Cool News
URBAN LEGEND review
Hey folks, Harry here. Just to let ya know, I
wrote everything after this paragraph in like noooo
time. I mean, I was so eager to start talking about this
film, I forgot to mention that I saw it with.... Tom
Joad, Father Geek, Sister Satan, Quint, Copernicus,
Police Woman, Rain Man, Hooper and a shit load of
line people. Not much happened this day, so let’s get
on to sniffing the cow patty...
Alright. Went and saw URBAN LEGEND
tonight, the latest “oh so pretty and doable teenagers,
with a slasher, axe murderer, hook killer, psycho type
on the loose while they are in that safest of locales...
college” genre.
Somewhere in the world Kevin Williamson is
either: A) Laughing hysterically at the nightmare he
has unleashed upon mankind like a plague upon
ancient Egypt. B) Pulling his hair out, while saying
repeatedly, “THAT IS EXACTLY NOT THE WAY
TO DO IT YOU MORONS” or C) Ignoring the
entire thing while moving on to the next thing.
Personally, I’m voting on “A”. Hallenbeck
called this the “CONGO of 1998”. Upon talking with
Joe, he also brought up ANACONDA. And suddenly
it hit me. I would be seeing one of my guilty
pleasures tonight. In fact when I told Joe that I would
be seeing this one, he did, what I can only describe as
an evil goober laugh. “Huuuie huuuieeee huieeeeee”
That’s as close as I can type it.
Why did I go to see URBAN LEGEND?
I’ll tell ya why. I have the biggest crush in the
world on that cello-playing coffee girl. That girl from
RISING SON. You knoooooooow.... the Noxema
girl. I think she is soooo frigggin do-able, that it
screams. All my friends agree, they all think...
wowzers, what a hot chick, actually they say,
“MAAAAAN, I’d like to bend her over a barrel...if ya
know what I mean”
You see, in the good ol days, these teenage
slasher films would have guaranteed naked female
flesh. It was part of the genre qualification. A girl
couldn’t die unless they bared all. But dammit, along
came politically correctness, and BAM, were stuck in
an age where the Noxema girl just swims in a two
piece bathing suit. Dammit. Ok ok ok, she looks
dammmmmnnnn fine in a two piece bathing suit.
Ok you girls, OINK OINK, I know I’m being a
pig, but can you honestly tell me you didn’t go to 54
to see Ryan Fillipe’s naked ass or chisled chest? I
didn’t think so.
Soooooooooooooo, now ya know why I went.
That’s right, it was to watch Ms Noxema and drool. I
even took a drool bucket.
This film is soooo wonderfully stupid. I mean,
you want to get up on screen and start slapping some
dumbass people around. I mean, dammit these kids
are all the most stupid bunch of ignoramuses I have
seen. But boy are they all purty. Huh huh huh.
With Freddie, Chucky, Well-Manicured Man and
Riff Raff you have the prerequisite group of scary
kneejerk “THAT PERSON DID IT!!!” characters.
I’m gonna take a look at this film for it’s genre
cliches.
First off there is the goofy comedian of the group.
He’s not that funny. In fact, I would qualify him
more as a complete hopeless loser, because as the
so-called goofy friend, he fails miserably. But I think
the filmmakers knew this, so ...
Then we have the prototypical Blonde Fuck
Goddess. Here, she’s so much a Fuck Goddess, that
she even has her own hot line of looooooove. The
spit or swallow bit is great..... not. Let’s face it folks.
In this category, we’ve had in recent years, Rose
McGowan as the blonde Fuck Goddess. She was
soooooooooo right for the part that I wanted her to be
the main heroic femme, but damn them sadistic
bastards, they killed her. Then we had Sarah
Michelle Gellar..... she was not only super fuckable in
I KNOW, but she was a human being and a lovely
personality, and I really believed that as a hard up and
desperate unlovable geek, she would truly see the
beauty of my inner spirit and fall for me. She could
love me I know it. But then, them sadistic bastards
killed her again. Dammit. STOP PICKING ON THE
BLONDE FUCK GODDESSES. KILL THE
BRUNETTES AND THE REDHEADS
DAMMIT!!!!
Sure I know... I know...Blonde hair is easier to
spot in a dark room so it makes them easy kills. But
just once I’d like to see the blonde Fuck Goddess not
only survive, but pull that whole, “I am bitch hear me
roar” shit that S. Weaver pulls in them there ALIEN
flicks.
