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Sprocket pops a gear loose for Ridley Scott's KINGDOM OF HEAVEN!!!
Hey folks, Harry here... I've been hearing about this film from the inside for a long time, and the word has been... from script - to filming - to every stage of production, that this was a great film. This review just goes on all about how "fan-fucking-tastic" it is - and I don't doubt it for a second. With this and ELIZABETHTOWN - Bloom is gonna have an amazing summer. Here ya go...
Harry,
I just saw a test screening of Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven tonight, here in the OC. Here’s my Spoiler-free review:
Bottomline, this is a fan-fucking-tastic epic. I know we’ve all had a bad batch of epics lately, ranging from the sub par (Troy) to the downright god awful (Alexander.) Let me assure you that this isn’t at all like those. Ridley keeps it intense and serious, giving it a Gladiator-esk tone, which no doubt it’ll be compared to. There are no corny characters tossed in like Blackhawk Down had to cheese it up. He treats this one like a true war film, not just a period piece with war as a backdrop. And of course he shows very well the parallels between the crusades and the events of today without hitting us over the head with it.
The effects that were finished looked great, and the cinematography was excellent all around. Score-wise, it was pretty much filled in with gladiator, sneakers, and some other filler…but from what I think the actual movie score was, it was very impressive. Everyone agreed that the performance that stood out was Liam’s. I know some of you like me, are a little worried about him playing this same role of a Jedi Master in every movie. But let me assure you all, he is awesome in this role, and we all agreed that he needed more face-time in the movie. Orlando is great just as you’d expect, and all the other performances were top notch.
The audience seemed to like it overall, but I got the feeling that most were taken aback by its brutal and accurate portrayal of the war. Make no mistake; this film is pretty dark, and more than that, it’s just very realistic, and takes the subject matter seriously. I got the feeling that the ladies wanted more romance, which is actually a fair complaint, and of course they wanted more naked Orlando. The film clocked in at close to 3 hours; don’t know for sure since I couldn’t bring my camera phone with a clock on it in with me. But like most epics, it’s not for everyone, especially those with ADD.
I was in the focus group afterward, and it was full of the usual batch of people, some who couldn’t follow all the events very well…and granted, the movie needs some tweaking, but it’s all minor stuff. It is a bit heavy on the history and politics; but if you go to an epic, that should be what you’re expecting in my book. Or at least what we used to expect. This film is a throw back to the old style epics like Spartacus that gave a true feel for war on a grand scale. No buddy characters here to follow our hero around and provide comic relief. This film sticks with Orlando on his journey to find salvation in the holy land, and doesn’t waver into the usual cliché territory.
When walking out of the theater, I saw Ridley talking to his posse about the “results” and I’m a bit worried by the looks on their faces (and from what I heard in the focus group) that the screening didn’t score that well. But if they are smart, they won’t touch too much at all. I guess the best way sum it up is, this is one of those rare movies that lives up to the expectations of its trailer…so if you love the trailer like me, you’ll get exactly what you’re expecting, maybe even a little more.
Call me The Sprocket.
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Feb 18, 2005 6:55:03 AM CST
Sorry to burst your bubble, I saw this test screening in San Die
by mentallymariah
yes the suits had worried looks on their faces because the lukewarm applause was about as warm as day old milk. This Epic is Horrible. I love Ridley Scott and I was one of the first to see Gladiator 6 months before it's release, I wrote to Harry and raved about it...Unfortunately this time around, I hate to say it, the film had no Emotional Core and the battle scenes were like Jerry Bruckhemier on Meth. After the screening I was compelled to write my 2 cents but to be quite honest, I really hated the film so much, I decided it wasn' worth my time. Trust me, you guys will be very dissappointed come March or May whenever this is released. Orlando Bloom may be a pretty boy and make the girls scream in the audience but all he did was bore me to tears. HE IS NOT A LEADING MAN nor should he have been the one to carry this pic. Liam Neeson is in this movie for like 2 seconds and certain scenes made the audience giggle like Ed Norton's Freaky Mask Character. Granted this isn't the BOMB like ALEXANDER but at the same time, it will be lucky if it even makes half of it's money back. THIS IS just a BORING epic and Ridley you failed me this time, I love you but the film is a mess, I feel as though this review is a plant because from the dissapointed faces and comments from my La Jolla Screening, I can tell this one will bomb!
