May 13, 2005, 3:12 a.m. CST
May 13, 2005, 3:13 a.m. CST
god these firsters are annoying ; D
May 13, 2005, 3:24 a.m. CST
WHEN ARE WE GONNA SEE SOME GODDAMN ALIENS??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? I give a fuck about Tom Cruise about as much as I'd give a fuck about the short, pretty guy I was going to rape in jail. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE ALIENS?!?!!?
May 13, 2005, 3:42 a.m. CST
where the fuck are the aliens steven???????? if i wanted to have a wank over tom cruise i'd watch top gun - aliens please.
May 13, 2005, 3:47 a.m. CST
you know, i really wasn't looking forward to this movie at all. but after see the trailers the past few months and now Quint's part 1, i think this may be something to watch.
May 13, 2005, 3:52 a.m. CST
"Teeth of the Sea" is a much, much better title than Jaws !!!
May 13, 2005, 4:05 a.m. CST
did he get to any semblance of a point? i got half way down the column and then woke up about an hour later. Does no-one writing on here know how to be a little concise?
May 13, 2005, 4:19 a.m. CST
you can't leave an article on a cliffhanger man!
May 13, 2005, 4:25 a.m. CST
by Commando Cody
Wasn't there supposed to be a new FULL (and final) trailer next week attached to SITH that finally showed us some tripods or martian material? Or has that plan been scrapped now?
May 13, 2005, 4:57 a.m. CST
All depends which Speilberg turned up to shoot this mofo, If it's the Spielberg who made Jaws, Close Encounters, ET, Raiders and even Minority Report at a pinch, then we should be in for one hell of a ride. If on the other hand this was made by the Cheesily sentimental fellow who made Always and AI, well it could suck large donkey balls.
May 13, 2005, 5:21 a.m. CST
... Ground War! Ground War! No-one has ever won a war just using air power, so what makes anyone think we'd win a war just with aircraft when the enemies aircraft are ABOVE us? (Don't get me started on writing a computer virus on a laptop that brings down an alien invasion fleet) ...
May 13, 2005, 5:22 a.m. CST
May 13, 2005, 5:23 a.m. CST
I want to see people fighting on the ground with tanks and guns and people shooting stuff and things on the ground getting blown up and things like that.
May 13, 2005, 5:43 a.m. CST
...how 'bout it Quint, you take any art from the set? A link would be nice here people. Where are all the spies now???
May 13, 2005, 5:50 a.m. CST
May 13, 2005, 6:12 a.m. CST
May 13, 2005, 6:52 a.m. CST
May 13, 2005, 7:07 a.m. CST
is Haisommer, which translates to "Sharksummer". The movie actually has a pretty bad reputation in Norway, probably due to the z-movie title (and the z-movie sequels no doubt). Oh, and WoW will kick ass.
May 13, 2005, 7:54 a.m. CST
by Triumph poops!
How can JAWS -- regardless of how fucked up of a job they did giving it an alternate, translated Norwegian name -- have a "bad reputation"? JAWS is a fucking movie masterpiece! You could call it anything you want and nothing would change that bottom line. What, did these people in Norway just not watch the friggin' thing? Or do they just have utterly crappy taste over there?
May 13, 2005, 8:27 a.m. CST
You just know this is gonna be huge - even the trailer whupped Fantastic Four's skinny, weightless cgi ass, remember.
