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Have They Finally Found The New Voice Of Aslan'!

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

According to this very, very anonymous e-mail, they have indeed:

It was reported earlier that Brian Cox was going to be the voice of Aslan in the new Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe film. But not anymore, Cox never even recorded a line of dialogue and instead they brought in another actor for the role of the Christ/Lion......

Liam Neeson will be the voice of Aslan. Hes recorded his dialogue and the animation is proceeding nicely.

I swear every bit of this is true, but the only proof I have is my word....I understand if you take it with a grain of salt.

If you use this call me Toxicboy.

Oh, I’ll take it with a grain of salt, alright, but I’ll also start digging into it. If that’s true, it’s a really, really good choice. We’ll see...

"Moriarty" out.

Readers Talkback
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  • July 12, 2005, 4:05 a.m. CST


    by Celtican

    Why did this happen? More duff information?

  • July 12, 2005, 4:17 a.m. CST

    Does the Lion have a sword?

    by docfalken

    Man I knew I shoulda been reading these books instead of all of that Judy Blume.

  • July 12, 2005, 4:19 a.m. CST

    It's actually true, yes.

    by Runtgen

    Jeez...never actually posted here before on talkback before - Have a friend of a friend working on vfx on this show and yup, Liam Neeson is indeed the voice they're animating to... They're all surprised it's been kept a secret this long!!! (Since his dialogue has been in place for weeks). Now it's out, they'll announce it officially pretty soon, they were leaving it to see how long it would go :-)

  • July 12, 2005, 4:20 a.m. CST

    Another wise mentor role.

    by Trevor Goodchild

  • July 12, 2005, 4:38 a.m. CST

    Maybe he's just been tricked into doing Episode III voiceove

    by ScreamingPenis

    the jig might be up when they ask him to start talking about midichlorians, though.

  • July 12, 2005, 4:40 a.m. CST

    What great year for Liam Neeson

    by deadguy76

    First he was one of the few redeeming features in Kingdom of Heaven. Then he upstaged veteran colleagues Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman in Batman. Now playing Aslan, a wise and heartwarming leader. what a way to top a year?

  • July 12, 2005, 5:02 a.m. CST

    A way to top next year ...

    by Shan

    ... winning an Academy Award might help. It might have lost a bit of its shine over the years because of some questionable decisions but it still has some cachet, so I hear ...

  • July 12, 2005, 5:27 a.m. CST

    I like this...

    by Azlam Orlandu


  • July 12, 2005, 6:01 a.m. CST


    by Krangelus


  • July 12, 2005, 6:08 a.m. CST

    Liam "Teach" Neeson

    by Cineast

    Liam Neeson seem to be stuck playing "teacher roles" for a while now (including Kinsey). I can almost hear Aslan talking: "If you make yourself more than just a kid, my young padawan, you will bring balance to Narnia." I don't know, the book's Aslan always seemed to be a bit threatening as well as gentle, we'll see if he can pull it off.

  • July 12, 2005, 6:41 a.m. CST

    I like Neeson BUT

    by elab49

    his voice is nothing like I imagined OR the description in Magician's Nephew etc. If you were to talk about great voices you are thinking of James Earl Jones, Robert Powell, Richard Burton - Neeson wouldn't even figure.

  • July 12, 2005, 6:54 a.m. CST

    I liked him on that "Simpsons" episode

    by Anna Valerious

    I hate to admit that his priest character was kinda hot... Anyway, at least he'll be around for this film series...

  • July 12, 2005, 7:13 a.m. CST

    ***NEWSFLASH:Little British kids accuse Aslan of pawing them in

    by The True Priapic

    Anyone remember that SHIT BBC tv adaption?Christ what an example of design effects over direction and acting.The one major moment of drama(when Aslan reappears after being stabbed and the table cracks)is completely underwhelming."No kids,I'm okay.Lets go."SHEEE-IIIIT.And ...oh my god,I don't think I can take this memory....oh god..remember the girl playing the kid who first meets the fawn.You know the fat one with the rabbit teeth THAT CANNOT ACT??I'd rather watch the cartoon version from late seventies.At least that had anthemic music and an awesome Aslan in it.Fucking terrifying queen in it too....Personally,I must be getting old but I'm starting to fancy Tilda Swinton.I think she's one of those mad RADA types who haven't got a personae og their own as they "embody" the parts so much!!But..hey...nothing better than a crazy bird!!Oh,what???They're ALL crazy!!!?? And another thing...that guy Andrew Adamson better fucking sort out what he lloks like.At the beginning of that preview he frightened me.Looks like a photo from the front of a British tabloid of a kiddie-doer!!!Ugghhh...get me a bucket.This film will look good b ut I guarentee the performances of the kids will stink.Swinton will own.CGI overload.And finally,Kong will be get a critical mauling(I love P.J. but Kong himself looks awful.Shouldn't have shown him so early.Baaaad misstep.There is such a thing as 'buildup'.Remember Jurassic Park?Not a whiff of dino till I went in the theatre). Oh well,Scarlett is calling.I must go......

  • July 12, 2005, 8:02 a.m. CST


    by Breck

    You'll have to take my word on it. Quick, post this on the front page.

  • July 12, 2005, 8:03 a.m. CST

    Show me a the monkey!

    by DinoDeLaurentiis

    When I made a the Kong back inna '76, I had to a show him to a the public, an' all I had was a the Rick Baker inna the monkey suit. But I had to a do it, otherwise the people, they no come to a the movie. So I got him onna the cover of a the Time magazine. Wha' you gonna do, eh? The people, they just wanna see a the Kong before they pony up a with a the money. With Dinosaur Park, nobody see CGI dinos before, so I told Stevie, "don't shoot a your wad inna the trailer." But with a the Kong, everyone a know what a monkey look a like, anna people see a the CGI monkey inna the Mighty Joe Young, so Pete, he gotta show us the monkey. Poor Petey... he's inna between a the rock anna the hard a place, no? It make a me so sad iffa his movie, she fail... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

  • July 12, 2005, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Michael Jackson did NOT have sex with those boys .He Made Love t

    by The True Priapic

    ***NEWSFLASH:Wiked queen with white face caught tempting young boy with "turkish delight"*** Don't all the kids spend a liftime iin/on Narnia?So....who do they fuck????Discover each other???Uggghh............Keep our kids free from this filth.Disgusting............................ugh..I ...feel sick..I ugh...a fawn...oh,OH!!I see it now..a 'fawn'.-gasp-it's so obvious.Don't the kids 'mount' Aslan at one point giving them a joyous feeling of flying!!!!!C.S.Lewis....should be asha...Oh my..My God..I see it "C.S. Lewis".It's an spells ..wait..WAIT...."Expunge your spermic power upon my beating chest!!" Oh my god...why..WHY!!Save our children's innocence.Take them to see "Traci's Double Penetration".Must..get hairy Monkeys..and blondes...Yessss..YESSSS..Blondes love Big Gorillas pearly white cum....

