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Moriarty
Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
I went to an event that Dreamworks hosted a few months ago where they showed a group of reporters about 45 minutes of the film and then gave us all free Pumas. Afterwards, at the reception, I was standing with my buddy Mr. Beaks (who is now running a brand-new site called Collider.com, in case you’ve missed him lately) and talking about what they showed us. Michael Bay walked up and asked, “So... what did you guys think?”
Before we could respond, he turned to me and smiled. “Well, not you. I know you don’t like anything I do.”
And it’s true that I’ve been critical of most of his work in the past. THE ROCK bugs the shit out of me on a script level, and Bay’s hyperkinetics in the film only serve to aggravate me more. ARMAGEDDON just feels like an exercise in bloat, and my PEARL HARBOR review was tough but fair, I thought. However, I unabashedly love BAD BOYS 2, which plays like a big crazy totally amoral video game, and has no shame about it. It seemed to me while watching that movie that Bay has grown as an action director. He’s gotten better at conveying mayhem, while he’s actually calmed down a bit with his visual style. My biggest gripe originally was that his action was almost incoherent, too rapid with the cuts, and it was impossible to get any sense of geography from scene to scene. With that freeway chase in BAD BOYS 2, though, or with that great scene where the camera revolves relentlessly through both rooms of a shoot-out, it was obvious that he’d gotten a lot more confident and inventive about how he shot a set piece. Because of that film, I found myself reassessing Bay as a director. I’ve also heard that Bay was the primary creative force behind that first great TEXAS CHAINSAW REMASSACRE teaser trailer, a beautiful example of “less is more,” and that gave me some hope as well. All of which brings me back to THE ISLAND, Bay’s first film for Dreamworks and, more significantly, his first film away from Bruckheimer, the man who made him.
I didn’t want to write about that first 45 minutes for two reasons. First, Bay seemed genuinely upset about having to show it in an unfinished state. He told us before the event that he’d spent the whole day looking through the DGA bylaws, trying to find an out, some way to force Dreamworks to cancel the event. The audience laughed, but I don’t think Bay was kidding. Second, I didn’t feel comfortable offering up a critical reaction to just one part of the film, especially since the trailers were selling all action, and what we saw was almost all plot. I finally saw the finished film last week, just before I took off for Vancouver, so I find myself just now getting around to the review. I’m glad, too. I’ve had a chance to think about the film so I can offer a measured reaction, which I think it deserves.
Alex Kurtzman & Roberto Orci have written some great episodes of ALIAS, and despite the fact that they were working from an original script by Caspian Tredwell-Owen, their fingerprints are all over the final film. That’s both a good thing and a bad thing. They know how to build tension very well, and the set pieces in this feel like they’ve been let off the leash, told to dream bigger now that they’re not working on TV. The big chase in the middle of the film is almost lunatic in its ambition. They’re also good with character, at least in setting up their leads using quick simple details. But they’re also used to having to tell a complete story in 42 minutes, and that means they frequently resort to dramatic shortcuts. The result is that THE ISLAND works pretty well, but in some important regards, it’s frustratingly abrupt and poorly thought out. Overall, I’d say this review is more positive than negative, because it’s a fun film. It’s a dumb fun film that thinks it’s smarter than it is, but it’s fun, and in this case, that matters.
I think the advertising for this film wrestled with the dual instincts of giving the whole thing away so people know what they’re getting and trying to preserve some sense of mystery, which they didn’t do very well. The result has been a jumbled, confusing sort of ad campaign, and it’s a shame. This is actually the best script Bay has worked from so far. Sure, there are elements of things like CLONUS or SPARES bouncing around in there, as well as ‘70s cheese like LOGAN’S RUN, but it manages to mix it all into something that has a certain energy and charm.
The first forty minutes or so, especially, manage to gradually draw you into the world of Lincoln Six-Echo (Ewan McGregor) and Jordan Two-Delta (Scarlett Johansson), both living in a fairly idealized future society that looks like a cross between a Sunset Strip hotel and a mall, as most futuristic societies do. Bay pulls off a slow burn here, something I never would have imagined possible based on the attention span of his previous movies. This is the guy who got bored if a shot lasted a whole second, and now he manages to put together a pretty spiffy little first act where there are no explosions, no pyrotechnics, no gunplay. Instead, we watch Lincoln struggle with the questions he has about his existence and the existence of all the other people like him, all sharing this place and waiting for their names to be called in a lottery to determine who gets to go to The Island. See, the world’s been destroyed by some sort of disease or radiation or something vague, and The Island is the one pure untouched place. If you’re picked, you get to live out the rest of your life there, in paradise. That’s where they’re all eventually going, but the question of why they can’t just go now never seems to come up. Everyone accepts their place. Everyone except Lincoln, who begins to pick at the fabric of the Truman Sho... er, I mean who begins to unravel the Matri... no, wait... hold on. You get the point. The wool’s been pulled over everyone’s world, and only our hero has the pluck to figure it out.
Bay cast the movie right, because Ewan McGregor seems to know how familiar and implausible much of this is, and he plays it just right. He massages over the stickier plot points and he makes Lincoln an appealing lead. He doesn’t wallow in the angst that a role like this could easily permit. He just plays it like a child, constantly asking questions, constantly asking “Why?” Johansson, exceptional eye candy in the film, seems to enjoy the subversive qualities in Lincoln until she wins the lottery on the same day that Lincoln finally figures everything out. As quickly as you can say, “Soylent Green Is People!” the two of them are on the run, out in the real world, desperately trying to stay ahead of a goon squad of shadowy killers headed up by Laurent (Djimon Hounsou) at the request of Merrick (Sean Bean, in magnificent shit mode once again), the man who heads up the Institute and who is responsible for managing the dark secret that binds Lincoln and Jordan together.