May 13, 2005, 8:34 a.m. CST
Yes, they do. In Sweden Jaws was simply called "Hajen", literally "The Shark." You can
May 13, 2005, 8:35 a.m. CST
by Cpt Kirks 2pay
Start as late as you can into a story, then end as quickly as you can. Then Fuck off. This post had half of it as boring flipping set up, then a relatively brief story about some army guys shooting stuff for about a few takes for 2 scenes at the most. Testing our patience with 2 posts to tell this story? Just tell it in one and get lost. You've been hanging with George Lucas and his scriptwriting asslickers too much mate. I appreciate build up and foreplay to anything as much as the next guy, in fact my wanks over Michelle Heaton getting her ass kicked on Celebrity Wrestling contains a lot of anticipation and exposition (no not that kind) before the actual sex fight that results in her squirming orgasmically like a constipated snake, but shit even I know that after 30 seconds I'm gonna explode and turn my room into looking like a rice pudding vat. We can't hold our attentions that long. By the way, I'm a Film Extra in the UK. Don't believe all that shit about Tom Cruise shagging Katie Holmes, he's a fudge packing gayboy cowboy, heard stories about him on set. In fact it wouldn't suprise me if he had no cock and used his huge conk of a nose instead to feltchface the arse of all his gay Personal Assistants.
May 13, 2005, 8:49 a.m. CST
May 13, 2005, 9:19 a.m. CST
Good report. Can't wait to read the next part. I'd give my pinky toe to be in your shoes on that day, I can tell you. By "give" I mean have half of it removed under general anathetic. After all, I'm not fucking crazy. I know that sounds pretty tame to a guy who was bitten in half by a shark, but sacrifice is still sacrifice...
May 13, 2005, 9:30 a.m. CST
by Wee Willie
Okay, this isn't actually a Tom Cruise story, but it cracked me up. Recently my wife and I were at a fundraising dinner for our son's preschool. We used to live in the city, now we live in the 'burbs. We're sitting at a table with all these joe-golf office drones and their wives, all of whom are having a rousing discussion about how pointless it is to read novels. (I'm not kidding.) So my wife casually mentions that she and I work in the film business. (We're not big shots, but we both work in the industry) So one of the wives asks if we've ever met anyone famous? We say yes, of course. Then she goes, "Is Tom Cruise gay?" And I replied that I had no idea, but considering he's been married, has kids, and a string of hot girlfriends, that I thought the gay rumours were just that: rumours. Then this woman says "My friend's, hairdresser's boyfriend swears he had sex with Tom Cruise." I didn't know how to respond to this earth-shattering revelation, so I shrugged. Then this lady goes on to say "You know what else? Tom Cruise's 'thing' doesn't work. He has a prosthetic penis. That's why he and Nicole (She said "Nicole" like she and Kidman were old pals or something) had to adopt." So then I asked, "If his penis doesn't work, how did your friend's, hairdresser's boyfriend have sex with him?" She replied that Cruise was a 'taker', not a 'giver'. Then she said "You know those actors, they all go both ways anyway." So I said, "Do you mean to tell me that Tom Cruise takes it up the butt?" And then her joe-golf, illiterate office drone husband pipes in and says "Don't talk to my wife that way." Then my wife piped in that there's lots of rumours about famous people and not all of them are true. And this woman says "I know what I heard and it's true." So I called her a retard. Things went downhill from there.
May 13, 2005, 9:42 a.m. CST
by Darth Busey
...how are the Scientology classes working out?
May 13, 2005, 9:44 a.m. CST
by Kentucky Colonel
And the Pope is not Catholic, either. Coincidence?
May 13, 2005, 10:11 a.m. CST
A girl I know actually, honestly, thinks Jaws 4 (the revenge) is the best of the series. It's true. Jaws is of course one of my all time favourite movies, probably second only to ESB. Other funny movie translation tidbits: miss congeniality was just redubbed miss undercover (in english), as the powers that be really have no faith in our linguistic capabilities. Others: You only live twice = James Bond in Japan, North By Norhwest = With the heart in your throat (it sounds a little bit better in norwegian, but not much), The Shining = Hotel of evil (kind of gives it away, doesn't it?), The manchurian candidate = Queen of Diamonds Kills, Speed = The bus that couldn't slow down. OK, I made that last one up.
May 13, 2005, 10:11 a.m. CST
It'll be more of the Minority Report/Terminal Spielberg I think! This project was rushed and it's gonna look rushed. The lack of locations won't help it much either! I want it to work so bad but it won't!
