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A Shatner-Centric ENTERPRISE Mirror-Universe Installment You
SPOILER ALERT !!
I am – Hercules!!
The Reeves-Stevenses and Shatner himself came up with the storyline.
Goatee-Spock uses the Tantalus Field to send mirror-Kirk back in time to Archer’s universe! Mirror-Kirk has been waiting for a ship with transporter technology to turn up so he can get back to where he once belonged! It turns out mirror-Kirk and Archer actually CREATED the mirror universe!!!
And you’re never, ever going to see it. Because, according to TrekToday.com, Rick Berman wanted Shatner to play a Kirk ancestor named Chef. And Berman wanted Daniels to want to use Chef to replace a missing Jim Kirk at a crucial juncture in history.
Ultimately, there will be a Kirk-free mirror-universe saga before “Enterprise” ends in May, but it will involve the Tholians and the original series’ Defiant.
It’s all confusing, I know. But my tiny brain reels with fascination at the missed opportunity. Read all of TrekToday’s much more cogent report here.
Looking for bumper stickers, plush toys and girls’ underwear covered with cute cartoon double-amputees? Visit The Herc Store!
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Even the cast members are raggin' on how bad it is. Put this show out of our misery and BRING BACK FARSCAPE DAMMIT!!!
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"And you
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...died for the same reason Enterprise is: ratings. Deal with it. Lost in Space with Muppets never took off.
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Mar 17, 2005 10:30:16 PM CST
It's funny how people bitched about the show being on and now th
by iamjacksuserid
Yes, let's save this mediocre show so that it can CONTINUE to be mediocre and the whole damn franchise can continue to milk out boring, overused, tired Star Trek cliches and mediocreties (wrd?). Yes! Let's deny the franchise a good swift kick in the ass to put it down for a decade so all of the creatively-tired blood can dry out.
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Mar 17, 2005 10:36:48 PM CST
Berman's Mirror Universe idea was fucking GENIUS!!!
by grandocariissian
but now i guess we'll never get to see William Shatner sing his stunning rendition of "Chocolate Salty Balls."
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Does everything have to fit together? The members of the Enterprise and their ancestors/descendents the only ones who had to do with the major events of history? The best idea for a Trek series would be to do an anthology show that combines ST with the Twilight Zone. There should be a host--members from the original casts?--who introduces a stand alone episode every week. Each episode could be set in a different period from the Trek universe and different settings. (Get a variety of writers too.) We could have stories set in the world of DS9, the TOS, TNG, etc. Or from other unseen parts of the universe or history. It may have original cast members doing guest roles (but not appearing every week) or they can introduce new characters or new settings. The host would introduce and end the show by placing it in the context of the Trek universe and history. Pretty interesting idea, eh? I think it would be great, but it will never happen. Sigh.
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what have I done?...what HAVE I ...Done?
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If Trek was a horse, you'd take it out back and shoot it.
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I'm HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! B&B's horrible little experiment in revising everything Trek has FAILED. B&B deserve a nice spot in hack hell next to Whedon, Michael Bay, Vincent Gallo and Uwe Boll.
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Mar 18, 2005 12:12:56 AM CST
Herc, it wasn't Berman who pitched the Chef idea, it was Sussman
by tall_boy
read the article a little closer next time, dude.
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Or did I misread it a second and third time?
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Mar 18, 2005 1:43:28 AM CST
Am I the only one who realizes that this porposed mirror-Kirk st
by voice o. reason
"It turns out mirror-Kirk and Archer actually CREATED the mirror universe!!!" The hell?
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Explicit profanity! Untamed lesbian sex! That'll put some viagra back in this flaccid franchise.
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... and I've fallen asleep trying to watch both episodes. Does it get any better cause at this rate.......
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Chef?... why?
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Shatner wisely passed on doing the Chef pitch. As for Shatner's pitch, it would have put the aging Tiberius in a place where they could have used Shatner again in a future series or movie if they chose. Shatner's Kirk is one of three characters who MADE the original show. DeForrest Kelley has passed on. Leonard Nimoy is either not interested, retired from acting, not in any physical condition to return even if he wanted to, or some combination of those. Shatner is still vital enough and interested enough to do something potentially cool in the Trek universe. He's also doing quite possibly his best work since TOS on Boston Legal. IOW, the guy's still got his chops. Why they didn't jump on the chance to take advantage of Shatner's services again is well beyond me. One of the major problems Trek writers have had for years is coming up with compelling bad guys. What Trek fan wouldn't geek out for months over even the possibility of pitting evil Kirk in the 24th Century against Picard??? There's your Star Trek XI right there.
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Really, would someone please fire these guys... Preferably out of a large cannon... in to some shark infested water... with raw steak tied to there genitals...