I believe firmly in defying genre conventions and
making the Blonde Fuck Goddess the hero. The slut
that spits and swallows, should be allowed to be the
one to survive. Screw this whole virgin purity crap, I
want a heroine that likes being a slut. That’s the
message we need to be sending to the youth of
tomorrow.
Yeah... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight Harry. Suuuuuuuuuure.
(signal men with the white coat) Just tell it to these
fellas. They’ll help ya with that... ummm brilliant
idea. Yeah. Riiiiiiiiiight.
Really? Cool Cool. Ya mean, I’ll see a heroic
Blonde fuck goddess be portrayed as a deeply caring
human being that will love me for my inner glow?
Yeah Harry.
COoooooOOL!
Then I can get on with the review.
Ok, then we have the stupid non-believing
authoritarian dumbasses that even though dead bodies
of young teenage people continue showing up killed
in REALLY ODD WAYS, continue to think.
“Hmmmm. It’ll go away. The psycho killer is just
going through a phase. He’ll probably go on to
collecting beanie babies soon enough”. Here we have
Well Manicured Man as the Dean of MURDER U.
Wow, what a caring soul he is. Blood written letters
on the walls. Missing student. Headless chicks in
their cars. “Must be something going around, have
Dr Payne give everyone innoculations, that’ll fix
things.” Maaaaaaaaaaan, this guy was living in the
PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON universe. He lived
by the sea, and everywhere the Prof went teenagers
were dead as can beeeeeeeeee....
Then we had the prerequisite afro-american
security guard that we couldn’t make a main teenage
character, because well, they all gotta be white young
uns. Well in HALLOWEEN H2O... LL Cool J was
kinda cool, but here we have the winner. This time
we have a full fledged winner. The fact that she
watches Coffy and quotes along with her pistol
pulled, is just friggin awesome. Check out the FOXY
BROWN poster on her wall. I’m sorry, this should
have been the main character. The Black Security
guard that always wanted to be COFFY. Too friggin
cool. Damn. Too bad she didn’t blow the head clean
off the bad guy with a shotgun, ala Coffy. That
would have rocked and brought down the house.
Then we have the teacher that, though the subject
of his class is being used to kill students left and
right. Well, gosh. He just doesn’t give a shit. BUT
because he’s played by FREDDY KRUEGER, it
makes him a prime suspect.
Then there is our intelligent thinking woman that
doesn’t go to bed with anyone because well, she’s got
some sort of fucking morality going on. Dammit.
What type of bullshit is this. First off, Sydney was a
complete bitch in SCREAM. I hated her. Rose
McGowan and Randy were the cool characters.
Sydney is that girl that never ever puts out, that
comes up with an attitude at parties, that wants to
pledge at the first University she sees. GOD, if any
character was screaming for an axe blade between the
eyes it’s this one. And here, I discovered something.
The girl that is our hero in films, has a problem with a
jaw being closed. Watch it. She let’s it hang open, as
if bats were gonna fly out. Sydney did that too. So
did Ripley and Sarah Connor. Is this a directed
action? Something about the woman with the
hanging open mouth forming an oh so tempting “O”
to plug? I don’t know. But it’s a theory to begin
exploring. Ya know... that Nancy chic in the Elm
Street films let her mouth hang open, and so did
Jamie Lee in Halloween. So did Janet Leigh in
Psycho. Watch out for the slack jawed femme.
Anyway, this girl just has a continual wispy eyed,
“Listen to me, I know what I’m talking about”
attitude, that’s just tiresome.
Then there’s the attractive dude that’s probably
the killer. He’s some sort of pin up pose dude
waiting to be hung over teenage beds across the
nation and around the world. Perfect hair, that
“Hey... look at me, I use electrolysis to shave” look.
The best friend. The Noxema Girl. What a babe.
What can I say? Ms Noxema. If you would. I would
rub Noxema on your cheeks for hours. I would. I
would do that. Because... I love you. Yes, it’s true.
You come on my TV set. You look into my soul. I
know you do. I look into yours. Together we can be
happy. I know it. I can take your pain away. That
angst you have of having them fakey types around.
I’m real. I live in a dirty real live movie loving male
lair. You should come here. It is useless to resist.
