I am – Hercules!!

This has to be one of the cooler scoops Coaxial News has ever gotten. Sorry I waited so long to post it, but I had to call my bookie first. But check it: “Dark Pirahna” has seen the entire Super Bowl a full three days before it airs!!!

BEWARE GIGANTIC SPOILAGE!!!

Hey Herc, Dark Piranha here. Long time first time. (Actually that’s not true.. back in 1998 I posted a spoiler about The Phantom Menace and no one believed me and I got flamed really bad but I was vindicated because my sources were real and accurate, but that’s another story.) (but you don’t have to put that link in there if you post this story.)

Hey Herc, Dark Piranha here. Long time, first time, etc.

I haven’t seen it posted on your site or anywhere else yet, so I thought I’d chime in with the first review of the rough cut of the Superbowl that will be airing this Sunday.

The short take, it’s awesome! They’ve learned from previous Superbowls and have made this one filled with tension almost from beginning to end. However, they still have a lot of work to do before it airs this weekend. In the tradition of your usual reviews, I’ll go into a longer take as follows.

Super Bowl 39.1 FAQ

What’s it called?
Superbowl XXXIX “Patriots vs Eagles”

Who’s responsible?
Fox Sports

What does TV Guide say?
“It’s a football game.”

Is there another “wardrobe malfunction?”
Unfortunately not this year. However, if you look closely in the background during the post-game interviews from the Eagles locker room, you can see what looks mysteriously like a shiny white butt.

Is the game any good?
Yes! It’s one of the most exciting games in recent memory, Superbowl or otherwise. A grand total of EIGHTY-TWO points is scored, with the winner being decided by three points!

Three points?!?
Yes! It’s a field goal… in overtime!

What’s good?
Terrell Owens catching three touchdowns, including the game-tying touchdown as regulation time came to an end. Also good is Corey Dillon breaking the record for rushing yards in a Superbowl with 245 yards. Also, there were only two punts the entire game, and one turnover (Tom Brady threw an interception late in the fourth quarter that allowed the Eagles one last chance to tie the game).

What’s not so good?
Wide Receiver Freddie Mitchell knocked out and knocked out of the game on the Eagles’ first series. However, this was good in the end because it forced T.O. to play a bit more than he was initially intending. Also not good was Paul McCartney’s microphone feedback during the halftime show.

What’s left to be done before it airs?
There were still a lot of unfinished effects, especially the yellow first down lines. They only had those completed through the first quarter. There are also a few continuity errors that need to be fixed, such as Deion Branch catching the ball from one angle, and when the camera switches, it’s David Givens running for the first down. Also, a few errors where the down markers or yard line indicators don’t match up from scene to scene. But most importantly, there needs to be a lot of tightening in the editing over the last quarter. There’s a LOT of action in the fourth quarter, and at times it gets very confusing who’s doing what. But it’s all stuff that can easily be fixed before airtime.

How was the halftime show?
If you need to ask, you have no business calling yourself a geek. More precisely, if you WATCHED the halftime show, you have no business calling yourself a geek. (okay.. so we watched to see if Gretchen Wilson would have a wardrobe malfunction… but no luck)

How does it end, spoiler-boy?
Eagles 42, Patriots 39 in overtime.

“Dark Pirahna’s rating for “Super Bowl” XXXIX?

*****

The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
***** better than we deserve
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins

5:30 p.m. Sunday. Fox.

Looking for bumper stickers, plush toys and girls’ underwear covered with cute cartoon double-amputees? Visit The Herc Store!