From the moment the two of them start running, the film pretty much gives up all pretense of being a serious SF film about the politics of cloning and becomes a chase movie. As such, it’s a pretty good chase movie. There’s some obvious humor along the way, but not an overabundance of it, and many of the big moments are, indeed, spectacularly staged. The film’s centerpiece is the freeway/flying jet ski/cityscape chase scene that you’ve seen a lot of in the trailers, and it’s pretty grand. Bay has a real gift for making his use of CGI next to invisible. He shoots a lot of practical material he can blend in, and he sells the reality of these stunts. Also, McGregor and Johansson make a good pair of action leads. They’re game for anything, and it looks like Bay kicked the shit out of them for fun while filming. I found myself agog at how good the twin effects are for the scenes where McGregor comes face-to-face with himself, and Johansson has one sad, sweet moment where she sees the face of a little boy who is hers, but not hers at the same time. It’s not really an actor’s movie, though. Their main job is to run, and to look good doing it, and they both deliver quite well. Steve Buscemi and Michael Clarke Duncan shine in small roles, Duncan in particular, and Djimon Hounsou manages to do decent work even though his character has one of the most unmotivated, out-of-left-field character reversals late in the film that I’ve ever seen. It has to happen so that the ending plays out the way it does, but it’s like the writers just gave up even trying to explain it or set it up. Djimon just changes sides at the right moment for the exact right reason. It’s lazy writing, and it’s the sort of thing that might derail the film for some viewers.
Working with cinematographer Mauro Fiore, Bay’s done a great job here of chiseling the whole world out of candy-colored light. It scans real pretty on the rods and cones. It’s not all shot the same, either. There’s a placid sort of serenity to how everything’s shot inside the Institute, while everything on the outside is much more frantic and hand-held. It’s a strong visual plan, and THE ISLAND is nothing if not slick. You get the feeling that Michael Bay gets exactly the image he wants onscreen each and every time right now, and some of what he does is quite nice. Does the film really make sense when you start to unravel it? No.
In the end, this is agreeable but forgettable, a nice film for Bay, but it feels like he’s sort of marking time here. He seems to be looking for just the right film, something where his sensibilities really connect with a piece of material in a way that will send sparks into the audience, igniting their imaginations. Who knows? TRANSFORMERS seems like a fetish dream for a guy who loves to shoot hardware as much as Bay does, and I do think that Kurtzman & Orci are good writers. Here’s hoping THE ISLAND turns out to be a stylish but ultimately empty rev up to something great.
I’ll be back over the course of the weekend with reviews of THE BROTHERS GRIMM, MURDERBALL, THE ARISTOCRATS, and my set report for CIGARETTE BURNS. Until then...
"Moriarty" out.
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Fu-duh-duh-irst!
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How optimistic, Moriarty. I'll believe it when I see it.
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But only for the actors. The story is too unoriginal and I must admit that I am, too, not a Mikey Bay fan. I reckon Pearl Harbor is one of the biggest big budget disasters (cinematically speaking) of our time (together with trash like Battlefield Earth and Charlie's Angels 2). Still, I enjoy The Rock & Bad Boys. The first half of Armageddon is also acceptable. The thing with Bay movies is this: As long as there are interesting actors playing and covering up the retarded scripts he has been working from, everything is fine - but as soon as the 'drama' and the 'story' take over, everything goes horribly wrong. Hitchcock once said that you need three things to make a good movie: "A good script, a good script and a good script." I always think of that quote whenever I see a Michael Bay movie.
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Looking back over the review again, that quote confused me. Is that a compliment or an insult? Because 006 kicks ass and if he acts poorly in this one that's enough reason for me to skip it. Besides, everyone's waiting for the unrated DVD where Scarlett gets nekkid.
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I'll watch anything with Scarlett in it.Anything!Even that fucking one with Travolta!Scarlett,Scarlett,Scarlett.If you sat her in a fucking window in Woolworths I'd go and stand and stare drooling all day.Of course,I'm a fuckin' lunatic.But,y'know it's not just her bouncing blonde breasts and hellicopter landing pad lips and...and..and...it's her wonderful acting abilty I love her for......er,hmm....and her bouncing,big blonde bundles of boobalicious breasts.Did I mention her tits?Oh,christ I just remembered her ass cheeks from that Coppola film.Dang!NUUUURRRSSSEEE!NNUUUURRRSSE?
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I'll watch anything with Scarlett in it.Anything!Even that fucking one with Travolta!Scarlett,Scarlett,Scarlett.If you sat her in a fucking window in Woolworths I'd go and stand and stare drooling all day.Of course,I'm a fuckin' lunatic.But,y'know it's not just her bouncing blonde breasts and hellicopter landing pad lips and...and..and...it's her wonderful acting abilty I love her for......er,hmm....and her bouncing,big blonde bundles of boobalicious breasts.Did I mention her tits?Oh,christ I just remembered her ass cheeks from that Coppola film.Dang!NUUUURRRSSSEEE!NNUUUURRRSSE?
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I managed to catch an advance screening of THE ISLAND last night, so I thought it might be wise to warn those of us who despise Shakycam movies that THE ISLAND is loaded with it. It's a shame, because the film starts off well enough with interesting utopian subject matter, but as soon as the action sequences start, the movie becomes an exercise in motion sickness. I can't really blame Bay so much, because he's merely following the trend started by THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and carried on by TRAFFIC, THE BOURNE IDENTITY and THE BOURNE SUPREMACY. I may be in the minority on this one, but I think it would be great if AICN could start including Shakycam ratings in their action film reviews. Anyone else with me?
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Actually that was worse I guess because there was an obvious motivation written in, it just wasn't at all convincing they way the played it out. Not that Planet of the Apes was salvageable by that point in the movie anyway. ************************* I'm waiting for the DVD of The Island. It looks okay, mainly because I like the actors in it, but I don't need to see another mindless action fest on the big screen.
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Jul 22, 2005 7:50:41 AM CDT
As intersesting a mind-fuck as Back to the Future...
by the true priapic
Would you spank Scarletts asscheeks until they were granny apple red raw or would you suck her breasts until your eyes popped out?Makes my head hurt thinking about that.......
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He plays a shit (a nasty piece of work, character wise) magnificently.
I believe that's what Mori was saying. Pretty obvious really. -
Hmm,I'm gonna have to spank with one hand and cup a jug with the other.aw,no how'll I kiss those lips in that position?Neck ache,ahoy.Hmm,perhaps I'm dwelling on this a bit too much.Ah,hell.Why not?WAHEY!!!Yummy....ah,fuck...nah,she'd have to speak with those husky tones so I'll just have to nibble those pixie ears.NUUUURRSE,It's gone all hard agin!!!Is a bone in it??
