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Teleportation rings, attacking aliens, rampaging lizards, freezing weather and now cavemen'

Published at: Oct. 5, 2005, 2:49 a.m. CST by staff

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with a story the trades broke today about everybody's big budget king of destruct-o-vision, Roland Emmerich. His next project will be called 10,000 B.C. (I believe it was previously called SOUL OF THE AGE) and it will be a "prehistoric epic that depicts tribal life at the dawn of modern man." Will Ringo be in it? I hope so!

Anyway, the flick is being produced by Columbia Pictures and is being scripted by BAND OF BROTHERS' John Orloff. Click here to read the trade break!



Readers Talkback

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  • Oct. 5, 2005, 2:51 a.m. CST

    Hmmm...

    by Jarados

    Hmmm...

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 2:55 a.m. CST

    I like the idea very much...

    by OldEnoughForMe

    but I don't trust R.E. :(

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 3:01 a.m. CST

    Only if it's better than the beginning of 2001

    by PSYCHO MAN 13

    ...which it won't be.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 3:08 a.m. CST

    I propose Vin Diesel for Lead Cro-Mag.

    by SmarkJobber

    No makeup required. Just hand him a prop bone and start rolling.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 3:13 a.m. CST

    EPIC!!!

    by Magnethead

    So there will be armies of ape men flinging poo at each other.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 3:16 a.m. CST

    Great, another $200 million turd.

    by hargon27

    Will the Ape Men have to fight a giant lizard? How about uploading a super-virus into their enemies flintstone's style computer?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 3:31 a.m. CST

    I'd rather see a film set during the last ice age

    by Sheeld

    Its just cooler.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 4:35 a.m. CST

    so uh

    by llephen

    a script.. is being written? what exactly are they gonna write? did they have english back then?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 4:40 a.m. CST

    Yes, llephen, they did have English back then

    by moviemaniac-7

    Just like the Romans and such spoke it in Gladiator. It would be nice if used a nice transition in language like Hunt for Red October (or seeing the character learning a language like in 13th Warrior). But in 10,000 BC there will be a huge battle, since it is, well, Emmerich. No small scale drama for this man!

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 4:45 a.m. CST

    I doubt it will be better than Quest for Fire

    by Thirteen 13

    But if so then cool, I'll go see it.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 5:04 a.m. CST

    Why don't you report him back to Germany?

    by SalvatoreGravano

    There he could use the German tax law to make films and make money on them, regardless of how much they lose - just the way Uwe Boll does. Oh, an Emmerich-Boll coproduction - what marvel that would be! They could use a joint name, too - "An Uwemmerich film".

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 5:10 a.m. CST

    I agree with Thirteen 13, who beat me to it.

    by Regicidal_Maniac

    Quest For Fire rocks.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 5:13 a.m. CST

    Hey, Ringo may not be a bad idea!!

    by acroyear77

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 6:03 a.m. CST

    Hey cool, Always wanted to see the Flintstones with a realistic

    by TheGinger Twit

    There's gunna be pre-historic monsters... you just know it. and there's def gunna be some big special effects. Hey maybe we'll get some hairy tits. That'd rock my balls.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 6:27 a.m. CST

    CGI sabre-tooth tigers & mammoths etc.

    by godoffireinhell

    Which will maybe look even worse than the CGI contemporary wolves in DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Yay! There will also proabably be PG-13 cannibal Neanderthals, maybe a microwaved T-Rex that has to be killed to avoid Time Paradox and quite possibly it will be revealed that human civilisation was stared by extra-terrestrials. Because we all know how much Emmerich loves him some Erich von Daniken.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 6:53 a.m. CST

    They need to give emerick a budget of $200,000, a 16mm camera an

    by TheGinger Twit

    I think the same about a lot of film makers

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 7:06 a.m. CST

    King TutTuuu

    by MrNelson

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 7:07 a.m. CST

    King Tutter

    by MrNelson

    What about TUT?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 7:26 a.m. CST

    acroyear77, dennis quaid is a better choice.

    by jig98

    did you see that 1984 caveman movie? or the recent much, much MUCH better animated cavemen movie last summer? the day after tommorow was a small misfire though.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 7:44 a.m. CST

    That Pepsi commercial with the cavemen making a movie is better.

    by Anna Valerious

    "Pepsi. Food. Good."

  • ...And since it's by Roland Emmerich, it's hardly going to be subtle. There will be battles between man & dinosaurs (since when has Emmerich let the confines of stark reality get in the way of a good CG money shot), and a big arsed volcano. Yeah, I'm thinking great trailer, shit film. I'm there.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 7:47 a.m. CST

    Aquaf@g off the top ten?!!

    by owlxi

    Holy Shite! can it be the browncoats have defeated the talkbackers?!

