Sept. 19, 2005, 8:38 a.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 8:40 a.m. CST
Except for AICN geeks?
Sept. 19, 2005, 8:51 a.m. CST
by Mirrorball Man
It's always a slow news day on AICN. This site spends more time debunking rumors than posting news.
Sept. 19, 2005, 8:54 a.m. CST
The answer is 'no'.
Going by the sales of Halo and Halo 2... I'd say yes.
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:17 a.m. CST
It's good to see this project being taken seriously by all parties involved, but I just fail to see the appeal of the franchise in the first place. The multiplayer seems to be the big draw, but with so many better PC alternatives... It still baffles me. Halo got popular because it was the only semi-quality game on the XBOX until, what, Knights of the Old Republic? Then Halo 2 becomes big because it's the only thing left to latch onto outside of... Knights of the Old Republic 2? Full Spectrum Warrior & Jade Empire impress, to be sure, but this bland space adventure doesn't deserve the hype. Wake me up when they decide to REALLY shame Metroid on the big screen. That'll get everyone's attention.
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:22 a.m. CST
Realistically they should get someone like Stephen Sommers to do this, Or James Cameron (in my dreams)
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:25 a.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:26 a.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:30 a.m. CST
Why not simple stop making games into films since they've all been shit (or at best mildly entertaining) and concentrate on making original quality titles. You could probably make a few damn good films with the money they're gonna use on Dungeonsiege....that is all.
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:34 a.m. CST
Bumblebeeman, of course, is the main character.
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:37 a.m. CST
by cyanide christ
It is sad that this genre is not taken more seriously by film studios. Some video games have better plot lines than most movies and then end up butchered on the big screen. I cringe when I hear anything about a Metroid movie when by all rights I should be excited.
Sept. 19, 2005, 10:11 a.m. CST
You heard me. Now I have some cyanide to go down, if you'll excuse me...
Sept. 19, 2005, 10:16 a.m. CST
Welcome to the real world!
Sept. 19, 2005, 10:17 a.m. CST
anyone want to start the countdown for Kristina Loken's inevitable succumbing to the porn industry? you know she's plotting her career trajectory as we speak. (in the future, as porn becomes more acceptable as the unstoppable money-making juggernaut it is, i hope even A-List starlets start doing porn. i mean, could you imagine if Angelina Jolie started shooting porn? they could have a ten-mute scene, sell the DVD for like $30 (with filler, of course) and it would easily sell about 800 bazillion copies worldwide in the first 10 seconds of it's release. the crippling deficit racked up by Fueher Dubya's nation / globe destroying policies could be paid off in like a day from the money made off of Jolie's work in adult entertainment.)
Sept. 19, 2005, 10:21 a.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 10:31 a.m. CST
Ratzinger is Herr Panzerkardinal...should Boll be Herr Panzerdirektor?
Sept. 19, 2005, 10:40 a.m. CST
i've never actually met anyone who owns one. i know plenty of people who own PS2s and GameCubes (or both) but not actual X-Box players. it's weird. it's like a parallel universe of games.
Sept. 19, 2005, 10:56 a.m. CST
...do you have any idea how surreal that thing would be? "@!#?@!" indeed.
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:03 a.m. CST
like mario brothers. dennis hopper played king koopa. that makes sense, right?
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:12 a.m. CST
I'd rather actually see RINGWORLD. But that's just me.
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:31 a.m. CST
read that again. "dungeon seige." does no one else find that hilarious? Any movie containing the word "dungeon" or "seige" sucks already. man that is an even worse title than bio-dome or reign of fire. bio-reign.. hmm uwe ive got a new one for you
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:34 a.m. CST
Whatever this "halo" is - the only halos I know are around the sun - the world needs more amusing Bollfilms. They're as bad as anything by Anderscum, Bay or that Sky Craptain Wossname, but much funnier; ergo, at least they're entertaining, and the fact that it is so for entirely different reasons than Uwe planned makes them even funnier.
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:35 a.m. CST
by Bob of the Shire
The Silent Hill film will rock, you all know it. Halo's plot is laughable at best, and I don't see it's art design translated very well at all.
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:42 a.m. CST
"Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested."
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:45 a.m. CST
by Josh Town
Aren't you even the least intrigued? I love to watch train wrecks.
Sept. 19, 2005, 12:06 p.m. CST
The "Q*Bert" project has been in development for a long time. Gary Shandling is set to make his directorial debut with this feature. Martin Short is attached as an Elderly Q*Bert who has kept the family's past of tomb raiding and pyramid defacing a shameful secret, but finds himself kidnapped by an aging Viper (Coilee's ex-wife, previously thought to be played by Cher, but producer Tom Arnold has recently been courting Martha Stewart for the role), who wants revenge for Coilee's mental breakdown and subsequent abaondonment of his family, as he has spent the last ten years in the basement of an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. Dustin Hoffman and John Malkovich have been discussed for the role of Coilee. The young Q*Bert, Jr (Frankie Muniz) and his pals Q*Mungus (Rowdy Roddy Piper) and Q*Ball (Peter Bogdonovich) must mount a daring rescue and come to terms with what it means to be downpixeled. Danny Elfman was originally attached to the project for the soundtrack, but was replaced by some kid with a couple of bongos, a cowbell, and a synth, when it was discovered that Danny's 'demo' track submitted for the project was really just Boingo's "No Spill Blood" played backwards. Twice.
