Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

God, I wish we were going to be seeing the 2 hour 45 minute cut of this film in theaters this May. I hear it’s a thing of beauty, and that we’ll eventually see it on home video. So how’s the shorter studio-friendly edit play? Let’s see...

Hi Harry, Wierzbowski here.

I sent you the story about the triple X sequel a month or so back. I’ve returned with a vengeance and a review of Mr. Blade Runner’s KINGDOM OF HEAVEN. I saw it at a test screening in Pasadena last night. I’ll start right off by saying I have mixed feelings about this film. I love Ridley Scott’s movies. There hasn’t been one in the past decade that I haven’t enjoyed (ok maybe G.I. Jane). But seriously, this is the man who gave us so many of our fanboy favorites. God bless him for Alien.

On the one hand, HEAVEN is a technical masterpiece, shot with the usual grace and visual flair we have come to expect from Scott. The sets, costumes and overall look of the film are all perfectly executed. The special effects are seamless (finally someone has gotten massive to look completely natural). The film has a cast of thousands feel and an epic story to tell yet still, somewhere along the line it falls slightly short of its goal.

I had trouble pinpointing the reason why I wasn’t connecting with the film as much as I would have liked. It certainly wasn’t the quality of the actors or their performances –the underused Jeremy Irons stands out here- and the little we get of Liam Neeson is fantastic. Ghassan Massoud plays Saladin, and demands your attention. What a great face. Then we come to Bloom. I wasn’t expecting to think much of Orlando Bloom, but even he does a decent job. So what was the problem?

It wasn’t the story, which takes place during the crusades and tells the story of Balian (Bloom), a young blacksmith who rises to protect his people in Jerusalem from foreign Muslim invaders. Do I smell controversy? No, absolutely not. My fears that the Muslims would be depicted as barbarian savages were pleasantly proved wrong. Scott does a great job of not vilifying the Muslims or the Christians, but instead showing the corruptive effects of power, greed and religion from both angles. There are bad individuals on both sides, but there’s no right or wrong side.

So here’s what didn’t work for me. I didn’t feel a connection to Bloom’s character at all. I didn’t care about his moral choices or conflict. There was no sympathy there, and here’s why: had Bloom’s character made one different choice and killed one certain person at one exact moment, thousands upon thousands of people would have been saved. In this regard, the film felt hollow. There was no protagonist to really root for, and I don’t think it’s Bloom’s fault.

I don’t want to bring up a comparison with Gladiator, but love it or hate it, you have to admit that you cared for Maximus and wanted to see him get his revenge. The whole movie built to that moment. There’s nothing like that in this film. No build- up. No real character arc. The villain on the Christian side of the conflict is week, and a set-up confrontation between him and Bloom never happens. I also have to add that mass battles are beginning to look redundant. Scott tries new things here, but we’ve really seen it all before now.

In the end I’m being harsh. I expect a lot from a great filmmaker. In all honesty, this blows the myriad of recent poor-man’s epics out of the water (Troy cough, King Arthur cough… don’t get me started on Alexander). With the abundance of mediocrity these days, I’m hoping this film will shine. Even with its weaknesses, it proves that Ridley Scott is still the king of the epic.

-Wierzbowski out.

Hmmmm... I wonder if a longer running time might have offered you the material that made you give a shit about Bloom? I guess only time will tell...