Cool News
Yet another uber-positive test screening review of Sandler's THE LONGEST YARD comes in!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with yet another positive test screening review of the remake of THE LONGEST YARD starring Adam Sandler. I thought the trailer had some laughs (didn't see the super bowl spot, but I heard it wasn't all that hot) and the set up is well used, but still fun. I'm happy to see the good reviews that keep coming in. Gives me hope that it'll be a solid hour and a half of entertainment... but this is coming from someone who enjoys most of Adam Sandler's movies. What do you folks think? Could this movie be fun or are all the reviews we've been getting over the last couple of months plants?
I went to a test screening of Adam Sandler's latest film "The Longest Yard" tonight. Doesn't that sound weird? Maybe even wrong. Adam Sandler and "The Longest Yard" together in the same sentence. Well, I'm here to tell you, America is about to fall head-over-heels in love with a bunch of hardened convicts. I not only cared about each and every member of the Mean Machine team, I grew to love, appreciate and root for them all in under an hour and forty five minutes time. They're characters that you see for the first time yet feel like old friends. And not because it's a remake. Memorable, seriously qoute worthy types. Especially, Cheeseburger Eddie. You can probably guess what he's all about. There is such a warmth generated by the team's camaraderie it's absolutely contagious. The casting of each of these roles is dead on. Nelly and ex-football player Michael Irvin concerned me before seeing it. I assumed their lack of acting experience might hurt the movie. Man, was I wrong. They both fill their characters with heart, likability, humor. Megget and Moss are the definition of cool and really fun to watch. In the summer tons of kids playing football will be fighting over who gets to be Megget and who gets to be Moss. Paramount give your entire casting department a bonus this year. They deserve it.
It also seems that Adam Sandler has pulled off the impossible. He's managed to coerce a funny and memorable performance out of Chris Rock and put it up onto the silver screen. Don't get me wrong, Rock is a genius but strictly on the stand-up stage, in a sketch, or on a talk show set. Rock in the movies is consistently a disappointment (yes, even Pootie Tang), yet I always find myself checking out his movies in hopes things would change sooner or later. They never did, until now. Caretaker is instantly endearing in a world of shit. The prison is as grim as the character of Caretaker is inviting. Rock finally does it right and does it in the right movie, hopefully he'll capatilize on the momentum. New Jack City and this are the only times Rock has lived up to his potential on celluloid. Also, the chemistry between Sandler & Rock is undeniable. From the second Crewe sits at Caretaker's table in the prison cafeteria you can feel it. You can tell they're friends in real life and a comfortable rhythm flows between them throughout. A great pairing. It makes you want to see them together again ASAP.
Another thing I liked is that the bad guys are bad guys. It's fun when you genuinely hate the villian or villians. The guards are dicks and the warden's the biggest dick of all. James Cromwell does a good job of filling the shoes of the original warden. Sorry, I know it's horrible, but his name escapes me. Oh yeah, look for a cameo from the original Captain Knauer as well. Anyway, Crowell and his goons do a great job. The guards are mainly made up of former football players and professional wrestlers, half of their names I knew, half I didn't. They were all good though. One I even noticed was Greg Meaney from "The Waterboy" even bigger and badder than before. I'm sure the wrestling fans attending will be satisfied as will the football fans. The football footage is just incredible. I'm not a big football fan myself and it was still entertaining to me. Visually amazing as well. Yes, I just said a Sandler film is visually amazing. The big game is just that. A BIG GAME. Nothing but fun and genuine excitement. Gee, I wonder who wins?!?!?
Before I go, I must mention another highlight, okay, a pair of highlights, Courtney Cox's breasts. No, she doesn't break 'em out here because she doesn't need to. They're relatively contained but ridiculously perfect. I bet my bottom dollar she was breastfeeding during the shoot. Courtney, trust me when I tell you this, your husband is a buffoon. Dump his ass and come crash at my pad. Don't forget to bring your breasts though, 'kay? Burt Reynolds is kinda weird looking here (plastic surgery?) but is obviously having fun and no matter how odd he looks he still oozes charm and likability in the role of the beloved Coach. Again, the chemistry with Sandler is real.