Sept. 19, 2005, 12:15 p.m. CST
by darth sars
Just sitting back and watching the talkbackers vent their frustration on one another... IMO, i would go see a Halo movie solely on the fact that i've lost countless hours of my life on that game. The rumours/press/trailers would then help me decide whether it's an opening night/matinee/2nd run show i'll see. Go ahead, blast me... judging by the history of this site, i make myself a target just by posting a talkback.
Sept. 19, 2005, 12:29 p.m. CST
i actually heard there was a huge bidding war over who is going to film the Q*bert saga. the Gary Shandling production you spoke of is one possibility. however, last i heard, Mel "Goebbels" Gibson also wanted to direct and produce the film entirely in Q*bert speak ("@#$%!" and so on), and wanted to link the pain of Q*bert with some kind of violently distrburbing anti-semetic message. casting is still in development, but so far Q*bert is supposed to be played by Supreme Court nominee John Roberts (with dyed blonde hair), and Coilee will be played by Judd Hirsch.
Sept. 19, 2005, 12:34 p.m. CST
it used to be Leni Riefenstahl, BUT isn't Mel Gibson the real "Herr Panzerdirektor"? seeing as how he's an unapologetic neo-nazi and all?
Sept. 19, 2005, 12:39 p.m. CST
by Van Damned
Let's just all agree that, with the exception of "Super Mario Brothers", all game-to-film franchises suck. Oh wait; that did too. So, they all suck.
Sept. 19, 2005, 12:53 p.m. CST
They've already proven that the Halo world can be a great backdrop for comedy. I won't go see a straight up Halo movie, but I'd be first in line for a comedy version.
Sept. 19, 2005, 12:57 p.m. CST
Now RED VS. BLUE...There's your HALO movie!
Sept. 19, 2005, 1:16 p.m. CST
Now THERE was a first person shooter!
Sept. 19, 2005, 1:39 p.m. CST
" you must take Cortana so the Covenant doesn't learn of earth" Meanwhile down on the Halo. Master Cheif goes everywhere to save people. Despite meeting lots of Covenant resistance. Cortana sure is safe. Oh look Master Cheif, you unleashed the flood. Now we're really screwed. Maybe we shouldn't have been farting around here on the Halo messing around with technology we don't understand while fighting the Covenant. Thankfully not only did the moronic Captain Keys get captured, but he never self destrcuted the Pillar of Autumn. Now that we messed this place up, we can use the Pillar of Autumn and destroy the Halo thus saving the galaxy. Sounds like Uwe Boll was already involved with Halo. *also I think his name means "Toilet Flushing" for some reason, it just sounds that way*
Sept. 19, 2005, 1:53 p.m. CST
...this question before, but who in fuck's name is Uwe Boll? I know he had something to do with Live Aid "The Retro Original", but other than Dylan and the Stones that line-up meant jack to me. So...who hell he?
Sept. 19, 2005, 1:57 p.m. CST
by Josh Town
You know it will happen. Look at Ed Wood.
Sept. 19, 2005, 1:58 p.m. CST
I'd watch out about saying that around here, you ever heard of Mortal Combat? Well so had Drew Mcweeny, aka Moriarty Screenwriter Extroardinaire. He'd obviously been reading Stephen King's book on his new life as a Canadian wood-gatherer:- How to be a Lumberjack Part IV: ON HACKING.
Sept. 19, 2005, 1:59 p.m. CST
In the future, there will be a Uwe Boll movie box set, similar to the Ed Wood today. And there will be a cutting edge fanboy director to direct his bio pic. Sincerely The Amazing Criswell!!!
Sept. 19, 2005, 2 p.m. CST
Jolie porn would be awesome, but don't forget some porn pioneers who broke into (somewhat) mainstream entertainment. Forget Traci Lords for a minute; there was a porn actress named Ashelyn Gere who had a central role on an episode of the X-files. It allowed me to exclaim to a room full of people, "hey, that's Ashelyn Gere. She's got a great-looking balloon-knot".
Sept. 19, 2005, 2:01 p.m. CST
Beat me to the punch!
Sept. 19, 2005, 2:09 p.m. CST
and it turns out he's a German director of shitty game adaptations. I just don't understand how such a man could have escaped from my radar. I mean I know all about Brett Ratner, Paul WS Anderson and Wolfgang Petersen (after going to Hollywood), how could this beautiful man have spent so many years without taking his place amongst such legends? ONE VERY INTERESTING FACT: Rutger Hauer has never starred in any of these people's movies.
Sept. 19, 2005, 2:38 p.m. CST
by Bob of the Shire
Go play Xenogears for a great plot in a videogame. I could list off several dozen videogames with better plots than Halo, you sound like a mainstream nub who hasn't played shit. I laughed on many occasions during Halo 2 (giant talking plant! Original! Interesting! Oh wait, neither!), if you think the plot is great, you're out of your mind.
Sept. 19, 2005, 3:07 p.m. CST
by Drunken Rage
Whenever I remember that Annette Haven was offered the lead in "The Howling" and she turned it down, I cry.
