The Mighty Joe Hallenbeck takes on the cunning Professor Moriarty over the impish
Simon Birch. The greats are at odds in their reviews of this once "small miracile" movie.
Now we here at Geek Headquarters are caught between these titans of criticism. I
(Father Geek) have also seen the film in question and while I enjoyed it, I fear it is one of
those motion pictures that is not for all tastes, thus our reviewers seperate points of view,
but enough of me, on to the mighty one...
STOP!!! Drop those stones and let Moriarty live, damn you! The Mighty
Joe commands you!!!
You must understand, the man wasn't thinking clearly when he wrote the
review to Simon Birch. He let his personal beliefs and love of the novel
get in the way of his noggin'. He followed his heart instead of
listening to his head. He's just hurt by the fact that Johnson chose to
take many liberties with the original novel. He's also hurt because he
didn't get the oppurtunity to make the adaptation to his favorite book
of all time. I would feel the same way if someone like Dwight H. Little
made a shitty adaptation to GREEN EGGS AND HAM. When his hatred for
Johnson and his vision of Owen Meaney(aka Simon Birch) simmers down,
he'll realize that it's not the most wretched piece of shit movie of the
year(that honor belongs to Godzilla, Species 2...among many others).
He's a wise and intelligent man. His reviews are pretty right on the
money (although, I thought Zorro was just ok). Cut him some slack. If
you wanna bitch at someone...bitch at The Mighty Pimp Daddy. You know
I'm your favorite punching bag.
By no means is Simon Birch one of the best films of the year. However,
it's not a piece of shit either. It is, at it's best, a good, cute
little film. It doesn't belong down there with the likes of the
aforementioned flicks above...and Moriarty knows that. He went
"Hallenbeck" there for a few moments, but as soon as he opens that
narrow-mind of his, he'll see the error of his ways.
Well, since I'm on the subject of Simon, I'll take a brief look at this
film.
I saw Simon Birch many, many moons ago. The reason why I'm just now
writing a review for this flick is because it didn't effect me one way
or another. It's not a "BLAH" flick(a movie you forget the instant it's
over), it was just a good little film...NOTHING SPECTACULAR. I'm not
familiar with the book, nor do I care to be(as you can tell I'm still
reading the classics by the DOC). I never compare the movie to the book
because 10 out of 10 times (yes, the numbers are supposed to be that
way) the movie can't hold a candle to the written page(Reason: you are
the director, actors, composer, art director, cinematographer, caterer,
etc....). No matter how good the movie is, it ain't never gonna live up
to your imagination. To compare the two is a waste of braincells. It's
also like comparing the screenwriter's first draft to the final product
on screen. Most of the time the film ain't nearly as good as that first
draft. To bitch about that fact is pointless.
Anyways, as for Simon, I must say, it is a cute little film. I have
conversed with many people who have seen this movie and all(including
Harry) truly like it...if not LOVE it. You may not like the adaptation
of it(hell, even Irving made them change it to "Inspired BY" on the
credits), but a person of average intelligence can't deny the fact this
movie has some charm to it. The only thing that drove me nuts about this
movie was Jim as the Narrator. It seemed so out of place and completely
unnecessary. To think that Joeseph Mazzello grew up to become Jim Carrey
just didn't sit right with me. Otherwise, I thought the film is a nice
little outing. Here's why:
1. The cast - Everyone, from Smith to Platt, did a hell of a job with
their parts. The two leads, Mazzello and Ian Smith, had really good
chemistry. I never doubted for a second they weren't friends...and
that's an amazing feat considering how shallow the talent pool is when
it comes to child actors(is it me or don't you just wanna kill every
single brat you see on screen? You know they gotta be the producer's son
or daughter because no casting agent in their right mind would cast an
obnoxious, ugly little shit like most of the kids we see acting today).
To make this movie work, these two kids had to be believable...their
friendship not just a manufactured one on page. They accomplished just
that. The way they played off each other and the adults around them was
refreshing to see. It didn't seem phoney. It was natural. That's one of
the strengths of this flick.
2. The setting - this is the other strength of this flick. I loved the
time and place this film was set in. I'm a sucker for small town flicks
and this one did a mighty good job of reeling in this City Slicker. I
never once doubted I was in an innocent, hick town in the 1970's...One
where everyone knows everyone else's secrets.
The rest of the movie(ie story and direction) is were the problems lie.
Most of the time, the story had a nice, magical, small town feel to it.
It's a very good coming of age story about two friends(one a
bastard...the other a freak) that, unfortunately at times, took on some
meaty philosophical issues that didn't quite pay off. The main problem I
had with the flick was that fact I never
believed that Mazzello/Carrey believed in God. He says right in the
beginning of the movie that Simon Birch is the reason why he believes in
God, yet I never understood why. Sure, Simon wanted to prove something
to himself and to everyone in town that he's on this Earth for a reason,
but when he finally does so it ain't all that magical(or powerful). I
never cried or cheered at the proceedings...a fact, which is
unfortunate, because I really wanted to(I bet I would've if I read the
book). That's my major beef with the flick.
My minor beef with the flick (besides that whole Sweet Hereafter "Bus
Thing") lies in the directing. At times, I thought I was watching a
good, but second rate knock off version of Stand By Me. Other times, I
felt as if I was watching the Little Rascals. The tone of the movie is
all over the place. It's very funny in some parts(the play)...cute in
others(what's in the bag?). Then, tragedy hits(no spoilers here). I felt
like Sybil...my emotions were all over the place, but not in a good way.
It was too schizo for its own good. It tried to find its tone, but I'm
afraid it was lost for good.
Simon Birch, while it has its faults, is a good movie. It's most
certainly not the most wretchedly awful piece of shit movie Moriarty
proclaimed it to be. Like I was with H20, Moriarty was hurt that the
filmmakers trashed a favorite of his(I still think H20 sucks, but it's
not the worst film I've seen this year, as my review basically stated.
My love of the Halloween movies got the better of me...but the movie
still bites!).
Is Simon worth seeing? -- Considering what's out now and what's coming
out, the answer is...YES!!!
Full price? -- Why not? Are you gonna spend $8 bucks to go see a POS
like Holy Man, or are going to spend that dough on a movie that is, at
it's worst, a decent little flick?
Like I with H20, Moriarty will see the error of his ways. He'll realize
he was much too harsh on this film. He'll still hate it, but he'll be
man enough to admit it's not a fuckin piece of shit he originally stated
it was.
How about that...I only said fuck once during the review? Fuck...I said
it twice! Fuck, FUCK...I said it three...no, make that 5 times! I'm such
an insensitive fuckin prick! Fuck, there I go again! I better fuckin'
stop this before...FUCK, I said it again.
T.T.F.N.,
Joe Hallenbeck
hallenbeck69@hotmail.com
PS I'll be reviewing The Mighty in the very near future. To give you a
clue as to what I thought of this movie, go back and read my Very Bad
Things Review.
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