  • July 12, 2005, 8:28 a.m. CST

    Kingdom of Heaven

    by DannyOcean01

    I remember when the first trailer came out or Kingdom and I was totally hooked by Neeson's monologue. He totally nailed Ducard in Begins and even handled the occasionally dodgy dialogue. Aslan is such a great character, even better than Gandalf and they need to nail him to have a chance of getting away from LOTR clone.

  • July 12, 2005, 8:31 a.m. CST


    by The True Priapic

    Aslan is a talking lion..A TALKING LION...Gandalf is a real fella.Talking animals versus hstorical characters.Take thee to Disneyland and do not allow to leave,for it shall serve him right....barwoman,3 ales.We ride at dawn.......a talking lion.fucking hell....

  • July 12, 2005, 8:32 a.m. CST

    it all makes sense now

    by calami-shami

    THAT's who Yoda was hearing in crapisode II! I smell crossover! Among other things.

  • July 12, 2005, 8:36 a.m. CST


    by calami-shami

    Poor Dino, dry your guido tears. If PJ's movie bombs it'll be your chance for another remake. I suggest taking PJ's joke about the giant albino nazi gorilla and running with it.

  • July 12, 2005, 8:49 a.m. CST

    "Would you like some turkish delight?Ugh,Who's farted?"

    by The True Priapic

    "Not me.It must've been him!""Shirley have you farted?""Shirley?is that your name?Shiiirrrrley?"

  • July 12, 2005, 8:49 a.m. CST

    Good choice

    by sevadro

    Anyone who disagrees - shut the hell up.

  • July 12, 2005, 9:01 a.m. CST

    Aslan is NOT better than Gandalf

    by performingmonkey

    I'm pretty sure they'll be slightly expanding Aslan's role in this film because in the book you only really hear of him and not see him, apart from in a couple of scenes. He has little dialogue. I'm sure this'll change (Opening or ending monologue voiceover from him?) because the character needs more impact. Neeson should be able to give the role some gravitas. Not sure why Cox didn't do it, as he would have also been good.

  • July 12, 2005, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Andrew Adamson/Performingmonkey

    by The True Priapic

    Something not quite right with that one.Looks high as a kite."Let me proudly introduce the teaser trailer world!Lets take all our clothes off and dance.A hey-no a nonny no.Children come unto me for I am Aslan.Growl..Grr.ROOOOOOOAAAARRRR!"....oh and performingmonkey how exactly will they expand Aslans role??Perhaps having a flashback to when he was a cub?Perhaps having beers with the fawns and Mr. and Mrs. Beaver?Oh god,what am I saying..THEY'RE TALKING ANIMALS.TALKING ANIMALS.Am I taking crazy pills?You're nothing Aslan!NOTHING!NOOOOOOTTTTTHHHHINGG!

  • July 12, 2005, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Wait, Gandalf is a "real historical figure"??? Just because Asl

    by Arithma

  • July 12, 2005, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Shoulda been.....

    by Dick Fitzwell

    First choice, James Earl Jones (or is that too Lion King rehashed?). Second choice, Patrick Stewart. Liam Neeson is turning into this year's Jude Law. "Lets see how many fucking movies we can cram one actor into in a one year span." Don't get me wrong, I enjoy most of his work, but dude, take a break!

  • July 12, 2005, 9:58 a.m. CST

    Good choice... too much associated with James Earl Jones anyway,


    Plus, he's driven me mad with those damn Verizon commercials. Too bad Paul Robeson is dead - slap a british accent on him and it would have been perfect.

  • July 12, 2005, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Paddy O'Houliaslan

    by Brit Pop

    Liam Neeson as Aslan... hope hot "AAArrr, to be sure to be sure, sons of Adam and daughter of Eve... you should have stayed out of the troubles and in war-torn Britain" James Earl Jones? "If you will not shave my mane, then perhaps... she... will!... Simba" I reckon they should let Andy Serkis be Aslan... he can voice it, do the motion capture... write a book... and constantly do an impression of him everytime he collects an award. The only real choice for Aslans voice has to be Bobcat Goldthwaite - you know it makes sense!!!!

  • July 12, 2005, 10:02 a.m. CST

    A bit of a shame

    by Wild At Heart

    I was warming to the idea of Cox doing this. An underrated actor with a very emotive, powerful voice and great range, much as I dig Neeson an' all. Darkman rocks!

  • July 12, 2005, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Did Shadowfax talk?Did he?TALKING AN-I-MALS.It's for kids.A

    by The True Priapic

    From my experience,nd this is limited,Lions often talk with low voices that pinpoint a great deal of saliva within the mouth region.All lions have been tutored within an English Comprehensive School system under the Teach English to Fearsome Lions system (TEFL).The also speak with a purely ENGLISH accent and the idea that a lion could speak with anything other than a anglo-caucasian vocal ability is according to the Bitish Zoological Association,and I quote,"impossible".The days of Lions being ridden by women are over,sir.Lady Britannica was flogged with the german towels of shite around westminster for trying to do so.These days,gentlemen,Lions are very much part of our society and just because a few rotten apples spoil it for the rest of us,well...that just isn't cricket.what'eh?Tally on.

  • July 12, 2005, 10:14 a.m. CST

    Hey I loved Liam Neeson in KRULL! Robbie Coltrane was in it too

    by Arithma

    I wonder whatever happened to the guy who starred in that piece of crap? I think it would be funny if some late nite talk show host showed big stars their first bit roles in bad movies. That would be awesome.

  • July 12, 2005, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Smawg the Dragon was a talking animal. Is "The Hobbit" really m

    by Arithma

  • July 12, 2005, 10:18 a.m. CST


    by The True Priapic

    Are you saying Liam can't play an Asian?He's an actor,darling.Anything Guiness can do...What??As-LAN!!Oh I thought this was about an ASIAN.Oh blimey,what a guffaw.Me and my hearing,getting old you see.What?Aslan is a talking LION??What?Where am I ?Talking Lions RIDICULOUS!They would have told me to stop shooting in '23.They don't talk now,What what.Certainly Ol'Eye hasn't said a word in 82 years and I should know his head is hung over my fireplace!What what

  • July 12, 2005, 10:19 a.m. CST

    It must suck to be an actual voice actor.

    by I Dunno

    That's what sucks about all those Pixar and Disney animated movies, besides that they're stupid. Whenever a talking rat or dog speaks I can't help thinking of the actor standing in a little booth with headphones on. Voice acting and screen acting are different fields.

  • July 12, 2005, 10:22 a.m. CST

    I need the work...

    by Call me Hal

    And dont call me Shirley.

  • July 12, 2005, 10:29 a.m. CST

    The Poo Triapic

    by Brit Pop

    Liam Neeson has too much work these days - over the next ten years we will all go to see film where the main character will be introduced to the wise mentor who will guide him in the ways of truth and justice - and lo and behold... it will be fucking liam Neeson! and the film-going experience will be shattered by typecasting. How about Bruce Spence as Aslan?? "You crafty little witch!! Looks like I got me some turkish delight eh? ay ay ay ay!!"

