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Sigh... they're remaking THE BIRDS... Cuz - Van Sant's PSYCHO did wonderful! And A PERFECT MURDER triumphed!

Hey folks, Harry here... I'm writing this less from the point of view of Harry - guy that runs AICN, and more from the point of view of Harry - producer boy. Ya know... there's a sweeping amount of these remakes coming at us from all sides. Literally every day there seems to be remakes - remakes from movies a year old from another country, remakes of classic films, remakes of films that were just really fun and then remakes of films that had a good idea - but as a film never lived up to that idea. That last group - that's the best to work from. But I get the appeal... I do. Not only do you have a ready made ad campaign that worked before... but even if the studio makes a shit film, the publicity from that film serves as a marketing tool to sell the original film in some sort of deluxe dvd that has promotional material for your new version. Check - gotcha...

Recently I was offered a chance to work with someone on an entire library of films to potentially remake. Over two hundred titles. Things... gosh, things I could imagine cool as hell reimaginings of. Films with titles... oh such great titles. Films I've got posters, lobby cards, press books... and even Forrest Ackerman's Famous Monsters of Filmland files on. Films I've known my whole life... whose beats I instinctively know and have thought what if they'd done this or that... or if only they could have had today's tools.

My initial reaction was to act like a kid in a toy store wanting to grab this one and this one and oh yeah this one. I drew up a list of 7 properties... exchanged a couple of emails... and then went to sleep. Over the course of that rest, I thought about it. Did I really want to put my energy into a film that ultimately... I couldn't have actors in that I loved as much as the originals. A film, who... in replacing the director - I don't believe that there is a cooler director alive, in comparison to the original? Oh sure - I could make it BIGGER. I could attach an actor with less of a cult persona and more of a mainstream marketability. But... at the end of that process - would it be particularly relevant to today? If I made it absolutely perfect - great writing - great directing - great acting... Did I want my name associated with a whole developed slate of remakes?

Right now - I'm working on two originals and one adaptation of something that's never seen anything like it on the big screen. That's cool. I love that my two originals are things that were thought up in considering the entire history of their respective genres - and came out of... what I always dreamt of one day seeing done in that genre, that I've never seen. That's what kept a lot of those old time cool directors going. Reinvention. Lawrence Kasdan once said in making SILVERADO that any story you could ever want to tell, could be told in the confines of a Western. I'll go that better - any story you could ever imagine could be told in the confines of any genre or mixture of genres ever imagined. Having said that... there are remakes I like - but in seeing the announcement that Michael Bay's PLATINUM DUNES, Peter Guber and Universal Pictures are mounting a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's THE BIRDS... I just thought... why?

Is it because, when Michael was a boy and he saw THE BIRDS - he saw the film over and over and over. That it captured his imagination and made him dream of one day making movies? Did he put a worm in his hair and run through a park trying to get a bird to peck it from his head? What was the passionate cry to remake it? There's so many stories out there... Sit down, watch a ton of movies, dive in and put them together in your head, scramble them... think about what has always been done in those TYPES of movies - and dream your own... reimagine not a classic single film, but your take on the genre and the archetypes within. Ultimately - and I guarantee it on this one. You'll not make a film worth the slightest moment of the original in this case. Sure, you can make the bird attacks more intense with CG - you can make more birds attack... and in perfect chaotic formation - but you gonna make it happy at the end? Will ya bring a guy with a flamethrower to roast the feather fiends in a great bird roast? Will ya have the birds attack a major city... like New York and the pigeons turn on the breadcrumb tossers on the park benches.

I don't know... It just seems that with each growing day - there's more and more and more of these things. So often these remakes come from a marketing stand point - which I guess is good business... but how often do we see it approached with say the passion that Peter Jackson has been exhibiting on KONG? Where it has literally been a life long dream to explore what else was on Skull Island, the dream to make Kong more expressive and an honest desire to giddily film guys in biplanes firing off machine guns straight into camera? These remakes... they seem to be being used as easy no-brainer slate launches... to build a large line of product. But Platinum Dunes has made 2 films so far. They're about to do a prequel to THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and another remake - THE HITCHER. Add THE BIRDS to that - and I'm left wondering... have they any original voice at all? Any new dreams? Hitchcock did one remake in his career - of one of his own films. And frankly, I prefer the original, but of remakes of Hitchcock films - he did make the best one to date.

Readers Talkback
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  • April 26, 2005, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Oh God...

    by Edward_nygma i hate Michael Bay

  • April 26, 2005, 4:37 a.m. CST

    Wow, i was first...

    by Edward_nygma

    ... there is something to be said for it afterall.

  • April 26, 2005, 4:57 a.m. CST


    by kintar0

    Why aren't we seeing this new Land Of The Dead trailer online yet? For fuck's sake, is this a film geek site or not? Make with the zombie footage. We get bootleg footage of the fucking Narnia trailer, but not for the new George Romero movie? And it comes out in June, no less. For real.

  • April 26, 2005, 5:02 a.m. CST

    If it goes on like this...

    by Volta

    ...Hollywood will disappear right up it's own ass. Get some original ideas, dammit!

  • April 26, 2005, 5:04 a.m. CST

    I think it should be called The Birds 2: Weekend At Birdies, wit

    by prevert

    "Here's my cameo, brother!"

  • April 26, 2005, 5:11 a.m. CST

    Here is why there are so many remakes.

    by spidermanfreak20

    There are so little people with balls and talent to make anything original. Charlie Kaufman,Wes Anderson, P.T. Anderson, David O Russell, M Night and(Richard Link Later sometimes) are the only ones who seem to be doing new stories. Take a look at Saw. They stole the idea from Seven when Doe put the Pride girl in a fucked up situation to live a life without a nose or kill herself. The idea from there was forged and these first timers made it. Shouldn't we all do the same? I think it's kinda sad that we as a generation haven't taken cinema for ourselves. Why is it were stuck for years and years at Aint it Cool bitching about movies yet we havem't made one? Why is it all we ever see from Harry is talk? Yet so far with more connections than the average movie fan I still have yet to see a movie either directed or written by Harry Knowles. There is a great qoute I'll part to you all. "If you want a man to do nothing have him talk about what he wants to do because then he'll do nothing else but talk." Thats us right now 2005 our generation of filmmakers with technology like this and we just talk. Dow e really know how lucky we are? How easy we have it? Spielberg couldn't go and get a 5,000 computer with the bells and whistles to make movie style VFX. Back then he could barely get a camera package. Hell with 30,000 you can buy a good enough package to get started. The problem lies not with technology but learning it. Which really isn't that hard to learn if you got a great story and are driven. The kids from Saw got their film done. Sandy Collora with 30,000 made his Batman film like Alexander says in the end all that matters is what you do. Bitch all you want but we are a lazy generation living off our masters of film. The Cameron,Lucas,Spielberg,Eastwood,Scott etc... Heck even the indepedent movement directors have died in over a decade. Rodriguez,Smith,Tarantino. Sure there making films today but it just feels like it's taking so long because the lack of visionary directors,writers, and all around next new wave of cinema. That next new wave has to be us. But we are all afraid. It's better to just sit back and bitch at a movie then go out and actually make one. There is only one excuse for us to have and that's we have no story or story ideas we care passionately enough to risk it all for. That's it. Dont blame lack of money. Dont blame not knowing anyone or any connections. If you have a story that youyr passionate about and you stay persistent (Kerry Conran) it'll get made. I saw Ultimate Film fanatic the other day with Kid Notorious and what he said to the final two contestants was sort of a wake up call. We had this fat english teacher saying how he lvoes film. The Kid said "Ok so where do you go from there loving films even more?" He called the dude who was 34 on what he is going to do to make his movie. "Oh well um I'm gonna go home get my screenplay pitch it around." To me I knew this guy would do no such thing/ He was on a TV show and had exposure to all sorts of people. He SHOULD HAVE HAD THE SCREENPLAY WITH HIM THERE. MULTIPLE COPIES! But he didn't care he didn't believe like so many of us. We dont believe in ourselves and our stories and ideas. We sit back in the talkbacks and bitch at the ones who came before us and how they've lsot the magic...well duh! It's up to us to use the magic they ocne had and make our own. Create new magic! The only people to blame for this remake of Hitchcock is ourselves because we keep paying to see this shit and we dont put out enough materail thats original for them to make. Say what you want about Hollywood but they are taking more chances now. Look at the slew of graphic novel adaptations that could have been adpated back in the 90's. Look how fast the Potter series went to film. Today even a modestly selling comic,novel (Meg),or old film is put back in theaters. Because there is a lack of anything original. I hate to ramble but it's up to us to make the new stories. And with the technology today and the power of the internet and google (as well assites that let you download thousand dollar software) its possible for less than a used car. The future of cinema is what we make of it.

