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That film that stopped being SNAKES ON A PLANE is now SNAKES ON A PLANE again, Thank God!!!
Hey folks, Harry here... There are few people on this planet that could star in a film called SNAKES ON A PLANE - that without whom, I'd be hoping for some form of cinematic atrocity to happen to the film print. Then I heard SNAKES ON A PLANE was starring Samuel L Jackson (star of the upcoming BLACK SNAKE MOAN, it is still unknown what the third film in Sam's Snake trilogy will be, but we await). When I heard Sam was playing the captain of the plane on which the snakes are slithering amuck... I went into mild progressive geekgasms... Then I was told they were calling it some bland tv movie of the week title. Well, thanks to the genius of Mr Beaks - who is now running a site called COLLIDER you can read how Sam demanded the name be returned to the film and some little details.
Now - I thought I knew the premise of the film... I thought terrorists snuck some poisonous snakes aboard the passenger plane and turned them loose, while a bad ass captain from hell unleashed monkey-fu on the snakes (if you watch your Shaw Bros films, you know that it is only Monkey Fu or Eagles Claw that can truly defeat the deadly prowess of Snake Fu.). But... They've got a 350lb Burmese Python in this film... and... how do you sneak a 350lb Burmese Python into a plane? I mean, that... that's a big ass snake - and I'm dying to see it swallow some anorexic college ditz. Anyway - the film is now called SNAKES ON A PLANE again... thank God and Samuel L Jackson!!!
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And this sounds like one of the dumbest ideas for a movie in Hollywood history.
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that is a great freaking premise for a film. I'm hyped already
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I bet it won't be called that in theaters, alas. If only!
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that they don't take the premise seriously . . .
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How do you say theater to DVD in 12 weeks?
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We don't want to go through all the drama again.
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Seriouly, snakes + Sam Jackson + a plane= I'm there!!! It's like Passenger 187 but like only half as bad.
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Aug 16, 2005 2:47:03 AM CDT
I hope this isn't a hit, imagine the third rate ripoffs that
by maxcalifornia.
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Cool as hell title! I'd pay to see that! My two cents: "Giraffes on a surfboard".
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doubt they could really be much of a threat to anyone, taking into account their size, speed, and strength . . . now mutant snails, that's a whole different story
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or 'Chiuahaua's on a hackysack'!
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Aug 16, 2005 3:00:23 AM CDT
Dulles, come in! I gots muthafuckin snakes in my muthafuckin pla
by bubastis
Yo' slimy ass belongs in coach, muthafucka! (Fires flaregun at snake) This shit writes itself.
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I love you all like brothers... never mind we haven't spoken in 22 years.
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Aug 16, 2005 3:05:07 AM CDT
I liked this movie better when it was DIRK BENEDICT in SSSSSSS
by det. john kimble
"I'm just gonna slither the Earth, you know like Caine in Kung-Fu."
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Yes.
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Samuel L. Yeah.
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Aug 16, 2005 3:34:19 AM CDT
Who here remembers the classic "Killer Worm" film, "SQUIRM"??? O
by krullboy
Why Bones,Why???
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Seriously, this can't be real can it? This must be an April Fool's joke in August right? If it's not a joke I hope to Holy Christ that Bruce Campbell isn't in it or all you nerds might orgasm to death.
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So true.
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Aug 16, 2005 4:09:56 AM CDT
Lezbo Milk, it is very true. "Entertainment Weekly" had a smal w
by krullboy
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I'm sure Sam Jackson gave it that extra push, but it was ME who demanded they change the title back in my review of SUBMERGED right here on this sight. And for once Hollywood was payin attention when I was talking to it. By the way I believe it was fangoria.com that first broke the exciting news of the name-change-back, followed by me, and then collider.com. But I thank them for having a direct quote from Mr. Jackson.
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That truly would be a proposterous idea for a film.
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They don't call me Warren for nothing. Just a sick Fuck.
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buns hon!!!!!!!
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... but please don't lose....
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Viva the Phantom Zone you fuckers
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Especially with Bruce Campbell.