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Fuck it,I'm going down to the Hollywood Zoo and capturing Scarlett and then takeing her back to the wild to free her so she can run free with all the other Scarletts.Think of it,naked Scarletts-thousands of them-running wild and free(and in slow motion)across the barren plains of la-la land!Free Scarlett!Free Scarlett!Run,Scarlett!RUN LIKE THE WIND!!
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Though really, REALLY dumb, there was at least some potential here if the focus had stayed on the characters. But in the end, an A List cast and a few impressive visuals cannot save this instantly forgettable, if at moments watchable, dreck. There were some performances trying to get out, but w/o much success. And not since the Matrix sequels has a movie been more silly, not since ARMAGEDDON with a more cringe inducing cornball finish. You could hear the paychecks being cashed before the last slapdashed reel came to its ridiculous, unthrilling, sappy end. Scarlett forever, but this sell out popcorn idiocy.... well, no.
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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078062/
So is this movie as blatant a ripoff of Parts as it looks like it is? -
A million dollars. What the fuck? It's a direct ripoff of Parts:The clonus Horror that devolves into a long chase scene. Millon dollars. Fuck me.
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Jul 22, 2005 8:25:54 AM CDT
Gee Mori, I'm sure that if Bay knew that all he had to do to
by samuel steamer
Bay's visuals are great. His story telling...sucks. Mori? Wow. You must have some male form of post-partum depression.
Giving us all hope that this movie is fine while I've watched it slip down to 5.4/10 on Rotten Tomatoes over 2 days from an 7.2. I used to trust you man. Now you are defending your past decisions?
All hostility aside, congratulations on your child. You seem like a good guy and I am happy for you. Just don't make excuses over past reviews just because the director mentions it. Bay SHOULD be ashamed of some of his past work. -
I like the occasional loud, silly, over the top, explosion filled, popcorn action flick... but even with that, all of Bays films suck... REALLY REALLY suck. Tranformers will be awful too. Bad enough he got the gig but then I heard the pitch is really "all about a boy and his car" I about puked. And people go on about his visual sense. Really? Slick does not equal interesting. Think of say, every lame commercial thats on about every 20 seconds.
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Buy, hey, DreamWorks gets a blockbuster without Spielberg having to soil his hands. A good business decision (but a bad creative one).
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because it's a great fucking book. Any of Marshall Smiths (or just Marshall's) books would be fascinating cinema, if done right. Anyone agree? Anyone?
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Jul 22, 2005 8:38:42 AM CDT
Bay is a pretty good visual stylist, but he obviously needs to b
by johnnytremaine
The Rock and Bad Boys 1 were good. Armageddon was decent, but way too overblown and sometimes incoherent. Pearl Harbor was a disaster, beginning to end, no matter how much money it made. It was a mistake conceiving the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor as a gee-whiz comic book moment, and Affleck was grating from the moment he appears onscreen. Hint to Bay: E. McGregor has more onscreen presence and charisma in his little finger than most other young leading men of today. Cast him in more of your movies.
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Jul 22, 2005 8:40:11 AM CDT
They showed critics the first half because that's where all
by frankdrebin
It worked for On Her Majesty's Secret Service, so maybe it'll work here. But I do resent how this is being called sci-fi: it's just a chase movie (2 people see something they shouldn't, then have to run for their lives). That would make Race With The Devil sci-fi.
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Ummm, they're not used to that. We're talking Alias here, with it's 20-episode stories and almost total lack of "complete stories" in one episode. And this season on Alias when they went with a more one-shot/one-episode kinda format, they...well, resorted to dramatic shortcuts to wrap up the episode in 42 minutes. "We shoot a bunch of people at the end, and that wraps it up, folks!" so it sounsd like "The Island" is perfectly representative of their Alias work...
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That's all that's been on my mind since this flick first starting getting buzz. Haven't seen NEAR enough mocking about this reimagining (and it is... you KNOW it is...) of one of the worst/best MST3K outings of all time. But I'll see it for Scarlett and my wife will actually come along for Ewan. But check out this link lambasting the thieving bastards who refuse to give the CLONUS filmmakers a tip of the hat... http://www.amon-hen.com/?p=344
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...but now I've realised that not only is he the most visually gifted director working today, but he also has the potential to become something greater, if he could find a way to make the story compelling, and to cease cutting into his spectacular shots... Someone once said that if you ever wanted to know the best place to put a camera, just ask Spielberg. I think that torch has been passed to Bay. Mind you, he does shoot everything. Ed Harris said on the commentary for THE ROCK that he shot everything, including his left nut. If the left nut is what it takes, then so be it. Oh, and by the way, reversal stock is the SHIZNIT!
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and I miss you
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...but I see some striking similarities to THX-1138 in the trailers. White costumes, underground society, an escape. Looks like the best Bay has done thus far. Maybe I will actually like this one as I find his other films empty piles of shit with no images that last for more than 2 seconds. Kinda like a rapid slide show.
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Jul 22, 2005 11:30:33 AM CDT
Uh-oh... will this turn out to have been the day on which Moriar
by salvatoregravano
It might... all because Bay walked up to him, made dog eyes and dried his teeth for a few seconds...
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Jul 22, 2005 11:33:57 AM CDT
Oh yeah, I think Kubricks loooong shots in the Shining are brill
by doom ii
..as well as Werner Herzog films and the scene in House Of 1000 Corpses where Otis shoots the sheriff in that slow/surreal 2 minute long sequence is BRILLIANT. I also love Monte Hellman films and any director that knows how to hold a shot for maximum impact. By nature I HATE Michael Bay films. I DO have an attention span and consider film a serious art form. Like a beautiful painting. I cannot stand directors and editors that cut the shit out of movies as a way of covering up sloppy filmmaking. I truly believe that Michael Bay is one of the worst mainstream directors working today. Cocaine and editing do not mix.
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So sick of handheld, manfactured tension. Bay is harmful to the industry because he makes dumbed down movies and lowers the public's expectations. He creates an atmosphere where people say "that was a fun movie, didn't make much sense, but you gotta check your brain at the door, it's ONLY A MOVIE".. sigh. That cyncism breeding bastard. Thanks for disrespecting the medium and lowering our expectations, Bay.
