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Monterey Geek claims to have seen REVENGE OF THE SITH and splooges on the blue dress of fandom!

Hey folks, Harry here with something fun as hell. I heard that there was a screening coming, but I heard it was 2 weeks to 2 and a half weeks away. However, did he see the film? I don't know, but his coyness about a revelation 2/3rds of the way through the film - and who reveals that revelation - has my ass doing a "Guess Who" game - cuz who it is told to, would be my pick for the best thing about the first two films, but apparently it's another character that is the best thing about the first two, but not these two. ARGH! Cuz when you begin to think who is dead and who is alive... it fucks with ya. Course, it could be a ghost. But that really begins to fuck with ya. ARGH! So is it bullshit? Could be. But half the fun of STAR WARS at this point is figuring out what's true and what isn't. And like he says - who the fuck would believe him. I don't know if I do - but I know these things are more fun to tear apart and wonder about - and after watching CLONE WARS 2 - I'm too geeky to stop myself... so here ya go...

  Howdy Harry! Out here in Monterey CA... I am a BIG time fan of your website, and up until now..I have never had shit to write about!.....But right now, I feel like I won the the Biggest GEEK lottery in the history of Geek lotteries! NOW I KNOW!!! I KNOW HOW YOU MUST HAVE FELT WHEN YOU SAW "AOC' before everybody else back in 02..!!!!!!!!!! Only I Keep saying " who the fuck is gonna believe my shit??!!! HA!" Then I Stick my big fat ass with a "12" needle to remind me that IT WASN'T A DREAM!!!! Ok soooo where to begin, WHERE TO BEGIN where to FUCKING BEGIN???? (CALMING DOWN, TAKING DEEP DEEP BREATHS HERE!)! HA! ....I feel like one of my nephews whos been eating snickers bars round the clock...!!!!!!!!!!!! begin with my GF works an ex cap for one of the biggest movie theater chains in northern CA they have theaters in Sacramento, SF, San Jose. and of course, right here in it turns out, one of the big boys at ILM frequents one of the theaters in SF with his fam...hes a really cool guy, I have met him once or twice (Hmmm does he maybe have a thing for my girl? HA!)...Anyway...My Gf comes home from wk on sat and shes giddier than when combine, Pizza, sex, and the Lord of the Rings triology!!!....I say Sooo "whats up babe?" She says...(trying to hold herself togeather!!!) "Would you like to go out to ILM with me on Monday, and see the finished version of Episode 3? (Nawwww...think I'd rather stay home and suck the creme out of Twinkies with a straw, Homer Simpson style! ) OF COURSE I SAY FUCKING RESOUNDINGLY 'HELL FUCKING YES!!!!!....OK OK OK OK OK (TAKING DEEP BREATHS, TAKING DEEP BREATHS...LOSING CONCENTRATION FROM COMBO OF TO MUCH SUGAR, NO SLEEP, AND AN MULTIPLE ORGASMS FROM SEEING "THE MOVIE EVENT" OF THE YEAR!...OK OK OK...WHEW I am calm! ...ok..sooooooo going into ILM is like well...GETTING INTO FORT KNOX, OR THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE....Everyone has heard that story from the 80's about how Ronald Reagan asked to see "Skywalker Ranch" and was turned down!!!! HA! ..Anyway....So the security in this place is tighter than a virgin's pussy on prom nite!!!! no fucking joke (and yes I know..."Statement of the obvious!!")  

Ok..ok sooooo we meet the guy at the gate...we get Passes..( I am READY TO FUCKING EXPLODE AT THIS POINT! ) I feel like the UFOLOGIST "Stan Friedman" (Thats is that fuckers name right? HA!) if he was givin' a big fuckin' free pass to Area 51!!!!....I could go on, and fucking on, about how this place is a world onto itself...but that would take a whole other letter to write about!  

The "Screening room" we entered was really a mini "stadium theater" ..COMPLETE WITH DRINKS HOLDERS!!!, TRAY HOLDERS FOR FOOD, AND AN EXTENSIVE CAFETIRIRA RIGHT NEXT DOOR!! (Ok I know thats a minor fucking point!..but HEY its the "Little things" right?)....Well I am sitting there..and clasping my Girl friends hand so tight...that the sucker was really really really gonna fall off!..AND THEN...AND THEN...IN THE SCREEN IN FRONT OF ME IT HAPPENED!!  

IT HAPPENED (AND NO ONE IS FUCKING GONNA BELIEVE ME! HA! OH WELL...."FUCKEM'! HA!)...I was watching...the opeing crawl for .................EPISODE 3: REVENGE OF THE SITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Soooooooooooooo after I caught my breath.....and that took A LONG FUCKIN TIME! ..On the screen in front of me..was maybe the GREATEST SPACE BATTLE, NOOOOOO FUCK THAT!, ONE OF "THE GREATEST BATTLES" EVER ON FILM!!!!...This thing will suck the air out of your lungs!     ITS FUCKING FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY, I'm not gonna be a dick and give away..all the goodies this will summarize, but NOT SPOIL  2 MAJOR RELEVELATIONS THAT LUCAS HAS KEPT VERY VERY VERY DEEPLY UNDER RAPS WE  ARE TALKIN' "LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER" KIND OF REVELATIONS ABOUT 2/3 OF THE WAY THROUGH AND....AND AT THE VERY END! THESE REVELATIONS INVOLVE A CHARACTER WHO I THINK HAS BEEN THE BEST THING ABOUT THE PREQUELS...And he explains EVERYTHING!! AND I DO MEAN "EVERYTHING" FROM WHY ANAKIN WILL "NOT" BE THE "CHOSEN ONE", TO SIDIOUS'S EVENTUAL DEMISE YEARS LATER, TO HOW LUKE BEFRIENDS HAN SOLO, CHEWBACCA, WHY THE DROIDS MEMORIES MUST BE ERASED..YOU FUCKING NAME IT!!!!!!!!!!...Anyway (WHEW I am WORN OUT MANNNNNNNNNN!!!).. during the battle to rescue Palpatine. Obi-Wan's Ship is badly damaged..thats when these little "nano-droid" type things come out and start repairing his ship( I had an accident last week..where the fuck were these things then? HA)....So...Anakin is able to locate the Fed Cruiser where Palpatine is being held captive...and Obi-wan tells him to go on ahead...THE SCENE WHERE ANAKIN PUNCHS A HOLE THROUGH THE FED CRUISER...AND LANDS LIKE NO BIG DEAL GAVE ME WOOD LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE!....Ok sooooo after he jumps out of the cockpit...he encounters what seems like 100s and 100s of battle droids, and super battle droids, drokiekas YOU FUCKING NAME IT!...And if you thought that Jedi battle in the arena at the end of ATOC was impressive..wait till you fucking see this! ..OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD!....They truly make Anakin "Super-human" in this one..the way he hacks through those makes any other Jedi-battle with droids, or non Jedi..look silly in comparison!!!!!!! when he finally gets to the bridge to face "Dooku", before the battle begins...Dooku.. atempts to tell Anakin something.....that will be VERY IMPORTANT LATER ON!!!...But before he can fucking say a thing...Anakin whips out his light sabre in a fit of rage and comes full steam at Dooku...mean while Palpatine is sitting there...strangely calm, and strangely reminscent of "Return of the Jedi" when he tried to convert Luke to the Darkside....he even eggs Anakin on by telling him to "Strike Dooku down..quiclky"..and that he should he give himself over to "His feelings"...Well..Long story short...Obi-Wan makes a late entrance, and Gets into the light Sabre duel against Dooku...Now this sequence looks ALOT better than the last time these 3 fought in ATOC....I mean, it really really looks like Chistopher Lee, and not some cut and paste CGI deal..don't get me wrong..I loved ATOC .but this entire light sabre duel (The 1st of many MANY MANY Light sabre fight is incredable!)...Obi-wan gets a "force wave" from Dooku and gets knocked out....the whole time Palpatine has a truely EVIL look on his face...Esp when he utters "STRIKE HIM DOWN!!!"  GODDDDDDDDDDDD THAT was GREAT!  