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No, I'm not requoting what I say to every girl in bed, that I try to penetrate, 'cos I'm too soft and floppy due to nerves, or my disbelief that I'm actually touching a girl. 'I can't get in' to the PZ 'cos even though I was given a new password, it still don't work, and I'm cursed on this fricking computer shite, worser than your dancing on Dance Energy all those years ago.
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I'm hoping they really go for it on the poster and make the "S" in "Snakes on a plane" look like... a snake.
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you're on the member list on TPZ - you're just techno-phobic, email him and he'll sort you out
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Murdoch from the A-Team could star!
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Murdoch from the A-Team could star!
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Aug 16, 2005 5:29:48 AM CDT
cpt Kirk - Heh! - do you remember when I was on Dance Energy on
by banthafodderuk
Fuck that was funny wan't it man?
Anyway, I didnt know you were still having 'floppy' problems (You could always 'thumb-in a soft one') -
Fucking-a. I remember the first time I saw that shit. I was like ten. It was Easter, and I had fallen out of a tree and scraped most of the skin off my wrist coming down. So I was sitting in the livingroom with this big thing on my arm, and I think I watched Tarantula too! Man... those were some good times! Good times... Now I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy... I feel like... I don't know... ... ... oooh look! I still Have Ichi The Killer in my DVD player! Peace.
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Miike does not pay me... with money... Peace.
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I can't help thinking this story will be a segment on this weekend's episode of "Bullshit or Not"
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That
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Slightly lowering the cabin pressure and/or temperature would send those snakes to ssssleep - they can't regulate their own body heat - especially a great big fucking python. While we're at it - an ape the size of Kong is mathematically unsustainable - his weight would vary inversely with the cube of his increased height, therefore his skeleton would be unable to support his weight. Not to mention the heat loss through Kong's increased skin area. In all your faces! Most pedantic post ever!!!
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Anyone else remember this as a REALLY weird SNL skit with, I believe, John Goodman? Cobras attack people on the plane, but then turn out to be able to talk and hijack the plane...lmao...man it was a funny skit, shlould be a funny movie...hope the snakes can talk.
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Was that the thing presented by Normski? Wow, that's a blast from the past. Can anybody explain to me why Normski is with the utterly objectionable Janet Street Porter? I hate that bird, and fucking dimwitted Julie Burchill - somebudy who has lost touch with whatever working class roots she may have had to such an extent that she genuinely thinks it's a good idea to claim to be a chav. AAAAAaaarcgh!!! NO JULIE!! NO JANET!!!! Trying to claim that you are chavs only serves to show the world that you have no clue what the word means!!! Wankers, the pair of 'em.
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BANG! Oh I'm sorry, did I break your constriction?
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I'm a one man Deadly Viper Assasination Squad, bitches!
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Shit.
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Normski and Vas Blackwood...comedy gold! "You TEEF! Stand on your hands..." Great days, great days...
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Elmo is no longer "in da house."
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I reckon Normski had the right idea marrying BBC's head of youth programming - how else did he get that gig?
Normski has been off our screens for too long - is there room on the plane for him? -
Aug 16, 2005 9:47:52 AM CDT
HEH!! No Im not Normski (he only married Janet S-P cos she commi
by banthafodderuk
.... I was a dancer on Dance Energy years ago - wasn't that show cool though??? (it was at the time anyway).
Thisisthegirl - perhaps we should start a 'what crappy tv shows have you been in' on The Phantom Zone? -
...as long as he takes Vas Blackwood with him. Sam, Normski and Vas trading quips, witty repartee and BBC2 "Yoof" speak whilst delivering vengeance and early 90's dance moves upon some godawful snakes. Consider my manbooty there.
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although I think the only time I've been on TV was in a Lee Longlands advert when I was 3!! I did get a letter printed in Metro recently though - the greatest day of my life....