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It takes big brass balls to show a long uninterrupted take. Throwing footage in a blender basically says you don't have any confidence in yoru story and think you can pull one over on people by shaking the camera around. Like the saying goes, "if you can't dazzle em with briliance, baffle them with bullshit."
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Why do I think that there are a few guys on the TB that might go see this film simply to gawk at Scarlett? You may be right. I may be crazy. The image of a whole herd of naked Scarlett's, cavorting acrost the velde, does give one pause. Among other things. ( and the movie might be fun too) But will Trey Parker & Matt Stone have a go at it in a few months? ( "I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting lessons")
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saying it's an exercise in bloat is like criticizing an opera for the loud singing. armageddon is nearly perfect--if not for that animal crackers scene.
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I'm actually tempted to see The Island just beacuse I enjoy Ewan. The SOB shined in ROTS even with the "younglings" line. I figure he'd be watchable in Logan's Island Run.
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Jul 22, 2005 1:09:01 PM CDT
Ola better go out tonight!I don't like Science but Orla'
by the true priapic
Magua,I was say ing Brit Pop a little bit ago that I probably wouldn't be bothered about this without young Johansson and McGingerbeard being in it so I think you're probably right.To be honest ,one thing Bay has got going for him is mega wat star power in his actors(at least when they make a film with Bay.i.e.The Affleck).Did I say Sc...Sc..SCar..SCALETT!!!!And lo...for it shall be as thus,Man shall bow as the fields of Scarletts,naked as the day they were er..bornus,shall sprint past in slo-mo,to the sound of Aerosmith "Don't wanna miss a thing",All,but the Priapic..and Magua if he buys a pint,like....but...y'know keep YER FOOKIN' HENDS ERF ME GERL,LIKE!Scarletts,farrzends ef 'em!NNNNUUUUURRSSEE!It's gone all big again,
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Okay so that didn't make sense. You know what I meant.
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shirtless?Man,thats what we here in ol'Eng-er-landery call,and I quote OED,'diddywanking'.Good Lord,Sir!This isn't a Michael Bay and Liv Tyler site.This is where the Johansson's run free.preferably nekkid with warm maple syrup dripping from those norks.And in slo-mo.With explosions going off behind them,Stallone style.In slo-mo.
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she was shirtless in Armageddon. And you have problems. But that does sound like a great scene...mmm, syrup.
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Dude,nothing worse than two perverts banging back and forth at each other.Pounding,Pomnding,POUNDING!!!Saying that ,Keep out of me Beautiful Animal Reserve.Sorry.Look they're in a pack.Hmm.Slow,slow,"YEeEEEEEEoooWWWW!"Yes that got em,theyre running agian..............
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I saw it 2 weeks ago and I'll be watching it again tonight.
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Oh my, have ye got it bad. Mind you, that pic of Scarlett that keeps popping up in the advert on this page ( white shirt, face to camera, no McGregor in sight) is very, very savory. Those lips..that face..and I can't even see the rest of her in that shot but don't need to. Don't think she's ever looked better. Ah yes. Frankly, Scarlett, we DO give a damn. Yeah, mate, I'll front ya a couple pints. And don't worry about me getting between you & Scar. I am by nature a voyeur...
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i.e.a)you have a dodgy copy or b)you need a bloody good wank as it's become a ritual to watch Scarlett...or ..Ewan?!hmmm....again and again,rubbing..rubbing away..rubbing so hard it nearly hurts and then..when you think its gonna break..it..feeels..good!!!
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Jul 22, 2005 1:50:08 PM CDT
Magua,an sat next to Brit pop(as we're having abeer nite),he
by the true priapic
..from life force?What,the Picard snog a bloke filum?Gotta say,if hes righty he may have beaten me.Do you sometimes wonder if some of this sites readers/writers may not get sardonic humour.You obviously do..er,may.perhaps if I wrote wholey in italics.What the fuck is going on with these bomb scares,fuckers.DON'T THEY KNOW I LEANT WOODY ALLEN A SCARLETT FOR HIS FILM!Bastards.
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I knew it this movie looks like a good time at the movies and everyone here has to hate it. While you all defend F4 with "It's a pop corn movie" or "Leave your brain at the door" blah blah blah. But then this movie comes out where you have to use the same logic and everyone tosses shit like monkeys. At least see it before you talk about how shitty the movie is, tools.
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Dude.Duuuuude.I have ..NEVER...defended FF.I'm up for seing this....you doubt ME!!Can't you read.Dude.DUUUDE!
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I'd watch an entire movie about that.
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..ya what,cochese?..what u up to wit ma wimmen?Two Scarletts...by God,man..what's wrong wit thee..as McCloud said "there can be only one ".Dude,ya dont fuck Scarlett..yow makem them Lurve wit 'er.Remembering to spank that batty.God,if she giggles while I do it..I won't be able to hold it......think of FF..think of FF..OH NOOOO!Its gone...oh ..you bastard
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do they even bother with these anymore?
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Apparently it takes only a simple greeting to sway one's opinion around here. Talk about ego (and I don't mean Bay's, this go-round).
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If somebody other than Bay made it, a lot more people would be singing its praises. If it is an action movie, it's a HELL of a lot smarter than other action movies this year. It is decently smart and a lot of fun. There are a couple of "Bayisms" but they are kept under control.
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Jul 22, 2005 3:32:28 PM CDT
I'm one of the few big Bay fans, and I didn't care for t
by tompalpatine
It's my least favorite of all his flicks. The script was pretty shitty, and while I don't agree that Djimon's reversal was totally out of left field, I did see the writers more often than not in the flick. Hopefully Bay will knock it out of the park with Transformers.
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I repeat myself when under stress. I repeat myself when under stress... The more i look at it, the more I like it! I do believe its good! ( thanx & a tip 'o the hat to Bob Fripp)
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Jul 22, 2005 4:35:22 PM CDT
"...or with that great scene where the camera revolves relentles
by the dude abides
Yeah, that scene almost made me vomit.