I'm gonna finish this up a little quicker..and get to SOME MAJOR HIGHLIGHTS!!! Because my ass at wk..and I wanted to beat ANYONE ELSE to the punch with this MAJOR SCOOP!

The General Grievous vs Obi-wan fight Uppppppppppppps the Ante through the roof as far as light sabre duels........this one bad bad bad Mother-fucker! Obi-Wan takes him down...and with his dying last few wds..he tells Obi-Wan that Palaptine is behind the whole thing....Obi-Wan gets wd to the Jedi-Council and Mace Windu and 3 other Jedi are dispatched to bring him in....BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! Ok the 1st 2 light sabre duels are like big time warm ups for this fight between Mace and Palpatine....(This film is DEF a PG-13 FILM NO QUESTION!!!) The look on Palatine's face when morphs into Sidious as attacks the Jedi will gloriously haunt my nightmare for YEARS TO COME ! I mean...its some SCARY ASS SHIT He KILLS THE OTHER 3 JEDI.....(umm That is, Decapates 2 and badly mutilates another!! GREAT!...but theres really no blood....its just the way he kills them..SHOCKING! His speed and dexiterity with a light sabre HAS to be CGI-Enhanced, but who gives a shit! When Palaptine tells Mace that the Jedi's days are sent chills up my SPINE!...Anakin crashes in and Sidious morphs IMED back to Palpatine, and gives Anakin the big Sob Story about how he's been wronged by Windu and the Jedi Council...and..ANAKIN BUYS IT TO OUR DELIGHT!....The Mace Windu Death sequence? AMAZING!!!!! thats all I will say about that!  

WHEW! Ok my mind, and body are still trying to comprehend all this!!! LOL..Soooo after Palaptine and Anakin off Mace....Palpatine tells Anakin about The Jedi are weak, and corrupted from within and how "EVERY Jedi is an enemy of the Republic!!!" He sends him on an eron to Kill EVERYONE! (and this is some dark dark stufff..and THEY ACTUALLY SHOW IT!!!!)  THEY SHOW ANAKIN OFFING EVERYONE, WITH THE AIDE OF SOME "CLONE TROOPERS" From then on, we see different Jedi being diposed of in a multitude of different ways!! Heads will roll, arms will be severed, legs will be lopped off! INCREDABLE!!!!

Palaptine eventually dispatches Anakin to tie up ALL lose ends with the "Trade Federation" including The Viceroy and his cronies,  Cutting to the chase!!! HA!!! When Yoda, and Obi-wan return to the temple and see it wiped out..THIS IS WHEN THE CHRACTER I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT MAKES HIS APPEARANCE...AND TELLS ABOUT HOW" SHIFTS IN THE FORCE..ARE NECESSARY, IF NOT UNPLEASANT...AND HE BEGINS TO TELL YODA AND OBI-WAN EVERYTHING THAT IS TO COME..INCLUDING ...THE BIRTH OF"DARTH VADER"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know we all know this..but the way the this chracter tells it...well its just plain fucking SHAKESPEARE!!!!!!  

Ok up to this point, we've only had 3 light sabre duels...but the PALPATINE VS YODA FIGHT...WELL ITS GONNA GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE KING OF MANO Y MANO!!! When Yoda confronts Sidious in his office.....the fight spills out into an empty Senate chamber, and its here that we really realize that there is NO Jedi alive ot dead that is a match for Sidious!!!! Yoda, puts up one helluva fucking fight...dodging flying senate pods, and holding his own with a light sabre...but with all those fucking Dark side force powers at Sidious's disposal...its NO FUCKING CONTEST! HA!! GAWWWWWWWWD I shot my load after this fight!!!  

WHEW my ass is tired..I will conlude by saying that the Battle on the Wookie Homeword of Kasshack..could give Peter Jackson and his Weta team a run for their money!!!! The Anakin, a little longer and sometimes not nearly as exciting as some of the earlier duels..BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG..IT RULES!!...The last few shots of Anakin and his badly burned and broken body are EVERY reason NOT to take someone under 10 to see this film!!! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE EVERTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE LAST 24 HOURS..I WOULD KEEP WRITING BUT MY ARM IS ABOUT TO FALL OFF!!!    


WHEW! If you use this can call me  "The Well dressed man!"  

Over and out from Monterey!!!

Readers Talkback
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  • March 30, 2005, 1:18 a.m. CST

    First fuckers!

    by Brian_De_Man

  • March 30, 2005, 1:18 a.m. CST


    by Mr Bonefish

    This thing is going to get blasted.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:20 a.m. CST

    "could give Peter Jackson and his Weta team a run for their mone

    by Brian_De_Man

  • March 30, 2005, 1:20 a.m. CST


    by Captain Comet

    cant anyone write anymore? half of this review was just worthless. what a waste of words

  • March 30, 2005, 1:21 a.m. CST

    First: Suck on that Commies!

    by John_Rambo

    I predict this talkback will be a war....a war no ordinary man can win. This time it's personal.

  • And I coulda wrote a review and pretended I had seen it for a little attention. But I'm not that kind of guy. Seriously, this guy has zero crediblilty. Do I doubt that Episode III will be anything short of amazing and brilliant? No, of course not. Episode III will knock our coal mining asses on the ground. But has this guy really seen it? I dunno. Harry only got one review, one email? Sounds fishy...

  • March 30, 2005, 1:29 a.m. CST

    LOTR was great and all...

    by kintar0

    But in between all that greatness was some really fucking boring shit. There's nothing boring in any of the Star Wars films. No weeping Hobbits, either. Just get on the fucking boat, Frodo.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:29 a.m. CST

    Freakin WOW

    by Phat_Elvis

    I dont know if its real or not, but if that IS ep3, all you haters can SUCK IT! EP# IS GONNA ROOOOOOOOOOOOL! And I think Im FIRST

  • March 30, 2005, 1:31 a.m. CST

    I think Im FIRST

    by Phat_Elvis

    Or Not

  • March 30, 2005, 1:34 a.m. CST


    by MasterSong


  • March 30, 2005, 1:35 a.m. CST

    Good Grief

    by Clio

    The guy who posted the review is one of two things: a geek with no life who made up every single thing he wrote about; or, he's a plant who has monitored AICN enough to know that if you write gibberish with plenty of profanity and scatological references, well, somebody must think you're genuine. I just lost three minutes of my life reading that crap. Harry, I hold you responsible for those three minutes.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:35 a.m. CST

    This dude got liquored up or something...

    by DarkStarEX

    Sounds plausible, and I admit I'd probably be as excited as this dude if I got to see Episode III 2 months ahead of time, but this guy needs to settle down. It's fairly accurate though, I know a couple dudes who worked on the Episode III video game who explained a bit. Good stuff no doubt.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:38 a.m. CST

    HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by ulysse-tt

    DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! this movie is gonna be the fucking TIT'S ASSSS!!!!!!! Jesus FUCKING Christ. FUCK!!!!!!!!! Goddamn FUCK am I trired. CHRISTFUCK! My gf was wkng sat w/ mg th e & h/ plastered FUCKING TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i'm like, FUCK!!!!!!!! STAR WARS MAN! Shit!!!! So The fuCKING POPE was getting checked for CAM and i'm inside and there,s THE WORDS COMING DOWN ON THE SCVREEN. My dick all up and all fucking WOOD! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! etc, ect.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:40 a.m. CST


    by Blair_jedi

    I'm not saying he's a fake, but all of this can be found at just about any decent fan site. Oh yeah, the character who reveals everything is Qui Gon Jinn's ghost. Or so I've heard ;-)

  • March 30, 2005, 1:47 a.m. CST

    "Thats why LOTR owns Star Wars." BWA-HA-HA!!!

    by Triumph poops!

