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Moriarty Reviews EPISODE III!!

Published at: May 11, 2005, 8:22 p.m. CST

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

I come to praise STAR WARS... not to bury it.

I can’t believe I need to restate my history as a STAR WARS fan. I’ve written about it extensively here on the site over the years, yet for some reason, some people still want to categorize me as a “Lucas basher.” Hardly. George Lucas has always been, and will always be, one of the most profound influences on my creative identity, and I wouldn’t spend the energy writing about this franchise if it wasn’t close to my heart. I mean, the first contact I ever had with Harry online had to do with the SPECIAL EDITIONS. I still remember the raw emotion of seeing the first trailer for THE PHANTOM MENACE onscreen at the Village in Westwood. I still feel the sting of having been Banned From The Ranch. I’ve had complicated reactions to the prequel trilogy so far. I stand by my original review of EPISODE I, which was decidedly mixed. I also find that I’m pretty much feeling exactly the same about EPISODE II, which I enjoy. I don’t think it’s as good as any of the films from the original trilogy, but I think it’s pretty darn good. I will say that having now seen EPISODE III, I have no choice but to view the first two chapters of the trilogy in a new light. But then, isn’t that the point? We’ve finally gotten the final act in this six hour story, and it ties everything that comes before and that follows into one coherent piece in a way that marks Lucas as a genuine visionary. I understand completely that not everyone is going to like what he’s done in this film, but I think it works better than I could have even hoped, much less expected.

And, no, that doesn’t mean that I’m a “Lucas apologist,” either. As you’ll see after this film hits theaters, fans of this series don’t have a goddamn thing to apologize to anyone for.

There are three different ways I could review this: with the clinical detachment of a film viewer with no allegiance to the franchise, as a fan but without spoilers, and as a fan and with spoilers, and if I’m going to be completely honest, I have to break it down this way, because my reaction to the film is that complicated. Bear with me, and if you want, you can skip directly to the version of the review you want to read, or read all three in a row to get my full reaction, whatever works best for you:


GENERAL FILM FAN, NON-SPOILER!


STAR WARS FAN, NON-SPOILER!


STAR WARS FAN, SPOILERS A-PLENTY!


GENERAL FILM FAN REACTION!

STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH is a schizophrenic film, three very different movies somehow sewn into a surprisingly elegant and entertaining Frankenstein’s monster. There are some remarkable emotional highs in the film, but there are a few key moments that are handled poorly as well. Overall, George Lucas appears to have been energized by two things this time around. First, digital cinema appears to have finally reached the point where it is the tool that he’s wanted it to be since starting work on these prequels. Second, he’s finally finished with this story that he’s been telling for almost 30 years, and that realization can be felt especially in the final stretch of the film, which unfolds with a grim inevitability that packs a surprising punch. The net result is a film that should entertain mainstream audiences tremendously, and should even please the pickiest of the hardcore fans as well.

The first third of the film is the single most exciting series of set pieces in any of the prequels so far, paces more like an Indiana Jones opening than like a STAR WARS movie. This entire section of the film reminded me of exactly what made George Lucas such a powerful commercial force in the first place. Even the occasionally awkward comic flourish (mainly the lame voice work by the Super Battle Droids) can’t ruin the goodwill that this part of the film generates. The middle of the film is where the general public may find its patience tested a bit. There’s a whole lot of exposition, and once again, the least effective moments are those involving Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman and their romance. Neither of them is particularly bad in the film; it’s just a matter of not having great material to play. Things are suggested and sketched quickly, and we just have to take certain developments as an act of faith, since we don’t see the evidence onscreen. For better and for worse, this middle section of the film is quite obviously a sequel to EPISODE I and EPISODE II, complete with most of what made some people hate those films. However, Ian McDiarmid, an able supporting presence in the first two films, steps forward here and proves himself to be a formidable lead actor. Classic characters Yoda and R2-D2 are both treated very well, and Ewan McGregor seems more fully engaged here than in any of the films so far.

The final third of the film doesn’t feel like anything Lucas has made before, and it’s this stretch of the film that elevates it from a technically dazzling adventure movie to something close to greatness, a tragedy with a genuinely bleak ending that somehow manages to exhilarate even as it devastates. I think there’s going to be a lot of repeat business for the film theatrically, and I think much of that will be because of some of the enormous final action sequences. Thanks to director of photography David Tattersall, the ILM crews headed by Rob Coleman and John Knoll, and Lucas himself, you can’t help but get caught up in the sweeping nature of the storytelling even as you get lost in the astonishing hellscape where everything comes to the close that fans have waited for since 1977. And it may sounds like faint praise when I say that this film is a visual powerhouse (“Well, of course it looks good”), but it’s not. This movie is, quite simply, too sumptuous a visual feast for anyone to fully digest in one viewing.

The way the film looked projected digitally (as it was at the Village in Westwood) is nothing like film, which finally proves the point Lucas has been trying to make. He’s not trying to make digital technology look exactly like film... he’s trying to create something new. For the first time, he’s created something richer than film here, like some sort of fever-dream version of the films of Michael Powell, like Technicolor-squared. Roger Barton and Ben Burtt do masterful work as editors, and this is the first of the prequels that doesn’t feel essentially unfinished in places. Part of the reason this feels like three different films is because of the way each section has its own rhythms and crescendos, like movements of a symphony. ILM’s work is cutting-edge, but it never feels like that’s the point. The film doesn’t linger over new landscapes just to show off. It’s too busy aggressively hurtling forward through the story, and it’s nice to hear the way John Williams ties together all six films in this, his final STAR WARS score. The design team, led by Ryan Church, Erik Tiemens, and Robert Barnes, has done the same thing visually that Williams does sonically, with the way we see spaceships and costumes and sets that all tie directly into EPISODE IV.

Yet in the end, none of this would matter if Lucas had dropped the ball dramatically. People may argue about the effectiveness of certain moments, but what this film does well is humanize one of the great screen villains of all time, somehow managing to do so without robbing him of any of his menace in later films. If anything, I think the effect this is going to have on viewers who have grown up with this trilogy is going to be deeply unsettling. They’re going to be hit hard by Anakin’s fall, and it will change the way they view the original trilogy. If that’s not the ultimate sign of success for this film, then I don’t know what is.


STAR WARS FAN, NON-SPOILER!

As I was driving home from the Westwood screening, it was the middle of the afternoon, and I was on the phone, talking to a friend about trying to find some time to hang out.

”Well, STAR WARS is over, and I’ve got a Prepared Childbirth class with my wife tonight,” I said, and soon as I heard those words out loud, a wave of melancholy broke over me. Things are changing, and I think there are no two clearer markers of that for me than these.

You can’t possibly understand what it felt like for me sitting in the theater watching this film play unless you were there in 1977 for the very first film. Which isn’t to say that my experience is better than that of someone much younger... it just won’t be the same. This is the closing of a major chapter in my life, a rite of passage for fandom at large, and the thing that makes it hardest is that the film is so damned good. Lucas exhibits such confidence that it’s almost frustrating. The opening half-hour is relentlessly paced, and both Hayden and Ewan appear to have really connected with their roles. Even better, Lucas has fine-tuned his sense of humor, and fans are going to go nuts for R2-D2 during the first half-hour of the movie. This is the coolest R2’s been since EMPIRE, and it’s a pleasure to have him back. There are images in the film that connect the prequels to the original trilogy in ways I didn’t expect. I found the film quite moving as a whole, and there are moments all over the movie that gave me chills... genuine chills. If you were there in the theater in 1977, there are a few moments that imprinted upon you, moments where the score and the cinematography and the performances all came together in ways that were unarguably magical. If you saw that film with the crowds that packed the theater all summer long... and I’m not exaggerating. It’s hard to imagine for younger audiences, even if you see a blockbuster theatrically today, even during opening weekend. There was something so communal and amazing and chemical about going to see STAR WARS during, say, it’s 23rd week in theaters. In the local paper, there was the omnipresent STAR WARS ad amidst all the other movie ads, and there was a starburst in the corner of the ad saying how many weeks it had been in theaters.

It was #1, of course. It was always #1. There was no question about it being #1. There were no box-office charts running in the paper every Monday. There was no national Monday-morning-quarterback-voracious-appetite-for-numbers mentality yet. But you knew that STAR WARS was #1 because it had gone from being wildly popular movie to event to news story to phenomenon to news story again to genuine home-grown cult, and being part of that... being a STAR WARS fan... it was ours. It was the first thing I ever felt like I was in on from the ground floor. No one told me that STAR WARS was a big hit film, and I had no concept of a tentpole picture or a popcorn picture or a rollercoaster ride or any of the other current standards of the pop lexicon that simply didn’t exist at that point. STAR WARS wasn’t sold to me. It wasn’t marketed to me relentlessly. It was something that happened to me. All at once. I walked into the theater expecting I was going to see a movie, and instead, someone shot me in the head with a movie. And going back in those later weeks, it was about sharing in the joy of STAR WARS with other people who had already had that experience, and it was about taking people who somehow had missed the film so far (something that seemed more and more incomprehensible as the year wore on) and showing them how empty and pointless their lives had been before. STAR WARS was viral for those of us who saw it in 1977. It got inside you, and you had no choice but to be evangelical about it. As quickly as they could figure out how to make merchandise for it, you bought it. Not because it was an obligation. Not because you were bombarded by marketing for all the stuff. But because you wanted to have portable STAR WARS, things you could carry around that would remind you of STAR WARS during those unfortunate moments where you weren’t actually watching the film. You wanted to have STAR WARS you could replay for yourself at home (which in those days meant THE STAR WARS STORYBOOK read slowly while the soundtrack album played on the stereo). You wanted to dress in STAR WARS so that people would know as soon as they saw you, and they’d have to ask you about it, and then you’d be able to talk about it, and aside from watching the film, there was nothing better than talking about the film. Audiences didn’t just react to the film in theaters. They went crazy for it. They exploded at every joke. They would applaud after big action moments and cheer during them. They practically tore the seats out during the Death Star attack. It was part celebration when the film would play, and part pure visceral release. Every. Single. Time.

I don’t know if we’ll ever see a film happen that way again. I don’t know if we’ll ever be surprised like that as an audience again. I think the best recent example was THE SIXTH SENSE. People had no idea who the fuck M. Night Shyamalan was, and Bruce Willis and a kid had just had a fairly miserable bomb in the form of MERCURY RISING. I think an audience would rather see films without any hype, so they can feel like they’re discovering something, and that gets harder and harder to accomplish these days. REVENGE OF THE SITH arrives with more baggage that possibly any film in history. Fans have complicated ranges of reactions, so deeply divided that they’ve got names they use to label each other. “Hater.” “Apologist.” “OT Purist.” “Prequel freak.” No matter what film Lucas makes, there’s no way he’s going to please everyone who has some sort of emotional investment in STAR WARS fandom. At this point, nothing could. I’ll give Lucas credit for this... he does manage to deliver surprises in this film. I’ve seen every spoiler released everywhere on the web, and I would say that 90% of the movie remained totally unspoiled for me. There were little touches all over the film that made me feel like it was 1977 again, even as I found myself looking at something brand-new, something I couldn’t even have imagined back then.

Ian McDiarmid cuts a fascinating Satanic figure in the film, seducing Anakin to the Dark Side by using his own fear against him, playing on it, using half-truths to get Anakin so confused and emotionally off-balance that he loses track of what’s right and what’s wrong. One of the great accidents in casting history was the decision to hire McDiarmid in JEDI. He was much younger than the character, and originally, he was going to be dubbed. Lucas decided to use what he was getting on the set after a few days of shooting, realizing that McDiarmid was pretty great. For things to have timed out just right so that he could also play Palpatine in these prequels is sort of miraculous, and it’s also incredibly lucky that McDiarmid’s such a great actor. Up till now, he’s played Palpatine’s public face only in this trilogy, careful not to show all of his cards, but this film sets him free, and he’s almost perversely happy to play pure evil. Almost everyone’s turned up their performances for this film, and it’s easy to pinpoint the biggest difference. It’s a matter of stakes. Everything that happens this time matters. There’s urgency from the moment the crawl starts with a single word: “WAR!”

By the time that final duel rolls around (and that’s not a spoiler, because I’m talking about The Duel, the one we’ve waited for since the first time we saw Obi-Wan and Darth Vader cross lightsabers in A NEW HOPE), it’s incredibly emotional, and I could barely sit still. I’ve said before that expectation can be the worst thing for a film fan because it can set you up for disappointment if something doesn’t live up to the image you have in your mind. Thankfully, the last forty minutes or so of this film actually exceed the expectations I had when the film began.

Still, there’s no getting around the lingering feeling I’ve had since Thursday. The promise of more STAR WARS has been part of my life for so long that I’m almost sorry we’re finally here, on the other side of everything. Sure, we’ve all heard now about , but that’s going to focus almost entirely on minor characters. I’m sure it will be fun to see that 20 year gap between EPISODE II and EPISODE III, and I’m sure I’ll watch it and I hope I end up really enjoying it. But how much peril can anyone really be in? How high can the stakes really be? We know that the budding Rebellion can’t win during that time, and we know that most of the major players like Obi-Wan and Yoda spend that entire time in hiding. This story, the story I fell in love with, peopled with the characters I adore, is finished now. It makes sense that so many films right now are the creation of people my age. So many of us were bitten by the filmmaking bug at the same exact moment, and so many of us have grown up creating films and books and comics and games in the shadow of STAR WARS. Now that it’s done, it’s like a whole generation is being given permission to stop looking backwards and start looking to the future. If I had to use one word to sum up my overall reaction to what Lucas has accomplished with the film, it would be gratitude. I can’t imagine any real STAR WARS fan being anything less than pleased by this film, this promise finally fulfilled. I will close this part of the review by reviving a mantra from my article written the night I saw that first PHANTOM MENACE trailer, a statement that perfectly sums up the way I feel right now, my faith in the Force so fully restored:

Thank you, George. Thank you, George. Thank you, George.


STAR WARS FAN, SPOILERS A-PLENTY!!

Holy shit... where do I start?!

The opening shot of the film is a classic. I have trouble remembering the opening shot of ATTACK OF THE CLONES. I know I liked the way that film built to its first bomb blast, but I don’t think I’d call any of the individual shots “classics.” This film starts with a SF riff on the start of TOUCH OF EVIL, one long sustained shot that keeps going and going and going, long past when you think it will, and it just keeps getting cooler and cooler and cooler. After the crawl ends, the shot tilts down, and we find we’re looking at the underside of some huge ship. It’s silent. Two small ships come racing in, close to the hull of the much larger ship, and the camera moves in closer to those two small ships, then drops in behind them as they race along the larger ship, closer, closer, and then as they reach the far edge of the ship and turn, angling down, we see a massive battle raging just on the other side of the ship, a battle that we follow those two small ships into. We race through the laser blasts and the explosions and the debris and the other ships and more explosions and we stay close to those two ships as Anakin and Obi-Wan chatter back and forth to each other, playful banter that reminds me of the escape from the Death Star, Luke and Han trading quips while gunning down ships. By the time the shot finally ends with a close-up of Hayden sitting inside the canopy of one of the ships, it’s gone way past just being a stunt, a gimmick, a sustained long shot for the sake of it. It’s instantly absorbing, drawing you in, and at its best, REVENGE OF THE SITH does it to you over and over and over again.

Obi-Wan and Anakin crash onboard The Invisible Hand, the ship of General Grievous, the main new character introduced in this film. He’s all CGI, and anyone who watched the CLONE WARS cartoon probably thought they had a good idea of what to expect from him in this film. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You know how it was when you saw Nelvana’s version of Boba Fett in the cartoon that was part of the HOLIDAY SPECIAL, and he had all that dialogue and they played him like a total scumbag, and then you saw him in the movie a couple of months later, and he was totally different. The characterizations couldn’t be more different, and he didn’t even look exactly the same. Well, this is sort of like that. In the cartoon, he was portrayed as a Jedi-killing badass, a Terminator-like death machine. In the film, he’s more of a gutless turd, a cowardly piece of shit that will fight if cornered, but would much rather run. And personally, I really like that characterization. I’m not sure what to think of his cough or his oddball accent or his chicken walk, but I’ll see how they sit with me a second time. Or a third. Overall, I like the character. I think he’s loads of fun to watch. His chase sequence and fight with Obi-Wan later in the film is amazing and high-impact, and it ends with a crowd-pleasing beat that will bring the house down opening night.

As I said above, R2-D2 is tremendous during the sequence where Obi-Wan and Anakin try to rescue Palpatine from Grievous. He’s largely CGI during this sequence, and he does some things we’ve never seen him do before. He’s basically Herbie The Love Bug for a few minutes... and it works. It’s funny. It’s thrilling. And it’s R2-D2 kicking some ass. We all knew he could take care of himself, and here’s some proof. I think the Battle Droids would be better if they didn’t talk, but I’ve thought that since the first film. Honestly, it’s no more of an annoyance than the insipid stormtrooper dialogue in A NEW HOPE (and, no, “I hear it’s quite the thing to see” is not great writing, no matter how familiar with it and nostalgic for it you are), and R2 keeps things interesting. He’s doing his best to help Obi-Wan and Anakin by opening and closing doors and controlling elevators and more, even as he has to evade the Super Battle Droids that patrol the hangar where he’s hiding, trying to muffle the commlink that Obi-Wan gave him to hold onto. His frustration gets funnier and funnier as things get more dangerous. Who knew a robot could do a slow burn so well?

When Obi-Wan and Anakin find Palpatine and move to set him free, they are attacked by Count Dooku, played once again by Christopher Lee. He doesn’t have a huge role, but it’s a pivotal one. Anakin can’t control himself, and he ends up killing Dooku even after disarming him, pun sort of intended. It’s all handled tastefully, but it’s not a cop-out. I love the move Anakin makes to cut off Dooku’s hands, and the way he beheads Dooku is ugly and cruel. There’s no question... it’s an execution, and Palpatine eggs it on, encouraging Anakin to do it. Dooku doesn’t say a lot, but the way Lee plays it makes it obvious that Dooku expects amnesty or assistance from Palpatine to prevent his death, and before he can say anything, Anakin snips and Dooku is silenced forever. Obi-Wan doesn’t see it happen because he’s knocked out by Dooku, but later, he assumes Anakin must have done it “the right way.” Obi-Wan never takes the time to talk to Anakin about what happened... not really... and much of what occurs in the movie is because people fail to communicate or listen or pay attention to the obvious. These small breakdowns between people are the weaknesses that Palpatine exploits, the openings he uses to make all of his plans come true. People who want to draw parallels between the events of the film and specific current political happenings miss the point. Lucas has created an allegory about the way freedoms always fall, and it pays off all of the political maneuvering of the first two films in one terrifying moment as the Empire is born in the Senate Chamber. As Padme says, tears in her eyes, “This is the way democracy ends... to thunderous applause.” I’ll be honest. I think the original trilogy may have better characters and pacing, but I think the prequels have the better story overall. I like the fact that it was built as a three-act story that only fully reveals itself this time around, and I think it’s going to stand up well in the future because of how it’s built.

One of the pivotal scenes in the film is where Palpatine lays out the history of the Sith while he and Anakin are at an opera, and this will probably be the most microanalyzed exchange of dialogue in the whole film. With good reason, too. You can read this scene a variety of ways, and there are things in the performances that aren’t necessarily there in the script that color what you think is actually being said. The biggest controversy addressed (or not)? The origin of Anakin’s parentage.

I’ve already seen some pretty heated disagreements over what that scene means. I took it to be a pretty direct acknowledgement that Palpatine’s mentor, Darth Plagueis, was Anakin’s creator, something that Palpatine was aware of. After killing Plagueis, Palpatine kept an eye on Anakin, fully aware of his potential. I’ve seen other fans insist already that Palpatine is a liar and that what he says has nothing to do with Anakin’s origin. But if that’s true, then why did Shmi introduce the notion of a virgin birth in the first film? Palpatine’s story just fill in the second half of the tale, albeit in a maddeningly indirect way.

As Palpatine becomes more and more confident about his control over Anakin, he grows more brazen, and when he finally tells Anakin exactly who he is, it’s great. He knows he’s taking a risk, and sure enough, Anakin’s first reaction is outrage. He immediately runs to tell Mace Windu that Palpatine is the Sith Lord they’ve been looking for. Palpatine sees it as a calculated risk, though, because he’s given Anakin more than enough reason to turn. When it happens, it may seem sudden, but it’s not. All three films have led up to this moment, from the first time we saw little Anakin. Lucas may not be the most subtle writer, but I’d argue that he’s had a clear vision of where he was going this entire time. When Anakin cuts off Mace Windu’s hand to save Palpatine’s life, he’s making the only choice he can make. After all, Palpatine and Padme have given him far more personal connection than the Jedi ever have. They’ve shown him the love and support that his mother once did, and they’ve encouraged him even as he felt held back by the Council. When you’ve seen the other two films, it makes perfect sense for Anakin to make the choice he makes. It’s clearly the wrong choice, but it’s also inevitable. Considering how much faith the Jedi have in the prophecy about Anakin being the Chosen One, they treat him poorly, keeping him at arm’s length. By refusing to trust Anakin, they seal his fate as well as their own.

I know I criticized some of the Padme/Anakin scenes, but there’s one great silent moment between them that deserves mention. Padme’s at her apartment, worried, and Anakin’s at the Jedi Temple, considering everything Palpatine said even as Mace goes to arrest him. They each step out onto their balconies, and for a moment, it’s like they’re looking at each other across Coruscant. It’s a simple moment, but very effective.

Another sequence that carries a more profound emotional punch than I expected was the execution of Order 66, the moment where Palpatine declares the Jedi to be enemies of the Republic. All over the galaxy, we see various Jedi who we’ve come to recognize over the span of these films, all of them leading Clonetroopers into battle. The order causes all of the Clonetroopers to turn on the Jedi, and one by one, they are struck down and destroyed. It’s a perfectly shot and edited sequence, disturbing without being explicit. The same is true of Anakin’s rampage at the Jedi Temple. When he steps into a room full of younglings and ignites his lightsaber, it’s chilling. It was one thing to see him kill sandpeople in EPISODE II, but this time, he strikes down innocent children. Portman’s best scene comes on the heels of all this violence, when Obi-Wan comes to see her. She refuses to believe what Obi-Wan tells her, and their exchange at the end of the scene is terribly sad. She asks him, already knowing the answer, “You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?” Obi-Wan doesn’t answer at first. He almost leaves, but stops for a moment and says, “The child is Anakin’s, isn’t it?” This time, it’s Padme who can’t answer, but the look on her face says it all. Obi-Wan shakes his head sadly as he leaves. “Then I’m so sorry.”

Everything builds to two final showdowns which are intercut by Lucas, and it’s the most masterfully executed sequence in the film. Yoda and Palpatine clash in and around the Senate Chambers, and it’s impressively staged. I love when Yoda first walks in through a door flanked by two of those red Imperial Guards. One gesture from Yoda takes out both the guards at once, and you can’t help but root for Yoda during the entire battle. After all, Yoda’s the obvious good guy and Palpatine’s been revealed as absolute evil by this point. It’s much more difficult to know what to feel as Obi-Wan and Anakin face down on Mustafar. More than anything, you want them to talk to each other, to figure out a way not to fight. There’s nothing fun about seeing these two friends, so close they’re almost brothers, as they put all their energy into destroying one another. Once The Duel begins, there’s no turning back. I was surprised John Williams used “Duel of the Fates” for the Yoda/Sidious fight instead of the Obi-Wan/Anakin one, but Williams hits all the right beats as Lucas cuts back and forth.

When Yoda’s finally beaten, he runs for his life, and this was one of the big surprises for me. Seeing this powerful Jedi Master reduced to crawling through pipes and hiding, I was saddened. He’s like a fox being tracked by a pack of dogs, cowering and tiny, and it’s not what I expected to see. As he rides away, rescued by Bail Organa (Jimmy Smits, who makes the most of his brief screentime), he’s obviously broken by the entire experience. The end of the Duel, with Anakin lying on the shore of a river of lava, his legs severed, is absolutely the darkest moment in the entire film. Anakin is reduced to little more than a torso, but even then, he feels no fear, no regret, no remorse. He is simply rage and hate and pain. When he bursts into flame, it’s the single most graphic STAR WARS image I’ve ever seen, and you can’t help but hate Obi-Wan just a little as he turns his back on his friend, his student, and just walks away.

When Anakin is rescued by Palpatine and rebuilt as Vader, most of the scene is perfect, intercut with the birth of Luke and Leia. I’m sure that impending fatherhood made those deliveries more emotional for me to watch, but I also think there’s a brilliance to much of the intercutting. What mars the sequence are a few bizarre choices that border on the accidentally comic. What’s with that droid that tells Obi-Wan that Padme is dying of a broken heart? I half-expected Lucas to cut to a close-up of a machine that monitors her “Will To Live” just as it flatlines. It’s silly, and it would have been more effective to simply have Vader’s injuries to her combined with the demands of childbirth be too great to endure. Lucas has long mentioned how the transformation into Vader would be in the visual vocabulary of a ‘30s monster movie, but I didn’t realize how much he meant it. Two shots from the scene as they knit Anakin’s new fake legs onto him and then encase him in armor really hit me hard. The first comes as they lower the helmet towards Anakin, and for just one fleeting second, he looks around, finally afraid, as if just starting to realize what he’s done, what he’s lost. Then Lucas actually cuts to a POV as the helmet comes closer, closer, so we can look through the eyes of Vader for the very first time. When Vader finally riiiiiiiises and takes his first steps, it’s like some crazed cross between BAMBI and FRANKENSTEIN, and I like the choice. There’s something tragic and sad about this monster in its first moments of new life.

Unfortunately, another of those terrible choices mars the moment when Anakin is actually told that he killed Padme. He lets out an anguished “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” as the camera pulls back that is about as tonally wrong as it could possibly be, a beat so cliché that it feels like we’re watching the SIMPSONS joke version of the scene.

Have no fear, though. Lucas finishes strong. By the time Owen and Beru stand outside their home on Tatooine, clutching Baby Luke and looking into a familiar binary sunset, it’s almost too much to take. Seeing Vader take his place between the Emperor and Tarkin, seeing Obi-Wan and Yoda flee into exile, seeing Padme’s funeral, a reminder of happier days clutched in her hand, seeing R2 and C-3PO onboard that familiar white-walled ship... it’s overwhelming. The circle is indeed complete. I could list another fifty images or ideas that affected me in this film, but I’d rather save those for conversations with my friends in the weeks to come or for any specific questions you guys have in the TalkBack below. This is an amazing summer for me. There’s a great new Weezer album I can’t stop playing. John Fucking Carpenter (which should be his legal name) is directing something I wrote. My wife and I are enjoying the dramatic change to our family. And, for the first and last time in my adult life, there is an absolutely great STAR WARS film playing in theaters. It’s like the exact celebration I needed to push things over the top. It’s hard to believe something so terribly sad can make me feel so good. I guess that’s just one more way that STAR WARS is special. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. I hope to share it with you in theaters all summer long, some little bit of that energy from that first summer all those years ago.

