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bigWALL gets into the FANTASTIC FOUR novelization!!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Hey folks, Harry here. It seems there's a good deal of people out there that think this FANTASTIC FOUR movie is going to be awesome and that think I have some grudge against this project. They're right, I do have a grudge against the film. The script is terrible = grudge 1. That's my number one problem in advance. It's why looking at the trailers for this thing hurts so much, I know what every single frame is a reference to and it is just so incredibly sad to me. Now, I have hope for the film, but it isn't based on anything I've seen or heard. Mainly I heard that the film was overly influenced by Tom Rothman who wanted it "sexier" because that's what this superhero family was all about. That sort of edict works on a project like MR & MRS SMITH - but the FF is about heart and warmth, thrills and adventures, fun and teamwork. They're characters with long histories that from the first moment to the last have the bickering and issues with one another that any 'family' has with one another, but when it comes down to it... they're there for one another. And the worst part of all, is what has happened to Dr Doom, whom they've turned into Donald Trump meets Drax. The key reason this aggravates the hell out of me, is Dr Doom, for me, was the absolute coolest villain in the history of Marvel Comics. And when you hear the dialogue and plot they've given him... it's enraging to anyone that knows the character. It's "Kill da Heroes" ice capades bad. The only thing in the script that kinda works is some of Johnny Storm and some of Ben Grimm. That's it. Here's one person's look at the novelization. Beware of spoilers...
Dear Harry,
Don't know if you'll use this, but here here you go:
I have just finished reading the novelization of the upcoming FANTASTIC FOUR movie and would like to share my feelings with you.
First off the no spoiler version.
This is either going to be a very fun movie or a disaster but prepared for the latter.
Now to the spoilers.
First I would like to point out that this is in fact a novilization that I'm reviewing and not the final film. There is a lot of exposition stuff said in the text that will not be in the movie and I will take that into account with this review and try to only talk of the things we actually see. Another point that I need to get across is that normally the book adds to the movie and may cause me to have a different opinion based on new material not in the film. For example the ending to the X2 novel was very different than the actual ending of the movie and The Punisher and Daredevil novels had entire subplots erased with the DD getting it all back in the Director's Cut DVD. Even still I don't think this will be the case on this one save one scene that just don't fit. Unfortunately the other scene I felt should be cut is already in the trailers.
The book starts out with Ben Grimm and Reed Richards going to VDI (Von Doom Industries) to beg for money to let them go into space and hold experiments with a strange bit of cosmic interference that's coming our way in an attempt to cure disease and learn more about the make up of the world. Ben is leery about this because of his dislike of the man even acknowledging that Victor Von Doom, the head of VDI changed his name from Van Damme to Von Doom when he immigrated here from Latveria to intimidate people.
When they get to the headquarters of VDI they see that Von Doom has even erected a stature of himself in the courtyard setting up an ego that holds no bounds.
They meet with Von Doom and we learn that Sue Storm, an old flame of Reeds his (which is established later) is under Von Doom's payroll. Vic(tor) insists that she and her brother, Johnny Storm go out with them.
Now apparently the story fast forwards a few months...or not to the completion of the craft they go up in and the four scientists go on board and I was surprised that Vic goes up too, but not until mugging for a few cameras and hogging the spotlight.
Well, the accident happens in space just as Vic was proposing to Sue (I could never tell if they ever even had a relationship before this point, but it was mildly suggested. Ben is outside when the cosmic rays hit and eveyone save Vic was almost directly exposed to the radiation, but even Vic was hit by them despite his having closed shields around him.
We cut to the private hospital where they all learn of their powers. The most ridiculous power realization was when Johnny went skiing and caught fire in mid- run.
Ben, upon his change, runs away and finds a train that miraculously brings him to New York from wherever they were. The other three try to find him.
Meanwhile Vic is running damage control on this failed experiment and what it's doing to his business. (This plays into it later.)
When they do find Ben, who of course is his large rocky self, he had just saved a man from killing himself and inadvertently causing a huge pile up on the Brooklyn Bridge. Each using their powers in honest they save a crapload of people and Ben saves a truckload of firemen. This prompts the media to dub them the FANTASTIC FOUR and they become instant celebrities.
Johnny embraces this, but the others are cool to the idea since all they want is to get back to normal. They hold an impromptu press conference about what had happened.
Vic watches the scene from his office and is outraged and jealous and to make matters worse the booboo on his head keeps getting bigger. (See this is where it plays into it)
Soon after the four get to the Baxter Building, Reed's research facility and home, Von Doom shows up to see what's up. Especially regarding Sue. He speaks to Reed about the odds of getting them all back to normal. They are not good apparently. Angry at Reed and Sue's new closeness he punches an elevator wall and the skin on his hand comes off revealing metal under neath.
Reed tries to study their powers and find a cure in what is sure to be a montage.
Ben goes out and has a few at his old bar trying to shrug off the horrified faces of the other patrons until a faux pas leaves them laughing at him. He scares them and they all leave, save for a hot black girl in the corner not giving him a second look...you know cause she can't. She is Alicia and ,of course, she's blind and warms up to Ben by feeling his features before leaving and playfully flirting with him on her way out.