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Mar 18, 2005 6:53:45 AM CST
That's it. Let's face it, Berman and Braga must have photos of
by commando cody
Seriously. There really can't be ANY other explanation why Berman and Braga are still employed and allowed to touch Trek OTHER than they have some seriously dirt on the Paramount execs. Because otherwise any SANE and responsible executive wing looking to maintain a viable studio franchise and looking to return profits to the company and its stockholders would have tossed these 2 clueless hacks out on the street ages ago. So I guess now the only 2 questions remaining are: How will B&B completely fuck up the next movie...and just HOW extreme is the dirt they have on the Paramount suits? Boy, that must be some pretty seriously fucked up shit.
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But B&B's contempt for the original series would ruin it. Shatner is better off keeping away from the stinking, putrifying corpse of "Enterbore". (Having now seen the start of the "improved" 4th season the problem becomes apparent, this crew is just too damn DULL to care about, whatever the quality of the scripts.)
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Mar 18, 2005 7:46:38 AM CST
The Berman version sounds kind of interesting, too, but I'm gues
by prof. pop-cult
...Just like what Berman pulled in the Generations movie. Shatner preferred playing a bad guy, and thought that would have been the best way to bring back Kirk -- his mirror universe counterpart. The idea of bringing back Kirk as the Enterprise's cook sounds insulting, frankly. Another option would have been to rewrite the events of Generations by having Daniels prevent the death of Kirk.
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Mar 18, 2005 7:55:12 AM CST
Actually, here's a way that Berman's idea could be pulled off wi
by prof. pop-cult
It's revealed early on that the chef is Kirk's great-great grandfather. Daniels wants to do his plan. In the end, there's a twist end: The chef is the REAL James T. Kirk. Daniels saved him from death during the events of Generations, but put him in Enterprise's time period for some reason. After 12 years of Kirk having lived in this period of time, it's time to bring him back to his time period to complete some mission.
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...were they going to have a mirror-verse Kyle, Stan and Kenny, complete with goatees? Or a mirror-verse Cartman who's nice?
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Something against Joss Whedon?
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Mar 18, 2005 8:27:45 AM CST
It's official: Rick Berman has replaced John Edwards as The Big
by spyguy
Chef was going to be Kirk's ancestor? Shatner doing STAR TREK again was going to be wasted on a stupid Chef revelation? I'm sorry, I have to agree with thecutestofborg...Damn you, Rick Berman. Damn you straight to hell until the end of time.
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Mar 18, 2005 8:58:34 AM CST
People with no imagination should be HANDS OFF of these franchis
by kikstad
Man, the Mirror-Universe Kirk would have been GREAT! Chef? Chef? An ancestor named Chef? How boring! Mirror-Universe Kirk would have been awesome. I know Shatner's schedule was a key factor in no Kirk episode, but come on, it's brainless meddling like this that doomed Enterprise (and the entire Star Trek franchise) into a creative wasteland! Bastards!!!!
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The fact that Berman and Braga actually pitched the chef idea to Shatner shows how little respect they have for the original series. Shatner came to them with a good idea that worked in the continuity of the show, they rejected it and proposed something that seems intentionally insulting. I don't know why they are doing it, but it seems like they were/are intentionally trying to kill the show. I don't think Star Trek needs a rest, someone just needs to wrest control of the franchise from these two.
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Yeah, why would you want a novel story featuring the top star of the original series set in a topnotch setting that is also a fan favorite?
Why, you could do three or four polarity-reversal or temporal anomaly episodes instead! That's what people REALLY want to see.
P.S.: DENNY CRANE. -
...but I'm going to go ahead and say the Kirk's great grandfather as the Enterprise's chef idea is a good one. To have Shatner appear as Kirk is just pathetic at this point. ESPECIALLY if it involves yet ANOTHER tired time travel plot device. Have the Enterprise get boarded and taken over by some alien faction and chef, overlooked as he always is, manages to avoid capture and free everyone else (kind of like Under Seige without Steven Segal's pony tail). You could even have him injured doing something incredibly heroic and t the end of the episode he goes home to Earth with Archer saying something like "Well you can be sure the folks in Iowa will give you a hero's welcome chef." And then Shatner can say "I'm retired now, son. Call me Tiberius." How would that be irreverent to Kirk? Are we insinuating that there's something wrong with being a chef? Or, worse, that being descended from a chef precludes you from greatness? His great grandad was a freakin' hero and inspired him to join Starfleet and be all he could be. I think that would have rocked.
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Mar 18, 2005 10:33:54 AM CST
That Kirk idea would have been awesome! Kirk in the new movie?
by warp11
I would have loved to see Kirk/Shatner not only make an appearence on Enterprise, but! to also be responsible for the mirror universe. Who knows, maybe Kirk will show up in the new Trek movie. The new Warp 11 album is now out! The CD release show was last week and thousands of fans turned out! The cd is called "Boldly Go Down on Me!" It's amazing! www.warp11.com, or the ir hugely popular BB www.warp11bb.com warp!