Because, finally, the Force is with us all once again.

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback

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  • May 11, 2005, 8:27 p.m. CST

    first

    by robls23

    first time, long time...

  • May 11, 2005, 8:28 p.m. CST

    LAST!

    by Triumph poops!

    There...that out to throw things into whack as the "firsters" try to get their posts in on top.

  • May 11, 2005, 8:33 p.m. CST

    I appreciate the non-spoilers...

    by bubcus

    Sounds like people enjoyed this one. I am a lot more optimistic in going in next week for the film. Equally, I am anxious to see what Lucas does next. His work on THX-1138 and recent modifications have me curious to see things go from here. After the last 6 years of anger from fans over Phantom Menace, it'll be nice to praise Lucas again over his brilliance as a visionary. (And were it not for a phone call, I might have gotten this in FIRST).

  • May 11, 2005, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Impressive... most impressive.

    by Koji Kabuto

    I hope this is true. I've read a lot of mixed reviews already, but on one thing they all seem to be agreed - it's the best of the prequels. Of the reviews that rank it within the 6 films, many have placed it above ROTJ, which is also encouraging. I go to the theatre with hope, not hype...

  • May 11, 2005, 8:36 p.m. CST

    Cannot wait

    by robls23

    Cannot wait to see this.....I haven't read this revie yet, I just can't believe no one else has posted, so I'll keep on typing....My life is fucking pathetic.

  • May 11, 2005, 8:36 p.m. CST

    Yes, thank you for the non-spoiler review

    by gollum38

    I can't friggin' wait to see this movie, but can't read a single review because EVERY review has spoiler warnings. I have to wait until after I see the movie to read the reviews? That's lame....really lame.

  • May 11, 2005, 8:42 p.m. CST

    7th!!!!!!!!!!!

    by Forestal

  • May 11, 2005, 8:43 p.m. CST

    Goddamnit - I'm 9th

    by Forestal

  • May 11, 2005, 8:44 p.m. CST

    TOTALLY AGREE: THE NO PART IS TERRIBLE (GOT LAUGHS IN STL)

    by stlfilmwire

    It was awful when he yelled no. The way the body looked, I wouldn't be shocked if that was Peter Jackson dressed in the costume... after all, he is listed as a stand in for Hayden. The editing and the shot was terrible... and I liked Revenge of the Sith. I just wish they would cut that shot.

  • May 11, 2005, 8:48 p.m. CST

    by Agent Blue

    I must say that the reviews posted above are quite impressive... granted I did not read the very last one because I want to keep the details of the movie a suprise until they unravel themselves before me on the big screen while I sit in the theatre, wide-eyed, with a wookie on my right and a storm trooper on my left. The three seperate reviews is genius. Kudos, Morarity. But what interests me most is the "Banned from the Ranch" story. Yes, I will say it, I am new, throw whatever tomatos and cabbages you will, but I believe it is sights like AICN that inspires a whole new generation of film lovers, and George Lucas should not only be thanking the website but sending it choclates and roses. Love it or hate it, a good review or a bad review will often inspire a reader to see the movie for themselves and it gives them a place to bitch or praise the film. Banning someone from a trip of a lifetime because of a script review is, to quote my mother, like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Years ago when the WCW was still around, one of the announcers called the WWF (I refuse to say WWE) on the fact it is pre-taped and announced hours before it happened that one Mankind would win the title. WCW didn't get the desired results. What happened was wrestling history when millions of fans actually changed the channel to see Mankind's victory over Triple H. Fans don't see a film for the last five minutes, they go for the love of the movies and if the filmmakers really appriciate the fans, they will make the films for the love of films, not for the love of money.

  • May 11, 2005, 8:58 p.m. CST

    wow

    by reddeath72

    for the first time in my movie going life i csn honestly say that a review has swayed me to see a film, if this film is what moriarty says it is we are all in for a treat

  • May 11, 2005, 9:04 p.m. CST

    I just want a freakin' Burger King glass!

    by durhay

    A series of four even! All the other Star Wars tie-ins can go away.

  • May 11, 2005, 9:07 p.m. CST

    I'll actually get out to a theater to see this one, rather than

    by cganimation

    I just hate sitting in a dark crowded room with all those popcorn munchers (can they please sell something that makes MORE noise than popcorn... like pop rocks and coke), text page checking girlfriends, kids kicking the back of my chair, slurping and burping idiot the next seat over, and some guy in front of me who's blocking the screen. That's how good that review was.

  • May 11, 2005, 9:11 p.m. CST

    Aw man, you're gonna make me cry...

    by GreatWhiteNoise

    It's true. A significant chunk of my childhood is gonna get left out on that sidewalk in front of the theatre on Wednesday night, and in the theatre itself.

  • May 11, 2005, 9:12 p.m. CST

    Moriarty, help me out here...

    by wanderlust

    SPOILERS... ... Okay, I got some issues - BIG issues, so let's get started. 1) Who the hell was Shypo Dias - that was never addressed? 2) What was the point of Qui-Gon ultimately? 3) They should have started these with Attack of the Clone, and split this one into two - there was WAY too much exposition-y stuff. Ext. Coruscant - then a quick scene. Ext. Coruscant - then a quick scene. Ext. Coruscant - then a quick scene. Rinse, lather, repeat. 4) Midichlorians? Yechh! So Shmi was just willed into pregnancy? Someone please explain this. 5) Anakin finally turns to the Dark Side so he can save Padme from dying of heartbreak. But she's dying because Anakin turned to the dark side. Chicken and the egg. Or just lame? 6) My BIGGEST problem, and I guess with all 3 prequels - is this is supposed to be about Anakin's seduction to the dark side - and I just wasn't feeling it. The first 30 minutes, everyone's friends, in love, yadda, yadda and then this scene which I can't get over: Anakin chops Mace's arm off, and then immediately cries, "What have I done." i.e., he's expressing REGRET, that this is a BAD BAD thing. Then Sidiuos basically says, "Kill ALL the Jedi, an you can save your hottie wife." And Anakin's very next line (or 2nd next) is "Okay, sounds cool, I'm down with that. Let me go kill some kids." Sorry, I'm just not buying the "Oh my God, what have I done" line followed up by "Let's kill EVERYONE." It just happened WAY too quick for me. Since the series is predicated on this, it just failed to connect as badly as I wanted it too... Don't get me wrong, there was some great stuff in here, but it wasn't the "Return of the King" home run I thought it was going to be. -W

  • May 11, 2005, 9:14 p.m. CST

    Virgin birth ...

    by Sil

    Lucas put the virgin birth in because, in his words, it's a "mythological motif" - not because he intended to explain it. It's like Hercules, a son of the gods idea - "it's a part of the hero's journey." Just a few months ago, many months after the opera scene was written and shot, Lucas himself said "Ultimately, I would say the Force itself created Anakin." It wasn't the Sith.

  • May 11, 2005, 9:17 p.m. CST

    anyone else

    by reddeath72

    being old enough to remember how i felt seeing star wars for the first time and than saddened when the end of "Jedi"rolled on through i can remember seeing the trailer for phantom menace and feeling 10 years old again .Its weird thinking this may be it , almost like its time to forget "Star Wars " again like at the end of "Jedi" kinda makes me sad a little .... thoughts?

  • May 11, 2005, 9:34 p.m. CST

    thanks for taking me back M.

    by speed

    i only hope i can feel that way again after seeing this flick...even just a little.

  • May 11, 2005, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Great review!

    by Darth Thoth

    1.) Congrats with the family man. Congrats. 2) Great review as always. 3) The non-spoiler section was so good I HAD to skim the spoiler section and ended up ruining some stuff 4 myself! Crap! 4) I can't wait for this film. Thanks for putting everything in perspective. Really. You and Harry did a great job with that. This really is more than the release of a movie. This is really more than an event. It's a moment in a life. A moment in many lives. And it's deeper than your typical movie/ event/ or whatever. This is about life. Great review! Thanks!

  • May 11, 2005, 9:45 p.m. CST

    Where other reviews have made me optomistic...

    by kiddae

    ...these two (I only read the non-spoiler ones) fill me with dread. Episode II is not "pretty darn good" by any stretch of the imagination - it might even be worse than Episode I. And Episode I doesn't deserve a "mixed" review, it deserves an outright panning. Then you've got apologist bullshit like "not everyone is going to like what he

  • May 11, 2005, 9:46 p.m. CST

    one last thought

    by reddeath72

    the only thing im curious about is this....whats next i mean will we ever have this kind of cultural phenomena again Lord of the Rings was great but i dont know any kids around my way that lost sleep the night before they knew they were going to see return of the king....thoughts?

  • May 11, 2005, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Bring in a new era of fans

    by moofdaddy

    If this is as good as everyone says maybe it'll bring in a whole new generation of Star Wars fans like the first one did. A variety of how to articles: http://www.wannawiki.com How to articles of an adult nature. http://www.wikiafterdark.com

  • May 11, 2005, 9:50 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the no-spoiler one, Mort.

    by Bean_

  • May 11, 2005, 9:54 p.m. CST

    Good review

    by invalid quinn

    Seriously, good review. I am even more excited now.

  • May 11, 2005, 10:05 p.m. CST

    Hardly ecstatic is he?

    by bigjeffrey

    Moriarty has confirmed what was always in my head. This one had the potential to be "good" but would never be "great". The Chin has turned up the notches on the few things that were enjoyable in the previous two turds, he's cut out the huge spaces of "hot air" that made them so irritable, McDiarmid has turned in a devilish performance and The Chin has turned the whole tone dark and depressing (hardly difficult considering the tracks A New Hope had laid). That appears to be all, though. He's tweaked his prequel mindset a touch and turned in something that makes the last two look poor (again, hardly difficult). The word is that this is the third best in the series, but I think that is people getting giddy that it doesn't stink as much as the last two. Time will show that this apple is bruised but is far more appetising than the worms crawling from the other two in the bowl. If only the shiniest three hadn't already been eaten!

  • May 11, 2005, 10:10 p.m. CST

    Anyone who hates the "NO" or the "BROKEN HEART" are just cold-he

    by LordEnigma

    Sorry there fucking bitter and inbeded geeks, but people die of a broken heart all the fucking time. Why dont you fucking get some sort of emotional barometer on existance. Padme gives up living because her will to live up and turned out to be Darth Vader. If you do not get dying of a broken heart, then you are just an ass. Same goes with the entire NO scream. Which demonstrates all the way in episode 3 that there was a man in that suit. Again, you do not like or get that scene, then you are an asshole. No more lines the sand at this point in because I am so sick of this bullshit. I have decided to just type it like it is.

  • May 11, 2005, 10:10 p.m. CST

    Moriarty... my God

    by AeroB

    "A New Hope" and "The Empire Strikes Back" were undeniably great films, but Christ. There is nothing divine about them. They are not a miracle burst onto the movie screen. They are not the freaking gospel of the Holy Bible of Geekdom. You would think with age people would gain some objectivity, but some apparently want merely to hold onto the naive and romance-starved child that allowed Star Wars to make such a huge impact at that particular moment in time to that particular generation of people. After the filmmaking that predominated in the 70s I don't blame you for having been so utterly blown away by Star Wars, but seriously. Try to watch it objectively. I do firmly believe there have been better movies both before and since, and while those two movies were great and did great things for the film industry, they are not the altar all movie watchers should bow before and be willing to sacrifice their first born child upon...

  • May 11, 2005, 10:13 p.m. CST

    reddeath72...

    by ComputerGuy68

  • May 11, 2005, 10:16 p.m. CST

    Would like to clarify something.

    by one9deuce

    I get tired of hearing "Episode III will make the first two better". Huh? Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back were already classics by the time Return of the Jedi opened, and I didn't need ROTJ to make the first two better. Which is good since it isn't as good as either. Also, a big problem with Hayden Christensen is that he doesn't sound like Darth Vader. I don't mean that he doesn't sound like James Earl Jones, because James Earl Jones doesn't sound like Darth Vader either. There is a cadence that JEJ uses for Darth Vader that makes him sound quite different than his own voice. After watching Empire of Dreams, I am pretty convinced that David Prowse had something to do with that since he also uses that particular cadence when speaking his lines. Which is a trip to hear for those that haven't watched that yet. For comparison, Anthony Hopkins doesn't sound like Richard Nixon, but in Nixon he definately captured the WAY he talked. Hayden doesn't seem in any way, shape, or form like Darth Vader.

  • May 11, 2005, 10:17 p.m. CST

    Amazing review!

    by waynefoolx

    Thanx for the spoiler free versions moriarty and thanx for giving us SW fans a new hope! I can't wait till wednesday night!

  • May 11, 2005, 10:17 p.m. CST

    Interesting

    by Delgarth

    Three reviews, one person. Talk about split personality! Still good stuff though. Now, like mortal people, I get to catch this at the midnight screening. Go me!

  • May 11, 2005, 10:30 p.m. CST

    "I

    by TopJack

    Give me a break.

  • May 11, 2005, 10:36 p.m. CST

    You Lucas apologist! Plant! Liar! LOTR hater!

    by Doom II

    Just kidding....I know this movie will clean up at the box office. rottentomatoes.com is at a 93% FRESH rating right now for Sith with over a dozen reviews posted. That is unheard of except for LOTR movies and Oscar nominees. Those that DON'T like the film say things that totally contradict the positive reviews. I will go with the majority on this one. It rocks. Face it and move on.

  • May 11, 2005, 10:37 p.m. CST

    people die of broken hearts all the time, Lord Enigma?

    by xavier masterson

    Jesus, angst much. Why would a droid say she is dying of a broken heart? What the fuck does a droid know about broken hearts? That's why it is stupid. The droid should just say the cause of her dying is a mystery, leave it to the audience to conclude that Padme has given up living because of her broken heart. And the reason people are complaining about the Vader screaming, "Nooooo" scene is the way it is played not the scene itself. Lucas has already shown that that he is tone deaf when it comes to playing certain emotional scenes so it doesn't come as a surprise that he botched a scene like that. Again, It's the execution of the scene not the idea scene itself.

  • May 11, 2005, 10:41 p.m. CST

    i'm glad i followed some of those links

    by jmc8y

    because i would have never remembered this Moriarty gem, "I am delighted to report that Jar Jar not only works, but that the Gungans are, as a whole, a welcome addition to the mythology of the STAR WARS universe." what an idiot.

  • May 11, 2005, 10:41 p.m. CST

    in 25 years, what will it be for THAT generation?

    by hypermaug

    ... "I remember the first time I saw Tobey pull down that mask over his head, I just knew it would be dawn of something I'd cherish my whole existence..."

  • May 11, 2005, 10:57 p.m. CST

    Yeah, reading Moriarty's Episode I and II reviews just goes to s

    by xavier masterson

    Anyone who has read the Jedi Council articles can get a better understanding of Mori's true feelings and disappointment in the prequels. Whereas, his reviews are estatic with just a few misgivings that he easily overlooks because, "Oh my God, it's Star Wars!!" There's plenty of things you can key into in his Episode III review that I'm sure are going to play much worse over time than better. If anything I'm far more hopeful after redaing Alexandra Dupont's review. There is someone that immediately saw the flaws on display with the first two episodes and didn't let emotinal attachment to Star Wars cloud her judgment.

  • May 11, 2005, 10:59 p.m. CST

    I really can't wait

    by Drworm2002

    to see this...

  • May 11, 2005, 11 p.m. CST

    this is going to kick

    by Drworm2002

    so much arse

  • May 11, 2005, 11:02 p.m. CST

    "Palpatine lays out the history of the Sith"

    by Voice O. Reason

    How much history are we talking about here? I hate exposition as much as the next guy, but at some point in the movie they really need to tell the general non-Starlog-reading movie-going audience who the Sith are, why there's only 2 at a time, and why they hate the Jedi so much.

  • May 11, 2005, 11:06 p.m. CST

    good review

    by panzar

    ...but way too long i find...

  • May 11, 2005, 11:15 p.m. CST

    Tomatometer update, 5/11/05, 11:08 p.m, ET

    by drompter

    30 reviews so far: 28 fresh, 2 rotten. Cream of the Crop section: 4 reviews, all fresh. Tomatometer: 93% Avg rating: 8.1/10

  • You know what bitch, not everyone has a "job" in the media and gets to see movies early. Maybe you can shut the hell up once and a while. Sarah plain and short indeed.

  • May 11, 2005, 11:46 p.m. CST

    by a_guy

    why has noone mentioned how James Earl Jones sounds in this one?? Too Young? Too old? just right??

  • May 11, 2005, 11:50 p.m. CST

    Duel of the Fates

    by JackBristow

    Thank the Maker! I was worried that we weren't going to get any Duel of the Fates action. Especially since the Anakin vs. Obi-Wan track on thw soundtrack is so forgetable (aside from the bits of the Imperial March).

  • May 12, 2005, 12:12 a.m. CST

    Thanks Mori!

    by Right Bastard

    I appreciate the no spoilers reviews. After your review, and Ms. DuPonts, I'm actually daring to get excited............crap.

  • May 12, 2005, 12:21 a.m. CST

    And this is just the FIRST DRAFT

    by zinc_chameleon

    Now watch the power of the Digital Side of Entertainment as Lucas converts this entire six movie saga into CGI objects and allows the chosen to entire and LIVE the SAGA. Lucas is the the CHOSEN ONE who will balance Virtual Reality, Real-Time Motion Capture, Video Gaming, Martial Arts and Theatre and allow anyone with the money a chance to be in the story. Harry is right; Film is Dead, Long Live the new VR.

  • May 12, 2005, 12:24 a.m. CST

    93% positive on the tomatometer with 30 reviews is freakin' GREA

    by HanFiredFirst

    Even the negative reviews have good things to say and the consensus is that this is better than AOTC -- if this is the best of the prequels as it seems to be I'm happy. Hell, if it's better than ROTJ that's freaking terrific. That makes it the third best in the series after IV and V. Good company.

  • May 12, 2005, 12:50 a.m. CST

    "it was about taking people who somehow had missed the film so f

    by Phil Spiderman

    How old were you when you went to see Star Wars, Moriarty? Seven? Nine at the most? Who did you take to see Star Wars? And how did your mum or dad feel about forking out for it everytime and going to pick them up?

  • May 12, 2005, 12:59 a.m. CST

    I quit my job today

    by pencil-man

    ...so blow me, because I got nothing.

  • May 12, 2005, 1:13 a.m. CST

    Clones had no annoying kid saying, "now this is pod racing!" Les

    by Orionsangels

    TPM didn't feel like star wars, it was like dinotopia

  • May 12, 2005, 1:17 a.m. CST

    I was 5 years old in 77. My parents took me to see SW. We got th

    by Orionsangels

    It was magical and I can't get rid of that. It's been with me ever since. This is what the younger generation will never experience or understand.

  • May 12, 2005, 1:27 a.m. CST

    "it was about taking people who somehow had missed the film so f

    by Phil Spiderman

    How old were you when you went to see Star Wars, Moriarty? Seven? Nine at the most? Who did you take to see Star Wars? And how did your mum or dad feel about forking out for it everytime and going to pick them up?

  • May 12, 2005, 1:38 a.m. CST

    "I can

    by Tron 2.0

    Believe me, Moriarty. You don't. No one is asking you to. Please. No. Fine. You did it anyway, but don't think I enjoyed it.

  • May 12, 2005, 1:41 a.m. CST

    total geek out here

    by pablo2004

    but didn't Luke ask Lea what her "real mother" was like and Lea said that she was always sad? Now we learn that Lea's mother dies will Lea is still a infant?

  • May 12, 2005, 1:47 a.m. CST

    AOTC= The most unfairly maligned movie in the last ten years

    by WONKABAR

    There, I said it. Fucking Independence Day got a fairer shake...pre'emptive...SUCK ME!

  • May 12, 2005, 1:55 a.m. CST

    Who here saw ESB BEFORE ANH??

    by krullboy

    I was born in 78, so my "first" SW was ESB at a second run drive in in 1981. It sounds funny, but I thought it was weird watching ANH for the first time, after seeing ESB. Anybody else have a similar experience?

  • May 12, 2005, 2:10 a.m. CST

    Can Lucas/Baron Papanoida be seen in this movie?

    by JethroBodine

    Can Lucas/Baron Papanoida be seen in this movie?

  • May 12, 2005, 2:14 a.m. CST

    i cant wait to get the burning to bits anakin toy with the slice

    by dr.bulber

    and now a mace windo with fall away hand toy!! and a dookoo hat trick toy!! woo hoo!!

  • May 12, 2005, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Xavier, like many things SW, Mori fails to realize that it's not

    by LordEnigma

    Xavier, it has nothing to do with angst. It has more to do with anger geared towards a whole generation of people. Who seemingly love one flick, Empire, and try to slag the rest of the entire saga. Lucas plays emotional execution just fine for many people. Yet some parts of the fanbase need hamfisted Harrison Ford acting to make it feel "REAL." That alien states the truth about Padme. She could have fought back from her injuries, but she lost her will to live. How any geek or person could miss the poiancy of that. Just reinforce opinions I have of those people to begin with. Secondly Xavier, he screams NO for a reason. He became that horrible more machine than man, because he could not save her. He failed. In his empire there is peace, but not her. He became Vader to SAVE her. He screams NO because he failed. Thus the reason, at the end of Return, he saves his son. He decides to do something for his son, that he never had the chance to do for his wife. Again, a poiant moment unless you have become some sort of disaffected person.

  • May 12, 2005, 2:37 a.m. CST

    Blah blah shakespeare quote blah

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    Yes I am a Star Wars hater, but man I could see Moriarty coming about a mile off on this one. The gist of these reviews seems to be "OMG!!!! It doesn't wicked suck!!!1! With an unlimited budget and creative carte blanche Lucas has made a movie that isn't total crap!!!!!1111!!" Well, hurrah. Thing is, I recall vividly reading multiple TBs where people hated on Harry and said "Moriarty should run shit" etc. And I wasn't one of them, because the terrible truth is while Moriarty is a more "accomplished" writer, his polish makes him dull as shit on any project I've heard of or already know anything about, whereas Harry maintains the SOUL enthusiasm where he could get me geeking out over a new Taco Bell menu item, exclamation points and all. So to conclude, congratulations to SW fanlosers (my girlfriend is one) who finally get a movie that may not be %100 poo. PS YES THERE ARE HOT FEMALE STARWARS FREAKS OUT THERE, BUT THEY DATE STAR WARS HATERS, HA HA YANK YOUR SABER FUCKERS, LOTR RULES.

  • May 12, 2005, 2:53 a.m. CST

    "HA HA YANK YOUR SABER FUCKERS, LOTR RULES."

    by krullboy

    Well, well, well. It looks like yet another clone in the MinasTirithII camp of "you can't like both franchises". This is freaking bullshit. Give me a few reasons that you can't like both. Who wrote these rules, you? Love or hate Lucas, without the breakthroughs of Lucasfilm, there would be no WETA, and all you would have in a visual representation of LOTR would be that Ralph Bakshi crap that was atrocious. And I guess we will all have to take personal ad lessons from you to get "hot female star wars freaks": SWSWH seeks SWSWF for fisting, rimming, and good times. Must not own Leia Bronze Bikini. Lady Galadriel nightgown a plus; Legolas wig a big plus. Sideshow Collectibles Anal beads even better."

  • May 12, 2005, 3:13 a.m. CST

    No, Lord Enigma, Padme is looked after by a medical droid not th

    by xavier masterson

    It's the Polis Massan's medical droid that delivers the "broken heart" line. Again, there is nothing wrong with Padme losing the will to live after the events of Anakin's turn, in fact, I have no problem with that at all. I can buy that in my fantasy sci-fi serials. But I can't buy that the medical droid is the one that tells Obi-wan she is dying of a broken heart. That is just stupid. Also it is the medical droid not the aliens that deliver the twins. Again, the Vader screaming,"NOOOOO" scene isn't being criticized because people don't understand that there is a man under the suit. It is perfectly understandable that Vader goes batshit crazy upon hearing of Padme's death. But it's the execution of that scene that is garnering the criticsm. People are saying it is coming off as a parody of an overblown scene much like Mcbain of the Simpson's screaming "Mendozaaaaaa!" when his partner is shot. If it's too overblown and not dealt with properly then it will come off as laughable. And that seems to be why everyone is having problems with that little bit. Like I said before and what you seem to not be able to understand is that it's the execution of that scene not the scene itself of vader screaming that is rubbing people the wrong way.

  • May 12, 2005, 3:18 a.m. CST

    Thanks, Moriarty - what great reviews!

    by viola123

    I loved them. Thanks!

  • May 12, 2005, 3:23 a.m. CST

    Great review!

    by Lord_Soth

    Good job!

  • May 12, 2005, 3:24 a.m. CST

    Nice one

    by proper

    Stayed spolier free for ages now,can't break,only another week to go for God's sake.As this is the last hurrah It's the only policy.Glad I didn't ruin it by reading sripts and that.I hope I can purge the memory of the video game advert by next week(look away look away ;0),if that footage is in the film I'll be vexed,It could ruin a pivotal moment.How can you hold down your film film for 2 years and blow the load 2 weeks before the release??.I'll read the reviews next week.Your turn now Vern.Don't want Hawke's lederhosen so I'm off.

  • May 12, 2005, 3:38 a.m. CST

    Who is the most long-winded?

    by Heckles

    Hercules or Harry? Or one of the other beat writers? I would finish reading the review(s), but I would miss the midnight showing next week.

  • May 12, 2005, 3:39 a.m. CST

    Morarty has a beer and CHEETS on George Lucas

    by kingralphuk

    Erm....big fan, so excited, cant wait to...ah fuck it, roll on the 19th !

  • May 12, 2005, 4:09 a.m. CST

    Smells Like Teen '77

    by Comsat_Angel

    ***The box office revenues for fiscal year

  • May 12, 2005, 4:10 a.m. CST

    2nd unit

    by Fortunesfool

    So far i'm getting bad writing, bad storytelling, great lightsabre fights. Sounds like another 2nd unit movie rescue to me. Why not put Directed by Nick Gillard and loads of folk at ILM since theyre responsible for the only bits that are good?