Take the first step. COme on. You can do it. That’s
good. Take another. Thank you. Now repeat till you
are in my arms. I’ll wait for you. I will. I’m
determined to. Yes. I know.
HARRY SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!! FOR
CRISSAKES, JUST GET REAL!!!! The Noxema
Girl is beyond reproach. She’s in another world,
where people look at you and start laughing
hysterically. Go find that girl that was sitting in front
of you at Dr Zhivago. She’s the one. Come on. Stop
wet dreaming about Hollywood cream jeans babes,
and get a life!
Oh, thank you, Mr Practical side of my Brain.
I’m gonna start watching Spice Girls videos just to
shrivel you away, Mr. Oh I don’t wanna live in the
world of Milk and Honey! HMPH!!!
And then there is the deaths. Are they any good?
Well, yeah kinda. In a real stupid, but vastly
satisfying way, they are. I mean, at least there ain’t a
“OH LET’s JUST GO AND KILL RANDY IN A
VAN IN BROAD FUCKING DAYLIGHT, EVEN
THOUGH HE WOULD NEVER EVER PUT HIS
BACK TO THE ONLY FUCKING PLACE THE
KILLER COULD BE!!!!”
Sorry, I’m venting, I’m still so damn pissed about
that, that I just want to go into DIMENSION FILMS
headquarters and beat them to death with a get a
damn brain bat. Sigh. Breath in. Breath out. Breath
in. Breath out.
Sigh. Yes, the deaths are somewhat spectacular.
Especially this one... Dammit, there ain’t no way to
share it with ya, without spoiling it. Sigh.
Overall, the film is a piece of shit. But it is
sooooooooooo much fun. I just loved laughing at
how embarrasingly bad parts of this were. And when
Joe started tanking on the end.
Ohmygod. Ok ok ok ok ok.... The end is
soooooooo hilariously fucked up that. My Gawd.
It’s just great. I mean. Did you see RAISING CAIN.
That was a real 3 week old in the trunk of a car shit
filled diaper. And the end for this one is on an even
keel. It’s just... oh heavenly bad. The sort of bad that
brings tears of laughter to your eyes. Where the mere
thought of it, just doubles you over, where you see the
actor or actress in something else and just start
making fun of em. Holy shit, this is bad.
Did I Like the film?
Huuuuiiie Huuuieeeeeeeeee Huieeeeeeeeee
Ummmmmm..... Go see it. GO on. It’s sooo
fucked up that you’ll leave the theater and go home to
watch all this good shit you love, to wash it down.
It’s kinda like Menudo. It’s this sick fucking
inhuman concotion that you chase with tequila and
start giggling.
Go, only if you can stomach Menudo and Tequila.
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They should never have killed Randy off. And Neve Campbell is part of the reason I never watch Party of Five despite the lure of the brunettes that are actually cute on the show. She always sounds like her nose is filled with snot. Personally, I liked IKWYDLS a lot better. Scream was so busy trying to be funny that it never got scary. I watched "Prom Night" last week and even that was scarier than Scream.
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I think Harry is talking about Rebecca Gayheart. Who was also known as The Only Reason Anyone Watched That POS Earth 2.
He confused me for a second because I thought he might have been Jennifer Love Hewitt. Which reminds me...Harry, why didn't you ever review Can't Hardly Wait? It might just be my constant exposure to John Hughes movies as a child corrupting my brain, but I thought it was the funniest movie of last summer. Even funnier than There's Something in Mary's Hair. I mean, the movie's worth it just for the scene with Oz from Buffy in the bathroom trying to practice the Kama Sutra and dry his pants off at the same time. -
Harry, I have to say that I was really tiring of your reviews. How self-centered they were. How every scene seemed to signify a childhood trauma. According to you, even ARMAGEDDON had some subtext.
But I have to say, my opinion has changed. Your Urban Legend review was wonderfully entertaining. For once, you actually just had some fun with the movie. Give me more reviews like this and I'll be a happy guy.
By the way, Rebecca Gayheart is good-looking but Alicia Witt, the redhead, kicks her ass in the looks department. She is an absolute stunner. Hands down.
Oh, and one more thing: I have not been able to get into your Cool News forum for several days. I wonder if I am the only one. If you could let me know about this through an email or a posting on this board, that would be much appreciated. Thank you. Keep up the good work.
'Tony Manero -
Lauged all the way through this review. Almost as funny as There's Something About Mary. Seriously. :-> Keep up the good work!