    >wiping tears from my eyes< Thanks, dude. It was a rough day and I needed a really good laugh. Now just make sure you go back to properly taking your meds tomorrow because it's clear you're already apparently experiencing delusions. Bottom line: Star Wars owns ALL.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:48 a.m. CST

    Why all the first hating as of late?

    by Dannychico

    Who gives a grounded fuck? It was fun to hate on that stuff back in 1997.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:52 a.m. CST

    Well on the subject of REAL spoilers -- that you can ALL see for

    by Commando Cody

    NO QUESTION this will be PG-13 once you see the new leaked photos online. Lucas really went balls out on the make-up, you gotta hand it to him. And the one action spoiler pic that shows "something" that happens in the Mace/Palpatine fight totally kicks ass. You can check out these photos for yourself at other sites, they're all mirroring the new pics now (which come from a German edition book) now...

  • March 30, 2005, 1:56 a.m. CST

    My dear G-d.

    by Drworm2002

    If you

  • March 30, 2005, 1:57 a.m. CST

    for fucking real...

    by kintar0

    Those pics are fucking awesome, meng. You're goddamn right, "Jesus!"

  • March 30, 2005, 1:57 a.m. CST

    what site?

    by Drworm2002

  • March 30, 2005, 1:58 a.m. CST

    He lost me when he misspelled cafeteria.

    by cherrycola

    As for the rest...pure rambling childish babble. ugh.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:01 a.m. CST

    I can't find the pics...

    by Drworm2002

    someone help me...

  • March 30, 2005, 2:05 a.m. CST

    IT'S FAKE! Here's the proof!!!!!

    by MaryPoppinsWrath

    Oy vey! This is a fake, done by someone who has obviously seen the trailer and not much else. I can't believe Harry fell for it. Complete and utter bullshit. For shame, Harry. REAL SPOILERS BELOW!!! As of several days ago, the complete graphic novel has leaked, as has the unabridged audio book and scans from the novelization and other assorted books, and this guy is WAY OFF. Where to begin? The little droids crawling over the fighters are not repair droids, they're buzz droids ATTACKING the ship. Anakin doesn't punch a hole in the cruiser to land, he knocks out a shield and goes in through the hangar. Dooku doesn't attempt to tell Anakin anything important. Obi-Wan does NOT make a late entrance. They take Dooku together -- a few seconds of FOOTAGE of this initial moment has been on the web for a while. Dooku eventually takes Obi-Wan out of the fight, which is when Anakin kicks his ass. Grievous doesn't reveal anything about Palpatine to Obi-Wan. It's not Obi-Wan who contacts the Jedi Council about Sidious, it's Anakin. This is a HUGE plot point, as Anakin is tormented by the thought that by doing his duty and giving up the Sith Master, he's also condemned Padme to die (Palpatine has convinced Anakin he has secret knowledge that can stop death), and this is what leads him to betray Mace and turn to the Dark Side. Palpatine doesn't morph into Sidious, back to Palpatine, back to Sidious again. Mace absorbs Sith Lightning and sends back a "feedback" loop, and this causes Palpatine to wither into his horrific appearance. They do NOT actually show Anakin offing everyone. We see him march into the temple, then cut to galactic montage of clone troopers betraying Jedi. This is only PG-13, remember? Later, Obi-Wan and Yoda will find all the dead bodies in the Jedi Temple and view holo-footage of Anakin taking out a few of them. Qui-Gon (the alluded-to "CHARACTER I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT") doesn't show up at the Jedi Temple. He doesn't show up until the very end of the film, at which point Darth Vader has already been born. The scenes on Kashyyyk come well before Yoda vs. Sids, and the actual battle part is supposed to only be one or two minutes. This guy is having a good laugh right now at all the gullible schmucks who are lapping up his addled ravings like the real deal. Post the facts ASAP, Harry: this guy is full of shit.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:06 a.m. CST

    Holy shit, the new photos KICK FUCKING ASS!!!!

    by Big Dumb Ape

    The shot of Anakin on the table is nothing less than bone-chilling. To think of him laying there like that, knowing Obi Wan did this to him, no wonder Vader's one pissed off mountain of hate. I can't believe Lucas made it so truly God awful gross looking, but then agin in the editing room it'll perhaps only flash by on the screen in quick cuts. But Lucas is playing for all the marbles here and its clear he really went to town on this one. I swear, I haven't been THIS excited for a SW flick since the original back in '77. EVERYTHING about this one just feels right and it feels like Lucas truly wants to go out saying "Fuck you all, especially the haters. I'LL show you how it's done!" This movie is going to kick so much ass that repeat viewings will require a pillow on the seat!

  • March 30, 2005, 2:10 a.m. CST


    by Drworm2002

  • March 30, 2005, 2:11 a.m. CST

    Why does this always have to turn into a SW vs LOTR thread? Bot

    by Orionsangels

    ...some people like SW, Some people like LOTR and some like both. That's it, leave it at that.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:15 a.m. CST

    Jesus - how much caffine has THIS guy had ?

    by RobinP

    Chill out, dude - or your heart'll explode way before the 3D release in 07.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:16 a.m. CST

    Here's the disturbing images...

    by Orionsangels

  • March 30, 2005, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Maybe, Orionsangels...

    by kintar0

    it's because someone always has to bring up LOTR when Star Wars has an article because they believe that LOTR must pose some kind of perceived threat to Star Wars. It's all the haters got, really.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:24 a.m. CST

    AICN is officially a JOKE... this guy didn't even bother to read

    by Razorback

    This "review" is badly made up. There is nothing real about it. I have read the book (and seen every spoiler around) and at least 90% of this is off. He saw nothing. Complete fake. It actually sounds like he got his hands on a fan novel from TheForce.Net and thinks it is the actual story.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:25 a.m. CST

    Fucking awesome...

    by Drworm2002

    ...My Korean GF has never seen any SW...we are going to start with IV, V & VI and then the first 2. I want her to see this...

  • March 30, 2005, 2:33 a.m. CST

    So Palpatine is Vaders father? Is that what this is about?

    by Jugs

    I'm still convinced that Obi-baby is the father of the twins...the way he whips out his sabre and all..

  • March 30, 2005, 2:35 a.m. CST

    signs of the end of civilization

    by AntoniusBloc

    I don't know which is the greater warning sign of the end of our modern civilization: the fact that this mediocre film will make tons of money, or that the polls show a majority to be in favor of pulling Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, in effect, executing her. One of the major lessons in Lord of the Rings is the sanctity of all life, an example being the mercy placed on Gollum, who might have even deserved death. Yet when one humbles oneself to the Creator of life, it is revealed that each life has a role in the greater good, a higher purpose that we cannot see but must have faith in.There is no possible justice in killing Terri. The husband claims it was her wish, but whether or not that is true, Tolkien would not even have advocated such 'assisted suicide', for it is not her wishes that one should heed, but the wishes of the First Cause, the Creator who commanded us not to destroy the life he created in his image. The argument that keeping her alive takes resources away that could be better spent is the worst kind of modern materialism that Tolkien despised. An arrogant view that completely dismisses the spiritual and therefore, the moral, and God's word that man cannot live by bread alone. Many, especially Michael Schiavo, have disconnected their own spiritual feeding tubes to put themselves in the state of mind that thinks it is compassionate to pull out Terri's physically nourishing feeding tube. Sadly, as reflected in the polls, many have done the same by either advocating this murder, or remaining silent about it. It seems that turning our back on God coincides with turning our back on the lessons of history. The downfall of all the major civilizations throughout history has been the decline of morality.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:42 a.m. CST

    "INCREDABLE?" Hmmmmm

    by el zar

    Sounds wrong. But I'll buy it. Can't wait to see lightsabers swingin' again

  • March 30, 2005, 2:42 a.m. CST

    Dude, calm the fuck down!

    by mascan

    This guy is exactly what's wrong with fanboys writing reviews . . . he's so over-excited that he can't take the time to put a complete fucking sentence together. And all those typos . . . he just so excited that he can't stand still, all herky-jerky, fingers flying all over the keyboard . . .