  • May 12, 2005, 4:20 a.m. CST

    Getting goosebumps

    by kaiobe

    Only 7 days to go for this baby... how cool is the latest tv spot "End of Wars". What's with all negativity anyway?

  • Agreed, actually. I can't think of a moment in AotC that I enjoyed as much as the "Duel of the Fates" battle with Darth Maul. That lightsaber battle alone adds 1 star to the movie's rating imho. And there were other things I liked about the movie, too... at least it didn't have this pervasive feeling of depression and "screw you all" like AotC... and it CERTAINLY didn't have those lameass sappy love scenes.

  • May 12, 2005, 5:14 a.m. CST

    The CHUD Reviews paint a picture only those four assholes could

    by LordEnigma

    That droid speaks for them. Since the Polis cannot speak for themselves. Xavier, what you seem to not understand from my statements. I have a problem with the people who have a problem with the execution. That scene is fine unless you do not accept. The people slagging it have not accepted it. That's the last screams of a man. I have no idea how that's so difficult to figure it out.

  • May 12, 2005, 5:17 a.m. CST

    LOTR? You mean those movies that have been totally forgotten ab

    by LordEnigma

    LOTR has been just put away. Four good films, but two very bad films.

  • May 12, 2005, 5:38 a.m. CST

    its getting more and more...

    by banthafodderUK

    ... difficult to stick to my "no fucker is going to tell me if im going to like this" stance - SHIT I CANT WAIT TIL THE 19TH!!! There's no way to fuck this film up, no way man!

  • May 12, 2005, 5:45 a.m. CST

    "Sideshow Collectibles Anal beads"

    by banthafodderUK

    shit - do the really make those? I'll have to get some to go with my collection of "huckleberry ferrybutt plugs" : D

  • Sorry.

  • May 12, 2005, 6:07 a.m. CST

    Does any other STAR WARS fan remember

    by Master Bruce

    that Lucas has ALWAYS said that this story was a 9 PART SAGA?!! That the 2 droids were the only characters to be in all 9 parts?!! Why is there a collective amnesia on the part of EVERY print, radio, television and web reviewer(including Harry, Lexy & Moriarity)covering ROTS?, not to mention STAR WARS fans? The common refrain is that this is the FINAL PART in the saga? WTF?!! Yes, it's the final part in the first trilogy but the story isn't over yet. It'd be one thing if Lucas at 60 didn't want to invest another 6 yrs of his life in the final trilogy and wanted to make it into a tv series instead but Noooo, it's going to be another prequel.(?) I wish we could get a straight answer why Lucas told Leslie Stahl on 60 MINUTES that "there is no part 7." I can understand sloppy reporting from the general media but the genre/fan media, including this site, disappoints me on this subject.

  • May 12, 2005, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Master Bruce/GoatZinger

    by banthafodderUK

    MASTER BRUCE- I agree about the 9 parts man, but I think GL (lucas not green lantern) is selling this film as 'your last chance to see a new star wars film' to make a few extra quid. Asif the bearded checkered lumberjack will pass up the

  • May 12, 2005, 6:23 a.m. CST

    DID YOU KNOW THATMINUSPENIS2 IS BACK

    by banthafodderUK

    YAY!!!

  • May 12, 2005, 6:27 a.m. CST

    Master Bruce... Fair Enough

    by drew mcweeny

    I remember exactly what you're talking about. I also remember reading that it was going to be 12 parts, just like a serial, in those heady days of '78, when I was just starting to read FAMOUS MONSTERS. Somewhere along the way, though, it sounds like Lucas made his mind up that he had six STAR WARS stories in him, and honestly... after seeing REVENGE OF THE SITH... I believe him. This film does everything I need it to do to feel like he's closed the book on this story. It works for me. I don't know if he ever really had a 7, 8, and 9 in him, but it certainly sounds like he doesn't anymore.

  • May 12, 2005, 6:29 a.m. CST

    Durhay

    by drew mcweeny

    You're old school, man. Those '77 Burger King glasses were the best. We had a dozen of 'em. Have you seen the new ones? Are they any good?

  • May 12, 2005, 6:32 a.m. CST

    Hey, Wanderlust...

    by drew mcweeny

    YOU SAID: "SPOILERS... ... Okay, I got some issues - BIG issues, so let's get started. 1) Who the hell was Shypo Dias - that was never addressed?" I SAY: You're right. It's not covered at all in this film. I think it's lame that there's a whole section of fairly interesting exposition about who Syfo Dyas was in LABYRINTH OF EVIL, which is basically EPISODE 2 1/2. Good book, but that shouldn't be the only place that explanation is offered. It should be in SITH. But it's not.

  • May 12, 2005, 6:33 a.m. CST

    Hey, Wanderlust 2

    by drew mcweeny

    YOU SAID: "2) What was the point of Qui-Gon ultimately?" I SAY: Well, let's wait and see if the rumors are true that there's another scene in the digital cut that's being sent to theaters next week. If Qui Gon shows up and offers some more backstory, I hope it's a good scene.

  • May 12, 2005, 6:36 a.m. CST

    by drew mcweeny

    YOU SAID: "5) Anakin finally turns to the Dark Side so he can save Padme from dying of heartbreak. But she's dying because Anakin turned to the dark side. Chicken and the egg. Or just lame?" I SAY: It's one of my favorite things about this film. When you start fucking around with the future and visions and trying to fix things, you are going to shit the bed. Guaranteed. Such is the stuff of good tragedy. You try to do the right thing and you end up having to bury a body and lie to the cops. It's happened to all of us, right?

  • May 12, 2005, 6:41 a.m. CST

    Hey, Wanderlust Again

    by drew mcweeny

    YOU SAID: "6) My BIGGEST problem, and I guess with all 3 prequels - is this is supposed to be about Anakin's seduction to the dark side - and I just wasn't feeling it." I SAY: Well, that would pretty much clinch the deal, then, wouldn't it? I don't know what to say beyond "I was feeling it." I think this entire film is about the transformation. I think it's going on from the first time we see Anakin. And I like the way it's all eventually accomplished. YOU SAID: "Don't get me wrong, there was some great stuff in here, but it wasn't the "Return of the King" home run I thought it was going to be." I SAY: I'm not sure I'd call it RETURN OF THE KING, but I think those are very different things. By releasing all three LOTR films in three years, PJ made us feel like we were on the march to Mount Doom with Frodo and the Fellowship. STAR WARS is different. It's been a long slow burn, and I can totally understand that not everyone's going to feel the same way now that they used to about the films. I felt a lot of that genuine STAR WARS magic from this film, and I can't wait to see it again.

  • May 12, 2005, 6:47 a.m. CST

    Tubby Bitch

    by drew mcweeny

    I'll say it again. I think real fans are going to love this film. I think if you're not onboard for REVENGE OF THE SITH, you're not onboard for STAR WARS in general. If EMPIRE is the end-all be-all benchmark that you hold all other STAR WARS media up to for comparison, I've got news for you. You might be an Irvin Kershner fan. Or a Lawrence Kasdan fan. Or a Harrison Ford fan. Or a Gary Kurtz fan. Because there were a lot of cooks in the kitchen on that film, and it's a great fucking movie as a result of it. I think real STAR WARS fans... the fans whose fervor far outshines my own, certainly... are the ones who just plain love STAR WARS. They love the imagery of it, the iconography of the entire saga, the sound of a lightsaber being turned on. The ones for whom STAR WARS is pretty much an identity. The people outside the Mann's Chinese... those are some real STAR WARS fans. They may be insane (Hi, Sarah!), but they're the real deal. STAR WARS is six films, and starting today, I'm onboard. I like both trilogies, shortcomings and all. It's just that simple. Why should I spend all my time fixating on the things I don't like about STAR WARS when I could be enjoying all the truly freaking amazing things that I love about STAR WARS instead?

  • May 12, 2005, 6:49 a.m. CST

    AeroB

    by drew mcweeny

    STAR WARS is not my favorite film. But it was first. It was the gateway drug. And it's very special to me for all of those reasons, along with enjoying them as grand space opera. Never said that these were the pinnacle of Western civilization or the reason movies were invented. I didn't claim anyone would be cured of any ailments or purified of spirit. But it's a great freakin' STAR WARS movie. Can't I get a li'l excited about that?

  • May 12, 2005, 6:51 a.m. CST

    jcm8y

    by drew mcweeny

    Busted. Totally, totally busted. I still say I like the idea of the character, but the execution is one of the biggest miscalculations in film history. Agreed.

  • May 12, 2005, 7:07 a.m. CST

    Thanks Moriarty...

    by Master Bruce

    for taking my comment in the spirit intended and for remembering the stories about the 9 part saga. I also read FAMOUS MONSTERS as well as STARLOG back in the day.(Oh those pre-internet days, sniff, bless 'em) Enjoyed the reviews. Looks like we've finally got a winner here w/the prequels, thank the force. banthafodderUK has a point. Maybe there's still hope for 7,8, and 9 after all.

  • May 12, 2005, 7:22 a.m. CST

    Great review, Moriarty

    by Red Grant

    why harry can't write such concise, spot on reviews is beyond me. truly appreciate the option of a spoiler-free read. thanks.

  • May 12, 2005, 7:28 a.m. CST

    Thanks Moriarty and good luck

    by stvnhthr

    Wow, that may be the most touching review I've ever read. You totally captured what it was like to be a Star Wars kid. Thanks Moriarty, and good luck on your upcoming child, it changes everything. I mean everything.

  • May 12, 2005, 7:43 a.m. CST

    Well Done, Ladd.

    by Evil Chicken

    Fine reviews Moriarty, at least the two that I did read. Thanks for separating the spoilers and bringing back memories of the summer of 1977!

  • May 12, 2005, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Heh, I remember getting kicked out of cht around teh time of AOT

    by xavier masterson

    I can't remember the exact exchange but Mori was adament that the romance worked for him. Then suddenly Harry comes into the chat room and I was kicked. Just for saying how much I felt the love story didn't work. I'm interested in Mori's feelings on the romance in Clones. Is there the same change in opinion as there was with the Jar Jar quote jcm8y posted? I just can't think of any scenes in a recent big budget film as bad as some of those Anakin/padme scenes in Episode II and it was mind-boggling tome that someone could defend them.

  • May 12, 2005, 7:53 a.m. CST

    Lucas may not want to do 7-9, but perhaps one of his buddies mig

    by ComputerGuy68

    Paul R, what are yu doing after that Shark/Lava kids thing? The biggest issue is what do you do? the Vader story is done, do they follow the Zhan stories or go with a whole "Next Generation" series?

  • May 12, 2005, 8:05 a.m. CST

    George is on the OC???

    by proevad

    WTF? anyone know why? also, i was told that rotten tomatoes is getting ready to dump a buttload of negatives onto the tomato meter this weekend. still going. don't care about reviews on this one. also, renny harlin's movie might actually be decent. a 51% on rotten tomatoes. woohoo!!!! go renny!

  • May 12, 2005, 8:07 a.m. CST

    Correction

    by proevad

    that is a 56% for renny's flick. give a guy 200 chances after die hard 2 and lo and behold....

  • May 12, 2005, 8:11 a.m. CST

    and they all lived happily ever after

    by bluemancbrit

    serves Lucas right for starting a trilogy with episode 4, the tit. he dyslexic or what? I've got my tickets booked for Thursday (3pm GMT) if I'm sat next to someone dressed as a SW character in any way then my nachos are being 'spilt' over them just as the opening credits are rolling. you have been warned

  • May 12, 2005, 8:17 a.m. CST

    if I'm sat next to someone dressed as a SW character

    by proevad

    I booed at the end of the phantom menace and got bitch slapped in the back of the head by some girl dressed like yoda. ahh the memories...

  • actually i still think that all 4 reviews on chud.com were well written but my expectation didn't change ONE BIT and though i haven't seen it yet i want to believe that my opinion will totally differ from the chud-crew... and i really hope that i'll like it as hell! now to all the people who has already seen ROTS or listened to the Soundtrack: Don't you think that a short part of the track No.7 "Grievous and the Droids" sounds like James Horner's Aliens? I always have the images of Aliens in front of me when i hear that track and i like it.

  • May 12, 2005, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Ah... that horror TV series. I remember the HD poll and comment

    by SalvatoreGravano

    It consisted of four words: "great", "shitty", "directors" and "writers". There was a coma, too. And a dot. Try combining all these elements into one utterance...

  • May 12, 2005, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Proevad

    by bluemancbrit

    unlucky, your excellent response to TPM did in no way deserve a slap. I know loads of girls who look like yoda and dont even need Jim Henson to help out. (NOT my girlfriend, who is coincidentally, the size of a JAWA)

  • May 12, 2005, 8:38 a.m. CST

    bluemancbrit

    by proevad

    yeah. i wasn't even planning on booing. the sound came out of me like a pre-vomit moan when those credits started rolling. i still wonder whatever happened to my slap happy green friend.

  • May 12, 2005, 8:53 a.m. CST

    I justed wanted to thank Moriarty...

    by rev_skarekroe

    ...for the non-spoiler reviews. That's all I'm reading, but I like reading 'em!

  • May 12, 2005, 8:59 a.m. CST

    iIll tell you what happened to her,Proevad...

    by xavier masterson

    she more than likely imploded upon seeing Yoda hopping around with a lightsabre when episode II came out. Ahh, the prequels. I'll miss bitching about the latest chapters of Lucas' special brand of candy coated electro-fuzz.

  • May 12, 2005, 9:03 a.m. CST

    WE NEVER CLEARED UP THE MYSTERY OF WHAT HAPPENS TO VADER'S DICK!

    by banthafodderUK

    Did it burn away? Has he got a robo-dick? WE NEED ANSWERS!!!

  • May 12, 2005, 9:14 a.m. CST

    WE NEVER CLEARED UP THE MYSTERY OF WHAT HAPPENS TO VADER'S DICK!

    by bluemancbrit

    apparantly in the next special, special edition of ep 4, Vaders saber is pink...

  • May 12, 2005, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Vaders saber is pink...

    by banthafodderUK

    gotcha mate - NOW WHAT ABOUT HIS BOLLOCKS?????

  • May 12, 2005, 9:20 a.m. CST

    "he's more machine now, than man.....

    by banthafodderUK

    ..... twisted and evil. But on the plus side, they did sort him out with a huge robocock and balls"- obi wan kenobi 1977

  • May 12, 2005, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Captain Walker...

    by Kentucky Colonel

    Mrs. Walker wanted me to inform you...IT'S A BOY!

  • May 12, 2005, 9:26 a.m. CST

    xavier masterson

    by proevad

    just so i don't get flamed (i will anyway for posting so much) i'm not a prequel hater. i just think they are very average/below average films. some things are good/brilliant in menace (pod race, darth maul 3 way near the end) Clones though? i haven't seen it in 3 years, but i can't remember one likable thing in it. i honestly can't. well, good things that is. that cow riding love scene...i remember sitting there in shock and horror after that. friends tell me i should check out clones again. i am going to do so after ROTS.

  • May 12, 2005, 9:29 a.m. CST

    "I always imagined he raped her with his giant black robot dildo

    by banthafodderUK

    Forget the gold bikini - the sexies star wars moment was luke's HUUUGE belly-warmer y-fronts (he's got them on in the bacta tank in ESB) - almost enough to turn me into a pillow-biter!

  • May 12, 2005, 9:31 a.m. CST

    Hoffman AMC 22 in Alexandria, VA...who wants to PARTY?

    by Kentucky Colonel

    I've got my 12:01 ticket for Wednesday. Any other AICN'ers in the area wanna get plowed before the show? I'll be wearing my yellow bicycing shirt with the Star Trek TOS patch and swilling vodka out of a Deer Springs water bottle. BTW...the cheese enchilladas at Santa Fe Cafe RULE! Fangirls get first dibs on the vodka...!

  • May 12, 2005, 9:31 a.m. CST

    NOW WHAT ABOUT HIS BOLLOCKS?????

    by bluemancbrit

    is that where he keeps his midichlorians?

  • May 12, 2005, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Sorry, Mori...

    by Theta

    I think you're a good critic but when it comes to Star Wars, you have no objectivity. Episodes I and II are not mixed, they are bad, they fail on basic fundamental levels like proper direction of actors and emotional believability. Hell, even the effects don't really pass the acid test. And once and for all, all of you, digital projection is indeed not film. For one thing, you can make film look good. The digital projection technology being foisted on us is nowhere close to ready; I've been to the Boston digital theater and to say I was underwhelmed was to put it mildly. I think digital as a shooting medium has arrived, but as a projection medium it needs a LOT of work.

  • May 12, 2005, 9:38 a.m. CST

    who needs a big one when...

    by bluemancbrit

    you've got force persuade- 'you DID enjoy that'

  • May 12, 2005, 9:46 a.m. CST

    WELL DAMN MORIARTY YOU ARE ONE LEVEL-HEADED CAT.

    by kiddae

    Being a jerk is no fun when people don't rise to it. Hmph.

  • May 12, 2005, 9:46 a.m. CST

    RIGHT EVERYBODY.....

    by banthafodderUK

    if you had jedi powers, would you:- 1: use them for good, or abuse them? 2: would you use the force to get as much hairy axe wound action as possible? my answers: 1: abuse 2: yes (fucking yes)

  • May 12, 2005, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Yeah, Proevad, i have a friend trying to get me to watch Clones

    by xavier masterson

    I just can't bring myself to do it. Somehow, I can make it through most of Phantom Menace. I think despite my disappointment in the story and execution, jar jar and Jake Loyd, that there is far more fun and imagination on display Episode 1. Clones on the otherhand struggles to be a cohesive film. Those bland Coruscant interiors and Natalie Portman's unemotional drone just forces me to look away. And don't get me started on Hayden. Truly, there is nothing more painful than Anakin and Padme giving one of their fake laughs to a completely unhumorous moment. And I seem to remember them doing this repeatedly. I Like those gunships though.

  • May 12, 2005, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Sometimes you've got to show the chicks the ultimate weapon in t

    by bluemancbrit

    Man, Vader must have been PISSED OFF on hearing the first Death Star had been destroyed

  • May 12, 2005, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Sorry Master. I forgot you don't like flying.

    by Trevor Goodchild

  • May 12, 2005, 9:55 a.m. CST

    TELL US NOW.

    by Trevor Goodchild

  • May 12, 2005, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Jedi business. Go back to your drinks.

    by Trevor Goodchild

  • May 12, 2005, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Vader?

    by Trevor Goodchild

    Why does he not have an exsisting word as his surname? Or at least based on an English word? Sidious. Tyranous. Maul.

  • May 12, 2005, 10 a.m. CST

    i really have high hopes for this one.

    by proevad

    i actually read the graphic novel and it's very good. also, lucas bringing in a dialogue polisher and spielberg to help with some sequences. that gives me hope. just a little background. i love the OT (even jedi, although now...yes the ewoks get on my nerves), blade runner, 2001, the first matrix, hell even forbidden planet...these are great films in my opinion. the first two prequels didn't come close to these in my book. and yes, i liked the first two lotr movies, and watching ROTK was a tremendous theatrical experience. just to ask again, does anyone have any idea what lucas is doing on the oc next week? that just seems so weird to me, knowing that the guy hates working with actors (although all of the performances and dialogue were so great in American Graffiti, makes you wonder what happened) why act?

  • May 12, 2005, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Vader?

    by bluemancbrit

    cos Lucas is dyslexic, he started a trilogy of films with episode 4, nuff said

  • May 12, 2005, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Much better than the review by that shitcunt at IGN?

    by DannyParker

    Good grief, my 8 year old mongoloid niece could have written a more coherent 500 word piece.Anyway, nice to see Mori hasn't lost the art of delivering a worthwhile read.Now where did i put my fucking peanuts...

  • May 12, 2005, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Trevor Goodchild

    by kiddae

    Sidious isn't a word either. But INsidious and INvader are, geddit? Other potential Sith Lords: Darth Valid Darth Fection Darth Tercourse

  • May 12, 2005, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Um, what? Vader is based on a existing word...

    by xavier masterson

    You know, inVADER. Or are you trolling. Surely you're not that stupid.

  • May 12, 2005, 10:18 a.m. CST

    Moriarty

    by The Funketeer

    Why does Moriarty feel the need to remind us that he has a penis and that it works. I thought this stuff would end when he got married. Yes Mori, you are a geek and you've got yourself a girl. We're all proud of you. Now stick to the point please.

  • May 12, 2005, 10:33 a.m. CST

    Daddylonghead....another one who masturbates with a ring

    by Plazola_MEX

    Are you MinusLamer's Sex-Lover-Bedpartner?

  • May 12, 2005, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Yes MinusDork is back....

    by Plazola_MEX

    An' his shitty comments that only shows his frustration and envy. He got tired of being fucked by Coco-cocksuker-lopez.

  • May 12, 2005, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Hey Krull.....

    by Plazola_MEX

    Let's hire some mexican PGR Agents an some yakuza to get rid of these fuckers.....i'm so fucking tired. I want their heads in a toilet full of shit.

  • May 12, 2005, 10:51 a.m. CST

    "are you in"

    by mtstan

    "Darth Valid Darth Fection Darth Tercourse" That's great! Besides that I have high hopes for this final film. Thanks for the non-spoiler review.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Clone Wars

    by Trevor Goodchild

    Finally got a Clone Wars DVD on Monday and it does not dissapoint. Quite possibly my favourite aspect of recent Star Wars output. Love to see Genndy do a live action film. How's the second volume over there? Shame they didn't go with Ventress for the film because Prequel lover or hater you can't deny that women are criminally marginalized.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:11 a.m. CST

    dancemonster......

    by Plazola_MEX

    That

  • May 12, 2005, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Worth saying once again.....

    by Mister Man

    "Star Wars" played for over a YEAR upon its original release in 77. I was a fifteen year-old high school kid, and I held out till SEPTEMBER. AND IT BLEW ME AWAY. I was an old school classic film nut, who earned my viewing stars the old-fashioned way - the late, late show. (This was pre-Beta, VHS, AMC, TCM, etc.) I had loved the old sci-fi classics, but SW just floored me. The mania surrounding the film makes "Spiderman" pale in comparison. You young folks will never realize the fever. What was that disco SW theme 45 that hit #1????? For God's Sake, our biology teacher played it in class while we did our lab experiments. Almost EVERY conversation opened with "How MANY times have you seen SW??" It was wonderfully INSANE. I hate seeing all this cynical nastiness on the posts, although I understand some of the complaints. WE'RE TALKING A THIRTY-YEAR FILM PHENOMENON!! I'm glad I experienced it in "real time." Finally, I'm fortunate to have the memory of opening a Sunday newspaper in May of 1977, and seeing the first ad for SW and thinking, "WHAT is THIS???"

  • May 12, 2005, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Leia snogging Luke.

    by Shigeru

    Leia in a SKIMPY METAL BIKINI, that still makes my pants tight, gives Luke only a small peck in Jedi, even when he is kicking ass and taking names and doing a huge ass rescue of everybody. But when he's fucked up and laid up in bed like a fool in Empire, she shoves her tounge down his throat. wtf.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:25 a.m. CST

    PenisSyrupII...

    by Hugh G Rection

    Heh, just wanted to type in PenisSyrupII. It sounds funny...

  • May 12, 2005, 11:28 a.m. CST

    I'm glad Mori was banned from the Ranch!

    by performingmonkey

    If you haven't read about Mori being banned, please do. Also check out his TPM script review, where he says that Anakin will be "one of the most textured kids roles in history"... Anyway, I'm glad he was banned from the Ranch (even though it sucked for Mori at the time) because it means we get GOOD reviews from him that don't shy away from the truth. Unlike Harry's inane fanboy gushings. I enjoyed this review.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:34 a.m. CST

    congratulations

    by devil0509

    Congrats on many things, least of all being an extremely well written and informative review. As a father of two, I can't prepare you for the joys of parenthood, other than to say your life WILL change, and you will change, and both your life and you will be better for the change. I don't think I was really an adult until I had kids. Enjoy the experience - it will make every other experience of your life seem utterly insignificant by comparison. Which is probably why, even though I was six years old in the movie theater in 1977 having my view of coolness altered by George Lucas, and even though I've seen Star Wars and Empire more times than is healthy, this movie is just a movie to me, one that I'm looking forward to, but that's all. There will be no sense of loss at the idea that there will be no new Star Wars flicks, any more than there was a sense of loss that ROTK was the end of that trilogy, based on a series of books I adore in a way that, again, is probably unhealthy. And that's all right and proper. Being a parent makes movies become just, well, entertainment. And your joy in movies becomes more about what makes your kids smile - like when I first introduced my 6 year old son to Star Wars (episode 4, of course) this spring. And seeing him play with his toy x-wing and TIE fighter and kick-ass cool Millenium Falcon. And the fact that, at 6, he wants to be Luke Skywalker instead of Han Solo(which is appropriate for a 6 year old - when he's older he can worship Han Solo for SHOOTING FIRST). It's about seeing him geeked up about the same kind of shit that geeked me up 28 years ago, not about me being geeked up anymore. Anyway, it's a whole new view on life, and you'll have a blast.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:49 a.m. CST

    That's an interesting theory...

    by Childe Roland

    ...you have there about "true" Star Wars fans, Mori. Completely pompous and full of shit, but interesting nonetheless. Go back and read your "star wars is six movies" statement and then read your ridiculous rationalization of why "Empire" isn't a true Star Wars film. Because George had the good sense to hire talented help? Empire continued the story from A New Hope and the more seasoned performances made the characters even more appealing. The dialogue was better and the effects were more polished. It was one of the few sequels in movie history that was able to surpass its predecessor (a film that, while innovative and imaginative, is pretty overrated when you look at the story, dialogue and some of the performances) in terms of overall quality. Regardless of whose contributions most influenced what it became, it's a fucking Star Wars movie and it's the best of the lot, Harrison Ford's "ham fisted" acting and all. Jebus, man, but you have balls dissing the performance of the man who took Lucas' character sketch and breathed genuine life into it with improvisation during filming of A New Hope. Does that make fans of the original film Harrison Ford fans and not true Star Wars fans? Your logic is non-existent, which I should have expected in your justification of those very emotionally indulgent reviews. Get a grip, grow a spine and stop trying to crawl up the asses of the uncompromising, "love-it-or-hate-it" Star Wars fans you've pissed off in the past. It's okay not to like all the Star Wars films, just as it's okay to enjoy both Star Wars and the Lord of the Rings. There is no secret club of "true fans" predicated on an unquestioning acceptance of all the sub-standard shit George crammed into the first two prequels (and ROTJ) to sell toys. As a critic you should never surrender your ability to discern and judge various elements of a film (let alone various films in a series) on their own merits.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Boring Movie

    by MinasTirithII

    should be on bittorrent soon enough

  • May 12, 2005, 11:57 a.m. CST

    Haters are gonna be haters no matter what' They're predisposed t

    by Orionsangels

    They wanna spoil everyones fun. Well you can't this time. Star Wars owns, oh you'll try kicking and screaming, but will just laugh at you.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:58 a.m. CST

    awesome review...very touching

    by robamenta

    im going to save this one... that was great, and am more excited than ever to see it. your love of star wars is really beautifully expressed. thanks

  • May 12, 2005, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Good batch of reviews

    by Malx

    I like the casual fan/SW fan split, good idea. Unfortunately I think the take on this film won't be precise until at least a few weeks after it comes out, when the "hey, this really isn't as crappy as the other two" rush wears off. And yes, that's what we've sunk to.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:59 a.m. CST

    A 1000 years before the SW we know. The Jedi defeated the Sith i

    by Orionsangels

    The Jedi thought the Sith were no more. They were wrong and now they're going to pay.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Sounds awesome, as I knew it would be

    by I Dunno

    And those CHUD reviews were garbage. they all said the same thing and none of it made sense. You could tell they went in predisposed to hating it.They should change their name to choad.com. Anyway, about the dying of a broken heart thing, I had hoped they wouldn't have gone that route but I knew they would. I don't accept that, for the mere fact that she has two kids to raise. That just makes her a weak character, IMO. Anyway, small complaint. I expect this to be on par with TESB.

