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Published on Friday, February 4, 2005 - 3:28am |
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Dark Piranha Has Seen SUPER BOWL XXXIX!!!!
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I am – Hercules!!
This has to be one of the cooler scoops Coaxial News has ever gotten. Sorry I waited so long to post it, but I had to call my bookie first. But check it: “Dark Pirahna” has seen the entire Super Bowl a full three days before it airs!!!
BEWARE GIGANTIC SPOILAGE!!!
Hey Herc, Dark Piranha here. Long time first time. (Actually that’s not true.. back in 1998 I posted a spoiler about The Phantom Menace and no one believed me and I got flamed really bad but I was vindicated because my sources were real and accurate, but that’s another story.) (but you don’t have to put that link in there if you post this story.)
Hey Herc, Dark Piranha here. Long time, first time, etc.
I haven’t seen it posted on your site or anywhere else yet, so I thought I’d chime in with the first review of the rough cut of the Superbowl that will be airing this Sunday.
The short take, it’s awesome! They’ve learned from previous Superbowls and have made this one filled with tension almost from beginning to end. However, they still have a lot of work to do before it airs this weekend. In the tradition of your usual reviews, I’ll go into a longer take as follows.
Super Bowl 39.1 FAQ
What’s it called?
Superbowl XXXIX “Patriots vs Eagles”
Who’s responsible?
Fox Sports
What does TV Guide say?
“It’s a football game.”
Is there another “wardrobe malfunction?”
Unfortunately not this year. However, if you look closely in the background during the post-game interviews from the Eagles locker room, you can see what looks mysteriously like a shiny white butt.
Is the game any good?
Yes! It’s one of the most exciting games in recent memory, Superbowl or otherwise. A grand total of EIGHTY-TWO points is scored, with the winner being decided by three points!
Three points?!?
Yes! It’s a field goal… in overtime!
What’s good?
Terrell Owens catching three touchdowns, including the game-tying touchdown as regulation time came to an end. Also good is Corey Dillon breaking the record for rushing yards in a Superbowl with 245 yards. Also, there were only two punts the entire game, and one turnover (Tom Brady threw an interception late in the fourth quarter that allowed the Eagles one last chance to tie the game).
What’s not so good?
Wide Receiver Freddie Mitchell knocked out and knocked out of the game on the Eagles’ first series. However, this was good in the end because it forced T.O. to play a bit more than he was initially intending. Also not good was Paul McCartney’s microphone feedback during the halftime show.
What’s left to be done before it airs?
There were still a lot of unfinished effects, especially the yellow first down lines. They only had those completed through the first quarter. There are also a few continuity errors that need to be fixed, such as Deion Branch catching the ball from one angle, and when the camera switches, it’s David Givens running for the first down. Also, a few errors where the down markers or yard line indicators don’t match up from scene to scene. But most importantly, there needs to be a lot of tightening in the editing over the last quarter. There’s a LOT of action in the fourth quarter, and at times it gets very confusing who’s doing what. But it’s all stuff that can easily be fixed before airtime.
How was the halftime show?
If you need to ask, you have no business calling yourself a geek. More precisely, if you WATCHED the halftime show, you have no business calling yourself a geek. (okay.. so we watched to see if Gretchen Wilson would have a wardrobe malfunction… but no luck)
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
Eagles 42, Patriots 39 in overtime.
“Dark Pirahna’s rating for “Super Bowl” XXXIX?
*****
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
***** better than we deserve
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins
5:30 p.m. Sunday. Fox.

Looking for bumper stickers, plush toys and girls’ underwear covered with cute cartoon double-amputees? Visit The Herc Store!