Vic gets a doctor's eye view of what's going on with the whole metal skin thing and after he's told the doc's opinion he kills him...ok.
Ben and Alicia have more scenes together and I hope the bathing scene is cut but he gets embarrassed at a party she takes him to and he bolts.
In another scene that really shouldn't be, but is because it's in the trailer, Johnny competes in a Motocross on the X Games and shows off. Ben is furious at this at home especially when Johnny starts giving each of his comrades hero names : Invisible Girl, Mr. Fantastic, Human Torch, and of course the Thing. (This would probably the longest X Games interview EVER since most only last for 8 seconds, but this one goes on and on.)
The three confront Johnny at the arena and a fight breaks out between The Thing and the Torch.
Vic gets told that he is on thin ice with the board, so he kills the ringleader against him using his new electrocution power.
Meanwhile Reed is constructing a transformation chamber, but after Vic sees that Sue and Reed seem to be growing closer still, he decides to act upon this. He sends out a team of folks to build the chamber for Reed to let him rest a little. So Sue and Reed go out to the planetarium.
Vic them picks up Johnny and tells him that he could be even more famous with action figures and video games and what not all while luring him into his plot with Swimsuit models.
Then Vic meets up with Ben, buys him dinner, and then makes Ben wonder if Reed is really doing everything he can to reverse his condition.
When Reed and Sure come back they see Ben waiting for them. Ben starts to fight Reed, but gives up and goes out. Reed then goes into the chamber to test it while Sue goes to get Ben and Johnny shows up just in time to get yelled at for not putting his priorities in place.
Then things get stupid.
I'll just leave that at that, but it involves freezing Mr. Fantastic, Doom Shooting a rocket at the Baxter Building HIMSELF and the wonderful line:
"Victor has left the building. I'm simply DOOM now. Or..."Doom"...that's a video game isn't it? It needs something more. Dr. DOOM! What do you think?"
What do I think? I think it needs a few more drafts. Just like this screenplay.
The bottom line is that these characters could work well, but damn if the plot seems non existent, Alicia Masters just thrown in, the dialogue sometimes cringe worthy, and entire things just seem out of place. Real action doesn't start until the end and they don't even use their powers to the fullest then. I hope I can have fun at this movie, but on the bright side it isn't the MST3K fodder that the 1993 Corman version was....I hope.
If you use this I go by bigWALL on the darkquarter.
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I really wanted to see this thing work, I mean really.
Would it have been all that tough to make von doom and richards students or even scientists together and have von doom rush home after a failed experiment, even tying it to the take off of the spaceship. Maybe a fuel test ect. He goes to the wilderness of his eastern european home to be "rescued" by gypsies who teach him the ways of the black arts... yadda yadda ect ect. Hell even fake away his mystical powers from a piece of space debris landing near him if you're going to make his powers cosmic related.
But this screams of suck. -
Who knows mate it might not be so bad. I'm keen to see Thing on the silver screen and with old heratio (hornblower refrence) as Mr Fantastic i think it could be a cracker.
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This FF Movie is going to suck.
NUFF SAID. -
So I could see the FF take on Galactus and SS on the big screen, guess they went and fuckered that up huh.
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but I just can't buy into the negativity this site is spewing when nobody has even SEEN the movie yet...I've seen too many negative reviews of good movies, and more to the point, WAY too many positive reviews of crap on this site (i.e. Godzilla)Here's a novel idea; lets wait till we see this film to pass judgement...
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Scooby Doo was awful and FF looks the same. Hate Harry more for things like sucking Michael Bay's hack cock. Or splooging over the merely okay Sky Captain. Or repeatedly traumitizing his nephew. There is so much more to hate Harry for than this!
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This just went from looking like a mere "Elektra"-level debacle to a "Howard the Duck"-level disaster. A word to the wise, for the future (assuming Marvel Films has a future)... do not fuck with the genius of Jack Kirby and Stan Lee. Accept that they knew, better than you do, how to handle these sorts of stories & characters. Just face that. If you need tips from someone closer in age to your "target demo", ask Brad Bird. He gets it.
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let's lay Harry for past transgressions, a reviewer does not have to have the exact same track record as you to be good right? that would be boring. sometimes a movie is good for the ideas it represents if not the actual execution (like Van Helsing).
Harry has the balls to commit his opinions to this site. -
that should be "lay off", that looks really bad...
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I wonder if Roger Zelanzy's Lord of Light will ever be made into a movie, using Kirby's pre-production designs? Probably not. http://lordoflight.com/
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May 30, 2005 7:43:00 PM CDT
Ehhh... it only matters if the general public likes this movie
by antonphd
I don't think that there are enough FF fans to make a difference on whether or not this movie is successful.
Honestly, Dr. Doom may have been a bad ass in the comics, but hardly anyone who watches will know that. If he appears to be a powerful enough of a villian for the FF then he'll be good enough for them.
I just want to see the Torch fly around on fire. Maybe see Mr. Fantastic do some cool stretches. The Thing punch thru some shit and talk shit. And I don't really care about the Invisible chick. -
The Thing photocopying his arse and mailing it to Bill Gates like in this month's FF this film will be a piece of shit.