  • May 12, 2005, 12:01 p.m. CST

    IN-Vader, Trevor Goodchild

    by I Dunno

    Duh.

  • May 12, 2005, 12:27 p.m. CST

    Darths

    by zer0cool2k2

    Darth Cest, Darth Complete, Darth Grate, Darth Effectual, Darth Tersect, Darth Continent, Darth Ane .......................... BTW, anybody seen that commercial where the guy wins some cash prize and Vader shows up at the door and says "Brandon, I am your father" The guy says "No your not, you just want my money". Vader pauses, and says "Brandon... I am your... Uncle". Funny shit. Made me giggle.

  • May 12, 2005, 12:28 p.m. CST

    MinusLamer strikes again........

    by Plazola_MEX

    You know, you're a fucking loser- pain-in-the-ass-brand-quality-asshole. The only thing that's boring here is you. How's your masturbation with a ring?

  • May 12, 2005, 12:29 p.m. CST

    Padme gives great head... and she swallows like a champ!

    by masterchappy

    So when is this 'film' going to hit the torrents? Bueller? Anyone? Anyone?

  • May 12, 2005, 12:31 p.m. CST

    A new ROTS spot is up on the OS:

    by Forestal

    http://www.starwars.com/episode-iii/release/trailer/endofwar.html

  • May 12, 2005, 12:36 p.m. CST

    I believe....

    by Monster Rain

    All of our collectively-raped childhoods will be able to put the demons of the past to rest at last.

  • May 12, 2005, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Long Winded

    by antnee21

    How long winded was that review. Moriarty need s to get out more. That review was 30 years in the making

  • May 12, 2005, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Geek

    by ghkilgore

    I have a guy in my office that calls me a geek because I like science fiction. He is 40 years old and has never seen a Star Wars movie, not one. I am may be a geek, but what does that make him?

  • May 12, 2005, 1:10 p.m. CST

    That makes you...

    by embrypotzebra721

    a loser, who cares what some no fun loving 40 year old assbag in a shirt and tie thinks.

  • May 12, 2005, 1:13 p.m. CST

    That makes him...

    by embrypotzebra721

    an assbag, like I said before. Sorry, I'm having a bad week.

  • May 12, 2005, 1:15 p.m. CST

    A few observations from a Star Wars Virgin

    by Garbageman33

    Unlike most people around here, I'm not a huge Star Wars fan. Obviously, I saw the first three, but I never got around to seeing the last two. I heard they kinda sucked, so I didn't see the point. And yet, despite my apathy, I got invited to a screening of ROTS (something about my Star Wars-obsessed friends wanting to "cure" me). So what did I think? Well, I missed a lot because I didn't see the first two. And I wasn't about to be the guy who asks questions all the way through the movie. I hate that guy. But, overall, I liked the movie. It was long-winded in places. But right about the time you felt the need to check your watch, a fight would ensue. A really cool fight. In fact, I think the action scenes are every bit as good as the action scenes in LOTR. It's the non-action scenes where the movie fell flat. For me, anyway. Again, I'm new to all this stuff, so I have to ask: Is Hayden Christiansen the best Anakin they could find? Really? He essentially plays Anakin the same way he played that reporter in Shattered Glass. And that guy was a wuss. This is a seven-foot tall dude with a breathing problem who chokes people to death for not telling him what he wants to hear. I didn't buy it. So that affected how I felt about the rest of the movie. I can't say whether Star Wars fans will love the movie or not because we obviously don't have the same history with it. But for my money (if I had indeed paid money), it was good, not great. It could have been great, though. If only I'd been willing to overlook the weaselly reporter running around in a Darth Vader costume.

  • May 12, 2005, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Where did this "broken heart" shit come from?

    by Liberty Valance

    I saw an advance screeing two days ago and I can assure you the phrase "dying of a broken heart" nor any variation thereof appears in the birth scene. The medical droid simply states that Padme is dying for reasons they cannot explain and that she has lost the will to live. That's all there is to it and it works perfectly. Fine review Moriarty, but don't make shit up for the haters to seize upon and ridicule.

  • May 12, 2005, 1:30 p.m. CST

    The end of an era

    by MrBoinfoint

    Personally, I would love it if the final episode marks the end of overwrought, empty, big-budget action spectacles and ushers in a new wave of director-led auteur cinema, such as existed in the 70's before Star Wars came out. I'd also like to see the demize of internet sites solely devoted to creating, nursing and agitating buzz about said movies, destroying any sense of the audience discovering the film on its own. But then, I'm a dick. Finally, I'd like to see a return of the martial arts/exploitation/espionage flick. Woojoo like sum tea, Mr. Boinfoint? Yes I woo.

  • May 12, 2005, 2:12 p.m. CST

    First Time User

    by TAK

    I never thought I'd do this....write a talkback on this site simply b'coz I disagree with most of you as to Peter Jackson's genius. The man has no special skills except that of a good organizer of an event for that was all the LOTR was an event. Anyways I write now to let wanderlust know that he is a moron. ROTK was an incoherent mess and if he thought that was great movie making he has no clue what he's talkin abt.

  • May 12, 2005, 2:15 p.m. CST

    Boinfoint, good on you.

    by MontyPigeon

    Good Post. Star Wars is an enjoyable franchise but the films that stay with you the most are the ones you stumble upon, knowing nothing of them. These have a much bigger impact on you as they place you on the spot, asking you questions instead of telling you the answers you know.

  • May 12, 2005, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Is Sidious really George Bush?

    by HarrisonsDad

    Check out this link. http://leftofcentrist.blogspot.com/2005/05/huh-george-w-bush-is-darth-hideous.html

  • May 12, 2005, 2:52 p.m. CST

    "real fans"

    by minderbinder

    So if you didn't like batman 4, are you not a real fan? If you didn't like Superman 3 and 4? If you hated The Sting 2, are you not a real The Sting Fan? Godfather 3? Jaws 3? Just wondering. I'm a "real" fan of whatever movies I happen to like, whether they're part of a franchise or not. I feel no obligation to like a shitty sequel just because I loved the original.

  • May 12, 2005, 3:04 p.m. CST

    "True Star Wars fans"

    by abcdefz1

    Let's get this straight: you can love America and still criticize it, right? So why can you not love Star Wars and still criticize it? PHANTOM MENACE was interesting at best, but overall, not very good. ATTACK OF THE CLONES was worse -- yes, it was indeed worse. That was the first truly, truly BAD Star Wars movie. RotJ was poor, as well, but not flat-out bad. So far, as I see it, Star Wars is two for five. But what movies those two are! Great stuff.

  • May 12, 2005, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Film Freak Review

    by superninja

    http://filmfreakcentral.net/screenreviews/episodeiii.htm. Sometimes this guy can be pretentious, but he sounds right on the money to me here. It's also a very funny review.

  • May 12, 2005, 3:29 p.m. CST

    So why can you not love Star Wars and still criticize it?

    by Right Bastard

    It's that whole bull-shite 6-year-old mentality Bushism, "You're with us or against us" It's a completely crap way of thinking.

  • May 12, 2005, 4:06 p.m. CST

    to all those who don't understand Star Wars Geekdom

    by riouxda

    Let me just explain something to you. I'm not saying that the Star Wars movies are the best ever. But back then, it was a new kind of movie experience...It was almost a new way of life...I've been educated as a kid with Star Wars...I had lots of SW toys...The death star, the millenium falcon, the X-Wing, etc. My imagination grew with those toys...they are part of what I am now...They were in my dreams, I wanted to be a jedi...I wanted to be a X-Wing pilot...I wanted to go on all those planets...They made me love space...they made me curious about what is out there...about life...Not every movie can do that...As for the quality of the movie, you can't compare a movie like Lord of the Rings with a movie that was made in 1977...of course, the special FX are better now...of course, a movie can have better acting...but...it was something that had never been seen and experienced before...and I think that those who are SW bashers maybe are just jealous that they weren't there back then to experience it, to realize what it has been for us who were 7-12 yo...I would even say that those who were about 7 probably were even touched more because, they were younger, they played with the toys for a longer time before starting to think about girls. They could even enjoy the Ewoks back then...I know I did when I was a kid...Of course, now I find them childish but hey, I try to go back to the child in myself when I watch those movies...something not everybody is able to do these days which is sad...Since Star Wars...there hasn't been a similar experience except maybe for Lord of the Rings...but even then, I don't know if the kids of today are living this experience like we did back then...And also, Lord of the Rings is not a universe which has as much potential to grow since, it comes from the mind of someone who is no longer here to make it grow...Star Wars can still grow with all the books and games...this is a universe in motion...But of course, to be able to enjoy it, you have to be able to take your mind somewhere in a galaxy far, far away...

  • May 12, 2005, 4:10 p.m. CST

    For another point of view...

    by fiester

    Check out Dale Peck's review of the film: http://www.nyobserver.com/pages/frontpage7.asp

  • May 12, 2005, 4:12 p.m. CST

    King_tut_lives

    by SeanHarris

    Jesus CHRIST you hate women and children. Best you remain a lonely geek for the rest of your sad, asshole existence.

  • May 12, 2005, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Mori what we really want to know is...

    by John-Locke

    Do we get to see Padme's nips through her top again or has GL digitally erased them before they get to DVD this time?

  • May 12, 2005, 4:33 p.m. CST

    the soundtrack

    by riouxda

    by the way...if you own the soundtrack of ROTS with the 2nd disc which is a DVD with a musical journey in Star Wars...I must say that it is awesome...Seeing all those scenes made me realize what a great journey it has been to follow Star Wars for the last 25-30 years... One thing that you can notice though is how much the cast of the classic movies seemed to have more depth...and also, how the emotion between Leia and her brother and Solo seemed to be better handled than the feelings between Padme and Anakin...But then, let's enjoy the story of Star Wars as a complete whole...I recommend this musical journey to all of you geeks...

  • May 12, 2005, 5 p.m. CST

    Haters wanna Hate, Lovers Wanna Love

    by Doc_Strange

    I don't even want noone of the above, I want to piss on you, yes I do, I'll piss on you, I'll pee on yooooouuuu.

  • May 12, 2005, 5:38 p.m. CST

    There is no 7-9

    by I Dunno

    Lucas said a long time ago that he condensed them into ROTJ. So this is it.

  • May 12, 2005, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Allright, with the LOTR/SW shit already

    by I Dunno

    This is the kind of childish bullshit that gives genre fans a bad name. You'd think that you knobs had stock in these movies or something.

  • May 12, 2005, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Hamster...

    by DoctorWho?

    Shut the fuck up

  • May 12, 2005, 5:47 p.m. CST

    There's always gotta be a "Satan's Hamster" type character.

    by Orionsangels

    Do people like this really exist? They can't right? Then you see losers like this and you realize, oh idiot America is alive and well

  • May 12, 2005, 5:54 p.m. CST

    Thankyou Moriarty once again for another well written review to

    by DoctorWho?

    I too, saw SW in '77 and you really crystalized the impact it had on me also. Glad you took the oppurtunity to look back and sum up this whole epic journey we've been on. WELL DONE!

  • May 12, 2005, 5:56 p.m. CST

    "king_tut_lives" has been watching star porn wars, I think

    by scrumdiddly

  • May 12, 2005, 5:57 p.m. CST

    "They're Not To Be Trusted" OR... SOME MOTHERFUCKING CRITICS ALW

    by jollydwarf

    Witness fuckwad, Janus-faced Peter Travers from Rolling Stone. Three years ago, he gave "Clones" an overall positive review, perhaps even three stars, if that Nick-n-Jessica-pimping rag gave actual star ratings to films at that point (they started sometime after "Menace"). He ranked that film as the third best of the five (which I agree with--it beats "Jedi" by an Ewok hair, both films being flawed but 'decent') and said something to the effect of Lucas finding his 'dark heart' again. Someone with some exact quotes, hook a cracker up here. Anyway...now, it's "ATROCIOUS", according to this "Traversty" of a critic. BOTTOM LINE: Can you trust a critic, especially concerning this film? No, you can't. They're just embittered fanboy fuckers lucky enough to be paid to bitch and moan (or gush, in many cases). They're just as conflicted as you and I. I'm still shocked that almost 9 out of 10 reviews at rottentomatoes.com are positive at this point (and the handful of 'rotten' ones aren't even that bad), but I really want to believe that this film will be most of the things I've hoped for. But if the critics slamming it have no credibility, is it fair to assume that those praising it DO? I'm calling into question the 'reviews' on this site, too, of course. It's all going to end in a week, for better and/or worse. Thank GOD.

  • May 12, 2005, 6 p.m. CST

    Moriarty and his new life

    by JeeBus

    Everyone should leave this guy alone. What's wrong with someone looking forward to something? Everyone here gets pissy when some talk backer shits on their dreams of what ROTS will be like, but a guy looks forward to a baby being born and everyone goes nuts. What a bunch of retards.

  • May 12, 2005, 6 p.m. CST

    So people get pissed at Obi Wan...

    by Childe Roland

    ...in Episode III for walking away from his frying friend? I imagine these are people who haven't seen the OT, because anyone who remembers Sir Alec's take on Master Kenobi knows what a despicable S.O.B. "Old Ben" really was. Let's just set the prequels aside for a moment. The first thing he does in A New Hope is lie to Luke. "Vader betrayed and murdered your father." Uh, no he didn't. You did, you dodgy old fucker! Of course, later he'll explain that "What I told you was true... from a certain point of view." Would that be the point of view of a washed up old bastard trying to get a kid to kill his own dad? And how about letting hormonal little Luke believe he could get him some of that holographic princess as added incentive? Or allowing Luke's aunt and uncle to be killed to add a little fuel to the kid's fire? And the ultimate prick move: martyring himself right in front of the kid only to hang around and haunt him for two and a half movies afterward "Kiiiillll your father! Kiiillll your father!" What an evil, manipulative prick this guy was! I'm surprised that, after Ghost Ben revealed that he'd lied about pretty much everything, a betrayed and sexually frustrated Luke didn't just turn to the "dark" side and rape his sister before using Force lightning to cook him up some Ewok.

  • May 12, 2005, 6 p.m. CST

    I Just Hope It's Better than Sand

    by ZombieSolutions

    i don't like sand. it's course and rough. not like here. everything here is soft... and smooth. I truly, deeply, want to love this movie. Hopefully what everyone has been saying is true -- Lucas really does have enough midichlorians to be the chosen one. he really... does...

  • May 12, 2005, 6:04 p.m. CST

    Childe Roland

    by JeeBus

    You just made my day. That was some funny shit!

  • May 12, 2005, 6:31 p.m. CST

    Phantom Menace Is Better Than Attack of the Clones

    by JeeBus

    Does anyone else agree with me on this? I loved all the SW movies until Attack of the Clones. The FX were more cartoony and the dialogue was much worse, when you consider that a romance had to be established. Who's with me?

  • Ok maybe a close tie with TPM. It suffers from ALL the same flaws, minus a really cool ending duel and eye-popping F/X. Seriously everything in that piece of shit is a matte painting...Jabba's Palace, several desert shots, Dagoboagh, the falcon, the rebel hanger, all the shots of the Death Star. Look around they're fucking everywhere. It just illustrates how half-assed the movie is. It just looks like everyone was going through the motions and waitng for the whole thing to be over. At least there was some genuine EFFORT put into the prequals. The flaws might be huge, but there are hints of creativity. Even the sets suck in ROTJ. It's just a fuck-off on every level of production. The fact that it's part of OT means dick in my book. I'd watch AOTC or parts of TPM over ROTJ any day...it's that boring. Cheak out Film Threat's "50 reasons why Jedi sucks" and watch the movie again. I promise you'll come up with 50 more reason of your own. If ROTS is as good as alot of people seem to be saying...I stand by one of my earlier posts--four solid to great SW films in a row, with kinda weak opening and ending episodes. This is how it will go down. Anal-out

  • May 12, 2005, 6:57 p.m. CST

    Nah, I have to say AOTC was better than TPM.

    by I Dunno

    I just can't forgive the goofiness of the pod race aliens and the slow middle. Everything else wasn't bad. I don't know why people hate AOTC. So there was some cheesy dialogue but it was realistic, given the characters. That's what no one seems to aknowledge. It had some great action scenes, Palpatine's smooth ass rise to power and less Jar Jar.

  • People bitch about CGI, they bitch about matte paintngs. What, do you want GL to build sets the size of three football fields?

  • AOTC had much better pacing and at least there were SOME characters you could relate to on some basic human level. There are more clearly defined heros and villians, and a better plot IMO. I used to think the F/X sucked too until checked it out on a high-def TV. Trust me, it makes ALL the diference! It's like a totally different movie...almost 3-D like. Seriously, it rocks. While I dug Liam Neeson in TPM, he gave really the only interesting performance. While in AOTC, McGreggor, Lee, and...oh shit, brain fart..uh, Palpatine...really seem to elevate the material to a whole new level I believe. Oh well that's my take. I sure folks will be argueing the SW episode rankings for a long time..anal is still out

  • May 12, 2005, 7:31 p.m. CST

    Dude, at least CG is ANIMATED

    by WONKABAR

    and yes I DO expect him to build the fucking thing. They built a big Falcon for the first two didn't they? They built an actual MODEL for they for the first Death Star did they not? And don't even get me started on the fucking shield generator and landing platform! It looke like shit in addition to being a totally weak plot device. Lucas had loads of money by the time he came to produce Jedi. And yet it has such a low budget feel to it...it really does. It's telling that with the release of the enhanced DVD versions that New Hope actually holds up BETTER. And plot-wise Jedi just cheaps-out on all the great set-up that Empire built. A far greater shame than TPM...which at least TRIED to do somthing different, feebly yes, but not a complete rehash like Jedi.

  • Ok, I REALLY gotta get out of here.

  • May 12, 2005, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Wow, how the FUCK did Peter Travers dis Sith and dig Clones?

    by WONKABAR

    I'm forgetting to type letters and whole words now...goodbye

  • I'm curious as to how he ranks them now...weird. ok bye

  • May 12, 2005, 8:07 p.m. CST

    Well Ebert loved TPM & dissed AOTC, so go figure

    by Orionsangels

    Ebert's review for TPM was so gay. He ignored the acting, the characters. He was all excited about, how we travel to so many different planets and what a ride that is

  • May 12, 2005, 8:09 p.m. CST

    The sets in ROTJ were like twice as big.

    by I Dunno

    You're going to compare the landing platform in ANH with the one in ROTJ? And even if they did build something that big, that would require hundreds of extras and stormtrooper costumes. The Ewok village would have been 5 huts and 20 midgets if they didn't use matte paintings. What about the difference in space battles between ANH and ROTJ? Anyway, we'll agree to disagree but the FX in ROTJ were revolutionary for 1983.

  • May 12, 2005, 8:11 p.m. CST

    Ep IV is great...the others are stupid

    by Rupee88

    As soon as Lucas made Vader Luke's father (and totally contradicted much of the dialogue in the first film), he lost me. But the first film is 10x better than the others are bad, so Lucas is still a cool mofo.

  • May 12, 2005, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Don't waste you're time TNT868.

    by Orionsangels

    The Liberal's of today are just the bitter children of ex-hippies who brainwashed their kids to think like them. Now these college tech-hippies who have been further warped by their, over throw the country extremist college professors, are disguised as peace loving people who wanna save the world, but are really in it for the money. They're predisposed to hate anything Bush does. So there's no reasoning with them. He could save the world from an alien attack and they'd hate him.

  • May 12, 2005, 9 p.m. CST

    No, THE EWOK ADVENTURE Is The Greatest STAR WARS Film

    by ZombieSolutions

    when that witch comes out and messes up everyones happy ewok teddy bear time, i can't help but weep like an emotionally disturbed little girl.

  • May 12, 2005, 9 p.m. CST

    WTF do you care what we like Hamster? Get a life!!!

    by Orionsangels

    You're spending your week here being upset because we like the prequels? You're not going to turn us, we won't suddenly have a realization and say, you know what Hamster. You're right. What were we thinking! d'oh! No you little moron! So now shut the hell up and go back to the corner in your parents basement and rethink your life.

  • May 12, 2005, 9:46 p.m. CST

    Satan's Hamster, how's 4th grade working for you?

    by I Dunno

    Go away troll, you're just embarasing yourself.

  • May 12, 2005, 9:59 p.m. CST

    I rate both TPM & AOTC on the same level, but AOTC is the bigges

    by performingmonkey

    All the ingredients were there for AOTC to be a fucking monster of a movie. Unfortunately, instead of the second movie being handed over to more talented individuals, Lucas took his hack skills with him to AOTC. He did this because he was pissed at how ESB turned out. He still probably thinks Empire is the worst movie because it's the least '30s Saturday matinee jack-off. Lucas is a great ideas man, but he CANNOT direct actors. You must understand that the worst decision he made was sitting in the directors chair for the prequels. He hadn't directed since ANH (yeah yeah, he did bits on Jedi I hear you scream) so were people expecting him to take the helm after 20 years and be a god? He also can't write emotional dialogue, which was required in AOTC.

  • May 12, 2005, 10:01 p.m. CST

    Orionsangels

    by Forestal

    An independent mind you have not.

  • May 12, 2005, 10:24 p.m. CST

    Uh, zombiesolutions...that was the Battle for Endor

    by WONKABAR

    And the first one isn't called "The Ewok Adventure" anymore it's called...oh fuck I'm a nerd...nevermind. bye. Oh wait, The sets in NH were actually quite epic. Think of those huge treds on the sandcrawler...all the stuff on Tatooinee, while most it was found stuff they made it look really cool. All the Death Star stuff-Luke and Leia were both really high up t when they swung across the drawbridge. Both the exterior Falcon sets were killer. The rebel base on Yavin actually looks pretty cool compared to Han and Lando standing in front of stupid painting as in Jedi. Plus there are great angles in New Hope that make the sets look even cooler; the imperial councel meeting for instance. The sets in Empire were even more epic, especially everything in the Luke/Vader duel. Everything in Jedi just looks...fake. The Ewok village is just a couple huts& bridges. It's clearly a tiny set, indoors, at floor level, almost as if Three's Company is shooting right next door. I expected more from the Emperor's throne room as well after the bitch'n bespin stuff, everything there just looks like plywood, totally uninspired. And they could have at least gone the Peter Jackson route and done "Bigature" work insted of matte-painting...lazy. And since the SE-NH I believe the Death Star battle actually tops Jedi. Plus matte-lines around the ships still abound in Jedi, the fish guy sux, and the trench battle isn't inter-cut with a bunch of stupid Ewoks.

  • May 12, 2005, 10:59 p.m. CST

    I'll keep voting till losers like hamster move to Canada

    by Orionsangels

    I'll live just to see that and I know who you are hamster dick, you've been banned like 5 times in the past week. Ring a bell? Now go shine my shoes bitch!

  • May 12, 2005, 11:04 p.m. CST

    Oh, and ID4 NOT, I repeat NOT better than AOTC

    by WONKABAR

    ID4 was one of the dumbest movies of the 90's period. I actually had the super deluxe special two disc special extended editon from Artisin that I got FOR FREE and traded the shit in for a turbo-used Blood Omen 2...it's that lame.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:17 p.m. CST

    Orida's Angels OR... TOT666

    by jollydwarf

    You guys praise Jesus with those mouths? Way to keep this train on the tracks, fuckwads.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:51 p.m. CST

    Ah, hamster is canadian. That explains everything. *Laughs at yo

    by Orionsangels

    Jollydwarf, not everyone who dislikes Liberals is a Republican let alone religious. You assume too much.

  • May 12, 2005, 11:56 p.m. CST

    Ebert & Roeper review ROTS this Saturday

    by Orionsangels

    Should be interesting.

  • May 13, 2005, 12:13 a.m. CST

    i dont get the hate for ROTJ.....

    by slappy jones

    its fucking awesome from beginning to end.....

  • May 13, 2005, 12:15 a.m. CST

    I Think They Should Make a Movie About the Adventures of Hammerh

    by ZombieSolutions

    when i was a kid, i loved my Hammerhead action figure. he was in the cantina in ANH for about, i don't know, 3 seconds? regardless, his midichlorians were way off the charts, so i featured him prominenty in my own expanded universe adventures. I will be suicidally depressed if Hammerhead doesn't make a brief appearance in ROTS.

  • May 13, 2005, 12:20 a.m. CST

    Other Important Cantina Characters Who Deserve Their Own Spin Of

    by ZombieSolutions

    1) Praying Mantis Guy; 2) Squeaky Bat Head Guy; 3) Devil Horns Guy (Anton LeVay in space?). Lucas had meticulously crafted backstories for these crucial characters, but he didn't have the resources at the time ti realize his full vision.

  • May 13, 2005, 12:37 a.m. CST

    Dear George Lucas,

    by JTBKSC

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on... shame on... won't get fooled again!

  • May 13, 2005, 1:08 a.m. CST

    side characters

    by Right Bastard

    The only thing I want to see is the IG88 vs. Boba Fett battle. Hell yeah! So...was I the only kid who, after empire came out, wrapped their Han Solo figure in aluminum foil so it would look like he was in carbonite?

