Movie News

Neill Cumpston Showers BATMAN BEGINS With... Praise!!

Published at: May 5, 2007, 3:14 p.m. CST by staff

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

By now, many of you are already back from the midnight shows, and more of you are getting ready to hit the theater tomorrow. What better way could there be to celebrate than with a review by our very own Neill Cumpston?

Here Comes Batman

I need to get a “holy shit” key put on my computer that I can hit when I see a movie like HERE COMES BATMAN. Basically, this movie rounds up the last four BATMAN movies, chain-whips them, and then kicks their balls into a sissy-forest.

Plus, there’s a whole new origin for Batman, one that doesn’t include neon in the shape of the word ‘GAY’. Imagine a two-hour prison pounding done with the lights out and part of the room on fire, with Katie Holmes in the middle of it, and you’ll start to get the idea.

Everyone important from the Batman comics is played by someone British – Batman is the AMERICAN PSYCHO guy, Policeman Gordon is Sid Vicious, Something Foreign Name Bad Guy is Liam Neeson (he was in some black and white Spielberg movie which won a prize which = I will never see it) and the Scarecrow is the dude from 28 DAYS LATER. But they’ve been dubbed by American actors so they don’t sound faggy. Michael Caine is Alfred Butler, but he speaks all British ‘cuz that’s the only way you can be a butler. There’s also a mob boss played by the British dude from IN THE BEDROOM, but I heard that in that movie he was also dubbed in American. Also, Morgan Fucking Freeman is the dude who builds all of Batman’s cool stuff, but he talks like Morgan Freeman. Oh, also the dude who played the android in BLADE RUNNER is in it, and Morgan has this cool scene at the end where he hands him his ass and tells him to fuck off.

Katie Holmes is so hot she could turn Tom Cruise straight.

Fights: Liam Neeson and Batman out on the ice (before he’s got the Batman costume); a bunch of ninjas beating the ass-fat off Bruce Wayne; then Bruce Wayne refuses to kill this dude and become a Ninja or something – I forgot the particulars of that, because he totally burns down the ninja hideout and runs away; Batman beating the shit out of all these criminal dudes down at the docks (he’s scary like the monster in ALIEN in these scenes) plus a bunch of other scenes including one with a bunch of bats and a train fight that’s like if you could have a boner made out of punching.

Another cool thing: you never see Batman full-on, just standing around in his costume. Little parts of it, not all at once, which makes him look even more bad-ass. Full-on guys in costumes look like rollerskating on Planet Gay.

This looks like an awesome start to a shitload of good Batman films. I think there should be one where he tracks down George Clooney Batman and beats him up with his ice skates. Also, if they’re going to bring Robin into any future ones, he should be played by Boobs Out Carla Gugino from SIN CITY.

Short but sweet. I’m going to check it out on IMAX this weekend, after I see some other stuff. Can’t wait to hang out with my buddies afterwards...

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback

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  • June 15, 2005, 3:19 a.m. CST

    First.... to agree with Neill, that is.

    by The Shyster

    "Nice coat" Best Batman...ever.

  • June 15, 2005, 3:19 a.m. CST

    Just got back from the midnight screening. Nolan's Batman i

    by Barry Egan

    Oh, and the audience went nuts for the Serenity trailer.

  • June 15, 2005, 3:20 a.m. CST

    Last

    by Glass Bead Gamer

  • June 15, 2005, 3:21 a.m. CST

    I concur

    by LUZER

    incredibly kick ass

  • June 15, 2005, 3:23 a.m. CST

    YOU!

    by Dmann

    are gay

  • June 15, 2005, 3:24 a.m. CST

    and oh yeah...

    by LUZER

    ...the fear gas effects were handled very effectively. Can't wait to see it in IMAX. www.LUZERonline.com

  • June 15, 2005, 3:28 a.m. CST

    Wow

    by PietjePuk

    I went to the Dutch premiere last night (on IMAX) and this movie rocks!

  • June 15, 2005, 3:37 a.m. CST

    "Boobs Out Carla Gugino"

    by Chief J

    What a lovely nickname.

  • June 15, 2005, 3:39 a.m. CST

    I hate reviewers like this

    by mcflytrap

    Gotta put your wisecracks in every 2 seconds like we're all going to be impressed w/ your wit...AICN isn't going to be your big comedy break nor will any of us want to suck your dick because you come up with lame jokes all the time.....and by the way, the actors voices weren't dubbed douchebag

  • June 15, 2005, 3:50 a.m. CST

    not really

    by mcflytrap

    i don't find him funny one bit and ended up skimming through the "review" because of the lame jokes....good for him he's famous...all the more reason to shut the fuck up

  • June 15, 2005, 3:57 a.m. CST

    It's too short & it's been too long ago

    by moviemaniac-7

    But Neil's back! Can't he review every movie here on AICN? Have to check out the movie myself, but it sounds cool from everything I hear (except for the third act).

  • June 15, 2005, 4:01 a.m. CST

    Beat George Clooney up with his ice skates

    by Gheorghe Zamfir

    Hehe, funny simply cause sometimes I forget (i.e. block out) how truly crappy Batman & Robin really was.

  • June 15, 2005, 4:06 a.m. CST

    I can't verify this but ...

    by Shan

    ... I read somewhere that George Clooney watches "Batman and Robin" once a year to remind himself how bad it was - and presumably to make sure he never does anything like it ever again. That can only be good news for us, surely ... ?

  • June 15, 2005, 4:15 a.m. CST

    I like Neil on Tom Goes to the Mayor. QUALITY!

    by LordEnigma

    Yeah. Rather tame, but his last review sucked hard. Again, a comic genius as himself, can kick ass and take names in a short amount of words. At least he still has his slot on a TV show.

  • June 15, 2005, 4:35 a.m. CST

    Don't hate Batman & Robin.

    by Trevor Goodchild

    It's not a good film but at least it knew what it was. Unashamedly garish and daft. Films only deserve hate when they pretend to be something else and made only with vanity-The Last Samurai-Battlefield Earth-Closer-Alfie etc. B & R was surely just as camp and silly as the old sixties Adam West series just not funny.

  • June 15, 2005, 4:45 a.m. CST

    Which was worse-Punisher or Daredevil

    by Trevor Goodchild

  • June 15, 2005, 5:06 a.m. CST

    Liam was far better as Ras than as Quigon

    by Breotan

    In SW:TPM, Liam was supposed to me a master training a pupil. He never really conveyed it well. Not his fault, mind you. His character didn't have much depth to it, or personality. As Ras, Liam is a master who gets to watch his student grow beyond him. Liam actually feels like Christian's mentor. You can actually believe the relationship. Dang, Batman Begins is a great movie. Repeat business, people. Tell your friends.

  • June 15, 2005, 5:08 a.m. CST

    GAY this...

    by no-no

    ...gay that, grow up?

  • June 15, 2005, 5:16 a.m. CST

    Liam Neeson is not British

    by darth_mig

    He's Irish. Although he was born in Ballymena, which is officially UK territory, try telling an Irish Catholic nationalist - such as Neeson - that they're British. He played Michael Collins for fuck sake

  • June 15, 2005, 5:19 a.m. CST

    Can that Inbloom guy from the olther thread please post his theo

    by Rogue_Leader

    I'm curious to hear this. Seriously! ;)

  • June 15, 2005, 5:22 a.m. CST

    Finally...

    by spanishlullaby

    ... someone dares "speak the truth" about Cruise!!