Sept. 19, 2005, 3:15 p.m. CST
his life seems so tragically pointless -- eat, eat, eat, kill ghost, eat more -- forever and ever and ever. in some ways, Pac-Man can be understood as the ultimate allegory for the human race -- we are born, we run, and we consume; all the while death (the ghosts) await us around each corner. sometimes we are lucky and are able to cheat death by either runing back and forth really fast, or going into a tunnel, or taking a power pellet with which we can defeat death... but death, death always comes back... and ultimately, eventually, no matter how many patterns you have mastered, you are either going to run out of coins or lives... in the immortal words of the late poet-philosopher Carl Crack (of Atarit Teenage Riot fame) once opined, "life is like a video game with no chance to win!!!!!' how true, Carl, how very, very true... lets all take a moment of silence for Pac Man. long may he feast upon the golden keys of life... we love you... goodbye...
Sept. 19, 2005, 3:20 p.m. CST
The video games format is a medium used to tell stories and to entertain, just the same as television and film. It really urks me when folks talk about "video game movies" and "comic book movies" because while there are MANY films that can be labeled as simply that, there are many more that cannot and should not. Spider-Man 2 and Batman Begins exist just fine as MOVIES, not "comic book movies." That clarifier is too often used to dumb down the perception of a film, to say that because it originally came from here, it can never achieve the highest levels. Most all movies that have been adapted from video games have sucked very, very hard, but the problem isn't nevessarily in the property itself. The problem isn't the game. Hell, I still say the Tomb Raider series could have been adapted into damn fine movies, but instead they became something tepid and uninspired. They became projects that the studio didn't have any real faith in and the audience could sense this. Lara Croft could've been the female Indiana Jones. Instead, she's... Wait, who's Lara Crof? Anyway, films adapted from video games can be great, same as with stories from any other medium, if they're given the time and patience necessary to let them flourish. Anyway, that's my rant.
Sept. 19, 2005, 3:56 p.m. CST
I bet it will even top Advent Children! It's genius! It combines my two favourite things, it's a film I can play! You see that trailer! PS3 ROX! Booo Xbox! OMG I said it! Now you all have no choice!! Let the console war commence, Dance Puppets Dance!!!
Sept. 19, 2005, 3:57 p.m. CST
With a screenplay by Four Weddings... and Bridget Jones writer, Richard Curtis, and Hugh Grant (as the left bat) and Colin Firth (as the right bat), with Sarah Michelle Gellar as the love interest, it looks like this ROM-COMs really in gear. From an inside source/buddy of mine who lives opposite someone with a copy of the script (he has binoculars) the film will be set somewhere in the not-too-distant-future where, because of massive population overflow, each town has to compete in a life-or-death tournament of Ultimate Mating Game, PONG. All the elligible bachelors don their uniforms and entor the battle arenas where they throw a futuristic tennis ball at each other, if one of them manages to get it past the other the loser automatically blows up. Hugh Grant is a scarred and retired Pong-survivor, one of only two to survive the lethal "game" (the other being his dad, Sean Connery), and Colin Firth is a smug 10-time winner. Which one will survive to compete in the biggest battle of all: going a round with Sarah MG without accidentally breaking her? Watch the film to find out.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:01 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:02 p.m. CST
There's an implicit hierarchy in cultural outlets: visual art > literature > film > television > graphic novel > video game > comic book (obviously this is just a fast rule and there are many exceptions ... and yes, the distinguishing between graphic novel and comic book is both a joke and a stab at the industry). Typically, if a project moves up the hierarchy, the fact that it came from a lower strata is always pointed out: comic book movies, video game movies, movie based on a television show, movie adaptation in print form, etc. It's no different than when certain 19th-century celebrities always had their working-class upbringings mentioned...in other words, there's a cultural class warfare going on...and this site is the French Foreign Legion.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:12 p.m. CST
He is great with the overhead shots
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:19 p.m. CST
by I Dunno
That game kicked ass and would make a cool movie.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:23 p.m. CST
That was the only game on the N64 (including Mario64) I thought was half-decent. Lets not spoil its legacy and leave that one untouched. Even if they did make that one into a movie, I bet they'd never get the Russian accents right anyway. And that giant bridge would be CGI.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:27 p.m. CST
and are making an adaptation of Casino Royale that's already been done(ever heard of Peter Sellers). I dont doubt they'd make an adaptation of a game adapted from a film if they get desperate enough. Well, no they wont, but fuck remakes and game adaptations, I wish some studio would make a guns-blazing, no holds-barred, sex-filled, 150 million adaptation of Uncle Tom's Cabin.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:28 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:31 p.m. CST
My Toenail Stylist, who also designs customized 'earwraps' for Prince and Estelle Getty, confirms that the circulating third draft, with the tagline "There is no Reset Button", tweaked by master wordsmith Joe Eszterhas, includes a brually graphic scene of Geller's character struggling, smouldering and ultimately catching fire from within after swallowing over 20 fiery and deadly Uber-Pong balls while being pursued by the town of BATLEFT over a massive bleak terrain of discarded Atari 2600 consoles. As the camera pans back, she explodes into a bizarre mass of deranged pixels, revealing a corridor beyond the shattered landscape that leads to a featureless white room where Jeff Bridges sits naked with a mini-DVD player, watching "Starman" and muttering something about marketing potential. The townspeople weep uncontrollably, and then beat him to death with unopened cases of 12" Jar Jar Binks figures. Fade to black.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:32 p.m. CST
What about Tron eh? If thats doesn't qualify in the videogame genre then nothing does. Anyways, how cool would a good Deus Ex movie be???