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I just wanted to also quickly defend the Scream films, and in particular the death of Randy in Scream 2. I too hated that he was killed... but realized how brave and wonderful it was that they did it. And good point that his death scene wasn't a typcial death scene at all, happening in broad daylight with all of those people around.
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Oh, we definitely see eye-toeye on this flick. And I think I'm going out with the Noxzema
Girl tomorrow night. I read about your site in an issue of US magazine. The site is great. And keep reviewing the flicks.
Great stuff Harry -
What the hell is your problem lately, Harry? These piece of shit reviews are getting old quick. You're becoming an embarassment. Are you really this big of a loser? Go get laid, and then come back and write a decent review.
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i have not seen the film "urban legend", nor do i really plan on seeing it in the theater (though perhaps on video), so this has nothing to do with the fact that you trashed it or anything --- makes no difference to me. this is based on what was said in the review that had nothing to do with the movie:
THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST JACKED-UP, RIDICULOUS, SAD, LAME AND ALL-TOGETHER WORTHLESS GROUPINGS OF WORDS I HAVE EVER READ. PLEASE RE-READ AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE POSTING IT ON YOUR OTHERWISE ENJOYABLE SITE.
thanks for listening! -
I am honestly embarassed for you. I hope you're finished with emulating Hallenbeck, 'cause it doesn't suit you.
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In short, I am so sick of these goddamn movies. I'll admit that Scream was a clever, entertaining film. Not a horror movie, mind you, but entertaining nonetheless. But if I see another overly-articulate-and-beautiful-teens-running-from-a-slasher movie, I'm gonna hang myself with my shoelaces. It's a pretty narrow genre to begin with, and there's no need to explore it any further. Hopefully, the poor box office take of this film, combined with that of Disturbing Behavior, buries this type of film for good (Scream 3 not withstanding). And by the way, I too prefer Alica Witt over the Noxema girl. You gotta love that red hair, and plus Alicia was some kind of child prodigy growing up. There's just something really hot about bangin' a sexy smart chick.
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Harry,
I agree -- this is your site and you can write or say anything you damn well like but you also invite people to talk back, so here goes.
Please remember that there was a reason for your initial popularity. For one thing, you were incredibly human and funny when reviewing movies. I *liked* hearing about your day and mood and I laughed along with you when you discovered a guilty pleasure (I gotta box full of 'em myself). However, this review crossed a line for me. Blonde fuck goddesses, a woman's open mouth as a 'hole to plug', your REPEATED masturbatory fantasy over Noxema girl all left me feeling vaguely disgusted and extremely disappointed. At no point was there really a 'review' of this movie.
For all of you rabid Harry fans out there who are going to accuse me of oversensitivity, blah,blah,blah... Read one of Harry's older reviews (Good Will Hunting comes to mind)and even you'll see the difference I'm talking about.
Please get back to the stuff you're really, really, really good at Harry -- the reviews, the news, etc. Leave Hallenbecking to Hallenbeck. -
and other fat loafs in general? Jesus, why don't they just resort to screwing thier own heavy-set kind, because belive me, jerking off to your TV is as close as you'll get to girls like that. Ohhh, at least you've got your computer. Just stop eating and leave the house for once all you fat bastards...so I can laugh at you and say thank God that isn't me.
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. . . and no, I'm not referring to a song by The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.
Look at all of the feedback this controversial Review has generated.
Harry lays his shit on the line, that's his style. So what if he has THE HOTS for a charecter for in a movie he Reviews. Most fans have THE HOTS for actors/actresses and/or the charecters they protray (Leonardo, Cameron Diaz, Vince Vaughn, Samuel Jackson,Pam Grier, just to name a few) are film leads exactly BECAUSE of their charisma/sex appeal.
Our President is facing Impeachment because he couldn't resist "getting in the panties".
There's nothing WRONG with Harry writing a Review which shares this aspect of himself, it's an aspect of all of us, and it's so Politically Incorrect that he get's a High Five and Mad Props from me for putting it out there and telling it like it is, besides the Ladies know we don't mean no harm anyway, boys will be boys.
You go boy.
Later -
I love your site, Harry. This is the cyberworld equivalent of everyone sitting around and shooting the shit over drinks, with a good time being had by all, because it's just everyone communicating and expressing their opinions, in an environment where somebody gives a shit. Everybody doesn't need to love you man, they just need to keep coming to your site. Look at all of the deadass sites out there, and you see what I mean. Like I said before, You Go Boy!