  • June 15, 2005, 5:25 a.m. CST

    that review was a load of wank

    by Mr Chuff

    I could've done a better review than that and I havent even seen it yet. What a piss-lid.

  • June 15, 2005, 5:31 a.m. CST

    Agent Alonzo

    by Mr Chuff

    a "fairly successful stand-up comedian"?? The one hired to make the Batman & Robin script funnier apparently... If you know so much about this absolute cow-pat of a reviewer then tell us who he really is so we can "laugh" at his "hilarious" routines sometime.

  • June 15, 2005, 6:11 a.m. CST

    This is a review? Cumpston thinks hes funny but hes lost his tou

    by Spacesheik

    kinda sad to read through really, a bit embarrasing altho i did like the 'katie holmes is so hot she could turn tom cruise straight' bit.

  • June 15, 2005, 6:19 a.m. CST

    Neill Cumpston Is Clearly Gay!

    by RKO Classic

    Quite obviously the gentleman doth protest too much. Sure, some of the previous films were camp, but please do avoid using "gay" in such negative connotations. It makes you sound like a rabid homophobe, and there really are too many of those bigots in the world. It has been shown in experiments that those who have such pented up anger, are in fact deeply homosexual. Quite clearly, Neill is infatuated by homosexuality. I think it is fabulous that he should have come out of his deep, dark cupboard, after a session with Joel Schumacher. ....and yes, I am British.

  • June 15, 2005, 6:21 a.m. CST

    Cruise is gay? Evidence, please?

    by Dewi

  • June 15, 2005, 6:27 a.m. CST

    Cruise is Gay? Evidence, please!

    by Dewi

    AFAIK, the only evidence is that a lot of gay men fancy Cruise - have done ever since he flashed his Y-fronts in "Risky Business". Hardly his fault! A lot of straight women fancied Rock Hudson, and he really was gay.

  • June 15, 2005, 6:36 a.m. CST

    tired and weak

    by evolvingsensblty

    hang it up cumstain.

  • June 15, 2005, 6:49 a.m. CST

    no way

    by SteM

    Cillian Murphy is Irish you stupid dick.

  • June 15, 2005, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Gotta be the most homophobic review I've ever read in this s

    by Dead Megatron

    And belive me, I've read a few. True, Schumacker's Batman movies were too gay, but, man, will you change the subject?

  • June 15, 2005, 7:46 a.m. CST

    CHUD.com Reviews

    by InZodWeTrust

    These guys are dead to me. They are almost oging OUT of their way to bash shit these days. Its pretty sad. I know everybody has a bone to pick with Devin Faraci, but now I do too. His review of Batman Begins was an exercise in pot-stirring, looking for attention. The Italian Connection of Nick and Devin have jumped the shark, ladies and genital-men. Anyhow. I saw it on Monday, and ever since I have been waiting for the right time to go and see it again. It is that good people. I have been reading Batman comics for 22 years and change, still DO, and this is as close to Batman as YOU CAN GET. PERIOD.

  • June 15, 2005, 7:50 a.m. CST

    CHUD.com Reviews Vol. II

    by InZodWeTrust

    Case in point, their pretentious "Look, all of our staff have reviewed Episode III... Look at us tear down the movie." The way they disected EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of the film proves they think they are above the general public. EP. III simply was NOT AS BAD AS THEY reviewed it as. It was like they were expecting a film on the scope of Aliens, and when they got what they simply SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN TO EXPECT, they piss and shit all over it like they have some sort of bizarro-stock in it. I just don't get the hate from these guys lately. Sorry to bother you, had to get it off my chest.

  • So at the very least, all the twelve-year-olds that check out this site probably thought he was funny. Kinda sucks for the rest of us, though...

  • June 15, 2005, 8:04 a.m. CST

    Humorless internet dorks...

    by California Split

    Cumpston is wasted on you. Although it is funny reading how indignant about your ignorance you can be. Do you send in op-ed pieces to The Onion too?

  • June 15, 2005, 8:04 a.m. CST

    Ringbearer9 is DEVIN!!!!!!

    by InZodWeTrust

    Kidding. Like I said, I saw the film, and I am pretty critical, and I don't let shit slide, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my beloved crop of DC Comics icons, and I can honestly say tha the last 40 minutes are not the "Trainwreck" they proclaim. The last 40 minutes are action driven and quite possibly the only thing in the movie that gets you out of your seat cheering. I had the luxury and privledge of winning Premiere Passes to both Star Wars and Batman Begins, and the crowd at the end of Sith was dead silent. DEAD SILENT from FOX FANFARE to to END CREDITS. Batman on the other hand, got cheers DURING and AFTER WARD, along with a standing ovations. Both films had packed houses with a mixture of fnaboys like me, and mainstream genpub. If you thought Sith was a summer smash, just wait until the you see Batman Begins.

  • June 15, 2005, 8:18 a.m. CST

    Cumpston's reviews have gone downhill since his "Matrix: You

    by Mr. Waturi

  • June 15, 2005, 8:21 a.m. CST

    CHUD

    by Shigeru

    I almost always love those guys' writing and reviews, but at the end of sifting through all 4 Ep III reviews, I just felt like emailing them all 4 words: "Lighten the fuck up!" Anyhoo CHUD still rocks.

  • June 15, 2005, 8:27 a.m. CST

    IinZodWeTrust is Right About Chud...

    by Brock Samson

    As much as Harry is overly praiseful of certain films that in no way deserve it, the crew at Chud, especially Devin, try way too hard to tear down films that aren't bad at all. At least most of the Chud crew liked Batman, but Devin got to write the sites full review. Coupled with Nick's bizzare love of Ocean's 12, and the site is better for movie and DVD news, not reviews.

  • June 15, 2005, 8:28 a.m. CST

    Batman & Robin was Schumacker's fault, not Clooney

    by I Dunno

    Clooney shouldn't beat himself up about B&R. He can play a bad ass when properly directed. See Dusk Till Dawn. B&R's shittyness is all on the screen writer and on Shumacker's sore ass. As for Tom Cruise being gay, who cares? Are you guys supposed to be film geeks or gossipy housewives? Cruise might be a psycho cultist who makes mostly shitty films but he was a natural in Interview with the Vampire, where he played a...well...ok, he played an ambigously gay vampire. But he was the bomb in Collateral, yo. That counts for something. Oh, and David Cross is way to funny to be this Mitch Cumstein character.

  • June 15, 2005, 8:31 a.m. CST

    Brock...you make some good points...

    by Ray Garraty #47

    ...but you have to admit that at least Chud's reviews (screencaps not withstanding) are better written and they don't start with 5 paragraphs like "The other day Brent Ratner and I ate lunch together" or "Let me tell you where I'm coming from...I liked Equilibrium but hated Hellboy, I like vanilla and hate chocolate..." blah blah blah

  • June 15, 2005, 8:53 a.m. CST

    Why was this even posted?

    by performingmonkey

    I can't believe that a 'review' featuring phrases like 'he was in some black and white Spielberg movie which won a prize which = I will never see it' and 'But they

  • June 15, 2005, 8:59 a.m. CST

    internet argument a-go-go

    by evolvingsensblty

    -that wasn't funny! -oh, you just didn't get it! -no, i got it, i just didn't think it was funny. -no ,if you got it, you would have thought it was funny. -i got the joke, i just didn't think...etc. etc. cumpston's act was funny the first few times. now he's just repeating himself.