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:40 p.m. CST
I, alas, have never seen Tron, but from what I know of it, I'd ask you if it's really a "video game" movie or a science fiction one. That's ultimately my point. Video games, like film, TV, literature, etc., can showcase an array of genres and therefore CANNOT showcase any particular one. You can have action, adventure, sci fi, even romantic comedy and surrealist experimental (though most game developers wouldn't spend their time on the last two). My point is that there is no such thing as a video game movie. There is no such thing as a comic book movie. If it's a movie, it's a movie. Those who often chose to clarify it do so in a derrogatory manner, as chrth explains in his post.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:41 p.m. CST
I meant to say that they cannot BE any particular one.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:45 p.m. CST
I get your point, but I've got another poser for you. Is American Splendor a comic book movie?
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:49 p.m. CST
There are really interesting things they do in the film, using comic book techniques to enchance the experience, but it's still a drama about a guy. More to that point, I'd even say Sin City is most definitely a movie--not a comic book movie--even though it's images are almost panel-to-panel from the comic. It's just the format it's been adapted from.
Sept. 19, 2005, 4:58 p.m. CST
If you've ever played a second of the Halo game, you would have a pretty decent idea as to how to adapt it to the big screen. You would have to be completely retarded or mildely autistic to not get some kind of grip on how it could be done. The only people I can see screwing this up are Uwe Boll, and Paul W.S. Anderson. It needs to be a non-game director Director. Someone who actually knows how to make movies not just waste bundles of money duping people into thinking that their dreams have come true.
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:06 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:09 p.m. CST
by Joe Haldeman. Starship Troopers probably covered much of the territory, but not the emotional stuff- and it'd still ring with this Iraq situation. Amazing book that would make an amazing film. There really isn't much of a point adapting a game, because games adapt movies to begin with- look at Max Payne, Syphon Filter etc. these games are just steeped in the movies, this is why they're never pulled-off. There's just something too post-modern about adapting a game which is trying to be a movie in itself.
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:10 p.m. CST
The Dig Dug project was shelved indefinitely when Sam Kinison died. He was virutally everyone's choice for the title character, and nobody wants to touch the property now. It's a shame, too. The script...oh, fuck it. Even I'm sick of my posts at this point.
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:12 p.m. CST
The last thing I saw the guy in was Titanic. He was probably the best thing in that movie, cept for the Kate Winslet nudity and David "STANDBY FOR MIND CONTROL!!!" Warner.
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:17 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:24 p.m. CST
Nothing? Oh okay, shut the fuck up.
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:31 p.m. CST
And I admit I do tend to go the way of the fake wordsmith myself every now and then, but no one should start a post with the words: "I, alas, have never seen Tron".
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:34 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:37 p.m. CST
Im Netz sind Ger
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:37 p.m. CST
...considering how often folks on this site talk about the "genres" of video game and comic book movies. You don't care for it, that's your deal, but there are ways to contribute to a discussion and there are ways to take up space. Which do you think you're doing?
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:39 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:39 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 5:45 p.m. CST
Bob of the Shire, I would like to call you friend. Xenogears is truly one of the best games of all time, and I salute any who have even played it, let alone enjoyed it as thoroughly as I did. Too bad about Xenosaga becoming crap (and them ending it in part III, bastards). Anyways, anyone who says that all videogame stories suck hasn't played anything out of an fps.
Sept. 19, 2005, 6:06 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 6:10 p.m. CST
A suspenseful action tale of bouncing and television stealing, starring Donal Logue as Mappy, and the Baldwins and Arquettes as the kittykats. Also showing in the Loews Cineplex: AMIDAR THE MOVIE! The riveting tale of a gorilla, some paint rollers, and- aw, hell, who the fuck knows WHAT the hell is going on in this one? Starring Paul Reubens as that one thing in the game, and Andy Dick as the joystick.
Sept. 19, 2005, 6:17 p.m. CST
The brave adventurer, THE SQUARE (Matt Damon), must travel through dangers untold to regain the magical Yellow Chalice from the BLACK CASTLE! Along the way, The Square will encounter Annoying Bat, magnets, bridges, mazes, various primary-colored keys, and the fearsome danger of the Three Ducks- Er- "Dragons"- who bar his path and threaten to swallow The Square whole, trapping him in their transparent bellies until he uses the magic of the RESET to escape (unfortunately returning everything he gathered, but avoiding certain boredom) and begin the quest anew. Starring Matt Damon as The Square, Paris Hilton as Annoying Bat, Sean Connery as the Ducks- er- "Dragons", and Hilary Duff as the yellow key. Rated 'R' for blocky violence and nudity.
Sept. 19, 2005, 6:19 p.m. CST
Not even the novelization could make the last 2/3rds of the game interesting. You know you're in trouble when that happens. As for actual good video game stories(and shocker here, equally good gameplay), Metal Gear Solid series, you chode chewing toe touchers that eat nameless brands of cereal for breakfast.