  • July 12, 2005, 10:41 a.m. CST


    by The True Priapic

    Smaug was a dragon.They can do fuckin' anything they want as they're fictional characters.Lions exist and to give them voices is the crucible of the 'childrens author'. If memory serves Smaug was a quite polite if sporadically violent chap and Aslan courted young girls a la Mickey Jackson.All together now "Jayysuss,lurves thu littul cheeld-ruuun!".....................................Now, know I'm taking the this is scarily true...I was living just off Camden road maybe 4 years ago and we'd just got a new flat sharer (who we later discovered drank cans of stella before going to work.ALCKY!!) and I was ever-so-often smoking the odd joint of Purple Haze.Nowmthis guy...let's call him Sean,for that was his name....brought back,in a stupor,a pair of kittens in a box one night.Would we mind if he kept them?Nah,Nah course not!!The fact that I found out quite quick that my girl was allergic to cats..well that another story.....Anyway,Sean told us that he'd got them from the Animal Shelter(what is that?Where animals huddle when it rains?)and they'd had 2 previous owners.The first one had put them in a bag and dumped them in a river.They survived.The second owner left them in a box on a motorway.They survived..................A normal person would question why these owners wanted rid of them so badly.Anyway,these cats were weird and one day while doing the dishes(as no other fucker ever did 'em)I toked away on a lovely self rolled happy stick when this voice appears....."Help me.Help me." Now say those words as if in a little cat voice and its fuckin spooky how that wail started to sound as if this cat was talking.I looked around and there it was sat in the middle of the kitchen staring at me(it had got a rest for a moment from its brother trying to fuck it,as Sean had neglected to get them done).Nothing.Not a peep.I turn my back to dry the dishes "Help me.Help Me."I lloked around at it again and....................IT W|AS FUCKING FLOATING IN MID_AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Na,that last bits not true.....

  • July 12, 2005, 11 a.m. CST

    "Aslan courted young girls a la Mickey Jackson"

    by I Dunno

    Young girls are the safest people n the world with Jackson.

  • July 12, 2005, 11:06 a.m. CST

    I dunno--Thanks man,I got my perverts mixed up.

    by The True Priapic

  • July 12, 2005, 11:07 a.m. CST

    The Lion, The Bitch and the Strap-On.

    by Brit Pop

    What rating is Narnia going to be? The only thing I want to see is Aslan telling the kids 'god-speed' with the witches still-warm entrails hanging from his teeth... or the witch getting her tits out to seduce the fat kid instead of confectionery, or Aslan getting the full Passion Of The Christ treatment on the stone table... now that a good film would make!

  • July 12, 2005, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Talkng animals - like the tortoise in 3 amigos?

    by Brit Pop

    If Shadowfax could talk he would probably say "You know, Gandalf... If you saddled me, and y'now got a pair of reigns maybe... you wouldnt fall off so much.. I mean I'm a pretty difficult horse to ride at the best of times.. and your really, really old... beardy! And, y'know.. all of my subjects are starting to lose respect for me since I started getting ridden.. it's not really my bag, y'know?"

  • July 12, 2005, 11:23 a.m. CST

    I've had to come back to this chatroom as the Harry Potter o

    by The True Priapic

    Britpop,Edmund is Not,was he?He ate turkish delight sure...hey,wait a minute..who makes turkish delight?Does Cadbury have a factory in Narnia?Doesn't the fucker betray the big cat but redeem himself by breaking her wand.Aye....RIIIIIGHHHT.Do you know Lions bite the back of Lioness' necks when they're fucking them cause they're aware the bitch would bite the fucker to get off.RAPISTS!........ASLAN IS FROM A BREED OF RAPISTS......and cats lick their asses...Anyway i digress,talking animals are not to be trusted and should be wiped out.Remember the pigs from animal Farm?fascists.Oh,Is that where fascist pigs come from?Oh,I just educated myself.Anyway,I'm still fucking rolling around the floor at the guy who tried to stand up for talking animals by referencing Smaug.A Dragon.A Dragon.And a Talking Dragon at that.Where was that talkbalker typing from?Anne McCaffreys head?Fuck me.

  • July 12, 2005, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Will Neeson be doing his own 'roars'?Man,that'd be f

    by The True Priapic

    "Walk with me,child.","Oh,Aslan you seem so sad.","Yes,child.I go to the Queen to be killed in order to save young Edmund's life.","What?Oh,Aslan(ad finitum....)","Don't cry,child.For I came as a Lion and I shall return as a ...erm,cough...lamb."............"Oh,Aslan.","Oh,Aslan.",Oh,where is his body.What have those rotten mice done!"..CCCCCCRAAAAAACKKKKKKKK......."BE-HOLD!!!!!!","Aslan?"....."....baaaaa."

  • July 12, 2005, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Dirty dirty christian allegory.

    by TonyWilson

    Seriously when you read this book as an 8 yr old did you not see Aslan was god? It was hardly subtle was it. CS Lewis, I don't know I don't like a lot of what he says. Give me Pullman anyday. Ha. Did you hear they are cutting out all references to God in those films!!!!! How the fuck do you make a film of His Dark Materials and not have God???? Who do they kill at then end then? Hmm Liam Neeson doesn't have the Gravitas for Aslan. He should be Caspian in Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

  • July 12, 2005, 12:42 p.m. CST

    So does that mean they are having Harvey Dent as the D.A? So tha

    by TonyWilson

    Johnny Vegas for Puddleglum? He was going to be Sam in LOTR you know. Can you imagine Vegas shouting a ELijah Wood "Frodo Noooo!" lol.

  • July 12, 2005, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Johnny Vegas

    by The True Priapic over.Sad isn't it.He's genuinely turned into a sorrowful fat fucking drunk.His last tv show was just unbelievable,I challenge anyone to watch 5 minutes of his shouting at the screen.Humour-free area.Shame.But don't get me started on the piece of excrement that was on last friday.Bears Tail?Holy Christ,who okayed this?Based on the fact that Bo Selecta made a bit of dosh from DVD sales some knuckledragger okayed this.....this...waste of airtime.I just cant...for once...I...words fail me.............

  • July 12, 2005, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Awww he aint over. Although 18 stone of idiot was 18 stone of sh

    by TonyWilson

    Still better than bo selecta. Vegas should definitely be Puddleglum though.