  • June 15, 2005, 9 a.m. CST

    mcflytrap you fucking newbie...

    by Lost Skeleton

    How dare you insult a AICN institution like Neil Cumpston! A movie review ain't a movie review w/o Neil! Batman Begins is good, let's hope Supes is also next year.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:06 a.m. CST

    Only on this site...

    by lead_sharp

    Do you review the reviewers.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Singerman

    by InZodWeTrust

    When leaving the moviehouse after absorbing the asskickery that IS Batman Begins, listen carefully. You can actually HEAR the pressure on Bryan Singer to top this. He has some big shoes to fill on this bad-boy. Brandon Routh ain't no Christian Bale. Superman Returns has trainwreck written all over it,

  • June 15, 2005, 9:12 a.m. CST

    brandon routh

    by blackthought

    he definately ain't no bale, hell he isn't even a dean cain!

  • June 15, 2005, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Is this Neil Cumpston

    by Krigan

    http://www.pattonoswalt.com/ Sure makes sense to me.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Neil Cumpston is

    by Krigan

    heres a quote from the Patton oswalt site. "Wow. I've already told my superiors in the nerd mafia to ready their bat-boners." sounds like something Cumpston would say to me, he does love boners after all.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:29 a.m. CST

    I saw the midnight showing... and while I was not blown away, it

    by JDanielP

    I've read some reviews (both here and elswhere) while keeping spoilers to a minimum (skipping reviews with "spoiler warnings"). After all that, in short, I got (from the film) mostly what I expected. But if I went into the theatre knowing only the positive reviews, I'd feel disappointed. Even so, while I expected the movie's visuals to be a bit underwhelming (overall, as to how the film looked), I still felt disappointed by THAT element of the film. And I still feel let down by the action scenes. I'm a fan of the Jason Bourne movies... yet I expected as good or better fight scenes with "BATMAN BEGINS"... but no, I don't feel that. (Same with the "car chase" scene.) And surprisingly, I felt the BRUCE WAYNE fight scenes were much more satisfying and better than the BATMAN fight scenes. With Batman's more realistic technique, using stealth and surprise tactics, perhaps that isn't surprising. Yet to me, it still was. After all, this is BATMAN I'm talkin' about(!). I wish I could say that the visuals are worthy of David Fincher or Tim Burton, yet I can't. At the same time, I do appreciate this glossier, more realistic view of Gotham City... and if I had to compare it to the comic books, I'm reminded a bit of the Steve Englehart/Len Wein and Marshall Rogers great Batman run in the '70s. (In future sequels, I'd appreciate it if they pull a bit more from these issues.) I've posted here at AICN numerous times in the past as to my disappointment with the costume design. It's just that the costume can be better... while being faithful to even THIS (type of) design. Seeing more close-up shots of Bale in the cowl actually gave me a bit more relief... while the ears still bother me. And I appreciate the movement of the cape, though the material itself looks like it might make a decent shirt. I know these complaints about the costume might be overkill for many... but I want the costume to look cool in every way (no matter who is in the Bat-suit). My greatest joy of this film... besides telling the origin of Bruce Wayne (a wee bit different from the comic books) with depth... and the explaination of Batman's gadgets... may have actually been with the character Lucius Fox. I absolutely love the character as played by Morgan Freeman, who pulled the best parts from the character in what little screen-time he had. Lucius Fox was alienated by Wayne Corp. and has found a new friend in Bruce. You feel that joy and amusement in Freeman's character,... and his sense of enjoyment in Bruce's discovery of all the gadgets which were never put into production or developed for the military (as far as we know, which could be an interesting story element itself, in a future sequel). As to other performances... I feel that the director (Nolan) should have pushed for more emotion from Katie Holmes, specifically in a scene where she slaps Bruce (in her car). When I see an acting performance which falls short (no matter how little or big), I put quite a bit of blame on the director. But my compliments to the rest of the cast, none of whom go "over the top" and that's a GREAT thing. (But just remember... that you've got to feed those emotions to the audience, no matter how subtle.) I suppose I would have loved ever more intensity from Bale (due to the incredible character he is portraying)... but he does not disappoint. And while I'm on the subject of intensity, I would have loved for the film to push more in this area... with extreme close-ups of the fear in the eyes of at least one criminal,... and Batman invading the "personal space" of his victims,... forward intensity and... vaaaarrrrrrrroooooooooooomph... the music to push it ever more forward. You get what I'm saying??? I'm always looking for that Batman masterpiece. And I still am. But this is a great foundation for more hope. I'm okay with this. And I'll see it again.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:38 a.m. CST

    One more thing... (minor spoiler)

    by JDanielP

    ... the hallucinatory "fear gas" shots of Batman should have computer animated into something greater.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:41 a.m. CST

    Faggy

    by beelkay

    I don't mind the occassional gay joke, but geez, this guy was laying them on a bit too thick. What a turn off. Also, Liam Neeson IS British. Ireland is part of the British Isles.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:44 a.m. CST

    gay dr doom

    by Procrustean

    HAS ANYONE SEEN THE FF COMMERCIAL?? WHERE DR DOOM SAYS: RIGHT ON QUE? WHEN DID DR DOOM SPEAK LIKE A METROSEXUAL PANSY BOY FOP? THAT AINT FUCKING DR FUCKING DOOM YOU FUCKING RETARD MOVIE LOSERS!

  • June 15, 2005, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Cillian Murphy

    by beelkay

    Also British...see above.

  • June 15, 2005, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Neeson is Irish, as is Murphy

    by RetroActive

    Beelkay...technically, he might carry the status of being a British National as well, but Northern Ireland is still a separate entity...much like Australia is. Therefore, he's Irish. Cillian Murphy is from County Cork. Ireland is not part of the British Isles. Check a map.

  • June 15, 2005, 10:11 a.m. CST

    The British Isles? Are you a complete...

    by darth_mig

    fucking moron!!? The British Isles is a convenient geographical description that Irish people loathe. There is no such legal entity as the British Isles. Ireland fought a War of Independence for fuck sake. It's been a totally independent Republic since 1948. So living on the imaginary 'British Isles' - or British and Irish Isles as is its correct description

  • June 15, 2005, 10:22 a.m. CST

    darth-mig...

    by RetroActive

    you tell 'em! hey, has anyone else noticed the underlying growling of a lot of the papers' reviews about the amount of British (& Irish) actors in the movie? Somebody quit their whining! I also love how all of a sudden...they're trying to tell you that there isn't enough action...and trying to make a comic hero "plausible" and "realistic" is a waste. Imagine having dinner with one of these vapid jackasses. I'd rather eat a bowful of lead paint!

  • June 15, 2005, 10:27 a.m. CST

    by darth_mig

    Thanks Retro. As for monkeytennis, 800 years of oppression perhaps? But I jest

  • June 15, 2005, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Yeah, let's argue nationalities some more, shall we?

    by Garbageman33

    Come on, people, he started the article by calling the movie, "Here Comes Batman". Do you really think he checked his facts? Actually, here's an idea...and I might be taking crazy pills here, but maybe, just maybe, he got things wrong...on purpose.

  • June 15, 2005, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Garbageman33...

    by darth_mig

    I don't think so, since he does seem actually that stupid. And to be honest, I don't want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Altho maybe he's really Mickey Suttle. The line about dubbing the actors' voices so they don't sound 'faggy' was possibly one of the most foolish things I've ever read on this site. And it has had some competition

  • June 15, 2005, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Irish, English, Australian, American...

    by RetroActive

    Let's all blame Canada! I'm out. Good day to you all.