  • May 13, 2005, 1:11 a.m. CST

    Hey, moviemack OR... Assholes And Opinions

    by jollydwarf

    You know what they (should) say: sites like this are full of both of 'em. I don't fault Travers for giving this a negative review (I fully expect many big-time critics to dislike it, for reasons genuine and pretentious alike). What I DO call him out for is how he overall enjoyed "Clones" three years ago (not embellishing it...I wish I could find the review), and now calls it "atrocious". HOW CAN SOMEONE WHO COMMITS SELF-REVISIONISM LIKE THAT BE 'CREDIBLE'?? Can you answer me that? I'm not going to go so far as to call you an "asshole", but I'm sure you've got an "opinion" on this matter. Or maybe you'll just summarily tell me to "fuck off". That IS the default thing to do here, I guess.

  • May 13, 2005, 1:15 a.m. CST

    I Wish This Site Had An Edit OR... I Apologize

    by jollydwarf

    Thought I was contrite about that last post, hunh? No chance. I just forgot to tip people off to the excellent new commercial, "End of Wars" on the official site. It's almost like a mini-trailer. I don't know how this film can be anything less than gratifying for anyone with a half-open mind and an ounce of enthusiasm.

  • May 13, 2005, 1:28 a.m. CST

    like a rolling stone

    by Right Bastard

    "the effect is pure video game and purely without threat." that was one of my major problems with AOTC. That first chase had absolutely no threat or urgency to it. Interesting review, but he seemed like he went in wanting to hate it a bit too much...

  • May 13, 2005, 1:42 a.m. CST

    So much for free speech...they deleted my post

    by cherrycola

    Assholes

  • May 13, 2005, 1:49 a.m. CST

    Brilliant Mori! Harry sucks and where is CUMSTON???

    by Darth Pestilence

    DUDE....COMPARED TO HARRY, THIS GUY RULES! He managed to put in his own personal stuff and not make it suck, unlike HARRY. Harry really bores me, man...

  • May 13, 2005, 1:56 a.m. CST

    why the jedi are GHETTO AS HELL!!!

    by Darth Pestilence

    THIS WAS REFUSED BY SOME JERK WEBSITE... > > > > WHY THE JEDI ARE SO GHETTO > > > > LUKE AND ANAKIN GREW UP ON TATOOINE. IF THAT AINT THE > > SLUM PLANET OF THE UNIVERSE, I DONT KNOW WHAT IS > > > > NEXT TO YODA'S CRIB ON DAGOBAH, THAT IS... > > > > THEY MANAGE TO CRAM FIFTEEN JEDI IN THAT ONE APARTMENT > > ON CORUSCANT, MUCH LIKE MY FRIEND LOPEZ AND HIS FAMILY > > UP IN THE BRONX. > > > > NONE OF THOSE LAZY JEDI JERKS HAS A JOB. THEY JUST SIT > > AROUND IN A CIRCLE ALL DAY AND WATCH HOLOGRAMS - THEIR > > VERSION OF JERRY SPRINGER, NO DOUBT. > > > > APPARENTLY DARTH VADER IS TOTALLY COOL WITH BEATING > > HIS KIDS > > > > ANAKIN SKYWALKER...FORMER SLAVE > > > > MACE WINDU HAS A PURPLE LIGHTSABER, THE EQUIVALENT OF > > WEARING A PURPLE SUIT AT THE CLUB > > > > THEY ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO BUM RIDES OFF PEOPLE, I.E. > > HAN SOLO > > > > LUKE - BROKE INTO JABBA'S HOME, KILLED ALL HIS FRIENDS > > AND STOLE HIS CAR...GHETTO! > > > > ALSO LUKE SKYWALKER - BASTARD SON OF A TRUE GANGBANGER > > > > BEN KENOBI KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BARS ARE IN EVERY TOWN > > ON EVERY PLANET > > > > TRAILER TRASH LUKE KISSED HIS OWN SISTER THICK IN THE > > MOUTH - TWICE! > > > > THE JEDI HAVE NO PROBLEM JUMPING YOUR ASS TWO-TO-ONE > > IN A FIGHT > > > > ONLY FOR REAL GHETTO ASSES WOULD GIVE THEIR KIDS NAMES > > NO ONE CAN SAY OR UNDERSTAND - QUI GON JINN, YODA, > > ANAKIN, KIT FISTO, OBI WAN....SHAQWANDA > > > > and last but not the least reason why the Jedi are > > GHETTO AS HELL... > > > > ANAKIN SKYWALKER HAS NO IDEA WHO HIS DADDY IS AND > > NEITHER DOES HIS MAMA!

  • May 13, 2005, 2:04 a.m. CST

    OK ANALNATHRAX, lets hear what you have to say.

    by one9deuce

    You mention that "plot-wise Jedi just cheaps-out on all the great set-up that Empire built". I am curious what you think ROTJ should have been about. I agree with you, and I am always curious what other people would like to have seen in ROTJ.

  • May 13, 2005, 2:15 a.m. CST

    REPLY TO THE GUY UP THERE

    by Darth Pestilence

    hey....personally, i would have liked return of the jedi to be at least five years later. or maybe it was? for one thing, luke didnt have enough training. so dupe us into believing he had more time than the usual jedi. no ewoks.....yes wookies! one last makeout session between luke and leia, just to REALLY freak people out! more elaborate saber fighting at the end. more jedi powers! where are the force pushes and shit???? did we have to make the video game first, for crying out loud??? no explanation why luke could use the choke spell on the pig dudes at the front door of jabbas crib. he is a jedi, so how can he use sith powers? why did luke wear black? this guy had no idea what it meant to be a jedi. he wore black, used sith powers, learned too fast, had a green saber when NONE OF US knew what it meant....geez...hell, im just glad he was such a baddass!! no PARTY AT THE END!!!

  • May 13, 2005, 3:09 a.m. CST

    did anyone listen to xfm this morning?

    by banthafodderUK

    there was a contest to see what people would like to include in ep3 - my favourite was to include sid james as yoda's hermaphrodite mentor *** SHIT MAN - 6 DAYS TO GO *** THIS WAITING IS A PAIN IN THE ARSE

  • I could have written this, and I haven't seen the movie yet. btw, the tomato meter is plummeting fast. movie review by Steve Rhodes, Steve Rhodes' Internet Reviews Rating: ROTTEN (2/4) Color me disappointed -- and I say this as a huge STAR WARS fan. Its murky plotting and its long, video game battles left me cold and bored. STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH A film review by Steve Rhodes Copyright 2005 Steve Rhodes RATING (0 TO ****): ** Color me disappointed -- and I say this as a huge STAR WARS fan who liked the first two episodes and adored the original three. Although I can't imagine missing STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH, I found that its murky plotting and its long, video game battles left me cold and bored. I got really tired of endless and repetitive light saber fights. To be fair, the second half of the movie is definitely better than the first since they finally get to the point of the picture, which is to lay the groundwork for the fourth episode. The problem with this better second half is that it is so completely predictable. The early buzz on EPISODE III is that it is the best of the three new STAR WARS, but, since it was the first STAR WARS to ever bore me, I'd have to say that this one is easily my least favorite of the six episodes. The three new episodes, for all of their love of expensive technology, just do not produce the same magical effect on the audience that the original three episodes did. CGI figures, no matter how elaborate, aren't anywhere near as interesting as real human actors. While watching the endless shoot-'em-ups in EPISODE III, I kept feeling like I was stuck in a loud, colorful video game. The part of the story about the importance of risking one's life to fight for democracy should have some resonance in today's world. But, for me, the movie had only one satisfying moment -- the opening credit, since it is very similar to the original STAR WARS film, which brings back great memories. STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH runs way too long at 2:21. It is rated PG-13 for "sci-fi violence and some intense images" and would be acceptable for kids around 11 and up.

  • May 13, 2005, 3:22 a.m. CST

    Just got back from my cousin's house. god i'm drunk

    by proevad

    he's got an audio file (off of p2p i'm sure) of ebert and roeper's review. 2 thumbs down this time. these 2 are the most schizophrenic critics who ever lived when it comes to star wars. ebert gushed all over tpm because of it's visuals and nothing else, then slammed clones for it's visuals and dialogue. roeper gushed all over clones for it's good love story and good performances from hayden and natalie (whatever, barf) now they both hate this one. so this movie is ranging from masterpiece to a dull turd. fascinating. good night.

  • May 13, 2005, 3:25 a.m. CST

    The 2

    by Darth Maui

    I hope they cut in a better version of the Darth Vader "Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!" scene by the time I see it.

  • May 13, 2005, 3:26 a.m. CST

    This Summer, Steve Rhodes Is: The Exception OR... Ding, Ding,

    by jollydwarf

    We have a winner, folks! "moviemack", a winner is you! While you may have been unaware while constructing your post, you are THE one millionth Internet user to make a crack about my user name here and elsewhere! I hope Harry puts a Flash banner up to commemorate your fortuitous achievement! Kudos!

  • May 13, 2005, 3:36 a.m. CST

    jollydwarf - ive got an 'unusual' username...

    by banthafodderUK

    ... and no-one takes the piss out of it. Perhaps moviemack just thinks you're a cunt (just a thought).

  • May 13, 2005, 4:04 a.m. CST

    So I've Got An "Unusual" Username OR... So I'm Considered A "Cun

    by jollydwarf

    And these things differentiate me how??

  • May 13, 2005, 4:17 a.m. CST

    jollydwarf...

    by banthafodderUK

    ... I was merely commenting that having an unusual username doesn't make you a target, and that PERHAPS the stuff you say does. I didn't say you were a cunt - just that moviemack might think you are, hence the reason for the name calling. I do, however agree with one of your comments: "I don't know how this film can be anything less than gratifying for anyone with a half-open mind and an ounce of enthusiasm". I, for one, don't care if you are a dwarf, are jolly, or, indeed, a cunt.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:10 a.m. CST

    Great point Moriarty ...

    by Silver_Joo

    "I like the fact that it was built as a three-act story that only fully reveals itself this time around, and I think it

  • May 13, 2005, 5:40 a.m. CST

    Yeah man, the free DVD with the soundtrack was real nice.

    by Silver_Joo

    You start to see a load of similarities and echoes between the trilogies visually that you may have missed. A good warm up for Episode 3. I think I will enjoy it but that does not necessarily mean it will be what most consider a good film. I thought Episode 2 was great, well better than Episode 1 and ROTJ at least. Empire is still the best film by a very very very long way. I don't get how you're not true Star Wars fans if you think that - it is the greatest of the Star War films, the one that makes you care, the one with an impeccable three acts too.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:41 a.m. CST

    I think we're all cunts in our own way.

    by Silver_Joo

    We just have to embrace it.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:48 a.m. CST

    "I think we're all cunts in our own way"

    by banthafodderUK

    priceless. accepted too, my own cuntiness, i have.

  • May 13, 2005, 7:55 a.m. CST

    Zinger man...

    by banthafodderUK

    Now that is the ultimate definition of cuntiness - there's a picture of marvin gardens with his 'cock of sauron' from sideshow collectibles in the oxford dictionary under the term 'cunt'. Cocolopez has the potential to turn the word 'cunt' into a fucking verb.

  • May 13, 2005, 8:02 a.m. CST

    I Think Everyone Needs To Use Their Midichlorians And Calm Down

    by ZombieSolutions

    theresa nosa needsa forsa fightingsa! we shouldn't be like sand, it's course and rough and gets in everywhere. we should be soft... and smooth.

  • May 13, 2005, 8:04 a.m. CST

    CUNTS!

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    again, you 'Cunts' are all ripping me off. I, yes, I started the whole CUNT thread off in my post about Nick Gillard possibly making a film with Samuel L Jackson and Hayden Christensen. Go to that link and read the TBs. God, I am so good, and so STUCK UP. Got my own cock up my backside. Feel free to call me a 'Cunt' everyone.

  • Where is Cocolopez? At least MinasTirithII showed up, albeit in two very weak posts. I guess playing "hide the horn of Gondor in my rectal version of Helm's Deep" has kept him off the AICN TBs.

  • May 13, 2005, 8:17 a.m. CST

    Cpt Kirks 2pay

    by banthafodderUK

    Wheres my money? (you cunt)- i cunt (geddit?) get the dvds till i receive the aforementioned funds. Are you coming on thursday or not?

  • May 13, 2005, 8:21 a.m. CST

    ZombieSolutions - I AGREE

    by banthafodderUK

    WE SHOULD ALL JOIN IN IN A GREAT BIG LOVE PICNIC - HEY WE COULD EVEN RIDE THE SPACE POTATO!!!! (minuspenis2 and cuntolopez can even come- we could make them fuck each other then leave them tied to a tree). Shit man, im getting worse....

  • May 13, 2005, 8:23 a.m. CST

    THEYVE TAKEN CELEBRITY WRESTLING OFF PRIME TIME ON SATURDAY NIGH

    by banthafodderUK

    looks like Im gonna need a copy of your michelle heaton tape Jay

  • May 13, 2005, 8:43 a.m. CST

    NO MORE MICHELLE HEATON!!!!????

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    I'VE LOST MY STRENGTH!!!! I CAN'T POST ANYMORE!! COCOLOPEZ WILL HAVE MY YELLOW ASS!!!! Not only that - I can no longer wank over SW. I still can't get it up since its Rotten Tomatoe meter went down to 86% again.

  • May 13, 2005, 8:48 a.m. CST

    ITS OK KIRK...

    by banthafodderUK

    .... ITV will probably move it to a 3.30am graveyard shift, so you'll still be up to see it (cos thats prime 'left handed mouse clicks' time for you man. (and you spelled tomato wrong - shit man- you're really letting our old school down). Dont tell me coclopez is going to do a bombhead.............

  • May 13, 2005, 8:56 a.m. CST

    As more reviews come in....

    by mr jones

    I'm sure somewhere after 5 reviews, everyone was saying that Rotten Tomatoes had an average score of over 9. Then, near the top of this thread, there's Rotten TOmatoes with an 8.1. Now it's 7.8. I'm not saying this movie won't be good, (believe me, I hope it is), but I suspect you'll end up with a movie that scores somewhere around 7. Which, objectively, isn't a great film, (AOTC scored 6.5, Matrix Reloaded scored 6.9).

  • May 13, 2005, 8:58 a.m. CST

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    Checked the internet, and there's no talk of moving it to a different time. Looks like I'm gonna have to dress up as Michelle Heaton and go wrestle Coco just to replace her. you're there aren't you Coco? You're reading this, you're too scared to strike. Go on, put those smelly pee stinking tights of your Mum's on, and let me put you in a sleeper's hold.

  • May 13, 2005, 9:04 a.m. CST

    A quick question

    by mr jones

    And this is just a genuine query, not a defence of any of the movies. In fifty years time, when the new viewers of these movies will watch them 1-6 in order, without having the same perspective on the original trilogy as those who saw it first in the cinema, (and I understand how completely new and amazing they were at the time, which will always affect the opinions of current viewers), does anyone think that the attitudes will change? After all, the dialogue in all of the 6 movies is pretty poor, and I suspect for anyone looking without any prejudice, the sfx on eps 1-3 will stand up better. Does the story for eps 1-3 stand up better when watched without the knowledge of 4-6, and does it seem more complete? Also, and this is something I haven't really seen commented on yet, what happens if you've never seen of/seen any of original trilogy; will that make eps 1-3 seem better/different?

  • May 13, 2005, 9:06 a.m. CST

    coco's mum's tights...

    by banthafodderUK

    ... have gone crusty at the feet, and around her corned beef donut.

  • May 13, 2005, 9:16 a.m. CST

    mr jones

    by banthafodderUK

    i think all of us old bastards (im 32, yes, i know i dont look it), that saw it at the cinema will always have a biased opinion of the OT- we grew up on that stuff, we had the toys, the bedsheets, the lunchboxes, etc- in short we loved anything that was star wars. Now, my nephew is growing up with the PT, has all the same toys, etc and he loves star wars, but seems to prefer the PT. I prefer the OT, but i suppose the OT does look a bit dated. Sounds silly, but when I was a kid, I instantly took a dislike to anything in black & white (i know, i know- buts thats how kids tend to think). Now I know thats just talking about it from a kids point of view, but isnt that who these films were aimed at?

  • May 13, 2005, 9:23 a.m. CST

    TNT868 you should...

    by banthafodderUK

    ... tell your boss that you need to go to toshi station to pick up some new power converters - always does the tick for me

  • May 13, 2005, 9:26 a.m. CST

    shit meant to type 'always does the trick for me"

    by banthafodderUK

    not 'always does the tick for me' damn my shitty typing skills - its cos im doing this left handed as im knocking one out over some bad belladonna porn.

  • May 13, 2005, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Mori, thank you for the non-spoiler versions

    by JAGUART

    After disliking the prequels, I figured the least I could do is go into the third film spoiler-free to get some enjoyment out of it.

  • May 13, 2005, 9:35 a.m. CST

    phantom menace should have used Hayden...

    by riouxda

    I know other people suggested that but I wanted to add my two cents...Wouldn't TPM have been a better movie if the part with Jake Loyd would have lasted only half the movie (like the birth of a superhero)...The other part should have been with a grown up Anakin (Hayden)...That way, they could have started the romance right away and make it grow throughout that movie and AOTC. TPM could have ended with a positive feeling about their love...and there could have been more action with Anakin than with a kid...The fact that Obi-Wan said that when he met Anakin, he was already a great pilot brought some annoying moment...Seeing young Anakin pilot a pod...hmmm...it was hard to believe. Yes, there should have been something to make Qui-Gon realize that that boy was special but not pod racing...Also, I think that Qui-Gon should have started his teachings for a few years and then, Anakin would have met Obi-Wan after the death of Qui-Gon as a older teen...which would have been easier to swallow...and would have made a better transition in the fact that now, Obi-Wan would be the one to continue Anakin's teachings...And also...I think that the third movie could have used a older Anakin, like in his thirties...They could have found an actor who could have conveyed Anakin's emotion and his decent to the dark side with more depth...Although, I haven't seen ROTS yet but, knowing how Hayden acted in AOTC, he might be ok but, someone else could have made a better job too...Anyway, I'll see about that part in a few days...

  • May 13, 2005, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Just throwing this out there: do you guys think this current tri

    by JohnnyTremaine

    Just think: you'd keep all the cool parts, the major action sequences, the interesting villains, and would touch only the most relevant plot, emotional, and thematic points. All the rest, including awkward dialogue, goofy characters, and flat scenes, would be scotched. Maybe a net fan can do a 'phantom edit' type, tightly structured, well-edited, long epic using all three films.

  • May 13, 2005, 11:27 a.m. CST

    review...huh?

    by dengreg31

    Did you see the same film I did Moriarity? Brutal acting and writing and direction once again..yes, some great eye candy, but my god, this is NOT a great film. Merely servicable. Its all about the writing and casting kids...

  • May 13, 2005, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Orionsangels and TNT868:

    by Forestal

    Pull your heads out of your asses.

  • May 13, 2005, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Muppets in Space

    by cantankerous

    Question: If the Muppets ever do a Star Wars spoof, will anyone be able to tell the difference?

  • May 13, 2005, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Did anyone here go to last night's ROTS premieres??

    by HanFiredFirst

    It premiered in about ten cities including L.A. (Westwood), seats were going as high as $2500 for the charity benefit.

  • May 13, 2005, 12:25 p.m. CST

    The FINAL WORD on the LOTR movies

    by Jar Jar 4 Prez

    They suck. Get over it.

  • May 13, 2005, 12:57 p.m. CST

    In honor of the last new Star Wars film being released in theate

    by OilyMcBride

    ....the band I'm in, The Banana Convention, has recorded our tribute to the greatest bad ass ever to roam the galaxy. Enjoy. http://www.thebananaconvention.com/music/IWannaBeHanSolo.mp3

  • May 13, 2005, 12:58 p.m. CST

    Now that it's all over...

    by Kentucky Colonel

    Maybe we'll get a sequel to THE BLACK HOLE! Is Ernset Borgnine still around?

  • May 13, 2005, 1:06 p.m. CST

    Your review(s) gave me goosebumps

    by Gilderoy

    Amen, Brother

  • May 13, 2005, 1:46 p.m. CST

    The final word? haha This place is too funny

    by Orionsangels

    Yeah they sucked so much that they made a ton a money and won oscars. Don't you see how much they sucked? Blah! They were bad, because this person says so, haha

  • May 13, 2005, 2:30 p.m. CST

    rottentomatoes is just plain rotten!

    by spikerules2

    Go look at the Shawshank Redemption reviews and the average scores, the public make a film, NOT the critics! Some things you may not have noticed : - 1) IGN owns rottentomatoes.com who just happen to be the worst games reviewers in the WORLD. (GAMESPOT RULES) 2)IGN get a featured critic spot when they're not part of "cream of the crop" BIAS 3)SW back in 77 was getting bad reviews, but when the public took to it the critics changed their shallow opinions of what a TRUE film is.

  • May 13, 2005, 2:37 p.m. CST

    The problem with Lord of the Rings

    by cantankerous

    The problem with Lord of the Rings is that it has revealed to all what a glorified Saturday morning cartoon Star Wars is, crowned king by eager fans because, lets face it, there really wasn

  • May 13, 2005, 2:44 p.m. CST

    cantankerous, why???

    by spikerules2

    I don't see your point? Why do you bring up LOTR's here? Is it because you're insecure in your love for LOTR's that you have to bash SW? LOTR is gold I know, but then so is SW. What does LOTR's matter in grand scale of things when we're talking SW? WHY and WHAT are you trying to accomplish!!??

  • May 13, 2005, 2:45 p.m. CST

    "No longer will we accept lousy acting, idiotic situations, pede

    by Orionsangels

    Oh we have and will continue to accept that. If not ID4 wouldn't have made so much money. If not armageddon wouldn't have made so much money. If not Fifth Element wouldn't have made money. if not the SW prequels wouldn't have made so much money. No one has learned a lesson here, haha

  • May 13, 2005, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Laughable review

    by spikerules2

    "No longer will we accept lousy acting, idiotic situations, pedestrian directing and good-awful dialog to catch a glimpse of the eye-candy of our imagination" This guy gets that it's a Sci-Fi, right? Its pure escapism and entertainment. It looks like that guy went into the review looking for the second coming, which is why he would be dissapointed! The strange thing is that he says so many GOOD things about the film, but yet manages to only give it 6.5:) lol

  • May 13, 2005, 2:50 p.m. CST

    The final word is Hudson Hawk sucks

    by Orionsangels

    The audience has spoken, that movie tanked. It was justified. If the SW prequels were so bad. Why didn't that happen to them? They obviously had some redeeming value. I mean bad is bad, no matter who created it. It obviously appealed to the majority in some form or another.

  • May 13, 2005, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Orionsangles

    by spikerules2

    If SW had come out now the same critical view would have been taken.. Oh hang on it WAS poorly received in 77 wasn't it:) The only difference is that we have the Internet now and moronic reviewers thinks its cool to bash films and thus it becomes the norm to bash a classic amongst the weaker minded individual on the net! SW owns and just look at the reviews of Shawshank to justify that the VIEWER and not the critic is in charge of his/her entertainment value!

  • May 13, 2005, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Star Wars reviews

    by m2298

    Why do people keep saying that the original STAR WARS received mainly awful reviews back in 1977? The only really bad one I recall was from Pauline Kael. Can anyone think of others?

  • And the original Star Wars didn't recieve awful reviews. If they did bash it back in 1977, the critics went back and changed their mind to not look like choads.

  • May 13, 2005, 4:03 p.m. CST

    MinusLamer: "I Masturbate with a ring......and i kept Vader's Pe

    by Plazola_MEX

    Yes guys, he has it in a little golden box.

  • May 13, 2005, 4:12 p.m. CST

    The Truth is.......

    by Plazola_MEX

    That Star Wars has a place in film history. LOTR? Well, only time will tell. We had 30 years of Star wars, and I seriously doubt LOTR will be remembered after 5 or 10 years. It was only a boom? Like i said, only time will tell. At no long time ago some said that Titanic was going to be remembered but it's been 8 years and almost most people don

  • May 13, 2005, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Star Wars will be remembered in 30 years,

    by Right Bastard

    but TPM and probably AOTC won't. Will LOTR? Well, most people I know still remember the Ramkin/Bass Hobbit and the Bakshi LOTR, so I see no reason why PJ's LOTR won't be remembered. Those books definately have a lot more longevity behind them than SW. There would probably be no SW without LOTR. I don't get the whole SW vs. LOTR animosity, anyway. I like both.

  • May 13, 2005, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Now...

    by Right Bastard

    Star Wars vs. Star Trek is an argument with some meat behind it.

  • May 13, 2005, 4:37 p.m. CST

    You said it RightBastard.......THE BOOKS

    by Plazola_MEX

    Not the movies. Well maybe a little because of the books. The books are more big than the movie trilogy. Jackson did not put all the stuff of the books in them. But Star wars is going to be remembered....and yes TMP and AOTC too, Because you can

  • May 13, 2005, 4:42 p.m. CST

    An' yes......

    by Plazola_MEX

    i

  • May 13, 2005, 4:44 p.m. CST

    The sorry legacy of Star Wars is over.

    by cantankerous

    The makers of Independence Day, Armageddon and the Fifth Element had only Star Wars to use as a benchmark, and look what we got - three marginal films, heavy on FX and lacking in virtually every other department. This has been called

  • May 13, 2005, 4:48 p.m. CST

    well, that's the interesting thing

    by Right Bastard

    LOTR will have a lasting power because of the deep fan base. Some of those LOTR fans put the people who dress up as Klingons to shame. You know that "Elvish" schools are going to open up. Anyway, people like me, who grew up reading Tolkien, and who had the Hobbit cartoon committed to memory, will remember LOTR for a long time. I don't think it managed to grab the imagination of non-fans the way that SW did. Mainly, because of Tolkein's influence, even if you've never read the LOTR books, everything in those films was already so familier. Star Wars IV-VI, on the other hand, while following a traditional storyline, did offer something new and creative to look at. I disagree about having to show all six, though. I know a lot of people who don't even consider I and II as part of the saga. The great thing about Star Wars is that the OT has stood on its own for a long time, without needing any help from the presquels.

  • May 13, 2005, 4:58 p.m. CST

    uh.......cantankerous

    by Plazola_MEX

    You're going to have a long life hoping bro..... 'cause the "sorry legacy" of Star Wars as u call it, it

  • I completely understand the mixed feelings, with STAR WARS coming to an end. Why couldn't we have a trilogy of sequels with the original cast and new characters??? George Lucas could be involved in as little or as much as he would want to be. And you know ANY major studio would want it. I say, "SHOP IT AROUND, GEORGE!" (Yeah, like that'll work!)