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But I'm having a hard time not agreeing with Jeditemple on this one. I mean, I want to look into the deep blue sea of possibilities and see how Long Dark Tea Time of The Soul bat fucking a guinea pig crazy gold this be... but I'm just not feeling it yet. I like Jackson's choices right now... but I'm not sure that dorsal fin is a dolphin, and if it is a dolphin I'm pretty sure that its looking at my ass will end in just as many tears. Really hope I'm wrong! Peace.
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check out the thread i've started on the AICN Phantom Zone man (you can add your advert appearance too!!)
TPZ'er -
In my pants. ba-dum-bum.
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... Mongoose Fu???
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...brother.
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Aug 16, 2005 10:07:28 AM CDT
You want the motherfucking Mongoose Fu??? You can't handal t
by neosamurai85
For Ricky Ticky Tabby has the glow... Peace.
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Shit man!!!! The Last Dragon (Sho' Nuff!!!)
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I think it, like the pitch for this movie, was done either on a bet or while on some serious drugs. So anyway, why doesn't everyone on the plane just stand on the seats? As for the python, as much as I hate to disparage the logic or science of Anaconda, big snakes don't move at lightning CGI speed unless they're in water. And I'd like to hear the villian's justification for this. To paraphrase South Park...1) Get deadly snakes on a plane 2) 3) Profit.
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The first entry was "Shaft". Duh.
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Praise be to fuck that i'm not the only one thats seen that film! He catches the bullet in his teeth! Ah, channel four, circa 1995 half twelve on a saturday night. Remember they had a dragon on the Ready Brek ads that used to glow? Homage or rip-off?
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I hope they take this totally over the top. I hope Sam Jackson wrestles the giant python to death and then caps it in the face.
Hopefully the snakes will eat everyone else on the plane, and it will just be Sam Jackson versus the snakes in a twisted, paranoid test of wills. DIE HARD ON A PLANE - WITH SNAKES.
Also, I hope there's at least one scene where Sam Jackson gets all pissed at the snakes and is like "DON'T MAKE ME PULL THIS F***IN' PLANE OVER, SNAKES!" -
There really is nothing quite like falling asleep with the TV left on Cinemax
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...when Ronny Yu left it. Underrated director he is.
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AM I THE MEANEST?? SHO' NUFF!
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I keep getting this weird urge to watch Mosquitos again. Peace.
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Sounds like Hard Ticket to Hawaii by the great Andy Sidaris. They blew up the snake with a bazooka at the end, right? All his movies ever consist of are terrible acting, tits and guns. And that's not a bad thing.
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INT.
The lights of the main cabin are off. The only light comes from lightning from outside the plane; a small fire from the galley sheds an eerie red glow throughout the cabin. Oxygen masks dangle from the overhead with luggage, bodies and dead snakes strewn throughout the plane. It is truly hell.
A group of passengers file behind CAPT. DANTE BLACKMAN (Sam Jackson), who holds a flare gun in one hand and a steel rod from the plane's exit door in another. He is also followed by FLIGHT ATTENDANT CANDY BLACK (Vivica Fox), who shines a flashlight forward, keeping an eye out for anything that slithers.
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That be the one! Hell of a thing to wake up to half out of it at night. That Bazooka bit goes through my head everytime I try to think of Turbulence 4 - I mean Snakes on a Plane. Peace.
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...who may or may not be the same entity. Has anybody ever seen those two in the same room at the same time? Having said that, I do hope the movie is better than the premise; sounds like a Sci-Fi Channel original.
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If Sam were god... then would he not control time... like a current... that he could run up and down the bank of jumping in and out of at any time... and thus... appearing to be in the same place in one form that he was in previously as another... and interact with that form and onlookers? Whoa... Peace.
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Wasn't there an idea floating around for the next Romero zombie film to be zombies on a plane?
Everything is scarier at 30,000 feet I guess.
Even pretzels are scarier at 30,000 feet.
George Bush is a skullfucking cunt. -
Hope you're wrong about that. I like my zombies on planes to be left where they belong... in Heavy Metal. Oh, and please do mind your tongue. I know some perfectly good cunts that would take offense to that statement. Peace.
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Aug 16, 2005 1:13:57 PM CDT
You know what they call Snakes on a Plane in France?
by det. john kimble
"Serpents sur un Avion" muthafucka.