  • April 26, 2005, 5:14 a.m. CST

    Wasn't there a bird remake made for TV years ago?

    by ELGordo

    Directed by the noted film genius Alan Smithee I believe.

  • April 26, 2005, 5:20 a.m. CST

    Birds II

    by Volta

    ElGordo, it was called Birds II: Land's End, and it had a cameo from Tippi Hedren. Not that that made any difference...

  • April 26, 2005, 5:41 a.m. CST

    Blah Blah

    by spidermanfreak20

    Lazyness or Fear. Pick one. You say it's not up to us? Then who? Just think of this. Every Friday of every year there will always be a new movie from some studio. This must happen so sites like this continue to thrive and people in Hollywood continue to eat. The problem is you need films to fill that Friday. The reason stuff is copied and recycled is because they need to fill that friday spot and it's getting harder and harder to do with lack of films that are MARKETABLE. A story about your breakup with your girlfriend wont cut it. You gotta be Kaufman and think outside the box and say. I'll make a story where my girlfriend breaks up with me.....and she erases me from her memory. You gotta go further. Keep it simple but do it new interesting and universal way. People still go to theaters Shrek 2 proves that. Revenge of Sith, Batman Begins, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory will prove it even more so. Film school is not needed because we already have had it. It's called DVD's which show you how movies are made. Get the idea and the story only we can do it the right way. We must.

  • April 26, 2005, 5:44 a.m. CST


    by Aust1n

    And Harry, that was actually intelligently written, good job.

  • April 26, 2005, 5:59 a.m. CST

    Geeeeh, yeah, remakes are a very recent thing in Hollywood

    by Judge Doom

    Like Ben Hur remakes, there

  • April 26, 2005, 6:02 a.m. CST

    It's not being made becaue of Van Sant...

    by SalvatoreGravano

    ...but because of those two-digit (IQ, that is) teenage American MTVidiots who paid and will pay to see every garbage remake in the last years, from "Texas Chainsaw Moronism" (shilled to hell on a certain site, I might add) to the upcoming "Suspiria", "Hitcher" and "The Thing". And as long as that scum continues to pay to see these parasitic "works" (and vomits its "opinions" of how superior the remakes are to the real films), it will all continue, until michaeL baY and its likes will have to start remaking "Armageddon" and "Pearl Harbor". For the third time.

  • April 26, 2005, 6:06 a.m. CST

    Bet this site changes it's opinion,

    by Darth Kong

    when Harry gets to be IN the film. Remember Texas Chainsaw? Well, let's say Harry gets to be ATTACKED by the Birds. What do you think?

  • April 26, 2005, 6:06 a.m. CST

    would it make me unpopular if i said...

    by mcflytrap

    ...that the original "the birds" was lame?

  • April 26, 2005, 6:17 a.m. CST

    I've heard that Treasure of the Sierra Madre is being kicked aro

    by InspectorDoppler

    I am not shitting you.

  • April 26, 2005, 6:18 a.m. CST

    I hope this is a joke. Like Paris HIlton as Marylin Monroe or Wi

    by moviemaniac-7

    Fucking Michael Bay with his fucking stupid ideas. This man should be barred from every film set in the future. Okay, I enjoyed The Rock, thought Armageddon was entertaining on its first viewing and regard the Bad Boys 'saga' as throw-away summer blockbusting junk - but fun. Pearl Harbor was a crime against filmmaking, but this.... May everyone involved rot in hell.

  • April 26, 2005, 6:23 a.m. CST

    You guys are over reacting

    by Darth Kong

    Just dont go and see it. Jesus.

  • April 26, 2005, 6:24 a.m. CST

    The fact that Platinum Dunes now has the rights confirms it will

    by Blacklist

    No one on this site has any business seeing this remake. It simply isn't for you. And save for the possibility of an AICN/WB network merger, coverage might thankfully be at a minimum. I'm not trying to act like I can read people's minds here and determine what they ought to be watching, but it should be evident that there's a major generational gap somewhere around kids 17-18 now. Generally (very generally), on opposing sides of the gap are people who could be at least old enough to bring a little context into each movie they see, and then people who'd rather mess around with their LCD screen cell phone during the movie. Guess which side Platinum Dunes caters to.

  • April 26, 2005, 6:35 a.m. CST


    by Darth Kong

    So bad you actually dumped you girlfriend? I hope you didnt dump her because of Pearl Harbour. I MET mine because of Pearl Harbour, so regardless of how shit the film is, I am always thankful for that.

  • April 26, 2005, 6:38 a.m. CST

    Um...Ring 2 was not a remake...

    by Drworm2002

    ...But I do hate most Remakes... It's ok sometimes when it's a very old less knowen remake...but OLDBOY....WHAT-THE-FLYING-FUCK. Leave it alone people. There are thousands of other storys out there that need to be told. I got a me...I'll tell you.

  • April 26, 2005, 6:40 a.m. CST

    That's actually kinda sad

    by Darth Kong

    Sorry to hear that.

  • April 26, 2005, 6:48 a.m. CST

    Ah, thats cool.

    by Darth Kong

    Back to THE

  • April 26, 2005, 6:49 a.m. CST

    Thank fuck! The original birds was shite.

    by Angry Chimp

    Seriously though, this is great news, the director of the birds was a fucking hack. There is zero explanation for the birds attacking, other than the bit where Veronica Cartwright suggests that the birds are pissed off because their nests are uncomfortable, and then the fucking film just ends. Lame. I'm hoping the new one will end with scientists using Apple Macs to defeat the winged menace in a massive air battle. That's be soooo cool Any chance they can get Paris Hilton for the Tippi role?

  • April 26, 2005, 7:02 a.m. CST

    Jarv, there was more to the end than you think

    by Angry Chimp

    Have you not seen the deleted scene on the DVD where Cathy lets the Lovebirds out of the cage and they peck her eyes out (like the scene at the school earlier)?? So gross man, it was cut because it was really graphic. I'd agree that The Birds is not his best work, that would have to be Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth. Going back to Veronica though for a min, I do believe she is seriously fabulous - Look at the list geeks, she was in this, the best version of Body Snatchers, FUCKING ALIEN!!! and she was the best one in it (anyone anally raped by a tail gets my vote) and to top it all - The Witches of Eastwick. It doesn't get much better than that.

  • April 26, 2005, 7:09 a.m. CST

    "Strangers on a Train" Also Being Remade

    by DanielKurland

    Surprised that this also wasn't being mentioned. I'm a little worried about this one as the original is such a good movie. With any luck it'll end up staring Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott try to bang the "strangers" that inhibit the "train".

  • April 26, 2005, 7:10 a.m. CST

    Why remakes (and so many movies generally) are rubbish

    by Superpaddy

    I agree that remakes are generally lousy and best avoided, but the concept of a remake is not wrong per se. Each time Hamlet is performed on stage, it is essentially a remake. Shakespeare has been remade and reinterpreted for 400 years, and no one could reasonably argue that only the original Elizabethan productions have any merit. The problem with movie remakes is that Hollywood seems to be comprised of two groups who control the creative process. The first is obvious - the studio suits who write the cheques, don

  • April 26, 2005, 7:12 a.m. CST

    Say What!?

    by Evil Chicken


  • April 26, 2005, 7:15 a.m. CST

    Remake bothers me less than who's doing it.

    by Mister Man

    I can just see images of "The Swarm." Oh, goody.