Sept. 19, 2005, 6:19 p.m. CST
You KNOW you can't wait to see him in a loincloth.
Sept. 19, 2005, 6:21 p.m. CST
Sept. 19, 2005, 6:28 p.m. CST
Now, see Christopher Lee as THE WIZARD OF WOR! Tommy Lee Jones is the Blue Worrior. Hugh Jackman is the Red Worrior. Together they must face the perils of the dungeons of the WIZARD OF WOR: The WORLUK (Sybil Sheppard), BURWORS (Ice T & Ice Cube), GARWORS (Eric Roberts & Vance Degeneres), and THORWORS (Dennis Franz & Greg Proops). Will the Worriors survive the wrath of the Wizard of Wor? Will they survive each other? FIND OUT when Paramount brings you the PG-13 epic "WIZARD OF WOR", directed by Michael Bay with special guest directors Spike Lee and Quentin Tarantino.
Sept. 19, 2005, 6:31 p.m. CST
Yes, in the game, the right side is yellow, not red. Damn that Michael Bay and his script changes!
Sept. 19, 2005, 7:26 p.m. CST
by I Dunno
Rated NC-17 for profanity, intense violence, extreme gore, full frontal nudity, sexual situations and drug use.
Sept. 19, 2005, 8:16 p.m. CST
Hey fellas i got something interesting to show. It's this list i've compiled mostly from from stuff i've seen on a couple of websites and read about in magazines. mostly IGN has all this shit about video game movies - they even have a page dedicated to news related to this subject. so anyway this is what i found to be "in the making" - which probably means half of these will never get made. but even if the other half does - there's a good chance that at least one of those will be a good movie. and we are all waiting for that. it could happen. and they're being quite serious about halo too. anyway here's the list: 1 hitman code 47 (with vin diesel) 2 halo (screenwriter- Alex Garland - universal, fox)* 3 silent hill (director- Christophe Gans, December 31, 2006)* 4 max payne 5 doom* 6 final fantasy 7* 7 resident evil: afterlife* 8 avp2 9 far cry (direcotr- uwe boll) 10 Hunter: The Reckoning (director- uwe boll) 11 Fear Effect (director- uwe boll) 12 bloodrayne (director- uwe boll)* 13 dungeon seige (director- uwe boll)* 14 dead or alive (director- Cory Yuen, producer- Jeremy Bolt) 15 tekken 16 area 51 (producer- Christine Peters) 17 destroy all humans 18 god of war 19 Vampire: The Requiem (producer- Adam Fields) 20 Spy-Hunter (with the rock, director- John Woo) 21 driver (screenwriters- Todd Harthan and James Roday) 22 psi-ops (producers- Adrian Askarieh and Chuck Gordon) 23 alice (screenWriters- Jon and Erich Hoeber, John August) 24 American McGee's Oz (screenWriters- Kevin Hageman, Dan Hageman) 25 darkwatch 26 Deus Ex 27 devil may cry 28 Eternal Darkness 29 metroid (producers- Warren Zide and Craig Perry) 30 Half-Life 31 Prince of Persia 32 splinter cell 33 the suffering (mtv films) what do u think?
Sept. 19, 2005, 8:38 p.m. CST
features a sense-shattering, mind-warping extra scene in which THE SQUARE finds THE DOT in one of the DRAGON-DUCKS blocky castles of woe. on his way back to YELLOW CASTLE, THE SQUARE notices that, for some reason, he can walk through walls! apparently, THE DOT has magical properties... so, he plunges through THE BLACK LINE and sees, in giant rainbow lettering, the message he has waited for his entire life: CREATED BY WARREN ROBINETT. therefore, THE BLOCK knows the name of his creator, his god, and his name is WARREN ROBINETT. i tell you, in the screening i was in, there was not a dry eye in the house.
Sept. 19, 2005, 8:44 p.m. CST
by I Dunno
Hitman, yes, if it was Jason Strathem instead of Diesel. I don't know anything about Oz but if it's anything like Alice, yes. The rest I either don't know anything about the game or I think will probably suck.
Sept. 19, 2005, 8:53 p.m. CST
to call it life-alteringly beautiful would be a criminal understatement. PONG: The Movie (or, just PONG) is a PROPHECY; a soul-shattering message of cosmic-proportions. SMGs tragic run through the THE DESERT OF THE 2600s sequence is especially moving and horrifying. and the music! a minimalist series of beeps and boops (it goes: "BEEP! BOOP! BRAP! BRAP! BEEP! BOOP! BRAP! BRAP! BRAP! BOOP!") is a truly orgiastic aural experience. apparently, the film has gone over so well with the test audiences that they are going to make 17 sequels, and 892 prequels which delve even further into the byzantine mythology of the PONG universe. it's going to be, as Kelly LeBrock once said, a "mind-scramblah." i can't wait until the game based on the movie of the game comes out.
Sept. 19, 2005, 8:56 p.m. CST
there's a good chance that this genre will soon stop sucking. the studios should see the potential in making game to movie adaptations because they know the fanbase is huge. i pray that things like the upcoming half-life, metroid, silent hill and doom won't suck. maybe at least one will be awesome.