May 13, 2005, 10:20 a.m. CST
by Brock Samson
Quint, did you go into the Scientology Tent? Did they give you an E-meter reading? Did Cruise tell you how to get rid of your "body theatans"? Ask the important questions, damnit! Also, I'd bet Cruise is Gay. Who wants odds!
May 13, 2005, 10:23 a.m. CST
hate the man as an 'actor', Minority Report was about the only time I watched him and didnt puke, but full marks for Katie Holmes.
May 13, 2005, 10:30 a.m. CST
I've got another example of that, again from Sweden: Charles Laughton's The Night of the Hunter was renamed "Trasdockan" in Sweden, which means "The Rag Doll." How fucking stupid can you get?
May 13, 2005, 11:35 a.m. CST
You know damn well that if the article is good we'll read it no matter how long it is. Now I'll just forget about it and end up not reading the second half. Jerk >:(
May 13, 2005, 11:38 a.m. CST
This is why we haven't seen any alien action. The invasion is simply a backdrop for the very human drama. It's gonna be Private Ryan but with aliens instead of WW2 landing.
May 13, 2005, 11:49 a.m. CST
Not only does the shark man get to visit Spielberg, but he also decides to merely whet our appetites for now. How could you possibly end your first half there? Right before you get to meet the man himself, you decide to leave us hanging for a few days! Argh! I think you're just trying to be like QT and have us all pissed because we have to wait for a REALLY long time to see where you take the report. I hate you, so very much. No offense, though.
May 13, 2005, 12:04 p.m. CST
by Barry Egan
And I am dying to know what the logic was in not reading novels. Was it the same argument Jacks' future father-in-law gives in Sideways?
May 13, 2005, 12:22 p.m. CST
by Harry Coin
. . . nefarious fuckers. Over there in Northern Europe, eating their lutafisk (or however those dastardly whale murderers spell it) and molesting reindeer. It figures they would hate spielberg, because they have no souls (just kidding, but they are socalists, which is kinda like not having a soul)!
May 13, 2005, 12:32 p.m. CST
The Norwegians murder whales. And club baby seals. Swedes don't. However they do molest reindeer. And only half the population are socialsts. But 100% lack soul. And souls.
May 13, 2005, 12:44 p.m. CST
but the US army doesn't use AK's
May 13, 2005, 12:45 p.m. CST
by invalid quinn
You are so luck quint! My goodness.
May 13, 2005, 1:21 p.m. CST
That's funny! There are people that will beleive anything. And everything. It keeps the Enquirer in the black.
May 13, 2005, 1:27 p.m. CST
BEAT LA, BEAT LA...
May 13, 2005, 1:32 p.m. CST
Quint leaves NZ, shows up to WoW set, walks around, and writes a cliff-hanger. You know you got a whole lotta nothing when you start talking about frogs croaking, and Jaws stories that are boring.
May 13, 2005, 1:54 p.m. CST
I EAT GLASS AND KILL DOGS AND FUCK HANDFULS OF MY OWN SHIT
May 13, 2005, 2:29 p.m. CST
All you americans ever associate with Norway is whalekilling. There's more to us than that! We have beautiful women! We invented the paperclip. We won the olympic gold in curling! We make crappy movies! Oh, and it's lutEfisk, actually.
May 13, 2005, 3:03 p.m. CST
...technically Veiviseren was Norwegian and it kicked ass. Mors Elling was shit, though. A bigger crime than killing whales with paperclips is the fact that Mors Elling is on DVD and Veiviseren isn't. Maybe if you guys funneled some of all that North Sea oil cash into the movie business instead of into those creepy Ivan Drago training camps for your skiers, we might have something. Look at the Danes: they have no oil, invent nothing, kill nothing, and win nothing at sporting events. Their film and television output is fucking amazing and all they do is hang out, drink beer and talk funny.