  • April 26, 2005, 7:20 a.m. CST

    A parrot bit me once. Ouch.

    by Mister Man

    He'll probably set it in South Beach.

  • April 26, 2005, 7:36 a.m. CST

    Hitchcock was a cock suckin' remaker himself, Yo!

    by Angry Chimp

    Yeah and Alf remade a bunch of his own films - for starters there was the brilliant, and in my opinion DEFINATIVE HITCHCOCK FLICK, Blackmail, which was great as a silent movie then that no-talent dumbass brit remade it as Blackmail (with sound and that) he went on to make Torn Curtain in 1966, only to remake it in 1987 as Ripped Drape (which was slighty better). The thing is, Psycho was better in colour and besides people, no fucker is gonna remember any of the remakes after a couple of years... so really, what's the harm. I'm looking forward to a remake of Schindler's List as the ROCK in the Liam role. That'd ROCK HARD.

  • April 26, 2005, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Hottest Hitchcock BABE EVER!!!

    by Angry Chimp

    Oh man, Tippi in an XXX...hmm yummy. Forget this remake bullshit, who was the hottest Hitchcock babe? My money is on Tippi, she was delicious, although Eva Marie in North by MYARSE was quite the fox. Then again Farley Granger in Strangers was... oops.

  • April 26, 2005, 7:50 a.m. CST

    If they absolutely HAD to revisit PSYCHO...

    by Pardon_My_Zinger

    They should've done a version more directly based on Robert Bloch's original novel, where Norman Bates was an openly bitter, 40-year-old fat guy. John Goodman would've kicked ass in the part. Seriously.

  • April 26, 2005, 7:58 a.m. CST


    by kiddae

    Didn't Harry LOVE the Texas Chainsaw remake because it had his big fat head in it? The Birds is actually ripe for a remake - it definitely fits into Fatman's category of "films that had a good idea - but as a film never lived up to that idea" (lovely sentence structure there). Yeah yeah, Hitchcock was an untouchable genius blah blah, the fact remains that all the composited bird shots look terrible. I'm not saying I expect much from Bay's people, but I don't see why anyone would be against a Birds remake in principal. P.S. Sort your fucking grammar out Harry, you repellent fuckshaft.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:01 a.m. CST

    Veronica Cartwright? Top Hitchcock babe - sick dude!

    by Angry Chimp

    Only joking, I'm feeling all funny for Ingrid and maybe get her daughter to join in for a bit of a laugh... Then again Tallulah Bankhead on that little dingy in Lifeboat, COME ON TALLULAH HONEY, LETS GET THIS RAFT A ROCKIN'. I believe that was also a deleted scene on the DVD.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:03 a.m. CST

    Hollywood is dead

    by CuervoJones

  • April 26, 2005, 8:11 a.m. CST

    A Perfect Murder was actually good though!

    by Drath

    Dial M for Murder wasn't Hitchcock's best (although it's true that even his worst movies had better moments in them than most directors' whole careers). And the remake actually added something clever to the mix by making the adulterous lover another bad guy who is the one hired by the husband to kill his wife. I don't know how the box office did, but I really don't care, I'm glad that remake got made. That said, I don't know what they can add to the Birds to make it worth remaking. Take away the Hitchcocking touches and you're left with an overly familiar end of the world when animals attack plot. Good luck to them, I guess. It'll probably just fit in fine with the other horror remakes that are all the rage now.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Jarv, I think I saw that one, how about...

    by Angry Chimp

    the bit in the 'special edition' of The Maltese Falcon where Bogey bends Mary Astor over the desk and forces her to tell him if she killed his partner by buggering her senseless. Jeez man, if you thought Bogeys face was ugly, wait to you see his johnson. more rubbish at

  • April 26, 2005, 8:15 a.m. CST

    Go on, square the circle. You bloody Hypocrite

    by Riccardogogo

    Sadly ironic that the constant hyperbole lavished upon remake after remake, sequel after unnecessary sequel, on this site has finally led to this, pathetic, "Damascean" revelation. Look mate, it really isn't rocket science. You and your tiresome ilk make a career out of whittering on about rubbish, "Spiderman 2 is so fucking cool," etc etc. Then you get all self-righteous when news like this (the tiresome, relentless progression of profit over art,) appears. So remember, just before you gear yourselves up for the inevitable year of promoting the Superman REMAKE- be careful what you wish for. Because Hollywood will remake it.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:27 a.m. CST


    by MrNelson

    I've written a synopsis for a book. Now it lies at HarperCollins (the publisher) in London. Wanna make a movie out of it? Anyone? I challenge you all!

  • April 26, 2005, 8:30 a.m. CST

    forget all those...look at what i have found! Superman Returns p

    by DarthBakpao could this be real?

  • April 26, 2005, 8:34 a.m. CST

    Let me tell you this...

    by MrNelson

    The money is good, the scenery changes and i'll let you use explosives! and that poster is as real as a fake $100 note...

  • April 26, 2005, 8:35 a.m. CST

    "Dya know Harry's a producer? Wrote a song 'bout it ...

    by squidman

    wanna hear it? Here it go ...

  • April 26, 2005, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Since The Birds is considered to be one of Hitch's lesser effort

    by Barry Egan

    Of all the recent remakes, this one seems the least offensive to me. In fact, there are some improvements on the original that could be made. The problem with remaking a classic like River Kwai remain the question of why? How would you improve on it?

  • April 26, 2005, 8:37 a.m. CST

    When's the Bible gonna get remade?

    by Angry Chimp

    Seriously seriously, can imagine the plagues, the violence, the parting of the waves, God's bush... (in the XXX version) and best of all THE ROCK as Moses, Noah and then in a bizarre piece of visual effects, Mary giving birth Jesus - both played by The Rock. AGAIN CHILL PEOPLE - The Birds remake will come and go and then no one will give a shit about the remake - the suits will be ahppy because they have some more cash, the kids will be happy because they saw an almost decent film, we'll have forgotten all about it because we'll be ranting about the inpending remake of Blade Runner or Fight Club or Citizen Kane or whatever and then the teens will watch the original Birds on some old movie channel and a couple of them will think 'hey, that's much better than the remake - when's the remake of Repo Man out?'. See the world keeps turning.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:42 a.m. CST

    Jarv, that's a shit idea. Get serious man!

    by Angry Chimp

    No way anyone would remake Casablanca, then again there were a few problems with the original... I mean, Bogey, he was shit wasn't he?

  • April 26, 2005, 8:45 a.m. CST


    by Darth Kong

    That poster sucks ass! It had better be fake.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:51 a.m. CST

    For some nice 'fan art'...

    by MrNelson

    I found this for Kong Eat that blue panties!

  • April 26, 2005, 8:51 a.m. CST

    Fuck Riccardogogo

    by Darth Kong

    We're here to chat, why not just bloody well chat. This thread was getting boring anyway, so it was something new to talk about. Also, Im not hyping up the superman remake, any more than the countless other films out there that we're all dying to see. Yknow what, if Harry posted a story entitled i dunno... 'EXCLUSIVE - MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3 teaser artwork' tomorrow, you would click on the story and probably comment on it too. So fuck you.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Hey, I won't see this piece of crap.

    by Blue_Demon

    I didn't see the Texas Chainsaw remake, or the remake of Psycho or a ton of of other stuff that clogs the theaters. The remakes didn't bother me one bit. I've still got the originals. And of course since Harry is so against the idea of this remake, he won't allow it to be advertised on this site, right Harry?

  • April 26, 2005, 8:54 a.m. CST

    What's your Problem with remakes?

    by DerLanghaarige

  • April 26, 2005, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Sorry for that...

    by DerLanghaarige

    I wanted to write further: Just don't watch them. There's still a great original!