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:27 p.m. CST
the games themselves have immersive, cinematic naratives now -- so what's the point of making a movie about it? i mean, doesn't Hollywood realize that the games have become the movies? so, what is the point of making a movie based on a far superior entertainment product? i suppose it can function as a commercial? a reinforcement of the game? basically, one of the reasons why nobody goes to see dumb ass action movies anymore -- *cough* Transporter 2 *cough* The Island *cough* Insert Name Of Latest Bomb Here *cough* -- is that current video games have more or less replaced them. it makes the generic and passive action movie experience, an active, exciting and engaging one. i've never played HALO, but I can guarenfuckingtee you, that the story in the game is going to be better than the movie. why? because YOU BECOME A PART OF THE STORY when you play the game. even the most basic shoot-em-up plot feels cooler and more interesting when you are playing it. does anyone really think for a second that some Grade-Z / mid-budget sci-fi actor playing your favorite game character is going to make it come alive for you? probably not. if anything, it'll court derision, and most likely be a massive bomb.
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:33 p.m. CST
As long as it takes his attention away from 'Devil May Cry' long enough for a real filmmaker to find it.
Sept. 19, 2005, 9:38 p.m. CST
Beware: The ball is coming.... for you...
Sept. 19, 2005, 10:08 p.m. CST
by Bob of the Shire
You don't understand much. Saying the MGS games had crap storylines is laughable, and then praising Halo's hacked plot? MGS redefined action games, it's plot is miles ahead of Halo, same goes with the two sequels (and MGS2 is important for a variety of reasons I'm not even going to try to explain to someone like you).Sony plant!? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, I sound pretentious, but when you're talking to someone like you, it's pretty hard not too.
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:15 p.m. CST
1.) The WRONG GAMES are being optioned. Look at some of these titles. Halo? GTA? Resident Evil? House of The Dead? BloodRayne? You know why these are sucking or will soon suck? Because most of them are just knock-offs of one or more movies or movie genres. Resident Evil, from the get-go, has been a NOTLD/Romero ripoff thats fun because it's interactive. But with the interative angle nixed the movie version could only hope to be, and in fact was, just another weak knocked-off zombie flick. No matter how earnestly made, Halo can really only ever be an imitation of Aliens/Starship Troopers, GTA can only ever be a played-out gangsta cliche landfill, etc. Ditto for Driver, Max Payne and even Half/Life. And who needs Hitman or Spyhunter when the Transporter franchise is already here and kicking ass? There ARE original, unique stories worth putting to film in the gaming culture... just not these. 2.) The WRONG PEOPLE are making the games. And I don't just mean Uwe Boll. Look, the majority of quality gaming is STILL coming out of Japan (deal with it, X-Box devotees) and thus the majority of the unique game asthetic is still rooted in Japanese and/or pan-Asian styles. In other words, most of these projects should be placed in the hands of Japanese or Chinese filmmakers, who understand this asthetic better and can deliver these adaptations much more entertainingly and efficiently than U.S. ones can. Some stuff, like Ninja Gaiden or Mortal Kombat, don't belong anywhere else BUT in the hands of Asian filmmakers. Look at anything from Andrew Lau or Riyuhei (sp?) Kitamura or even recent Cory Yuen and tell me I'm wrong. 3.) NOT EVERYTHING needs to be live-action. Yes, FF: Spirits Within sucked and tanked, largely because Square threw out the whole franchise and shot a Starship Troopers clone instead. But look at most of the good material out there, most of it is MUCH more suited to animation. Sure, I'd LOVE to see giant-scale epic live-action renderings of the Super Mario or Zelda visuals, no doubt... but in a largely unproven genre isn't animation the much more sensible route? Particularly for Zelda, which is so anime-influenced as it is?
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:27 p.m. CST
by Bob of the Shire
Explain MGS2's importance and why it's different than any other game released since Earthbound. I just gave you a huge clue. You're superior, this one should be easy for you.
Sept. 19, 2005, 11:30 p.m. CST
Wait, did I just cross the line?
Sept. 20, 2005, 12:09 a.m. CST
by Chief Redcock
do his films suck? well, ummm, yeah, but in a fun way. hell, i'll probably watch every film the man ever makes because they're so laugh out loud funny, unintentionally or no. some of his dialogue is so wonky i almost think he's deliberately paying an homage to ed wood... it almost seems deliberately awkward. but i'd rather watch and laugh at something like that than the dukes of hazard or wedding crashers or any of the other banal crap hollywood churns out. his films are funny and memorable.... and, even quint admitted that alone in the dark had a nice visual style... he's the guy we love to hate, because his films are so agressively fanboyish that they were made to be heckled... it's like his whole career was started solely to generate crazy talkbacks on this site.
Sept. 20, 2005, 12:25 a.m. CST
The last hour or so is just unbelievable. Although, I think they go overboard on the long winded dialogue, the story just blows away the crap Hollywood churns out. If you haven't played it, wait for the Subsistence version to be released soon, much better camera system, and tons of extras, plus online play.
Sept. 20, 2005, 12:44 a.m. CST
by Bob of the Shire
For a long, killer video of the new online multiplayer. It looks fantastic.
