Cool News
Teleportation rings, attacking aliens, rampaging lizards, freezing weather and now cavemen'
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with a story the trades broke today about everybody's big budget king of destruct-o-vision, Roland Emmerich. His next project will be called 10,000 B.C. (I believe it was previously called SOUL OF THE AGE) and it will be a "prehistoric epic that depicts tribal life at the dawn of modern man." Will Ringo be in it? I hope so!
Anyway, the flick is being produced by Columbia Pictures and is being scripted by BAND OF BROTHERS' John Orloff. Click here to read the trade break!
Readers Talkback
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Hmmm...
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but I don't trust R.E. :(
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...which it won't be.
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No makeup required. Just hand him a prop bone and start rolling.
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So there will be armies of ape men flinging poo at each other.
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Will the Ape Men have to fight a giant lizard? How about uploading a super-virus into their enemies flintstone's style computer?
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Its just cooler.
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a script.. is being written? what exactly are they gonna write? did they have english back then?
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Just like the Romans and such spoke it in Gladiator. It would be nice if used a nice transition in language like Hunt for Red October (or seeing the character learning a language like in 13th Warrior). But in 10,000 BC there will be a huge battle, since it is, well, Emmerich. No small scale drama for this man!
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But if so then cool, I'll go see it.
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There he could use the German tax law to make films and make money on them, regardless of how much they lose - just the way Uwe Boll does. Oh, an Emmerich-Boll coproduction - what marvel that would be! They could use a joint name, too - "An Uwemmerich film".
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Quest For Fire rocks.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 6:03 a.m. CST
Hey cool, Always wanted to see the Flintstones with a realistic
by TheGinger Twit
There's gunna be pre-historic monsters... you just know it. and there's def gunna be some big special effects. Hey maybe we'll get some hairy tits. That'd rock my balls.
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Which will maybe look even worse than the CGI contemporary wolves in DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Yay! There will also proabably be PG-13 cannibal Neanderthals, maybe a microwaved T-Rex that has to be killed to avoid Time Paradox and quite possibly it will be revealed that human civilisation was stared by extra-terrestrials. Because we all know how much Emmerich loves him some Erich von Daniken.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 6:53 a.m. CST
They need to give emerick a budget of $200,000, a 16mm camera an
by TheGinger Twit
I think the same about a lot of film makers
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What about TUT?
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did you see that 1984 caveman movie? or the recent much, much MUCH better animated cavemen movie last summer? the day after tommorow was a small misfire though.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 7:44 a.m. CST
That Pepsi commercial with the cavemen making a movie is better.
by Anna Valerious
"Pepsi. Food. Good."
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Oct. 5, 2005, 7:45 a.m. CST
So, it will be a "prehistoric epic that depicts tribal life at t
by Zino
...And since it's by Roland Emmerich, it's hardly going to be subtle. There will be battles between man & dinosaurs (since when has Emmerich let the confines of stark reality get in the way of a good CG money shot), and a big arsed volcano. Yeah, I'm thinking great trailer, shit film. I'm there.
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Holy Shite! can it be the browncoats have defeated the talkbackers?!
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Holy Shite! can it be the browncoats have defeated the talkbackers?!
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<sigh>
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Oct. 5, 2005, 8:08 a.m. CST
I bet those cave-men and neanderthals will miraculously be able
by seppukudkurosawa
when we all know the language was invented a thousand years ago by a French priest with a strange sense of humour. About the film...you realise Emmerich, that you're gonna have to give Raquel Welch a cameo if you want to skip any controversy over the fact that you're "homaging" One Million Years BC. She can play Aging Drum-Beater No.3.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 8:16 a.m. CST
Another dumb movie from a director who's lost his steam.
by screenplaywriter
"The Day After Tomorrow" was a bore and just set Dennis Quaid a track-record for potential movie duds. And this sounds like another bore. I mean is this just to give the evolutionists a movie of their own to claim because of the constant debate between creationism vs. evolutionism. I mean I think it's time Hollywood and Emmerich start making "good" pictures for a change. I mean hell we saw a few this summer, others fizzled, or plain out sucked, but the ones that ruled there should be more of. Wasn't Emmerich going to do "ID4 2" or is that idea scrapped now for this?
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Really cool. As it is, I can't get too excited about it. Still, I wouldn't be suprised if we see competing cave man movies around the time this comes out.
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This is the best laugh I've had all day, thanks. As an evolutionist (i.e. someone who isn't kidding themselves.), you can put this one back on the shelf. We don't need a movie for our own, seeing as how we have reality and facts. Flame away...