May 13, 2005, 3:31 p.m. CST
this will own the Box Officer over that cry baby vader
May 13, 2005, 3:42 p.m. CST
by Harry Coin
ya think with all those hot Northern European chicks they would take a brake from killing marine mammals and bang some of that sweet northern poon-tang. But they are to busy preserving their fish in goddamn soap to even notice. C'mon, preserving your food with lye? At least when we rape our food of all it's health benefits we try to make it taste good. I do I have to give props to the 'Wegians for their fjords. Nice bit of work. What the hell was the talkback about?
May 13, 2005, 3:43 p.m. CST
Pretty sure he did.
May 13, 2005, 3:45 p.m. CST
it's "New" York, bitchassmotherfuckers.
May 13, 2005, 4:07 p.m. CST
by Wee Willie
Among the arguments the Joe-Golf office drones and their wives gave for not reading novels were" "No one talks about novels. If you're going to bother reading, read the paper, people talk about things in the paper." "You can't learn anything useful from reading novels" "Who has time for reading. I'd rather watch sports." and, my favorite: "I lose track of all the stuff happening in novels." The only person at the table who actually read a novel recently was one guy's wife who read Harry Potter. The only thing that would have made that evening remotely interesting would have been if I'd drank too much and thrown up all over the table.
May 13, 2005, 4:15 p.m. CST
Interesting read, But I wonder, The scene they were filming with the walkie talkies, I wonder if they Will show the actual battle with the military and the pods, I hope it's not just scenes where there talking on those walkie talkies and just hearing the reaction of the person on the other end rather then seeing them in action.
May 13, 2005, 4:53 p.m. CST
I've met people like that. One-interest guys with their trophy wives who think a great conversation is one about whether or not some actor is gay. As for the guy who said "I lose track of all the stuff happening in novels" someone should tell him that "Where's Waldo" is not a novel.
May 13, 2005, 5:03 p.m. CST
This will sadly suck. TC and SS couldn't make a hardcore ass-kicking flick if their lives depended on it. I'm gonna cringe when the first pseudo-precocious kid says some dumbass joke and utterly takes you out of the moment. Take a friggen clue from Orson Welles and don't relieve the tension, don't have dumbass jokes, and don't have a lightweight sidekick who screams "this is schlock!" ever time he comes on screen. No? So it will be formulaic SS and it will BLOW.
May 13, 2005, 5:08 p.m. CST
by I Dunno
This sounds more like Signs than anything else. And can we have some more Spielbergian shots of people looking off camera in awe? MST3K compiled a clip of shots from Spielberg movies where people were staring in amazement at something off screen. It lasted about 15 minutes.
May 13, 2005, 6:43 p.m. CST
by Gheorghe Zamfir
Its weird that the article starts off noting Quint wrote too much, and then follows that by plunging into paragraph after paragraph of useless info. Anyways, did enjoy the article after successfully scrolling to the point where information actually starts, look forward to part two.
May 13, 2005, 6:59 p.m. CST
Our norwegian Idol, Kurt Nilsen went straight to the top! We rule! Oh, and Pazuzu, Veiviseren (or the Pathfinder for you non-scandinavians) exists on DVD. At least in Norway. I recommend www.platekompaniet.no or www.cdon.no. And finally, I hate lutefisk. Sorry to keep sidetracking this TB people, I'm just so excited we're actually discussing norwegian films here. On topic: War of the worlds will be the second best film of this summer, and I'm really glad they chose to do a contemporate setting, and not victorian England. This story is universal, folks.
May 13, 2005, 7:57 p.m. CST
i'll bet anyone here fifty bucks the aliens are re-hashed bigger versions of the crappy sea aliens from the abyss... or better yet, pissed off ET's with claws and fangs of doom and death!!!
May 13, 2005, 8:45 p.m. CST
Psychotic ETs running around either ripping people apart or molesting them with tentacles? Midnight showing for me! Oh yeah, all this talk about Norway gets my nether regions tingling.