Sept. 20, 2005, 1:52 a.m. CST
Great post. I've been saying the same thing for a while now, that video games and comics in particular need to be satisfied with what they are and not see their medium as inferior to film. That's why the rights to the GTA series held onto tight by Rockstar--they don't need Hollywood. Truth be told, each medium offers a unique experience the films are simply unable to replicate. Regardless, some will still make good movies, but the folks who own the properties should take a note from Microsoft and Bungie and maintain a greater level of control over the adaptation.
Sept. 20, 2005, 2:07 a.m. CST
It would be funny as hell!
Sept. 20, 2005, 2:40 a.m. CST
by Darth Bono Jr.
Now there is a complex plot!
Sept. 20, 2005, 3:24 a.m. CST
by Azlam Orlandu
Like learn to use the fricken intertron!
Sept. 20, 2005, 6:07 a.m. CST
i discovered there's a website called www.uwebollsucks.com and www.uwebollisantichrist.com - laughed my ass off
Sept. 20, 2005, 6:40 a.m. CST
"In a world..." (cut to boiling lava ala ROTS) "where life is a constant battle..." (cut to quick shots, close-ups of clanging staffs and flapping wings).."and your allies..." (cut to grizzled, battle-scarred Russell Crowe, diving for a large egg) "may be more deadly than your enemies..." (cut to warrior-dude falling from the sky, smashing into another warrior-dude) "and where the very ground you walk on..." (cut to shot of shaking platform with clawed feet and legs in the foreground) "can betray you in an instant..." (cut to mass of feathers and wings flailing under crumbling platform and falling into lava) "the only way to survive..." (quick cuts from Crowe in armor, to a field of eggs, back to Crowe raising his arm and screaming in silence, and then to Pteradactyl(sp? I ain't lookin' it up) swooping in and blacking out the screen) "Is to...JOUST (logo)" (cut to shot of ostrich and jouster flying over lava, only to be snatched lightning quick by an enormous hand and pulled in, flames fill the screen.) Summer 2007.
Sept. 20, 2005, 6:44 a.m. CST
on the dear old Dreamcast. Now that was the only game that was completely immersive, had a plot that I actually REALLY wanted to discover, and could be called an interactive film. Ckeck out the sequel on Xbox if you haven't played the first.
Sept. 20, 2005, 7:38 a.m. CST
Sept. 20, 2005, 7:49 a.m. CST
by The True Priapic
...god,they were shit."You are angry!" , "You go left." Then again,I'm struggling with whether I believe GTA:San Andreas to be either funny or shallow and in very bad taste.I don't know,I get really fucking pissed off driving everywhere..I knocked a plane the other day and some fuckers shot me down.All the black guys walk with pimp limps and uneducated halfwits,the whites are cowards or bastard police,all the women in it are sluts,life is beyond cheap,chinese all own restaurants etc..etc..I'm guessing we're not far off a game that has rape as a means of upping your level.Jeesus...sheesh...it makes me wince a bit that white kids are playing this and whacking as many stereotypes as possible!!.............Bring back Manic Miner...
Sept. 20, 2005, 7:52 a.m. CST
Sept. 20, 2005, 9:43 a.m. CST
i still have the PS1 anthology with JOUST on it, and, one day, while happily jousting, i actually managed to kill the Pterodactyl! so, the rumors are true: it is possible. basically, however, it's so freakin' hard that it can only be achieved through blind luck -- hitting him in the mouth on accident -- but it did actually die. i wasn't even trying, my mind was elsewhere (which may or may not be a zen teaching, seeing as how i reached Joustian enlightenement only after i stopped thinking about it) i think you get like 2000 or 5000 points. amazing, eh?
Sept. 20, 2005, 10:19 a.m. CST
Killing the Pterodactyl on some levels isn't hard at all...the ones where he comes out right away. You just stand on that lower middle platform, and he comes right up and impales himself. Otherwise, yeah, it is a big pain in the ass. I've got it on a Dreamcast anthology, but haven't played it in ages. I spent scads of dough in the arcade playing that damn game in my youth, usually with an old buddy of mine, which lead to the "allies being more deadly than enemies" comment in my post above, because Goddamn it if the idiot didn't accidentally kill me a helluva lot more often than any of the baddies did.
Sept. 20, 2005, 10:26 a.m. CST
ah! so theres a system for killing the Pterodacty! i thought it was blind luck. but other than that, seriously, JOUST is the best 2 player game ever. i've literally played that for hours with friends. it's really an addictive game. i mean i still play it. that's something that it missing from current games, i think. like, clearly gaming has become much more complex and immerisive, but the simple pleasures of old school gaming are missing almost entirely. like, what was designed as a quick 3- 5 minute experience has now become a 10-50 hour experience depending upon the game. not that i'm complaining, i love my GTA! but you know what i mean... some of these games take a serious time commitment...
Sept. 20, 2005, 10:34 a.m. CST
Joust is amazingly addictive. I may just hook up the ol' Dreamcast and kill a couple hours now that I've thought of it again. Egg Wave here I come! Oh, and now that I'm thinking of it, the other way that often works to kill the Ptery is to bounce along a platform towards him. He will usually fly at just the right level to impale himself that way too.