  • April 26, 2005, 8:55 a.m. CST

    My girlfriend owns "A Perfect Murder"

    by rev_skarekroe

    I think that has more to do with Vigo Mortenson, though.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:55 a.m. CST


    by Darth Kong

    You hit the nail on the head there.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:56 a.m. CST

    Unless of course

    by Darth Kong

    Harry gets to be IN the film...then it'll be a worthy remake.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:58 a.m. CST


    by Darth Kong

    Fair enough. But as I said, this thread was boring, and I wanted to see something new.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:59 a.m. CST

    Geek quotes sre for fuckwads

    by Jabba the Slut

    I am talking to you, prevert....I'm sick of the fucking Hulk Hogan quotes for every damn post. Can't you be more original, like the dickface that made up another nugget of knowledge, "teh suck". How fucking funny.....

  • April 26, 2005, 8:59 a.m. CST

    The Birds always seemed like sort of a lame movie to me. Was it

    by jimmy_009

    I never 'got' it.

  • April 26, 2005, 8:59 a.m. CST

    But again...

    by Darth Kong

    You opened THIS story, and have posted a few times. So even if this remake is a total piece of shit, you had to look. It's like a car accident, or that little flash of white pants when the woman opposite you on the bus has her legs opened too wide, or someone's huge just wanted to see.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:01 a.m. CST

    That post was meant for you Jarv

    by Darth Kong

    Sorry, everyone is posting so fast. haha

  • April 26, 2005, 9:03 a.m. CST

    The only remake I own...

    by MrNelson

  • April 26, 2005, 9:04 a.m. CST

    And I checked the Superman poster

    by Darth Kong

    for pretty much the same reason. Someone was bound to bring it i wanted to see it. Then I was overcome with rage...haha...and HAD to post. By the way, did you look at the poster?

  • April 26, 2005, 9:05 a.m. CST

    on DVD is...

    by MrNelson

    SCARFACE. One of the best movies ever made... So not all is shit

  • April 26, 2005, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Paul WS Anderson

    by Groggy

    I know he comes in for a lot of hate in on AICN, but just food for thought regarding the fact that he is a vapid fanboy hack; Anderson has an undergraduate degree (in history?) and definitely least a Masters Degree in Film from the University of Warwick. This course is touted as the best in Europe, let alone the UK. Anderson apparently aced the course and in doing so would have had his very, very capable mind subjected to the best world cinema has to offer. Ozu, Ophuls, Renoir to name a few. His tutors would have included the celebrated Hitchcock commentator Robin Wood and VF Perkins. His solid grounding in academic film cannot be questioned. So as to why everything he has touched has turned out to be abbhorent poop is beyond me. (Probably excepting Event Horizon - where is the extended cut Harry once wrote about??)

  • April 26, 2005, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Thanks Jarv

    by Darth Kong

    For your honesty. Now, as for the hell happened then? By all accounts he should be an auteur. Wait a minute..are you sure you're not confusing him with Paul T. Anderson Groggy?

  • April 26, 2005, 9:22 a.m. CST

    The reason there are so many remakes is that they a fucking CHEA

    by HypeEndsHere

    remember: Sony makes TVs on an assembly line. They specialize in risk management. i.e. how do we make the most profit on something that costs us the least amount of money? so they go back to see what's been successful. The Birds was successful, let's make a film like The Birds. Fuck it! Let's just buy the rights (if we don't own them already) and actually remake the Birds! Then we just get a screenwriter to update the script. and the marketing has already been done as the film is a household name. follow the money. (coincidentally, a special edition DVD of the original Birds will become available to the public as this new garbage hits theatres)

  • April 26, 2005, 9:31 a.m. CST

    Not PTA

    by Groggy

    No. I do mean PWA. I recently completed the undergraduate Film degree at Warwick, and PWA, Stephen Merchant and James King (BBC Radio 1 *genius*) were our only really famous alumni. Because of this PWA treated us to a preview of his then new flick, Resident Evil. We were clearly spoiled....

  • You nitwits? Please.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:36 a.m. CST

    leave sadie frost alone, you

    by vicious_bastard

    I wanna see 'Rope' remade if anything has to be. Only a poor cast could fuck it up. The Birds is my least favourite Hitchcock movie. Good but Overrated.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:41 a.m. CST

    Don't be silly.

    by Groggy

    He couldn't even be arsed to show up in person. I can only assume he was too ashamed.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:43 a.m. CST

    There bettter not be a score

    by bmsatter

    If they try to put a score to this film then they truly don't understand the movie.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Hey guys! Fox is remaking "My Friend Flica" right now. Right n

    by Russman

    Get excited!!!!

  • April 26, 2005, 9:49 a.m. CST

    They need some slipknot

    by Groggy

    on the soundtrack. Or maybe they will lay down some G-unit tunes for the kids. If the fast moving birds can't alay the inherent ADD of the "Bay Demographic" then maybe Hip Hop will!

  • April 26, 2005, 9:52 a.m. CST

    No he paid that

    by Groggy

    We just had to rename the library: "The PWS Library of totally awesome flashy stuff and loud noises"...

  • April 26, 2005, 9:53 a.m. CST

    none at all - I just fancy her like hell

    by vicious_bastard

    Apparently she was in The Krays. That was quite good.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:59 a.m. CST

    I don't see The Birds working today. Why not try another animal

    by Darksider

    Hell, if birds attacked today, people would just get in there suv/tank, go home or to a bar or something and stay on their cell phones. The only people would have to worry are the people at the beach or around large bird habitats. Then they could just, I don't know, leave? Large media corps. and modern technology kind of make some stories ridiculous. That with terrorism, tsunamis, and giant meteor strikes(Bay again).

  • April 26, 2005, 10:10 a.m. CST

    The Library

    by Groggy

    was easily found by following the sound of unnecessary explosions and horrible dialogue that offered nothing to the casual eavesdropper. Apparently it did have original books in there, but I only found the PWS versions. They all had very nice font and plenty of big pictures, but really failed capture the essence of the originals. You actually got dumber as you browsed through them.

  • April 26, 2005, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Speaking of remakes...

    by CJA

    Am I the only one who wonders if we really need another King Kong. I know Mr. Jackson could film a turd right now and we'd all love it, but this giant ape remake is just such a naff idea. I cringe when I think how camp such a film could turn out and I cringe when I think how awkward it could be to have a film that tries to inject too much drama, pathos and emotion into a film that in the end should probably be camp. It's a giant ape for craps sake.

  • April 26, 2005, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Fuck Michael Bay, that retarded asshole!!!!!

    by CyberBeavis1326

    I can't really fucking believe this. If I was ever a filmmaker I'd want to redo "The Birds" and not have it be a title theft like Bay's. I'd warrant a version that is worthy of Hitchcock's style. I knwo you can't immitate Hitchcock, but you can come dangerously close and make a good movie. Directors like Bay come close to the originals, but are ultimately a mess. There will be no way this will be good. Look at "Amityville Horror." He turned one bad made for TV like movie into a really bad straight to video movie. "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" was ok, but it still desecrates the original. Micheal Bay should just stick to doing his over the top summer blockbusters. And I don't mean crap like "Pearl Harbor." I mean the good stuff like "The Rock", or even so silly it's fun like "Bad Boys 2" fare. He should not be poo-pooing on great horror classics.

  • April 26, 2005, 10:23 a.m. CST

    Why does this site hate remakes so much but continues to jizz al

    by I Dunno

    Oh yeah, Peter Jackson. And for the record, The Birds was a stupid movie, I do't care who directed it. They're fucking birds.

  • April 26, 2005, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Library Hi-Jinks

    by Groggy

    When you got out you could not feel. All senses had been eroded down, to the point where anything could have happened and you could not objected as your brain was mush. Remember folks, it's not violation if you can't say "No" - SO VOTE WITH YOUR FEET AND

  • April 26, 2005, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Please everyone relax your sphincters before reading this.

    by HypeEndsHere

    I'm actually worried about the racial overtones of King Kong more than anything. I was always shocked by the story of white men coming to Africa (Skull Isle), bringing a big dark uncontrollable being of magnificent strength by ship to America, then having Kong steal away the ideal beauty of the new world, climb a massive phallic symbol, and be murdered by the white man's technology. Am I the only one? I think King Kong should remain an older film that applied to a certain time and place. Maybe that didn't come out right, (my English is--how you say?...inelligant). but let's just say the story has always rubbed me the wrong way.