  • March 30, 2005, 2:49 a.m. CST

    Say what?

    by kintar0

    AntoniusBloc, you are mentally ill. Get lost. What the FUCK does Terry Schiavo have to do with Star Wars? You're a fucking religious zealot and Tolkien wouldn't have liked you either. You think he would respect a fucking wacko like you? I've got your morality right here. Go sell crazy somewhere else.

  • March 30, 2005, 3:01 a.m. CST

    To MaryPoppinsWrath, you listen. Fake, this review is.

    by raw_bean

    Seriously. I haven't gotten as far into it as some, but I have three scans of the graphic novel, have seen one or two of the scanned pages of the novelisation (both are available at milleniumfalcon), and have spoken at length with a guy who got his copy of the audio-book delivered early, and even I know that most of this guys details are way off.

  • March 30, 2005, 3:09 a.m. CST


    by Drworm2002

    ...shut the fuck up...I hate when people bring up stuff that has nothing to do with the talk-backs...

  • March 30, 2005, 3:12 a.m. CST


    by Drworm2002

    ...did you hear about this new thing...? Apparently we are separating from the British Empire. We will no longer be colonies...we are going to be states. And this just in some Jew was nailed to a piece of wood. For fuck sake AntoniusBloc

  • March 30, 2005, 3:16 a.m. CST

    As for AntoniusBloc,

    by raw_bean

    your linking of 'morality' to your own religious beliefs gives rise to your pessimistic views on our civilisation. If, as I am, you were an atheist, you would view the forcing of someone to live their remaining time in paralysis or extreme pain against their wish as the morally reprehensible option. The question is not one of 'losing' morality, but one of having morals based in a different worldview to your own, religious one. Personally, although I respect that others feel differently, I think civilisation is on the right track if it founds it's morals on some degree of steady reason, and not religious tenets. And lastly, and finally, this is far, far from the time and place to bring this up. Star Wars is harmless entertainment. In fact, beyond that, it is and has always been harmless entertainment that contains some encouragement to think spiritually and morally (though not specifically in a Christian sense), and so your dismissal of it is ludicrous.

  • .....and I've always believed him to be the mother of the twins!

  • March 30, 2005, 3:28 a.m. CST

    What a shitty review

    by ChorleyFM

    I will still see the film, as will practically everyone else on here, but that was almost Harry level bad.

  • March 30, 2005, 3:29 a.m. CST

    This clown is doing a horrible Chicken George impression

    by Weezie-Fett

    Where is that drunk anyway?

  • March 30, 2005, 3:35 a.m. CST

    AntoniusBloc is a knob

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    is this bloke taking the piss or what? - sounds like he should go start a little cult somewhere. By the way, LOTR is cool, but NOTHING rocks like SW, "search your feelings, you know it to be true" as old crispy bollocks once said.

  • March 30, 2005, 3:37 a.m. CST

    Revenge of the Sith - THE TERRI SCHIAVO REVIEW!!!!!

    by ChickenGeorgeVII

    Uuurrrgggh hhaaggg uuurrrhhaa ppphhhttt ggguuuhhh ppgghttt uuuaahhhh uuggnn hhhuuuaaa aaaahhh wwwaaaaa ooopppphhhh uuupppggg uuggguuu *fart* nnnuuuu uuuuaaa hhhuuuaaa hhhggg uuurrrgggg hhhuuuuurrrr *blink* *blink* *blink* uuuurrrggghhh pppphhhuuu aaaaggggppp uuuurrrraaaa ppphhhhuuuaaa *gurgle* *blink* *blink* *blink* uuuurrrggggaahhh pphhhtttuuurrrggaaa mmmuuuaaggghhhh *blink* *blink* *fart* phht urgh phht....And thus, aren

  • March 30, 2005, 3:42 a.m. CST

    Now watch this drive...

    by kwisatzhaderach

    Antonius Bloc, I'm guessing you voted for Bush so you in your own way have contributed to the downfall of society. Oh the new Star Wars film is going to be AMAZING. If you don't like Star Wars theres always Fantastic Four haha. Oh and Lord of the Rings is great but Jackson shouldnt have been so faithful to the book as the narrative structure of the films is shot to hell!!

  • March 30, 2005, 3:43 a.m. CST


    by dr_buggerlugs

    Once I read those words, it's pretty obvious this kid hasn't seen the film - read a few spoilers maybe but thats it. Why o'why is Luke meeting Han and Chewie so important in the Jedi scheme of things that they will need to be predicted? Maybe I watched a different film to him, but weren't they just two everyday interplanetary chancers who took a job transposting 2 blokes and 2 droids only to end up as key figures in the big dust-up? That was the whole point of their story; they weren't spiritual, they weren't winsome, they didn't give a fig about the force and the "journey"...only the money. And baby, it's why we loved dem so much.

  • March 30, 2005, 3:45 a.m. CST

    "The husband claims it was her wish, but whether or not that is

    by Triumph poops!

    What, now Tolkien wants a say in her fate, too? Boy, everyone's getting in the act on this one! (And before some LOTR groupie dressed like a hobbit replies in fluid elf, I keed! I keed!)

  • March 30, 2005, 3:45 a.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

    Are you really saying that Orlando Bloom and Sean Astin are better than Samuel Jackson and Ian McDiarmid? Idiot.

  • March 30, 2005, 3:48 a.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

    How does Orlando Bloom keep getting work? He's so wooden in everything. The only thing more wooden than him was the Horse in Troy. Oh Star Wars III is going to be awesome!

  • March 30, 2005, 3:50 a.m. CST said. "sure, total stranger, come right on in and

    by ChickenGeorgeVII

    So I was sitting by my computer one night minding my own business when MY CANADIAN GIRLFRIEND (she

  • March 30, 2005, 3:54 a.m. CST

    This review is bullshit.

    by kwisatzhaderach

    I wish i had a girlfriend that could let me into ILM!

  • March 30, 2005, 3:55 a.m. CST

    I could feel my brain cells dying when reading this...

    by bubcus

    What the hell is with people describing how they got a hard on watching special effects in a movie? And talking about security being as tight as a.... What the hell! This is a film website, I don't want to read about dipsticks getting hard-ons. I also do not believe that Episode 3 is as complete as this kid claims. They're working on the digital version up until the week before the film is released. ALSO, is there any word of James Earl Jones doing the dialogue for Vader? Or is he getting the short end of the stick like David Prowse? I DO NOT BELIEVE the movie is ready. Nice to hear people getting excited and all that, but really... if George is as tight about security as is claimed, how and why did they let this punk in to see it? They know people will blab. Lucasfilm can NOT be THAT retarded. And if they are, why the hell have security at all??? I am so pissed off about this. I am glad I only got half way through this horny kid's article before I got sick of his rambling. I'll resume waiting for the movie to show up on the big screen... that's all that matters to me now (aside from my grad film that is due in four weeks).