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Is this what the world has come to? Harry, nice enough to put his ass on the line to inform of us what is coming up in the world of film - AND MOST OF YOU PEOPLE TRASH HIM. I can't believe it.Do me a favour Harry - dont listen to these people. You have an interesting writing style and are definitely not Gene Siskel. And can you block that OBSERVANT guy from coming back?
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:::taking short, quick breaths::: Well goddang! I haven't laughed this much in a loooong while, Harry. With (not at) your review first, then with the huge response it generated. The review WAS entertaining as hell, man, crudeness or no crudeness. But I also get the point of some of those people here: some day you'll have to decide if you're running a movie site, or a personal site.
I do research for a radio network, and I used to get tons of good info on Ain't it cool News. But that was MONTHS ago. Now there's a very real lack of genuine news on the site. There is, however, no lack of personality, really can't fault you there.
As for the Talk Back section, it's all fine, it helps rule out the idiots from the real people. But you should prevent people who don't put their email address from posting. If you can't have to courage to put your name behind yor brilliant or unbelievably retarded opinion, you shouldn't be allowed to post.
And people, get a sense of humor. -
In this review, Harry, you came frightfully close to sounding as disturbed and sick as Father Death did in his talk back. I never knew you had that side to you, and I must admit that, while people are who they are (and I couldn't give two shits about being PC), you did show a great deal of disrespect for another human being in your ravings about the lovely Ms. Gayheart. It also revealed you to be crude and insensitive, IMHO.
As for the other mutterings in here about you getting laid... well, I haven't seen anyone offering, so all that noise should just go away right about now. Hell, I get laid all the time and I still have my own little fantasies about Ms. Gayheart. It's only normal that healthy heterosexual males experience pleasure upon seeing her. Just try and get a handle on your perceptions, so that your lust doesn't overshadow the humanity of your object of desire. I hate it when I sound this pompous.
Anyway, anyone who has a problem with your review style can kiss your ass and read the dozens of other sites that present their reviews in a more conventional, glossy package.
PS - you did sort of seem drunk. -
As a horror film devotee, I was completely insulted by Urban Legend. First things first, it was a bad idea to start with...what a cheap way to construct a script by using a bunch of established storylines. Secondly, this is the most blatant "Scream" rip-off yet. However, it doesen't even come within a billion miles of that film's wit or intelligence. The "in-jokes" are completely obvious and lame and the scares are almost always false alarms. You can tell this was a movie made not by people who like horror movies, but by people who like the $ they can get off the recent Kevin Williamson phenomenon. Plus, the person who ends up being the killer turns in one of the absolute WORST, most generic psycho performances I have ever witnessed. ("I'm CRAAAZY! Look at how I talk real loud and open my eyes real wide! I'm CRAAZY!") The movie isn't even a GOOD bad movie, as Mr. Knowles would lead you to believe. The key to a good bad movie is that you can laugh at it because it honestly had good intentions, but failed miserably. If you pay to see Urban Legend, you'll realize you're watching a bad movie where THEY are laughing at YOU.
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Harry, sometimes I wonder why you go to all the trouble. If that piece of worm-ridden dung Observant ever dares to post here again, I think he needs to be hunted down and shot. Hey, Observant, you moron, and any of the rest of you who are jumping Harry's shit for his review: IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN GET THE F*CK OUT!!! This is Harry's site, and he can do or say what he damn well pleases on it. The rest of us can come along for the ride if we want, but nobody's being forced to be here. You want to bash Harry, go find your own place to do it. Otherwise, unless you have something intelligent or at least semi-respectful to say, SHUT UP!