  • April 26, 2005, 10:39 a.m. CST

    High Anxiety

    by Volta

    Does anyone remember the "homage" to The Birds in High Anxiety? Mel Brooks getting shat on from every possible angle? That scene cracks me up every time I see it.

  • April 26, 2005, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Unneccessary remakes is what's making Hollywood a friggin' joke.

    by Monkey_King

    try something original, like adapting a book or comic character faithfully without shitting on it and making into 'Hollywoods' version of it, or 'based on the book...comic, etc...' Retards, all of them I tell ya!

  • April 26, 2005, 10:50 a.m. CST

    How remakes get started

    by MasterShake

    Suit #1-"What do you have for me today?" Suit #2-"Zip, nada. We're creatively bankrupt." Suit #1-"Well, I was watching that Turner old movie channel, and saw this great flick, must have been made in the 40's, about birds attacking this New England town. Had a hunk in the lead, and a babe in distress." Suit #2-"Made in the 40's, eh? The copyright may have lapsed and we can get the rights for next to nothing." Suit #1-"I see Ashton Kutcher in the lead, and Lyndsey Lohan as the babe. She can scream good, can't she?" Suit #2-"You bet she can, boss. I see at least $250 mil worldwide, maybe another $100 mil from DVD sales." Suit #1-"Let's get right on this. I can't remember the title of the movie. go google 'bird movie'."

  • April 26, 2005, 10:51 a.m. CST

    I'm not really taking the piss

    by HypeEndsHere

    i mean, i get that it's about a massive gorilla, but it's too close to a nerve for me for some reason. seems a bit thinly veiled. as for LOTR, that seems more forgivable (not that Kong's creators need to be forgiven) as it's really just a collection of old nordic/celtic mythologies.

  • April 26, 2005, 10:52 a.m. CST


    by Groggy

    Hitler banned this film from being shown in the Third Reich as he felt it had racial undertones, that undermined, rather than enforced his own *conservative* pov. He equated Kong with ethnicity (Irish,Romany,Black,et al) who was almost strong/passionate enough to overpower the good old WASPs. Kong was also a randy old sausage who wanted a bit Wray, something Adolf just couldn't handle. It's there if you look Jarv. But Kong is very much of it's time politically as well. The unveiling of the Empire State, The Depression and on and on. I love the movie though.

  • April 26, 2005, 10:57 a.m. CST

    For Jarv

    by MrNelson

    I think that The Two Towers is the best of all the LOTR. That moment when Gandalf shows up with millions of riders at the break of dawn delivers me the goose when i think about it. But thats just me...

  • April 26, 2005, 10:58 a.m. CST

    LOTR = Das Rheingold

    by vicious_bastard

    Shameless. Wagner and Tolkien have both been unfairly accused of racism. Would Hitler have allowed an albino ape?

  • April 26, 2005, 11:02 a.m. CST


    by Groggy

    True. But as you say the film was schlock to be peddled to the masses. An SFX movie with the first real Orchestral Max Steiner score, stunning special effects of exotic lands. All designed to sweep the average Joe out of American Depression, just like lil' Ann Darrow was plucked from a life of street crime. It was carefully designed to appeal to it's audience. As such Kong was created to be rooted for, the animator (whose name shamefully escapes me) said he based Kongs movements and fighting style (wrestling/boxing) on those popular with the then 'underclasses' - the Irish/italian/african americans. He was stylized as such in a deliberate attempt to appeal to this audience.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Albino Ape?

    by Groggy

    No. His cock would still be too big for little Ann. Shame on you

  • April 26, 2005, 11:11 a.m. CST


    by The Librarian

    ...birds! I mean, ooooh, scary!... so, just... look out... (shiver and whimper)... birds.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:18 a.m. CST

    According to IMDB trivia

    by HypeEndsHere

    Both Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack had been wrestlers, and they acted out the fighting moves for the battle between the T. Rex and Kong in the effects studio, before the animators shot the scene. And in the final plane attack on Kong The flight commander is director Merian C. Cooper and his observer is producer Ernest B. Schoedsack - they decided to play the parts after Cooper said that "we should kill the sonofabitch ourselves".

  • April 26, 2005, 11:21 a.m. CST


    by MrNelson

    All this Hitler / rascism talk is so lame. Lets remake WWII!

  • April 26, 2005, 11:25 a.m. CST


    by Groggy

    The extended edition of ROTK is better altho it still suffers from not quite knowing when to end. As such I have heard that Tobe Hooper is in negotiation to remake it, apparently Brad Douriff is being recast as Frodo, Sam, Treebeard, shelob and Tom Bombadil. Vin Diesel will play Cracker. A hobbit who don't play by the rules. Pauly Shore will make his long awaited comeback as King Eric the wacky and zany Lord High Wizard. COMING 2005

  • April 26, 2005, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Remaking Birds is a bad idea, but Suspiria is a good one.

    by Homer Sexual

    I must say that I never heard of Suspiria until I started hanging here, and it wasn't an easy DVD to come by, but it is the bomb! It's a great flick, and a remake wouldn't be better, but it would expose people to this movie, a gem most people have never heard of. P.S. The problem with Perfect Murder was the casting: Gwyneth is married to Michael Douglas. Whatever, no wonder she decided to bang Viggo. Same with Psycho. Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates? Methinks Van Sant was hot for Vince, because he couldn't have been more wrong for the role.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:30 a.m. CST

    they remade HERBIE the Love Bug, nothing is sacred...

    by so sorry

  • April 26, 2005, 11:32 a.m. CST


    by Groggy

    He only gets a small gun and big vest I'm afraid. As for the Naomi Watts hooker hobbit, she was doing ok until she realised "They have a cave troll".

  • April 26, 2005, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Who of you...

    by MrNelson

  • April 26, 2005, 11:36 a.m. CST in the film business?

    by MrNelson

    I work in the film business and all I hear is SHIT. Who of you TB-ers is working in the business and is not thirsty for new stuff?

  • April 26, 2005, 11:37 a.m. CST

    Remaking Early Argento???

    by Groggy

    What is this blasphemy? The world just got a whole lot worse. No Goblin, no good.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:39 a.m. CST

    The Birds sucked...

    by Broodwich

    Bring on the remake. I'd also like to see the Suspiria remake, that could be cool.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Crazy idea: instead of remaking these films, how about giving t

    by Barry Egan

    This gives the younger viewers an opportunity to see these pictures theatrically. Remaking them helps legitimize the idea that if it's old it's crap.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Just As Long As They Don't Remake Hitchcock's "Topaz"

    by Jervis Tetch

    Now that was one hell of a terrifying scare classic! Though Adam Sandler and Amy Poehler would be perfect for the romantic leads.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Argento was the man

    by Groggy

    If you can find any....see them before Disney buys them up and digitally inserts a youthful Kurt Russell to solve all the crimes.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:44 a.m. CST

    good call on the bad casting of Vince Vaughn

    by HypeEndsHere

    the point is that Norman Bates is NOT frightening. and that he is so timid that he questions his own sexuality.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:46 a.m. CST

    latest Batman Begins trailer

    by abcdefz1

    Speaking of bad remakes... just kidding. I'm looking forward to this, and I think this trailer that popped up on MTV is hard to argue with. By the way, I'm glad someone earler mentioned Cronenberg's version of THE FLY. That movie alone should mean remakes should at least be considered if they're as thoughtful and moving as his version was. Anyway....