  • March 30, 2005, 3:59 a.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

    good luck with the grad film! :)

  • March 30, 2005, 3:59 a.m. CST

    Sweet Nelly Furtado!

    by Ken Luxury Yacht

    That was the single, worst written piece of stream of consciousness I have ever had the misfortune to waste my bandwidth on. Is it so had to spell check, not use shorthand and only use profanities to enhance your point. As in... You Sir, Are An Arse!

  • March 30, 2005, 4:01 a.m. CST

    If he did get to see it...

    by Drworm2002

    ...why would he come to AICN? I bet there are bigger places that would love a review.

  • March 30, 2005, 4:03 a.m. CST

    thanks, kwisatzhaderach

    by bubcus

  • March 30, 2005, 4:19 a.m. CST

    this guy can

    by CuervoJones

  • March 30, 2005, 4:22 a.m. CST

    does ANYONE believe this shit?.....

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    have any of you lot ever been to It's a spoiler site for the prequels, this bloke claims to have actually worked on the editing with george lucas, claims that lucas is his close friend, and even posts daily q&a's between the fans and lucas? Is this for real? or is it all a load of banthashite?

  • March 30, 2005, 4:29 a.m. CST

    I think Harry posted the review to increase web traffic to the s

    by Triumph poops!

    It had to be for something like that. To boost hits to the site once word got out on the web that he had a review -- no, the FIRST review -- for the film. So he could then increase banner ad fees or something. I mean, there has to be a hidden reason since I CAN'T believe Harry actually thought this twat's review was real or worth posting given how ridiculously lame it's written. Then again, we are talking about a guy who thought a "well-written" review was to compare BLADE 2 to eating pussy...

  • March 30, 2005, 4:42 a.m. CST

    Sanctity of Life...

    by howlingdervish

    "the polls show a majority to be in favor of pulling Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, in effect, executing her. One of the major lessons in Lord of the Rings is the sanctity of all life..." Darth Vader has a feeding tube, too. And the whole point of Return of the Jedi was that Luke took it out.

  • March 30, 2005, 4:45 a.m. CST

    Boners up!

    by Aust1n

    a .333 bating average in baseball will get you into the hall of fame...assuming Radioland Murders cancells out A New Hope

  • March 30, 2005, 4:52 a.m. CST

    "Darth Vader has a feeding tube, too. And the whole point of Ret

    by Commando Cody

    Wow. A perfect arcing 3 pointer from the other end of the court. A solid point AND great job of keeping the topic Star Wars related. I declare HowlingDervish the winner here tonight!

  • March 30, 2005, 4:58 a.m. CST

    more proof it's a fake

    by kintar0

    No Grando Calrissian and his black lightsaber!

  • March 30, 2005, 5:30 a.m. CST

    Lost all credibility when

    by Riccardogogo

    he mentioned a "girlfriend". Not really plausible is it?

  • March 30, 2005, 5:36 a.m. CST

    Do you eat with that mouth

    by Kcir

    Good God man, I do not mind cursing and such but that was one of the most foul mouth tirades I have ever read.

  • March 30, 2005, 5:39 a.m. CST

    If you really want it all...

    by SalvatoreGravano

    ...go to a.b.s. and look for the 88 files starting with "RotS..." - one file for one page.

  • March 30, 2005, 5:43 a.m. CST

    Oh, and incidentally, it's fake.

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Not as in "tells lies", but simply repeats everything that has been widely known for months, from the betrayal to Not-Quite-Gone Lliam Neeson's return. By the way, instead of repeating lines that have been leaked long ago, try making up an impressive false quote next time, buddy - that will create some doubts and make some believe you. But that's next time, and you'll have to use a different name.

  • March 30, 2005, 5:46 a.m. CST

    Episode III is not finished yet

    by droids22

    According to the official site as of March 28, 2005 the movie is not complete yet. You can read the snippet at this link, If this review was real would he not say something about the unfinished shots?

  • And Knowles knew this was fake. He's not that stupid.

  • March 30, 2005, 6:55 a.m. CST


    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    SORRY to sound thick, but whats a.t.s. and what is it 88 pages of mate? cheers

  • March 30, 2005, 7:17 a.m. CST

    Faker than Michael Jacksons nose!!!

    by Big_Bubbaloola

    ....and how the fuck is the Sciavo minefield at all relevant to SW or LOTR for fucks sake!?!?!?! Please do us a favour, get off your high horse and come back to reality.

  • March 30, 2005, 7:24 a.m. CST

    I thought they still had some shots left

    by sefsterJ

    At least according to the official site, they have eighty somethin' to go.

  • March 30, 2005, 7:28 a.m. CST

    Even if true...

    by PianoMonkey

    And this guy did see the film (and he certainly seems to have enough unknown specifics to be believable), I still have the highest reservations about the likelihood of thie film not totally sucking. That said, I do not doubt this will be the most exciting of the three prequels, or even the best of the three. But every shot in the trailer, and every released image from the film (including all the posters) have all but convinced me that the systemic failures of TPM and AOTC (emotion, direction, and a complete lack of the warmth and familiarity that were the trademarks of the first three films) are still very present in ROTS. I'm still rooting for it, but all signs still point to sh*t.

  • March 30, 2005, 7:57 a.m. CST


    by Captain Katanga

    well said, my thoughts exactly. Brace yourself to be branded a "HATER" despite your reasoned, thoughtful post. I could name a few rabid talkbackers who are so certain of the greatness of a film they havent seen, that they will be foaming at the mouth and sharpening their knives when someone dares to express doubts about this film. I also really hope it rocks.

  • March 30, 2005, 7:58 a.m. CST

    Fake review. Guy could have easily read the SW EP 3 book.

    by krims0nknite

    This is a fake review. All the guy says about everything, the battles, the storyline, is "IT WAS AWESOME". There are NO details in this "review" that have not been posted from the book online.

  • March 30, 2005, 7:59 a.m. CST

    "...My Gf comes home from wk on sat and shes giddier than when c

    by TheWoodMan

    ...That's about the point where I gave up, right there.

  • March 30, 2005, 8:09 a.m. CST

    When Harry geeks out it's accepted.

    by DannyOcean01

    He is the Crown Prince of Geek after all. But when someone else does it, it just comes off as weird and rather unsettling. And are people still calling their porn collections, I mean girlfriends, babe?

  • March 30, 2005, 8:35 a.m. CST


    by drjones

    reviews do not always gain credibility with a huge number of word repititions and enthusiastic and dadaistic lllooooooong wooooord spellllllllinnnnnnnnnnngsssssss and cheap word fx such as BANG and BOOOAAAAAAAAAM GAAAAAWWDD...

  • March 30, 2005, 8:39 a.m. CST

    I wanna see his girlfriend...

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    ... or is it just another case of left-handed mouse clicks??

  • March 30, 2005, 8:45 a.m. CST

    ...but it makes for a really good TB

    by drjones

  • March 30, 2005, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Who is this guy?

    by bluebottle

    Edith Prickly? HA

  • March 30, 2005, 8:53 a.m. CST


    by Fugazi32

    Is this review for real?

  • Yeah yeah, I've heard the Qui Gon Jinn's ghost appears and explains the whole ghost thing...and he probably offers some words on why the whole Jedi purge had to happen in some sort of "balance of good and evil, yin yang" kinda deal. But he literally explains everything, even so much as Han and Chewbacca? Like that NEEDED explaining? Like Lucas has ever overexplained stuff in the Star Wars movies? And they just let this guy into the studio to watch one of the most eagerly awaited movies of the nameless decade? Right. I think somebody got too excited after watching the Clone Wars last week, geeked out, and decided to share it with all of us. At least he's positive.

