Gilmore Girls 6.1 FAQ

What’s it called?
“New and Improved Lorelai.”

Who’s responsible?
I don’t know, but I have my suspicions. I note that Amy Sherman-Palladino wrote 1.1. She wrote and directed 2.1, 3.1, 4.1 and 5.1.

What does TV Guide say?
“After waiting four long months for Luke’s reply to Lorelai’s marriage proposal, fans are treated to his answer within in the first few seconds of the sixth-season opener. When news of his reply leaks out to the residents of Stars Hollow, they seem more concerned by Lorelai’s untraditional proposal than by how Luke reacted. Meanwhile, Richard’s high-priced lawyer assures yacht stealer Rory that a ball and chain isn’t in her future, but her stunt ends up drawing a harsher punishment than expected when she’s sentenced by a judge who runs a very tight ship.”

Is TV Guide lying to us? You told us “Veronica Mars” doesn’t begin its season with that scene at Veronica’s door. Does “Gilmore” 6.1 begin similarly? Will we have to wait to learn the answer to the big cliffhanger question?
TV Guide does not, in this instance, lie to you. We pick up EXACTLY where we left off. There are still bicyclists annoying Taylor Doose just outside the diner. And Luke’s answer is literally the first new dialogue out of his mouth this season.

Is is true critics mailed the screener for the opener are prohibited from revealing Luke’s answer to Lorelai’s proposal?
I’ve heard rumors, but have no way of knowing, as the WB didn’t not mail me a screener.

Wait a … If the WB didn’t mail you a screener, you can reveal all, am I right?
I labor under no prohibition. I don’t even have to use invisotext if I don’t want to. (Of course this will all change when the WB starts sending “Gilmore” screeners. Which I’m told is about to start happening. So after five beautiful years, this is very like my last spoiler-happy “Gilmore” review ever.)

Excellent! Hercules, old man, what is Luke’s answer?
While I needn’t employ invisotext, I will. (I am not a monster.) But my advice to you? Do not read the text invisible! It’s not just the biggest spoiler ever, but it may be the funniest spoiler ever! It will almost certainly ruin all enjoyment you might derive from this series henceforth! Just wait till Tuesday night, willya?? The very first lines from 6.1:
”What?”
”Luke, will you …”
”Yes.”
”Well, you don’t have to answer so …”
”Yes.”
”We can take a minute to …”
”No.”
The two grin.

What else is TV Guide not telling us?
This, I believe, may be the first “Gilmore Girls” in which the two Lorelais do not exchange dialogue. (So impactful is Luke’s opening-seconds response than Rory isn’t even glimpsed until act two.)

What’s good?
Those first six lines. Taylor’s Fawlty-like dispensation of the trophies. “It’s like Dylan Thomas just blew through town.” “Kids would be good.” “Toxic bachelor type.” “Really? Huh. Is there anything else?” “I am now.” “I have to stop myself from asking how it’s going at the chocolate factory.” “Very Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice! Minus Bob.” “Well, I you’re your National Guard Unit didn’t get called up, so what’s the deal?” “Well, I – I tried to tell you …” “You’ll become anything you want. Except a diplomat.” “It’s not a threat, sweetie, if somebody makes the offer willingly.” “Which I theoretically run, when I am not answering doors like Benson.” “I don’t know, but I will continue to search for them frantically.” “I’m sorry, but if you’re talking to me, you’ll have to do it in woofs.” “Yeah, well, follow-through. It’s always been my problem.” “Scorpion says, ‘Will not!’” “I always thought it was a turtle.” The way East-Side Tilly keeps trumping Babette and Miss Patty. The way Kirk feigns interest in dosages. The way Rory responds to the promise of coffee. The way Paris responds to Logan. The way Lauren Graham is cuter than ever; what kind of idiot says “no” to this MILFiest of MILFs?

What’s not so good?
It’s all good. Every bit of it. A perfect 44-minute chunk of bitter, angst-infested Art.

How does it end, spoiler-boy?
“Full moon! Moment’s here! Let’s go!”

Herc’s rating for “Gilmore Girls” 6.1?

*****

The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
***** better than we deserve
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins

8 p.m. Tuesday. The WB.

I am – Hercules!!

Get this!! “Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Complete Series,” the best TV series ever produced, WAS available for $239.99 new (or $199.99 used). But NOW you can pre-order all seven seasons brand new, including a never-before-issued 40th bonus disc, for just $129.99!! That’s like all 144 hours for – what? – 90 cents per hour!! A better Christmukkah gift is unimaginable!!!