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'nuff said. If anything proves those crazy cats, the evolutionists, aren't clinging onto straws, it's that THING. Well there are also fossils too, but no doubt they've been planted there as a test of faith by god (yes I underscored the first letter). It's easy sowing the seeds between a Believers VS the Filthy Foul-Mouthed Masturbatory Athiests war. Which IS a movie I'd see. Only if Nicole Kidman plays the Athiest (after being tainted by that Ron L Hubbard reading demon Tom Cruise) and Alicia Keyes (or, insert damn near anyone vying for Christian bucks here) repping the ol' Nazereths.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 8:44 a.m. CST
I used to believe all that scientific data, too, but then it was
by FluffyUnbound
You see, all the astronomical data we have of light that has been travelling for billions of years before it reached the Earth? when god created the Earth, he knew that the fossils might not be a great enough test of faith, so at the moment of creation [a few thousand years ago] he created light waves that were already in motion, designed to look like they had come from somewhere billions of light years away. That way sinners could be tricked into denying the real age of the universe based on all the quasars and distant galaxies that this subterfuge would make them think they saw. That god is one clever fox I tell ya! Maybe this movie will have one of those 3 Men and a Baby moments where Dennis Quaid is talking to another caveman about lunch, but in the background you can see, for just a second, god with a really big shovel, planting more fossils.
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It was when I actually read that "pre-created light-in-flight" theory in a book of "scientific" essays by creationists that I realized no amount of scientific data could ever sway these deluded dopes from their flat-earthism. For that reason alone this film should produce some choice carnage in the TalkBacks next year.
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When did he have it! Stargate? Independence Day? That one where Mel Gibson whines about the British, but wasn't Braveheart? Godzilla! ... Meh.
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How will they destroy New York City in this one?
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Back to the good old days of WHEN DINOSAURS RULES THE EARTH and ONE MILLION YEARS BC huh. so who's going to be picking up where Raquel Welch left off?
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I thought you meant all those things from the headline were going to be in the same movie. Now THAT'S something I'd watch!
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Oct. 5, 2005, 9:18 a.m. CST
At the end, we find out it isn't the past, but the future
by cookylamoo
After six tax-cutting Republican adminstrations.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 9:26 a.m. CST
It was only a matter of time before they remade 1000000 Years BC
by Yeti
The big question is wheteher they'll have Raquel Welch in it and if so how they'll explain all those facelifts.
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..when he directed Universal Soldier. Awesome.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 9:59 a.m. CST
The only difference between this and Quest For Fire will be...
by LeiaDown&FuckHer
Even with a 200 million dollar budget this still won't be anywhere near as good, even 20+ years on from that film's release. I mean let's face it, Clan Of The Cave Bear will probably remain superior to whatever this turns out to be. Hell, Iceman is better than this will turn out, or One Million Years B.C.. Hell, a fucking back to back marathon of Caveman, Encino Man & Cavegirl will be less painful than this is likely to turn out to be to watch. But hey, at least it'll be expensive and have a real swish looking trailer, right?
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But fuck him anyway!
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Oct. 5, 2005, 10:49 a.m. CST
Oh good, another completely inaccurate depiction of prehistoric
by crackerfarmboy
I suppose we haven't had enough of those? What's in this "cavemen" fighting dinosaurs? Emmerich sucks! Why has this not be learned yet?
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Oct. 5, 2005, 11:11 a.m. CST
this will be to evolutionists what 'The Day after tomorrow&#
by TheGinger Twit
Pretty weak. Don't get me wrong, I'm an evolutionists. Anyone who looks at a looks at an ocean turtle and a land turtle can work out the difference is in their feet - but I've got issues with Emmerick's film making capacity following TDAT and... what the fuck was that braveheart rip off he made called? and godzilla - Geeeezuz!! ID4 I didn't mind so much. But today, all that American bullshit is just unwatchable. the point I'm making, weak as it may be... Cave men?? How about doing an all new star gate, or id4. Cavemen??? you know it's gunna be a piece of shit.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 11:15 a.m. CST
How bad does a film maker have to be before no body gives them m
by TheGinger Twit
The Day after Tomorrow was just aweful! Cool spfx, but the direction, the script, the editing, the music, the acting, what the hell??
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Oct. 5, 2005, 11:40 a.m. CST
So long as he gets Frank Frazetta to his concepts for the female
by Terry_1978
They can't be stick figure Paris Hilton looking motherfuckers, now. They're eating mastadon for Christ's stake, they must have meat on their bones.
