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Joe Hallenbeck barely manages to review WHAT DREAMS MAY COME

Published at:  Aug 24, 1998 1:46:41 AM CDT

Okay folks, I'm not going to say the Mighty Impotent One has trouble getting the ol jones up, but what the hell's up with the "To Be Continued" tacked onto the end of this review. Seems like poor ol Joe ran out of some steam... perhaps his pistons weren't firing. Perhaps his mouth, ass, and hands were all occupied and he couldn't do anything about it for the rest of the night. This Pimp Daddy's review seems to be HALF WRITTEN, and I'm gonna screw with Joe on it, cause he'd screw with me, he covets my hulking ass like none other. Shoulda seen his eyes lingering on Friday night. Anyway, enough of the lovey dovey talk, Joe's got his mighty bat to beat...




Let's see, who can I offend today....


WHAT DREAMS MAY COME is an $80 million Art House Flick that'll tank at
the BO upon it's release on October 2nd...a fate which is rather
unfortunate because this little flick is one of the best damn films I,
The Mighty Pimp Daddy, Joe Hallenbeck, has seen all year. Now, I know
for a fact, most, if not all you geeks and geekettes out there, will
disagree with the Pimp Daddy's assessment of this gorgeous flick, but
I's don'ts care! I really dug this flick and here's why....


1. The title - an absolutely charrming and magical title if I've ever
heard one. It's all in the name with movies like this...and this one is
a keeper. Plus, it also wins the best Porn/Parody-Title-For-A-Porn-Film
for this year(use your imagination on this one). Eaters of the Dead was
the victor, but it's been bumped to next January(gee, I wonder why?) and
the title's been changed(Pussies!). Deep Impact is a close runner up for
this Prestegious Hallenbeck Award.

2. The Plot - This movie ain't about life, it's about the afterlife...a
concept which many films have delved into, but none have been as
original or well thought out as this puppy. The sheer imagination that
is shown on screen, both visuallly and spiritually, makes this movie a
must see in my book for any die hard movie geek or true romantic at
heart. Concepts and ideas are explored that I never thought I'd see
explored in a big American Hollywood movie. It's depresssing as hell,
but it made me clear the cobwebs off me noggin. I started to think about
the various issues and aspects of the hereafter that were presented in
this movie. An example: Your heaven is just that...YOUR HEAVEN.
Everything and Anything in it is made up by you. The scenery, the
people, the weather....YOU NAME IT! You control everything!!! I just
love it when movies present interesting questions like this. It got me
thinking as to what my Heaven would be like. To read a full description
of it please check out the latest issue of Penthouse Forum Letters. The
letter starts out like: "I never thought something like this would
happen to me..."

3. The characters - this is where my review and my love for this film
takes a bizzarre turn. The characters in this movie are weak. I never
really got involved with Williams' relationship with Sciorra, nor did I
care too. He loved her....that's all I know. She had some serious
psychological problems and he stood by her throughout it all. Their
romance felt stale...not at all powerful. That would be a big no-no for
a movie that's about a guy who goes "literally" through Heaven and Hell
to be with his wife, but that didn't bother me. This is the kind of
movie(to me anyways) where you can put yourself in the main characters
shoes and replace the other characters in the movie with real people in
your life. It's a "FILL IN THE BLANK" kinda a movie. The characters
don't matter, but the situation and environment they are in does. To
clarify, it's like this...You're John McClain...your honey is
Holly...and Hans, well Hans is that asshole in your life. Al Powell is
your best bud and Ellis is that asshole friend of your Honey. You BECOME
the movie. The decisions John makes are the decisions you would make.
THAT's how I felt about ths movie..."What would I do, and what would the
people I know do, in this given situation?"

That probably doesn't make a lick of sense, but I refuse to explain it
any further. The problem I had with the character's didn't lie within
the actors, it lied within the script. B.F.D. Like I said before, I put
myself in Robin's shoes and I went forth on this journey. Let me tell
you something guys...to go through what this guy has to go through, she
better be one hell of a lady. I think all of us would go through Heaven
and Hell to be with the one we truly love...that soul mate. Well, maybe
not Robogeek, but the rest of us would(Just fuckin' with ya, RG).


To be continued..........

Did poor little ol Joe run out of words... Did his SPEAK-N-SPELL's batteries run down? Did his enlongator suck too hard and drain his brain? We won't know till Joe writes back... the coward! Throw down Joe...



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    Readers Talkback

  • Aug 24, 1998 5:42:33 AM CDT

    comment at end of hallenback dreams review

    by parker

    Imagine my shock to see the words "fucking faggot" as a talk back on Harry's very cool website. Time for some people to grow up and try hard to remember that all kinds of people read Harry and go to the movies. Hell, all kinds of people live on the planet.
    I also think Harry Knowles and his crew should pay more attention to comments that slander and slur. Yes, the words are a commentary on the stupidity of the writer, but they are still very unnecessary. As Alfred Hitchcock said (in paraphrase): "Relax Ingridm it's only a movie."

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 24, 1998 6:31:46 AM CDT

    Attention curse word users...

    by jimmy dean

    I would appreciate it if that fuck face halenbeck could quit using all these godamned curse words and shit. My fucking kids read AICN everyday before going to school. The last thing those little shits need to see in the morning is words like: shit, fuck, damn, cunt, cock, porn, suck, joe's, ass, hole, and, lick, my, balls, skank, whore, slut, nipples, pussy, godzilla, or worse vagina.

    Please do your part in censoring what the fuck you say so that I dont fucking have to be responsible for what the fuck my little bastard children look at.

    Thank You for understand you sons of bitch,
    Jimmy Dean

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 24, 1998 1:20:13 PM CDT

    Jimmy Dix'x Response below.

    by dirty boy

    Oh such masterful response. Deep and provocating. I see a future in journalism or screenwriting. Yep. Look at yourself, the pinnacle of maturity.


    Now be a good kid and go read some comic books.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 24, 1998 3:15:41 PM CDT

    Quit bitching!

    by amanda

    This one is for everyone who's been bitching about the site. GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! If you think a movie sucked, READ THE NEGATIVE REVIEWS! There are almost always BOTH neg. and pos. If you don't like the reviewer, DONT READ THE FUCKIN REVIEW! If Harry loved a movie you hated DON'T go off on him, DESIGN YOUR OWN FUCKIN SITE! AICN is here so we can find out stuff and get real, UNPAID opinions on movies before we waste 7$ on them. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO COME HERE!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 24, 1998 3:55:11 PM CDT

    Hallenbeck is a Virgin / Loser / Moron

    by load

    Hallenbeck must be the kind of loser geek that has never had a serious relationship with a woman. Here is the evidence: "It got me thinking as to what my Heaven would be like. To read a full description of it please check out the latest issue of Penthouse Forum Letters. The letter starts out like: "I never thought something like this would happen to me..."

    What a loser. Now I can never take anything he writes seriously again. Joe, go beat off with the rest of your geek pals.

    Reply to Talkback

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