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Reader Talkback
My God... by The Funk Drummer | Feb 4th, 2005 02:34:37 AM | plant! by Hercules | Feb 4th, 2005 02:42:56 AM | What really happens by Virtual Satyr | Feb 4th, 2005 02:49:19 AM | If the Patriots are playing,
you can bet the game can be
predict by jules windex | Feb 4th, 2005 02:52:26 AM | Terrell Owens has a beer... by L.H.Puttgrass | Feb 4th, 2005 03:07:25 AM | Continuity errors?! GODDAMN
YOU, B&B! by Tall_Boy | Feb 4th, 2005 03:15:02 AM | Who plays the head official? by zillabeast | Feb 4th, 2005 03:56:49 AM | Wait, how can you have two
scores 3 points apart that add
up to by ZeroC | Feb 4th, 2005 04:12:39 AM | Seriously, the 20 seconds of
my life it took me to skim
that stu by Grabthars_Hammer | Feb 4th, 2005 04:30:07 AM | Is it inappropriate by proper | Feb 4th, 2005 04:47:12 AM | Isn't this already available
for download on Bittorrent? by Prof. Pop-Cult | Feb 4th, 2005 07:57:43 AM | PLANT! by Voice O. Reason | Feb 4th, 2005 08:16:41 AM | Errr, sorry, Herc... by Voice O. Reason | Feb 4th, 2005 08:27:02 AM | I have to hit the ATM by ECUPirate71 | Feb 4th, 2005 08:35:00 AM | But does Super Bowl XXXIX have
werewolves and vampires? by SpyGuy | Feb 4th, 2005 08:52:14 AM | Somebody needs to check their
math. 42+39 doesn't equal 82. by Chastain-86 | Feb 4th, 2005 09:26:47 AM | Enough with the remakes! by RenoNevada2000 | Feb 4th, 2005 10:13:27 AM | this is awesome by JackDonkey | Feb 4th, 2005 10:28:26 AM | Adam Vinatieri is a sexy
beanpole tomboy by Tar Heel | Feb 4th, 2005 10:35:17 AM | Wardrobe malfunction with Mrs.
McArtney? by numberface | Feb 4th, 2005 10:35:20 AM | This is actually brilliant
satire by Dannychico | Feb 4th, 2005 10:56:03 AM | oh, please... by TV CASUALTY | Feb 4th, 2005 11:10:22 AM | Just to keep the nerdfest
going... what do they award .5
points by Diskatopia | Feb 4th, 2005 11:37:36 AM | I bet the Vegas bookies are
scrambling now! by lonesomerhodes | Feb 4th, 2005 12:06:04 PM | Keep a look out for the moment
when Travolta's career
officially by mortsleam | Feb 4th, 2005 12:06:07 PM | This will suck... by zer0cool2k2 | Feb 4th, 2005 12:25:54 PM | damn that enter key! by zer0cool2k2 | Feb 4th, 2005 12:28:34 PM | Dream on... by Achilles | Feb 4th, 2005 12:31:33 PM | Who designed those team
uniforms? by Kikstad | Feb 4th, 2005 12:49:53 PM | This can't possibly be true by Canyda | Feb 4th, 2005 12:51:18 PM | Very clever, but this is
obviously the work of a plant.
:- ) by DarthCorleone | Feb 4th, 2005 12:57:57 PM | Maybe so, but the casting is
pure crap! by 4815162342 | Feb 4th, 2005 01:09:29 PM | Superbowl has a bomb in its
ribcage... by StudioPlant69 | Feb 4th, 2005 01:17:27 PM | Big Deal, I saw Super Bowl
XXXX two weeks ago! by Nicky Butane | Feb 4th, 2005 01:22:18 PM | The STEELERS should be there by Cletus Van Damme | Feb 4th, 2005 01:27:18 PM | The STEELERS should be there -
HAHAHAHAHA by Blanket-Man | Feb 4th, 2005 01:39:27 PM | true, Cletus Van Damme, the
Steelers SHOULD be there... by TV CASUALTY | Feb 4th, 2005 02:04:10 PM | if you call yourself a geek.. by punto | Feb 4th, 2005 02:27:09 PM | Come to the Browns, Romeo,
come to the Browns!!!!! by Nice Marmot | Feb 4th, 2005 02:33:38 PM | punto... can I not be a movie
geek and a sports geek? by TV CASUALTY | Feb 4th, 2005 03:20:30 PM | I think you mean movie geek