  • May 13, 2005, 5:07 p.m. CST

    OKAY OKAY........

    by Plazola_MEX

    Always all the new ones are looking to fight with SW.....SW is the big enemy to defeat of some new movie franchise. And I still wondering...why? And i came up with an answer....because always are going to be someone fighting with the one who got first.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:08 p.m. CST

    SW VS. LOTR: This time it's personal!

    by JeeBus

    I love LOTR and I love all SW's movies with the exception of ATOC (this has already been addressed earlier in the TB). Anyway, as someone has said, the LOTR movies will primarily be remembered for being associated with the classic books just as the SW prequels will be remembered mainly for the association with the classic OT. The imagery from the LOTR movies did not bring anything new to the big screen, with the exception of some realistic FX. The OT SW did bring something new to the table and the public ate it up. LOTR is great and won alot of oscars, but the LOTR movies have already been surpassed, in terms of major popularity, by the books which preceded them. Had the LOTR movies came out first and in an earlier time, say even 10 years ago, then we'd have a better ( more comparative) debate as to which trilogy will be remembered. That said, the winner and still reigning champion is (drum roll) ...Star Wars!

  • May 13, 2005, 5:10 p.m. CST

    nothing new?

    by Right Bastard

    Well, I wouldn't go that far. The stuff the WETA guys with CG was phenominal, and I'm not talking about Gollum. I mean the armies of orcs, where they gave each of the 10000 CG characters a microintellegence. Did you see that awful film Troy? There's a scene where boats are being pulled up on the beach, and every single CG character is moving simultaniously, or with a random predictability. There was none of that in LOTR. The armys moved like organic creatures rather than robots. That's the curse of good effects. When they do their job correctly, the audience doesn't notice them, and the effects workers don't get credit. There was an article in CHUD related to this that I just read: http://chud.com/sewerchewers/2856

  • May 13, 2005, 5:13 p.m. CST

    JeeBus..........Bravo!!!! Bravo!!! VIVA!!!!

    by Plazola_MEX

    At last someone with vision........

  • May 13, 2005, 5:15 p.m. CST

    "Had the LOTR movies come out first "

    by Right Bastard

    That's the problem they had to deal with. With everything from Dungons and Dragons to The Dark Crystal to Legend, no matter how good LOTR was, it couldn't offer much that we had never seen before. It's ironic, since Tolkien basically created the (modern) fantasy genre. There was no way PJ could avoid the fact that everyone knows what and Elf, Dwarf, and Wizard are supposed to look like. Most likely, if he had tried to do something radical, he would have been strung up.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:20 p.m. CST

    It's Going To Be Awesome!!

    by midwestartist1

    I for one loved the review. Good writing. I like the idea that people like myself have such memories when it comes to Star Wars. Star Wars was the first movie my parents to me to. I was only 3 but they said I loved it. I didn

  • May 13, 2005, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Yup but....

    by Plazola_MEX

    LOTR brought that FX because of the tech that was created by the Star Wars movies. The day that the people gives credit to that factor that day will the debates of this topic will end.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Right Bastard

    by JeeBus

    Actually, I disagree with you on the LOTR massive army shots. To me (and I know alot will disagree) they looked like a large mass of CG ants. This is apparant in ROTK when the orcs are leaving the gates while the ground crumbles below them and in TT when Gandalf and the the men of Rohan swarm down the mountian to attack the orcs at Helms Deep. Yes, they move randomly with unpredictability, and this is a step up in terms of how far special FX have come. But still, nothing new to me, simply Braveheart but on a grand scale.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:32 p.m. CST

    AHHHHH!! THIS GODDAMNED LOTR vs SW SHIT!!!!!

    by I Dunno

    What is wrong with you people? What causes this behavior? Do you have stock in ILM or WETA? Are you fellating GL or PJ? What are you arguing about? Neither side is going to say, "Well shit, you're right, 'Wampa1', SW does rule. You've shattered by whole perception of time and space. I'm going to spend some time in Tibet and reflect on my entire view of the universe". Grow the Hell up.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:45 p.m. CST

    I'm just bored

    by JeeBus

    I Dunno, everyone here is probably just bored as hell. SW V. LOTRA is just another topic to debate. That's the thing to do in talk backs. That and rip on Coco-ShitPebbles-Lopez (Where are you man?!). 'I Dunno,' when you come back from Tibet, perhaps you can bring some new topics for all of us to discuss.

  • May 13, 2005, 5:49 p.m. CST

    LOTRA V. LOTR: He's Back

    by JeeBus

    I meant LOTR, not LOTRA. These are the kinds of mistakes that King Coco-MoFo would not tolerate!

  • May 13, 2005, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Well said, Mori...

    by Moonwatcher

    I had just graduated from college when Star Wars burst upon us unexpectedly. It only opened in 32 theaters nationwide! My friend and I sat thru it twice, and went back many times that somewhere, eager to tell anyone who would stop long enough to listen about how great this new movie was. It was what we had been waiting for all our lives, and it almost didn't happen, so many things conspired to nearly kill it. I, too, say thank you to Mr. Lucas, his missteps in the previous two films notwithstanding. I spent the last 28 years growing up with these movies, and there definitely is some sadness at realizing that the end is near. And what an end - not the glorious victory of episode VI, but the tragedy and ambiguity of #3. So, again, thanks Mr. Lucas for filling my mythic/iconic needs with this wonderful series. P.S. - does anyone remember what role McDiarmid played in Dragonslayer?

  • May 13, 2005, 6:26 p.m. CST

    I went back that SUMMER, not SOMEWHERE

    by Moonwatcher

    Yes, I am a moron.

  • "She grew up without her father, and that sort of shit can make a chick a cock-machine, princess or not. Amidela, however, I reckon is a right churchy virgin. No way she's letting you fuck her mouth and come on her tits" . . . that was freaking hilarious. Question: Do you think Zam Wessel took it on the tits? Was Mon Mothma into anal beads? Did the handmaidens have a secret collection of Naboo ball gags, butt plugs, nipple clamps, and strapons? Meesa think so.

  • May 13, 2005, 7:53 p.m. CST

    LOTR broke the SW mold.

    by cantankerous

    The sorry legacy of Star Wars were all those films that could have been great but squandered their superior technical attributes (FX) to tell a dumbed-down, juvenile version of a story with cheesy dialog, idiotic aliens, and unconvincing situations. Star Wars was the standard that everyone aspired too. Construct your film like ROTJ and you

  • May 13, 2005, 7:54 p.m. CST

    Walter Chaw and Village Voice rip ROTS good

    by youbetitis

    Great pair of reviews for serious OT fans. If anyone else had made the prequels, all the PT apologists would be calling them blasphemy. If Moriarity exposes his kids to the PT before the OT(pre special editions) he is committing child abuse.

  • May 13, 2005, 8:10 p.m. CST

    I liked Hudson Hawk

    by FranklinDaTurtle

    ... but I'm easily amused. That's why I'm here.

  • May 13, 2005, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Saw it, didn't like it.

    by LoneWolfnCub

    That is all.

  • May 13, 2005, 8:33 p.m. CST

    George Lucas wouldn

    by cantankerous

    Has anyone else thought that the description of the battle between Obi wan and Anakan is similar to the Black Knight scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Obi wan: You stupid bastard, you haven

  • May 13, 2005, 8:47 p.m. CST

    one9duece...Jedi

    by WONKABAR

    Abig example would be the fact that Luke and Leia turn out to be brother and sister...total copout. You spend two movies building up a love triangle, and then resolve it by making them siblings...how cheap. Then Lucas had the perfect opportunity to "mirror" the OT with an obi-wan/anakin/padme triangle, only minus the flake-out of Jedi, a TRUE resolution, not "oh they're brother and sister" bullshit...and he goes and makes Anakin a fucking little kid. Unbelievable

  • May 13, 2005, 10:09 p.m. CST

    Yes, because love triangles are brilliant plot devices.

    by I Dunno

    Do you write for a soap opera?

  • May 13, 2005, 10:10 p.m. CST

    And no, it's not going to be like Monty Python.

    by I Dunno

    All the limbs get severed with one or two quick sweeps.

  • May 13, 2005, 11:48 p.m. CST

    JeeBus

    by Right Bastard

    Yeah, the bettle conclusions in ROTK fell a bit flat with me. All the ghosts from "The Frighteners" whirled in and attacked the orcs, and later with the orcs falling in the pits. Still, the Braveheart on a bigger scale was impressive to me, at least, because for the most part, these weren't real actors. How did I get into this LOTR/SW thing? I originally posted to say that I like both!!

  • May 13, 2005, 11:49 p.m. CST

    I mean "battle"

    by Right Bastard

    and I meant to correct all the other spelling errors as well...

  • May 14, 2005, 12:10 a.m. CST

    Super ad: If you can

    by Plazola_MEX

    use a LOTR movie in a video club near you! only 2 minutes of that shit and you will fall asleep like an angel in a puffy cloud.

  • May 14, 2005, 12:21 a.m. CST

    Pulp Fiction

    by Reverendz

    Totally different genre, but that movie played for 9 months here in Austin back in 1994-5. When our theatre stopped playing the movie the manager literally cried. Everyone I knew had seen the movie several times over and could quote it.

  • May 14, 2005, 12:37 a.m. CST

    too get off the LOTR thing...

    by Right Bastard

    I was trying to think of a way to get the Star Trek/Star Wars argument going, but I really couldn't think of an apt comparison. I guess I have two thoughts. 1) Who would win, The Empire or The Borg? 2) Which did more to ruin the franchise: The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, or Voyager and Enterprise.

  • May 14, 2005, 12:40 a.m. CST

    answering my own question...

    by Right Bastard

    I'd have to say TPM and AOTC did more to hurt their franchise. Someone would actually had to have seen Enterprise or Voyager for them to have any effect...

  • May 14, 2005, 12:52 a.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    whoever said that Darth Fectious shit is funny. I just read this whole goddamn thread and I want to kill myself. By the way it is fucking HILARIOUS that Moriarty was banned from the Skywalker ranch. I'm serious I'm not being mean. I can't stop laughing.

  • May 14, 2005, 1:18 a.m. CST

    Um, look at the numbers TPM and AOTC did

    by I Dunno

    They uh, weren't exactly flops. And so far RotS seems to be a critical sucess and it'll top AOTC easy, maybe even TPM. So I don't think they "ruined" the franchise. V'ger and Enterprise killed thiers. Or at least put it in a coma for a while.

  • May 14, 2005, 1:19 a.m. CST

    I wonder if there are LOTR haters......

    by Plazola_MEX

  • And for the record, SW takes place in the past, not in the future. . . A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away

  • May 14, 2005, 4:04 a.m. CST

    BOMBAST

    by flossygomez

    Order 66, and the clonetroopers magically kill their comrades...this movie will cover it over with a loud soundtrack and candy coated CGI. Nooooooooooooooooo!

  • May 14, 2005, 4:07 a.m. CST

    Star Wars & Star Trek

    by flossygomez

    This was the best popular culture could come up with, not exactly the stuff for thinking people is it? Greg Bear was right on that count... It's all down hill from here folks. Remember, Soylent Green is peephole.

  • May 14, 2005, 4:31 a.m. CST

    Then And Now

    by Comsat_Angel

    ***A significant percentage of the talkback has inquired about the original reviews

  • May 14, 2005, 8:28 a.m. CST

    Death of a franchise: Star Wars vs. Star Trek

    by cantankerous

    How many hours of Star Trek have there been if you include all the films and all the series? Compare that to the number of hours of Star Wars. Star Trek essentially ran out of material. Perhaps it was a creativity vacuum, or perhaps it was that there are only a finite number of stories about space travel you can tell. Star Trek slowly lost it

  • May 14, 2005, 10:20 a.m. CST

    cantankerous, are you on crack?

    by I Dunno

    You may not like the first two prequels but they made a shitload of money. And RotS already has critical acclaim and will probably make more than TPM. So stay in your little dreamworld where the prequels are a failure if you wish but if Lucas wanted to, he could make that sequel trilogy and it too would clean up. Trek died. SW left with people wanting more.

  • May 14, 2005, 11:45 a.m. CST

    all this Star Wars shit

    by bluemancbrit

    to be honest, I had more fun playing with all the star wars toys as a kid than I ever did watching the films, and as an adult I've enjoyed playing the xbox 'Knights of the Old Republic' games far more than watching the prequels. at the end of the day its a series of films, I'll be glad its all over when I walk out of the cinema on Thursday.

  • May 14, 2005, 12:39 p.m. CST

    LOTR haters, Plazola_MEX

    by Right Bastard

    I know some people who are HUGE LOTR haters. They hate LOTR and Peter Jackson for "raping their childhood". They get their panties all in a bunch because there is no Tom Bombadil, and because Faramir gets tempted by the ring, and because Theodin didn't make Merry his pseudo-son, and such. They really hate Peter Jackson, probably a lot more than some people here hate Lucas. I don't even think most weakquel haters really hate Lucas. It's more an attitute of "What? Are you insane?"

  • May 14, 2005, 12:47 p.m. CST

    "look at the numbers TPM and AOTC did"

    by Right Bastard

    Once again, financial success does not equal success. Regardless of how it did at the box office, and whether or not you enjoyed it, you can not deny that the film soured millions of fans to the franchise. The top grossing film of all time is Titanic. By your logic, Titanic is a better film than "Star Wars", "Jaws", and "E.T.". By your logic "Matrix Reloaded" is a better film than "Raiders of The Lost Arc" or "The Exorcist". "Batman Forever" is the 68th top grossing film of all time. By your logic, that must mean it's a great movie. I mean, look at the numbers! It ceratinly didn't flop.

  • May 14, 2005, 12:48 p.m. CST

    by Right Bastard

    "certainly" not "ceratinly"

  • May 14, 2005, 1:07 p.m. CST

    It's Been Emotional

    by Sheeps Head

    I've been checking this site from the UK for many moons but have never felt the urge to stick my nose in before now. The bottom line is, whatever your disposition towards Lucas' films, after May 19th there won't be any more... ever. Everybody who loves, hates, criticises, worships or is indifferent to the Star Wars films will be a little sadder come the summer. You all know it. You only realise what you have when it's gone - and gone it soon will be. It's easy to bitch when you're in the middle of something, when it's all going on and part of the fun is slagging something off. But in a week there won't be anything left to moan about, or revel in, or... well, anything. It'll all be over for ever. Moriarty's review(s) are as eloquent as anything I've read on this site, and sum up perfectly what it's like for a guy of my generation who's grown up with the Skywalker saga and is about to see it come to an end. Harry's review was as emotional, as affecting, and if not specific about plot points then it was certainly from the heart. It's this sort of emotion that should be applauded, yet people dissed him for it. When all is said and done, Lucas is a genius and should be hailed as such. How many other directors have produced films that changed and shaped a generation of filmgoers, that reinvigorated Hollywood, that rejuvenated an ailing effects industry? See this last film for what it is: the end of an era, the likes of which I doubt I'll ever see again in my lifetime.

  • May 14, 2005, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Right Bastard,

    by I Dunno

    I didn't say that the box office = the quality of a film. My "logic" never said that. But it does = success, at least as far as Hollywood is concerned. A high B.O. also means repeat business, which means people liked it. So define "hurt the franchise", if the movies are still making money. Because "quality" is subjective.

  • May 14, 2005, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Lucas had a brain fart

    by cantankerous

    The prequels have been riding on the coattails of the success of the original trilogy. The have made money primarily because of the Star Wars name. If you were to consider the last two films alone, can anyone honestly claim that the creator of those two turds is a genius? If there had been no original trilogy then TPM would have been just another Howard the Duck or Labyrinth or Willow. Lucas had a brain fart of genius a long time ago and he

  • May 14, 2005, 2:40 p.m. CST

    point taken

    by Right Bastard

    but that still does not imply quality. I don't even know if repeated business means that people liked it. I mean, I was shocked to see "Batman Forever" on the Top 100 list. Try to find two people who liked that movie. No one like it, they went to see it because it was "Batman". Same thing with Phantom Menace. It's obvious from these talkbacks that people, did in fact, like that movie. But it's also true that, once again from these TB's, people hated that movie. I hated that movie, and I saw it 4 times in the theater. The first time because it was Star Wars. The second time because I wasn't sure that I liked it. The third time because I didn't want to admit that I hated it. The fourth time because sites like this one said that a "Digital" presentation would make it better. I had another friend who had 2 weeks worth of tickets, and only went to the first two showings. I will admit that many people saw that movie because they liked it. But a healthy chunk of people saw that movie, not because it was a quality film; rather, because it had the "Star Wars" name attached to it (just like "Batman Forever"). More money doesn't really mean repeated business, either. Major releases with a big names attached can get in more theaters, and therefore make more money than a possibly far superior limited release art house film will ever come close to grossing. Maybe "hurt the franchise" isn't they way I sohuld have worded it. "Ruin the legacy"? I guess the difference is that Rodenberry is dead, so he has had no say in the legacy of Star Trek. Lucas ruined Star Wars, for some, all on his own.

  • May 14, 2005, 2:45 p.m. CST

    "quality is subjective"

    by Right Bastard

    sorry, I got on a rant and forgot to directly address your reply. By saying a film is "good" or people are giving it repeat business, I was assuming that you were implying that the film must have an inherent "quality" to it. Especially since my original post put forth the idea that TPM was a dark spot on the Star Wars legacy, and your reply was that it was successful. So, my reply was that successful does not always mean good; implying that the film could still do some damage.

  • May 14, 2005, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Ok, but going back to your original statement

    by I Dunno

    "Hurt" the franchise. TPM didn't hurt the success of AOTC and AOTC sure as hell won't hurt the success of RotS. If you mean "hurt" in terms of quality, early critics are goin ga ga over RotS. Even prequel haters who have seen it are begrudgingly admitting that they liked it. So I wouldn't say that Eps 1&2 have hurt the franchise. Trek on the other hand, people almost universally hated Voyager, even though Paramount propped it up for 7 years to preserve the franchise. And Enterprise, well, people are declaring it the end of Trek (which I doubt). Look at it this way. Which do you think would be more accepted in 3 years, another SW or another ST film? Keep in mind too that the Clone Wars cartoon was very well recieved and will become a full length show. There will also be a live action show (don't know about that one, haven't heard enough about it). So which franchise has been hurt the most? Care to revise your statement? ;)

  • May 14, 2005, 3:50 p.m. CST

    IDunno

    by one9deuce

    There is NO WAY that Revenge of the Sith is going to outgross The Phantom Menace. No way in hell. It will likely do the same as Attack of the Clones, if it's lucky. I saw Episode 1 in the theater seven times. After about the fourth time I realised that I was enjoying making fun of it more than I actually liked the film. My cousin and I couldn't get enough of Nute Gunray and his Asianbadguy accent or Jar Jar Binks and his Jamaican/Steppin Fetchit persona. It is so ridiculous but funny that George Lucas went that way with some of the characters. Plus The Phantom Menace had Darth Maul, who is easily the most fascinating character of the trilogy. Every other character of the Prequel Trilogy is just a derivitive of the Original Trilogy. Plus Darth Maul is the only character that put any menace in "Menace". The film has some major problems(which I won't elaborate on because the post would be too long), but I still bought the Episode 1 DVD because I do enjoy some aspects of it. I only saw Episode 2 twice. The first time a few days after it came out, and then again on a Sunday night only because I had prior plans to do that. I also wanted to see if it was really as horrible as I had thought. It was. No AOTC DVD for me. If Revenge of the Sith is even close to as bad as AOTC, I will see it exactly once in the theater. That is why I think that each of the PT films won't outgross their predecessor. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

  • May 14, 2005, 3:57 p.m. CST

    With all due respect, one9deuce

    by I Dunno

  • May 14, 2005, 4:01 p.m. CST

    With all due respect, one9deuce

    by I Dunno

    Your viewing habits aren't necessarally everyone else's. ;) I'm no box office expert and I'm not guaranteeing that it'll beat TPM by any means but it'll definitly beat AOTC. It's the last SW film, it's gotten rave reviews so far, I've heard the staunchest prequel haters say that they'll see it, it's got Darth Vader, it has no competition for a good month, and (this is the sad part) its marketing rivals TPM. So I personally think it'll at least give TPM a run for its money. But as you say, we'll find out soon enough.

  • May 14, 2005, 5:16 p.m. CST

    cantankerous......the only one who stinks.....

    by Plazola_MEX

    and has a fartbrain it

  • May 14, 2005, 6:08 p.m. CST

    sorry legacy of Star Wars, part 2

    by cantankerous

    Apparently you don

  • May 14, 2005, 6:38 p.m. CST

    and you're blaming all big budget crapfests on Star Wars?

    by I Dunno

    Then you're impuning the original trilogy, not the prequels. All the crappy big budget movies appealing to the "lowest common denominator" that you're probably thinking of are pre-1999. And I hate SW vs LOTR arguments as much as the next guy but I have to get this out. I didn't read the book, it could be the greatest piece of work ever made but as for the movie, I honestly don't see how that's any more high brow than Star Wars. There, I said it. So anyway cantankerous, you obviously hate SW and you're way too intellectual and above blockbusters in general, so why are you wasting your time here?

  • We disagreed but we didn't resort to purile namecalling. Oh wait, I'm on AICN. Sorry, flame on.

  • May 14, 2005, 7:14 p.m. CST

    Say what you will about the SW Franchise. It's alive and well, j

    by Orionsangels

    Now look at this size of the batman beginds thread. The war of the worlds thread, exactly. Good hype, bad hype, any hype is good hype.

  • May 14, 2005, 7:19 p.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    Lucas, like so many before him, was adversely affected by his success. I really do think that he was brilliant (in a way) for coming up with that original trilogy. But think about some of the dick moves he's made since then. Some of them elaborated upon in his South Park episode. He's kind of a douchebag now, and that carried over into his shitty fucking films. Yet look what all the negative feedback has done- slowly increase the quality of each successive prequel until this last one turns out pretty good (apparently). I hate how anybody who has success becomes a fucking cockeater. Chappelle might be saving himself after all.

  • May 14, 2005, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Jebus, foreignerbelt

    by I Dunno

    The guy didn't pour sugar in your gas tank. He made some questionable changes to his old films and made 2 prequels that had some problems. I still honestly don't see what's so horrible with AOTC.

  • May 14, 2005, 7:42 p.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    no, he did. pour sugar in my gas tank. last Tuesday. I was so fucking pissed.

  • May 14, 2005, 7:45 p.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    yeah AOTC was alright, but just alright. better than what came before, like I said. It had some good parts but it still had some unnacceptably bad parts. At times Haydn Christensen's acting is just unforgivably awful, which I can NOT understand after seeing him do a pretty good job in the movie broken glass. I hope he doesn't fuck up this third one for me as well.

  • May 14, 2005, 7:47 p.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    is that the dude's name? the annakin guy? also I'll spell unacceptable however I want to.

  • May 14, 2005, 8:24 p.m. CST

    I Dunno, Big Trouble in Little China, and AOTC (rocks!!). . . .

    by krullboy

    I agree with you; AOTC is not only "not bad", I think it is what it was intended to be: great entertainment. First, the chase through Coruscant was visually awesome. Obu Wan hanging from the droid looked and felt real; that was one of those scenes where seeing it in the theater makes a huge difference. People joke at the guys falling, but as Lucas says in the commentaries, the Jedis are Supermen, and a sequence like that is used to illustrate it. That sequence is no more over the top than Legolas killing and surfing down the Mumakil in ROTK--implausible but not impossible; in other words, ENTERTAINING. Second, the scenes of Tipoca City on Kamino are great. The fight scene with Jango was cool, and it really pisses me off that people who wanted to Clone Wars to be about the Mandalorians vs. the Republic are the same ones that hate that scene!!! Third, the seismic charges from the Slave1 were a triumph of sound design. We are so desensitized to sound and special effects today, that scene seemed "OK" to the haters. Play that scene in a theater in 1977, and people would have been staining the seats in front (or under) them. Third, the execution arena scene was a tip of the hat to Roy Harryhausen, and I thought it was cool; those creatures, especially the crab like Acklay, were a hell of a lot more interesting than the toothed-vagina Sarlacc in ROTJ, or the weak Dianoga from ANH. I don't know about you guys, but I was cheering my ass off when Obi Wan fucked that thing up. In fact, Obi Wan cutting off the Acklay's legs foreshadowed him cutting off Anakin's legs too, though I am sure that was not Lucas' intent. Fourth, when the Republic gunships came in, and Yoda says "Around the survivors, a perimeter create" I kept on screaming "Fuck me, Fuck me, Fuck me". That was classic, textbook air cover, and you knew that Yoda's "Bad Ass Mother Fucker" reading increased exponentially at that time. The camera angles and zooms were just like watching real documentary footage. Fifth, the Yoda-Dooku fight. People can call him "Sonic the Hedge hog" and all that other shit, but that scene officially caused the climax of several SW fans. Those who bitch about Yoda fighting, I ask them "how the fuck did he become a Jedi Master WITHOUT fighting?" He would have to be able to jump/spin/slash like he does in AOTC the fight. It's not like he is going to levitate and fight in the air, like the climactic showdown near the end of "Big Trouble in Little China"!!! As I have saud before. . .you are the most gifted Jedi I have ever met. . .and May 19th will be a day long remembered!!

  • May 14, 2005, 8:43 p.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    goddammit krullboy. I didnt know that shit about the annakin obi fight. spoilers, motherfucker.

  • May 14, 2005, 8:48 p.m. CST

    Oh come on

    by I Dunno

    Unless you're living in a cave, you know they fight. It's right on the poster. And you know limbs are going to be flying everywhere. That's hardly a spoiler. It's not as big a spoiler as say, Luke and Leia are really Obi Wan's.

  • May 14, 2005, 8:48 p.m. CST

    Whoops

    by I Dunno

    I didn't mean to press ENTER. Pretend you didn't read that.

  • May 14, 2005, 8:51 p.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    I believed you for a second and almost had an embulism.

  • May 14, 2005, 8:55 p.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    also dont tell me I wouldnt have screamed 'holy shit' in a public theatre if I didnt know that that was going to happen. motherfuck fucking fuck fuck.