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Harry,
Urban Legend was funny, scary and entertaining. I think you were a little harsh. The audience that I saw the film with screamed, laughed, talked back to the scream. Maybe it's just because it's New York. They weren't expecting Kurosawa. Just a fun flick. -
All right, i just got back from this movie and i agree that it failed miserably at it's attempt at horror. The killer was rotten. The Scream rip-offs becoming more and more intentional. In fact i had more fun with the "Vampires" trailer that lead in to the shitpile than i did with the shitpile. Anyway, i'm getting real sick of seeing people defend harry with this "it's harry's site, you don't like it, you get the fuck out" attitude. Because, Harry put this Talk Back section here for a reason. You think that fat bastard even reads this shit? No, of course not. We are free to complain or agree as we like. It just happens that Harry lately has been on a downward spiral. He used to offer up some good reviews that actually set up the plot a bit, instead of him drooling over the breasts of one Rebecca Gayheart. Vampires was the last good review that Harry has done. This was just bad. Yeah, he agreed that it was, but all the horseshit about his sick little crushes is enough to make a fucking person sick. Harry, if you're listening, do you think that any of those girls would give you the time of day? No matter what kind of a winning personality you have, my man, you are still repugnant. And you will never get laid. As for the rest of you SciFi bitches... why don't you all eat the snotty end of my fuckstick. You make me sick with your defending of your almighty nerd lord. Why don't you all go fuck yourselves some more, cause lord knows you're dying to right now. Get your own fucking mind. I think you all suck big fat cocks. This movie sucks and is barely entertaining, even in a "makes me want to kick my own ass for watching it" sort of way. By the way REBECCA GAYHEART IS THE KILLER. THE NOXZEMA GIRL IS THE KILLER. GO NOXZEMA GIRL! KILL KILL KILL!!!! I hope you all rot and until next time... Harry lay off the shit reviews and lets get back to the basics.
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It looks like the thing is going to be a modest hit anyway. 10-12 million weekend on a 15 million budget spells P-R-O-F-I-T.
Guess it means that we won't get rid of the Scream-wannabes just yet.
Damn. -
Yes, Harry, it IS your site. And, yes, you can crank out all the sickness you want. But, as you "reviewed" this guilty pleasure, you were WAY over-the-top guilty of showing a very depraved and ugly side that would be better kept to yourself. Your NEWS is great, your REVIEWS used to be readable, but now I don't really trust them. I'd like to know about the movie and not your repulsive personal fantasies. For REAL reviews, check out www.moviehunting.com!
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DON'T EVER PUT YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS UP. I'd like to use it to track you down, I'd like tol break into your parents house, I'd like to get into your room, and I'd like to pummel you. pummel you. and yes you've got to live at home. we can smell our own.
Don't ever post in the talk back section again I'm serious as a heart attack.
Harry has put his picture on his site. He makes frequent self-detrimental fat jokes. He has been made fun of since childhood for his weight problems. WE all have problems, idiosyncracies, things about ourselves we'd like to improve. But we don't make them public knowledge. He's left his balls out in the breeze for a good swift kick to the jimmy by people of such vile contemptous envy and self loathing that the term 'asshole' can't possibly begin to apply to you. I'd love to see a picture of you, up on your world-renowned movie news site... what's the URL again?
'oh fuck you fanboy I WORK IN THE INDUSTRY'
...then why are you online reading reviews in the first place? shouldn't you be getting coffee or blowing someone for that VP position in production?This fucking guy puts up pictures, talks about his family, his life story, has a mailing address.. and you can't be bothered with a fucking e-mail address. I thank whoever's responsible that I don't know you because if anyone I knew made the kind of assesments you make, I would show them what 19 years and 250 lbs of bloodthirsty unholy rage can do to a worthless loathesome SOS like yourself.
and i'm a pacifist.
next you see a big man in a navy blue suit, run. or it's yo' ass. -
Harry,
If you really love Rebecca Gayheart, I suggest you pick up the latest issue of Maxim magazine at your local newsstand (or visit their website at www.maximmag.com). If you think she looks good in Urban Legends, wait till you see their photo spread on her.
Grant -
I'm sorry, what the fuck is wrong with you people?
Personally, I get a kick out of Harry's reviews, probably because we share basically the same opinion on alot of shit that we see.
Look, Urban Legends blew a load, everyone knows that, and if you actually thought that the movie had good acting, plot, characters, directing, writing...whatever the fuck you want, then you're a fucking idiot..
I agree with Harry on this, I saw it, and it was fucking hilarious, everyone in the theatre WAS having a good time... BECAUSE IT SUCKED OH SO MUCH!
People laughing at the terrible plot-line does not put it in the 'good movie' section.. it puts it in lines with clueless, spice world, and breeders.
Jesus h. Christ, it's not like he's trying to put up super professional quality reviews here... he's giving HIS opinion on a really shitty movie that he saw...and felt like venting about..alright?
If you want a professional, unbiased movie review, read your FUCKING NEWSPAPER!