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"Orlando is great just as you
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Feb 18, 2005 7:02:21 AM CST
I'm sure Ridley won't just plop down a turd and all, but...
by smarkjobber
...I don't trust anyone who lives in Orange County and uses the term "the OC." I live in the thick of the Orange Curtain, so believe me -- every person who resides here and uses that term turns out to be a douche of the highest order. I still trust in Ridley to deliver, but I don't expect a "fan-fucking-tastic" result, especially with Bow N' Arrows as the lead.
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Feb 18, 2005 8:07:45 AM CST
I was absolutely terrified Liam Neeson would play a Jedi Master
by yo yo man
...Because I've never seen any of his other performances, in little-known movies like Schindler's List and Michael Collins and Rob Roy and Darkman and Nell. So, let me get this straight... he can act? And do, like, different kinds of roles? My goodness. This reviewer is a plant. I'm still looking forward to Kingdom of Heaven more than any movie this year, but that doesn't make this review any less green and leafy.
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...that being fucking moron or an absolute dickhead doesn't make a reviewer a plant. I mean, seriously, how many REAL plant reviews have we had in the past year? Studios just don't care that much about AICN anymore. And Orlando Bloom is an absolutely shit actor. I don't care how well he "played an elf" in LOTR, in PotC and Ned Kelly he was carboard, plain and simple, and no amount of strangely breathy dialogue, vacant looks into the camera or screaming fangirls is going to change that. I have faith that Ridley Scott, as a good director, won't insult our intelligence, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the film will be good. In fact, by the look of the trailers we'll just be getting more of the same.
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For this film. Looked like the script was epic and powerful and even Bloom seemed to pull off his lines well. The score sounded fantastic, stirring with a little melancholy. And that Eva bird looks stunning. Looking forward to seeing it and what's all this bullcrap about Norton's character? He's a leper and I think the mask thing looks really enigmatic. Anyway, just my thoughts from the trailer, but I'm hooked.
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you need to flush the tren of the moment style of herd-following.
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I'm sorry but I distrust anybody who uses the term "fan-fucking-tastic." Overly gushing reviews usually come from easily entertained people with low expectations.
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Actually, a few of the studio pubes, er, publicists, are still attempting lame plants in chat sites, but the trend is diminishing. The failure of "Sky Captain" encouraged the downward curve. Some, like SW and S-man are self-perpetuating, but I think the days of infiltration are over. Geeks don't make or break a film.
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Too fuckin' right. I'm not convinced by the cast apart from Irons and Neeson. Why didn't Scott go all Heavyweight? Bloom? He's shit!
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Orlando's laughing his fucking ass off at these geeks while counting the stashes of monet he's made playing poker with Johnny Depp, Peter jackson, Brad Pitt and Ridley Scott. Don't you geeks get it, this Bloom guy doesn't give a fuck what you nerds think of him, I don't think he is that great either but give the fucker a chance you haven't seen the flick yet.
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plant.
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and say that this was written by either Akiva Goldsman or John Logan (or a clone), and will therefore be utter shite. Gladiator sucked.
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Feb 18, 2005 11:14:52 AM CST
"In what films has he been great?" I don't know if he's blown pe
by minderbinder
Troy sucked and people gave him shit for it, but he was decent, he just had an unlikable role. I don't think a rave is necessarily a plant, the trailer for this thing is a monster, it looks way better than any of the other epics that have been out lately.