  • March 30, 2005, 9:02 a.m. CST

    Someone's read the novel...

    by TheDarkShape

    ...and completely fudged the details.

  • March 30, 2005, 9:02 a.m. CST

    "The Well dressed man!"...

    by masterchappy

    Fuck you fan boy...

  • March 30, 2005, 9:03 a.m. CST

    a few spelling corrections....

    by Red Raider

    INCREDABLE is INCREDIBLE. DECAPATES is DECAPITATES. CHRACTER is CHARACTER. The force is most definitely not with your spelling ability!

  • March 30, 2005, 9:29 a.m. CST


    by Squashua

    It's almost like first, except that no one has a beer and cheats on his wife.

  • March 30, 2005, 9:43 a.m. CST


    by AlgertMopper

    you know, I am very interested in this movie, but that was a fun, energetic review, and it held my attention.

  • March 30, 2005, 10:14 a.m. CST

    "half the fun of STAR WARS at this point is figuring out what's

    by Judge Doom

    And THAT

  • March 30, 2005, 10:15 a.m. CST

    April Fools!

    by Mr_Furious

    I refuse to believe anything this week.

  • March 30, 2005, 10:17 a.m. CST

    "half the fun of STAR WARS at this point is figuring out what's

    by Judge Doom

    And THAT

  • March 30, 2005, 10:19 a.m. CST


    by Trevor Goodchild

    I thought Christopher Lee was in the lead with the most appearances in the biggest trilogies. Patrick Stewart was not far behind with Star Trek and the almost there X trilogy. But Bruce Spence is omnipresent. He's having quite a revival since the Gyro Captain. M RV, ROTK and now ROTS. Now if he could just get into a Marvel or DC film perhaps Mysterio or Morbius in SM or Kincaid in Xm?

  • March 30, 2005, 10:30 a.m. CST

    This is fake - Trust Me on this

    by I_Snake_Plissken

    I hate to rain on this dipshit

  • March 30, 2005, 10:31 a.m. CST

    Neil Cupstun has caused the end of western civilization....can w

    by Tarl_Cabot

    I love Neil's reviews. They are priceless but he's the Yoda of that type of writing and all these copy cats are just obnoxious. I hope the film is as fun as it sounds. I've got a godzilla size hard on for this final SW film,for the record. I bet this is a comic book review too. ;)

  • March 30, 2005, 10:40 a.m. CST

    This review is actually true

    by PhilConnors

    I know because I was at the screening too. This is 100% FACT. Another thing Qui Gon explains is why there are only 2 decent Star Wars movies but people still care about them.

  • March 30, 2005, 10:42 a.m. CST


    by jimmy_009

    The books have been delivered to stores and are waiting in the back room. Several booksellers I know already read the thing. Notice he didn't mention the visuals, only plot points....why post this crap?

  • March 30, 2005, 11:01 a.m. CST

    I am dumber...

    by Childe Roland

    ...for having read that review. Not a single shred of new information there and several things that have already been dismissed by the majority of fandom as false rumors. Plus a deliberate reference to some mysterious Canadian girlfriend (she must live in the Niagra Falls area). This is the fakest thing since fake came to faketown. Harry needs to get off the pain meds (I know you've been hoarding them, fat man) and start discerning the shite from what is actually cool before throwing it up on his site. All of that said, I'm still cautiously optimistic about this movie. Everything I've seen so far has me excited and the logical part of my brain knows it can't be worse than the last two. Oh... and someone remember to remove Bloc's feeding tube on the way out.

  • March 30, 2005, 11:02 a.m. CST


    by Jeditemple

    triology, togeather, CAFETIRIRA, INCREDABLE, chracter, Kasshack...the list goes on and on. So, we're supposed to believe this nerd who can't even spell Kashyyk right? This so-called "source" is a damn joke, Harry. So much for your glorious website.

  • and give us every experience before they see the flick? i don't care how good the popcorn was

  • March 30, 2005, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Yeah, right!

    by Shawn F.

    I seriously doubt this person saw Episode III.

  • March 30, 2005, 11:46 a.m. CST

    If this movie sucks, maybe we should pull the feeding tube out o

    by bigdickmcgee

  • March 30, 2005, noon CST

    Has anyone else seen that a brand of cereal is giving away The P

    by Big Bad Clone

    That's like reaching into the cereal box and finding a turd.

  • March 30, 2005, noon CST

    Nah, he hasn't seen it

    by moviemaniac-7

    Closer the time of release comes, yes?

  • March 30, 2005, 12:09 p.m. CST


    by jericho1368

    Since I F**ked his girlfriend while he was jacking off at the keyboard writing the review, she said I was such a much better lay than him that she took me to Lucasfilm too AND I SAW THE MOVIE TOO! So HA! We were greeted at Lucas' front gate by security, Boss Nass from Episode One, he spit all over the controls and the gate wouldn't open so he had get George out of the kitchen (he was making eggs and pancakes for his kids) to open the door. George greeted me, gave me a big high FIVE! YO! YO! YO! Then said, 'Hey YO, come on and see the movie...but don't tell anyone.' So we saw it. Georgie even brought us a bucket of popcorn to eat while we were watching. And I'm going to spoil that BIG REVEAL... Are you ready....? Here goes.... I can't believe George kept this underwraps for so long... hee hee... Anakin turns to the dark side because Padme was having an affair... ... WITH JAR JAR EFFING BINKS! That's right, the 'I'm your father' kind of reveal is when we find out Darth Vader isn't Luke and Leia's father, Jar Jar is. Vader gets mad and kills Padme. Vader gets thrown into the lava because he runs out onto the platform while Obi Wan and Vader are fighting, screaming 'MESA SO SORRY', turns around, wacks Vader with his floppy ear and Vader falls into the lava. 'Mesa Back!'

  • March 30, 2005, 12:31 p.m. CST

    What?! No Mention of the Sith Witch?

    by hipcheck13

    ...and who remembers THAT particular "treatement" Harry and the boys posted awhile back?

  • March 30, 2005, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Tray Holders Too!!!

    by jpdanzig

    Zowie. I fell for the fat boy's rave of the last SW film, and I have never been so disappointed in my life. I actually went to one of the first screenings on opening day in NYC -- and you could have heard a pin drop all through the movie. Not from awe. Not from wonder. From boredom and stupefaction at the bewildering incompetence of the writing and directing. Can you imagine seeing a Star Wars film on opening day and witnessing an audience not reacting AT ALL? Clearly allowing a geek to be one of the first to see these new SW movies is a guarantee of a frothing-at-the-mouth rave -- and ample reason for the rest of us to turn our skepticism rays up to 11. Imagine -- Skywalker Ranch has a cafeteria RIGHT NEXT to the screening room! Have you ever seen anything so wonderful??? Geez -- It's the big one! I'm comin' to join ya, Elizabeth, honey... Good God...

  • March 30, 2005, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Deep breaths

    by Mafu

    Thanks for the review, Monterey Geek. I appreciate your unbridled enthusiasm, but I think should've waited at least ten hours before writing your review. You don't need to inject fourteen exclamation points at the end of each sentence to make us understand how excited you are for the film. As such, your credibility is seriously in question. I know this is the first review you've submitted to AICN, and it wasn't even close to the worst, so I'm glad you fired up and wrote it. That said, I'd encourage you to relax and write cohesive sentences with less over-the-top enthusiasm next time. I'm glad you liked the film, though.