I, for one, will continue to read Harry's hilarious reviews....
Cheers
-Ska- -
Okay it's been a while since your favorite bastard was here...but I've had all I can stands, and I can't stands no more!
While I think Observant is over the top, I also think that SharpDM is a peice of turd for defending Harry. THis review is a mysoginistic, I don't know what else to call it - chauvanistic? Degrading to women?
Anyone who supports this review is retarded. What comments you make to your friends about how much you want to "bend someone over" or "plug their mouths" is one thing, but to post it on a nationally read website is someting else - it's irresponsible. Harry, you've set a trend as being at least somewhat respectable, and this blows that all to hell.
I can't belive the words I read here were actually typed and uploaded. Fuck-goddess?
Harry, you ate a lot of shit on this one.
Sharp, how childish can you be? Threatening Observant with physical violence because of free speech? The same free speech you're supporting? You are experiencing some seriously retarded thought processes. You are a true hypocrite of our times. Observant, I got your back - anyone who threatens free speech is a nazi, and nazi punks must fuck off and die!
Harry - Take some responsibilty next time - you are obligated...
It's no wonder you "can't get laid" writing reviews about fuck-goddesses and mouths open waiting to be plugged. Stop watching porn (not real life) and ask out a girl (real life) - you can't get laid if you don't talk to women first!
Geeze.
Primus out. -
Rebecca Gayheart/Noxema girl is the killer...I say fuck these Scooby Doo Horror movies and lets actually know the killers name when the opening credits come to an end. Fuck Kevin Williamson for destroying Horror movies... I wasted another $7.50 to watch an "Imatation"..I mean the Killer looks like South Parks Kenny and IT acts like the Prom Night Killer, Nigga pleaz I'm tired of Mystery Horror films. WE NEED HALLOWEENS AND PSYCHOS AND EVIL DEADS AND NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD..... FUCK MORALITY I HAVEN'T SEEN TITS IN THESE SORTA FILMS FOR SO LONG THAT I'M AFRAID THAT ID RIP A HOLE IN MY JEANS IF IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED "NOW THAT'S WHAT ID CALL A SHOCKING ELEMENT OF SURPISE IN THESE NEW HIP HORROR MOVIES, AN ACTUALLY NUDITY SCENE"..
I'll finish off saying this "watch a re-run of south park and rent prom night... Stay at home fuck your and get wasted yowl have a much better time. -
Come on if you don't like Slasher movie,just shut the fuck up and stay home
BTW I love you're review Harry
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I would just like to comment on the lovely "Urban Legend" review I just got nautious while reading. You have the nerve to call the characters in this movie "ignoramuses." I found it quite ironic that your vocabulary is so small that you couldn't think of descriptive words other than the 4 letter words you heard your big brother yelling at the tv, when his football team lost. And, excuse me, but could you pull your brain out of your dick for a moment... the review was about the movie, not about your lack of a sex life. (Which was quite obvious the way you were carrying on.) One more note-- I'd much rather be a brunette than a blonde ditz anyday.
Have a lovely day.
-K -
Hmm . . . can't you people say anything besides "Harry, you need to get laid." Heh. Seems many of you think that's the solution to everything. Oh well.
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I seriously think that Harry was on crack during that review. But I still love it. I never enjoyed reading a review so much. I laughed my ass off. Harry just did something that most guys are thinking about but aren't stupid enought to say it. Blonde Fuck Goddess, and Noxema Girl? Were those on the credits, or did you think of that all by yourself. Hey Harry, what does Father Geek think of that mouth of yours?
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You're right Harry, I would like to see some slut be the hero, just for once. Let's not make a trebnd out of that, just one movie. It would be rather humorous to see. The slut saves the day and then heads off to find some sex. That would be so fucked up, I'd laugh forever.
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Why would I want to see a slut survive? Picture this horror movie. Two girls left. The generic hard-working, not attractive enough to get a guy (yet they always cast the hottest fucking girl in these parts, shit i wanna live there!) type girl, and a total slut. You already know who's gonna die, why not surprise the hell out of the audience when the slut lives?
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What can I say? Look at all the love you stuck-up(the ass) geeks are giving me. And rightly so, since I call 'em as I see 'em. While I may be funny, it only serves to get my message across...And you know it's true, or you Trekkies wouldn't be in such an uproar.