  • June 15, 2005, 10:36 a.m. CST

    And anyway, British actors...

    by darth_mig

    particularly the older ones, tend to raise the IQ of these sort of comic book/fantasy films any time they're on screen. Can only be a good thing. The list is long. McKellen and Stewart in X-Men, McKellen and Lee in Lord of the Rings etc etc... and of course the most famous Alec Guinness in Star Wars

  • June 15, 2005, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Umm, yeah, see, that's the thing, his reviews are SUPPOSED t

    by Garbageman33

    In fact, that's kinda the point. Do you also read the Onion and get all up in arms that "Habitrails for Humanity" is under attack for building substandard plastic tube housing?

  • June 15, 2005, 10:56 a.m. CST

    foolish reviews

    by darth_mig

    Well, that's fair enough Garbageman33. I didn't know that. To be honest that's the first time I've read one of his reviews. As one who infrequently dabbles in the movie-internet underworld I didn't know anything about him. To the ignorant observer, that seemed like the greatest load of trying-to-be-funny-but-failing-spectacularly horseshit I'd read in a while

  • June 15, 2005, 11:08 a.m. CST

    people that are taking Neil seriously...

    by Shigeru

    are probably the same people that write hate mail to realultimatepower.net about the true historical facts about ninjas.

  • June 15, 2005, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Any proof on who this guy is?

    by wackynephews

    Because if it's Patton Oswalt then he's missed a step because he's usually cutting edge on his irony and imitating an AICN TBer is so early 2000. BTW, the Irish hate the Brits because the Brits made the Irish subservient to them for hundreds of years. Don't even get me started on the Irish famine!

  • June 15, 2005, 11:22 a.m. CST

    we don't hate the Brits...

    by darth_mig

    we just don't want to be called British. Americans wouldn't like to be called Canadian (or British for that matter considering most of them are!!). We have our own national identity, and probably due to the fact we're such a small country, are insecure about being forgotten about, like to assert our identity. Particularly in the case of successful compatriots - such as Neeson and Cillian Murphy. As for the Famine, come on mate it was over a century and a half ago, and if the truth be told the British government were not ENTIRELY responsible for it. Surely we can get over the whole hating Britain thing... Although I still love it when they get knocked out of a European Championships or World Cup

  • June 15, 2005, 11:24 a.m. CST

    England getting knocked out that is...

    by darth_mig

    not Britain. There are no British football teams. I don't want to sound like a fool

  • June 15, 2005, 11:46 a.m. CST

    How to write like Neil

    by Nozoki

    1. Retitle the movie you are reviewing. 2. Don't use actor's real names. Call them by the name of a past role. Bonus points if you combine two roles to make one name. 3. Point out how super fucking hot the lead actress is. 4. Mention gays and testicles a lot.

  • June 15, 2005, 11:47 a.m. CST

    British

    by ROBE

    I was born in Lisburn, Northern Ireland. Like most people (non Catholics)in Northern Ireland I view myself as British (and hold a British Passport). Liam Neeson is a Catholic and he did star in a historically inaccurate IRA propaganda movie, so he probably views himself as Irish. On the issue of why so many British and Irish actors appear in the movie, that is due to American actors liking "nice roles", Hollywood usually gets foreigners to play the weirdos. Christian Bale previously played American Psycho because American actors like clean cut hero roles.

  • June 15, 2005, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Laying the gay on a bit too thick? Oh my my...

    by Johnno

    What? One reference to neon lights and the word gay and another about costumes and rollerskating planet gay... stereotypical stuff, doesn't sound so bad t'me coming from the guy that called Jesus Christ a zombie when comparing Passion to that zombie movie... lighten up ya intolerant pansies!

  • June 15, 2005, 11:59 a.m. CST

    oh yeah...

    by Johnno

    Saw this midnight, this movie rocked... action was a bit too shaky and that was the only thing I felt was wrong (That's not including the scarecrow and hallucinogen and batman pulling people from the shadows where the shaky style worked) But otherwise great film! Perhaps the first batman movie I'll buy on DVD.

  • June 15, 2005, 12:01 p.m. CST

    CHUD Plants are gay!

    by GILFHunter

    Who cares about CHUD? Site sucks anyway. They left my bookmarks a long time ago. Cumpston rulez.

  • June 15, 2005, 12:09 p.m. CST

    You unbelievable morons...

    by DocPazuzu

    How is it some of you twats still don't understand that NC's reviewing style is all in-character shtick? I

  • June 15, 2005, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Britain

    by p_vergilis

    Whether or not Ireland is part of the British Isles is a matter of who you choose as the Authority. 95% of Dictionaries and Encyclopedias (not to mention Geographic Societies) list Ireland among the British Isles. But if you want to choose a few disgruntled nationalists as your authority then feel free. And Northern Ireland IS part of the UK, just like Scotland, England, and Wales. It is NOT just a member of the commonwealth like Australia.

  • June 15, 2005, 12:18 p.m. CST

    addendum

    by p_vergilis

    ...and political correctness notwithstanding, gay = funny

  • June 15, 2005, 12:22 p.m. CST

    Perhaps...

    by onemanbland

    http://www.pattonoswalt.com/ht/spew_june.html#061205

  • June 15, 2005, 12:36 p.m. CST

    Hi, Freeze, I'm Batman (big smile)

    by Doc_Strange

    "You're mad Freeze, MAD!!!" Damn, that movie sucked.

  • June 15, 2005, 12:36 p.m. CST

    "Americans wouldn't like to be called Canadian (or British f

    by adambalm

    Interesting analogy. That makes me think. If someone mistook me for British, I'd laugh and kindly remind them, no, I'm American. However, if someone mistook me for Canadian, I'd wait til they were looking the other direction, and then I'd kick them in the back and run.

  • June 15, 2005, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Far cry...

    by Christopher3

    From the infamous "Hobbit Man: The King Returns" review. Harry, you should post that one as an AICN classic.

  • June 15, 2005, 1:15 p.m. CST

    so it's established then?

    by mcflytrap

    crumstain or whatever the fuck patton's name is sucks ass and should not be allowed near a keyboard....thankfully, the movie was cool as hell (yes hell can be cool, too)....god, my 18-year old sister is 100x funnier than this never-was

  • June 15, 2005, 1:19 p.m. CST

    Tom "Maverick" Cruise is gay because...

    by scrumdiddly

    he's gay in movies. And since, presumably, that's the only place he exists for all of us, he is gay.

  • June 15, 2005, 1:24 p.m. CST

    patton, don't you have a shooting of "best week ever" to do?

    by mcflytrap

    you know, the one with all the never-was pseudo-comedians all trying to top each other with the lamest jokes and puns i've ever heard?

  • June 15, 2005, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Chud reviews are better written, Ray Garraty #47

    by Brock Samson

    They are so much more interesting to read than the usual Harry ones, especially since there's actual criticism. Still, the automatic negativity is bothersome. Though I like the way the do their DVD reviews. CHUD's still useful.

  • June 15, 2005, 1:30 p.m. CST

    mcfly, you can keep on trying to make fun of the reviewer

    by Pimp Juice

    But it won't make you any less of a moron. I know its harsh to be come out swinging in your first post only to be immediately shown up as an idiot, but just take your losses and crawl back to your hole.

  • June 15, 2005, 1:32 p.m. CST

    pimp juice

    by mcflytrap

    lol...this guy sucks ass...and if he's allowed to make fun of everyone he wants then so can i...sorry to get your panties all bunched up...hahaha...what a douche

  • June 15, 2005, 1:34 p.m. CST

    You Are All Diseased

    by Alex Childress

    Batman reigns. Singer's got a hell of a challenge. Everyone who takes Neil/Patton (or possibly Brian Posehn) seriously is as idiotic and assholian as people who can't take irreverent humor for what it is. I hope George Carlin trolls these boards so he can give all of us the proper drubbing we deserve.