  • May 14, 2005, 9:10 p.m. CST

    LOTR bashers protest too much

    by GarethKeenan

    If SW is so obviously "superior" to LOTR, why are you so threatened by LOTR? Is it because the LOTR trilogy won 17 Oscars, including Best Picture, Director, and Writer? Is it because all three films rated at least 90% on Rotten Tomatoes? Is it because the LOTR books are a major inspiration for SW? Is it because the general public and critics have a higher opinion of the LOTR films than the SW prequels? Face it guys, there are just as many LOTR fans as SW fans. LOTR is going to last, no matter how much you wish it wouldn't. There is no reason for you to see LOTR as a threat to SW. We will always have both series, and long may they endure. It's just that many people feel LOTR is better. No shame in that.

  • May 14, 2005, 9:16 p.m. CST

    Dude could be worst, Natalie could show up at cannes bald

    by Orionsangels

    http://img51.echo.cx/img51/5381/528258089iq.jpg --- http://img51.echo.cx/img51/1615/528258130tk.jpg --- http://img94.echo.cx/img94/2462/528259111cq.jpg

  • May 14, 2005, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Butch and the Kid... Banned from the Ranch?!

    by SgtElias

    That is an amazing story. Loyalty is a very rare commodity. This site and Harry ROCK!

  • May 14, 2005, 10:34 p.m. CST

    Sinead O'Portman.......

    by Plazola_MEX

    Jeeezuuusss!!! What the hair happened to her? Maybe she's ina a campaign for the hair club for women.....if it exist.

  • May 14, 2005, 10:53 p.m. CST

    GarethKeenan, no you're wrong

    by Plazola_MEX

    We don

  • May 14, 2005, 11:02 p.m. CST

    Hey have u noticed.....

    by Plazola_MEX

    ROEPER AND EBERT GIVE TWO THUMBS UP TO ROTS!!!

  • May 14, 2005, 11:33 p.m. CST

    As Long as Natalie is shaved down south, I don't care

    by krullboy

  • May 14, 2005, 11:44 p.m. CST

    reviews

    by m2298

    "May 25, 1977. If I recall correctly, Rex Reed

  • May 15, 2005, 12:23 a.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    someone had to say it krullboy. bless you sir.

  • May 15, 2005, 12:57 a.m. CST

    Foreignerbelt, you gotta love the "Shaven Heaven", as Ali G woul

    by krullboy

    And if you want to see Natalie at here absolute hottest in AOTC in my opinion, check out the deleted scenes, particularly the deleted scene where she brings Anakin to her parents home on Naboo. She is wearing this open-belly shirt showing a stomach you could fry eggs on, least of all lick copious amounts of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. Unlike most skanks like Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, and Lyndsay Lohan, you never hear about Portman and guys. Anybody know if she is with anyone? Could she be bi? If so, in the words of 3-PO "THANK THE MAKER"!!!!!

  • May 15, 2005, 1:03 a.m. CST

    TPM was on tv tonight

    by Gheorghe Zamfir

    Thought I'd give it another shot, and it really wasn't the dissapointment of hype, this movie is just terrible.

  • May 15, 2005, 1:22 a.m. CST

    The meaning of "Darth Vader"

    by cyberskunk

    Somewhere, years back, I read it meant "Dark Father" but I don't know where I heard it. Okay, according to systrans, "Vader" is Dutch for "father". And it's not translating Darth for me.

  • May 15, 2005, 3:37 a.m. CST

    cyberskunk

    by one9deuce

    Vader does mean Father in Dutch. But Darth Vader sure as hell wasn't supposed to be Luke's Father in Star Wars. He didn't become Luke's Father until the 3rd or 4th draft of The Empire Strikes Back. In fact, his "force ghost" appeared on Dagobah along with Obi-Wan Kenobi's until the later drafts. Originally Darth Vader DID kill Anakin Skywalker, but they decided to make Vader Luke's Father which admittedly was a great turn of events. That moment in the film still gives me chills. All the "from a certain point of view" BS was to try and make what Obi-Wan had said in Star Wars plausible. Princess Leia wasn't Luke's Sister originally either, but unfortunately that just ended up being ridiculous.

  • May 15, 2005, 6:39 a.m. CST

    Can't wait for Sith, so I made a fun fanboy parody song

    by johnnycrass

    for everyone who can't wait for 3, go to johnnycrass.com and get the mp3 of my parody song. I hope you enjoy it! -johnny

  • May 15, 2005, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Oscars are campaigned for and bought.

    by I Dunno

    They're meaningless. Lucas himself said that Darth Vader means Dark Father and Vader being Luke's father was an idea that he kept in mind while writing and directing ANH but left it open in case he changed his mind or (and he thought this was a distinct possibility) ANH would flop and be the only SW film. I prefer Vader to mean (IN)Vader just like (IN)Sidious but no one asked me.

  • Of course love triangles are fucking stupid, but that's exactly what Lucass was trying to set up. All that "so what do think of her Han?" shit in the first movie, to Leia's "I guess you don't know all there is to know about women" and sucking Luke's face just to piss off Solo. Luke was SUPPOSED to get the girl(cuz he's our little hero and all), but Solo beat him to the punch when the guys were sperated in Empire(a nice twist indeed). But Uncle George got in over his head. He musta figured that the only way to get the girl back to bitch-boy Skywalker in any believable way meant killing Han off. And of course we couldn't have that, even though both the actor and the screenwriter knew it was the most viable option. No, Lucass wussed and came up with a weak compromise for Jedi...make Solo a total shmuck, and once destined couple are now(whew!)BROTHER AND SISTER! Wow, that was easy! Even though it makes no sense cuz they were fucking ALL OVER EACH OTHER in the previous films. And to have Leia say "somehow...I've ALWAYS known"...sick bitch. If you blow your wad to a hologram of your sister...you might be major fucking plot-hole. Lucas--he chose..poorly And Jedi blew it. anal-out

  • May 15, 2005, 11:38 a.m. CST

    You really thought Leia was supposed to go with Luke?

    by I Dunno

    If there was a love story in TESB it was Han and Leia. The argument in the hallway, the entire second act, it was always Han and Leia. Leia clearly kissed Luke to make Han jealous. Luke and Leia had no chemistry, they were hardly a "destined couple" just because you say traditional storytelling demands it. There was no love triangle. Killing off Han and having Leia settle for Luke would have been forced and lame. Fast forewarding backwards to the PT, having Obi Wan fall for Padme would not only make him a bad Jedi (and he's supposed to be the only near perfect Jedi) but would undercut the seriousness of Anakin's love for her, insinuating that every Jedi jumps ship whenever they see anything in a skirt (or ridiculous wardrobe).

  • May 15, 2005, 11:40 a.m. CST

    ...not to mention making the final duel be over a chick

    by I Dunno

    *shudder* With all due respect, you might think Lucas blew it but thank God he didn't go your route.

  • May 15, 2005, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Vadic

    by cyberskunk

    'Vader' looks like 'Vadic' in a vague sort of way, now that I think of it. A walking Vadic modem works for me.

  • May 15, 2005, 12:11 p.m. CST

    by foreignerbelt

    Darth Appropriate. Darth Cestuous. Darth So-far-as. Darth Surmountable. Darth A-Gadda-Da-Vida-Baby.

  • May 15, 2005, 12:20 p.m. CST

    thanx for actually reviewing the movie

    by josh_strapp

    and not wasting our time with mindless bullshit like how many times you wiped your ass before watching the movie. which is what harry does which i fucking hate. can't he just review a fucking movie without wasing our time with his pre-movie preparations?

  • May 15, 2005, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Dude, don't even tell me even Luke wasn't head over fucking heel

    by WONKABAR

    The way it was played...he LOVED her. And not bullshit brother kind of love either...he wanted to FUCK HER...BAD! Remember "she's beautiful"? or when Han asked "do you a princess and a guy like me", and Luke shoots back 'NO! And not like a brother would, but like, back off she's MINE! And yeah, obviously they weren't going to scrap over her, but that was the corner Lucas put himself in. OF COURSE Luke and Leia were orignally supposed to be lovers. And everybody thought so at first. That's why critics in '77 called SW a romance, that's why Leia is holding Luke's leg on the fucking poster. That's why 'Splinter in the Mind's Eye' has Luke almost creaming his pants just thinking about her. look at the comics. It's whole thing driving him in ANH. The second he see's that hologram, he wants her and there's friction between him Han from and Han from the very beginning. You KNOW when Empire came out people were thinking, "Luke's gonna be gonna be SO pissed". That's why Han ended up in carbonite...he was SUPPOSED to DIE! Like you and I both said, they weren't going to fight over her. Of course, death is also a copout(that's the problem w/ love triangles...thy ALWAYS lead to copouts...but hey I'm not Lucas, I DIDN'T WRITE THE FUCKING THING!-Reese-off) but at least death would have been better than making Luke/Leia look insestuous...jesus. It would have made more sense to have Luke just come out of the closet, I mean, I don't recall seeing him hook up with any chicks...well, other than his sister of course. Search your feelings, you know I'm right.

  • May 15, 2005, 1:19 p.m. CST

    Oh yeah, just call me analnaTWOTIMES

    by WONKABAR

    cuz I say everything twice say everything twice

  • May 15, 2005, 3:06 p.m. CST

    There's no way they would spend that much time

    by I Dunno

    setting up the Han and Leia love thing while having Luke and Leia spending virtually no time together and then just kill Han and have Leia fall back on Luke as a consolation prize. Lucas never intended on killing Han, even though Harrison Ford wanted him to die. Well anyway, wqater under the bridge. This as nothing to do with Episode III.

  • May 15, 2005, 3:14 p.m. CST

    oneninedeuce:

    by BarrelRider

    Leia was ALWAYS Luke's sister - the one constant in Lucas' story, even when he was originally marketing "The Star Wars" to Fox as being about "the adventures of Mace Windu", was always the male and female twins.

  • May 15, 2005, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Check out Amidala's new Sinead look

    by Hung-Wei Lo

    http://story.news.yahoo.com/photo/050515/482/can12705151150 I'd still ball her -- you know, because I actually have a chance in hell.

  • May 15, 2005, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Shut the fuck up about Lord of the Rings

    by I Dunno

    We fucking get it already.

  • Doesn't it ever get old for you people? Timothy Zahn. Jebus. I've given you trolls way too much attention, which is what you crave. Go play in a LOTR site or something. Little twats.

  • May 15, 2005, 6:12 p.m. CST

    star wars 3

    by silverstorm

    can't wait, can't wait,can barely contain myself!this one had better live up to it's expectation.

  • May 15, 2005, 6:49 p.m. CST

    Lucas addressed us today, he talked about what's going on right

    by Orionsangels

    Press conference : Quando sei nato non puoi pi

  • May 15, 2005, 7:04 p.m. CST

    Here's the BOTTOM LINE ON LUCAS FOLKS

    by TooMuchFreeTime

    All that matters in life is your W2 and your credit rating. For a W2, you want to hit at least in the 40% of your income goes to personal taxes, and your credit rating should be 800+. I know this won't make sense to many people who read this site, and not just because they're young. It's because they don't face the real world. While death and taxes are the only SURE things in life, your W2 and your credit rating are all that matters along the way. Dear old Moriarity can attest to this, or else he should, because if he's about to have a baby, his W2 and his credit rating are more important now than ever. SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH LUCAS? Easy: According to Forbes, Lucas is worth around $3 BILLION or so. That's perhaps 100 times what everyone who reads this site is worth PUT TOGETHER, including Harry and his cohorts. And what this means to you is: IT DOESN'T MATTER IF LUCAS MAKES TERRIBLE MOVIES BECAUSE HE'S RICH, IMPORTANT AND POWERFUL. And you're broke, boring and destined for a life of anonymity. So please go back to your aforementioned life and stop wasting time bashing Georgie and his movies. He stands to make at least another $500million on this one, and you'll make...that's right...zero. Carry on...

  • FACT--The 3 biggest questions in '83 just before the release of Jedi were...A)Is Darth Vader REALLY Luke's father? B)Will Han be freed from the carbonite? And if so, then C)Who will get the girl? Your memory either fails you, or you were too young to remember. NOBODY knew Luke/Leia were siblings, not even Lucas. He needed an escape hatch and he BARELY pulled it off. Those "moments" scattered thoughout the first two films felt beyond fucking awkward in '97. That mack-out w/ luke/leia had people pracically squirming in their fucking seats. I'm almost serious when I say Luke being gay would have been a less disgusting solution. And I'm not saying Lucas had any intention of killing Han. Obviously he had NO intention. But I can almost hear Kasdan saying in his nasally-ass voice "but George, you left Leia in Luke's arms at the end of Empire, so how else can you work it out?" "oh, make them brother and sister...but didn't they like, make out a couple times already?" Yeah, sure Lucass always meant for them to be brother and sister all along. You need to look at OT again with newer perspective. People are just used thinking about it in a certain way cuz it's so old/they grew up with it that way. And it has ALOT to do with the new movies, cuz ROTJ is where the downward spiral began. You know it to be true.

  • May 15, 2005, 7:26 p.m. CST

    I never said that Lucas meant them to be brother and sister

    by I Dunno

    In fact I know he didn't. He meant for someone else to be Luke's sister but changed that when he decided to condense 7,8 and 9 into ROTJ. That was the only major change he made. If you can't get past that then that's ashame but to me it's no big deal. And it really has nothing to do with the prequels. I think you probably should have given up on SW a long time ago. I hear that Lord of the Rings is pretty good, you should try that.

  • May 15, 2005, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Sorry I Dunno, I was looking at BarrelRider's post.

    by WONKABAR

    Dude, I'm a huge fan. You dare question my allegence? It is only out of love that I must rip Lucass. Can I not be a fan and aknowledge some of the shame and disappointment I have felt over the years? Only a real fan would look so deeply at these films, and discuus ways in which they could have been better. We all want what's best for SW. And deep we all love Luc-ass...of course, it's easy to love folly in a child.

  • May 15, 2005, 7:59 p.m. CST

    I thought you were someone else.

    by I Dunno

    But purile name calling is a great way to get your point across. Luc-ass. That's gold. Gold!

  • May 15, 2005, 8:15 p.m. CST

    LISTEN UP HATERS, APOLOGISTS, LOTR HARD CORE, and SW Hard CORE

    by krullboy

    The only way you can scientifically prove which of the SW films are "good" "bad" or "great" is to get the same person to watch all 6 for the first time, in chronological order. There is no fucking way that your perceptions and taste from 1977 is the same as now, no fucking way. For example, show LOTR to a group of 8 years olds, and they will get bored. Show it to them when they are 28 and exposed to the world, they will love it. The same fucking goes for SW: at 10 you like it because of its entertainment, but at 34 you are a grumpy bastard that has matured significantly since then. And people who say "well, I was 12 and it was great, but the PT sucks", I say this. When you were 12, you probably loved Roos Sneakers, Garbage Pail Kids cards, Atari, and Light Bright. Do you play with that shit now? NO, BETTER YET, FUCK NO!!! Your tastes and expectations change with age. The haters can't separate that cynicism, ie, the fucking losers that burned all their OT SW toys because they hated "TPM". Big fucking deal; that was about as effective a demonstration as burning draft cards or hippie sluts burning bras. The actions don't change the fact. If you hate SW, don't see ROTS. If you like SW and LOTR, which I do, it is OK to like both. And if you are a taint-scented troller who hates everything, enjoy pulling that Nintendo Game Genies out of your ass when ROTS opens on May 19th, and Peter Jackson films the Hobbit, maybe even the Silmarillion. That's right troll, pull that thing out of your ass, and while you're at it, suck the shit out from my under the fingernails of my hand that just fisted you!!

  • May 15, 2005, 8:17 p.m. CST

    "Purile name calling" now THAT" gold!

    by WONKABAR

    Where hell do think you are right now? This place is full of ball-lickers dude. You won't find any fucking college essay's here my friend. So get over it. Oh, and Lucas, if you're reading...I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

  • May 15, 2005, 8:19 p.m. CST

    NOW THAT'S GOLD!

    by WONKABAR

    gold

  • May 15, 2005, 8:28 p.m. CST

    Nice one krullboy...

    by WONKABAR

    Screw ROTS and The Hobbit. I'm still waiting for the other five Krull episodes. So many un-answered questions.

  • May 15, 2005, 8:39 p.m. CST

    Yes, Analnathrax, we need the Prequels to KRULL, STEEL DAWN, Am

    by krullboy

  • May 15, 2005, 9:04 p.m. CST

    Don't forget SPACEHUNTER 3-D ADVENTURES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE

    by WONKABAR

    Not to mention METALSTORM 3-D, MEGAFORCE, CONDORMAN, SUPERFUZZ, TREASURE OF THE FOUR CROWNS, BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS, STARCRASH, and THE SWORD AND THE SORCEROR. These epic tales simply cannot be denied any longer.

  • May 15, 2005, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Oh hey, Ebet & Roeper are reviewing ROTS today...

    by WONKABAR

    And I meant sword and the sorcerer sword and the sorcerer the way of the future...

  • May 15, 2005, 9:40 p.m. CST

    Two thumbs up two thumbs up

    by WONKABAR

    ROTS! METALSTORM, the way of the future the way of the future, no wait...better make that PENNY'S! I'm gonna go get the papers get the papers. ALL HAIL Lucas the prophet Lucas ALL HAIL! HE is your master now. anal-out

  • May 15, 2005, 9:46 p.m. CST

    Analnathrax, don't forget about all the fans of. .

    by krullboy

    BEASTMASTER, KINJITE, PUPPET MASTER, SKI SCHOOL, FROM THE HIP, IF LOOKS COULD KILL, and A BOY AND HIS DOG. . .THEY WANT PREQUELS AS WELL.

  • May 15, 2005, 10:25 p.m. CST

    Ah, but we DID get BEASTMASTER: THROUGH THE PORTHOLE OF TIME

    by WONKABAR

    Who could forget. Oh btw(and krullboy , you're probably not gonna like this so please excuse me) but...ATTENTION WOULD-BE PHANTOM EDITORS! IT IS CLEAR THAT THE TIME IS NEARING FOR "STAR WARS: THE ABRIDGED PREQUEL TRILOGY". Only all the best and only the most necessary stuff from TPM and AOTC edited to the beginning of a fat-trimmed ROTS. Just one big action-packed movie. Try to keep it at least as short as ROTK-Extended, and try tell a coesive story even when you have to cut huge chunks. I would say, write your own opening crawl explaining the story thus far and just start the TPM portion of the story with Darth Maul landing on Tattooine. If you do it right it can work. Cut ALL the love scenes from AOTC. The line, "I'd be more about concerned about her, than him" should have been enough in the first place. Leave the romance to our imagination and focus Obi-Wan. I would keep the waterfall stuff though(even though many hate it) there's a couple ok moments there. And the part where Anakin says he has to find his mother. DO cut that little bit where he's in bed alone dreaming just before though. It looks like he's jerking it for one thig, and we want to leave the impression that Padme and Anakin are sleeping TOGETHER. See what I mean? Anyway, I've got lots of ideas, and I'll be posting them on future threads maybe. I'd do it myself, but I don't have access to an Avid anymore. Just remeber, CREATIVE EDITING! It can be done.

  • May 15, 2005, 10:51 p.m. CST

    "STAR WARS: THE ABRIDGED PREQUEL TRILOGY"...a MUST READ POST fo

    by WONKABAR

    Keep some of the original crawl's stuff about trade-routes. The Jedi have rescued Queen Amidala and the creature Jar-Jar from uncertain fates on Naboo etc. Stranded on Tatooine, they find the aid of a small boy with unusual gifts etc. Unbeknownst to the jedi they are pursued by the evil sith-lord Darth Maul...pan down...space, Darth Mauls ship flies by and lands on Tatooine. Cut to Qui-gon and Anakin out side his house at night...get to the pod-race as fast as possible...get the picture?

  • May 15, 2005, 10:56 p.m. CST

    m2298 dude, try to put more space next time

    by WONKABAR

    You stretched the TB. Not too bad, but you did. Be mindful young pawan

  • May 15, 2005, 11:03 p.m. CST

    Fade out on Padme smiling at Anakin at the end of TPM

    by WONKABAR

    Black...open up on Anakin and Obi in the elevator "I haven't seen her in ten years master" we find out the danger she's when they get up there...dig? I have more but it's time for SURVIVOR. Bye

  • I quit.

  • May 15, 2005, 11:37 p.m. CST

    NY Times review

    by Darth Thoth

    Wow, I am really surprised by A.O. Scott's review in NY Times. The NY Times is usually very critical of movies and hard on them. Scott not only praises RoTS but says it's better than Star Wars! That blows my mind. Needless to say, I am excited big time! I've read great reviews. I've read scathing reviews. Now, I must see this movie 4 myself. Only a few days to go. ONLY A FEW DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!

  • May 15, 2005, 11:39 p.m. CST

    sorry

    by m2298

    It's hard to see the end results when posting links.

  • May 16, 2005, 12:10 a.m. CST

    Analnathrax and "The Phantom Editor"

    by krullboy

    If you do a search on theforce.net, they have articles about a guy named "the Phantom Editor" that professionally edited ROTS and AOTC, FYI. I'm not sure if you need Bit Torrent to get his stuff, but the people at theforce.net say that his edits really change the pace and feel of the film.

  • May 16, 2005, 1:04 a.m. CST

    Afterb ROTS............

    by Plazola_MEX

    How about a live action movie of MACROSS????? I

  • May 16, 2005, 1:43 a.m. CST

    Thanx for the info Krullboy, Steel Dawn was the shit

    by WONKABAR

    I dunno...u bet your ass I watch Survivor. Amazing Race too. Don't know if I'll do Boston Rob & Amba's wedding or...not unlees they get free booze to me through the TV screen. Mr. Phantom Editor...more advice. Cut the two headed announcer out. (probably already did) but also cut out all the reaction shots of Qui-gon & shmi etc. After the race,just go right to the part where he goes "you're no longer a slave. when ani says bye, just have him run back, couple of reaction shots, "don't look back." In fact, cut MOST of ani's lines. Cut Watto too. It's enough just knowing of his existance..kinda like biggs. Put the old cut scene from TPM dvd BACK in. The one where Qui-gon fucks up Maul's droid. We assume that the droids transmit to each other. The one comes back to Maul and he bolts down the cliff just like before. Cut to ani and qui-gon running back to the ship(see, now it actually makes sense) I know some folks won't like this, but cut out all the other scenes w/ Maul before the duel. That shit SHOULD have been a surprise when the hanger doors open up on Naboo. Not to mention the fact that the trailer gave away the the fact that Maul had horns and a double-bladed saber...biggest Lucasfilm mistake ever IMO. In fact , cut out all theuseless buildup to the final battle, and all the "gunguns go to sacred place", obi-wan apologising to qui-gon crap. Just go right to the part where padme asks them for help. cut all of ric olie and panaka's lines too...they both suck. I don't feel like going into the reasons right now...but they are good, trustme, but cut theshit in AOTC where the clone trooper helps padme after she falls. Also, cut papatine and smitts and the clone army stuff along with Anakin/padme's wedding. TRUST. "Begun the clone war has" should be the transistion point between clones and the opening battle in sith. anl-out

  • May 16, 2005, 1:55 a.m. CST

    More phantom editing..

    by WONKABAR

    oh yeah keep watto out of AOTC too. anakins' smart enough to find his mom without him. Think about the changes Ive just posted, I'm gonna try to remember them myself JIC. But i think what ive mentioned so far would work if handeled correctly. hope some would-be's see this. cuz i'd LOVE one big great sw movie insted of one shitty, one ok, and one good. anal-out

  • May 16, 2005, 3:28 a.m. CST

    Barrelrider

    by one9deuce

    Sorry friend, but you are incorrect. Maybe you should read "The Star Wars" first draft, and then you'll know that for yourself. IDunno is 100% right on about Lucas condensing Episodes 7,8,and 9 into Return of the Jedi. Luke's Sister was originally hidden on the other side of the galaxy, but that was thought up long after Lucas's shooting draft for "Star Wars". They came up with the idea of "no, there is another" because they wanted us to believe that Luke might actually die trying to save his friends in TESB. But sorry IDunno, your statement "Lucas himself said that Darth Vader means Dark Father and Vader being Luke's father was an idea that he kept in mind while writing and directing ANH" is just inaccurate. Again people, just read his first draft and it will all be clear. The Darth Vader we know from Star Wars is actually a composite of 2 characters in Lucas' first draft: General Darth Vader (commander of the Imperial Fleet) Prince Valorum (Black Knight of the Sith). For The Empire Strikes Back, Lucas added another character from his first draft into Darth Vader: Kane Starkiller(changed to Anakin Skywalker). The heroes of his first draft were Deak and Anakin Starkiller, later to be composited into Luke Skywalker. And what was Obi-Wan Kenobi's name in the first draft? Luke Skywalker. When Lucas says things like "that is how I meant it all along", don't believe him. After all, he is the most notorious revisionist in the history of cinema. No one else comes close. All the original drafts for all the screenplays ever written for the Star Wars saga can be found. They are proof that George Lucas is just making this up as he goes.

  • May 16, 2005, 3:53 a.m. CST

    Back to the Prequels, since that is what Moriarty reviewed.

    by one9deuce

    Episode 1, Episode 2, and Episode 3, ARE NOT toned the same as the Original Trilogy. I'm glad that Moriarty and Harry seem to enjoy these prequels, but the reasons I don't aren't because I grew up. That is absurd reasoning. I went from age 7 to age 10 between TESB and ROTJ. I didn't grow any more mature in those 3 years, but it was really obvious to me that ROTJ was toned more towards children. The creature outside Jabba's palace burps! So does the Sarlacc! Teddy bears and their zany antics! And since I have become an adult, there have been several films that gave me that feeling of wonder that Star Wars did when I was a child. Jurassic Park and The Matrix would be two good examples. Unfortunately, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones did not. The person who totally changed, which consequently changed his filmmaking style, is George Lucas.

  • May 16, 2005, 4:37 a.m. CST

    Great Review! Am still waiting for Moriarty to grow some balls a

    by Electric Dreams

    Come on Morie, do a Vader and hurl that fat ass dark emperor of a reviewer into the pit full of foul language and wrong grammar where he belongs.

  • May 16, 2005, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Star Wars - the political statement

    by cantankerous

    Liberals are practically wetting themselves over the perceived parallels between Star Wars and the US led war on terror. Apparently tired of comparing Bush to Hitler, they have found a new villain for Bush to emulate - Bush as Darth Vader! Apparently Anakin Skywalker utters a phase similar to what was said by President Bush when he warned nations that gave terrorists safe harbor that the time of playing both ends of the field was at an end. It was time to choose sides. For those who profited by playing both ends, this was a scurrilous statement, and liberals have been only too eager to help attack and demean our president. Currently, George Lucas is at Cannes promoting Star Wars - the political statement. "When I wrote Star Wars, The Iraq war didn't exist but the parallels of what we did in Vietnam and Iraq are unbelievable." Apparently Lucas thinks that fighting communism and Islamic fundamentalism is a bad thing, akin to the emergence of the Star Wars Evil Empire. Which suggests that his grasp of world politics is about equivalent to his ability to write dialog.