  • April 26, 2005, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Jarv, HypeEndsHere

    by I Dunno

    I realize that birds can kill people (actually I didn't but thanks for the heads up) but a scary film that does not make. "A horde of -INSERT RANDOM ANIMAL HERE- invading a small town or beach community is what the TNT network is for........HypeEndsHere, I hope you were joking but I suspect that you weren't. First of all, the "white man brings a creature from an island to the city where it wreaks havoc" thing was done before King Kong in "The Lost World" (1925, not 1997). As for associating apes with black people, you're either a racist or a self hating black man. Oh and LOTR:ROTK, I didn't notice any racism in it but I'm willing to learn if someone can explain it but I do know that it, along with the other two was an overly long, pretentious, homoerotic (not that there's anything wrong with that) circle jerk. And Sauroman, the main (personified) villain simply disappearing with one line of dialog explaining what happened to him is the worst example of storytelling since Greedo shooting first. And the giant glowing vagina being the main villain makes the phallic Empire State Building thing seem subtle and subdued.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:47 a.m. CST

    As a 'creative director'...

    by MrNelson

    I have advised people (producers, writers and directors) to do and what not to do. All taking in account the pros and cons. But the originality of the script is my main goal... So remakes for me are 99% a waste of time.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:55 a.m. CST

    The Birds

    by Jervis Tetch

    Unlike "Psycho," which was the first slasher movie and considered quite the shocker in its time, "The Birds" is a lot more of a "woman's picture," with Hitchcock spending lots of time on Tippi Hedren, Suzanne Pleshette, Jessica Tandy, and Veronica Cartwright as these various women square off and flock around poor old Rod Taylor as a Mama's Boy bachelor lawyer. A lot of this stuff is closer to Hitchcock in his "Vertigo" art film mode than to today's horror thrillers. So I don't think we're looking at much of a true remake with this new "Birds." The old "Birds" wasn't really that scary either (it was written that Hitchcock was trying to back away from the violent reputation that "Psycho" had.) Count on the new one to have plenty of CGI and lots of close-ups of eyes getting pecked out, spurtin' blood everywhere. Yah.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:57 a.m. CST


    by I Dunno

    Yes, I am American. Let the vilification begin. I understand what you're saying but I don't see how any of that has to do with Lord of the Rings. So you weren't serious about the King Kong thing? Kudos then for your satire, because I actually know people who genuinely believe what you posted.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:57 a.m. CST

    But PJ remaking KONG is A-OK...

    by Spike Fett

    ...because he's Harry's compadre.

  • April 26, 2005, 11:59 a.m. CST

    I'll give a free ride to LOTR

    by HypeEndsHere

    as it's a jigsaw puzzle of nordic/celtic xenophobic tales. but, I Dunno, "you're either a racist or a self hating black man". so those are my options, eh? as for making the association between an ape and a black man, i was pointing out that this is an old racist idea. one that i do not agree with. which is why i specifically used it in my argument against King Kong.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:10 p.m. CST

    It makes perfect financial sense in the "new Hollywood"...

    by bigdickmcgee

    Since most movies are aimed at dumb teenagers, these remakes reap a lot of cash. The audience (of dumb teenagers) hasn't seen the original, doesn't care about it, and probably thinks it "sucks". So a flock of CGI birds ripping up Paris Hilton will get them into the theatre, and they'll buy the Xbox Birds first person shooter, etc. Bay's movies follow the same formula: people being chased and shit blowing up real good. If you've ever seen a TV interview with Bay you'll know he's not exactly swift...the man's mind is basically two hamsters on a wheel. But he's perfect for the age. Blow some shit up, Mike! We'll grumble about it...but we'll probably see it, 'cause there's nothing else to see.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:13 p.m. CST


    by Groggy

    "To look for it is weak thinking" Why is that? Surely to try and understand something is to explore every possible facet of potential interpretation. Looking for meaning where there may actually be none is not weak thinking. It is a process of elimination. There may and probably are racist undertones in Kong and LOTR - however are these really the main aspects of these films? No, of course they aren't. That these ideas are able to be debated suggests that they are ambivilent and that the weight of the racism (or whatever, choose your -ism) is largely immaterial to the final product. The weak thinking comes into exactly how much value you place on single theory or facet, i.e. What can actually be justified. But you can only decide that when you poke around a bit.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:15 p.m. CST

    Dull! Dull! Duller!!!!!!!!

    by MrNelson


  • April 26, 2005, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Darksider: the original story had other species start attacking

    by FrankDrebin

    The birds were just the vanguard. The subtext was that humans had "upset the balance of nature" or something, and now nature was hitting back.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:26 p.m. CST

    YOU ALL NEED TO GET LIVES(or write your own damn movie)

    by CinemaFunkmanChi

    I'm only curious, but after reading all your guys'lame ass whining, I wanna know how many "original" movies YOU have written. EXACTLY! Shut the hell up and go to work or class or something. I registered for this talkback thing for only one reason and that was to respond to all you film "genious's". You wanna know why The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake was a hit? (Now think about this only after you admit to yourselves that the original is a "classic" by default.) Its not because the 80 million was spent by "two digit" IQ's, it was because it was released in the fall and was simply a good time for dates, friends and all you fan boy fucks who sat in the back and are now pretending to be total film purists. Gimme a break. If the remake is no good itself, then just thank the lucky stars that all of you "purists" now have your original film being watched by a lot of curious newcomers. So just, relax, take a Xanax, cuz the onlsaught of remakes 'aint never gonna end. Enjoy!

  • April 26, 2005, 12:32 p.m. CST

    It's all about: [1] name recognition and [2] risk aversion

    by FrankDrebin

    Hollywood has a 100 year library to stripmine. I'm just glad they consider Kubrick's films too slow-paced to remake.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Ok, at least we're talking about this with civility.

    by I Dunno

    Almost unheard of on this site. I'm no huge fan of Lord of the Rings and I admit to not reading Tolkien's other works but I still don't really see the racism in it. From what I gathered, the point was that non-humans were fading out and that humans were to become the dominant species but I don't see anything inherently racist about that. I mean hobbits and elves are imaginary creatures that I don't see in the real world unless I'm really drunk. At worst the story supports monarchy, which sucks but that's how they roll in Britain. As for Kong, I can't express enough the hypocracy of a cat whose favorite movie is the original Kong, derides all remakes, bleats "Man in Suit!" until I want to kill the nearest kitten, and is creaming all over this CGI soon to be crapfest. I mean Jack Black, for Chrissakes. But it's your site.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:45 p.m. CST

    CinemaFunkmanChi: You're saying we should just shut-up and accep

    by FrankDrebin

    It's not my job to write new stories. It my job to fund them by buying a ticket. We're upset here because one more original idea has lost it's place on the Hollywood assembly line to make room for something unoriginal. We're upset here because the audience which you represent is content with anything dumps on your plate.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:48 p.m. CST

    What's with the hating on The Birds?

    by Durendal

    True, it wasn't Hitchocks best, but it was far from his worst. Alfred made some of the best movies to hit the screen, but he did make some pretty bad ones, mostly early in his career. I happen to like The Birds. Yeah, the effects look cheesy at points these days, but it was a very well-done film. Ever notice that there was no musical score whatsoever in that film, yet it was still chillingly effective? How many directors could pull something like that off? Even if it was Hitchcocks weakest film, his weakest is better than Bay (or 90% of directors in Hollywood) will EVER be.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:49 p.m. CST

    A Perfect Murder was a damn good movie.

    by Osmosis Jones

    It actually had some more interesting twists than Dial "M" (even if the ending kinda sucked). That said, the idea of a Bay-produced Birds remake fills me with horror.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Anyone see the Birds 3-D film at Universal Orlando?

    by I Dunno

    It was in the Alfred Hitchcock attraction, now replaced by "Shreck-3-D" It was pretty cool. That is all.

  • April 26, 2005, 12:58 p.m. CST

    AICN's supporting Kong because it's being remade out of fanboy l

    by FrankDrebin

    Look at the size of this talkback. You'd think it was about Star Wars. (And on THAT topic, Lucas is going to appear on the OC. But I'm sure it will be more than just a calculated Fox cross-promotion. So very, very much more.)

  • April 26, 2005, 1:10 p.m. CST

    The only racism in LoTR is what people choose to read into it.

    by morGoth

    But go ahead Jarv...all this was hashed out on this very site years ago. Tolkien was not a racist and I can come up with many, many excerpts from his writings to prove it. Well, once I get home as I'm on me lunchies break now. Anyway, he was even approcahed by some nazi official and Mr. T told him he didn't want anything to do with the Nazi's and their stupid Aryan superiority policies. Really, read for yourself people and don't rely on hearsay or the friggin' internet! **Re-make the Birds? Hmmm...can't see it being done any better only more graphic and with a rap soundtrack. Think I'll pass...

