Natasha Henstridge, and... Jason Statham instead of Jason Statham. But try to make it above an F this time. And no flashback structure that you need a chart,calculator and Doc Brown to figure out.
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No one should go NEAR Big Trouble in Little China - no sequels, prequels, remakes, "re-imaginings", nothing. It would ruin the gleeful perfection of what is, in my humble opinion, the greatest of John Carpenter movies. And Osmosis Jones, I don't think you can consider The Thing a remake - it's more like a sequel.
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in this Selma Blair "face fucking" as you call it.
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The secret is to tilt your head at just the right angle so it slivers all the way down through your throat. Gag as much as you like. Gagging's good. And then NY Kid can move onto Selma's pretty face and fuck it to smithereens.
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I think throughout the whole time I wrote that post I must have been in the middle of an acid flashback. Which means that, while on acid, I did the things described above. And yeah, it was the brown acid that did it.
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...as a remake, either. It's more to the original 1950s The Thing what Burton's Chocalate Factory was to Widler's version in that it was an effort by a more modern artist to be more faithful in interpreting the source material (in fact, I think Carpenter succeeded in improving on the short story "Who Goes There," which was pretty darned good to start with). The idea of looking at Carpenter's movie as a sequel to the original had occurred to me once I realized the footage the team recovers from the Norwegian site is actually from the original film, but that theory falls apart when you consider how archetypically "American" the characters in that original film were (and they were so obviously battling the sci fi embodiment of the Communist threat). Anyway, The Thing was and remains great, the original The Fog was pretty good by the standards of the day - especially considering the budget - and, compared to what passes for modern horror, it's a masterpiece. I have trouble imagining that this WB-looking thing I'm seeing advertised will live up to it in terms of ambience and staying power, but I've been wrong before (I loved the recent Dawn of the Dead, despite a lasting affection for all things originally Romero).
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