  • July 12, 2005, 1:08 p.m. CST


    by The True Priapic

    I like vegas,TonyWilson.I just couldn't believe what he was involved in with that shit tv show.Its that cunt Chris Evans again doing what he did with Gazza.Ahhh,hes a drunk aznd a famous one.With a very obvious problem.I know,Lets go out and get drunk together.Not just drunk,drunk.BUT SHITFACED.Hopefully Vegas will tell Evans to fuck off.The old Johnny could sense a pisstaker a mile away.With a bit of luck he'll be back his glory days of getting legless and jabbering on for hours on fuck all topic and selling his wedding photos to Viz for 50p. Bo Selecta stinks.And that knew one,Bears tail've done it agfain..I cant think on that...its like the pain of tooth extraction without a knockout jag....And hes ginger.Twat.Twat.Ginger Twat.oh and before any fucker starts on me for abusing gingers..sadly I have scots parents.Black hair but...ho ho...when I grow a beard its fucker Ewan McGregor orange!!!!It's not fair..I look like Charlie Browns tshirt............

  • July 12, 2005, 1:11 p.m. CST


    by Melian

    Will Liam do Aslan in his true Ballymena twang, that's what I want to know. Afterall, .C.S. Lewis was originally a Belfast man (or a Belfastard, as we call them in Northern ireland).

  • July 12, 2005, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Aslan is a pussy.

    by The True Priapic

    "Come children,get on my back.We shall ride to battle.","Oh Aslan!","Aslan!Oh,Aslan you're alive","The battle goes badly.We must join the war as quickly as we can.Hold tight!"..................."Aslan?","Oh my fucking back will one of you get off.Fucking hell!","Aslan!Oh poor Aslan,but what of the battle?","Oh,fucking hell my back!Bollocks to the battle.Come here Little Lucy,friend to the fawn.","Yes,Aslan?","Your master is hungry.Would you like to be food for him?","You men 'get food' don't y...",CRAAAAACK,CRUNNNCH."LUCCCCY!!Oh,sweet fucking Christ what have you fucking d...",CRUNNNCH..........ChEWW..."....baaaaaa."

  • July 12, 2005, 2:11 p.m. CST

    I like that Casting a Lot!n

    by Drath

    I hope Brits won't be out of joint because of his Irish Accent. I mean, I know it's a big bad issue on the other side of the Atlantic, but I gotta tell you, to the rest of us, all of your accents sounds pretty noble...well, except for Cockney, that just sounds sexy.

  • July 12, 2005, 2:16 p.m. CST

    I like that Casting a Lot! But what is Aslan's Accent?

    by Drath

    Brian Cox is Scottish, and Liam Neeson is Irish. Do their natural accents matter, or was Aslan going to have a Midatlantic sort of accent? Not that I'm picky. If he speaks his natural brogue, I hope Brits won't be out of joint because of it. I mean, I know it's a big bad issue on the other side of the Atlantic, but I gotta tell you guys, to the rest of us, all of your accents sounds pretty noble...well, except for Cockney, that just sounds sexy.

  • July 12, 2005, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Wardrobes don't kill people, SCARY FUCKING WITCHES DO!

    by Gandalf The Gaye

    True Priapic, you really are the funniest cunt on this board. Anyway, how come social services never got onto the Prof. for letting the kids through the wardrobe into potentially life-threatening situations day after day? He should have been a responsible guardian and kept it under lock and key. It's AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING DISGRACE, I TELLS YA. Much like Channel 4 comedy on a Friday night. 8 Out of 10 Cats? What the fuck, I say, WHAT THE FUCK? Jimmy Carr? EAT SHIT.

  • July 12, 2005, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Don't worry Drath...

    by Brit Pop

    ... accents won't bother us too much... we like the Irish now... we got bigger fish to fry! Liam Neeson is super cool - he's unfortunately over-used at the moment, which means he wont have a career in 5 years and will be forced to do cameo's not unlike Sean Connery in Prince Of Theives.. but I like Qui-Gonn... I wish he were me dad to be sure!!

  • July 12, 2005, 3:16 p.m. CST

    We need to cast a "guru-type" here...

    by Kid Z

    ... Oh! You already have Liam on the line? Great!

  • July 12, 2005, 3:20 p.m. CST

    "By God,I have it J.R.R","What C.S?","The title of my book will

    by The True Priapic

    To be honest Gandalf The Gaye,I think the Professor was probably answering the door to the police investigating missing children when the kids jumped in the wardrobe."Think of a happy place,Lucy"......Actually now I think of it I can't remember the other fuckers names.Lucy,Edmund,Peter and.....Avril?"Lucy you shall have the bow of power.","Thankyou Lord Aslan","Peter,the sword of strength","Edmund,you little shit,you shall have the shield of hopelessness","Shield?But wheres my weap..","And shall have the guitar of horror.","Gee,like.Thanks Aslan,like,y'know,like TOTALLY RAD.Its like gr8!".."Go now children of man and fight the battle for Nar-NIA!!!Baaaaaa!"...cue Avril atop mountain strumming guitar as the good forces of Narnia ROCK into battle ,Minatours,Fawns,Centaurs all atop their skateboards as Helicopters film them slo-mo,like,totally.Cue Avril running into battle with that fucking face she makes like she just had a really lethal Vindaloo fall out her ass.Slo-mo.The battle begins and Edmund is Knocked to the ground as the White Witch approaches to place the final blow."Edmunnnnd!At last!There's none to stop me now",Cue all of the battle's participants to stop and look up as ....."No!It can't be!"...."Baaaaaaaaaa"."Yes it is me!","Shirley?","Yes white Witch!".."Get me the MINT SAUCE!",cue Avril "No,like totally,way!I'm a fucking punk,yeah." Cue Avril playing "Complicated" as all unite and hug.Edmund marries the "Queen"(cough,cough....poof").Peter strangely dissappears through lack of any dimensional character and Lucy is eaten alive by the Beavers,turncoats all along and played by Dawn French who as we know cannot say no to human flesh.Cue LOTR syle party with hugging,an instrumental "Damn Cold Night" while the hordes warm their hands on Barbequeued Lamb.Avril jumps punching the air,a la Breakfast Club."Yeah!!!Like,totally!"Screen grab pause.Fade to black.....The words "The End" appear only seconds later to be followed by "?".Cue Sk8er Boi with retooled lyrics "He was a lamb.I was a punk.Well,what else was there to say......".Quite.I got that from the official site.Its FUCKIN' GONNA HAPPEN!!!

  • July 12, 2005, 3:29 p.m. CST

    If Neeson rumour is False...

    by John-Locke

    Then how about Daniel Day Lewis? He'd also make an awesome Joker although I doubt he'd do it. Paddy considine for Joker?

  • July 12, 2005, 3:29 p.m. CST

    He's a the true Priapic

    by DinoDeLaurentiis

    He's a making Dino piss his a pants, he is. I wish a I hadda read the books so I could a make with a the funny too, but... enh, I got a the nothing... Wha' you gonna do, eh?

  • July 12, 2005, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Sorry for delving into Joker casting

    by John-Locke

    I hate it when other people do it but can't help myself?