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Someone alive likes that movie that isn't some drunk, party-hard frat-boy with a T-shirt that says something about him being drunk, a backwords "FU University" hat and an undeservingly hot girlfriend draped around his arm? Actually, I've never seen Moriarty, so maybe that's what he is. But I'm going to take the high road and assume he isn't, and we're just going to have to agree to disagree on this. Not only was Bad Boys 2 godawful, it was even godawful compared to OTHER Michael Bay movies! Imagine that? A shittier place in Hell than actual Hell itself. I loved how the movie ended, and then kept going for another 30 minutes. Has that happened before? A mini-sequel within the actual movie? Will Smith can't act, he's just Will Smith in everything he does. James West, dude from ID4, one of the Bad Boys... same guy. Martin Lawrence is nuts and should probably be in prison. And Michael Bay is the poster-child for everything that's wrong with Hollywood today. I don't know if he knows that, and just says, "Fuck it... give me more crack and a coupla hookers and I'm good", or if he's completely oblivious to his spot in my nightmare world. I'm thinking it's the former, because if he's truly as evil as I think he is, than he knows 100% what he's doing to us. His latest piece of shit will make millions, though. Thanks to the frat-boys who don't even know this is a Michael Bay movie, or who Michael Bay even is.
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Jul 22, 2005 4:43:25 PM CDT
If Michael Bay wishes to make believers out of everyone......
by doc_strange
He needs to cast the original voice actors for Transformers, in other words, no George Clooney as Optimus Prime. Plus you would save a hell of a lot of money on Production, you make the fans happy, world peace ensues, the end.
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I was lucky enough to see a FREE screening of THE ISLAND last night. I say lucky because if I had paid to see it I would most certainly have slit my wrists by now. I've never been a fan of Mr. Bay's music video directing, but the man has hit an all time LOW with this one.
Let me first say waht I liked about it... NOTHING...except I realized that I would tounge bathe Scarlett Johansson's dirty, sweaty body any day of the week!
Other than that the film is the most unlogical piece of celluloid to ever hit the screen. It is one long commercial for Puma, Aquafina, Cadillac, MSN, Michelob Ultra, etc.... As for the story; the first act had me scratching my head, the second act had me saying out loud, "Are you fucking kidding me," and during the third act I was trying to make myself fall asleep so it would all be over. Here are some of the questions I was asking my self:
Why does Scarlett suddenly believe the two second explination by Ewan that her life is in danger, enough to follow him on a death defying run through the complex while being shot at?? Didn't she just wake up thinking her life was going to be one big utopia!??!?
Why does Steve Buscemi risk his life to help two "non-humans", when it's clear the guy is a tech-nerd who just wants to bang his too-hot-for-him girlfriend!?!?
How is it in 14 years that Amtrack will float above the ground and LA will have a sky tram transportion system.... not to mention hover bikes!?!?! 2019 is gonna be OFF THE HOOK according to this ridiculous shit! (and I find it curious that even though the trains hover, they still throw plain old train wheels off the big rig to destroy the bad guys cars...a la Bad Boys 2... what a re-hash action scene BAY!!)
How is it that there is only one Tom Lincoln on the police file in LA and one Sarah Jordan on the phone book in all America!!!???
Why is it that Djimon Hounsou's character is willing to shoot innocents and cops in order to complete his mission, but he suddenly grows a conscience and helps take down the cloning facility!?!?!? WHO THE FUCK THE WROTE THAT!!!
These are just some of the problems that prove once and for all that Walter Parkes and his Ivy League education are completely worthless. I might have known that after Small Soldiers, The Time Machine, The Tuxedo and The Ring Two (not to mention the others he greenlit: Biker Boyz, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, and Envy to name a few.) -
No, I'm not going to give you a blowjob now.
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Man... don't go dissing the Logans Run... the film ain't perfect, but it deserves better than that. Peace.
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Because the original story by Michael Marshall Smith is pure genius. If anyone can be bothered I seriously recommend you read Spares. Its one of the greatest books of all time. In the right hands it could have been a classic film. I wouldnt really be too bothered but why buy the rights for something then just dumb it down and change it completely? Theres no chance of Spares being made now. Unless I do it. But I wont. So bugger basically...
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Jul 22, 2005 5:45:26 PM CDT
I Don't Remember Anything About The Plot, I Only Remember...
by flim springfield
Forget all the millions of dollars in special effects, nothing beat her tight track-suit!
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I'm done.
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Jul 22, 2005 6:38:26 PM CDT
Hey hollywoodsummers, you just saved me 9 bucks. I was consideri
by doom ii
but it truly sounds like I might be angry if I waste my money on this. Good angry review dude.
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Above is a review that asks some questions - I have some answers:> Yes and I actually thought that was cool. I think the way the products were placed made the places they showed up early in the film a big clue that something was amiss and showed how corprate the thing was.......> Because he risked running in her room, warning her, they were kinda in love and then after he said, "They are going to kill you" people were shooting at her. When people shoot, you run..... > Yea, and then guys shot at her....... >.....He has known one of the non-people for a while and he is a good guy who doesn't think about it but when faced with a choice, reluctantly does what he can. He told his woman, that he wants to bang, to get the hell out of the house.........> These technologies, as presented, were just emerging and new as viable modes. Who would have thought 14 years ago that editing a movie on your laptop on an airplane would be easy?...
There were more questions but that is all I had time for. The phonebook thing, you have a great point there but it was clearly cutting down on the time thing. Scarlett's lady was pretty famous and stuff. -
Hey MrCere... I understand your attempt to explain some of the plot holes, but I really have to say I think you are reaching a bit too far, especially with the Steve Buscemi thing. Why would he yell "RUN!" knowing he was going to take a bullet for them... that's just not believable. And as for the future... Why is everyone in 2019 driving brand new 2006 model cars??? I have two friends that worked on this film and they even think it is a giant piece of shitte! Sorry man, Bay is going down on this one... and rumor has it Mc G might come in to do TRANSFORMERS. What another huge FUCK UP!!
DOOM II : Smart move bro! If you want to see great film... find OLD BOY ASAP!!! -
Someone mentioned Fantastic Four above. A friend of mine, a Bay defender, just got back from The Island. He said FF was better directed, even though he thought FF sucked. Yikes. Nice to know my "don't go see anymore Bay or W.S.Anderson films" policy is still keeping me safe from crappy movies.