This film will be a piece of shit. -
So you're saying Kirby and Lee knew how to handle these sorts of stories and characters. Well, that's true. But, generally speaking, in episodic form. Pick up most recent comic trades and you'll find four issues of 'build-up' followed by a couple of
issues where it's all tied up and ready to go into the next arc. Make a film like that and you'll end up in the same situation as Frank Miller was when he tried to write Robocop 2. His screenplay was five hours long and unfilmable.
And so we have Alicia "thrown in". What did you want? A wedding? With the humiliation this character is going through in the bar ... why the fuck not? It make sense within the context of the comics and the screenplay. The same goes for Johhny Storm going for the fame with some lame motocross. Now, don't get me wrong. These scenes could be directed ass-backwards and end up walking and talking like Howard. But how the fuck can you tell that now? There's a few good reasons to be dismayed about the film. But "yuppie bars", "black Alicias" and "motocross Johnnys" are not even remotely worthy of bitching about. The Doom character however... no matter how your read that it sounds like a fucking abortion. Anyone else come up with a more interesting way to fuck up a comic villian? -
I don't know how any true Fantastic Four fan can watch all those corny trailers and look at all those photo-shopped posters, knowing that all of it is under the creative vision of Tim "Barbershop" Story - and STILL think this looks like a good movie?! Are you kidding me? This is going to be a stinker, no doubt about it. At very best it'll be one of those "well...it didn't suck as much as I thought it would" movies. Think about it - do you really want the dialogue coming out of Reed Richards' mouth to be written by the same man responsible for XXX2?! Well, guess what America, it's happened. I cringe as I await the release date of this movie. The sad thing is that I'm such a Marvel zombie that there's no way I could not see this movie. *Sigh* The woes of the comic book fanboy. But for once I am completely behind Harry. Wait, that doesn't sound right...
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Dr Von Doom? The Thing? Plastic Man? The only half way cool character is the human torch. I think Marvel's running out of books to adapt to film.
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OK - so I spelled Johnny wrong. At least I don't want to "lay Harry". Past trangressions or not, there must be a easier way to 'play nice' with the big man.
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May 30, 2005 7:58:08 PM CDT
When they cast Alba as Susan I had a bad felling about it...
by judge doom
The Blond american mom turned into a latin Hubba? Then they choose not to use CGI for the Thing... Alrigth, it worked on Hellboy. But the thing pics made him look like a walking Turd. Reed Richards is younger than The Human Torch (Wich looks great, btw). Oh, and Alicia Masters is now African American, for some reason... Now, Doom...That
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Isn't that the whole point of this site? Besides, if the studios didn't want you to form an opinion before seeing the movie, they wouldn't release fucking trailers or whore their stars out on talk-shows or strike marketing tie-ins. They spend millions hyping these movies because they want you to see the promotional material and form a positive opinion. On occasion, that works. In this case, the trailer sickened me. I felt embarassed for the stars, the writers, the director, the suits who greenlit this shitpile. I don't really have an emotional attachment to the characters so I just won't go to see it. Still, when everything I've seen and heard about this movie screams that it's god awful, why on earth should I "wait till we see this film to pass judgement"?
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...has ever been bad with a montage. this movie will decimate all summer blockbusters in a fiery path to greatness.
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May 30, 2005 8:07:47 PM CDT
Unfortunately, because of the success of the Spidey films, chara
by frankdrebin
They should've kept this one simple. Four people on the MIR space station get zapped; Doom sees them as rivals; mayhem ensues.
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Very distinct possibility. I know I've said this a couple of times already, but I think the dialogue in the trailers is absolutely horrendous; you could basically cover your ears and pick any point during the trailer to uncover them and chances are you'd hear a shitty line of dialogue. And I'm generous with dialogue for the most part, I really am. And if those are the best lines in the movie, well, we're in trouble. Then again, maybe whoever cut the trailer just really likes puns. And you can definitely see the Thing suit "bend" in places it's not supposed to, but I still don't get what people would have prefered to a costumed Grimm. Whatever. Peace.
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Did nobody else think 'The Sixth Sense' looked like a piece of shit based on its trailer? I did, and when I went to see the thing in theaters it was like it wasn't even the same movie. I know that the circumstances are probably different here, but just saying that forming an opinion over whether or not a movie looks like crap based on pre-release advertising and whether or not it actually is crap are two different things. So saying "this movie is gonna suck" and then saying "the studios want us to decide it's bad before we've seen it" may work in this case, but it won't all the time.
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have done a Lucas-like "Special Edition" of the original Corman version with added CGI?
http://theletterd.blogspot.com/2005/05/enough-with-geek-bashing.html -
I read the novel. It really was not a bad one. Peter David did a good job with it. Maybe they should film Stan Lee reading it to the audience. You could have him decked out in a robe ala Hugh Hefner. He could read to the audience. It would be a hit.
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Now picture that smell... all over!
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Did you lose script credibility because you said the first two Batman movies were good? I'm just wondering because you're very quick to dismiss the opinions of people who show interest in movies that you don't like. And since the first two Batman movies had scripts that had all the depth and clarity of a high school AV project, maybe your opinion is no more valuable than anyone else's? Am I being crazy here?