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I love Gladiator. When I first saw it I was somewhat underwhelmed, fuck knows why, I don't think I was really watching it properly (just wanted action). On DVD I got into it and can safely say it's one of the best movies from the last 10 years. Crowe carried that movie, with some great supporting performances. If Orlando Bloom is doing a similar thing here we're in for a....bumpy ride. He should be supporting only, like in Pirates, which is the only non-LOTR role that he has fit into IMO. Troy was so so bad, and he was pathetically bad in it. I didn't want to spend any of my money on seeing Alexander as I trusted people who said it was a big pile of shit. Kingdom of Heaven BETTER be ten times better than both those movies or it will suck. Ridley won't top Gladiator though, but hopefully this will be different enough for that not to matter. They need to cut it shorter than 3 hours. 180 minutes should be right.
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Mediocre spectacel, too much CG battle fields action (I feel a bit exhausted after LOTR with this) and some cool stuff too. This will make tons of money at the BO worldwide and I suspect that Ridley Scott is the one to praise for that - always has been a decent (and sometimes brilliant) director.
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he's a wooden actor who can't get out of the "big epic period" genre
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http://www.canalpop.net/news/5921/
Also, the 'Stealth' trailer is up over at Dark Horizons! -
Feb 18, 2005 1:03:47 PM CST
I have confirmed that a "\" character in the subject heading bre
by mr. profit
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Feb 18, 2005 1:31:31 PM CST
This review is nuts, Black Hawk Down wasn't the least bit cheese
by nflrefugee
the characters were to undeveloped to be corny. BHD is a visual masterpiece. Great film, but if there was one complaint the characters were developed to the point of being corny. Bizzare comment. Did this reviewer even see BHD? Kingdom of Heaven's trailer looks great. But I am hearing mixed reviews. I'll check it out for myself. Is Edward Norton in this? He's listed in the cast on IMDB but I see him no where in the trailers or promos. No reviewer has mentioned him yet.
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The first guy to post mentioned that he was in it. I didn't catch that on my first read through.
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Feb 18, 2005 1:39:54 PM CST
I personally can't wait for this movie, the trailer was great...
by spectrebeeyatch
I want a good epic, Troy was awful and King Arthur was laughable. I want to see this movie and I hope it is great. Also if anyone compares this to LOTR slap them I am sick and tired of all the tools who love those movies too much
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Loved Gladiator.
Thought Troy was just okay.
Although epic looking, just not getting an excitement vibe from this movie. The trailer was pretty long-winded. -
LMAO at been great as you'd expect him to be. The guy is as bad as it gets in Hollywood today.
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Feb 18, 2005 3:58:05 PM CST
I just hope they don't doom this to failure by relying on focus
by lost skeleton
I am rooting for this but I just think everyone is looking for another Gladiator and not a serious swords and sandals flick. Plus, the 9/11-Iraq parallel will probably be laid out better in War of the Worlds.
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Feb 18, 2005 4:01:09 PM CST
Boys, boys, boys, don't you know that it's a sin to envy...
by strider_is_hot
Sorry you guys don't like Mr. Bloom, and I admit that he has thus far not shown any tremendous acting skills, but I'm pulling for him (and not just because I lust over his naked torso). Maybe this will be his chance to show everyone that he's not as bad as everyone thinks. And besides, he's not always in epic films - Ned Kelly, The Calcium Kid, and Elizabethtown (really looking forward to this one!) are in no way, shape or form epic. I love the trailer for this flick and will definitely see it, no matter what anyone says. So there! Of course, I am easy to please... which makes me a great girlfriend, but not such a good movie reviewer.
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I've seen better actin in tough actin tinactin
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Feb 18, 2005 4:47:53 PM CST
I love the trailer! It's moving, it even brought back memories o
by orionsangels
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Orlando Bloom is a bad actor, so fucking what tell us something we dont know ....he`s in the same club as 80% of the talentless pricks working as actors then is`nt he,but Ridley Scott is a different issue the guy has the talent to make a mediocre film good and a good film great if he was happy with Elfboy im going to assume he knows what he`s doing and wait for a review of the finished film from someone not a fucking moron
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It's a dark movie! It's so damn dark! Dark, Darker, Darkest!