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That's what they said to the clones but I thought I heard 006 talk about the Eugenics Laws of 2050. Maybe he said 2015 but I doubt they'd overestimate technology to that degree. But who cares. The movie didn't insult the audience with abject silliness like Fantastic Four did. My biggest complaint was the shaky camera action that's so popular now. I hate that shit. Someone said the highway chase kicked ass on the Matrix II, no way. At least in the Matrix I could see what was going on.
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An emormous percentage of sci-fi movies are essentially short stories with an interesting premise padded with chase scenes. I'd say a majority.
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it's not great but you know what, for mind numbing entertainment it's pretty damn entertaining... I may not ever see it again, but for the time that I spent, I enjoyed it.
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If that hooker hadn't been on the firetruck waiting for Buscemi at the end to provide a little comic relief, I mighta been cryin' lke a baby. The Bad Boys movies aren't too shabby either.
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now that I think of it after seeing all the big movies so far this summer the island is the only one I walked of thinking I can't wait to tell my friends about
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Meteor the size of Texas hurtling towards Earth? Yes. Training oil drillers to be astronauts in a few days? Absolutly. Ben Affleck as an action hero? I'm...wait what? Ok, I'm...Affleck? Sigh. Ok, I'm on board. But a stripper waking up in daylight hours and overcoming her hatred of men to meet a customer because he's a hero? There are certain levels of suspension of disbelief that you cannot cross, Mike.
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Thought it was ok til the chase scene. I really wanted to see what was happening, because the effects were amazing, but all the crazy shaky fast-cut shit just made me angry. What the fuck is wrong with Michael Bay that he can't give me a few seconds to enjoy an image? I have to try to piece the ation together in my mind to figure out what's happening, when I really just want to enjoy the sight of all those beautiful cars being smashed up. "Shaky-cam" should be used sparingly. It should be the garnish, not the main course. I really hope Bay will lay off it in his next film, because other than that he directs great action.
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Well what else did you expect. This is Michael Bay we are talking about. I won't be paying money for this, but many of you so-called geeks will see it because you don't mind paying full price for good popcorn movie mindless check your brain at the door fun.
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Gene Shalit must be spinning in his grave!
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On pace for a $12-15 mil. weekend, good for a distant third. In other words, it's gonna be Bay's lowest grosser by a quantum leap. The lesson, as always: sci-fi sucks.
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First of all, I don't think you can predict the weekend on Saturday morning, second, even if this does bomb, that's a pretty stupid statement to make about sci-fi.
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Jul 23, 2005 2:33:44 PM CDT
One day since my last post..This movie is at 4.1 on the rotten s
by samuel steamer
Need I say more Mori? Redeem yourself man!
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There are whole scenes extracted from that film included where he finds the bottle. I heard the producers of "Clonus" are speaking to their lawyers. Good for them. The theiving out of touch bastards
at Dreamworks should be forced to at least give credit to the source material they ripped off. -
Well, unless its numbers increase by about 50% on Saturday and Sunday (which doesn't happen), it's doing $12-15 mil. And yeah, you can definitely (partially)attribute a shitty gross to the sci-fi genre. Even sci-fi hits tend to erode pretty quickly at the box office, and the only massive sci-fi movies (ID4, WOTW etc.) have typically been sold as action blockbusters (and in WOTW's case, a Spielberg/Cruise collabo). And I'm not declaring that sci-fi sucks. I'm just saying that, in my opinion, sci-fi fucking sucks.
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...where everyone got permission and got paid and everyone was happy. If you're saying that's not true and they actually tried to pass that off as an original script then holy shit. Spielberg himself paid a cool million for the script to the Island. A million. When I read that, again I naturally assumed he was paying off whoever wrote Clonus (and the MST3K guys deserve some love too for being responsible for Clonus even being known by anyone). So basically it breaks down to the biggest name in Hollywood forking over a million dollars to some hack who ran the script to a forgotten B-movie through a copy machine. Good show, Spielberg. You deserve whatever financial penalty you get. Not for plaigerism, not for copyright infringement, not for being unfamilar with a crappy movie from the 70's, not even for hiring Michael Bay but for not watching MST3K religiously. For shame, Steve.
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I don't know what your point is but The Island is much more of an action movie and much less of a sci-fi film than the sci-fi films you mentioned. Though I can't fathom a mind that beleives that sci-fi sucks, even if you judge a movie's worth strictly on BO returns, look at the biggest movies of each year recently and you're going to find sci-fi elements in most of them. But if you are right about the Island's weekend take then I am genuinely surprised and will gladly admit that I was way off in my prediction. I didn't think it would beat any records but I thought it would at least top $35mill.
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i'm certainly no fan of pearl harbor or armageddon, but this wasn't too bad. however, i have to agree that the fast-cut trend in action movies is annoying.
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People HATE clones. And they hate movies about clones even more! Also, flying jet skis.
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So kudos for not giving it a "This movie makes me tingly and my nephew say "Hawwy, what is a cwone?"
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I saw Fantastic Four for the first time this weekend (enjoyed it, too) and thought the theater would be largely empty. Turns out I was lucky to have gotten a ticket as the theater was almost full. Afterward, I didn't see or hear anyone going on about The Island. Maybe people were going to see FF just to get out of the heat, but this stuff about The Island doing poorly makes me wonder. And no matter if it's yanking stuff from Clonus or Spares, The Island like a ripoff. Besides, FF has Chris Evans and The Island does not! Mmm!
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Jul 24, 2005 8:30:10 AM CDT
Interested to see Scarlett's weekend pregnancy results
by the true priapic
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I enjoyed this movie.Sure it was mindless fun, but damn the freeway scene gave me a boner.
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Jul 24, 2005 10:16:45 AM CDT
I don't know if I can trust a person who "unabashedly loved"
by wonder man
Moriarty, I thought you were a man of taste. Bad Boys 2 is a hideous, soulless, disgusting, unfunny, vengefully punishing assault on the senses with only that highway chase scene as a redeeming feature. Basically, BB2 is a archetypal example of everything that's horribly wrong with big-budget films today. And The Rock bothered you on a script level?!?! Ummmmmmm what the hell? The Rock is Bay's best film by a desert highway. Count me one disappointed lil' talkbacker, Mori.