  • June 15, 2005, 1:49 p.m. CST

    Of course your "allowed" to make fun of him

    by Pimp Juice

    Just saying it makes you look like a bigger moron than you already made yourself out to be.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Only on this site can a comment like, "I hate gay apologists/def

    by Garbageman33

    I'll ask again, what does it take to get banned around here? Apparently, blatant hate speech isn't enough. What if you took Peter Jackson's name in vain? Would that be more likely to get you kicked to the curb? I enjoy the witty repartee around here as much as the next guy, but it's getting harder and harder to dismiss the rampant intolerance, racism and homophobia.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Another BAT-tastic review...

    by RedneckJedi

    ...from Jackie Harvey, of The Onion's "Outside Scoop"! I'm surprised The Onion lets him work (and say such nasty things!) for another website.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Cumpston = Patton Oswalt

    by Darth Busey

    The game is afoot.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Did Patton get paid by the minute in that abortion they called "

    by Darth Busey

    Patton, in your 6 hours on the set, did you feel uncomfortable at any point around Snipes as they were stealing the franchise from underneath his feet?

  • June 15, 2005, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Brits & Americans acting profiles

    by RetroActive

    Sorry to back things up but... As for ROBE's dissection of the British=weirdo, American=clean cut roles. Look beyond the Hollywood mainstream and there are plenty of actors, some A-list, plenty not, willing to expand their horizons. I think yours is an oversimplification of the argument, but you're entitled to your opinion. I just tend to disagree.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:23 p.m. CST

    GarbageMan33

    by RetroActive

    Amen, brother. Amen.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Garbageman33

    by Spamgelus

    Unfortunately, as long as the internet is a haven for anonymous 12-year-olds with their daddy's opinions, the "intolerance, racism, and homophobia" will live on. Besides, do they even have anyone monitoring these talkbacks? And if they do, do you really want them banning people? Personally, I like to come in and read the moron-posts. It's a cheap laugh, sure, but at least it's proof that there's droves of stupid fuckers out there who never get laid.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:31 p.m. CST

    12-Yr Old Haters

    by RetroActive

    All the fluffy PC in the world can't cover up the anonymous haters, you know? It's the same reason the KKK wear masks. At least the people demanding equal rights have the balls to put their faces in front of the cause and step forward. The little hating bitches, young and old, prefer the shadows. Shine the light on them and they disband like the cockroaches they really are...or the few that do expose themselves as the freak shows they pretend not to be.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:43 p.m. CST

    1st WotW Review @ Dark Horizons?

    by RetroActive

    One minor semi-spoiler...if you'd even call it that. http://www.darkhorizons.com/news05/050616a.php Sorry if someone already posted this. I just logged on a short time ago.

  • June 15, 2005, 2:48 p.m. CST

    Ireland, Scotland, Wales

    by Bill da Butcher

    Forget the Irish / British argument. It would be an insult if they called Liam English. I was born and raised in glorious Wales where the men are men and the sheep are worried, we have very good relations with our Celtic kin the Irish and the Scots. It is the English who I find difficult to stomach, having tried to eat a whole one once. Joking aside the dislike is very little to do with the hundreds of years of rape and pilage they have brought upon our three great nations, it's more to do with the fuckers buying all our houses and turning them into holiday homes, :).

  • June 15, 2005, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Ireland = GB , NOT

    by ghkilgore

    Saying that being from Ireland makes you British is like saying that being from Canada makes you American.

  • June 15, 2005, 3:05 p.m. CST

    I want a boner made out of punching....

    by Lolthien

    really.

  • June 15, 2005, 3:14 p.m. CST

    British

    by Bill da Butcher

    You can show me an Atlas get Tony Blair to ring me if you like, call me anything other than Welsh to my face...... and I'd cry into my cornflakes

  • June 15, 2005, 3:16 p.m. CST

    at least when CHUD

    by Right Bastard

    gets the studio BJ, like for HHGG, they will still admit when the movie sucks balls (eventually). I've NEVER seen that on this site. And this site did the same thing for Ep III (with Mori, Quint, etc.) reviews, prominantly placing them. I think CHUD was a little too hard on Ep III, and AICN was way too easy. They balance each other. The CHUD interview of John Carpenter for The Fog remake was pathetic, though. They should have called him on a lot of the BS he was saying.

  • June 15, 2005, 3:49 p.m. CST

    To all the AICN staffers...

    by Jordo

    I implore you to use whatever stroke you have to make sure Goyer and Nolan are on board for the sequels. Please! This film is too good to just stand on its own.

  • June 15, 2005, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Christopher3

    by Trevor Goodchild

    http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=16641

  • June 15, 2005, 4:01 p.m. CST

    That WOTW review is a plant...

    by adambalm

    I still can't understand why Spielberg chose to make this thing, or what he's trying to accomplish with it. First he rewrites the story making it closer to Signs, changing the loner of the book into a family man with kids, making it all from their point of view, fuck he even has a 'hiding in the basement from the aliens with axe' scene. Then we find out he took out the only things that separated it from all the other alien invasion movies of recent. (the fact that they come from MARS) Maybe it's impossible to make a movie about Martians without the audience busting a gut, I dunno. I think there's a chance it could have worked. But them coming from a parallel universe will be just as plausible for the average movie goer. As it stands now, this thing is all over the map. No cohesive vision or defining purpose, other than to show things blowing up and close ups of Dakota Fanning crying. If he wanted to make the book, he should have made the book. Instead he changes the entire core idea, but puts in a couple easter eggs for no apparent reason (

  • June 15, 2005, 4:02 p.m. CST

    red weed

    by adambalm

    red weed

  • June 15, 2005, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Burton

    by chezberc

    Am I the only one who really liked Burton's Batman movies (especially Batman Returns)? I mean, that's cool if the new movie's better, but seeing Burton's versions being lumped together with Schumacher's makes me want to vomit with rage!

  • June 15, 2005, 5:02 p.m. CST

    Burton vs. Shumacher?

    by Breotan

    I wouldn't lump Burton's two films in with the sewage that Shumacher gave us, but Burton's vision of Batman wasn't that great in retrospect. The first movie worked mainly because all the other super-hero movies before it were anal grease. Tim showed us that a super hero movie could be done in a way that didn't treat the viewer as an utter moron for buying a ticket. But it had problems. I have always despised Jack Nicholson's performance as the Joker. I also didn't like Michael Keaton as either Batman or Bruce Wayne. I especially hated reworking Batman's origin so that Batman and the Joker "created" each other. The decision to do this mystifies me to this day. :( But, despite the flaws, Burton's Batman was still good at the time. As for Batman Returns, Burton's take on the Penguin was inspired and I loved every moment Danny Devito was on screen. I didn't care much for Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman (I think Halle Berry did better in the kitty suit) and Keaton still rubbed me wrong. In the end, there was still too much "camp" in Burton's two films for my tastes. We were given an "off beat" batman with over-the-top comic-book villians while I was wanting for Frank Miller's Dark Knight. As for Shumacher's handling of the franchise... well, I can only say that he has sinned against God and I have not see any signs of repentence. Batman Begins is not perfect by any means, but it is vastly superior to all four of it's predecessors. The casting is dead on and the writing shows a greater level of care about the source material and the audience it is being presented to. The fight and chase scenes could have been better, but this is Batman BEGINS and not Batman PWNZORS YOUR NOOB MOMS so I'm not worried about that. Hopefully the DVD will have scenes added like LotR did.