  • April 26, 2005, 1:21 p.m. CST

    I've written 4 original films and 12 television scripts.

    by HypeEndsHere

    None produced (natch). But why WOULD Hollywood invest in an original script? they have a whole backcatalog. I was watching some Trio program about getting a film made and one screenwriter after successfully writing a film was asked for ideas for films. the studio heads said: "before we hear your ideas, take a look at this list of films we have the rights to". i shit you not. also, on a nice note, i'm pretty happy this Talkback has actually managed to stay civil while discussing Nazis, LOTR, and racism. Good show! and Jarv, fuck you! I'm kidding. that was just radomly stupid and i couldn't resist.

  • April 26, 2005, 1:36 p.m. CST

    We on this site may disagree on a lot but there's one thing we c

    by I Dunno

    All Hollywood studio executives need to be beaten to death in front of their children. That is all.

  • April 26, 2005, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Consider This

    by Jervis Tetch

    What if we have a year in which all the movies are remakes? Then, 20 years later, they'll have to make original films, because they can't remake the movies from a year of remakes can they? BTW, that year could be THIS year: The Longest Yard, The Bad News Bears, The War of the Worlds, Bewitched, King Kong, Batman, Star Wars,....

  • April 26, 2005, 2:10 p.m. CST

    birds are scary?

    by Bouncy X

    why remake this one? maybe back in the 50's or 60's whenever this came out, having birds attack made for a scary movie but i cant see it working today. if Bay wants to keep remaking "classics" fine but he could at least pick movies that could work today and possibly work better. if a tv movie sequel in the 90's didnt work, i dont see another one made today working any better. i think the original chainsaw and amityville sucked but at least i could see them still working and being improved. but the birds? for real? hmmmm...

  • April 26, 2005, 2:28 p.m. CST


    by Solrider77

    Crap I was gonna do a remake of THE BIRDS. My big plot twist was gonna be that the mom is actually controlling the birds. Oh, well back to the drawing board.

  • April 26, 2005, 2:34 p.m. CST

    Birds are really scary to some people

    by abcdefz1

    It's weird, but true. I've had a cockatiel in my office for about three and a half years now, free to fly if he wants. I'm sometimes stunned by people who are scared when he flies to their shoulder or flies past them or whatever; I've seen a 6 foot 4", 220 pound dude shriek and go into an almost instant fetal collapse. These are folks who LIKE the bird, coo at it, sing to it, talk to it, etc. But they just have some innate fear of a two-ounce dude flying near them. Maybe that's why some folks find THE BIRDS to be scary. I don't, personally -- I think there's some suspense, and I love Jessica Tandy in it -- but I still think it's among Hitch's best stuff. Truffaut was right: it's like a poem.

  • April 26, 2005, 2:38 p.m. CST

    this just in

    by bigbadbua

    Spiderman 2, Both Vols of Kill Bill, Sin City, and the whole LOTR trilogy are being remade.

  • April 26, 2005, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Well everyone has phobias.

    by I Dunno

    Mine is snakes. Ironically, my favorite movie is Raiders of the Lost Ark. So yeah, birds are going to be scary to -some- people but that doesn't change the fact that the original movie was lame, the tv remake sucked and the Michael Bay movie, guaranteed to contain government funded genetically engineered birds will suck.

  • April 26, 2005, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Psycho ...

    by Shan

    I guess Gus Van Sant's remake did end up making a fair amount of money ($22 million domestic, $40 million in rentals vs $16 million budget just for the US) ... when I went to see John Carpenter's Vampires in Sydney, they'd put up outside one of the big Sydney cinemas on George Street (painted on glass no less) the name of film spelt PHYCO. When I came out of Vampires, they'd finally noticed and fixed it though.

  • April 26, 2005, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Well, they could remake Wild Beasts ...

    by Shan

    ... or one of those films where all sorts of wildlife attack mankind all at once. There was this German film (I think) called Wild Beasts where it turned out someone had dumped PCP in large metal drums into Berlin's water supply hence all the animal attacks. They did some very impressive stuff with stampeding antelopes and Polar Bears from some affected zoo but ended the film without explaining who was repsonsible for the drums ...

  • April 26, 2005, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Birds aren't scary. That was kinda the point.

    by HypeEndsHere

    But when there's a football field of them coming at your head, then yeah, they get kind of scary. I wonder if the remake will have the balls to leave out BOTH a score AND the reason for the birds attacking like the original.

  • April 26, 2005, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Awesome post dancemonster.

    by Homer Sexual

    But don't forget that Nic C. must also be shown as "caring," saving some little girl from the fireball/birds, or something like that.

  • April 26, 2005, 4:02 p.m. CST

    I thought of this. Instead of doing a remake, just do another ch

    by IAmJacksUserID

  • April 26, 2005, 4:28 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay rapes my childhood.

    by junoshalaman

    My childhood was The Birds.

  • so, uh, does that mean that any story you could ever want to tell would fit under some genre of film? Bold, bold statement. I'm for remakes of BAD films that had a good idea. Or decent films that can be altered in some way due to technological advances. But stay away from the classics. More often than not, you're going to fail. If a movie is THAT good to begin with, why bother? Is a Citizen Kane remake on the way? How 'bout The Third Man? You'd think producers would at least look at box office receipts. A lot of these remakes tank because you can't recapture a classic. Look at Demme's remake of Charade. Someone thought Marky Wahlberg could stand in for Cary Grant. Riiiiight.

  • April 26, 2005, 4:38 p.m. CST

    The Swarm

    by Shan

    I heard Irwin Allen banned the mention of this film at future press conferences. Two journalists who brought it up once got escorted out by security. --------- Not really fair to react like that is it? since it was his fault he greenlit the thing.----------------As for other bizarre ideas, what is this "Locusts" thing is/was headlining on its main page? Sounds dire.

  • April 26, 2005, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Put the other Harry back on...

    by TheKinsman

    this one's got an even bigger ego than the first one.

  • April 26, 2005, 5:21 p.m. CST

    I won't be watching, cuz I just don't care.

    by pencil-man

    P.S. Someday, and you KNOW it will happen, Star Wars will be remade the way we all thought it SHOULD have been made. You are welcome.

  • April 26, 2005, 5:28 p.m. CST

    No way

    by brinkeguthrie

    The Birds...the scariest movie I have ever seen. Especially when I was like 3 years old. I even went to Bodega Bay and saw teh church, and ran down the street like in the movie. It was scary just doing that! How can you make this one better? Answer: you can't!!!!!

  • April 26, 2005, 5:28 p.m. CST

    It is inevitable.

    by Shan

    It may be many decades in the future but provided there isn't any major upheaval in society as we fundamentally know it, Star Wars will be remade. Whether it will be what we want is another thing entirely ...

  • April 26, 2005, 5:32 p.m. CST

    On the subject of remakes ...

    by Shan

    ... I'd like to see a US remake of Takashi Miike's Dead or Alive provided they keep the truly insane ending. I personally see no need for a remake but it's the only way to get people to see foreign films is to remake them into English and I'd like to see critic's heads explode trying to discuss/decry/rage against the end of the film ...

  • April 26, 2005, 6:23 p.m. CST

    Oh people Please! I know it's old Hitchie, but The Birds wasn't

    by The Founder

    Much like Scream was for today on any other horro flick. The birds wasn't this great classic film. It was entertaining, but then i haven't seen it since i was probably twelve, and that was like 15 years ago, so i have no idea how i'd rate it if i saw it now.

  • April 26, 2005, 7:03 p.m. CST

    I am conflicted.

    by Malx

    Michael Bay is one slow-motion explosion away from becoming the Ed Wood of action films, and the thought of him touching a Hitchcock classic makes me want to vomit with terror. However, the only conceivable thing that might be good about such an obvious sign of the Apocalypse would be watching Paris Hilton get her eyes pecked out by ravenous birds. Either in the film or in real life, I'm fine either way.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:51 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is a plague on this Earth...

    by JohnGalt2005

    Destroying everything in his path. Although I will defend "A Perfect Murder" (not that Bay had anything to do with that) because anyone who knows anything about Hitchcock knows he didn't try very hard on "Dial M For Murder" and the remake was decent. That said, let Michael Bay remake "Plan 9 From Outer Space." Nah, he'd probably fuck that up too....