As for what I didn't like, I thought they could have done without Rob Schneider rehashing the line from "The Waterboy," you know the one, "You can do it!" And a couple of Chris Rock lines I've heard a million times in other movies and in real life. The music was kinda all over the place but it was most likely a temp soundtrack so who can really tell. However, there were a couple of well place AC/DC tunes in there.
Okay, I suppose I'm done. This movie is going to surprise a lot of people and convert more than it's fair share of haters. I've noticed a lot of smack talk on the internet regarding the idea of a Yard remake. Sandler chooses not to talk in a goofy voice or scream at people in this one and it's a nice change of pace. Oh, I'll be first in line when he's spewing gibberish and dancing a retarded jig of some sort but it's cool to see Sandler in a different kind of role. Sandler, tough guy movie star is born. Funny moments. Exciting moments. Scary moments. Touching moments. Good stuff. Good stuff indeed.
Almost forgot, Tracy Morgan is priceless as Miss Tucker. That is all. Call me..........
Spliff Scar Jr.
-
+ Expand All
-
Plant
-
It's all shrivelled.
-
won't go see this.
-
Despise egotistical pop chart clowns getting major parts in big movies.
-
PLANT!
-
that plant's a fuckin' triffid
-
and marijuana is, of course, a green, leafy _________.
-
Feb 23, 2005 8:47:28 AM CST
"Paramount give your entire casting department a bonus this year
by perturbo
--but fire the guy who wrote this plant. He's like a parody of a plant writer.
-
Harry, take down this travesty - your integrity is at stake. This is less a review than an ad. If banners for this piece of shit start appearing on this site I swear I'll hurt Stephen Chow, just to hurt you. Just pure unadulterated drivel.
-
And while it wasn't bad, it was nothing to write home about. Some good moments, but definately not going to make Sandler into an Action star. This guy was either definately a plant, or loves everything he sees even if it is as lame as "The Backyardigans" on Nick Jr. Worth seeing? Yeah, but not at full price. Ok for a matinee, great bargain at the Two-buck theater.
-
Feb 23, 2005 9:42:08 AM CST
Yeah, he's a plant but he is right about Chris Rock in movies.
by big bad clone
Maybe it's having to do multiple takes that just takes the funny right out of him. Just watch him in Head of State or CB40 and it's hard to remember why you think he's funny. --- Oh and the Backyardigans makes Blue's Clues look like Masterpiece Theatre.
-
Feb 23, 2005 10:17:10 AM CST
Gawd, these studio plants have sold their soul--not only are the
by lance rock
You're going straight to hell, "Spliff."
-
It can't be a plant,
Though plants often function in the realm of the "can't".
Me thinks maybe yes, this film will be fun,
If this review is a plant, maybe I should smoke myself one! -
Feb 23, 2005 10:34:16 AM CST
Plant... obvious plant... you can just taste the Miracle Grow
by meburma
oh and I'd love to plant my face in Courtney Cox's dirty pillows...
-
But then I remembered that I am one of the few people who thought "The Waterboy" was really, really funny, and I am also one of the few people who laughed a lot while watching "Little Nicky". It is easy for me to laugh at Adam Sandler. If I were at a preview for this film, I might come back with an equally absurdly glowing review, without being a plant of any kind. So maybe this guy just likes to laugh when Adam Sandler hits somebody, the way I do.
-
And did he also reference "Pootie Tang," as though we should get over ourselves and realize it sucks? This may be one of the funniest reviews ... ever. Of course, he DIDN'T MEAN to be funny, but, fuck all, that just makes it funnier. ... seems even the plants these days are trying to write like some of the illiterate idiots who send in reviews. .. again,i say: every time you let a douchebag like this write a review, you damage the credibility of your site just a liiiiittttle bit more.