  • June 15, 2005, 5:16 p.m. CST

    LOL, Agent Alonzo

    by Bill da Butcher

    It's true we have gone soft...we eat sheep in the bedroom now instead of the kitchen, as far as the fresh coal dust goes, can't get any since Maggie Thatcher closed all the fucking mines. :)

  • June 15, 2005, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Record Straight

    by Bill da Butcher

    All joking aside us Welsh are still men carved of stone...I myself a fine example of the true Welsh grit that made this Nation great, I think nothing of eating several Raw Custard Creams one after another. And I frequent many a local pub carrying a sawn off pop-gun.

  • June 15, 2005, 5:51 p.m. CST

    What did the Romans ever do for us.....lynxpro

    by Bill da Butcher

    If that is true about Bale he can forget coming to my Nan's house for a cuppa tea the cunt. Bet he soon changes his mind when me and my small but very hard band of Cetic Warriors burn the English into the sea (only joking, don't want to be added to Tony's suspect terrorist list).

  • June 15, 2005, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Celtic* not Cetic...hardly a good start to a campaign

    by Bill da Butcher

    On topic, here in Wales I get to see BB in 19 hours time, having liked Burton's two only of the previous Batman films and loved Elfmans score. Anyone who has seen it, who scored this film and is it any good?

  • June 15, 2005, 6:05 p.m. CST

    not convincing

    by teedadawg

    This REALLY didn't sound or feel like a real Cumpston review. Though I did laugh out loud at the "beating the ass-fat off Bruce Wayne" remark!

  • June 15, 2005, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Keaton was better

    by I Dunno

    just got back. It was good but the fight scenes were way too blurry and close up and the action in general was rathe runinspired and too dark to make out what was going on. Bale played a fine pissed off guy but Keaton did mentally damaged much better. Overall I liked it. It was a welcome lemon wedge to Shumacker's harsh tequila shot.

  • June 15, 2005, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Pass the Celt

    by Seepgood

    In the interests of pushing this tangent a little bit further off-topic, you know the Scots aren't really Celtic, right? Oh sure, they'll *tell* you they are, and they are a bit. But mostly they're just a different variety of English. They'd just rather not know that.

  • June 15, 2005, 7:22 p.m. CST

    umm..I guess this is what happens after believing the hype..

    by metalpaul

    You know, I just saw the noon show of Batman Begins and now I'm sitting back thinking I really need to lay off the "reviews" I read before the movie is out. My main comment on the movie? It just felt long. There were a bunch of little movies that reminded me of which ever that awful Batman movie was that had like five villans in it. This time, however, each little story was really good, some even great. The beginning was well done. I loved Ras-Al Ghul. The return to Gotham was er..lame. The Batman starts out was a neat horror-like spin on things, Scarecrow was cool but the scarecrow sub-plot was not. But what really bit my ass was the whole, Ras Al Ghul must destroy Gotham! thingie. What? Why was that again? O.k. The acting was great. Christian Bale was Batman, and more importantly, he was Bruce Wayne. Katie Holmes was o.k. but I had a hard time getting over the fact that she can only talk out one side of her mouth. Mr Caine's spin on Alfred was great. But for my buck Jim Gorden was God. He looked as if Frank Miller had created a person to actually look like Jim Gordon. I know I'm rambling..but I just needed to spew

  • June 15, 2005, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Here's the deal with the Celts...

    by Kid Z

    ... They ALL HATE the friggin' British. The Irish hate 'em, the Scots hate 'em, the Welsh hate 'em, even the Cornish hate 'em. Hell I was in a pub in Glascaw once with a coupla friends from New Zealand and almost got into a raging barfight 'cause some'a the locals thought my Kiwi friends were English. (Sorry about the Ben Grimm accent, tend to do that when talkin' barfights). Anyway, this was before "W" & being a Yank and neutral, I was able to make peace... Now, though, I'd probably be the first one these crazed highlanders would take out (Thanks, President Dickweed!)

  • June 15, 2005, 7:49 p.m. CST

    who is this chick Man?!!

    by amaell

    "Batman Begins" You know you're in trouble when a movie can't even get the Batmobile right. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Stephanie Zacharek printe-mail June 15, 2005 | Christopher Nolan's "Batman Begins" fills in, with a series of murky pointillist dots, the back story of one of the most soulful and tortured superheroes of all. In "Batman Begins" -- which takes its cues from the original vision of Batman creator Bob Kane, embellishing it heavily -- young Bruce Wayne once fell into a well on his parents' estate and was set upon by a fluttering, flapping cloud of black bats. His dad rescued him, but predictably, batphobia set in. Worse yet, not long after the bat incident, young Master Wayne watched in horror as his parents were killed in a city alleyway. The grown-up Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) has never come to terms with their death, and after a stint learning Ninja moves in remotest Tibet, he returns to his beloved Gotham City to help restore peace and order to its troubled streets, ostensibly so he can do the same with his mind. Forget that guy who can't remember what happened to him five minutes ago: Nolan wants to make sure we understand that this deeply gloomy Dark Knight is really messed up. As a filmmaker Nolan has made a name for himself as a purveyor of faux-Hitchcockian gloomy cleverness ("Memento," "Insomnia"), and he has meticulously designed "Batman Begins" to be the feel-bad movie of the summer. And yet "Batman Begins," its dim lighting and relentless fixation on childhood trauma aside, doesn't make us feel quite bad enough. In fact, it makes us feel virtually nothing at all, except maybe a shuddering, reluctant nostalgia for Joel Schumacher. Schumacher's two "Batman" pictures may have been wretched, but at least they didn't mistake oppressiveness for emotional depth. "Batman Begins" leaks existential phoniness from the first frame. Young Wayne -- remember, his Batman alter ego isn't even yet a wriggly tadpole in his completely screwed-up mind -- has traveled the world attempting to understand the criminal mind. He has been falsely arrested and thrown into a tastefully sepia-toned Asian hellhole. Suddenly, a mysterious stranger appears in his cell: It's Liam Neeson, with a list of questions about his sex life. Actually, no -- Neeson's character is Henri Ducard, and he's the associate of a mysterious baldy named Ra's Al Ghul (Ken Watanabe). They have a plan for Wayne, luring him into their nefarious scheme by promising that if he goes along with them, he will find the spiritual answers he seeks. ____ ____ Today's Site Pass sponsored by - - - - - - - - - - - - Click here ____ "Batman Begins" Directed by Christopher Nolan Starring Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Katie Holmes At their hands, Wayne learns how to creep along on little cat feet, picking up many other sophisticated combat tips along the way. And eventually, although everyone at home believes he's dead (he's been gone for seven years), he returns to Gotham and begins to take a feigned interest in his father's corporation, simply so he can gain access to the gadgets and cool stuff stored away in the HQ's basement, presided over by cool-cat genius Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman, who brings the movie some much-needed warmth and charm). With the help of his family's longtime right-hand man, Alfred (deftly played by Michael Caine -- even his physical elegance is suffused with emotion), he sets out to build a Batcave, Batcostumes and assorted useful Batthingies. But none of this makes Bruce Wayne happy, and what's more, he's unable to connect with the woman he cares most deeply about, his childhood friend Rachel (Katie Holmes), now a Gotham D.A. So he takes to the streets, in gear that's apparently as heavy as his heart, searching out evildoers (like Cillian Murphy's Dr. Jonathan Crane, aka the Scarecrow) and paying witness to the devastating spectacle that the impoverished, crime-ridden Gotham has become. He speaks only when necessary, and then in a deep monotone devoid of feeling or expression, and when his work is done, he retreats to Wayne Manor to listen to his Morrissey records. OK, not exactly. But neither Nolan nor, unfortunately, the usually superb Christian Bale seems to recognize that darkness takes on many shades and colors: "Batman Begins" is a dull monotone of heavily theatrical, and yet wholly unmoving, angst. Nolan obviously didn't want his picture to be too cartoony, and that's a good impulse. But "Batman Begins" needs much more energy and kinetic flow -- less dolor and more dolomite. Bale can't seem to find an anchor for the character of Bruce Wayne; at times he's mildly affecting, but he can't locate that elusive hairline at which a character's self-absorption becomes engaging for an audience. His Wayne is so deep inside himself we can barely bring ourselves to care about him. (Bale made me long for Michael Keaton's first appearance, in particular, as Batman -- a performance that seemed breezily neurotic on the surface but actually cut to the heart of existential dread.) There's another problem with "Batman Begins": Batman's stuff has no soul. His mask, with its alert, pointed ears, does manage to give Bale a somber grace from some angles. But Bale (unlike Keaton) has trouble connecting from beneath it -- it wears him instead of the other way around. In a movie whose production design is both massively ambitious and uninspired, the Batmobile is one of the biggest bummers of all: It's like a squat bug covered with clumsy square scales, a dismally unromantic vehicle that looks wholly unsuited for parallel-parking practice, let alone flying through the streets of Gotham. And as hard as Nolan tried to make something other than a typical comic-book movie (although anyone who keeps an eye on comic-book movies realize there's no such thing), the script, by David S. Goyer, works at cross-purposes. As the movie grinds dully toward the finish line, Neeson announces, with drawing-room enunciation, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a city to destroy." And Tom Wilkinson, who seems to have wandered in from another movie with his cigar-chomping performance as a mob boss, actually says at one point, "Don't burden yourself with the secrets of scary people." In the midst of all this, Gary Oldman gives a finely tuned performance as not-yet-commissioner James Gordon: We see intelligence and honor in his blinking, nearsighted eyes and his twitchy mustache. In a movie that aspires to emotional complexity and comes up empty -- even the action sequences are cluttered and confusingly shot -- he hits the notes right. Playing a character and not a psychological case study, he's one of the few actors here who's unburdened by the secrets of scary people. salon.com