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 7:47 a.m. CST

    Aquaf@g off the top ten?!!

    by owlxi

    Holy Shite! can it be the browncoats have defeated the talkbackers?!

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 7:48 a.m. CST

    damn double postings!

    by owlxi

    <sigh>

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 8:08 a.m. CST

    I bet those cave-men and neanderthals will miraculously be able

    by seppukudkurosawa

    when we all know the language was invented a thousand years ago by a French priest with a strange sense of humour. About the film...you realise Emmerich, that you&#39;re gonna have to give Raquel Welch a cameo if you want to skip any controversy over the fact that you&#39;re "homaging" One Million Years BC. She can play Aging Drum-Beater No.3.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 8:16 a.m. CST

    Another dumb movie from a director who&#39;s lost his steam.

    by screenplaywriter

    "The Day After Tomorrow" was a bore and just set Dennis Quaid a track-record for potential movie duds. And this sounds like another bore. I mean is this just to give the evolutionists a movie of their own to claim because of the constant debate between creationism vs. evolutionism. I mean I think it&#39;s time Hollywood and Emmerich start making "good" pictures for a change. I mean hell we saw a few this summer, others fizzled, or plain out sucked, but the ones that ruled there should be more of. Wasn&#39;t Emmerich going to do "ID4 2" or is that idea scrapped now for this?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 8:21 a.m. CST

    This would be cool if Ridley Scott was directing

    by jimmy_009

    Really cool. As it is, I can&#39;t get too excited about it. Still, I wouldn&#39;t be suprised if we see competing cave man movies around the time this comes out.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 8:27 a.m. CST

    "giving evolutionists a movie of their own..."

    by jimmy_009

    This is the best laugh I&#39;ve had all day, thanks. As an evolutionist (i.e. someone who isn&#39;t kidding themselves.), you can put this one back on the shelf. We don&#39;t need a movie for our own, seeing as how we have reality and facts. Flame away...

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 8:35 a.m. CST

    Jimmy, read the Bible...

    by seppukudkurosawa

    &#39;nuff said. If anything proves those crazy cats, the evolutionists, aren&#39;t clinging onto straws, it&#39;s that THING. Well there are also fossils too, but no doubt they&#39;ve been planted there as a test of faith by god (yes I underscored the first letter). It&#39;s easy sowing the seeds between a Believers VS the Filthy Foul-Mouthed Masturbatory Athiests war. Which IS a movie I&#39;d see. Only if Nicole Kidman plays the Athiest (after being tainted by that Ron L Hubbard reading demon Tom Cruise) and Alicia Keyes (or, insert damn near anyone vying for Christian bucks here) repping the ol&#39; Nazereths.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 8:44 a.m. CST

    I used to believe all that scientific data, too, but then it was

    by FluffyUnbound

    You see, all the astronomical data we have of light that has been travelling for billions of years before it reached the Earth? when god created the Earth, he knew that the fossils might not be a great enough test of faith, so at the moment of creation [a few thousand years ago] he created light waves that were already in motion, designed to look like they had come from somewhere billions of light years away. That way sinners could be tricked into denying the real age of the universe based on all the quasars and distant galaxies that this subterfuge would make them think they saw. That god is one clever fox I tell ya! Maybe this movie will have one of those 3 Men and a Baby moments where Dennis Quaid is talking to another caveman about lunch, but in the background you can see, for just a second, god with a really big shovel, planting more fossils.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 8:54 a.m. CST

    FluffyUnbound

    by DocPazuzu

    It was when I actually read that "pre-created light-in-flight" theory in a book of "scientific" essays by creationists that I realized no amount of scientific data could ever sway these deluded dopes from their flat-earthism. For that reason alone this film should produce some choice carnage in the TalkBacks next year.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:04 a.m. CST

    A director who&#39;s lost his steam?

    by Lone Fox

    When did he have it! Stargate? Independence Day? That one where Mel Gibson whines about the British, but wasn&#39;t Braveheart? Godzilla! ... Meh.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:05 a.m. CST

    My only question is...

    by RenoNevada2000

    How will they destroy New York City in this one?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Well

    by Gungan Slayer

    Back to the good old days of WHEN DINOSAURS RULES THE EARTH and ONE MILLION YEARS BC huh. so who&#39;s going to be picking up where Raquel Welch left off?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Damn.

    by rev_skarekroe

    I thought you meant all those things from the headline were going to be in the same movie. Now THAT&#39;S something I&#39;d watch!

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:18 a.m. CST

    At the end, we find out it isn&#39;t the past, but the future

    by cookylamoo

    After six tax-cutting Republican adminstrations.