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Why will a movie called 10,000 BC deal with the issue of Evolution at all? If you believe the current theories on evolution, Homo Sapiens developed between 200,000 and 100,000 years ago. At 10,000 BC humans were just a more technologically primitive version of us. No evolution to see here. Move along.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 12:43 p.m. CST
"I'm an evolutionists. Anyone who looks at a looks at an oce
by DocPazuzu
You obviously aren't very high on that scale, GingerTwit. Why aren't you over at that other TalkBack defending the Protocols of the Elders of Zion? I thought you'd be all over that one like brown on R
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Oct. 5, 2005, 12:44 p.m. CST
It's the story of gaykok, the first homosexual human, and hi
by cookylamoo
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Now that's a movie they should remake! With Vin Diesel as Ator and Jet Li as Thong and John Malkovich as that evil John Saxon looking guy. Oh, and Ian Holm as the really boring old guy.
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...the Thetans, man?!? I mean, we all just KNOW that the Thetans created all of this. I think Emmerich's movie should be grounded on the ABSOLUTE FACT that L. Ron Hubbard is the ever-lovin' messiah, and that he has been right about the Thetans for all these years! sheesh
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I wonder what unbelievable monstrosity he'll think up for prehistoric times. Maybe we'll see cavemen farting too much which causes greenhouse gases and starts the Ice Age. Then a heroic caveman that warned everyone to stop farting in the first place or humanity will be destroyed will have to travel north in a blizzard to save his caveson and flip his finger off to all the others trapped in the blizzard that need help too after he just told the Cave President that it was hopeless to save anyone trapped in the blizzard.
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tara reid, tom green, david caruso, jeff garlin, bonnie hunt and fred willard with a cameo by george lopez. it's like a live action "cavemen" just as galaxy quest was a live action version of buzz lightyear.
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unless there's some major nudity who really wants to see this. Why waste the money on this. Gezzz, why not get started on remaking all the James Bond movies (come on now, you know it's gonna happen sooner or later)
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Indeed, Ringo's needed for this one, plus Dennis Quaid hopping on one foot and then getting a giant bug squashed on his face. C'mon, you know you love that movie!
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Oct. 5, 2005, 2:31 p.m. CST
oh and get Richard Kiel to reprise his classic role from EEGAH!
by Sir Loin
You can't have a caveman movie without him hitting on nubile teenage girls...
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Nicole split with Tom because she wanted to raise their children as regular Catholics, not Scientologist Catholics. I agree because Scientology is a crock...and the reason they don't allow psychiatry is that they'll tell them the truth that it was just some cult made up by a science fiction writer and they're just wasting their time. Also, Kiel owned in "Happy Gilmore".
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"Quest for fire" was an interesting, noble effort - but it's also flawed and outdated, sadly. Still, I like it very much. I've been hoping that someone would do a big-budget version of prehistoric man, and here it is. Let's hope that his will have at least *some* scientific basis, just like they tried with "Quest for fire" (no man vs dinosaurs, thank you).
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They should make Raptor Red instead. Think about it absolutely no humans all dinosaurs all the time. It would kill at the box office like the penguin movie. The story of a velociraptor journey of self discovery.
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that gieco commercial with the "sophisticated" cavemen would be an awesome film....way better than this turd burger....
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you mean, better than 10 minutes of silence?
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you know how militant these witch-hunting Catholics are, the mere fact that she was married to the Demon Scientologist would be enough to imagine that his unbelieving influence has killed her soul for good. Anyway, as far as Run L Hubbard is concerned, I once met him in his shop near Old Street in London. I figured I was a fan of some of his books, so why not have a gander inside. I didn't actually expect him to be there, but it was a bizarre sight- there were crying women who he was obviously manipulating to sell his cult. He looked at me and I had a little chat about the books, but he could tell I was fully aware what his game was. He was a nice, intelligent man though. Anyone who can make people buy a whole way of life when it's doubtful they themselves subscribe to it, is up there in my books.
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I mean L. Ron Hubbard.
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Oct. 5, 2005, 9:28 p.m. CST
Will Pauly Shore make a cameo teaching the Cavemen how to wheeze
by KongMonkey
Buuuuuuuuuuuudy!
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Oct. 5, 2005, 11:10 p.m. CST
It'll be about a Post-Apocalyptic, Prehistoric world in whic
by George Newman
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and that's a remake of "Caveman." Hell Yeah!!! I actually adore that movie for it's complete utter silliness. I'd remake that movie with kooky otherwordly dialogue and all. I wouldn't care what others think of it, I'd make that movie only for my delight. If other people like it, great, if not, piss off.
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After the South Park episode where Wendy grows boobs, and the boys revert to cave-man-like grunting (Ah-trah...ah-trah...), most fanboys won't even be able to hold a straight face while watching another take on "Quest for Fire"...besides, Rae Dawn Chong was the cutest li'l cavegal in movie history...
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has to be asked...
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