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One thing that's always bothered me...I seem to distinctly remember a quick scene in "The Sixth Sense" trailer where someone, ostensibly Bruce Willis, dives out of the way of a moving car. Is this just my imagination or was this a.) a deleted scene not even on the DVD or b.) did the studio splice in a scene from another movie to make it seem like the Sixth Sense had more action? Regardless, I stand by my opinion that FF looks like shit (but I will still be there opening day...I hate myself).
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May 30, 2005 9:03:14 PM CDT
"This is either going to be a very fun movie or a disaster"
by thebaxter
Gee thanks for clearing that up for us.
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This thing sounds like a bad reality show about superheroes. "Boo-hoo, you stole my invisible girlfriend away with your big stretchy penis, so now I'm gonna name myself after a video game and shoot rockets at your building. Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" FF = Fantastick Fuckup. I'm glad I've never been a fan of the comic, I'd be upset. But look on the bright side: If this thing sets up a sequel with Verne Troyer as Mini-Doom (preferably drunk and pissing in the corner) and they replace Jessica Alba with Heather Graham then it will all have been worth it.
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i seriously have doubts about peoples' intelligence if they still (or have at any time, for that matter) entertain the thought that this movie might actually be good
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the funny thing is, I am very pessimistic about the FF movie too... It's just that I hate when Harry gets on one of his unstopable tirades about something. Remember when the Daredevil movie was coming out and Harry kept saying to all those fearing it that what we didn't understand was that the movie was based on the best DD story in the comics, thus it HAD to be a good movie? We all know how that one turned out... this seems like the exact opposite situation to me. Harry hates the storyline/direction this movie is taking from the get go, thus he is absolutely sure it must suck, just like he was absolutely sure the Daredevil movie would be good. And we all know that only a Sith deals in absolutes. ;)
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May 30, 2005 9:36:29 PM CDT
TheBaxter, the entire concept of the FF is basically one big rea
by terry_1978
They're heroes that bicker amongst themselves, which is what the gimmick has been since Stan Lee created them...that's the point.
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I agree - and what I think is funny is that FF looks to suck for the same reasons DD did (corny dialogue, an inexperienced director, poor casting decisions, straying from the source material, lame costumes, etc.) and yet Harry *loved* DD.
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If Harry says a comic book movie sucks, it must really, really suck
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Yeah, that was a deleted scene. It was his ex-wife's boyfriend almost "hitting" him because he was invisdible, ya know? It's on the Deleted Scenes section of the DVD, I think, which makes sense. And FF does look and probably is shitty. Alls I'm saying is you can't always tell. Hence the 'Sixth Sense' allusion.
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Over half the trailer consisted of scenes showing some fratboy human torch always flirting with different women with shitty pickup lines. Then factor in the shitty nu metal and mallcore background music complete with spinning cars on fire, flying shattered glass, ect. ect. The trailer finally ended with me having a very strong feeling they really fucked this one up. Well at least the people that like "I Robot" will like this movie. Thats about it.
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You know, I feel like an ass because I own the DVD and I could have sworn I watched all the deleted scenes. Guess I missed that one but thanks for clearing it up. For FF, as with most mega-hyped studio blockbusters, I think it's a case of 'plan for the worst, hope for the best, and maybe wind up somewhere in the middle'. Maybe.
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mr. fantastic should do a cross over with plastic man and elongated man. They "join" up to fight crime and at one point they all ball up together into one huge fucking rubber ball and bounce around a city block that's been held under seige by (insert villian here). When they are in mid-air they fly apart and all shape shift and bounce around into different shapes and shit and beat up all the bad guys. The CGI work would only take a few months and the cost would be around 200 million US dollars. After that there could be a franchise. They could bring out the lesser known Great lakes avengers: http://www.comics.org/graphics/covers/3061/400/3061_4_46.jpg
And flat man joins up with mr. fantastic, plastic man, elongated man (who is now on "super" ginko) as they fight the blob. Things go haywire when our heros form up and try to encapsulate the blob and the nuclear bomb he's holding....it explodes killing the blob and welding the heros together into a planet sized rubber ball that bounces out of control over the americas untill finally its brought under control and all the heros minds are welded together into one super-sized 'plastic planet man' that contains all the attributes of the heros that compose it and can shape and shift and form and fight crime. McG can direct the 3 part trilogy. :) -
Surely you're on something stronger than Cherry Cola?
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it'll make NO money at the box office however it could be a cult classic as well as a nice drinking game when it comes out on DVD
http://greatlakesavengers.com/ -
A planet sized rubber ball that would bounce across the americas? Do you know how how unrealistic that would be? And it would need a huge budget as well.
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Just as well they've got McG for it. I'm sure he's got the talent to pull it off.
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I had no idea FF fans could read. Fanfuckintastic indeed.
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Yeah. Who knew? Apparently the "Fantastic Four" is this thing called a comic book, which you have to read in order to use properly. Maybe that's where their crazy reading skills come from.