May 13, 2005, 10:26 p.m. CST
I liked his version of that U2 song better than their own - whatever happened to that guy? And I concur with the beautiful women thing - though they are intimidatingly tall for us wee Scots. Lucky we like a challenge
May 14, 2005, 12:41 a.m. CST
It's cool to take a peek into the process of making a big-budget flick, specifically one involving the Spielbergs and Kaminskis of Hollywood. *********** A question: what is the definition of "on location?" I always thought that meant that a film or TV show is being shot where the story is taking place, but that contradicts the impression I got while reading this.
May 14, 2005, 2:08 a.m. CST
Thanks. I wasn't being accusatory or anything, just curious. "I always thought that dogs laid eggs, and I uh.. learned something today!"
May 14, 2005, 2:50 a.m. CST
by Darth Thoth
That was a great read Quint. Your writing keeps getting better. Good job. You definitely left us with a cliffhanger and I can't wait for the second part of the report. Sounds like it was an amazing experience for you. I can't wait for this movie. Peace.
May 14, 2005, 3:55 a.m. CST
I'll be ordering the DVD right away. Apparently it's a 2-disc set. Great links -- mange takk!
May 14, 2005, 5:10 a.m. CST
Our hobbit-like idol is still going strong in Norway, but I believe his attempts at breaking through internationally failed miserably. He has dumped his homely girlfried/wife/mother of his children for a slightly less homely woman (but still not attractive by scandinavian standards, god we are so blas
May 14, 2005, 5:11 a.m. CST
that friend of a friend of mine is a woman.
May 14, 2005, 10:40 a.m. CST
Just when it was getting good!
May 14, 2005, 11 a.m. CST
Thanks for clarifying Blimp. Your post cracked me up - no matter that it had nothing to do with War of the Worlds... in fact, I still can't work out how Norway has anything to do with the movie. And that sentence about steadicams in Norway - priceless. By the way, GoatZinger, I liked reading the detail leading up to the set visit - and thought it conveyed the anticipation that Quint obviously experienced before arriving on set. That's half the fun! I don't care if Spielberg once said he prefered "Nice" aliens to evil ones, I'm glad to know he's making more of the 'spectacle' films he started out making in his twenties. Bring it on! Don't like people staring off camera? It's part of his style and is completely appropriate for the movies he makes. As for turning the guns into walkie talkies... Well, I think Giant Alien Tripods pose a slightly greater threat than kids on BMX bikes, don't you? That's why Spielberg took them out of ET, because he felt it was excessive for a family film. War of the Worlds isn't a family film.
May 14, 2005, 1:07 p.m. CST
Holy crap. i just read and entire talkback that had absolutly nothing to do with the movie. Sorry Quint, i love your setups and cliffhangers but i found myself more interested in movie titles in Norway and how one could find reading novels "pointless" than your article. Oh and this is my first post. Yeaaaa!!!
May 14, 2005, 2:13 p.m. CST
You could do worse. Veiviseren, or The Pathfinder, is an awesome film and the 1987 foreign film Oscar winner (I think). Saami action/adventure films aren't too common. Seek it out at all costs. You won't regret it.
May 14, 2005, 3:03 p.m. CST
i'll check it out doc
May 14, 2005, 3:21 p.m. CST
hey, you say Spain and it
May 14, 2005, 3:30 p.m. CST
Though it was nominated. We usually get an oscar nomination once every decade. In 1996, we were nominated for "The other side of sunday", which will always linger in my mind because of the electrifying scene where a teenage girl comes out of a bedroom, naked from the waist down, with blood all over her private area, uttering the immortal line: "I've fucked, and I've got my period!" ( Roughly translated, it's even more "immortal" in Norwegian: "Jeg har pult, ogs
May 14, 2005, 4:34 p.m. CST
by white owl
That narrows it down for the "pigs and feds".
May 14, 2005, 4:40 p.m. CST
...also directed the hilariously bad Hamilton, with Peter Stormare as a Swedish secret agent and Mark Hamill as an evil CIA renegade. Wasn't the Kon-Tiki made of reeds, by the way?