  • June 15, 2005, 8:22 p.m. CST

    Tom Kenny...

    by thecomedian

    Somebody posted his as a joke a few weeks ago. But you know what, Tom Kenny(the voice of Sponge Bob) would actually kick ten different kinds of ass as the Joker. Because he's "unknown" but since he's Sponge Bob he's totally not. Plus if you ever see him watch the Spongebob Marathons as the pirate guy, there's is an actual creepiness to him. If they did the Killing Joke origin of the menschy failed comedian who get's reborn as the hysterical embodiment of grinning, creeping death then Tom Kenny would be perfect for it. They don't need a "name" for the Joker. That's what ruined Nicholson's performance. They need to cast the Joker the same way they casted, Superman and Wolverine. They need someone who can be creepy and funny and only bee seen as the Joker. Not Adam Sandler or Johnny Knoxville in Joker Make Up. I'm a huge Doctor Who fan and Christopher Eccleston is great EXCEPT for when he's mugging all over the place so his Joker would just be more of the same. No thanks.

  • June 15, 2005, 8:54 p.m. CST

    I SEEK CLARITY

    by evolvingsensblty

    ...is cumstain irish or british? gay or straight? patton oswalt is going to play the joker?

  • June 15, 2005, 8:59 p.m. CST

    WOW

    by arnid9

    Best film of the year.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:19 p.m. CST

    What is wrong with some of you people

    by anointed

    I am a movie goer, I love movies, so when I come to this site I want to read about what I am interested in: F'in movies! Why is it some of you people degenerate into inane, ignorant babble and namecalling, tearing down the reviewer or the review on a nasty personal level! For fuck sake can't you goddamn people leave all your personal hates and frustrations off this website and concentrate on what's at hand! The fucking movies! Shit! Grow the fuck up! Now, I loved Batman Begins, Ebert was correct when he said this movie got it right, as a fan of the Dark Knight it was all I could hope it could be. There was a foundation for everything in Bruce Waynes life in this movie. A+

  • June 15, 2005, 9:23 p.m. CST

    One more thing

    by anointed

    All I am saying is there is a way to disagree with a review without all of that toxic bullshit!

  • June 15, 2005, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Mr Cumpston sir....

    by Brundlefly

    You are fucking hilarious. God bless you.

  • June 15, 2005, 9:52 p.m. CST

    Web Foontabs

    by flossygomez

    I crinkle and time woof spindle great slate lifting wrinkle and dash! More than one and God slips inside. Frame device? You know the smell of goiters in your smeck. SMECK. SMECK. SMECK.

  • June 15, 2005, 10:47 p.m. CST

    Bats in the Belfry

    by RetroActive

    Loved every second of it! The best moment: When my wife grabbed my arm tightly during Batman's descent through Arkham and said, "This movie kicks ass!" The ultimate compliment. It still won't make me sit through another Kate Hudson matchmaker flic for her sake without squirming...but it might convince me to stifle the obvious yawn next time. :) G'night all. Batman's back!

  • June 15, 2005, 11:07 p.m. CST

    Cute review Stephanie Zacharek, but...

    by Big Bad Clone

    ...kiss my ass. It's a damn fine movie and a major improvement over the last one. It's easily one of the better movies I've seen this year. I'd go point by point, but let's just say that the performances are what keeps this movie afloat. Take away the costumes and it'd be a contender for an Oscar.

  • June 16, 2005, 12:11 a.m. CST

    tom cruise is definitely queer

    by IHATENIGGERS

    Married twice without having "real kids" just adopted,worships zenu the evil galatic overlord, overcompensates gayness buy acting overtly hetero with women in public. Case closed guilty as charged

  • June 16, 2005, 12:24 a.m. CST

    JDanielP Your review

    by Donnie_Drunko

    Is Spot on....I feel the same way. I loved the movie yet I hate it too. Its like they finally got the characters right but forgot to amp up the adrenaline rush for the audience. They pretty much failed in all aspects of the action scenes. Ive only seen it once and need to see it again. But on first viewing Im happy a great foundation is set but I walked away not excited about anything I saw but just what maybe coming next.

  • June 16, 2005, 12:25 a.m. CST

    best scene in Batman Begins

    by Darth Philbin

    when Gordon has a beer and cheets on his wife

  • June 16, 2005, 12:38 a.m. CST

    Just saw it, B

    by Droogie Alex

  • June 16, 2005, 1:31 a.m. CST

    The Joker

    by Josher703

    You know who would make a good joker henchman, Mackenzie Crook who played Gareth on the BBC Office, it fits with the British casting.

  • June 16, 2005, 7:46 a.m. CST

    Ha ha mind my stitches

    by NelsonsTodger

    This site is supposed to be a red-hot purveyor of a-grade movie reviews and yet we have to put up with this type of juvenile language bollocks. This reviewer is obviously harbouring secret homosexual tendencies by hiding behind the semi-laddish word

  • June 16, 2005, 10:35 a.m. CST

    "Liam Neeson (he was in some black and white Spielberg movie whi

    by Voice O. Reason

    Congratulations on being a clueless half-wit.

