Hey folks, Harry here. It seems there's a good deal of people out there that think this FANTASTIC FOUR movie is going to be awesome and that think I have some grudge against this project. They're right, I do have a grudge against the film. The script is terrible = grudge 1. That's my number one problem in advance. It's why looking at the trailers for this thing hurts so much, I know what every single frame is a reference to and it is just so incredibly sad to me. Now, I have hope for the film, but it isn't based on anything I've seen or heard. Mainly I heard that the film was overly influenced by Tom Rothman who wanted it "sexier" because that's what this superhero family was all about. That sort of edict works on a project like MR & MRS SMITH - but the FF is about heart and warmth, thrills and adventures, fun and teamwork. They're characters with long histories that from the first moment to the last have the bickering and issues with one another that any 'family' has with one another, but when it comes down to it... they're there for one another. And the worst part of all, is what has happened to Dr Doom, whom they've turned into Donald Trump meets Drax. The key reason this aggravates the hell out of me, is Dr Doom, for me, was the absolute coolest villain in the history of Marvel Comics. And when you hear the dialogue and plot they've given him... it's enraging to anyone that knows the character. It's "Kill da Heroes" ice capades bad. The only thing in the script that kinda works is some of Johnny Storm and some of Ben Grimm. That's it. Here's one person's look at the novelization. Beware of spoilers...

Dear Harry,

Don't know if you'll use this, but here here you go:

I have just finished reading the novelization of the upcoming FANTASTIC FOUR movie and would like to share my feelings with you.

First off the no spoiler version.

This is either going to be a very fun movie or a disaster but prepared for the latter.

Now to the spoilers.

First I would like to point out that this is in fact a novilization that I'm reviewing and not the final film. There is a lot of exposition stuff said in the text that will not be in the movie and I will take that into account with this review and try to only talk of the things we actually see. Another point that I need to get across is that normally the book adds to the movie and may cause me to have a different opinion based on new material not in the film. For example the ending to the X2 novel was very different than the actual ending of the movie and The Punisher and Daredevil novels had entire subplots erased with the DD getting it all back in the Director's Cut DVD. Even still I don't think this will be the case on this one save one scene that just don't fit. Unfortunately the other scene I felt should be cut is already in the trailers.

The book starts out with Ben Grimm and Reed Richards going to VDI (Von Doom Industries) to beg for money to let them go into space and hold experiments with a strange bit of cosmic interference that's coming our way in an attempt to cure disease and learn more about the make up of the world. Ben is leery about this because of his dislike of the man even acknowledging that Victor Von Doom, the head of VDI changed his name from Van Damme to Von Doom when he immigrated here from Latveria to intimidate people.

When they get to the headquarters of VDI they see that Von Doom has even erected a stature of himself in the courtyard setting up an ego that holds no bounds.

They meet with Von Doom and we learn that Sue Storm, an old flame of Reeds his (which is established later) is under Von Doom's payroll. Vic(tor) insists that she and her brother, Johnny Storm go out with them.

Now apparently the story fast forwards a few months...or not to the completion of the craft they go up in and the four scientists go on board and I was surprised that Vic goes up too, but not until mugging for a few cameras and hogging the spotlight.

Well, the accident happens in space just as Vic was proposing to Sue (I could never tell if they ever even had a relationship before this point, but it was mildly suggested. Ben is outside when the cosmic rays hit and eveyone save Vic was almost directly exposed to the radiation, but even Vic was hit by them despite his having closed shields around him.

We cut to the private hospital where they all learn of their powers. The most ridiculous power realization was when Johnny went skiing and caught fire in mid- run.

Ben, upon his change, runs away and finds a train that miraculously brings him to New York from wherever they were. The other three try to find him.

Meanwhile Vic is running damage control on this failed experiment and what it's doing to his business. (This plays into it later.)

When they do find Ben, who of course is his large rocky self, he had just saved a man from killing himself and inadvertently causing a huge pile up on the Brooklyn Bridge. Each using their powers in honest they save a crapload of people and Ben saves a truckload of firemen. This prompts the media to dub them the FANTASTIC FOUR and they become instant celebrities.

Johnny embraces this, but the others are cool to the idea since all they want is to get back to normal. They hold an impromptu press conference about what had happened.

Vic watches the scene from his office and is outraged and jealous and to make matters worse the booboo on his head keeps getting bigger. (See this is where it plays into it)

Soon after the four get to the Baxter Building, Reed's research facility and home, Von Doom shows up to see what's up. Especially regarding Sue. He speaks to Reed about the odds of getting them all back to normal. They are not good apparently. Angry at Reed and Sue's new closeness he punches an elevator wall and the skin on his hand comes off revealing metal under neath.

Reed tries to study their powers and find a cure in what is sure to be a montage.

Ben goes out and has a few at his old bar trying to shrug off the horrified faces of the other patrons until a faux pas leaves them laughing at him. He scares them and they all leave, save for a hot black girl in the corner not giving him a second look...you know cause she can't. She is Alicia and ,of course, she's blind and warms up to Ben by feeling his features before leaving and playfully flirting with him on her way out.

Vic gets a doctor's eye view of what's going on with the whole metal skin thing and after he's told the doc's opinion he kills him...ok.

Ben and Alicia have more scenes together and I hope the bathing scene is cut but he gets embarrassed at a party she takes him to and he bolts.

In another scene that really shouldn't be, but is because it's in the trailer, Johnny competes in a Motocross on the X Games and shows off. Ben is furious at this at home especially when Johnny starts giving each of his comrades hero names : Invisible Girl, Mr. Fantastic, Human Torch, and of course the Thing. (This would probably the longest X Games interview EVER since most only last for 8 seconds, but this one goes on and on.)

The three confront Johnny at the arena and a fight breaks out between The Thing and the Torch.

Vic gets told that he is on thin ice with the board, so he kills the ringleader against him using his new electrocution power.

Meanwhile Reed is constructing a transformation chamber, but after Vic sees that Sue and Reed seem to be growing closer still, he decides to act upon this. He sends out a team of folks to build the chamber for Reed to let him rest a little. So Sue and Reed go out to the planetarium.

Vic them picks up Johnny and tells him that he could be even more famous with action figures and video games and what not all while luring him into his plot with Swimsuit models.

Then Vic meets up with Ben, buys him dinner, and then makes Ben wonder if Reed is really doing everything he can to reverse his condition.

When Reed and Sure come back they see Ben waiting for them. Ben starts to fight Reed, but gives up and goes out. Reed then goes into the chamber to test it while Sue goes to get Ben and Johnny shows up just in time to get yelled at for not putting his priorities in place.

Then things get stupid.

I'll just leave that at that, but it involves freezing Mr. Fantastic, Doom Shooting a rocket at the Baxter Building HIMSELF and the wonderful line: "Victor has left the building. I'm simply DOOM now. Or..."Doom"...that's a video game isn't it? It needs something more. Dr. DOOM! What do you think?"

What do I think? I think it needs a few more drafts. Just like this screenplay.

The bottom line is that these characters could work well, but damn if the plot seems non existent, Alicia Masters just thrown in, the dialogue sometimes cringe worthy, and entire things just seem out of place. Real action doesn't start until the end and they don't even use their powers to the fullest then. I hope I can have fun at this movie, but on the bright side it isn't the MST3K fodder that the 1993 Corman version was....I hope.

If you use this I go by bigWALL on the darkquarter.