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I miss me some mid 80's Saturday television movies... however, I think we have to go back to all the bad mountaineering disaster movies as well as the animal ones.
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for ever ten to twenty Cliffhanger crapfests on ice... we get one Death Hunt. So if all is as you say ubersnarf, I think I can live with that. Peace.
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and the TV spinoff will be a sitcom called "Duty-Free Snakes". I like the suggested ripoffs above - mine would be "Ants on a Farm".
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I don't know, I didn't go to Italy.
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Aug 16, 2005 1:45:56 PM CDT
Harry, why in the hell are you excited for this piece of shit?
by russman
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makes all the girlies scream!
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Naw, they got the metric system, they wouldn't know what the fuck a pound is. ...and so on. Anyway, "Snakes on a Plane" isn't a title. It's a pitch from a studio exec who has had too much coke. Like, "Speed 2, only on a bus."
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there's a song on myspace, pretty sure it's about this movie, unless it's a coincidence...called "noodles with teeth" and it is hilarious.
http://www.myspace.com/jennysmidnightscreamatori -
...this was an SNL skit. And it was only funny because it was so damned stupid. Of course, that didn't have Sam L. in it. I'd laugh if he got swallowed by the 350lb python like he did in that shark flick. "Okay! Listen up! This is what we have to do!" CHOMP! That ruled.
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Aug 16, 2005 4:20:15 PM CDT
"Giraffe's on Rafts", "Baboons on Pontoons", "Horses on assa
by vim fuego
I REALLY need to get out more.
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As the title states...shouldn't this just go straight to Sci-Fi channel...sounds like the crap monster movies they've been showing! LOL!!!
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"serpents sur un avion" means snakes on top of a plane. Where it wouldn't be much trouble to get rid of them, by just taking off.
You want "serpents dans un avion."
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Jesus Christ Lizard on a Fat Guy? Wooooouh-oh, I jumped the shark. Does Snake on a Plane sound provocative to any of you, sort of in the same way, for example Girl on Girl does? God I'm bored. I'll see anything with Joules in it, after all, his death in Deep Blue Sea made the movie watchable, eh?
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wow bubbelwrap whata waste of time. god,did u spoend three hours on that garbage?
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Bruce LeRoy has the Glow, and Sho'Nuff is the Shogun of Harlem. But do they know the art of fightin' without knowing how to fight?!? No. Johnny Yu is De Man!! Speaking of which, who would win a deathmatch between the glowing LeRoy Green and the Matrix-changing Neo? I vote for the Rice Eater. Kiss my Converse!
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...eh, whatever
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That's a hell of a commitment, since Sam Jackson has been in every movie ever made since 1994.
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Gonna be hard to come up with the porno version of that one though.
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LeRoy is THE ONE in the real world where Neo is only THE ONE in the matrix. Thus... in the real world LeRoy would be fighting an emo geek with EMP inducing headaches. Also, I'm sure if you put someone who has the glow in real life into a simulator... they would just glow brighter than Powder humping a lightning gremlin. Neo would be fucked in either world. Now Neo Vs. Freddy... that would be interesting... but Neo would still be fucked. Peace.
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Aug 16, 2005 8:32:32 PM CDT
"Duck on a Truck", "Bear in the Air", "Goats on Boats", "Flea up
by vim fuego
"Christian Zane on a Plane". Where's the plane going? Who gives a feck.
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When I saw the trailer for that shit I thought it was a parody or something, but then I found out it really was a movie.
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...Interesting........to say the least, huh guys?
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I have a phobia of snakes. And my favorite movie is Raiders of the Lost Ark. I also have a phobia of irony.
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Wet Beavers In The Bedroom (but that would be too easy), Beavers On The Bed Wood, Beavers In The Woodshed, Beaver's Chargin' Headroom, Beavers Chin The Redwood, Beavers Skin The Dead Groom (you know... for kids!), Beavers Bend And Spred Bloom, Woodchucks Chuck The Beavers In The Bedroom, and... The Wind in The Pussy Willows: The Adventures of Mr. Beaver In The Bedroom. Peace.