  • The big question is wheteher they&#39;ll have Raquel Welch in it and if so how they&#39;ll explain all those facelifts.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:38 a.m. CST

    He had his steam...

    by Dolph

    ..when he directed Universal Soldier. Awesome.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:59 a.m. CST

    The only difference between this and Quest For Fire will be...

    by LeiaDown&FuckHer

    Even with a 200 million dollar budget this still won&#39;t be anywhere near as good, even 20+ years on from that film&#39;s release. I mean let&#39;s face it, Clan Of The Cave Bear will probably remain superior to whatever this turns out to be. Hell, Iceman is better than this will turn out, or One Million Years B.C.. Hell, a fucking back to back marathon of Caveman, Encino Man & Cavegirl will be less painful than this is likely to turn out to be to watch. But hey, at least it&#39;ll be expensive and have a real swish looking trailer, right?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Dolph, I stand corrected

    by Lone Fox

    But fuck him anyway!

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Oh good, another completely inaccurate depiction of prehistoric

    by crackerfarmboy

    I suppose we haven&#39;t had enough of those? What&#39;s in this "cavemen" fighting dinosaurs? Emmerich sucks! Why has this not be learned yet?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 11:11 a.m. CST

    this will be to evolutionists what &#39;The Day after tomorrow&#

    by TheGinger Twit

    Pretty weak. Don&#39;t get me wrong, I&#39;m an evolutionists. Anyone who looks at a looks at an ocean turtle and a land turtle can work out the difference is in their feet - but I&#39;ve got issues with Emmerick&#39;s film making capacity following TDAT and... what the fuck was that braveheart rip off he made called? and godzilla - Geeeezuz!! ID4 I didn&#39;t mind so much. But today, all that American bullshit is just unwatchable. the point I&#39;m making, weak as it may be... Cave men?? How about doing an all new star gate, or id4. Cavemen??? you know it&#39;s gunna be a piece of shit.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 11:15 a.m. CST

    How bad does a film maker have to be before no body gives them m

    by TheGinger Twit

    The Day after Tomorrow was just aweful! Cool spfx, but the direction, the script, the editing, the music, the acting, what the hell??

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Are we talking about The Patriot Ginger?

    by seppukudkurosawa

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 11:40 a.m. CST

    So long as he gets Frank Frazetta to his concepts for the female

    by Terry_1978

    They can&#39;t be stick figure Paris Hilton looking motherfuckers, now. They&#39;re eating mastadon for Christ&#39;s stake, they must have meat on their bones.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 11:54 a.m. CST

    Evolution?

    by williammunny

    Why will a movie called 10,000 BC deal with the issue of Evolution at all? If you believe the current theories on evolution, Homo Sapiens developed between 200,000 and 100,000 years ago. At 10,000 BC humans were just a more technologically primitive version of us. No evolution to see here. Move along.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 12:43 p.m. CST

    "I&#39;m an evolutionists. Anyone who looks at a looks at an oce

    by DocPazuzu

    You obviously aren&#39;t very high on that scale, GingerTwit. Why aren&#39;t you over at that other TalkBack defending the Protocols of the Elders of Zion? I thought you&#39;d be all over that one like brown on R

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 12:44 p.m. CST

    It&#39;s the story of gaykok, the first homosexual human, and hi

    by cookylamoo

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Cave Dwellers

    by Capt. Spaulding

    Now that&#39;s a movie they should remake! With Vin Diesel as Ator and Jet Li as Thong and John Malkovich as that evil John Saxon looking guy. Oh, and Ian Holm as the really boring old guy.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 1:26 p.m. CST

    What about...

    by chaos731

    ...the Thetans, man?!? I mean, we all just KNOW that the Thetans created all of this. I think Emmerich&#39;s movie should be grounded on the ABSOLUTE FACT that L. Ron Hubbard is the ever-lovin&#39; messiah, and that he has been right about the Thetans for all these years! sheesh

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 1:36 p.m. CST

    The movie king of overblown crap!

    by UncleSam

    I wonder what unbelievable monstrosity he&#39;ll think up for prehistoric times. Maybe we&#39;ll see cavemen farting too much which causes greenhouse gases and starts the Ice Age. Then a heroic caveman that warned everyone to stop farting in the first place or humanity will be destroyed will have to travel north in a blizzard to save his caveson and flip his finger off to all the others trapped in the blizzard that need help too after he just told the Cave President that it was hopeless to save anyone trapped in the blizzard.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 1:42 p.m. CST

    my cast for roland emmerich&#39;s new "10,000" movie..

    by jig98

    tara reid, tom green, david caruso, jeff garlin, bonnie hunt and fred willard with a cameo by george lopez. it&#39;s like a live action "cavemen" just as galaxy quest was a live action version of buzz lightyear.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 1:42 p.m. CST

    WHY?????

    by Russman

    unless there&#39;s some major nudity who really wants to see this. Why waste the money on this. Gezzz, why not get started on remaking all the James Bond movies (come on now, you know it&#39;s gonna happen sooner or later)

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Atouk/Lana zug-zug!

    by Sir Loin

    Indeed, Ringo&#39;s needed for this one, plus Dennis Quaid hopping on one foot and then getting a giant bug squashed on his face. C&#39;mon, you know you love that movie!