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Was that a cop buddy movie or a horror flick? Because The Devil's Rejects was pretty fucking tame next to BBII. And Martin Lawrence, you're not Mel Gibson and Danny Glover, not by a fucking long shot. They spent the whole movie just sniping at each other like an old married couple, with Lawrence just whining like a bitch the whole time. You're not funny, Martin. Anyway, that movie sucked, this movie was ok, if only because of McGregor but apparently he's not "name above the title" enough for the lemmings to pay attention to this movie. Hollywood never learns their lesson of course. They're not going to blame this movie's failure on Bay but on the fact that there wasn't an "A list" star. So Bay will still get work only they'll ensure Transformrs stars Tom Cruise or some other vacuous talking head.
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HAHAHAHAHA! Looks the world has had enough of Michael Bay! Number 3 this week at BO, grossing only $12 mil!! HORRIBLE opening for a movie that costs $125 mil to make! Out grossed by Charley and Wedding Crashers! Dreamworks, what were you thinking putting all this money into this hack?
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Jul 24, 2005 2:47:33 PM CDT
Well if Bay refused then the nude scene was never shot in the fi
by i dunno
I seriously doubt they're going to call her in for pick-up shots so she can let the puppies breathe for the DVD. Who s going to rent a movie that they didn't like just for a shot of boobies, even if they're hers? People that desperate probably have internet access and can find it in a couple minutes. The idea of a Transformers movie is stupid anyway. Do Robotech if you want to show off your FX toys with stuff that transforms.
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ANd I quote:
"First of all, I don't think you can predict the weekend on Saturday morning, second, even if this does bomb, that's a pretty stupid statement to make about sci-fi."
DO you know anything about box-office patterns? THat, by early Saturday morining, Friday's receipts are posted? That, all you have to simply do is multiply Friday's receipts (usually the biggest day of receipts) by 3 to know what the movie is going to gross? I have argued with this "I dunno" guy several times, and all she likes to do is start arguments for the sake of nothing. Well, I dunno, it's a fact: THE ISLAND is a huge bomb, this years Heaven's Gate. -
The Island proved to be a better movie than advertised. The campaign for this flick is horrible. Not one commercial has done it justice. It's at least worth a matinee showing. Sucks that it bombed. Bay still rules, The Rock kicked ass.
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I'm SOOO happy to see this piece of steaming hot shit crash and burn at the box-office!! Not only did I just win $60 in bets against it's earnings, but it seems that the public might actually be ready to cast Michael "Shit-for-talent+ Bay onto the composte heep he was spawned from. Now he must crawl back to Jerry with his limp dick in hand and beg for another job. YACKBACKER is right, I hear he'll be off TRANSFORMERS... but the bad news is Mc G will replace him. WAKE UP DREAMWORKS!!!!
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Hollywoodsummers was being sarcastic, as he showed with his last sentence, "WAKE UP DREAMWORKS!!!!"
McG/Bay/Pitof HACKS (Pitof of CatWoman fame....what they hell was the studio thinking here?)! Do not know how to tell stories! They just have friends in the stunts/CGI world who do decent jobs of spectacle, though Bay couldn't tell a good Avid Edit from a bad one.
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..and when and where I argued with you but if you read all of my posts, I said that I'd reserve my comments until the information was in and that I'd be happy to admit that I was wrong when it did. Well, the information is in and I formally admit that I was wrong. The Island pulled in a good 20 mill less than I thought it would. I definitly mis called that one. I do however stand by my statement that this doesn't mean that science fiction "sucks".
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There it goes, sinking beneath the waves!
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not one movie this weekend made anything near 30 million. Wow. I was sure the Is-Land would make a quick buck on opening weekend. Maybe the shitty taste of Fantastic Four was still ripe in everyones mouths so they stayed away lest they get screwed again. Shit is FF even in the top ten anymore? What did it make this weekend? a million? Pah! Slap another bracelet around the wrist of that prick Avi Arad's wrist. i'm more disspointed with the failure of the island because it means another unsightly black mark for Mcgregor and science fiction. I CANT WAIT FOR THE FOUNTAIN!!
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It was funny and made me laugh. I especially liked the podrace scene with Obi-Wan. If anyone is selling weed please IM me.
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Jul 25, 2005 12:27:30 AM CDT
calami shami - I guess the Island sucks even more than Fantastic
by bulldoggie
The top ten? Try number 3. It doubled last week's take liver lips. hollywoodreporter has it at 200 million world wide, that sadly dosent make it less shitty. One thing that's not shitty is that I'll have the pleasure of selling my 2, yes 2 FF #1s (cgc'd @ 4.0 and 6.0 for those of you that need to know that kinda thing) for under market value and still be chillin. It would be nice if they spent a little more time on part 2 . . .
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Jul 25, 2005 1:44:55 AM CDT
Whadaya know. It looks like *gasp* FANTASTIC FOUR is a bonafide
by b a m f !
...despite the overall negative reviews and to the chagrin of many a raving fanboy. The thing i've discovered about F.F. after my nephew asked me to take him to see it again this weekend FOR THE THIRD TIME? (I was actually taken aback by how crowded the theater was...)Kids and most non-hardcore comic fans actually REALLY LIKE THE FLICK. (as evidenced by it's 'logic-defying' box office 'legs') Go figure! A movie catching SO much flack from a lotta the die-hards and most of the film critics actually grossed MORE in it's THIRD week than ANY of the heavily promoted movies debuting this weekend....FANTASTIC! BAMF!
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And CHEAP! So the cars of the future are 2005 Caddys? Good to know. Also, the high tech computer labs in 2060 will still be using Apple studio displays from 2005. Why did I waste my money on that Applecare warranty?
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Man, a movie with a cast that includes Djimon Hounsou, Scarlett Johanssen, Ewan McGregor, Michael Clark Duncan, Steve Buscemi and Sean Bean. Sounds like a dream. But this movie sucked. It has 6 of my favorite actors working today, and it blew A) So hard B) So fast C) Really hard.