Sept. 20, 2005, 10:35 a.m. CST
i agree wholeheartedly MasterWhedon! and i agree that goes for comics especially. (although i would add that the video game industry isn't worried about anything seeing as how they are now outpacing the film industry by leaps and bounds.) but i think some people get confused that comics are supposed to be like movies, when really they're not. comics are a completely different medium. sure, they are a primarily visual medium, but the images are static, not in motion, so the transfer of information is completely different. of course, they can crossover (like in the brilliant SIN CITY), but they should never be made as anything that what they are. drawing a comic as a way to pretend you are making a movie is not such a hot idea -- draw a comic as a comic; focus on it's comicniess, not it's maybe-it'll-be-a-movie-somedayness. in other words -- frustrated directors do not make good comics artsts and vice versa.
Sept. 20, 2005, 11:23 a.m. CST
Lol...Zombie, we need to get you into the Zone.
Sept. 20, 2005, 11:53 a.m. CST
don't you need a key or something? i haven't been invited... sigh...
Sept. 20, 2005, 12:18 p.m. CST
Unfortunately, since Doc has left, there's no one out there to send the official invites, but I'll figure out a way to get you the address without revealing it to the world (if you're comfortable posting an e-mail address in here, I can send you it directly--otherwise, we'll find something else). I have been told, however, that the Zone is in something of a lockdown right now, that new users can regisiter but they won't be active just yet. Not sure why, but there are folks looking into it.
Sept. 20, 2005, 1:47 p.m. CST
cool, yeah, i'd love to join in if possible. here's my email -- email@example.com
Sept. 20, 2005, 1:51 p.m. CST
Not because he is German! But his films are still more entertaining than Joel Schumacher's. You can laugh about Boll'S work. What Schumahcer did is just boring.
Sept. 20, 2005, 2 p.m. CST
Just sent it to you. Guard it with your life, or damned be ye.
Sept. 20, 2005, 2:06 p.m. CST
with The Powers as my witness, i will guard the secret location of the Rebel Base (aka Zone) with my life. (not even the Senior Partners will pry it from my grasp...)
Sept. 20, 2005, 2:07 p.m. CST
like, is it hilariously bad? or "so bad it's not even funny that its so bad" bad?
Sept. 20, 2005, 2:51 p.m. CST
And by safely, he will manage to make this movie boring. Like everything he touches.
Sept. 20, 2005, 3:04 p.m. CST
The title character of Metal Gear Solid was based off Snake Plissken of EFNY. The makers admitted as much. Making that as a movie would be like Movie -> Game -> Movie. Meanwhile, the Dead or Alive videogame will be an adaption of a martial arts game with martial arts but none of the same characters. The creator of the videogame has gone on record to say how irritated he is that the American script for his Japanese game completely butchers the characters. It will be even worse than the Van Damme Street Fighter movie. The right way to do it would be to use plot elements of the game to craft a story. How hard is that? Let's face it, the game never really had an actual story . . .
Sept. 20, 2005, 6:01 p.m. CST
Like I said before, nuff said.
Sept. 20, 2005, 9:58 p.m. CST
by Bob of the Shire
And FYI, I like Halo 1 more than MGS2, simply for multiplayer (Halo's Campaign mode blows). MGS2's post modernistic spin on the gaming communities expectations and spectacular flare (at it's release, anyway) can't compete with the countless I nights I spent huddled around a TV with 8+ friends at LAN parties. It's also nice to see you concede defeat, which is what happens when you fail to answer my question and resort to simply spewing out random insults and making no real arguement for your side.
Sept. 20, 2005, 10:41 p.m. CST
It still doesn't explain how Boll could get people like Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, and Burt frigging Reynolds to do a movie called 'Dungeon Siege.' The man is pure evil, I tells ya... (be afraid.)
Sept. 20, 2005, 10:42 p.m. CST
GRIM FANDANGO...it is the single most brilliant game ever and PIXAR should make it.
Sept. 20, 2005, 11:24 p.m. CST
Sept. 20, 2005, 11:24 p.m. CST
"There's this frog, allright?" "He's not just any frog, ok?" "He's a fucking ex-hitman bad ass of of a frog, allright?" "And his former employer has left him for dead on the side of the road, ok?" "The only thing he want's is revenge, allright?" "So the frog's gotta cross the highway and a stream to get his revenge, ok?" "The scenes are gonna be all out of order, and it's gonna have a cool 70's soundtrack, it's gonna be fuckin fantastic, allright?" "heh heh heh heh..."
Sept. 21, 2005, 12:29 a.m. CST
commodore 64 ROCKED! free games forever! woo-hoo!
Sept. 21, 2005, 5:04 p.m. CST
Please people see what this man is filming right now...it's call "In the Name of the King" and it does have a impressive cast. How is that possible? What sort of pact with the devil has this man made? Guarenteed, my friends and I are big fans of it's so shitty that it's just laugh out loud hilarious that I kind of support what he does, but this cast...I just can't fathom it...how? Did they not see..? Well, now I have to just look at this side of it...it will excite my friends and I to see that, yes, there will another for the collection of Shitty movie night. And for that, God bless you, Uwe.
Sept. 21, 2005, 11:57 p.m. CST
by Chief Redcock
Sept. 22, 2005, 5:48 p.m. CST