-
You know. The three that would not get any acting roles unless they are buddies with Sandler.
-
I talked to the guy who hacked into Paris Hilton's Blackberry. He confirmed that the original post in this message came from Adam Sandler's email. Quit fucking with us Sandler. I'll watch your damn movie because you make me laugh in the same way retarded people do, but don't waster your time with these plant reviews. And as for Courtney Cox, umm ... if I want some 40 year old with great breasts, I'll go with Mary Louise Parker or Diane Lane. Any chick who invites David Arquette to the party in her pants is just gross.
-
Sorry, but despite the reviewers' attempt to not know the "villans" (ala the former football players/wrestlers) or spell Cromwell's name correctly (b/c the "sterotypical fanboy" can't spell)the review is clearly either very Pro-Sandler or a PLANT. Either way I'll still see this one. The Original Longest Yard was pretty damn funny (football to the groin- enough said) and most football movies for humor turn out pretty decent (The Replacements, N. Roughness, the Waterboy et al.)
-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-
not to a mortician...after a few drinks.
-
You can like a movie without being a plant, but this reviewer has Adam Sandler's balls slapping against his chin right now. A little too over-the-top to be anything but a plant. And for the record, I like Sandler and all his movies and will probably see this in the theater.
-
Sounds like he turns in a good perf in this "Longest Yard," but as noted above, he's been really, really terrible in most of his pedestrian movies. Which is why his Oscar host gig comes with a bitter edge. Those "serious" Hollywood filmmakers don't respect Rock as a movie actor. At all. Too bad this movie is coming out AFTER the Oscars.
-
...in that every one of his movies that I've rented on VHS or DVD, I've recommended as being both watchable and funny (I didn't rent Little Nicky, but I caught it on TBS or TNT and thought it sucked). I'm talking Big Daddy, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore (where I think he hit the limits of his own ability to play a tough guy) and Punch Drunk Love, which was just a really excellent and unusual use of his trademarked quirkiness. That said, I will not pay to see him remake a movie I don't think needs to be remade. At least not in the theater. The original was a classic and, like most remakes of films made within the last thirty years, this reeks of a semi-star-laden attempt to cash in on a previously used good idea. I may rent it if we get a legitimate, post-release, non-plant review. But this guy hasn't convinced me.
-
Do they make Caretaker have a more family friendly resolution? In the original movie the character was fun and a good foil to Burt Reynolds, but he ends up extra crispy midway thru. Somehow, I don't see them being that harsh and gritty in this Adam Sandler vehicle.
-
That made me want to see the film more then anything else. And with implants, I hope she's not breastfeeding.
-
He's the male version of Joan Rivers! Talk about overdoing it on the plastic surgery. His eyebrows are now a part of his hairpiece. I'm suprised he still gets work, he just doesn't look like a "real" person anymore.
-
Feb 23, 2005 12:51:03 PM CST
"Well, I'm here to tell you, America is about to fall head-over-
by xaos
Geez, he couldn't go more than a couple of sentences without marketing hyperbole
-
And he was great in CB4 and Down to Earth. Both are very funny movies that showcase the spectacular talent Chris Rock Is.
-
Or something.
-
is not whether or not this is a plant, but WHO THE FUCK CARES about the movie whether he is or he isn't? No one should WANT to see this. It's the epitome of bad idea.
-
Feb 23, 2005 2:53:27 PM CST
'Did she say we were doing laundry together because where i come
by togmeister
Adam mate, how about Happy Gilmore 2 next? I'm dying for a rematch with Shooter Mcgavin - 'how 'bout i go make things out of clay? And lay by the bay? I just may.'
-
*sad face* This 'reviewer' is trying way to hard to convince people
-
...check out the last page of the latest Esquire magazine, pretty funny reference to Harry.
-
So asks football guru Quint.