  • July 12, 2005, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Hope you got the "FLASH!" ref ,Dino..."YEAH!"

    by The True Priapic

    What?What?I'm typing.Scarlett,I'm typing!...Don't start....I'm...hey...HEY!!Look,It's sunny,we'll go out...what?WHAT?Ahhh,okay...I know.I know...yeah,yeah...mmm.mmmm.....yeah....hold it,hold it...yeah,there...yeah..ugh..ugh...oh,scarlett.oh YOU WHAAA....mmm MMMM...ahh,you dirty like my thumb WHERE???wha...ugh..yh,oh yeah.yeah...put your hands on my ass...ugh.ugh.yeah yeah..Ugh...ugh...ugh..UGH..UGH...UGH.UGHHHH...UGHHHH.....UGHHHHH...A..Ahhhhhh uhhhhh....... .................. ................. .......YEEEEeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaAAAH!!!??.........................of course I love you baby!...............aww,I know...I....oh don't start crying..Ah,c'mon aint that bad.I know,I know.C'mere I;m here.Look people won't think any less of you for working with Bay.Ohhh,c'mon...c'mon....stop crying.Wha???Wha???Ummmm..Do I ??Do I think it looks good??Wha...??The Island???...................................................................Honestly??..........And you won't get mad?....................................................................................It looks like shit Scarlett.....HEY?HEY?Wher...What're ya...Don't go!?Where you going??Awww,C'mon baby I was joking....Aww,I was joking....Ahhh,Fuck ya then.I tell ya something babe,you'll be back...yeah..yeah...yeah!!Whatever..Whatev...uh..uh..oh I am am I!!??Hell yeah?Well at least I didn't work with Michael Bay!!!Yeah and don't forget your fuckin; panties on the way out................................ ........fuckin''......Bay..Jeseus Chri....Ahhh,.....fuckin'...Where was I?!?

  • July 12, 2005, 3:58 p.m. CST

    If it's true... good choice!

    by quadrupletree

    Can't go wrong with Liam, seriously. Can't wait to see it!

  • July 12, 2005, 3:59 p.m. CST

    aslan owns gandalf's wizened old ass

    by vicious_bastard

    Face facts - any lion beats a wizard every time. Even if it couldn't talk or wasn't God. Which Aslan is. All you motherfuckers will shit your pants when he roars.

  • July 12, 2005, 4 p.m. CST

    I was holding out for Connery

    by Hamish

    But Neeson's turning into Connery, so that's okay. How so? Connery was the mentor in Highlander, The Rock (kind of), Entrapment, The Untouchables (again, kind of) and more. Neeson's mentoring ability has been well documented of late. And they both have funky accents.

  • July 12, 2005, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Charlton Heston

    by vicious_bastard

    Ohhhh man would that be sweet. He's still coherent enough, right? Moses and Aslan both have luxuriant manes.

  • July 12, 2005, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Oh well

    by Tsunami3G

    I would have rather had Brian Cox as Aslan. Liam ain't too shabby though.

  • July 12, 2005, 4:37 p.m. CST

    turkish delight...

    by adambalm

    yeah, I remember that BBC adaptation. We had to watch it in school. Afterwards, I went home and told my mom I wanted some turkish delight. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I threw her up against the wall and said "I want it now!" Er, no. That didn't happen.

  • July 12, 2005, 4:47 p.m. CST

    Aslan... Outland!

    by Brit Pop

    What you need is an Aslan without a famous voice, that way you dont watch an entire film thinking about the thesp who voiced the loin... sorry... lion, and concentrate on the filmic experience.. It's like watching Madagasgar and seeing David Scwimmer in your head every two fucking minutes! RACHAEL!!!

  • July 12, 2005, 4:56 p.m. CST


    by keepcoolbutcare

    Maurice LaMarche doing Morbo/LrrrLeader of the Planet Omicron Persei8!!! WTF? Liam conveys a great physical presence (Raz looked like he could whup up on Batamn) but voice wise...meh. I Dunno made a great point about voice actors...where are they? Why do we need someone to do this roll? AND WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARMORED POLAR BEAR HAVING, KICK ASS COLD TITTY HAVIN' WITCHIE WOMEN, A FUCKING TRILORY (Well, we'd split "The Golden Compass" into two parts, so quartet) THAT ENDS WITH GOD DEAD AND A BRAND NEW WAY OF LIFE FOR US ALL!!! PJ, I know you got a thing for monkeys, and your gonna do "The Lovely Bones" next, but you can put "His Dark Materials" together, make another gazillion, win some more Oscars, and then make a $250 million dollar Zombie Epic. DID I MENTION ARMORED FUCKING POLAR BEARS???

  • July 12, 2005, 5:12 p.m. CST


    by keepcoolbutcare

    SAMUEL L. JACKSON...don't give me "Oh, he's not British or Scot" we're in another fucking world people. "AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD WHEN I LAY MY FANGS INTO YOUR CUNT!!!" Now that I would go see.

  • July 12, 2005, 5:21 p.m. CST

    True, Tony, Dino

    by keepcoolbutcare

    you fucking Christian's with your voodoo religion...let's resurrect Orson Welles, or Brando (fuck he's doing Vito for the Godfather game anyway). True Priapic is now the funniest fucker here in TB (Dino and Angry Chicken running close seconds). Any yeah TonyWilson, how the fuck can they do "His Dark Materials" without any reference to God? I mean I know they call him "the Authority" and all, but what, no reference to angels now either? I JUST WANT MY ARMORED FUCKING BEAR DONE RIGHT!

  • July 12, 2005, 5:27 p.m. CST

    too bad

    by regular_guy

    It is too bad that some of you have nothing better to do than fill a message board with trash-talk, making absurd comments, and stroking your own egos by bad-mouthing a renowned author and his allegorical characters. If you don't like the fantasy genre, or if you don't like literature which may contain some christ-type imagery, I suggest you take your hands off the keyboard of your computer and put them down your pants where they will at least rid you of some of that pent up anger that you really need to release. Your angry rants really only hurt yourself in the end. I think Liam Neeson will do a fair job. I guess we will wait and see.

  • July 12, 2005, 5:51 p.m. CST

    I'd like Liam to take a fuckin 5 year hiatus already... I&#3

    by chickychow

    Unless he's like to return as Darkman. That I'll take...

  • July 12, 2005, 5:56 p.m. CST


    by keepcoolbutcare

    I just got done fucking a woman, I plan on spanking it later, so my hands are free to rip into your whinging. I read the books when I was a tyke (but unlike you TonyWilson, I didn't realize that they were about Jesus cuz I was raised a godless heathen) and was blown away by them. But these books "may contain some christ-type imagery"??? LEWIS SAID HIMSELF THEY WERE A CHRISTIAN ALLEGORY, didn't he? I'm still gonna see them (trailers look good, I'm a sucker for sweeping action shots), hope it doesn't get too bogged down in sentimental dreck, and they keep the story allegorical by not bashing us over the heads with it. "Your angry rants really only hurt yourself in the end"...don't I have a right to be angry when Disney will put out something like this but run in fear from "Dogma", "Farenheit 9/11"? I know they're just in it to make money, and this smells like a massive hit and a franchise to boot, but I'm damn fucking well angry that anything that questions, or calls into debate, or even, gasp!, yes, bashes religion (allegorically) like "His Dark Materials" has to be changed to appease a bunch of religious fanatics that for the most part haven't read or seen these works but just gets their panties in a bunch about the very idea of them. Ho-ho, really funny that "angry" people don't get laid...I fuck every day (bet you call it "making love", don't ya? Must get your lover all wet with your sweetness...does it hurt honey? Was it good for ya don't even go down on her/him) and as many times as I can on Sunday cuz that, to me, is the only time I'll call out the lords name. Wow, think I just hurt myself.