and sports freak by ATARI | Feb 4th, 2005 03:51:09 PM | This was on CHUD weeks ago by JackieJokeman | Feb 4th, 2005 04:33:53 PM | Screw the game. by mrfan | Feb 4th, 2005 05:24:06 PM | Suits him by HailDaHypnoToad | Feb 4th, 2005 05:33:09 PM | 42-39? You wish!! by Phildogger | Feb 4th, 2005 05:45:17 PM | regarding the "Longest Yard"
Superbowl spot by TheSeeker7 | Feb 4th, 2005 07:26:33 PM | Naw man, terrorists hijack the
blimp by Darth TJ Mackey | Feb 4th, 2005 07:46:46 PM | the axe-man choppeth, the
axe-man taketh away. try 31-17
eagles by dr.bulber | Feb 4th, 2005 07:56:21 PM | Is it true there's still
footage of NSYNC's cameo still
in the f by LlGHTST0RMER | Feb 4th, 2005 08:51:56 PM | Such a fake by TotoroSan | Feb 4th, 2005 09:27:10 PM | Blanket-Man, TV Casualty and
Hypnotoad by Cletus Van Damme | Feb 4th, 2005 09:34:23 PM | That was cute by Ribbons | Feb 4th, 2005 09:56:35 PM | Cabbage by sefsterJ | Feb 4th, 2005 10:03:56 PM | Yeah, because no other QBs in
the Superbowl are overrated... by Ribbons | Feb 5th, 2005 12:23:11 AM | numberface by proper | Feb 5th, 2005 12:25:14 AM | Dan Dierdorf raped my
childhood. by gboybama | Feb 5th, 2005 02:45:18 AM | There's actually an alternate
ending they've kept under
wraps... by iamnicksaicnsn | Feb 5th, 2005 03:53:11 AM | Star Wars vs. LOTR by Savage Jimmy | Feb 5th, 2005 05:41:04 AM | Happy Endings by Acerbic Norseman | Feb 5th, 2005 07:00:27 AM | Tom Brady by Acerbic Norseman | Feb 5th, 2005 07:05:55 AM | I wonder how many times Quint
thinks the Patriots will get
in th by Atticus Finch | Feb 5th, 2005 07:56:27 AM | Brian Westbrook is a clone of
Obi-Wan in Episode 4 by Voice O. Reason | Feb 5th, 2005 11:08:38 AM | All I want to know by BlackBeltJones | Feb 5th, 2005 11:23:13 AM | This will be cancelled by the
third quarter by I Hate Movies | Feb 5th, 2005 12:02:38 PM | Cletus Van Damme... let's see,
how many Super Bowls have the
Ste by TV CASUALTY | Feb 5th, 2005 02:19:18 PM | Go Pats . . . gakgakgak by mascan | Feb 5th, 2005 03:20:23 PM | by Setion_Pirate | Feb 5th, 2005 05:01:39 PM | TVC by Cletus Van Damme | Feb 5th, 2005 09:20:36 PM | The Vicious Cycle by Ribbons | Feb 5th, 2005 10:38:46 PM | Funniest Talkback Ever? by Shan | Feb 5th, 2005 10:38:49 PM | Cletus... dude... by TV CASUALTY | Feb 5th, 2005 11:47:08 PM | In the interest of putting
this to bed.... by Cletus Van Damme | Feb 6th, 2005 12:41:20 AM | I like the sound of that... by TV CASUALTY | Feb 6th, 2005 01:09:50 AM | Uh, TV Casualty, et al.. by HillaryLovesMe | Feb 6th, 2005 01:30:39 AM | I can't believe this has
turned into a legitimate
football discu by I Hate Movies | Feb 6th, 2005 01:45:09 AM | HillaryLovesMe by Ribbons | Feb 6th, 2005 02:14:15 AM | and this is why you should
never start a conversation
about spor by TV CASUALTY | Feb 6th, 2005 11:01:11 AM | oh, and I Hate Movies... by TV CASUALTY | Feb 6th, 2005 11:16:38 AM | I don't wanna be uncool,but
WTF?? by jonleeus | Feb 6th, 2005 11:58:49 AM | TVC - I agree. by Cletus Van Damme | Feb 6th, 2005 02:55:19 PM | TV Casualty Smackdown, Part
II... by HillaryLovesMe | Feb 6th, 2005 04:10:02 PM | Amused... by BitterMan23 | Feb 7th, 2005 08:04:05 AM | TVC - Congrats by Cletus Van Damme | Feb 7th, 2005 10:26:48 AM | Cletus... thanks... by TV CASUALTY | Feb 7th, 2005 04:01:53 PM |
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