  • May 16, 2005, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Go to Rotten Tomatoes

    by Sepulchrave

    and check out the reviews. The good ones (83%) are all along the lines of 'compared to the piles of crap that came before' and are generally mediocre. The bad ones (17%) are generally the ones written by the best, most intelligent reviewers, like Lane in the New Yorker and Travers at Rolling Stone. Sorry folks, you can't get away from this. Movies outgrew Star Wars years ago. I thought that AOTC was passable when I saw it (amazing what having Christopher Lee about can do to your perceptions) but I watched it last week on TV and it was so BORING. The creatures are preposterous cartoons, the armies of dinky toys, the implausible machinery, the fact that everything looked like it was designed by a crazed child. Nothing worked properly. The technology is vauntingly ludicrous; a triumph of overdesign. The vast luscious backgrounds? Like the backdrops in Streetfighter; pointless, not locations, just window-dressing. And everything is so sterile and clean; even the dust looks like it came in little boxes prepackaged by Martha Stewart. And the script? My God what a tin ear Lucas has for dialogue 'Your presence is soothing to me'. This is horrible stuff.

  • May 16, 2005, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Oh and as for political messages, cantankerous..

    by Sepulchrave

    don't worry. This flimsy contraption is far too ill-made to bear any convincing analogies, whether they be conservative or liberal. Lucas may think he's saying soething, but I sure as shit can't hear it over the recycled music and playstation sound effects.

  • May 16, 2005, 1:16 p.m. CST

    what the hell

    by josh_strapp

    what's all this then

  • May 16, 2005, 2:57 p.m. CST

    Peter Travers is an idiot

    by Bushisaliar

    He loved Monster-in-law, Alexander, What a girl wants, Junior, Charlie's angel, and Starsky and Hutch. It's all a Rotten Tomatoes for you to see.

  • May 16, 2005, 5:20 p.m. CST

    That's great

    by I Dunno

    If RotS got bad reviews you haters would be laughing yur ass off. Now that it's all but critically acclaimed, you go after the reviewers themselves. Aren't you guys getting bored with this at all? I didn't care for "that other franchise" but I sure as hell didn't waste my time in its TBs sniping at it. As for the political stuff, I'm not going to get into that except to say that I can definitly see it but then the sort of political events in the film has gone on all through out history and isn't confined to what's going on now.

  • May 17, 2005, 12:23 a.m. CST

    Nice rant, Sepulchrave. Guess for you it's too bad no one really

    by Triumph poops!

    Seriously, nice try at a rant, but frankly who gives a shit? To each his own, all right? You don't want to like Lucas or SW or the prequels in particular? You do, dude. It's your right. You want to cite "reviewers" to back up your cranky nature like Travers who -- as others have noted -- has likewide gone on record as reviewing and liking some of the biggest utter shit in recent memory, you go right ahead. Align yourself with someone of no taste and no personality. You, too, can be as cranky as he's become over the years and then you can both sit outside the theater and bitch to your heart's content to one another while the rest of us are inside a nice, cool air conditioned theater on a hot summer day have a fucking good time at what's nothing more than a big ol' fun summer style movie. Frankly, I HOPE you stay home. It makes the the crowd have one less sour puss and it shortens the popcorn line.

  • May 17, 2005, 11:39 a.m. CST

    "Movies outgrew Star Wars years ago."

    by JeeBus

    Sepulchrave, I'm sure you are implying that movies have matured since Star Wars. One question: Have you seen alot of the crap out there? There are even more shitty movies out there now. House of Wax, Are We There Yet?, XXX! If you think about it some more you can come up with your own. And I dispute your claim that in general the 17% of rotten reviews are from the most intelligent reviewers. IGN Film Force? One Guy's Opinion? The Village Voice? That's 3 out of 11 so far. Hmm. Not buying it. I think AOTC is ehh...ok. Had the dialogue been better and had the effects been less cartoon-like we would have had a much better movie to watch.

  • May 17, 2005, 1:06 p.m. CST

    I love how haters can just make random declarations

    by I Dunno

    While box office returns and this time around, professional critics say the exact opposite. Sorry haters, you lost this round. The movie is getting critical praise and I have a feeling it might have more than a couple dimes to rub together at the B.O. So if the success of this film bothers you so much, I suggest you go into carbon freeze until its theatrical run is finished. See you next year.

  • May 17, 2005, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Hey, you guys...

    by Koranabuse

    ...will many of you be making use of the Passion.com dating site being advertised on AICN? Particularly you fat, ugly, oily, smelly, dirty fuckers who make up the majority of the people here? I can guarantee you the ladies are eagerly awaiting the sight of massive repulsive fuckers bearing down on them looking for fuckee-fuckee. Then again, most people who use dating sites are no prize themselves, they;ll settle for you as a catch. Aw shit, now I feel sorry for you. Harry's tormenting you with the promise of pussy on this site. He's evil.

  • That's called spamming.

  • May 17, 2005, 5:40 p.m. CST

    So Palpatine beats Yoda, but is nearly killed by Windu????

    by The Founder

    I thought Yoda was the storgest Jedi? I love mace windu, but him almost killing palpatine is something i would've rather see yoda do.

  • May 17, 2005, 8:41 p.m. CST

    There isn't a defined pecking order like in Jr. High.

    by I Dunno

    This guy's stronger than that guy so he should be able to beat this guy cause that guy got beat by that guy, etc. There are circumstances that make the outcome of a fight more than just who's more powerful or who already beat who. Obi Wan wasn't supposed to be able to beat Anakin (Vader) for example. I didn't see the film but is it confirmed that Palpatine was really being beaten by Mace or was he faking it to get Anakin into it? As for Yoda and Palpy, Yoda has to get owned, why else would he slink off to Dagobah?

  • May 18, 2005, 3:08 a.m. CST

    by WhatTheF

    I could be wrong but it seemed to me that Palpatine let Windu get so close to killing him just so Anakin could save him and come over to the dark side.

  • May 18, 2005, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Darth Vader and the New World Order

    by Jar Jar Boinks

    READ IT: http://www.infowars.com/articles/ps/darth_nwo.htm

  • May 18, 2005, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Revenge of the Sith mirrors reality

    by Yojimbo Jones

    The Star Wars story has had, without a question, the greatest impact on popular culture of any movie in world history. We will now explore why it has resonated so strongly with so many people across generations. - http://www.infowars.com/articles/ps/darth_nwo.htm

  • May 18, 2005, 3:56 p.m. CST

    Moriarty, you will have magic again, never fear

    by monorail77

    Wonderful non-spoiler fan review. Just what I needed to pump me up about tonight's midnight showing. I wanted to address some of your comments about loss and feeling like you'll never capture that quality of being a little boy again and experiencing magic. I've felt like this too. But do not despair my friend, it can happen again. You're having a child (congratulations) and this changes everything, opens new possibilities. I'll give an example: Last year, I read the first three Harry Potter books to my son. He was turning 7 just one day before Prisoner of Azkaban came out in theatres, and I was taking him to see it for his birthday. We wanted to finish the books though before we saw the movie. As I was reading him Azkaban, he was so into it, his enthusiasm was infectious, and I felt like a kid all over again. He jumped up and down and pumped his fists in the air shouting "yes" when Harry won the Qudditch tournament. He sat on the edge of his bed, gasped, sometimes hid under the pillow, during much of the final third of the book when everyone's true natures are revealed. He was equally excited during the film version. My point is, through him, I experienced some of that lost kid magic. You will too. I am taking my son tonight to see Sith. I'm honestly not sure if I'm looking more forward to the movie itself, or to his enjoyment of it. Thanks again for your passionate writing. I wish you and your wife the best with your impending arrival. -KMA, Edmonton Alberta

  • May 18, 2005, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Why not Clone Anakin

    by Ebullient

    Darth Vader is one of my favorite film characters of all time. That said, in the Star Wars DVD commentary Lucas explains that the Emperor wishes to replace Vader with Luke because the crippled body of the former, cybernetic suit notwithstanding, diminishes his ability to use the Force and hence, his value to the Emperor as a powerful pawn. However, if this is the case, why does the Emperor simply not obtain a genetic sample from Anakin following his defeat and clone him, rather than resurrect him in mechanical form? I hope ROTS, with its prevalent cloning theme, addresses this question.

  • May 18, 2005, 4:48 p.m. CST

    Hey Cantankarous!

    by pablo2004

    When do you ship out for Iraq?

  • May 19, 2005, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Trevor Goodchilde...

    by InZodWeTrust

    I believe Darth Vader means "Dark Father".

  • May 19, 2005, 10:10 a.m. CST

    WhatTheF & The Founder

    by InZodWeTrust

    I don't think Windu had a chance in hell... I don't think ANYONE had a chance in hell... this was all "Foreseen". There was NO way that he was going to let Shaft take him out, after ALL of the plotting he has been doing over the years. I loved it. It was a geat film. I saw the Montreal Premiere last night at 7:00pm, and it was spectacular.

  • May 19, 2005, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Does force lighting from Palapatine drain life or scar?

    by warp11

    When Mace is reflecting back the force lighting, is the lighting draining the Emperor or does it drain his life force? Warp 11, the really popular Star Trek band just came out with a great new song called "Your Evil Annie". It's is a funny hard rocking song about Anakin going evil! Check it: http://www.seriousmagic.com/_Karl/Evil%20Annie.mp3

  • May 19, 2005, 11:09 p.m. CST

    The new Weezer album?

    by darthferris

    Are you fucking serious? Jeez, what side of the Force did you crawl out of this morning?

  • May 19, 2005, 11:40 p.m. CST

    Best star wars film ever

    by TheGinger Twit

  • May 20, 2005, 8:07 a.m. CST

    Darth Plagus

    by InZodWeTrust

    I was under the impression that Plagus created Anakin and the whole plan to create an empire, and Sidious came in and snaked his ideas and murdered him in his sleep. This is some good stuff.

  • May 20, 2005, 8:35 a.m. CST

    A question

    by TechnoMage32

    Ok, first, I must say that I agree with the opinion that Darth Vader screaming "NO!" is way over-the-top uber-cheese. They did NOT have to throw that in this movie. BUT, my question is why did the Emperor say that Vader killed Padme in his anger? Why not say that it was Obi Wan who failed to save her? Then you make the Jedi, your sworn enemies, the focus of Vader's rage and hate. What does Palpatine gain by making Vader mad at himself? I don't see the logic behind that line in the movie. Moriarty? Harry? What do you think?

  • May 20, 2005, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Anakin's Hate

    by InZodWeTrust

    Man, I still can't get over Anakin screaming "I HATE YOU" to Obi Wan like that... It still gives me chills. Lucas hit the ball out of the park with that line alone! I can't wait to see this a few more times. PLEASE REMAKE THE OT NOW, GEORGE!

  • May 20, 2005, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Darth Vader looks like he's been on Atkins too long in this movi

    by Rolling_Stone

    Hayden just can't fill out the uniform the way David Prowse did.

  • May 20, 2005, 5:07 p.m. CST

    I still can't believe how could ROTS was.

    by just_hamish

    The more I think about it, the more i am beginning to believe it. Revenge Of The Sith is possibly the best star wars film to date. Anankin's scream "I HATE YOU" is the pinnacle of the emotion in the film. I cannot thank Lucas enough.

  • May 21, 2005, 11:43 a.m. CST

    ROTS has saved the Star Wars legacy and reedeemed George Lucas!

    by DARTH VOODOO

    ROTS while not perfect kicks ass. And will restore Star Wars to it's rightfull place as the greatest sci-fi series ever. Lucas nearly killed the series with two very mediocre prequels. But with Revnge of the Sith George Lucas has reedeemed himself and restored the Star Wars legacy.

  • I'll admit that was bad.

  • May 22, 2005, 1:34 a.m. CST

    Vader's 'NO!' scream shows the chink in his armor

    by ScreamingPenis

    In Lucas' Rolling Stone interview, he claims that the OT now shows how weak Vader is. The NO is a foreshadowing of the regret that eventually leads him to turn on the Emperor and bring about his redemption.

  • May 22, 2005, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Great Review

    by jonleeus

    I think with this one you can really frame the whole saga as darth vaders descent into evil and eventual redemption...also, I like the forshadowing of qui-gonn speaking to obi-wan post-houmously as obi-wan will do for luke in 5&6!! Kick Ass Movie!!!

  • May 22, 2005, 8:46 p.m. CST

    Well, as far as the Emperor telling Vader that he killed Padme

    by cornstalkwalker

    I think that it confirms that he is the master and Anakin is the apprentice. Once Palpatine has time to show Anakin how to focus his anger and rage, he can learn to not make mistakes like that. He needs Anakin to realize he is powerful, but still needs to "learn" from Palpatine.

  • May 23, 2005, 3:10 a.m. CST

    Thank God for John Williams

    by Orionsangels

    Someone who deserves a lot of credit and isn't being mentioned is, John Williams. His tragic music, like the track Anakin's Betrayal, which is used through out ROTS, with much effect. Helps elevate this movie to greatness. I cry almost everytime I hear it. Watching Yoda climb on Chewbacca's back with that music. It was so sad to see Yoda like that and when he says, "goodbye Chewbacca" He gets in his little podship and we know it'll be one the last times we ever see him. It was just so sad. Well, after having seen it about 10 times now. I gotta say, the acting is uneven, but thankfully it's good at the right times, minus the awful vader scream of, NOOO! That is the cheesiest cornball scream ever, hehe. I'll give you an example. When Anakin & Obi-Wan are lava surfing. They have a small verbal confrontation. It's awful and almost throws the whole duel sequence into turmoil. Obi-Wan - I have failed you Anakin. I failed you. Anakin - I should have known the Jedi were plotting to take over. (Duh. I guess you should have?) Obi-Wan - Anakin! Chancellor Palpatine is Evil! Anakin - From my point of view the Jedi are evil (You did not just say that. I mean, are they Anakin? Since when? Where is this coming from?) Obi-Wan - Well then you are lost!!! (hahaha!) Weee! lets go lava surfing come on and safari with me. Thankfully the scene ends with strong performances, when it most needs too. Anakin's "I HATE YOU!" is so gut wrenchingly effective, that you almost forget all his bad acting from the previous movie and for the first time. You feel his pain, but is it a little bit too late? Either way this last scene between Anakin & Obi-Wan is amazing and again, listen to William's music. It helps elevate an already great scene to bigger heights. (Anakin has his arm and limbs cutoff by Obi-Wan. Anakin waddles on the ground like a baby seal. Screaming in agony.) Anakin - You were the choosen. It was said you'd destroy the sith, not join them...bring balance to the force, not leave it in drkness. Anakin - I HATE YOU!!! Obi-Wan - You were my brother Anakin. I loved you. Anakin (Burning Alive) Argh! NOOO! AHHH! (Obi-Wan walks away.) It's scenes like that and the Jedi Purge, Anakin & Padme looking out their windows at each other. Mace getting shot out the window like a rocket. Darth Sidious disturbing behavior and cackling sounds. The sound the Boga makes that Obi-Wan rides, to name a few. It's unforgettable stuff, is it a perfect movie? No. Is it the best prequel made, yes by far!, and here's my main reason why. Ever since ROTJ, every SW movie had ended with a huge battle. I was sick of that, from Ewoks against Stormtroopers, to Gugans against Droids, to Clonetroopers against Droids. ROTS had a real story with different layers and it didn't end with a big war, but with tragedy, much like Empire.

  • May 23, 2005, 6:26 a.m. CST

    In reply to by m2298

    by spikerules2

    You think that there weren't bad reviews for Star Wars when it was released??????? Check out the original reviews on the original triligy again m8:) http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/comments/?entryid=197859

  • May 23, 2005, 5:47 p.m. CST

    on episode III

    by staros24

    I'd like to start by saying that I'm not a Star Wars hater. I believe EMPIRE STRIKES BACK is one of the best films ever made and enjoyed the heck out of JEDI and NEW HOPE. That being said, Episode III is extremely overhyped (critics included). Though it is enjoyable at points, it still has a lot of problems and doesn't compare to the originals. Not only that, but it doesn't justify either Episode I or II. A lot of people have come out and said that Episode III would put Episode I and II in perspective. Well, it doesn't. What the hell was the Jango Fett story about in episode II, what does it really contribute to in the end? What about the gungans in episode I? What are the fucking droid armies doing in these films they are neither cool nor threatening? What is count dooku doing in episode III? Why should we give a damn about general grievous? Why the hell isn't anybody noticing that Palpatine is playing both sides of the fence? I wanted the story to be more focused on the human elements: the relationship between anakin and obi wan, the relationship between anakin and padme, the relationship between obiwan and yoda. Instead we get a bunch of convoluted crap about the republic and empire which, in the end, don't amount to squat. As I said before, the flick is enjoyable at points, but it does not compare and there are a shit load of holes in the storyline.

  • May 24, 2005, 7:20 a.m. CST

    ROTS is the CHOSEN ONE bringing balance tot the series

    by fanb0y

    Once again PT lovers will rule the talkback. Do what must be done, do not hestiate, show no mercy. Every single prequel hater is now an ENEMY of starwars fandom. I want you to goto the hater's houses and fuck them, fuck them up their stupid asses._-----------Darth Sidious: There is a great distubance in the talkback. We have a new enemy, young haters who destroyed the first AICN ROTS Talkback. I have no doubt these fuckwits are the offspring of basement dwelling uber dorks.----Vader: they will join us or fuck them, fuck them up their stupid asses I will in my super star destroyer.---

  • May 24, 2005, 6:55 p.m. CST

    How come Jedi's are so easy to kill??

    by Judezilla

    I have so many problems with ROTS-but my main one is this: Why are these bad-ass Jedi Knights suddenly so darned easy to kill??? I could have bought it had they been Sith Lords....! I also laughed at loud at the crappy dialogue and delivery on more than one occasion. Thank heaven for Ewan/Obi Wan he saved the movie for me. Then there is the whole Chewbacca BS-what's next Dirk Solo, wise cracking father of Han?

  • May 25, 2005, 5:28 a.m. CST

    Hey Guys, Wanna see the Vader "NOO!!!" replaced in ROTS??

    by RIVERO

    Then Sign the Petition!: http://www.petitiononline.com/aunycxvc/petition.html

  • May 25, 2005, 1:12 p.m. CST

    Sign the Darth Vader ROTS Petition!

    by RIVERO

    Here ya go: http://www.petitiononline.com/aunycxvc/petition.html

  • May 25, 2005, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Don't sign anything....

    by spikerules2

    Lucas wanted it that way so it should stay! Whats with people "oh Lucas raped my childhood" and "of lucas went to dinner yesterday... how come. He raped me hard!!" He's only human and he made a simple (and the ONLY) mistake in the film by adding the "NOOOOOOO!!!" Now can people please shut up about it!!??

  • May 25, 2005, 10:17 p.m. CST

    Because we're keeping the dream alive

    by Orionsangels

    Tonight the rain is falling Full of memories of people and places And while the past is calling In my fantasy I remember their faces The hopes we had were much too high Way out of reach but we had to try The game will never be over Because we're keeping the dream alive

  • May 26, 2005, 3 p.m. CST

    Frankenstein's Vader

    by chromedome

    Overall, I liked this one way better than the previous two. Minor nits: light saber battles were poorly choreographed/filmed--too many close up flashing light scenes. Light sabers are not new and different anymore, so we needed fewer and more build up. The fight with Grievous was the best one, so all the others after it were a bit dry. The "Nooooo" scene was so poorly done. The intent was good, but it came across as awkward at best, and farce at worst. The best part of the scene was when his anger/rage/grief channeled into the force to cause objects to swirl and distort--more of that alone, in silence, would have been much more dramatic. The Frankenstein's Vader staggering/lurching and Noooooo was just lame. And finally, yes, Lucas cannot write dialog or a love scene. He really needs to hire someone to help him there. If there are to be more films, let's have Whedon and/or Straczinksy in charge (for God's sake NOT Berman or Braga!)

  • May 28, 2005, 12:16 a.m. CST

    hate to say this, but,

    by Warcraft

    I'd like to see the ot remade. Elijah Wood as Luke, Ben Browder (john criton from farscape) and Wayne Pygrim (scorpious from farscape) as Grand moff Tarkin, since he really DID play the young Grand moff Tarkin in ep3.

  • May 28, 2005, 3:10 p.m. CST

    Palpatine's face - SPOILERS

    by Aligator

    I saw this yesterday and was totally blown away, but there's something that's been niggling me, whene Palpatine's firing the lightning at Mace, when it bounces back at him does it really melt his face or is that his true face coming to the fore? (the reason I thought this was a possibility was that apparantly the dark side of the force alters your appearance, like the way Anakin's eyes start to go yellowish) Also, is it just me or did anyone else think that Palpatine looked very like Gary Oldman's Dracula???

  • May 28, 2005, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Chromedome, you made a good point

    by Aligator

    what was the story with Palpatine's fighting style, he seemed really shit with the lightsabre, I woulda thought that he'd be totally lethal, but then again, in retrospect to my last post, maybe he was just parrying until Anakin arrived so he could play the "old soldier" and force (no pun intended) Anakin to come to his aid, hence push him over the edge into the abyss of the dark side??? Also, if medichlorines (spelling?) determine how strong you are in the force, does that mean that Vader can only "force choke" ye with his right hand? Due to the fact that Vader, under his armour now resembles Douglas Bader, has his use of the force now diminished?

  • Hell yes. Slacker. By the way, best line in this whole thread: "I think we all need to use our midichlorians right now and chill the fuck out."

  • May 29, 2005, 1:02 a.m. CST

    The one thing I don't get about Palpatine's face...

    by Ribbons

    ...is that in his holograms as "Darth Sidious," he's clearly more pruny than he is as Chancellor Palpatine. So is his face really scarred/melted by the Force Lightning (TM) he employs or what? If he was using the Force to preserve his face and then chose to stop doing so at that exact moment in order to gain Anakin's sympathy, it was pretty ambiguous.

  • May 29, 2005, 1:28 a.m. CST

    Ribbons

    by Aligator

    Thats what i was thinking, was his melted mush the real him or was is due to the lightning? (if that was the case then Luke shuda looked like an octagiarain after his ass whipping by the emperor in ROTJ)

  • May 29, 2005, 1:58 a.m. CST

    Tears

    by Aligator

    I must say, n i didnt hav da balz 2 sau it earlier is that this film left me in tears, to see that Anakin truly bekueved he was doin' the right thing and in general, that this is the last new star wars film i may ever see, it just crushed me, George Lucas, u maya fucked up with da phantom menace but this has left me flabbergasted, I really felt the anuish of Anakin, you have given me 26 years of happiness, please don't stop, make more SW films.

  • May 30, 2005, 9:32 a.m. CST

    The point of Qui-Gon (SPOILERS)

    by Wydok

    Qui-Gon was a especially good with the Living Force, which as we find out at the end of RotS, helps him in discovering a way to communicate with living Jedi. This discovery is important for Luke. Without Obi-Wan's encouragement from beyond the Netherworld, Luke may never have blown up the Death Star or met Yoda.

  • May 31, 2005, 11:31 a.m. CST

    here's something to cook your noodle...

    by baverette2000

    If the Jedi believe in no attachments and training at a very early age for learn the Force then why was Luke and Leia sent off to live normal kid lives? Why were they not kept with Yoda and Kenobi to start training as soon as possible? it's not like they had a lot to do after the massacres. Seems like to me they ran the risk of Luke becoming another Anakin by letting him get attached to his uncle and aunt on the same damn planet of his father.

  • May 31, 2005, 2:17 p.m. CST

    Redubbing ROTS lines

    by thegreenvortex

    It's entirely possible that Lucas will replace the "NOOOO" line even before the film leaves theatres. Remember how everyone laughed at Padme's quick recovery from falling out of the gunship in AOTC? The Centropy telesync is the only proof left that she originally popped up saying saying "Yes!" to the clone who asks if she's alright.

  • June 3, 2005, 7:46 p.m. CST

    Star Wars III

    by Happy&Bleeding

    Moriarity...You've out done yourself. Fantastic review. You nailed it on the head. Although I haven't read through all of the postings and I'm sure someone has mentioned this somewhere, I was disappointed at the editing decisions Lucas made for this film. However, it only makes me drool at the thought of the DVD. Hopefully, Lucas will take a cue from Jackson and do an extended version. That being said, here's my gripe: Being the uber-dork that I am, I found an on-line script of the film that was confirmed by the graphic novel. I sought it out because although I thoroughly enjoyed the film and thought it was a great conclusion, something was missing and I couldn't put my finger on it. I think Lucas left out a vital plot point in editing several scenes that would have explained why Anakin turns on Padme so violently in the end. Palpatine brillaintly plants the idea in Anakin's head that Obi-Wan and his wife might be hooking up behind the scenes. What betrayal could be worse then wondering if the child your wife carries could be your best mate's? I think that could be a greater motivation for Anakin to turn on Obi-Wan and when he screams, "I hate you!", I'd really believe it. Lucas touched on it in the final draft, but lets it fall dead in the end. Also, I'll be forever vexed why Lucas didn't have Anakin really hurt Padme. Throw her against a rock or something, dammit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not for wife battering, but Christ, he killed children, he can't cause his wife's death? Maybe then her death wouldn't have been so lame. Really. While these rantings make me sound like a Lucas-Hater, just the opposite. Even with the occaional flub, I love these movies. Love them. And to echo many, many fans the world over: Thanks, George.

  • June 4, 2005, 10:11 p.m. CST

    That is a ill film indeed.

    by proper

    All I remember is that Hasslehoff turns up late and the starfield had too many colours.Italian Sci-fi at its best,thanks but no thanks.And I thought I was the only one here.

  • June 7, 2005, 12:46 p.m. CST

    it should of been like this

    by whoknowswho

    ok finally just seen the film, its good, but not great because its got some flaws. A lot of these flaws have been talked about and there

  • Dec. 4, 2005, 9:34 a.m. CST

    RotS Rocks - but we need that Qui-Gon scene in it!!!

    by yodas_dad

  • Dec. 4, 2005, 2:07 p.m. CST

    I concur.

    by RezE11even

    Schindler rocks.