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So it dosn't matter anyway.
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THe Mirror Universe idea had epic written all over it. The "Shatner is Chef" thing just seems like a lame punchline for the running gag of the faceless "Chef" that the lame powers-that-be set up in the first few lame seasons of Enterprise. But if they actually want to finally show Chef's face, why not get Leonard Nimoy for the rule. Let the guy finally play a human character for a change. Chef could be an ancestor of Spock's human mom. That would be much cool and much more creative.
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Mar 18, 2005 3:01:34 PM CST
Rick Berman is such a fucking moron, he wanted a Jerry Lewis mix
by spacesheik
IS THIS BERMAN FOR REAL!?!! PARAMOUNT PLS FIRE THIS IDIOT -- 2 FAILED TV SERIES AND 2 FLOP FILMS - WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED? DOES HE HAVE PICS OF PARAMOUNT EXECUTIVES IN COMPROMISING POSITIONS?!!
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they just get Isaac Hayes?
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Having Shatner on the show would have been a nice idea, it would probably cost a lot of money. the idea of doing a Trek anthology series would be entertaining, but it would probably cost a lot of money. As in building a few million dollars worth of setsm props and costumes per episode. The idea several people proposed of having blackmail photos of the paramount executives might work, but it would probably cost a lot of money. ----- Hey, instead of another prequel, why not do a movie set a century past the Next Gen/DS9/Voyager era and have it include a Federation containing EVERY alien race from Every Trek series, including the first live action appearance of the Caitians from the Animated Series? You could save on sets by having it set on a ship or space station, and have it be a character driven plot, only all the characters are from different species. Humans, Vulcans and Klingons, Romulans and Remans, Cardassians and Bajorans, Andorians, Caitians, Shapeshifters, Wormhole gods, Denobulans, Mirror Universe beings, all the bad-guy races DS9, Voyager and Enterprise encountered, even those bugs from the fluid universe and all five varieties of Xindi, Borg, all working together in a cooperative universal Federation of intelligent entities, and all with velour sweaters and really big tits. I'd watch that.
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Mar 18, 2005 4:02:07 PM CST
"Rick Berman has replaced John Edwards as The Biggest Douche In
by voice o. reason
You mean John Edward, not John Edwards. John Edward was the Biggest Douche in the Universe. John Edwards was just the biggest douche in North Carolina not named Jesse Helms. Slight difference.
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For all the shit we have had to put up with and complained about I believe the final episode of Enterprise will be a big fuck you to all the fans. Jolene Blaylock has already said she is apalled by the ending, though she should be apallled that the rest of her entertainment career will involve a pole and lap dancing
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Hello... CHILDREN!
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Reveal that the entire Star Trek franchise is really just an elaborate fantasy of Denny Crane's.
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Nobody cares about new Star Trek.
The only reason why people would have watched this Enterprise episode would have been to see the return of Kirk.
If Trek 11 was about the return of Kirk it would be huge.
TPTB don't understand that to 99% of the general public, Kirk and Spock are Star Trek. -
If you can't get Shatner to play the faceless chef, hire Mark Hammil! That'd be freakin' hilarious!
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Mar 18, 2005 7:53:04 PM CST
It will be hilarious if they try to make the chef Riker, too.
by jim jam bongs
He's already going to be FutureGuy.
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Mar 18, 2005 8:47:01 PM CST
frankly they've fucked everything else up why not that too?
by atomheartbrother
that's a goddamn shame, reading that woeful tale of coulda woulda shoulda.
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Mar 19, 2005 10:46:04 PM CST
With the success of Battlestar Galactica 2.0, has anybody consid
by prof. pop-cult
Shudder the thought, but who knows. I could see it happening if Berman & Braga are still in charge of the Trek brand.
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Mar 20, 2005 2:10:14 AM CST
No new Trek movie or series will go anywhere as long as Beavis &
by noriko takaya
They may have given great Trek back in the day, but whatever they had before has been gone since, oh, around the time Voyager debuted. Hell, even THAT mess had more good episodes in one season than Enterprise did over it's entire run. Even if they tried to "re-imagine" it, as the esteemed Prof. Pop-Cult suggests above, it wouldn't work. No, Trek needs a rest but mostly it needs new leadership. Sadly, I don't think that will happen until after Trek XI does a Hindenburg across the cineplex screens. THEN the powers-that-be may 86 B&B. . .but by then it may be too late. :(
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So Shatner pulled a Lost in Translation in a telly ad on your side of the pond. So frelling what? He owns on the American television show Boston Legal, and I had the privilege of being in the audience when he did a conversation in the Cagney room at SAG HQ for the SAG Foundation a couple of months ago, so I can tell you firsthand the man has all his faculties. Oh, and he loves playing off his iconic status and poking fun at himself (reference his SNL hosting appearance and starring in the film Free Enterprise). If your British commercial was goofy, blame the British yogurt company that insisted the ad go just that way. Shatner's got his fat check - and at a good exchange rate. To quote the Pythons from their Live at the Hollywood Bowl show a couple of years ago (when the show was completed and it was time for the audience to go home - and yeah, I was there too), Piss Off.