  • Y'all got punk'd.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:03 p.m. CST


    by jedihillis

    Sorry, but this is complete BS. Anyone who has heard the audio novel or read the graphic novel knows better. Biggest thing that gives it away, is when he talks about Obi-wan arriving late into the Anakin-Dooku novel. It's been proven that they arrive together then are seperated later.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:16 p.m. CST

    If true...I think Lucas will redeem himself

    by Lost Skeleton

    Man, I hope you are right

  • March 30, 2005, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Harry, take this down before someone gets hurt

    by performingmonkey

    AICN has yet again gone lower in my estimation. It seems all Harry can do these days is post bullshit and claim it's a scoop, because AICN doesn't get any real scoops any more. Anyone with a brain knows this is fake, and I mean fake as in could have read some 'spoiler' info and posted what they could remember. I don't think anyone who actually saw the movie could get things so stupidly wrong as they are in this 'review'. And yes, that phrase about Han and Chewie alone makes it steaming Wookiee shit. I guess Harry hasn't been keeping up with ROTS spoilers (probably wants to enjoy the film...) or else he surely wouldn't have posted this.....would he? Has he sunk lower than anyone thought possible and actually written this himself???? Rock on motherfuckers!!!!!!

  • March 30, 2005, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Star Wars dosn't suck anymore?

    by Veraxus

    So if this movie is even 1/10 as good as this geekgasm makes it out to be (and I mean that in the worst way possible) then maybe we can just forget about Episodes 1 & 2 and think of this as THE standalone prequel.

  • March 30, 2005, 1:57 p.m. CST

    do you all remember the first screening review of Alexander on A

    by CurryIce

    well, this one is even worse. i really don't know if it's fake or not but hell, the only thing i got was that this guy f-u-c-k-i-n-g l-i-k-e-d it.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:12 p.m. CST

    OK, now that this review has been PROVEN FAKE...

    by MaryPoppinsWrath

    ...why is it still up at the site with no disclaimer? It's irresponsible. Harry's been pretty good about recanting fake news once it's been debunked. You'd think he'd be watching this one carefully to protect his credibility. Anyway, the graphic novel (which has already leaked) will be officially released in a few days. Then you can see just how full of shit this guy's "review" is, not just in one or two minor details, but in the whole friggin' thing.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:38 p.m. CST

    So hilarious, it has to be real

    by Avon

    Imagine the guy wondering around ILM creaming his pants sprouting geek bullshit whilst ejaculating on a wookie poster.

  • March 30, 2005, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Vader's real father is not Palpetine, it's Jar Jar

    by jericho1368

    yes folks, that's the big reveal. Shmi and Jar Jar had a secret love affair and she gave birth to Anakin and George Lucas. Anakin and George Lucas are twins. And Jar Jar is their real father. Hesa in big doo doo now!

  • March 30, 2005, 3:18 p.m. CST

    lynxpro and "super" palpatine

    by kintar0

    Vader was able to defeat Palpatine in Episode VI because he was the Chosen One. He destroyed the Sith, but unfortunately had to become one to end them.

  • March 30, 2005, 3:43 p.m. CST

    I know the super spoiler!!!!

    by strider_is_hot

    Spoilers ahead: * * * * * * * * * Padme is a whore and cheated on poor Ani multiple times so who the hell knows who the father of the twins is. Meaning - Vader is NOT Luke's father... dun-dun-duuuuuun. Everyone needs to calm the fuck down around here. It's just a freakin' movie that's probably not going to live up to expectations, meaning everyone will be bitching and moaning come May 20th. Chill...

  • March 30, 2005, 3:45 p.m. CST

    I'm not sure whether this is a fake or not, but...

    by Lobanhaki

    I would not be so quick to lock in the books or the graphic novels as being definitive, as two things are true: One- Movies are often worked on right to the last minute, meaning changes get put into play after graphic novel artwork is finished and books are published; and Two- Lucas is a notorious tinkerer. So, this review is plausible, if not certain.

  • March 30, 2005, 4:27 p.m. CST

    fakey fake fake

    by MaulRat

    not only does he bring up things that don't happen, but he skips over the things that DO happen.. like the mother of all lightsaber fights does he mention it ANYWHERE?.. that alone makes me think its a fanboy sportin' a wood for the film without having actually seen it... sure there are other reasons for it but I don't have to, you're a smart bunch you'll figure it out.

  • March 30, 2005, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Right...... now that my boss has fucked off...

    by MaulRat

    The pics look awesome, especially Anikin in the lava.. holy shit.

  • March 30, 2005, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Spoiler-free for Ep III

    by BarrelRider's the only way to go, I tells ya. I didn't read this guy's "review", but I think it's a fair bet the movie isn't finished enough to show in a ny logical form yet. Don't forget, by the March before the release of AOTC, he hadn't even filmed the droid factory sequence.

  • March 30, 2005, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Dirtier mouth than Rick McCallum

    by stlfilmwire

    Face it, Anakin is either Qui Gon's kid or a clone of Sideous.

  • March 30, 2005, 5:43 p.m. CST

    You know how I know this is fake

    by Iblis_mage

    When he makes reference to his "GF"...'cause no one that fannish could possibly ever have a significant other or ever get laid.

  • March 30, 2005, 5:56 p.m. CST

    Kashyyyk, not Kashyyk...

    by B.NyeTheUruk-Hai

    "So, we're supposed to believe this nerd who can't even spell Kashyyk right?" LOL! Jeditemple, it's spelled "Kashyyyk" with 3 K's, not to be a geek or anything! Just thought it would be funny to point out the irony!

  • March 30, 2005, 6:21 p.m. CST

    the entire rots graphic novel and audio novel have been online f

    by []D[][]V[][]D

    My favorite spaceship is MILLENNIUM FALCON whats yours?

  • March 30, 2005, 6:32 p.m. CST


    by Mr_Sinister_31

    B.NyeTheUruk-Hai wrote: "So, we're supposed to believe this nerd who can't even spell Kashyyk right? LOL! Jeditemple, it's spelled Kashyyyk with 3 K's, not to be a geek or anything! Just thought it would be funny to point out the irony!" I hate to point out the irony of your mistake of pointing out someones irony incorrectly but...I do not see three K's in 'Kashyyyk'. Oh yeah..and clearly retarded and fake review.

  • March 30, 2005, 6:37 p.m. CST


    by Jeditemple

    Yeah, yeah. That's what I get for trusting Google. I MEANT to do that...yeah, right, that's the ticket. The third "y" is uh...silent or something. Lucas changed it. There, isn't that more believable?

  • March 30, 2005, 6:44 p.m. CST


    by B.NyeTheUruk-Hai

    "I hate to point out the irony of your mistake of pointing out someones irony incorrectly but...I do not see three K's in 'Kashyyyk'." ------ LOL!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! That is TOO funny!!! I got severely burned by writing an ironic correction of an ironic correction! Aaaahhh, the irony! Well, at least I TYPED it with 3 Y's, I just explained it wrong! Open mouth, insert foot!

  • March 30, 2005, 6:59 p.m. CST


    by PurityOfEssence

    ***Spoiler Warning*** The whole General Greivous revealing Palpatine thing is not even close to the way it has been described. Seeing as the visual dictionary and various book tie-ins have already revealed what how palpatine is revealed.

  • March 30, 2005, 9:16 p.m. CST


    by CrayolaBoy

    I just finished the audio novel last night and then read this thing this morning. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. What a lying sack of sh%t.