May 14, 2005, 4:44 p.m. CST
You are a lucky bastard indeed! Looking forward to read some more set reports!
May 14, 2005, 5:07 p.m. CST
how old is Quint exactly? because i know he's young as shit and rolling in wallowing in the stuff my dreams are made of
May 14, 2005, 5:17 p.m. CST
Ra 1 and 2 were made of reeds. Ra 1 sank in the atlantic. And i actually like Hamilton (my secret shame!). Mostly because Peter Stormare is so fucking cool. The ending was crap though. And zwart made One Night At McCool's too.
May 14, 2005, 5:25 p.m. CST
...is the incredibly blatant product placement. I don't think I've ever seen a movie as overt in that regard -- like when Hamilton is picking a lock with his credit card and they show in a close-up that it's a Statoil card. Not to mention the weird close-up of an Ericsson satellite phone and our heroes drinking Pripps Bl
May 14, 2005, 5:35 p.m. CST
is almost too obvious, like Zwart knew he had to put all these logos in to finance his film, so he might as well do it tounge in cheek. Like when they drive through dreary, cold Murmansk, the colors all grey and desaturated, and then suddenly they drive past a Statoil gas station which is lit up in splendid colors. And it's not like they stop or anything, they just drive past it, Stormare regarding it in slo-mo. It serves no story purpose whatsoever. Zwart's a funny guy, I think he did that on purpose. You don't even like Stormare in Fargo or Lebowski? I think he's absolutely great, although he's been typecast a lot as "eccentric eastern european guy" (Lost World, Armageddon etc), loved him speaking in swedish in Minority Report.
May 14, 2005, 5:46 p.m. CST
Let's be honest: yes, he's funny in Lebowski and Fargo, but those roles really don't demand very much. He may have worked with Bergman but he still can't act his way out of a wet paper bag. Standing around being sullen, unshaven and sweaty is not acting. At least not for him.
May 15, 2005, 2:09 a.m. CST
The guy is a hack and will dumb down anything he writes. I guess that sells tickets to 100 IQ people, but it doesn't make a great film.
May 15, 2005, 11:25 a.m. CST
I don't know if it's fair to say that the man "can't" act; while it makes as much sense as anything else, it's also possible that he just gives people what they expect of him in a movie. It's true that besides for the quacking in 'Minority Report,' he was basically playing the same guy he plays in everything else, but I dunno.
May 15, 2005, 11:51 a.m. CST
by Lil Vibin'Rabbit
LOL! Be careful next time you defecate in the toilet cuz the shit might bite back at your ass. The new film from Spielberg should make people think twice about sitting in the toilet and dumping yer own shits.
May 15, 2005, 12:45 p.m. CST
As compared to dumping someone else's shit(s). Which is not something you need to think twice about. Not recommended, though.
May 15, 2005, 1:44 p.m. CST
I'm here all week.
May 15, 2005, 6:12 p.m. CST
May 15, 2005, 10:36 p.m. CST
I went to study at CalState Uni for three months back in 1996 and whilst there tried every different burger chain there was. 'In and Out' is, I was told, run by the L.A. mafia. Don't know if that's true or not but, boy oh boy, it was the best 'piece of meat between two buns' since I last had a soapy-tit wank.
May 16, 2005, 12:04 a.m. CST
The US is set for a movie like this right now, and it will probably make a billion dollars, literally. Just like horror movies started doing well recently due to the current political and socioeconomic climate, so too will sci-fi, and it doesn't get much bigger or high profile than this. Everyone knows the story, everyone knows Senor Spielbergio, and for sure everyone knows Cruise.
May 17, 2005, 7:47 p.m. CST
Jaws my ass, get to the good shit
May 22, 2005, 6:49 p.m. CST
Why haven't any of you fucktards focused on this release? Instead you bring us this pablum starring lil Tommy Cruise. Pathetic.