  • June 16, 2005, 10:38 a.m. CST

    "Schiavo Autopsy Shows Massive Brain Damage Thursday, June 16, 2

    by Voice O. Reason

    I'm going out on a limb and guessing you cut and pasted this irrelevant nonsense.

  • June 16, 2005, 11:06 a.m. CST

    My Joker Pic would be...

    by kingmob2005

    I thought if they wanted to keep it dark and psychotic, perhaps Owen Wilson would make a good Joker. He has the grin. I think he can do hyper active crazy and homicidal mastermind. It will be intersting to see what direction they take the Joker if/when he comes out in the next Batman. I enjoyed the take on Batman and the relaunch. I would have liked to see Harvey Dent replace the love interest, but Hollywood needs its starlets. Hopefully we will be spared a Robin emergence in #2. Batman-Alfred-Lucious Fox are a great team.

  • June 16, 2005, 11:50 a.m. CST

    "I thought if they wanted to keep it dark and psychotic, perhaps

    by Voice O. Reason

    Or, even better, they could hire a REAL actor.

  • June 16, 2005, 12:11 p.m. CST

    NelsonsTodger & Voice O. Reason

    by DocPazuzu

    You just don't get it, do you?

  • June 16, 2005, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Batman Bombs?

    by adambalm

    Box office mojo has it at $15,145,000 opening day. I'm not sure how of the model used to project weekend grosses, 30 million for the 2 day, and 75 million for the entire 5 day seems awfully low. Usually I don't even follow how much a movie makes, fanboys are already too obsessed with how much a movie makes, but if this is true, it looks very troubling for the future of comic movies.

  • June 16, 2005, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Just to put that in perspective...

    by adambalm

    Spider-Man 2, as reported by Superherohype, opened at 40 million, almost three times that, for it's opening day.

  • June 16, 2005, 2:25 p.m. CST

    AICN Totally Missed The Ball On This One...

    by Darth Busey

    I watched the entire movie, and not ONCE did Gordon have a beer and cheet on his wife. I demand a written apology from AICN for their so called "scoop", and my $8.50 back from Loews' Cineplex. Thank you and have a nice day.

  • June 16, 2005, 3:44 p.m. CST

    Confession: I don't get the joke

    by Bryan

    I understand that Cumpston is a schtick, etc. But does Patton Oswalt actually like these movies or is he being sarcastic? I suspect he genuinely does like Batman Begins, Sin City etc., but the reviews give no indication of that. They come across as an obvious cliched attack on the people who like those movies: they are idiots with no taste or insight into movies, they only want to see tits and explosions and are overly obsessed with boners and not being seen as gay. I like that he takes a different approach than most other reviewers on the site, but I wish he had some sort of points or insights into the movies instead of just a joke formula listing the fight scenes and one or two good oneliners like the "boner made out of punching" one. I know that he is a "hilarious" parody of talkbackers, but I actually get much bigger laughs from the actual talkbackers. They're funnier because they really mean it.

  • June 16, 2005, 3:49 p.m. CST

    BEST Mr. Freeze would be...

    by GopherTrace

    Christopher Lloyd

  • June 16, 2005, 6:27 p.m. CST

    "Batman Bombs?"

    by Thirteen 13

    Actualy 15 million is normal for big movies opening on a wednesday. Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays are the big moneymaker days. Batman Begins had a production budget of 120 million and it will easily surpass that. This is also getting very good reviews across the board at yahoo movies and rave reviews from viewers. Now if opening day on Wednesday was only like 3 - 5 million then you may be onto something in saying it may bomb. I'm crunching the numbers though and I'm not coming up with bomb. And thats not even factoring in the DVD sales at 19.99 a piece.

  • June 16, 2005, 7:06 p.m. CST

    $15 Million on a Wednesday isn't bad,,,except in comparison

    by Monkeybrains

    Not that it matters anyway. Batman was a kick ass movie. But if it falls below expectations, they'll bring back Schumaker!!!!!!!!!!

  • June 16, 2005, 8:29 p.m. CST

    $15 million is not bad considering

    by Krigan

    That the last movie was complete garbage. I think people are a bit hesitant to rush out and see it. It also did not have the huge buzz you would associate with a big 1st day. I bet this film follows the Matrix box office model. First film does decent box office $180-$220 mill or more, Then the dvd's sell like hot cakes. The 2nd movie opens in the $100 million range for the weekend & does not peter out like the matrix films did if it is the quality of this one.

  • June 16, 2005, 9:13 p.m. CST

    15 mil

    by adambalm

    Ahh, I see. Wasn't sure how large the weekday/weekend difference is in the summer. If this were fall/winter and school was in session I wouldn't have wondered. Thanks fellas. Yeah, apparently on the CHUD box office thread, they're also saying that it's pretty respectable. We'll see how the full weekend goes, but so far it looks like one less thing to worry about.

  • June 16, 2005, 10 p.m. CST

    Hey powermetal, stop stealing my posts.

    by FluffyUnbound

    I posted that a long time ago.

  • June 16, 2005, 10:36 p.m. CST

    by blackthought

  • June 16, 2005, 10:37 p.m. CST

    loved it

    by blackthought

    and well loved it.

  • June 17, 2005, 12:38 a.m. CST

    Batty Bale

    by immortalsix

    Just returned from the local multiplex where I suspected to catch the latest campy comic book movie a la Spiderman 2 or what I suspect Fan 4 will be. What I got was a gritty and dark representation of the Dark Knight. If you have the possibility of seeing this in an IMAX then by all means don't think twice about it - just take the plunge - you won't be disappointed. This is no "Batman & Robin" - gone are the flashy big name Hollywood actors that play themselves in an alleged Batman movie. Christian Bale and crew actually ACT and no one over shadows the other which I feel is a key point that makes this film work. The only acting crime is Katie Holmes. She serves her role fairly well but that damn "Oh Dawson" smirk drove me nuts. Chris Nolan deserves to be retained by WB for at least two more flicks - he nailed the visuals. DC Comics has to be breathing a HUGE sigh of relief. Superman Returns is on the slate for next year while Marvel is dicking around with X-Men. And can Spiderman 3 really meet fan expectations? Batman Begins is a true representation of a perfect comic book movie. And just when you think it is perfect they plant a perfect seed for a sequel.

  • June 17, 2005, 1:19 a.m. CST

    Law for the Joker

    by dirkcalloway

    The more I think about the more I'm starting to think Jude Law would be perfect. Just saw a few pics of this guy grinning like a fool and boy if it isn't the perfect smile for the part. Plus he's a pretty good actor, he's probably around the same age as Bale which is good, and he would fit into that big name category they apparently want. Yes Crispin Glover looks the part....but can he pull it off. I think Law could. At this point he's the best I've seen mentioned.

  • June 18, 2005, 7:36 p.m. CST

    i think scarecrow returns as well

    by blackthought

  • Nov. 29, 2006, 5:31 a.m. CST

    Last

    by Kristian66

    So don't leave a fucking message.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Balls

    by GORGUTS

    Noodles Mcintyre

  • April 19, 2008, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Gorguts, are you an alter ego for Orcus?

    by thebearovingian

  • May 17, 2008, 7:24 p.m. CST

    I shall pay him no mind.

    by thebearovingian

    Gorguts ain't shit.

  • June 18, 2008, 12:20 a.m. CST

    The Dark Knight in 1 month, bitches!

    by thebearovingian

    The Dark Knight, fuck yeah!!!

  • Oct. 1, 2011, 9:31 p.m. CST

    Orcus is Orcus, accept no cheap busted ass sunstitutes

    by orcus

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