  • March 30, 2005, 9:22 p.m. CST

    1) that was the lamest review ever- utterly useless; 2) LOTR wil

    by atomheartbrother

    sorry charlie- but movies just don't clock in at 4 hours (and the true version of LOTR is the expanded edition- no question)- per picture. it's fine on DVD or if you are planning on pissing away an entire day (to watch 3 movies), but compared to the perfect economy of your average SW film (2 hours nice and easy), LOTR has a real uphill battle. and i say that as a tolkien fan too. and there is no fucking way Skywalker Ranch would let this chucklehead near anything Star Wars related- let alone let him past the front gate. Come on now!

  • March 30, 2005, 9:49 p.m. CST

    OK everybody - remember this (

    by Noriko Takaya

    Black lightsabers? Altair 6? *Grando* friggin' Carlissian?! Yeah. Fakety fake-fake fake. I think it's just "Darthbreaker Kid" having another go 'round. Toppu o Nerae!

  • March 30, 2005, 11 p.m. CST


    by Chaka

    Talk about the wrong place to post a fake review. I mean, among non-film buffs that story would pass ... however I'd wager 90% of the people in this forum saw the movie, or read the script, or even wrote the script! Either way ... if you're going to make up a movie review about an anticipated movie, don't do it here.

  • March 31, 2005, 12:17 a.m. CST

    two boners up now thats a review

    by skiff

    better than two thumbs up

  • March 31, 2005, 2:09 a.m. CST

    How could anyone read this SEWAGE of an article- Why is this tr

    by Sithlord_999


  • March 31, 2005, 3:37 a.m. CST

    cheers Valmont 1978

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    been dying to use it for ages man

  • March 31, 2005, 4:53 a.m. CST

    cheers Valmont 1978

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    been dying to use it for ages man

  • March 31, 2005, 7 a.m. CST


    by SalvatoreGravano

    That's a.b.s. :o)

  • March 31, 2005, 7:33 a.m. CST


    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    thanks mate - sorry to be thick!! ; )

  • March 31, 2005, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Best Harry parody ever!

    by Aeglos Istarion

    had to be said.

  • March 31, 2005, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Quite frankly....

    by staros24

    I think Episode III will suck balls. Who gives a shit at this point? The scripts for Episode I and II were awful. Is there anyone out there who really believes that either one was as good as Empire Strikes Back? George Lucas is too hung up on special effects, like an adolescent boy who has just discovered masturbation. Hooray for him. Until someone tells him that he's making pure shit, he's going to keep making flashy turds and a lot of money from fan boys. I have only one thing to say to Lucas...."You broke my heart, you broke my heart!"

  • March 31, 2005, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Schiavo has now died. Where was your god then AntoniusBloc ya d

    by Big_Bubbaloola

    RIP Terri. Hope you get to rest and not have all those religious nutters piously sprouting that its better to be a vegetable than be at complete peace!! Man why did that prick have to bring her up on this TB!!!!!

  • March 31, 2005, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Zach Braff is Luke's REAL father

    by bralli

    And Padme is a helmet wearing epileptic...

  • March 31, 2005, 1:22 p.m. CST

    review fake? The TP is out so all the info is released

    by Krigan

    The trade paperback of this film was shipped to my store yesterday but we are not supposed to put it out yet. Most stores will put it out anyway though. Expect lots of fake reviews using this information. It will be very hard to tell whats fake and what is not.

  • March 31, 2005, 3:18 p.m. CST

    scripts vs. film

    by Doctor A

    Even if this review is from the trade paperback or script instead of the film it sounds cool. The problem with Eps 1 and 2 were never the scripts, per se. It was the direction and in some cases the acting. This may be a kick ass story, but if GL doesn't get more patient and help his actors tell the fabulous story it will suck.

  • March 31, 2005, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Deac Speaks... you talkbackers sicken me.

    by Deacon

    if he has proven that he's seen the movie, then it's PLANT!!! if he definatly isn't a plant, then it's FAKE!!!!! my god you people are little boys... i'm almost bcertain every single dick on this site isn't old enough to smoke cigarettes.

  • April 1, 2005, 1:28 a.m. CST

    NEW RULE: This review is a fake.

    by Bill Maher

    Just like Harry's claim that he saw Attack of the Clones in a hotel room. Fake reviews are what AICN is all about. By the way, Bored of the Rings became passe last summer. It's a lame fad like bullet time and disco. Deal with it, dungeonmasters!

  • April 1, 2005, 2:49 a.m. CST

    Oh THAT'S offensive???

    by pantera777

    After all the profanity that's been spewed MY post gets deleted??? Asswipes! There, I cursed, so sue me!

  • April 1, 2005, 11:29 a.m. CST

    FIRST AMENDMENT UNDER ATTACK!! Tbone has been wiped!!

    by Bunger

    Anybody else here ever check out T-Bone Fender's site? Well no more; the official starwars site has taken it over... I smell a jowly billionaire rat, boys, and it stinks of censorship! Check it out:

  • April 1, 2005, 12:18 p.m. CST

    mysterious character

    by mezzio

    Cutting to the chase!!! HA!!! When Yoda, and Obi-wan return to the temple and see it wiped out..THIS IS WHEN THE CHRACTER I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT MAKES HIS APPEARANCE...AND TELLS ABOUT HOW" SHIFTS IN THE FORCE..ARE NECESSARY, IF NOT UNPLEASANT...AND HE BEGINS TO TELL YODA AND OBI-WAN EVERYTHING THAT IS TO COME..INCLUDING ...THE BIRTH OF"DARTH VADER"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know we all know this..but the way the this chracter tells it...well its just plain fucking SHAKESPEARE!!!!!! ... Qui Gon coming back via force projection??

  • April 1, 2005, 3:11 p.m. CST

    It's bad enough that it's fake, but fuck. It's barely even read

    by minderbinder

    Come on, did anyone even make it all the way through?

  • April 1, 2005, 11:08 p.m. CST

    "His speed and dexiterity with a light sabre HAS to be CGI-Enhan

    by DoctorWho?

    GEE....ya think??????????????

  • April 1, 2005, 11:17 p.m. CST

    Can we maybe track this guy down and beat his ass??

    by DoctorWho?

    If it is bullshit that is. Harry posted it because he probably loved the frantic, rambling,babbling, curse word laden style that so resembles his own. And to the idiot who brings up Terry Schiavo on a SW talkback...FUCK YOU DUDE!

  • April 1, 2005, 11:52 p.m. CST

    Urgh, learn to write properly you moron

    by Chirko

    Big chunks of text, lots of '...'s It was just fucking annoying to read. And that thing about his girlfriend and the 'pizza, sex and LOTR trilogy' just made me hate him. YOUR HAND DOES NOT COUNT AS A GIRLFRIEND.

  • April 2, 2005, 11:13 a.m. CST

    I hereby OFFICIALY denounce this report as a piece of shit !

    by RobinP

    I have the novel of "Sith" right in front of me...and within the first 38 pages, it blows this jerk's so-called scoop out of the fucking water. All I'll say is that those nano-probes are NOT fixing Obi-Wan's ship. Quite the contrary. Nice try, asshole.

  • April 3, 2005, 12:39 p.m. CST

    That review is as real as the claim that LOTR owns SW! Fact!

    by Lone Fox

    Not that it's written in stone, but I attended both press preview screenings of AOTC in London last time around, and it was on the 8th and 9th of April. I'm guessing they do these approx the same time ahead of release. In the few weeks leading up to the official release there were several additions to the film (couple of new shots, added SFX, on the digital version anyway). I'm sure unfinished versions may get advance screenings, but... Considering they work on these right up to the last minute-- oh wait. Everyone already worked out it was teh fake.

  • May 19, 2005, 3:22 a.m. CST


    by zacdilone

    This review is hilarious now that I've seen the film. You got taken, Harry.

  • June 13, 2005, 8:10 a.m. CST

    just want to see the review...

    by tensticks

    that&#39;s all