  • July 12, 2005, 6:51 p.m. CST

    A better choice for Aslan would be....

    by Kwame

    AVERY BROOKS. Yep. Captain Sisko from DS9. Not only has he done theatre & movies, but the man has a voice that'll shake ya to yer toes!!! Just my 2 cents.... Kwame OUT

  • July 12, 2005, 7:49 p.m. CST

    Hellz yes, keepcool.

    by TonyWilson

    I can't remember his name but a certain producer wanted armoured polar bears outside o f Supes' fortress of solitude in the Donner's films as he thought they would be great merchandise. And now a film comes along with the greatest merchandisng oppurtunities since star wars e.g armoured bears and everyone is shit scared to deal with it for fear of upsetting christians. LOL. Man that would be funny if it weren't so sad. Oh I was reading yours and cods posts on quints ff talkback. Just wondered if you had heard of the notwist? They did some collabarations with Anticon. (I fucking love Sage Francis btw). Anyway I don't hate these books at all, I bloody love them as fantasy stories but I really loathe all the christian bullshit that goes with it. I went to a C of E school so that may explain my bias.

  • July 12, 2005, 8:37 p.m. CST

    You Like South Park?

    by John-Locke

    You Like dirty Jokes? here is Cartmans rendition of the Aristocrats, It is extremely Dirty, you have been warned.

  • July 12, 2005, 10:12 p.m. CST

    Arithma, good to see some "KRULL" Love!!! Who could forget that

    by krullboy

    . . . and thus, KRULLBOY has spoken

  • July 12, 2005, 11:48 p.m. CST

    Neeson all over the place

    by d8cam

    He's in everything now (not literally)...he's this year's "Jude Law" except he's good.

  • July 13, 2005, 1:16 a.m. CST

    24 Hour Party People!!!

    by keepcoolbutcare

    Tony, why didn't you sign the Smiths??? Notwist and Themselves just put out an album under the name 13 & God. Sage Francis...I used to serve that guy pizza and discuss all things Hip-Hop with him in Providence, RI...he's a class act, doesn't take himself too seriously in person, and is a genius improviser and battle rhymer (him and Slug going at it is pure gold). The best white rapper/DJ/Producer/live show rockin perfomer today though is Buck 65...dude DJ's his own sets, has great stage presence, tells jokes, and can scratch with the best of them. Been reading your posts as well, keep up the good fight on that 9/11 talkback. Glad you weren't hurt, sorry my country sucks sometimes.

  • July 13, 2005, 3:47 a.m. CST

    Steve Coogan

    by keepcoolbutcare

    "W.A.S.T.E"...So not only do they show some love to the man Bill Hicks, let my man Stephen Malkmus open for them in the States, make some damn fine music, but they're into the Pynchon as well!!! "We Await Silent Tristeros Empire" as their postal address is just fucking genius, and I thought they didn't have a sense of humor. And Tony man, Shaun Ryder a better poet than W.B. Yeats? I mean "sunshine shine brightly through my asshole today/coulda tripped out quite easy man, but I decided to stay" is brilliant and all (and c'mon, all WB had was alcohol to trip out on) but how can ya fuck with "Nor dread nor hope attend/ A dying animal/ A man awaits his end/ dreading and hoping all". And seriously can you not have signed the Smiths???

  • July 13, 2005, 4:50 a.m. CST

    The Smiths.....I know I know, very bad move

    by TonyWilson

    When God, in my image no less, came down from heaven on the final morning of the Hacienda the supreme being said as much. Still I was right about Mick Hucknall. Shaun Ryder truly is a poet my friend as you surely know, better then Yeats? Well all I can say to that is; did Yeats have a freaky dancer perform with him at recitals?

  • July 13, 2005, 6:21 a.m. CST

    Please explain..........

    by The True Priapic

    How is casting Neeson a creative decision?Its a fucking joke and points to a committee banging on "Who are we gonna get?Who?Neeson?YESSS!!!Qui-gon!!Kid's 'll love it!".Its a woeful lack of imagination,I second the guy above who said get an unknown but cudos to the guys above who put forward Robert Powell and Paul Robeson!!That's morer like it,a bit of thought...... absolutely we go,...If you've watched the advert can someone please tell me if I'm right on this as its 20 years since I read any of these books.(And NO I'm not a Christian.The True Priapic bows to no religion,ta.)Why does the advert show Lucy pull a cover off a huge Wardrobe which is covered with beautiful engravings,is massive and literally LOOKS like something that would be a door to another realm.The whole fucking point is that its found during a game of hide and seek and looks like any old Wardrobe.And the directors need for the kid to act with AWE as she uncovers the Wardrobe is a dreadful sign tooward the acting direction of this film.Now I'm not actually trying to be all negative and shit but this IS a talkback and we are meant to discuss but I have a feeling Brian Cox left cos of "creative differences".i.e.This film is gonna tank.You cant make a film around fantasy,use WETA and advertise it in virtually exactly the same way as LOTR without someone(like me)criticise you of a lack of bringing anything NEW to the table.(If anyone remembers the first internet preview of LOTR they'll start to see my point.Even the Jackson intro.!!)Oh,and isn't edmund ginger....Ginger haired people were always the ones sacrificed in days past and I believe Judas was a ginger(Jesus,If I'm wrong here...WHoa,I'm gonna get flamed)and that always reminds me of a time at uni.............I was living on the Holloway Road while at UNI and had just agreed to move in to a house in Crouch End with 2 mates and girl I sorta knew but not very well.The day we put the deposit on the house we went out to Highbury corner and got shitfaced,absolutely Bolloxed!!Now I'd seen this girl,lets call her Patty,many times around Uni,she knew my peeps blah blah,and she was really quiet,little bit of a wallflower but very,very pretty.Yeah man,I had a crush for a little while but shy girls have this ability to promote shyness in others so I'd never bothered to chat.Anyone,she had long shiny red hair.It was lovely.And that night everyone pissed off home drunk and she and I stayed on chatting,thanks to the beer.She had a long way to go home and I said stay at mine!Honestly,I swear to god,I was just happy of getting her talking!Had no intention of making a move...Got home and opened a bottle of wine,we're chatting.Chatting.It's getting fairly fucking obvious whjat was gonna happen..and the undressing began..She always wore these knee high boots,sorta Deanna Troi circa Season 1 TNG,and I loved ' I took em off and put 'em by my bed this...smell..this fetid stink...started to pervade the rome and it became ABSOLUTELY OVERPOWERING.UNbearable.It was the boots.It was her feet.I literally must have turned green.Either that or the fact my eyes were watering or my face was grimaced like I was trying to squeeze out a ten tonne turd out my ass,I dunno....Then she said,"Oh,its my feet.I always get sweating feet."Now.....then I did something fairly bad,but I have to trust myself in that it had to be done..I put her boots outside the bedroom and in the hallway.Fairly Obvious,wasn't it.Anyway I didn't sleep with her,next to her yeah nookie...But then,and this is the kicker..about 4 in the morning a knock at the door from a Liverpudlian girl up the hall."Can you put those boots in your room,they're making me feel sick!"Ughhh,couldn't make it up....Anyway,for some reason I thought of how Batman and Robin gets a bad press.Lok at it again.I saw it in the ol' US when it came out.It was shit but fuck me!Alicia Silverstone has a moustache!Her close ups were hilarious!!!The cinema was screaming!I love seeing films in the states,people join in whereas in Britain fuckers just talk and answer mobiles.Cunts.I remember Clooney having some head disorder too,he keeps shaking his head when he talks like he has a case of the dt's!!What the fuck is wrong with him..Never liked him once I found out he'd been up Denise Crosby(When she was hot I guess)Fucker.Man,the only reason those awful jumpsuits were of any merit was to tune in to see Crosbys ass and curves in that uniform!!Then again,couldn't act to save her life but....Talking of Yank cinemas..saw Basic Instinct and a bunch of ghetto DUDEs at the front started whooping when Stone showed her 'talent'.Fucking awesome.Any country which laughs at Air Force One because of its jingoism(..and the fact it was shiiiiittte!) is cool by me,nopt just the mad patriots they're made out to be by the shit press of this country.By the way,saw Scarlett at The Island premiere last night,was it?Oh,Mamma....reminds me of a tangerine cheesecake.Just wanna eat her up........God,I need a bacon butty and hopefully I'll wake up.This heat!...............Funny to see Mory's taken down the chatback about chapter names on the Potter book,Jesus who cares.Bacon......avast