  • April 26, 2005, 9:56 p.m. CST

    I hate remakes but...


    I must, I actually liked the new TCM, DOTD, and AH better than the originals...the old one s were overated. Also, The Thing and Invasion of the Body Snatchers were great remakes. The Birds sucked, I don't really care if they take a crack at that one...but The Hitcher? FUCK NO! It's not old enough, it's not dated at all, and it was perfect.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:57 p.m. CST

    And if this must happen....

    by JohnGalt2005

    Use deer instead of birds. It was the only good scene in RING 2. I might go see The Deer. Let Shyamalan direct it, God knows he's run out of ideas himself.

  • April 26, 2005, 9:58 p.m. CST

    P.S. TCM remake is one of the worst movies ever made

    by JohnGalt2005

  • April 26, 2005, 10:25 p.m. CST

    No way, that prize belongs to the Stepford Wives remake...


    WITHOUT A DOUBT, one of the top ten worst movies ever made

  • April 26, 2005, 11:45 p.m. CST

    Great... another remake

    by Boombche_stum

    While this wasn't any where near being Hitchcock's best, I still don't like seeing it in the hands of Bay (or anyone else) for that matter. Hollywood is running very low on creativity these days, and it also seems many studios have no balls. Only a select few film makers out there in mainstream Hollywood are making anything half way original. And for those posters who will say "just don't watch them".... I don't. But I still have every right to bitch when one gets made. And I really don't care that remakes have been around since the beginning of cinema, why so many at this point in time? And why does it seem like Michael Bay's company can't do one original film? It's just sad. I know remakes are easy to get made and sqeeuze money out of at the box office, but it still grates at me. And whoever thinks a Suspiria remake is a good idea should have their head checked. No director they are going to get is going to be able to recreate the amazing visuals Argento did in the film, no way. (You know they'll get some guy who just did a Britney Spears music video to direct it, you know it). It just wont work, sure they could fix up the plot... but who cares? The plot wasn't the main reason to watch Suspiria in the first place. I got two words for you, visuals and soundtrack. (Goblin's score is great). Good thing I have the willpower to stay away from these shit pile remakes, cause let me tell you, I pitty the people on these boards who bitch about stuff remakes then line up at the local cinema to see crap like this.

  • April 27, 2005, 12:28 a.m. CST

    Michael Bay cannot be stopped

    by Vern

    In the book THE PICK-UP by Charles Willeford, there's a scene where the narrator realizes that his body is like a vehicle, a car that he has been driving around. And, at the end of his rope, he decides that he will no longer drive his car. He will let it drive itself, a machine roaring around out of control until it crashes. That is what Michael Bay is. He's some asshole's shiny new yellow Porsche that drives itself around, and keeps doing burnouts on the corner. It plays some kind of shitty '80s pop rock way too loud and then it parks in front of your apartment with its burglar alarm on way too sensitive so it goes off every time a fuckin grasshopper or leaf blows by. Michael Bay is not a human being. He doesn't have a soul or a heart or even blood pumping through his veins. If you look into his eyes, 2 days later you'll suddenly get real depressed, go roll up in the corner and die. Or all of your hair will turn white. He does not have human concerns, he is a machine, a transformer here to take our culture and roll it through its grinders. He doesn't make movies. He makes transactions. He transfers funds which in turn purchase products which he resells and with those profits he buys more lamborghinis and hummers for his armada. He jerks off to photos of experimental military hardware. It is possible that by remaking THE BIRDS he has overreached, calling attention to his sinister activities in the mainstream. TEXAS CHAIN SAW means more to me but by fucking with Hitchcock he is putting all his cards on the table, daring the world to stop him. But we won't stop him. And he won't stop until he has remade 2001, at which point he and the monolith will recombine and we will all fizzle into dust and colored lights, with cheesy electric guitars ringing in our ears.

  • April 27, 2005, 2:01 a.m. CST


    by Wild At Heart

    The original TCM and DOTD were overrated? ???????????????????????? You don't ever deserve to watch another movie as long as you live, sorry.

  • April 27, 2005, 4:50 a.m. CST

    Big Train

    by Trevor Goodchild

    Anyone see the Big Train sketch when birds were replaced by the working class?

  • April 27, 2005, 6:19 a.m. CST

    Don't look them in the eye

    by Groggy

    Big Train was ace. Have you seen on the double DVD, the one menu screen that slowly fills with the mumbling working class with brown overcoats and flatcaps? Heheheh Jules et Jim with Mrs PotatoHead? Genius.

  • April 27, 2005, 7:27 a.m. CST

    Oh, Now you've gone on fire.

    by Groggy

    Simon Pegg is indeed King Monkey. I really hope that talented group of actors/comedians build upon the success/genius of their TV Shows and Shaun to make more movies. The world would be a better place.

  • April 27, 2005, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Here goes then!

    by Groggy

    I have about

  • April 27, 2005, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Big Train

    by Shan

    I saw that episode with the working class (Trevor G). Big Train was priceless. Remember that sketch about (I have a phobia about spoons - though he didn't actually say that ...).

  • April 27, 2005, 7:52 a.m. CST

    Joke right???

    by DannyOcean01

    First, that Western comment is so true. As a genre it can encapsulate so many themes from other genres that it almost seems little point in moving outside of it. Secondly, the Birds was creepy. Yes, there were those sudden, ferocious attacks, but I don't see Bay handling the slow build-up. It's almost like seeing Superman hanging in the air- there's real menace in that; far more than the birds swooping down with uzis clutched betwixt feathers.

  • This is the world you get when you elect George W Bush. Die all you cunts.

  • "Hey we have a McPresident - now we can do a McHitch."

  • April 27, 2005, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Freedom? Bwahaha!

    by Masht

    The land where you can get as much freedom as you can possibly buy. But if that freedom means you then go piss all over classic works of art, then, sorry mate, you can go take your Washington Monument up your pretty little arse. Think about it - "The Birds" is a prime example of style over substance. There's no plot to speak of - a bunch of birds attack a seaside town and its vicinity. That's pretty much it. But it's all done Hitchcock's way - and that's the whole point. Michael Bay wouldn't know what style was if a truckload of Stanley Kubricks fell on him. This idea of his is even more stupid than making a live-action Thunderbirds when the only thing the TV series had going for it was the marionettes. Michael Bay might make a flick and call it The Birds - but then KFC can take floor scrapings from a tripe factory and call it a Chicken Nugget.

  • April 27, 2005, 9:57 a.m. CST

    I think this might be the longest non-Star Wars/LOTR/Matrix/Mich

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    Good work everyone.

  • April 27, 2005, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Gocha Jarv

    by Masht

    Don't worry, I was well aware that you were in total opposition to this movie idea, but I didn't quite pick up on the sarcastic nuances re the 'Land Of The Free'. No matter - I just felt like ranting on a bit more on the subject to no one in particular.

  • April 27, 2005, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Why I said a Suspiria remake is a good idea, plus..What do YOU t

    by Homer Sexual

    I don't think a Suspiria remake would come close to the original, and probably wouldn't be very good even on its own terms. BUT, Suspiria is not a widely available DVD, nor have most people heard of it. A remake would lead to a wide-release DVD with some publicity, and the super-awesome original (I had to buy it on eBay) will be seen by more people. PS. I can't decide which is the worst remake ever, Stepford Wives and TCM both being so much worse than I ever imagined, and I even saw them with low expectations. I am now going to waste work time trying to come up with an even worse remake, if possible.

  • April 27, 2005, 5:28 p.m. CST

    The bigger problem is Universal Pictures...

    by ComputerGuy68

    think about it, look what they have touched in the past few years. Hell just look at Van Helsing to see how little they care for their old films. Look how they have ruined the Mummy, Dracula, etc. I almost hate them as much as Paramout