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 2:31 p.m. CST

    oh and get Richard Kiel to reprise his classic role from EEGAH!

    by Sir Loin

    You can&#39;t have a caveman movie without him hitting on nubile teenage girls...

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 2:44 p.m. CST

    Erm, Seppuku?

    by Anna Valerious

    Nicole split with Tom because she wanted to raise their children as regular Catholics, not Scientologist Catholics. I agree because Scientology is a crock...and the reason they don&#39;t allow psychiatry is that they&#39;ll tell them the truth that it was just some cult made up by a science fiction writer and they&#39;re just wasting their time. Also, Kiel owned in "Happy Gilmore".

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 4:04 p.m. CST

    I think this sounds awesome

    by Thing-Fish

    "Quest for fire" was an interesting, noble effort - but it&#39;s also flawed and outdated, sadly. Still, I like it very much. I&#39;ve been hoping that someone would do a big-budget version of prehistoric man, and here it is. Let&#39;s hope that his will have at least *some* scientific basis, just like they tried with "Quest for fire" (no man vs dinosaurs, thank you).

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Too bad

    by SID 8.0

    They should make Raptor Red instead. Think about it absolutely no humans all dinosaurs all the time. It would kill at the box office like the penguin movie. The story of a velociraptor journey of self discovery.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 5:53 p.m. CST

    Will Rae Dawn Chong teach the missionary position again?

    by Nice Marmot

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 7:05 p.m. CST

    gieco cavemen

    by ipolo

    that gieco commercial with the "sophisticated" cavemen would be an awesome film....way better than this turd burger....

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 8:35 p.m. CST

    the begining of 2001...

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    you mean, better than 10 minutes of silence?

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:16 p.m. CST

    Hey Anna

    by seppukudkurosawa

    you know how militant these witch-hunting Catholics are, the mere fact that she was married to the Demon Scientologist would be enough to imagine that his unbelieving influence has killed her soul for good. Anyway, as far as Run L Hubbard is concerned, I once met him in his shop near Old Street in London. I figured I was a fan of some of his books, so why not have a gander inside. I didn&#39;t actually expect him to be there, but it was a bizarre sight- there were crying women who he was obviously manipulating to sell his cult. He looked at me and I had a little chat about the books, but he could tell I was fully aware what his game was. He was a nice, intelligent man though. Anyone who can make people buy a whole way of life when it&#39;s doubtful they themselves subscribe to it, is up there in my books.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:17 p.m. CST

    And sorry I keep on doing that

    by seppukudkurosawa

    I mean L. Ron Hubbard.

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 9:28 p.m. CST

    Will Pauly Shore make a cameo teaching the Cavemen how to wheeze

    by KongMonkey

    Buuuuuuuuuuuudy!

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 11:10 p.m. CST

    It&#39;ll be about a Post-Apocalyptic, Prehistoric world in whic

    by George Newman

  • Oct. 5, 2005, 11:31 p.m. CST

    YOU NO weeza the juice!!!

    by Magnethead

  • Oct. 6, 2005, 7:19 a.m. CST

    I only clamor for one thing.....

    by CyberBeavis1326

    and that&#39;s a remake of "Caveman." Hell Yeah!!! I actually adore that movie for it&#39;s complete utter silliness. I&#39;d remake that movie with kooky otherwordly dialogue and all. I wouldn&#39;t care what others think of it, I&#39;d make that movie only for my delight. If other people like it, great, if not, piss off.

  • Oct. 6, 2005, 10:37 a.m. CST

    South Park

    by chaos731

    After the South Park episode where Wendy grows boobs, and the boys revert to cave-man-like grunting (Ah-trah...ah-trah...), most fanboys won&#39;t even be able to hold a straight face while watching another take on "Quest for Fire"...besides, Rae Dawn Chong was the cutest li&#39;l cavegal in movie history...

  • Oct. 7, 2005, 3:49 a.m. CST

    will there be fur bikinis?

    by Ali786

    has to be asked...