  • July 13, 2005, 8:49 a.m. CST

    Morgan Expensiveman

    by Brit Pop

    Yes, Morgan Freeman does have a very distinctive and cultured voice... but like Neeson, he's typecast as 'the man with the voice' - whereas Neeson is 'the ideal sacrificial mentor'. Freeman used his voice in Seven, Bruce Almighty, Deep Impact, WOTW etc... etc... etc... If he hadn't done all of these I think we all would have loved him to do it - but not anymore unfortunately. "In Narnia today, Edmund came up to me to start a conversation. He made small talk, a lonely boy talking about the weather and other things. I tried to be pleasant and accommodating, but my head hurt from his banality. I almost didn't notice it had happened, but I suddenly threw up all over him. He was not pleased, and I couldn't stop laughing."

  • July 13, 2005, 8:52 a.m. CST

    A word from 'Da Lawd'.......

    by The True Priapic

    Hey guys,Jesus here.Just wanted to put forward my two pennance.Now I know this site usually talks about The Fantastic Four and Batman but those guys are fictional!I was the first superhero and...Godammit..I never get my due and I'm pissed,man!!Now I grew up much like you kids,from a broken home-Dad left and Mom refused to even say he existed,like I was some fuckin' virgin birth or something.And my stepdad...Man,couldn't get that man outta his shed and his table makin'.Guess dealing with Mom's tirades and crazy shit was just too much.We never got on tho,I even got my woodwork O-Level just to impress him but he was a bit like a secondary character in my life.If my life was a book it'd be badly written,man I tell ya.Anyway I tried rebelling a bit,y'know running away for a while,running round the streets and all that but Ultimately my home town was just too small.I ached to get to the city...And that's when the shit hit the fan.These weird fucking guys kept following me about,chanting and shit.12 of 'em,I tell ya.Always fucking whining,asking for advice ..yadda,yadda,yadda,and that ginger haired one..Judas,his name was.He just kept asking to borrow cash."It's for my mother!","I need to pay off my debts","I got a chick pregnant!".But I had no cash to give,and to tell ya the truth...I didn't trust that fucker much anyhow.Then I met Mary.Yeah,I know what you're thinking...same name as Mom!No I haven't got a oedipal just happened that way.No I am not making this shit up!...Anyway,she'd been treated bad by some past boyfriends.I could never quite understand that though,she always said thses guys GAVE her money?!They sounded okay by me...quite generous,rightous dudes!But Mary,man!What a goer...She rocked my world.Never knew a girl could go like a train...well,like a donkey fanned with large leaves!A rockin' little girl.But surprise,surprise..Those 12 I told you about,well they got me drunk and I ended up trashing the local market.Fuck,I barely remember anything about that...woke up the next day in someone's garden and the bastard had called the cops!Som'bitch!Well,what can I say?That fuckwit Judas went for the cash to dob me in and ended up getting so wasted on crack he thought he could fly and jumped out of a rather tall tree!Dick!!Can't say I endeared myself to the Po-lice,they called me a hippy and kicked me about,took the piss,called me a black bastard and all that ya expect from the fascist bastards.And would ya believe Mom turned up spouting her insane shit about me being a deity and shit.Well,I tell ya..I was strung quicker than the Flash running from a rape scene...And the fucking wailing and weeping,it got so fuckin'bad a guy who looked like John Wayne stuck me with his blade!!Don't remember much!Remember shouting "I'll fucking kill you all,ya Bastards" but I got misquoted!Fuckin' hack writers....Anyway,strangely woke up a few days later and my hair !!It was so luxurious!Death is good for your hair,kids.It's cos' I'm worth it!!.........Gotta go,I'm bleedin all over the Priapic's keyboard.Just can't get these wounds to fuckin' heal.Tried everything!Peace!

  • July 13, 2005, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Jesus Titfucking Christ!!!

    by keepcoolbutcare

    "...quicker than the Flash running from a rape scene." Hey Doc, can you set up a page just for True's posts? Hope you save these True, I'm smelling best seller!!!

  • July 13, 2005, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Smell ice can ya? Bleedin' Christ!!

    by Brit Pop

    Priapic... If Jesus is still at your house can you ask him something for me? Ask him if he's gonna transfer elements of himself into people so we don't forget the sacrifice he made... can he put stigmata to the bottom of the list please... I bleed every easter and my mom and dad think I'm a self-harmer... I've got a 24 hour care assistant now called Raul who wont let me use metal cutlery and I have to sign cheques with a red crayon - its really demeaning! This year could you get him to either give me water into wine... walking on water... or spinning roundhouse dragon kick, because I have to eat my easter eggs in hospital and my blood type is quite rare. Cheers, and love thy neighbour!