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We all know that harry posts alot of stuff that looks to be plants....but look at my fucking review, would a plant tell about how most people did not take well to the fim?? This is real review, i loved it, as a fan of epics. But of course someone that only likes light epics isnt going to like this, i made that clear. This film is for true fans of the genre.
NFL Ref, On the blackhawk down front, how easily you forget the 2 monkeys who ran around with M60's, one of them deaf, bummbling around one another..thats what i was referring too. Bad comic relief. BHD was a great movie other wise, but that soured me pretty bad.
Also, I totally forgot ed norton was in this movie, and had no clue he was the one behind the mask...he did great job though.
Anyway, continue the nay saying pigfuckers.
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Thanks for your review. Regardless of what many talkbackers have posted, I'm excited for this film. Every time there's a positive review of an upcoming film on this site, people rip the reviewer for being a plant. I've learned not to care one way or the other, but the fact you defended yourself so vehemently makes me think you're absolutely not a plant. So thanks for your heads-up on the movie, as some of us do appreciate your effort.
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your subject line is verbatim what i've been thinking throughout this entire talkback...personally can't wait for this film, especially after the international trailer. i'm a gal who loves me some epics and ancient warfare. bring it!
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You guys are so jaded and screwed up, nothing could appease you. Not even a flick you haven't even seen. Pathetic.
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Well Sprock, with lines like that watdja' expect, red fuckin carpet? Pretty boys rarely get love around here, that was just careless on your part, here's a better line:"Oddly enough that little shitbags performance didn't make me completely vomit, instead I was induced to a mere dry heave."
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Ya, my bad. I personally like orlando, but i guess im the exception to the rule. And Smark, you're right about the OC thing, everyone that uses that term "seriously" is a douche bag, i was being ironic, to myself anyway. But your theory holds very true around here. And Mafu, thanks for your kind words, I hope you enjoy the movie.
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Just saw the trailer. Looks good. Here's hoping the movie will be as good as this trailer...
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So Gladiator sucked. I appreciate that everybody is entitled to an opinion. It's just that some people are too fucking stupid to have one.
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Thanks for clarifying your point about Black Hawk Down. I am sorry if I sounded like a jackass. I don't like making personal attacks on this site but I guess my post was pushing that envelope.
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I don't think that Ridley Scott will disappoint us. He made Gladiator and Black Hawk Down that are some of the best war movies ever. I just hope Bloom is good at this or he will blow the movie. The good thing about this movie is that it doesn't have too much of a romantic story, or it would be too much for my stomach (and my ears as stupid screaming girls would go to see the blooming scumbag).
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Feb 20, 2005 9:03:29 AM CST
TRUST ME EVERYONE...THIS ONE SUCKS!! I was totally BUMMED mysel
by mentallymariah
It was really boring, all over the map, never connected with any of the charecters, you will...Battle Scenes were epic but after seeing the Lord of the Cock Rings, the bar has been raised and unfortunately every movie from now on is gonna copy the computerized millions of people digital swooping down thru the sky while the horses rage on...zzzzzzzzzz Orlando Bloom, why did you dissapoint me so much? Were the blow jobs from Kate not good enough?
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Dude, you know they have these things you strap onto your wrist called, I believe, "watches?" They tell you what time it is with "hands," not as easy as the numbers on your phone, but still.
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I left my watch at home because it was raining...and its a nice watch, didnt want to get the leather wet. But nice attempt at sarcasm. Let me know when you move out of your mom's basement and start your career in standup.
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So much for that "Jedis are celibrate" crap...I think he was keeping Amadala and all her hottie ladies-in-waiting for himself!
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