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Das, I really hope that was a joke about the montage. Otherwise I would have to bring up Xanadu, Can't Stop The Music (The Village People Movie), Spice World, Going Overboard, and many others. I only know this because I am involved in a yearly contest with bad movies, and still have nightmares about the montage from Sextette staring Mae West. Yikes! As for the fantastic four? Sounds like crap to me. But if Jessica Alba has a camel toe in the outfit, I am there!!!
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the mass would be shifting. One minute it could weight a few kilotons then shift to a lighter load. After causing a few million dollars damage they are able to finally get their collective shit together and stabilize. Since mr. fantastic is the "brains" of this small planet sized object he is able to construct an aldamanium lined artificial lake for them to rest in. Mr. fantastic is able to formulate a contruct of himself, which is connected to the sphere, by an umbilical cord. This "construct" is able to walk around and conduct experiments and converse with other superheros and military personel, all the while the cord runs from his spine to the sphere. The lake contains several kilos of a secret formula that keeps them in a 'sleep' status where their bodies are in liquid form. This is necessary not only for psychological reasons but to keep each other from killing each other. Plastic man is especially dangerous, as he is mentally unstable to begin with. The lake containment works for a while however several crime syndicates, including magneto, contantly strike the lake in an effort to gain control of the heros and to kill them. Mr. fantastic strikes a deal with galactus to build a space faring containment globe that orbits the earth and can move behind the sun. The suns energy provides strengh and protection from any enemies that may want to take a potshot at them. Besides, galactus and mr. fantastic have a deal where protection is provided in exchange for technologies invented by mr. fantastic. Silver surfer also keeps guard from time to time. :D
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Anyone want to make a Caucasian Sanford and Son movie?
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May 31, 2005 1:23:23 AM CDT
I know, now I sound like a fanboy who won't believe the poss
by derlanghaarige
...but do we judge here a film by his novelisation? Ever read one of those? They always suck!
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Where? Sue Storm doesn't act sexy?
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"Nuff said."
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May 31, 2005 2:24:36 AM CDT
Exception to the All Novelizations Suck Rule: Orson Scott Card&#
by frankdrebin
And most people think Isaac Asimov created FANTASTIC VOYAGE, but he based it on somebody's screenplay.
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Alls I wanna know is, are Mr Fantastic's stretchy effects barely in the trailer because they are barely in the movie, or because they wanted to save them as a surprise for a change? And why do all the trailers for this show scenes from the same set pieces? Is that all there is? Someone please tell me the trailers are not showing the supposed coolest stuff, because... well, you know. That'd mean Harry's prolly right. And THAT'd mean he'd ruin his streak of being always wrong. And that'd warp my concept of reality in a way that would require my getting revenge and coming up with some alliteration when I announce myself to the world. Bwaahaahaa! PS vote Julian McMahon for Namor, 2008
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When the hero fails to stop the dragon, he moans that he "stuck out" -- I don't think they had baseball in the Dark Ages. Later he says he's coming down with the flu -- if I remember my "Theodoric Of York" rightly, ill health was usually attributed to a small dwarf living in one's stomach.
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Does anybody know when the FF book goes on sale?
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Loved the FF comics, hate the look of this piece of crap film.
Nuff said ! -
This movie will so ROCK!!! McMahon RULES!!!
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How could it possibly get any worse?
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And will admit it. I never read an elektra or daredevil comic though, but was a big fan of Frank Miller's Batman work. I just don't understand why a lot of people came down on it like they did.
The comic authors/artist doco on the Australian Elekra DVD was pretty impressive too. Pretty comprehensive. -
Has written plenty of decent film novelisations, so there!
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... there's only so much you can do if the source material is no good. Not a specific comment on this however, as I haven't read it and know nothing about it.
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If crappy Elektra made $150 million worldwide, you know FF will make lots of money for the studios, regardless of how shitty it is and it looks like it's going to be pretty bad.
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I'm working overnight at a crappy radio station, and I need something entertaining to read. Please oblige by posting something funny immediately, if not sooner. gotta go play more soft rock, so please have something when I get back.
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I appreciate the help.
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Hardly gives you confidence in their product does it ?
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but i really don't think it has any chance of rocking. After The Incredibles, there's no way that this has a chance of being brought to life well. So tragic, Fantastic Four was a great comic when I used to read it.
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I guess it's back to drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and not anticipating FF.
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...about alright to me, firstly...
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that the soft rock counteracts the effects of the caffeine and nicotene.
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Kelley Clarkson, REO Speedwagon, Celine Dion, Michael Bolton... somebody shoot me.
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It will be the worst movie this summer next to the Longest Yard remake. Oh yeah first.
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I read the book too....and you are right. It is a massive Fantastic fuck up. It was stupid dialogue in soooo many places. DR DOOM, the greatest villian in all comic history, has been reduced to a metal J.R from Dallas.
I am VERY dissapointed Marvel and Fox didnt work this script tp perfection. There is no excuse for THIS SHLOCKFEST. Damn!!!!