-
....this reviewer is a fine example of a variation of photosynthetic, eukaryotic, multicellular organisms of the kingdom Plantae characteristically producing embryos, containing chloroplasts, having cellulose cell walls, and lacking the power of locomotion. Hence, this person is indeed a fresh healthy plant. Hail Arrius!
-
it contains rob shneiders "you can do it!" shtick. spotted it in the SB commercial. instantly hated the movie.
-
Damn, when will these studio plants learn to make their reviews less literate? No slob walking out of a test screening writes a review that sounds like Roger Ebert.
-
lol at Dr. Bulber's Reynolds line and Atticus' "in-zone" comment. I'm going to see it based solely on the trailers.
-
Feb 23, 2005 8:22:19 PM CST
"Sorry, I know it's horrible, but his name escapes me. "
by jackburtonlives
look on the press release in front of you, Plant.
-
PLANT...OMG....PLANT..Prepare yourself america to fall in love??? I hope this is a joke and not real, because that means plants are getting dumber.
-
"There is such a warmth generated by the team's camaraderie it's absolutely contagious."
It doesn't get any more obvious than this. What a pathetic atempt at street-teamery. What a pathetic website to post something like this. -
Well, it's a type of plant...
-
most obvious plant EVER. What a fucking joke! "Courtney, bring your breasts. 'Kay?" Doesn't get much more gay than that. I'll bet the fucking Backyardigans are more interesting than this worthless remake will be. Maybe not Booh-bah, though.
-
I think the full length trailer is really good. I'm worried that this guy
never mentioned Eddie Bunker, I hope he didn't end up on the cutting room
floor. He hasn't been in any of the commercials or trailers yet. -
Why even bother to try and fool us with such a poorly disguised fake review? Fucking studio idiots. And what's this nonsense about Courtney Cox's breasts and "not needing to break them out"?
-
...just watched the new trailer. Holy shit, Courtney Cox really did get breast implants. They're huge! Too bad the plant reviewer doesn't want to see them. This site should be ashamed for posting a 'review' so blatantly fake.
-
Say it ain't so, Gordo Rojo. Get this fucking plant review the fuck off your site already. Yecchh.
-
I'm not usually one to point my finger and scream "plant!", but....
PLANT!!! PLANT!!! -
Feb 26, 2005 6:04:11 PM CST
Can Adam Sandler really plan anything but a freaking retard? Whi
by thecat
"...gameball, BROTHER"
-
Feb 27, 2005 2:37:03 PM CST
Did Michael Chiklis really need make-up to play the thing?
by liquid_daze
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- Whitney Houston 1963 - 2012 -- 273 total posts 271 posts
- New JUDGE DREDD post production footage pops up -- 92 total posts 92 posts
- AVENGERS enemy revealed as pink boardgame pieces... You might suffer some form of elation... SPOILERS!!! -- 160 total posts 69 posts
- There's a STAR TREK video game that is going to lead into JJ's STAR TREK 2 apparently... -- 151 total posts 63 posts
- Does ‘SNL’ Rhyme With ‘Deschanel’?? Learn Which SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Vet Hosts After Sexy Zooey!! -- 67 total posts 59 posts
- HANNA's Saoirse Ronan to boss around seven little people -- 60 total posts 57 posts
- To Commemorate The 3D Release Of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, George Lucas Wants You To Know...Greedo Shoots First!! -- 484 total posts 49 posts
- Here's The Red Band Trailer For Drafthouse Films' THE FP! -- 69 total posts 42 posts
- Friday Brings SWEEPS DAY NINE!! Gab Here About Tonight’s FRINGE!! Plus Einstein on TIM, Wiig On PORTLANDIA, MAHER, CLONE, GIFTED, GRIMM, SPARTACUS, SUPERNATURAL, GOLD RUSH And More!! -- 120 total posts 32 posts
- SPACE 2099!! -- 183 total posts 24 posts