Hey folks, Harry here... I've been hearing about this film from the inside for a long time, and the word has been... from script - to filming - to every stage of production, that this was a great film. This review just goes on all about how "fan-fucking-tastic" it is - and I don't doubt it for a second. With this and ELIZABETHTOWN - Bloom is gonna have an amazing summer. Here ya go...

Harry,

I just saw a test screening of Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven tonight, here in the OC. Here’s my Spoiler-free review:

Bottomline, this is a fan-fucking-tastic epic. I know we’ve all had a bad batch of epics lately, ranging from the sub par (Troy) to the downright god awful (Alexander.) Let me assure you that this isn’t at all like those. Ridley keeps it intense and serious, giving it a Gladiator-esk tone, which no doubt it’ll be compared to. There are no corny characters tossed in like Blackhawk Down had to cheese it up. He treats this one like a true war film, not just a period piece with war as a backdrop. And of course he shows very well the parallels between the crusades and the events of today without hitting us over the head with it.

The effects that were finished looked great, and the cinematography was excellent all around. Score-wise, it was pretty much filled in with gladiator, sneakers, and some other filler…but from what I think the actual movie score was, it was very impressive. Everyone agreed that the performance that stood out was Liam’s. I know some of you like me, are a little worried about him playing this same role of a Jedi Master in every movie. But let me assure you all, he is awesome in this role, and we all agreed that he needed more face-time in the movie. Orlando is great just as you’d expect, and all the other performances were top notch.

The audience seemed to like it overall, but I got the feeling that most were taken aback by its brutal and accurate portrayal of the war. Make no mistake; this film is pretty dark, and more than that, it’s just very realistic, and takes the subject matter seriously. I got the feeling that the ladies wanted more romance, which is actually a fair complaint, and of course they wanted more naked Orlando. The film clocked in at close to 3 hours; don’t know for sure since I couldn’t bring my camera phone with a clock on it in with me. But like most epics, it’s not for everyone, especially those with ADD.

I was in the focus group afterward, and it was full of the usual batch of people, some who couldn’t follow all the events very well…and granted, the movie needs some tweaking, but it’s all minor stuff. It is a bit heavy on the history and politics; but if you go to an epic, that should be what you’re expecting in my book. Or at least what we used to expect. This film is a throw back to the old style epics like Spartacus that gave a true feel for war on a grand scale. No buddy characters here to follow our hero around and provide comic relief. This film sticks with Orlando on his journey to find salvation in the holy land, and doesn’t waver into the usual cliché territory.

When walking out of the theater, I saw Ridley talking to his posse about the “results” and I’m a bit worried by the looks on their faces (and from what I heard in the focus group) that the screening didn’t score that well. But if they are smart, they won’t touch too much at all. I guess the best way sum it up is, this is one of those rare movies that lives up to the expectations of its trailer…so if you love the trailer like me, you’ll get exactly what you’re expecting, maybe even a little more.

Call me The Sprocket.