Bring on Batman and Superman. Looks like DC and Warner are about to take Marvels place in the comics to cinema war. Marvel had a good run...and I am sure Spidey 3 will be good....but Marvel seems to have forgotten who these great characters are. -
Taking that away from the character is like making Darth Vader a good speller instead of someone who mastered the force. Fuck you Hollywood and your lazy adaptation of comic books!
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Usually the big Hollywood mucky-mucks will destroy a good idea much faster. When Star Wars came out, (77) we were pelted from all sides with terd copies out for the quick buck. Remeber Lazerblast, and Battle Beyond the Stars. Same thing with Raiders, can anyone say Alan Quartermane. We have actually been able to enjoy several decent comics brought to the big screen with only a few terds, perhaps we're due.
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you COULD be playing Dolly Parton !!! Just out of interest,does your station broadcast on to the net ? Could I tune in here in the UK ?
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Our format was recently country, but we played so little Dolly Parton that I would gladly go back so that I would never have to here Hall and Oates destroy another classic Motown song.
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How this going go! The trailers have that brainless popcorn feel to them but I kinda hoping for something more! Maybe it'll be great! What the hell do I know! Oh yeah, first!
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but I better quit screwing around on the internet now. Any minute the news guy will be in here. Have a good night...errr morning, whatever the hell it is now. Mayhaps, I'll be back tomorrow.
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...Is cool....heck The thing looks BETTER than the one in this movie. Carry on knocking Cormans version.. Reading that made it sound just as bad.
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Just saw Sideways and he was incredibly watchable. Him and Giamatti's commentary is very funny also.
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Seeing the new posters for FF makes you realize how much they are trying to get the same market as Spiderman. They are practically identical to the Spiderman 2 poster campaign. http://www.superherohype.com/news/fantasticfournews.php?id=3072 But it just looks so weak. A few nice moments and it's difficult to tell from just trailers but the Thing just looks bad. He looks more rubbery than Mr Fantastic. Speaking of which he barely gets any trailer time and what there is looks underwhelming. So we have a younger blond Jean Grey. Chris O'Donnel's Robin on Fire. A man in a Rubber Crazy Paving suit and a man made of melted toffee with no imagination. And of course a castrated Doom. If the metal is under his skin why are his eyes under the face?
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A few paragraphs too late there, buddy. With a plot this bad, now I think Harry's even crazier for nitpicking over how Alicia looks.
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May 31, 2005 8:12:18 AM CDT
It doesn't sound like there's much of a through-line her
by fluffyunbound
It sounds more like "The Real World: Fantastic". Doesn't Doom have an evil plan? Or is he just grumpy and reactive?
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This new thing where you don't see the talkback on the article page lead me to steal your trenchant observation. I'm glad someone else saw that besides me. And it's not the bickering that makes it seem like The Real World to me - it's that Doom has no apparent goal or motivation outside of the fact that he is annoyed at his "roommates". They're fighting over who monopolizes the phone more. Oh, and something to remember: for really, really bad movies, the novelization is usually BETTER than the movie. So the film version of FF could be even worse.
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Is he still working?
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really holds grudges huh? too bad the producers didn't invite harry to the set or we'd actually get his enthusiasm for this
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May 31, 2005 9:35:59 AM CDT
I hope everyone realizes that this impending disaster is why Avi
by genro
Once again, Avi has created mutually assured destruction through studio-exec-collaboartion...this lying SOB repeatedly said he'd never allow Marvel to travel the 90's WB path, but the FF sure looks like a De Bonventura production...just like Hulk, it disgusts me how these people think they can improve on Stan & Jack....here's the simple rule to follow - *You can update the scenario but you cannot alter the characters or relationships*. When you begin to fuck with an established properties structure on that level, you've missed the point of adapting that property...LXG, Hulk, Punisher, now FF...it's a guarentee Iron Man is going to suffer the same fate...it's a lock Arad will try and take credit for the "new approach" WB has taken on Batman, by accrediting it to Spidey or X-Men...I just hope some interviewer has the balls to ask Avi "then why haven't all Marvel projects followed that pattern"? I'm sure he'll bluster and slip into broken english before offering a thousand excuses. But no matter what he says, just realize the true answer is - "Avi want to be movie producer. Avi ride motorcycle. Avi wear all black, make Avi kewl. Avi jealous of Stan".
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Never fucking for that.
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May 31, 2005 10:02:36 AM CDT
You can't put Hulk in a catagory with Punisher and LXG.
by trevor goodchild
Hulk worked. For me, the best Marvel film so far.
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Captain America? Iron Man? Thor? Sub Mariner? Silver Surfer? And DC still have Green Lantern and the Flash. RIVERO-Justin Theroux for Joker.
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...seriously. It's like those Alan Dean Parker Star Wars rags of the late 70s-early 80s. In other words, the events in the novelization might be the same, but that doesn't mean the dialogue is. I swear, this site is becoming SO pathetic--you run a review on a NOVELIZATION of a movie...what's next? Running a review of the back cover liner notes of a novelization of a movie? Just because you're predisposed to hate the FF? Man, I hope FF kicks ass so everyone around here gets extra helpings of humble pie.