  • July 13, 2005, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Liam Lion

    by SidikiRanger

    Damn! I wanted Sean Bean! Ah well. I know they never will, but it'd be cool if they let him do it in his real accent.

  • July 13, 2005, 12:03 p.m. CST

    for crying out loud.

    by lilah

    Neeson again? Again? That's, what, his five MILLIONTH movie this year? I thought it was cool when they weren't going with bigger names, I thought maybe an unknown actor might be good. Sheesh. What's that, Aslan? I'm the chosen one? What do you mean the force is with me?

  • July 13, 2005, 12:05 p.m. CST


    by lilah

    Sean Bean would have been cool, no doubt (since it has to be a big star). But it's kind of hard to understand his real accent sometimes.

  • July 13, 2005, 12:59 p.m. CST

    Cue Voice-Over Man:"In a world.."

    by The True Priapic

    "NOAH!!!!!","Jesus Christ!","NO IT&#39;S NOT HIM,IT&#39;S ME!","God Almighty!","Yes Noah,for it is me.For I come to you as this burning bush to enlighten your understanding.","Yes,lord!","There is to come a mighty storm that will wash away all the scum and dirt from the streets...erm,Earth.And you are to build a great ship to carry the beatiful creatures that man has chosen to hunt and ruin.","Eh,but I&#39;m a farmer!","You will find your courage,Frod....Noah.You have a week to build..","WHAT?Give a year at least,fo fuc...","A Year you shall have.And within this ship you shall transport a pair of each of the creatures of the earth to repopulate the Earth after the Perfect Storm!","Whast?Even Whales?","YES!","But they can swi...","DO NOT QUESTION ME,PUNY HUMAN!","Then..fishes..too??","ERM...YES..FISHES TOO!FOR MY PLAN IS AS I.PERFECTION!","What will be my fate,Lord?","You shall be Captain of this Ship,NOAH!","Yeaaaaaahh,booooy!","Your family shall be blessed and you shall be saved,Noah.I shall return to you before the Great flood as the rain cleanses the Earth.","Lord?",Where will I find.....a burning the torrent??",".........Let me fucking finish Noah,I shall come to thee as a ..............pigoen."," wish,my Master.","Oh and Noah,","Yes...","When you go and get my elephants,use BMI Baby to fly.They&#39;re really rather reasonably priced.","Thankyou Lord.Truly he is wise"........................................................................A Year did pass and Noah employed his sons to build the great ship(okay,he told them he&#39;d give them a damn good hiding if they didn&#39;t)and he transported all the most beautiful of creatures in the ship."Look,my wife.It is the Lord!","Noah...........thats a pigeon.....a pigeon,Noah..................Noah,that&#39;s your God!"<slaps forehead>"NOOOOAAAAHHHH!","CHRIST,FUCK ME!","No Noahs wife,he won&#39;t.And you&#39;ll be far too old anyway","LOrd,you came as you said.The water is rising and we are ready to sail.","Not yet Noah.","My Lord?","You have done my bidding well.You even brought fishes.Although I never really cared for Koaloas.Silly looking things,them.Daft blody ears and....ERM,.....And to prove my pride in thy servitude I give you these new pairs of animals to keep thee entertained....I give thee..............THE PROCLAIMERS.....<cue proclaimers singing &#39;I will walk 10,000 miles>..........I give thee.............The OLSENS....<cue Olsens air kissing WMAH,MWAH>............I give you ........THE KRAYS...,cue complete silence."My Lord!Thankyou.On our long trip we shall have the God given talents of MUSIC!ACTING!and.....CONTROLLED ILLEGAL PROFITEERING!!!","Yes Noah.But for you and you alone...for trusting in me,just in me....for never losing thy religion...and for somehow,God knows how,getting those Blue Whales on your ship...I give to thee and thee alone.....................THE BARBI&#39;S....","Holy Shiiiiiiiiit!LOrd......?","Yes,NOah.","And to think,all those non-believers thougyt you didn&#39;t answer prayers!","NOAH!","Yes,Lord!","Go forth and multiply!"....cue storm,lightning,James Horner music as the great ship lulls and takes to the flood.There is monkey screams,cow moos,barking sounds and er......whale singing.And as the great ship goes into the West...the strumming of "letter fropm Am-er-i-ca" is heard.As titles roll cue Bernard Herman&#39;s Taxi Driver music...""

  • July 13, 2005, 2:14 p.m. CST


    by DinoDeLaurentiis

    Holy crappa, that was a the goddamn brilliant! You know, even a though I am a the good Catholic, I always a wondered... there&#39;s a like, what, like over a 5 a million a species of beetle... how inna hell did a Noah find 2 of each? Anna male anna female no less? An&#39; what about alla the space they take up inna the boat? You canna say that there was less beetles a back a then, &#39;cos then a the new beetle species, they must a come from a the evolution then, but iffa you believe inna the Noah, then a you don&#39;t believe inna the evolution. It a boggles Dino&#39;s mind!!!

  • July 13, 2005, 5:48 p.m. CST

    James Earl Jones? For fuck&#39;s sake, why not just reuse the c

    by minderbinder

    And Connery was never offered Gandalf, they knew they couldn&#39;t afford him and he wouldn&#39;t be available that long.

  • July 13, 2005, 6:12 p.m. CST

    One in the oven VVVV

    by Brit Pop

    Bobcat Goldthwaite is the true voice of Aslan!!!

  • July 13, 2005, 8:30 p.m. CST

    There are plenty of other choices. I&#39;d rather see Neeson or

    by minderbinder

    And PJ himself said Connery was never considered, for those very reasons (300 million for a trilogy like this is a hell of a bargain, it would have cost much more with big names). One or the other isn&#39;t telling the truth, I tend to trust PJ (actors make claims about the parts they are offered all the time). No mushrooms necessary, sorry.

  • July 13, 2005, 10:27 p.m. CST

    Here&#39;s the quote from Peter Jackson himself.

    by minderbinder

    "The basic philosophy is to cast unknowns as the hobbits and use better known actors for the smaller roles, i.e. Elrond, Theoden, Denethor, etc. I would be happy casting unknowns for all roles, as fresh faces will bring a sense of reality to the films, however I&#39;m sure New Line will want some names. We won&#39;t be able to afford huge stars. Sean Connery won&#39;t be Gandalf (one of the most enduring pieces of net mythology). We couldn&#39;t afford him, he wouldn&#39;t live in NZ for a year, and I don&#39;t think he&#39;s right for the role. I love Connery, but I want Gandalf to be fresher than that. I like the Patrick McGoohan idea somebody mentioned ... that type of thinking is the right way to go. We have a couple of other strong ideas for Gandalf (I won&#39;t say who, but I&#39;ve never seen their names on the net). We will no doubt audition a 100 actors to find the ideal Gandalf."

  • July 16, 2005, 6:15 p.m. CST

    The True Priapic...

    by loafroaster

    Great Young Ones reference! Was I the only one to spot it?