Now I don't mind all the fatass wankers standing behind Harry (as I'm sure he'd like to feel each and every one of you behind him, one at a time), and as far as I'm concerned you can all fuck off to some island and re-invent the rubber woman while the rest of us normal people continue to talk to girls (oh my!) and even have a sexual experience with them (while they're in the same room - not after the bar by yourself with the blankets pulled over your head). I must admit while I did initially like Harry's demeaning attitude towards girls, it quickly became apparent that he was half-typing/half-jerking while creating this master(batory)piece. I could almost see him holding up his fat belly to gain access to his shrunken manhood, and the whole review made me sick.
Sick of him, sick of all the fat tubs of shit that stand(or most likely sit)around and watch the good life pass them by. Just do the rest of us a favor and tape your mouth shut, stay at home for a month (like that's a problem...)and don't come out till you can walk a flight of stairs without setting down your dozen burritos and resting.
And as for my critics: Sharp dressed man...What are you? a big ZZ top fan? Where did I say I was an industry insider you dumb fuck? I like to see you try and kick my ass youngster. Lemme guess...19 and 250 pounds? You either do more juice than Sunkist or you're just another fat lazy fuck like Harry. What were you planning to do? Steamroll me?
And as for the rest of you... obviously I'm being an asshole here. That's what fires up your little tempers and gets me my kicks because you flip out in Harry's defence. Most of you should be able to understand my point, and I thank you for your backing.
PS- please, oh please can we get Harry to respond to this mess here. You know he reads this, so why is he hiding? C'mon Harry...say something..apologize, explain...(so I can tear you to shredsin my next post) Sucker -
Tried to see What Dreams May Come tonight, but the projector broke and I ended up with Urban Legends instead. I wasn't as drunk as Harry so obviously I didn't like it as much as he did. Anyway, I am 30 years old and for the first time in my life tonight I got carded to see a movie! Not only that, but about 1/4 of the way into the movie, an employee came through with a flashlight and scoped the place out. I thought this was all very strange. Needless to say, after all that fuss I was very disapointed in the amount of sex and gore that the film offers.
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oh man oh man oh man, i don't give a balls what these other crack-nazi's say about your reviews harry, i think they are just fucking awesome.....processed horror flics in a can, i'm so sick of this balls....imagine someone going up to the screen with a paintbrush and a giant canister of SHIT and just painting the whole screen and watching it for a fucking hour and half....keep it cool....
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Now That's the Shit Guy!!!!
you tell it like it is!!!
more flesh!!!! -
harry, you're a total pyscho killer, and i love it! i'm going to watch the damn movie in 2 hours, and now i know what to watch for. thanw so much! luv...sarah. p.s. you sound like you need to get a big piece of ass.
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Hell yeah we chicks, excuse me Harry, we "sluts" and "blonde fuck queens" enjoyed getting a look at some P & A from Ryan Phillipe in "54" (god knows besides the disco granny and Blondie tunes there was no other reason to see that film). I I think it is your pimp/horndog tone which we could ALL do without. ... the shit about putting her over a barrell, plugging a hole, etc. Then you turn around and say she should see past your weight and looks, well hell, you're off to a helluva start there. I think all of us just saw all we needed to of the true Harry, and even if you look like a Greek god in another life, spewing shit like that would turn off anyone but a $20 an hour hooker. I doubt you saw many postings from women about Ryan Phillipe that said "oooooo baby. I'd like to straddle his boner for a few hours. Hot damn. I'm getting moist ....I don't know how much longer I can type. I just know Ryan's turning, churning male madness would love a piece of my ass if he could only see me for the wonderful personality that I really am....etc. etc." Luckily, we sluts and blonde fuck queens don't need to boast about our lustings in order to assert our heterosexuality.
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Mmmm... I think you meant Menudo and Rum... they're from Puerto Rico.
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Observant if you ever read this thankyou for finally given the motavation to drop my weight. Your description of fat people like me is right on the mark particularly when you write 'I could almost see him holding up his fat belly to gain access to his shrunken manhood' hell I'm doing that right now just thinking of the Noxema girl. Its time I lost the weight.
PS Urban Legend sucked
FatMat out. -
Feb 14, 2005 5:25:31 AM CST
Orcus, don't look to the talkbacks to voice your uninformed, inc
by saintofkillers
Hold a convention why don't you?
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Oh well.
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