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Is... if you don't have an intelligent script or genuine characters worth caring about, gaudy chases/explosions and even a high profile cast isn't gonna save your bacon. No doubt a lot of 'little people' worked very hard on this flick and are devastated, but you can only fool the audience so many times. THE ISLAND could have been an interesting new version of THX 1138, even a serious take on SLEEPER couldn't have turned out worse, but nooooo, "we thought we'd just come up with some semi-cool FX shots and sandwich a story around them". Avi Arad take note, you got a free pass on FF1 because the fan base waited so long. But a hit, no. Let's not call it anything but a mild success. I believe a movie needs to make double its initial cost to cover the theaters' take plus marketing to break even, then any overage, rental, and sales can be the profit. FF1 will if lucky to gross $210,000 worldwide which won't quite be profitable on box office alone. But with FF though, unlike TI, there is merchandise and video game spinoffs that could be huge. Which makes it so tempting for Marvel to bring some sloppy middle budget mediocrity like FF1 to the screen to launch the cash flow. But be careful Ari, the current audience is smarter, as fickle as they come, and won't be fooled again. Intelligent story, better character developement, better director next time.... or YOU may be going to THE ISLAND with FF2.
As for the SciFi film genre, how about going back to the masters like Heinlein, Zelazny, Simmons, van Vogt for ideas. Now those folks can/could write. -
Jul 25, 2005 8:14:43 AM CDT
Oh well, better luck next time Mr. Bay. Try making action seq
by orbots commander
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Jul 25, 2005 8:53:10 AM CDT
You see what happened, Michael Bay? You almost made me hurl tha
by spyguy
I hereby curse all Shakycam directors and the MTV camera directors who spawned them. May all of your films make less than GIGLI or WHEN JUSTIN MET KELLY.
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is apparently nothing without Buckheimer. You know, the loud guy, who bought coke from Christian Slater in True Romance...
BODY BAGS! -
Was loving and forgiving the movie until they hopped on the truck and starting dumping train wheels. Saw that in Bad Boys 2 (Sucked) with cars. Now my fantasy is blown and the questions start.
How can Ewan sneak around such a montired society? They check your pee, your meals, your proximity, but nothing at night if you crotch low while you walk around. How come no one recognized the famous model on the streets of LA? How can godo bounty hunters in combat copters not catch them at the LA train station (deleted scene?). -
Sorry Yackbacker, I do have insiders at DW that say his name has been mentioned for TRANSFORMERS as a Bay replacement... but nothing is set in stone yet (I hope). That's why I told them to WAKE UP!!
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Yeah i was wrong about that. I still thought it was awful.its pretty clear now that its a movie designed for five year old nephews. When I was little my parents took me and my brother to see MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. We were both HE-MAN fans, had alot of the toys and playsets. We loved the movie, Dolph Lunchbox was our hero. He had the power. Let it be known that I do NOT like that movie now except when im in the mood for cheese (ever watched it all the way through past the credits? I highly reccomend it, its hilarious.) Little kids like the movie, great. But Avi, Story and everyone else involved didn't have to push it so hard in that direction. But whats done is done and cant be undone or remade. I still think Avi is a cunt. You actually have copies of FF#1? WIsh i did so i wouldnt have to work this upcoming semester.
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These cats all have wrist bands that can tell if they're getting too close to naughty girls but they can't tell when someone (apparently repeatedly) slinks off to the boiler room and gets 'faced. They can detect high levels of sodium from ill gotten bacon but can't run a basic blood alcohol level. I wouldn't be such a Comic Book Guy about all these plotholes if Spielberg didn't pay a MILLION DOLLARS for the script that was plaigerised in the first place.
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Send Michael Bay to the dustbin of cinematic history
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He did make Pearl Harbor and still managed to find work. Established Hollywood directors get more free passes than the family of that kid who died at Disney World last month.
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... can you imagine how horrible Bay's next film will be? The guy clearly has contempt for the audience and his next film will be the worst pandering to the lowest common denominator piece of shit EVER.
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stay away.
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He was the only reason I went. And of course he died, as usual. Will someone please put this great actor in a lead so I do not have to sit through poo anymore?? Geesh.
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Jul 25, 2005 11:56:49 PM CDT
you guys must have seen the mono black and white with french sub
by skiff
that highway chase was amazing I watched the bad boys 2 chase scene when I got home this new one was even better
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"Clonus" director says he's seen this clone story before
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/movies/2002394690_islandripoff.html
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Jul 27, 2005 3:29:51 AM CDT
Not sure why everyone is so surprised by the 1 Million dollar pr
by tompalpatine
The bitch who wrote Monster-in-Law got the same amount.
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Everywhere we'd bring it the stupid execs would be pointing out all the inconsistencies and plot holes and telling us how we do not know how to write. How does shit like this get through all those morons? Why was this screenwriter paid money for this? Who does he know? If through some miracle we wrote this same script and somehow handed it to Spielberg he'd tell us it sucked and to leave him alone. I really don't understand Hollywood at all, and how the decision is made as to who makes it and who doesn't. Maybe it really is like Mulholland Drive, with some midget behind a curtain controlling everything. Something tells me a blowjob and some snow were involved here.
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Jul 27, 2005 1:41:13 PM CDT
If The Island bombed this bad, imagine what will happen to Sener
by kennykilo
Other then the stark differences in price tags, Senerity will probably make this much opening weekend too if not less. Besides all the fans allready saw the movie. We know how that worked out when 'Left Behind' was released in theatres.
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And this was his CUTTHROAT ISLAND. He'll be directing DRIVEN 2: ROADKILL inside of a year.
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We must have seen different films, cause the one I saw looked like a 150 Million dollar direct to video shlock. The first 1/2 does have some promise but Ewan and Scarlett have no chemistry. Michael Clarke Duncan is in like 2 minutes and has almost no lines. The car chase could have been taked right out of Bad Boys 2 and no one would have noticed. The stunts are so unbelieveable it's staggering, like whe the fall off of a high rise building on a giant letter and they come out fine. The movie a few moments, but when the guy who played Neelix on Star Trek Voyager steals all the scenes he's in that aint a good sign...
I hope Bay went down on you Mori, cause you deserve it for that review.
GFY
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