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lookin' good..
http://media.themoviebox.net/movies/fantasticfour/TVSpot2/
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Hold on a minute, that 'film' was f@#*in' rubbish. Those of you who are of the opinion that it was a better movie than the new version- you actually expect people to take you seriously when talking about film?
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My prediction is that if this movie does fizzle at the box office (which it very well may not), instead of taking any responsibility for making a bad movie, Avi Arad will instead use the following reasons in their exact order: 1) Piracy, 2) A summer blockbuster season that was in a slump 3) The Incredibles.
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Very nice looking figures. They had the full set of the the FF at my local Woolworth store. No Doc Doom, but then I have the Marvel Legends figure of him on the shelf and no way will they improve on that. Mr Fantastic had extensions that you clip on to his arms & legs to make him stretch, the Torch lights up, the Invisible Girl shoots these saucer like things out of her stand's base and The Thing has a sound chip & punching & stomping action. IF by a freak stroke of luck I pass my promotion interview on Thursday, I might buy 'em for my shelf. (My fellow talkbackers, if you have any positive karma to spare, send it my way on Thursday. Grasias.)
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i read the novelization over a month ago.
i didnt know harry was accepting reviews of novelizations.
heck, i could have turned in my ep. 3 review the day the novelization came out.
AICN has sunk to new low. -
May 31, 2005 1:24:08 PM CDT
I was worried way before the bad trailers. Harry nailed this fro
by matthooper8
Once I heard that Doom was a joke and that only the final battle showed their powers, I was uninterested. That was reported months ago. I can't imagine why one person can be excited. I havn't seen one thing from script to the last trailer to set reports, that has been interesting. It started with bad casting, continued with a dull script now seems to have laughable dialogue seen in the trialers. Of course it will make money, but Daredevil made $100 million, and that was considered a dissapointment. What does this need to make to be succesful?
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And in that vein, I'd like to announce the opening voice-over for the FF movie: "This is the true story of five bad actors, picked to live in a space station, work together, get exposed to cosmic rays, and have their lives taped, to find out what happens when superheroes stop being polite, and start getting real."
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I've been a fan of the Fantastic Four comic book since before I could read. I have a near-complete run of the title (missing issues 1 and 2 and am not willing to mortgage the house to acquire them), and have read EVERY Fantastic Four story to date. I say this only so that you know where my opinion is coming from when I say that Roger Corman's version is better than the upcoming train wreck hitting the theatres in July. Here are the reasons... For all of its obvious flaws, the one thing that can be said about Roger Corman's film version of the Fantastic Four is that it captured the "spirit" of the book. The actors chosen for the original film were much better cast than those in the new version. The storyline was MUCH closer to that of the comic book... Reed and Victor are fellow students... there is a scientific experiment conducted by Victor which results in the disfigurement of his face... Doom's european background and his royal status are evident... a very young Sue Storm crushing on Reed before growing up to be the beautiful woman that he falls in love with... Johnny and Ben's relationship is also spot on... the Thing's reaction to his change and his subsequent "Beauty and the Beast" relationship with blind sculptress Alicia Masters are there... his costume is MUCH more faithful to the comic book... Finally, there is the accident in space which grants the FOUR of them their unique abilities. Did you get that? The FOUR of them! That's why they're called the Fantastic Four, silly. Anyway, whatever shortcomings the Corman version had (and there were plenty), it was more to do with budgetary restrictions than studio execs tampering with the source material. Let's be honest here, if you did not see either film and only had the screenplays by which to judge them, which of the two would scripts would you have preferred to have seen produced? Can you imagine what Corman's version would have looked like if he had 100 times his original budget? Then again, he probably would have used that money to make 100 films, all of which would probably be more entertaining than the upcoming Fantastic Flop.
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...My point exactly. Too much has been stuffed into this turkey.
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May 31, 2005 2:10:12 PM CDT
Victor has left the building. I'm simply DOOM now. Or..."Doo
by johnny5alive
Oh, Jesus Christ.
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sigh, Cormans sole purpose was/is to make movies for as little money as possible so he can make as much profit as possible. fair enough.
However, you're probably a handful of people that happened to see that disastrous film, it didn't even get a release it was so bad! so rant all you want. 10 million dollars couldn't have saved that effort. there was no vision from the director for one thing, regardless of budget. Enough foppish tittle tattle about this first flick, no one (in the real world) has even heard of it, never mind seen it. -
...and reserve judgment based on the possibility that this movie is going for camp, over-the-top fun instead of gravitas. Who knows? It may end up having more in common with the Incredibles than it already does. That one takes a very serious dramatic turn after being silly most of the way through, maybe this will revel in the inherent silliness of its subject matter and give us a live-action cartoon superhero slugfest with punny dialogue like you might have found in an early Kirby/Lee comic. I'll give it the chance to entertain at least on that level. Shame about the handling of Doom, though. Maybe Julian will still manage to make him seem somewhat menacing (he's a pretty good actor). We'll see.
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THAT's how he names himself? I knew this movie would be stupid, but even I can't believe this.
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And you know it. Peace Out.