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...That'll make you rich
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Don't they teach you kids anything in school!
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Aug 16, 2005 10:07:26 PM CDT
Off the topic, the tv spots for THE CAVE give away the big "surp
by frankdrebin
It's that THE CAVE is the exact same movie as THE RELIC.
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Aug 16, 2005 10:43:58 PM CDT
Now FrankDrebin, there's no need to "stampede to the clitori
by neosamurai85
He haven't even gotten to the light petting of Man's Best Friend, Atomic Twister, the ear blowing of THEM! or the always popular good old fashion nipple sucking of Alligator, the thigh stroke of Creature, that firm spanking of The Swarm and Orca and... and... we could pull out the whole Kama Sutra... but the talkback is still young! So tell me good man, "What's wrong with a kiss?" Peace.
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If below Heaven is Hell, and below Hell is THE CAVE, shouldn't they have gotten to Hell first?
"Dude, I think we should stop, we're in Hell."
"Screw, that. I know there's a cave around here somewhere.."
"Oh god no!! Not a 350 pound Burmese Python! Noooooo!!!!"
THE END
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I just relized I still have not seen Blue Monkey... Does this mean I have to do armpit farts from atop a diving board? Peace.
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Aug 16, 2005 11:33:37 PM CDT
Gorillas in a canoe! Lions in a Limo! Monkeys on a Mass Transit
by big bad clone
Night of the Lepus kicked ass with the rabbits destroying the miniture set and by being electrocuted by a third rail or some shit.
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Aug 16, 2005 11:38:12 PM CDT
You hear the knock on your cabin door..then the terrifying voice
by mrstinger
"Candygram!" Yes, it's "Sharks on a Cruise Ship" Starring Chevy Chase, Michael Caine, and Bill Murray as the Overpaid Occasional Disembodied Voice-over.
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Last Halloween I was watching an old VHS of Re-Animator with my "lawyer" when a preview came up that rocked the shit out of both of us. Sadly the large amount of IBC Root Beer in our blood stream pervented us from remembering the name of this lost gem after we returned it. All I recall now is that it was very 80s in a Tron/Ghost Busters and Mindwarp/Return of the Living Dead/ Masters of the Universe film love child sort of way. What I recall were images of an old school Metropolis/Superman III like woman
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For more slow-mo trippy bliss watch this back to back with Village of the Giants. It's a great mid-60s bit of chees. Think Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman, The Valley of Gwangi, and later acid episodes of Dragnet... with a kind of Warhol pointlessness. Very B. When Night Played on TV it was often with Stan Winston's first monster movie Gargoyles, which is also a great movie to watch it with. Peace.
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Do these breasts look familiar? Go to: http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/ Click on the 'M' button in the menu on the left side of the screen, scroll down and click on 'Matilda May in Lifeforce', and her pictures will appear on the right side of the screen.
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...when it was called "sssSSSSSSSSSSS!!!" and it starred Dirk Benedict.
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I checked it out at http://www.britishhorrorfilms.co.uk/lifeforce.shtml My memory too damged by the blakcout inducing junkfood sugar crash... I doubt I'd be able to identify the film by breast alone. Although the plot does seem to match. Looks like an amusing root film to the first two Species flicks... only with more WTF glee. I really should pay more atention to Hooper's work than I do. THe poster for Zombies looks like one hell of a comeback could be in the works. Anyway, this looks like the one! Thanks!
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FUCK SHIT FUCK 111 I,M ALL FURIOUS
JOE DE MAGGIO LIKE KILLED MARILYN MONROE
NONO, NO HERO OF MINE BITCH.......
REALLY ! -
R.I.P
DON'T TANKU ME
AT LEAST I,M NOT THE ONE POSING DEADFACEB+9999999999TADJKP -
Sounds fun in a Con Air type of way
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...is if Patrick Swayze reprised his role of "Dalton" from "Road House" and happened to be one of the passengers on the plane.
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I see DeNiro as the lead Sloth.
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