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Mar 20, 2005 9:39:05 AM CST
Trader Groucho, absolutely right, WILLIAM SHATNER is KING now -
by spacesheik
Apparently Wolf at the Door is misinformed. If Paramount was smart they'd bring back Kirk again. And fire Rick Berman.
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Oh and I forgot to mention he also got a Golden Globe and is next appearing in MISS CONGENIALITY 2 - which he''l probably steal from the delicious Sandra Bullock again.
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Just saw the female crew in the the Mirror Darkly episodes (Check out SFX magazine). If they had dressed like this in all the episodes ENTERPRISE would never have been cancelled.
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"Oh and I forgot to mention he also got a Golden Globe and is next appearing in MISS CONGENIALITY 2 - which he''l probably steal from the delicious Sandra Bullock again."
He certainly stole the trailer ("she's too young to die and I'm not as old as I look!"). Long may your trek go on Mr. S. -
The reason why tptb wanted Shatner/Kirk back on the series was that they understand that they are the only reason that people will tune into a ST program or pay to see a Star Trek film at this point.
Nobody cares about Berman and Braga's version of Star Trek.
Ds9,Voyager and Enterprise were flops. Don't you think Paramont would love to make a cheap movie about one of these casts?
The reason they don't is because nobody watched them for free at home.
The only thing people talked aboutin regards to Enterprise last season was that William Shatner/Kirk might appear. It was the only thing people cared about and it didn't even happen.
The TNG films (with the exception of FC) have not done well at the box office.
Nobody will go and see a movie with a brand new crew.
But a film that used Kirk and Spock
and perhaps introduced a new cast would be a big box office draw.
What better jumping off point for a new series than a cast that was introduced in a big screen adventure with the two biggest legends in all of Star Trek?
A Kirk/Spock Star Trek 11 with a brand new cast (that could become the next tv sereis) would be just the type of "event film" that Star Trek needs to put itself back on the map.
How about a film where Spock and a new crew save Kirk from the Nexus?
Quite honestly without Kirk and Spock Star Trek will not be an event film and will suffer the same fate the last few films did. Which means nobody will go and see it. -
Mar 21, 2005 12:58:40 AM CST
Darth Voodoo may have a point: Maybe the only Trek films that ca
by prof. pop-cult
So maybe the best thing to do would be another movie that includes members of the original cast. It wouldn't have to be focused on them -- it could be about new people, with Kirk and others from TOS in signficant supporting roles. And it would take place in a time period after the sixth movie: With new uniforms and updated ship designs.... As for bringing back Kirk and doing so in such a way that doesn't violate the events of Generations and confuse the casual moviegoer who either doesn't remember that movie, never saw it, or doesn't care: Kirk is not dead. He's actually been trapped in the rift for years now, living various outcomes, living, dying, repeat. Like a Groundhog Day scenario. The Federation knows this, and they (or somebody else who needs Kirk specifically) finally figure a way to get into the rift, and pull Kirk out. And this is all resolved within the first ten minutes, so the movie can then move onto a wholly different plot. All you would need is a scene in, for example, a mission briefing room that explains to the audience what happened to Kirk. It can work with good writing. Paramount just has to keep B&B away from this completely, though.
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The films that followed First Contact were pretty dull films and deserved to fail. First Contact was one of the best Trek films IMHO but it's the only NextGen film that compares to the earlier films with the original crew. Insurrection was a TV series plot (and a below par one at that) and Nemesis should have been good but completely failed to take flight. WHY does Picard's clone hate Picard so much? There really is no credible reason given and for that reason, no one cares much about what goes on between these characters.
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I can just imagine him as the Chef. Staring up at the camera, grimacing, twitching a bit and then shouting "CORN!!!!!"
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I can just imagine him as the Chef. Staring up at the camera, grimacing, twitching a bit and then shouting "CORN!!!!!"
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Sorry about that. It wasn't that funny in the first place, let alone twice.
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I've been saying for years that for me Classic Trek is the best, and I would love to see more adventures of Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Sulu, Checkov, Uhura, Rand, Chaplain, etc. in their prime -- even if it means hiring a new younger cast to play them. All this crap about creating new ships and new crews and going backwards and forwards in generations is just DUMB. Give us Classic Trek again with the characters that started it all. STILL THE BEST!
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