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On top of the bad script, bad casting, apparent bad acting, limp story, and so-so effects, one thing eludes me. Why was Doom in space? It just makes no sense. Ivan_Mtl brought it up in his very good summary of Corman's movie. It's the Fantastic 4 not 5. In the new film, just because he's evil, why is he not considered fantastic? He has powers, right. The 2005 version is really The Fantastic 5. Look in the real story, there were 4 of them in space blasted by cosmic rays. Let's face it, they ruined the whole formula from the get go. The bad dialogue, story and cast only compounds it. However, it is marketed to the morons, so it will make money. FF part 2 2007 me thinks. The biggest mistake was making an origin story. Why bother?
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Craptacular Craptacular! Oh wait, did I say borrow? I meant bastardise.
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...what the fuck is wrong with the talkbacks, they've gone back to the way they were before... goddammit, you made me look all foolish, thinking I was first and all......
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FRIST!
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OK,fisrt of all, ou idiots dont' know a damm thing about the fntastic Four. You guys are all tslking about some stupid line or anothner and you totaly are forgetting the spaceshp part. the original issue was genuene magic and now beiong on issues number #500, this moive will totoally be just as cool. the part on the ship I saw my uncle worled on the movie and it is relaly good. seriousely. so stop talking so bad bout it. k.
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May 31, 2005 5:07:16 PM CDT
suck_it, you have a way with words. Too bad it seems to be in a
by matthooper8
Wow suck_it, you really have a way with words. You are the target audience for the FF movie. Moronic fools with no life and no grammar skills. If you get another few million of your kind to see the movie 6 or seven times, the movie will be a big hit. Too bad you probably can't read the opening credits. You are a real winner.
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So what if i cant' type 50 words per minute or whjatever. i garantee that this film will be the big summer blckbuster hit. Nomatter what. if you see it or not. Becuase tyhe real fans who read the comic and know hwo the cahracters are, those will like the films and that is what is importnat.
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It's not Madagascar or Harry Potter or War of the worlds my son, his daycare, and every kid in the neighborhood wants to see. It's FF. My son and his friends walk around and say "It's clobbering time and Flame On" having only seen the trailer. I used to love FF as a kid(I'm 41) but I think this will be nothing like the FF of memory, but still do > 150 mill box office, and 100 mill DVD. Like the Hulk, which was a HUGE FINANCIAL SUCCESS despite all the haters(369 mill Box office and 300 mill+ merch), the FF will be considered a success, even with bad reviews.
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listen up-CHANGE IS GOOD. everyone seems to be caught up in the past with this subject matter -'they changed doom etc' -who cares!!
these movies are for a new generation, for kids of all ages - not bitter thirtysomethings that didn't get that religious experience from ' the phantom menace' they were eagerly waiting for.
not true to the comic book? f@*k that rationale, it's a new age.
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May 31, 2005 7:54:45 PM CDT
Childe Roland, "It may end up having more in common with the Inc
by immortal_fish
C'mon, man. Don't you mean that the other way around? Personally ran out of fingers and toes to count how mny times I've seen the Incredibles, but you must admit it was an obvious rip on the FF, guest starring Barry Allen as Dash. Not too certain that the same formula in live action would have worked as well. Despite all the negativity surrounding FF, I'm also reserving judgement.
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Ummm...let's try some of that judging a movie before it comes out thing. I'm gonna say no, it wasn't. Yes, only Corman could come up with the genius of Thing in Speedos. Only Corman, who encouraged the actors to keep it to a maximum of one take per shot in order to "preserve creative momentum." That Corman. That movie. That was BETTER? Sorry, but this is why I get skeptical when people say things "suck" because they were changed from the comic. Most anyone who watches the Corman version, including comic book fans, agrees that it was hideous. Yet it's gotta be "better" because Doom still ruled a tiny country. Whatever. Go enjoy your Corman version of the film.
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I wish that Avi got some tougher questions in interviews too. He probably has his questions screened though.
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It was already done... S& Son was originally a British comedy called "Steptoe and Son". I think people really need to get over the whole race casting issue when...unless the character's personal story involves a specific ethnic backstory then diversity should be celebrated...not bemoaned.
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What better revenge against the fantastic four than to have their image tainted before the world that once loved them. To have their monumental debut to the grand masses of the world sullied by doubt, disappointment and...mediocrity. Can there be no greater irony than to have once loyal fans jeer at the "heroes" and rally behind the villain? The makers of this film just may have accomplished what the great Dr Doom has thus far been unable to; the ultimate defaming and destruction of the fabulous foursome. If that isn't tragically poetic, nothing is.
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Jun 02, 2005 5:36:16 AM CDT
Yet again AICN only hears voices from one side of the fence...
by hiredhelp
Curious...I know more people who think the film looks good than I do who think it looks bad. Even surfing round different forums the general veiw of the film from posters based on the trailers, the novelisation AND the actual shooting script is that it looks damned good.
But this site apparently only recieves 'independent' contributions from people who hate it: First the ridiculously OTT bashing of the teaser, now this.
Guess that's no surpise considering the editorial team at this site have been bashing the flick even before Moriarty reviewed the WRONG script (they still haven't corrected that one, lol)
I would call this a hidden agenda but its so obvious the term 'hidden' doesn't really apply.
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